Loss of an Adult Child

[TearsInHeaven]

Happy Birthday, Dee.

On this special day while I am sure your family will make things special and those wonderful grandchildren will celebrate with you, I will hope for you to receive the lost opportunities of yesterday and the bright chances of tomorrow.  I am grateful for all you have given me.

 

[Tommy's mum]

Has anyone else had issues with the site? I could not log on because it said there was an error then that it was updating. Today a lot of posts are missing the latest is April 20th

 

[My girl is in heaven]

I have the same Lesley. Same error message and could not get on til this morning. And I have a bunch of posts missing as well.????

 

Luanne....Kira’s mom

[ericasmom]

Okay, so so relieved to see this place turn up after a day of nothing able to be seen...just a big sign saying can't access-but there are several pages not here...this is last week but again, grateful to see our home again.

[ericasmom]

I was so worried about you NEWBIES last night, with the no access and no understanding of where it went...I was able to talk with several members whose email's I have, so perhaps we should make sure that we have someone with many email numbers to communicate when things go down as it did last evening.

Anyone know where or what happened, and what happened to our latest pages as well. Odd.

[Jeff's Mom]

I was also wondering what had happened. Well, it is a new day and a fresh start. Glad things are back up and working again. When it comes to computer glitches I can relate. I am hopeless on this thing. 

Wishing everyone a decent day.

Kte ,,,see I told you! Hopeless.

[My girl is in heaven]

Well I guess if England, USA, and Canada all down it wasn’t our geographic location.  I have Lesley and Tina’s email but if anyone else wants to give there’s I’ll write them down..  My email is ltaylor50@rogers.com.  And anybody can email me anytime day or night.  I kinda panicked a bit to not have my connection to you guys.  Thought it was my iPad.  Glad we are all back.

[ericasmom]

this is yesterdays post...it was sitting here on my reply deck...It's all a tricky dance we are in: the day to day of grief, and much trickier in the first year than any other time I think...I am sending out love and hope and hugs galore. It is a warm and sunny day today, though won't be tomorrow...this is a taste of real spring and our giant pink magnolia is in bloom, I will try to send a photo later on.

luanne,  i copied your email and will add it to my others...

[ericasmom]

Did everyone see the notice of events on the top of this page by ModKate...she is our moderator and is letting us know what occurred yesterday...Thanks Konnie.

[Tommy's mum]

When I could not log in and chat with you guys my anxiety level shot up. I was afraid it was my computer and that I would not be able to keep in touch and that thought was horrifying made me feel pretty vulnerable I can tell you. Glad we are back online, a huge relief. Having a base email address in case of other computer glitches would be good. Mine is no1mslesley@gmail.com  I am happy to chat with anyone via email if they would like it.

I saw a psychologist on weds she is going to do some brain testing on me as I still have some mild deficits after the toxicity of my overdose and may affect future employment as my memory is impaired to a certain level. unfortunately it was one of those days when I just could not stop crying you know when it hits out of nowhere after a few good weeks. Embarassing but she understood thank goodness. It is the randomness that is difficult never knowing when the tear storm hits and after almost 3 years you are expected to be over it. We all know you are never over it, and it takes a lot of strength to continue on.

 

[TearsInHeaven]

So this was the only post I could retrieve.  I got the same jumbo you all saw---first just the update in progress with no prior warning, then a bunch of jumble script and a loss of the last couple of pages. Looks like ModKonnie is no longer the moderator and now we have ModKate. Me---I would have loved to been a user  support but not enough psychology to be a moderator.  

Anyway we are back and hopefully all is getting back on track.  

Peggy, you know your friend best but you also are seeing how grief can turn on a dime and one minute you are holding your own and the next minute you are so distraught you can barely stand. Try telling your friend how much you have appreciated her being there for you during this difficult time(important to keep her feeling appreciated because she is truly offering her support and heart, a precious thing for any of us bereaved parents) but there are just some days that getting through work take everything out of you and when you are home sometimes you just need to sit quietly and decompress. (All of which is true, I am sure).  Tell her you are learning as you go and one thing you found is that grief is so complex and unpredictable.  Getting through each day, each moment is what you need.  Tell her how you appreciated your lunch date and for those few moments you found comfort but for now those moments are small specks.  Maybe if she would you would like to do a lunch as way to get out of the house and interact with a dear friend.  Like all here who have so often said that friends are fleeting after a loss I am sure it is a comfort to have one but you have to first take care of Peggy.  Maybe letting her know how much you want her to stay connected but need for her to understand that with grief there are so many ups and downs. ...........Just some thoughts.... hoping I didn't overstep. You know her best and you are slowly learning what you need to navigate this path.

Luanne,  Toronto gone.... ready for round 2. Winnipeg plays Nashville and I hope they run right over them!!!

Margarett, glad to hear your brother is making progress.  I know that this time is so difficult, it is something that was unimaginable and has brought you to your knees.  This grief process is an emotional roller coaster. Your world has been violently shaken and all that you know seems to have fallen out from under you.  Small steps that will move you forward on this journey. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Our journey is a lifetime, and the number of steps it will take is incomprehensibly frightening. I remember not wanting to go on and if I die well so be it.   But I struggled on some days not sure why and other days knowing why I had to go on. Take care of your health.... even when you don't want to.  We will know that we changed the day our child departed from this mortal realm. We will know sadness as few others do, we will know sorrow and grief on a first name basis. Yet, we will move forward. Changed? Yes. Beaten and defeated? We hope not. Stronger? We hope so. Grief is not a problem….it is a process. Don't give up on this process. And, remember those days that you were told that one day memories will bring you smiles not tears?  One day that smile will come upon you and you won’t even realize it until you feel that smile.

[daveydow1]

HELLO   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.  I guess I missed some of the problems

with the site going haywire.  (I had been having troubles with it before

that, but it must have been with my computer......it's getting older.) 

 

Laurie---Yes,...some strange twists & turns with the weather.  It is finally

getting milder, so hoping that the robins will get to the worms turning up

here & there.Dee----We are finally getting some sunny 50 degree days, too.  The breezes of

last week were quite cold, but they are a bit warmer now.  Flowers think that it's

about time to bloom, after waiting so long, so we have daffodils, hyacinths, and

a few tulips blooming.  Quite a few birds are in and out of the bird boxes......making

nests.  The farms are gearing up for tilling/planting etc. , so spring must be here, in

time for planting the corn. After that, they will plant the soybeans. Stopped down in

the valley to pet the neighbor's horses they other day. They were grazing in the pasture

and they seemed to be enjoying the sunny day, and birds singing.

 

PEACE    TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, sherry  

 

 

[ericasmom]

Wow, spring corn planting and soybeans... fabulous! Yes, finally some long sunny days and springs promise.  Oh, I love that you were able to go pet the horses. They must be so happy for the sun on their backs...

[ericasmom]

Hello ModKate, sorry I called you Konnie after our past moderator. Thanks for taking this on. We appreciate it.

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks... to Konnie for everything over the past several years! You will be missed!

And a warm welcome to Kate! I read your profile and can see that you are not a stranger to personal loss. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, I would love to see pictures of your tree. It sounds breathtaking.

Sherry, I am envious of those tulips and daffodils! How I wish I could see more that just an inch or so of mine poking through the ground. We have had really odd weather this year.

Well, I have to say it. Go Jets Go!!!!!! Bring it home...to Mama. 

[ericasmom]

 

I am trying to attach a photo of the magnolia...let's see if it works.

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh my goodness...how beautiful. Thanks Dee. Total perfection. If only they would grow in our zone. 

[ericasmom]

Thanks Kate, some years she gets a terrible illness called Scale...thought we had to have her cut down a few summers ago...so fingers crossed that she continues to bloom and thrive.

I am kicking myself, so tired today and so many issues at school, (administration) that I forgot what today is: ARBOR DAY! I always celebrate Arbor Day with y students, this makes me nervous about being older, I forgot! So Happy Arbor Day Folks, hope that you found a tree to admire and sit under or climb or plant...

[ericasmom]

Anyone having any issues with putting # in on page number...sometimes have to do it 3 or 4 times before being brought to this page...

[ericasmom]

Prayers please for my friend Patti, who right this moment, is between two worlds, slipping toward the light, leaving those who love her so dearly...in the dark for now. Her boys and her husband, her sister, her many many friends, will be in the dark as we all know it, for a while. Knowing Patti however, she will shine her light very brightly as she is able from her new home alongside our Angels. I received the text this morning that Patti was close to leaving, while I was walking toward my car away from a funeral for another young-ish man, just 57, also succumbed to cancer, his daughter was my student teacher three years ago. So prayers for Lee's family as well, as they all learn to live without his BIG presence in the physical world. And the sun shines anyway, the sky is blue anyway, but for them it may not be noticed as they are facing the dark. Hope.

[peggy a sad mom]

dee prayers for patti... no problem with page number.

dianne you are not overstepping. i would not have asked if i didn't want an answer no matter what it is. thamks

peggy

[TearsInHeaven]

Dee, prayers for your friends Patti and Lee as they transition into eternity but more prayers for the families they are leaving behind who will have to learn to accept and navigate this very difficult journey.

No problems with getting to the page. I guess my notice is the default print seems to be smaller. I know your print. Dee, is always larger but I usually use the default and I had to bump up to a 14 for me.  Now my eyes may be older but they worked okay yesterday!

Kate, big Wu-Hoo for Winnipeg! Hoping they beat Nashville 4 straight.....but look at those Knights....they are on fire.

I was hoping the missing posts might have stayed on the profiles but I looked at a few and did not see any. It has been my experience that when an upgrade is done that a back up of the original state is kept for safety but I imagine with all the forums and topics it would be difficult to sort out and replace.  I just feel badly that if someone was having a "pour my heart out moment" it is lost  and they may never reach out again.

[My girl is in heaven]

Dee. No problems with page numbers.  Beautiful tree.  We had one growing up. I remember the petals were like velvet and the sweetest aroma.  I know my dad had to cut it down, I think it had a disease.  Prayers for your friends and the loved ones left behind. I’m sure u will be there offering your ever loving touch. 

Sherry.  Sounds like a paradise. I bet it is very soothing walking out in your neck of the woods. I like nature so much more now, something so peaceful being alone in nature with your thoughts.  Of course other than Niagara Falls, there isn’t one square inch of anything beautiful in southern Ontario.  

Had to turn the furnace on again today. Feels like a late fall or early winter day.  I hope I can get my snow tires off soon.  Ugh.  

Dianne, Kate....yi ha.  Winnipeg white out all the way.  So exciting.  

Peggy, Margaret, how r u doing.  What is the weather like where u are. Susan and margret, do u guys live close together.  

Gretchen, Colleen, Georgia, devianez ...how r u guys doing.  Let us know what’s up in your corner of the world. 

 

Well watched boston, and now there is the under 18 USA vs Czech game on now and then 800 Vegas game. That should take me up til sleeping pill time when I’m out for the night. Have a nice Saturday evening.  

 

Luanne....Kira’s mom

 

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you for wishing me well. My day was so hard as I know it is must have been for many but it was the 11th too.  Every 11th I relive that day. We went up to the scene and on the way back I had a panic attack. Then stopped at Peters grave and then onto James’s grave where my mum has just been buried and it was The  First Mother’s Day without my mum.

Charlotte met us the beach with the dogs for a walk. Gemma was away.  Emotions are so mixed with the missing James the unfairness and that broken feeling and then treasuring and be so grateful for my girls a beautiful grandchildren but I seem to always be comparing it’s  exhausting and with the added  build up and the day.  

God Bless Thank you Georgina x

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

I just wanted to say hi and that I read all the posts and keep with you all in my heart and prayers.   

I have been so busy as my youngest daughter had her baby by c-section on the 16th. She was very poorly for the three weeks before being admitted to hospital five times  over the three weeks. The baby was three weeks early and has spent the first 10 days of her life in the neonatal unit. She’s a little fighter but unfortunately was born with the same condition as her mum. She’s so cute only weighs 5lbs 11oz so very small. She’s doing well so is Charlotte.  

I wanted to share this I hope it’s ok Much love Georgina xx

 

 

[MargeeTx]

hey Louanne:   I think Susan lives down in the hill country...Houston or Austin.  I am smack dab between Dallas and Ft Worth.  

I will write more later....I have been crying since yesterday.  I had 7 yards of mulch delivered yesterday and Jason always took care of spreading it in all of the flower beds.  I had to hire someone else to do it.  Neither Mike or I could do it.

so I am worthless right now.

xxoomargarett

[ericasmom]

At a funeral I went ot today, as I wept at the words and the whole thought of someone having to grieve...the words touched my heart in a good way: We are crushed by this terrible grief, but we are not destroyed...And so dear Margee, we are crushed, we are mangled, we are lost, but we are not destroyed. You are more than this terrible sadness Sweet Woman, you are the mother of a great Son, and he is loving you each moment the same way that you are loving him in each moment.

Peace one day

[Tommy's mum]

dee sending sad thoughts of support o you for your friend Patti as her end approaches sounds like a very dear person to you. The magnolia you have is magnificent. I have two small ones that herald in the Spring. Your words to margarett were just perfect.

georgina  I imagine it has been tough for you lately but I am glad your daughter is ok and you have a new granddaughter. What condition does she have if you don't mind me asking? I watch BGT too did not the Irish vicar the other week sing so passionately and well ? I loved his act.

margarett I just know your boy will be present amongst every bloom in your garden and hope you spend many hours pottering or sitting out there surrounded by all his hard work and love. I managed to spend some time helping my parents with their garden too and it is beginning to show some much needed colour and bloom. Nature is I believe a great healer. I enjoy seeing new life and colours and the garden awakening and celebrating.

 

[NiquesMom]

Had a busy day yesterday.  Took Kyle to an indoor trampoline park. It was so much fun.  I used to take my daughter to those parks, only had a few sad moments, remembering all the fun we had.  Took him to a birthday party at a swimming pool, he had a great day.

I think of nique every moment,  but don't cry often.  I am reading a lot.  Applying for every job I can,  trying to get out of Colorado by July.

Love the pic of the tree,  i love trees and water. Grew up in a desert so i try to be out in the green and quiet when i can. 

Peace to all. 

 

[ericasmom]

Beautiful photos Virginia, thank you for sharing your Boy's smile which so looks like yours...and likely like your Nique's. I am proud of you for taking your Boy out and about and letting him feel the joy that comes with his age.

[peggy a sad mom]

luanne i'm in new york. it's been cloudy and cold all day. i went for my normal day off walk it was a cold but i only had on one of my jackets instead of three of them. virginia such beautiful pictures glad you had a good time. my son's girlfriend called yesterday she was going to stop by last night. then i started to stress seeing her then i thought to myself she won't even show up. she sent a text i'll be by tomorrow. i used to sit and wait for things now i could care less. i waited my life for anything my son needed or wanted now nothing in this world matters. nothing! i may not cry now as much as i did the first two months but when i cry now i make up for the few hour's i didn't. my heart can relax but when it comes back hurting it jumps out of my chest onto the floor. god i want him back and i miss him so much. 

thanks for listening

peggy

[ericasmom]

Georgina, so good to see you here...I miss you when you are not but boy, I sure do get why you have been gone...I am holding your hands as you help your Girls get stronger.

Peg, I get what you are saying...to sit and wait for something that you cannot count on and right now...what could possibly matter enough to wait. i know that your heart threatens to leap from your chest...hang on Sweetie.

[Tommy's mum]

virginia lovely photos thanks for sharing. I am glad you are taking such brave steps forward for your little boy the joy in his face is lovely to see.

peggy what are you doing in New York? I hope the meeting with your son's girlfriend goes well. She is probably nervous at seeing you because she may not be in control of her emotions completely yet. Did they date for long? I know you miss your son I miss mine constantly too and I am further on the grief journey. It is something you need to adapt to, having that ache in your heart every day but it will slowly improve so you are able to function better but will never go away completely. Love lasts forever for us parents.

I hope everyone has a productive and happy week. Spring is on its way even for those with snow and chill winds, keep the faith!

[daveydow1]

Georgina-----Congrats on your new little granddaughter.....Prayers for both daughter

and precious little baby.  Have they picked out a name for her?   I understand your grief

on one hand, and blessings on the other.  I guess it's that's way with everyone on this

grief road. As you say....grief is exhausting.  It is hard work.  Peace to you.

Dee-----Sending up prayers for Patti, and for the gentleman with cancer,  who left this world recently.

Peace to their souls. 

LouAnn----Finally it is looking like spring here in the past couple days. I like walking down the

road to the small valley to visit my neighbors horses......they will come right up to me if I have a

treat for them....if I don't happen to have a carrot or something.....well.....they just go on about their

grazing and pay no attention. 

Virginia------So nice that you took Kyle to the indoor park.  Thanks for the pics.....he is a very

cute little boy, and it looks like he was having a great time.   Children & babies can give us a

sweet, though often short,  rest from our grief. 

Lesley------I agree with you.  Love lasts forever,  and when a child leaves this world,  the loss and

sorrow also last forever.   Our dear memories of our darlings can bring a smile, and on this road,

we need a smile along the way........our dear children in heaven can bring that smile, along with

tears, too. 

Peggy-----I so understand the crying experiences.  The loss is so fresh, and the pain keeps flooding

back, and the tears pour like rain.  Sending thoughts & prayers your way.

 

WISHING     PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry  

[ericasmom]

Love does last forever...thankfully.

Pattie left today at 11:52 AM. I had just taken my lunch walk and hugged one of the Erica trees asking her to help Patti let go and fly freely...about 15 minutes later she did. I know what is ahead for the family, but I am glad that this part of waiting and watching the depletion of such an energy source...is over now. She is reaching heaven on a PINK MOON FULL AS HER HEART...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Georgina, I am thinking of you right now...those marker days are hard. I am also sorry for the loss of your mom. 

Dee, sending gentle prayers for your friend's family. It seems like the funerals get to be more and more as we age. 

Sherry, wow, I am glad you have crops in already, not here in Wisconsin.

Peggy, those early times are really hard...I evaluate the little things more too...once a person has had a great loss, we are never the same.

Virginia, thanks for sharing the pictures. The water park is a great place to go when the weather is a little cool. 

Dianne and Lesley, thanks for the continued encouragement you give to others on the site. 

Kate, we are just losing the rest of our snow here, and the ponds are almost done with the ice. How are things up there? I also saw my first spring flower today, which was not a dandalion.

Susan, thinking of  you...wondering if you are setting up your pool yet? 

Thinking of all tonight and wishing healing sleep.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, I am so sorry to hear about your friend Patti. I know how much you will miss her. I am happy however that her earthly struggles are now over. Sending prayers for strength and peace for her family.

Laurie, the weather is strange even for us. Today it is cloudy and very cool. The past week however it was just lovely. It is terribly dry and they have enforced a fire ban throughout the province. I have been watering outside like crazy.

Go JETS Go! They are closing  some streets off in Winnipeg at 10:00 this morning in preparation for the street party for the game. Total whiteout. Fingers crossed.

Has anyone heard how Leah is doing?

Sending warm wishes to all for a quiet and peaceful day.

Love to All, Kate 

 

[ericasmom]

May this day send you messages from angels...

[TearsInHeaven]

Virginia, such happy faces.  It is good to see, thanks for sharing.  That Kyle is such a little cutie.

Sherri, How awesome to go down and see the horses and maybe bring a treat.  I love horses but they frown on that in our subdivision. LOL.  I had always thought it would be great if our little Piper could learn to ride but my SIL had a cousin whose child was critically injured while riding so no further discussion on that.  But they are such beautiful creatures.  

Kate,  hope the Jets pound on Nashville!

Beautiful 82 degrees for today with sunshine.  Always lifts my heart .

[peggy a sad mom]

i'm sorry dee

[Tommy's mum]

 I am sorry for your loss Dee it will be painful for you for a while but you know too well how grief is. Her family are lucky to have you in their corner. I saw the meaning of magnolia today whilst on the web, it stands for beauty, joy, endurance, purity and health. The pink one stands also for youth innocence and joy. Take care

laurie our spring is well on its way here. Dandelions are everywhere I take a lot of time eliminating them naturally from my garden because they spread so fast. They are really pretty and bright though. I have plenty of other early bloomers for the bees and butterflies. Two days of rain to come then some warmer weather I am looking forward to that, it helps to lift my spirits being in my garden. I hope you see more flowers soon.

[ericasmom]

Hot today, we forgot about real spring, so hopefully, some 60's and low 70's for a while after this excessive heat...It was 85 today. My classroom was 90. Took my class for a neighborhood walk today, lots of bees and flys and cabbage white moths. Tulips and blue bells, magnolias and flowering crab, so much beauty. It will rain tomorrow night and all day Thursday according to the news...

Thanks Leslie, Sherry, Kate, and Peg too, yep, life has changed for everyone who loves Patti, but we all will take her forward in our lives. Our students were told last night after our school sent an email to families. So we talked today and we allowed tears and memories. We talked about how brave she was to try immunotherapy, which makes it better for the doctors to perfect the treatments as doctors tweak the dosages and researchers tweak the way it is administered and when...she made it a year and half longer than she would have without it. My brave friend. Only 2 of my 20 had her in kindergarten.

I have not heard from leah Kate, I sure hope she is out there doing better than she was...Becky too.

Love to all, I will be here at school for an extra many hours, we have a school event tonight so my team of teachers in third grade will go out to dinner nearby so we can walk...and start making our lists for these kids for 4th grade. Then back to school to greet parents here to look at the kids projects called Learning Goals.

[peggy a sad mom]

thank you laurie yes i know thats true

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, I know this has been a long and difficult day today for you. How are you managing tonight? Your friend Patti sounds as if she was a lovely woman. I'm sure she will be missed by all who knew her. 

 

[ericasmom]

I am okay Kate, somehow relieved that Patti is not afraid anymore...that she is not hurting. She is free and I am glad for that. I will mourn her not being here of course. She is a lovely person indeed, very talented at many things, an artist, and singer, and a stupendous teacher. She fed all of her son's friends whenever they showed up all through their lives, housed several of them too, when they had issues with their own families. Patti's heart was always ready to give more.

[NiquesMom]

I am sorry for the pain your friends family is feeling,  we know it so well, I hope they find peace soon. 

Took Kyle to his counseling,  she is going to start EMDR since he is still scared to cross the street,  worries mommy and daddy won't come back when we drop him off,  and still thinks sissy will wake up. 

Have another interview next week, trying to be moved within a month.  

It was 83 this weekend,  but wind moved in and is supposed to rain the next two days.  

I hope everyone is feeling some peace,  I can't always remember what everyone types even though I read all the posts. 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Go Jets Go! Dianne, McSweet! 

Thinking of everyone today both old and new. Sending wishes for a decent day.

Kate 

[ericasmom]

It is about 93 in my classroom right now...nothing good about that, the humidity is building, think we are getting a big storm that maybe crossing the country right now...we need the rain, just don't want the violent weather that seems to come upon this kind of heat and build up.

stay safe crew-

[TearsInHeaven]

Virginia,  sorry to hear Kyle is having issues but good that his therapist is right on it.  Such a little guy....Hope your interview goes well.  I know what it is like to want...need...to move and things keep getting hung up.  Good Luck to you!!

Dee, you are so compassionate to your friends.  Patti's heart is with her family and her soul is discovering  the wonder of eternity. Hot here right now.  Our weeping cherry has popped some buds this afternoon. We are expecting those same storms tomorrow but we do need the rain. 

Kate, you got it with the Jets.  Thought they were going to lose and look how they beat up the Predators!

Hoping Leah is ok. I looked and she hasn't posted since Feb.  Guess we wouldn't all worry as much but she did just have some health issues. She is a brave woman with all she has been through.