Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Hi I've been reading all your posts. Just so so down. This was from a mum who lost her Son it's on the pathways link Laurie put up. I often read from there. So let me say before we partSo much of meIs made from what I learned from youYou’ll be with meLike a handprint on my heartAnd now whatever way our stories endI know you have re-written mineBy being my friend…Like a ship blown from its mooringBy a wind off the seaLike a seed dropped by a sky-birdIn a distant woodWho can say if I’ve been changed for the better?But because I knew youBecause I knew youI have been changed for good.Just thought I'd share it Georgina xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Georgina---Thanks for posting the poem.....it says, so well, whatmany of us here at BI have felt throughout our time here. Dee-----The wedding & reception you recently attended must havebeen so nice, and the food delicious. "End of Summer" is upon usnow.....with everyone talking about 'back-to-school' , shopping forthe kids etc. I always know when it's end of summer by hearing the sound of crickets/bugs in the late afternoon and evening.....andcontinuing through the night. Also, the owls. I love smelling the woodsy scentsof earth, leaves, crops. We do need rain now. Our grass is stillgreen, but some lawns in towns are very dry and brown. (Forecast calls for 50%chance of rain tomorrow.) Davey's rose has one bloom on it. I wateredit and fertilized it. (Lisas's rose died last season).....they were not plantedin a place that gets enough sun for roses. We may move Davey's roseto a better location.....probably in the Dave and Lisa garden out backby the vegetable garden.. Sunflowers are very nice....some varieties are10 ft. high......matches the field corn in height. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Georgina---Thanks for posting the poem.....it says, so well, whatmany of us here at BI have felt throughout our time here. Dee-----The wedding & reception you recently attended must havebeen so nice, and the food delicious. "End of Summer" is upon usnow.....with everyone talking about 'back-to-school' , shopping forthe kids etc. I always know when it's end of summer by hearing the sound of crickets/bugs in the late afternoon and evening.....andcontinuing through the night. Also, the owls. I love smelling the woodsy scentsof earth, leaves, crops. We do need rain now. Our grass is stillgreen, but some lawns in towns are very dry and brown. (Forecast calls for 50%chance of rain tomorrow.) Davey's rose has one bloom on it. I wateredit and fertilized it. (Lisas's rose died last season).....they were not plantedin a place that gets enough sun for roses. We may move Davey's roseto a better location.....probably in the Dave and Lisa garden out backby the vegetable garden.. Sunflowers are very nice....some varieties are10 ft. high......matches the field corn in height. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Georgina---Thanks for posting the poem.....it says, so well, whatmany of us here at BI have felt throughout our time here. Dee-----The wedding & reception you recently attended must havebeen so nice, and the food delicious. "End of Summer" is upon usnow.....with everyone talking about 'back-to-school' , shopping forthe kids etc. I always know when it's end of summer by hearing the sound of crickets/bugs in the late afternoon and evening.....andcontinuing through the night. Also, the owls. I love smelling the woodsy scentsof earth, leaves, crops. We do need rain now. Our grass is stillgreen, but some lawns in towns are very dry and brown. (Forecast calls for 50%chance of rain tomorrow.) Davey's rose has one bloom on it. I wateredit and fertilized it. (Lisas's rose died last season).....they were not plantedin a place that gets enough sun for roses. We may move Davey's roseto a better location.....probably in the Dave and Lisa garden out backby the vegetable garden.. Sunflowers are very nice....some varieties are10 ft. high......matches the field corn in height. Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Sorry....double post.....don't know how that happened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 9, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 9, 2015 Georgina...loved that poem....I know I am a better person for having John David...and all my children...I like to tell people that they 'raised me'.... Sherry....I have antique roses...that is the only kind I can raise...I have 'Mrs. B.R. Cant' in my garden...it was my Grama's favorite rose...she called it her 'work horse in the garden'.... have to gather photos from different people...I did not take photos... still feeling blank...as if I am in a calm waiting...maybe I have used up my life supply of adrenalin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Susan----The roses that were your grandmother's favorite must be verylovely,...and the added bonus of being a sturdy plant. What color arethey? The ones we planted were called Knockout.....pink for Lisa, andred for Dave. I believe they are hardy enough, but we did not plant themwhere they would get at least 6 hr. of full sun per day, so Lisa's rosedied last season, and David's rose is rather languishing where its atright now. My husband said he will transplant it in their garden out backwhere there is a lot of sun. I love the 'old fashioned' -type roses thatare a flat, cushion shape, and very fragrant.....many roses on one bush (usually pink).I used to see them all over the place in people's yards when I was a child,but rarely see them anymore. Must keep looking for that type in some of the catalogs we receive eachspring. Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Sherry...Mrs. B.R. Cant is rose pink....and has a smell that is very 'rose peppermint'....it is a tight...almost like a camellia flower....near Brenham...still in Washington County is Independence, Texas....where the Antique Rose Emporium is....that is where people come from all over the world....to see/buy roses....they have one of the largest selections of antique roses in Texas....it is so beautiful just to walk around and feast your eyes on all that is pretty on this earth home...my Grama liked Mrs. B. R. Cant because it would bloom past December....she and some of her friends would put flowers in the churches on Sundays...funerals.....I even remember her making corsages for proms/dances.....there was a time there was not a florist on every corner....and churches would rely on the gardens/neighbors.... this is Mrs. B. R. Cant...in one photo is my Mermaid wine glass... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Beautiful roses Susan...Sherry, we have one of those old fashioned roses that are so fragrant, they bloom so early on that they are done by July and the Japanese beetles love all of our roses darn them. We have a yellow Julia Child rose, at least that is what I think it is called, and it is blooming a bit now, still young but again, those darn beetles...our climbing roses are a gorgeous spring display but this year, so much rain and less sun that they did not do as well. Sherry we are having sporadic drops falling but really need a nice steady rain for an hour or so. The trees are thirsty. It is humid and dark today. I can't believe that I will be going back to school soon, we start the 26th, the kids will begin the 31st I think, which is better than last year. My neighbor Kay started today, she teaches in a different district than I and my niece Kate, starts on Wednesday! Crazy early, why start when it is August to begin with? Pools are open, it is hot...I don't get it. Oh well, if ever I run the world, I will change that whole scene. Until then, I am grateful for the summer break, the time it affords me to just be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Georgina, thanks for the poem, it is good the bereaved mom blog helps you...I have one that I re-visit every so often too... Sherry, I am in the same boat as you with the roses...I have tried to grow them just don't have the knack or something... Susan, the roses you have are just lovely...as the Mermaid glass...I would not have thought of to cut them so short and float them like that in the water to display them...that is a good idea.... Dee, yes, it seems like school days are just around the corner...my grandaughter will be in K-5 this year...I think it will be another year before Benton will be old enough to take advantage of Headstart... I was just thinking of Wade, wonder how his summer has been in the Alaskan Seas... Wishing everyone a peaceful day... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Dee....our schools are opening a little later...Aug. 26th (?)....but I, too, think we should open after Labor Day...as it use to be...it is hot here.....104 today.....the wedding by the sea sounded like a perfect way to start a life together... Laurie...you mentioned that Taylor is laid to rest in one place...and Jesse in another...is that because you were living somewhere else...or a family plot somewhere....have you thought of having one moved ? Someone was telling me months ago that a friend of hers had her parents moved to a resting place in Brenham...she bought a plot for the family. Am gathering up photos from different ones...will post later.... has anyone heard from Debbie ? Kate...if you read...please know we think of you and hope your health issues are being healed. If I had other roses besides antique roses...I would not have anything...they are very hardy. I wish I had asked more questions with Essie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 10, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 10, 2015 Susan, yes, I was living with my husband in the southeastern part of the state when my infant son passed...he was laid to rest by my husband's mother, in a quiet old-fashioned Lutheran cemetery. I did almost have Taylor (the infant) moved by Jesse but something just held me back. Even got the paperwork. I have for now decided to leave him by the grandmother. We have bought extra plots by Jesse so each person in the family has one there...including one extra. We have the headstone designed for ourselves to be placed out there by Jesse as well. After all of this I started a folder with all the needed information if my husband and I were to pass, including bank numbers, life insurance, other policies, wills and other funeral information. My daughter is the only one left, Thomas is actually my sister's son but has been raised in our own household since 3 months old. So for practical reasons, I just say he is my son too. My SIL would be assisting my daughter if need be. Never thought I would be making these arrangements so soon, but I did not want Christina to have an extra burden. She is not as able to handle these types of things as Jesse would have been. How long did you stay at the seaside family cabin when you were there? It seemed like it was awhile... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Laurie, I am sure that it is a hard decision about moving or not moving the grave of your Sweetie Boy. And finalizing paperwork for your Daughter should something happen???well I know, things we never gave thought to suddenly have to be tended to. I hope that it put your mind at ease knowing that your Christina would not have to figure it all out. Wow, you have a Grandgirl ready for school, when do the kids there begin? Sherry, what grades are your Grandsons in? Oh by the way, it poured really hard for about 20 minutes here today, finally after a dry spat of time. The humidity remains however, though tomorrow it should be fresh and clean air. As far as roses are concerned...my husband knows a lot about them, and I know not one thing about roses except that there are many kinds and some are only strong for a few years while others seem to go on and on. Kate, I am also hoping that you are out there and finding your way. Georgina, the poem you posted is lovely, thanks. Prayers for those in Missouri tonight, where protests have gone violent again, and one wonders what it is going to take to find peace. I sometimes wonder how we humans can be so far from finding the single thing that can heal our nation, our world. Pray for peace- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted August 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Eleven months I just can't believe he's gone. I shall love you forever James. Mum xxxxPictures are from the site where he died. Words from Silent grief Child loss is in a category of grief that is different from all other losses. Why? Because the heartache and pain is uniquely different. When a child dies a large part of our heart goes with our child leaving an empty space that can never be replaced by anyone or any thing. We feel that ache every day -- no matter how good a day we are having. We always "know" -- always "feel" -- always "experience" the loss. Our child was part of our very being -- part of our soul. And, when our child left, so did part of our soul leave and that aching, longing for our child will remain forever until we are reunited in heaven for all of eternity.God Bless Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Laurie....I do think you and your husband have such loving hearts...and open arms....to shelter and raise so many...and you and your husband have looked forward and have left no stone unturned...with your last wishes...and have all in place. We have to do that...I know we must....when my sister's husband died and there were so many loose strings...she went and made all her last wishes..plans...so no one would be in the same situation as she was. I know I must sell the apartments... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted August 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Georgina, what a lovely work for James, the angel spot for him is done with such care...I did not realize that the place of his passing was in the countryside....what immediately struck me when I viewed the photo is that it is one of such "earth beauty" that was his place to leave this world...I have wondered how I have lasted this long without my Jesse...eleven months out....I was still in a huge amount of pain, denial, and it felt like I was comatose...I don't know if my slow awakening to this reality has been much welcomed...but it is what I (we) are forced to face everyday....only another bereaved parent truly understands this delicate walk... Susan, thanks for the kind words. On the legal stuff...My sister's fiance had his parents pass within six months of each other over a year ago and they are still really tangled with the legal work of the assets...I think the attorney may be getting the best end of that. Didn't want that... Beyond year 3..I think we are both faced with the "Now What?" question...what is our world going forward...very hard to carve out a different life than what was envisioned...so far I just go with the flow of the individual day... Sherry...how many grandchildren do you have? I am not sure I know how many grandchildren you have even though been posting here for awhile... Dee, I think the school start date here is after Labor Day...Good in one way...but then the school year gets pushed into June...and the kids are so antsy by then I don't think much learning happens... ******************************************Adding this: saw this and thought it was so true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Georgina....now when I see a cross or highway memorial....it is as if I 'know'....or have a knowing....of the family that placed the memorial there...and the love that erected it....I know when I hit the 11 month mark I was in my 'cocooning'...my heart was paralyzed...and the brain fog was so thick.... I see that handsome SONshine boy of yours smiling through....and we all hurt with you...all we have are words to share..but you will not have to walk this grief journey alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted August 11, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 11, 2015 Laurie thank you for your kind words about my boy. It is definitely a beautiful spot your right I've never thought of it that way. I'm always so traumatised when we go there. The road is a fast road with lots of big trucks. Susan thank you I am cocooning I seem to be being swallowed up bit by bit by my grief. I'm so muddled all the time. Keep forgetting things. Not much company. Not any fun. Just a sad sad person that cries over a song a smell a sound something familiar someone said the light has gone out of my eyes and I suppose their right Thank you Laurie, Sherry and Dee I like the poem so familiar Laurie, how weird, I also enquired about moving Peter to be with james but it didn't feel right he's been their 29yrs. We don't have a family plot but I would like one to be arranged I'm going to look into it tomorrow.God Bless to you all Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Aloha everyone, just wanted to wish everyone good health and blessings. Been a bit busy, my dog was in the vet hospital this weekend, doing better. I'll be a grandmother (again for #5) tomorrow, and my son's surgery for his heart valve repair is on Thursday. Hope everyone is doing well. I'm attaching two sketches my daughter made for me. Sending warm wishes and lots of hugs and love. Laura Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Laural...will you be states side for your son's surgery ?Congratulations on #5 GRANDchild....I have 14....we have 2 sets of twins....that is what pushes me for 1st place in number of GRANDchildren at class reunions....I so wish I could have them all where I live....I do have 4 living in the same town...(Austin is now a Sr. at U of Texas)...so he is only here on visits... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 No I will be visiting my son for two weeks next month when he is on the mend. He wanted me to spend my vacation time for when he was better rather than sitting in the hospital. Needless to say my phone will be on me all day. I'm waiting for my daughter to call with news of #5 grandchild. It's so hard not being close to my kids where I can just drive to them. Can't wait to visit next month! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Some good news so far. Dog continues to get better. I became a grandmother for the 5th time this morning, beautiful baby girl 6 lbs 13 oz 19 inches. Blessings to all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Laural, congratulations, your Grandgirl is here! Wonderful. I am also happy that your Son will have his surgery tomorrow, and that you will see everyone soon. Good news. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Laural- Congratulations on the new granddaughter. Hope she and mom are healthy and content.My prayers will go out for your son with his surgery tomorrow and for you to have strength and comfort on knowing he will be on the mend. Maybe all of our angels can rally around and send all the positive energy they can to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Thank you all, Mom and Baby doing good. Waiting for pictures. Dianne, thank you for your prayers. I am definitely calling on all my angels and sending him all the positive energy I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 12, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 12, 2015 Susan----The Antique Rose Emporium must be just heavenly to visit. Thanks forthe pics of your roses......lovely. The mermaid wine glass is so beautiful with the roses.My favorite color rose is pink....but all colors of roses are so lovely....pink, yellow,white, and just all colors. I agree....about seeinga cross or memorial at the roadside...and 'knowing' all about the heartache of the oneswho placed it there. We were not able to place a cross at the site where Davey was killeddue to the extremely heavy freeway traffic area, and the steep cliff just on the other side ofthe guardrail, covered with a jungle of wild vegetation. We never go to that area anymoreanyhow, since moving to a neighboring county from the wreck scene. Just as well, I guess. Laurie----I don't have much of a green thumb for roses either. Some are hardy, someare finicky, I've heard. Our yard has a lot of shade, due to so many trees surroundingthe house, so it does not lend itself to growing roses. I still take care of the one wehave left, (Dave's rose), but it does not thrive. We should try to somehow find a spot in a more sunnyplace and transplant it. I have 5 grandchildren....3 grown, and two in elementary school.Thanks for the screen shot. It is so true....grief is not a 'cookie cutter' experience ......nohard & fast rules for dealing with it. Each must walk the journey at their own pace. Dee-----My grandsons will be going into 3rd and 5th grades. They, too, will be startingback to school in August. I can never get that either....starting school in August. WhenI was in school, I remember that we never started back until after Labor Day....andwas out by the end of May. Glad that you got some rain. We didn't get any.....maybe afew drops....that's all. The fields need rain badly. The neighbor's farm grows pumpkinsand melons, and has probably 30 acres of vines. They are all beginning to wilt some.Vine fruits need a lot of rain. Our kitty is such a hunter. She catches moles...but I amnot at all pleased when she kills butterflies and birds. Yesterday, she killed a smallgartersnake. None of our other cats were such hunters. We don't get many Japanesebeetles here. The raccoons dig up the grubs in the spring, so therefore not manybeetles hatch. Yes....they are terrible on roses/flowers. Our grapes are a washout thisyear....some sort of a fungus/blight, I think. Tomatoes & peppers are producing well now. Laural----Congratulations on your new little granddaughter . She must be a beauty.Sending prayers for your son. Peace to you, friend. Georgina----Eleven months is such a painful point. Such a heartache, I know....I'm sorry.Thanks for the pretty pics of flowers, with your dear son James' picture. Also, thanks forthe 'Words from Silent Grief'. Yes, I agree.....we always 'know'....always 'feel'. Take care. Hi to Leah and Kate. Hope you're doing well. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Laural.....sending you all the congrats from me to you....my baby girl was born on 6-13-67....she weighed 6 lbs. 13 oz.....and now...you have your angel girl...weighing 6 lbs. 13 oz.....maybe there is something magical in that...we need all the magic we can get....and I will take it all.....xoxoxoxo...what is her name.?...I named my daughter Randa Susan... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Georgina, I love the photo and memorial you have up in James' honor. It is a beautiful reminder to folks that there are real people who inspire these roadside works of art. I did not know that the area that James was killed was rural, somehow I thought the city or village center. Try to be kind to yourself, 11 months is a very hard time for sure. It is that tiny piece of time that has you watching the clock and calendars as you move toward a year. We all thought that perhaps we would implode or melt down at the mark of one year, but most have found that the build up to that mark of time is harder than the actual day...the day is not easy, the date will always bring forth the saddest of memories, but the lead up is so filled with anxiety. There are so many feelings you are going through these days, and we are here for you so please let loose when you can.Sherry, the rain we had was brief but a lot of it, however the garden at school is dry and when husband and I went to water this evening, the hose had been taken. Goodness what a disappointment. Who takes a hose from a school garden? Yes, we always started school the wednesday following Labor Day when we were kids, but more and more the districts are trying to break free of the agrarian calendar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Houdiniwho Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Hello everyone, this is Paula, Jordan's mom. It has been awhile since I have been on here. I was reading for awhile and then I was dealing with some crap not related to my son. It nearly killed me with stress and put me in a void of not being allowed to grieve. I am thankful the ordeal is over, as of July 30th. The release of the stress from the incident has been amazing, as I have made strides in the last few weeks. I wanted to share a video of myself and a few of my nieces and a nephew spreading Jordan's ashes in the Saco River in Maine. The cousins had canoed this river (10 hours) in 2012 and Jordan also did it with his high school friends in 2009, as well. On February 22 of this year, 10 days before Jordan died, they planned another trip for this summer. In place of Jordan I went, yes I was the old hag camping and canoeing with the young adults....We are spreading Jordan's ashes at some key spots in New England, but this time we did it via video and one of Jordan's songs he composed is playing in the background. He named this song Later Alligator. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Paula....I charted a boat in 2013 and with family and friends we released John David's ashes in Port Aransas in the Lydia Ann Channel ....in front of the Lydia Ann Lighthouse...a favorite fishing spot of his and his friends...and we played his favorite songs...it was one of those 'kissed by the sun' kind of days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Wow-- Susan and Paula---you gave me a small comfort in talking about your sons' ashes. When we lost Michael the first thing his sister said to us is please don't bury him as we will all be moving and he needs to be where we are. We always thought cremation in our family anyway. The plan was for all us us to move to wherever her husband was assigned with his job. My husband and I were going to build our final house and be close to wherever they were. Michael will be with us. Unfortunately, he was sent to Wyoming with his job and we are all hoping for short short term so we can go somewhere as planned. But that is another story, In the meantime we have all of the stuff from his service and all of the cards as well as him in a new cedar chest. He will come wherever we end up. At some point we will decide. He loved Chicago and had so many favorite spots-- Buckingham Fountain- Grant Park and his trips for Lollapaloosa--Wrigley Field- Soldier Field-- the back side of the Shedd Aquarium by the lake. Dee- you can probably relate- the back side by the Oceanarium at night with the lake and the city lights. He worked for Jerry Springer for a while and loved being in the hubbub of the city. But he also loved the mountains in Arizona especially Sedona. But leaving him there just didn't seem right. We will know it when we get to that point. We thought we were headed for Charleston, SC right after he passed but that fell through. We were thinking the ocean because he loved that too. In the meantime the cedar chest and I have long talks. I could never take seeing the urn every day but this cedar chest has fit the bill. To hear you all describe spreading your sons' ashes actually sounded so peaceful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Dianne....I have never regretted having John David cremated...I have a story to tell about that...but later for I am short of time now....I ordered urns for each family member, also....and placed some ashes in each one...I have a large one...and it may sound bizarre to some....but....he is with me....and it comforts me....as for me...and we are all different and unique...I sometimes 'wonder' about myself if I could have buried him.....I have so much respect for parents that have endured that Memorial... 'to each his own'....I think we should honor whatever a parent decides....I know I was in a 'horror'....and I am frankly surprised that I could write the obit...plan the Memorial....the Gathering afterwards and greet all the family and friends with the clarity I did.....it was more like being in a play on stage... We go back every Angelversary...on a boat...and re-visit the Lydia Ann Channel and the spot in front of the Lydia Ann Lighthouse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted August 13, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 13, 2015 Dee thank you we are finding life so difficult so changed I seem to not be able to cope with anything. I'm on such a short fuse. Not angry just a build up of feelings that completely overwhelm me. I do feel anxious and scared I don't understand why surely I've been through the worst surely nothing in my life can ever compare to that day my heart was shattered. Susan Paula Dianne I was in such shock and being carried along in a thick fog that I never really thought about keeping James's ashes I know I was terrified of him being alone and that's why he ended up in with his grandad and uncle. I have had so much doubt about this and have on many occasions wanted to bring him home but it feels alright at the grave we still go every day to light his candle so he won't be in the dark. Thank you Sherry I cannot believe he's been gone eleven months. I miss him more and more. Congratulations Laural xx I hope your Son is on the mend keeping you in my prayers. Take Care Everyone Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Yes Dee....gratitude in my heart that you held my hand...marked my walk....knew that my moment to moment life was crushing around me....for you had traveled that road...thank you for being on this site...for so many years...Sherry....this is for you, too....for being there with me...helping me to breathe...some days taking it one hour at a time..for each of you knew where I was...and still am....on this grief journey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Houdiniwho Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Part of Jordan's cremains will be buried with my parents, I have been waiting for months for their stone to be returned, as my son's face will be etched on the back. My parents are on the front. I had some put in keychain pockets for family and friends and he is in a necklace that I wear. Jordan was the best traveler and took him many places as a child, teen and young adult. So far his ashes have been spread in the Swift River (lower falls) and in Good Harbor Beach in Gloucester, MA and the Saco. His friend is going to hike Machu Pichu in Peru in September and he will be spread there, as well. I guess you could say, my plan is to spread Jordan all over the world, depending on where people go. I tried to attach the video, but I think it is too big. Here are the pics of me and my best friend spreading him at Good Harbor and my sister and I spreading him at Lower Falls. Since he was born in Salem, MA and died in Salem, MA, the last spreading in this area will be at Waikiki beach at Winter Island in Salem. Next he will be spread in Emerald Isle, NC and then in Dallas, TX, as I had planned vacations to those places before his death. I plan to use miles for a trip to Europe and you guessed it, he is going to be spread in whatever countries I go to. I never had an interest in Asia, but Jordan always wanted to go to Japan, so I may just go there, too. My master plan is to put a file of pictures and videos of us spreading him all over. When I do take my first trip in September I am taking Jordan's best stuffed animal (Homer the hippopotamus) and a blanket that was given to me by my friend (photo blanket) and Homer is sporting a cross with his ashes and both Homer and I will be wearing Jordan's two fedoras on all trips. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Paula, I love that YOUR SON is Everywhere, he will travel the waves and currents around the world and at the same time, rest easy in a necklace near your heart. Have you read Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott? You may, everyone may, find her a joy to read, as grief and letting go are part of all of her stories, she is irreverent and holy all in one. Swears a lot like me, so you have to be able to deal with swearing to read her, but I find her words powerful and her stories are strong. Just like all of our stories, though she did not lose a child. The Swift River, there is a childrens' book about the Swift River, I have it in my classroom. Susan, if we can give a hand up to anyone here that comes after us to this experience, well then our grief is not in vain at all, we are here to let all know that one day, after a lot of time, you will find your steps and you will find joy. When my Son lost his Dad, he took his Dad's ashes to all the places that he and Erica and their Dad skied. He spread his ashes in all of those places and has some kept as well. We buried Erica because when she was hanging on by a thread, Jonathan asked his Dad and I to not cremate her, that he needed her to be somewhere he could visit. So we did as he asked, but he never ever went to the cemetery again after she was buried, nor did his Dad. We never know how we are going to be ahead of time, we have to let ourselves go through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Houdiniwho Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 I think I should read that book. Swearing is no issue for me, especially when I use it properly. Being raised catholic I was on the fence about cremation. But I knew I had to take Jordan on trips and the funeral parlor wouldn't cremate part of him. Presently, Jordan is in a pyramid urn on my mantel, along with homer and collage pictures of him, as a backdrop. I have been to Egypt 3 times and my family room is decorated with much of the things I purchased there, so Jordan's ashes look great and fit in nicely with the decor. That urn will be buried, but I am waiting for the monument stone to be completed. His marker is already at the cemetery. I have been the keeper of my parent's grave for a long time and quite honestly, it is the most beautiful cemetery I have ever been too. All trees, a pond, many ducks and geese. My grandparents on my Dad's side and his sister and brother are at that cemetery, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Dee....I spent a lot of time while in Port Aransas in deep thought trying to put myself where I was on my life/grief journey...for some reason I have the need to know where 'I AM'...that has been ongoing through my life...for the life of me I could not find my place...I felt so loose from this earth home....felt like I was floating....so I decided to just 'be'...and not worry... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Paula...I so admire your wanderlust...I think it was Kate that wrote: I am not leaving you behind...I am taking you with me. She was referring to her son, Jeff...and her journey moving forward... I think in every parent's heart that we want to do the large and small things for our child...as Dee says...we now stand in their light... Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique...and each parent knows what their child would love us to do for them...you have your magnificent obsession... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 this is why I stay on this site...I so need the 'Me, too'....isn't that an amazing rainbow cloud ?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Susan----thanks for the screen shots.....true words,....and the rainbowcloud is magnificent. I agree....that the 2nd and 3rd year mark can be oh, so painful. We will never forget our dear children, and therefore,will always have the ache in our heart. With time, it gets 'softer', butis always there. Peace to you. Paula----So nice that you travel a lot, and that your dear son is withyou always. Dee-----The elementary school I went to was quite primitive.....it closedafter I attended for a couple of years. It was one-room, no conveniencesother than electric. Large stove in the middle for heating. It contained4 grades. There was a pump outside for water. Wow!....makes me feelso old to remember it, and my kids ask "How old are you"? and laugh when I tell them about it....(along with my husband). The county was all agricultural, not heavily populated, so I guess that theywere a little behind in moving out of the era of one-rooms. I have lovelymemories of my experience there. They have a 'country school reunion'each year, that I have attended with my mom (who also attended the sameschool). Of course she has not been able to attend for the past few years,but enjoyed it so much when we went. I read in the paper that Hawaii'sschools have 'heat days' (like snow days for states with wintry weather).It said that 90% of their schools do not have A/C.....interesting , huh? WISHING ALL INDIGOS PEACE AND COMFORT. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Houdiniwho Posted August 14, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 14, 2015 Beautiful rainbow cloud. Sometimes I just stare at clouds and meditate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 Sherry....I do not like air conditioning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 Susan, what a lovely rainbow cloud, WOW!As far as knowing where you are...I know it can be hard on some to be less grounded, less sure of your place in this world, but this floating is sometimes necessary for you/us to move around, back and forth, side to side, we can't stay in one place for long, nothing feels really comfortable and so you hover about until you find some legs again, until you find a spot in which to settle some and locate who you are today, tomorrow...we are ever-changing but you will likely find some activities, some hobbies ( your painting) or volunteer opportunities that will become something you look forward to, and if that happens, then that will be one facet of you that you develop and then another and so on...we are multi-faceted, even if you are feeling flat, there are many aspects to your heart, to your memories, to your likes and dislikes. So much of who we were gets lost and broken and unable to return in the losses we have all suffered, but some of it remains as part of our core. This is why I love George Harrison's words so much: You can't be lost if you don't know where you are going. Maybe we just don't always need to know. Sherry, I love the idea of a rural one room schoolhouse . I am sure that your memories are lovely. I am a city girl/suburban girl but often wondered what it may feel like to live on a farm or on the prairie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 Once again....Dee....thank you for your words of wisdom....I knew years ago that when my hands were busy..my mind opened up......sometimes I would get my best ideas when I would be vacuuming...pulling weeds....washing dishes....little things that did not need concentration....with this kind of grief I realized I had brain fog...and there was nothing that would blow it away....just time....for now....I do have less brain fog....and walking on the treadmill has helped with the insomnia....sleep is better....not great...but I will take better....I knew that was one way to get the endorphins pumping again...the loss of appetite is still there....when I would eat I would gag....so....I would allow myself to get really hungry...and that led me to find foods that I could eat....without gagging....I am down to seafood...salads...yogurt..boiled eggs...vegetables...fruit....I have lost 30 lbs...but in a period of 3 years...I am healthy...not anorexic..the physical harm that grief can do is very real. This mental feeling of being not grounded may be a way of the body protecting our souls... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 These are some photos of our Angelversary for John David at Port Aransas....my Daddy taught me how to catch crabs...with a string, chicken neck/leg, weight and net when I was 5....I then taught me children and GRANDchildren....we caught 48 blue crabs....will have lots of Gumbo... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 These are some photos of our Angelversary for John David at Port Aransas....my Daddy taught me how to catch crabs...with a string, chicken neck/leg, weight and net when I was 5....I then taught me children and GRANDchildren....we caught 48 blue crabs....will have lots of Gumbo... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 sorry double post...don't know how to delete... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted August 15, 2015 Members Report Share Posted August 15, 2015 Such beautiful photos Susan, the glory of those who love you and whom you love so fully. They know just how your heart works... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now