Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 6, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 Georgina....and other parents that are having health issues....this kind of grief is very heavy and exhausting....I want to share what I do on a daily schedule to try and keep myself from becoming weak...ill....and to try and keep an energy level that will allow me to do all that I need to do...and want to do... One of my son's is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon....one can only imagine the high stress life he has...so...he has been the one to instruct me on what to eat...take..do..all non prescription.... he says that most health issues come from stress/inflammation....inflammation can spread through out your body just as a rash can spread on top of your skin...that is why one can pull a small muscle in the back...and then....days later....the pain/ache can travel down your leg and through out the muscles... this kind of grief can cause high levels of stress....we cannot wipe out the 'cause' of the stress....but we can help our body/immune system handle it... Stress has a way of holding toxins in our body....and toxins need to be flushed out....(toxins also promote inflammation) I take 2 AZO cranberry tablets each morning....stress can wreak havoc on a woman's urinary tract......one can have a low degree bladder infection without having major symptoms....the cranberry tablets help flush the urinary tract very well. I also drink a hot lemon water every morning....this will help detox the kidney/liver....a cup of water with half a lemon squeezed in it...(I use a spoon to ream it out)......I also add a dash of turmeric and cayenne pepper...turmeric is great for inflammation. I drink a cup of water with a package of Emergen-C each day....when I got the shingles I upped it to two....to bolster my immune system... I cut up 2 fruits each day into bite size pieces and eat that through out the day. I fix lots of soups....with no appetite...I was 'gagging' when I tried to eat...so...I have had to figure out what I could eat...you can look up on the internet all the foods that will nourish your body the best.... I have insomnia.....I knew that walking would help with that....I tried walking in the parks....but under every tree and in every corner was a memory....I could just 'see' him playing soccer when he was 10...so...I bought myself a treadmill....I have it in my guest/art studio.....now....I walk every day...and watch something on Netflix....I do love Netflix...so many interesting documentaries...series... movies....and it keeps me walking....moving also helps with getting the toxins moving out of your body.....I am sleeping better....not great....but I will take the better anyday....I felt like a Zombie for so long....I know you may not feel like walking through your front door....but...try and get outside and walk around the block...or dig in the dirt....Mother Nature is still the best healer....at least for a few minutes each day.... None of what I do can 'cure' the grief....it is just a way of helping me get through this one day at a time...until the healing hands of time can do what they can for me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 Spent some time at Michaels resting place today.....we buried him one year ago today..... Wow....just as I wrote that my stomach clenched......I don't want to believe it yet........Susan , I don't think I'm at that point yet where I can actually wrap my mind around the fact that my precious Mikey is gone...I know you are still grappling with that as well....even as I sit here and write about this...it doesn't feel real....it's more like I'm practicing something....sorry if I sound strange but my younger son Chris made an authentic Mexican dinner for us and of course margaritas topped it off......Mike would've made his homemade guacamole , it was fabulous...no one could make it like him....miss him so much today.....everyday .......how do I live another 25-30 years without him? Tired now....maybe the drinks will help me sleep for a change....Peace & love to all .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 That is what I think first thing in the morning.... What will I do...Without you...??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 This is what I say in the morning; Help me do work that is good and that makes you proud Eri. Help me see through the fog and have clarity, let me be like the moon, shine and reflecting your light...my sun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 7, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 7, 2015 that is so beautiful Dee....as you say....we stand in the light for our child... as I have posted....I don't 'fight' as much with myself...I fought to keep the thought that my child died from being stamped on my mind..I did not want it to make a home there... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Francesca-----Yes....I agree.....the 'stomach clench' is something thatbecomes all too familiar to us,.....It takes a long time, but does happenless often. But.....then, out of the blue,...... it can happen again. Missing ourdarlings brings it on. Peace & comfort to you, friend. Susan------Your statement was so eloquent......."what will I do without you?"The question that haunts us. No real answer, is there? Someone on BIonce said that when we finally see our beloved children again......then allthose questions won't matter anymore. Dee-----Love your words to ERi. We're doing a lot of yardwork now. Myhusband has pruned back the long grape arbors and trimmed backthe peach trees which were overgrown. They're now more manageablein size, and if we get them sprayed in the spring,.....maybe we'll get somefruit. He'll start on the apple trees next. He transplanted Davey's rose.The place we had before it did not provide enough sun, and an ornamental grassnext to it was also crowding in on it. If the rose doesn't survive the transplant,we will buy another one & plant. Finally found my shoes......the ones that Ihad put away for the summer, (and spent so many fruitless hours searchingfor them)......Dummy me. But.... I didn't find them until after I bought a couplenew pairs to replace them........Oh well.....got some new shoes for the fall/winterseason. How is school going? How are the little boy & girl who needed someextra help coming along? WISHING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Sherry, I have done what you described, finding something after a long search and the final giving up on finding it, so funny. Sometimes it feels as though a sweet little ghost moved the item just to play with you. So cutting back the crops hu? Did you end up canning much this year? Sorry, I just don't remember. They say that 3/4 of soybeans are harvested and the same or there about with the corn in Illinois.The little Girl that ended up being 6 years old was moved to 2nd grade...I have several however that need a good deal of attention, some of them for behavioral issues, others due to academic struggles, some just have a few medical issues that involve hyperactivity. So I am busy all day long and that is good, but beat by evening. The CUBS are playing a One-and-Done tonight with the Pittsburg Pirates...Yikes, it would be lovely for the CUBS to pull it off. Susan, what will you do now? It is a good question to wake yourself with...a quest in a way to find a purpose in which to fill your time. A holy kind of something. A long morning walk perhaps, a time to do some yoga? A time to walk the dog or volunteer to walk dogs for a local shelter? A time to write or draw or paint or sculpt...a time to simply commune with life as it is. So many days we wonder what we should do until we become involved with many things and we find that we are reflecting the light of our Sweet Children. We are finding waht we can do with our time and with our hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 I've been reading all the remarks. And after reading them I feel so much better. I see that there is so many people in as much pain as I'm. I can't seem to be get the hang of this computer stuff. But thank God I got to read what I have. My name for this is onelessbengla my son is Corky he was 44 he was killed in car accident on Aug.28 2015 he's been gone for 1 month and 1wk. And I am still in numb state my heart is broken and I can't believe . I'm here with out my baby boy. He was my youngest son. I only had 2 sons.thank you all for your words of how you've gotten through this. Corky s momma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 8, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 8, 2015 Sherry....here I am in my 3rd year....I so hope I can have the heart and spirit that you and Dee have to stay on this site to reach out to the parents that find themselves on this grief journey....I so remember finding this site in Dec. and John David 'left' in early August.... I found that I wasn't going crazy....I was just in deep mourning....I so needed all the hands and hearts that reached out to hold and touch me....for my human boat was going down...down...down....I will never forget the care and kindness...the empathy and consideration given me....I think of how raw and shattered I was.....I am still fragile...but surviving... Dee....I was raised and taught to have a good attitude....a 'can do' spirit....and wake up and get things done....but as many parents and you know....when one is hit with this kind of grief....all that goes out the window...waking up now requires me to 'set my sails'....readjust my emotions....breathe deep...pray....and have gratitude for my blessings.... My energy level is back.....but I still have this 'wherewithal' kind of attitude...like I said....I do not feel up to joining in/ going back to my organizations ...volunteer work...community service. I just don't have the wherewithal to do that... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 One less, I am so sorry for the pain and shattered heart you are now dealing with, the deep hollow in your being. We all get it, and we all will hold your hands and heart with ours. Tell us what you can about your Son, when you can. We like to really know about the Child you are missing. We are all ages, our Children are all ages, we are scattered about the USA and England and Australia, some from the Phillipines and have had parents from South America as well as Africa.Grief is universal, we are made to feel the intensity of love as well as the intensity of loss. There is nothing easy about it and we never get over it but instead, learn to live with the loss entwined in our new fabric. That takes a long time, so don't sweat it in a year if you don't feel you are there, most of us weren't either. Time becomes quite abstract and our lives take on a whole new shade of bleak...but please know, if we could find a way, so will you. Please try to drink some water every hour or so so that you do not dehydrate, and try to eat some protein to keep up your strength. Grief is exhausting and it is depleting, so find ways in which you work to build a bit of strength and build your immune system back again. No this does not seem like it matches that feeling of despair, but this is what your Beloved Son would want for you. Susan, finding that strength again is a wonderful event...knowing what to do with it is another thing. You will figure it out as you go along. You have given so many a lift up as they entered this site, so we are very happy to think that we have done the same for you. We all leave our footsteps for those just behind us to walk in, trying to ease the path a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 My Journey..... http://jdarasboxers.com/MothersDiary.htm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 duplicated, sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 Oneless....I am so glad you found your way to this site....I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child...and one can only touch the depths of this kind of grief...until you experience the loss of a child...we are not professionals on this site....just parents that are walking this grief journey...many have been on this site for years...I call them our 'spirit guides'....they are farther up on this path...and they wave to us....and let us know we can survive this... It is so hard....we know how it feels to feel as if you can't breathe...and this kind of grief is so exhausting...we understand how one can/must stay in bed....on the couch...not move for hours..... I call it the 'shock suit'....it fits very tight the first years.....I think it is a protective kind of shell for us....for we would have an emotional and physical breakdown....if we let all the 'thoughts, emotions, memories' come through all at once.... for now.....simply do whatever you feel will bring you comfort....except to harm yourself....if you have thoughts like that...please, please contact a Dr......or a Grief Counselor....or a Grief Group near you. Help is out there.If you feel like sitting on the couch all day in your panties and crying...do it....if you feel like wrapping a soft blanket around yourself and crying....do it..... We tell all new parents to be very gentle and kind to yourself....drink lots of fluids...and try to walk outside for a short time each day....Mother Nature is still the best healer... Please tell us about your SONshine boy....Corky....let us hear how you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 Becky- What an amazing, touching and heart wrenching tribute to your beautiful Jared. Thank you for sharing this. The pictures, the poems all created so lovingly around your feelings. Such a wonderful family and a tragic loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 for a parent that has lost a child....this is common....we learn the small things were really the big things...we see with different eyes.....we know what 'heart break' really feels like....and time does not have the same 'tick-tock'... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 9, 2015 Thank you mermaid tears 4 your loveing words of encouragement for me. My son Corky was a free spirit he loved life. Always had a smile on his face. Never met a stranger. Would give you the shirt off his back.he was a ciniti benglas fan all the way. Never miss a game. Loved to argue about football with his dad which loved the browns. He had just bought this car in may 2015 only had it 3 months.from his brother. My oldest son. And my oldest son is really havein quilt feelings. I'm trying to help my oldest son to know he's not to blame . my son Corky was speeding the plocice said and lost control didn't have seat belt on. They said he must of been distracted and lost control. The most important thing is I I'm so close to my sons. They both touch in every day either by calling or texting, and now I can't believe I'll never get another call or text. And to make it harder is both my sons sounds so alike. Thank you for all your kind words of encouragement and support. Oh I don't have a computer I have a tablet.my son said that's why I was having trouble getting in touch with you all. Again thank you and your in my prayers. Corkys momma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Oneless.....we are here to hear you.....and we do walk in your shoes....on this site....all of the parents know that pain...dark...heavy grief...and it is also a physical breaking of your heart... many parents and siblings, family and friends can deal with guilt....remorse....regret.....but I think those are the tools of the devil....to keep you in a place of hell....and really...your boy....their brother....their friend....is in a beautiful and amazing place...if I did not believe this with all the fiber within me....I would not post it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 To Honor Jesse In Respect and Remembrance to a Man with a beautiful smile, a Loving Family,and a community of those who have come to know him through his loving Mother. Shine upon you Family today as they struggle through a most difficult day. Let them know you are always close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members andy88 Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hello Friends, I haven't been on in a long time. Time is helping to heal the pain. Today is my Andy's 27th birthday, his 5th in heaven. If you would do me a favor and share a kind act in his memory today, I would be most grateful. Love to all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Dear Laurie and family....all parents on this site know this day was met with dread....that day on the calendar which we cannot ignore....or wish away.....or wash it away....but....we are with you....as best we can...if only we can share our empathy with words for you and yours....I saw this writing the other day and it reminded me of my son....and many of the parents on this site that seemed to have a unique...shining thread to our child....and this is my favorite photo of your Jesse David.....from the way you have described him.....Mother Nature was his 'real home'.....the skies were his ceiling...the trees made up his walls....he owned the ground he walked on.... a friend suggested I read the writings of White Eagle....I have this small book called 'The Quiet Mind'...and on page 25 it says... Be comforted. Be comforted, dear ones; there is eternal life for all souls who love God, who is Love; and where there is love there can be no separation. Your loved one is by your side. Death cannot separate you. Be comforted and at peace. I also hold what Mary Neal talked about of having that...'kind of Trust'....Wishing you a day of peace and healing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Andy's Mom.....thank you for sharing this day with us....I have joy for you....in that Mother Nature and Father Time have given you a layer of healing...and what a gift you are giving your SONshine boy....asking for random acts of kindness...I do believe he will come shining through for you..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 JESSE DAVID- Young Beautiful Man- Son-Brother-Friend to the Earth and to Humans Alike-Forever Giving-Boy of your Momma's heart-Blessings on this and each day as you gather the love around your family today, as they let their tears fall and their memories bring gold to this Autumn Day. Laurie-I am hugging you and hoping that the blue skies and golden leaves are giving you a sense of your Sweet Boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Pam, may you receive many good acts from loving friends and family today in honor of such a Fine Young Man. ANDY SWEETIE, you are 27 today, I would think our Angels are making sure that you are surrounded by love and celebration because no matter what...this is a special day, a beautiful day for your Momma and everyone that loves you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Laurie I am keeping you in my heart today. I will pray that you will feel your sweet boy Jeesse David close to you today. God Bless Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Thanks to all of you here....and those who posted for Jesse, thank you again...it means so much that you took the time to care...Dee, Georgina, Dianne, and Susan (your post about a Mom being a son's home base I just shared with my cousin Jodi who lost her young adult son shortly before mine...) It was a long day. Started the day by going to the local gas station and what comes out blaring overhead on their radio, "Jesse's Girl" felt like bolting from the place, no place to hide though...I was hoping one day he would find that girl for him...it was a running tease between him and I...we had to settle for Betty the Cat for his company....another story... Trying to figure out what we should do on this third angelversary. Wondering what others do on that date once you are further down this road. It felt so --- unnatural today--strange and empty--- like being in the middle of a desert with nothing but sand in all distances... ....I want to post more but am very fatigued...so tomorrow...But know that I appreciate you all here and for sharing your children, their lives, their hopes and dreams, the struggles, the loneliness and missing... Hugs to all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted October 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Andy, thinking of you today on your Heavenly Birthday... You came here on this day to share your joy and love to others...you left too soon. Pam, sending love and hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 Laurie, I think that you worded it so well, that the day felt so unnatural...like being in the middle of a desert with only sand in all directions. I think that the endless supply of sand is a good metaphor for grief. It goes on and on and sometimes we feel we are stuck in the midst of a place we cannot escape. It just keeps going on. It is an unnatural day, to wake up knowing it is the date that signifies the saddest event...It is exhausting because the energy spent on dealing with the date, dealing with the ache, are taxing beyond anyone's realm, unless they have this same path in their lives. How is your Daughter? Husband? How are the kidlets?It is time for some rest Laurie. I wish you that and so much more. I love that Jessies Girl came on the radio, as uncomfortable as you felt in that gas station, your Boy seemed to send you a reminder of an old tease between you and he. Peace one day Laurie-just not today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted October 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 11, 2015 My heart to you Pam and Laurie. Thank you Diane for taking the time to read my mother's diary. In addition to finding this forum, creating things to try to honor my Jared is what pulled me through those first two years. Laurie, Dee is right, you do need to rest. I'm so glad that you found justice for your son, and although I wasn't able to realize justice for my son, it makes my heart glad if in any way my struggle helped you. Now let me help you again by telling you that you need to stop and take care of yourself. I didn't and now I'm definitely paying the price with my health. Thank you to each of you just for being here and continuing to help each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Am very HAPPY that the site is up.... Becky...I finally had time to view your tribute....layers of love coming from a Mother's shattered heart....thank you for sharing... Laurie....if ever there was a 'sign' that song was it.....your boy knew that you would make the connection...and it did...he wanted you to know he was right beside you... I feel as though some 'signs' I feel come from John David always seem to have his sense of humor tinged in them...for that was a shining part of his personality....always seeing some humor in every situation and circumstance....his unique way of lifting everyone up....'the party always started when he came through the door'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Laurie....I must agree with what Becky and Dee have posted.....after this uphill fight for justice for your Jesse David....now..it is time to rest...heal...reflect....and know you left no stone unturned...and turn your attention to yourself and family and try and find some comfort in each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 I can't thank you for all your help full words .everyone around me keep saying I ll get through this it just takes time. It's been month and 2wks. I dont think I ll get through this process. I want to know what happened to my son. My husband and son wants me to let it go. But it's driving me nuts. I can't sleep or eat. My days run together. I can't function. I'm good ing to call my Dr. And see if there's anything he can sujest for me to do. I No I need help.again thank u all for the incargering words .Corkys momma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Hello Friends, I haven't been on in a long time. Time is helping to heal the pain. Today is my Andy's 27th birthday, his 5th in heaven. If you would do me a favor and share a kind act in his memory today, I would be most grateful. Love to all! AndyBlanket.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Thanks to all of you here....and those who posted for Jesse, thank you again...it means so much that you took the time to care...Dee, Georgina, Dianne, and Susan (your post about a Mom being a son's home base I just shared with my cousin Jodi who lost her young adult son shortly before mine...) It was a long day. Started the day by going to the local gas station and what comes out blaring overhead on their radio, "Jesse's Girl" felt like bolting from the place, no place to hide though...I was hoping one day he would find that girl for him...it was a running tease between him and I...we had to settle for Betty the Cat for his company....another story... Trying to figure out what we should do on this third angelversary. Wondering what others do on that date once you are further down this road. It felt so --- unnatural today--strange and empty--- like being in the middle of a desert with nothing but sand in all distances... ....I want to post more but am very fatigued...so tomorrow...But know that I appreciate you all here and for sharing your children, their lives, their hopes and dreams, the struggles, the loneliness and missing... Hugs to all... forevercandle.jpgLaurie I am keeping you in my heart today. I will pray that you will feel your sweet boy Jeesse David close to you today. God Bless Georgina xxI've done this but my heart goes out to you today onelessbengl onelessonela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 I've done this but my heart goes out to you today onelessbengl onelessbengla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Corkys Momma Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 I've done this but my heart goes out to you today onelessbengl onelessbenglaI'm so sorry haven't got the hang of this . but to jesse, Pam , anb mermaid tears God bless you all for the warm caring way of the love and support you all are sharing with your children .no madder what the age they'll all ways b our babies. Thank you all Corkys momma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Andy Happy Heavenly Birthday keeping you and your family in my prayers. So glad this sites back up and running just reading all your posts keep me going and makes me feel I'm not alone it's been Thirteen months one day and eleven and a half hours........I still can't believe it A grieving mum wrote this it decribes just how I feel......My heart was ripped right out of my chest... It broke me ... It's a struggle every single day... Everybody expects you to get over it... There's no way... The pain is unbearable When we lost you we lost everything... We don't know how to live without you... Life as we knew it was forever gone...I Love you with every breath I take... XxHugs to all Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Pam, Andy's MomI do remember you and I do think of you and your son. Our boys had a hand in their own deaths, which is a bitter pill for me. I hope I did not upset you by saying this. I am very sorry if I did. I seem to cling to those that lost their children because of their own acts ...my Brian put himself on the hood of that car. 68 mph later and my Brian is deadI have learned that Random Acts of Kindness are a great way to lift the pain of this grief. If only for a minute or two.Count me inColleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 Corky's Momma,I understand you wanting to know the circumstances of your son's death. We may need to have a reason for this nightmare.It took me many years to finally come to the conclusion that there was no reason my Brian decided to climb on the hood of a car. No reason that I could accept. The car then accelerated to 68 mph with 2 people on the hood of the car. There is no reason in the world for this. 2 boys walked away and my Brian died on the side of the road. My life was shattered. My life did go back together, but we will never be as we were. That is tough to accept.Be kind to yourself. We know your pain.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 12, 2015 I too am very glad that our Beloved Site is back up and running. Colleen, good to see you here today. Yes, finding ways to put your life into a form adn shape again is the hardest task in the world, it will never be as it was, how could it right? And yet, here we are shining the light of the Angels. Pam, I will indeed keep your Son in mind when reaching out to others. I am writing a check for two kids to attend a field trip from my Erica Fund at the school, I do this in Andy's name as well as Ericas. Blessings in all you do. Corky's Mom, as the others have said, it is one minute at a time some of the days, sometimes we get to get a whole 20 or so minutes in while we do something and we don't fall apart. There will be many days that it seems much easier to lie down and die than to live in his name. Remember he would not want this. Try to think of the help you would give someone in your shoes...now give it to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Hello all, I tried getting on the site last few days but it wasn't working......corky's mom- I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son.....it will help you to come to this site and share anything you would like with all of us.......if at times you feel you can't share , the overwhelming grief may prevent you from writing, then just read our posts.......I find that sometimes all I want to do is read.....I have been on this grief journey for one year & two weeks and progress is slow but it slowly happens.....I remember what being at only 6 weeks felt like .......unimaginable pain.....unbearable grief......we know .....we understand......I only have 2 sons & Michael was my oldest , my precious boy....Good news! I just got a great job offer back home in Wisconsin!!! I absolutely know that my Michael has been watching over me & helping to get me home!! Now I have to put my Indiana house up for sale but if it doesn't sell quickly, I will just rent it for a while. I plan to start my new job the end of November .....I have a lot of work to wrap up with my current job. I know that being back with my family in Wisconsin will help me get better ..... But without my Michael it will never be the same.....Peace & love to all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Laurie, I'm sorry I missed Jessie David's angel anniversary....I hope you felt his presence & the love he has for you.....sending you hugs....Your comment about it being a long day is so true....I found a song that I played at Michael's memorial that I know he would have liked....it starts with "it's been a long day since I've seen you my friend (substitute "son"), and I'll tell you all about it when I see you again.....it's called "see you again" by Wiz Khalifa.....the song is a tribute to the actor Paul Walker who died in the making of the movie Furious 7 in 2013.... Definitely a song Mikes friends would sing to him.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Francesca, I am so so happy for you to have gotten the job you were hoping for. Congratulations! Yes, Michael is sending his good energy to have you back where you are most comfortable. I am so glad that this change is something you have gone after.Peace to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Francesca------So glad to hear that you got the job you wanted. Best of luck. JESSIE DAVID...........SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU ON THIS ......YOUR ANGEL DAY. Laurie----I'm sorry I missed Jessie's Angel Day......I tried to get on BI that day, but noluck accessing the site. Thinking of you and wishing you peace, my BI friend. Colleen----Good to see your post. Have you gone to the birdwatching areas lately? Wehave some mockingbirds that have serenaded us with all the different calls they make. HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY,........ANDY......ANGEL IN HEAVEN. Georgina------I agree, life as we knew it before is gone forever. I'm sorry you arein such a dark place. The loss of a beloved child can never really be reconciled. wishing you peace and comfort, as you honor and remember your beloved James. Dee-----I, too, am so glad that the BI site is back up. When I tried to get on in myusual way (Google Chrome).......nothing! I thought that it must be moreproblems with my computer, and I had previously just gone through the whole crappy mess ofcalling Dell support and all the time it takes to get things straightened out. I'mvery relieved that BI is back up. Cool days here, with an occaissional warm one.I took a long walk down the road to the valley to see the neighbors horses, butthey didn't happen to be in that pasture field. It was such a lovely day. Then Isat in the sun in my enclosed sunroom, and read all afternoon. I couldhear the birds, and the sound of chestnuts dropping from the trees. The deercome at night and eat the nuts. (too bad they don't eat the spiny, troublesomehulls) Oh well....can't really blame them. The hulls seem to last forever.....don't decompose like other vegetable matter. They jag and sting like crazyif you step on one with sandals. Soon our corn will be harvested, and then we'llbe able to look all the way back to the woods, and take more walks back there. WISHING PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Francesca, congratulations on getting the job that takes you to a place that you need to be. Holding positive thoughts for you for a quick sale on your house in Indiana. That song is pretty touching, I know it well. Corky's mom I have not yet reached my first completed year after losing my son. It is brutal and you will fall apart for small reasons, big reasons or no reason at all. Sometimes I find comfort in finding a sunny space and just talking to him. I will tell you most of those conversations include "why did this have to happen" and a lot of tears. I reached the lowest point I can ever imagine and it still shakes me to the core but it was my Michael that pulled me out of it. I still don't sleep well and eating is way overrated--thank goodness I had enough reserve on me.... But somehow, someway I passed the 10th month. The group on this site has been so helpful, understanding and encouraging. They have all been through this nightmare that we know is the rest of our life but they listen to the sorrow, they listen to the heartache and when you might actually reach the smallest piece of peace they are there to support and encourage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Colleen.....as you know....teenagers feel as if they are invincible...and many parents are like you....facing the facts that their child is the one that made the choice to do the very thing that would take their life...and once again....we are faced with the facts that we don't have Super Human Control over keeping our child from all harm...we only have Super Human Love... The fabric of our family has been torn....and there is nothing that can stitch it back to the way it use to be... My son, Jesse, is the one that said..'We knew if Mom could make it...we all could'...I have been strong when I wanted to break.....and I have done things when all I wanted to do is be in bed.....but ...as I have said.... John David was not the only child I love....he is the only child that died....So...I have moved forward with baby steps....I do so appreciate you posting that you and your family have a layer of healing....I know the hard heart work to get there and it gives us a light at the end of the dark tunnel. Francesca.....am so happy to hear the good news of the new job....and now your physical body can be where your heart and spirit are...back home. I don't know what the housing market is like where your home is in Indiana....but I use to be a Real Estate agent....and it is tried and true....if you price your house right...it will sell in a short time. When I was working and had a seller that had too high expectations for the price of their home...I would refer them to another agent. Those homes stay on the market way too long. I will look that song up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Francesca so happy that you got your job and are going home. I hope your house sells quickly. I have copied the link for the song and some words. When we had James's memorial service at my school we played it with a slide of photos of him , his friends had asked us to as when it came out they all thought of James. Corey's mum I'm so glad you have found this site. As you can see from all our posts, it's a lifeline to us all. Just read the posts it really helps there are some amazing people on here who help us and guide us through this grief journey. This support has got me this far I couldn't of survived without it. God Bless xThank you Sherry I am finding it so tough I just miss James so much all the things we did together, the daily texts, the hugs the chats the " mum come on let's go out for dinner so you don't have to cook" the thoughtfulness, as soon as he came through the door the room would light up with his smile. I'm so worn out my doctor has arranged a Health Check for me including a blood tests think the antibiotics are working on the lump. Take care everyone Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted October 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 13, 2015 Francesca so happy that you got your job and are going home. I hope your house sells quickly. I have copied the link for the song and some words. When we had James's memorial service at my school we played it with a slide of photos of him , his friends had asked us to as when it came out they all thought of James. Corey's mum I'm so glad you have found this site. As you can see from all our posts, it's a lifeline to us all. Just read the posts it really helps there are some amazing people on here who help us and guide us through this grief journey. This support has got me this far I couldn't of survived without it. God Bless xThank you Sherry I am finding it so tough I just miss James so much all the things we did together, the daily texts, the hugs the chats the " mum come on let's go out for dinner so you don't have to cook" the thoughtfulness, as soon as he came through the door the room would light up with his smile. I'm so worn out my doctor has arranged a Health Check for me including a blood tests think the antibiotics are working on the lump. Take care everyone Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted October 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Mermaid Tears said:"teenagers feel as if they are invincible...and many parents are like you....facing the facts that their child is the one that made the choice to do the very thing that would take their life..."Thanks. I sometimes feel like such a failure, but I have been over this 1M times in my head, heart and soul, I could have and would have done nothing different. That is why I am drawn to other parents who share my same path.This road is very bumpy sometimes, but my friends here help make the road a bit smoother.I just miss him so much..my very soul hurts.Colleen, Brian's mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted October 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Oh Colleen...I apologize profusely..if I worded my posting wrong...I would never...ever...ever want a parent to feel judged for what I posted...I am so sorry....I weigh what I want to say...before I post....if my words came out wrong...then...I am in the wrong....I blame no one...just me....please forgive...and let it just be a play on words that I got wrong in posting...I am in such respect for you and your family for getting to where you are...from where you have been... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted October 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted October 14, 2015 Georgina, Love the Whiz song, such heart felt lyrics, made me cry. Thank you for that. Susan, unless I am reading wrong, I don't think Colleen or any parent would take your words in a way of harm, in fact, you are concise and I think Colleen knows exactly your meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now