Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Francesca.....am late...but....all is beautiful with you and your  boy...

 

will post tomorrow...have been very busy....more than I like...but still with all the parents on this site...that come together...with our hearts..hands...and spirits....for our child...

[ericasmom]

DAVEY DEAR,

May your Birthday remind you of the beauty and joy you caused in your Parent's lives. It will always be so Davey, you will always be their Joy.

God Bless You. I know that you spent the day near your parents, helping them feel your peace filled presence. Happy Birthday, one day late but no less heartfelt.

 

Sherry, sorry to be late on these wishes.

[ericasmom]

Francesca, may you feel the Peace of your Sweet Michael. I hope that he was/is able to help you realize that the work you do each day is to be commended, to try to find your steps in the midst of such ache is surely the hardest of all endeavors. I am happy that you found what you wanted to do on the anniversary of this sad date. I know that being in the pretty spot you created surrounded by family and friends must have felt like love.

 

Michael, please help your Family move back home where they will all feel a sense of being where they belong, closer to all things familiar including near all the places and activities that you loved. Sweet Boy, sweep into their days with love to spread, let them feel it and know that you are there.

[Houdiniwho]

Hi all, I have been reading posts, but couldn't remember my password, so I wasn't able to respond. I found it in my notes on my phone. I just took my first one week away from my island bed. It was planned and paid for before Jordan died. My bestie Linda was there and her and I spread some of his ashes at Emerald Isle, NC. It was a cloudy day and the waves were huge. Next trip is to DC/Alexandria, VA and then to Dallas, Texas. I will be going to a tailgate party as a patriot fan (hoping we won't stand out too much). Also planning to go to the state fair and Austin. I have been using Jordan's miles and my own for my trips, I know he would want me to travel because both he and I loved to travel. Hoping everyone is doing okay through this grief road. Trying to stay positive, even though I am so sad all the time.

Paula

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....thank you for sharing Davey's birthday with us....on my children's birthdays....I wake up and go over every moment of that special day...in memory....before I get out of bed....I hold each memory as a fragile gift....now....with John David in his first home.....I still treasure and celebrate his birth....as all parents do....but I do understand the 'sad'....because sadness does creep in. It cannot be ignored....it is a part of the fabric now.

     I love how the cat came...and seemed to want to comfort you...I remember Shannon telling how she was sitting in Trista's garden and a butterfly came and landed on the toe of her shoe....

    I feed birds.....we have many doves to come in the evening....there always seems to be a 'lone dove'....I look up and 'Lonesome Dove' comes to my mind....that was John David's favorite book....and for a brief moment....I feel a 'oneness' with the all....I am a part of all.....and all is a part of me....

     I think often of the connection of birds with the earth home and the first home....

[Mermaid Tears]

Francesca.....am so happy that you found some beautiful moments in that day.....with your family around you...their hearts as heavy as yours....but sharing the grief makes it less heavy. His resting place is so very pretty....beacons one to come and rest and pray. I know that you will be finding a new job....once we make up our minds about where we need to be....it will all fall in place. I think each of us have answers inside us.....our intuition is a strong guide...all we have to learn is how to turn off the material world to hear it's voice and then trust what it is trying to tell us.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...what an experience...no doubt in my mind that your Eri somehow let the baby girl know she needed to be in Grampa's arms....

 

later....I will post 2 experiences I have had....I have been mulling them over in my mind...I second guess things so much now....it is hard to determine just what has really happened....or a product of me wanting something to seem...not normal or paranormal...

[Mermaid Tears]

A big thank you to all that posted those poems....each one seems to speak for me...

[daveydow1]

Susan----I like your way of recalling all the special and everyday times

with your dear son.....in the a.m. before getting out of bed.  That is

a good time of day....when it's quieter, and before all the activity of

the day begins.  I sometimes take that time after going to bed, before I

fall asleep.  Our darlings are near to us....always.

 

Paula------Good to see your post.  Wishing you a wonderful time in 

all your travels. Peace to you.

 

 

Dee-----thanks for your lovely sentiment for Davey's birthday.  Rainy

here, but not cold.  Everything seems to go into 'quiet' mode on days

like this. My husband and I cleaned out the roof gutters yesterday. It

was damp....misty very light rain, but we kept on working. It was necessary

to get them cleaned .....many leaves are beginning to fall. Thank goodness

we have a one-story house rather than a 2-story.The kitty was

out there with us....snooping around and running here & there, and into

the cornfield.  I made a raspberry cobbler  dessert for supper.

 

Francesca-----I hope that you are feeling a bit better.  The 'firsts'  are

always so sorrowful and distressing.  Sending thoughts & prayers.

 

WISHING   PEACE  AND COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom, ..........Sherry

[InHeavensKeeping]

Reading all the posts praying for you all and our sweet children.

I have been really unwell a lump came up in my neck so painful so I have been on antibiotics which make me feel sick.

Is it possible to miss my sweet boy more and more? I don't want it all to be true.

I woke up this morning and every time I let the dog out I check the sky for signs from James. There was nothing but it was a beautiful day clear blue sky's so I made a cup of tea thinking I haven't seen any 'kisses' for a while Then I go back out to let the dog, maybe 5 minuets later ..........

I have enclosed what was heaven sent. ❤️ Is the association with the thought !

Then lunchtime I was feeling so low and upset looked up and photo 3/4 so I truly believe our angels send us signs to let us know there ok

Love to all Georgina z

[flocicero]

So I guess I'm officially in my 2nd year of this grief journey ; 1 year, 2 days.....where will I be 10 years from now; what will life be like....will I always remember my Michaels most beautiful smile? Everyone had a memory of his smile & his laugh & his ability to make people feel good about themselves....Georgina , you ask if it's possible to miss your sweet boy even more now & I would say YES! I miss my baby so desperately.....still finding myself crying on the floor alone.....I'm back in Indiana by myself....

This past weekend when I was home in Wisconsin, I connected with a recruiter I've worked with prior . He has a position that I may be interested in, I will find out more tomorrow ....how crazy to get this lead on Mikes 1st angelversary weekend......he's trying to get me home , I'm sure of it. .....

Sherry, I agree , Christmas in stores much too early.....I used to get excited though since that truly has always been my favorite time of the year....Michael's birthday is December 20th....he was my Christmas present in 1983.....now I don't want it to be here.....how can it be here without him? I feel like his death in late September leads to a roller coaster of all holidays /celebrations that he loved most......my birthday is exactly 7 days after his death....he loved picking out chocolate cakes for me....Halloween used to be so much fun....I used to decorate....thanksgiving & family gatherings he loved so much, his birthday, his favorite cousins birthday which is the day before his....

And of course Christmas....the most special time of the year for our family.....I want to scream....I want to hide and I don't want to come out until it's all over.....

Where will I be 10 years from now......who will I be ......without my son.....

Peace

[ericasmom]

Georgina, I am concerned with your health. Is this the second time that you have had the lump show up in your neck? What does the doctor think? I wonder if this is illness caused by stress?If the antibiotics make you feel ill, is there another that they can try? I am however thrilled that the sky-writers left messages for you.

 

Mike's Mom, where will you be in ten years???For me and for Sherry, it is 12 years but believe me, when we were where you are we wondered the same thing. Who are we without our Beloved Child? That was something that we had to find out, it was not an easy feat. You will find these things out as you go along. None of us quite know who we are, who we will become, and how we will find our way until we just do ...and you will. I hope that the job that comes available is an exact good fit and that your Boy cheers you on as you head home.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

This goes with what we were discussing on our posts the other day.....when you have that 'feeling' that your child is near...and wanting you to know they are fine....sending signs to comfort you and your broken heart....

 

 

Francesca....my 'shock suit' fit so tight....I could barely look forward to the next hour....so exhausted....when the holidays came....I just zombied through them....and did all the traditional things.....which took no planning or imagination...there was nothing new added to our holiday habits....to keep the stress levels down....just try and take care of your 'today'...trying to figure out 'who' we change to without our child on this earth home will just add more cracks to your broken heart.

   Dee says we must change to make room for the grief. I agree. I have changed...sometimes I miss 'the old me'...it is hard to explain but it is as if I see 'with new eyes'....I am the same....but with a different spirit. I am happy that you are getting positive results for your new job quest...and can return to your home.

 

 

Georgina....grief can have a huge impact on our emotional and physical selves....am thinking you must need another kind of antibiotic....for sure....let your Dr. know that the one he prescribed is making you sicker....not better. Yes....we become 'searchers'....

 

One little trick I began using is to cut fruit up into bite size pieces...(I did this when my children were young..I figured out that if I put a whole apple out they would not be willing to eat it...but...if I would cut it up into bite size pieces...they would eat it like popcorn).....when you don't have an appetite...and forcing yourself to eat sometimes brings a 'gag' effect...so...I eat little pieces through out the day....

[Jeff's Mom]

Mike's Mom...as many have already stated that are further along in this journey it takes time to learn how to rebuild our lives. At the beginning we are broken beyond  belief. We find that we need to put the pieces of our lives back together again in whatever new way that works for us. Changes occur and sometimes they are necessary ones in order to keep putting that one foot in front of the other.

 

All holidays are a trigger. In a few years you will carry a sadness within you at these special times, but you will also find that you are able to enjoy the occasions again. Many find that they do something small to remember their child at this time. Jeff died at Christmas time. Our home was decorated to the hilt. It seemed impossible to me that anything awful could happen at that magical time of the year. But it did. And on December 12, 2009 they wheeled him out of our home in a body bag. I was in shock for almost two full years. It was also complicated further  by the fact that my mother in law was diagnosed with terminal colon cancer two months after his death. We were her primary caregivers. I threw myself into her care. It also provided a distraction from facing my grief head on. But it was there. Not long after her death my husband was also diagnosed with colon cancer. It was too much for me to handle. It did not seem real. I hovered between two worlds. Not wanting to go on and yet knowing someone that I loved dearly depended on me to help him along. Focusing on that is what helped me to keep going. Keeping as busy as possible and also holding fast to my faith. I am not a deeply religious person...yet I found I became more spiritual in the journey I was now on. That and the help of a few signs that gave me strength and comfort.

 

Be patient with yourself. Know that there is no magic formula that is going to take this hurt away. But it will soften in time. You will start to enjoy your life again. Michael will always be along with you on your life journey. And that is how I cope after almost six years.  

[TearsInHeaven]

Francesca, your words speak to deep inside of me. This bundle that we have to carry hurts so much. I dread the holiday time coming also.  Last year my daughter told me she understood how I could not acknowledge a holiday but she made me promise that I would try to always participate for our little Piper's sake.  She is now 2 and my daughter wants her to have "holiday memories" .  Of course, there is nothing we would not do for our little Piper but I dread the toll it will take--- for all of us my daughter included.  I hope your job hunt gives you the results you need.

 

Susan, your clip about the tears says volumes.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

My daughter Evangeline is named for the heroine of Longfellow’s first epic poem, a history of the Cajun people, based on a tale he heard at a dinner party. It’s a poem familiar to every good schoolchild in south Louisiana. Perhaps girls especially, because above all else it is a love story.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow suffered the deaths of two faithful wives in his lifetime. Three years after the death of his first, Mary Potter, he wrote “Footsteps of Angels,” a love story in its own right. And a comfort to all who’ve lost a loved one. Here are the last four stanzas, but please do find the poem in its entirety:

With a slow and noiseless footstep
Comes that messenger divine,
Takes the vacant chair beside me,
Lays her gentle hand in mine.

And she sits and gazes at me
With those deep and tender eyes,
Like the stars, so still and saint-like,
Looking downward from the skies.

Uttered not, yet comprehended,
Is the spirit’s voiceless prayer,
Soft rebukes, in blessings ended,
Breathing from her lips of air.

Oh, though oft depressed and lonely,
All my fears are laid aside,
If I but remember only
Such as these have lived and died!

 

 

This touched me....we had to study the poem 'Evangeline' in school....I will look this poem up....very touching...down through the ages....people long for their loved ones to come and touch them again...

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....thank you for sharing your story....not only did you have to face the tragic loss of your boy...but tragedy seemed to follow.....I think in sharing we let others know they are not alone

 

 

 

Dianne....yes....we must be here for our other children...and I know that I want my GRANDchildren to have all the magic..music..sparkle...Santa....Church programs...star shine...of the season....those are the memories that will sustain them....when we are long gone....

    but we can carry a dread of the absence of a presence...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Dee it is the second time and it is caused by stress if the antibiotics don't work I will have to have a biopsy next week. I just feel I can't fight it I just don't have the strength.

Thank you for the advice. The doctor has changed my antibiotics but is worried that I'm am looking worn out and so low. She said they want to help more but I don't know how.

Susan I love the Pins especially the signs one I'm going to try the small bite size pieces. Such a good idea as I feel constantly sick.

Francesca Christmas was always such a special time for our family as well I feel exactly how you feel as James's birthday was always the start to the build up for the holidays I used to love September as autum approached my favourite time of year ..... Now my worst.

Dianne I too made the same promise to my daughter to celebrate Christmas. I always keep what Susan said in my heart about' having other living children too' . I'm finding it harder since the anniversary I'm right back in that moment everything reminds me and whereas last year I couldn't remember now even a smell will put my back and give me a memory.

Kate I'm sorry to hear about your story so much to cope with one thing after another.

I so needed to come to this site tonight and read all you've written. It helps me feel I'm not going mad.

God Bless Geirgina x

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Article I found in Yahoo News tonight that touched my heart:
 
Parents mourning the loss of their six-year-old son were discovered the boy had penned a heartbreaking goodbye letter.
 
After Leland Shoemake passed away from a rare brain infection, his parents, Tim and Amber, returned to their Pike County, Georgia home to select clothes for him to be buried in.
 
Entering the home for the first time since he had been hospitalized, they discovered a piece of paper with a note written in red marker on their living room table.
 
“Still with you,” read the handwritten note in red marker. “Thank you mom & dad.”
 
Below, Leland had drawn a red heart with the words “mom,” “dad” and “love” written inside. “Good day,” he added in purple marker.
 
“We have no idea when he wrote it but you can tell he was always a special child. We will love you forever Leland,” wrote Amber, who shared the photo and note on Facebook.

View photo



Little Leland was hospitalized after he contracted balamuthia mandrillaris, a rare and deadly amoebic infection, his mother said.
 
“I was over protective of Leland and tried my best to keep him safe. The one thing he loved most was playing in the dirt. I never imagined that would be the thing that would take him from me. He was my world. He made me a mother,” the heartbroken woman wrote, calling the boy that she and her husband had struggled to have “perfect.”
 
Leland lost his battle with the disease on September 25.
 
“Today sweet Leland went to be with the Lord. He fought so hard, but ultimately the sickness was too much for his body to handle,” read an update at the time on the Facebook page ‘Prayers for Leland.’
 
Retrieved from : http://news.yahoo.com/parents-note-6-old-son-223902767.html

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Susan. I shared this because I wanted people to know that no matter how hard things can get and how difficult life can become...we are all here for a purpose. We do not understand why bad things happen to good people.  And still they do. In the face of everything I have experienced I have found an inner strength that I did not know I possessed. Jeff's death challenged me to keep going as much as I had lost the will to live. The joy in life had gone for me. Rather than isolating myself I found strength in reaching out to others. By way of connecting in helping others it gave me a purpose. The raw and deep grief in losing my son slowly lifted and I was able to think about him without that crushing pain that overwhelmed me at the beginning. It took time and patience. Rather than focusing on his not being here I knew that  he was still here with me in spirit. I decided to focus on that and it helped to know he was walking alongside me on this life journey. Death is a natural process. It comes to us all eventually. My heart is filled with a deep gratitude that I was given the joy of being a mother to such a wonderful and loving young man. I take heart in knowing that I will see him again.

 

Laurie, thank you...for sharing that article. I hope it gives comfort and hope to all that read it.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....and our 'spirit guides' on this site....you are a living testament that one can not only survive this kind of grief...but can also....one day at a time....move forward with baby steps and learn a new way of thriving.

    I realize that I will not ever have my 'sweet world' again....I will never be the same person again...I am a work in progress in learning this new normal....as Dee says....we must change to make room for the grief...am trying to find the balance between grief and grace.

 

 

Laurie...what a touching story....what a gift for those grieving parents...

what a freak kind of infection....to get it from playing in the dirt ? Beyond sad.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

omg, I actually got on here! Wow! Much catching up to do for sure. Here is what I created today, hoping still to get this law in place soon!!

 

 

 

Much love to all, if this posts, I will write more later!

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...our Warrior Mom.....so good to hear from you....also good to hear you are still fighting to right the wrongs...

Texas has had an 'open container law' for years.....now I understand why they did not test her.....

people here get tested if they run over a dog....

yes....with the slaughter on the roads these days...your state does need this...

[shorty16]

Becky,

So good to hear from you.

I think of you often.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Kate,

Love your view on life. It also amazes me how strong I actually am!

It has been 7 years since I saw my boy. I did not think I could survive one minute without my Brian.

Life is still work. Finding happiness is almost a mission now. It is better than the gut-wrenching sorrow of the first few years after Brian's death.

Life does get better, but you have to help life along.

Love to you all

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Francesca,

I am sorry to be late, but I too want to say your sons name Mike, Mike, Mike.

You are moving back to Wisconsin? I have lived here all my life, minus 6 years in Utah.

Getting through "special" days can truly be difficult. So glad your family was with you.

We are also with you.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Mermaid Tears]

Colleen....always good to read your posts....and how your spirit is surviving and thriving....

like you said.....you do have to help yourself along this grief journey...

there is no knight in shining armor to come and rescue you....

I have come to a spot on this journey where I believe we have to make a conscience decision to move forward.with as much grace, faith and hope and light as we can muster....

some days are good...some days are better

some days are bad...some days are worse...

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, so good to see your post, your Handsome Son's face smiling out on us all. Thanks for letting us know that you are out there, that you are still fighting for justice...you go girl, but taking care of yourself each day.

 

Colleen what a nice message you give to those newer to the path; that you now thrive in ways you never thought possible. Each day holds the possibilities for us all...

 

Love and good dreams to All,

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Pasting a letter I wrote today to friends on fb to try to bring them up to speed on what's going on with me and my family, and enlisting local help to try to get an open container law here in our state. I have requested that it be called Jared's law, to honor my son.

 

Friends,          

October 3^rd, 2015, marks four years since we lost our fifteen year old son, Jared.

 Just unreal, that it could possibly have been that long that we have been without him here. As most of you know, we fought so hard in the first two years to achieve justice for him, but because the police did too little that should have been done right then and there, that was not to be. Once that statute of limitations was up, I fell sick very soon thereafter, and have been on a downhill roll ever since. In these four years, I have had neck surgery to replace C6 and the disks above and below,  broken my ankle, broken toes, surgery for rotator in my left shoulder, broken wrist, and was hospitalized with Pancreatitis and in ICU for a week. The doctors are still trying to figure out what caused my lack of balance, that caused my first and subsequent falls, and hopefully my next visit for an EMG will shed some light.

My health issues have taxed my family to help take care of me, to do most of my chores around the house and yard, to drive me to appointments, and I only want to get healthy and get back to the business of honoring my son moving forward.

We have done what we could to honor Jared, by way of the lowered speed limit here on our road where he was killed, and clean up this road as a part of the Adopt a Highway program in his name, and have erected Slow Down signs on each end of our neighborhood, and continue to encourage law enforcement to do speed patrols.

Often, friends have told us to let you know if there is anything you can do, and there is… GET BEHIND THIS LACK OF OPEN CONTAINER LAW IN THE STATE OF DELAWARE!! MAKE CALLS TO OUR REPS, WRITE EMAILS, and let’s get this done. We want  this to be named Jared’s law,  because the lack of this law is the excuse we had to hear for not testing the driver for impairment. Our child was the victim, and yet there was a toxicology test performed on him at autopsy, but NO TEST of the driver found with open container AND prescription meds in her vehicle!!!! Our child, Jared, was found completely clean and sober.  PLEASE, let’s not let another DE family feel the injustice that we have had to feel. This law won’t bring back our child, but it could stop drivers from carrying alcohol  in their vehicles, and maybe save lives in the future!

 

Thank you for your continued support and prayers.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Four years today, Jared, since you left us for heaven. We miss you so very much, and love you infinity! Never ever forgotten....

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thinking of you Becky . Jared send your mum a sign to let her know your near.

Xxx

[ericasmom]

JARED Sweet and Beautiful Boy,

I remember your face the first time I saw you, that undeniable beauty...an old soul. Help your Momma, Dad, and Sister find ways to live fully in your love. Sit upon your Momma's shoulder today and whisper the dreams you have for her going forward, filling her with your hope and peace.

 

 

Becky, I think of you often with hope and admiration. I hope that you can find your life amid the ashes of this sadness, and I admire your tenacity in finding ways to make a difference for others.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky.....we share this day with you....parents on this site know how this day can bring a parent to their knees...reliving those moments....but you have done what many parents have done...in the aftermath of their child's death....turning the tragic into a change...a change for the better. One has to wonder why your State government has not implemented this change....for many, many states have. Have you tried to enlist the help of the D. A. office....seems they would be on board to help prosecute offenders.

     Your boy is so proud of all you have done.

We hope that with each day you go forward...another layer of healing...both spiritually..and physically will be given you.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, Sending you gentle prayers as this being Jared's Angelversary. How hard it is to struggle through all the court processes. I also have you to thank again for the knowledge of helping us to find Justice for Jesse.

 

Hugs.

 

Also, noticed the posting time of your last post 11:11, definitely angel time. This number appears to me all the time now.

 

Jared, Jared, Jared, saying your name today.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Georgina, how are things going for you with the case for James? How is your husband and daughter doing?

 

Susan, I came across this book the other day from Anne Morrow Lindbergh (mom of the baby Charles Jr. case 1930s). However, I immediately thought of you as I saw the books cover, it is named Gift from the Sea. One chapter is called Moon Shell, where she takes a holiday by the beach.

 

I will share a brief excerpt as for some reason her words speak to me in searching for me in this new landscape ....after the terrible storm  I have been washed up on shore, in some strange and foreign land from which my former life is forever gone.

 

For a full day and two nights I have been alone. I lay on the beach under the stars at night alone. I made my breakfast alone. Alone I watched the gulls at the end of the pier, dip and wheel and dive for the scraps I threw them. A morning's work at my desk, and then, a late picnic lunch alone on the beach. And it seem to me, separated from my own species, that I was nearer to others; the shy willet, nesting in the ragged tidewash behind me; the sandpiper, running in little unfrightened steps down to the shining beach rim ahead of me; the slowly flapping pelicans over my head, coasting down wind; the old gull, hunched up, grouchy, surveying the horizen. I felt a kind of impersonal kinship with them and a joy in that kinship. Beauty of earth and sea and air meant more to me...

 

Thanks Dee, for your continued friendship to us all on this journey of the soul.

 

 

Kate, thanks for the encouragement you share.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Laurie I am at the start of my fight for justice for James. What Becky said about the the 'Police doing too little' we have found the same. It's such a battle to get any where. We are still waiting for the IPPC to investigate the failings by the police. Apparently we are in a 'cue' ! Once this has been done we will then hopefully have something to pursue a Civil claim.

I'm worn out though Larie completely and utterly. This first year and the build up to the anniversary has really taken it out of me. I'm ill at the moment feeling very depressed and scared because I can't seem to lift myself out of it. I'm back at the beginning again.

My husband is ok at the moment he's worried about me so it's taking his mind of his depression. He's not eating much has lost a lot of weight. I'm trying the small bite thing Susan suggested and it is helping because he'll try something.

My daughters are coping. Day by day. But they both have their moments and so many questions.

My youngest Charlotte just passed her driving test she was so happy I'm scared to death when she's out and about but I ask God to keep her safe. She deserves a bit of happiness she's been a rock for both of us.

My middle daughter is an amazing mummy. She has lots of distraction and lives a couple of hours away so her life is a bit easier but she still can't watch the video of her wedding as that was only a month before James was killed and our last family holiday together.

Do you know it feels like someone killed our beautiful Son and just walked away. It feels like the Police don't care as they made mistakes and won't admit it. Yet before this happened I looked up them I just can't believe their attitude.

God Bless everyone Be Safe Georgina x. Ellia is growing up so fast she's definitely Heaven Sent

[daveydow1]

Hello to all INDIGOS.   I haven't been on for awhile....more computer problems...ARgggghhh.  

As we all know,.....they're great when they are working, but a pain when they aren't.

 

 

Francesca------I, so, understand how the Christmas season brings so much sorrow

and pain for you.....without your dear Mike to celebrate with.  He surely was a blessed

early Christmas present....born on Dec. 20th.  My baby, Lisa, died just before Thanksgiving

that year, and to this day.....we keep the holiday low-key.  I believe that it would be worse

for Christmas when everyone is so into the holiday spirit, and understand why you would

just want to run & hide.  Take care.'''

 

 

JARED........JARED...........DEAR  JARED.........REMEMBERING YOU ON YOUR HEAVENLY ANGEL DAY.

SMILE DOWN ON YOUR FAMILY AND WARM THEIR HEARTS.

 

Becky----May you find some peace in your memories of your beloved son,  J.D

 

.

 

PEACE   TO  ALL  INDIGOS,  AND A  GENTLE AND RESTFUL SLEEP  TONIGHT.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[rlolheiser]

Becky...  My thoughts are with you and your family ...  may you feel your Jared hold you up as you have gone through so much I am sure he is a proud Angel and loves you so..

[flocicero]

Becky, thinking of you today.....I hope you were able to feel Jared's presence.....I will pray that your health improves......

Love

Francesca

[TearsInHeaven]

For Jared- may you give your family some comfort in knowing you surround them.

 

Becky, It is a remarkable quest to get that law enacted  in your state.  It is a noble to tribute to your son and will surely help many prevent this unbearable loss. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....thank you for sharing that book...and excerpt...I have been watching the birds fly and flit around my backyard...wondering of the connection to this earth home and the first home...

   and it does feel as if we were thrown into a foreign land...dark...strange...with no map....just able to fumble our way ...claw our way...baby steps moving forward....or backward.

   

I have been thinking of you....Jesse David's angelversary is 10-10.....

I have my John David....and a son named Jesse...his birthday is today....

 

In 1974....my Essie died on 10-10.....many on this site know I have talked/posted about my amazing Grandmother....

so....I would always have a day of honoring her on 10-10.....in my own way...all my cousins and Aunts..my Mama...and many friends would reminisce things she had done and said...her words of wisdom...and humor. It was a true day of remembrance....I always felt a little connection to being orphaned.

     then.....in 1997.....our twins...Hunter Bear and Taylor were born....it was such a miracle and gift....and I truly felt like that was a sign....that she/the heavens/God/Mother/Father of the Universe was tired of me being so sad on that day...they wanted me to rejoice and celebrate....and they were giving me a reason.

    When she was on this earth home....she would allow me to have a pity party/pouting session for maybe 20 or 30 minutes...and that was it...time to rebound...forget it....rise up....get to work...readjust the attitude...and find a way.

 

I have always 'pondered' on the 'dates' of the parents on this site....Lora's Cara died on June 13....my Randa's birthday and the day my Dad died....and so many other 'date coincidences'....

 

I have been thinking of what Mary Neal has shared....that it comes to having this complete 'Trust' in knowing our child is in an amazing and beautiful world...

   you and I are in our 3rd year.....I find that I am not 'fighting' as much....fighting as in 'my mind wrapping around the fact that my son died'.....my mind would 'fight' that thought...not really let it settle in....I would push and shove it away...struggling to not let it find a home in my mind. It is hard to explain...grief is so exhausting.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

and that is why we gather on this site...I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child...I so need people that understand this deep mourning....the mornings that I seem to have a lift....dreading holidays....learning how to 'celebrate my child' instead of grieving for him......the smiles that come across my spirit and heart when I recall a funny, sweet memory.....the tears that can come in a nano second.....the rapid up and down of my emotional health...the steady work I have to do to keep my physical health from going in a downward spiral....the nights when sleep is not my friend..and the night goes on and on....

 

every parent on this site is nodding their head...'YES'....we know...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...I ordered 3 copies of that book for me, my daughter and my sister....what a jewel...thanks for sharing...

[tobyfreefoot]

missing everyone, hey becky! saw your name and that you too have reached the 4 year mark. <3 love to all

 

[ericasmom]

I hope everyone is doing well today...it has been a cloudy damp Monday and I feel tired by the energy spent at school. I could take a long nap right about now but won't for fear of what it may do to my nightime sleep.

 

Gretchen, so good to see both you and Becky in one week! How are you and the Kids? How is your Son-in-law doing? He was ill was he not?

 

Love to all.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....we have had lots of sunshine...and blue skies..and some low humidity...(for our part of Texas)....I was up at 4 this morning....and I, too, wanted to get on my chaise lounge and read this afternoon and nap....but I knew....that it would mean a late night...so I pushed through....

    Insomnia has been my # 1 enemy on my grief journey....I do like getting up early....I have always been a morning person...but...would rather be up at 5....oh well.....I am functioning....getting things done....find great content in attending all the small things....that seem to become the big things....I am still not volunteering for all the organizations...my intuition tells me to still keep my low profile....but of course....I am front row and center for all the GRANDchildren's activities...

 

 

Gretchen.....if you wrote a post about your European trip...I missed it....how was it ??

[flocicero]

Tomorrow is the day we actually buried Michael, 2 days after my birthday....this is the way it will always be.....sad......a longing so deep.....still takes my breath away.....I am trying to help my self along as those of you that have been on this journey longer have stated we must do.....I've never depended on anyone to help me, which is why this place is so important to me...to all of us....

I'm in Wisconsin this week, I did have an interview Saturday....I may get an offer tomorrow ...that would mean I could be home by thanksgiving ....I know my Michael is working hard to get me home...I then will have to sell my Indiana house.....can't wait for this all to be settled.

Good night ...peace to all

[ericasmom]

Susan, being there for the Grand-kids is a full-time job as you have many and they are very active. I think that those activities are far more important to your heart than all the other good works you used to do. Keeping a low profile for now, is fine. One must conserve energy so that it can be used doing what is nearest and dearest to the heart. Maybe one day you will return to the active schedule of volunteering again, maybe not. We are changed by our loss, and sometimes it is in these things that we see and feel it. I also noticed that as I get older, it takes more energy to get things done...so conserving energy is important so as to make it last through each day, week, month, and so on.

 

Francesca, I so hope that you get a good position in Wisconsin and sell your home with ease. Getting back to where you are most comfortable is important, prayers go with you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Once again...Dee has answered my personal...."I just don't have to be there"......quest....

 

Francesca....'I have never depended on anyone'....you have stated that well...but now...all you want is to get back 'there'...and you will....trust me...you will....

 

I think these two go hand in hand somewhere on this grief journey....none of us are 'islands' on our own...

[TearsInHeaven]

Francesca, my positive thoughts and prayers are out there for both the job offer and the house sale.