Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Sherry, so good to see you back here where we all love to hear from you. Don't stop posting just cause of the blank space, we can the next comment box so you just keep coming here. Yes, it was a hard loss for Loyola Fans, and players and of course, Sister Jean...but wow, what a great run they had. Nobody expected them to do what they were able to accomplish so right on LOYOLA!

[peggy a sad mom]

hi everyone have just been reading but today i got hit hard. on my lunch break today i bought paper towels and toilet paper that i didn't need at least not yet. it was a good price i couldn't pass it up. i go outside to put it in my trunk i open it and there is stuff my son put in my trunk like 10 weeks ago. it almost killed me because it felt like yesterday when he did that. omg i don't know how i'm still living. this pain is just so unbearable. i have my group tonight i hope it helps even for a little while. i don't think so but!!!

peggy

[ericasmom]

I hope it helps just a little bit too Peg...I know that the abstraction of time is huge for me. I sure do get that. Let us know how the session goes, so proud that you are going and giving this a try.

[peggy a sad mom]

thanks dee

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Tina...what an emotional experience....and really....I think if you didn't shed tears that would have been abnormal. Tears are so cleansing..and healing. You won't be able to see the healing experience that your son had in allowing him to share that with you....but...you will in due time. I think you inviting your 'ex' to share that with both of you is also a teaching moment for your son. Anytime you 'rise above' you are giving your son a tremendous learning lesson. It isn't what you say...it is what you do. Action speaks volumes. My Grama always..always told me...'Don't worry about what others do or don't do....You just worry about what YOU do or don't do'.

Peggy....you are following what I call your 'gut instinct'....and going to the group tonight is a good thing. I believe in shining a light in every corner. I don't think there is only ONE experience that can help.....I think there are 100's of little..bitty things that can bring comfort. Never a cure...but a helping stepping stone.

Sherry....I wish I could help with your techno issues....but we can read your posts...and that is the most important thing for our site. I always look forward to what you have to share...and how your day is going. What you are planting...and gathering. It is as if I can hear the crickets chirp when you describe your country home.

[Michaels Mom]

Oh my God.  Is this pain never going to stop? One more holiday letting me know my boy is gone forever.  The anger scares me.  But it helps to cover up the pain sometimes.  And now to know the pain of others.  I am so sorry you all have to carry this pain.  My heart just breaks for all of the loved ones whose children are dead.  Dead. That is the first time I have said that cold heartless word.  I pick up the phone to call my Michael and then I remember I will never hear his voice again. My baby.  I see him sometimes and I run to hug him.  But then I see it is not him.  It has only been 5 months but almost everyone has forgotten.  I start crying sometimes and people ask me why.  That amazes me.  My child is dead, gone forever and they ask me why I am crying. To them I should have moved on.  Or they will say something stupid like I will see him in heaven.  I want him here now with his two little babies.  I want to kiss his head and tell him how much I love him. I just don't know how anyone makes it through this.      

[NiquesMom]

Can't stop crying this morning.  Trying to keep moving forward and I feel like I did the first week. Can't breathe,  hearing the Dr say she is dead,  seeing her in the hospital,  don't want to do this anymore, want her back!

[TearsInHeaven]

Michael's Mom,  I too am a Michael's mom....I know these words do not come close to alleviating your pain but I am so sorry for your loss.  You have come to a place where those of us unfortunately know the pain of losing a child. all too well. But in this place we have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. When a child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees. This grief process is one long, emotional roller coaster. Your world has been violently shaken and all that you know seems to have fallen out from under you.  You have come to a good place.  Right now don't think of how you will get through the rest of your life.  You need to think about the next hour, minute... that is all you can handle right now.    You will learn your way on this path. Sharing your pain can help. I know how excruciating it is to use that  word dead.  It is unfathomable. We here understand why you are crying....  Someone once told me " SHOW ME A GRIEVING MOTHER AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE BRAVEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD>  SHE HAS LIVED ONE DAY WITHOUT HER CHILD." We are here for you and there are many on this forum I think of as my mentors who have helped me this far along. I lost my son 3 years and 4 months ago. Losing a child no matter what age or what circumstances is the loneliest journey a person takes. Those who come close to understanding that are those who share that experience. A grieving parent has to find their own way to live with the loss but they do not have to be alone. Share your thoughts, frustrations, feelings, whatever you are comfortable with whenever you are ready.  We are listening. Hang on with both hands but never be afraid to reach out. 

[TearsInHeaven]

Virginia, those days will come and sometimes when we least expect them to. Wanting Nique back is so understandable but sadly unattainable.  But, you will make it. This whole pitiful journey is full of steps forward and steps back.  Sometimes not expected and that will throw you for a loop.  Time is what will help.  Cry when you need to, I am sure it will come often. There is nothing wrong with that. We want so desperately to be able to go back in time and change the outcome.  I still can't get over the fact that it's even possible to feel pain and anguish like this.  We must allow ourselves to feel whatever emotions our grief has produced inside of us instead of keeping our emotions tightly bottled up inside. Grief is not a problem….it is a process. Holding your hand today to get you through this rough patch.

[ericasmom]

Virginia and Micheal's Mom, I agree with everything Dianne has stated here, there is no greater pain, there is nobody stornger than us, any one of us, not that we ever wanted to be this strong...but here we are anyway. I teach third grade, today is my Daugher's 34th  birthday, she died at age 19. My students joined me under the tree that we have planted here at school, braved the cold and wind, and took all forms of pink decorations to wrap and hang from the tree. We do this every year. Is this enough? NO! I would of course wish she were here, but she isn't so we do what we can to honor and give back to the world in their names. I am here standing where she no longer can to say that while the pain is unimaginable, it is the result, the heart and soul reaction...to the love that was taken from this plane. I am also here to say, that the love will never fade, it will never tarnish, it is a shared bond between you and your Child, it is an unbreakable bond. I remember being about in my third or 4th month after losing my girl, and thinking, NOTHING , not one THING, not even the damn train that hit her car at the broken crossing, can take my Daughter's bond away from me, we are forever united and so I stand as testament to his love, to the unbreakable love and connection to Erica Eileen, and I try to shine her indelible light on all those she loved and would love if she were here today. We need to be here, it is not time to leave here, and while it was not right that hey left early, we cannot do further damage to our families by leaving as well. Have a good talking to yourself in the voice of your beloved Child, what would he/she want you to do to help carry them into the future? I am never saying that you should not cry weep rage against the world at times,  but try to take the love and devotion out into the day and find ways to feel your Child or find ways to dedicate the moment to your Child. Talk aloud to your Beloved Ones, they hear you.

 

Happy Birthday my Sweet Girl, Girl of my Dreams, Ruby in the Dust. I love you forever and I thank you for all the ways you breathe purpose into my soul.

[TearsInHeaven]

Remembering your birthday, Sweet Erica. Your mom has brought her wisdom and your spirit to so many in your name.  Let the essence of you surround her and your whole family with comfort and your whimsical being.

[Tommy's mum]

happy 34th birthday Eri!! Let your smile warm your family's heart today as it is a sad day for them missing you. I thought of Eri yesterday as we had the most gorgeous pink and golden sunset the best one I have seen all year, as it has been mostly overcast and rainy here but yesterday was sunny and springlike. dee i hope today is ok for you it is a mixed emotions day and always leaves you wishing you had another year together.........and another year and another year.

sherry I hope you have a garden this year. I always battled the pesky deer in Pennsylvania too it was a love/hate relationship. I grow flowers shrubs and mini trees as i love the colours and the wildlife that enjoy it and picking blooms for inside and to take to Tommy. My garden is too small for much else and the weather here is so cool that things don't do so well. I miss the American strong sunshine where you could actually see new growth over a couple of days.

virginia and peggy both of you know you are heard and cared about, your pain is also our pain we all miss our children desperately and you are still in the first few months. The flashbacks are very painful, hearing and seeing what happened all over again is a true nightmare. peggy to see some of your son's belongings in the trunk will take you right back just a few weeks ago when the trauma happened. Sometimes even 2 and a half years later i can get triggered and the tears sweep over, the longing to see your child, the anguish that the family will never be complete again, the things they have missed out on, the empty arms you have yes I know it well. It does get better "this pitiful journey "that dianne describes so well, the emotional storms will very slowly fade in intensity and frequency and you will have some better days. It takes time. susan says it so clearly when she says "hundreds of bitty  things that bring comfort" yes it is important to try and look for some little thing that can briefly lift your spirit.

michaelsmom welcome but I sure am sorry that you have the reason to join our group because it means you have lost a child. I think you have posted before a few times but it has been a while. There unfortunately is not a magic day when all the sadness and pain goes away it is a very gradual thing. You will miss Michael every day of your life in your heart and he will always be in your mind too, but slowly you will manage better to cope with his loss. There is always life before loss and after and they are different. You and your family are different already because of his loss. It is finding healthy ways to cope and survive, and the people on this site who are further on than you can attest to this. They still have ups and downs, good times and bad times and find holidays, birthdays and celebratory occasions still sad, but have also managed to find some peace and are able to celebrate life again. Each one of is different, our situations and circumstances are different, some have supportive family and friends and some are without that support, some have religion to lean on for guidance some are non believers. No journey is ever the same but together we offer support and experience to each other and hold each other up when they fall.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....isn't it strange how we achieve wisdom? It is not when things are going great...or we grow fat in a comfortable existence...or a life of sweet circumstance. It is when we make mistakes...make the same mistake over and over....when our world becomes chaotic...and we suffer the loss of beloved ones. Today you truly do celebrate the day your girl was placed in your arms and heart....and you are right....nothing can tear a Mama from her child...and I believe that even death cannot separate a parent from their child. You have been such a touchstone for me on my grief journey....and have opened many dark clouds to help me see and cope and learn how to hold on.

Happy Birthday sweet spirit child....

[peggy a sad mom]

happy birthday erica!

[peggy a sad mom]

thank you tommy's mum

[My girl is in heaven]

Happy heavenly birthday dear Erica Eileen.  How proud you must be of your mama bear...all these years later reaching out to all those who follow on this journey. Spreading her kindness and wisdom to every corner she can.   I hope you are dancing with my dear Kira.  She wanted to be a social worker too and had a kind and caring heart just like you.  I hope the skies over Chicago open a peek today as god will sometimes lift the veil and show us our angels really are ok and we’ll see them again at our time. Hugs to you Dee.  

Michaels mom.  I’m 7 years in to losing my 17 yr old daughter very suddenly.  I wish I could tell you the pain and heart break will end at a certain time, but sadly I think we carry it til we see them again.  I know right now you may feel like you will never be able to carry on without your precious Michael, and I can’t even tell u exactly how but you will keep taking those baby steps and even though it doesn’t feel right, that sun will come up everyday.  Take every crumb of comfort you can find.  Your heart will never totally heal, it will scab over though and some how still keep beating with things  that will still tug on that scab every now and then.  You are still here for a reason, our time will come when we will see our angels again. Remember you do not have to travel this road alone.  Hold on dear friend.  

 

Luanne Kira’s mama.  

[My girl is in heaven]

Virginia have u heard about the job interview.  What a precious little bunny face, your Kyle.  Just look at all the joy and happiness in his eyes.  Keep holding on.  Nothing but hearts and hands here for you remember.  

Peggy.  I really think there will always be triggers somewhere out there.  I don’t know if any of you get that tv commercial for the Acorn stair lift , a stair lift they install on your stair case for elderly who can’t walk up the stairs.  Anyway I used to tease Kira and say I don’t know who is lazier you or the cat.  She always laughed and one day said hey mom can we get one of those stair lifts so I don’t have to walk up the stairs and then laughed and laughed.  I cringe every time I see that commercial on. That’s a memory that I have not shared with anyone til now.  There will always be something that stirs your heart.  Keep trudging on dear friend and hold on , you will get thru this even if you don’t think so right now.  Hugs

Luanne...Kira’s mama

[My girl is in heaven]

Laurie and Kate.  How’s your weather.  We are getting 100 km hr winds, very cold and on and off snow flurries... yuk.  I hate it here.  

Lesley.  How is the ankle and how is your dad doing.  Looking forward to you helping me with my garden this year.  By the looks of the weather here won’t be for awhile.  

Hocky, hockey, hockey, guys... getting close to play offs.  

[My girl is in heaven]

Well my friends, it’s been one year since I somehow happened upon this web site in literally one of my darkest times.  I can’t remember everything anyone said I just remember thinking “ omg these guys get it, they really get it” and nobody said “you should be over it, you shouldn’t be feeling or thinking or doing that”. Just met with 100% acceptance, understanding and love for exactly where I was in this most horrible journey.  Falling back to the bottem of the hole, then trying to crawl out, then falling back in again.  But always with you guys by my side.  I don’t know what I would say if someone asks me where I was in my journey today.  But I do know I wouldn’t be here today if not for all of you with your totally unwavering love and support.  I hope I have been able to give back even some to you all.  It has only been with addition of our newbies since January that I’m saying oh, ok, i have moved on some since those first dark years.  DNA doesn’t always mean anything, you are the sisters that have been there for me when the rest of the world turned away..  I don’t know how else to say thank you other than I make a pretty good banana bread and blueberry coffee cake.  If any one wants to come over.  Lol. Thanks again. Hugs to you all.  

[TearsInHeaven]

Luanne,  you have not only come so far on this journey but you have been an asset with your compassion and "putting it out there" to extend help and understanding.  This is not an easy journey by any means .

So the Blackhawks have not missed the playoffs since 2008. Now I have to figure out  who to cheer for......

[NiquesMom]

Happy birthday erica! My nique loved birthdays,  I bet she is playing games with your daughter up there! 

I have not heard about the job,  I know I will get a job when it's meant to be.  Took Kyle to his therapy tonight.  Have an appt tomorrow to see if I can break our lease since nique died outside our apartment.  They advocate on our behalf with the landlord. 

Thanks for all the uplifting words,  one day I hope to be at that point,  just one step at a time. 

[ericasmom]

Going to bed, such a busy day, but want to thank you all, for the lovely thoughts for Erica's birthday. Each of you have made my heart smile...and Louann, goodness knows that you arrived and have found such strength in this year, we are so glad to be a part of that. And now you are doing the same thing for all of those who find themselves here. Hugs.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, so sorry that I missed Eri's birthday. We just got our internet up and working again this morning. I hope that yesterday your heart was filled with that special love that you hold so close for her. I am sure that her spirit surrounded you as you recalled those special times spent together. Precious memories that will never fade away.

LouAnn, our weather is the pits to be honest. Today is sunny with a strong north wind that is down right too winter like for my liking. It is hard to imagine spring should be here at this point. My poor daffodils will surely take a hit with this unpredictable up and down daily event. 

Dianne, I know a team that you can support as my Jets stand a pretty decent chance of going fairly far in the playoffs. You can now buy Laine beards in the dollar store for fun. There is a rumour that they should hand them out at a home game to everyone in the stands and they could all wear them. 

Susan and Leah, I hope that each day sees an improvement in your health issues. Hang in there!

Sending love to All, Kate 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Luanne....there was this young Mama on this site.......she lost a beautiful daughter who was 16 due to a car accident....she had two younger sons...one in the teens and another around 3....her situation....circumstances...environment...and her 'family' that was in her circle....were toxic. She had been raised by her grandparents who were lovely and loving...her grandfather had died the year before her daughter. Her 'husband' (father of the 3 year old) got on drugs...her in-laws asked her to move from the house she had been living in...her real father showed up on her door step asking for 'money' and help....some of the situations she would post would make me cringe..just reading them. She had a total uphill battle going on...and in the midst of deep grieving for her girl. I cannot list all the 'wrongs' that happened to her....all we could do on this site was to care and support her the best we could. She was younger than my daughter and I would wish so many times that I lived down the street from her to help her out. Her grandmother was her rock. Anyway....she found a little place to live ...it seemed to be in the country..and she had chickens and goats....and she created a garden for her Trista girl....and the boys thrived. Her first husband died from a massive heart attack. Eventually...her husband returned after rehab...and they were making a family unit again. She carried forth with such courage and faith but had many, many dark days of deep and paralyzing grief.

I winced when you were first on the site that you would travel 50 miles to shop...so you wouldn't see anyone in your community....and you would ignore all the kids that your daughter had gone to school with....the extreme actions you took to isolate yourself were disturbing to me. I understood some of it....and yes...the banks were still open...and all the shops...and people went to work and school...the sun rose...the moon came up....people had parties...and birthdays....a new baby was born...when John David died. The world did not stop....just mine. I don't believe that people would point to me and say they were glad it was my kid and not theirs....or that they harbored ill for me and my family. But I come from a different family dynamic and environment that shaped the way I see and walk through this earth home. No one is the same. As I have said...I give you a lot of thought because you were so heavily medicated...and I knew this woman in town that was the same for many years...she was brittle and broken...in her world there were two types of people...those she hated..the others she was paranoid of. Now you are off of many of those medications and rationale thinking is bubbling up to the top. You are becoming REAL. Like the Velveteen Rabbit. We are very proud of you for realizing that something had to change...and as always...you are the only one that can bring about change. We cannot bring our child back...we cannot control every aspect of our lives...but we can learn what we can control and what we can't. We learn that the question to 'WHY' will never have an answer. We learn 'HOW'. Each parent on this site will have to walk their own unique grief journey...for their child is unique. You are walking Kira's unique grief journey. You and your girl are together in this. That is my belief. I truly think you are learning how to honor your grief. You give such care and compassion to others....you do and say the small things that can make a difference. Your girl is shining through you. Always remember that.

[My girl is in heaven]

Oh Susan , thank you so much for your kind words.  The thing I hated the most bout all the meds was I did not experience that total meltdown physically and emotionally that I always thought I should have.  Then a few years ago at the cemetery on her birthday I let out a wail  , it was short, but non the less something g came out instead of only crying on the inside.  That’s when I knew I had to get off all those meds.  But when I was on them, I counted the hours all day til 8 p.m....hallelujah...a whole handful that in exactly one hour would shut everything down til I woke in a stupor sometime the next morning, ready to take another handful to get me thru the day.  Five years of that.  I still don’t want to see or hear of anything about Kira’s friends, that’s just to painful and always will be.  I still drive out of town to get groceries, but now and again I think oh I only need cat food or milk, can’t I just run to a local store for one thing.  So I have a few times but am still overwhelmed and the panic of looking around to see if there is anyone I know,  but sometimes I kinda get this attitude “ go ahead buddy, yup I’m the one who got fired after 29 yrs, had to give up my home and lost my daughter”. And a whole lotta other crap u know nothing about, so go ahead stand n my shoes and then judge me”, of course I’m only saying this to myself.  If I do see someone I know I scoot away before they can see me, but it will upset me for a week, I’ll still be heart pounding. 

But you know how I told you guys last week, I bought a magazine,well I also joined a gym. When Kira died I was going to the gym almost every day, and was long distance running, I just loved it. My boys were in university and Kira in her last year of high school so I took a big step and was finally doing something  for me.  I was thin and very fit for 50. But of course when Kira died I let everything go, myself, my house, my friends and relatives, my job, everything.  So fast forward 7 years of living  in a hole, I have no idea how but I just decided last week, that I’m so heavy I huff and puff all the time, my heart pounds with any exertion and the butt groove in the couch is almost worn to the floor.  So I just got up.  I don’t know how or why I just got up. This is my second week and. Just love the gym all over again. Of course I’m starting out low and slow. So a magazine and the gym in one week.  And while I’m letting it all out there, I might as well tell you I went for a pedicure..first one in my life ever. Of course I kept thnking I wish Kira was there with me and I remember when I would take her to the gym she would excerise for five mi utes maybe and then want to go for a pizza and a sub...that was my Kira.  She was so funny.  But I soldiered on and find my time at the gym im alone with my thoughts and I like that.  Of course today out of all the dozen treadmills I picked the one  lined up with the tv with the hockey highlights on of course and when I looked straight ahead there was the defibrillator  box staring

 right at me.  That was probably the only thing that could have saved her.  I winced a bit here and there but I didn’t  give up and go I did an hour walk. But I also knew if I had of stopped at a grocery store on the way home there would have been a jar of Nutella or a can of pringles straight in my line of vision.  There will always be something that has to tug at that ever so lightly scabbed  over scar on your heart.  Maybe I’ve lost my mind I don’t know, I just got up off that couch, I just got up. Go figure eh.  

 

 

[Tommy's mum]

louanne boy how far you have come so far on this journey it is heart warming to see and read your posts. joining a gym is really good. It can be a solo activity where you work quietly on your own fitness or more social as you may run into people on a regular basis and maybe one day form a friendship. The activity will really help your body mind and soul and also help regulate a sleep pattern. On days when you feel anger you can put in extra effort and exercise off the negativity and on sadder days just stroll on a treadmill listening to music and feeling kira alongside you encouraging you at each mile you reach. Exercise releases endorphins which make you feel better and there is the added benefit of toning your body and losing weight too. The defibrillator is just a box on the wall to be used in an emergency to try and save a life. Not every arrythmia can be shocked into a regular rhythm and some do not respond quickly enough for a life to be saved. yep it is good there is one available there. Maybe in time you could do a fundraiser in your area to be able to purchase a defib for another public place in that way ensuring  a potential life saving device is available for anyone who may need it and do it in Kira's name, that would be a really great memorial to her. So you got a pedicure too? Nice, you see you do deserve the happier things in life ,little things that make you feel good about yourself, things you do for yourself only, it shows you are allowing the grief to come out and show who is the boss of you. Susan as always puts it so well "you are becoming real like the velveteen rabbit". You are real, not a shadow of a former person, you are your children's Mom and Kira's link between the earth and the sky. Gosh she will be so amazed at who you are becoming and so very very proud of you. I know I am proud of you too.

kate at least seeing the daffodils shaking in the wind shows spring is slowly arriving. I guess you may still get more snow up there? I still use my SAD light to boost my mood on dark and overcast days. Today I was able to help my Mum in the garden for a short while. Just weeding by hand sitting on a bench with the sun shining. We like to spend time together doing the garden although I am still very limited in what I can actually do of course. In a couple of days we will get some plants to pop in and that is the satisfaction after all the grubby chore work to see colours and shapes of plants brightening up the garden. My dad is doing well he takes a short walk if it is dry and seems less impatient than he used to be, realising he truly dodged a bullet there and still has time left on earth.

virginia glad you are doing ok. is Kyle getting bereavement therapy or something else? My youngest son now 21 has a few sessions of therapy at his university coming up to help stabilise him a bit more emotionally so he can do well in his exams. He was struggling a couple months back, a bit tearful and missing Tommy. When it all happened he was in school as a weekly boarder and my ex decided he should attend school as normal and not have some time off to grieve. so he was forced to shut emotions down which we all know is not the right way to deal with grief by suppressing it. now i hope he can open up a bit and talk some stuff through. My 2 girls just don't want to go there at all because it would be painful maybe in time they will look for some help. Let us know how you get on with breaking the lease and if you hear anything about the job. I agree if it is meant to be it will happen and if it doesn't then that was not the right job for you.

dee it is nice to read all of Erica's birthday wishes and to know that she will always be remembered by our group.

[ericasmom]

Susan, I love the cup of tea screen shot...hey, going to bed early but need to thank you for your kind words yesterday...if I helped part some dark clouds in your life, well then I am grateful to have been able to do so...

Louanne, joined a gym and bought a magazine all in one week, and a pedicure? Holy cow. These are such good steps Louanne, I am so very glad that you could muscle through the pieces that felt awkward or a bit scary and did it...(i have never had a pedicure either). I am glad for your steps Girl.

Kate, no worries, I don't know birthdays unless someone points them out for  me...I am glad that your connection was fixed...we had some goofy days with the iternet as well. The wind and cold are very disappointing but the weather folks say in the 50's by next Wednesday...Come on spring weather.

Lesley, I agree, seeing all the lovely posts is a gift in ways uncountable.

[tobyfreefoot]

https://m.facebook.com/events/361589110974133?view=permalink&id=396284657504578 

This link probably will only work on Facebook. It is on YouTube somewhere but don't know how to get it. Anyway it is the film we made for Forest's tournament,  super bit wars. It went really well.

[NiquesMom]

My son, who is 4, goes to play therapy. I think he is ok,  but he makes some statements that make me realize he isn't.  We were going to walk to the grocery store,  we were in the parking lot of our apartment,  and he says "we are walking? We will get hit by a car?" Tried to tell him sissy was an accident. So I know he has some things to work through. 

Going on vacation next week.  It was planned and paid for before nique died.  Not sure I am ready,  but going to try.  10 day road trip to Tennessee. 

[My girl is in heaven]

Virginia. That is just so heart breaking that Kyle would say that.  Poor little fella must think that a car means your going to die.  I have no idea what say to children in these circumstances, but dee is a school teacher and will know just what to say and do. She will have a good answer for you.  Am glad to hear you are going on vacation, just to let down a bit from things.  

Gretchen.  I don’t have face book so can’t get your link.  If I remember this is like a video game tournament in Forests memory. Hope it went well.  Did you do your speech.  So wonderful to hear from you. Forests angel date is just a few weeks after my Kira.  What a beautiful way to honour your angel.  Such courage on your part.  I could never have done that.  Keep posting I like to hear from you.

kate, yes let’s all cheer for the Jets. Laine will take them there. Oh ugh, stupid snow again today.  I hate southern Ontario.  Worst place in Canada to live, weather or not.   Goooo. Jets. 

Thanks for your encouraging comments.  I’m not doing the happy dance or cart wheels on the front lawn, I just want to see if I can keep going with the few changes I have made. I also put my name in to volunteer at a men’s mission in London about an hour away and waiting for thier call.  Gee I might even take my pony tail out at this rate.   Lol

 

Lesley and Susan. I never heard the story of the velveteen rabbit so I loooked it up on Wikipedia.  What a beautiful heart warming tale.  I’m going to buy that book and read the whole thing.  I guess old people can read children’s fairy tales.

[ericasmom]

Louanne, some of the best and most insightful stories are born from children's literature. I laughed out loud at your comment on taking out your ponytail...you have a great sense of humor which is great because it carries you above some of the fray...

Anyone know where Margee is?

Gretchen, I am sure it is a cool video, but i too confess to no facebook...Im glad that it went well Dear woman. I have missed you.

Anyone know how Becky is?

Susan, I liked reading your thoughts on our dear old (young) friend here, Shannon. I miss her posts and hope that it is all good in her life...she's worked so hard to make it okay for her boys and to make it okay for herself.

Dianne, such sweet words for Erica's birthday, thank you.

[My girl is in heaven]

Well your right, there is a book called the velveteen rabbit. I went to a book store and bought it today.  Am going to read it to Lilly if she sits on my knee long enough.  Lol.  When you first mentioned the name all I could think of was velveta cheese.  Lol

 

 

[tobyfreefoot]

The video is an interview with me and Forest's partner in the gaming world with photos of him interspersed that they showed at the tournament. 350+ people showed up so it was very successful and is expected to be much bigger next year. Here are two extra trophies they made for Forest. They are going to meet me later at the cemetery this month for some more filming and install these someway at his memoral. Also here is a pic of a new wreath I will take to Texas to the roadside site next month. I just celebrated my mom's 89th birthday with her yesterday. Forest's best friend Susan is going to be going into neurotherapy also. It has helped me so much. She still thinks about Forest all day everyday, her voice still cracks when she speaks of him, she was also very good friends with andrew, like 3 musketeers then her mom passed away last week. She just can barely function so we are hoping they can help her. I guess that is most of my news in a nutshell. Here is some jewelry I made with resin. Logan seems to be having a rough time with tomorrow (his birthday) he will have outlived his big brother. Sorry my thoughts are a little scattered. One last pic is of Preston. Allison found him in the sink with the water running having a little bath ha ha. Oh and our new puppy Quanah. Dee have you been following our teacher strike in Oklahoma? Our governor and legislatures suck. Ok that is about it. Love to you all.

[tobyfreefoot]

[TearsInHeaven]

For all the pictures... a big THANKS.  It is so great to see those special glimpses into each others' lives. I do not do Facebook either so sorry I cannot view the video. 

Kate, Luanne,  I could go for the Jets. I do think it will be Las Vegas hoisting the Cup though. I do like Byfuglien... the Hawks should have kept him. Tonight there is a ceremony honoring Stan Mikita before the Hawks game.  Sadly he is not well enough to come so his grandsons will stand in.  He was a sports hero for me growing up.  Just like Ron Santo for the Cubs. Back in the day these guys represented what sports guys should be.

I have been in contact with Konnie and explained some of the problems this forum was having.  I know Margarett had a new topic saying she was having problems with posting.  Konnie said she would have the technical group look at these.  Hopefully Margarett will be back after resolved issues.

Virginia, hoping that your trip will bring you the opportunity to clear your soul a little without all the work stress. I am betting you will see some Nique signs so you know she is with you.

Lesley, certainly wish we were having Spring out here. Snow in the forecast for Sunday. 

 

[tobyfreefoot]

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Virginia, it may feel good to get out of town for a week, and along the way perhaps you will feel signs of your Girl as she watches over you three. Keep a journal with you to write how you are feeling, sometimes pen/pencil in hand scratching out the feelings no matter how raw, is a good way to actually share with yourself if no one else, just how you are feeling at that particular moment...I encourage all parents in grief to try to write because if for no other reason, you look back at  your earlier writing and you see how far you have come over a few months. It can be very theraputic as well as helpful in spotting patterns to your moods or low periods...I wish you goodness.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, I just watched your piece here, thank you for posting it, what a treat to see you, and hear you, (love your Bowie shirt) and how nice to listen to Forest's friend express himself as well. Thank you for sharing this. Forest looks so much like you Gretchen...and I am sure he is grinning as you spoke of him from your heart. A mother's heart.

[ericasmom]

Wow, so much posted that I did not see, have been with the Grandies since 4:00 staying overnight with them for two nights, so holy cow, I am tired. Love the jewelry Gretchen and love the photos of baby in the sink, new pup...so much good stuff. I wish your Son well as he becomes older than his big bro...that has got to feel abstract for sure.

Luanne, good to see you too, holding kitty and the new book. Good for you.

Dianne, thanks for contacting Konnie, I sure hope that she can help so Margee feels connected again...Sherry thinks her stuff is more on her own end of things.

[Tinay]

I'm not sure about how I feel "locking" her in. I just have to remember that I do have some of her ashes on the outside. 

[Tinay]

[Tinay]

For the luncheon, no we didn't get to meet a donor. Only thing we know so far is that one cornea went to Honduras and one to Egypt. I don't suspect we will h

This is one quilt square I've done for the eye and tissue bank. I will make another for the tissue bank at another location. 

Going to bed but want to wish you all peace and love. One last thought, my son tells me I am having nightmares again. I know I am by how I feel after waking up but I don't remember them. Probably a good thing

Love tina

I'm also going to put her picture below in the empty space

[My girl is in heaven]

Tina.  What beautiful tributes to your dear kiona. I love that picture with her smile...she was a beautiful girl.  You are so artistically gifted.  You should hook up with Gretchen, she does beautiful artwork too. I love the quote too, never seen that one before.

 I know what u mean about the nightmares, I always try to get right up when I wake up and get busy so then I forget them for the most part.  How is your job going?  Is Grayson still thinking about moving to Toronto.  If so I can go there and help him out so he has somebody and my son lives there too.  Take care. 

Gretchen..  wow 350 people show up in memory of your boy.  I loved watching your video and your love for your boy shine thru.  Heartbreaking but so touching to hear the friends tributes to him.  He obviously continues to touch many.  My youngest son is a big gamer, has been his whole life and works in the gaming industry.  Even now at the age of 26 when I try to call or text him, he doesn’t answer and I know he is sitting right there playing his games.  It’s nice Forest found something he loved to do.  And indeed a handsome young man.  So proud that u put yourself out there and making the video for Forest.  I love the puppy, art, and little guy in the sink picture.  Dianne is right, it is nice to see a glimpse into our fellow parents lives.  Thanks for sharing.  

So sad a bus carrying 28 members of a young men’s hockey team..ages 16-21 from a small town in Saskatchewan crashed with a transport truck last night killing 14 and the other 14 are injured.  I just almost feel sick thinking what those poor parents will be facing.  Prayers for them all.  

 

[ericasmom]

Prayers. I did not see this on the news so so sad. I am sure we know what those parents are feeling. Tina, I love what you did to honor your Girl. Absolutely beautiful.

[shorty16]

My friends,

I have found some time to respond to my friends.

Laurie,  I hope you continue to enjoy the book "Where R U". In the beginning, the books were helpful, because they are usually written by a parent who has experienced our nightmare.  I hope you find a reason to smile today.

Luanne. I was wondering in your previous post about bringing flowers to church you said "Even with the usual put downs". What does that mean.  You have come so far in the short time with this group.  It really is wonderous how we help each other just by being.

Tina,  Labor-of-Love.  Beautiful and a wonderful tribute to Kiona.  Thanks for sharing with us.  Each of us honor our child in unique ways.  This is something special.

Diane,  I am speechless and I would have broke down crying right there.  We are FOREVER their Mothers.  Just because they are in heaven does not mean we are not their mothers.  

Virgina,  What I learned about the question "How many children do you have?.  I have a choice.  If I am not going to see this person again, I will say "I have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl."  And then I will ask them or change the subject.  If this person will be part of my life, I will say my Brian is an angel in heaven.

I also know, telling people one of your children is in heaven will stop a conversation faster than a truck running them over.  Then the silence, and I speak to try to put them at ease.

Me and hubby bought bicycles.  Should be interesting.  We are joining the Cream-City Cycle Club.  Our first ride is a 13 mile historic tour of Wauwatosa.  I did not know that Wauwatosa had a history, but we will find out.  

I forever miss my boy, Brian and am sad for my surviving children that they do not have their brother.  We had a good Easter, because the "Hallmark Family" was not there.   

Love to my friends

Colleen Brian's Mom forever

[Tommy's mum]

gretchen Forrest's tribute was lovely such a handsome young man. gaming is a subculture which many young people enjoy and can be a way to make friends online for some who find socialising a bit difficult, bringing together those who share the same passion. You have a right to feel proud of your son and his contribution to this life.

tina it is nice to see you using your artistic talents to honour your daughter. I was not allowed to have any of my son's ashes which was  a huge blow, but I know he is always with me in spirit, no one can take our connection away. Kiona was so pretty her smile so infectious you should be proud of having her. The quilt idea for donors is a lovely idea, do they ever display it anywhere? Donation in any form is a precious gift to others and can be life changing, and the recipients never forget someone died in order for the donations they were given.

dee hope you had fun with your grandies and made some special memories. I bet you are tired, young children can be exhausting with their endless enthusiasm and energy! When we see my younger sister's kids every couple years my sister brother and I always collapse in a chair afterward and give thanks that our kids are fully adult now because none of us would have the energy and focus to entertain them every day as we did before when they were little. i look forward to grandies one day in the future.

virginia I hope you find some good times on your trip. It will be very different without nique but there will be some times of happiness and new memories made. Life does go on but it is definitely different. My dad mentioned he found a very old video of my kids when they were younger the other day. I did not have a camcorder for much of my kids lives and only took a few videos. I cannot look at it it is still too raw for me and i am working on keeping myself on track so that will need to be viewed much later in the future when I am stronger. i think grief teaches you what makes you stronger or tips you into a hole, but even if you don't realise it healing is taking place internally. Each bump in the road has to be weathered but ultimately makes you stronger so that you recover quicker from each trauma.It really is a journey of self recovery.

colleen great that you are going to be bike riding, exercise is really good for recovering from loss. I just want to be able to spend some in my garden. I am responsible for helping myself to heal physically, it just would be nice to have some sunny weather to motivate me a bit more! My Ross has been with me for a week over the Easter break and we visited a local garden centre yesterday for the first time in 3 months. he bought me a small hanging basket full of brightly coloured violas to hang by my front door and two beautiful plants that I can enjoy indoors before planting them outside in a months time. My kids know my love for flowers and gardening and recognize it is a healing therapy for me. it is nice to hear everyone's stories of the steps they are taking to heal by doing something they enjoy no matter how big or small.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, I hope you have a really fun time with those babies of yours! I know you will be exhausted at the end of the weekend... but how nice to have that opportunity. They grow up so quickly!

Colleen, cycling is great exercise and what a fun way to spend the time outdoors enjoying the fresh air. have fun!

Gretchen, thank you for sharing the video. It was a really special treat to watch and to see and hear the special things that were shared by both yourself and Forest's friend. Beautifully done.

Tina, the picture of your Kiona is so lovely. What a beautiful young woman she was. 

Virginia, I, too, hope that you have some good times on your trip. The opportunity to get away and allow that break from your every day stress will do wonders for your spirit. 

Louann, I am so pleased to see that you are getting out and participating in activities again. The exercise class will lift your energy level and allow you to make contact with others. I found that attending Yoga was one of the best things that I did. 

Sherry, how are things your way? 

I ask that we also say a prayer for a very special and courageous young man named Jonathan Pitre who passed away yesterday at the young age of seventeen. This young man set an example to all of us in his determination and courage at how he faced his life with optimism. He named himself the "Butterfly Boy". He was born with an extremely rare skin disorder that he likened to that of the wings of a butterfly. Fragile and easily torn. He was in unbelievable pain constantly yet lived his life as fully as was possible. If I close my eyes I can see a legion of butterflies in the most beautiful colours greeting him to escort him to heaven. For the first time in his existence he is now free to soar high without any pain. Beautiful boy... you have earned your wings!

Prayers for the families of those young men lost in the tragic accident in Saskatchewan. We know all too well the shock their families are experiencing. Sending our love for strength and courage  in facing this most difficult time.

Lesley, I see that the temps in England are definitely rising, but you are also experiencing rain. Oh, how I long for some warmth! I can feel the warmth in the sun, but the nights are still well below normal. I actually had to take my winter coat out of storage again to wear the other day. We had a wind chill factor again. "Global Warming" my foot! There is nothing warm about this. Our high today is only -6C. I am really anxious to get out and into my garden again. I need to practice patience which is something I have in short supply these days.

Sending Love to Everyone for a peaceful weekend.

Kate

[tobyfreefoot]

Thanks everyone for your comments. 

Tina what a gorgeous girl!

It is snowing here but will be 82° later this week!

[Jeff's Mom]

I have decided to delete this post in case by some very slim chance the person that I was asking after should read it. Her mental state is very fragile and I would not want to be the cause of her breaking down.

Thanks to everyone for their advice. I will definitely heed your advice.

[daveydow1]

Gretchen------thank you so much for the lovely Solidus video showing Forest, and his

avid interest in gaming.  It shows how highly his friends thought of him, and how they

miss his talented and friendly presence.  Very nice.

Tina------Such a nice way you have honored the memory of your dear daughter Kiona.

 

Dee------No wonder you are tired......   Little ones can take a lot of energy to keep

up with them.  I hope Jon and Shannon enjoyed their time away.

 

Kate------Oh, this woman is undoubtedly in a lot of pain and confusion......but, she is

also in a toxic state.  It is understandable that other people she knows have turned

away from her.  The fact is..........her state of mind is beyond any help that her friends/family

are able to give her.  It's sad that she refuses to seek counseling with professionals who could

help her along her way to a better state of mind, and to find some sort of peace.  Self-medicating

can be counterproductive, and dangerous, .....but she seems bent on this practice.   Calling you

and ranting for an hour and a half is too much.  I believe that this can be detrimental to your

peace of mind, and pull you down.  I guess that as other people that she vents her anger to believe, 

...she will have to deal with her grief and loss in her own way, and hopefully she will come to the realization

that she needs help in her sorrowful journey.  She is expecting too much , and is angry because

they can't give her what she's looking for.   Friends and family can only do so much. Prayers for the soul

of Jonathan,  the 'butterfly boy'.  

 

PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry