Loss of an Adult Child

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia and Kyle,

It feels the very same to me too....

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

I have started really planning the activities we will try to do on the Europe trip.

This should be really exciting, but it makes me so sad.

I see activities and know how nique and Christopher would have enjoyed them. Trying to not be too scheduled, leaving us some time to just be. Schedules help me to feel better, more in control in an out of control world.

Years ago, before Kyle was born, Christopher and I talked about wanting to move to England. He wanted to experience so much, and it's just not fair they aren't here to enjoy it with us.

[Changed]

Virginia, I get that.    We carry them with us wherever we go but there is a wistful feel to all new experiences these days. 
When we were working in Singapore we had a couple of Scottish nurses stay with us plus a neighbour’s daughter from our home in England.    They had met up whilst travelling for a year out and stopped over with us for what turned out to be months.     Anyway, I found out yesterday that one of the nurses has died - she was so sweet .  I’m trying to reach her mother - I have met her at their home in Scotland but cannot remember the mother’s  name.   .   Our neighbour’s girl  ( the one that  stayed with us )    has also died far too young .   How upsettingly shocking that all is , I’m trying to get my head around it.    Roz x
 

[Mason’s Mom]

Virginia,  think of your trip as a way to honor Christopher.  While you make plans and as you see the places tell Kyle about the plans you had with Christopher.  Kyle can make memories with you and know he is getting to see and do something in honor of his dad.

Making plans sometimes feels wrong because our plans no longer involve our children and other lost family members.  It feels like looking ahead is moving to far away from them.  I have always been a planner as well, my way of trying to control my life.  I have learned the hard way that I am not in control. 

Roz, how sad to hear of the losses of your friends. There are so many people that come and go in our lives. Some we lose contact with and I have wondered about so many and what they have done and where they live.  It is hard to hear some have left this earth far to young.

Our weather has been so dreary and more to come.  The temperatures are supposed to drop below zero and stay there for a few days. Being stuck inside with such cold dark days really gets to me. 

 

[Changed]

That sounds wise Carol - a way for Kyle to honour his dad without it being sad.

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

virginia that sounds so exciting!!!! when are you going ? we had plans to go back to europe last year , but with nereida's health we could not do it. i will try to fly to portland next week , after i finish with my visit to NC .....nereida will be flying up to portland on feb 5th and she will stay for a while up there. 

[NiquesMom]

Very good idea Carol, I am going to try to figure a way to include them both without making us sad.

Michael, we go from March 1-18, first international trip for either of us so exciting and terrifying.

So I had a dream of Christopher. I heard a noise, walked out my room and he was in the front yard sweeping the walk. I ran and jumped on him for a hug (which is funny because I am not a small person and he would never have been able to catch me). I hugged him so hard, he had been in jail and we had to go to Walmart (that part is how I know it was a dream!). But that hug felt so good, I miss him, I miss my best friend, and I needed a hug from him

[NiquesMom]

Michael, how is nereida healing from her surgeries?

Roz, I am so sad to hear of any loss, but young lives are so much more unfair to me. A coworkers adult son died in a motorcycle accident over the holidays, and I struggled filling out the card as we all know there are no words to make anything better.

[Michael Rodriguez]

13 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Michael, how is nereida healing from her surgeries?

Roz, I am so sad to hear of any loss, but young lives are so much more unfair to me. A coworkers adult son died in a motorcycle accident over the holidays, and I struggled filling out the card as we all know there are no words to make anything better.

she is doing real well , thanks for asking. complete normality , which is scary !!!!! 

[Jacqueline3]

Good morning Everyone,

I have been quiet, in a somber, pensive place.   Tomorrow, the 17th,  is Garrett's 25th Birthday.  I don't have any words to express my sorrow and the raking ache that tears constantly at my heart and soul.   Garrett told me on several occasions, he did not think he would live to see 25 and I would tell him to stop saying things like that.    It would give me shivers every time he said it but I never thought it would come to pass....  God, I miss my Garrett.

Thinking of you all,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

happy b´day garrett !!!! wherever you are , i hope you already met brian. discuss how much your parents really miss you guys !!!

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you Michael.

[NiquesMom]

Happy birthday Garrett! Hug your mam close and let her know you see her fighting, that you are cheering her on as she takes these steps forward!

[Dianas Mom]

Jackie, Wishing Garrett a happy birthday today. He is with you and wants you to know how much he loves you.

Yvonne

 

[Changed]

Dear Jackie,  today  , as it’s Garrett’s birth date I’m  sure you are overloaded with emotions- grateful that you had him but beyond sad that he has died.    It is painful .      I wonder why he thought that he wouldn’t  see 25 and why he would tell you that ?        That must cause you extra thought this year.
Do you do anything special to acknowledge Garrett’s birthday, a meal he liked or a favourite movie of his  for instance ?     I haven’t been able to celebrate David’s birthday - I wish him happy birthday , donate in his honour and try to keep my focus on his life and not his death but trying to make it an event is beyond me.    We are  all different and do what we can and what feels right.     Mostly for the sake of those close to us I suspect. 
I wonder what bird he will send you today , his lovely mother,  dry those tears and show Garrett a smile.  Love Roz x 

[Changed]

I’m watching myself with interest and wondering why  I am flatter than usual.  I’ve felt like this since the run up to the anniversary of David’s death at the end of November - my mood  didn’t improve any as the weeks have gone by and  I am crying very easily.    I’m feeling low and disinterested.   Simply put , I want my family to be intact .     
I am depressed at the reality of it all but I’m not suffering from a clinical depression.      No need for alarm  .     We move through phases of grief and over the last seven years I have morphed from one thing to another and sometimes backwards .   That is where I am now.    I absolutely know that all my friends here understand where I’m at.      We all know that losing a child is the saddest thing anyone can endure - it is deep and permanent .      Roz x 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz, Carol, Virginia, Yvonne, Michael,

Thank you all so much... I am crying very easily today and the constant rabid animal in my chest is working overtime creating even more rivers of pain.

Dearest Roz,  I do not know why Garrett would say that.... It broke my heart then and now it tears anew at my heart and soul.   I am trying desperately not to think of the day I lost him... but it is making a frequent appearance today.   I miss Garrett so damned much and I hate this miserable life I now have to exist in...    I am sorry you are feeling so flat and disinterested.   I am sure the pain is ever present.  I am thinking of you. 

I am thinking of everyone...

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie, I thought of you as soon as I woke. I know today will be difficult for you. Try to remember the joy and light Garrett brought into your life. Happy Birthday Garrett.  Sending a virtual hug Jackie.

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you again everyone...

Roz,   3 beautiful hawks outside my sewing window.....  3 is my favorite number...  I have cried even harder...

Love Jackie

[Changed]

Yvonne, how are you keeping?    I hope that you are getting support and comfort from some source. Love Roz x

[NiquesMom]

Roz, I understand that "flat" feeling. I hate when I can't seem to shake it. I know we go thru cycles, so we know this feeling will pass, but I just get son tired of these feelings.  I hope you find a way up soon.

[Jacqueline3]

Hello Everyone,

I hope all is as okay as it can be for everyone.   I did okay on Garrett's Birthday yet on the next two days I had massive meltdowns.   I have cried every day for two years and four and a half months.  In a strange way, I feel a comfort in those tears of love and pain.   As much suffering as is present every day, I still believe with all of my heart and soul, our children are close... talking to us,  holding on to us, sharing with us.   I have seen, felt and heard too much to believe otherwise. 

My Dearest Roz, How are you doing?  Have you found any ground?

I am thinking of everyone and sending hugs and love,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

So yesterday we went to a theme park with one of Kyle's friends and his mom. So we decided to ride the bumper cars. And as I am on the ride, driving after the boys and laughing, it hit me that I was having fun and that instant guilt hit.

I know we can have fun, maybe those moments will come more frequently, but it was a gut punch at that moment.

[Mason’s Mom]

Oh Virginia I know exactly how you feel.  I have been telling myself that it us good for my girls to see me laugh and live . I want them to be happy and live a happy life.  Maddie has been seeing a counselor for a few years and I know it isn't just the loss of her brother but it is a big part of why she goes. 

Jackie the birds have been busy here, the bad weather makes them empty my feeder everyday. I often think of you when I watch them.  You and Garrett. 

Michael if you are in the states now hope you are staying safe and warm.  Tonight's forecast for us is freezing rain,  we still have snow.  With freezing rain comes loss of electricity and dangerous driving.  

Roz, I spend much of my time feeling flat especially when I am alone. I don't know the answer to how to find a way to feel more like my old self. How is your son in law,  any plans to see you daughter and son in law?

Yvonne, nice to hear from you from time to time.  Remember we understand your pain. 

 

[NiquesMom]

I am stressed and worried, but trying to be ok.

Went last week for my mammogram, got called back for assymetry. They did a repeat mammogram and ultrasound today. Scheduled for a biopsy in 2 weeks. Most likely this is just new tissue, but it is definitely something that was not there last year and they are being cautious, which I am fine with.

I told Kyle, because I am not good at hiding my feelings. He already knew I was stressed but I had told him it was because of work. I don't want to worry him unnecessarily but I don't want to lie to him. I walked this line when Christopher was in the hospital and it's so hard to know what to say and when.

I believe whatever this is, I will be fine in the end. So I go on faith that if this is cancer it is early and I will survive. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

7 minutes ago, NiquesMom said:

I am stressed and worried, but trying to be ok.

Went last week for my mammogram, got called back for assymetry. They did a repeat mammogram and ultrasound today. Scheduled for a biopsy in 2 weeks. Most likely this is just new tissue, but it is definitely something that was not there last year and they are being cautious, which I am fine with.

I told Kyle, because I am not good at hiding my feelings. He already knew I was stressed but I had told him it was because of work. I don't want to worry him unnecessarily but I don't want to lie to him. I walked this line when Christopher was in the hospital and it's so hard to know what to say and when.

I believe whatever this is, I will be fine in the end. So I go on faith that if this is cancer it is early and I will survive. 

do not worry ....nereida had triple negative (worst of them all) and she is 100% cancer free !!!!! and that is the totally worst case scenario that can be !!!!! and yours i am sure is nothing.....relax and do not get stressed out

[Mason’s Mom]

5 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

I am stressed and worried, but trying to be ok.

Went last week for my mammogram, got called back for assymetry. They did a repeat mammogram and ultrasound today. Scheduled for a biopsy in 2 weeks. Most likely this is just new tissue, but it is definitely something that was not there last year and they are being cautious, which I am fine with.

I told Kyle, because I am not good at hiding my feelings. He already knew I was stressed but I had told him it was because of work. I don't want to worry him unnecessarily but I don't want to lie to him. I walked this line when Christopher was in the hospital and it's so hard to know what to say and when.

I believe whatever this is, I will be fine in the end. So I go on faith that if this is cancer it is early and I will survive. 

Try to not stress, sounds like you have kept up to date with your mammograms so changes should be caught in time for successful treatment if needed.  Keep us posted we are pulling for you. 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Virginia,

Try not to borrow trouble.  I know it is terrifying, especially given all that you have been through and thinking  of Kyle.  They are being careful and proactive... that is a good thing.  I think you did right telling Kyle... if he asked he deserves an honest answer.  I am thinking of you both.

love and hugs,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

It has been so quiet.  I had an experience last Friday that has stayed with me all week.  I met my daughter's for dinner and shopping.  While we were in the restaurant I saw a friend and went over to say hello. As I neared her table I smelled something that I had only  smelled when Mason working on an Oil Rig. When he would come home all his clothes would smell like crude oil. It is a distinct smell and no amount washing would cleanse the smell.  I looked around to see if I could identify someone who might be associated with the smell and no one stood out.  We left and 2 more times before I headed home I smelled it again.  Different locations and I have never smelled in our area. Just left me feeling like I missed something....

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Carol!

I don't think you missed a thing.   I believe the smell was Mason letting you know he is with you and has not left.   That smell is something that you specifically associate with Mason and that smell had to be sharp and distinct.   I am happy for you.   Embrace those moments as messages from your son.   I believe our loved ones stay with us.  I know I have said it before and I know I am a flaming, sinking wreck at times, but I have seen and heard to much from my Garrett to believe otherwise.    I do not believe that someone's passing is the end but instead another beginning... the trick is leaning how to see and communicate in a realm that many tell us is impossible.    I am thinking of you and I hope you will treasure those moments from Mason.    It has been too, too quiet.  I hope everyone is doing okay.   Drop a quick note and lets check up on one another's well being.  

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Carol,

I took believe that was a sign from Mason! I have times where I see someone who looks like Nique, similar hair, the gap in their teeth, and I think it's her reminding me she is near. Only once did I have a smell, right after she died I kept smelling flowers in our apartment, her middle name was Rose.

I had a flashback the other day and it was so strange. Driving to kyles school and ambulance passed with it's lights on. That triggered me back to Christopher's last week: he was taken by ambulance to the hospital, and even though I wasn't on the ambulance just the sight sent me straight to that week.

Weird

[NiquesMom]

Dozing off last night, and I woke up, could swear I heard Christopher snoring, almost went to roll him over. 

Weird

[Mason’s Mom]

4 hours ago, NiquesMom said:

Dozing off last night, and I woke up, could swear I heard Christopher snoring, almost went to roll him over. 

Weird

Seems are loved ones are with us and sending subtle reminders. 

Roz and Michael hope you are both well.  As well as any of us can be. Miss hearing from both of you. 

[Changed]

It’s lovely that so many of you are feeling, in one way or another,  connections  to your children and loved ones involving Feelings, dreams, aromas - we welcome everything that keeps them close.

Virginia , have you had your results yet?     So lovely that Kyle witnessed  your authentic joy on your day out - those moments are important to him .   Try to rationalise that misplaced guilt ( I know it well)  .
I’ve been unwell these last few weeks - just a nasty virus doing the rounds - leaving  an annoying cough that added to my low mood  and is not pleasant.    My daughter and son-in-law are coming to us in a couple of weeks -  we didn’t get to see them at Christmas because of his accident but he’s recovered  really well and the collar is off.    I’m trying to make it as big as Christmas celebrations would have been if our plans had not been cancelled.    I need to dredge up some energy and definitely brighten up .

Jackie you don’t post as often  these days - I hope that you and your family are improving-  I love to hear about your birds - they feel safe and grounding .

Michael , I think that you are still away on business and I trust that you enjoyed visiting your daughter .  Best wishes to both your wife and daughter , hoping they have recovered well.

Carol, how is the job going?   Does it feel right?     Your senses must  have gone into overdrive when you smelt that familiar smell.   I’d want to bottle some so I could take a breath of it  and remember better times.    Hoping that all the medical stuff at home has settled and you can ‘stand down’.

This site has quietened and I know that there will be parents still reading but who just don’t have the energy to write.   Not to worry , do as much or as little as you can cope with .

Peace and strength to you all,  love Roz x 
 

[Michael Rodriguez]

good morning , sorry been out of touch !! i am here and ok ....been a busy couple of weeks ....nereida is up in portland with nikki , and last nite i felt that something just sat right next to me in bed and i was awake ....so ,virginia , you and i must have felt a similar situation....btw , do you have your results back?

roz, you have asked about all of us , and how are you doing ? 

well , all you guys thanks for not forgeting me !! it is uncommonly cold down here ...we are low 40´s ....so for sure no A/C in the office in the morning....i swear i will fire someone !!!!

[Lisa M.]

Hello to all.  I am still here.  Reading daily.  We have had severe cold this past week.  It has been -15 this week.  That has been the high temperature.  Goes lower with the wind  chill.  I have not wanted to go out in the elements,  so I  just stay home with my thoughts.   I too am struggling and feel "flat".  These feelings seem to pull me under a lot these days.  I've had more crying episodes than usual.  I seem to cry so easily,  even at tv shows.  My heart is truly broken.  I hope you all are doing as well as you can be.  As usual,  you are all in my thoughts and prayers. 

[Michael Rodriguez]

3 hours ago, Lisa M. said:

Hello to all.  I am still here.  Reading daily.  We have had severe cold this past week.  It has been -15 this week.  That has been the high temperature.  Goes lower with the wind  chill.  I have not wanted to go out in the elements,  so I  just stay home with my thoughts.   I too am struggling and feel "flat".  These feelings seem to pull me under a lot these days.  I've had more crying episodes than usual.  I seem to cry so easily,  even at tv shows.  My heart is truly broken.  I hope you all are doing as well as you can be.  As usual,  you are all in my thoughts and prayers. 

lisa you and i are so close to our third year of this on going nightmare.  at least my life is quite busy and hectic so that keeps my mind in other places

[Dianas Mom]

I read your posts daily, but find it painful to put my feelings down on paper.  No matter how distracted or busy I am the sorrow is always just beneath the surface. Life is so empty and I feel so alone with the loss of Diana. The other day someone asked me how many children I have and automatically I said 3. Then I was overcome with the reality that I no longer have 3. My precious daughter is gone. I talk to her every day. I tell her I love her and miss her and I wish she were here. When I go to bed at night, the last thing I do is say goodnight to her. 

Thinking of you all,

Yvonne

[NiquesMom]

Thank you for asking, my biopsy is tomorrow. I assume I will have the results next week.

Trying to tell myself everything will be fine.

My SIL and nephew are supposed to move in with us in 2 weeks. Will see how that works.

Roz, I am glad your son-in-law is doing so well. I hope that not all of your time with them has to be faked, I hope you find some moments that are pure.

Michael, I know our loved ones are with us but it makes me feel better when I can see the signs. Lol, I turned on the a/c in the car because it was 65° and stuffy!

Yvonne, I always talk about my husband and daughter as if they are still with me. I had 18 years with nique and 16 with Christopher, cannot really talk without including them. But it makes talking to new people awkward. The mom of kyles friend was chatting with me and I said something about Nique and she mentioned her son had said she passed. So I told her what happened, made me sad but I can say matter of fact now. They are always in my heart and thoughts, not sure that will ever change and not sure I want it to.

Lisa, the cold and inability to leave the house usually makes me sadder than other times. I tend to sink into myself and dwell, pity party, all the feels come out. Maybe try a comedy to watch? I would suggest kids movies but half the time a parent dies in it, and that always sets me off. I hope you warm up soon. 

[Dustins Mom]

Dustin’s Mom here just to check in and see how everyone is doing. It’s been a long while since I’ve been to the site so it was nice to see the regulars are still here, lifting each other up. 
Im in Souther California and have been inundated with rain for days and days. Haven’t been going anywhere or seeing anyone and have had my Dustin on my mind even more than I usually do. Just realizing that tomorrow will mark 1 year and 9 months since he left this earthly plane and the pain is still very much alive and well. How I miss my big teddy bear of a child/grown man. I’m still upset with myself for not pushing him harder to go get a checkup even though my motherly instincts kept telling me there was something wrong. He assured me he was fine and not to worry so that’s what I did. Never again will I not listen to myself. Sending you all much love ❤️ Angie 

[Jacqueline3]

Morning to all,

It is good to hear from you all.   I worry when the feed is so quiet.   My emotions are still very up and down and I have cried every day for 30 months.   I like the term flat, I have always used the term detached.   Flat feels more fitting.  I still only have bad days and really horrible, agonizing days that I crawl my way through.   My mother cannot seem to understand that but the truth is, I am past caring.  That is how my life is at this time and place.  Not what I had envisioned by far.   Despite all of that I do believe our children and loved ones stay with us.  I have seen and heard too much to believe otherwise.  I was sitting outside with Garrett and my birds several days ago crying, I told him I could hear the pilated woodpecker (I hear him often but rarely see him) and I would love to see him.  Within a few moments the bird landed in a tree next to me and I heard laughing, my Garrett's laughing.   I have no doubts that bird came because of Garrett.   I do not believe in that much of a coincidence occurring so often... (especially when it was not so before this horrible tragedy)... But...  I believe in my Garrett,  I always have.   I used to take photos, just an amateur but I dug my camera out again and have treasured the images I have captured.  I think of everyone often and miss everyone when the feed is so quiet.

Dearest Roz, I am sorry you were sick, how is your detached or flat feeling....  thinking of you.

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

[Jamie S.]

My son passed away in October.  I was in shock in the beginning and did not cry a lot.  Now on many days, my pain is severe.  I realize this is just something you have to cope with.  I really want to get my son’s phone and iPad back to see if we can get in it and find out if anyone has been trying to contact him.  The police took it when I found his body.   The autopsy confirmed it was an overdose.  Anyway, I have no names or phone numbers of anyone he may have know.  (He did not grow up in the area where we are now living.). The place he worked will give out no information. It is just sad I had no one to contact who he had seen in his last days.

[Changed]

Hello Jamie,    It’s tragic that you have lost your son and my heart goes out to you.      It is still very recent  and you will be raw.
  I do hope that you are able to piece together information , by one means or another ,  to give you some clarity  and a fuller picture.      We all agonise over the ‘whys ‘ and  ‘what ifs ‘  regardless of how our children died ,   so everyone here will understand the details that you try to fill in. 
By the way, I’m Roz and I lost my son , David, at the end of 2016 .     I still  find that an almost impossible  reality. 
You are very welcome here so please feel free to join us whenever you like.   Peace to you, Roz 

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Jamie,

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your son.   You are several months into this hellish journey and the pain is so very severe.   It can feel like an entity all its own ripping into your soul.   I am so sorry all of your son's personal items were taken by the police.  I would think they could release them to you now. If they will not release the items to you perhaps they would give you names and numbers of people your son was in contact with.   I would ask and I hope you can get results so that you may have some solace in at least a few answers.   Please keep talking, we will listen and we do understand the pain and sorrow and longing you feel.  Thinking of you,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Mason’s Mom]

13 hours ago, Jamie S. said:

My son passed away in October.  I was in shock in the beginning and did not cry a lot.  Now on many days, my pain is severe.  I realize this is just something you have to cope with.  I really want to get my son’s phone and iPad back to see if we can get in it and find out if anyone has been trying to contact him.  The police took it when I found his body.   The autopsy confirmed it was an overdose.  Anyway, I have no names or phone numbers of anyone he may have know.  (He did not grow up in the area where we are now living.). The place he worked will give out no information. It is just sad I had no one to contact who he had seen in his last days.

Jamie, so sorry you have had to find us. Not sure how old your son was, but since you are posting on loss of an adult child I assume he was an adult.  My son was 21 when he passed away December 2017 and there are still parts of his life I don't know about.  We raised our children in this area so people do talk about him.  If you read any of the previous posts you will read how many of us continue to question the last days of our children's lives as well as what we could or would have done differently.  We understand. As I often tell people new to our group remember to breathe and don't allow others to tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve.  As individuals we all grieve in different ways.  

[Mason’s Mom]

On 2/8/2024 at 12:53 AM, Dianas Mom said:

I read your posts daily, but find it painful to put my feelings down on paper.  No matter how distracted or busy I am the sorrow is always just beneath the surface. Life is so empty and I feel so alone with the loss of Diana. The other day someone asked me how many children I have and automatically I said 3. Then I was overcome with the reality that I no longer have 3. My precious daughter is gone. I talk to her every day. I tell her I love her and miss her and I wish she were here. When I go to bed at night, the last thing I do is say goodnight to her. 

Thinking of you all,

Yvonne

Yvonne you are still her mom and will always be her mom. I tell Mason I love him every night. Our children may not be physically wus but they are in our hearts forever. I always say I am the mother of 3, I  know some find it may make other uncomfortable if we mention our children who have passed before us. For me I want to keep his memory alive and if theyvare uncomfortable I would feel guilty for not including him. 

[Mason’s Mom]

On 2/7/2024 at 11:55 AM, Lisa M. said:

Hello to all.  I am still here.  Reading daily.  We have had severe cold this past week.  It has been -15 this week.  That has been the high temperature.  Goes lower with the wind  chill.  I have not wanted to go out in the elements,  so I  just stay home with my thoughts.   I too am struggling and feel "flat".  These feelings seem to pull me under a lot these days.  I've had more crying episodes than usual.  I seem to cry so easily,  even at tv shows.  My heart is truly broken.  I hope you all are doing as well as you can be.  As usual,  you are all in my thoughts and prayers. 

Lisa, the cold short winter days are hard for me  as well.  I understand the crying episodes especially with TV and music.  It is hard to not feel emotional.  Crying can be helpful, I  know if I hold my emotions in for to long it is exhausting and heavy. 

On 2/8/2024 at 4:09 PM, Dustins Mom said:

Dustin’s Mom here just to check in and see how everyone is doing. It’s been a long while since I’ve been to the site so it was nice to see the regulars are still here, lifting each other up. 
Im in Souther California and have been inundated with rain for days and days. Haven’t been going anywhere or seeing anyone and have had my Dustin on my mind even more than I usually do. Just realizing that tomorrow will mark 1 year and 9 months since he left this earthly plane and the pain is still very much alive and well. How I miss my big teddy bear of a child/grown man. I’m still upset with myself for not pushing him harder to go get a checkup even though my motherly instincts kept telling me there was something wrong. He assured me he was fine and not to worry so that’s what I did. Never again will I not listen to myself. Sending you all much love ❤️ Angie 

Angie,  those what ifs and why's can really sneak up on us. I miss my big boy too. 

[Mason’s Mom]

On 2/7/2024 at 6:06 AM, Changed said:

It’s lovely that so many of you are feeling, in one way or another,  connections  to your children and loved ones involving Feelings, dreams, aromas - we welcome everything that keeps them close.

Virginia , have you had your results yet?     So lovely that Kyle witnessed  your authentic joy on your day out - those moments are important to him .   Try to rationalise that misplaced guilt ( I know it well)  .
I’ve been unwell these last few weeks - just a nasty virus doing the rounds - leaving  an annoying cough that added to my low mood  and is not pleasant.    My daughter and son-in-law are coming to us in a couple of weeks -  we didn’t get to see them at Christmas because of his accident but he’s recovered  really well and the collar is off.    I’m trying to make it as big as Christmas celebrations would have been if our plans had not been cancelled.    I need to dredge up some energy and definitely brighten up .

Jackie you don’t post as often  these days - I hope that you and your family are improving-  I love to hear about your birds - they feel safe and grounding .

Michael , I think that you are still away on business and I trust that you enjoyed visiting your daughter .  Best wishes to both your wife and daughter , hoping they have recovered well.

Carol, how is the job going?   Does it feel right?     Your senses must  have gone into overdrive when you smelt that familiar smell.   I’d want to bottle some so I could take a breath of it  and remember better times.    Hoping that all the medical stuff at home has settled and you can ‘stand down’.

This site has quietened and I know that there will be parents still reading but who just don’t have the energy to write.   Not to worry , do as much or as little as you can cope with .

Peace and strength to you all,  love Roz x 
 

The job is going well,  still not keen on the return to the office 3 days a week.  I don't have as much stress as I don't have as many projects as before, this may change.  It has left me with more time to let my mind wonder to dark days and I am hoping spring will bring brighter days and less sadness.  I am sorry to hear you haven't felt well. I hope you are feeling better. 

[Jamie S.]

Mason’s Mom, my son was 33.  I have been through the “what if” phase—like if only I had gone to check on him sooner.  I checked on him every couple days because he had a history of alcohol and drug addiction, and we were afraid something like this would happen.

[Jacqueline3]

Hello  everyone,

I am hoping everyone is holding up this weekend.   I had one of the worst meltdowns I have had in a while yesterday, today I just feel empty and bitterly sad.   I am thinking of everyone and hoping you can find a few moments of comfort this weekend.

Love and hugs,

Jackie