Loss of an Adult Child

[peggy a sad mom]

somersky he is beautiful! very nice suit also

margarett we have been worried about you. i'm sorry for your brother but it sounds like he may be ok. is he able to talk to you on the phone? i was worried before you weren't crying i cried so hard from the day he died i thought i was going with him and i wanted to. it has eased up a bit for me when i am with other people and we are not talking about my son i don't cry. some times my chest hurts hurts cause i want to hold it in so bad. then i walk away with that smile on me and i say to myself screw off i don't care. it's all i talk about with family and then some. but i do thank god i can ease up i couldn't do that before. the pain is really so bad and i am expecting it forever. 4 more days it will be 3 months it's like yesterday. let it out margarett and anyone else that needs to. i prefer to be upset when i'm alone trust me i don't care what anyone thinks. i'm always very lonely too even if there are people there

thanks

peggy

[ericasmom]

Three months Peg, was a very hard mark of time for me, just hit me hard. I know that you all are trying to figure it all out, but one moment at a time...

Lesley, you already do offer great advice and welcoming words, so kudos to you. I love the idea of the lei floating out to sea, I do believe your Tommy is smiling over those flowers, sending love.

 

snow today...really?

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

Hello, My Friends,

It has been a long time since I visited.  Sorry I have missed so many birthdays and angelanniversaries.  I think of you all often.  

Tony's two year angel anniversary was March 27th.  I do not know why I can't come to terms with this yet.  I have been trying so very hard to see the SUN.  Still, the fog persists. My soul just won't heal and I want to so bad for the ones that love me here.  I smile and laugh for those around me, but it is only a facial expression.  I thought if I stayed off the site a while maybe I would not feel so sad. I realize you all are the only one who really knows the pain and hurt I feel.  

I am thankful for spring.  I enjoy working in my yard. I am in the process of making a flower garden for Tony. A place where I can change the flowers as much as I want without being judged by anyone. I want to have something that blooms every season so I know he still lives.  

Tony's daughter found a group at college to start dancing with again.  She had not danced in 6 years due to surgery on her back.  She has a rod in her spine.  She was so graceful and elegant. We went to Daytona to see her perform. It was the same date we buried Tony (4/6/).  I do not believe the spirit/body rest when it leaves us, because it is whole again and has the ability to soar anywhere it wants too. Why rest, when GOD has given you wings to soar.  Just my thoughts.  She also made the Dean's list with a 3.685 GPA. He would be so proud of Alexis.

I do have a question that maybe one of you can answer for me: Why does family feel if they do not share all the events of the accident, that it will be better for the loved one?

I just found out the two days ago, when Tony's car hydroplaned it was struck the concrete pillar so hard that it was stuck there until the recures help get it down. People at the table was having a conversation about it like they were talking about an action movie.  Tony's brother in law said, "Yo I filmed the skid marks, the cup holder was filled with his blood, there was brain matter on the windshield". as if his mother was not sitting there.  I have had nightmares every night since. I do not sleep more than two hours. I have to be moving all the time so I don't think.   It is like it happened right then.  How am I suppose to get through the grief process when people you love as who suppose to love you speak so nonchalant about the accident and if my son, Tony wasn't someone that was loved?   

Oh well, keep me in prayer as I pray for you all.

I will post pictures of the garden once it is in full bloom.

Cheryl, Tony's Mom

[TearsInHeaven]

Cheryl, glad to see you checking in. First off, how proud you and Tony must be of Alexis.  She is accomplishing so much and when you consider all she went through with the accident, she has chosen to send her drive and her spirit to such heights to honor her father. You must be over the moon with that.  Know that your soul IS healing it just takes so much time.  You will never be the person you were but while you will be different, you will be whole as a woman who loves her family and sees and experiences things again.  The moments of light are not always there but you can see the progress you have made.  It is all baby steps. Sadness and grief becomes a part of you but, unlike those early times, it will not be all. Plant that garden and watch its beauty unfold.  Let that beauty into your heart for your son.  As far as Tony's BIL what a complete ass.  How someone could EVER talk like that is lower than imaginable.  Unfortunately, you had to hear and see someone like that and now additional nightmares shake your core.  It is sad that no one else shut him up in respect to you and Tony.....  Know that you have our prayers.  I really like your words:

10 hours ago, Cheryl, Tony's Mom said:

Why rest, when GOD has given you wings to soar. 

 Kristen, Skylar and his dad...Priceless.

Lesley,  what would we do without you??? your words, your thoughts, your compassion...

Susan,  hope you are progressing well in your healing.  Your snippets have always been something I have taken hold of.  The one above with the souls being tied is a favorite for me.

Luanne and Kate, my hockey buddies.....Winnipeg still holding on, Toronto struggling, but the Golden Jets are trouncing the Kings.  I think this might be a sign.

[Mermaid Tears]

I have to say some words for Kiona....she shines through....and she is still shining through....energy is never lost....it becomes another form. That is my belief. When the 'shock suit' does not fit so tight....and we are not lost in the grief mind fog....when the physical pain is not so acute....when rationale thinking bubbles up to the top....is when we can see, feel and experience the signs. This can only manifest when one can allow themselves to have an open mind and enter a relaxed physical state. Some can enter that realm where the veil is thin. I know you can't push this....one can only allow it.

[Mermaid Tears]

Somersky....love the son and Dad photos....and the 'sharp dressed man'. You mentioned he went to college to get 'beefed up'.....can you describe that more ?

Story of Caution: An amazing baseball pitcher from Brenham got a full 4 year scholarship to an out of state college...he left in the summer out of high school...around the end of September he collapsed...was revived and now is home. I saw his Mom and she said he was just a shell of the person he once was...that Wyatt could throw a ball farther than her son...there is a court case...so I can't go into any detail....was it Human Growth Hormones being put in food...steroids...being given in food or sports drinks ? As in athletes being tested...some things cannot be traced. Beyond sad. 

[Somersky]

Lol... Skylar played on the basketball team so he was forever in the weight room wanting to beef up and at one time even became vegetarian (for a New York minute lol) When he passed away he was 250 and I think In his grad picture when trying the suit on he was 210. Skylar was always very healthy and watched what he ate and that’s why it kills me to have this happen! Skylar was an “old soul” who thought over his age. The conversations we would have were not typical of someone of his age... he would quite philosophical and knew there was something else out there. Sometimes I sensed frustration when I couldn’t understand his points of view ... lol... not that I’m overly religious but he was taking sociology and philosophy in university so of course he had a lot to talk about. I thoroughly enjoyed our talks though and never shut them down.

We are in Palm Desert right now and hiking up to the cross tomorrow before sunset (supposed to be a nice hike) in memory of Skylar. I feel sick with sadness right now but know that you are all here and that provides comfort. I thank you for that so much. PS... it’s freezing!!!!!

[Mermaid Tears]

Cheryl....What a magical gift you have in Alexa....she certainly has focus and passion to rise above her challenges...and achieve her goals. A testament to love that carries on and on. There are times we just don't have enough pockets to put our grief. In those times....our persona will look for avenues to release that grief. I find I find it most when I can create...it is almost like a primitive anti-depressant. The basics of living on this earth home is to create and serve. Your garden will be your palette..you will find the flowers of color to create a memory garden for your boy. You are on the right track.

As for as 'that person' or any person that lacks courtesy or manners....don't let it become a bad memory that plays like a bad movie in the back of your thoughts. Over and over. It is a trick...a simple one....simply 'drop' that person or persons and what they say. Just disown them. Even if they are family. Sometimes family are the most toxic for they feel they have the right to say anything about anyone because they are in the family circle. You don't have to make a speech of it..or announce it...this should be a contract between you and you. It will give you more power if you reach this decision for you by you. And yes....I have had to make this same decision for myself concerning a family member with a very toxic tongue and personality.

[Mermaid Tears]

Somersky....from what I have read about our 'children'....the most common personality trait in all of them...is...they all seemed like 'old souls'....my grandson, Austin, is an old soul. For that reason.....I am almost a 100% believer in reincarnation. Been trying to do more research. They seem to grab philosophical messages from thin air. We know that feeling of being sick with sadness. Please try to relax and let the stress and grip of grief flow through and away from you to give your spirit and physical body a rest. I think the hike toward the cross will be a layer of comfort for you.

[Somersky]

I agree... how do you explain child prodigies? Children that are pianists or that can sing opera...that can draw and paint like famous artists..unexplainable but it’s like they have done it before. Thinking about it makes me a bit sad... I really hope I see Skylar again and it wasn’t just in this fleeting lifetime. Dave had mentioned to me when Skylar was three that it saddened me because I knew my time would be short with Skylar ... although I don’t remember saying it I guess intuitively I knew or... it was just my biggest fear. I hope one day I can help Simone on this forum like you have all helped and are helping me find my way. Xo

[peggy a sad mom]

cheryl i am so sorry. i'm sure no one was trying to mean they just don't think. i don't care who was in the room but i can tell you none of them feel the way you do. a mothers love for a deceased child is the worse pain in this life. you only know it if you are one. 

[Tommy's mum]

cheryl I am beyond horrified your BIL could speak those words in front of you ,and I am not surprised you have had nightmares since. It sounds like tony would not have felt a thing because of the impact but to hear someone say such things in a throwaway casual manner is disgusting. Sometimes there are details we would rather have not known such as autopsy or hospital or police records, which is why we caution other parents before reading them as you cannot unread what you see, but you cannot stop people with their thoughtless words. i am sorry you heard what you did, just know that there is nothing you cannot say here to us on the forum because we have all been through similar traumas and we get that gut wrenching pain of losing a child. maybe taking a break was good for you sometimes people need to step away to regroup and refocus but we are always here for you, oldies and newbies too. Tony's daughter Alexis sounds like an incredible and talented girl who has overcome the loss of her dad with grace and bravery he must be so proud of all her acheivements and you too.

somersky hiking upto the cross sounds pretty amazing. Where is it, it sounds high up and in the wilds? Was it a favourite place for Skylar? I will be thinking of you tomorrow knowing the very mixed emotions and the loss again as you go home. I hope you find some solace being there. As a fellow parent I know our biggest fear is to lose one of our children it is something unimagineable, but now we have faced our fear because it is a sad reality. One day we will all be able to find the sunshine and happiness in life again and be able to share that with new parents to give them hope for a future, one very different from the one we had before but still a future. i am still working towards that myself.

susan the quotes are lovely. being a Brit the cup of tea one made me smile. Yes we will always bump into people who are ignorant or offensive and know it is ok to walk away from them because they are not worthy of out time or attention.

dianne  thanks it is good to feel appreciated and that I can help others through the dark times. We have ups and downs at different times so there is always someone available to pick up the pieces and help soothe a wounded heart,

 

 

[ericasmom]

Cheryl, oh my goodness, what the heck kind of reasoning did your BIL have to say this in front of you...terrible, taking a break is a good thing. I am sorry for the visual haunting this gave you, not right in any way. I am however so glad to hear that your Grand-Girl is doing well and holding the light of her Dad to shine on her, to light her way. Wonderful. I think I missed your angelverssary, I apologize. I am glad that you enjoy your garden, obviously, spring is happening in some parts of the world, today we have sun but pretty chilly, but sun hooray, tomorrow more rain and cold...fingers crossed that we get spring weather again one day soon. Our daffodils have been slammed by snow and cold, their pretty faces to the sky only one day before getting hit by heavy snow and cold...

Kristen, let us know about your hike up to the cross, it sounds like a beautiful endeavor. Prayers as you face tomorrow and all that it holds. May Skylar's birthday prevail and the goodness of his being shine on you all.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kristen...I found this info about a person dying on their birthday...

[ericasmom]

That is what I remember reading some time ago...I could not remember from where or from whom...Thanks Susan for finding that.

[Somersky]

Thanks Susan... that does provide some solice. I actually have never been on this hike Dave found it. We are here in the desert because it’s a place away and honestly I feel Skylar here. We will climb fist thing in the AM. Hmmmmm.... I wonder what skylars mission was. Maybe I will never know... maybe only he will know and was something he had to fulfill. 

[My girl is in heaven]

Kristen.  Thank you. I do remember a dr. telling me that without being revived in a few minutes that she would have brain damage and that the decision to take her off life support would have been worse than her just dying.  Of course I still count out the seconds and minutes in my head sometime and feel so sure I could have saved her.  Skylar was such a perfectly handsome young man and so talented.  I was just thinking my Kira was a real star athlete too.  She was one of only two girls who got picked in grade 4 to play basketball on the junior school team and she was an excellent basketball player.  She also played volley ball, all track events,  danced jazz, tap and ballet competitive for many years and was on a travelling soccer team.  I have her soccer cleats complete with the dried mud on them from her last game. I’m afraid to pick them up for fear the mud might fall off.  I have a huge bucket full of all her sports awards.  That’s what is so shocking for you and me is that our kids were active and healthy.  I will never understand . Even if god tells me why I still won’t get it.  I love Susan’s quote about dying on your birthday.  I’m sure Kira and Skylar are playing  basketball in heaven together.  She would be trying so hard not to let a boy beat her.  Please hold those thoughts or all your good memories of Skylar. They will pull you through.  And remember you and I share that crumb of comfort our kids were not suffering or in any pain.  I truly find after almost 7 years that I hold on tight to those little crumbs, sometimes that’s all we got.  You have so many people here standing shoulder to shoulder with you tomorrow.  Please lean on us. We truly do get it.  

Luanne.  Kira’s mom

 

 

 

[My girl is in heaven]

Cheryl.  I posted to you back on March 27 just in case you were reading. You so kindly posted on Kira’s birthday in January and I had Tony’s date written down.  That is so beyond shocking that your brother in law would say that. Even if you hadn’t lost a child who could be that insensitive.  I always think I’ve heard the worst thing anybody can say to a grieving parent, but sure enough there always seems to be someone who can top it.  It took me a few years but I have cut out all the bad eggs who sometimes you think they actually go out of thier way to hurt you.  Hold on tight to us.  We will never hurt you, only walk beside and hold you up when you need it.  There is a connection with other grieving parents that just can’t be put into words.  We could all stand in a room and look at each other and never say a word, cause we would all just know.  Keep coming  back here , you are so loved and cared about. 

Luanne...Kira’s mom.

[Somersky]

Well... you may be shocked... Skylar being so big.. we buried him in his basketball shoes. Really there wasn’t any other better place. There wasn’t an urn big enough and his basketball shoes were the perfect place. I do wear that necklace around my neck that Dave surprised me with on the day of his service ... it’s in gold .. it has his fingerprint on one side and on the other side says sky ... inside are a few ashes so he’s always with me. I have never taken it off. I love my memorial tattoo and feel I want to get a dreaming  tree tattoo since he seemed fascinated with dreaming trees. Funny I was so against them...

yes we had to make the decision to take Skylar off life support and like one parent who lost a child from the Humbolt tragedy when he had to say goodbye to his son all he could say was “ I love you” I felt the same... what do you say? I was at a loss for words! All I could do was say a prayer and tell him how much I love him and always will

[My girl is in heaven]

Margee.  How is your brother?  I kinda envy the moms who have tons of tears for some reason I haven’t had a lot, but sure lots of tears in the inside.  I know early on it was beyond even comprehending what had happened. It just wasn’t even on the radar scale.  I guess it was just pure shock ,as I wandered around just looking out my front door for days watching everyone cutting thier grass or walking thier dogs.  I knew right then life had changed for ever. So I do, we all do, get it exactly how you are feeling.  Please don’t say you are alone.....never ever ever do you have to feel alone.  We don’t see each other in person but there is a bond that comes blasting thru these computers like no other.  And I am retired so I have all the things me in the world, if you want to email or want a call to chat , I will do what ever I can to help you.  Please know we are walking the journey with you. 

Lesley, how is the ankle and your dad? And yes you offer so much comfort to so many. All of our very different but yet similar circumstances that help us all when we share.  I have been right in that absolute moment of darkness and almost no return so I stand beside my friend. 

Peggy.  How r you doing.  Remember we are all here for you.  I hope you getting ng a few small crumbs of comfort.  Stay strong, keep going. 

Luanne....Kira’s mama

[NiquesMom]

On vacation in Tennessee,  Kyle is having so much fun,  haven't cried all trip,  talk to nique everyday,  wish she was here to see how beautiful it is,  and then I remember she is somewhere even more beautiful.  Love her and can't wait to see her again,  but I still have to live this life

[ericasmom]

Virginia, that smile you are wearing sure looks beautiful...and the one your Little Guy and Big Guy are wearing???Beautiful. We know that Nique is smiling too, all around you.

Kristen, love the story of the ashes and the basketball shoes.

[TearsInHeaven]

Remembering you today Skylar as your Mom and Dad find away to join the happiness of you coming into their life and their sadness as you left.  Let them know that you are okay and burning up that heavenly basketball court with some of the best. Let them hear that dribble so they know you are near.

[TearsInHeaven]

Virginia, those smiling faces look SO good. I believe if you look REALLY REALLY hard  on the other side of that NC-Tenn sign you will see Nique giving you a huge smile.

Margarett, Peggy, Samantha, Sarah---thinking of you all and hoping that Jason, Ronnie, Anthony and Rebekah are letting you feel them in your hearts.

[Mermaid Tears]

Barbara Pierce, the future Barbara Bush, is shown in her graduation photo from a finishing school in Charleston, S.C., in 1943. (AP)

Barbara Bush, who died Tuesday, said she didn’t fear death. That may be because the 92-year-old former first lady faced it before, in the hardest way imaginable.

In 1953, soon after George H.W. Bush had moved his family to Midland, Tex., to get into the oil business, the couple’s 3-year-old daughter complained about feeling tired. Usually, Pauline Robinson “Robin” Bush, the much-doted-on only girl of the Bush kids, was as rowdy and healthy as her older brother George W. and baby brother Jeb. Barbara decided to take her to a pediatrician.

Her diagnosis was shockingly abrupt. The doctor called the Bushes a few days later with a word neither had ever heard before: leukemia. The complaint had been fatigue; the prescription was to take their child home to die.

[Barbara Bush, matriarch of American political dynasty, dies at 92]

“Her advice was to tell no one, go home, forget that Robin was sick, make her as comfortable as we could, love her — and let her gently slip away,” Bush wrote in her 1994 memoir. “She said this would happen very quickly.”

Robin Bush sitting on porch steps in Greenwich, Conn., in June 1953, wearing a party hat. (George Bush Presidential Library)

But the Bushes had means and determination, and they fought the death-sentence diagnosis, beginning a months-long ordeal that would have lifelong impacts on a family that would come to include two presidents.

USA Today reporter Susan Page, who is writing a new biography of Barbara Bush, spoke to the former first lady about the episode last fall, 64 years to the month after Robin’s death. Sitting in her Houston living room, facing a portrait of her forever-young daughter, the tears were fresh.

“I think this was a very powerful tragedy in their lives,” Page said. “No mother would ever forget a child, but Robin has remained a real presence for them.”

The day after getting the bad news, the Bushes flew with Robin to New York, moving into the apartment of George H.W. Bush’s grandparents on Manhattan’s East Side. His uncle was a doctor at Sloan Kettering, a leading cancer center even when cancer was barely understood and nearly taboo to mention.

Robin stayed in the hospital for seven months, having regular bone marrow tests and blood transfusions, which drove her father from the room while her mother remained resolutely at her side. On one quick outing to Maine, Robin finally saw her two brothers, whose pictures were taped to her hospital headboard but who had no idea their sister’s life was ebbing away.

In October, Robin died with her parents in the room. “For one last time I combed her hair and held our precious little girl,” Barbara wrote.

They gave the little body that had been claimed by a mysterious disease over to medical research, then had their daughter buried in a family plot in Greenwich, Conn.

George H.W. Bush with his wife, Barbara, and son, George W., in Rye, N.Y., during the summer of 1955 — two years after Robin’s death. (AP)

Back in Texas, George W. Bush has recounted the day his returning parents came to pick him up at school in their big green Oldsmobile. He recalled his delight at the prospect of seeing his baby sister.

“I remember seeing them pull up and thinking I saw my little sister in the back of the car. I remember that as sure as I’m sitting here,” he told The Washington Post in a 1999 interview. “I run over to the car, and there’s no Robin.”

Barbara Bush described the death of her daughter and the grief that followed as an agony made more bearable by her relationship with her husband.  Later, she would marvel that the tragedy that splits many couples had brought them closer.

“In this case, it tested the marriage and made it stronger,” Page said.

George W. has said Robin’s death forged a bond with his mother that he leaned on through his father’s presidency and then his own. Each felt responsible for shoring up the other.

In a Post profile about that mother-son relationship in 1999, Barbara Bush described the moment she realized young George was bucking her up.

One day … she heard her son tell a friend that he couldn’t come out because he had to play with his mother, who was lonely. “I was thinking, ‘Well, I’m being there for him,’ ” she recalled. “But the truth was he was being there for me.”

“That started my cure,” she wrote in her memoir. “I realized I was too much of a burden for a little 7-year-old boy to carry.”

Former president George W. Bush, center, waves along with his parents and wife, Laura, after arriving on Marine One at the U.S. Naval Observatory in Washington on March 23, 2008. (AFP/Getty Images)

It was during this period, at age 28, that Barbara’s dark hair began to go white giving her the gray coiffure that would become known to the world. But the Bushes thrived. They had three more children, including another girl, Dorothy. The family rose from mere prominence to true dynasty, with portraits hanging on official walls in Washington, Texas and Florida. George H.W. and George W. were the first father-and-son presidents since John and John Quincy Adams.

[The day Barbara Bush wowed Wellesley’s feminist protesters with a graduation speech]

But one portrait remained on more private walls.

“It hangs within clear view of her chair,” Page said of the rendering of Robin that kept Barbara company in the Bush’s Houston living room.

After the George H.W. Bush Library was established in College Station, Tex., the family had Robin’s body moved to a small, gated burial plot on the grounds. Now Barbara Bush will join her daughter there.

2:25

 

Former first lady Barbara Bush dies at 92

 

Barbara Bush, who was the wife of one president and the mother of another, died on April 17. (Monica Akhtar/The Washington Post)

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The day Barbara Bush wowed Wellesley’s feminist protesters with a graduation speech

A gunman took hostages at Augusta National. Ronald Reagan tried to calm him down.

The first woman Marine: In 1918, she couldn’t vote but rushed to serve

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Steve Hendrix came to The Washington Post almost 20 years ago from the world of magazine freelancing and has written for just about every section of the paper: Travel, Style, the Magazine, Book World, Foreign, National and, most recently, the Metro section’s Enterprise team.

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[Tommy's mum]

somersky I love that you buried Skylar's ashes in his beloved basketball shoes what a personal tribute he would love that. I have very few of my Tommy's belongings as he lived in Hawaii and actually had very little. I did ask for his Air Jordan shoes. I wanted him to be cremated in them but the crematorium have rules about certain items so I put them by my front door on the family shoe rack so I see them every day. I also hung his favourite hoodie on the coat rack these little things help me feel him close and still a part of our family. I hope the hike went well.

susan A lot of people think each person has a mission on earth but it is not always possible to know what the mission was. It could be an organ donation, saving a life like my Tommy, being a parent or sibling, or simply being part of your family giving eternal memories. Sometimes the story of how your child passed influences others and promote a law change or raise funds and very often the other children in the family are influenced by their loss to become a doctor or a spokesperson or lawyer or counsellor. We parents have joined this forum to help others in the same tragic position which was influenced by our child's loss. It is enough to know that each spirit child influenced and changed our lives forever and we are all lucky to have had them even if it was too brief a time. I am working on being grateful for the time I had with Tommy and not letting that tragedy define me, but that is easier said than done some days.

virginia I am glad you are able to enjoy your break away with your family. Know Nique is with you every step of the way.

today the sun is shining and the temperature a bit higher so have been pottering in my garden and enjoying hanging the washing out on the line to dry in the breeze. I am helping my mum with her garden tomorrow as now I can sit on the ground. The cherry blossom, magnolia and camellias are blooming and my lilac bush has buds. I hope to get some annuals soon to fill in the gaps and add colour. Louanne the ankle is slowly getting better I can move around a little more on crutches but still need frequent rests and pain killers, there is some hope for healing.

[Mermaid Tears]

I tried to copy and paste the story of Robin...Barbara and George Bush's daughter who died at 3 years of age. Child death is like the rain....it falls on the just and unjust...the rich and poor....the black and white. I do believe that living in Texas and being aware of more family stories of the Bush family, we are very aware of how this devastated the family and they never forgot their little girl. When they transferred Robin's remains to the Bush Presidential Library in College Station it was a very profound and private and solemn ceremony and Barbara made the statement that she will one day lie along side her daughter's resting place. She is now with her baby girl.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lesley...you are spot on....many question...'Why am I here?'......after losing a child we look for ways to honor and remember our child in some unique way that was most like them.  Many parents become very stressful about this question.....my belief is to keep it simple and also to keep it home. Charity begins at home. One doesn't have to do 'great' things....there are so many ways to honor your child within a few miles radius. I planted succulents in John David's tennis shoes....they thrive.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Somersky]

Well it was gruelling to say the least but quite peaceful. I felt a heavenly presence....

i miss him and I will succumb to those emotions today... I will not fight it.

 

 

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[Somersky]

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[ericasmom]

Happy Birthday Sweetest Skylar, may the love pure as snow and sun, shine on you, through you, from you...and while it is also the date that took you from your Earth home, may those tears of loss be beads of pure love poured just for the missing of one so very dear, so special...

 

Thank you Kristen, for the beautiful photos of this gorgeous place in which to honor your Beloved Son.

[NiquesMom]

Started crying on the train ride at Dollywood.  They played the song "Long Black Train" and the tears started.  Miss my baby. 

[Somersky]

[ericasmom]

Skylar has your beautiful smile Kristen...what a gorgeous family you have, and sweet photos to share. Thank you for sharing Skylar's life with us. Remember the old Native saying: All   living things have a full life, no matter how long the life was, short or long, it made a full circle, it was a full life.

Susan, I had forgotten that the Bush family lost their little one so long ago...but of course they never let go of her love, they regarded her in all of their days. Thanks.

[My girl is in heaven]

Kristen.  Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your precious Skylars  life. The basket ball court reminds me of Kira and her basketball days.  What a tall, tall boy, perfect for basketball.  We all know the pain that today especially brings for you.  The cross is beautiful and hope it gave you some comfort.  Is it in B.C.?  I hope tomorrow the sadness eases just a little as you get by today. 

Virginia. So heart warming to see all your smiling faces. Kyle is so sweet.  I’m sorry you had a few tears but unfortunately grief is one step forward and two back. I find my life now is all about those crumbs, slivers, and no matter how small or how infrequent they are I cling to every one of them. I’m glad you were able to have some enjoyment on your trip. And I’m so glad you know that yes you have to carry on thru life and I also know our children are in a place so beautiful they say we can’t even comprehend here on earth.  

Didnt know the Bushes had lost a child.  I always think that those with the wealthy and perfect lives never get afflicted with such tragedies.  That certainly is the case with any peopl I know.  Sounds like they never forgot about her. 

.........and so it keeps snowing and snowing .  Ugh southern Ontario.   

 

[Somersky]

We are in palm Desert right now. We are from British Columbia.I knew guaranteed sun was the desert.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you for sharing Kristen....the combination of releasing energy for the hike....and releasing your grief will give you a connection to your spirit...and your boy. Mother Nature has a way of bringing us closer to all things which cannot be seen with the eye....but with the heart. You are doing the right thing....bend into the grief...and honor it. I find I have a problem finding the right words for you....for a Mama who remembers the day that the miracle of your son was placed in your arms and heart....and the day your son left this earth home. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the extreme emotions and memories that are flooding your thoughts. I know it has a drastic effect on your physical body, too. Grief is exhausting. I pray you and your husband will cling to each other and find some solace with the love you share for your boy. We are here for you and him.

[NiquesMom]

Not sure if it was a visit or a dream.  In the midst of really weird dreams,  nique was there.  She was sitting in our car,  we were talking and I was brushing her hair (which was never easy in life,  she had curly hair they would knot very easy). I remember her rolling her eyes at something i said.  I was brushing her hair,  and she put on her headband. I asked her how long she had been over there but she didn't answer. Then it was like she had to leave for a meeting, something about she is healing.  I asked her if she would come back but no answer. 

[Tommy's mum]

I have always been a huge music fan always playing music in my house and car. I have been to hundreds of live concerts some very famous bands as my taste is quite eclectic but my fave genre is metal and rock and I have taken all my kids to concerts. Since Tommy died the music went out of my life completely. It was all just noise in my head disrupting my mind so I avoided it. I have tried to listen to some over the years but it can only be for a short time as it is not the same. Tommy and I shared a lot of bands in common so it is upsetting to listen. Today I went into the garden early and played some of our fave music. It was in the back garden so no one could see me ripping out weeds and weeping for my boy. I miss him so much. My heart breaks all over again today but I know it is healing.

[ericasmom]

Lesley, I hope that you can add music back like you did today...I am listening to Joni Mitchell right now before leaving for school...music makes the world make sense and gives it shape for me...and if it makes me cry, well then it sure is good music...some of it makes me ache but hey, then I allow it, and some makes me joyous, again, what can be wrong wtih this??? Weeding and weeping, a good metaphor, pulling from the ground those things that harm the garden and weeping out the sad and anguish that muddies our ability to be in the sun...

Virginia-holy cow, sounds like a dream visit to me...how did you feel when you awoke?

[TearsInHeaven]

Virginia, sounds like a visitation to me.  Nique wanted you to know she is okay where she is. The comfort that brings has to be wonderful for the moment.

Luanne, we had snow last night also.  This is going into the end of April.  Enough is ENOUGH!

Music was always important in our family.  I too had some issues with listening to music after my loss but now I find I need it. For all the music out there this is one of my favorite quotes:

[ericasmom]

So true Dianne, those lyrics are sometimes the words of our lives, depicting both the joys and sorrows in poetic terms.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Virginia...I , too, think that you had a visitation dream....keep it close....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kristin, thank you for sharing of the pictures of your wonderful son. I did not read but a small portion of my son’s autopsy report and that was all. My parents, when my older sister was ran over (in 2003), was given her autopsy report. It was given to me unopened years later, which I read a small portion of. Reading those types of documents are very difficult and I admit, some phrases are now cemented in my brain. I had to read my son’s since we went to court as someone ran him over in his own lane. It is okay, to only read a little bit or maybe not at all…as time has progressed, the grief has grown softer but more internal for me.  

Loved the picture of the Sun Beam!

Susan, thank you for your wonderful postings. I always look forward to seeing your John David’s smiling face gracing our site. I really agreed with the When I am Sad post. Those are so true. I hope all is well. 

Sherri, on the news they were recommending feeding the poor robins that came up north early. They were really scrambling on the ground looking for some food. Today it finally reach 50 degrees, with a foot and a half of snow on the ground! What a strange combination.

Margee, I am sending healing prayers for your brother. There are those very dark moments when it seems like everything is just overwhelming. My therapist at the time had recommended to create a “safe spot” in my home. I selected an overstuffed corner chair, and bought a heated throw, and kept books and treats (tea and specialty chocolates) there. If I was too overwhelmed, I would retreat to this spot. There were times, I sat there for most of the day. If I got too panicked, I would retreat there. It took a long time before I did not need it any longer. It was very good advice from my therapist at the time, as the body needed to calm down, and then the mind and emotions would somewhat settle down.

Cheryl, that is very insensitive those remarks. I am not sure why people feel compelled to say what they do…many of us here can tell of the awful things said to us by others. I have read a lot about PTSD lately. It is perfectly acceptable to draw boundaries with others. Especially since there is trauma involved. I have been learning to project a certain state of mind or energy with my communications with others when they start crossing the line.  It is correct to set limits with others, even if they become uncomfortable. This is a work in progress for me but I am sharing since it is what I am working on and I know is necessary.

Virginia, many bereaved parents have had those types of dreams. Those dreams I believe can play a role in the healing process – and help us grow in our understanding of spirituality and our nature. One recommendation I read early on was to journal down your dreams, especially what is called the “big dreams”. I found that by doing so, that my recall of the dream event was much better, but it had to be done right away after waking up for the most recall. I had precognitive dreams of my son’s passing, and also of my mom’s heart attack this December. We had one mom on here some time ago, that dreamt of her daughter’s passing in detail. It happened exactly like what was foreshadowed. As I read other blogs I noticed there were others that had the same type of experience. My own thoughts on this, is that our spirit is freer during those times, and not bound like in our waking life.

Leslie, I have found that certain musical pieces have aided me in different parts of my journey too. It seems like suddenly a certain song will appear – I think music helps us process life events and can be a great healer.  

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

This is a song I just listened to the other day as I thought about my 2 son's in  heaven. Sung by the late Israel "IZ" Kamakawiwoʻole

 

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I play this song for my class often, and they love the video, they always ask if he was sad to be so big...I ask them, does he sound sad in his songs, and they say, " no, he sounds beautiful...happy".

[Somersky]

The coroner told me I should have someone with me when I read the autopsy... of course I didn’t. Big mistake!!!! Sadly those descriptions will forever resonate with me. Thank you everyone for being there for Skylar and I ... we do appreciate it more than you know.

[Tommy's mum]

I hope everyone has a good weekend another week closer to spring. hugs to all x

 

[ericasmom]

It is finally nice out today...58 degrees and blue skies and soft breezes. I am so glad.

Peace Folks, it is my birthday and I have had some very sweet Angelic signs.