Members brin3d Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I haven't been here in a very long time but I felt that I needed to return. It has been 5 1/2 years since I lost my child. It still feels like yesterday and ages all at the same time. I was thinking the other day that I hadn't heard her voice for so long and could I remember how she sounded. Then I thought of her cold toes on my leg when we would sit on the couch and watch TV. Her feet were always cold and this little memory brought a smile to my face. Christmas is fast approaching and it was always her favorite time of year. Her daughter, now 6, is just as excited as her mother used to be about Christmas. So much alike they are. It has been a very long and arduous road that I have traveled however I am making progress. I can find the humor and beauty in even the smallest of things. Her child and I recently raised and released two monarch butterflies in her memory. It was exciting to watch each and every stage of the development. I still miss her and my heart is still in many millions of shattered pieces but I am living the life that I have to the fullest of my ability. She would expect me to do no less than to be the best that I can be. Her child and I retell stories of her daily and we move forward as Nanny and Alize. To you my child - ILYTAPOHSS 4infinity3d and a few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 For heartbeataway~ What about a GINGY?????xoxoxLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 For brin3d~ How warm does my heart feel right now to see you and my little bumpy hair here??VERY!!LOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 For veronicasmom~ One year...Bless your heart...The journey continues, my friend, and I promise, somehow you will find the joy in the new memories that you are making. While they seem to be so agonizing right now, the torture does soften some.There isn't an hour of my day that goes by when the thought doesn't cross my mind..."HOW am I doing this thing called life?? How can I do this here with you there, Danny??"But, for the rest of the hour, I am amazed at how I am. I focus on the life that remains with me, still, and I know that without Danny, his leaving here included, we would not be able to help so many lost souls... We have become quite a "team", and all of the players amaze me as well...All of you~ The fact is, for me, I feel that I can do this here, because he is there...And, everywhere in between...I remember saying to my daughter shortly after this tragedy hit our lives, "JACKIE....We could never do this here, if we didn't have Danny there..."It was such a random statement, they are only 14 months apart and SOOOOO close, and I shook my head, as if to say "Where in the heck did THAT come from???"I then, heard Danny , once again, speak to my heart....When I cry, my headaches feel as if my head is ready to explode. I think that is because my heart already did...Be gentle with you... There does come a time when life feels like it just might be worth trying again...A new life, a life that is so completely foreign, but the signs that our angels are with us still are everywhere... It's just so different...Their magic lives forever...xoxoxoxLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Amanda,It started because we didn't choose to honor his death date. We chose instead to celebrate his life and what better time to do that than his birthday which is October 27th.This is only the second one and it's becoming more festive. Jason would LOVE this get together! Jeeping, friends, barbecue and music!So, it's a benefit because we will be accepting donations to forward to Johns Hopkins. It's a way to collectively celebrate his life and it's a fall weekend in the beautiful mountains of Virginia........One thing lead to another ....... all because of him. It really is a good time!Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members briansdad Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Bonnie,How about a hotwheel jeep like Jason had.Then all his friends could have them on their desks at work to remind them of the good times.Greg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 For briansdad~ That is a VERY cool idea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 mamabets,I don't have time to make Gingy's. It's a sweet idea though. And a lot of the folks (families coming) already have Gingy's.Thanks!Greg,I'm going today to see how many Rubicon's I can find. I really like this idea a lot! I also thought about a CD of his favorite songs. There's one song, Go Rest High On The Mountain by Vince Gill, that we play as we come down the mountain after visiting the memorial site. It was the last song played at his memorial. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 For heartbeataway~ I have a GREAT idea!! Go to www.missfoundation.org, and you will find these "Random Act of Kindness" cards.They are business card size, and the thought to have everyone do a random act of kindness in memory of Jason is a warm, fuzzy thought... An act of kindness that "randomly speaks to their heart..."They will feel Jason as he speaks to them all... xoxoxoLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 For heartbeataway~ The cards are decorated with "hearts" too...Jason must have just spoken to mine...He is just a heartbeat away...LOVExoxooxoxoxmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cameronsmom1 Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 That is great! Here are some ideas:Tree seedlings with a note saying "To be planted in memory of Jason" Twig of rosemary representing a symbol of remembrance Place a candle in there for them to light in memory Maybe place a copy of your mothers poem in each bag Have a picture of him and this poem copied on paper you could frame Close to Us"When those we love have left this earth,we still can feel them near ~we'll see a picture, hear a song,and it's just like they are here.And when we call upon our faith ,when we believe and trust,we know the ones we care about are always close to us." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4everjoeysmom Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Oh Bonnie! It sounds like so much fun!! Nothing less than the kind of fun and energy your Jason would want for his family and friends in celebration of his birthday. If I still lived in NC, I would be driving up there for Pinnacle Days. Have you thought about everyone bringing a pumpkin for carving. Being in the great outdoors, all the mess with seeds and such would become critter feed. You could put tea lights in all the pumpkins and have them surround your camp with a festive glow. (Bring plenty of replacement tea lights!!) Oh and maybe bales of hay for sitting on and spreading out on the ground as warm covering under tents and sleeping bags if anyone is pitching tents. Gets chilly up in those mountains this time of year... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 mamabets,Yes, you do have a great idea! Thanks!Amanda,I appreciate your feedback too ..... more good ideas.Claudia,We are having hay bales, pumpkins and candles. Great minds think a like I guess. Wait until you see my idea for including your children ..... I actually got it from one of you a few days ago.You guys are good! Thanks!Love!Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4everjoeysmom Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hey Bonnie, Six months ago or a little longer I can't say that I ever detected an amount of joy in your language/writing/sharing as I do right now. I know there is a sadness that will stay with us for always, but what a MIRACLE that we can ever find moments of joy again. I know it isn't the same without Jason, but believe me, he would be so thrilled that you are excited about this upcoming event. It's bittersweet, for sure, but there ARE indeed moments of joy again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johnnysmama Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Gosh BonnieI can't think of anything to add-you have really planned a beautiful weekend in Jason's honor. I can FEEL Jason's smile because of all the people he loved and that loved him getting together. I think your bag idea with the fresh baked breads is very thoughtful and a very loving touch. When you described all you are doing all I could think of besides Jason being so proud of you is what work and thought you have put in it. What a wonderful celebration of an amazing boy! Wish I could help you-heck wish I could come! Know I am there with you in love. By the way, Greg's jeep idea-one I love as Johnny was very into his car and his friends have bought the matchbox cars for us to keep-and we do love them. Maybe on Ebay? I know you dont have much time. Take care and take LOTS of pictures so we can share in the celebration!Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmum Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Bonnie - I agree with Claudia. A few months back you wrote with a heavy heart about the upcoming date. Now I feel the energy flying off the page......baking, making gift bags and bringing it all together.......Jason touched your heart and lifted you!I have to say I love the picture of the PJ's.........what a memory.I love the "Random Acts of Kindness" idea. Everyday in someway, even if its just getting up and thinking of our kids, we continue their lives.....by sharing, by celebrating they are never going to be lost in time....Pictures please Bonnie.......the surrounds, the colours of autumn.....HmmmmmmmmmDeb - Nice to see you back.....I remember your posts, Bobbi's site is inspirational. How is your grandbaby?Take Care - Trudi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bbarbie55 Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Trudi its nice to be back and missed. My grandson is seven years old now and in first grade and all boy. He is doing fine his dad has met an older woman who he is dating and she actually likes Andrew. I've met her and I think Bobbi would like his choice for someone to care of in her absence.I feel like I've come home again no one seems to remember Bobbi or even talk about her anymore and I need to talk about her once in awhile. I'm having a hard time going to Bobbis site anymore because I remember where she was when she wrote her blogs.I'm just feeling blue and so alone anymore and I just want to over protect my other daughter and she does not like that she is independant. I'm so proud of her though for maintaining a 3.8 grade point average in college.I just miss my first born so much but I have her son in my life again and he acts and looks like her.Got to goDeb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lolynbo Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 WE SET KOURTNEYS BENCH I WILL ADD A PIC TONIGHT, IT LOOKS NICE....BUT ITS JUST ANOTHER THING ON MY LIST THAT I HAVE IN MY MIND TO DO FOR HER (OR US) AND NOW IM JUST DOWN TO WAITING ON THE HEADSTONE...WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO FOR THEM????LORRI LKOURTNEYS MOMMAFEB 27 1986 TO JUNE 17 2008 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 lolynbo,I have to say I'm impressed with all you've accomplished. I can't even look for a replacement marker for his memorial ...... I've thought of a bench myself. That would be good on the mountain.Way to go. Be proud of yourself.Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Kay,I wish all of my BI friends could be there this weekend! I went on my Rubicon hunt today and quickly decided on just jeeps. I haven't found very many so I'm going back out tonight ....... Thanks!Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Camersonsmom1,I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear little angel son. You aretruly the mother of an angel. I also had a baby girl who died at age6 mo. Born in May, died in Nov. (1970), so I sympathize with you for your sorroweach day, and with the upcoming holidays. My son, David, died in 2003in a highway accident. Although Christmases are not as joyous as theyonce were, we still make an effort for the sake of grandchildren. Daviddid not leave any children, but we are blessed with grandkids from hissiblings. My thoughts and prayers are for you. May your tiny angel shinedown from above, and warm your heart. Prayers and peace. Daveysmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Trudi and Claudia,It's interesting that I too thought that I'm excited ..... really excited about this weekend.I've posted earlier about finding comfort in doing things for others. I feel like I'm doing something for Jason, and his friends and for Rich, my husband and for extended family.This is a place where I'm in my element so to speak. I find great joy in planning, surprising and implementing. My biggest problem is waiting until the last minute so to speak, to get excited ......So, I end up running around like a "chicken with my head cut off". But, you're right, I am excited about this weekend and I'm enjoying the busy part of making it happen.Love!BonnieI have two friends taking pictures. I promise to share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Brin3d,Warm thoughts and prayers for you and your dear granddaughter,as you tell the stories that honor and memorialize your wonderfuldaughter. Bless that little girl, and peace be with you always. Daveysmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hi Deb,My name is Bonnie. It's nice to meet you. I don't know your story nor have I read anything about your daughter.So, if it's not too difficult, maybe you could share her with us that haven't already been introduced.I'm sorry that you're having a tough time right now. It can come in waves can't it?I love this place. It's my place to come to unwind. Kind of like, Calgon take me away .....Anyway, I look forward to getting to know you and Barbie.Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lolynbo Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 OK HERE IS THE PICTURES AS PROMISED...HOPE YOU CAN MAKE IT OUTIT SAYS"I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS, LOOK FOR ME IN EVERY FLOWER THAT BLOOMS" (ON BACK)"EVERYBODYS GIRL" (ON FRONT)"MS. KOURTNEY LYNN BRACKETT-CARGAL" (ON TOP WITH 2 MONARCH BUTTERFLIES) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lolynbo Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 OTHER SIDE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lostwoher Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 The bench is just as beautiful as your daughter. I have been thinking about doing the same for my daughter. Good job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members summergirl Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hello to all - so good to be back among my friends but how heartbreaking to see those who have joined us on this journey. Marian, Colleen, Lorri, Arc4ever - I am so sorry for you loss. I hope you all find strength, love, encouragment and all else that you may need for this journey. I am Kathy and I lost my beautiful daughter Jessica at the age of 26 on February 18, 2006 - it seems like yesterday and it is not easier but has become softer. You will find so many here that have a wisdom beyond my words, they have helped me more that anyone I know "in the flesh" and I am thankful every day for finding my way to this site and I hope you will find that BI is a blessing in more ways than you can imagine.Yes - the lady of flight is home and readjusting to being back at work and the daily routine. It was so wonderful spending time with my family yet so sad to say good by but now that I have "overcome" my fear of flying I plan on going home once a year for as long as I can. It is hard to explain how my fear dissappeared as we were flying high among the clouds, a peaceful feeling came over me as Tavian and I looked out the window and took pictures of the clouds below us - amazing!!! I actually dozed off on the flight home and Tavian touched my shoulder and said "mi-mi, are you sleeping??" - I told him no, I was just resting my eyes!! I am still shocked that I relaxed that much - miracles do happen.I hope to post pictures this weekend - still learning about my new computer - but Tavian will be at his other grandmother's this weekend for the first time in a few months so I will have some down time to work on downloading my pics. One night while my sister and I were sitting around talking Tavian suddenly came running into the room and said he needed the camera as he could see the "angels in the sky" - my sister gave him her camera and he was gone for about 10 minutes and came back and told us to look at the pictures - when we did we could not believe it - he took pictures from the back deck and there was a beautiful full moon and all around there were ORBS - my sister and I were breathless with the beauty of it - the night was so black but here were these amazing ORBS that Tavian said were Angels. I still smile when I think of how his little face was shinning. Jessica was watching over her baby!!! Can't wait to post them. My sister also got ORBS in many of the pictures she took - I got none.Yes Bonnie - the flight was definitely worth it!!!!!Welcome back Trudi - I have missed you my dear friend.I have missed so much of the postings but now that I am back I will catch up.I was reading some about the people who seem to be able to move on so quickly as we seem to stand still in time - I know that when my brother passed away my sister-in-law said she would be alone for the rest of her life as she would never have anyone like Billy - well she is now living with a guy named Tom who is very nice and is very good with Billy's son Micheal - it took her 5 years to meet someone and take a step at love again, I am happy for her and Micheal but it was hard for me to see her with someone else as I haven't seen her since my brother passed. My friend Ben lost his wife at the age of 34 and within a year he was remarried - I was shocked as were many other people but I guess everyone is different - I guess when it is a spouse that you lose you can eventually move on and find love again but when you lose a child you can never find another to love, I will never have a daughter again to share all with as I did with my Jessica - my heart aches daily without her here and I still do not know how to do this - there are days of smiles and days of tears but every day is a day of heartache.I love you and miss you my daughter - Jessica, Jessica, Jessica.Peace and love to all - Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members summergirl Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Lorrie - Kourtney's bench is absolutely beautiful and the butterflies take my breath away - I call Jessica my butterfly!! Amazing and wonderful as is Kourtney' Closet - I look forward to reaing more about it - God Bless you - Kathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lolynbo Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 THANK YOU I WILL...YOUR BEAUTIFUL JESSICA IS AN ANGEL I BET HE SAW HER, I ENVEY (SP) YOU FOR HAVING A GRANDCHILD TO LOOK AT AND SEE THE LITTLE JESSICA LOOKS AND FACES, I WISH GOD WOULD HAVE LET ME AT LEAST HAVE THAT....IM NEVER GONNA BE A GAMMY WITH KOURTNEY, AS SOME OF YOU ARE NOT EITHER AND FEEL THE PAIN...I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE HAD THAT....PLZ KISS HIM FOR ME AND TELL HIM ABOUT KOURTNEY AS I NO SHE IS AN ANGEL TOO.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I love the bag idea...did Jason have a favorite song, you could burn CD's of it, or a favorite candy, you could add it to the bags.I think that everyone will deeply appreciate it, and I think Jason will grin his lovely grin.dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Hi Kathy,Since we both loss children to ARVD, I want to share with you that Johns Hopkins has "an initiative to cure ARVD". Part of Jason's Celebration of Life, Pinnacle Days is a fund raiser. We will forward the money to Johns Hopkins.I know it will probably be hard for you but I urge you to visit www.arvd.com.Tavian should be tested to make sure he's okay.It's good to have you back. I look forward to the pictures!Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cameronsmom1 Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 [user=9024]daveydow1[/user] wrote: Camersonsmom1,I am so very sorry for your loss of your dear little angel son. You aretruly the mother of an angel. Sherry, Thank you so much. I so wish I would of had at least a day but then again I think it would have made it that much harder to let go. I'm sorry to hear about both of your losses. I can't imagine having to go through this more then once. My heart goes out to you. I'm glad that you are still making an effort for the grandchildren. What would we do if we didn't have someone else to have to care for? I know that having to be strong for my 4 year old son and having to take care of him has kept me going or else I would have probably been down a lot longer. Amanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 For cameronsmom1~ Bless your heart..I am so sorry to see you here, yet thankful that you have reached out...A sweet, baby angel.Your 4 year old will have stories, perhaps, to tell you about this angel. They are quite aware of the miracles that our angels bring to show and tell us. My grandaughter was 5 when her "Uncle", my Danny , was injured and taken from us.. My daughter Jackie is her Mommy and she and Danny are 14 months apart..Always and forever...Julia is 9 now, and through the years, her connection to him remains. She has had some remarkable stories, and some tremendous sadness as well. We keep the communication very open~I pray for your peace...We are here for you, Amanda~LOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 For bbarbie55~ So good to see you here again!!xoxoxLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 For bbarbie55~ As life has a way of moving on, how wonderful that you have been with Andrew!! Visiting Bobbi's site , I can understand, could be very difficult..It is sooooooooooo amazing, and she is sooooooooooooo alive throughout it~And, she travels with you, still...Try to believe that her doing it was part of her "bigger plan...". It really is one of the most touching sites that I have seen, in that she did it while she was so ill and so brave...Perhaps post her link here again for all to see... For those that lost their children to illnesses, as cancer for example, it most definately could speak to their hearts...It was, and still is, her story...Absolutely amazing...Just another way, perhaps, of helping people here. By letting her speak, if you will, maybe it will help you too..I hope!!xoxoxoLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 For lolynbo~ Kourtney's bench is just awesome...May it bring to you warm memories of happier days gone by~What a sweet, brave little angel~ I love having her smile in my heart...xoxoxoxLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 For summergirl~ WELCOME HOME!! You did it, you did it, you did it!! YEAH...The day will come when Tavian will remember the time that you were so brave and got on that plane with him, and for him!!!I am happy that you are now home..Back to your comfort zone...xoxoxoxoLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 For ericasmom~ Always makes my heart sing when I see you here, Dee...How far is River Forest from Glenview??What about Utica, Illinois?? How close are you to there??I think I have asked you this before, but I forget!!xoxoxoxLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bbarbie55 Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Mamabets thank you for your words of encouragement it makes me feel better about her sight and the fact it might give someone the energy to go on. What really hurts is what her Dad wrote then two months later we also buried him. We were exs but we had begaan to be friends during Bobbis illness and then losing them both in two months was devastating since that took half of my oringnal family.I'm putting up her site again for all to see again, she wrote blogs during her first stem cell transplant and was going to do it again but her life was snuffed out at age 25 from complications Hodgkins(pneumonia).Bobbis web site:http://www.freewebs.com/kilalita/index.htmLove you allDeb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cameronsmom1 Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 mamabets,Thank you so much. My son definitely does have stories. Most of them I just know that it is my angel baby, Brayden, working through him. One day we were talking and he asked me where the moon came from. So asked him where he thought it came from and he said I think it came from heaven. I think heaven threw it down here for us. And so i asked well what is heaven and he said, You know, its where they take care of all the sick babies. That has to be the best definition I have ever heard. He also has said that we need a spaceship so we can go see Brayden and my husband said, well I don't think we can get there in a spaceship and he replies, Of course you can you just gotta believe! He is so smart and he's right just believe! My baby is in heaven and is being taken care of and someday we will ride that spaceship up there and see him again!Amanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 4everjoeysmom Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Kourtney's bench is beautiful!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cameronsmom1 Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 DebI just wanted to tell you that I looked at the site and it is beautiful. Your daughter was amazing. To read what she wrote and see how positive she was just blows me away. It was sad to read the last post in March and then to read that she passed in April. I was in tears. My heart goes out to you and Andrew. He is adorable and I hope that he is as strong as she was. Amanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heartbeataway Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Deb,I do remember you and Bobbi too. I've visited the website before. Your daughter died four days before our son.Yes, these are hard times ...... wishing you strength.Bonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Amanda,Thanks for your kind words. Dear little Brayden has the sweet innocencethat comes from little children. He has some very touching things to say.When my Dave passed in 2003, my daughter Tammy,(Dave's older sister) wascrying, and she said to her son, Cameron, my grandson----"I'll never seemy little brother again". Cameron then said "yes you will, Mom, you'll seehim in heaven". He was about 8 at the time. Children have very keeninsights about things. It's good that you and your little boy talk about thebaby, and his little heart believes that the baby is in heaven. When my twoyounger grandchildren.....Canyon age 4, and Trenton David age 2 get older,I will tell them all about their Uncle Dave, as I'm sure my daughter, Becky,will tell them. Take care. Thanks for sharing with us all.Peace & comfor to you. Daveysmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Deb,Your daughter is surely an inspiration to all who knew her,and forthose who visit her site. Her brave spirit is admirable, indeed. Thephotos are such treasures. Such a cute little boy....Andrew. May herspirit and warm hearted ways, strengthen you and comfort you in your wonderful memories of her. I am sorry for your loss of her father.Such sorrowful loss in such a short time. Peace be with you always. Daveysmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmum Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Lorrie - it truly is a beautiful bench. The words and the images bring a peace with the memory. 'One other thing we can do' - never let them be forgotten. Say their names, speak of them and remember them, out loud........Bonnie - Sounds great. Planning organising and bringing together so many to 'celebrate' Jason. Raising funds and awareness goes along way to maybe preventing another parent experience what you already have. Enjoy the day, knowing that we are all travelling with you. Kathy - Welcome back! Love to see the ORBS, certainly Jessica just checking in on Tavian, her mum and aunty!Deb - It is hard to read over Bobbi's site. Such tenacity and energy from one strong young person........thinking of you.To all - the world continues to spin, the days roll into night and for the most part I guess we find a way to continue in a way our kids would have wanted. So far from that day in April 07 when I found this site.....yet in many ways so much the same.....Take Care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members summergirl Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Mamabets - yes I did it!!!! I am so glad, it was truely meant to be as I have had a peaceful feeling surround me since going and returning home - hard to explain I just know it is there. Tavian was so cute holding my hand as we took off and telling me it was ok. Tonight he told my husband and I that he wished he were back in Iowa to visit again - I told him we would go next summer when it was warm. Yes, I am back to my comfort zone but now have come to realize that no matter where I am my Jessica is always by my side.Bonnie - thank you for the information. I will visit the site and I am so happy to know that the fund raiser is a part of your Jason's celebration of life. Any time I read about ARVD it upsets me and throws me backwards but I also know that the more I learn the better. We did have Tavian tested and all is well - he goes back once a year to the heart specialist for check-ups for a while. I remember when we took him for the test and they had to put him under and the test was about an hour long - I coudn't stop shaking the entire time - I was so afraid the test would show something wrong but God was with us and all is fine. I wish so much that they could have done that test on my Jessica but***********Lorrie - I am so sorry that you will not be a gammy, another question with no answer. I must say a few things and I do not know if it will make you feel better or not but it has not been an easy journey - suddenly losing your daughter and becoming a parent again to a 4 year old at the same time. The loss of Jessica was sudden and without warning, one minute she said I love you and call me in the morning and the next the police were at our door to tell us she was not coming home. I remember having to tell Tavian that his mommy went to Heaven - such a hard thing to do and say as I did not and do not understand it myself - how do you explain the circle of life to a little 4 year old that knew nothing except that his world was great with mommy, mi-mi (me) and pop-pop?? Since all of my energy was focused on getting him through the nightmare it seemed as though my grief was pushed far down inside of me and I had no idea what to do. Along with that we were in a custody battle for Tavian that began one month after she passed and lasted a year and a half - so that was another thing that kept me from grieving for my Jessica. I had Tavian in therapy beginning one month after Jessica passed and then I eventually began to go as my world was crashing down around me and it was either go to therapy or lose my mind. Tavian has been my lifeline to Jessica and my savior many times over and without him I would surely die but there were times that I looked at him and wondered why God allowed Jessica to have a child and then take her away from him - I now know that he was a gift from God to Jessica to us. I feel your pain as I am positive that I also would have wanted a grandchild if I had not been already but just know that there are many scary moments - I wonder about being 52 (this friday is my birthday) and Tavian is only 6 and a half - how will I ever be able to do all of the things that a young mommy could do, how am I ever going to be able to help him with all that homework that I am sure I probably have no idea how to do (I will need to hire a tutor for myself), what about all of the sports and the teenage years?? Am I going to be able to do this - I hope so and just pray that I have the wisdom and strength to sustain me. One thing I know for sure is that all of you at BI will walk this journey with me and guide me, grow with me and always give me the strength I need to keep moving forward. I am sorry for rambeling so much but I just want you to know that there is a reason for everything and although we have so many questions and so little answers I do believe. God Bless You.In closing I wanted to say that when I was 14 years old I lost 4 of my girlfriends in a car accident - it was Halloween night and they were going to visit one of the girls dad and a drunk driver hit them head on - all were killed instantly. All of their parents were at a Halloween party that night together. Their names are Cathy, Debbie, Marcia and Jeannie - I have never forgotten them and although I do not think of them all of the time I often wonder what they would be like today. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know that my Jessica's friends will always remember her no matter how much time goes by and although I do not see all of them as often as we would like we still keep in touch and they keep her My Space going and her memory alive. Just like all of your Angel's friends are doing.Love and Peace to all - Kathy Still trying to figure out how to download my pictures on my computer from a disc - I guess I have to find a program - just do not know which one to get - sometimes computers make me crazy but I would be lost without it!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lolynbo Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO JOIN ANY OF MY 3 MYSPACE PAGES...MINE....KOURTNEYS (THE ONE SHE HAD) AND THE MEMORIAL PAGE FOR KOURTNEY....ID LIKE FOR YOU TO GET TO NO WHO SHE IS AND WHO I AM....OR WHO I WAS...MINE IS LORRI BOATRIGHT-IT SAYS MOTHER OF AN ANGELKOURTNEYS IS-KOURTNEY CARGAL- SAYS MS CARGALKOURTNEYS MEMORIAL PAGE- GODS NEW ANGELPLZ LOOK THEM UP AND JOIN THEM ID LIKE TO SEE YALL ALSO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Dear Deb,I remember you from when I first came to this sight about 5 years ago. Could I be right about that? Your Girl is a beauty, I just visited the blog and felt she was talking right to me. She is/was a writer, very funny and gifted with words. I am sorry tht she is not here where you can hold her hand anymore, but I know you hold her as she holds you and her sister, and her Son. I am sad that her Dad left so soon after. Erica left 5 years ago last July, hit by a train, and this last June, her Dad was diagnosed with leukemia. He has had four bouts of chemo, this last one however has weakened him so that he is back in the hospital with a fever. Prayers for Michael. Michael and I were divorced in 1994, but we began being friends again about two years before Eri died in 2003. It was hard for him to talk with me about anything unless it was brief and only kid related for years. I am scared for him, knowing that he is afraid and I am worried for my Son, Jon, as he has been his Dad's caretaker since he was diagnosed. He is very worried. He hasn't slept well since Eri died. Anyhow, I am rambling. My happiness that you are back Kathy adn that it all went so nicely. Mamabetts, thanks for your sweetness, it is like honey. I live not horribly far from Glenview, maybe 45 minutes. Utica? now that's another story, I believe that is maybe 2 hours or so. Are you coming out this way?Bonnie, my heart to you as you travel for this all important weekend. The bench is gorgeous, just like Kourtney.And to all, I love you, wishing you all the colors of the autumn.Dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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