Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Dee, for sharing your poetry...I love 'we scratch our stories into rocks'....

analogy for how hard ...to claw our way ...how hard it is to tell the story...for we know how this one ends...

[daveydow1]

Dee----thanks for the lovely poems, and the pic of the ray of light.  I

remember when you posted it before, and found it to be inspiring

and amazing.

 

Georgina-----You describe the way you are feeling on this very 

rough and painful first year on this unwanted road. I know you

miss dear James more than any words could ever describe. 

Most times...there are no words to describe this rough journey.

Thinking about you, and wishing you peace.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[daveydow1]

Our garden with sunflowers.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Sherry for your words of kindness. Im feeling everything at the moment the loss of both my Son's. Just trying my hardest to keep going. The Sunflowers are Beautiful what a pretty garden you have xx

Dee the poems are great thank you for sharing. Did you write them? Such powerful words.

God Bless Georgina xx

[ericasmom]

Thanks all, wow, back with the kids and it is in the 90's and my room is about 6 degrees warmer than it is outdoors! Holy cow. The kids are great, but oh I sure wish we could enjoy some cooler temps. Oh well, won't last too long, but all of this week for sure.

I did write the poetry Georgina, I write a lot of poetry and some pieces of stories. I will post more when I have a bit of time. I have many poems from the last 12 years. You hang on there, nobody finds the road easy or smooth, especially the first year. It will one day be smoother, but that takes time and you will need to forgive the steps backwards, we all take them. We can't help it but we do find we fall backward less as you go forward. Be as patient with yourself as you would advise us to be with ourselves. Remember, James loves you very much and he would insist on your being good to you.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dee. I'm trying to take care but I'm just feeling everything so intense it's like the accident is about to happen any moment it's so horrible I miss him just so much I'm feeling I can't do this any more most of the time.

I would love to see more of your Poetry you have a great gift and way with words. Thank you

Hugs and a peaceful day to you all Georgina xx

[Maggie4]

Hi everyone,

  Dee I loved your poem.

          I'm new to this site, not sure if I'm even doing it right. I lost my daughter Michelle May 28, 2015 due to Multiple Myeloma, never heard of the disease till she was diagnosed in Aug, 2014. As you can see she didn't last to long. It's a cancer of the blood plasma which interferes with the making of bone marrow to keep your bones strong. She was 47 yrs. old, missed her birthday by 5 days. I'm a complete basket case. She was my only child. It totally sucks that we have to be members of such a site.  I'm so sorry for all of your loses as well.

  I don't know where to turn to for all the crying and feelings of sadness I feel. I would like to go to sleep and join my daughter if I could. I have lost most members of my family, my husband when I was 24, two brothers one to suicide, both parents. To say I'm feeling lost and alone is an understatement. I'm hanging on to hope that this will somehow help me in my search for relief from this endless grief I feel. I miss her so much. Will I ever be happy again? I feel so empty and hopeless.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Maggie, I'm Kate. I'm sorry that you found yourself in a position to have to find this place. We understand your sense of loss and emptiness. The good thing about this site is that you only have to do whatever you are comfortable with. Join in  by posting when you feel up to it...and just read when you feel that you are having a difficult day. We are all in different stages of our grief...but we have all walked in your shoes. Those first couple of years are the most difficult as you try to adjust to your loss. We share stories, and our everyday life. Pictures, poetry, etc. The one thing that you can be assured of is that you are definitely not alone and do not have to carry this pain on your own. Please try to take good care of yourself as many will tell you. I know that the desire is not there at this time. It is essential that you stay healthy and strong yourself to find the resources to cope. And you will...when this shock begins to wear off. Sending a huge "HUG" to you. Kate 

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee...as always...a huge thank you for sharing your writing with us.

 

Sherry, thank you for the photo of your cheery sunflowers.

 

Georgina, know that we are thinking of you and wishing you some degree of peace over this very tense time. Hang in there.

 

Laurie, thank you for sharing so many informative stories and information.

 

It is very hot here today. The sun is shining brightly and the lake is quite calm. The leaves are turning quickly and we are preparing for a Harvest Festival this weekend. Where did the summer go?

 

Wishing you all a decent evening. Love, Kate

 

[Maggie4]

Hi Maggie, I'm Kate. I'm sorry that you found yourself in a position to have to find this place. We understand your sense of loss and emptiness. The good thing about this site is that you only have to do whatever you are comfortable with. Join in  by posting when you feel up to it...and just read when you feel that you are having a difficult day. We are all in different stages of our grief...but we have all walked in your shoes. Those first couple of years are the most difficult as you try to adjust to your loss. We share stories, and our everyday life. Pictures, poetry, etc. The one thing that you can be assured of is that you are definitely not alone and do not have to carry this pain on your own. Please try to take good care of yourself as many will tell you. I know that the desire is not there at this time. It is essential that you stay healthy and strong yourself to find the resources to cope. And you will...when this shock begins to wear off. Sending a huge "HUG" to you. Kate 

Thank you Kate for your kind words. When I read your words (first couple of years are the most difficult), it just sounds so overwhelming. It's all I can do to get through one day, sometimes one minute,   let alone a couple of years. Thank you Kate for responding I need all the help I can get. Hugs back to you and so sorry for your loss too.

[ericasmom]

Maggie, we all know that even saying see you tomorrow can feel like time that we no longer understand. For me, finding how to judge time, how to understand the basics of time completely changed. Erica was 19 when she died 12 years ago, from then on, it felt like time became an abstract entity. Now of course it gets to a more 'normal' state again, just takes a lot of TIME.

Time feels like an enemy in many ways, not enough of it when our Kids were here with us, and too much of it on those long lonely days once they are gone. All we can say to you is that we know, we get it, stay with us and we can hold your hand and listen to your stories, you can let us know however much you would like about your precious Child.

I am so sorry for your deep loss, it is something we learn to integrate into our lives, knitted in to our souls, the hole never fills but instead holds all of our love and memories. One day you will smile again, and a real genuine laugh will come from you, one day you will hear the birds singing and it will make you happy but all of this takes time and patience with yourself. Try if you can to take the advice that you would give a friend in a similar situation. You must drink plenty of fluids and sleep when you can, eat some protein at each meal, and remember that one day, you will be iwth your Girl again, when it is time. I do believe that when that happens for us all, we will find the answers we just can't have at this time.
Peace,

dee

[daveydow1]

Maggie------I am sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Michelle, so recently.

You have found a good and active site here at BI (formerly called Beyond Indigo).

I understand all the sorrow and pain that you are going through.  You have had

such a heavy load of loss in your life...that it must seem too much to bear.  I hope

that you will come back to BI often, and read/post whenever you feel you want to.

We have no rules about how often someone posts or reads.  Sometimes we've

all felt the need....somewhere along the line of grief....to just step back and take

a break from the site, and that's ok too.  Anyone who steps away for awhile is

welcomed when they come back.  It's all at the grieving person's preference.  We like to

learn about everyone's dearly beloved child who left this world too soon.  I've

been on this site....along with my BI friend, Dee.....for 12 years, and many other

dear BI friends all along the way. Dee and I lost our dear children within a month of each

other in 2003.  We're all at different points along the way on this grief journey on this site,

and we welcome you here.  It's a place to find friendship and understanding, and where

you will find that you're not walking this rough road alone.

Sending thoughts your way.

 

Dee----Oh, I do remember your classroom being so very hot in the early days

of the school year in the past.  I hope that it cools down a bit soon.  Your

poetry is like a song that inspires.....such lovely and meaningful words.  You

always have sweet ERi  to inspire you.  Hot here, too.  Spending a lot of very

aggravating time wrangling with the company who recently put in new windows

for us.......ARGggghhh.   They have our money......we have windows with defects.

They are to come tomorrow and fix them.  HMmmmmm   we'll see.    Hate this!

Becky is doing student teaching this semester at an elem. school.  Has such a

heavy  load......6 courses.  Good thing she's young and has an abundance of

energy......(more like a bundle of determination to get her degree in spring 2016)  

 

Kate-----Hope you and your husband are getting in some lovely walks.  It's such

a nice time of year,  and lots of natural changes taking place.  Our  cat  "Mousy"

caught a mole the other day, and laid it on the back step to  "show" us.  Yikes!

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[daveydow1]

Our side yard, and cornfield.

[ericasmom]

Sherry, I do hope that Becky can get it all done and receive her degree as she is hoping, goodness knows she is juggling plenty. I hope she loves her student teaching situation. I learned so much from the time I spent student teaching.

Thank you for the nice words about my poetry, it is just a way to release the sadness and joy...and I guess those are the two biggest reasons to write for me.

YES, super hot in my classroom, it is miserable but the kids are great. I am getting another child tomorrow, making 23. I will be a super busy teacher. One student in my room is from Mawali Africa. She speaks English but slowly and she comprehends English but I need to slow down my speech very much for her to process it. I have a boy with hearing aids and I wear a transistor all day so that he can pick up on all of what I say. He is a doll and very pro-active in taking care of the equipment each day. I just look forward to the temperatures dropping off to the 60's one day soon I hope, the 90's are way too much.

sherry, I sure hope your window people treat you well and fix the issues.

 

Kate, good to see you. Our trees are changing some too. Very early for us. The autumn sedum is turning pink in many yards already. Goodness.

 

Susan, yes, we scratch out our stories into the rocks around us, proving to others that our Child lived, that he/she has a story. Now it is ours to tell.

 

Georgina, remember to breathe, deeply and purposefully. This can calm a racing heart. As you approach the one year anniversary, know that we are standing, kneeling, crying with you, knowing just how this kind of pain wraps itself all around you. Yes, it is like re-imagining your trauma all over again. You have experienced the worst thing Georgina, now you have to deal with the markers of time, which is very hard but Honey, you are doing it, you are facing it all.

[ericasmom]

Damages

 

Damages take their toll-

It isn't just time needed to help these

rips and tears and holes mend-

 

there lies a need for desire-

for hope-

for openness to the intangible-

 

for willingness or is it acceptance

to go blindly forward when who you love is no longer present.

 

And while time and acceptance are two separate forces-

they must work in tangent now.

 

 

Homeless

 

A relentless stream, torrent really

of tears

salt and sting-

sounds finding their way up from deep soul,

like animals wildly searching for a place to be

but unable to rest,

crazy with grief.

 

Home is missing

you are not here

and so my home is missing.

And I circle and cross my own path

all traces of what was-

are gone.

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....the photo seems to convey 'peace'.....

 

Dee....love...love the words that come out of your broken heart...when grief goes deep....we seem to need to have a way of expressing it...to get it out...

 

it is hot here...but every school in Texas is air conditioned...but when I went to school...ours was not...I do know my Grama had a small round fan....on the floor...it would help......my parents were the first to get window air conditioners in our small town...my Grama was the second...it was horrible to have the house all closed up......but I can understand how the little ones and you....can use some cooler temps....good luck on your new school year...and your new students...

[Mermaid Tears]

Maggie....I am so sorry for your loss....your girl....recently...we lost a very dear friend to the same kind of cancer. I don't think there is a family on the face of this earth that hasn't been touched by the kiss of death of cancer. I lost my SONshine boy, John David, in 2012....he was 42.....it doesn't matter how old our child is....they are still...our child. I am in my 3rd year and I can say for myself...this site has been my touchstone...many have been on this site for years...I call them our 'spirit guides'....they are a little farther up on the grief journey....but they wave to us....and tell us...that we, too, can survive this kind of grief. This kind of grief is so heavy, dark and exhausting. I have learned that the only ones that truly understand are ones that have lost a child. I do not have a circle of parents around me that have lost a child...that is why this site has been such a circle of caring, considerate and knowing people that reach out to help each other.

   None on this site are professional counselors....just parents that 'get what we are going through'...and know the heartbreak...heartsick....despair that goes with the loss of a child.

   I can truthfully say this is the hardest journey I have ever walked....the friends and parents on this site...has given me a foothold so I can at least....go forward...4 steps....go back...5 steps....and keep me in place....til I can balance myself.

      We are here to hear you. Please....we tell parents to 'self care'....this kind of grief can impact you mentally and physically...be very gentle and kind to yourself...do anything to bring you comfort...try to walk outside some each day...I find that Mother Nature is still the supreme healer.

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....there just isn't anything easy about this grief journey....I wish I had a magic word that could lift some of the heavy sadness....all of us have had to face that 1st Angelversary...and not one....will tell you it was easy...hard core mourning...all we can do is let you know you are not alone....we walk in your shoes...we understand...and we are here to hear you.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dee and Kate for your encouraging words.

Maggie I can honestly say that you have found a life saver in finding this site. Everyone is so kind and compassionate and give of themselves to help and support us. I have felt so desolate and overwhelmed and have needed the support given here to help me through the darkest times on this journey. I'm sorry for your loss of your daughter I will keep you in my prayers

Dee the poems are really good You should put them into a book and get them published they would really help so many people.

Susan thank you for the words. Thank you all for caring and sharing this time with me. It means such a lot to me and really helps.

God Bless Georgina xx

[TearsInHeaven]

This has been the first week for me since my contract ended.  Work was always so helpful to me during this last 9 months and concerned about finding that next contract.

.

I have read Georgina's pain and Dee's beautiful words.---and Sherry and Susan and Laurie who always  find something positive. and Wade who has hopefully returned safe and sound; and Francesca and Eileen and others who have crossed our paths--- and new Maggie who is on this awful path with us. I have been trying to keep really busy and today while I was tearing my laundry room apart for a thorough cleaning  an old song came on the radio.  It made me think of all of you and of this site and how much it has helped by being there for me.  I thought I would share.

 

Lean on Me

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have faith you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won't let show

You just call on me brother (sister), when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

You just call on me brother (sister), when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load

 

Wish I was talented enough to have created these moving words but someone else was. 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Dianne, I have always loved this song, since I was a young one, probably 15 when it was on the radio...Lean on me, when you're not strong...such profound words. I do remember being in the parking lot of TARGET the first time I heard it after Erica died, and I sat there and wept.

[daveydow1]

Dianne----I, too, remember that song..."Lean on Me".  It has such great

words.  Thanks for posting.

 

Georgina------Hang on, friend.  I don't need to tell you that you are walking

the most dreadful and sorrowful road any parent could ever walk.  And,

this is especially true in the very early times of the first couple years or so.

We think that we can't possibly make it...and go on,  but somehow......a

little baby step at a time, we do.  Of course, it is not an easy walk to do...

we all know that.  Your heart is broken....I know.....I'm so sorry for your

pain.  Keep coming back to BI  where there is understanding that is often so

difficult to find anywhere else.  Sending prayers.

 

Susan----Thanks for the great screen shots.  Yep....we end up being strong

because this is the only choice we have'.   How true.

 

Dee-----thanks for the poems.  And....so true....."traces of what was are now gone".

Our beloved children are gone. But.....the big thing now, is that they are REMEMBERED.

Always  Remembered.  Our memories.... are ours forever.  No one can take them away.

You are such a good teacher. The special students....the little girl, and little boy

will, no doubt,  thrive under your loving guidance.  I'm sure their parents are so glad

that their dear ones have found a good and understanding teacher who will go the

extra 'mile' for them. Davey had mostly all good teachers, as I can recall....except for

one particular teacher.  Very disinterested.....just a lousy teacher...... Wouldn't talk go me.

about Davey.  The company sent out an excellent and experienced repairman who took

out all the window and fixed  whatever was wrong, so now they all work as they should

(wouldn't lock before.....  ....... who wants windows that wont lock?)      

Escpecially with all the burglaries.  Becky likes the teacher she is working with now,

and may continue the experience in the spring semester....unless assigned by Kent State

to another school.

 

Thinking of all Indigos....and wishing  peace & comfort.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

 

[ericasmom]

Sherry, most of the poems I have recently posted here were written quite early on my grief road, but due to so many being new here, Laurie asked that I put some up for our Newbies to find some solace in those who understand. You and I have marched a long while, and I am happy to be walking this Earth to stand in Erica's light. I think that Davey and Erica and all of our Angels are proud of us, they are rooting for us to go out and do our best to live strong. As we know, it is the hardest thing to do in the world, to find our lives within the ashes of our loss.

I am happy to read that your windows have been replaced...goodness windows need to lock.

Thanks for the update on Becky's student teaching, I am so glad to hear she likes her supervising teacher. That makes a big difference in the experience. If she ever needs ideas...she is welcome to give me an email.

How is Mom?

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Hi everyone! Oh, how I've missed you all and this place. It's been a while since my last post and it's been hard to keep up with reading... no way I'm catching up now. That's one thing I've loved about this place. It's so active with everyone reaching out to each other. I see some new faces. I'm glad you're here and have found these wonderful souls to share this journey with. They are all truly Earth Angels. 

 

The Boys and I are doing well. It's been so busy getting my little farm going. With fall coming I'm trying to get as much done as I can before winter. I have to keep reminding myself that there is always next season. Spring will come again after Winter. The cycle of life. 

 

I have my chickens and now quail and of course my goats. I've become a little bit of a rescue farm too. Friends who know of animals that need a home call me. I've taken on some kittens, two bunnies, and will be recieving an old wether goat who's owner says he too sweet to send to slaughter. We also just adopted a Shepherd mix named Sweetie. She had been at the shelter for over three months after having to be removed from the home she was in for neglect. She is the sweetest thing. I'm working with her to get her used to the chickens. Hopefully she'll be a good protector as I've been told we have a bobcat here in the holler. (I still love saying that I live in the holler... ) 

 

I hit a low spot for a few weeks... a grief attack, I guess after being so busy and occupied so long it just hit. I remember someone here comparing grief to a heavy backpack that we have to learn to carry. There are some loads in life that we can choose to put down, to stop carrying around with us... although it might be hard. This grief is not one of those. I believe it's a forever thing. The load never gets lighter. We just learn to carry it better. But sometimes I still have to sit down under it's weight... open it up and sift through the contents of my grief... and let myself fully feel each piece before shouldering my load and moving forward again. When this happens I have to be gentle with myself and remember and sometimes remind others that this is not moving backwards. This grief is always going to be with me. 

I miss Tris so much. I am realizing more and more how much she was always not only my Daughter but my best friend. I have my Boys and am so very grateful for both of them but as we all know... having our other children doesn't change the hole in our hearts and lives left by the one who is absent. I can't help but think of what she would be doing now. What would she think of what I'm doing? The only thing that really helps is to remind myself that she does know and imagine her right beside me. 

 

I can really feel lonely here, not knowing many people yet, but then I remember I felt lonely where I was before. This aloneness is just something I will feel when I know no one around me can understand this grief and loss. This is the only place I feel less 'alone' in my grief. 

 

Thinking of everyone here today and so thankful for this place and all of you. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon...I thought of you the other day...there was an article in our newspaper about goats being stolen from this lady...now....who wants goats ?

      Has Zak started his new school....is Aiden in Kindergarten...? All of us on this site do want to hear from you...I feel as if we are all family now...or as Dee and Sherry describe it....we are all sitting around a table and talking....

      We know you have been so very busy getting your new nest in order...and what a wonderful job you have done to swoop those boys up....and re-plant them in a place with fertile ground so they can spread their wings and grow...

   you have used courage in the right way....to fight your way to a better place.

 

But no matter how strong we are....this kind of grief does have a very heavy physical and mental baggage that attaches itself to us....which we do learn to carry....but there are times we simply have to stop...and rest...the landscape of our lives is ever changing....so we have to adjust ourselves and carry the grief another way....and so it goes.

 

I know I have been 'surviving'....and I wonder when I will start 'thriving'.....I so miss the 'old me'....but that was then..and this is now....

 

I got an ear infection....how did that happen? I haven't had an ear infection since I was in my 20's....anyway....so I have had to spend some time 'on the couch'....where I am now....down time means 'think time'.....and I try to keep myself busy, busy, busy.....and I started thinking that this is September.....another Dove season without him getting his guns ready....football season was John David's favorite ....then....I have Thanksgiving...and another....Christmas.....when I look at it from this direction....it seems impossible for me to face...

   But we have no choice....but to pray for Grace...and take each day one day at a time...look around and count and give gratitude for our blessings....

 

 I think it is healthy and normal to have those days where we give in to our grief...just bend into them...they are as essential for our mental health as it is to have those happy joy filled days...I think when we do that we honor ourselves as simply being human...we give ourselves a #1 status....that we name our grief...we own our grief....we mourn and miss our child...you can't get more authentic than that truth.

[Mermaid Tears]

https://youtu.be/fLFQ3FqDjyc

[Mermaid Tears]

I posted a song....I can't remember 'how' to do it the right way.....

 

anyway....this song touched me....the words...'I'm so tired....so tired of crying'.....I could relate in such a strong way...

 

grief is exhausting....

[shorty16]

Shannon,

Thank you so much for posting and telling us about your farm in the holler!

Goats, chickens, quail, a dog and 2 boys....what a great place for kids to grow up.

I love your description of the grief process not going backwards, just being acknowledged.

My personal view is grief will not be denied. I have had to make grief my friend and give it its time..or grief takes it.

Being strong and moving forward in our life, when a piece of our heart is in the past...tough thing to do ALL the time. That is why, I too, make time for myself, cry, think, cry, and then get up and move forward.

I think of you often. You have come along way...you should be proud...I am sure Trista is.

Love you

Colleen, Brian's mom forever

[daveydow1]

Susan-----thanks for the song.  Haunting words, indeed.....and true.

 

Dee------Yes---grief , especially in the early times can make

the words just come out somehow.  I have a bunch of poems that I

had collected from books etc. after Lisa died, and again after Davey.

It is so pleasant to think of ERi and Dave, and all our angels being

friends in heaven.  Beautiful people being happy.  The farms around

here are all cutting their corn early for the silos, rather than combining

it for grain. This is due to the heavy rains in June,....(stunting the root

developement), and then drought since then...also damaging root

systems. Stalks are turning brown earlier, so need to be harvested.

The cows will have plenty to eat this winter with the silage.

Hay production is behind...also due to drought.  Thanks for the words

of encouragement for Becky.....alas...she's a good student, but always

scurrying about for this project, and that assignment.  She comes to

our place for a meal on Wed. and Thursday.  I try to make things she

likes.  (she can be a picky little thing, sometimes  ) .

 

Shannon----Good to see your post, and that all is going ok.  Sorry you

had some dark times recently, but glad you are doing alright now.  Having

animals, chores, and especially little boys keeps you on your toes, I'm sure.

Peace to you.

 

WISHING  PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom.....Sherry  

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Dee for being willing to share the poetry that was written in raw grief. I think anyone newer to this will be able to identify.

 

Shannon, good to see your post and the update about the farm. Post some pics when you can.

 

Susan, thanks for all the encouragement you give to all...

 

Colleen, I think what you wrote is true, that grief will not be denied. It ebbs and flows to its own will.

 

Sherry, if you have any poems...that would be good to share. Been reading more of it lately.

[InHeavensKeeping]

I love this song. I don't know how to do the link properly I hope you can all see it It's perfect.

Much Love Georgina x

I miss you James so much xx

[ericasmom]

Laurie, my goodness, I hope that this pretrial action lays the ground for the hard work ahead. I know that you have put so much of yourself forward in this. I am holding your hands, your heart.

 

Sherry, so sweet that you make her favorite dishes on her dinner nights at your house. Becky is a lucky woman to have you in her corner.

 

Shannon, the holler is such a great place for you all, I can just take such peaceful delight in knowing that you are actively loving this new place to be. It really sounds lovely. I agree with you and the others, we do have to unpack the grief and hold it and turn it in our hearts to view it now, to view it again, and no, it never gets lighter, it just becomes a part of us, we learn to carry it near our grateful and joy parts, the Yin and Yang of our lives.

[ericasmom]

Georgina, thank you so much for that beautiful song, and the story behind the choice. So so so dear.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dee Susan look after you your always so caring to us I hope you feel better soon

Shannon thank you for your comforting encouraging words

I'm feeling so lost my emotions are all over the place. Just feeling everything not sure I can do this much longer.

Gx

[ericasmom]

Susan, yes, I hope you feel better soon, too, ear infections stink. Rest and drink plenty of fluids. the pain and discomfort should ease once you have been on the antibiotics for 24 hours.

 

Good Sleep All

[Mermaid Tears]

Thanks for the messages of care...

when we say to 'self care'....it is serious....grief can impact you physically and mentally....for me...the insomnia was the worse symptom...loss of appetite can impact your immune system...it is a slow erosion...but in time...your health does suffer. Our Warrior Mom, Becky, suffers very serious health issues...for she had an uphill fight for justice for her son. She is paying the price now. I hope we can hear from her and she can give us an update.

 

Laurie....the new discovery can impact you emotionally...we hope you can stand firm and resolute...and face the facts with Faith and Grace...we are with you.

 

Georgina....music is the voice of the universe...the song really touched me and the message. Thanks for sharing.

 

We cling to the messages and writings of those who have had NDE's....and pray our loved ones have that amazing life.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan hope your ear infection settles down soon. They can be painful. Thanks for all the kind thoughts and words.

 

Sending peace and gentle thoughts for the day.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, what a gorgeous song, clear and heartfelt voice singing out those words that we all know so deeply...

Thank you,

 

 

Becky and Lori, Carol and Trudi, Leah and Sandy, and Wade...and oh so many Moms and Dads that we don't see here often,  I think of you and pray for you to feel the peace of your Angels.

[ericasmom]

 

Down below is a letter that Zelda Williams wrote in response to the anniversary of her Dad's suicide. She lends us her view of what it means to grieve and go forwar

 

 

Moonrise on the lake I spent this night shivering and laughing under a clear, cold sky full of stars with people I love just to witness something beautiful. We mooned the moon and laughed ourselves hoarse, and I'm so incredibly grateful for every silly second. I came to a realization this year that I feel compelled to share here, for whomsoever may need it: Avoiding fear, sadness or anger is not the same thing as being happy. I live my sadness every day, but I don't resent it anymore. Instead, I do it now so that the wonderful moments of joy I do find are not in order to forget, but to inhabit and enjoy for their own sake. It's not easy. In fact, I'd say it takes much more effort to consciously do than it does to just stay sad, but with all my heart, I cannot tell you how worth it it is. And for those suffering from depression, I know how dark and endless that tunnel can feel, but if happiness seems impossible to find, please hold on to the possibility of hope, faint though it may be. Because I promise you, there're enough nights under the same yellow moon for all of us to share, no matter how or when you find your way there.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Laurie thank you for sharing your song I agree with Dee it's a road we all know so well I wish I didn't though.

Dee thank you for the article that Robbie Williams daughter wrote I'm going to hold these words

( Please hold onto the possibility of hope ) and keep them close especially on my darkest days

God Bless Georgina

[Mermaid Tears]

well.........I have the shingles...

[ericasmom]

Oh crap Susan, what a drag. Where are they showing up and how severe is it? What meds will they give you to counter the ache?

 

Prayers.

[TearsInHeaven]

Susan, sorry to hear about your illness.  Shingles can be SO painful. 

 

Laurie, my most positive thoughts go out  for the strength to deal with the courts and an out come to give you peace.

Both you and Georgina put some powerful music out there. Music used to fill our house and was a major part of my children's formative years. Music can touch your soul in a way few things can.  Like poetry, it is something that you can bring your interpretation to fill the spot within you.  Right now there is just too much darkness within me.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Wednesday last week...my ear started hurting....it was like an ear infection....would throb off and on...and I also felt like I was coming down with a cold....I had some antibiotics and I took one that night....I HAD to go to a funeral in Wharton..my sister-in-law's Mother died....it was going to be a small private Memorial....and I felt I should go....I took another antibiotic that morning....the ear felt like an ear ache...and would throb occasionally....got home and took another antibiotic...and I had promised Jackson I would go to his game...he is on the JV team....so I went....at half time...I asked Randa to take me home....Daniel stayed for the rest of the game....I woke up on Friday and knew I had to go to my Dr. because I didn't want to face the holiday week-end without antibiotics....ear still hurt....which was a puzzle to me because I usually react very quick to antibiotics....I am not on any medications except I take two AZO cranberry tablets each morning...that is it.

   She looked in my ear and said it wasn't red...but that could be because I had taken the antibiotics but still had infection...so I got another prescription ....later.....that afternoon.....my neck felt very stiff and crampy...I felt some whelps...and looked in the mirror and they looked like mosquito bites...every once in a while I would have the kind of feeling like I had the flu.....Pibby and Kate walked over after school and Randa came to pick them up...they had to leave for the out of town football game....on the other side of Austin....I told Ran that I must be coming down with something...

   I woke up real early Saturday morning....feeling really feverish...muscle aches..and ear hurting and the whelps had turned huge and red ....and lots more.....I called Randa....she came and swooped me up and took me back...thankfully my Dr. was at the clinic....she confirmed....shingles. She prescribed Valtrex and prednisolone....a sweet friend brought me Lysine...she said it would help thwart the outbreak....cool compresses....hydrogen peroxide to dab the whelps...and yesterday....our friend who is a Dr. and has his own clinic...called and he and his wife opened the clinic on a holiday to me to give me a 'cool laser treatment'....that will help heal the whelps and blisters...not a cure...just a help....will not accept any payment...and I will go back this afternoon...for I have more outbreak today.  I am blessed and I am in good hands. Randa falls apart when I get sick or have surgery. She has always been like that but she sees that I am doing as good 'as it gets'...and is handling it all better. Everyone knows I have been in the grip of grief....and does not wonder why my immune system is stressed and low. The hardest thing for me is to take it easy.....I have never..ever....even as a child...been a good sick person. But...I am wiser now and know....it is my responsibility to 'self care'...yes it hurts...it is going up my right side of my head, ear...and down under my neck and chin....so far. Will keep everyone posted...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dianne, thank you for the prayers and thoughts for my upcoming trial. It is very much appreciated. Also, if you ever have poetry or music you want to share to a larger group/audience, I have a main thread for this under  the Loss of a Child section that I also post too when I find relevent music/poetry/writings. 

 

Georgina, thinking of you as the angelversary date for your James is coming up soon. Hugs.

 

Susan, my sister-in-law came down with shingles the year after her sister passed which was also in 2012. She drank alot of homemade smoothies made from fresh fruits (she used the  nutra bullet) also ate alot of fresh salads with kale included. she made her own dressing of olive oil and freshly squeezed orange juice with a bit a vinegar for the dressing. Also, if you grate ginger root with a fine grater, and squeeze this through a garlic press for the juice and add it to freshly squeezed limes, it is very helpful. This ginger-lime mix can be added to hot water and a bit of honey for a healthy "tea" drink". Her shingles has diminished with time, but still if she gets overtired, she can feel it in one side of her body more than the other.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Dianne thank you for your caring words. I am finding this time so hard. I feel it's worse because I know what's going to happen and I keep going over and over how I could of changed the outcome. I know this doesn't make much sense but it's how I feel and keep thinking.

Laurie I'm keeping you in my prayers as you go through the courts. We have not heard back from our Solicitor yet I'm praying this firm will take it on. Our appeal to the IPCA has not been answered either so this is not helping.

Susan I hope you start to feel better soon. It sounds like your in the best hands. Take care.

Best wishes to all

Georgina xx

[daveydow1]

Georgina-----Thank you for the beautiful writing to James.  The words

are so heartfelt, and it's plain to see that James was a much-loved son.

Also, thanks for the song.  Please take care of yourself, as I know that

you are having some very dark times as James' angel day approaches.

Stick with us here at BI, Georgina, where everyone understands.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Laurie----I, so , know your worry and apprehension about the pre-trial.

Hoping & praying that justice can be served for your dear Jessie.  I'll

try to hunt up some of the poems I've collected.....(they are not my own

writing). I wrote one poem after Lisa died, but in all my moves, over the

years,  it was lost.  I can remember just one or two lines....that's all, but

I did keep it for years, so that is a comfort.

 

Dee---Your outing of observing the moon with your loved ones, was such

a nice experience.  Yes....we do learn to live with the

sorrow, and sometimes it makes many regular times into special moments

that we appreciate so much. I agree wholeheartedly.  More and more signs

that summer is at its end. Garden is winding down, sunflower heads going

to seed as they sag downward,  owls calling at night. Some leaves are falling already,

due to drought conditions. I've seen on national weather that it has been very hot

in Chicago too, but cooling temps on the way. 

 

Susan------Oh.....shingles....I've heard they are dreadful.  Please take

care, and I'm glad that you are in good hands, and hopefully getting

some relief with the treatments.  My dear dad contracted shingles while

he had terminal cancer, and you are right......one's compromised immune

system can possibly contribute to the likelihood of getting shingles....I've read.

Sending prayers & love, friend.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sherry, what you wrote reminded me of this.

 

This is a song I wrote for my infant son, Taylor James, a few years after I lost him:

 

Sometimes how I wish I could see the angel's wings

And hear them as they so sweetly sing,

Sometimes how I wish You would wrap Your arms around me

and hold me until I feel set free...

 

But Heaven seems so far away, at times it hard to wait,

Sometimes it hard to hear You above life's shout,

But then You remind me that I am your lamb,

And that You will never forsake me,

I am forever in Your hand.

 

Sometimes how I wish I could see the angel's wings,

And hear them as they so sweetly sing....

 

***********************************************

Georgina, sending prayers for you.

[LauraI]

Aloha everyone. Sorry I haven't been on here for a few weeks. Been crazy busy. My son Michael is on the mend from his open heart surgery. My new granddaughter is doing well just as all my family is doing good now. Praying it stays that way. Leaving for the mainland next week to see my kids and grandkids. Yippee! I also just finished my book and having my family read it before I look to have it published. Hope it helps those going through the same as we are. Much Love and Blessings to all.

Laura

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, shingles are so very painful! Please do take your own advice and 'self care". I hope that the treatments will give you relief fairly quickly. Take care.

 

Laural, it sounds as if things are definitely looking up for you. I am really pleased that you have finished your book and look forward to reading it. The new little one can not but help to put a smile on your face. My granddaughters are always doing something to keep us on our toes... yet they are so innocent and full of life.  I cherish the times spent with them. They grow so quickly.

 

Georgina, I am thinking of you as your special day is almost here. I pray for a day filled with wonderful and loving memories of your special boy. Sending love and prayers your way.

 

Dee, I imagine you are up to your yin yang now that school is back into full swing. I hope that hot weather has cooled down slightly. Our own weather has turned in quite chilly and fall like. No mistaking that winter is fast approaching. The birds are flocking like crazy and so noisy as they land in our yard or fly over the house. I am slowly noticing some of my favourites disappearing.

 

Laurie, thinking of you and sending positive wishes for a good outcome.

 

Sherry, I imagine things are hectic in your neck of the woods. I hope that your mom is doing ok.

 

Leah, if you are reading...sending wishes for a better tomorrow.

 

Love to all, Kate