Members Tommy's mum Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 dee you are so right, you are still a mom even if it was your only child, you are still a mom. I have 3 other kids so I do get cards for Mother's day but there is always a yearning to have a message in my inbox from my Tommy...... Oh that question of how many kids you have that is a real hard one for sure. I always say i have 4 children but at first it was too painful to answer and i would have to leave. Now I just talk about the other 3 and then if prompted or I feel comfortable with the other person I add "but my other son was killed in an accident 2 years ago". sherry you do have a computer issue. When I see your posts there are huge blank gaps in between them and i have to scroll far down to get the rest of the messages. Hope someone can help maybe ModKonnie the administrator of the site? Louanne buying a magazine is great! To some it will seem a minor thing but is does show how you are changing your mindset and allowing yourself pleasures and experiences that you deserve without the guilt. That guilt has got to go completely, Kira wants you to enjoy and participate in life and not be stuck in a miserable existence. Taking these small steps is really good well done you! As for winning the lottery haha good luck with that too it would change your life. My sister in Texas just told us she is able to go to Hawaii with her husband for a few days as he has a work conference. My heart sank a bit because I so want to go there too one day, but I am happy for her she works v hard is doing a Masters and has 4 young kids so it will be a nice break for them. i could not enjoy it anyway because i can't walk but maybe maybe one day in a few years time it may be a possibility who knows? I can dream right? dianne I am beyond appalled that your supervisor could say those hurtful words to you, what an insensitive cruel idiot. I hope that one year you will be able to spend a mothers day with your daughter in Wyoming. peggy it is a testament to your strength that you can hold it all in at work and what a blessed relief to be able to let it all go after coming home. That choked up feeling, the sickness in your stomach, the pain inside your chest, of having to swallow hard and try and breathe ,is something I am very familiar with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Right On to those screen shots Lesley, and to your words...I agree with you on Louanne making such good steps, I too am proud Louanne, that you can do something that may seem like not a big deal to some, but to us, we know that this is big, for you. Allowing yourself to have some entertainment in your life is such a good step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Happy Easter John David..... Easter of 2012 was the last time we were with John David....he then had to go to El Paso with his job...and Laredo... I think your family and friends know how many children you have...and that one of your children died.....when it comes to people who don't know you...in social settings...community events....going out and about in your community shopping...or school event etc.....IF someone asks me how many children I have...(I have been trying to think how many times this has happened...since John David passed...and I come up blank)....but I will always say 6.....I don't think I want to make someone feel like they have asked the wrong question if I have to tell them I lost a son....I don't think I would feel comfortable in telling my story to strangers...people I will never see again....or people that are not in my 'circle'.....really...it is none of their business. I have never asked someone how many children they have....but I have always had the personality that if someone wants me to know something...they will tell me. Don't get tangled up with this question of 'how many children you have'....if you have 1 - 4 - 6....you still have them....it's just that one of them live 'way out of town'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Susan, what a pretty table with your honor of John David...so lovely. I think that I forgot that this is a very holy time for you having been the last time you saw your Boy at Easter in 2012...Blessings. We are coming up on my girl's would be 34th birthday on Wednesday, and the following day, our Grandaughter's 5th birthday. Holy comes in all kinds of ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Thank you, Dee....each of us have our own 'sacred alters...and holy days'.....as I have posted before....it is like some form of sacred osmosis I carry him within.....sorta like...not exact...but as I did when pregnant with him. I remember seeing the photo of the 'light' you posted ....and how you felt this closeness to your girl and knew she was with you...that made a light go off in me....I knew my boy was with me, too. I have always been quite in awe of the 'dates' ...we have ....coincidence ? I don't think so....a message from the universe I believe. May Easter bring all the parents a message of hope .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Sorry that I cannot help Sherry with all that enormous amount of spacing. It might be within her account and Konnie would need to have that investigated on the back end. Not thinking it is from her computer as last night I was on my tablet and scrolling through and there were no spaces in her post. Should have qualified my post about being asked how many children. I only use the "one lives in Wyoming and one lives in heaven" when the questioner pursues. It usually stops the questioner who probably doesn't know me from pursuing that topic any farther. But until the day I die I will always acknowledge my two children. Luanne, that is a big step for you and shows how far you have come in the last year. I know for my Canadian friends the hockey game was not what you hoped for but I have to say with as poorly as the Hawks have played the last couple of months, it was the most entertaining game I have watched. They did a tribute to Brent Seabrook for playing his 1000 game as a Blackhawk, the team played well with several rookies on the ice and then the whole goalie thing. I didn't know they always had a "spare" for either team to come out if needed. Not only do the Hawks win but I also got to watch Byfuglein who was always my favorite as a Hawk. Dee, ah yes a Cubs win. Hopefully a sign of the coming season. My husband was in seventh heaven and flew his W flag after the game. A blessed and fulfilling Easter to all. While I grew up with all the religious connotations of the Easter season I have also read all about the origins of old in the celebration of the sun overcoming darkness in the spring. growth and rebirth of nature. The rabbit and the egg are two signs of this rebirth. One thing I recently learned that I always wondered why Easter was always on different dates. Turns out it is on the first Sunday on or after the first Full Moon after the March Equinox. For those who might have already knew that please ignore my lack of knowledge; for those who did not know, well, we learned something! Wishing everyone a weekend of comfort and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Dianne, and this Blue Moon also has a special name, besides it being Blue, it is the Paschal moon, the full moon that is blue that is before Easter. So cool. We too did the dress up for Church thing as kids, even though our mom could not go to the catholic church as she was never baptized, but ...(anyhow my bitterness toward that whole thing) so religiously, Easter meant a rebirth of all things, it still means that to me, the cycle that reminds us that the earth still spins on its axis and the seasons still change. Susan, I am so glad that my light photo turned on a light for you...that makes me grin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Dianne, wow what a win for the hawks, must be that new goalie. I think back in the day there was a time when there was one goalie and if needed a player had to suit up. But now there is always two. Nice to see ed Balfour back from battling cancer. That guy who signs the national anthem in Chicago has the most beautiful voice ever. Almost brings me to tears. It was a very ex citing game. I have the nhl channel so I get usually 10 or 11 games a night so I do a lot of flicking. But last night I stayed on the Chicago / Winnipeg game to feel that connection to you and Kate. Oh lord how I wished I lived in Manitoba or Indiana. Did I ever mention how much I hate , hate, hate, southern Ontario, but here I’m stuck. Anyway lots of games coming up as we get near play offs. Thanks for the Easter info. I didn’t know that. Susan, lovely photo of your John David and the flowers. You must have good growing weather in Texas. Such a handsome man. Peggy. At first I thought grief only took my heart. But eventually realized it kinda swallowed all of me up in one way or another...both physically and emotionally. You have to reinvent yourself from the ground up. Always remember you don’t have to do it alone though. Have a nice Easter Weekend to everyone however or whether you celebrate. I know you newbies it will be especially difficult and Susan. And there isn’t one of us I’m sure no matter where we are in this journey will ever feel the holidays will ever be what they were before that day. Peace today, just peace. Luanne, Kira’s mom Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Kate, that is wonderful news about Ross! Make sure you give him a BIG HUG from me! (could not resist !) My mom is doing better, holding her own, thanks for asking. Found this song today, it was rather touching, dedicated to those here who have lost their parents in addition to their child loss: (The singer wrote it for his grandmother from the perspective of his mom) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 yes luanne sunday is going to be really bad. and yes my grief is swallowing me up. i do understand the magazine thing. there is so much i won't do right now and who knows it may last ten years. lesley yes going to my brothers did help both of us i think. he just didn't know how bad it is until i told him in full detail. diane i know mothers day will be bad. i already know for sure. daveydow1 thank you for the kind words. lesley i think you asked about my son . he passed jan 20th he was 44 i am still waiting for the medical examiner to get back. he lived with me no children and he had no brothers or sisters. he just has a broken hearted girlfriend (i think) i googled autopsies just so i had an idea before i read his. i'm sure it won't help. another break down after work. god i miss him bad. he loved every single holiday and if one family member couldn't make it he would call and yell at them peggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Peggy, sending gentle thoughts to you today...it is a difficult path we are on. However, so many people on this site have helped me go onward. I admit I still have some very dark days...I have learned to keep them very private now. I am currently reading the book, Where are you - Coming to terms with the death of my child by Karin V. Schilling. She lost her only child, a daughter in a car accident. It gently weaves together aspects of grief & spirituality I have found to be soothing. She mentioned that the one thing that helped her the most was the role of dreams. Susan, thanks for sharing that lovely picture of John David, one of my favorites. Sherry, are you having a garden this year? I don't think we are going to. I told my husband we should just have raised garden beds close to the house now...the deer ate most everything last year. They were happy! Dee, thanks for continuing to share. Lesley, good to hear your dad is out of the hospital. I think of everyone here this Easter holiday. May you find some rest and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 thank you laurie it is a beautiful song Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Peggy, I still try to find soothing items to post as I can... I remember early on how much these posts helped me carry on until the day was done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Dianne so sorry I must have missed your post earlier, ok I really thought I had heard the worst of the cruel and heartless remarks by now wow, that one really takes the cake. When I went back to work a girl said to me. “Well I don’t let my kids shower with the bathroom door locked”. The bathroom door being locked had nothing to do with my daughter dying because my son grabbed a pen sitting on a table by the door. To this day I don’t know how he did it, but he took the pen apart and jimmied open that lock in seconds. That remark will always stick with me. And this girl belonged to some way off the chart religious group and toted herself Holey then everyone else. I know some people give them a break but I absolutely don’t. Even before I lost Kira I know I wouldn’t have been that un kind. My group is very small now, but I think after almost 7 years I have weeded out those bad eggs. Thing is I always say to myself, ok should something this tragic ever happen to them, would I reach out and help them or treat them the way they have treated me . Hummm. I guess I’d have to think about that one. . laurie, so glad to hear from you. Remind me again where you live. I know I should know you have been on here long before me. Is it a hockey state? I went to church this morning and even with usual put downs I went ahead anyway and brought a Lilly in memory of my dad and Kira. I’m so glad I did. Even family weren’t going to make me feel bad bout that. And by Sunday all buds will be in full bloom. My dad loved his flowers and Kira’s kitty is named Lilly. My friend who owns a sign business made me a little sign with thier names and dates and a quote I had picked. Hard to believe that somebody would even snatch a small meaningful moment like that away.. But dad and Kira we’re looking down, I know they were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Susan, i do agree, no coincidences with our dates and messages, simply the work of angels. Oh Hockey Fans, the dude in the goalie uniform for the Hawks last evening is a 36 year old accountant, lives in the city and plays on a league but never expected to be called, was called ot suit up due to injuries and played with such joy, blocking 7 goals in 14 minutes! What a great event in his life. Laurie, it is always very good to see you here, knowing that you are out there finding your peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 Louanne, I am glad that you went with your Lilies for your Beloved Daughter and Dad. Yep, they are smiling. Dianne, I remember when you first told us of that co-worker of yours, how idiotic! I have no nice words for folks like he and the others who said hurtful things to so many who grieve. I had a co-worker, a woman and a mom of two young ones, complimented me on my crystal necklace, and I thanked her and said it was a gift from me to Erica upon her last Christmas, and I found it in her apartment so I wear it now. She said, Jeeze, you always have to make it a sad story. This woman was also teaching third grade in the same building, and it was about 4 months after Erica was killed. Needless to say, I had little to do with her after that, she obviously had no interest in talking to me anymore either. It felt so cruel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted March 30, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2018 I posted these quotes awhile ago but think it was before the newbies. I have drawn a lot of strength from them. I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry and accept an apology I never received. One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you cannot change. Stop planting flowers in peoples yards who aren’t going to water them. .........I like this one. When love is lost do not bow your head in sadness instead keep your head up high and gaze into heaven for that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Luanne...did you family say rude remarks about you taking flowers to the church ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sholl1955 Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Hello all, For some reason I am not getting notifications for this site like I used to even though my settings say I should be. I have been unable to post but try to keep up to date on the reading but got a bit behind this week. Thanks for asking about me Dee. Even though I don't post much I gain so much from reading. I so appreciate the support and good advice and caring that is seen in everyone's posts. I agree with many others that it would be so good to be able to get together and visit face to face. Kate I am so very happy about the good news about Ross! An answer to many prayers. It must feel like a huge load has been lifted from both of you. Susan I am glad that you are feeling better and that you are allowing your body the time it needs to heal properly. Your little guys are so cute! Our weather has been typical Indiana weather. Changes daily with some days going through fall, winter and spring all in the same day Rachel and Jason and their three kiddos are taking Maddie and Becca and going to Florida tomorrow for spring break . They asked us to go with them but traveling and dementia do not go well together, so had to decline. But they will all have a wonderful time and they will get lots of pictures. The only thing that bothers me is that all of my family will be together in a plane. I will have to keep really busy tomorrow morning to keep my mind busy. Rachel has an appointment May 15th at the Cleveland Clinic. I have to keep reign on my thoughts to not worry about what they may find is going on .I suppose when you have lost a child, it is probably normal that you fear it may happen to your other children. But I am trying to focus on the day to day living and hang onto the joys that happen every day that I would miss if I worry too much. Some days I do better than others. The grandies keep us laughing even when we don't feel like it. Well, I should go for now and get some rest. Have a peaceful rest . Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Susan. Yup. “Well why would u do that, no one in that area would know either one of them, it won’t mean anything to anybody”. Hello it would mean something to me. .. ever think of that. “You can’t just take a plant into a church like that”. Well yeah, actually I called them and I can. Oh and we’re having Easter Sunday at noon, your welcome but u probably wouldn’t be home from church in time. Well actually church is from 10 to 11 so Yes i could get there by twelve and u know that. And if I didn’t get there by 12 why would it matter f I didn’t get there til 1 or 2 or 5. Your going t be home and the food well still be there ?.. that was code for don’t want u there. Thing is I totally deserved that cause why on earth after 57 years would I expect any kind of an answer that wasn’t negative. Oh I could write a flipping book... It shouldn’t still hurt but I guess I thought surely a Lilly at church in memory of my dad and daughter when it clearly meant a lot to me wouldn’t be meant with criticism.... oh silly silly me. Thanks for asking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Sandy, so wonderful to know you are out there and doing okay. I know that you will worry as i still do when the kids are traveling, it is just part of who we become, just as your worrying aobut the doctor appointments coming upfor your Rachael. I know that you have to remind yourself to breathe and release what you can when you exhale. I do the same. I am sending hope and prayers your way and I look forward to hearing about the fun the Kids all have together on vacation. Our spring break is over come Monday, but it felt nice to have a slow no schedule week. Peaceful times to you Dear Sandy... i hope that your Husband is feeling fine... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Attention all hockey fans. Depending I guess on where you live and what channels you get, there is hockey game on today starting at one o’clock all day and night with the last game starting tonight at 1030. And I get every single one of them. So that will go from 1 to 1145 when the last game is over. Wow, it doesn’t get much better than that. Just felt like I had to let you know. Happy watching Luanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Today marks the ninth anniversary of my First Husband's Death, Michael died on this day, with all of us with him, and he left as I told him he would, in a cloud of pink, when Eri came and got him. His funeral ws on our Girl's 25th birthday...she'd been gone for 6 years by then. Oh those numbers. Today is also the birthday party for my Grandgirl, so I will write later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members My girl is in heaven Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Dee, my thoughts are with you today. I remember you telling how you moved him close to the window I think to see that pink Eri sky. That must have given him so much comfort in the end. Hope grandbaby has. Nice birthday. Luanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 yes being non religious I think of Easter as a rebirth of Spring after Winter i am not too familiar with moon cycles and colours etc but I know the moon controls the tides and I also know that a full moon definitely causes disturbances in children and adults. No they do not turn into werewolves but all emergency personnel wil tell you more incidents happen then, and the elderly with dementia issues are worse. peggy the firsts in the first year of loss are very hard, the second year is also very tough because you are realising the finality of it all and the other years are just a sad acceptance of feeling the permanent loss of a beloved family member. You will survive I promise you, you will get through it and you will be a changed person not necessarily for the worse just different. We will be here week by week month by month and year by year to help you and everyone else navigate grief. laurie as I have said before I adore Ed Sheeran there is a poignancy and truth from a personal perspective that make his music touch so many people. Like quotes or poetry music lyrics can mimic your own feelings as if they were written just for you. We will always have losses in our lives some close others more distant but the secret to battling on and coming out the other side more healed and more peaceful is support from those that have been in our shoes because they understand like no one else can. susan that altar for John David is lovely especially the brightly coloured lilies that open up to full bloom signifying the cycle of life and bringing enjoyment to all who see them. Lilies are one of my most favourite flowers and my children nearly always include them in any arrangements they send me. Sunflowers and roses and honeysuckle come very close behind and then everything else. I know it is a bittersweet reminder for you and we are here for you to hold your hand in unity. The forecast here for the Easter long weekend is rainy cold and windy, yep that is very often the climate here. However I can see the daffodils I planted in tubs from my window blowing in the breeze and the yellow wild primroses in the garden beds. I had another hedgehog house for my birthday and hope to set it all up in a couple weeks ready for the breeding season. I have started walking on crutches now, in the last couple days, so need to regain some stamina so I can kick that darned wheelchair for good into the garage!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rebekahs mom Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Im around. Still going to counselling and reading threads. I continue to have good and bad moments. Still not ready for work. Getting there though. Bought some easter eggs to hide for the little kids and had a mini meltdown in store. We would just get small eggs for them to search for and I would get a big bunny for all 5. Just made me realize shes gone forever and missed so much. My daughters are busy with dance practice and competition in the next few weeks. My 16 yr old is doing a solo in her memory. Its beautiful. My girl is in heaven....love the quotes thanks for posting. Hope all are well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Rebekah's Mom.....all that is happening to and around you is normal....I would have many meltdowns in the grocery store...of all places !! This journey is the kind where no two days are the same....don't fight it...just accept that you are human and can't control everything. I do want to give you a hug...because it seems as if you are guiding the girls with courage and stamina...and resolve to create an environment that life is for the living. So many parents that lose a child seem to bury their living children, also. Please stay kind and gentle with yourself....that is one way to walk this grief journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 Just a brief message to say that I am wishing everyone a good day tomorrow. Happy Easter! We are experiencing a very weak internet signal the past couple of days and i am sitting here at the library trying to get caught up. Will post when I can. Love to All, Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members peggy a sad mom Posted March 31, 2018 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2018 same to you kate. wow lesley i have the same feelings as you on our journey through grief! and again thanks for the kind words. sandy i have the same problem i would get notified every time someone wrote something. now i don't know without signing in and on my cell i can't answer or comment i have to wait to get on my computer peggy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Came across this and thought I would share: "Easter focuses on new beginnings, the oval shape of an egg represents the eternal cycle of seasons. For me Easter represents many things, it’s a cleansing of the soul, a time to make changes & refresh your life. Easter is celebrated as a time of sacrifice and penitence.In a sense, Easter, too, is about rebirth and new life. In some religions, with the resurrection of Jesus, we are reminded that death is not the end. Our souls live on in spirit form.As you can see, Easter is a time, perhaps more than any other, to celebrate & be grateful. It’s a time to appreciate the very fact that the soul lives on, that our passed loved ones are with us (watch for their signs) & happy & that every single one of us has a new beginning. So HAPPY EASTER! Here’s to new beginnings & celebrations of souls living on! ---Shelly Fray I know that every day can be a difficult one missing our child/children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Dianne, thank you for the pretty reminder of what Easter can mean to us... Kate, I hope your signal strengthens... Louanne, thanks, yes, the party was loud and lovely. Lesley, I love the graphic, twisted in knots. Rebekkah's Mom, it is good to know you are out there, finding your way. Meltdowns are part of the course, you are doing well getting your Kids out there and staying involved in the things that they love to do...it is not easy to keep up with life when there are others relying on you...but it often is what keeps you breathing in and out and finding your way. Susan, quiet Easter or not quiet tomorrow? Whatever way, I hope you are feeling well and that you sense your beautiful Boy nearby. Has anyone heard from Samantha? May you all have a peaceful day tomorrow; Passover and Easter blessings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Luanne, I am from Wisconsin so just south across the great lakes of you folks in Canada. I was here shortly after my son transitioned in 2012, maybe about a month after Susan, (John David's mom ) came on the forum. Lesley, I found the lyrics to the song very meaningful..he is very deep and thoughtful for such a young man... Dianne, good to see Micheal's face here today! Kate, hope your internet connection picks up. Dee, thinking of you today as you remember Erica's father. Rebekah's mom, I have not had a chance to greet you yet. I see your loss is very recent. Sending gentle thoughts for this easter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 I tried. I took kyle to an Easter festival, and made some food for tomorrow. I lost it when I realized I didnt make a chocolate pudding pie. That was niques request for every holiday (neither of us like cake). No one else likes chocolate pudding pie. No one will ever request chocolate pudding pie. I miss her so much, and hate that this is my new life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Virginia, that will always be something that you and Nique shared, and it is so painful to know that she is not there to share that particular tradition. You could make it for the family if you like, or you could make it for another time and give it to a soup kitchen, to be enjoyed by those who don't have access to regular meals much less, chocolate pudding pie...life is very hard right now Virginia, and all we can do is let you know that we get it and that it will not always be as hard and painful as it is right now, but it is going to take some time to get through this tornado of ache. I am glad that you were able to take your Son to an Easter festival...how did that feel while you were there? Did Kyle enjoy his day? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Laurie, thank you for your kind thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 dee I did not realise you had lost your first husband as well as Eri. They are together for always, hope he likes the colour pink! louann you took a lily for your dad and that is all that matters. We each do what we need to do to help with the loss other people's opinions are not worth a damn. I just threw out the yellow lilies my kids gave me for my birthday as they finally dried up but had 3 weeks of pleasure from them. virginia it is those little things like the pie that trip us up and cause us to drop to our knees temporarily. I like the idea of giving it to someone else though. my youngest sister is accompanying her husband on a business trip for the first time and guess where she is going..... yep Hawaii. She called me and asked where Tommy liked to go so she could lay some flowers for him, maybe even at the campus where he was killed. Very touched by that. She is going to Maui but is going to try and fly to Oahu where tommy was living. I have told her some of his fave places and said if she can't make it there to just drop some flowers in the ocean for him. His friends floated leis out for him when he died and I loved the thought of the flowers floating away. A peaceful Easter to you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Lesley, I am glad that your Sister thought of Tommy and you with this trip. Nice. I like the visual of flowers on the waves as well. My first husband, Michael, and I were divorced in 1994, and I remarried second husband in 1998, Eri died in 2003...but Michael and I luckily found our way to being friends again a few years before Erica was killed, and then when he became sick with leukemia, I was with him a lot...he lived only 3 blocks from us and that is where my Son, his wife, and kids live now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 That is nice that you became friends again with your ex before he died dee. I am sure Eri liked that. I had tried so many times over the years to make peace with my ex because it is not helpful for anyone but he is a bitter man even after remarrying about 6 yrs ago and to this day we do not speak. Even at Tommy's funeral he blanked me. He was the one who had an affair with a coworker, but did not like that I ended the marriage because of it. I could not accept that betrayal of trust and did not believe he would end it because he had lied to me for so long before. Best thing I did but it had been very hard and painful emotionally and financially for several years after and affected our children deeply. So much time has gone by water under the bridge and all that but two people have to commit to leaving the past in the past and realising we both made mistakes in dealing with it, he refuses to do that, oh well I know I have made the best attempts and know it is what it is. I try to put our kids first and he does not, we have different priorities and that is ok. Yeah he still p....s me off with his behaviour towards our kids but only about twice a year!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NiquesMom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Took Kyle to Chuck e cheese, had an egg hunt with him. Ready to go to bed and it's only 4 pm. Hang in there every one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 1, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 1, 2018 Oh Virginia, love that you posted Kyle's gorgeous face to us, he is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I love the joke too. And look at you, posting jokes! Good job. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 Virginia...what a Bunny Boy you have....he is gorgeous....love those Brown Eyed Handsome guys....John David had brown eyes . Giving you a hug....we all know the energy and stamina it takes to carry on....you have a courageous heart and soul. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steve s mom Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 Hope everyone is having a peaceful holiday Happy Easter to our angels Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 Maryann, so good to see you here again, tell us how you have been. May the full moon which is shining bright and yellow orange, find you peaceful tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tinay Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 The donor luncheon was emotional but I didn't care if I cried. We handled it until the end. I don't know how kiona's dad felt or had any emotions publicly displayed. I cried at various points. My son, grayson broke down at the end. He had a hard ride home. 3.5 hours. It breaks my heart all over again. My ex showed more concern over me than he has in a long time. I'm thankful for that. I'm glad I asked him to go. I'm thinking this 2nd year will be the hardest. I went to church this morning. I wasn't planning on it due to the pastor that was there for her funeral. An old friend that was back visiting put the thought in my head. I decided to go. I'm glad I did. I had moments of thinking about last time I was there. I pushed them out. I cried a lot. I want to go back. New pastor so that helps. Just need to walk out different isle so as not to feel like and remember last time. Oh and they played one of her funeral songs at this luncheon while pictures of donors went through on the screen. Jealous of the Angles by Donna taggert. I cried. It was healing. Minds a jumble. Going to go to bed. Listen to her music. Dream of her hopefully. Peace and love Tina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 Tina so glad that you went and that you offered the experience to your EX. I am glad too, that your son was able to release some of his ache, it is important to release and for him to know that this is part of it. All part of the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 Tina, I agree that sharing that experience with Kiona's father was a "good" thing (never good when it deals with such a loss) so that Kiona's parents could experience the extremely noble cause that organ donation did for those recipients. And for Grayson to witness that grief and loss are a part of the process may help him as he learns to forge through missing his sister. Virginia, Kyle is such a sweetie. How wonderful of you to give him that special time that was just for him. The steps we take to make our way....never easy but always significant. Lesley, glad to hear you have moved up to crutches. I have to say that "flowers on the ocean" sounds like a comforting tribute. Luanne, lilies for your dad and Kira for your church was a very good thing and as a Christian and Catholic, I know that God knew who they were for as did Kira and your dad. Sometimes it is important to do what feels right for you and not worry what anyone else says or thinks. They do not know what it is like to walk in your shoes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommy's mum Posted April 2, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 2, 2018 virginia your Kyle is adorable, he is still young enough to believe in the magic of childhood things which in turn makes the adults smile. I remember Easter egg hunts with my guys even when they were teens rushing to find the candy filled eggs first with their best friends we always had a BBQ together. dianne thanks the crutches are a step up but it still seems an eternity before I will walk. Went to the food store today for the first time in 3 months, quite challenging in a wheelchair but felt good to be out of the house after weeks indoors. Funny how we take simple every day things for granted isn't it? tina did you meet any of the receipients of your girl's organs? I don't know the protocol of these events but I am sure it was very very emotional. It is good Grayson let some tears fall, feels good to let out some of the emotions that have been held in. I hope you found some healing with the ceremony knowing part of your precious girl Kiona lives on in others as well as in your heart. The improved relationship with your ex is only going to bring good things, you have both lost a child you held dear. maryann I hope this Easter time finds you well and that you are doing ok. You are clever the way you put Steve's picture on top of another. I am so rubbish with technology. susan how accurate "that we straddle time and space" I love those words, very meaningful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted April 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2018 Hello to all INDIGOS. Haven't been on here too much lately, due to computer problems in posting. Louann-----Yes, I agree wholeheartedly that the person who made that remark was insensitive and the words were hurtful. And, it does sound as though she was judging , though, of course she hadn't a clue . I agree, that it takes time, after the loss of a child, to sort out the good eggs from the rotten eggs. I think that all of us here has had to do this......it is necessary to let the hurtful people, go, and be done with it for our own peace of mind. Virginia------It does take time to navigate this journey, and many times we take a few steps forward, only to take a few steps back. Be kind to yourself, and patient with yourself, because this road is the hardest road a parent will ever have to endure. We're here to let you know that we understand. Peace to you. Laurie------I'm sure my husband will want to have a garden this season. He's been studying all the seed catalogs for months. He has tilled up a new spot, and is considering just what to plant there. Sorry that the deer seem to treat your gardens as a cafeteria. They are determined creatures. We sometimes have problems with raccoons and other varmints. Dee-----My husband was disappointed that Loyola Chicago was beaten by Michigan in the final four. He's watching the championship game tonight. ERI was there to welcome her father into their heavenly pink realm on that day...... with only peace and beauty surrounding them forevermore. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted April 3, 2018 Members Report Share Posted April 3, 2018 Virginia----I forgot to tell you thanks for posting Kyle's pic. He sure is a cute little guy. Also, thanks for the jokes.....so uplifting & cute. Maryann---Good to see your post, and the lovely screen shots with your dear son Stephen......indeed and Angel in heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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