Loss of an Adult Child

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Happy birthday dear B.   It is also Father’s Day here in the uk .  
Love to you all , Roz x

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Virginia, I cannot imagine how you are  coping with everything, especially today.   I hope Kyle and his rat are doing ok.  My friend’s daughter is a vet and her pet is a rat - he is a very intelligent and affectionate  animal.    Please keep strong,  Roz x

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Jackie,   Such agony for you.   I’m sorry that no one can take that away but please know that it will not always be this sharp.   You will always love and miss Garrett with such sadness - that will never change  - but the way you feel right now will soften for most of the time.   Hold tight.    Love Roz x

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Carol,  lovely cloud so very speaking to you.    Hope things are improving for your family and you.  It’s a long haul at times isn’t it?   I think of you often - it’s been a few years of knowing each other and Virginia -  I don’t think we thought we would ever make it this far did we ?  Love Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Happy fathers Day.... I am thinking you Virginia and Danielle....

Love to all,

Jackie

[Jacqueline3]

Thank You Roz, feel like I am drowning of late in the tears that just wont stop.  how can this have happened.... The doctors said he was fine the week before after he spent 3 days in the hospital.....  I don't really expect anyone to answer that question, but the thought just tears at me.  

My method of grieving is not suitable for many around me. that has been several conversations this week... It is tiring and upsetting because I know I will do this my way... the way that feels right not only for me but for Garrett.  Finding my way however is a very slow process.  

Sometimes I just want the pain to stop but then is I have a small reprieve I feel guilty, feeling as if I have betrayed Garrett.   I do not want my boy to think that I can move on in my life as if he does not matter... That is my greatest fear at the horrible place I am now find myself.   I do not ever want Garrett to think that.... Because it is not true. He has always mattered to me and he still does, not one step in this life will ever be easy again because he is not here.   How do i make those two things marry.   I am sorry for constantly crying out... I just don't know how to live this life. 

love and hugs,

Jackie

[NiquesMom]

Happy birthday B!! Happy fathers day michael!

Jackie, have you thought of speaking with a medium? I found it so helpful because I know they were legitimate and calmed a lot of my fears and answered my questions. I know not all believe in mediums but I do.

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Virginia,  how did you find a medium who you trusted?
The year after David died I was speaking with a lady I knew in a department store .  She was asking about how I was coping and suggested seeing a medium when a voice came from inside the changing room saying that she was a medium and would be happy to chat to me !  My friend and I nearly fell over.  The woman passed her contact under the door but I never followed it up - I felt too raw to think it through but it did seem a massive coincidence.   David was quite religious so whenever I’m near a church or our cathedral I’ll take a pew and feel closer to him.   I leave his name in the box for prayers to include him .  Roz x

 

[NiquesMom]

Roz, I happen to be blessed to have a family friend with abilities. I know there are frauds out there but also there are reputable. Check out Fara Gibson Psychic Medium on facebook. I follow her and she seems great. I never contacted her because of my friend.

My friend explained to me why Nique chose to leave, that it was her choice and why. She will pop through when I am just chatting with my friend and she gives me validations. She also saw Christopher, he actually came to her when he was in his coma. Is not like she has all the info but she helps me understand the why. I asked her if it would have changed anything if Christopher had his vaccine and she said no. She had seen his aura a month before he got sick and thought something was off because it was grey in color. Normally she doesn't see auras but she was very close with my husband, in fact she introduced us.

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Jackie,  that feeling of guilt if it appears that you have any pleasure in anything is very familiar - I still feel like that .    The innocent pleasures Im ok with - like nature, children and animals but the rest is luke warm at best .   I don’t proper cry every day anymore even though I think of David all day long and I still get the sick shock that he is actually dead but not as often as in the first five years .    My head and heart are still getting to grips with the reality.    We are changed people but I think that we go on changing.    
Are your family concerned for you?  I don’t understand , do they think that you shouldn’t be distressed ?  I hope you can talk it through with them .  Roz x

 

[Jacqueline3]

Evening all,   Virginia, I do believe there are people with such a special gift but I would be afraid I would not find someone genuine.  I have thought about it.   I have seen, like we all have,  so much exploitation of especially mediums and spirituality, even in many of the religious communities.  I am glad your friend has been able to give you some comfort, even for if only a short time.

Roz, I have been trying a new painting technique, nothing I have ever done before. and I can tell, I am making a mess over my work space and my hands are covered in paint,   It takes several washings to get them clear.  The learning process is keeping me busy and helping for a short time.  There has been a influx of cardinals these past several days that I have been struggling so badly... I know Garrett is talking to me... I can feel him.  It helps but at times it makes me miss him more, but do not want the cardinals to stop!

My family, while i think they care.... "Dont know how to help me"    My mother said yesterday that maybe we shouldn't talk at all right now because I always cry and she upsets me.   I know my husband does not understand.... but at least he will listen.   My younger daughter is in avoidance.  The only one who sits and listens and is there to help is Jolene and she has her own health issues to deal with.  she has put her life on hold to be with us but at the same time I am glad she is here then I can help her too.   Joe's family has not called us at all not his mother or his five siblings or their spouses.  Garrett has two best friends yet neither of them has checked in either.   I guess the hardest part of that scenario is, that I know Garrett would have checked on their families had the situation been reversed.   It doesn't bother me for myself but I feel like these two young men have dishonored Garrett.. Does that sound terrible?  People were so cruel to Garrett and he thought a lot of these two young men, I just feel they should do better by my boy.  

When I lost Garrett, i had visions of (Dont ask me why, it kept running through my head) Native American women cutting themselves in grief... I have an appointment on my birthday in August, the day I lost my precious son to have my entire left forearm professionally scarred with 22 Scars.   This young woman is a friend of my daughters and a specialist in the field of body modification and art.  I have known her for several years..  My family other than Jolene and Joe (who doesn't get it but if I need it then its okay with him). have been less than supportive.  In fact they have fought very bitterly with me about it.   I made up my mind before Garrett's service (god I can hardly say that) that I was going to place the pain and love I feel on the inside for my Garrett on my arm.   That is one of the few things that feels right to me, and that I need to do.   I cannot explain it but I have to do this.   And Garrett my beloved son hated censorship.... He would tell me to do it and have my back..

thanks for listening everyone.... sometimes, I just need to talk...

love and hugs to all,

Jackie

 

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Jackie,  it’s your arm and you can do whatever you want with it.  I’d not want people asking me what it is about for the rest of my life but then I do keep a lot to myself and wouldn’t want to invite interest from strangers.  - Personally , if I had anything done I’d want it just for my eyes.  I have seen people with tattoos to honour a loved one and believe them to be beneficial to them though.   A few on this site have posted the work they have had done  - mostly hearts and dates .   It’s a very individual thing .

I went walking yesterday and met a nice old lady - we talked for ages and as she was asking about my family it felt right to tell her about David but on the way home I met another women - we chatted about her dogs and she was asking questions about me too.  I chose to keep it general and you’d think David was still alive to hear me ( although I didn’t say so) .  Don’t know why I’d be open to one women and not the other as they were both really nice and friendly.    My husband was with me and he noticed but didn’t think it odd.

hoping your day is a gentle one, Roz 

 

[Michael Rodriguez]

jackie , if that is really what you want , go for it !!!!! but maybe a tattoo ? i had never had one done, B had quite a few.....dso i have a jeep grill and brian's name on my le ft forearm and the tree of life with a falling leaf on my right forearm , and now i will get a " love you forever brian " in mandarin on my arm

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you both, Roz and Michael.  It is important to me, I have felt it from the day I lost Garrett,  It is important.  Michael that sound beautiful.  I am planning to tattoo one of Garrett's drawing of himself.  I also had plans before all of this to do a piece on my upper back that is a drawing from each of my children.. I have each art piece picked out already.   They are all wonderful artists..

I don't know Roz, but sometimes it feels right to tell people and at other times it does not.... I am glad they were both nice.

Thinking of you all,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

 

[Lisa M.]

I have a tattoo on my back that has a white dove flying away with three ribbon streamers in its mouth.   The three streamers have the names of my Mom, brother and sister in them.  On my inner arm I have  a dove with Donald 's dates and his actual signature  .  I took it from a letter he wrote to me in 4th grade.  It brings a smile to my face because, in the letter he also signed his last name.  Like I wouldn't know who he was . Love to all.

[Michael Rodriguez]

brian and the jeep logo ....he had the second strip on his painted red

[NiquesMom]

I got this when Nique was a baby. No pain tolerance so I never added to it. Glad I got it back then.

[Jacqueline3]

Evening to all.   I love them all so much!.   It is something that I have to do.  It is important to me.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Judith fay]

[Jacqueline3]

JUDITH!  How beautiful!  Did you just get it done, it looks like you have covering on it from the artist!   It is simply beautiful!   How are you doing?   I think of you often!

love and hugs,

Jackie

[Michael Rodriguez]

tree of life with a falling leaf ,,,,,,B used to have it in the same place , with out the falling leaf ,,,,that is B

[Jacqueline3]

i love it Michael!  I think our tattoos are so important and I am looking forward to getting what I would like for Garrett and I.

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Michael,  that is very moving.      
I did listen to the kenny chesney song on you tube and the comments along side were filled with people who have lost their child too - so much pain in this world .  Roz

[Mason’s Mom]

Looking at all the tattoos in honor of the lost ones it is powerful and I didn't know Nique's full name until now. I don't have any but I feel like I have his memory tattooed on my heart. I don't even know what I could have that would encompass all that he was and still is to me.  My little boy who would say " I want to hold you", he wasn't very old but that meant he wanted to be held. The 3rd grade boy who walked his little sister to class every morning.  The boy who could make the entire family laugh until we cried. The young man that brought a stranger to a family reunion so the stranger could have a  good meal. He could also make me crazy with his reckless behavior,  living life to the fullest. My boy, the one I miss everyday. 

[Judith fay]

For most of us, life was gliding along pretty smoothly and we actually felt like we had a place in the world. And, then the unthinkable happened -- our child died. In the blink of an eye everything changed. Now, we can't seem to find a place where we feel okay in our world that has been turned upside down. Nothing makes sense any more, and we know that nothing will ever be the same again.  How can we ever really belong here when our child is gone? Everything about child loss is so hard and so very painful!

Iam coming up on my Christinas Angel date. I have been trying to process everything about her death I AM NOT IN A GOOD PLACE!

My tatoo on my right Arm is for my christina my dad called her Tina Bug

The other Arm is Angel wings with Dasha on it . I cant  stand that both my girls are gone. They are together and I am so ready to go see them. But my Grandkids need me

Mim of Christina and Dasha

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Judith,

I understand how you feel... everything now has a different light, a different texture, a different feel.  and the lense through wihich we are looking is skewed and distorted by pain, sorrow and anger.   I am feeling dread and upset as well, I lost my Garrett on August 30th. and it is close.... I can not believe it has been almost a year, my baby boy.  I still cry every day, rage in anger and beg for my boy to come home.   I know you are still trying to sort out details about how you lost your Christina and I am not telling you to stop since I know there is some question about the boyfriends story.

but... maybe focus too on how much light and sunshine, Christina brought to the world and things that she did that made you smile or laugh or a time she reached out to a stranger, hugged her children, hugged you...  Think of Dasha and her beautiful little face and smile.

I cannot think too often about the day I lost Garrett, it makes me sick inside and then I fall into a hole where I drown in pain and sob uncontrollably.   It does creep into my mind and we are still waiting on one test run after the autopsy to understand what happened to my precious boy.  But I try to put that out of my head as much as possible (not always possible).  I try to remember things we did together, the fun, laughter and the tears...

I too cannot stand the fact that my wonderful Garrett is not here.... it breaks my heart every day and each day for me is an uphill climb through the fires of hell.   Other than Jolene, (My other daughter Gily, is avoiding.... If she rushes through her life and cuts us off to a certain degree, she doesn't have to deal)  No one seems to give a ****.   Even my husband is avoiding and going on as if nothing has happened.  My Mum, siblings keep telling me to pull myself together...  As we speak my Mum (whom I have talked to every day since leaving home almost 40 years ago, (until the time I needed her most) drove with my sister 12 hours to attend a party for my nephew who graduated HS.  In the almost 10 months since I have lost Garrett, she has not come and seen me once, (It is a 2 hour drive)  none of my family or Joe's have bothered, they do not even call... My Mum might call once a week if I am lucky, I get a quick text some mornings with a "Good morning.  How did you sleep?  have a good day."  and that is it.  

I have been cut off, not by my choosing by most everyone in my life. ( I do not know why I feel that way Judith but I do feel like you are in the same position, cut off by many.  If I am wrong or I have overstepped, I do apologize)...My pain and grief and sorrow are too much for them... "they have lives to get back to." (My mother's words)  My life is shattered in more ways than I can count but the one that eats at my heart and soul and really is the only thing that matters to me now, is that my Garrett isn't here. 

I wish to hell I had a magic answer to make this all right or a time machine to go back for all of us and save our children, but i do not.  You are not alone Judith.   Talk and I will listen, cry and I am a shoulder, reach out and I will hold your hand.   I, myself need all the help I can get to get through each and every hellish day... the damned birds as well have been a life line to me... I am thinking of you, hold on and hold on to us.... we do understand and are here for you.

Love and hugs to all,

Jackie

Love and Hugs to all,

Jackie

 

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Judith, I’m glad you are writing here again .    You are right in what you say about everything changing in the blink of an eye - for some it is literally that sudden and for others it is a painful arrival after an illness or other suffering - either way it does change absolutely everything .    
You do still have a job to do - your grandchildren need you so badly and even though you want to join your two children who have gone before you I hope you can find the strength to carry on.   It’s not easy - it hurts.   You’re probably worn out with grief and your search for the truth but please remember that all of us here care about you 

Take care,   Roz

 

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Hi Jackie,     Feeling isolated in grief is something I choose at times.   It is mine .  My love for David is overwhelming so it follows that my grief is too.   I’m thinking about him always and I’m learning to function around that, along side that, but I can easily topple over if I’m not prepared for a trigger or if my deep feelings are exposed.      None of my friends ask about my grief - that was very short lived and they have moved right along and forgotten about my loss .  I’m not a lot of fun these days or want to meet up with them so their relationship with me has definitely changed, I understand that but I’d still like contact - on the phone or emails - and at least an acknowledgment of what has happened in my life as well as a catch up about other things - not just an end to our relationship altogether.  It’s another loss.

Families in grief is rather more serious and when they cannot talk about your loss , their loss too by the way, then that is beyond hurtful.    Avoidance is understandable if not helpful to you - time may change that.   Sometimes sticking to happier memories with them can open that door to talking and lead to the necessary deep conversations .    I’ve said before that my brother has only mentioned David just after his death - never since - not even asking about my grandson ( David’s son) .  I think that he is an emotional coward and cannot face ‘that’ conversation.  He may have forgotten or may not care - I wouldn’t know.  Do I care which? No, not anymore.   Any of the three reasons are of no use to me.       My husband’s grief is different to mine but we can say anything to each other about David and don’t feel that we need to protect the other or censor.    My daughter doesn’t get into long sad conversations but is easy talking about David’s life and will sympathise with me if I need to vent my difficult moments.  My parents are dead and so are my husbands - he is an only child and I only have my brother so we are a small family anyway.      Your lot may be unable to articulate how awful this is and prefer for you to ‘get better’ and then they don’t have to worry about you or search for their words or compassion.      This is unrealistic and impossible - they probably need guidance on what to say, what to do and that there is no timeline - none of this is helpful to you , dear friend,  but when you are stronger  you may be able to see a way through with them - or not!   Bottom line - they are not doing enough for whatever reason and you are the sufferer.    
Sorry to have written so much - I do worry that I can step on toes or give my opinion when it’s neither asked for nor is of any use.    Forgive me if I do.   Like the family we now all are some of us will be on the same wavelength and others will jar - regardless , we care about each other and should focus on that.        Kind thoughts ,   Roz

[Michael Rodriguez]

thanks roz,,,,,i trust that i am included....i hope 

[Lisa M.]

Roz,  I don't feel you step on toes.  Quite the opposite.   You help validate some of the feelings and emotions we have.  I too, have no one asking how I am doing anymore.   While my major meltdowns have slowed some, I still  have periods of great sadness wondering if I am the only one that even thinks about Donald.  I also feel very guilty that I  don't have as many major  meltdowns.   Does this mean I am forgetting or does this mean I am coping better.  I still miss him terribly.   I have been trying to focus on the good memories we had. I appreciate all of you.  This is truly the only safe place for me. 

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There is a piece of music that plays out what my soul is feeling.   It is so moving and beautiful.   I chance listening to it now and then but I’m sobbing, big ugly sobs , instantly.     It says it all for me.

I have it on you tube … Morricone - Gabriel’s oboe from Mission Maja Logowska  oboe conducted by Andrzej          Sorry it’s such a mouthful but the young girl on oboe is magical and worth a share

Roz x

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Michael    Of course you are a big part of this family,   I think that I am aunt Rozzie.

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Lisa,   As time passes the outward signs of our grieving do become less obvious to others and we do get better control in public but the love and loss is still as strong and always will be.    
Guilt,  I think,  plays a huge part in our lives as we try and get back on our feet .  I find that if a bit of the old me reappears- a silly moment goofing around- I am quick to lock it up again as if I’m doing David a disservice- as if I don’t care anymore.  He’d be cheering me on, bless him, but the policing of me is my own doing - no one is judging - and that is after five and a half years.     I don’t know if that goes away and if we allow ourselves to react with joy to nonsense again even whilst we are forever sad and longing.   
Truth is that we will have some terrible struggles and then some calmer times - but always, always, always remembering with love and missing them with all our heart.
Take care, Roz
 

 

[Jacqueline3]

My dearest Roz, I have never felt you stepped on toes.  I always look forward to hearing from you.  We are a unexpected family and my friends.   I need all of you so very much.   There are days that only by hearing from one of you can I get myself calmed down.  Some days I do okay and others, I am inconsolable. 

Lisa, I have the same feelings so many times a day... Am I the only one that remembers Garrett, says his name, thinks about him..   If I have a better day and don't cry as much, then I too feel so guilty.    I do not want Garrett to ever think that even one step I take in this life now is easy for me without him here and that I don't miss and love him every second of every day.   I do not know how to live this life without my Garrett. 

I am bumbling my crying self through trying to find a way to walk with my boy even thought we are separated now.   I talk to him all the time and there are moments I swear he answers me.   I do believe our blessed children are close, we just need to learn a new language for which there are no books or lessons and that is as unique to each of us and our child...  And I am crying again... the staple of my days. However, I am careful who I tell, that I know Garrett is talking to me or I will just be the crazy woman to many that were at one time close to me.   

As unique and different as we all are we all bring different skills and ideas to our group table in this unbearable turn of our lives.  I can say that I would not have made it this far without all of you.  

Thank you for walking this road with me.

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Jacqueline3]

Dearest Roz, I too like moments of isolation.  the times I sit on the bench with the birds is a comforting time for me, even thought I cry at times.   that is a time for Garrett and I just to be together, and I can sense him sometimes, or see it in the strange behavior of one or more of the birds.   And I know that not every bird is a message from Garrett but some have been so bizarre and specific in their behavior ( strange behaviors that have continued).that I cannot deny my son's presence.  that is one of the few times I feel some comfort....

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[Lisa M.]

Oh my gosh.  When my husband cooks....it is more work for me.   The clean up takes forever.

[Jacqueline3]

My husband says cooking makes his hands dry.... Uugh....  There is no such thing as hogging the board Roz.... We all talk as we need or as the our moods, good or bad, dictates.   I am always happy to hear from any of you.  It always makes me feel like I am not alone in this nightmare....  Sorry your kitchen is in array!

[Jacqueline3]

Well, guys,  I don't know what to say, I just lost my Mum, sister and brothers.... They told me I was a liar, a grieving fool who wants everybody to feel my pain.   I was accused of starting a fight with them.  they are in Indiana for the graduation party.   I called back three times and they hung up on me...

I feel sick inside.

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Jackie,  what on earth has happened?     Did they phone you or were you reaching out to them?
 Try not to be too upset by it all - it won’t help .   Roz x

 

[Jacqueline3]

I phoned them, and Mum said I should have come to the party and I told her I never cared about parties and I sure as hell didn't care now  (Joe and I are not big party people, and now it just isn't something I would ever be interested in)  I was not talking about anything specific... I was on speaker and she did not tell me... and My brother took it as a direct insult to him and his family and I was never to talk to him that way.  And if i didn't give a **** about them the feeling was mutual.  I said I didn't say that and my sister said I had started it... it just cascaded and my mother told me that until I could act civilized and like I wanted to be with them and share in others joy she was going to say good bye to me.   I needed professional help ( I did have professional help) and I needed to move on with my life and she kept saying... "Garrett's dead" over and over and over again.   Right now I cannot forgive her.   My one brother has not talked to me at all as it turns out she told him not to call me... because I would make him mad if I said my life was shattered.  I should be done with this by now.  She was old and she did not need this heartache.  She also called me a liar on multiple occasions when she said I talked about how people bullied Garrett.... I was lying about that.  She told Jolene she was a fucking fool if she believed what I said about Garrett being bullied/  I am so upset and angry.  She said I was angry and Garrett would not even know this horrible person that I am now.  I have always been the child the most like my father... Mum told me that all the time.   Now all the sudden I am a shame to my father and he would be so disappointed because I am not getting on with my life.

Roz, I don't even know what the **** happened, but every time she would say that about Garrett, I nearly screeched... I said to stop it was painful... and she told me if I said I was in pain one more time she was going to come down to my home and slap the **** out of me....I don't even know what to say.... I am tired and hurt and I miss my son....

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Jackie,  I don’t know what to say - it all sounds so cruel.  Please don’t phone them again today.  Try to settle yourself as best you can.  They sound as if they don’t want to be inconvenienced with any of the emotional stuff and are incapable of empathy for you.   What a shame. 
Have any of them lost a child of their own?     Could they even imagine what that would feel like ? 
I doubt you have enough energy for all of this and it’s bound to make things more unpleasant at home for everyone.

I’m afraid you will have to live with it .   It doesn’t sound as if they are ready to be there for you just now.   You may be able to find a way to let them be who they are and it no longer upset you as I can’t see what you could say to turn it around  at present.   By the way,  why do they think they know more about Garrett’s life than you and if he were bullied or not?   You would be in a better position to know that , not them.

Im guessing your mum is in her 80s  and I can understand why you are hurt by her behaviour towards you but if that is her protecting herself then , for your own sake in the future,  I’d let her do that .   If you don’t expect anything then you will not be disappointed.    Elderly people have a way of shutting out grief.    It would be bizarre to talk to her and not open up about your pain but she doesn’t sound like she can handle it.    
 Your siblings are another kettle of fish altogether.   Shame on them making life harder for you.    They are grown ups and should be doing better.   Please Jackie, no more rows with them - what does it achieve?   It’s not like you’ve lost your dog and can’t get over it , for goodness sake.     I hope that they can reflect on their words and lack of action but it can only come from them.   Do they think that you are hysterical with grief?       I think that is understandable. 

You are in that awful spot where there isn’t a lot you can change - they have to be willing to listen or to think it through for themselves.    Like I have become with my brother - no expectations / no disappointment.

 
Gather yourself , sit with your birds for a while.    How about a drive out with your husband - take some sandwiches to eat and take Garrett tucked away in your heart with you , the change of scenery will be good for you and your husband.    

It’s 3.30am here so I’m off to bed.     Take it easy .   Roz x

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you Roz, so much for talking to me.  It is 10:30 pm here.  I am going to try and sleep too.   I went out and set in the dark by the birds with Garrett for about an hour.  I feel drained and lost but i know my  boy and he knows me.... That was terrible to hear my Mum say.  I am the only one that has been cursed to walk this road without one of my children.  thank you again Roz.  Please rest,

Love and hugs,

Jackie

[Jacqueline3]

I need to ask a question of everyone, I have said what happened yesterday... I am not completely innocent... I did snap at my mother in a text for not even bothering to say hello for three days... however my snarky comment did not warrant the black lash that happened.   I guess i need to know... do you feel that I talk about my pain and sorrow of losing Garrett as a ploy to get everyone to feel my pain?  That is what my brother has said repeatedly.  My Mum told me Garrett would not even know this ugly person I am...  This morning I am heartbroken, my mother told me goodbye yesterday.  I have talked to my Mum every day of my life until I lost Garrett... My youngest brother who has not called me at all (as it turns out my Mum told him not to)  She told me that and said that if he had to listen to me say my life was shattered it would piss him off. and I needed to get over it.  

I need to know if that is how you all see me and my postings on how I feel.  If that is the case then I will not post anymore.   I feel truly shattered this morning and I need to know if I am pissing everyone off here.  

Jackie

[Changed]

Jackie,  you post here, like all of us, to speak of the crushing loss of your child and how you struggle to exist with what is left of you.   We all do.   That is why we stay on this site , or something similar, because we truly understand this enormous effect on our very being and offer mutual support .     We cannot expect everyone else to understand but we’d hope extended family would.   

So, in direct answer,  there is no ‘ploy’ from you or anyone here.   That is what this place is about - sharing and supporting .    No one wants you to stop posting or to alter your openness.   You sound like a parent in extreme grief - we get it.   Don’t worry,  Roz

 

 

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you Roz,   Today I am at a loss for words, except thank you.

[Lisa M.]

We are always hear to listen Jackie.  We get it.

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you, Lisa

[Mason’s Mom]

Jackie I am so sorry you have had to face the pain of family members who don't understand your pain. It is hard to know who you can share your thoughts and pain with. I think that is why most of us communicate here because we are all struggling with the loss of our children. We all grieve differently but we certainly don't need or want anyone telling us how or give us a time frame. I know some people who experience loss and no longer speak of their loved ones, I want to talk about him and hear others. 

Yesterday Morgan went to the cemetery with me for the first time since the day of Mason's funeral. It was a big step for her. She talks about him but rarely about her grief. 

Roz as always your words are so wise and comforting. 

Peace and comfort, 

Carol

[Jacqueline3]

Thank you Carol,   I am glad Morgan was able to go.   I have not been able to go back to the cemetery myself yet.  How is Morgan doing?

Jackie