Members flocicero Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Susan I find myself constantly worrying about my son Chris....he called me tonight to let me he's going to visit a friend that he bumped into the other day....they haven't seen each other for over 5 years & they both love to play guitars, so he will be "jamming" tonight .....I told him not to drink anything if he plans to drive home...don't know what I would do IF something happened.....I hate being so paranoid....Georgina, so sorry about your dog....that is so hard to do.....I had to put my 13 year old bichon to sleep this past July....it was heartbreaking.... I know he's in heaven with my Michael..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Yes....I never...ever...would ever thought to be paranoid....is this another layer I have now....??? never thought of it that way...maybe so....maybe yes....maybe no...maybe possible.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Francesca.....I gave it a lot of thought....and I don't think we are slipping into paranoia..I think when the 'unthinkable' happens.....it is normal to have the big 'WHAT IF' ....I had to face the truth that my love was not Super Human Control...just Super Human Love... I had to face the fact that life is not fair..never has been...never will be...and 'fair' is not the right word to use....the fact and truth is that children do die..and we did not have a 'choice' in where we are now... I bumble along...trying very hard to learn to live this 'new normal'...and in this 'new normal' I carry this big 'WHAT IF'...I try hard to let it go and pray..'It is in God's Hands'....but...I want my children in my hands...We are so very brave... Maybe with Mother Nature and Father Time....Grace and Healing will embrace me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Susan, you must be so very excited for your young writer. I am in awe. Francesca, I have long been a worrier, it is part and parcel of my DNA, even as a little girl, I worried endlessly about everyone; folks I loved and folks I never would know...Losing our Child in my opinion heightened that worrier in me, but I don't think that it is unusual at all. I have to work against the loud voices in my head when it becomes too much, sometimes it means going back to my beloved therapist to re-up on my tools, to revisit some of what the process is to reduce the anxiety...sometimes I have that old talk with myself..." there is nothing you can do to prevent something in this world to happen, so live in this moment, it is what you own, this moment, and love it for what it is." It took me a long while to be able to do these things which I find helps me a great deal...When the heavy worry happens or the replay of the event that brought you to your knees, do something physical if you can that can redirect your energy and attention. To AMRIT, I don't quite know who you are addressing here...we are simply a group of people who have lost adult children and sometimes we gather with those who lost a young one or a parent...most times others come here with us because the other threads are not giving back the feedback and conversation that occurs here, so of course we are open-armed and open-hearted to all, but mostly we are a group of parents who have lost Adult Children. Can you explain what it is that is happening in other threads that warrants your concern? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Amrit....I am sorry I did not understand what you were posting about...please be more specific.I lost a son in 2012....have you lost a child ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Amrit....who are you to tell any person dealing with grief 'how to do it'....I see on your website that you have written a book...etc.....please....stay off our site- sites....if you are trying to sell 'yourself'....and whatever you have to sell....we really don't need anyone's advice...maybe you are just jealous that you don't have the audience we do..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 I have found this forum and this group to have been a lifeboat for me since my sad entry almost 10 months ago. Having those further on the journey as almost mentors and those close as new lifelines in this horror. All of those in between have given insight, encouragement, and comfort. I read some of the other threads but this is the one I turn to. I have been on other grief sites and ALWAYS come back here to the new circle of friends and anchors here.Without you all I would be lost. I am a text book, clinical person and appreciate a therapist schooling and studies but the people here share from their hearts and that has made all the difference in the world. We have come to open a sad part of our lives to each other. And once in a while a spot of joy so that those of us who sometimes cannot see joy ahead can try to see the maybe.... I liked the analogy that Dee put out about all of us just sitting around a big table, chatting, sharing, spewing forth anguish, and offering the best comfort we could find---that given by those who have shared and walked this path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Dianne....my human boat was going down...down...down.....and then I found this site....there aren't enough words for me to explain to anyone what this site has done for me....to help me heal....survive... Sometimes when a new parent will post on another site or start another thread....I try to answer them and let them know there are many active parents on here.....only to help them...and let them know they do not have to walk this dark grief journey by themselves... Amrit certainly needs to check his premises.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Amrit, I still do not understand your request here. Your requests should be sent to the moderators of the site, we in the group like our thread very much, the give and take of it all, the gathering each day that we share and keep close to our hearts, so it is not a hassle for us, and if you are in a different thread, why does the way we do things in our particular place, matter to you? Dianne, We are at a big table, sharing the days stories alongside our reasons for being here. We bring our Children to the table in hopes of each other getting to know them, it is here we can open our hearts without worry for who might be wondering why or when we may get over this. Last night I sat with some friends at an annual Halloween party and happened to sit next to an old acquaintance who also lost her Daughter 4 years after we lost Erica. Kathy was a Super great woman, she knew my kids and her sister and my Son always hung out. The Mom and I both said agree that you never get past the ache or pain or fill in that giant hole; instead we learn to fill the space with our memories and the good things in today, and we carry our ache and pain differently than when we first traveled this most difficult road. We shift the weight of grief so that we walk with an open heart again, an open mind and spirit, knowing that the love we carry is not gone, it is forever. Erica is everpresent in my days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 When I first found this site almost six years ago I was in the deepest of shock and experiencing a grief that sent my world into a downward spiral. This was the first site that popped up when I reached out for help one day. The pain seemed unbearable. Through the kind hearted words and comfort offered by this group of people over a long period it helped me to find the strength to continue. It also gave me hope that in seeing those further along in their journey that life would hold hope once again in time for me. I clung to that rope with all my strength and can not find the words to adequately express my gratitude to all of the wonderful people from all walks of life that have shared their stories and offered friendship. I would not be here today had it not been for them. And so I thank you all profusely from the bottom of my heart. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 25, 2015 Good to hear from you, Kate....we are having a deluge of rain...here....I am guessing you are entering a real Fall....where you live...and many on this site....have a distinct change of seasons....not so here....I so enjoy you and Sherry telling us about the changes you see in your landscape... Dee....you were talking about Eri's Angelanniversary having a Holy feel to it.....this last Angelanniversary at Port Aransas seemed to have a different 'feel' to it in my heart... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 I recently "Retired", (as in no more active updates for now, maybe one day I would consider reactivating it)...my own thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 I find comfort here , no one else understands this unbearable pain....like others , I found this site by accident & it has literally been a lifesaver for me, as a newbie I didn't find it confusing or intimidating... I have found this to be a group of loving people..I don't need or want my own thread....I need to come here , to this group , to read, to post, to cry..... What I don't need Amrit, is you telling me or anyone in our group how we should conduct ourselves......the current structure served me well as a new member.....please take your own advice and do not ask us to change the way we choose to grieve, communicate , or heal...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Amrit, I thank you for wanting to make things better in other threads but quite honestly, we have not seen anyone here from a thread other than our particular loss in a long while. To those who do reach out, i think the world of you for doing so...helping direct those to a place in which to feel community is the ultimate in giving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 I reported him to ModKonnie.....I think he is only on here for his profit....also...he never answered my question if he had lost a child.... what a freak.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 No need Laurie, to apologize to me, I think that you have been a source of great help for so many in your short time (a lifetime) here. Reaching out to direct those in need is never anything another should scold. I do feel that it was weird of AMRIT to think we should listen to his concern when really, nobody on this site is having a hard time finding someone to talk with. Someone who lost a Mom recently came here but that was because she was not getting responses on loss of a parent...Thanks for saying what needed to be said Laurie and Susan, thanks for letting ModKonnie in on this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 I don't talk much.. but coming to read has helped me. I can't get in here everyday, but I read all, I pray, and I cry. I hate that there are so many people that have this loss and ... but it is such a wonderful place to be able to post.. knowing that we aren't being judged. I can come here and be mad, I can be happy, I can be sad.. I can just be. I have been helped with many losses.. My precious JaBoa, not an adult nor am I her parent.. but I was still welcomed here. I lost my mom.. and I was welcomed to share my heart.. and I know I am still welcomed here. I grieve everyday.. one way or another and thanks to members here I have survived it. Friday will be 9 years my loss... mom has been gone only 3 months... This site gets me through my holidays.. this year is tough... almost as tough as the beginning of this journey... mom was in the accident we lost my granddaughter .. my life changed as it left me taking care of mom... my existence is so changed... I have the great grands living with me now.. and their parents... some good days.. lots of bad days .. some days I don't want to be around... never understanding all.. just not understanding... This site gives me strength.. just to read it.. my heart reaches out silently to the losses here... losses that will never be forgotten.. Dee, Sherry, Kate, Suan, I can't name all of you.... nor your precious angels but you are part of my healing and I appreciate you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Thank you Susan and Francesca it was so hard it felt like another massive loss to us because she was so close to James I like to think they are together now my hearts so sore but I feel comfort thinking that. I too feel so scared ever time my girls are out of my sight my youngest is a new driver the roads are so dangerous I can't rest until she's home safe and sound Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Leah.....you are so right.....we are a part of each others healing....one simply cannot fathom this kind of grief until you have lost that child - GRANDchild.... On this site....we know.....that death does not discriminate....and that grief for that loved one....could be for a Mother...Father...sibling...Aunt...Uncle...cousin...friend....even pets....is still very painful....and we have hearts full of compassion....care....empathy...understanding...for any person that is grieving and in deep mourning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 Whoops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 26, 2015 HELLO TO ALL........I'm rather on the 'quiet/reflective' side right now.....not too much to say., but just want to let you know that I'm thinking of all my friends on this site, and glad to read your posts, whenever I get back here...(busy lately). WISHING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 As I begin to pack up my life in Indiana to return back home, I can't help but feel a heavy sadness.....this house is the last place that I saw my Michael alive, the last place we had dinner together, the last place I saw his smile & heard his laughter....but this is also the place that I found his lifeless body.....why do I feel like I'm leaving a part of him behind? I took his room apart....it doesn't seem as awful when I walk in there now....I don't have to see the bed where I found him.....his belongings are packed , ready to go home...the place he loved most....how could I have brought him here & allowed him to die....I wish I would've never left home.....I wish so many things..... But I'll be going home soon now.....I will find a church to join...I will reconnect with family & old friends.......I will find a way to move myself forward, one step at a time while carrying my beautiful Michael always in my heart.. .....my most precious child......tears...so many tears that I could float away..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Amrit. Your "mistake" is to continue to post here. We are here to share our grief over the loss of a child, which sometimes extends to other types of losses of people who are already members here. We represent many religions and different thoughts of life and death, but we do not attempt to sway any other member to our own personal viewpoint, but rather are here to listen and hold the hands and hearts of those who are in similar circumstance. However confusing or inefficient you may view our forum, it has existed for many years now without the need for change. I don't feel, nor do others, that you have suffered the loss of a child. If you had, you would be welcome here. As it is, I also feel your ultimate goal is to profit from your upcoming book. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Becky our Warrior Mom....health issues has your body so weak....your grief and fight for justice for your SONshine boy had that impact....but it has not impacted your Warrior Spirit.... We share our grief for our sons....and they share a name....J.D.I always thought and still do.....of how we are all connected....not just the grief but also the care and compassion. We are so brave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Francesca......I have heard that one should not make any big decisions for at least 2 years after the loss of a loved one....but you.....you are going home. Home is where we find shelter and nourishment for our shattered hearts and a place where we find comfort and healing in the familiar surroundings. I think it is a very good move for you. We must listen to our instincts...our souls know what path we need to take. Please remember you have never had Super Human Control....only Super Human Mommy Love....I think if the Devil had tools he would use shame...guilt...regrets....to bully us down.... Most parents like to take a little credit when their child shines.....parents also take the guilt when a child falls down...and we all know you ...and all the rest of us....did everything in our human power to love and protect our child. You know...he would not have left you unless he had to.... I think you are thinking real good....but I also know that pain....just don't expect too much from yourself at this time...take it one day at a time...and be very gentle and kind to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 We always end our yoga class by wishing Namaste to all. For me the meaning of taking yoga is to promote both spiritual and physical wellbeing. A favourite quotation of mine is a sentence by Disraeli. "Life is too short to be little". It has helped through many a painful experience. Often we allow ourselves to be upset by small things that we should simply forget. Perhaps someone we helped proved unworthy...some person we believed to be a friend has spoken ill of us. We feel such disappointments so strongly that we no longer work or sleep properly. Isn't that absurd? Here we are on this earth with only a certain number of years to live and we lose irreplaceable hours brooding over our grievances that in a year's time will be forgotten by us...and quite frankly everybody else as well. Jeff's death has taught me to not sweat the small stuff. Live life to the fullest. To devote our lives to worthwhile actions and feelings...real affections...and enduring good tasks....life is indeed too short to be little. Namaste to all! Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 It takes a recovered Alcoholic to help an active Alcoholic..it takes a recovered Addict to help an antive Addict...it takes a Breast Cancer survivor to help that women that just learned she has breast cancer...and on and on.... I say 'help' not cure.... I cannot fathom why someone would want to come into a home...group....circle....site...business...and begin to tell them how they should change what is not broken... I cannot fathom how anyone could think their way of 'help/healing' is better than the 'help/healing' one already has in place. I cannot fathom how anyone could say that they are not spending time with their 11 year old son....so they can 'help others'... I do not want to hear/read your story....I am too busy trying to re-write my story....my 'new normal' is this new world I have to walk without my child.... The only thing awesome about some people is their arrogance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Thank you Susan, and you are so right, my body is weak and I have been very sick, and most of that occurring after fighting our battle for justice for my precious son. But I still come here to read even when I don't feel well enough to post. At this moment I am using the speech to text application as it is still very difficult for me to type. When I did read the comments from Amrit, I needed to comment my feelings. I followed his link, and just as I thought from the discerning spirit that God has given me, he is not a grieving parent, he speaks of grief of parents and uncles Exedra, but knows nothing of the pain we here have in common. Moderators of this list should follow his link as he is threatening us for speaking our minds. If there is a change that needs to be made on this forum, it would be that intruders like Amrit should be banned and disallowed from being here. Go in peace and share your knowledge where it is appropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 27, 2015 Kate, good to see your post. I think Yoga is very beneficial and would be a good thing to take up. I always have been drawn towards Tai Chi but there are no classes near me. Tonight I am at my mom's and will be for the rest of the week doing chores for them. I am contemplating going out to my baby son's grave tomorrow as he is buried in the southern part of our state. I can't hardly wrap my head around both my son's being gone. I will always remember this poem that was posted by Shannon...it was a reminder to the burden a bereaved parent carries every day forward...until we are called home. Ugly Pair of ShoesI am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am. I will forever walk in the shoes of a parent who has lost a child.Author unknown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Laurie....I so remember that poem when Shannon posted it...and thank you for sharing it again...it seems with every change of the seasons...or another month gone by....I read poems with another slant...another understanding....with new eyes....another layer.... If you do go to the resting place of your SONshine boy....let us know....we will be with you...pray for you...walk with you...we are here to hear you.... it doesn't matter if your child died in your womb...or lived 2 hours....2 days....10 years....20 years....50 years...they are still your child... and they are irreplaceable.... even if I could have had children til I was 100...I would never have another John David... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Sherry, I hope that the season changing finds you well. I know that sometimes the seasonal change can make us go inward some, quiet. I wish you peace. Becky, good to see your post this eve too. I am glad that you have the tech to do voice to write so that we can hear how you are doing. How is your Daughter these days? I am sorry that your hands/arms are still unable to do the writing for you...are you in constant pain? Have the the ducks that nested in your yard again this year? Kate, so good to see you tonight. How long have you been going to yoga? I know what you mean about finding those things in life that really have strength of meaning and working from there because we all found out that life is short, and we need to live it well. Laurie, I hope that your Folks are doing well, they must be glad for your assistance and company. I hope that you can get to your Young Son's gravesite tomorrow, sometimes it just feels good to have time to be with our Babies. It is very windy and raining here however so you may also be getting drenched tomorrow as we are supposed to. Be well. Thanks for the poem that Shanon posted a while ago. Susan, so very true, no matter how many kids a person has, the one who left early can't be replaced, not his/her space nor her/his energy or place at the table. The good news is that we will always be their parent adn they will forever be our Child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Susan, I too have read that big decisions should be put off during the first year or two following the loss of a child....this past summer I had decided that I was going to file for divorce which I did but after giving it much thought & prayer, I decided that perhaps I was being hasty.....this November will be our 38th anniversary & though my husband can be difficult to live with at times (he needs so much attention- sometimes it's like dealing with a spoiled child), I think I need to give us some time....you are right about our instincts & our souls knowing the path we should take......going home is the right thing for me....I only have 3 more weeks before I can go home, I'm so very happy!All this talk of yoga got me to try it again, some moves are difficult for me d/t prior shoulder/knee injuries but I modify.....I have always struggled with exercise that requires such patience though I know how good it is.....I have always preferred running or spinning- more spinning has been the thing for me....I love feeling wiped out after a session.....but this week I decided to incorporate some yoga into my spinning session (I have a spinner at home) ...after 30 minutes of spinning I spent 15 minutes doing yoga moves & then I returned to spinning- repeated this twice .....it was great ...finally figured out how to get the stretching my body needs....I always feel so much better after exercise...it's been a lifelong habit which went by the wayside for a while after I lost Michael....but I've resumed that healthy habit...Talk more later...need to go to work & then continue packing....Peace & love to allFrancesca Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Francesca, It is good to hear such positive uptones from you. Going home to Wisconsin has helped you for sure. It is a good thing to be around places and people that can give you comfort, support and joy. Having just left my daughter and her family in Wyoming I feel an emptiness within, knowing it will no longer be a 2.5 hr drive to see them. I already hate it. Laurie, I remember seeing that poem on here before and it really says alot. I keep a copy in my night stand for those kinds of moments. Hope you got to spend some time visiting the place of your baby. I have never gone back to the grave of my father and I do not even know what my brother did with my mother but I have Michael's ashes in his urn in a special chest and sometimes just need those moments to "talk" with him. Susan, you are so right-- I could never replace the love I have for Michael. Eileen, If you are reading, I know you are feeling the loud hammering of that clock, just like me. It brings the sadness until I feel it is choking me. I know that somehow, someway we will get through these next days. 11 months today.... PLEASE KEEP THIS A SAFE PLACE TO SHARE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Becky....we are always happy to get an update from you....and we know that many just don't have any words to share some days....but do need to hear from parents that are walking in their shoes....some sharing can bring a new layer of healing....or maybe another way of dealing with their grief.... Francesca.....oh yes....exercise is the best way to let the body shed some of the anxiety and stress....for the first two years I was just so exhausted from the grief....I could barely lift a kleenex....but the 3rd year....because of the insomnia..I bought a treadmill....the parks had a memory under every tree and in every corner....my insomnia comes and goes now....we all are so unique and each of us needs to listen to our intuition for what is best for us. Dianne....we feel your heartache in your posts.....with the distance you will face with your daughter living so far away. Family gets another description when we have lost a child....we find we need to keep our long time traditions...but also...find new ones that will adapt to the empty chair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Eileen, Becky, Dianne-----It's good to see your posts. I'm sorry thatyou are in such a dark place. However, by posting here, you areshowing that you have the courage to take one step at a time, as wefind we must do on this rough and treacherous journey.We may not always want to take the next step, but somehow we do.The sorrow and stress can pull you down, but you keepgetting back up to honor your dear children who left this world too soon.Wishing you peace and comfort. Francesca-----I, so, know the feelings you are having when preparingfor the move back to Wisconsin. You said you feel as though you areleaving your dear son behind. I, too, felt that I was leaving Davidbehind in the old house where he lived with us, when he died. Afterthe move was complete, I found that David was right there with us.He was in our hearts. Your dear Mike is with you for sure, and willalways be with you......he's in your heart. Kate----Good to see your post. Has the cold weather set in onyour area yet? We have most of our leaves down, since it hasbeen windy and rainy......a bit gloomy, but I don't mind. Dee-----Thanks for posting the poem Shannon gave us....."Ugly Shoes".Very true words. I imagine that your weather is something like ours.We can't walk back to the woods, but can look out the kitchen windowacross the cornfield to the woods,.....now that the corn has beenharvested. Did you get any time to take your wonderful bike ridesthrough the parks this fall? I usually get a bit 'low-key' at this timeof year....I guess everyone does. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 28, 2015 Thanks Dee for the thoughts. It was very rainy here and damp. Where I live all the leaves have already dropped. We started up the woodstove the other day and it was full of a mouse nest and did it stink...my daughter also had a mouse "visitor" and was not very happy. But I think the baby ones are cute . Sherry...sent a prayer on your behalf today as I know the change of the seasons is upon us. The last of our outside food markets closed down for the fall...I will miss the local fresh produce. However, I went to Sendiks, a very upscale supermarket in the Milwaukee area, and I love their produce dept. I bought some parsnips to try as I never had any before. Dianne..holding your hand in this very sad time. This place was so very helpful to me especially the beginning months. Becky, I am so sorry you are struggling with these health issues. (((Hugs))). Georgina...thinking of you today.... Francesca, prayers that your move goes smoothly and quickly. Thinking of all Indigoes tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 It was a short time after my John David left this earth home....I realized....it was true....your heart CAN BREAK.....I could actually feel as if my heart was breaking...I had always heard of people dying with a broken heart....but....never thought it could be real..... grief can impact us in this way....please....self care.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 I thought these were some beautiful sunset pics I took the other day; Wishing everyone a restful night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Diane , thinking of you today on this 11 month marker....we both lost our precious Michaels in Indiana only 2 months apart....I still mark every Saturday ...the day of the week I lost him....wishing you peace & comfort today....Sherry, I do know that I will feel Michael in our home back in Wisconsin , it's where I raised him....it's just so odd to feel as if I leave a part of him behind....Susan you made a comment about it doesn't matter how old your child is or even if the child lived only 2 hours..the pain & loss is still there.. My mother lost a pair of twin boys when she was 7 months pregnant back in December of 1975....it was a dark time in my home , my mother locked herself away in her bedroom for months on end....I remember trying to make her happy by baking a three tier anniversary cake for her & my dad , that was in late April...i remember feeling so hurt when it didn't make her happy & I had worked so hard to make it beautiful ....she had 5 other children,I'm the oldest...we all missed her....We never went to a funeral for the babies ....my dad went alone....we never were allowed to talk about them...I never visited until this year...I decided to burry Michael at the same cemetery....I felt he would be with his uncles.....my mother still grieves for her boys....40 years later....she said that she has kept a night light on for them all these years....I visit them often now.....I suggested to my mom that we should have a memorial for the babies this year...gather the family......she was very happy I suggested it ...so this year after we visit Michael on his birthday in December ..we will visit the babies and honor them.....mom did eventually have another child.....so now we are 6....Becky, my heart goes out to you, you've been fighting for your boy for the last 4 years....it takes such strength .... My fight has gone no where....not enough evidence but I know in my heart what she did to my boy....Diane you echoed my thoughts ....I too hope this continues to be a safe place to share....Peace & love to all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Francesca..what a testament you gave for your Mom and Dad....amazing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Hi I have been catching up with all your posts. I haven't been well a gain another ' lump' which might need surgery to drain it I'm on really strong antibiotics which make me feel unwell. Just don't get why I keep getting these. Laurie I too went to my baby boys 'Peter' grave yesterday I felt so sad as I wanted James and him to be together then I had a moment and realised they are. I am really struggling with my faith still. Two Sons gone. I did the great South Run in memory of James raising money for Roadpeace. I did the 5k with my youngest daughter it was amazing all the crowds cheering us on I felt so emotional but good. My older daughter her husband and all his amazing friends did the 16 K the next day I don't know how I struggles with 5 K one of his friends arrange food and drinks afterwards and said some words. He had pictures up in frames with words about James just so special truly lovely young people. I can't remember if I said that Kevin and I were awarded a Bursary fir a Compassionate Friends retreat. It's called "Together in Grief - From Despair to Hope" I thought I was going to miss it being unwell all week but I'm feeling a little better today so we're going tomorrow all being well. I'll let you know how it goes were back on Sunday. Diana you child's angel date is two days after James's birthday. I'm prayer for you this mont, it's tough, but I can't believe we've made it this far and that gives me hope. Sending Peace and Love to all Dee Susan Sherry Kate Diane Francesca and to all I haven't namedGod Bless Georgina xxxx"Don't sweat the small stuff " was a phrase James used to say to all of us. Together in Grief - From Despair to Hope Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Laurie-Beautiful pictures. They inspired a small touch of hope in me.I do believe in the hereafter and it is all I have to hold on to. Georgina- hope you feel better and congratulations on your participation on the South Run. I am sure James was cheering you and all his friends on. You are right-- I cannot believe we made it this far. Francesca- thanks for the kind words. I was thinking last night that I have 30 more days of remembering last year with Michael alive. I know that is weird as my memories will always be there but I guess it is just the remembering of his last month on this earth. Leaving my daughter in Wyoming this week was so hard. Even though their household is in such turmoil --physically they are all moved in but emotionally the stress factor is off the charts. Even my little granddaughter keeps asking to "go home" and she is not even 2 1/2 . They are just so far away. I just hope my son in law does well and he can secure a spot where it is warmer and the elevation is NOT 8000 feet! The only store in Laramie besides some cattle/farm stuff is a Walmart, Staples and Ace Hardware. Real shopping is 60 miles away in Cheyenne. Guess we will all get through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 I am thinking of everyone today and wishing you all a truly peaceful day. This tie of the year with the change in seasons I often find our systems begin to weaken. That is why it is so important to self care as we all know. I have had the flu shot now for some years and have found that it really helps. Even is I suffer slightly from a small reaction after it sure beats getting it full on. Dee...I started into yoga before Jeff died. A friend dropped by one day and asked if I would consider going with her. The class was geared to dare I say...people of "our age". Which made it ideal for me. I have not been able to go regularly due to health issues but have found that when I do go I always feel amazingly good after. The frist thing I noticed when I first went was how active my brain was. I could not push the activities for the day aside and focus on just "being". My breathing was also something I had to work on. But I can honestly say that once I was able to push the clutter of my everyday life aside for an hour that I felt wonderful. I have used the breathing technique on many occasions when stressors rise. It really helps! The weather is dismal lately. That usual dull grey sky that we often see at this time of the year. The leaves are now down and the birds have departed for sunnier climes. We often have a slight dusting of snow for Halloween. The young kids mostly have their parties indoor at the schools for parents and family. They parade through the gym to show off their costumes. It makes for a safe and warm environment. To those who are feeling ill right now. Take care of yourself! Georgina...beautiful tribute to James!Thanks to all for sharing photos, etc. Must get moving. I am taking an elderly woman out today who is turning 80. She is down in the dumps and feeling a tad blue. So we are going to get out and shake things up a bit. Love to All. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 I am thinking of everyone today and wishing you all a truly peaceful day. This time of the year with the change in seasons I often find our systems begin to weaken. That is why it is so important to self care as we all know. I have had the flu shot now for some years and have found that it really helps. Even is I suffer slightly from a small reaction after it sure beats getting it full on. Dee...I started into yoga before Jeff died. A friend dropped by one day and asked if I would consider going with her. The class was geared to dare I say...people of "our age". Which made it ideal for me. I have not been able to go regularly due to health issues but have found that when I do go I always feel amazingly good after. The first thing I noticed when I first went was how active my brain was. I could not push the activities for the day aside and focus on just "being". My breathing was also something I had to work on. But I can honestly say that once I was able to push the clutter of my everyday life aside for an hour that I felt wonderful. I have used the breathing technique on many occasions when stressors rise. It really helps! The weather is dismal lately. That usual dull grey sky that we often see at this time of the year. The leaves are now down and the birds have departed for sunnier climes. We often have a slight dusting of snow for Halloween. The young kids mostly have their parties indoor at the schools for parents and family. They parade through the gym to show off their costumes. It makes for a safe and warm environment. To those who are feeling ill right now. Take care of yourself! Thanks to all for sharing photos, etc. Must get moving. I am taking an elderly woman out today who is turning 80. She is down in the dumps and feeling a tad blue. So we are going to get out and shake things up a bit. Love to All. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Francesca, that is so beautiful of you to plan on a small memorial for your twin brothers lost before birth... it will touch your mom's heart...my mom had an infant boy that died as well. It was after my older sister Julie passed in 2002 when I got my sister's marker that I also ordered for my infant brother, Reggie. They are bronze markers inlaid flat in the ground. I know it really was something that touched my own mom. What is odd (another synchronicity) is that I found out then my sister and my infant brother shared the same date of passing....just different years. I didn't tell my mom that though..just left it off the infant's marker. Georgina....struggles with faith are common during great loss. This kind of loss hits us at a soul level...we evaluate at our core what we truly believe, what once I held as truth..shattered beyond belief....there are some fragments I retain...one thing that draws me greatly is a Labyrinth prayer walk...it was created in the medieval times when people could no longer go to the Holy Lands...sending gentleness for you today....Thank you for sharing the pictures. Dianne, in the first year, it was a rehearsal every day of what I had did at that time when Jesse was here in the physical...I especially held on to late May early June as it was the last family vacation we had together. There is something about stepping over that date where there are no more "last year we did such and such a thing". As Susan, says, there are no road maps in this kind of grief. Kate, sending you warm wishes as you take this friend out on her birthday...your caring friendship I'm sure is a treasure to her. All for now...keep warm as the weather is cooling off rapidly.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Laurie thank you. What is the "labyrinth prayer walk..." I have never heard of it. You put it exactly as I feel it " What I once held as truth....Shattered beyond belief " I too hold on to something's I just don't get nor ever will why he takes the good and leaves the bad...Thank you Kate how kind of you to take the 80 year old out. Yoga sounds like it's helping you I wish I could do it. Dianne it's like I look at the Angelversary's of our spirt guilds and I have a little bit of hope. Laurie the sunset pictures are stunning thank you for sharing them. Night God Bless Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Georgina, here is the one from the cathedral in France, I just think it would be restful. For me, I have found that I moved away from dogma to a inner spiritual path. My mom, sister and I often go to Holy Hill which is a basilica that welcomes the public. They have a prayer chapel to light candles in and quietly meditate. This is just where I am at. Our family after Jesse passed had several other family members that passed right in a row. It was hard on my mom. A quiet, reflective sacred place was what we needed, this will vary of course to the individual. Perhaps the Labyrinth illustrates to me the path I am now taking...only my personal path looks a lot more erratic than this. I like the new picture you posted of your son...nice smile. I found this which describes its purpose: The labyrinth is a spiritual tool serving as a walk-centering activity for the human heart, mind and soul. (Plan at least 20-30 minutes or more as desired).Begin to prepare yourself as you walk toward the Labyrinth, walk in calm silence, focus on your intention for walking and praying the Labyrinth.A labyrinth has a single, purposeful path that winds from the edge into the center. The same path leads back out to the edge again. Thus, it resembles the indirect path of our lives, which leads us sometimes into the center of the human condition, sometimes into the heart and mind of God, sometimes into the very core of illness or pain, sometimes into the focal point of enlightenment or understanding.Unlike a maze, a labyrinth is not a puzzle; it is a path to be walked. The way in is the way out.Pause at the threshold of the Labyrinth,Allow about one minute between people as you enter the labyrinth.Let go of the details of your life as you step into the path of the labyrinth and move toward the center.Become aware of opening your heart and quieting your mind, the time to get ready to listen for God.Let your body assume the pace it wants. As you walk, breathe naturally; become aware of your breathingThose going in will meet those coming out. You may “pass” people going in or going out, or let them step around you in prayerful silence. Become aware of the path itself, because it is your path, a mirror for where you are in life.Some people do not really get a feel for the labyrinth experience until they have walked it at least three times.The center is a place and a time for illumination, meditation and prayer. Stay in the center as long you like. Visit each petal of the rose in the center. Allow yourself to receive guidance, insights.The process of retracing one’s steps to exit the labyrinth provides an opportunity to integrate your insights into your daily life.Prayers and mantras may be helpful before, during or following your walk. (Retrieved from http://holyspiritcatholic.org/labyrinth/) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Laurie thank you I really want to try this. I will look for one over here. I will let you know when I find one. God Bless Laurie. By the way one of my favourite pictures of James he smiles in all his Pictures I don't have one single photo where he isn't. Miss him so much x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 29, 2015 Hi Laurie found one I enclosed a picture thank you. Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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