Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...that song came straight from a Mama's broken heart....thanks for sharing...

 

Laural....is your book about your grief journey...? May your travels be safe...such a long flight from Texas to Hawaii...when Ran was at U of Hawaii....hated every minute...I would almost have a chinese baby flying over all that water....

 

Kate...I am in excellent hands....very blessed....was just thinking yesterday how shingles could impact someone with health issues...geez....it must be a nightmare for them....

 

it is hot here....went for my nightly mermaid swim last night....so cool and refreshing...

[flocicero]

Life is so busy as I try to live between 2 states lately....my husband and son are back in Wisconsin but my job keeps me in Indiana.....I go up to Wisconsin just about every other weekend.. Lots of driving....,.everything feels so crazy & discombobulated ......

I started really having a hard time mid August & it's been getting worse as Michaels 1st angel anniversary looms near.... September 27th......

Georgina, I'm thinking of you as James 1st angel anniversary draws near....2 days from now........I'm experiencing the same feelings/thoughts , how could I have changed the outcome....I try to remember what I was doing with Michael this time last September - each day.......I remember the last time I actually saw him alive- September 25th- he made his favorite dinner for us...chicken Parmesan & rigatoni .....I remember his smile..his laugh...

Georgina, what will you be doing on his anniversary? I don't know what to do; I feel overwhelmed just thinking of planning something at his resting place with others there. I really feel that I just want to be with my husband & son & a few close family members. I don't know how to plan this......

Laurie, the song is beautiful....our angels... So very precious.. .....I miss my boy with every breath I take...

[LauraI]

Things are definitely in the positive right now. Feeling very blessed. The flying usually doesn't bother me. Been doing it all my life. I've titled the book "A Mother's Spiritual Journey of Healings and Blessings". Some experience so have had since my sweet Joseph left us. Hoping it will help others going through the same experience as we all have

[daveydow1]

Laural----Glad to hear that your son, Michael, is recovering from his surgery.

Sending prayers for his continued recuperation.

 

Georgina-----Thinking of you & sending prayers.

 

Francesca----You're in my thoughts & prayers as your dear son's Angel Day

approaches.  It's so difficult, I know....I'm sorry.  Peace to you.

 

Laurie---Thanks for the lovely poem you wrote for sweet infant angel, Taylor.

I am still looking for the group of poems that I have collected, but so far have

not located them. I have stuff scattered here & there ....bad habit,   , but

I know I will run across them sooner or later.  I did find this one.......

 

         Not even the rosebud,

         Nor the first crocus petal

         Could match the soft wonder

         Of your small, flowering face.....

         Though you lingered, oh briefly,

         Our torn hearts found comfort,

         And your fair infant presence

         Gave our sorrow a grace.

 

                  Author Unknown

 

(I've had this poem tucked away for decades, since Lisa died, and liked it so much.)

 

 

Susan-----How are you coming along with the shingles?   I sure hope that you are

getting some relief from the treatments.  Your nightly "mermaid swim" sounds heavenly!   

 

Kate-----Things are getting settled down a bit now.  Still have the potatoes to dig, but

waiting for some rain to soften the ground up.......from the dry weather, the soil is like

cement, and difficult to dig.  We've  still seen a stray hummingbird now & then.....guess

they are stragglers coming down from north on migration.  Spotting them is getting less

frequent, though.  No more robins or certain swallows.  How is fall progressing there?

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS,  AND   A   RESTFUL   SLEEP.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you all for thinking of me and James. I can't sleep feeling so anxious all the time all I keep thinking is he was still here this time last year I don't want tomorrow to come. I feel hopeless and helpless

Francesca I too have found it so hard to plan for tomorrow. We are having a mass said for him tomorrow at the church where he is buried then father is going to say a prayer at the graveside. We are then going to the place he died to lay flowers. In the evening we are all gathering at the grave to light candles and be together with James. I had tried to arrange for a choir to come and sing a prayer but they couldn't make it in the end which was such a shame. Not much Francesca just marking the day.

Laurie beautiful poem thank you for sharing.

Sherry thank you for your thoughts and prayers

Kate thank you for your kind words.

Susan I hope your feeling a bit better.

This is the poem I found and read out for James at his funeral it decribes exactly how I feel. The mum who wrote it also lost her Son.

A Picture Of You ❤️

James .....

I only have a picture now,

A frozen piece of time,

To remind me of how it was,

When you were here, and mine.

I see your smiling eyes,

Each morning when I wake,

I talk to you, and place a kiss,

Upon your lovely face.

How much I miss you being here,

I really cannot say,

The ache is deep inside my heart,

And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,

That time will heal the pain,

But if I'm being honest,

I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,

To get me through the day,

I loved you so very much,

Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,

That really wasn't fair,

They took my one and only Son,

My future life. My heir.

If only they had asked me,

If I would take your place,

I would have done so willingly,

Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,

To watch your life unfold,

And in the mist of this,

Watch me, your Mum grow old!

I hope you're watching from above,

At the daily tasks I do,

And let there be no doubt at all,

I really do love you.

I shall miss you forever and ever mum xxxx

Love and Hugs to all. Xxxx Georgina

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina.....the 'day' sounds peaceful....most important....there will be others who love him...remember him...miss him....and they shall form a loving circle around you....the day is for honoring and remembrance....it is also a day where family and friends can circle the wagons for the parents...and support them with their presence...for that is really all we can do for one another....show up.

[TearsInHeaven]

Thinking of you and your family, Georgina.

 

[TearsInHeaven]

James,

On this sad and special day reach out to your mom and hold her close.  Her heart aches with sadness and her tears come so abundantly. Help her to know you will always be with her.

 

Brush across her cheek a whisper of a kiss to let her know you are beside her.

 

Help her to rest easily and know that you are safe and in heaven’s embrace.

[Jeff's Mom]

Georgina, you are in my thoughts and prayers as this special day recalls all of the beautiful memories you hold close to your heart of James.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sherry, this is for you.

 

Born of summer wind,

Bent by gentle breezes,

The grasses flow across the land

Like waves upon a prairie sea.

 

Few stand alone

Their legions unite

In woven tapestry

The shining hair of earth.

 

Form and function yield

To idle being as summer wanes.

Beset by thoughtful eyes,

They give their gift of golden beauty.

 

I read this in a book by Robert Taylor a few years ago and loved it.

 

It is a brisk September morning. Thankfully, we did not have the frost that they predicted...although I carefully covered over my delicate plants. The leaves of the aspen are glowing a vibrant yellow and add a lovely contrast to a deep blue sky. The stems of the leaves are flattened vertically causing them to shiver or tremble in the breeze. I do love this time of year so much and yet dread the thought of what is to follow. All the more reason to embrace the warmth and sunshine.

 

Sending love to all for a peaceful weekend. Love, Kate

 

 

[flocicero]

Georgina, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you honor your beloved son.....god bless

[LauraI]

Georgina

Thinking of you and your family this day and always. Our angels are always with us and looking over us. Love and hugs

Laura

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....thousands and thousands woke up this morning....just as you did....somber and sad....a day of mourning in our great land....they...like you....are honoring and remembering their loss....their sons...daughters...Mothers...Fathers...sisters...brothers....Aunts...Uncles....you are not alone in this day of remembrance and memories...

 

Kate....I so love that poem....

 

It is raining this morning.....am glad to hear and watch the skies weeping...

[ericasmom]

JAMES DEAREST BOY-------

 

How dearly we hope that you will be able to let your peace swirl through the lives of your Family and friends, letting them know that your new home beyond this thin veil of earth, is filled by beauty and calm, pure peace.

You will always be your Mum's Son, she will always be your Mum. I know that you are rooting for she and all of your loved ones. God bless your pretty soul.

 

Georgina, I love what Susan wrote about the fact that this day is filled with so much loss for so many, each person aching as you are, James is in great company. None of it makes it okay, but it just serves to let you know that no matter how we lost  our Children, their lives matter both here and Heavenward.

[ericasmom]

Haven't been here as much as I would prefer due to just being very busy with school, routines, tiredness, and babysitting of which I am doing twice today and all weekend next weekend.

Laurie, your poem/song for your Baby-Boy is beautiful, and straight from your loving spirit. Thank you for sharing such an important piece of you. Sherry, I also love the poem you posted as well as that of Kate. Such strong heart-felt love here, joined at our broken parts and kept together by our survival instincts, our need to move forward in love and light and in unity with those who know too, the unmistakable pain of loss.

Susan, how are you with your shingles?

 

Hello and Sweetness to you All. Tomorrow husband and I have to work at the school pond garden to assist a former student trying to earn his eagle scout badge in his duty to his old school. He is building 4 benches and we are helping plant 200 plants in the shady space that many of us use as a quiet refuge for our students to visit. Thomas was my student so many years ago now. He is a senior in HS and wants to give back to this place. Sweet but makes for a very busy weekend. Later on tomorrow, the kids will come over for a casual meal and cherry pie for my Son's 34th birthday. He loves cherry pie. His real date is Tuesday the 15th, but he works till 9:00 pm on that night so we will gather tomorrow.

 

Sweet busy times

[Mermaid Tears]

Francesca....I read your post and we all wish we could be there in human form to hold your hand.

I wanted to answer you but I wanted to think through what I wanted to share with you. First....I hear you say...'I don't know how to plan this.....I don't know what to do'.....

  Of course you don't.....this is what I call the highest level of abnormal....'planning' on your child's Angelversary....is in the top of the Twilight Zone....it is 'no man's land'.....it is having the very foundation of your life....cave in...

 

It is hard....I just don't think there is anything 'easy' about this journey...that is why we all come here....to have parents that are walking in our shoes...and we don't have to walk this alone. We need those who can tell us...'we survived..and you can, too'....

 

John David's first Angelversary is when I chose to 'bless and scatter' his ashes at Port Aransas....after his Memorial on August 11th, 2012.....many thought I would plan to do that soon after....but no.....I wasn't 'able or up to it' til a year after. My choice. Frankly....I wasn't ready to give up ANYTHING...not a smidgen of his ashes...not a button off a shirt...a dirty shoe lace...an old movie ticket....nada...nothing...zilch.

 

My shock suit fit very, very tight....am sure yours does, too.....and that contributes to you/me/other parents not being able to make wise decisions.....plans.....schedules....I had thick...thick ...thick brain fog. My energy and wherewithal was at zero...

 

that is why....we just can't seem to plan on even what to put on our cereal.....

 

Also...I had lots of support when it came to planning the Angelversary...many don't...that is why the Angelversary should be what YOU need....not anyone else except your family and close friends. From what I have read on this site when it comes to 'family'....once again....plan on what YOU need...

   If you need a day of quiet with your husband and son....do that. A day later....you can gather family and friends to go with you and light candles.

   You are the Star of your Movie....this is your story.

 

You mentioned how tired you are....grief is exhausting....and I 'cocooned'....I had the instinct to cocoon...but I didn't know 'how'....or if I 'should'.....when I found this site it was Dee...that gave me my permission...and it was the best thing I could do for myself.....so.....do you HAVE to travel that much ? Can your husband and son look after themselves if you don't travel for a couple of months ? Mothers are the 'Keeper of the Springs'...the Caretaker.....it is a role that comes naturally to us....but....I have learned that I need to 'care take' myself.....or I will not be able to pick a paper napkin from the floor and throw it in the trash. This is a time to redefine the art of 'selfishness'....for yourself....not in a mean or stingy way...but as a way to 'self care' and give yourself what you need.

    I hope this has helped you. I also want you to know our children are in a beautiful...amazing....place of peace.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I am doing great ...with my shingles....the medication/ cool laser treatments/supplements and Tree Tea oil have stopped the break out....the whelps/blisters have dried up....still have that lingering feeling...sorta like a burning under the skin...but not bad....being able to have it diagnosed at the onset...made all the difference.....the whelps that go along the neck and under my chin/ behind my ear sting at times....but 'ok'....enjoy your 'Baby girl and Little man' this week-end...what a fine young man to work with...and creating something that many can enjoy....the world so needs more of him.

[ericasmom]

Dianne, Francesca and Georgina, and all those who are either just past the 1st anniversary or approaching, really reread what Susan has written here, her words can soothe you in knowing that grief is a very physical and emotional drain on us, it zaps our immune systems, it kicks us in the heart, brain, spirit, soul, it turns us inside out and twists us in a tight and brittle shape. We are changed, and one year marks the saddest occurrance of your life, it is not a day one can easily look to plan for. Be kind to yourselves, you are after all, the mother of someone very important and that someone needs you to find your way.

If you feel you would like to have a gathering of sorts at the gravesite, at the house, wherever, do it but do it light. Ask everyone to come with a story to share about your Child. If you would like to ask for a donation to the charity that you think your Child would love to help out with, that can be healing too.

If you choose to spend that day without plans, do that. There is no way to predict what will feel 'right' because nothing feels right at this point. Do what your spirit is directing you to do.

Remember that it is your life you are finding in the ash and salt, not the life you intended, but yours nevertheless, and decisions are yours. Others do not get to decide for you. The one thing we do have control of is this moment, how we react or live this moment, and nothing more.

In this moment, I wish you all the idea of hope, the words that Robin Williams daughter wrote. It is also what I wrote on this website 12 years ago, that it is not why did this happen, it is HOW do I live with this sadness now and it is HOW do I find hope in this life. I found hope, inside everything and everyone I love. Once you find hope even in the tiniest dose, you know it exists and you can grow it.

A garden of hope, one day.

[ericasmom]

Susan, meant to tell you that I used to take Lysene everyday for many years, now just when I feel the possibility of a cold sore. I used to get them all the time, so did my sisters until I found Lysene and my sisters and I have been very happy with how it attacks the onset of herpes simplex. Shingles is a herpes virus too, as are chickenpox.

So glad that the alternative medicines are working for you. HOORAY!

[Mermaid Tears]

And my sister has taken it for years because of her cold sores...she would get them all the time....I think it is so neat that we can share what we learn that works....

[Mermaid Tears]

Laural.....good luck with the book....when a parent gets hit with this kind of grief....we search for an understanding of what cannot be understood....who knows ? Maybe there is something written that will explain it all....so we grasp for a word or words that may bring clarity back into our world..our lives...

 

So far....for me....I cannot find a word or words that even come close to define....what I feel. Some phrases 'touch' ...some paragraphs 'comforts'......some chapters 'resemble'.....

 

I cannot even describe to myself this place where I am now....

the only thing that I can put into words is that my soul and spirit are 'sick'....the inside of me....the core of me...the inner me is ill....and I am waiting for Grace and Faith to heal that part of me....and that will be the medicine of Father Time and Mother Nature....

 

I was thinking that there is not a movie out there that can really show what it is like to be a grieving parent...not one. Maybe my GRANDson will one day be able to come close.

 

So...I have a lot of respect for those parents that can write out their pain...to let others know how they survived.

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Sorry I didn't reply yesterday but I've been in bed all day with a really bad cold. I did feel unwell all day but I just ignored it now paying price.

Just wanted to say a big thank you for all you kind thoughts and words to both me ,my family and James. It was so nice to open the page up and read what had been said.

Yesterday was a day filled with lots of sad memories, but when we stood around the grave every time everyone lit thier candle and layed it on the grave it blew out, this lightened the moment and everyone had a chuckle saying it was James.

My daughter and her husband had arranged two surprises firstly they ordered the most beautiful cross, heart and the letter J in flowers for the grave and the had also arranges food and drinks for everyone in a hotel I a small cosy room and the room had lots of pictures of Hames everywhere. It was a moment for us to share our memories all his young friends were there as well. James loved family get togethers so he would of been happy.

We did go up to the site here he was killed also.

I've enclosed the pictures.

Peace and Love to you all. And thank you again Geirgina xxx

[ericasmom]

Georgina, I am glad that your Daughter found ways in which to comfort you and those attending your gathering. It does sound as though James made an appearance, good for him. I think he must be very pleased to have been with you all at one place, in one time. His Beloved People.

 

Susan, I find it funny that you say that you cannot come close to describing your feelings when in fact, you are so very good with your words. You say it so well and lend so much to others through your words.

 

Laural, I do agree, good luck with your book. I have written a lot of poetry and stories and I just don't send them anywhere to see if they can be published. I submit to contests for literary magazines, I came close to being selected in one but that is all. Still, I write because it is my soul's voice on the page and very much a needy communication.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dee you know your picture of the shaft of light. I took this in the morning and didn't realise the light There are no trees around I think I can see the wings of an angel in the light xxx

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Georgina, just wanted to know that you were in my thoughts and prayers for James angelversary. Hugs.

 

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....what a circle of care and love surrounded you....and yes....I think Angels are around us....I think they weep not for our child....but for us....

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....I think I grope and reach very deep to find the words....

I think it is like not knowing this kind of grief til you have lost a child...there is simply no way of experiencing this...until it happens...

 

last night I was thinking it is like seeing a shiny bright car.....but deep inside the motor something is broken...and it won't start....until the right mechanic can come and fix it....

 

Something deep inside me is broken....and I have to wait for Father Time and Mother Nature to fix/heal it....

[InHeavensKeeping]

Susan you have such a good way of connecting and putting into words how this feels. Your words are so comforting and make so much sense. Thank you for sharing the angel picture

God Bless Georgina xx

[flocicero]

Georgina, thank you for sharing the pictures; James resting place is so beautiful........I can see the immense love you have for your son......

Susan, thank you for your words of comfort and understanding....I guess it helps to know that I'm not really expected to know how to do this.....it's not an assignment that I must complete by some predetermined deadline....though I do find myself now pulling together a gathering....I've invited family to gather at his resting place & share a special memory of Michael.....I will share some poems....I've ordered sticker pictures of Michael that I will place on the candles we will light.....afterwards we will meet for lunch at the Memory care center where my father now lives.....I want him to be a part of this though I know he doesn't understand what is going on.....Michael loved his grandfather .........

I can't give up one single thing that belonged to Michael & I don't know if I ever will....I am working hard on the "self care" - I know I'm the only one that can make me "better" along with Father Time .......I've been exercising a lot lately, almost back to my old routine... I

know Michael would be happy, he was working on getting in shape , the two of us started going to the gym together.....

I'm still obsessed with thoughts of his girlfriend .....I know she stood over him while he was laying in bed choking to death... ...I know she was angry at him & was jealous of a young lady Mike had met at school.... She let him die; she robbed him & walked out of my house without saying a word.....how much evil can one have ; my son loved her.....I don't even know if she has any regrets.... I dream of retribution daily but I have another beautiful son that relies on me to be here ........as well as my new step granddaughters & step daughter that were brought into my life through Michaels death.......leave it to Michael to give me hope & a new family to love.....

I'm praying to God to show me how to move past this & to forgive but I can't ........I tell myself that if Mike had been alone, the outcome would have been the same but he wasn't alone......I need to be set free from these obsessive thoughts....

Susan, I do hope you are feeling better, I so appreciate your insight on this heart wrenching journey... Dee thank you for sharing your words regarding hope.....you are right, it's not about what happens to us or why did this happen .. ....but instead it's about how we react, how we find the hope to live on for those that are here....

Peace & love to all trying to find the way..,

[ericasmom]

Francessca, there is no set plan, you are right, we cannot know how we are going to face the anniversarry until we are there. Many of us did what you are now doing, planning a gathering at your Son's gravesite. I think that it is beautiful to go to Mike's Grandpa's nursing home to share the day with him, somehow somewhere inside of his heart, he remembers it all and Michael will be the first one he sees when it is his time. We do what we are capable of doing. One day you will obsess less on the girlfriend, but that may take more time. Anger is a normal part of it all, and wanting retribution is another way that we feel we can stand up for our Child, but it won't be good for you or the family. It is however, normal to want it, to fantasize about it. Who knows where her head is these days, and really at this point, she is a drain on your energy. Great for you to be exercising again, I am sure that your Boy is running alongside you, lifting weights beside you...proud as can be that you are his Momma.

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....please read Laura's site....there is an amazing letter from Kay Warren about 'moving on'....I think that will help you so much....

[Mermaid Tears]

Francesca....as Dee has posted....we do understand your anger about the girlfriend....and it is normal to have that anger and want revenge....but I believe that in time....she will probably do this again....or attempt to do it again....and get caught. At some time...she will trip up...

   'Just waiting for the Karma to kick in'...

 

this kind of grief can greatly impact your mentally and physically.....and dark anger can also impact you....that is why we say....let it/her go and concentrate on taking care of yourself and your loved ones....yes...your son does need you more than ever now.....

 

I have said...John David is not the only child I love....he is the only child that died.

 

Your plans for the gathering sound immensely healing....I love that you are including your Dad...you have a very touching loving heart.

[TearsInHeaven]

WOW-- I guess something is missing in me.  I read everyone's thoughts about "planning" some remembrance and all I can think of is  NOT thinking that that day is coming. It would be like living his Memorial service all over again.  I don't want to be that mother that does not do right by her son. We've lost our friends, his friends are scattered from all over, my daughter is moving across the  country. I read all the different types of remembrance and I don't think I can do it.  I am feeling so defective  like something is wrong with me. I think I better step back from this until another time.

[TearsInHeaven]

By the way, Georgina, I do see angel wings in the picture you posted.

[ericasmom]

I also see the wing shapes in the beautiful photo, just lovely.

 

Dianne nothing defective about you, waiting until another time or never acknowledging the day of LOSS is fine too, others have gone that route as well, there is no wrong way to grie e as long aws you are not hurting yourself more than you are already hurting...what I mean by this is make sure you are eating some healthy foods, make sure that you are drinking plenty of water, try to get some outdoor air each day.  This is your gig Honey, not anyone else's, and so who you need to serve is YOU, just as your Son would want. Really.

[Everly]

.

[daveydow1]

Eve------I'm sorry for your loss of your dear mom.  You have found

your way to this site, and you are welcome here. Please come back

where there is understanding and friendship.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

Francesca-----I, so, understand your reluctance to give up anything

that belonged to your dear son,  Michael.  These belongings are

precious because they were Michael's.  Keep them as part of your

treasured memories.

 

Kate----Thanks for the lovely poem.  I, too,  know your feelings of

love for the warm early fall days.....and your dread of what is to

follow....cold weather.  The aspens sound so lovely,  with their golden

yellow shades, and the show they put on when fluttering down.  Most

of our leaves have not turned yet, so that will be the show we are

looking forward to soon.

 

Dee----It is so good of you and your husband to assist the former

student, in his project of the benches, while working towards his

Eagle Scout badge.  I think that the Boy Scouts is a wonderful organization.

Davey was in Cub Scouts, and my older son in Boy Scouts when they

were of that age.  Dave learned to swim as a Cub Scout, and also he

marched in the 1976  BiCentennial  celebration parade....dressed in

tricorn hat and knickers & white stockings...(at age 5 ).  

 

JAMES..........JAMES......SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU.

 

Georgina-----I'm sorry if I missed James' Angel Day....I believe that I must have the

wrong date on the sheet that I keep.  Hoping that the day was not too difficult

for you, but I understand the pain and sorrow that the Angel Day brings.  Peace to you.

 

Susan----I agree....it takes Father Time,  and Mother Nature to help heal a broken heart.

You said it so well.  Thanks.

 

WISHING   PEACE   TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Here are the links:

 

Kay Warren

 

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/4873-journey-though-grief-and-loss-of-my-two-children-updated-82815/?p=128331

 

 

Here is a link to some excerpts from Sharon Rocha's book on the loss of her daughter, mostly focused on grief:

 

http://forums.grieving.com/index.php/topic/4873-journey-though-grief-and-loss-of-my-two-children-updated-82815/?p=115333

 

Dianne, we just had a quiet day that first year. I prepared food ahead of time (as I would be too wiped out that day), and just our family went to his site and read a prayer from my husband's Lutheran antique prayer book.  We went home and just rested. Maybe lit a remembrance candle in the evening. It is whatever fits you and your family the best that is the right course. There is no right or wrong way, it is a day of grief and love mingled.  

 

**************

 

my posts will be a bit "scatterbrained"...as I am having a hard time getting thoughts together....

[ericasmom]

Sherry, it was so heart warming to see so many there to assist Thomas. It was his job to distribute the hands to specific jobs, to direct and get the plan completed and with so many hands, he was able to do that. I will send some photos when I can.I am proud of him and we had fun though our backs are hurting some.

 

Evelyn, 8- balloons sounds fabulous and it sounds like a private celebration of your Mom's life. How nice.

 

a few photos of my Dearhearts: My Son Jon holding his Daughter Erica and my Grandboy climbing up the slide the other day.

[flocicero]

Diane you lost your Michael almost 2 months to the day after I lost my Michael. There is nothing missing in you....2 months ago I had no idea what or if I would do anything on Michaels anniversary. It's only been this past week that I have considered gathering with family.....I'm not having a party & I don't consider this a "celebration"......for me it's just my way of trying to honor my son on the most awful day of my life.....I don't want this day to come either, but it will be here nonetheless .....

You need to do whatever feels right for you....even if that means staying in bed..... That's where I usually want to be & if it wasn't for my demanding work schedule, that's where I think I would stay.....deep under the covers......

We moved to Indiana a few years ago, Michael moved with us.....he died here in our new home but we took him back to Wisconsin because that's our real home ... ...that's why I need to move back there..... We raised our son in Wisconsin and that's where he lived his life.. ........indiana is where he died & I need to leave this place .......I wish I had never taken a new job here... Maybe my Michael would have lived if I would have stopped climbing the career ladder... ...I feel so guilty for all of this.....I've started looking for a new job back home......I want to be home with my sons.....my youngest already moved back.....

Peace & love to all

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Francesca, I too had started a new job when my son Jesse passed. Your comments sound so familar....I had just started my final course to finish a business degree...stopped that entirely though...

 

...I think going back to the home place is a good thought...maybe it will bring some healing.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Laurie...thank you for posting these touchstone messages....

[Mermaid Tears]

For me.....John David's angelversary is that date on the calendar that every light went out in the rooms of my life...there is no celebration....it is a day of remembrance and honor....somber....but also responsibility for my other children in that I gather them around me and hold them with my greatest strength...my Mother's love for them. We pool our love for one another and face the future with our faith...embracing the tragedy that we have lost a beloved son and brother but with our arms around each other we will carry on.

    For some reason....there seems to be an air of a good sense of humor....John David's persona seems to be there...he had the most uncanny sense of humor....when he walked in the door....the party started.

    I feel that we live our lives all entwined..sadness overlays joy.....joy overlays sadness.....like braiding hair...

 

 

Diane...if you have read the other posts....I hope you understand that your grief is as unique as your child is unique...

also.....we share our experiences....but that should not make you feel inadequate...I will be the first to tell you that what ever you choose to do on that day....is ultimately the best choice for you. I think we should go with our gut instinct..for our soul and spirit will know what is best for us.

     One of my 'symptoms' of my grief was I started to 'second guess' everything...which was very unusual for me...I attribute that to my brain fog...it still hasn't cleared out....who knows...maybe it is a protective lining for me.

[Mermaid Tears]

Evelyn....yesterday marked 20 years my little Mama left this earth home....I can truthfully say since that day....there has not been one day that I have not thought about her...she is still a great part of the fabric of my life...I could write chapters and chapters about her....

    I think your idea about the balloons will bring a smile to her sweet heart.....

[InHeavensKeeping]

Susan, Laurie I've just read the artical by Kay Warren and you are so right it felt so familiar that I felt I could have written it myself. Every single day I'm asked " are you ok " and I do just say "I'm ok" because I know they don't want to hear anything else. My boss said those exact words " take all the time you need" but he didn't mean it. Thank you for sharing this it does help when you see written in words exactly how you feel and are thinking.

Dianne I didn't think of James's Angelversary as a celebration it was definitely not. But I wanted to do something special to mark his passing. Just family and close friends praying for him very peaceful and calm, it gave the girls a focus and made us all feel he wasn't forgotten. Do what's feels right for you and your family.

Peaceful wishes Georgina x

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....we have your back....

 

we are thinking of you and yours today....

[ericasmom]

Is this trial day for Laurie??? I am sending all the good energy I have in me...may there be a resolution that allows your heart to heal.

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....I find that I can have a 1,000 emotions/thoughts/feelings/memories flit across the canvas of my mind in a nano second...or I find that my brain fog is so thick....I feel like I am drugged....

and now for you....I can only imagine the wall you are hitting so hard...

the reason is that this is so abnormal...so unnatural...

and we don't get a manual when we have the miracle of birth with our child...

"How to handle going to trial for the woman accused of running over your child resulting in his death"

   You have your ducks in a row....I think the DA is on this....facts do not lie.

 

You will have to be that strong..strong post for your husband and children....to lean on. We are here for you to lean on.

You have left no stone unturned....you will not carry any regrets. You have done all that is within your power to do.

Do not start 'second guessing' yourself...I think that is a knee jerk reaction that grieving parents do....and it only harms us.

    Meditate on Grace and Faith.

 

 

I am posting what I wrote to Laurie yesterday....facing the trial today....so many parents on this site not only have to deal with the dark and heavy grief....they have to fight an uphill battle for justice for their child...I did not have this burden...it is just uncharted waters for these parents to be in....a real no man's land.

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

laurie I'm praying for you today that all goes well for you.

Georgina xxx

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks to all here...one more day.