Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmum]

Lorri - Tried to view the MYSPACE pages, but they are restricted, private.  I am not a member of MYSPACE, but I did get to know something of your beautiful daughter from articles that came up on my search.

I am I right, was she married to her childhood sweetheart?  I got to the front page of her MYSPACE, the mood indicator reads MOOD . 

If you are able to share some more of your daughter that would be great....know its hard.

Take Care.....

[heartbeataway]

Kathy,

It made my heart happy to know that Tavian tested negative.  The universe can be kind! Were you tested also?

I had to buy an attachment to download pictures.  The one I have is called Dynex. I attach it to the computer and put the disk from my camera in it. Maybe that's what you need. My computer is fairly new also.

It's good to have you back!

Bonnie

[lolynbo]

KOURTNEY HAD JUST MARRIED BRENT CARGAL 9 MONTHS BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED IN NOVEMBER...SHE WAS TOTALLY IN LOVE..SHE WAS VERY HAPPY. SHE ALSO LOVED GETTING DRESSED UP OR JUST WEARING A PONYTAILL AND HELPIN HER DAD OR BRENT WITH A MOTOR. SHE LOVED TO FISH, CAMP, SWIM, GO ON THE BOAT. SHE LOVED BEING AT THE RACES IN ARDMORE (THATS WHERE SHE CAUGHT BRENTS EYE) SHE REALLY ENJOYED RIDING 4 WHEELERS AND THE GOLF CART.

   SHE WAS EVERY BODY DREAM OF A DAUGHTER, WIFE , FRIEND, SISTER, GRANDAUGHTER...BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS HAD A SMILE ON HER FACE...

SHE WORKED AT WALMART FOR 5 YRS THEN WENT TO WORK WITH US AT GALAXIE SIGN COMPANY. SHE WAS A GREAT EMPLOYEE..NEVER COMPLAINED OR WAS LATE...

IT MAKES ME SMILE BECAUSE I KNOW WHEN GOD CALLED HER HOME JUNE 17TH, ALL THE ANGELS WERE SINGING AND EVERYONE WAS HAPPY BECAUSE HE TRUELY BROUGHT HOME THE BIG CATCH THAT DAY!!

THIS PAGE IS SET UP FOR MY BABY GIRL, KOURTNEY LYYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL, SHE LOVES LIFE AND WAS FULL OF IT..SHE FOUND OUT SHE HAD A BRAIN TUMOR NOVEMBER 4, 2007, WE HAD SURGERY SET FOR NOVEMBER 29TH, AND HER TUMOR BURST AND SHE HAD A STROKE, NOVEMBER 15TH...AFTER SERVERAL SUGERIES SHE GOT SOME BETTER. SHE WOULD RESPOND TO COMMANDS, AND LOOKED AROUND AND SEEMED TO RECOGNIZE US. SHE EVEN HAD HER CELL PHONE PLACED IN HER HAND AND SHE WOULD FLIP IT SHUT.

KOURTNEY WAS AT OU MEDICAL CENTER IN OK CITY FOR 7 MONTHS AND HER DAD (MONTY) AND DAD (SCOTT), HUSBAND BRENT AND MOTHER LORRI, NEVER LEFT HER SIDE..

     SHE GOT TO LEAVE OU AND WENT TO A NURSING HOME AND WAS THER FOR 3 WEEKS TIL SHE GOT A TYPE OF PNUMONIA, THEN WAS SENT BACK TO OU, WHEN THIS CLEARED UP SHE WAS THEN SENT TO ANOTHER NURSING HOME IN WARNER OKLAHOMA, WHERE THEY LOVED AND CARED FOR HER AND US. THEN SHE GOT A BRAIN BLEED AND WE WERE SENT TO MUSKOGEE HOSPITAL, WHERE THEY SENT US BACK TO OU. OU SAID THAT SHE HAD A BLEED AND THAT IT SEEMED TO BE ABOUT THE SAME FROM DAY TO DAY FROM THE CAT SCAN, SO THEY SENT US BACK TO THE NURSING HOME..WE GOT TO STAY ONE NIGHT AND WENT BACK TO MUSKOGEE....KOURTNEY WAS DYING, THE BLOOD WAS ALL IN HER BRAIN AND JESUS WANTED HER AND SHE WANTED TO GO....SHE FOUGHT A VERY TOUGH FIGHT, SHE INDURED MORE THEN ANYONE CAN IMAGINE. SHOTS, RADIATION, TUBE FEEDINGS, BLOOD BEING DRAWN DAILY, THROWING UP, AND  EVEN SHEDDING A TEAR...SHE WAS WANTING TO END HER PAIN AND SUFFERING AND KNOWING KOURTNEY LYNN, ALL OF OUR PAIN AND SUFFERING TOO..SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF OTHER PEOPLE BEFORE HERSELF...WE DECIDED TO TAKE HER OFF THE BREATHING MACHINE ON SATURDAY JUNE 14TH, AND SHE PASSED AWAY SO PEACEFULLY TUESDAY JUNE 17, 2007...THE NURSES AND DOCTORS COULD NOT BELIEVE SHE HELD ON SO LONG...BUT THEY DIDNT KNOW KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL

SHE WAS/AND IS AN AMAZING PERSON, ALWAYS HELPING, THINKING OF OTHERS, BUYING THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE, DIDNT PLAY THE GAMES GIRLS DO...THE HE SAID SHE SAID CRAP...SHE WAS A VERY SWEET PERSON AND ALL THAT KNOW HER AND WORTH KNOWING THEMSELVES WOULDNT SAY A BAD WORD ABOUT HER...BECAUSE THERE WERE NONE TO SAY...

SHE WAS MY BABY DAUGHTER, MY BEST FRIEND, MY LIL SHADOW...AND I DON'T KNOW HOW I WILL GET BY WITH OUT HER, BUT WHEN I BRAKEDOWN I PRAY TO GOD AND KOURTNEY "KEEP ME STRONG- GET ME THOUGH THIS" AND SOMETIMES IT WORKS SOMETIMES I CRY...(LOTS OF TIMES I CRY) OUR MONTY, KIMBERLY AND KODY'S LIVES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME OUR LIL FAMILY OF FIVE IS FOUR ON EARTH ONE IN HEAVEN...WE HURT AS WELL AS MY MOM, MONTYS MOM, AUNT LU, UNCLE ROY, CODY, BRENT ,SCOTT AND PATTY AND SOOOOOOOOOOO MANY MORE PEOPLE.

REST IN PEACE MY ANGEL..YOU WERE ONE ON EARTH I KNOW YOUR ONE IN HEAVEN..I LOVE YOU KOURTNEY..FOREVER LOVED ALWAYS MISSED!!!

[mamabets]

For ericasmom~ My nephew, his wife and their little baby live in Glenview...He is the head golf pro at Sunset Ridge!! Such dear, sweet little family, PLUS my Jackie and her group are in Kenosha..

I have another niece and her hubby in "the loop"...Wherever that is!!

So, yes, I would LOVE to say that one day I will be in Glenview...Just don't know when...

I am PRAYING for Michael..Poor Jon, poor everyone~ PLEASE email me if you need to chat..

That goes for all of you here!!!

huntross4@aol.com

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For daveysmom1~ Hi Sherr!!! I must tell you that one night my niece's little Sarah, age 2, was afraid of the Florida lightning!! It can be quite a thing to see!!

My niece, Sarah's Mommy , went to her and was wiping her tears when all of a sudden, Sarah said "LOOK, MOMMY- Jesus is taking our picture"

Alison was sooooooooo moved, as we all were!!!!

Alison will say to her "Do you know Danny, Sarah" and with such confidence, she says "YUP"

Sarah knew Danny before she knew any of us...She was born in 2006...

LOVE

mamabets

[cameronsmom1]

To all:

I would also like to share my myspace page that I have created. It is called "dedicated to our angel babies". I created it before I had found BI in hope that others would add it and share their story and we would all have someone to talk to that has been through a loss. It was slow at first but here lately there has been a lot of new friend requests with mothers who just lost their babies this month. It hurts my heart to see this but at the same time i'm so happy they are reaching out for help and adding my page. I have sent out bulletins telling them all about this page. My husband knew Kourtney, (lori's daughter) and as soon as I found out about her I searched for Lori and added her as a friend. As soon as I sent out the bulletin I was so happy to see her on here and hope that she has found it as helpful as I have. So please take a look at my page and tell me what you think. If you have any ideas that I could add to it to make it more helpful please let me know. Thanks

Amanda

www.myspace.com/dedicatedtoourangelbabies

[daniellemom]

Everyone,

Welcome back Kathy glad your trip went well.

Kourtney's bench is beautiful just like she is.

[lostwoher]

I sent a friend request to your myspace. Its magnificent, precious,sad, and uplifting all rolled into one.

I had the task of jumping another hurdle today. We went to the sheriffs dept to retrieve personal belongings of Kayla's that was taken for the investigation. Not much was there but I have wanted these returned for my own peace. I now have her favorite cologne so I am able to 'smell' her scent. I also have the last pair of shoes worn on that night. It was tough but I felt her next to me the whole time I was there.

Anyone interested in adding me to their myspace my name there is *Lynniepooh*

aka: Lynn; lostwoher; Kayla's mom

[mikesmum]

Lorri - She truly was an angel here.  Thank you for sharing her story.  So many things to so many. 

Dee - Thoughts with you, prayers for Micheal as he faces another challenge.

Trudi

[heartbeataway]

Lynn,

I too know the pain of going to the sheriffs department to collect our sons personal "effects".

It was a silver money clip that we had given him, it had 90.00 in it, his drivers license, debit card, health insurance card, Costco card and his American express card. The money was folded over the cards and then clipped. I still have it intact.

Jason died on an outing with friends but since he was assumed and appeared to be a healthy young adult, his body was held for autopsy to rule out foul play. His personal effects were seized until the investigation was complete.  No one could touch him or be in the hospital ER room with him without law enforcement present. I live in Texas so I didn't visit the hospital. I didn't see him until after the autopsy and delivery to the funeral home.

Those first hours, days, weeks and months are so, so hard.........

Take care ,

Bonnie

[heartbeataway]

We are in Virginia!

How about this for interesting .....

Jason died 18 months ago as of the 28th.  I got an email today from someone who received an email on May 2nd of last year telling her about Jason's death. It had the email attached that I had sent out after Jason's death. We didn't know at the time why he died, we were still waiting for autopsy results.

She was just now responding and asking me what happened to him and was he married.

I've been behind in my email before but not that far behind!

Reading the email I sent brought some interesting emotion .......

We are praying that the rain starting Friday evening and lasting into Sunday will go in another direction!

Bonnie

[lostwoher]

Bonnie,

It has been over 2 months since this tragedy. I was so relieved to get those items back it the right hands. Still waiting to charge her cell so I am able to see the photos she has on it. I know there are several.

Kayla was found floating in a lake so it was being treated like a homocide. I was so afraid of that being true and even considered her fiance a suspect. That was short lived because I know the kind of person he is. I love him as much as she did.

I wasnt allowed to see my daughter either until after the autopsy and delivery to the funeral home. That was just as devastating as hearing the news of her death. I couldnt believe it until I was to see her for myself. Even today it isnt real to me.

I cant stand to watch tv shows about death because I can see my girl laying on the table being cut like a slab of meat. It had to be done to prove innocense of others. I was given the option of reading the police reports and viewing photos but needless to say I opted out. One day I would like to but not now.

I am so relieved to have this forum to come to. Its heartbreaking to hear of all the sorrow but its so nice to see how others deal with all the pain.

Thanks to all for being here.

Lynn

[lolynbo]

WELL I STEPPED OUT OF MY COMFY ZONE TODAY AND WENT TO MY "OLD" NAIL GUY TO GET A FILL AND HE SAID "LORRI LONG TIME YOU BEEN GONE LONG TIME, HOWS KOURTNEY?" GOD WHY DID I GO??????? HE JUST DIDNT NO.....

OTHER THEN THAT THE KOURTNEY'S KLOSET IS COMING ALONG...DOES ANYONE KNOW SOMEONE IMPORTANT AT WALMART CORP....WE NEED THEM TO DONATE THE BACKPACKS AND SCHOOL SUPPLIES...IM CALLING THEM IN THE MORNING SO WISH ME LUCK PRAY ABOUT IT....ALSO IM GOING TO GET MY HAIR DONE SO HERE I GO AGAIN OUT OF MY ZONE....

LOVE AND THINKING OF ALL OF YOU...I READ ALL YOUR STORIES, AND AS BAD AS IVE GOT IT, SOMEONE HAS IT WORSE, AND AS BAD AS YOU HAVE IT, SOMEONE ELSE HAS IT WORSE THEN THAT...IF WE COULD JUST IMAGINE...GODS GOT US...JUST HOLD ON

[mikesmomrs]

Just taking some time out from all the chaos here to catch my breath and to post and say hello, and welcome those who are new, and those who are coming back to post after a while… I am so up to my neck in boxes, (oh but if only all those of you who have offered to help could come through this monitor and be here in person…but thank you so much for the spirit of your offer…it always helps to know that you are never truly alone)… We do have an offer on the house, but it is 15,000 less than what we owe, so the bank has to approve it.  Meantime, of course, we have to try to get higher offers.

Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here and tell everyone that though I haven't been posting, I read every day or every other day, when all is quiet at night and I am up, alone.  So many stories---Bonnie, will be thinking of you all weekend, such a beautiful celebration of your handsome son, I am so happy for your excitement, yes I know it feels strange, but it is such a gift and when we realize that we can feel joy again, it takes our breath away.  I so understand your “waiting ‘til the last minute,” a lifelong habit with me, drives everyone crazy, but so long as they still love me, I’m happy, cause they know I can’t change at this late date!  Besides, it usually all turns out so good!  I know Jason will be there in the midst of it all...the gift bags sound wonderful, most especially the jeeps!  Good idea, Greg…you are always here with good suggestions or goings on…thanks for sharing your gatherings with us.  The home-baked bread...mmmmm, such love and care into all of it.  I pray for good weather, at least dry...you know the sun will be shining even if only in spirit, because Jason will be there.  Yes, a bench on the mountain sounds good…a resting place for all those passing by…I can’t wait to see what you are doing to include all of our angels…it is always so inspiring what those on this board come up with…

Lorri, I just love the bench you got for your precious daughter.  We have a bench for Mike, but only our family name is on it.  All of his "stuff" is on his marker...we may do something on the bench later.  Thank you for sharing Kourtney’s story with us.  There is pain in the telling, but also comfort is found the release of tears, and in knowing that you are telling it to people who truly understand and care about your sorrow.  You are doing such good work in your beautiful daughter Kourtney’s name…her love will carry on forever, touching others with its grace. 

Lynn: good for you, passing another personal hurdle…so very difficult it must have been, but as you said, her sweet scent was there with you all the time…such a gift that you have from your precious Kayla, such a blessing in all this sadness.  I am so sorry for all that you’ve had to go through.  The pain you feel is so new and so searing.  It will get softer, but it will take time, I am so sorry you had to go through so much with the police, etc.  Waiting must have been terrible.  The hurdle of retrieving her personal items must have been just heartbreaking…sitting by someone you love, watching them die, not being able to do anything about it, or retrieving your precious child’s body, the pain is more than any parent should ever have to endure.

Sherry…the love and support you give here are so heartwarming…your pain has been going on for a very long time, and we all so appreciate your being here and offering your kindness to each of us. 

Kathy, so glad your trip went well…so precious… Tavian holding your hand…I am sure that Jessica was holding the other one…the memories will long be remembered, I am sure.  Can’t wait to see the pics.  And SO happy to hear of Tavian’s negative test results…

Amanda, I loved your post about attempting Christmas for the honor of our precious children who have gone before us…so difficult to do, yet we must each find our own way and time, but you gave such wonderful suggestions, I will print them out and remember you as we make our attempts…I loved your little poem, also, thank you for sharing...I’ve printed it out and placed it in my prayerbook.. 

Deb:  Your beautiful Barbie, so precious in her courage, so glorious now, in her eternal life…watching your child leave you, and not being able to do anything, the heart overflows with such sadness as to freeze your brain so you can manage to get through it all…Mike was so upset that I was having to care for him, until I finally told him that he needed to know that taking care of him was an honor, given to me by God, and would be treasured by me for the rest of my life, that I would be a crazy woman had I not been able to be there for him, every moment.  I will look at Barbie’s site when I can slow down long enough, I look forward to it…

 Mamabets:  your sweet encouragement and energy…thank you so much…Your posts and emails are treasures to me, they brighten my day when nothing else can..your sweet Danny and all our angels, dancing, rejoicing, bringing us together, yes, indeed, “their magic lives forever”…how could it be otherwise that we would all come together…and yes, I agree, the little ones left behind have such a connection, such a spiritual life that we aren’t aware of…Jamie, at Mike’s service, standing there all by himself, holding Mike’s cold, cold hand, yet not minding the strangeness, or at least, not letting it bother him, singing to his Uncle,  “Take Me Out To the Ballgame,” and then when we were sitting down for the prayer devotion, telling his papa “I can’t sit beside you, papa, Mike is already sitting there.”  Jamie was 7 at the time…connections, spirit, eternal love….  

Dee:  so happy to hear your sweet little girl is doing well…she was sent to you, you know…Eri put in the good word, and there she was, right there in your classroom…sopping up the love you give so freely.  This will touch many as she grows into a beautiful young lady, touched by love from an angel…

Trudi:  so glad to see you back from your vacation; I loved your beautiful pictures, and the poem, so much in there for all of us…I have read it before, but misplaced it…I, too, will place it on the refrigerator door..there are many things I still need to work on.  Your song, “How can you mend a broken heart…” I remember it well, my girls were huge BeeGees fans…Another is “Unbreak My Heart,” although it is a love song, I just come undone when it starts playing…

 Kay, thinking of you, and your sweet Johnny…thank you for your kind words, also…you will be here with me, in spirit, and I know you are thinking of us…

To all those who are new, I am so very sorry for your loss, but please be assured of the comfort you will find here, and if I’ve left anyone out, please know that you are ALL in my heart, every day…it is so sad to have a reason to be here, but it is so wonderful that this site exists; all of us are there for each other…as time passes by, the comfort and support found here are priceless, and we all come, eventually, to pass it on to those who are just starting on this journey.   

 Got to get back to my boxes…if I could only just “pack,” but of course, after 17 years, with the packing comes the sorting, the remembering, the reminders…always the reminders.  I pray to get through them and see them all as wonderful blessings to carry me through my years. 

love and peace, carol  mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Mamabetts,

the loop is downtown Chicago, a very worthwhile visit due to the lovely parks, the Art Institute, and the lakefront. The Chicago Skyline is awesome, and the hustle of it all. The loop is only 20 minutes from my home. I can take the train to the loop and often do to go to the museum of art, or I could drive Erither way, it is a short trip.

Planning a visit?

Dee

[mikesmum]

Carol - with the packing comes the sorting and thats a whole nother problem!!  Best of luck with better offers, hope someone just happens by with the right money.

Bonnie - .  We have been in drought for such a long time I am hoping the rain predicted does in the other direction from the  Northern Hemisphere to us in the land downunder.  Will be thinking  you and yours this weekend.

Trudi

[mamabets]

For erismom~ I would love to say that a trip is marked on the calender, but not as of yet!! I hear that the loop is tons of fun~ They get mighty chilly there, being that they are from Florida, but the LOVE it!!

My niece is a school teacher in Chicago too- Not sure where, but wouldn't it be a hoot if you were at the same school? I know she has a kindergarten class- They hatched "chicks" not too long ago!!!

Look at how "erither" came to visit you!! Look at your last post to me!! Typos can be special!

ERIther!!!!!

How are Michael and Jon???

xoxoxoxo

LOVE

mamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

ERIther!!!!! Very cool to point that out, Bets. I totally missed it, because my eyes are conditioned to gloss over typos. :-)

Lynn, I remember vividly the day I received Joey's personal things back from the police. It was a brown paper bag, and in it were Joey's flip flops he had been wearing that night, his necklace that he had been wearing for a year and a half--never took it off once I gave it to him (a gift to him from my visit to Madrid), his wallet, and a lip balm.

I have written this before, but I would like to share it again because so many new ones are here. On occasion, when I am deeply longing for Joey, I sit with his personal things. I open his lip balm and apply just a little, and in that moment I feel as if I have received a kiss from him as I send him one back. The balm that once touched his lips touches mine now, and in some small way it brings me comfort and closeness. Just like the favorite perfume or cologne brings their scent, the essence of a lip balm brings a kiss.......

[heartbeataway]

Oh Claudia,

How sweet ....

Since Jason had not gotten out of bed when his heart broke, he had not gotten dressed.

His jeans had his pocket knife and a tube of chapstick. I still have it. I will think of your posting now whenever I see it.

Thanks!

[daniellemom]

I also remember at the hospital when they took us in that cold little room and I saw Danielle's little change purse and cell phone in a baggy I knew then. Then a few days after the funeral we had to go clean out Danielle's car the one she died in her blood was on the seat. That was hard but my husband and I did it. Then the funeral home brought the clothes she was wearing home to me in her final four Duke (go DUKE!!) bag, she carried it around alot! Her shoes and jeans. I wear Danielle's shoes most of the time. She loved shoes and when I wear them I feel that a part of her is still walking around. I know that sounds crazy because she is with me always but I still like wearing her shoes. I still have not touched her room, that's something that I have to start doing. When we are at family gatherings I always wear something of Danielle's and I tell several people what that is and that's it's Danielle's so a part of her is with is also.

Carol - good luck with the move! I wished I could help!

Bonnie - my prayers are with you this weekend!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[ericasmom]

Mamabetts, there she is, showing up in all I do! That's ERi. Thanks for noticing, I simply wouldn't have and I love seeing that.

As far as wearing and holding things that were once in ERi's possession, I have her necklace, a crystal with a green stone wrapped on the front of it. I wear it several times per week. When I went to clean out her car, and her room at the house she lived at with her brother and their friends, I saw her necklace hanging from her mirror. It was a gift from me from the previous Christmas and she loved it. The fact that it was there hanging was important to me as she was fairly careless with her belongings. This must have been something special to her to have been hung up. I took it and have been wearing it ever since. I too, tell people when they compliment it or ask about it. I tell them proudly that this was my daughter's necklace that I had given her and that when she was killed, I took it. I also wear the slippers her Dad had given her for her birthday. The three of them all wear/wore those mocassin type slippers, and he had purchased a new pair for her. Michael gave them to me, telling me that Eri would like that. I liked that, it was very sweet of him. I also have a t-shirt or two that I bought her that she wore, and I have the eyeshadow brush that she used. I use it everyday, and I hardly wear any makeup, but I sweep it across my eyelids knowing that it swept across hers. I take great comfort with these things. These are the tangibles left from our Child's life. In some ways it is proof that they were here...and it is a way to have a conversation with people about that person you love so much, who died. It is a powerful feeling to put something on that she once had on her, a sharing of feeling, a fabric that touched her now touches me. Yes, she is with me always, always in my heart, my thoughts, my smile, my tears, but to have an item...

When Erz died, I gave her purple velvet duvet cover to her cousin Matt, who is younger by 6 years, and whom she loved very much, he loved purple an dmissed her so much, that we told him to wrap up in her blanket. All of her cousins were able to take things that I put out for the taking, so as to always have an ERi-artifact so to speak. Some of her closest friends came and chose clothing they wanted that was Eri's. I kept both her prom and graduation gowns, along with the dress and shoes she wore to my wedding and I always have kept a few special items from both Jon and ERi's growing up years. Here at school, I covered one bulletin board wall with Eri's shower curtain, I laundered it and cut it to size and it decorates this wall behind my computers. It is one she picked out when she was young, all funny animals with primary colors. She is everywhere, all the time, and I am grateful for all the ways she is.

Sonya, deal with her room when you feel it is important to deal with, until then, it won't feel right.

Carol, I do wish I could help out with the move, be careful not to overdo. Bonnie, I am so glad that you are in the place that allows you such beauty.

Peace All,

Dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Bonnie, Maybe my story has inspired you to try Jason's chapstick on from time to time... Sending blessings and love for the weekend celebration. God speed and keep you safe! Hugs, Claudia

[lolynbo]

I HAVE ASKED KOURTNEYS HUSBAND BRENT IF I COULD FINSIH CLEANING OUT HER STUFF FROM THEIR HOUSE....I DONT WANT WEDDING GIFTS OR THAT TYPE OF STUFF JUST HER THINGS....AND HE WLL SAY OK THEN SOMETHING ALWAYS COMES UP...ONE TIME HIS DAD (I DONT CARE FOR HIM) SAID "THIS JUST ISNT A GOOD TIME FOR US WE WILL HAVE TO DO THIS ANOTHER TIME"  DOES HE THINK IM GOING TO STEEL MY DAUGHTERS OWN THINGS????...I GOT A LITTLE WHEN WE WENT THE FIRST TIME IN JUNE, BUT IT WAS TOOOOO MUCH AND TOOOOO MUCH STUFF TO GET IN ONE TRIP...SO I PLANNED TO GET THE REST LATER...I JUST DONT KNOW WHEN WILL BE GOOD TIME FOR EVERYONE TO GET MY BABIES THINGS....

I ALSO KEEP ALOT OF KOURTNEYS THINGS WITH ME, SILLY THINGS...LIKE THE LITTLE JUNK/TRASH THAT WAS IN HER PURSE....GUM WRAPPERS..ETC...LIKE I SAID THE ROOM THAT WAS HERS WHEN SHE LIVED WITH ME IS AGAIN HER ROOM/SHRINE....AND IT WILL STAY THAT WAY....

BUT BACK ON THE OTHER, WHEN I DO GET A CHANCE TO GET HER THINGS IM TAKING EVEN HER TOOTHBRUSH....CUZ NOW ITS ON....I WANT IT ALL..

[lostwoher]

lolynbo,

Yes, I know exactly what you mean by wanting everything that belonged to your daughter. We had the task of moving her things from the apt 1 week after she was buried. She shared a nice apt with her boyfriend but I didnt want him to have everything or have the responsibility to move it all. I did most of the packing myself. Lots of help was offered but I didnt want anybody touching anything. She was keeping lots of my things for me because I left my marriage last year and didnt have room for it all here. Brian didnt have any problems with me taking any of it but I did leave him plenty so when he is ready to move on with his life he wont have to buy necessary items again. I now have so much that I am moving to a bigger apt so I can use it or store it. I have a couple of family members who have asked for something that belonged to Kayla. Nothing big or anything like that but just to have as a memento. I am having a hard time deciding on what it should be. I dont want to give any of it up. I say- call again to set a date for this to be done and no matter what 'comes up', go anyway. Ask him to leave a key or have somebody there to let you in. He can let you know if there is something in particular he doesnt want you to take. Compromise I guess is what I think he needs to do. Everybody wants something. Im sure it isnt out of hatred of being dishonest. He wants things to stay as it were too. Its so hard on everybody. Either way- BEST OF LUCK.

Lynn

[lolynbo]

YES I NO HE HURTS, BUT HE DONT EVEN LIVE AT THE HOUSE, IM AFRAID THE RATS OR SOMEONE WILL CARRY HER STUFF OFF...HE IS ALREADY "DATING" I ALREADY CANT FIND HER CLASS RING AND SEVERAL OTHER PIECES OF JEWLERY...(GUESS THEY WALKED OFF) KOURTNEY KINDA STUNG AND STROWED, NOT QUITE LIKE MY OTHER DAUGHTER BUT IF THEY ARE THERE THEY ARE IN SOME THING, A BOX A BAG ETC....I JUST WANT TO GET IT AND KNOW THAT ITS SAFE WITH ME....IM NOT ONE TO KEEP ALOT OF JUNK, IM ORGANIZED AND VERY ANAL (AS IVE BEEN TOLD) BUT THIS IS STUFF I WANT TO TAKE MY TIME AND GO THROUGH AND SIFT OUT....AND DONATE TO THE KOURTNEY KLOSET IVE TALKED ABOUT ON HERE.....

DO YOU FEEL YOUR KIDS/DAUGHTER AROUND YALL? THEY SAY THEY NEVER LEAVE US TOTALLY, BUT WHY DONT I FEEL HER, WE WERE SO CLOSE, ALMOST INSEPRABLE...CLOSER THEN ME AND MY OTHER DAUGHTER ( WHOM I LOVE DEARLY) SHE JUST DONT MAKE TIME FOR ME LIKE KOURTNEY DID....

I WAS JUST WONDERING, IF I JUST AM NOT PRESEPTABLE (SP)

 

[cameronsmom1]

Just on the subject of things we have that remind us of them or to make us feel like they are with us I have a necklace that was made for me by my family. It has baby footprints on it and the birthdate on the back. I wear it everywhere and it makes me feel that I have him with me. I had all the stuff from the nursery but it wasn't as sentimental because he never got to use it. My sister moved in with me right after I lost Brayden because she was getting a divorce and was pregnant at the time so I told her that I wanted her to have whatever she needed and wanted out of the room. I felt a lot better about her getting to use it then to have to just get rid of it or store it somewhere. She took everything except the bedding because thats was the thing I was most excited about and she didn't want me to have any kind of problems later seeing her baby in the bed and figured if I ever decided to try again I would be able to have the option of using them.

[4everjoeysmom]

Lynn, I can relate. I went through every stitch of everything Joey owned by myself. I wanted the task. I needed to do that. It was my way of beginning the letting go process. Parents are always encouraged to "let go enough" to allow their kids to spread their wings and fly. I just never imagined it would be his last flight, never to return..... The "real letting go" is something I never counted on, but had no choice. I cherish those days and hours spent going through and touching everything that Joey felt was important enough to call his.

I did have to "let go" of most of that stuff too. And I find that it has been easier "for me" not to have everything as it was in terms of all of his stuff being around me. It has reduced the "things" to dwell on and allowed me to focus on the real business of grieving and recovery/healing. I have a long, long, log, long, long way to go, but the healing has begun. I don't know that I wouldn't still be often huddled in a room full of Joey if I had it to dwell in... It's very hard... "letting go".

Somehow we equate letting go with forgetting, but we will never, ever, ever forget. I was so afraid of forgetting Joey, the tiniest details. But I found in time that my pain numbed me into storing up memories that were too hard to dwell on in that time. I now have recovered floods and floods of details to my memory. Anyone out there that has that fear, it is normal. But you will remember!! Hugs, Claudia

[lostwoher]

I can honestly say that I can feel my Kayla with me. Mostly when I am having a bad moment. I can be crying my heart out and all of a sudden it stops. As I look around the room I 'feel' her there with me. No matter where I am at the time. Even this morning while still in my car and gathering my things to go into work I could see her sitting in the passenger seat. We had a short cry together then I went about my day. I talk to her constantly. Sometimes good things and sometimes I give her hell for what she has done. I always tell her how much she is loved and missed. The one thing that keeps me going is the fact that I talked to her on the phone her last night here and was able to tell her that no matter what she has done in the past that my love would never end. Its an eerie feeling but at the same time Im so glad I was able to tell her that. Peace to all.

[ericasmom]

I talk to Erica all the time too, and actually, that sense of communication has helped me a great deal. I feel her presence quite a lot, like a blessing, like a wonderful energy that guides me.

I too talked with Eri the night of her accident, just a half hour before. I called her while out on a walk and she laughed her loud laugh when she answered; " mom,how did you know I got a new phone..." (she had lost yet antoher one and was phoneless for two weeks). I said that I was hoping that she had gone to get one and that I felt so much better being able to talk with her. (she lived inMichigan with her brother and I am in Chicagoland). So we talked and laughed and then a half hour later she was struck. I am so glad that we had our talk.

Blessings come in mysterious packages.

Sleep well tonight everyone, tucked in with sweet thoughts of your Child.

dee

[summergirl]

Hello to all - How well I remember having to go to Jessica's apartment 1 week after shae left us as they wanted to get it rented as soon as possible. My husband, sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws went with us - my husband told me to stay home as he knew how bad it was for me but no way was I not going - I told everyone that nothing was to be thrown out, not even a scrap of paper (Jessica was a huge doodler). I made sure I was the one who did her bedroom as that was where she "lived" and although it was so very hard I needed everything. We brought it all home and as time went on I eventually started sorting through everything and packed then in storage bins - oh how I cried to think I was packing her life away!!  I wear her jeans and some tee-shirts and her most favorite belt - I feel as most of you do that it make me feel as though she is hugging me. I wear her favorite perfume we bought her her last Christmas - I close my eyes and the scent of her feels is if she has her arms wrapped around me.  All of her most treasured jewlery is in Tavian's Treasure Box - it contains all things that I know he will want someday when he is old enough to appriciate it. There are letters, notes, jewlery and many other things that were so special to Jessica. I have her journals, she had been writting for alot of years but I do not have it in me to read them yet.  The night she passed she was wearing a new shirt that she had just bought that day and she loved it. They cut it off of her when they began CPR so I remember going to the store and buying the same shirt and she was laid to rest in that shirt, her favorite jeans, boots and ear rings. I miss her sooooooooooooo.

Tavian is at his other grandmothers this weekend, missing him already but need some quiet time as my birthday is tomorrow and it is another day to get through without my baby. We are going out for a few drinks with friends and just chit-chat.

I went to get my fill-in for my nails tonight - I always go alone as Jessica and I went together every other week for 5 years -our night out with each other - nails, dinner and shopping - I have friends who have asked to go with me but I always tell them it is still my time with Jess, she rides with me and I talk to her. The first time I went to get my nails done at the place we always went was about 8 months later and when I walked in the girl who always did my nails asked me where Jessica was!! I burst into tears and we hugged - the place is about 30 miles away so she didn't know. It is better now.

Carol - yes the trip was wonderful. Last night Tavian looked at me and said I need to call Aunt TT and talk to her so I dialed for him and he told her he wanted her to send him a sweat shirt that he had seen but we didn't buy - he was so cute on the phone telling her he missed her and he would be back in the summer to visit again. My sister was so excited as it is the first time he has talked to her on the phone. He is not a phone person but now that he has met her he is ok about it. He e-mails her now. So cute.   Yes - thank God that he tested fine and I pray it stays that way.

Very tired tonight - it is my husbands father's birthday - a first since he passed. I took flowers and wrote him a letter - so hard but he lived a good full life for 80 years.

Been thinking about Jessica alot today, can't seem to get it together and I just want to have one night of full sleep without waking up several times thinking of her.

Peace and Love to all and I promise to post pictures this weekend no matter how long it takes me and if I have to buy a program I will.    Sleep well my friends. Kathy

[mikesmum]

Lorrie - I am sorry you aren't able to find all of your daughters things....When Mike passed he was living with his girlfriend.  We asked if she would mind if we could have a couple of things for his brother and sister.  A shirt a guitar and perhaps his drawings - he was into Celtic Knotwork Art.  This was the week after he died.  She explained she would have to go through his  "crap" and it would take time as he was so messy.

Well, she did let us have a bag or two of his belongings.  Shirts/shoes that he had bagged up before Christmas to give to the equivalent of 'Goodwill'.  The other stuff, well we never got that.  But she did give me something.  Micheal had kept all his birthday cards from when he was a teenager through to the last one on his 31st birthday. They are so precious.  Letters I had written to him, notes all now with the collection I have from him.

In the first year I felt Mike so close.  I was sleeping about 3hrs a night and spent alot of time awake.  I speak with him always.  I don't think I am perceptive, but I do believe the spirit/soul/energy of Mike continues without his earthly bounds.

Kathy - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! Wish I could be there to share the celebrations of a truly inspirational woman who despite the break in her heart still finds the life energy to be a mi-mi mommy to Tavian.......Enjoy - make a special wish when you blow out the candles.....I am sure Jessica will help !

[heartbeataway]

These are tough memories we're sharing!

When we were allowed access into the house that Jason and fiancee were buying. She had taken anything that had value.  His leather sofa, chair and ottoman.  The Pottery Barn dining room set. She left the things that she didn't want basically.

I don't think she left all of his personal things.  His clothes were in a pile in the bedroom floor.

That broke my heart.

We put everything in trashbags and took it to my sisters home.  There I went through each bag and sorted and folded and grouped his clothes on their pool table. Then his cousins and friends could come in and pick out things they wanted to remember Jay by.

I said good-bye with every fold ...... and every tear.

Jason and his Dad wore the same size shoe. He wears Jason's shoes now. He feels close to him.

We both have necklaces with a teardrop pendant. Some of Jason's ashes are in the pendent. His Dad never wore jewelry but he wears this necklace everywhere.

I have some of his sweatshirts. I'll be wearing one this weekend.

Last night, we were laying in bed and the weather talked about the awful weather we are suppose to have Saturday, our big day for his celebration.  Inches of rain, wind and thunderstorms .....

His Dad said I've come to think of this rain as Jason's tears that he can't be here with us...

I went to sleep crying .........

[4everjoeysmom]

"I said good-bye with every fold ...... and every tear."

I did too...

Bonnie, Your story of last night was so deeply touching... I pray that no matter rain or shine that you receive blessings upon blessings for the love you wrapped up into doing all of this for the sake of celebrating Jason.

Bless you!

[cameronsmom1]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATHY!!!! Hope you have a great one and may your daughter be with you holding on to you today!

[lolynbo]

KOURTNEY TOO WAS BURIED WITH HER FAVORITE THINGS, NEW FLIP FLOPS W/ BLING, HER WEDDING RING SHE CALLED HER BLING BLING RING, NEW GOUCHO BLACK PANTS, AND A PINK AND BLACK TOP HER SISTER PICKED OUT TO MATCH HER PANTS, OF COURSE NEW BRA AND THE NEW UNDIES I JUST BOUGHT HER PROB A FEW WEEKS BEFORE, AND OF COURSE HER CELLY IN HER HAND....AND THE STUFFED ANIMALS THAT WE KEPT UNDER HER HANDS SO SHE WOULDNT GET STIFF WHILE SHE WAS IN THE HOSP FOR 7 MONTHS.. AND OTHER MISC...JEWLERY FRIENDS LEFT FOR HER...

I EVEN BEFORE I TURNED OFF HER CELLY RECORDED HER VOICE, TO MY COMPUTER AND MY CELLY "HEY THIS IS KOURNTNEY, IM NOT IN RIGHT NOW LEAVE ME A MESSAGE".... I PLAY IT ONCE IN A WHILE....TO HARD...

IM GOING TO TEXT HER HUBBY TODAY AND ASK HIM WHY AFTER ALL WEVE BEEN THREW HE DONT TRUST US TO GO GET HER STUFF?????WISH ME LUCK....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU I SINCERELY HOPE ITS  A GOOD ONE.....MY BIRTHDAY WAS SEPT 17, 3 MONTHS AFTER WE LOST KOURTNEY, WELL MY HUBBY TOOK ME TO THE CITY (OK CITY) WITH MY SON (SKIPPED SCHOOL) AND MET OUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND HAD A REALLY GOOD DAY....SO IT WAS LATE WHEN WE GOT HOME AND DIDNT GET TO DO OUR EVENING CEMETARY VISIT (YES WE GO EVERY NIGHT) SO WE WENT THE NEXT NIGHT, AND SOMEONE LEFT A CARD ON HER GRAVE IT SAID TO "MOM"

I OPENED IT AND IT WAS A BIRTHDAY CARD FROM KOURTNEY TELLING ME HOW MUCH SHE LOVED ME,,,,,,,I JUST CRIED.....I STILL DONT KNOW WHO DID IT, BUT IT WOULD BE SOMETHING KOURTNEY WOULD HAVE DONE FOR HER FRIENDS MOM IF HER FRIEND HAD DIED....IT MADE MY MOM MAD ,,,,,BUT IT WAS DONT OUTTA LOVE NOT MELICIOUSNESS...

[lolynbo]

OH AND IS THERE SOME WAY THAT WHEN YOU CLICK ON OUR NAMES AND OUR PROFILES IT TELLS OUR STORY OF OUR BABIES???I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE EASIER , INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY TELLING YOUR STORY SO MANY TIMES, NOT THAT WE MIND IT HELPS, BUT JUST SO PPL COULD KNOW

[lolynbo]

YES ITS ME AGAIN......I TEXTED HIM AND TOLD HIM IN A NICE WAY WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SO HARD TO GET HER THINGS....AND HE SAID HE WOULD LEAVE ME A KEY SO I COULD GET IT AFTER WE GET OUT OF CHURCH SUNDAY....SO WE SEE..

THIS IS KOURTNEY AND BRENT THE NIGHT HE PROPSED AND GAVE HER THE BLING BLING RING

[johnnysmama]

Kathy-Welcome Back and Happy Birthday!

 

Claudia-loved the chapstick kisses story. So sweet.

 

Bonnie-know that our hugs are with you and despite the weather everyone that loved Jason will be together celebrating him and loving you. Take care.

 

Kourtney's Mom-hang tough and do what you need to do to get Kourtney's things.

 

Sonya-hope you are ok

 

Carol-hope packing is going ok and you are not overdoing it

 

To all

We had to wait 2 months until the army sent Johnny's stuff home-where we marked off tub after tub on the inventory. Someone else went through and packed his things. The mover's left and my husband and I sat on the tubs and cried. That is all we have left of him? The crate with his personal effects they found on him after his accident was hard-his wallet with $20-his accident was right after that stop, his cell phone with its scrapes, and guess what Claudia and Bonnie-his chapstick!, his bike keys...we were given his dog tag when they flew him home which I wear everyday-hanging on my heart. His dad wears the other one. I also wear his watch that he had set for the alarm to go off every hour(for times when he was on watch or patrols). So every hour he reminds me he is near...I can't part with these physical reminders, they are so precious. We still have his car in our garage-he LOVED that car-financially with his sister's going to college soon we will have to sell it. I don't even want to discuss it-my husband brings it up time to time but I won't discuss it. I still sit in it and feel him there, smell him there, think he was alive and sat here, too.

[daniellemom]

Kay,

You are in my thoughts!

Sonya

[4everjoeysmom]

Kay, feel me hugging you too!! Sweet and sad stories...

Happy Birthday Kathy! Hope you had a good one!

[daveydow1]

To all who  have tried to get back their beloved child's things, or who

succeeded in getting these possessions back,

 

Yes, it must be so stressful and heartbreaking to meet with resistance

or disregard when trying to retrieve these precious things. I was "lucky"

in that respect, as Davey lived with my husband and me at the time of

his death, and had no significant other. Using the word "lucky", I mean

that we did not have to go through all the painful hassles that you are

going through. Don't they know how much these little things mean to

parents who only want something to hold onto ?  My heart goes out to

all of you.  Blessings & peace.     

                                   Daveysmom,  Sherry 

 

[daveydow1]

lolynbo,

I do so hope that you are able to get Kortney's things Sunday. Peace to you.

 

Kathy,    HAPPY  BIRTHDAY !

 

mikesmomrs, Carol----Thanks for your kind words, dear friend.

 

Kay,  My goodness, my heart ached when I read your post about the army

        sending   your son's  things back in two tubs.  I can so relate to you & your

       husband just sitting and crying. Bless your aching hearts. Peace & prayers.

 

lostwoher,

         Two months is such a short time on this long bumpy journey. May Kayla's

          sweet fair smile shine down on you, and God bless her little white soul.

                          

                               Daveysmom,    Sherry 

[lolynbo]

THANK YOU, IM TAKING TWO TRUCKS...THEY ARE GOING TO A RACE SO I SHOULD BE OK...HE TEXT ME AND TOLD ME THE KEY WHERE THE KEY WAS HIDDEN SO.....

I SO UNDERSTAND ABOUT THE CAR IT WAS THEIRS....I CRYED WHEN I TRADED KOURTNEYS CAR 2 WEEKS AGO...ITS ALL SO HARD AND UNFAIR..LIFE ISNT SUPPOSE TO BE THIS HARD....

I WISH ALL OF YALL A GREAT SAFE, HAPPY FEELING WITH MEMORIES WEEKEND..

[mikesmomrs]

To all…tears overflow as I read all the stories of retrieval of items so common before, yet so precious now…Kay, with Johnny’s watch…so terrific; and the chapstick stories…kisses, like Claudia said…treasures.  I wear a cross given to me by my husband for Christmas, with some of Mike’s ashes, and hubby wears an amulet with some ashes…We also never remove them, except when I go to a ball game, I exchange the cross for a small silver baseball on a chain that also holds a few ashes---mixed with dirt from the track at Fenway Park!  I can hear Mike’s “grin” whenever I put it on…  His sisters also wear a small container.  Mike, of course, was married, and the day after his service, his wife came over and took all that she wanted that had been here with him those last two months…but it wasn’t much.  She took his iPod as it had all his music he so loved and she wanted to keep that, as they did share some of it.  She was mostly very generous…although the saddest thing was that when they were closing the lid to Mike’s coffin, the director came and asked if she wanted to remove anything that had been put there, and she quickly said no.  I think she was just so surprised that he asked.  My first thought was “YES!!!  My son!!!!!”  but luckily my tongue was frozen and I couldn’t speak it.  Mike had a favorite baseball cap, and every time he and I went to a game, if they won, he would get a “pin” to put on the hat.  He loved that hat and wore it almost all the time, adorned with all his treasured pins. The afternoon of Mike’s service, Sarah brought the hat from home and put it beside him---I thought only to have it there while he was being waked, along with some other mementos that were placed nearby on a table.  But when the director asked that question, she shook her head and stammered, as though very surprised and very upset “No, nothing.  I want it all to go with him.”  The director looked at me, and it was almost as if an instant understanding passed between us that we should tell her that she might want to keep his ring.  The director explained that most wives will keep their husband’s ring…and he explained that it is a decision that can’t be changed once it’s gone.  It distressed her so to make that decision, that I just didn’t have the heart to bring up the hat…I wanted to run down the room and grab it and hold it forever, but I had to let it go.  But I knew, as she stood there with the newly retrieved wedding band clutched in her shaking hand, it would have been too much for her if I mentioned the hat, so I let it go.  I have his favorite baseball shirt, and I wear it often.  Sarah has been very understanding and generous about many things, especially with his children…she made a small box for each of them for that first Christmas, each containing many little things from his life, things that the older boys were aware of, and things that young Damon would learn about from his mother.  I was so blessed in that she did not “hold back” or deny us anything we asked for…I just can’t imagine how awful it was for you, Trudi and Bonnie and others who’ve had to go through the heart-wrenching sadness of seeing your child’s possessions become just “possessions” to others…in a hurry to “get what they can.”  My heart breaks for you. 

Lorri:  good luck in retrieving those special things…we are all sending strength to you as you go on your mission.

Bonnie, dear friend, we will all be with you this weekend, also, as you celebrate your beautiful son’s life…rain or shine, it will be a day of miracles and wonderment---you’ve done a wonderful job of putting it all together, and I know that rain won’t keep all that love away, and nothing will keep Jason’s spirit from being right there with you.. 

love and peace to all, as we enter another weekend when for a lot of you the days take on a different flavor than those of the weekdays…take a moment to just sit and be.  Your precious child will be right there with you, watching and smiling.

PS: thank you Kay, and yes, I am trying to "pace" myself with the boxes, etc.  thank you all for your love and support....

Carol  mikesmomrs

 

[cameronsmom1]

Carol,

When reading about closing the casket so many emotions ran through me. Me and my husband were left in the room to say our goodbyes and then to close the casket. We placed a picture of me and my husband and four year old son Cameron in with him and Cameron also picked out a teddy bear for him to take with him. We wrapped our baby boy in a blanket that was made for him by a friend with his name embroidered in it. It was so hard to have to tuck him in for the first and last time. I didn't want it to end. As they grabbed the top for the casket and begin to place it on top I couldn't handle it and ran out of the room. I couldn't watch them close it knowing it was the last time I get to see his face. I wanted him to stay there where I could visit him whenever I needed to and touch his tiny little feet. I was panicking as if he was going to suffocate when all along knowing he already wasn't breathing. I only had a few days of being able to view my babies face and hope that that was long enough to memorize it. I was so against myself taking pictures because I didn't want my only picture of my baby to be the one in his casket but I am so glad that my mother-in-law did because now when I think I am forgetting his face I look back at that picture. At that beautiful peaceful face, he looked like a baby doll. My angel baby!

Amanda

[mikesmomrs]

Amanda:  my heart cried reading of your emotions and reactions to viewing your beautiful baby angel...it is good that your mom took the pictures...a beautiful sleeping angel, as you said.  That was so sweet for Cameron to put the teddy bear with the baby, I am sure it brought comfort to Cameron to do so.  Sarah and I had to leave the room, also, I couldn't stand the thought...as you said, even though we knew he wasn't breathing, still, I felt the sense of his being suffocated, so I left before it could knock me to the floor.   Mike's sisters took pictures, also, but I still haven't been able to look at them, but I can understand your comfort...I am sure I would feel the same if Mike were a tiny little one.  A former girlfriend of Mike's, who has remained close to all of us, including Mike...they remained friends for years... gave birth to a beautiful angel last year, knowing three days before that the baby would only live for a few hours.  A professional photographer, one of many who donate their services for such a cause, came in and took photos while CJ was still alive, and Karen has those to remember him by.  My grandson, the one who sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" to Mike as Mike lay in the coffin, has since told us that "Babies grow up in Heaven, you know, but only if they want to."  This was a statement made out of the blue one day, as he was sitting there, playing a game, and just looked over at us all of a sudden and said that, then went back to his game, as if he had said "My shoes are red."  He has always seemed to have that "connection" with those just on the other side of the veil...

Thank you for sharing your story, Amanda...I send you hugs of comfort.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mamabets]

For heartbeataway~ I MUST share...

On Thursday, I took myself out for a bite to eat at this fabulous Mexican restaurant..CHICOS...

It is right up the road, and my hubby does not like Mexican!!

Anyway, I pulled in the parking lot, and right there , looking at me from the TATE realty parking lot was a black Rubicon-

Prior to your talking about Jason's Rubicon, I had never even heard of them...AND, at that moment, I FELT that incredible energy singing to my heart...I knew that the party for him had definately begun, that it never ends where they now are, and that Danny was right there, just hanging out~

There are no coincidences once we have lost like this....We have lost, they have gained. May we hold on to that thought, whenever we can~

It is so painful to try to "learn" this walk...BUT, I promise you..I have been where they are...I have had experiences beyond my wildest, but I am not surprised...Danny had a gift that was so very connected to the fun that exists beyond here..A peace...

Danny will be 30 on Halloween...When he "came to chat" on May 3rd of this past year, his temples were graying, ever so slightly... It was so incredible, and I never doubt...It would be like saying "Sorry, A- wasn't good enough- Where's the A???"

When there are no answers to the questions that we often ask ourselves, I feel as if we just aren't to know...

OUCH, OUCH, OUCH, but the other side is NOT much different from here..Just no snags, not a one...

All of our angels are together, just like we are here...

xoxoxox

LOVE

mamabets

[lolynbo]

OK YALL LETS DO THIS...ON YOUR PROFILE WHERE IT SAYS "COUNTRY" WITH THE LARGE EMPTY BOX PUT YOUR STORY OF YOUR BABIES IN THERE...I DID MINE, AND MAY ADD MORE LATER THAT WAY WHEN WE READ ABOUT YOUR POST WE KNOW EXACTLY WHAT AND WHO , WHY, WE ARE TALKING ABOUT...

LOVE YALL HAVE A GREAT DAY

[tanmanmymagicman]

good idea;  will do; this is the biggest picture i could add to this site; it is of Tanner 16 and my daughter Kayla 21; I think God knows I could not look at a bigger picture at this time;  Because I did everything everyone told me to do and the picture size would not change..............Its Saturday and a beautiful day here; Bless everyone today; this hr. this minute this second.

Cindy with Tanner always in my heart.

[mikesmum]

[user=19401]heartbeataway[/user] wrote:

These are tough memories we're sharing!

.........

His Dad said I've come to think of this rain as Jason's tears that he can't be here with us...

I went to sleep crying .........

Bonnie - The day Mike passed it began to rain. We hadn't had rain for so long.  It rained non stop till Mikes funeral one week later.  His brother Steven said it was like Mike was crying at having to leave us so soon........I still cry when I see rain.

Mikes partner told us it was too hard to go through his things.  Steve asked her for a guitar (Mike had 4).  The blunt answer was NO.  She found the strength  that same week to throw out most of his stuff and repaint their bungalow.  She was astute enough to keep the money value stuff! 

Mike wrote and recorded music, mostly guitar instrumentals.  He had huge volumes of music & pictures stored  on his PC.  They were very very personal, they were part of Micheal.  I asked if we could download them, she could have the computer.  Again, it would be too hard.

Carol - We had the opposite.   Mike's partner had them put a beanie on him.  Something she decided, none of us knew. Mike wore a beanie when he was in hospital unable to wash his hair.  It wasn't a pleasant memory.  I know how insane this next bit sounds, but hey, it was the height of summer.  Steve came out to me devestated.  "he's got a beanie on!'  I couldn't believe it.  It was her last gesture.  We had butterfly badges for a group here called Beyond Blue.  Mal pinned one Mikes beanie, our last gesture......fly free with or without your beanie.

After a court visit initiated by his partner to stop us bothering her on special days, like Harmony's birthday, Christmas etc, the judge ordered her to give us at least one of Mikes guitars and to accept presents for Harmony in an attempt to maintain some contact with her Paternal family.  Funny how I am looking at it now and I can see fingerprints - Mikes.

These memories are hard at times, but they remind me how far I have come by having this place and the special people within with me......