Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Simonsmam, Avril,

Thanks for the poem. How very true those words are.

Shoes that hurt, but we can never get rid of them,

and must always wear them. An insightful poem----

a true poem. Thanks again for sharing.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[mikesmomrs]

To all:

Daveydow1 - Sherry; my thoughts are with you as you go through this birthday of your sweet son. I know that you feel his presence and his comfort, even as your heart aches to not feel his hand in yours, or his cheek beneath your lips as you kiss him and tell him "happy birthday." He hears you, he sees you, and he is with you always. You are continually in my prayers, and your husband, as you both go through yet another trial that none of us should have to endure. God bless both of you, and give you strength. love and peaceful moments, carol MIKESMOMRS

Avril: a really meaningful poem. thank you so much for sharing.

carol mikesmomrs

[bbarbie55]

That poem is just how I feel it is so real thank you simonsmam I love it.

Deb

[momgran]

Daveydow1/Sherry: I am so sorry I missed your Davey's birthday. I don't want to make excuses but my computer hasn't been working well lately, but no matter, I know that each day without your precious boy is a difficult one, but I hope that yesterday, you and your family shared precious memories of past Birthdays and found some peace and moments of joy. Happy Birthday Davey Dear! You are forever young and that lovely face and those beautiful eyes will never age and wither. You will never know sorrow, you were meant to lived only long enough to know life as a joyful experience.

Simonsmam/Avril: Wonderful analogy. How we would like to discard these shoes...but they are ours...and we wear them with dignity!

Love Peace and Patience

Debbie

[namarella]

Mikesmum, your description of finding one of Micheal's toys, the Humphrey Bear, hit home with me so much. My 20-month old grandson lives in another country now and I'd been hanging onto some of the toys Eric had when he was a child to give to our grandchildren one day. We had opportunity to send some things over to this country recently, so I went to the attic to retrieve Eric's trainset. It had dust and spiderwebs on it from long storage, but I got it all cleaned up and ready to send over. I had to swallow back the tears as I worked on it, so many memories - such good, good memories - came flooding back of Eric as a small boy, playing with this train. Our daughter still won't speak of her brother, but I'm hoping seeing this trainset will also bring back some good memories for her, and her heart will open to her brother. Do hang onto Micheal's things - someday you may have opportunity to give them to his daughter and they will mean so much to her - no matter her age. My heart goes out to you in all you've endured...I know Micheal (and all our children) are sending their constant love and support to us as we navigate this hard path. Colleen

[daveydow1]

For Mikesmom, Carol----Mamabets---and Momgran,

Thank you so much for all your kind words for David's

birthday. The day went ok for us. Of course we were

not "happy", but managed alright. We visited his grave,

and released a balloon with "We Love You" on it, and

followed with our eyes until it was way up in the clouds

and disappeared. Gentle breezes came through the aspens,

and the crow came---as usual. We said prayers, looked up

in the sky, and said our goodbyes. Your kind words meant

so very much to me. Thanks again.Peace to all.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[momgran]

To all: On Oct 22 we will have reached the end of the first year without our sweet Pippa and her little Kieran. I would like to share a story that I just wrote to Carol in an email about how we might 'celebrate' that day.

I think my son and I will play golf on October 22, I haven't played in years! Pippa was an avid golfer and squash player. My son plays regularly. After the funeral in South Africa we all gathered at Humewood Golf Club. One of the many 'sad' stories I have of their passing is that Pippa and Kieran were going to be here in Canada for Christmas last year. They had booked their air tickets and were due to arrive on Dec 19. When we went there for their funeral I found the tickets sitting on her dresser in their kitchen. The first of many heartbreaking experiences when I walked into their lovely home, without them being there!!! Anyway, Pippa would have liked to have been here earlier than Dec 19 but the South Africa Open was being held at their golf club, Humewood, that year and she and her Dad were going to be working at the open. She was so excited about this. It was so sad gathering there after the funeral, my first visit to one of her favourite places. When we returned to Canada we had the TV on one day, and it was the South African Open....being played there at that golf course. I knew that Pippa's dad was there, working, on his own, without his precious daughter. How my heart ached for him. I brought back with me the peak Pippa would wear golfing, with the Humewood logo on the front and one of her golf shirts. I think I will wear those if we go golfing on Oct 22. I'm finding that she is with me always now. We shared the same sense of humour so whenever I see an incident that strikes me as amusing I can see Pippa giving me that knowing look we always shared and the sparkle in her eyes and the smile on her face that would follow! In fact, when that happens I feel her 'closer' to me than when she used to be physically by my side! It's truly uncanny!

Love Peace and Patience to you all

Debbie

[momgran]

To All: My creative juices are flowing and I would like to remind you all that if you would like me to add your memorial website to the page I created for my friends here at BI you can either post it on here or email me at dfbarton@sympatico.ca. Also, if you have photos you would like me to include in the next movie I will be creating you can either email them to me or I can copy them from your memorial website. To anyone who hasn't seen my 'page' it is at:

http://katzndogz.powweb.com/BI.html

Have a lovely weekend.

Debbie

[bbarbie55]

Mikesmum

My heart goes out to you for all the pain you have gone through I keep you in my prayers. Remember we are strong and can face anything because of our shoes.

Deb

[larrysmom]

AS i sit here with tears i can barely see, tomorrow 9-19 07 will be my son,s 44th birthday, the 1st without him, i will probably not get out of bed, oh! the pain.We lost him on 7-5-07 in a truck accident that caught fire, so it was a closed casket,( THERE WAS NO TIME FOR GOODBYS) and i still can,t believe he,s not comming back, i recieved his autopsy report 2 weeks back cannot look at it. His daughters want to have a Bday party for him don,t know if i can do it.He was a fun and witty, very social person life of the party had a hugh heart give u his shirt if u wanted it, would get out of bed at midnite if u were in trouble and needed him had a passion for flying that was from 2 generations before him, had just bought his grandson( and him) Nick 2.5 yrs a model airplane, he loved taking them to the park and playing with them, Thanks for letting me vent. GOD BLESS TO YOU ALL! LARRYSMOM

[momofjon]

Hello Larrysmom,

Your son sounds like he was a wonderful man. Did you make it through his birthday?

I lost my son in 2005 so I know how difficult the first year is.

dee

[mamabets]

For Larrysmom~ Bless you, for this is so, so, so early on for you...Dear God, it brings me back to that fateful night in June of 2004 when my ex called to tell me that there had been a terrible accident...My 25 year old son, my Danny...

Please, if it can be of any comfort let me tell you...Stay in bed, cry when you must, scream loud into a pillow..These days are unfathomable, and we all know them well...We all know each other, often better than we know ourselves. Feel free to email me at huntross4@aol.com.

PEACE...One day there will be a sort of peace...this I can promise you...Stay with us here, and know how much we all care...

LOVE,

mamabets

[bbarbie55]

Hi been through a tough time lately. People my ex rented from told me they had things of my daughters and I had to go get them. I didn't want to go to his house because it brought back memories but I did. The stuff was not there so I left. The new tenants left the house unlocked so I was accused of theft. I talked to the police and they aren't pressing charges because no proof. My daughters belongings are still with the landlord. This justice sucks when people can steal stuff and get away with it. It brought back a lot of memories I wish hadn't come back but I survived this to. I guess I'm stronger than I thought.

Deb

[briansdad]

Today is three years since Brian took the last ride on his motorcycle.We live on for him.He continues to send us signs. I know he is fine. I also know that he is helping us too.

To my son... my best friend, till we meet again. I LOVE YOU.

DAD

[mamabets]

For Briansdad~ You are the best friend that anyone could ever ask for, and the best Dad a kid could ever dream of...

LOVE.

mamabets

xoxo

[daveydow1]

For Briansdad,

You and your family are in my prayers on this day----

dear Brian's angel day. May you find comfort and

peace from knowing that the love was great between

you and him, and that you know he's fine. Peace &

serenity.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[ameliasmom]

Hello to everyone. I haven't written in such a long time. I will go on and read but just haven't joined in the conversation.

I was on tonight and I saw that it has been 3 years since Briansdad lost his son. I went to the memorial page and looked at all the pictures. It breaks my heart as I know it does yours. You have a beautiful and loving family. Brian loves his daughter, that is obvious. He looks so happy in all of the picutres. My heart goes out to you and your family. I am sure this day is so hard.

I've gone on to look at other memorials and I like putting the names with faces about people I read about but it is so painful to know how many people are hurting.

My daughter Amelia died on November 13, 2005. As the season begins to change, I can feel the pain and sadness beginning. It always starts early before special days and holidays. I miss her so much and still can't believe she is really gone.

I love what you all have done to remember your children and I think I am ready to do somethng similar. Thank you all so much for sharing your loved ones with me and for allowing me to read your innermost feelings. I hope I can begin to share more with you.

Peggy, always Amelia's mom

[robsmom]

HI EVERYONE!

II HAVEN'T POSTED IN A LONG TIME. I KIND OF THOUGHT I WAS DOING PRETTY GOOD. HAD MY DAYS BUT ON THE WHOLE i THOUGHT I WAS HOLDING IT TOGETHER PRETTY WELL.

WE HAVE DECIDED TO SELL OUR HOUSE AND GET A TWO FAMILY HOUSE WITH MY SON KEITH, HIS WIFE AND TWO YEAR OLD. SO I'VE BEEN PRETTY BUSY GETTING THE HOUSE READY TO BE SOLD. AND THEN CAME SEPTEMBER. I'VE ALWAYS HATED SEPTEMBER. UNLIKE OTHER PARENTS WHO WERE HAPPY THE KIDS WERE GOING BACK TO SCHOOL, I ALWAYS GOT DEPRESSED WHEN SEPTEMBER ROLLED AROUND. NOW SEPTEMBER IS GONE AND OCTOBER IS HERE AND ROBS BITHDAY IS THE 22 HE WOULD HAVE BEEN 28. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GET ENGAGED LAST SUMMER. THAT ACHE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY CHEST IS IN HIGH GEAR. I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T BREATHE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS CRY. WHEN I THINK ABOUT SELLING THE HOUSE IT IS WITH VERY MIXED EMOTIONS. I KNOW IT IS NOT HEALTY FOR MY HUSBAND AND I TO BE HERE BUT AT THE SAME TIME A BIG OF ME DOESN'T WANT TO GO. WE'VE HAD A LOT OF WORK DONE TO THE HOUSE AND LITTLE BY LITTLE IT IS BECOMEING NOT MY HOUSE. NOT WHAT I'M USED TO SO I THINK MAYBE IT IS TIME TO GO TO BE AROUNG KEITH AND HIS FAMILY AND ENJOY THEM MORE.

I MISS ROB SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH. AS ALL YOU CAN RELATE TO. LAST YEAR WHEN I FIRST STARTED TO POST HERE AND SOMEONE SAID THAT THE SECOND YEAR IS MUCH WORSE THAN THE FIRST I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW THAT COULD BE. NOW I KNOW. THE SHOCK HAS WORN OFF AND REALITY HAS SET IN. THIS IS JUST HORRIBLE.

I FEEL DESPERATELY FOR ALL OF YOU. I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP AND WAKE UP WHEN ALL THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER.

LOVE YOU ALL AND THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME. MAMA BETS YOU ARE TRULY A REMARKABLE PERSON YOU GIVE SO MUCH COMFORT TO EVERYINE HERE. MIKESMOM I TRULY HOP YOU ARE DOING OK.

ROBS MOM LORRAINE FOREVER AND EVER.

[mikesmum]

Colleen Deb and all who visit. Many thanks for your words and thoughts. I have kept Micheals things, his memories attached of happier days, they are for his daughter, no matter what age.

But its not Micheal that brings me to this page today. At 8:45pm last evening my husband was called out to a fatality just outside our local town. Four young people had hit a tree. One young girl 16 yo died on scene, another airlifted lost her fight this morning when her family turned off her life support. She had just turned 16. One boy broke his leg and the driver walked away with no physical injury.

The young one who lost her fight this morning was Apprentice Baker in the town. My husband and I went to the cafe providing support for those who were coming to work and just hearing the news. Most staff broke down, unable to work. I stayed with them, working with them and being there when they needed a tissue or just to be.

I know we all have to die. One thing that being here and spending the day with these vibrant young people has shown me is that there is no rhyme or reason, no plan or bigger picture that I can see. I feel the hearts of the families of those who died breaking sending shock waves around our town. The devastation of the young man who was driving and the guilt that has already began to eat at his being.

Pray for those who have joined as a parents those who have lost a child. Pray for those left behind that want to know why. Blessed be those who have gone before that wait to hold those who enter into eternity.

Young lives lost, I will never understand. Thank you BI for being my sounding board when all else seems insane.

Trudi

[mamabets]

For robsmom~ OHHHHH- To be unable to breathe..I feel you and your efforts to do so, from afar... When this past June 21 rolled around, {the date that angel Danny had been taken off of a machine called "life support" 3 years prior} while the 2-3 year mark began to bring some kind of relief, THAT day I found myself unable to breathe... Typically, it is the days leading up to the 16th...

Thank you for your kind words..Always remember that it is all of you here that give me the ability to help...Our life's calling, my Danny and me....

Danny clearly walked into Heaven on June 16th, 2004. He came to me and held my hand...He was kept alive so that 5 recipients were to recieve his organs, and were therefore given new life...Danny's time to go to his "beyond" was THEN, their time for a new NOW had begun....

A beautiful blend of transition...

Since that time, it has been a roller coaster. But, I came across this heart of mine that beats , still. My daughter, Jackie, gave to us Sweet Baby Caroline...Born in March...Her husband, Josh, has adopted 8 year old Julia, so there is a new HOPE with all of them, and therefore all of us. Hope does , somehow, appear during our darkest hours. Can't quite draw the map as to how, but getting to the point of complete surrender somehow allows one to live again. Until Danny calls for me to go "beyond", a new NOW has arrived. It is continuously tinged with my "once upon a time" when I became a mother twice and my world became so miraculously perfect, twice, in spite of a hopeless marriage then. My miraculously moment has gone on to remain as magical as ever...My sweet, dear Danny Boy... And, a wonderful new husband of almost eight years...

Be gentle, Lorraine..hang tight on to that little 2 year old..They have a way of making the boo-boo's "all better"... Little pied pipers...

Remember that song???? Danny just "hummed it" through my heart and soul..

WOW...

LOVE,

mamabets

xxoox

[riensmum]

Hi all, have not posted for so long. But do come here regularly and read all the other posts and my heart goes out to each and every one of you. Thought I was doing ok - but today feel as if I am back to the start. I lost my beautiful boy Rien Sept 2002 exactly 1 month after his 18th. He was involved in a workplace traffic accident, his Father my ex was the driver, he walked away physically unscathed, and was not made accountable, not enough evidence apparently. He has not spoken to my other son nor myself since about 2 months after the accident. My other son - Glen and I have finally decided to scatter some of Riens ashes and place a memorial overlooking the ocean. I contacted my ex's family to advise him - no-one will tell me where his is, so I have to go through them. I wanted to know if Riens father would like to be involved or to be acknowledged as Riens father. I was told today that he is in no fit state to make a decision on that, and for me to do what ever I think is best, but he would be happy to contribute financially!!! Perhaps it is me just being too emotional but I am astounded at this mans inability to acknowledge his own son,but have the ability to contribute financially - I don't want his money. I feel ashamed for him and it breaks my heart to think what Rien would think or feel that his own father cant make a decision such as this. Right now I feel so sad, angry and confused. Sometimes by writing here it makes you feel better to a certain degree. Thanks for reading my ramblings. Love and white light to you all. Judi

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Riensmum, My intuition tells me that whatever your ex does or doesn't do is a cover for his inability to live with a guilt so crushing and strong. he seems to not be able to face you or Glen because he would have to face the death again and whatever his part was in that. It was deemed an accident, but even so, I can imagine he carries the weight of being responsible, and that kind of turmoil within can destroy us and our ability to cope or function rationally. I suspect he is running from himself--not only you. I can understand the frustration and anxieties you are facing in the decisions you want to make, and his lack of being a part of all of that. I think for now you have to look at the situation with Rien's dad as he is truly incapable. But you need to do what is best for you and Glen, and if that means moving forward with a memorial site and so forth without the presence of rien's dad, then so be it. You could wait your entire life if you waited for him to be ready. And that isn't right for you, Glen or Rien. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain, and this compounded grief in the situation that presents itself. I pray you and Glen can move forward with your plans and do what brings you comfort and peace, and let go of the situation with the dad. It must be so hard for Glen, and that is very sad. But the man truly sounds lost, far removed, gone from his emotions, a runaway. And in that, there probably is nothing anyone can do but pray for him and hope one day he will face himself and Rien's family. Again I'm so sorry for your loss and the grief you carry. I wish you peace and blessings as you proceed to honor Rien. Hugs, Claudia

[bokenhearted]

Hi, I have not posted for sometime but I find that today has been a tough day for me. It is not a major date or anything like that but for some reason I have struggled with my emotions all day. I have not been to my sons grave for some weeks now but today found myself there crying my eyes out. I can't really explain what it even was that set me off. It is 29 months since he committed suicide and I have to be honest and say that I have found myself back in the land of the living and going about daily events in not the same way as before but in a managable way but today I seem to almost feel as bad as the day that I found him. I wish someone could tell me of a way to block out the memories of that dreadfuly day when he shot himself. It haunts me and on days like this I feel so devistated it actually physically as well as mentally hurts. It is just so crippling. I use to be able to talk to my husband and daughter when I felt like this but as time is passing I am finding this more difficult as they are trying to deal with their own emotions and I feel they don't need me wailing all over them. It's nights like these when sleep does not come easily for me that I find most difficult too hence that is why I am here. I know you all are battling your own demons like me and even in my saddest moments I think of you all and wish there was someway we could all have been spared the loss of our loved ones. Life is so cruel and for the life of me I can't see any reason for it..

I thank you all for your support and it goes without saying you have mine too.

Jo

[4everjoeysmom]

Jo, we are certainly here for you. It's a horrible memory for me too the way Joey died, and sometimes it is so hard to fight back those thoughts that bring me crashing to that physical and mental pain you describe. The waves of grief are so unpredictable. I'm so sorry today has been so painfully difficult for you. I do hope and pray you are able to rest and find that place again soon where you can think on better memories, ones to bring you comfort. It is SO hard... How I too wish we all could escape the bad waves. I'm so thankful we have each other for comfort and support when the going gets really tough. Sending much love and big hugs, Claudia

[daveydow1]

Riensmum, and Jo,

I'm sorry you are having so much sorrow. I hope and

pray that you can somehow find some peace and comfort.

Even though these really tough days are what we face

up to, each time is so devastating to us. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[kathy714]

Hi,i haven't posted in a while,i loss my son Nathan,Jan31,2005,on is 21st birthday,i do read the post almost every nightand miss everyone here,i was just thinking back how i found out about BI,while i was playing a game on club pogo, one night and someone in the chat told me BI was a great site for people who have loss their children.This site did save my life,i would post every day,sometimes more than once,i read now,and remember that pain,and the feeling of not able to breath,like someone just knocked the wind out of you...I still feel the pain,i love and miss my son so very much,it's just not as crippling as in the beginning. I just wanted to post to say everyone here is in my thoughts,my heart and in my prayers.....Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mamabets]

For Kathy714~ I LOVE YOU!!!!!

mamabets

xoxoxoxo

[mamabets]

For daveydow1~ Hi Sherry~ It is all so difficult, some hours harder than others. But, I must say, I too feel as if I am "among the living" again...It does take a long time, but with each day that passes, I say to myself... "It's one day closer to my Danny's eternity"

It has softened, as you and I know...We are needed here for those that have just begun this journey, or have been on it for a shorter "walk" than we have been. To be needed and to be able to help, when we can, is a good thing...

I LOVE YOU~

mamabets

xoxoxox

[julsmom]

I haven't posted in a long time. Depending on how one looks at it this is the 4th year our daughter died in a one car crash (it was Columbus Day, Oct 13, 2003). We were supposed to return to NJ where she is buried but will not be able to. Please keep my family in your thoughts & Prayers. Thank you. Julsmom

[bokenhearted]

Claudia/Sherry

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. I have had a better day today and that is due to being busy at work. I don't know what I would do without my job. It saves my sanity many a time. Just know that you have helped me greatly.

Hugs

Jo.

[bokenhearted]

Julsmom

You most certainly are in my thoughts and prayers. It has been 29 months coming upto 30 months since I lost my son to suicide and some days are easier to handle but others are awful. I have just had such a day yesterday but coming back here and writing it in here has helped and of course just looking tonight and seeing that others care about us is the best medicing for me.

I will be thinking of you come Oct 13. You do whatever it takes to get you through yet another angel day.

Hugs

Jo

[4everjoeysmom]

Jo, I am glad today is a better day. The rough ones are so hard to get through, but somehow we manage to lift each other up and that truly is good medicine. I agree. I continue to pray for you and all of us who stryggle through our grief. My prayer is that our grief, however it is a part of our lives can one day cease to be our way of life. Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

JulsMom, I am certainly lifting you and your family in prayer... Hugs, Claudia

[daveydow1]

Mamabets,

Yes, I look at it that way too----each day is one day

closer to our child's eternity. I believe all the children

of everyone here at BI are friends in eternity. They are

free of pain, worry, & troubles. Thank God for that.

Peace to you.

Sherry

[julsmom]

Thanks for the replies - all on these boards are never far from my thoughts and prayers. May all find peace. Lynda

[bbarbie55]

This month on the twenty fourth my Bobbi will be gone six months and its hard. I keep crying today is my day off I wish I was at work then I don't think. To make matters worse I just found out she was buried on September twenty fourth and no one told me or even asked me to be there. I feel like I have no rights I wasn't allowed there when the vent was shut off and now this. I feel so low and I feel like I'm an outsider where my daughter is concerned. I hope the pain goes away I don't think I can take anymore shots. I guess I don't count I'm only her mother and it doesn't matter.

Deb

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Deb, Of course it counts that you are her mother!! You ARE her mother! And NO ONE can take that away from you, even in their selfish and hateful, vengeful acts. It is very sad for your own inner peace that you did not get to be there for whatever ceremonial burrial was held. BUT... Bobbi so knows even now how much you love her. Nothing and no one can take that away. I wish I could say something to make you feel more at ease about how people are behaving and leaving you out. Maybe you can come up with something really special in homor of Bobbi and have your own intimate, very beautiful ceremony to release her into God's arms. She's already there anyway, you know. And the family that left you out went through the motions, but Bobbi wasn't truly there. She is with God, and she is in your heart forever. She is with you! Carry her with you and find that special moment in a place that you and Bobbi shared together that brought you both joy, and maybe then say a prayer and imagine her spreading her wings to soar like eagles to her heavenly home. YOU can do anything your heart desires to honor her, and it never has to be limited to the one cermeonial burrial that you couldn't be part of. That one moment had no part of defining your relationship and your love and life with Bobbi. You were forsaken by them, and that is just wrong. But you don't have to own that. Let your heart be your guide... You'll know when the time is right, and you'll know exactly what to do, because your Bobbi will always be connected with you. BIG HUGS, Claudia

[daveydow1]

For Julsmom,

Since I will be away for a few days, and on Oct. 13th

your dear daughter Julie's angel day, I want to post

now, and let you know that you are in my thoughts and

prayers, and that I hope the love you and Julie shared all

her life can bring you some measure of peace & comfort.

Peace & Light to you & your family.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

For Bbarbie55,

I think Claudia said it all so well in her post to you.

As she said---'You will always be Bobbi's mother', and

I feel so sorry that you were excluded. I don't have to

tell you that this very early stage after Bobbi went to

heaven is unbelievably painful. I pray that you will be

comforted by God on this unhappy road we are all on.

Come back to BI and read/post whenever you feel up to it.

Peace & Serenity to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[bbarbie55]

I want to thank all of you for your kind words they helped me on the sixth month aniversary of her death this month my other daughter and I are going to spend some time together and visit her grave and just bond together. Shes all I got left and these days are hard for me. I miss Bobbi so much. I got to pull myself together and go to work its my life saver. I hate days off and time alone with my thought its horrible and painful. I wish I could turn the clock back and maybe things would be different. What hurts the most is people who don't understand my pain and treat me like an outsider. Well got to go will check in later thanks again.

Deb

[mamabets]

For Julsmom~ I have thought of you and your sweet Julie so much...It comforts me to see you here, reaching out to us, again. I left for a LONG time..Just could not deal, until I could. I felt as if my life was surrounded by nothing but death, and now I truly feel the "rebirthing" that my Danny has traveled to. My eternity to a place so much greater than here has begun. He has shown me his way, so I have given him my lead... In the meantime, until he calls me "home", I am participating in life again and laughing.. Danny is my God's partner, and together they make a great team. I know what I know...He has shown me so many signs!! His spirit remains~ They are but a breath away~ I weep, at one thing or another, continually, but they are tears made up of so many wonderful memories... I miss him~ Our earth and our worlds, in their entirety, shook and crumbled, after this loss... But, our loss became Danny's gain, for he will never know anything but fun, love, honesty, trust, and all of the good things that went with him and his dear soul.To think that we have been able to breathe is a miracle in and of itself...We all know what it feels like to be unable to. My Jackie has given us another grandaughter...Julia is now 8, and Caroline is 7 months...I love you and am relieved to hear from you again...

LOVE,

mamabets

xoxoxo

[kathy714]

Dear Julsmom,your family will be in my thoughts and prayers today,try to remember all the sweet memeories that you and your daughter shared during her short time here....T/C,Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Finally after 2 1/2 years my son Nathan finally has his stone at the cemetry,i had taken a picture of our dock and the lake where Nathan had spent all of his life,from the time he was a baby,i brought to a monument shop where this family owns ,and they do beautiful work,and it came out breath taking,it was worth the wait...I Love and miss you Nate!!!

[mamabets]

For Julsmom~ Thinking of you today, Lynda. I have been "humming" a song that a dear friend of mine used to sing while playing her guitar. We have recently reconnected after many years. I found her on the internet and emailed her. She called here a couple of weeks ago and sang the song for my husband and me...

Her name is Julie. It's no wonder I have been humming this song in it's entirety. I was even saying to myself earlier...

"How do you know each verse of this??"

Quite amazing, and it does my heart good to share stories like these... Our kids are always near...

Bless you today and every day, until we see our sweet angels again...xoxoxo

LOVE,

mamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

((((((((Julsmom)))))))) Thinking of you today...

[momgran]

Julsmom: My heart goes out to you today and hope the memories of your sweet daughter are becoming more peacefull and giving you more joy and less heartache. I hope you're making it through this difficult day without too many sad memories.

Bbarbie55: I'm so sorry you were excluded from the ceremony, but as Claudia said, your sweet Bobbi will be at your side forever and there's no doubting how deeply she loved her Mom while she lived. This you will carry through your life. I'm amazed when I think back to where you are on this difficult journey, not quite six months and I know that at that point I was still feeling quite lost and alone a lot of the time. I have to say, that with my first Angel Day approaching on October 22, when I lost my sweet daughter and her dear little boy in that tragic accident, that I am a lot more at peace than I expected to be. The pain is still there, the 'waves' of pain and tears still come but are a lot less frequent and not so gutwrenching, Thank God! I am also, as Mamabets and Sherry said, starting to feel that I am able to participate in life more. I'm actually starting to think of the future again, with hope for good days and new experiences. This I could not dare to do several months earlier...it was all too dark and painful. I know the bad days will still come, I will never stop missing my precious babies, but I'm lapping up the 'good days' whenever I can. I'm grateful for the good things in my life and when I see such pain and suffering around me, I realise that I am not alone. We all have to face the difficult task of learning to live without our precious children. Where and how we find the strength is a mystery to me, but we do....with each other and our loved ones in our lives, and trusting ourselves more than we doubt ourselves. A great saviour to me is my daughter's unshakable faith in me. I will carry that in my heart and I will not let her down.

Thank you all again for being there for me. Your words are powerful and represent your big beautiful hearts.

Love peace and patience to you all

Debbie

[zziizz]

HI All,

I have not really contributed much as far as posting in years. It's just somehting that has just been hard to do. I have posted on other sites in the past years after my daughters death, she passed in 12/21 she was only 21 years old and had leukemia and had to have a bone marrow transplant.

Like I said before in another post... there are some boards that have been lifelines for me in a way... and I've been pretty content on them, but every now and then things change and the people change too. So here I am and I hope to be more resposive in the future. By the way.... are there many of you that have lost an adult child in the age range of 20 - 21- 22- 23 - and if so could you share your story if you feel too. I'm just trying to find new people that have had illness be their main factor in their childrens death, especially if they had cancer or whatever..... I feel more of bond to you that is all.

I'd like to exchange our stories.

so feel free to le me know.............

zziizz and............... we just put down our doggie to a few weeks ago and that has be just worst thing for us... our dog was part of our family and meant the world to everyone... he was just here to be love and give love...oh how I miss him................. love to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[momgran]

MikesmomRS/Carol: Thinking of you today and praying that you will find some peace and joy in the memories of your precious Mike. You've worked so hard this past year to fulfill your promise to him to live your best life possible and you've soldiered on despite the desperate pain and longing. I wish you all the very best in your new home. New beginnings with Mike in your heart forever.

As I wasn't able to include you in the tribute I created for our Beyond Indigo friends' children, I created a movie especially for Mike, today. You may view it on:

http://katzndogz.powweb.com/BI.html.

Love peace and patience to us all!

Debbie

[bbarbie55]

Zziizz Hi my name is Deb and I just lost my daughter April 24th this year due to pneumonia but that was a complication from her Hodgkins, She was only twenty five at the time its been a hard road since they could never get her in a lasting remission and we were looking at a bone marrow transplant when she got sick. She had been trough a stem cell transplant that did not work(her own cells). I'd love to hear from others who have gone through what I have. She only was diagnosed in 9-05 and died 4-07 it was quick.

Deb bbarbie

[lindseysmom]

Hi, My name is Barb, and I also lost my sweet prescious daughter Lindsey to Hodgkins 01042006. She battled from 11/29/2001 . Chemo, radiation stem cell transplant bone marrow transplant then graft vs host.. I was there with her every step of the way, broken without her, Lindsey was my strenght Can't say more right now, but would love to talk with you 2, Im sure we have alot to share with each other...Will talk to you soon, but have to work in the AM, hard to do....Will pray for you both, Do you feel your daughters guiding you? Post again please share your feelings, I so need that...i think we all do, we need something to get us thru the rest of our days...I hope you find peace ...Lindseys Mom {Barb}....

[bbarbie55]

lindseysmom I will get back to you later I have to get to work now, its so good to hear from someone who knows what I have gone through all the tests chemo and her crying because she was so scared and not wanting to be sick because she couldn't be a good wife and mother. I will post more later and I'm glad you posted.

Deb