Loss of an Adult Child

[mamabets]

For Momgran~ That is a BEAUTIFUL way to start the day- Thank you!!

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxo

[simonsmam]

Poetry, like music has the capacity to touch the mind, heart and soul. Thank you for sharing them. We had the poem ‘I’m free’ on the order of service at Simon’s funeral which our vicar read out. The words echo those in the Thomas Gray poem. It was so fitting a tribute to Simon at the time and I thought that I might share it with you. Also, since then I have seen it quoted on lots of other grief websites.

I AM FREE

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free

I'm following the path God laid for me

I took His hand when I heard Him call

I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day, to laugh,

to love, to work or play.

Tasks undone must stay that way

I've found that peace at the close of the day.

If parting has left a void, then fill it

with remembered joy.

A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,

Ah, yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow

I wish for you the sunshine of tomorrow.

My life's been full, I savoured much

Good friends, good times,

a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all to brief,

Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.

Lift up your hearts and share with me,

God wants me now, He set me free.

Special kind thoughts to Momgran and my love to you all. XXX

[momgran]

Just a reminder" I've added a special tribute to Moms on our little page:

http://katzndogz.powweb.com/BI.html

through the "Pavarotti" link.

Simonsmam: Lovely!! How can we not heed these wise words. We really do have to work hard to arrive at a point where our lives are again joyful and full of hope and new, positive experiences.

I'm at work so have to run!

Love Peace and Patience to you all

Debbie

[namarella]

Simonsmam, you're so right about poetry's power...two pieces we'd had in Eric's memorial service:

Behold the child, the visitor. He has come from nowhere, for he was not before this, it is nowhere that he goes, wherefore he is called a visitor, for the visitor is one who comes form the unknown to stay but awhile and then to the unknown passes on again.

The child has come forth out of the great womb of the earth. The child has come for to stand with star dust in his hair, with the rush of planets in his blood, his heart beating out the seasons of eternity, with a shining in his eyes like the sunlight, with the hands to shape with that same force that shaped him out of the raw stuff of the universe.

When one baby is born it is the symbol of all birth and life, and therefore all people must rejoice and smile, and all people must lose their hearts to a child. Kenneth L. Patton

"We bereaved are not alone. We belong to the largest company in all the world - the company of those who have known suffering. When it seems that our sorrow is too great to be borne, let us think of the great family of the heavy hearted into which our grief has given us entrance, and inevitably, we will feel about us their arms, their sympathy, their understanding.

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.” Helen Keller

[mamabets]

For All~ We must gather and pray for Kathy714 and her hubby, John- He is battling cancer- Go to Caring Bridge and put in johnblack- Visit guestbook and pray...

Also, visit christademo- Her Mommy, Linda has been a faithful friend as well..Kathy and John lost their son, Nate, a few years back...Linda lost her son, Chad.

There is such amazing energy here, I know that you will all join hearts and help. The guestbook messages really give them love and support!!

I LOVE YOU!!

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxoxo

[daveydow1]

Simonsmom,

I am sorry for your loss of your dear son, Simon.

My prayers are for you as you travel on this journey

that none of us ever wanted to be on. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

Mikesmomrs,

Thank you so very much for visiting my son, Davey's,

memorial, and for your kind words. Things like this

have a way of brightening the day of the grieving soul.

Bless you, and peace be with you always.

Momgran, Debbie,

You mentioned going back to work in only 3 wks. I too

did that very same thing. For me, it was the wrong thing to do.

Like you, I couldn't concentrate, and was suffering &

trying to put on a "regular" face. In these days & weeks

leading up to Pippa and Keiran's angel day, I pray that

you get comfort from memories, and on the love that you

shared. With our children who have crossed over, as with

those who are still with us, ITS ALL ABOUT THE LOVE.

Peace & tranquility.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[rhonda68]

KATHY please know my thoughts are with you and praying for you. Love you dearly Kathy no one should have to go threw all of this.

[simonsmam]

I read these words on a grief website and I think they explain why

it is impossible to return to the ‘ old’ normal and why we will never be

able to have ‘closure’.

The pain never goes away. It is there with you every second that

you breathe, every step that you take. Gradually it softens and

becomes a part of your life, a part of who you are, a part of the

relationship between you and your child. In time this new life

seems so normal and it is normal. Normal to cry, normal to feel

sad, normal to be thinking of your child all the time; normal for him

not to be in your life. You may hate how it makes you feel but you

cannot change anything and so you get on with life and carry your

pain through each day.Sometimes it is unbearable, eating away at

the foundations of the new life you have fought so hard to build. It tears

apart the strength you have wrapped around your broken dreams and

exposes the damage you have suffered since your child died.

As bereaved parents we are expected to leave our child in the past,

to ‘move on’ or‘ let go’. It is why we feel so isolated from society, from

family and friends. We are expected to take this child, whose attachment to us was not severed with the umbilical cord and pack him away like old, out-dated clothes. A child we had nurtured and loved every second our lives touched, whose connection with us was on every level of our existence, a child who filled our world with the miracle of his smile.

We do not have to ‘leave’ our child. We can move forward into

a new life and take our child with us. Every time we think of our

child they are a part of that moment. I know that we cannot see

our child by our side, we cannot hold them, but the love we felt

for each other is imbedded in our soul, runs through our veins

and inhabits every breath we take'.

As the bereaved parent struggles to adapt to a life without

their child it will be at a time when their energy levels will be

severely depleted and it will be vital that they also try to take

care of themselves.

Thank you for all my special messages. My heart goes out to all of

you who are about to face some very difficult days.

Love Avril ( Simon’s Mam ) XXX

[4everjoeysmom]

Avril, That certainly sums it up well, doesn't it? Thank you for sharing. I pray for myself and all of us here that the love that bond us to our children for eternity can also bring us strength and healing in time... Hugs, Claudia

[daveydow1]

Simonsmom,

Thank you so much for the writing. It certainly does sum

it up, as Claudia said. Yes, when our child dies, the love

still is with us every moment of every day--right along with

all the tears and pain. It's because of this love that we

are so devastated by their passing. No one can take that

love away from us, and it gives us strength. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[kathy714]

Hi Rhonda,thank you so much for your prayers,i have not posted in a long time,although i do come on to read the post. my husband John has been so ill,and Sat we found out he has 12 lesions on the brain,so now he is getting rad tx for that,then he has to go back on this strong chemo for the cancer that has traveled to his sternum and limp nodes,My doctor just took me out of work,I PRAY he gets better,i don't think i can do this grieveing again...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[larrysmom]

AS i sit here with tears i can barely see, tomorrow 9-19 07 will be my son,s 44th birthday, the 1st without him, i will probably not get out of bed, oh! the pain.We lost him on 7-5-07 in a truck accident that caught fire, so it was a closed casket,( THERE WAS NO TIME FOR GOODBYS) and i still can,t believe he,s not comming back, i recieved his autopsy report 2 weeks back cannot look at it. His daughters want to have a Bday party for him don,t know if i can do it.He was a fun and witty, very social person life of the party had a hugh heart give u his shirt if u wanted it, would get out of bed at midnite if u were in trouble and needed him had a passion for flying that was from 2 generations before him, had just bought his grandson( and him) Nick 2.5 yrs a model airplane, he loved taking them to the park and playing with them, Thanks for letting me vent. GOD BLESS TO YOU ALL! LARRYSMOM

[simonsmam]

Dear Larrysmom, I am so,so sorry for the loss of your precious son Larry. I lost my 27 year old son in a motorcycle accident on May 20th 2006. I am a year ahead of you in this terrible journey we have to face. It is so, so hard and the pain is unbearable.We have been through all of the ‘firsts ‘without him and have found that the leading up to the special days are often worse than the day itself. My son’s birthday was May 15th and was the last to be celebrated during the year and was only 5 days before the anniversary of his death. In our case, it is also the birthday of my granddaughter (his niece) who was eight this year. Simon called her his ‘birthday girl’ and we had 7 wonderful shared birthdays. We knew we still have to make this a special day for her too. She had lots of extra special treats with her friends before the day but she just wanted a little tea party for the immediate family on the day. As you can imagine this was a day of lots of heartbreaking emotions. My husband and I went to the cemetery at the time of his birth ( 11.25 am ).To be honest, we broke our hearts as we laid the flowers. My granddaughter went on her way home from school and took a big birthday boy badge as this is what she usually gave him. She was very upset and again cried in her mother’s arms as she changed into her party clothes in her bedroom. However she recovered her composure and we all did our best to enjoy. We talked about Simon and it was a time to celebrate his life rather than focus on his death.

Your son sounds as if he enjoyed life to the full, just like my Simon. It will not be easy for any of you tomorrow but I hope you can spend part of the day in the bosom of your family. You are still in the very early stages of grief and are still in shock. I think it hits mothers particularly hard but we have to be strong for the rest of the family who are hurting so much too. My heart goes out to you for tomorrow. No words can ease your pain but I hope it gives you a little support and comfort to know that you are not alone. Sending you special thoughts and hugs for tomorrow. XXX

[mikesmomrs]

Larrysmom: So very, very sorry about the death of your son, Larry. It is such a short time ago; you are still in the raw stages of grief, and disbelief and indescribable, insurmountable pain. My family and I recently celebrated the first birthday of our son, Mike, without him, Aug 20th. He passed away from brain cancer, last October 14th. His words to us were "Please don't die with me. Please keep living, keep celebrating, keep laughing, for me." We did have time to day goodbye, but it did not make it any better--you realize later that even though you had the time, you never did enough, you never said enough, you never loved enough. Mike left three small children, boys, 11, 10 and 2, and his sweet young wife, Sarah. Sarah loved Mike for over 7 years before he finally realized that what he had been looking for along was right in front of him, and they married in November of 2004. In May of 2005, she learned that the love of her life would only be with her for another year or so. His boys miss him so very much, we miss him so very much. Next month we will try to come together on October 14th and celebrate his life, not his death, as he wanted.

Please know that time will not erase your pain; but over time it will soften, you will be able to breathe again, though there will be times when you will still wish that you couldn't.

The pain of losing a child is not something anyone who hasn't gone through could know. We here all know, and we here all offer support and love and caring to each other. Larrysmom, we will be here for you, we will share the load of your pain, as you will eventually share ours, and we WILL survive this terrible journey, if for no other reason that to honor the lives of our precious children who would not want us to give up.

Bless you, Larrysmom, and bless all of us here, with perhaps a moment or two of peaceful memories that bring us comfort at some point today. A sweet, happy, glorious 44th birthday to your wonderful son, Larry, in heaven. May he send you signs of love to let you know that he is still with you, always.

SIMONSMAM: God bless you and your sweet granddaughter, and her sweet memories of her precious uncle.

love and peace to you,

carol MIKESMOMRS

[4everjoeysmom]

LarrysMom, Thinking of you today and sending HUGS, as you reflect on the anniversary day of Larry's birth and treasure the many memories of birthdays past. It's so hard, I know. I am praying for comfort and peace for you today. -Claudia

[bbarbie55]

Larrysmom my heart goes out to you and my prayers too. I'm new at this I lost my daughter April of this year I spent her b-day two months after her death in shock. I finally asked God today why did you take my baby I miss her so much. Her stepmom stole all of her items left at her dads( he passed two days before her b-day June) I'm not even angry over that anymore because I know she loved me and wouldn't want me to be this upset.

The jobs help me forget the pain but its still there when I go to sleep. I read these threads and see how others are handling this and I hope I can too.

Deb

[kathy714]

Dear Larrysmom,you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow,on your son Larry's 44th birthday..Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[shuugar]

Larrysmom

Peace to you on your son's first birthday away

[judy20]

I,m sitting in my beautiful retirement home.We worked and planned for years for this.We lived in Tony,our only childs home,while ours was being built.Three months after moving in,we lost Tony to heart disease,41 yrs. old,no wife,no grandchildren.Fade to black. My husband is out and I can ball all I need to,but it does,nt help.I do,nt clean,rarely cook,do,nt care how I look,and do,nt see any future I want.Tony has been gone almost 10 months.They keep upping my meds.,but I think I,m feeling worse.I do,nt know why I,m spilling my guts,except that I have to and do,nt know where or who to tell it to.How can we get though this. I,m dying a little bit more each day.

[daveydow1]

Larrysmom,

I was not on the BI site yesterday, but I do want

to say that my thoughts are with you after your

dear Larry's birthday on the 19th. All the "firsts"

are especially painful, and I pray you can somehow

find some tranquility. Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

For Judy20,

Oh Judy, my heart goes out to you. I have felt the

same, and as you say---"nothing seems to help". I

do wish there was something I could say that would

help, but sadly, there's not much. My thoughts and

prayers are that you can gain some comfort from the

love you shared with dear Tony. Come often to BI and

read/post if you can. Everyone here knows where you

are at on this rough terrible road, and has been at that

stage also. Please take care. Love & prayers.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[bbarbie55]

I just lost my ex sister in law yesterday and my ex in June and my daughter in April. How am I going to heal with all the heartbreaks and griefs. I am so upset because she was like a little sister to me even after the divorce. The holidays are really going to suck this year,I can't handle much more. I will be going back to the same funeral home,same church and same people I just want to scream. I can't stop crying I'm losing it.

Deb

[simonsmam]

There seems so much overwhelming sadness here at the moment and my heart goes out to everyone. There is a famous quote that says ‘Grief is the price we pay for love’. This love lives on with all of us and along with our precious memories is what we have to hang on to.

I have no answers or words of advice. Sometimes when you read all the stories here you just want to reach out and give everyone a big hug.

May we all find some strength and peace. Love Avril XXX

[mamabets]

For Simonsmam~I am so sorry to find you and all of our new friends here...This place, however, will positively carry you through some of your darkest moments. It is 3:30 in the morning here in North Carolina, I have tended to our four sweet doxies that LOVE to wake me up at this hour, and the kitchen got cleaned up...I often think to myself..."This is progress". It has been 3 years since my Danny departed and I am still in search of people and places where I can do his "life's work"...Helping mankind. He was always doing or saying something to somebody to help make their day brighter... I am into a book, and while the earlier stages of this walk made things like sitting and reading IMPOSSIBLE, this one is a helpful read..."When There Are No Words", written by Charlie Walton. He touches on some crucial areas of this journey, having lost 2 children at the same time. As horrific as it sounds, and yes, it is, it is not leaving me with a "MY GOD, is something going to happen to my Jackie???"- Been there, done that, and she is fine raising babies, although I do always wonder what could be lurking. I am a Mom who has lost at life... This book is excellent, and after 3 years here, I do read a little in these self help books, then absorb. I am amazed at how this walk has become my friend...My partner in life...My journey without Danny here like he used to be, and we "journal together"...LOTS of writing! He is, without question, as close as ever, and I feel him and hear him talk to my heart always. Time takes time, and time lingers after this...We are all in this together, and I feel as if I could pick each and every one of you out in a sea of thousands. Stay close to us, and be gentle with you...

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxo

[mamabets]

For Larrysmom~ I hope that what I am going to say can give you some sort of peace, if only for a moment... I come from a LARGE family, and many of us, when leaving one or the other, tends to get very sad...That churning tummy that says "OHHHHH, why can't we live closer to each other???" I have learned over the years, long before my 25 year old son Danny left this earth in June of 2004, to say "See ya...See ya soon". Perhaps there was no "goodbye" because you know that your Larry is but a breath from you and that one day you will come to know that this life is but a blink compared to their eternity, and our boys are clearly preparing for us to one day be with them. I KNOW that I will be with Danny again, and as I walk this dreadful journey, I can honestly say that I am participating in life again, but I didn't because I couldn't for a long, long time. BABY STEPS...BE GENTLE WITH YOU...and COME HERE TO BEYOND INDIGO, if only to read . Sometimes posting is an absolute MUST, often you may find that you just can't. Sometimes just reading others thoughts helps tremendously. The book "Hello From Heaven" was one that I read in about 1 hour after this happened...The earlier days are such a blur, but that book got me on a road to clearly knowing that my Danny is close, still, just differently. He keeps me just as busy, he is as close as ever, I have just had to "learn" how to follow him now...

LOVE,

mamabetsxoxoxoxo

[mamabets]

Bbarbie55~ You are smack in the middle of what they call...MULTIPLE LOSS!!!! Oh, I wish I could make this all go away...Keep coming here, and email me whenever you may need to just vent more and more and more. Stay here as well... Beyond Indigo is a place where you will find that you will be carried through this....MY GOD- ENOUGH is all I can say to you now...GOD LOVE YOU!!!!!

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxoxo

[mamabets]

For daveydow1~ Love you, and thinking about you, Sherry. I will try to call you later, OK??

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxo

[shuugar]

Judy20 - Bbarbie55

When Life Gets So Hard

I wanted to find some words on a card

That would help to get thru it when life gets so hard

It seems you can't bear it - perhaps can't go on -

When deep in the heart there's no trace of a song.

Some words that would comfort - when late in the night

the trials return and - you're too tired to fight.

Or the tears flow so often it seems you'll run dry.

And life gets so tough that you just want to die -

Or at least go and hide - where you're safe from all pain.

Someplace you can rest 'til you find joy again.

What are the words you so need to hear -

That will help and will heal and remove all the fear -

That builds up inside 'til you think you'll explode -

What are the words that will lighten the load?

If only I knew the right words to say

To encourage and Bless you or comfort some way.

I know not the words but this I can do.

I shall offer up Prayers to the Father for you.

Shuugar

[mamabets]

For shuugar~ That is so beautiful... It is hard to believe that we are all living through THE IMPOSSIBLE, and clearly, some of us here are traveling down a more treacherous road than others...Loss, upon loss, upon loss....

Thinking about you and sending you LOVE...

mamabets xoxoxo

[momgran]

Hello my friends: My internet has been down for three days and I felt for a while there that my lifeline had been severed!! How I've needed to read and share with you all.

MikesmomRS/Carol: We are approaching that DDay with increasing speed and the feel of the change of the seasons, the scents in the air, the garden dying back for the winter, the new TV lineups being announced, the children being back at school...it's taking me back to all the events leading up to my daughter Pippa and her sweet little boy Kieran's tragic accident. This time last year I was happy and anticipating their Christmas visit! Totally unaware that in one month they would be leaving us in the worse kind of way!! Oh God, when they say you can spiral right back to the beginning, I now know what they mean by that. The dark fog, the leaden legs, the palpitations and feelings of unreality, the inability to cope. I would never have believed I could ever feel that devastation again.

Bbarbie55: Please hold on! God only knows why you've been dealt these multiple blows, but let the tears flow until they rise to your ankles, but please, don't give up! Just move from one moment to the next and do whatever it takes to get you through this! You said that your dear Bobbi knew you loved her....this magnificient love that you shared will be in your heart to give you strength. My Pippa was my greatest champion and at times, that knowledge is all I need to pick myself up off the floor and try again.

Kathy714: My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as your precious husband fights this awful disease. In the poem, "God's lent Child", it does mention how we all have to return to dust one day, sometimes this reality grounds me, acknowledging that whatever we do in life, that is our ultimate fate. We should not fear this reality, but live and fight and love our way through the only reality we understand, LIFE! Your courage has gotten you this far after losing your precious Nate. It will take you as far as you need to go!

Larrysmom: The days leading up to your dear Larry's birthday must have been excruciating. My heart goes out to you on the tragic loss of your precious son. I hope his children helped to make the day special and that your pain eased a little and the memories gave you a little peace. You are going through such an awful, shocking, distressing time. It doesn't necessesarily get much better, but you will, in time learn to get some pleasure out of life, despite the fact the pain still lurks just beneath the surface and will rise, from time to time, to be LET OUT! And then you will start again, on this journey of healing. Please keep visiting Beyond Indigo, we all need you, as I hope in time, you will need us. It is a Healing and Learning Garden for us all.

Simonsmam/Avril: You've touched on something that I think all us bereaved Moms have to face. 'Moving On'! I think we do interpret it as leaving our beloved children behind and that is something we can NEVER do! But I think what we need to do, as you say, is move on with our lives, with our children who've passed on beside us and leave the horror of their deaths behind. As you say, the love we felt for and from them will never fade, the lessons we learnt from them cannot be unlearnt...the lessons we will learn on this journey can only benefit us and others as time goes on. I see my daughter's eyes flash with passion as she tries to get me to understand something she wants to get through to me....I see those eyes, even now, when I know she's trying to convince me to 'move on', to live, to learn, to grow. How can I allow that passion to fade with me. That would kill something far more valuable than just a physical body, that would kill the soul, the legacy my daughter left with me.

Shuugar: Thanks for that lovely Poem. When all words fail....pray pray pray, until we are shown the way...the new way.

Judy20: I am so deeply saddened that you've lost your only precious child, Tony. At the time in your life when you and your husband were going to settle into a happy, healthy retirement. I truly have no words to comfort you. I cannot imagine how it must feel to lose an only child at this stage of your lives. But lives you still have and I pray that somehow you will find some peace. I hope that you will allow your pain to work it's way through, acknowledge it and the loss of your hopes and dreams and get from one minute to the next. We are here for you and I hope you will share with us as often as you need to to get through this.

Davedow1/Sherry: I still want to share with you one day about our similar losses. You are so right that it's the depth of our love that leads to the depth of our grief. They walk side by side. I'm creating a memorial page for my babies for October 22 and I would like to quote an excerpt that I've written for it here, now.

"I once read that 'the well of grief, like that of joy, is not infinite'. This may be so, but at this point in my journey, I have discovered that the well of grief, after losing your children, has to be the deepest there is in our existence. Climbing out of it has to be the most challenging task that life has demanded of me. But then, perhaps this is the due to the fact that the well of joy, whilst sharing one's life with our children, is also the deepest.

In the early days of grief, when the waves of pain would overcome me, I likened it to 'reverse labour'. The intermittent contractions that we experience as mothers giving birth is followed by the greatest of joys. The surges of pain we experience as bereaved mothers is followed by the deepest loneliness and anguish.

Mamabets: I will be replying to your email tonight...just catching up after three days. Thank you sooooo much for your precious thoughtful ways!! What would we do without you...our Betsy! Love to you my dear.

Claudia: Miss you and hope in your silence you are growing and learning and healing your precious heart.

Love Peace and Patience to you all!

Debbie

[4everjoeysmom]

Debbie, Indeed I am learning, growing and healing! About 6-7 weeks ago I actually felt strong enough to officially pass over my "mourning" period. And while I will always miss my precious Joey and where he stood here, he now stands fully alive and perfect in another place that will greet me when it's my turn. When I focus on his life now in heaven vs. his death here, I am at peace. I have no doubt there will be hard moments along this journey for me, especially when the place where Joey was is right in front of me screaming of emptiness, like that extra chair at the holiday dinner family gathering, and when the fireworks of New Year and 4th of July go up--he was such a pyro! And when I go to the beach and think of the last time we were there, and of course each year that passes a birthday that would have been celebrated with him here. But I am finding that more times now I am actually smiling or feel a warmth in my heart with a memory. And I feel alive and whole again, at least for this season. As my life seasons come and go it will be interesting to see how the journey continues to unfold. As much as I do not like why I have arrived at this journey, I am learning much in deeper ways than I ever imagined with each cross roads I come to. I know moments of sadness will ebb and flow. But I also know that more than when those moments ebb and flow I sense a renewing spirit of Hope, and my heart overflows with love, and I've gained more courage and strength than I ever thought possible. I attribute these healing gifts to my Father in Heaven, and am ever grateful for the deep insights that continue to come to me through His ways. My dad's sister passed this morning. And as I thought about that and how mortality grows toward face and center with my dad, I couldn't help to be sad in thinking someday I will have more personal loss before my own day to depart arrives. I just pray for God's continuing steadfast love and grace to be the first thing I reach out for in all circumstances, because it's truly been my saving grace, my healing power, and my perfect peace. I continue to read posts more than I write these days, and I imagine I will visit here for a long time to come, posting where my heart feels led. There are always so many mixed emotions and stages, and all the newcomers, which is just heartbreaking in itself. But as long as I can offer compassion and encouragement, I will not stop coming. And there may be that occasional bout of sadness when I know that someone here will be standing in the gap to hug me as well. You all constantly are in my thoughts and prayers, and I have many to personally catch up with (e-mail) as well. Please know how much each of you has come to mean to me along this journey, even though I am silent. Because God sent me angels when he brought me to BI to meet all of you. Love always, Claudia

[momgran]

My Dearest Claudia: We are never forced to express ourselves on here. That is one of the most comforting freedoms we have here. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your generous sharing. I love you! And Joey! You're a UNIT! We truly are guided by our children and I wish you peace and love in your future endeavours.! This is a 'journey'. Our children's deaths have forced us into a place where we have to examine our own existance, our own lives, our own needs and desires and purpose in life!

Love Debbie

[mamabets]

For All~ I just finished reading Charlie Walton's book "When There Are No Words...". I could sit here for hours and quote so many things from it, as they all hit home, but one that was quoted by his surviving son was..."Death is a part of life".

I remember, long before we lost our Danny here on Earth, my Dean saying that. At the time, I thought "YIKES....Don't ever need to hear something like THAT, thank you very much."

Now, I get it...It is.

I remember shortly after this happening saying to so many people in my life..."How can I speak of the magical, beautiful, miraculous life that my Danny gave to me, without sharing, too, the beauty of his passing? The miracle of Danny is stronger than ever before~"

His crossing over is HIS, he earned his wings, as my Jackie says. Gently and selflessly, in typical Danny style, he has shown me the way to continue to give freely, our love.. Our love to a world that we never knew existed. A world filled with shattered lives, broken hearts and knees that have been forever shaken to their core. We would, if I must say honestly, miss all of you, for all of us have carried each other. Our kids stand taller than ever before. They are closer to us than ever before... In sharing them with each other, we have given them all that they need to prepare for us, our mansions in their skies... A neighborhood unlike any other.

"I Can Only Imagine..."

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxoxoxo

[mamabets]

"THERE HAVE BEEN ANGELS IN MY LIFE"

There have been angels in my life. While they haven't arrived with a blast of trumpets, I've known them just the same. They perform their acts in human guise, sometimes borrowing the faces of family and friends, sometimes posing as well meaning strangers.

You have known them too. When just the right word was needed, when a tiny act of kindness made a great difference, or perhaps you heard a voice whispering in a night of sorrow, the words not quite clear, but the meaning unmistakeable....

There is hope...

There is hope...

There are so many beautiful angels among us all. This came from a very special card that Danny and I once shared with teams of many...Teams before, teams after. It is framed on a wall here at home, and I now share it in memory of him, for he has shown me that all of our angels are truly amazing.

LOVE,

mamabets and her little WINK from here, there and everywhere xoxxo

[mamabets]

For Judy20~ I can only "ditto" all that has been written to you here. May I also applaud your efforts in reaching out to others in hopes of finding some sort of peace. This is one long, sad, brutal, torn up road that we are all on, but truly...Time will never heal this wound, however with the help of others that are on it with you, and we ALL are, you will be amazed at how simple things, like, TIME, passes, and a life of some sort returns. It has been 3 years since my 25 year old son, Danny, passed away, and I could not get up from the floor... I have a daughter, had one grandaughter then, have 2 now, have a big family, a wonderful husband, 4 little doxie doggies, the list goes on...BUT, my life ended with Danny's departure. Period... Danny , I say now, didn't die..I DID!!!!!It is all about "before" Danny died, and "since" Danny died. The "since" has been filled with good things too..It is just that time takes time, and this clock is one slow moving clock... The sound of the tick tock makes for a VERY lonely existence, but Beyond Indigo has absolutely been a lifeline for me, and it has given me the ability to see "beyond"...There is a world beyond, and we WILL all be there one day with all of our angel kids. I have often said to my daughter..."HOWWWWWWW could we do this here, if we did not have him there?????" Now, you tell me...Where would a thought like that EVER come from??? Only the world beyond knows, and we can only trust in it. This is an interim, and I can promise you that one day you will say to yourself..."Oh, what was that I just felt?? Is that a part of me that is still alive???". From that, you grab on to it and start to build...Somehow, some way... We will all help you each day, and for whatever it is worth, as words can be just words now, you are NEVER alone...

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxo

[judy20]

Thank all you wonderful people for your prayers and word of support. At first all that I tried,reading,TCF,Alivealone,and my internet friends.i thought it was helping and I would feel some healing,but I am feeling more hopeless and angry and empty. Is this normal,or is this what the rest of my life is going to be?

[daveydow1]

Momgran, Debbie,

Thank you for your lovely posts. Yes, we will share

our stories---you can email me anytime. Peace & Comfort.

Mamabets,

I wish I could put my thoughts & feeling into words

so beautifully as you are able to do. At any rate,

thanks for your words of HOPE. Peace to you.

To all who post,

When I read your posts, I find hope & inspiration in

each one. I am so glad I found the BI "family" to be

a part of. Peace & Serenity to all.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[mamabets]

For Judy20~ Yes, my friend, this is all NORMAL...The more you "feel", the better, long term. The torture that surrounds all that you are feeling will subside, then leave. Always lurking, yet you will one day be able to say "WAIT- THAT is way to painful...Let's think of and remember something peaceful- A "happier time shared"~ Witht hat, comes tears, still, but this agony that you now have, and I know all too well, clearly subsides...It just takes some time, and IN time, so much of it becomes a blur and the wonderful memories have a way of taking over, for the most part. My eyes well up daily...There is always a moment when I just find myself unable to BELIEVE that Danny is no longer here...But, I then , am reminded by HIM, that he is here, just in a different way, and that he will one day lead me HOME... He has started our eternity, and all of the questions within this life now, the "WHY do so many kind people have to hurt so??", will never need to be answered once this journey is completed. It will have been lived, and the extreme sadness will all be left behind, here with the life that lived it...

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxxo

[mamabets]

For Sherry~ Remember, I find my words through all of you here...You are my book, you are all part of my story now.

I love you and we will talk this week- Doxies are all good~ They send you lots of love and licks!!!

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxox

[jimmyk]

it has taken me over 5 years to face up to the death of my 33 year old son jimmy, i still cant talk about him without tears coming to my eyes i cant say anything to help anyone when i cant help myself my grief has always been when im alone i know millions of people are going through what im going throughbut its still my personal grief i visit his grave every saturday and tell him how wellhis two boys are doing and how we all miss and love him especially his mum and 4 sisters i love you son, something i could never tell you since you were a baby

[simonsmam]

For Bbarbie55,

My heart goes out to you for all the losses you have had to face this year. No-one could ever imagine having to cope with so much grief.

My 79 year old auntie died of cancer in May and she too had been bereaved several times. She had 5 children, 2 sons and 3 daughters. Her eldest son was electrocuted at work. He was only 23, married with 3 small children and his wife was 7 months pregnant at the time. His wife went on to give birth to a baby boy but tragically, he choked to death when he was only 15 months. Her middle daughter had a 2 year old son who went to America for pioneering heart surgery. Sadly, he did not live to receive the treatment. She then found her husband dead at the age of 62 and just a few years ago her eldest daughter’s husband died of cancer at the age of 50.How can one family survive so much tragedy?

The reason I am telling you this is that she has been a wonderful example of surviving. She was the life and soul of the party, full of fun with so much vitality and energy even in her seventies. She took up tai chi and line-dancing at this age, went on holidays abroad and was a member of several old age groups. Not bad for a great, great grandmother!

When my son Simon died she was a great source of comfort to me. She phoned to see how we all were even when she was getting weaker. She told me to cry when I wanted to cry but if I didn’t,then don’t. She also wrote these words in a card for me

‘But do not be afraid to cry

it does relieve the pain,

remember there would be no flowers

unless there was some rain.’

She was my father’s sister and they were a big family of 17 children!!! I think she got through all that life threw at her by giving so much love and strength to all her family and receiving it back twofold. She also kept her body and mind fit and alive. A true case of ‘you reap what you sow’. In my father’s family there have been 10 cases of child loss….all boys. I always thought that I could understand how it would feel to lose a child, first of all as a mother and with all the family experiences. Until you experience it yourself, you don’t even get close. I don’t know how my auntie coped for all those 34 years. She is my inspiration and I do miss her so. I hope she has passed some of her spirit on to me. She never gave advice but led by a shining example.

I have no wise words but just wanted you to know about this truly wonderful lady who also faced multiple losses as Mamabets so aptly put it. You are so incredibly brave.

Take care and love to you all. XXX

[bbarbie55]

simonsmam&mamabets

Today my daughter has been gone five months and I feel like I'm disrespecting her because I have come to terms with her death in a way. I still cry but I get great comfort in talking about her and how brave she was is this part of the grief process. Today is the funeral for my former sister in law but all I feel is sadness now. I really am grateful to all who know more than I do and am glad for my friends here. A special thank you for the emails to give me hope and strength because it has. I'm trying to get back to normal for my grandson and daughter. Love you all

Deb

[daveydow1]

For bBarbie55,

My prayers are for you at this 5 month mark after

the loss of your dear daughter. Peace be with you.

For Simonsmam,

Yes, your auntie sure was a wonderful woman, and

had to endure so much grief in her life. I often

look to people like that who seem to have such inner

strength even though they have a broken heart. I pray

you find some peace & comfort in the days to come.

Daveysmom, Sherry

David's birthday is coming up---Sept. 26,. As many have

said, the days leading up to these dates tend to be

harder than the actual day.

Peace & Serenity to all.

[mamabets]

For bbarbie55~ I will never forget when I laughed for the first time after Danny was gone from here.. It was like "OH MY GOD, HE DIED AND I AM LAUGHING???"... I stopped dead in my tracks, looked around, and gasped... I then reached out, and everyone I asked said the same thing "Yes..I felt sooooooooo weird when I laughed for the first time".... I now allow myself to laugh and it feels OK and good.... Jackie and I laugh remembering the times with Danny when we laughed so hard, we cried....

Be gentle with you....

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxox

[mamabets]

For Simonsmam~ There are some, like Rose Kennedy, who was quote once as saying "Yes, there has been tragedy in my life, but the joys have outweighed the tragedies"

Then there was my Aunt Rose...She was an amazing Aunt..My mother's aunt and a real "full of life", ALWAYS, type of gal...Always hugging, always dancing,always unaffected by her hiatal hernia!! Drink that tea, wait for it to pass, and laugh again...Loved to go fishing with my Mom...xoxoxo

My mother is almost 82- Has more energy than I will ever have, and she was here in North Carolina with us whe we "got the call"...She is amazing and I just love her...My hubby LOVES her and gets misty eyed at the mention of her name.They are great friends, and somehow, together, picked me up from the floor during this nightmare...Still can~

Bless your sweet Aunt, and bless you as you will miss her....

Heavens, this tragedy that life has handed me and my family is enough for me, thank you so very much. But, as I travel along, I meet and embrace those that have lost at life more than once, an I am strengthened by their ability to carry on, in spite of.... I have no answers, just the firm belief that when our day comes, and we are all carried HOME, there will be no questions, just an eternal peace... When I feel that awful wave coming to my door, and I still do , I say "Danny will never know this kind of sadness...Never...He knows only joy, joy, joy....."

It helps..To think that he will never hurt like this makes my acceptance of this somewhat easier.... This is a hurt that has no explanation, this grief walk. It is exhausting, it will take your breath away. Time takes time, and like I now have found words to explain it...It is one slow moving clock...

When words like this flow I thank Danny for them... I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, I now wear his on my other... The beating of my babies hearts are deep within mine, always~ They are mine, forever, as they remain here, there and everywhere....

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxox

[mamabets]

For jimmyk~ God love you..I just finished reading Charlie Walton's book "When There Are No Words"

It is a quick, yet very powerful book. It puts so much of this in perspective from a sweet Dad's point of view.

Men and women, mother's and daughter's, big people and little people, all grieve differently. Same walk, just different avenues...

We are here for you and please, feel free to open your heart at any time and tell us all about your dear son...

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxo

[daveydow1]

JimmyK,

I am sorry for your loss of your dear son. I lost my

son, Davey, and he was 31 when he died. I hope that

you will come to BI and read/post whenever you feel

the need. Everyone here understands what you are going

through---the heartache and sadness. We here, are at

all different stages in our grief, and can always lend

an understanding ear for anyone, as well as expressing our

feelings without being judged. No one wants to be on

this terrible journey, but BI has helped me, and been a

lifeline for me and others here. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[mamabets]

For Daveydow1~ Thinking of you today, Sherry, and sending all of my love...A blessed, Happy Heavenly Birthday wish to our dear Davey...The Heavens are even more beautiful with him there, and one day, we will ALL be celebrating TOGETHER...Until then, know that you will forever have a friend in me, and that Danny and Davey are angel buddies for all eternity...

LOVE,

mamabets xoxoxxo

[simonsmam]

I found this poem and just wanted to share it with you. I think it very cleverly describes how a bereaved parent has to go about their daily life.

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in other\'s eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don\'t hurt quite so much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think

about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

My thoughts go out to you all especially those who are facing special or particulaly difficult days at the moment.

Love to you all, Avril XXX

[mikesmum]

Avril, thank you for your poem. It is true, I have been walking in those shoes for nine months now. I feel the callouses left, the blisters that wont heal and the colour that defines the depth of my heart ache.

Recently my sons partner took me to court. I had no contact with her or my granddaughter since Feb, but she was sure I might want to so she ask the court to put an order on me. Well, it didn't quite work out that way. Seems she had been making a nuisance of herself, ringing our 000 emerg number and ranting about how my family made her life hell. She rang my company and said I was listening to her when she made calls, tapping them and playing them again. The court ruled this was not the case and she was ordered to stay away from us. The upside though, the court also ruled that she would return one of Micheals guitars and a stero from 1960 that my folks had and passed to Micheal when they died. They also order that while I might not be able to spend time with my granddaughter, she should be allowed to receive gifts for birthdays, easter and christmas. Her 2nd birthday was 24/9/07. A gift was taken to her home with a police escort. Her mothers comment "I will find the right recepticle for this to go in."

It is small steps Micheal, but I will persist to ensure that baby girl comes to know the gentle loving man you were. That she will know that you look down on her each and every day, proud of the child you thought you might never have. One day I will get to hold her again and eventually I will be with you. My heart breaks waiting and my tears never seems to end.

I was cleaning out the grand kids room this morning. There in a box with cedar and lavendar to protect was you Humphrey B Bear. My breath caught in my chest, the floor shifted from under me and I dropped to the floor hugging your bear missing you so. He was your first birthday bear, grandpa chose him and your eyes lit up when you saw him. He always went with you and you never failed to smile when Humphrey was around. Miss you my darling son, missing not being able to pass this waistcoat wearing bear to the darling girl. One day, One day.

Blessed be to those who listen, feel and send the love and compassion to allow us to continue.

Trudi