Members ericasmom Posted September 17, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 17, 2015 WE are all around you Laurie, take our hope and go for it. One thing a court experience cannot erase... the life and the joy of our beloved Children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 17, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 17, 2015 Yes Laurie....we are with you.....I feel as if we have all been waiting for such a long time to have your day in court...both of us are in our '3rd' year....it is somewhat of a crossroad for me....that place on the grief journey where I feel as if I am not going forward....I am not back tracking either...surviving one day at a time....I look back and sometimes can't believe I have made it this far....without having a total physical and mental breakdown...but...I do believe I have had many 'mini' breakdowns... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 Laurie....let us hear from you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 18, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 Those who go before us September 7, 2015~ kfreebuIt’s been years since my kids died. I have reached a point of peace, and for that I am grateful. It certainly wasn’t always this way. I didn’t always feel OK. I have spent years feeling sad, depressed, shocked, confused, and cheated. Mostly cheated.This is Shawndra’s senior year. She should be getting ready for college. She should be dating. She should be varsity this year. She should be driving her sisters to school. She should be thinking about Homecoming. Should should should should should. . .This is Strider’s 3rd grade year. He should be learning about multiplication and division. He should be learning about Stellar Nuclear Synthesis and rocks. He should be playing soccer and baseball. He should be driving all his sisters crazy. Should should should should. . .This is not their path. I miss them. I miss the idea of them. I miss their futures. However, I am at peace with their deaths. I know that our paths will cross again. I cannot spend my life dwelling on what could have been. There is so much life left to live.In the meantime, I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for. I have two amazing daughters. They are both brilliant, beautiful, funny and wonderful. They keep me on my toes, and that is a good thing. Life isn’t always perfect, but always worth it. I have an amazing husband, my soul mate. He is a beautiful person, inside and out. I have a fuzzy family, too! I am so grateful for all that I have. I am very lucky.From time to time I talk about my kids that died. I know this makes people uncomfortable. However, I am going to file that under a You Problem. I won’t censor myself for the comfort of others. Children die. It’s a reality. It hurts. Forever. Bereaved parents never get over it. We just learn how to live with the pain.“Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.”― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars Share this:I am sharing this....just read it online...a survivor....who helps us survive.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted September 18, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi to all INDIGOS.........I wanted to get this on BI before I have more problems......(computer is acting up again) .....GRrrrrrrrr. Thinking of everyone, and sending prayers for comfort. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 18, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 18, 2015 Hi back at you Sherry, hope you figure out the computer stuff, I know that you have had this in the past...anything we can do?We are awaiting another big storm, last night we had 5 big storms roll through, it was loud and intense and then I would fall back to sleep and then wake to the loud intense next storm and so on. The students all talked about it today. But the day was humid and now that humidity is meeting up with the cool northern front so we shall storm again and then we will have some good temperatures that work well for school. Weekend will be busy as we will stay with the babies while my Son and DIL go to a wedding out of town. Fun, better look for my back brace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 19, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 Sherry....if it weren't for Daniel and my GRANDkids....I would not be on a computer....I am very techno dumb.... Dee....your heart and arms will be full this week-end...we are going to see our sweet family and 'new little man' tomorrow... We went to the Washington Co. Fair last night....had to wait till it cooled down...still have lesions...that hurt when I get hot..or in the sun....Randa and I both had the same memory at the same time....the last time we went to the fair with John David..... We watched the kids ride the carnival rides..then went over to where the food booths were....John David ran into some old buddies.....and was invited to the VIP Lounge...(to get in one has to pledge at minimum...$30,000 for the auctions)....he had a great time....all the eats and drinks free....Only John David could do that..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sholl1955 Posted September 19, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 Stopping in to touch base. Have been reading regularly. We just returned from Toledo where we spent the week with our new grandaugter. Katie Lynn was born on Tuesday the 8th. She is perfect. 6# 11 ounces and 18.5 inches long. She is a little snugglebug. Rachel had some complications following the delivery( she had a C-Section) and was very ill for a few days, but is now doing much better and on the road to recovery with a very busy household. The absence of Sarah at this happy time was noticed by everyone even the little girls. She would love another niece. Hope God lets her know. My hubby had some difficulty being out of his environment and us more confused than usual, but that is usual when we leave home. But he loved holding and loving on Katie. This is our last grandchild, 4 girls and 1 boy and we are blessed. I think of each of you often. This group is a lifeline to many. Have a peaceful day.Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 19, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 19, 2015 Just wanted everyone to know that we won our case. The woman was found guilty of vehicular homicide. It was a long two days. Would have wrote sooner but on Friday lightning struck by our house and took out our internet. I will have full internet on Monday. Thanks for all the prayers and support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted September 20, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2015 Laurie, I'm so happy that you won your case......some measure of justice for Jessie.....hope this brings you some comfort....My son Chris and his girlfriend have been here for a visit all week, have had a really good time but they leave for Wisconsin tomorrow ......I will be heading home to Wisconsin Thursday night to be with family & for Michaels memorial on Sunday ......the candles with his picture turned out nice.....trying to find music....he and his best friend loved the song "I'll be missing you" by Puff Daddy.....feeling so tired again just thinking about next weekend.......sometimes I just want to go to sleep & never wake up.......Peace & love all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 20, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2015 OH LAURIE I am so glad for you and the family. I know that you are exhausted by this whole endeavor but I hope that you are also proud of your tenacity and strength. That lightning strike could have been Jesse letting you know that you are the best ! Rest and recover now, let the lack of having this to fight wash over you...you will figure out what is next when you are ready. Sandy, another Grandie? Wow, I am so glad for you and so happy that Rachael is doing well after her rough time. YOu are a busy Grandmom, and yes, I am sure the bittersweet of a new child in the family rings that song in your heart that brings the let down, the broken parts clanging around inside, but oh her Auntie Sarah held her before any of you did... Susan, I am glad that you are taking care of yourself, not going into the sun and all. Randa and you have very united thoughts, so aligned with one another, feeling the presence of John David from another time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted September 20, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2015 Mikes Mom,You will have beautiful Autumn weather in Wisconsin. I live in Waukesha county. The weekend is sunny and warm.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted September 20, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 20, 2015 Laurie I'm so happy for the outcome. Hopefully a bit of Peace at last. What happens now. I hope she goes to prison. Well done Laurie for all you put into this. I'm at the beginning of this fight for justice. Over here in the UK the solicitor firms have to have a 60% chance of winning to take on the case on a No Win No Fee .. We don't have any money of our own to fight this and that's are problem. It's just so hard to take in. All I want is the truth all they(solicitors)want is lots of money.Peace to all Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 Laurie-----Having some annoying 'bugs' with my computer right now, butwanted to get a quick post to you, before something goes wrong again.So glad to hear that you won your case for justice for your dear Jessie.I know how very diligent you have been about keeping after the legal system.No easy matter, I know. Seems one must put their head down, and justcharge ahead without letting up. Here in Ohio, they have 'misdemeanorvehicular homicide' and 'aggravated vehicular homicide'......'misdemeanor'was the charge against the truck driver in our case. (Less serious, andmilder punishment.) What punishment does that woman face in your state?In Ohio, its a $1,000. fine and 10 days in jail.....seems so light for taking someone's life.I so hope that the woman faces something stronger. So glad for you, Laurie. Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 Colleen, we are enjoying that wonderful weather too. Sandy you probably are and Sherry, if you don't have it yet, you will. Lovely. I slept most of the afternoon away and spent the other part zombie-like as there was little sleep last evening. One child woke up and came to lie with me which you know how that is on your getting deep sleep. We had fun however and while feeling cranky and out of sorts, I thank my lucky stars to share such good time with the kids. Mike's Mom, as you prepare for that mark of time, know that we are circling you as we do each other...the angel date is hard, the mark of 365 days is impossible for our hearts and spirits to face, and yet we do, holding the hands of all who know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 My son Chris & his girlfriend left today......I was so incredibly sad , couldn't even get dressed today.....I spent time in Michael's room after they left, looking at pictures, laying on his bed.....I feel like I've fallen backwards today......tears just don't stop.....I'm so lost without my Mikey.... I was in the laundry room later today & was going through a basket of his clothes & came across one of his favorite t-shirts, I buried my face in it & could still smell his scent- his favorite cologne lingered- made me fall to my knees screaming for him.....One year later & I'm still losing my mind....I feel like I can't function.....I need to sleep but can't stay asleep.....how does anyone really get through this...I just want it to be over......I don't feel like I can be here anymore without him......why couldn't God have taken me...why my precious son....why him.....So tired now...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 Laurie....I was beginning to get worried...in not hearing from you.....knowing how the emotional stress can cause physical health issues...like our Warrior Mom, Becky..... Gratitude that the news is good....that is a hard win from a hard fight....I do hope that a layer of peace can come to you and yours... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 Francesca....I wish I could tell you that what you are going through is abnormal.....but....for a grieving parent....all you are experiencing is very normal.....when I came to this site....it was a relief to me that I wasn't going crazy....I was just in deep..dark...mourning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 To those who are newer, all what you are describing is true...the exhaustion, being angry...just losing your way. Georgina, I do hope and pray that you find something that may help you with your case with James...Francesca, there were days I just did stay in bed...I think it is okay. But is it here on this site we can share those feelings and our children...and everyone "gets it". Dee, Sherry, Colleen, and Kate, thanks for all of the support you all have given to so many... Sherry...I don't know the sentence yet...we have that hearing next month where we get to read our victim statement and then a sentence is determined...today I printed oversize pictures to bring to the sentencing hearing... Susan, thanks for the note....internet is back and running... ********************************************************************************* I believe in signs...I know it was important that the events of that day be accurately recorded...it is the "NOW WHAT?" question that faces us....I have no answer for that...it seems like we just stumble through the days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted September 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 21, 2015 Francesca-----I agree with what Susan said......what you are feeling is not abnormal. Theagony, regret, sorrow, and the wishing to go back to the good times before your dearson, Michael passed......these are all the 'new normal' that we find ourselves in.....likebeing in a strange foreign land at times. Everyone here knows those feelings of sadnessand when the tears just come forth. Hang on, Francesca. Keep coming here to BI. Peace and comfort to you. Dee-----Yes....little ones can interrupt a good sleep, but as you say......it is so nice tohave them near. Today was a lovely day. I went back to the garden to get herbs today...oregano, and basil. I am drying them for use this winter. I, so, enjoy this time of year. It's quieter and 'softer' somehow.They harvested soybeans today. The cornfield will comedown in a few weeks. Looks like rain tonight, but weatherman doesn't call for it. But.....he's been known to be wrong in his predictions . Laurie-----Wishing you luck at the sentencing hearing. ( I sent you a PM). PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted September 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2015 Tonight decided that dinner will be potato chips, chocolate & wine.......have no interest in eating healthy or exercising today .. im sure I will regret tomorrow but tonight I don't care...Every morning when I wake up , just for a moment I wonder if this is real.....almost as if I expect that maybe I was dreaming......I hate the reality of morning.......I hate trying to go to sleep.....feel like I haven't slept in weeks.....Peace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2015 Francesca..... a very dear friend of mine told me her Mom ate Fritoes and Post Crispies....every night....when she passed....the family ate.... Fritoes and Post Crispies on her Angelversary.... I think it is a great menu..... We do not need awesome statues....do we ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2015 Francesca, all I can give you is my hope and pray that all combined, our hope buoys you for a while, until your own desire to see the next day kicks in. I think that almost all of us wished as you said last evening, that you could just go to sleep now, no point in being here...and yet we are all here because somewhere along the way, we realize that we need to be here to live our best lives for our Kids. We aren't supposed to leave before our time, at least not now. One day Dear Woman you will see Mike again, he will be ready for you to be with him, right now is not the time/ So please hang on and know that this new life, while never wished for and never imagined, is yours/ours...and somehow we find our way to living it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted September 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2015 Susan ,Dee - I appreciate your words of hope and comfort.....I know that some day I may also find that hope but right now with Michaels first angelversary approaching quickly , I find myself counting the days, minutes that he had left this time last year.....what would I have done differently if I had known my son only had 6 days to live.. .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted September 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2015 I know I only pop in sporadically. Things have been so busy... then I went through a pretty deep depression. Things are strange right now. I tried to work things out with my husband... it's not working... I won't go in to it too much... same old thing... sometimes too much has been said and done... You can't go back. I didn't have a chance to read much but did scroll through and I saw your post, Laurie...sending love. You worked so hard. I am still dealing with courts. I have had Trista's best friend ask to move in with me. She's struggled in the past couple years since losing Tris. She has always been a little fragile.I just don't know. The boys are doing great. Aiden is homeschooling for kindergarten so that on top of everything keeps me really busy. Zak is doing great in his new school. He's making friends and has had two girlfriends so far... Oh, to be young again... I've been visited lately by two ravens... big, beautiful birds... Every time I sit out for any length of time I see them... Fall has always been an introspective/retrospective time for me... Now even more so... the changing seasons still is hard... I love this poem... Nothing Gold Can StayRobert Frost, 1874 - 1963Nature’s first green is gold,Her hardest hue to hold.Her early leaf’s a flower;But only so an hour.Then leaf subsides to leaf.So Eden sank to grief,So dawn goes down to day.Nothing gold can stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 22, 2015 Shannon....good to hear from you..... yesterday I paused....(been extremely busy).....to reflect....for I felt like something very broken....very deep inside me for about the last 2 weeks....and it dawned on me that the seasons were changing...the slant of the sun....rays not so intense...a subtle tiny change....and it is football season and hunting season... before I lost John David I did not have this seasonal slump....I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving...or Christmas...it looms ahead.....all I can do is take it one day at a time...and face it when it comes.... am glad to hear the boys are faring well....home schooling must be very intense...am sorry to hear that you and your husband cannot get on the same level....but you have figured out how to stand on your own....and not 'own' another persons problems...but if there is a chance....sometimes time and healing can smooth the way forward. I still consider myself 'fragile'....my inner 'soul/spirit' is still very emotional....so....try not to take on anymore than what you have to.....you have done a tremendous job of getting yourself and the boys in a very healthy and healing place...take care of yourself first and foremost....is this girl emotionally fragile or physically fragile ? What do her parents think about her wanting to live with you ? I know you will make the right decision...you have such a big and loving heart. John David really liked poetry....he copied that poem and sent it to me...this is in his handwriting... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Francesca.....the word 'IF' ......is the most repeated word Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Francesca, it takes a long while to find ways in which to carry this ache, but you will. It will not soften for a long while so do not feel you are failing at this, it is what loss feels like in these early years. Be kind to you as Mike would surely want. The anniversary of the saddest day is that times 365, so feeling like you do is quite normal for this abnormal event in your life. This heavy heart I must shift the load I carry,I will one day hold it like a jewel, the jewel of my Child, he/she isn't heavy, but the missing is...heavier than anything.I will feel the load shift when I hold it differently,when I learn to allow my memory to carve a cradle in which to rock them,and when I teach my heart to beat to the sound of my love again,and when I realize that the wind on my face, the moon in the sky is a gift from heaven,and when I see that the seasons changing are still a miraculous event,and when I hear my Dearest whisper to me in my dreams that all is well,then that load will shift and I will wear her/him like the jewel that they will always be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Oh Dee....that poem hits right at the hurting spot....and speaks to define it....I have not read that one....thanks for sharing...my friend that walks ahead....understanding all that I am feeling....there is something universal when a parent loses a child....unconditional empathy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 23, 2015 Susan, the screen shot you put up inspired that poem it fell from my thoughts onto the page here at school after reading what you said. Shannon, I am glad that you are busy and loving your new home but I am sorry for the ache you are feeling at the same time, the trying to make peace with the past when it keeps repeating itself. Can't go back, can't make others change, and you can't let yourself be treated poorly, not ever, you are so important to TRISTA and to those Boys who carry their Sis in their smiles. You will be fine, I know that. Remember you are more than strong, you are a MOMMA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 Dee....that is awesome....it speaks of how grief is such a physical...heavy....load to carry....and as you have said...we change to make room for the grief... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 24, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted September 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 This struck a real truth for me.....and if we look back on our lives...this is profound truth....for there is nothing..nothing written...in a movie...a documentary that can prepare a parent for this kind of grief. One truly has to live it to learn of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted September 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 I read this in our local paper this past week and thought of Francesca and all that are new to this journey. I hope that it helps to bring some small sense of comfort. What moves through us is a silence,a quiet sadness,a longing for one more day,one more word,one more hug. We may not understandwhy you left this earth so soon,or why you left beforewe were ready to say goodbye,but little by littlewe begin to rememberNot just that you diedbut that you lived,And that your life...gave us loving memories far too beautiful to forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted September 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 i haven't been here much. life is weird for me. my husband is home with me and doesn't give me private space to think and type. my friend posted this about her mom. i wish i had the energy and time to type in all your babies' names in bright capital letters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted September 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Hi to all INDIGOS---------Finally got my computer back to normal...with the helpof David's best friend, who is a computer whiz....(also his job).I had some nasty Trojans, and corruptions. So glad to be back to BI. HAPPY......BIRTHDAY......DAVEY.......MY SON,.....AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN. Gretchen---Thanks for those good words. Kate-----Love the poem.....thanks for posting. Have the leaves taken on acolorful hue in your area? Lovely time of year, isn't it? Shannon---You must be so busy with your new place, animals, and keepingup with your dear boys' schooling. I'm sorry that you aren't able to work thingsout with your husband. As you say......sometimes there's no going back inrelationships. So nice that you see the ravens. They are great birds. We often see and hear them around the cemetery whenever we go to visit Davey'sand Lisa's graves. I love the Robt. Frost poem you posted...."Nothing Gold Can Stay".This is so true, and all our darlings who left this world too soon proves that. Dee-----Your poem says it all so well. Thanks. Today, we visited Davey's grave(his birthday), and we felt so sad, and said our prayers.... but felt blessed by thevisit of a large, beautiful tomcat.....pale gold in color. He approached us cautiouslyat first; then when he saw that we were friendly.....he just stayed and stayed.....rubbingagainst our legs, meowing softly, and just being so adorably friendly. At one point, hejumped up onto Dave's headstone and laid down. It may sound a bit crazy.....but we felt asthough Davey's spirit was in the cat, and that he came to say "I love you". That'show we felt.......warm, and encouraged. Sounds 'batty', I guess, but all I know is that wefelt something....and feelings are real after all. Lovely day here today.....I washeda blanket and hung it out on the line....it dried so well. Francesca-----I'm sorry that you are having such a dark time. Your words expressthe depth of your grief. I, so, know the feeling of 'hating the reality of morning'.Please take care of yourself. Sending thoughts & prayers. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted September 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Sherry, Happy Heavenly Birthday for your sweet Davey!!!`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~`~I have had experiences with animals too that seem to "arrive" at the right time. Dee, thanks for the original poem, it was very well written. Also it was nice to see your grand kids pics the other week... Susan, thanks for the screen shots, I think they help everyone here. Kate, the peom you posted is so true. Are you guys ready for the snow up there yet? or is this too early? Shannon, it was good to see your post and to know that you are settling in with the boys on the new farm. Gretchen, think of you and Forest often...thanks for the post. How did your trip go to Europe? Thinking too of all those new...sending gentle thoughts. Francesca, are you back in Wisconsin yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Sherry.. thinking of you and Davey... Happy Birthday sweet angel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Not batty at all Sherry, I would say that Davey was there with you, showing himself through the cat, indeed loving you and his Dad. I think sometimes we need to just listen to what our hearts/souls feel, and know that that is what is. Happy sweet sweet birthday for Davey. Happy Day Sweet Man. I am wishing for your day to be full of beauty and care.The other day, husband and I were walking back from the park with the kids. Erica was on her push tricycle and Michael in the stroller. Well we crossed, Mike and I while Poppa and Erica were on the other side waiting to cross. It was rush hour so they had to wait a bit adn all of a sudden, Erica got off the bike and up into Poppas arms, husband began to push the bike across the street when suddenly, the bike broke apart. I do believe that Erica would have hit the pavement very hard had she been on the bike, so her sudden getting off seemed like Angel-Erica may have urged Eria off the bike. It felt this way, that she was right there with us.Gretchen, so glad to see you and know that you are out there. I am sorry though, that you are feeling low energy and that you don't have the freedom that you are craving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Francesca, I have not posted for a time but I could not not pass without my thoughts to you on this difficult day. I have seen your posts and know that your broken heart has shattered into even a thousand more pieces. Know that you and your family are thought of today. I saw this and it so reminded me of where we all are.I am gone, not by your side, or so I’ve heard you say,But I am with you more than you know each and every day.I am there each morning as you rise to face another day you dread,I watch over you each night as you try to go to bed.I watch you while you are sleeping or mostly lying there awake.I am with you when you say, “How much more of this can I take?”I watch with love each time I see you wipe the tears awayI will always be here for the ones that think of me each day.I see you smile seldom, which is a way to hide,I know the deep exhausting pain you are feeling deep insideI’ve watch you gather all my things to keep memories alive.I’ve sometimes seen you believe that you need this to survive.I wish you knew that I was there and know the pain you feel.I am in the sun, the rain, the wind, the very air you breathe.I know that our time will come when we will reunite.Your work on earth is not yet done,But you need to know that when you are called to heaven, I will be waiting there, always your son. ---Author Unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 I had to stay away awhile while I tried to get my head and heart together. This is just harder as the time goes on. Tomorrow is 10 months and it feels like a lifetime. All the first anniversary stuff really got to me ( please know I referred to them as remembrances not celebrations) and I know that everyone does what is right for them. I just felt like I was defective because I could not imagine surviving another memorial. But that is me and as time passes I may be able to face and come to terms ( whatever the "terms" are). Laurie, I saw that your court time gave you the outcome you were looking for Jesse. I cannot imagine how hard all of that was for you and your family. Sherry, that cat was there for a reason and we KNOW what that reason was. It is the small things like that that give us hope. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVEY. You gave your family comfort on your special day. Kate, thanks for the poem. I so hope someday to think of life instead of death. Dee,your words as always speak volumes. and--little Erica's guardian angel has a hand on her shoulder. These past few weeks have been more brutal and I pray for the strength to handle this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Dianne, stealing away to find out how to breathe in this new world where the oxygen has been stolen from you/us, is quite a daunting challenge. We all questioned whether or not we had what it took to do so, but we did and you will too. Did we always want to? Nope, we did not always feel any reason to find ways to live again...the firsts are so damn hard and yes, it gets way harder as you approach the dates that changed life forever. STill, that handsome Boy of yours is rooting for you to find your life again, anew, and live it well as he keeps a place for you when it is time. Remember if you can that there is no answer as to WHY??? only HOW remains for us to put our energy toward. How do we find out how to live in such a way as to honor our Beloved Children. Why can only be answered when we meet again. One day you won't hurt as you do today, and it will not mean you miss Michael less, it will mean that you have found a way to carry him and your love as well as his, into each day. We are walking alongside you.Kate, how are you doing? How is your Husband doing? I bet you have seen many migrating birds by now. We have experienced an absolutely beautiful first week of autumn and I am hearing some different sounds from birds I do not know. What an amazing time of year. Today I took my Grandgirl under an orange tree and she looked up to see the splendor...she said, " it is all orange under here." Yes my little Darling girl it is. She said "the trees are changing now." She loves acorns and pinecones and often calls them pinecorns. Love that. WE pick up many and she decides which she wants to keep at home in her yard. She knows which trees have pinecones..." I want to find some pine trees Grammy" and sure enough, she always knows which trees are pine or (coniferous trees).Francesca, I hope you are okay, wondered about where you are. What a good poem to remind us all that our Babies are near, right there, sitting on our shoulders, nuzzling into our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 a few photos from the last couple days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Sherry I'm so glad Davey's spirit was in the cat Such a special sign on his birthday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 I thought I would share this its just so true. From Silent Grief. Have you ever noticed that as bereaved parents we go through "seasons of grief"? Anniversary dates, special memory dates, and certain sights and smells all act as triggers for our "winter season" of grief. We seem to have a time of renewal of hope in the springtime when our thoughts are centered around new hope. Autumn if often a difficult season -- a reminder that the harsh winter storms are on the way. And, summertime is generally when we are busy and the sun is shining brightly -- we tend to feel more hopeful when the sun is out and when our minds are kept busy. There is SAD -- seasonal affective disorder. And, I believe this is also GAD -- grief affective disorder. I will be glad when the medical world and general population recognizes the grief from child loss as real!Xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted September 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Thanks to all for the kind words & wishes for David's birthday. No one inmy family remembers it, so it's a comfort to have the kind words foundhere from my BI friends. Dianne----Thanks for the poem. True words. Yes----our angels ARE with us.I believe this. They are not millions of miles away.....just on the other side ofthe thin veil that separates us..........they in their heavenly realm, and we, hereon earth. They are not constrained by time, distance, or other considerations,as we here are under. Their spirits can be anywhere, and in any form. It wassuch a pleasant experience with the cat. He just hung around with us...showingso much affection, until we left Dave's grave. I glanced back from the car windowwhen we left, and saw the cat go back into the woods that borders Dave's grave.I think that many of us have had some experience with nature, animals, skies,birds, etc. that gave us a peaceful feeling. We count our blessings whenever thishappens to us and how it makes us feel. After all.......feelings are such an honestemotion. Our angels are with us until we meet again. Then the 'whys' of ourgrief journey won't matter. Dee-----Oh,....ERi certainly must have caused little Erica to get off her bike, andwant up into the safe arms of her Poppa. These things that happen to us....theselittle experiences are so precious to us. Others may scoff.....saying "just a coincidence","fanciful thinking" etc., but we know. It's our experience, and no one can disproveit, nor do we care what they think of our spiritual visit from our darlings.Thanks for the lovely pics of the grandies......so very cute. Georgina----thank you for posting the "Silent Grief" words. Yes...I agree...there are somany 'triggers' on this rough journey we're on. Thanks for Davey's birthday wish. Leah----Good to see you here at BI. How are you doing lately? I imagine that it hasbeen difficult since your dear mom's passing. Thanks for the birthday wish for Davey.Hope to see you more,... here at BI, when you get a chance to post. Peace to you. Laurie-----Thanks for the birthday wish for Dave. Night are getting cooler here lately,as I imagine they are in your area too. So many signs of fall to take in. Warm daysand cool nights, and much harvesting in our area. Soybeans are done, and cornwill be next. Here's another inevitable sign that I don't particularly care for..........CHRISTMAS in stores so early on. My husband and I ate at a local restaurantthat has a gift shop in the large lobby, and there it was....big as day.....a hugeChristmas tree, all decorated, and so much holiday merchandise already out forsale. It was only a few days after LABOR DAY . Hate seeing that so early. Storescan't let the customer enjoy fall, without rushing the Christmas season. Seems itkeeps getting earlier every year.....what's next???....right after Memorial Day?? Oh well.....guess that's the way it goes. WISHING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted September 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 28, 2015 MICHAEL----MICHAEL----MICHAEL.......SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU......ANGEL. Francesca-----Thinking of you today.... your dear son, Mike's Angel Day, ....and wishing you peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted September 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 28, 2015 One year ago today, I sat in shock with my husband and youngest son Chris out on our deck. The day was so sunny, so bright, fall had arrived and this should have been a joyous time as we were all looking forward to my nephews wedding which took place October 3rd - Michael was closest to this cousin & couldn't wait for the wedding day ....which he was never able to attend.....we were also going to celebrate my birthday Oct 4th.....the worst birthday of my life....Today my family gathered at Michaels resting place and we shared our special memories of him. Diane and Kate , i recited the poems that you shared here & they were so appropriate for this memorial....I wasn't ready to share my personal poems yet.....my son Chris held me as I read and cried.....it really was a beautiful moment.....Thank you to all of you for remembering my michaels angel anniversary....it is so comforting to see his name.....Sherry- happy heavenly birthday to your Davey....I hope you felt his presence.....I haven't been here for at least a week as I have tried to prepare my mind....my heart for this most heartbreaking day.....I realize how important it is for me to get back home to Wisconsin permemantly....I need to be here with my husband, my son Chris , my mother & father, my siblings & most important I need to be close to my precious Michael....I Have connected with a number of recruiters to assist me in my job search....My youngest sister informed me today that her friend just lost her 17 year old daughter in a car accident yesterday.....I told her that once her friend is ready, she should reach out to this group as this has truly been a lifeline for me....I told her that her friend is in such shock, she may not even comprehend what has just happened.....I'm still struggling to comprehend one year later....I have tried attaching a picture from todayLove to all tonight ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted September 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted September 28, 2015 One year ago today, I sat in shock with my husband and youngest son Chris out on our deck. The day was so sunny, so bright, fall had arrived and this should have been a joyous time as we were all looking forward to my nephews wedding which took place October 3rd - Michael was closest to this cousin & couldn't wait for the wedding day ....which he was never able to attend.....we were also going to celebrate my birthday Oct 4th.....the worst birthday of my life....Today my family gathered at Michaels resting place and we shared our special memories of him. Diane and Kate , i recited the poems that you shared here & they were so appropriate for this memorial....I wasn't ready to share my personal poems yet.....my son Chris held me as I read and cried.....it really was a beautiful moment.....Thank you to all of you for remembering my michaels angel anniversary....it is so comforting to see his name.....Sherry- happy heavenly birthday to your Davey....I hope you felt his presence.....I haven't been here for at least a week as I have tried to prepare my mind....my heart for this most heartbreaking day.....I realize how important it is for me to get back home to Wisconsin permemantly....I need to be here with my husband, my son Chris , my mother & father, my siblings & most important I need to be close to my precious Michael....I Have connected with a number of recruiters to assist me in my job search....My youngest sister informed me today that her friend just lost her 17 year old daughter in a car accident yesterday.....I told her that once her friend is ready, she should reach out to this group as this has truly been a lifeline for me....I told her that her friend is in such shock, she may not even comprehend what has just happened.....I'm still struggling to comprehend one year later....I have tried attaching a picture from todayLove to all tonight ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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