Loss of an Adult Child

[lolynbo]

well here it is

BUTTERMILK PIE

1 9 IN UNBAKED PIE CRUST                       1/4 TSP SALT

2 EGGS BEATEN                                          1 TBSP ALL PURPOSE FLOUR

1 CUP WHITE SUGAR                                  1 CUP BUTTERMILK

3/4 CUP MELTED BUTTER                            2 TSP VANILLA EXTRACT

 

PREHEAT TO 350'

PLACE BEATEN EGGS IN MEDIUM BOWL BLEND IN SUGAR. STIR IN BUTTER, SALT,FLOUR,BUTTERMILK AND VANILLA. TIL SMOOTH POUR INTO SHELL

BAKE FOR 50 MINUTES REDUCE HEAT TO 325' THEN BAKE AN ADDITIONAL 10 MINUTES. PIE IS DONE WITH CLEAN TOOTH PICK TEST.

HOPE YOU ENJOY IT...KOURTNEY LOVED MAKING THIS FOR HER DADDY

 

[briansdad]

Hey, To all my friends I want to wish as Happy a Thanksgiving as you can have. Let's be thankfull for whatever time we had with our kids and be thankfull for each other who can lend an ear when we need it.

Greg

Miss ya B

We'll save a leg for you.

[ericasmom]

Thanks for the recipe my friend.

Peace to you all, new traditions mix with new steps and somehow we make it beyond where we ever imagined we could. WE are here, we are here, and we will forever say the names of our Children...and we will forever be thankful for having had the times we shared. I will also be grateful for the ways that All of YOU have raised my spirits and given me so much hope.

DEe

[hotrod]

Hi Everyone,

I would just like to say that this Thanksgiving I am grateful for this message Board and for all the wonderful, compassionate people who take their time to respond so thoughtfully to each post.  I hope some day to be able to contribute an uplifting message . 

 I too am instituting a new Holiday practice this Thanksgiving but have given myself permission to leave at any time if I feel overstressed or invisible.

News on the smoking and exercise front:  I am exercising and mediatating 4 times a week but am still smoking about 1/4 the amount that I had been.  Thanks for your suport in that area as well.

Have a Blessed Thanksgiving.

Betty

[daveydow1]

Kathy,

Little Tavian must be such a blessing to you. Sometimes I wish I had a

child of David's to keep me in the present, and to watch him grow up, as

you do with Tavian.  As for the holidays, sometimes I feel as though I am

just "going through the motions", and that my heart is not in it. I guess we

all feel like that from time to time. That's when little ones bring us into the

present day, and we cannot help but smile and feel joy when we see their

laughter and vitality. Take care, friend, and peace be with you.

                           Daveysmom,   Sherry

[ericasmom]

Hey Betty, good use of your time and spirit, learning to reteach your body and mind some peaceful strategies. You should feel proud of those steps, and slowing down on smoking too? Very good.

I am glad that this place has been good for you as well. I feel blessed to have stumbled upon it 5 years ago, and blessed each day since.

Dee

[daveydow1]

Lynn,

I think that your Thanksgiving plans of going out to eat and catching

a movie will work well for you.  Bless your little angel Kayla, and may

she send warm thoughts and memories to you.  Peace.

                          Daveysmom,   Sherry

 

Dee,

Yes------6 Thanksgivings without our dearly beloved children, ERi and

Davey. Sometimes it doesn't seem possible that much time has gone

by, and at other times it seems like 100 years, doesn't it ?   Have had

a few "blah" days lately, with the upcoming holidays. I'm sure you know

what I mean.........as does everyone here at BI. But, we will survive it all

somehow.  I wish each of us here could have a nice dream of our children

in the next few weeks.  Peace & comfort to all here.

                       Sherry    

[ericasmom]

Yes Sherry, I was speaking on the phone earlier this evening and I said this is the 6th Thanksgiving without Eri here...long pause on both ends, how can it be 6 holiday seasons? One hundred yers or 6, time makes very little sense. I have also been a bit out of whack, but I know you and I and everyone here must go through the holidays adn we usually find some magic along the way. Bless you Sherry, I bet Davey is smiling on his Momma.

Dee

[heartbeataway]

I'm missing you Jay! 

We're having Thanksgiving here tomorrow.  I'm cooking all the favorite dishes. I still haven't been able to make yours.  Sorry love.  Your Sweet Potatoes with Pecan Crunch Topping will not be on the table.

I was working at the sink tonight. I opened the little compartment you added where I keep my sponges, etc.  The holder was a little grimy so I took it out to clean it.  I was holding it and thinking about the day that you installed them for me.  I thought about your hands.  I loved your hands......

When I went to put it back I saw where you had marked it and it grabbed my heart.  I ran my fingers across the markings you made ........  and stood there and had a "Jason moment".

I'm missing you son!

[mikesmomrs]

To all:  I wish you all a peace-filled day and times where you will catch yourself smiling, even if only for a sweet memory-filled moment...

Thank you all for your gifts of friendship, understanding, comfort and support.  Where would we all be without each other?  This rocky road of grief is traveled by many, but the road is smoothed somewhat by the hands that reach across it in understanding. 

This is our first holiday in our new dwelling, and though sadness lurks in the corners, I will do my very best, in honor of you, Mike, to bring forth all the wonderful memories of holidays past, when you were here with us, and we were, as you so often said "like a family, together, like we should be."    I remember so well the first time we heard you say that:  You were around 7, and were laying on the floor in the living room, your dad and I sitting on the sofa, all of us watching a movie, when you suddenly noticed that your two sisters were not there.  It was the first night that they both happened to be gone out on dates on the same night, and their absence was very noticeable.  You looked up and said "Hey, where are Kim and Cathi?"  When we told you they had gone out on a date, you said "Well, they should be here...this is the night time and we should all be here, together, like a family should be."  Your dad and I smiled, visions of future "empty nights" filtering through our thoughts, knowing you too would soon be out, dating, visiting friends, then off on your own, and the thought of your not being there was merely a tug at our hearts over the natural course of life's events.  The pain we feel now at your not being here never filtered through those thoughts at the time...thankfully.  We weren't thinking about how the "natural course of events" isn't always so natural...  You will be here with us in spirit, of course, but oh, how I wish I could look up and see your great form fill the doorway, the flash of your red beard reminding me once again of your grandfather...and your humor and love wafting through the house, intermingling with the sweet smells of the holiday.  Your never-ending attempts at getting a piece of pumpkin pie before dinner...oh, I would give you the whole pie, and the whole dish of cool whip, gladly, if only...

Bless you, my son, I know you are enjoying the greatest feast with the greatest One...  We love you and miss you so much!"

love and peace,  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

It's Thanksgiving!  I hope it's special and comforting in some way to each one of you.

I have to tell you about my mystical card.  I was in the dining room this morning getting the buffet table ready.

The box I had packed away last year with some decor was there.  I had riffled through the box a couple of times last night looking for different things.

But this morning, there was a card.  A card I didn't see last night and I've never seen before.

The fornt had sunflowers, pumpkins, fall "stuff".  It says, "For a Special Mom" .....

I took it to my husband and ask if he had seen it before and he took it and looked at it and said no .......

His Mom has been gone for several years and I did not mail any cards last year or this year.

I honestly don't know where that card came from .........

Could it be?  Could it possibly be ............ ?

I think I have one more thing to be thankful for today.  I know my boy's okay and he's with us today.........

I'm off to finish up and try to catch as much of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade as I can.

Blessings to each and every one of my friends here at BI.

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

WOW BONNIE THAT IS AWESOME....WHAT A THANKSGIVING BLESSING..

I FOUND A CARD AFTER KOURTNEY DIED...IT SAID I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND A GREAT MOM,AND THANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR HER.SO HAVE A GOOD DAY  AND STOP CRYING ....I DONT REMEMBER GETTING THIS CARD...BUT I KEEP IT OUT TO HELP ME GET THROUGH MANY RUFF DAYS..

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL...

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!! 

[ericasmom]

Hey All, this is from last year...

[lostwoher]

My Dear Sweet Kayla,

Its thanksgiving and I am so wanting you here with me the way its suppose to be. I have passed the test and need you here to end it before I fail. You have been away long enough. Just know that I love you so very much and I still dont care what has happened in the past.

LOVE HUGS AND KISSES,

MOM

[lostwoher]

     HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO EVERYONE HERE ON BI. May you all be blessed with a warm hug from your beloved angel.

Lynn

[daniellemom]

Thinking of you all today and praying that you find comfort today.

 

Sonya (Danielle's Mom

[ericasmom]

I walked for two horus today, through the woods and streets where I live, where ERi lived and lives on. I saw a coyote run out in the prairie to avoid humans invading his space, and the gorgeous geese and ducks that will live throughout the winter as long as there is open water, and I saw a thin coat of ice on the slough. No matter how many times I walk the footpaths and wander the outskirts of the forest, I am grateful for the wonder. I am at home and at peace while outside under whatever kind of sky we are experiencing, and I am in awe of all that is around us. Erica, I know you travel with me, and that you help me keep my feet moving forward. I feel your love lifting me, helping me learn how to approach the harder days. There you are today, reminding me that the memories I have of visiting the zoo on Thanksgiving Day with you and Jonathan are wonderful thoughts, reminding me too,  that finding new ways to enjoy the day is always important. I know you will join me when I watch the big stone lions at the Art Institute,  receive their necklaces for the season. I felt you with me the first two times I went, tomorrow I will feel you with me again. You won't be surprised when my eyes spill over as you are so used to me by now/I will proudly wear your love on my sleeve Eri, taking you everywhere I go, and loving you beyond any words. Thanks for all you do in this world my Daughter,

Momma

[ericasmom]

[align=center]Wreaths[/align]

[align=center]

[align=center]The Friday after Thanksgiving; [/align]

[align=center]a bustle of activity[/align]

[align=center]And I walk alone in a city of millions to the stone steps where a line is already forming.[/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]The ladders flank the lion guards as[/align]

[align=center]enormous wreaths are lifted by many hands[/align]

[align=center]in order to circle each of the stone necks,[/align]

[align=center]christening the season, ‘official’ by this placement.[/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]As the cue is given, the childrens’ choir tilt their voices upward-[/align]

[align=center]as to sprinkle songs down [/align]

[align=center]like snow on those who have gathered[/align]

[align=center]for this annual event.[/align]

[align=center][/align]

[align=center]The wreathing of the lions [/align]

[align=center]and the voices of the children serve to move me deeply,[/align]

[align=center] I haven’t a chance to escape without tears. [/align]

                            I snap photos all around me through salt stained eyes[/align]

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

What a beautiful picture of your Kourtney!

The card is sitting on my mantle ....... it's not signed but it sure says For a Special Mom on the front and I was only Mom to one child .......

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

The writing is beautiful .......

Thanks for sharing.  Your description of where you walk makes me want to walk there also.

Bonnie

[mikesmum]

To all - as always thank you so much for your thoughts.  Steven is okay. My psych explained my reaction was something that happens when you have lost a child.  There is a heightened sense of doom that occurs when another child is unwell.  I need to note the differences between Steven and Micheals situations.   Mike had a pacemaker, Steven is in good health. 

I left the psych to visit Steven feeling positive.  Steven is in good health.  Imagine the fall out when he told me they found a heart murmur when they were putting him under!!  Its for investigation once he recovers.  No really serious, but does need checking!!

I hope you all find your peace this Thanksgiving, being able to live the day in honour of your babies.  The candles in the windows lighting the way for those not with us.

Bonnie, I have received the book and DVD. Thank you so much.  Will share them with the local "Compassionate Friends" and other parents I have met recently who have only just begun this neverending journey.

Dee - Love the walks you take.  As I read I feel as though I am with you taking in all around you, night or day.

Lorri - Such a beautiful girl, such a strong husband....the blessings are all around.

Kathy - Glad to hear its a sprain and not a break.  Tavian your carer even if it was brief, such a memory. 

For those fossicking through memories, looking for the things that will keep your children close, I wish you strength and warmth that can only come from the love you still in your hearts.

Trudi  

[ericasmom]

Peaceful sleep all, knowing that our angels rest in our hearts for all days and nights.

Thanks Bonnie, the woods where I walk is just a forest preserve, an old oak savannah and wetland. To me however, it is beautiful. And the city of Chicago is the prettiest of cities I think, just a 20 minute train ride. Old mixes with new in quite a fabulous harmony. I will think of you All, and all of our Angels as I stand at the foot of my favorite museum tomorrow. It is a holy place to me, filled with so much passion and history, so much record of others' lives, loves, losses. Imagine if our hearts could sculpt or paint...so much passion.

Blessings

[ericasmom]

Trudi, you must have posted while I was sending  and so I am going to bed relieved that Steven is well. Yes, the heightened sense of doom is quite a battle, I am not very good at it. Prayers for continued recovery, and for your heart to fill with a peaceful sense of things.

Lori, your Kourtney is with you on this and each day. Thanks so much for sharing her favorite recipe. For you and all new to this, all dealing with a first...my everloving heart to you,

dee

[heartbeataway]

Dee,

Imagine if our hearts could sculpt or paint...so much passion.

Wow ..... 

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

You mention that Mike had a pacemaker.  Did he have ARVD?  That's the disease that took Jason away from us ......

Bonnie

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - No, Mike actually contracted glandular fever when he was about 22 and it affected his cardiac muscle causing an arrhythmia that saw him suffer with extreme fatigue finally collapsing in a crowded shopping centre!

I have been to the John Hopkins site.  Amazing place, they were extremely helpful about 12 yrs ago when I was researching "Adult Hydrocephalus".  My husband at the time had just been diagnosed and the only info here was related to young children. They sent me information that relieved alot  of the fear and gave us some hope.  Unfortnately the diagnosis was too late for a complete recovery.  (another story for another time).

Dee - You posted as I wrote - I checked that my post had gone thru and there you were.........so close!

Take Care - To all in the States - Happy Thanksgiving!

[lolynbo]

WELL DADDY TOOK HIS PRISED PIES TO HIS SISSYS HOUSE....DISPLAYED THEM WITH PRIDE...ATE DINNER AND HAD ME CUT THEM SO CAREFULLY...HE TOOK A BITE....AND BROTHER IN LAW TOM TOOK A BITE....MONTY FORGOT THE SUGAR.....I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SEE A GROWN MAN CRY OVER HIS BAKING....

WE ALL HAD A GOOD LAUGH, (MONTY INCLUDED), HE SAID HE WILL MAKE THEM AGAIN TODAY, BUT FOR ME NOT TO DISTRACT HIM THIS TIME.....I SAW THE SUGAR ON THE COUNTER BUT HE THINKS HE FORGOT IT OR DOUBLE THE FLOUR....THEY WERE VERY AWEFUL...

KOURTNEY WOULD BE ROLLIN AND HUBBIN HER NOSE...WHEN SHE GOT EXCEITED SHE'D RUB THAT NOSE AND JUST LAUGH.....

MONTY WILL BE FINE.....HE WILL SHOW THEM AT CHRISTMAS HE CAN DO IT

[heartbeataway]

Lorri,

These are the things that memories are made of!  It's good that you all had a good laugh!

I didn't make the pie for Thanksgiving but I'm saving the recipe.  I think my grandmother use to make Buttermilk Pie.

I happen to like Buttermilk ..... my grandmother use to make cornbread and we would have crumbled cornbread with buttermilk.  And it's great for biscuits......

Have any of you pondered the term used for this day?  It's Black Friday ..... that's an interesting term to me.

Dee, thinking of you today as you go to watch the adornment of the lions.

Kathy, I've broken an ankle and know how painful it can be.  But, I've heard that a sprain is even more so ....... hope you're feeling better by now.

Greg, Mamabetts, Sonja, Carol, Amanda,Lynn, Sherry, Betty, Claudia, Kay, Deb ......

Hope you had a nice Thanksgiving ....

Trudi,

Glad that your son is doing well.  ARVD is genetic and I was really concerned. I've had a murmur off and on my whole life.  Baffling sometimes!

It's raining here in Texas today.  A good day to just curl up in front of the fire and relax.

[daveydow1]

Dee,

Your writings are lovely, as usual. Wish I could put my feelings into words

so well. I have the thoughts, but when I begin to write---I meet a block.

Oh well, no big deal----the thoughts are enough to make me feel closer

to my dear son.  Your walk in the woods was a magical experience. We

go to a nearby park with creek, bridges, and many boulders and walls of

stone carved out by the glaciers milllions of years ago. I like to think of

the time when native Americans hunted and fished the areas, and made

their homes there.  Nature is where I find so much solace. That must be

the same for you.  ERi is right with you there and everywhere.  We feel

our children because they are in our hearts and minds always.

                                            Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello to all and I hope every one had a good thanksgiving.  We went to my mother-in laws house, first Thanksgiving without dad, third without my Jessica. Jen, my sister-in law said the prayer but could not finish it, she had wrote a poem and we were all in tears by the second line so Karen finished it for her. It was so beautiful but so painful at the same time.  She is going to give me a copy of it so I will post it.

Betty - happy to hear you are working on the exercise and the smoking - do not feel bad as I am a smoker too!!!  I have a hate/love relationship with the ciggeretts and although I do not smoke around Tavian I cannot seem to give them up. My husband quit last february and is on me al the time to at least try. There are times when I feel as though it is the only thing in my life that I actually controll - I choose when I want to smoke - how silly is that??  They actually control me!!! Anyway, I am cutting down and will be smokefree soon - I need to do it for myself and for Tavian.  So good luck to both of us.

Sherry - yes Tavian is a blessing in deed - I am missing him alot right now as he has not been home since Tuesday night and will not have him back untill Monday!!  I need the time for myself but after the first day I want him home again.  It is a diffacult road to travel raising a 6 year old at 52 years but he keeps me young at heart although weary in body!!   He is going to start basketball on Saturday mornings from 10 to 11 am, thought it would be good for him and keep him active.  watching him grow is wonderful and painful as I so wish my Jessica were the one doing all of the "firsts" with him but I know she is near by and watching everything we do - she guides me on this journey.  If not for Tavian I do not know what I would do - I was never given the option of not having him unless I choose to let his "dead beat" father have him and that was not an option - just a year and a half in the court system and then he signed full custody over to us - he has not seen Tavian since Fathers Day!!!   Some day Tavian will know the whole story - untill then he is happy.

Trudi - how right you are my friend - such a heightened sense of doom whenever Tavian becomes sick. If he runs a fever I am at the doctors with him like a maniac!!  I am getting better but it is worse when he is not here - when he is with his other grandmother I have dreadful thoughts of something happening to him and I am not there, I worry she will drive to the city with him and have an accident, I worry that he will fall and get hurt - I talked to my therapist about all my morbid thoughts and she said it is normal to have such anxiety when you have lost a child suddenly like we did Jessica and I have to just take it one day at a time because as we know we cannot predict the future.     I am so glad Steven is fine- always in my prayers.  

Bonnie - the sprained anlle is HORRIBLE!!   I worked out in the yard for five hours today as it was actually warm enough to do so and tonight I am paying the price. It is still swollen and very bruised and throbbing tonight. I guess I should go back to the doctor as he said if it wasn't better by Wednesday to come back and that was 2 days ago!!  I sympathize with you for a broken ankle - HURTS!!!!!

Lorrie - so sorry about the pies but glad that you got to laugh about it!! Thanks for the receipe and I will let you know how it comes out.

Good night to all and will talk soon - need to go ice the ankle.

Missing you my Jessica - another Thanksgiving without you sitting at the table, another year of an empty chair. I talked to Grandma last night and she said she knows you and Billy are together keeping watch over us, sitting side by side along with all of the other Angels among you.  I am weary my baby of saying "another day" without you here but know that you are in my heart and your love keeps me connected to you each and every minute of every day. I love you my baby and am hugging you always - mom 

[heartbeataway]

This is a picture that one of Jason's friends took during fireworks at Pinnacle Days. He sent it to me today.  The "J" shape is pretty cool ........

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - Amazing show of energy in the shape of a "J".   Its raining here, not too cool, but I thought it would be a perfect time to watch the DVD you sent.  It could have been all of us here on BI speaking.  Each experience mirrored with loss. 

Half way through a got a call from a mum (I met her by chance walking Muttley one day) who lost her son.  She had been contacted by a mum who had lost her 3rd son since 2001.  I looked at the card you sent "Random Act of Kindness" and thought how I might be able to "Pay it forward".   I will be meeting with these ladies this week, your gift will keep on giving.

I got so much from this DVD Bonnie.  Many pieces of the journey have been eluding me.  Now I seem to have the perspective I struggled to see in the past 20 months.

The heart murmur doesn't worry me, I know many who live with them for years.  Getting a little less insane with the whole thing.

Kathy - Its funny how you mentioned the morbid thoughts.  I speak with my psych once a fortnight and he has educated me in the fine art of 'morbid thought' in my reality and how only those in this situation will understand....

Mike, I know the past 21 months have seen me bitter, closed and bound by losing you.  I see now that its done nothing to ease the heartache, if anything it heightens it.  My head keeps telling me you are gone,  my heart  knows you are always here with me.  

So my son, I will try to follow the advice I gave you with each challenge life set you......I will look inside for the light and strength that is left by having you in my life for 31yrs. I will each day find a way to 'sing your song', I will find a way each day to ensure MICHEAL SHANE is never forgotten.....I love you my son my son.....   

 

[mikesmomrs]

I do hope you all had a peaceful Thanksgiving, with at least a few moments of sweet memories that tugged a little less painfully at the heartstrings over the course of the day. 

We had our first Thanksgiving in our new home, kind of blessed it, you could say, and it turned out well.  I broke down when reciting my poem to Mike, but then, it was to be expected.  I also broke down when I read my prayer, which I always do, but managed to continue to the end.  I was holding my grandson’s hand at the time, and he is the one who was having severe addiction problems, but has turned things around for the past two and a half months, entering into treatment and continuing with it faithfully.  (Shortly before he began his treatment, we came very close to losing him…another story for another time)…and when I read the line from our prayer “…for those facing changes, that they may meet them with hope; for those who are weak that they may find strength…” we looked at each other, squeezed each other’s hand, and tears spilled over for both of us…  I have been with him since day one that he entered treatment, including the day we almost lost him, some days for 24 hours at a time, and a bond has been created that will be there forever…I pray that he continues with his commitment and promises to himself and his family.  

Trudi:  so happy to hear of Steven’s coming through his appendectomy okay, and keeping you all in my prayers as you review the heart murmur problem…yes, it's true, people do live for years...my brother had one since he was 11 as a result of a lengthy bout with Rheumatic Fever---shortly before they discovered steroids.  I know the anxiety you must feel, though, as we all would. 

Dee:  yes, your walks come through your fingertips and into our hearts…I can smell the wreaths around the lions and feel the coldness of the air as you walk---you bring us there with you as you speak of the sights you see.  Thank you for the picture of the lion with his majestic collar of evergreen…truly awesome.  Such a nice tradition…going to see them “wreathed.” 

Kathy:  Yes, I also know the pain of a sprain, but thankfully have been spared a break.  I am so sorry this had to happen, especially at this time of year with all the extra running around, etc.   Are you wearing an air cast?  That is what I wore and it was a tremendous help, though a little deceptive because it makes it feel good, and you tend to overdo, and then when you finally settle down, you are quickly reminded that you weren’t kind to yourself…  I can imagine you are missing Tavian, as you said.  We went to see Mike’s little one, Damon, today, and it’s been over a week since we’ve seen him and I swear he’s grown at least two inches!  He put on a show for us today, singing George Michael’s “Last Christmas,” while playing his guitar, and finishing it up with a raucous rendition of Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” adding all his “moves.” to the guitar playing.  I had to sit on my hands to keep from hugging him every second. 

Bonnie:  The picture of the fireworks…I would say the “J” shape is so much more than pretty cool…I would say that your sweet Jason was right there with all of you and showing it in that display!  Wow!  Such a great picture!  And the card, wow! again!  I would also have it on display…such a sweet thing to happen, I know it made your day!

Lorri:  I am so glad all were able to make light of the sugarless pies!  A moment you all will always remember…I also plan to try your recipe, thank you for sharing. 

Betty:  Continued good wishes for the quitting smoking and the beginning the exercising regimen…I’ve never smoked so I don’t know the true desire and craving, but I’ve seen my husband and daughter quit and the struggle they went through…

To all---A peaceful weekend

love and peace,  carol   mikesmomrs

 

[lostwoher]

Good morning ALL,

Just wanted to touch base with everyone. We made it thru thanksgiving with a few bumps and bruises but were able to pick ourselves up and keep going. My dinner consisted of popcorn and a soda at the local theatre- hahaha what a hoot. Had plans to dine out but as luck would have it everybody was closed! Found a nice buffet but the line was out the door and into the parking lot! Oh well, comes to show that it just wasnt meant to be. The day got even stranger- while we were sitting in the theater enjoying our 'feast', the coroner and his family walked in and sat in the row right in front of us. His daughter works at my store in another dept. I saw her whisper to him that I was there so after the movie he stopped to shake my hand and asked how I was doing. How thoughtful of him to do on a day of thanks while he was with his family. Kinda put me at ease tho Im not sure why.

Enough about me. Thanks for the laugh about the pie. Funny and touching. I hope everyone is healing nicely of their wounds/heartbreaks or whatever the ailment may be. Thoughts and well wishes are sent your way.

We are having our turkey and fixings today so I still have lots to prepare. Enjoy the wknd. Peace and happiness to ALL.

Lynn

[ericasmom]

HI EVERYONE,

I have so many thoughts running through my head right now, want to comment to you all, but have some errands I must run early in the day, so I will settle down this afternoon adn chat with you, I loved hearing all about the Thanksgiving Gatherings. Bonnie, holy cow, that J of energy has shed all sorts of light into my spirit today, thanks for sharing. The power and reach of our Children is amazing.

Love to all

dee

[lolynbo]

BESIDES KOURTNEY NOT BEING WITH US WE HAD A "BUMP" OR I DID..

EVERY ONCE IN THE WHILE I TEXT KOURTNEY TO TELL HER I LOVE HER AND MISS HER SO....WELL THANKSGIVING NIGHT IM LAYING ON MY BED MISSING HER BADLY SO I TEXT HER...I AWAYS SAVE THEM....

SOMEONE REPLIED "IS THIS WHO I THINK IT IS"......????? I SAID "IS THIS 504-0811? "THEY REPLY "YES"....I SAID "IM SORRY THIS WAS MY DAUGHTERS NUMBER AND SHE PASSED AWAY JUNE 17TH AND IM JUST MISSING HER....."

NO REPLY.....SO NOW I CANT EVEN TEXT HER ANYMORE...SO I WAS BUMMED OUT A BIT...

BUT KOURTNEYS FRIEND CALLED ME (THE ONE I GAVE THE WEDDING DRESS TO) AHE SAID SHE ALSO TEXTED KOURTNEY AND WAS TELLING HER SHE MISSED HER AND GOT A REPLY, WHICH SHE SAID TOTALLY FREAKED HER OUT...WE BOTH HAD A GOOD CRY...

I WISH I KNEW KOURTNEYS PHONE NUUMBER IN HEAVEN, ID LOVE TO CALL OR TEXT...I MISS YOU BABY GIRL..

[lostwoher]

I know all about the text magic. I sent Kayla a text the day of her funeral to let her know we were all with her and she was to go accept her angel wings. About 3 days later I recieved a text from her phone saying that the delivery period elapsed and my message was deleted. Needless to say I cried uncontrollably. I too wish to have the number to heaven. We would text everyday just to say hi so that has been difficult to stop. I find myself reaching for the phone to call or text her at least once a day. Thats when I know she is thinking of me as well. How painful for you to recieve a reply from 'her number'. My heart goes out to you.

Lynn

[ericasmom]

Hi Everyone,

I hope you all are enjoying a cozy day. I am finally up here in my little room where I am surrounded with photos and remnants or Eri's life, as well as my books and drawing materials, my journals, and all of my messes. I am a messy human.

So yesterday I boarded the El train for the city at around 8:45 am, and the trains were fairly empty, not a good sign for the day after Thanksgiving in Chicago. Anyhow, I wondered around on a gorgeous sunny, blue sky, warmish day and made my way to the Art Museum, where the wreaths were up on ladders and men and women worked to get them ready to place. Before they wreathed the lions, they served hot cider tothe crowd that gathered, probably about 200 0f us. Then a group from the lyric came out and sang Polish carols. The five women were all in traditional dress. It was very festive though evoked less emotion than a Childrens' Choir would have. The wreaths were placed and the crowd hoorayed and clapped. It was lovely. I said, "Eri, don't you love this?" So I went in but just to the Art Institute Store to look about. I was purchasing a few items when I saw boxes of cards on the reduced to 2.99 shelf...it wasn't the price however that made me gasp...It was the card that I bought 20 boxes of 5 years ago because the girl/angel looked so much like Erica. There the boxes were, and I thought I had purchased all of them 5 years ago, so I bought 6 more, leaving but 2 boxes on the shelf.

Last year, some of you may remember this so parden my repitition, my niece was able to track down the artist of the card. We had tried unsuccessfully many times before. I emailed the artist on Christmas Eve last year at around 3:00 pm at her email from Holland Michigan where she teaches art history.Eri and Jonathan and I hung out in Holland plenty of times plus it is not far from where ERi lived and died. I told her that her card evoked so much joy and emotion from me, my sisters, my son, ERi's dad, and stepdad,adn all of our friends because it looked just like her and that she is an angel. We told her the circumstances of her death and that the card offers me so lovely a sense of Eri. This woman, Tamara Fox, wrote back that evening and not only thanked me for telling her how her art affected my family, but said that she would send me her originals if she could locate them. I was so struck by her honest and intuitive self. About a month later, a package arrived from Holland Michigan. In it were 4 different renditions of the card, her original work, some of it too beautiful to explain, all of it framable and amazing. Some of them have tiny clear beads sewn all around the image. Needless to say, I was bowled over by this woman's generous spirit, knowing that somehow, Eri worked her magic again, joining two strangers together...an art unto itself.

Here it is;

[ericasmom]

Oh, it is her profile, the day I saw these in the Art museum store 4 months after ERz died, i looked at them and tears sprung from my eyes, and I held them to my nieces and sisters there with me, they all began to cry as well, it looks jsut like her including her arm movements. She was always in motion, and in odd ways, can't explain, but this angel captured my Girl. NOw the orginal model for the silohette is not at all like Eri, in one of the original pieces, the full face shows and she is nothing like my girl. 'wonders never cease, and aren't we lucky for it?

Dee

[daveydow1]

Kathy,

Children have a gift of being able to adapt, if they are happy, cared for,

and have people who love them. The basketball sounds like a very good

activity for him, and will help him expend some of his energy---kids that

age seem to have a never ending supply, don't they ?   Yes, I can plainly

see how you can get tired and worn down. I hope that you are able to

get some much-needed  "kick-back" time in while Tavian is visiting others.

Bless his little heart, and bless you for being there for him.  Dear Jessica

must smile when she looks down and sees her little boy is happy.

Peace & Comfort.                           Sherry

                           

[daveydow1]

Dee,

The card is lovely, and it's so nice that the girl looks just like ERi with

her arm motions etc.  Yes, I can see why there were plenty of tears

when you showed the cards to your sisters and nieces. I was at the

mall not long ago, and felt a large lump in my throat as I passed all

the sports stores and saw merchandise of Dave's favorite team (Browns).

I still have his Browns windbreaker in the closet, and can't think to ever

part with it.  We here at BI are in a league of our own---and we often

encounter things that other people would miss or not think anything about.

We are keenly aware of our surroundings, I think. This is because we may

always be, consiously or unconciously  "looking" for our dear children on the

other side. Does that sound strange to anyone ?   Peace to all.

                              Daveysmom,     Sherry  

[ericasmom]

NOt strange at all Sherry, I am always looking at the posture, the clothing, the swagger, the laugh, the hands of strangers, looking for ERi in them all. I was so happy that she sat upon the shelf the other day, she came to the wreathing of the lions. Sherri, Davey is a Browns fan, are you from Ohio?

Kathy, after school sports are an awesome way to both build the idea of 'team' and to expend the amazing energy that the little ones have. See what they offer when B-ball is over, for instnace at our school we do B-ball and then floor hockey, and by then, half of the winter is over. How is the ankle?

Carol, glad to hear that the first holiday in the new home was good. I was brought to tears at your story about your Grandboy. What a lucky young man he is to have you in his corner. I wouldn't have been able to get through the poem or the prayer without tears either, but who here would? Your Son was there, smiling and blessing the new house.

Lynn, I like that you ate popcorn and soda for your Thanksgiving meal. What movie did you see? I haven't been to a movie since...gosh, last winter. I often fall asleep in the movie theatre and so I usually don't go but rent those movies I want to see. I hope you gave yourself a big hug from all of us here who are so very proud of you to have taken steps to do something different for the first holiday without your Daughter. Lori, same to you, and I love the story about the buttermilk pies.

 Laughter is the way we build tissue in our battered hearts. Allow it whenever it comes, never feel guilty for the explosion of laughter, your Children are right there laughing with you.

dee

[johnnysmama]

Dee

Loved the beautiful Eri card-even looks like she had braids-no coincidence that you have found them yet again. I believe too that she is reminding you that she is there.

I have been in Chicago at Thanksgiving-some of the best I ever had with Johnny. My sister used to live very close to the museums in town and loved to visit her just to walk around and SEE the city, and honestly shopped very little there-but always found time for the food and the blues music. I am not a city girl but I honestly could live threre-except for the cold, cold weather off of Lake Michigan. Makes Ohio seem like Florida. Well, almost.

 

Bonnie

The card was amazing-the picture however was Jason saying,"See I was here" I am always here-I am everywhere-and always in your heart. What a neat energy he has.

 

Sherry

I think we look for signs of our kids but honestly we know they are with us.

 

Take care all. Hope we feel some peace within all the hub bub of the coming holiday.

Kay

[johnnysmama]

Lynn

You are doing great. You are finding ways to get through these rough dates. Popcorn for dinner-of course.

 

Lorri

Had similar happenings with the cell phone. I just wanted so bad to talk to Johnny I would call his number and just talk. Well, a few months later someone picked up! I dropped the phone and freaked out. Well the new owner of the number called back and yelled at my husband to quit calling his wife's phone-he complained that she gets multiple calls everyday and it is upsetting her. My husband tried to calmly explain that the number belonged to our dead son and that many people all over the world were still finding our or may not know as many of his friends had been deployed or based overseas. Lets say that man was cussing at my husband by then-couldn't believe how bad that experience was. Why would a phone company give out a deceased phone number so quickly? Bad policy. That number should never be used again-they knew why we closed the account. amazing. Sorry you had to deal with that.

 

Take care both-know we are here for you.

Kay

[mikesmum]

 I was holding my grandson’s hand at the time, and he is the one who was having severe addiction problems, but has turned things around for the past two and a half months, entering into treatment and continuing with it faithfully.  (Shortly before he began his treatment, we came very close to losing him…another story for another time)…and when I read the line from our prayer “…for those facing changes, that they may meet them with hope; for those who are weak that they may find strength…” we looked at each other, squeezed each other’s hand, and tears spilled over for both of us…  I have been with him since day one that he entered treatment, including the day we almost lost him, some days for 24 hours at a time, and a bond has been created that will be there forever…I pray that he continues with his commitment and promises to himself and his family. 

Carol - The journey you are embarking on with your grandson will be one that tests your resilliance, resourcefulness and love.  Knowing he has you with him may allow him to find the strength, energy and direction he himself needs to continue in recovery.  This journey comes in second only to losing a child.  As you say, another story for another time.

My prayer for you both.  You are as always in my thoughts. 

[lolynbo]

YEP ON THE CARD...THERE IS BRAIDS....I SEE EM

WANTED TO SHARE FUNNY STORY, MY SON KODY 16 AND SO THOUGHTFUL, KEEPS ME GOING, I DONT EVEN KNOW IF HE KNOWS IT BUT HE DOES...

HE HAS A JOB NOW AT OUR LOCAL HOMELAND (GROCERY) SACKING GROCERIES...ANYWAY KODY, MONTY AND MYSELF WERE GOING TO GO EAT (OF COURSE THATS ALL I DO) BUT I WANTED TO STOP AT WALGREENS AND GET THE PIC OF KOURTNEY I JUST HAD BLOWN UP TO 8 X 10 BLACK AND WHITE, AND I NOTICED THAT KODY HAD A LONG FACIAL HAIR SO I THOUGHT, "MAYBE ITS TIME TO START SHAVING", SO WHILE IN WALGREENS I GET HIM A REAL NICE RAZOR....I COME OUT AND WE LEAVE, WE GET TO THE REST. AND I TAKE IN THE PIC BECAUSE I WANT TO SHOW MONTY IT (WE ARRIVED IN SEP CARS) SO I SHOW MONTY THE PIC (HE ALMOST CRIES ITS HIS FAV) AND I ASK KODY TO TAKE IT BACK TO CAR (THE WAIT WAS OVER AN HOUR) SO HE SAYS "TEXT ME WHEN WE GET A TABLE IM WAITING IN THE CAR"

SO WE WAIT , WAIT , WAIT, THEN I TEXT HIM SO HE CAN COME IN, BY THIS TIME HIS SISTER KIMBERLY IS IN FROM OK CITY AND SHE MEETS US AT REST...SO KODY COMES IN , SITS AT TABLE AND I SAID "WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING OUT IN THE CAR ALL THIS TIME" HE SAID " SHAVING"....?  I SAID "WITHOUT WATER, OH KODY THAT WILL GIVE YOU RAZOR BURNS, DONT DO THAT"!  HE SAYS

"SO THATS WHAT THIS IS (AS HE POINTS TO UNDER HIS LIP)" OBVIOUSLY IN PAIN (sp) WE ALL LAUGHED HE IS SO FUNNY AND ALWAYS CRACKING ME UP..

THANK YOU GOD FOR MY KODY..

*****ALSO JUST A NOTE**************

WALGREENS WILL LET YOU SIGN A RELEASE OF COPYRIGHT AND THEY WILL DEVELOPE/COPY ANY PICTURE....ATLEAST OURS DOES..

I AM ENLARGING AND MAKING ALL BLACK AND WHITE PICS OF THE KIDS AS BABIES AND GROWN UP AND MAKING A GALLERY

THIS IS KODY AT THE NURSING HOME WHERE KOURTNEY WAS FOR ABOUT A MONTH, HE IS HOLDING ONE OF MY BABIES "PIXIELU"

[4everjoeysmom]

Your Shih-tzu's a are really cute! Thanks for sharing the Kody story. Funny! I, too, love how my son Patrick shares things in a way that moves me to such gratefulness.

[mikesmum]

Lorrie - without knowing it your boy lifts your heart, a brilliant gift from such a handsome lad. 

I had to laugh when I read his shaving story.  The puppy is just gorgeous.  They too have a way of giving us that unconditional understanding just with a look.

The black and whites sound great.  Are you making a montage or individually framing them?  Either way, I am sure they will be something you can look upon with smiles and tears......Take Care....Trudi

[ericasmom]

Lori,

Love the shaving story, love that your Boy has such a natural sense of humor, he knows how to make you smile, intuitive. Does he have a circle of friends that have helped him with the grief? It is a hard age for that, so many just don't know how to handle that kind of sadness and prefer to leave it behind them. How is your older Daughter doing now? I would love to see your photos, blackand whites.

I spent the day at school today, often going in on a Sunday to prepaqre for Monday, but this time I spent many hours rearranging desks, taking down old work and putting winter books in the display window. I bought a new winter coat and scarf and gloves for the new little girl but nobody was home and so I will try again in the morning as the weather has surely changed and she will need it. I hope she likes it. I need to get her boots and snowpants still, but was unsure of her foot size and the matching snow pants in her size were not at that store so I will check another store in a few days. The weather today has changed, strong winds whipping around with snow and rain hitting the ground, and O'Hare airport is slowed by this weather. There will be many who don't get home as planned. I am cozy at home however, doing homework and cooking dinner. Feels good.

Peace out,

Dee

 

 

[lolynbo]

NO HE PRETTY MUCH HANGS AROUND DAD AND I, KODY IS A STRONG BOY, KINDA NIEVE (SP) BUT THATS OK, AND WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING, AND HE GOES TO COMPASSINATE FRIENDS W US....HE DOES HAVE FRIENDS AT SCHOOL BUT HE SPENDS HIS TIME DOING FAMILY THINGS WITH US, WE ALWAYS HAVE

KIMBERLY ON THE OTHER HAND, I DONT GET TO SEE ENOUGH OF, WE TEXT ALOT, AND SHE IS VERY INDEPENDENT AND SPIRITUAL..SHE IS FEELING THE PAIN OF THE HOLIDAYS AND TELLS ME SHE NEEDS TO BE WITH US MORE, BUT WHEN SHE COMES IT SHE GOES TO HER FRIENDS AND THEN GIVES US THE LAST 5 MINUTES...BUT SHE HAS ALWAYS DONE THAT, KODY AND KOURTNEY WERE ALWAYS WITH US, I THINK THAT WHY IM SO LOST...MY HALF IS GONE....IM CLOSE TO KIMBERLY BUT SHE DONT MAKE TIME FOR ME LIKE THE OTHER 2...BUT THATS JUST KIMBERLY..

THE PICS ARE INDIVIDUAL PICS OF THE KIDS (GROWN AND LITTLE) THEY HAVE TURNED OUT SO GOOD...I DONT HAVE A SCANNER SO I DONT NO HOW TO SHOW YALL..I CAN SHOW YOU KODYS THOUGH...

HAVE A BLESSED DAY...OUR CHURCH WE HAVE FOUND HAS TURNED OUT TO BE A BUST..AND IM PRETTY BUMMED ABOUT IT...I TELL YALL TOMORROW

KODY IN OU PARKING LOT ENTERTAINING HIS MOMMY, MY TAHOE HE IS LEANING ON, WE PRETTY MUCH LIVD IN FOR 7 MONTHS...I MISS IT...(LEASE)