Loss of an Adult Child

[TMDParents]

Amen, Colleen. Amen.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, how terrible that your nephew Matt was in an accident...I am sorry for your sister...I know what my mom went through with my own sister Julie and her addiction...it is a disease that steals away a person a little bit at a time.

 

Colleen, very wise words.

[ericasmom]

Col, so good that you shared that with Georgina and all of us, a great response and a good reminder.

 

Laurie, indeed it has been a hard three or so years for Matt and for my sis and the family. Thanks for your thoughts.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Colleen I think our Priest was taken aback by the grief and torment we were in. He listened mainly and said very little but he couldn't help us really he's such a gentle kind and calm man though.

I think we're both feeling how could he be made to suffer a death like he did alone and afraid .

I will say this to my husband to see if it can help him. "God has received him " thank you it is a better way to think of it.

Laurie that's exactly what I thought that you can read what others have gone through and still going through and relate to what they say Thank you.

I'm so sorry to hear about Nephew Matts accident thank God the home owner was there for him I'm sorry for your sisters pain I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers

God Bless to you all Georgina x❤️

8 months on the 11th

33 weeks 2 days I just can't believe my precious beautiful best friend is gone forever. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

James with his best friend ❤️❤️

[shorty16]

Georgina,

Your Priest is a wise man.

I think, knowing how my Brian died may help to understand why I asked the question in the first place.

My Brian was on the hood of a car, along with another boy. The third boy was driving with 2 people on the hood of his car. The driver applied the brake at 68 mph. Brian flew off the hood, hit the ground and was dead within minutes. The other boy was able to "stay in front of the car" as it mowed down 2 trees and stopped at a third.

My husband and I were in shock Brian would even be doing this, let alone at such speeds. "Why did God allow this to happen?" Free-will allowed Brian and his 2 friends to make such a choice....God received my Brian after his Free-will choice.

I can now tell this story without crying. The driver is now a convicted felon for Homocide by Neglegent use of a motor vehicle.

Georgina, I am sorry I am not familiar with Jame's story. But, we have taken different roads to get to the same place.

Brians Mom 4ever

[Mermaid Tears]

Colleen....thanks for sharing those words...'God received them'....for that is along the lines of how I feel....that 'God, Mother, Father of the Universe comes with strong arms and takes them to their first home'....

 

Dee....maybe this 'accident' was/is one of those 'meant to be' experiences....where he will be in a situation when he can be isolated enough to detox and have some lucid thoughts...that will be my prayer for him....and your family.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Colleen, just some thoughts...as I read again of your Brian's passing, after being around many young guys, I think young men tend to take on more risk taking than women...My own son worked in the boilermakers for awhile, until I found out that he had to be several stories up on a small beam while installing new power plants (I didn't know what this occupation was at first I told him to quit)...in general men seem to be drawn to prove themselves...among their peers...but again in my opinion, I believe this is why men are drawn to become firefighters, soldiers, policemen, miners, even missionaries in high danger zones...and at times engage in not-so-smart risk taking activities.

 

...whose to say what the outcome may have been that day if Brian had known ahead of time that the driver would go at a crazy speed of almost 70 mph...I have known some of Jesse's acquaintances to do some very dumb things...

 

Just wanted you to know...if it helps at all by offering this...hugs...

[ericasmom]

Yes Colleen, and thanks, it is what I have been praying too, that somehow Matt be able to take this chance and live a strong and good life. I try to keep perspective, though it is hard as so many here have lost someone due to distracted or impaired driving. I am angry at him for taking life so lightly as to drive while doing heroin.

Today we found out that the MRI shows a tumor on his neck, tomorrow there will be a biopsy...breathe I told my sister, breathe and know that somehow, Matt is in less danger now than he was 24 hours ago.

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

I wanted to stop in and say hello. Things have been really busy, looking for a new place. A lot happened and my step FIL is indeed taking the money from the sale of my house. I've looked into my options and I could definitely fight this and probably win but... I'm tired. I have decided I would rather just start over, fresh. It would be a long, drawn out, expensive process and keep us limbo for however long. I can't handle that. We've been through enough in the past two years and sometimes it's not about being right, it's about being happy. I need some peace in my life and so do my boys. We've been looking at houses and getting ready to move. I just wanted everyone to know. I read as much as I can and think of everyone often. 

 

Here are a couple of pictures from Trista's Spring Garden... These simple things are where I can find a little joy. Love to all. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....I understand how the 'right to fight' is just not in you.....grief....this kind of grief....can really whip the strongest person down to the ground....here I am in my 3rd year....and I am finally finding some footing on this earth home ....and I am regaining some of my energy level.....

  but I know....if there was some big emotional fight on my horizon....I would probably do the same thing....and simply say...'come and get it'.....

   Trista's garden and flowers look simply gorgeous.....those are the small things that can help our hearts smile....

[ericasmom]

Shannon, how pretty the purple phlox and bearded iris. Ours are up as well, and I thought of Trista this morning as the purple blossoms opened.

I understand what you are feeling, that it feels better to go forward without the fight..I wish someone else could do the fight so that you and the boys could benefit from the cash at a later time, but I sure do understand letting it go. Letting it go in order to find a new life with each other. Proud of you Shanon.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Shannon, supporting you here, I agree there is a time to walk away...and getting whatever peace you can get. My daughter thinks so too, as I shared your story with her. Hugs. We are in your corner.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Colleen I'm sorry for your loss of your dear Son Brian. I'm glad you got some justice for him.

James was knocked over and killed trying to cross a busy road. The truck that hit him was a 32 ton fully laden aggregates truck. We have not been able to get any justice for James it's been ruled as a Road Traffic Collision.

Maybe I'm too stuck in the moment but my thoughts at the moment are how could, why, what if,. I haven't got to a peaceful state with this where I can think differently. I'm not making sense I know. I never do nowadays it's just we are a catholic family james believed in God he was a good person Kind Caring and Compassionate who loved his family friends and life so why let this happen to him. I do feel comforted that God has received him I just don't understand why he's taken him in the first place I miss him and it's killing me.

Shannon I love Trista's flower garden beautiful colour I will keep you in my prayers at this difficult time.

Hugs and Love to you all Georgina x

[Tobysmom]

I haven't been on here in a while and I find myself needing to vent.  I made it to the one year mark.  It was Friday.  I kept thinking after that one year, I would be able to breathe but I don't feel any different.  He did come to visit me Saturday.  LOL.  He opened the screen door and let his dog out.  Yes, he did it!!  I watched the screen door open and close on it's own on the third time he let the dog out.  It was without a doubt the craziest thing I have ever seen but I guess he wanted me to know he was there and he was ok.  It made me feel better for a while.  Yesterday I went to the cemetery and my ex-husband (Toby's STEP father) and his new wife decided to take my flowers that I left for the one year anniversary the day before and throw them into the woods to make room for her flowers.  Then took the motorcycle statue I left on the headstone home with her.  Set me back pretty hard.  Total disrespect.  Makes me sick.  

 

I was irate but Toby wouldn't want me to be upset so I am leaving it be.

 

I guess I just needed to vent today.  I have been pretty depressed lately and feel like it should be getting easier to cope.  

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Georgina, how hard it is to hear that the authorities are not going to pursue anything further...it is very difficult and it seems like if one  dies in the accident, so often they are assigned fault without serious investigation.

 

Toby's mom, how sacred to receive such a gift from your son. You may have heard of a book, Hello from Heaven by Bill and Judy Guggenheim, that shares those types of experiences. Marker times/days are especially hard, so hugs to you.

[Tobysmom]

Thanks so much Laurie.  Having someone destroy his grave site didn't help. Felt so good after his "sign" but then it gets ripped away from someone by being so disrespectful.  Seems like that I take 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.  Someday I hope to get to be 3 for 3.  

[Mermaid Tears]

[InHeavensKeeping]

Laurie I think that this is what is going to be such a stumbling block for all of us. I have been advised to try another solicitor to get a third opinion But it takes its toll being told there's not enough evidence Against a driver who's driven into our Son and killed him without slowing down or reacting. Even though their was a witness who saw everything james crossing the road. But. It's the drivers word against the witness. O M G I could go on forever but I just can't take this.............

It's just like Susan said ".grief....this kind of grief....can really whip the strongest person down to the ground..."here

And Shannon " ... I'm tired. We've been through enough "

I will try again but I just get so anxious and I hate sending all the private information to different people I've never met.

Take care Laurie won't you and thanks gxxx❤️❤️

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I am sorry that someone thought it okay to dump your flowers in favor of their own.

One year, I remember that mark of time, as though it was a date that would also find me doing much better on my path, but the realization of 365 days having gone by was very difficult to fathom, and the ache became worse before it got better It will get better, it takes time and a lot of effort and faith in oneself to find it a bit lighter. We learn to incorporate the loss of our Baby, it becomes apart of us just as that child will always be a part of us. We learn that we can trust that the goodness and love of that child will never be gone from our spirit, that they will live in our spirit. We learn that we will not foret, which is hard to trust I know, we will not forget their smiles and laughter, their tears and their sadnesses, we will not forget them, and once we can hold on to that, we find our hearts lift a bit and we feel more room for the ogod memories, until then we replay the sad even over and over and over. I remember being unable to to stop replaying that night until I made myself do something else when that constant replay began...At first I felt guilty not replaying the event that took Erica away, but then I realized that I was trapped there by guilt, as though not replaying the horrid event would be letting her down, and of course it could not be further from the truth. I went on here, repetitive but just want you to know that it takes a long while to come to these things, and no matter how many steps back, the steps forward have put you further than you were.

[Tobysmom]

Thank you Dee.  You are right, I feel guilty if I try to be happy and I know Toby wouldn't want that.  I would want me happy.  I know that.  It's just so damn hard to keep going.  I feel like I am getting worse instead of better.  Sabotaging any happiness that comes my way.  

 

I find it comforting in the fact that people like you have gone on to find happiness and I am praying that I will too.  I know people around me get tired of it.  I am trying to force myself to smile and find some comfort in something.  One day.  that's all I can say.  One day I will.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....(we have 2 )....

    I read your post about the cemetery episode....I think you should really set up a real physical boundary between yourself and them....for they are 'sicko'....in the real definition...

for anyone to desecrate a grave means they have an evil thread stitched inside them....

 

 

been reading....will post more later....thinking of everyone today....

[MissKylie]

Hi,

 

Sorry for not being able to share for the past few months. I still visit the site and read some of the posts. For some reason, I have learned to get by...And kept holding on to thoughts that one day I will have my daughter back in my arms again.

As hours turns to days and days to months and to years...How time flies. Today is my daughter's birthday. It's her second birthday since her passing. She's turning 7 in heaven today.

 

Since the day I found this site, people in this site kept me sane and you all help me to take one day at a time. Later we will go to attend a mass and listen to the priest mention my daughter's name for prayers for the soul.

 

When I arrived home from work, I saw my Kylie's dress washed and hanged. It's the dress she wore the last time I held her in my arms, in the hospital. I wonder why my husband washed it. The thought of  washing her dress makes me feel like washing away the last touch and scent that I can still cling on to that dress. Or maybe, we're starting to learn to let her go.

 

How someone so beautiful and so loved be taken away so soon? I don't know the answer yet. But I will always love Kylie forever and ever. I still posts her pictures in my facebook. Others may be fed up seeing me clinging on to memories. I saw one of my colleagues posted something sarcastic in FB- saying that if we keep on looking at the past, we should be taking up major in History.

 

It must be easy for other people to say to just let go of the past. When in reality, the loved ones we lost will be with us in the future. I still feel that there's a big hole in my heart and my soul is broken...but one day at a time...i'll be whole again. For now, I plan to fulfill my duties as mother to my son.

 

Wishing everyone with lots of love and peace. Specially this coming Mother's day.

 

Kylie's Mommy- cherry

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Cherry....I was thinking of you and your Kylie just the other day....and good to hear from you.....and yes.....we all seem to 'get by'....and yes....we all must do our duty and love our children on this earth home...

    but we parents also know how hard that journey is....I can only hope you feel the 'hug' I am sending to you on this day that can break yet another piece of our hearts....the day our child was placed in our hearts and arms....is now a day we can only blow our kisses to them....in their 'first home'.....and the tears that are shed instead of celebration.

      As for that weirdo that sent that message on FB....what a coward.....I bet they would not say that to your face. I hope you reported that to FB.

     We all know what you mean by the dress being washed...I have John David's shirt and shorts he wore to the hospital...thrown over a wicker rocking chair...I have been thinking about displaying it in a large frame...and photos of him wearing the shirt around it....or something like that.....all these everyday items become sacred to us....and that is just fine...we do what we can to hold their memory in place...there are no rules or regulations on how a parent chooses to remember, care and love their child. We are the 'star' of our movie.

[rlolheiser]

Wishing Kylie a Happy 7th Heavenly Birthday!  Shine bright in the heavens for your family..  and may they feel your presence in their hearts stronger than ever! 

[ericasmom]

KYLIE---Happy Heavenly Birthday Sweet Child.

I know that all of our Big Angels danced you around the heavens and celebrated the beauty that you are to them, and to Everyone here that loves you. Bless your Momma and Dad and Brother with your sweet and magical love.

 

Cherry, may you always feel Her love and trust in your spirit.

[Mermaid Tears]

Compassionate Friends are starting a new site...devoted to parent's that lost their only child/ or all their children...

I cannot even wrap my mind about their journey....I know many parent's on this site have that kind of grief in losing their only child...

[shorty16]

Happy Birthday, Kylie

Cherry, sending my love

Colleen, Brian Mom forever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Kylie. Her sweet spirit surrounds your heart until the day you meet again.

[wgreenlee]

Laurie…

 

I echo Dee and I am also so sorry that you and your son’s memory were not respected.  I have had solar lights taken from Brooks’ grave, as well.  I just “turn the other cheek” and buy more.  I’m hoping it’s just someone who wants a piece of Brooks, rather than a simple thief.

 

“One day.  that's all I can say.  One day I will.”  That is my mantra too, Laurie.  I have seen so much good on this site that I find the most hope from those who are also on this journey.

 

Dee…

 

What you said about replaying the event of Eri’s death struck a chord with me.  I thought long and hard about this, but I asked the detectives if I could have the file on Brooks’ death.  I don’t know if I ever would really read it and look at the photos, but I just want to know everything about those last few minutes.  This was just recently and they haven’t called me back yet.  Finally finished our computer testing...yeh!  It went ok, but I'm sure glad it's done.  Felt so bad for the kids who had to type with their index fingers.  What's ironic is that we know longer teach keyboarding, yet we test on the computer...stupid people!

 

Cherry…

 

For your beautiful precious, Kylie.  

 

 

 

Happy 7th Birthday, Sweet Girl.  There is a special party going on today in heaven.

 

Brooks' name was also said aloud at mass and it was so good to hear.  Thinking of you!

 

Susan…

 

I have all of Brooks’ uniforms displayed in his room…and of course I wear his shirts and shoes quite often.  His “shoes” seem to be fitting me a little better lately…maybe it’s time…acceptance…patience…his friends constant remembrances…but I am finding a little more peace and hope some days.

 

I have read the Compassionate Friends site about losing an only child, and yes, there are other issues, but I can’t imagine it would be a whole lot different.  Maybe easier in some ways since the grief doesn’t impact any siblings, only the parents.  I know that Brooks friends understand the loss of my only son, because I sometimes get invites to go to the park with them and their own children, or they invite me to birthday parties and stuff.  That shows their true hearts.  I have not had a whole lot of contact with Shauna and her kids, but we still text once in while and she sends me pictures.  She is moving on and that is good.  This week is a large dinosaur exhibit and amusement park centered around dinosaurs at the convention center in Reno, and that makes me sad because I know Brooks would be the first one to get tickets to take the kids.  I really miss that about him…all the time he spent with them and then told me the stories and sent me pictures, or invited me to come with to be part of his new life.  I have helped some of his friends through some tough times and that makes me feel good.  It’s nice to be needed!!!

 

Shannon...

 

I am so sorry for what you are going through, and so mad too.  Why do some people not GET IT?  I completely understand you just wanting to get on with life...me too...and hope good karma is on the way.  You and your boys are very special!  I know they must be excited about another school year being almost finished.  Brooks' purple irises that his friend, Chad, planted are just starting to bloom.  I look every day and today they are getting really big, but not quite open yet.  For some reason I am very excited.

 

 

Georgina...

 

I have those same conversations with God all the time.  Still can't understand it and haven't received an answer yet, but at least we're talking now...  All my hope I give to you on this journey.

[MissKylie]

Thanks for sending your love and greetings for my daughter Kylie.  Agree with you Susan and Wade in considering our children's stuffs as sacred. And wear them specially on days we want to feel closer to them.

 

Thanks for remembering. Colleen, Laurie, Dee, Susan, Ms. Gone, and for the pictures Wade...

 

I found this picture in my brother-in-law's FB wall. Made me cry and remember happy memories at the same time.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....I was wondering about Shauna and the kids....he was such a big part of their lives...and they were to him...and we as parents should never 'not want' those left behind to stay stuck in grief...but to move on and taste and live every day....

 

it is like waving good bye to someone who has to travel on....and yet....sad the visit is over....

 

getting the report will be there for you, Wade.....if your spirit ever feels strong enough...

 

that is how I go about my way now....if my spirit feels strong enough...I go....

if my spirit feels like it has a broken wing....I lay low....and wait til I can gain strength again....

it ebbs and flows...

 

I sometimes am reminded of myself 'before'....looking at photos or having someone talk about all we did 'before'...

there are aspects of me that will always be the same...but I do have a definite..'before and after' change...

[Sholl1955]

Happy Birthday sweet Kylie.   Remembering you Cherry and sending warm thoughts on this day that is forever in your heart.

 

My mother has suffered another stroke.  The first one was on December 14th.  This one occurred last Thursday.   She will not survive this one.  We had her admitted to the Hospice Home yesterday.   We are praying she does not have to linger for a long period.   The Hospice Home is the same one that Sarah was at.  Even after 3 years it was really hard to walk back in there.   I am thankful that mom is on a different hall and room.   It was hard to pass the one Sarah was in though.  Grief does not take a vacation.

 

Thinking of everyone here .  Have a restful night.

Sandy

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy...our Sandy.....of course...the journey is not about it all being the same...nor should it ever be...

I was thinking just the other day how different the journey when I lost my parents..

and the journey when I lost John David...but.....

we are with you....we so hope her travels will be in comfort and peace...and your vigilance will be of hope and peace...

hope...for her and you...peace...for the family....it is never an easy good-bye....

but it can be an answer of one of complete...

we are here to hear you...

we will never be far away from you...

we know how hard this journey can be...we will not falter in our comradeship for you....

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy...as you walk those hallways...that you know so well with your Sarah....we walk them with you...in spirit and heart...

we ...and many on this site know how hard it is...to pass that doorway...and it seems as if....you should be able to go through it...so familiar...and she is not there anymore....

[daveydow1]

lwbr6---Laurie----I'm sorry for your pain.  The first year after losing a child is

so difficult and the sorrow overwhelms.....the time is marked off day-by-day, month by

month, and then the 1 yr. mark comes.  It's hard to understand how you could

have survived that long without your beloved son.........I know,....I'm sorry.

 

 

Georgina----thanks for your kind words.  I hope that your visit to the priest

gave you some comfort,...but it's true.......sometimes there are just no words.

Wishing you peace & comfort.

 

HAPPY   HEAVENLY   BIRTHDAY...........SWEET   ANGEL   KYLIE.

 

 

Shannon-----Thanks for the pics of your beautiful flowers.  We had tulips

and Easter lilies, but they are done now.....and others, such as the primrose

are blooming.   Gardens !........they are God's way to soothe the soul   .

 

Dee-----Oh....so very sorry to hear of your nephew, Matt's,  bad accident.

Sending prayers for his return to health, and that he will make some

life-changing decisions. Denny planted potatoes, beets, and onions yesterday...

He was out in the garden all afternoon. Went to the cemetery yesterday evening....Lisa's birthday.

 

JesseDavidsmom---Laurie-----Yes...this bronchitis/respiratory stuff that seems

to be going around is nasty, and hangs on so long.  I hope your husband has recovered.

My husband & I both have had it, we're not over it yet, but I think that we are on the mend.

Of course allergies are always bad for everyone this time of year. Take care.  

 

 

PEACE   AND    TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL    INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sweet Little Lisa, may your Heavenly Birthday show you that you are forever loved and forever in the minds and hearts of your Family. Bless them with your Little White Spirit, as your Momma calls it. Like the prettiest little Anenome in the garden, a tiny white beauty.

 

Sherry, I am glad for the day outdoors for Denny and for the time to sit in quiet remembrance for Lisa.

[Tobysmom]

Cherry, I get what you mean about the dress.  I have the last "dirty" shirt of Toby's I could find.  I found it in the garage about a week after he passed.  I put it away in a drawer and would get it out from time to time just to smell him again.  I hadn't gotten it out in a while but when I did last week, his scent is gone now.  I can't imagine washing it yet, but I see how freeing that might be.  Just to let it be and start to move on.  Oh how I long to be able to do that.

 

I still have his "ni-night" that he carried for years as a small child, until he was about 7.  He wouldn't go anywhere without "ni-night".  It is soooo tattered and worn now and would just love to find a way to frame it and display it.  I actually had planned on trying somehow to save it before he passed so that he could pass it down to his kids.  Now, it just seems a little more important.

 

 

[ericasmom]

Sandy, I echo Susan's heartfelt thoughts, that we are walking with you down those long corridors, both those in the hospital and those in your heart. I hope your Mom can leave on her own and in good measure so as not to suffer any longer. Peace my Dear.

 

Wade, I am glad that your tests are completed...they take so much out of the kids, I look at these as spirit killers. Unneccesary tools to evaluate.

I am glad that you are finding your way toward spring, and look at you, waiting for flowers to bloom when I think it was last year you were asking questions about what would bloom in your zone. I love the spring blossoms, that each day there are new wonders to discover. Your excitement I am sure, has something to do with life, affirming that life goes on.

As far as looking into the files from the police, sometimes we need to exhaust our search, exhaust the facts before we can quit wondering and guessing, and then we can take some steps. Whatever way it works for you is best.

 

Sherry, the blossoms are amazing this spring. THe magnolia was astounding, the bluebells bluer  and more lush than ever before. Giant globe allium is coming forth out of its shell, and the anenomes are dancing with the slightest of breezes. I have been planting the window boxes and pots on the deck. I am happy in  these things.

Nephew continues to recover but also continues to lie. I hate what this has done to he and his momma.

 

just found that I cannot change font size or color.

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....sending a powerful message to you...in the form of understanding and caring thoughts....knowing the trip to the resting place of your sweet Lisa...and on her birthday ...was not easy. We are so brave....and our love will conquer our hesitation in making a decision to make the trip....set balloons free....take the flowers....celebrate their special day...for our child.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....addiction seems to trigger lies and more lies....from the addicted...they cannot even have a lucid thought except where and when they can get the drug....I am hoping he will be either hospitalized or down for the count after surgery for a long time....until a train of thought that is normal can come to him.

[shorty16]

Sarah's Mama

You said it...Grief does not take a vacation. Grief is my constant companion, even after 6 years. But grief has changed and become more manageable.

Sherry. Happy heavenly birthday to Lisa. May you receive Angel-kisses.

Wade...so Glad you and God are talking now. He is taking good care of your Brooks. I just hope my Brian doesn't get your Brooks in trouble in heaven. Brian has a tendency to do that. Love to see you on here again.

All my friends, Yesterday, I attended the funeral for a 22 year old who OD on heroin. Bobby is his name. I work with his Dad. I am so heart-broken for my co-worker.

Scott and I are going to play trivia tonight. We will see if We are smarter than a fifth grader.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sherry, thinking of you on this Heavenly Birthday of your baby girl, Lisa.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sandy, sending prayers on your mom's behalf for a gentle homecoming.

[ericasmom]

Colleen, I am sorry for the loss of the 22 year old. How terribly sad for your co-worker. I hope that he can accept your assistance and maybe he will come to the Beyond site??? As you reach out to him, make sure you are taking care of you...we all know how hard the reality is.

[wgreenlee]

Sandy...

 

Thinking of you and hoping your mom is at peace and knows she has your eternal love.  I, too, just wish grief would leave us all alone for even a short time.

 

Susan...

 

Your words lately are truly bringing me some comfort.  

 

"that is how I go about my way now....if my spirit feels strong enough...I go....

if my spirit feels like it has a broken wing....I lay low....and wait til I can gain strength again....

it ebbs and flows...

 

I sometimes am reminded of myself 'before'....looking at photos or having someone talk about all we did 'before'...

 

there are aspects of me that will always be the same...but I do have a definite..'before and after' change..."

 

They just seem to fit...to mirror my own and I thank you so much.  Except for here, I have kind of hidden my grief and made myself "normal" at school and with my friends...even Renea a little.  There seem to be certain days, though, when we are in sync with our grief and have a good cry.  I made an appointment a couple of weeks ago to see a therapist that Faith, Tiffani's mom, had recommended.  I pulled up to the office and sat in my truck for about 15 minutes and just couldn't go in.  I just didn't want to go back to "that place."  I just went and sat with Brooks instead.  Later I called and apologized, but they understood.  They told me to call again and let them know when I pulled up and they would come out and help me come in.

 

Sherry...

 

Happy Birthday to your precious Lisa...  I read somewhere that maybe those in heaven who went as tiny babes grow into adulthood with the guidance of God so that they may truly glorify God and enjoy the wonders of heaven.  That is how I see your Lisa...beautiful...radiant...lighting the way.

 

Laurie...

 

"I still have his "ni-night" that he carried for years as a small child, until he was about 7.  He wouldn't go anywhere without "ni-night".  It is soooo tattered and worn now and would just love to find a way to frame it and display it.  I actually had planned on trying somehow to save it before he passed so that he could pass it down to his kids.  Now, it just seems a little more important."

 

We also had numerous baby things that we were planning on giving Brooks when he had his first child.  One is a crib set of blankets and little pillows like balloons that my sister-in-law had made for us.  They were in a box for such a long time and we recently got them out, washed them, and now have them in Brooks' room.  They are too precious to keep in a box anymore.

 

Dee...

 

Brooks' irises...I don't know how they stay so strong and straight with such a thin little stalk.  They seem to grow inches every day.  It is not like me to be so excited about something like this, but I can't wait to see all of them in full bloom, and then tell the world..."Look at my son's flowers...aren't they beautiful?"

 

 

Colleen...

 

I really think our children are growing together and enjoying each other companies, because of our attachment here on earth.  Brooks and Brian are no doubt enjoying the "trappings" of heaven, and I think God plans on this so that heaven is truly a place of joy as they glorify Him.

 

I know I have some 8th graders that should play that game...

 

Love to all and comfort sent your way!

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade.....you mentioned that you balked at going to the therapist....

the reason I did not go to a grief counselor or therapist is for the very simple reason that they did not 'know' my John David...and it would have been a waste of my time and money. I 'found' this site one night when I was looking something else up on the internet...and was 'guided' to this site....I do believe there had to be some kind of divine intervention...

and this site is all I need.....for I do absolutely 'need' kindred spirits that understand this kind of grief....

and how grateful I am for all the parents that decided to 'stay' to help new parents ....and I decided I will 'stay' to help myself.

 

I am in my 3rd year....and I think my theme this year is: 'For I have promises to keep...and miles to go before I sleep'....

 

Life and living...the birds sing up the sun...we have a living to make....errands...shopping...list making...the phone rings...yard work..house work...cooking...family and friends...and holidays and birthdays and visiting and seeing the sick ones and greeting the new ones and then evening and night comes.....

and then we have to do it all again.

 

I was thinking just the other day that Mother's Day is approaching....I swear...it seems as if holidays come so quick...and I still wish I could just wipe holidays off the calendar for a year or two...just to give myself a break....for those are the times I do have to make myself into an 'actor on the stage'....to put my 'grief'...my 'sad'....in my pocket and celebrate and keep the traditions going for my family. They know what I am doing ...and they do look to me to carry us all forward. They are dealing with this loss as best as they can and they are like me...there are parts of us that is strong....and parts of us that are fragile as crystal glass. We simply have to 'care' for each other.....

 

Jesse and our new little man, Wyatt, came for a visit last week-end..and we all went to the Maifest parade on Saturday...Jesse reminded me that the last time he had been home for Maifest was when he and John David came...he was so very sad...and then he said how many times he wished John David could be there for Wyatt...like he had been for the other nieces and nephews. I had had the same thoughts but never voiced them to Jesse....it seems we all tip toe around each other....not wanting to open the door to our grief.

   Here are some photos....me and Wyatt at the parade....Wyatt and his big smile....Jesse and Wyatt...

[Mermaid Tears]

I feel as if I need to clarify my statement about why I did not go to a therapist/ grief counselor....

 

I believe that they are very, very important in helping anyone deal with grief issues...in fact, I know they are a healing bridge for many....and they are there face to face with a human hand up.

    Many people are so alone and so isolated and support groups are vital to their healing.

 

We all grieve in a unique way....and we all must work hard to find what comfort and solace helps us.

 

I do know that if I felt like I needed to see one....I would.

[daveydow1]

Hello to all  Indigos------Not too much time to post, but here goes......

 

First.....I want to thank each & everyone for your sentiments for Lisa's birthday.

this means so very much to me, as no one.....not even one person in my family

remembers.....Lisa's or Dave's birthdays or angel days.  Love all my family to

pieces,.....and it has been many years....so it is understandable ....that they don't remember.

 

Wade----Thanks for all the lovely pics of Brooks, and I love his irises....one of my favorite

flowers.  Also, I love the message you sent about babes growing up in heaven with God...

very dear words....Thanks.

 

Dee-----Hope that your nephew is coming along in his recovery from  the accident....sending

prayers.  Thanks for the birthday wish for Lisa.

 

Laurie----JesseDavidsmom....Thanks to you for your post, and Lisa's birthday remembrance.

 

Colleen-----so sorry to hear of your co-workers loss of his dear son.  This will be such a

hard road for his family to navigate.....prayers for them.  Thank you for the birthday remembrance

for my baby, Lisa.

 

Susan------Such a darling little boy....Wyatt.   thanks for the pics, and thanks also, for you

birthday words for  Lisa.

 

Must go for now..

 

WISHING     PEACE    AND    COMFORT    TO   ALL   IN   THE   INDIGO   FAMILY.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi so sorry but belated Angel Birthday wishes to dear Lisa and Kyle.

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina...no....you or any parent on this site has to reply to every message....it is enough that you are breathing...