Loss of an Adult Child

[heartbeataway]

Amanda,

You will find the DVD comforting.  There is a story while not just like yours, it is the story of an infant. The baby is represented by a teddy bear.   Very touching .......

Bonnie

[cameronsmom1]

I hope so and I'm gonna also let everyone on my myspace page know about it because they could use something like this too. They keep asking me for advice and thats why i've been posting on every forum for everyone's best tips for coping. Thanks so much!

Amanda

www.myspace.com/dedicatedtoourangelbabies

 

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

I know you've mentioned the group you're involved in before but please share the name again. Do they have nationwide chapters?

It might be something good for Rich and I.

I agree that Rosemary Smith is an angel on earth.  She has comforted so many with her boxes of hope. I still have mine.  She sent me a beautiful note with pictures of her boys. I still play the Cindy Bullens cd.

Yesterday would have been Jason's 33rd birthday and today is 18 months without him.

I will never get over losing him but I will do everything in my power not to be angry and to (as one Dad in the documentary said) make the kind of difference in the world that Jason would have made.

So far, that is keeping his friends together and raising funds for ARVD research so that hopefully one less parent will face the loss that we have.

The friend that was to be his best man called us today and he is getting married. He hem hawed something fierce before he could ask if we would mind if he they got married on April 28th. That's the day Jay died. He said they wanted to take a dark day in our lives and add a happy note to it. They also want to include Rich and I in the ceremony somehow since Jason would have been his best man.

We, without hesitation, think it's a precious idea and Jay would approve wholeheartedly.

Greg, Thanks again for the jeep idea. It was just the kind of idea I was looking for and went over well with everyone.

Take care,

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

I will send you my copy of the dvd, Space Between Breaths,  if you will then send it to someone else who would like to see it......

Just sent me your address.  My email is:  luckyladyb@verizon.net

I also have a copy of the book, The Empty Chair that I will do the same thing with.  If anyone wants to read it and then offer it to someone else.  It's an 89 page book on handling grief during the holidays.

Dansmama, this might be good for you.

All I ask is that when you're done watching and/or reading, you offer to someone else on BI.

Bonnie

[daveydow1]

Greg,

I'm sorry that the article you read about the SOB who was in the accident

that killed dear Brian, brought back so many bad memories and pain. We

also have an SOB of a truck driver that fell asleep at the wheel and ran

over our son's car, killing him. I don't know anything about him since that

time (5 yrs. ago), and don't really want to know, but things have a way

of turning up & hitting you in the face----his 19 yr. old son  was in with a group

of 4 guys who beat a man  to death when the guy was leaving a sports

facility. The son blamed all the others & testified against them, so  he got a

lighter sentence (short jail time & probation).  Things like what you read & we read,

hurts so much.  The way you keep your son, BRIAN KLOCK's memory alive is great.

Peace to you & your family.

                               Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[lolynbo]

SHERRY,

SOUNDS LIKE THE APPLE DONT FALL FROM THE TREE THERE...LIKE FATHER LIKE SON...NO ONE WANTS TO OWN UP TO ANYTHING...

LIKE IVE SEEN ON HERE BEFORE WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND...

I HOPE ALL OF YALL HAVE A GREAT DAY/EVENING..

IM COMING UP ON THE WEEK WHERE WE FOUND KOURTNEYS TUMOR, THIS TIME TODAY LAST YR WE WERE AT A RACE AND SHE HAD A HEADACHE...ON THE 3RD WE ACTUALLY NEW SHE HAD A BLOCKAGE....PLEASE PRAY FOR US FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS ITS GOING TO BE HARD ON OUR WHOLE FAMILY...3RD TO 17TH OF NOV....THEN THE HOLIDAYS..

I HOPE GOD HAS PITTY ON US AND BRINGS JOY TO US SOME HOW

[summergirl]

Bonnie - yes it makes me feel better to know that you raised funds for ARVD and did well. I am sorry that I have not visited the site I just haven't been able to but I am going to tomorrow and will pledge some money for the fund. Thank you for holding me up and praying for me, it means so much to me to gain strength from others here even when they are going through their own hell.   It is a great idea to share the video's and books - I would love to read the empty chair and then pass it on to another BI member. I will send you my address.

Dee - how right you are about the "happy" times - soon after my birthday with friends and family members I spiraled downwards - I never celebrated my birthday without Jessica and now I have done so three times!!  I also agree with the weather change, I have never liked winter, have always been a summer girl and it is so much worse without Jessica. So many days in the winter she would come stay with us and curl up on the couch and we would watch movies, eat popcorn and junk food, color and play with Tavian. Oh she loved Christmas!!  We always bought her a small tree and she would spend hours decorating it just right - there are a million things I miss about her and I know that I need to keep moving forward for myself, Tavian and Jessica but some days I look around and I see nothing but Jessica and I am slammed with the realization that she is GONE from this earth forever and I am left with my memories, pictures and her belongings and for 2 and a half years I have no memories or pictures of her - I have not bought anything for her, no birthday, no Mother's day, no Christmas - it is so wrong!!!  But I will keep getting stonger and will celebrate her life but I will forever have a hole in my heart that nothing will mend.

Sonya - yes I do hope that I dream of my girl one day.  My sister called me tonight to tell me about her dream last night. She, Tavian and I were standing outside and as we looked to the sky there were two Angels flying and one was holding a baby and Tavian asked me if he could talk to them and I told him no and he said he just wanted to be sure his mommy was ok but I told him no and then she woke up!! She didn't want to upset me but she was trying to figure out why she would dream that I would tell Tavian no - I told her I have no idea but I am sure there is a reason and maybe we can figure it out together.

Lolynbo - I will certainly pray for you and send you what ever strength I can in the upcoming days - I know how hard it is going to be for you and my heart aches for your pain. Hold strong and keep talking to us. Bless you.

Sherry and Greg - I cried as I read your posts about the SOB's that took your sons from you - it is so hard to imagine that the law works the way it does. As I look at all on this site and see all of the different ways our children were taken from us it over whelms me - I sometimes feel as though my pain is so much worse than others and I know that is so not true - I have had a hard enough time dealing with my Jessica being gone but I have not had to live with the different kind of pain that some here such as you two have had to live with. You both have my admiration for being as stong as you are. Bless you both.

Tavian is sleeping so soundly tonight - we went right after work to go buy his Halloween costume - he is going to be a Star Wars character - it was so cute as he had to try it on when we were in the store.  I am not much on Halloween but he loves it. He is already beginning his list for Christmas and I must say it is not like when I was a child - he wants a laptop, a motorcyle, a playstation 3 and a PSP!! That is just the beginning and so far that looks like about 3000 dollars and he is 6 and a half!! Don't thing the motorcycle is going to happen but maybe the laptop and playstation 3. I thought the laptop was a good idea, not an expensive one but one he can use for games and also for school, its amazing how much they use computers in first grade. Guess I better start shopping soon!!!

Love and thanks to all - Kathy 

[lolynbo]

JUST A LAUGH.....MY OLDEST DAUGHTER IS 24 RECENTLY SINGLE HAS GOOD JOB, MISSIN HER SISTER VERY BADLY...BUT KIMBERLY IS GOING TO DRESS UP FOR TRICKER TREAT...SHE IS GOING TO BE TINKERBELL...SHE CALLED ASKIN WHERE SHE CAN GET FAIRY DUST.......BUT THE BIG LAUGH IS LAST NIGHT SHE CALLED ME UNABLE TO MOVE CUZ SHE WAS SCAIRED (SP) SHE THOUGHT SHE HEARD A WAREWOLF (SP) OUTSIDE HER WINDOW...(2ND FLOOR) SHE WAS LITERALLY AFRAID.....WE ALWAYS HAVE A GOOD LAUGH ON HER....NEEDLESS TO SAY SHE WAS FINE AND ALL IN ONE PIECE TODAY

[lostwoher]

hahahaha, thanks for sharing that story. I think we all could use one right about now. Not that we are laughing at her, but WITH her. Love n Hugs to ALL.

[heartbeataway]

Kathy,

Don't visit the site until you're ready. 

You sound happy when you talk about Tavian. That's good to hear.

Take care of yourself.

Bonnie

[mikesmomrs]

Claudia:  your words were so awesome, as usual, comforting, leading to some healing, no matter how much at the time...small bits, baby steps..thank you for sharing---you are blessed with that gift of communicating love and comfort.

Bonnie:  I am so happy to read of your wonderful weekend of honoring your Jason, and of course, the sun came out!  Of course!  I am so glad so many decided to come to the celebration.  All of the awesome effort you put into the weekend brought everyone together for their love of Jason, to share in this celebration with you, and of course, Jason was right there with you all, all along.  Thank you for sharing your "Space Between Breaths,"  as Trudi said "another version of our living one breath at a time in the "space between breaths." 

Lynn, your sad dreams---I am so sorry...I pray you will be gifted with a sweet, comforting dream soon...I have only had a few dreams, and they have been sweet. 

Trudi:  Unexpected pictures...tears, heartache anew...I know what you mean.   All of our pictures have been "put away" now for almost a year...cannot believe it!!! but, of course, everything was put away in anticipation of showing the house.  Can't wait to open the boxes and relive those great memories, and yet, I know I will shed tears and my heart will rend once again in the painful awareness that there will be no more...yet I will treasure what we have, and bask in their sweetness.  We move on Saturday, likely will finish up the loose ends over the next week, and then all will wait, while I "gorge" on those photographed memories that have only been in my mind this past year....we have many on the computer, but many, many that are not.  A feast of love and remembrances...a torture of love and remembrances...

Kathy:  I am so sorry you are in that saddest of places...you are in my prayers and thoughts for strength and comfort. 

Dansmama:  As Dee said, the pain of this journey is hard because of the love we had for our children...how could it be otherwise?  But we are all here, together, to help ease that pain and come together in support of one another.  Hugs to you. 

Dee:  Mike also went to Costa Rica and truly loved it...he went in 1993, spring of his senior year.  He was the "oldest" on the trip...the rest were sophomores, so he was kind of the "leader" of the pack, and had such a great time.  The ride across the rain forest, a treasure to him...no pics of him, though, just pics of the tops of his boots on the bottom of the cage he was riding in....promised himself to go back one day, and maybe even to live there...unfortunately, that was not to be.  He had asked that we spread some of his ashes there, if possible, but he knew that it was not likely considering the travel involved.  He said he would settle for the Pacific...which was his next love... his dad and I hope to drive out west next summer, if all goes well, and end up at the Pacific, where at least one of his wishes will be fulfilled.  I think your Dee and Mike are likely kindred spirits...his fondest wish was to have dreds, but his attempt only lasted three months when the heat and the sawdust from his daily work at the sawmill drove him to cutting them off.  He had a huge spirit, also, and filled the room with it when he was present.  In he would charge, following behind his big red beard, as that is what you would see first as he came around the corner into the living room.  He finally let me trim it, about 6 weeks before he died, and held his breath the whole time, lest I damage his pride and joy with a too short clip here or there...thankfully, my hand was guided by a force higher than my own knowledge, and it came out great.  He would tell everyone "My mom cut off my beard!"  and then grin, and twist it between his fingers..."I can't wait for it to grow back.." with another wry grin in my direction...  (the most I took was maybe 1/2 inch!).  Thjose memories bring tears and smiles...how can we smile when our hearts are broken?  I don't know, I guess it's the love and the memories move our hearts to create the smile on our lips despite the tears from our eyes.

Amanda, your beautiful dream of your angel baby...sent by him, special delivery, straight to your heart to comfort you and tell you of his new eternal life...

Kay, I too am sorry that you've been through so much and had to feel alone at times.  The loneliness is what gets to me, also, although my husband has always been here, but more so during these last six months or so.  Friends are no more, their understanding of us having to remember just isn't there..."move on" seems to be their mantra...I will not, not if it means forgetting...I will speak his name even if there is no one here to listen to my voice...I will continue with my life, as best I can, less than that would be a dishonor to our son and the life he lived and love he gave, but it will not be easy, and it will not result in my "forgetting and moving on..."

Lorri:  I love the rocks you found that your Kourtney picked out, so descriptive of her sweet nature.  So glad you were able to retrieve some of her things.  The "in case something comes up missing" really made me laugh...I don't think he thought before he spoke. 

Thinking of you all, keeping you all in my prayers and thoughts.  MOVING DAY IS SATURDAY!!!   Finally!  Boxes, boxes, and more boxes...every time I go to buy some more at Home Depot I think "surely we won't need more than this..." and then...

Take care all, and sleep well...your precious children are with you, whether you dream of them or not, as we all know so well...

[mikesmomrs]

Bonnie:  After I "sent" my post, I saw your new post, and wanted to comment:  "I will never get over losing him but I will do everything in my power not to be angry and to make the kind of difference in the world that Jason would have made."  I think this is what we all must do, in order to keep the wondrous memory of our child alive, whether we do it now, or do it later, or do it just by spreading the word, our child's memory is more than someting stuck in our heads; they lived, and they will continue to live in the hearts of those who loved them, and they will newly live in the hearts of those who benefit from our honoring of them.  Thank you, dear friend, for your sweet words and wisdom that you share so lovingly.

Sonya:  so very glad for you that you had the dream of Danielle...sweet comfort to your heart, I know.

and Sherry, and Greg, I also am so sorry you have had to deal with this type of lackadaisical attitude towards the ones who caused you such pain and grief...yes, sometimes things have a way of turning around and karma has its way.  The pain you have suffered can never be lessened..and yet the ones who are responsible go on with their lives as if nothing happened.    After all the hard, hard time my boss gave me when Mike was ill, that I "shouldn't be so involved in his care, because he was married,", blah, blah, blah, "no you can't have time off to take him to the doctor"...telling me when she found out that Mike was terminal, she said "Well, aren't we all, really?" etc.,  I found out a few months ago that her mother now has terminal brain cancer.  My heart has had a very difficult time dealing with the news, as I have never been a vindictive type, and yet I cannot offer her comfort as I am not supposed to know and the person who told me would be most uncomfortable if my boss knew of her telling me.  I can't help but wonder though sometimes, how my former boss is dealing with this. 

love and peace to all, carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

[user=19401]heartbeataway[/user] wrote:

 He hem hawed something fierce before he could ask if we would mind if he they got married on April 28th. That's the day Jay died. He said they wanted to take a dark day in our lives and add a happy note to it. They also want to include Rich and I in the ceremony somehow since Jason would have been his best man.

We, without hesitation, think it's a precious idea and Jay would approve wholeheartedly.

Bonnie - What a brilliant idea and how far you have come on this journey. "with out hestitation think its a precious idea" Time  affords us the ability to revisit what previously would have bought us to our knees and see it in another light.  To celebrate the beginning of two lives joined on April 28th honours the importance of you, Rich & Jay in their lives.....never forgotten.

In the past month I have met 3 women where I live who have lost their child.  They are forming a local group of Compassionate Friends.  I would love to have the DVD and the book to share with this group and those who might follow.  Thank you so much.

Carol - It never ceases to amaze me the insensitivity of some - yep essentially we are all terminal, what a prophecy!    My employer queried my time off when Mike had his pacemaker inserted.  It was the same type of mentality, he was a grown up, had a partner.  Mike was told on the Friday he needed a pacemaker scheduled for the Monday.  Short notice, his partner was sitting finals and I was, in my mind, the obvious choice.  In the last year we were his next of kin his new partner found the whole thing quite boring.  It is really hard to find compassion for your boss when her attitude was so insensitive - but knowing what you went through with Mike, I know you wouldn't wish that on anyone, even her.

You know if I could I would be hauling boxes with you.  Problem would be the sitting and going through the pictures just one more time!!! 

I had to laugh, Melissa saw one of the pictures of Mike and the first thing she said was "that's not his T Shirt, that's my Faith No More shirt"!  Ahh sibling rivilary, live and well!!!!  Will be thinking of you on Saturday, sending you energy, punch buggies and pennies.

Kathy - it really is different than when we were young.  Zak is 7 in March and his other grandparents are getting him his own computer for Christmas.  We are building a cubby, no hi tech stuff, just imagination.

Take Care - Trudi 

[briansdad]

Bonnie,

Yes it is a national organization.There  are no fees for a chapter ,there are no paid positions and all our funds come from donations and fund raisers like the golf tournament.Here is a link then you can check and see if you have one in your area.If not contact them and they will help you start one

 http://www.bereavedparentsusa.org/index.htm

Greg

[heartbeataway]

I received the Random Acts of Kindness cards today.  I'll just save them for next year.

Very sweet idea!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Thanks for the information Greg .....

I'm going to check into a starting a chapter.  There's nothing close to us listed.

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

lolynbo,

What a charming story! The fear is not funny. Bless her heart.  They actually do sell fairy dust!

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

^{thank so much for the website....i have added it to my favorites}

[lolynbo]

LITTLE INNOCENT KIDS JUST MAKE ME SMILE....

I HAVE NO GRANDKIDS, DONT KNOW IF GODS EVER GOING TO LET ME HAVE SOME...IM 45, AND STILL NONE

BUT I HAVE A LIL GREAT NEPHEW THAT PRAYED HIS HEART OUT FOR KOURTNEY, AND HE IS PROB 4 OR 5 , HIS NAME IS LANE....HE HAS A PIC OF KOURTNEY IN HIS ROOM AND KISSES IT EVERY NIGHT WHEN HE GOES TO BED....ANYWAY HIS OLDER SISTER ASKED HIM WHO WAS THE MOST AWESOME PPL IN THE WORLD..(HIS MOMMA WAS LISTENING) AND LANE ANSWERED "JESUS AND KOURTNEY"  IT MADE ME SMILE AND HAPPY...I BET KOURTNEY IS REALLY WATCHING OVER LANE...

AND HE STILL PRAYS EVERY NIGHT FOR KOURTNEY...HIS MOMMA TELLS HIM "LANE , KOURTNEY DONT NEED PRAYING FOR ANYMORE, SHE'S WITH JESUS"

[lolynbo]

EVERYONE IF YOU WANT TO...ADD YOUR STORY ABOUT YOUR BABY TO YOUR PROFILE UNDER THE BIG AREA THAT SAYS "COUNTRY" I THINK IT WOULD HELP EVERYONE

[4everjoeysmom]

Kourtney's Mom, It's a great idea you have in asking folks to write their stories in their profiles. I haven't yet, because actually I don't know how to "summarize it". Maybe one day I will. Instead, on my profile, I have a link to Joey's memorial web site. For now, keeping it simple, it allows me the opportunity to talk about Joey and our story as often as anyone asks me. It's part of my healing journey...

Blessings & Love,

Claudia

[heartbeataway]

lolynbo,

I know  what Claudia means regarding our childs story and adding it to our profile.  I have not created a memorial website yet.  I have started but never completed.

As far as grandchildren, I lost my only child, our only son. I'm older than you also. It wouldn't bother me if I had to wait a little longer to be a "Nonni", I would wait patiently.  we lost that chance .... It will NEVER happen in this life time for me.

Regardless, I'm blessed.  I was the lucky person that was chosen to be Jay's Mom. I loved being his Mom.  I will always be grateful that I was his Mom.

He would stand next to me and put his arms around me and say, "You're the best".

That's the memory that keeps me going ....... he thought that, I was the best.

I try so hard to keep the good memories alive ........

Bonnie

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - You are doing just great!!!

Lorri - I have a link to Mikes memorial site like Claudia.  I think way back in April 07 I might have purged the story....but other than that link I guess I try not to revisit, I am learning to chose remembering the entire "Mike" not just that day.

Take Care

[lolynbo]

I KNOW THATS WHY I HAE TO CALL THEM "STORIES" BECAUSE THEY ARE MUCH MORE THEN THAT, AND YOUR RIGHT YOU CANT JUST SUM IT UP, HOW DO YOU SUM UP HELL...

AND YOU ARE THE BEST, BESTEST MOM JAY EVER HAD...WHAT A TITLE THAT IS...KOURTNEY USE TO TELL ME THAT TOO...AND THE WAY SHE SAID "MOMMA" WAS LIKE I WAS IN T R O U B L E! AND I USUALLY WAS...LOL...I MISS HER SO MUCH...HER DAD CAME BY YEST (IM MARRIED TO STEP DAD, BUT YOUD NEVER KNOW IT)..I GAVE HIM SOME OF HER JACKETS AND SOME OF THE MEMORIAL FUNERAL BOOKS THAT WERE BOUGHT FOR US, AND HER STEREO HE BOUGHT HER IN THE 7 OR 8TH GRADE..(STILL IN EXCE COND)...BUT IM GOING TO GO THROUGH SOME OF HER STUFF TODAY (MAYBE) AND SEE WHAT ELSE I CAN GIVE HIM...HE HAS NO MORE CHILDREN, AND REALLY WASNT THERE FOR KOURTNEY FOR ABOUT 6 YRS (HE HAD A GF THAT DIDNT LIKE KOURTNEY) SO HE HAS ALOT OF GUILT...MISSIN OUT...I FEEL BAD FOR HIM I ALWAYS KNEW IT WOULD COME BACK ON HIM..

[lolynbo]

OTHER THEN HER MYSPACE MEMORIAL...HOW DO I DO A MEMORIAL PAGE?

[briansdad]

Lorri,

You can go to this web site and set up a memorial free for two weeks.Then if you like it the cost is 95.00 one time fee forever.

http://www.memory-of.com/public/testimonials.aspx

Greg

[4everjoeysmom]

http://www.virtual-memorials.com/

has the same type of trial period, and one time cost of $50 if you wish to keep it.

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang,

could you all send some prayers Michael's way, he is JOnathan and Erica's Dad, as he is having some very serious issues right now with Leukemia. Jon just took him to the doctor and they are admitting him as we speak. He has excruciating pain and lumps on his head. I am scared for him. Prayers for his healing, for his calm.

Dee

[lolynbo]

IT MAY SOUND BAD, BUT I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED LOOKING AT A PAGE CALLED

WWW.FINDAGRAVE.COM

YOU CAN ADD YOUR LOVED ONES PUT UP PICKS AND SEARCH FOR FAMOUS AND NON FAMOUS PPL...

[ericasmom]

Kourtney's Mom,

It's not bad, it is another way to find loved ones, to read their names, and somehow that is a comfort.

Bonnie, what a wonderful way to help yourself and the others around you if you start a new chapter in your area. A friend of mine (who lost her boy a year before I lost Eri), and I thought to have a group called; Walking through grief. It would be a twice a month walking group that could meet and talk about our losses and walk together a couple miles while we talk with each other. It hasn't happened mostly cause she was unsure if she wanted to open it up to others that may have lost young kids, or those that have lost much older kids. I just think opening it to those who have lost a child no matter the age or reason...

Anyhow, I hope that you do it, I think you would be great at organizing a group and directing it. Good luck.

[heartbeataway]

Hi Dee,

The walking group is a great idea! So many of us get lax when it comes to exercise or going out for that matter. ......

You are one creative soul!

Bonnie

Praying for Michael & Jon .........

[daniellemom]

Dee

My prayers are with Michael and Jon may there be calm for them both and strength to endure this sickness and Jon's strength to help his Dad.

[mikesmomrs]

Just taking a break from sealing up cartons, and wanted to say that I will remember Jon and Michael in my prayers.  Bonnie, good luck with your venture...

love and peace,    carol  mikesmomrs

[lagrangel]

Dee,

My prayers are with Michael and Jon. It is wonderful that your son is there to support his father in his time of need. May God give them strenght through this trial.

Claudia,

 Please say some extra prayer's for Trish. I have not heard from her in several weeks. The last time I received an e-mail from her she was not doing good. I have e-mailed her several times and have not heard anything. I just worry because we all know how difficult it gets at times. Everytime the 11th rolls around each month of Brent's passing I always think of her Justin on the 10th of every month since our sons deaths were one day apart.

                                                              Lana

[4everjoeysmom]

Michael and Jon, and Trish are in my prayers. Lana, I'm so sorry you're unable to get word from Trish. Yes, I do know how difficult it can get--to the point that you just crawl in a hole and stay there, talking to no one. It's a dark and lonely place, and the terrible thing is the longer you;re there, the lonelier you get....

Hugs and blessings, All! ~Claudia

[heartbeataway]

Carol,

Wish we could all be there to help you move ....... don't overdo. 

Bonnie

[johnnysmama]

Bonnie

All i have to say to you is you are the best. Your strength and wisdom here is a gift to us.

 

Dee

I will pray daily for Michael and Jon. Actually, I pray daily for all of you here and your beautiful children that as Bonnie said we were blessed with.

I love the walking grief group. That is fantastic. I walk several times a week-did before losing Johnny and actually your evcouragement helped get me back out there. Wish we could all do it together-awww it would be so healing for both body and soul to walk and talk to all of you.

 

Hugs and peace to all

Kay

[daveydow1]

Bonnie,

My heart aches for you, losing your only child, dear Jason. Losing an

only child has to be so very very crushing. I pray that Jay's love and

sunshine will help you on this raod we are all struggling on. Peace.

              

Dee,

Prayers for poor Michael in this time of pain and hardship. Bless Jon also,

and his support of his dear father.

 

Carol,

Thanks for your kind words. You mentioned your boss being so "hard-

nosed" when your dear Mike was so ill.  Now she is in a similar situation.

Some people do not have the capacity for empathy that would stand them

in good stead with others. Yes, it is difficult not to think...."now you know

how it was for me".  In a way, I think that it is good that you are not

supposed to let her know that you know the situation.  Peace & prayers

      

lolynbo,

 Yes, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in the case of the one that

caused my son's death.  I don't think of that family very often, thank goodness.

I have let it go for the most part. May Kourtney's light shine down on you

today and always, and warm your heart.

 

                             Daveysmom,   Sherry   

[summergirl]

Hello to all - just lost my post!!!!!! So will start again.

Major meltdown today but feeling better so I guess sometimes I need to have them to let go of the awful pain I carry and bury deep inside and then it comes out like a vocano - could hardly breathe or stand but I made it through. 

Bonnie - thank you, yes I am happy when I talk of Tavian, he is the one constant in my life and my Jessica lives on through him.

Trudi - yes things are definitely different these days - we have decided to get Tavian a computer, we were worried about having enough room but a friend of ours just offered us a bunkbed set that comes with the desk and dresser built into it so that would be perfect and something he can grow with. I was very hesitant at first as the bed he now sleeps in Jessica bought it and it wasn't delivered until after she left us so I had it in my mind that he would sleep in that bed until he was at least 90 because Jessica bought it but never got to tuck him into bed in it. I know that sounds silly but--------anyway I will store it in a safe place for Tavian.  How is your weather there - warmer than we are I hope - it was in the 50's today and I was freezing, I am definitey a summer girl!!!

Dee I am sending my prayers and hugs for Jon and Michael - God Bless them and you.

I thought about the adding my child's story to my profile but I too cannot find the words to say that I would love to about my Jessica. Seems as though I can begin but never finish.  Maybe someday.

I am going to try to post a picture and if it works then I will do the happy dance!!

Love and Peace to all - kathy

 

[summergirl]

Yeah!!!!! This is Tavian in Chicago while we were on our lay over to Iowa - we took a walk outside.  Ok I am going to post a few more - I am so excited!!!

Tavian, Austin and Cole (my sister's grandchildren) - what about that ORB!!!

[summergirl]

Aren't thay just the sweetest things!!!!  Three boys taking a break from playing.

[heartbeataway]

Kay,

If you think about it, we are all walking together.  We are not out in the fresh air or feeling the sun on our faces.

Sometimes it's quite the opposite, we walk in raging internal storms that threaten to take our breath away ......

But, just in the nick of time, we run into someone that has more strength than we do at the moment and they help us re-fuel (so to speak) with their words of wisdom or experience.

We walk together every day .......

I personally feel blessed that I walk this journey with each of you. Thanks .......

Love!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Kathy,

The pictures are great!  Tavian is on handsome little dude!  He looks so much like his Mommy .......

You're upbeat in your postings. The vacation did your soul well.

Looking forward to more pics!

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

Sherry,

I don't like to imply a comparision of child - only child. I hope it wasn't taken that way. Losing a child is lifes cruelest blow.

I would like to have a grandchild with my son's blue eyes and dimple. I would like to have the hope for the future that having a child offers.

But it wasn't to be  .....

Thanks for the kind words.

Bonnie

[lostwoher]

I just read all the posts and it actually brought a smile to my sluggish face. The boys are so handsome and innocent. Yes, how about that orb! Amazing.

I too am having a difficult day as I pack things for my move. I cry, pack, cry, pack...guess I didnt expect to have the emotions that are with me this evening. Nothing better than to come here with my new found 'family/friends to share in our grief and accomplishments.

[ericasmom]

Hey All, thanks so much for the prayers. I just got home after taking my Son's girl out to dinner and to get some groceries for Jonathan's refrigerator as he sits by his Daddy's side. Michael is in bad shape, I am crying when I think of how tenuous this is. Here we were at dinner, sharing the worry a girlfriend has for her beloved, and the fear his Mom has for both he and his Dad. JOnathan and Shannon have been dating since the spring, and then Michael was diagnosed and it has been a rollercoaster since. NOw with this latest worry, JOn is scared and with good reason. Michael has a fever again, so much pain that he could not raise his arms, and swollen spots on his head. I am scared for him, worried about how scared he must be...tomorrow the docs will do a bone marrow scan to see if there is anything significant there. They have given him medicine to help ease his pain and to assist Michael in sleeping, something he hasn't done much of in the last 3 days. Hopefully, Jon will be able to go home and get some sleep as well.

I am rambling, it is what I do when I am nervous. Tomorrow is Halloween, one of Erica's favorite celebrations. I have to dress up for my students tomorrow, our school has a fabulous parade-a 3 block square around the neighborhood. People set up their lawn chairs for this. The first Halloween after Eri died, I was Charlie Brown, Good Grief. I have the shirt, and I wear shorts and ankle socks with funky looking shoes. I will also have the sheet with too many holes cut in just like Charlie. I have been other things in the years that followed, but this year, it is a Charlie Brown kind of Halloween. I was able to get my little new student a witches costume today and she was happy. My mind keeps going back to when my kids were little and we went trick or treating...Eri was a buebird one year, a table another year, JOnathan was Dick Tracy one year, purchasing an old yellow rain slicker from Salvation Army. I am teary eyed with memories.

Once again, the prayers are greatly appreciated. I pray for all of you each night as well, you are special and wonderful people, soulful and dear to my heart.

Kathy, do the happy dance, the photos came with your words...and boy is that little boy a beauty. I agree, looks like his Momma.

Peace out,

dee

[mikesmum]

Kathy - Hasn't he grown!!  Truly a boys boy!  I love the orb.....have found a book about orbs.....fascinating reading.....Looks like Jess favours pink!

Dee - thoughts and prayers with you and yours as Michael faces his latest challenge.  I think knowing just how temporary life can be makes the waiting harder.

Good luck with Halloween!!  Its taking off down here, just not sure the 'rules', but the Grandbabies are here this weekend and they love the idea of candy in the house!

The weather here is unsettled, thunderbolts and lightening, very very frightening....but little rain..........

Thinking of you all - Carol, best of luck with the move....may it be smooth and swift!

Trudi:cool:

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy -- Just had to stop and say how great the pics are of Tavian...he is so beautiful and looks so happy.  And yes, the orb.  Wonderful! 

Lynn:  I didn't know that you were moving, also...must have missed that post.  Yes, the cry-pack thing can get in the way, but most of my crying was done when we were "sorting."  Now and then something still turns up that brings it on, but mostly it's packing the necessities now; most of Mike's things have already been put away or stored for future sorting.  Looking at the yard outside now brings on the most tears, he had such a part in putting it all together.  But, we know we leave a part of his legacy for others to enjoy...

Thank you, all of you, for your good wishes and support...it truly helps.

Dee:  still keeping your Jon and Michael and all in my prayers.  I am glad that you got to sahre some time with Jon's girlfriend, I am sure it meant a lot to her as she helps Jon through this. 

Bonnie/Kay:  Yes, we are all walking this journey together, and I too feel blessed to share this "walk" with all of you.    My husband asked why I was taking time to jump on and post, and I told him "It's my vitamins; it helps renew my energies."  So true!

love to all, carol   mikesmomrs

[lolynbo]

even though we are old we always dress up for halloween...and go with the kids, kody and kourtney , friends who are no longer friends during all this...kody works tonight (he sacks groc at homeland) and of course kourtney is gone, this time last yr kourtneys friend halie and i went out and dressed up, we knew kourtney had a headache but we didnt no how bad...i feel guilty i cant even remember much besides she had a headache....god i miss u kourtney..help us through the next few days baby....i love you  HOW CAN WE GO TRICKER TREATING WHEN SHE WAS ILL????

 

DO YALL HAVE ANY "COINCIDENCES" ODD THINGS

I HAVE A COUPLE FIRST ON IS KOURTNEY LOVED HER DOGS, BETWEEN MY HOUSE AND HER DADS AND HERS SHE PROB HAD 9, HERE AND THERE...KOURTNEY DIED ON A JUNE 17TH A TUESDAY, AND HER NEWEST DOG, DIXIE A YELLOW LAB, NONE OF US GOT TO GET ATTACHED TO HER BECAUSE THEY HAD JUST GOT HER 4 MONTHS BEFORE KOURTNEY GOT ILL, WELL ANYWAY SHE DIED ON TUESDAY AND DIXIE DIED ON WEDSNESDAY, SHE GOT HIT BY A CAR...BUT KNOWING KOURTNEY LIKE WE DO, SHE GOT UP THERE AND SAID "MAY I HAVE JUST ONE DOGGIE"...DIXIE WILL BE ON KOURTNEYS HEADSTONE...

THE OTHER COINCIDENCE IS MY SISTER AND MY MOM AND MYSELF ALL DECIDED TO TAKE A ROAD TRIP TO NEW ORLEANS..IN AUG..AFTER KOURTNEY DIED, MY MOM ALWAYS WANTED TO GO, AND I WAS GOING TO DRIVE MY TAHOE, WHICH WAS A LEASE AND WAS COMING UP ON THE 48K MILES, AS SOON AS IT ROLLED UP ON 48003 THE A/C QUIT IT STARTED TO BLOW VERY HOT AIR., NO COLD WHAT SO  EVER...SO WE TOOK KOURTNEYS LIL MALIBU AND IT ONLY HAD 6200 MILES. (I MAY HAVE TOLD YAL THIS) BUT WE GET TO N.O. AND THE A/C IS STINKING OF DEAD ANIMAL..SO THE VALET LOOKS AND THEIR IS 2 DEAD PACK RATS IN THE ENGINE COMP..SO HE GETS THEM OUT (WE TIP WELL) AND WE GO ON WITH THE TRIP....WHEN WE GET HOME THE A/C ON MY TAHOE BLOWS AS COLD AS THE N POLE....I GUESS SHE WANTED US TO FIND THEM RATS BEFORE HER CAR WAS RUINED BY THE RATS... STRANGE HUH

DIXIE HER DOGGIE

[DawnFisher]

Hello -

I am posting Kelly's original post from the home page of www.beyondindigo.com/forums under the "Please Tell Us" thread "Beyond Indigo Reunion."  I thought that many of you might not have seen it there.  If you are interested in atteding a Beyond Indigo Reunion - or would like to help us in the planning stages...please post on that thread.

Thanks!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

 

 

Hello all,

We are thinking about hosting a Beyond Indigo Reunion in Peoria, ILL next spring. It would allow people to meet other Beyond Indigo members in person. Could you please let us know if this would be something that would interest you? We would have social events by type of loss (child, parent, spouse etc). If this is of interest for people we would also be looking for "hosts" for each type of loss to plan events for that loss group. Please chime in!

Thanks

Kelly

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo