Loss of an Adult Child

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Written the first spring without my son, only 6 months after losing him, maybe some of the newer members here can relate.

 

[ericasmom]

Beautiful Becky. Good to know that you are writing.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Dee and Susan I have been trying to take your advice. I feel run down, absolutely unable to take any more bombshells. A friend said to me the other day that she was surprised by me that I had dealt with a loss before, a tragic loss ( she was referring to loosing my brother in 2011 aged 61 ). And was able to carry on!!!!!! I just couldn't believe it is that what people are thinking. It hurts my heart to think they are It sets me back when it's said.

Becky I love the poem my husband and I still go to James grave everyday and as I sit there I notice the birds, bees, butterfly's everything is growing fresh and new. Just as you describe it beautiful thank you for sharing.

Much love to you all God Bless Georgina.xx

[InHeavensKeeping]

James ❤️❤️❤️

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....am sure you posted that loving poem way before I joined my 'new family'.....it speaks to all of our hearts...thank you for posting it again...and yes....our 'new parents' will get a lot of comfort in reading it...

 

One of my Grama's best friends lost a husband and two children in an explosion at a movie theater in or around 1942...I remember someone asking her how she prayed and she said...'Lord...let them know me when I come'....

    I was young when that conversation happened....but it never left me....and now....here I am...praying the same prayer.

'Please let John David know me when I come'.....

 

 

Georgina.....when someone says something that is so far out of the field of your grief journey...just put it in your file of 'not understanding'....

    I could not understand this kind of grief....until it happened to me.....it is simply ignorance...not meanness.

 

 

Spring brings a new season to all of us...another Spring without my John David...I have no Super Human Control in this...just Super Human Love

 

[ericasmom]

Hi Gang, i took the day off today, it was supposed to be the day that I would be showing Chicago off to Trudi and Carol. Sadly, we all know why that that did not happen. Trudi sounds good, she is traveling the steps of grief with her Daughter and finding her way. She knows the energy it takes, she knows the pitfalls. She also knows how loved she is here and how supported so continue to send prayers and energy her way.

Today is my First Husband, Michael's, birthday. He would be 68 if he were here. He died as most of you know, 5 years after Erica died. Yesterday was my birthday, my 59th. It was a great weekend with the kids over on Sunday for an early dinner and some planting in one big pot that will sit at their home when the construction is finished. Yesterday I taught and had a nice day with the students and went home after a chiropractic adjustment and went out to dinner with husband. Lovely. He bought me a movie that I am thrilled about, a documentary called, Bending Sticks that I learned about through a news article. This is about an artist who constructs amazing pieces using the bending of sticks and branches of trees in the local areas where he decides to build. Each structure takes 21 days and he uses all the volunteers in the area to assist. What an amazing artist he is. So now I am looking out into the billowy clouds and listening to the very chilly winds howling out there, a chilly couple of days here in Chicago.

 

Sandy, how are you?

Kate, doing okay?

Gretchen, the trip to Europe is when?

Leah, how is Mom?

Laurie, how are you?

 

Everyone, I think of you daily and send my hope.

[Houdiniwho]

Hi all, I am new to this group and have been reading the posts for a few weeks. I lost my only child in March and am trying very hard to remain part of the living, even though at times I don't want to. I have PTSD from 20 years ago when I found my fiancé dead in our bed from a self inflicted gun shot. My panic attacks have been out of control debilitating at times. The shaking, the spike in pulse rates, the fear have pretty much taken over my body and mind. All the great strides I have taken since 1995 have seemingly disappeared and I don't know yet if I have the will to get better. Each day seems endless, I am not even certain I want to join the living, but I still attempt it. Most people see me as strong, but truthfully I am so weak. Eating is a chore, focussing on anything is out the window. I have friends and family that help and call me or just come over for tea or a walk, but mostly I am becoming an isolationist. This is something completely the opposite of who I am. Usually a social butterfly that loves music, now I find I don't care about anything at all. My hope is that someday I can be the person I was and be able to laugh again.

[ericasmom]

Paula I am so sorry that you lost your beautiful Son. He is so handsome. I am afraid to say that NO, you will never be exactly who you once were, but in time, a lot of time, you will find the parts of the old you and weave them together with the newly forming pieces and find yourself again. You will laugh again, but it takes time and it takes energy. Isolating is something I think all of us have done, and I too have found I need more alone time as I age than I thought I would need. I lost my Daughter nearly 12 years ago, but I stay because this remains the place that helped me find my way that many years ago and I want to be here to help newbies like yourself, to also know that a life will emerge from the rubble. No we don't always even want to be a part of things, it all seems trivial after the loss of a so loved Child. You keep reading here adn post whenever and whatever you can, let us know more about your Boy and about you. Part of the healing that comes in this place has to do with forming bonds here with folks that simply get what it is you are going through. We will not run from your stories, we want to know.

[Jeff's Mom]

Paula, I am also so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son Jeff over five years ago last Christmas. I still find that I suffer from frequent flashbacks to that night. I try very hard to block it out and instead focus on all good memories of him. I agree with Dee in that unfortunately you will not be the same again. However you will slowly begin the long journey to recovery and at a certain point you will begin to rejoin the good things in life again. Laughter, happiness will once again slowly creep back into your life. Be patient. Take you own time. It is your call. You have suffered the hardest loss that any person could be asked to shoulder. You will find the inner strength and resources that you did not even know you had deep within. It will help to carry you on those most difficult days...as well as the friendship of those that are also walking this same path.

 

Kate

[daveydow1]

Paula----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son.  You have had so much loss

to deal with.  I understand when you say you may not feel like living life. It

is so understandable to feel this way.....especially in the early times after the

devastating loss of your son.  This is a good site to come to for understanding

and support.  Please come back and read,  and post whenever you feel you

may want to.  There are no formal rules here....just a gathering of people who

have the common thread of having lost a beloved child.  I, along with Dee, have

been on Beyond Indigo (formerly called) for almost 12 years.  I, too, spend a time

just reading,....then finally found my way to posting.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

Susan---I agree.....there is no place to hide.  As you say.....everything reminds us

of our dear children,...and always will. Thanks for the screen shots.....I especially

love the Winnie the Pooh one. 

 

Georgina-----I'm sorry that you are struggling so, and are so tired.  You have

been going through hell with all the courts and trying to find justice for your

dear James.  It is very exhausting,....to be sure.  Please try to get enough rest,

and take care of yourself.  Thoughts & prayers.

 

Laurie----You are right....only here at BI can we find so much empathy and

understanding.  Others may grow 'weary' of our grief.....but everyone here knows

that we can never just  'get over it'.....thanks for your words.

 

HAPPY   BELATED   BIRTHDAY.........DEAR  FRIEND   DEE !

Yes....it is so upsetting when the papers get the facts wrong, and print something

that only adds to one's grief.....very upsetting and causes anger and more grief.

The papers saying that ERi tried to outrun the train is so awful.....I'm glad that you

demanded that they retract it and get it right.  Also, it was nice that the young

reporter came to the hospital, and found out the truth......and saw ERi's family

in person....not just statistics.  So nice that you had a lovely time out to dinner

with your husband.  The stick artist must be so very talented and creative. 

We have yet to plant any seeds, but my husband did put in some onion sets.

With colder nightime temps, he may end up replanting.  He can't wait for the

time to plant his garden.....he's out there all the time....even now. Digging, raking,

preparing the soil, and 'dreaming' of what he will plant.   

 

Becky---Good to see your writing.  Thanks.

 

Continuing to send up prayers for our dear friend,  Trudi.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Jeff's Mom]

Happy Birthday, Dee! I am pleased that you had a lovely day yesterday. I hope that today offered the opportunity to get out and take one of those treasured walks that you so love. My thoughts have been with Trudi this past while... and I am sending love and prayers that in time she will be able to come back for that visit she has looked so forward to having with her friends.

 

We are off to Banff in a week and I am over the moon about finally seeing my grandies. Keeping my fingers crossed for some decent weather. We woke up this morning to a light dusting of snow. Seriously, give me a break. it's almost May for goodness sake. Thinking of everyone and sending love to all.

 

Kate

[shorty16]

My Indigo Friends,

Eight of us met in Las Vegas NV. Most of us have only talked on this site and Facebook. I wanted to show you all how life can go on with the help of those who know.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

[JD99501]

Paula:

There is many great people here. You have stumbled into our door and we offer you assistance a warm blanket and something soothing to drink. You are surrounded by everybody here and we all understand. Feel free to say however you feel. I have. PTSD and me are like new shoes together always uncomfortable and each day has its new challenges. Don't let the whispers from beyond confuse you. And everybody will be very effected and the whisper always lies. PM or find me on facebook JD Berry Alaska. 

[Houdiniwho]

Thank you all for your replies. It is so helpful to know that there are people out there that understand my grief. Jordan was an amazing musician who composed classical music. Breaking into his computer after his death we found so many songs and parts of songs that he composed. Also found on MySpace six completed songs from a few years back. Often I sit and just listen to his music and imagine him playing. His friends got together and commissioned a local artist that also knew Jordan to do an oil portrait of him. I have it in my dining room, near my kitchen table. So every day I sit and stare at the portrait and try and feel his presence.

[Mermaid Tears]

Happy Birthday Dee....you were born in the season of resurrection and renewal...and you give of yourself over and over on this site to help us take those tiny steps out of devastation. You so deserve all that is bright and beautiful...and may your heart over flow with every sweet blessing.

 

 

Colleen....thank you for sharing the photo and also the message of hope. You let us know that we will grieve and have those dark..dark days where the light cannot be seen and then slowly....a tiny ray will come through those cracks in our hearts and we will 'see' again. We will see with new eyes. We can survive.

[Mermaid Tears]

Paula....I lost my SONshine boy, John David, in August , 2012.....this has been the hardest journey in my life...one night...when I was looking something else up on the internet....I was 'guided' to this site....I can't help but think there was some kind of divine intervention in that....and my human boat was going down...down....down....and the parents on this site threw me a life jacket...to keep me from drowning. I was not in good shape at all.

   There are many parents that have graciously stayed on this site for years....I call them our 'Spirit Guides'...they are farther up the grief path than we are....but they wave to us...and let us know we can survive...we can make it. We get no map or compass when we are placed on this grief journey....it is like a foreign land....to be on this earth home without our child.

     Insomnia became my best friend...it was hard for me to even breathe....this kind of grief is very heavy.

I ordered every book written by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross....I had read one of her books years before and knew that her words could help me. The other thing I did was to 'cocoon'....it was instinct....I dropped out of all social and community events. That was the best thing for me.

     This kind of grief is very exhausting and we tell all new parents to 'self care'....be very kind and gentle with yourself...and do whatever you feel like to give yourself some comfort. Try to drink more fluids...and also...try to get outside for Mother Nature is still the best healer.

    Your Jordan is an amazing young man....you will find your grief journey will be as unique as your child was unique. No one grieves the same. Let no one tell you how, when or where.....you are the star of your own movie....and let no one put a time table on your grief.

[rlolheiser]

Dee Happy belated birthday my friend.  I am glad that you got to spend it with the kids.

 

Thanks for asking about mom.  She is still not doing the greatest, it is definitely hard to take care of her.  I thought for sure she would want to get out of the house but she doesn't.  She just sits in her room, mostly in her bed.  We are trying to have a 82nd birthday party for her on the 2nd of May.  I have a few people coming in, really not looking forward to it, it means more work.  Frankly I am tired out.  It seems every 10 minutes day or night she is calling for me.. (perhaps I exaggerate) but sometimes it is so.  When I don't hear from her, I check on her..  or I hear her when she isn't calling.  We got more news on her health, she has a cystic growth in her chest.  The radiologist wants more tests, I myself don't.  There isn't anything else we can do for her.  It is just too hard on her.  I have been trying to get hold of her dr. but it is not going to well.  I just really don't know what to do, the siblings just hand it over to me.  I just want her comfortable, which has been hard this last month.

 

My granddaughter which is JaBoa's age has come to live with me ..  she is 20, just turned.  My great grands are  a 2 year old little guy, and a 5 month old gal.. they are so sweet.  My granddaughter is homeless again, breaks my heart.  It is really difficult living with them, she has her hands full trying to keep the babies happy.  Unfortunately it doesn't work to well and I have had to pitch in.  Don't get me wrong.. I love them all.. but I am already so tired out.  I don't mean to complain.. seeing the babies is wonderful..  I pray that something works out and their daddy finds them a home.

 

I have another toothache.  I need to get it pulled I know..  Finding the extra cash is hard but finding the time is harder.  I would have to go to a dentist about 100 miles away.  I was hoping mom would be able to travel so far I don't even dare try to make an appointment.  My granddaughter isn't able to take care of mom, mom confuses her with Sena (JaBoa;s sister) she thinks she is only 10 years old, can't make mom understand who it is.  Oh well makes life exciting some days.

 

Ireally don't mean to complain, I am still fortunate..  I still find that losing my JaBoa is by far the hardest thing I have faced in life, and the rest of it is just the frustration of life.  I miss my girl so much.

 

I do get on to read about every other day..  no words or wisdom except to share your angels as much as you want..  I love reading.. I hate that your here..  but it helps so much..  yell .. scream.. cry.. or even laugh (which is hard to learn again)...  The angels are a great part of our hearts..  I want so much to hold her again.. so I have to hold her in my heart and she gets me through the days.

 

Be kind to yourselves.. there are many people who care

[daveydow1]

Colleen---Thanks so much for the lovely pic of all you gals together.  I don't know

who is who, but it's a good pic, and everyone looks so nice.

 

Leah-----Good to see your post.  I'm sorry that your dear mom is not doing well.  I, too,

have an elderly mom, and it is sad to see her weakening little by little.  I do

hope that you are able to get your tooth pulled.....  I had one

that was giving me a problem for 2 yrs., after having a failed root canal.  I finally had

it pulled.....so glad.   I pray that you can get it taken care of soon.   You are so good

to take on all the family responsibility, but  it would be nice if your siblings would

help you out too.  Sending prayers for you, your mom,  and for your entire family.

Peace to you, friend.

 

Kate----I hope you have a lovely time in Banff.....seeing everyone & the little ones.

Also, hope you get some nice spring weather.  Good luck.....this time of year

the weather can be quite fickle.  It's the same here. Nice one day, then rainy and

cool the next.  That's April.   

 

Not too much to say tonight, so I will just head off to do some reading, and have

a nice cup of tea. Hope everyone has a peaceful night.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....so excited for you and your trip to see those GRANDdaughters....please post a photo of you with them....you so deserve some of the frosting on the cake in this life....here is a photo taken Sunday....we cooked to celebrate Randa and George's Anniversary.....I went to my 50th High School Reunion on Saturday....busy week-end.....

   we all know that Jeff would be the 'best Uncle Ever'.....

 

Pibby, Me, Ran, Austin, Hunter Bear, TayTay, George...

[ericasmom]

Susan, great photo, thanks for sharing. The Children are all beautiful, like you. Strong resemblance in the smile, and I imagine that the spirits are similar, strong of spirit. Thanks too for your lovely words about being born in the season of renewal.

 

Leah, goodness knows you are the care-taker but boy, I don't know how you do it all. I hope that somehow folks understand that you cannot keep taking on more. Your health matters to all of those living with you, so you need your Grandgirl and her kids to understand how to live in unity by taking on some of the work. Nobody would ever question if you love all of them or not, but we all know that we need rest too. When do you rest? I am sorry that your mouth is hurting, I know when there is pain, there is more exhaustion as your body tries to ward off infection and battle the pain. Once again, you will need to take care of this because you matter. I know, right now there is no time to do such things, but how about you make an appo9intment for say...a month from now, and you can find ways to make sure that those that need looking after while you are away at the dentist, have arrangements for this.

I totally agree with what you say about your Mom and the doctor's thinking. To do surgery now makes little sense. Stick to your beliefs and instincts Leah.

 

Paula, Jordan sounds like a wonderful young Man, a talented Man. Love the name Jordan. I am happy that you have some of his brilliant music and that you had the painting made. You will feel him in many ways as time goes by. Time is such a strange thing when we lose a Child. It is all so surreal and makes so little sense. Remember, we are here, we are holding your hand.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

duplicate, sorry

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[rlolheiser]

Thinking of you Becky..  may you feel your angel's presence stronger than ever...

 

Happy Birthday Jared!

[ericasmom]

What a Beautiful Day to be Born Jared! Right there in the midst of a Spring day, and you are so like Spring. A fresh and lovely blossom. Your Beauty is forever, living inside those who love you and hold you close.

Happy Heavenly Birthday Sweetie.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

Becky....we are all thinking about you and your Jared today...I will come back and post more later...have a busy day ahead...

[tobyfreefoot]

JARED! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I HOPE YOU AND FOREST ARE HAVING A WILDLY GOOD TIME TODAY. 

becky i hope you have some peace in your heart knowing the vibrations of love between you must surely be flowing on through out the universe.

[tobyfreefoot]

leah my grandkids are 3 and 1.  my house isn't at all babyproof and when they are here my daughter and i run our tails off. she is split up with her husband but luckily her grandmother's house has not been sold so her father is letting them stay there.  the few times she has tried to move in here it just was impossible. my heart goes out to you.

 

dee glad to hear you had a nice b day. i'll be 59 in july.

 

susan  love the pic!!

 

paula  your son has the most beautiful eyes. my son forest died nearly 4 years ago and i guess i am a slow mover down this path as finding the way to live with this heavy drag on my heart is still a huge challenge for me.  friends having a portrait made is awesome. what a thoughtful thing to do though so freshly bereaved it must be hard to move away from.  if i had one right this minute i would love to lose myself in my son's eyes.  sending love

[daveydow1]

HAPPY   HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY.........JARED.....ANGEL.   LOOK DOWN FROM HEAVEN

TODAY, AND GIVE YOUR FAMILY YOUR GENTLE SWEET SMILE TO WARM THEIR HEARTS & SOULS.

 

 

Becky & Family.......thinking of you today, as you feel all the love you have for dear JD.

The love is always with you with Jared's sweet spirit, and your memories of your wonderful son.

Sending thoughts & prayers.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[Mandy's mom]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

Becky, I know that beautiful boy of yours will surround your family with loving and wonderful memories. I am thinking of you today. I certainly hope that your health is improving. Take care.

 

Kate

[Sholl1955]

Becky,  Thinking of you today and your sweet Jared.     Dee, thanks for asking  about me.  I have been reading everyday.   I have been keeping busy with my family.   There is always something or someone that needs tended to.  I hope you had a great birthday.   I have one next month and cannot believe how fast time has flown.   We also will be celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary next month.   Many experiences over the years, but only one that I so wish I could change......     Thinking of everyone.  Have a good evening .

Sandy

[wgreenlee]

Happy Birthday in Heaven, Jared!  Shine bright precious boy!  I look for all of you in the stars...

 

I think of all of our children having a wonderful party in heaven.  I think God would be ok with that.

 

Thinking of you, Becky, and the family, and praying that some wonderful memories help fill the day and make you smile a little.

 

My favorite picture of Jared...so thoughtful...so handsome!

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....been thinking of you all this day....let us hear from you....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thank you all for your kind regards for my Jared's birthday!! My daughter, Jasmine, planned the party this year, as I have been so sick. She did a great job. We are all exhausted this am. But good to visit with his friends and catch up on their lives. They are becoming so grown, with careers and significant others, and babies!! Wow!

 

Out of all the people who viewed our posts of the party on FB, there was only one rude comment, that I needed to "let him rest". I wrote them a private message and asked them how dare they be so rude and ignorant to say such a thing, that obviously they hadn't ever lost a child, and didn't know me or my family or my deceased son, whose birthday we will never fail to recognize in some way, what did they expect us to pretend he never existed? OMG, that really pissed me off this morning. Turned out to be the sister of one of our neighbors who had shared the video of the balloon release. 

 

On another note, my dad is in his last hours/days, and has been admitted to Hospice by the Lake, was conscious for a few moments yesterday and was trying to sing to my great niece, Emily, that I used to babysit, some old songs that I remember from my childhood, "John Jacob Jinglehammer Smith". Precious.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

duplicate post, sorry.

[InHeavensKeeping]

I thought I had posted this but when I just logged in it was still in the reply box ??? I wrote it two days ago. Sorry.

Happy Birthday Dee. I hope you had a happy day it sounds like you did

[InHeavensKeeping]

My beautiful Children who I love with all my heart ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....thank you for sharing that photo of your children...what a handsome group...and that baby girl is just Pretty in Pink....it is hard to balance all the grief and blessings.....I, too, struggle with that issue...many parents do....I guess we just have to work through it....tears streaming down our face.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

A little late, but

Wishing You A Heavenly Birthday Jared!

[ericasmom]

Georgina, I agree with Susan, the photos are wonderful. Beautiful eyes on your Kids. And that Baby! Oh my goodness, she is so so beautiful. Blessings and love to you.

 

 

Becky, I think that the rude comment is just that, someone who just doesn't get it and for some reason feels the need to let you know what she thinks. Look the other way, nothing positive in her direction.

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dee and Susan. They are driving down today to meet great grandparents and cousins. I am doing food for everyone It' feels like a big day for us as my husband feels in some way we shouldn't be doing it as its disrespectful to James. He thinks they will think we've moved on. I try to explain to him but I really don't know what to say when he says things like this. I always think of the bitter/better scenario and at times I think we are both turning bitter. It's such a horrible thought.

Can I ask you all for some help please,,,,,,,

My niece is getting married BUT it's on the 11th..".. Of July We always go to the site on that day and it's a very hard day for us. I don't know what to do Plus my daughter has asked me to have the baby overnight as they are going to a wedding But it's on the 10th but the next day is the first anniversary of James's death.

Why is everything on this date ???

It's just so hard what do I do please.

Much love to you all Georgina xx❤️

[JD's Mom, Becky]

My dad passed on to heaven this am at 2:25. I was up there all day today with much of our family, I got to wash his face, comb his hair and filed his fingernails, all while he was unconscious, but I was talking to him and telling him I was getting him ready to go. My younger sister came at 9:30 pm after working all day, and was spending the night. She said he starting feeling cool to touch, and she started to pray for him, and she felt a wash of peacefulllness in the room, that he opened his eyes for a moment, then drew his last breath. I am so glad he wasn't in pain, and didn't linger. He was 86. I went back over when my sis called to tell me and stayed until funeral home came to take him, and now home, completely wiped out.

[ericasmom]

And Becky, who greeted him, took his hand and led him??? Jared did, his light the guiding force for your Poppa.The wave of peacefulness is key to your remembering that your Dad left with joy. God bless and get some rest if you are able.

[ericasmom]

Leaving to babysit but want to comment to Georgina: Ask your husband what would James have you do? Would James say you must stay back from any other celebrations in order to grieve his leaving? I know that James and any of our Children would not. What your husband is dealing with is the ultimate sense of obligation and guilt, which is not abnormal at all in this situation but it is isolating. The fact is, the new Life in your lives is making her debut to her elders, a reason for joy and James will be there too, as he is thrilled that he is the uncle to one so lovely.

Moving forward never ever means moving out of grief. Our grief is now a part of us, like an arm or a leg but much more cumbersome. We learn to live carrying it next to our love as they are intertwined like no other. Tell your Hubby that we are rooting for his ability to take James with him to the gatherings.

 

As far as July, I find it hard to make a committment that long in advance and you may need to say that you will be there is you are able.

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....our sympathy to you and yours....I had to smile about the fact that he was singing that song....a song that is shared by so many in that it is a song from our childhood....His Arms were around him as he gently left this earth home...and I do believe as Dee said....Jared was there as he started his journey into his first home...

     Give yourself some time to rest....cry...and mourn. I have learned one lesson in this grief journey and that we need to bend...and lean into a place of mourning....for that is the most normal human reaction to losing a loved one.

[JD99501]

hey sorry for the selfless promotion I have released LOSS on the amazon kindle and it is free for next five days

 

http://www.amazon.com/LOSS-JD-Berry-ebook/dp/B00VCB7W2A

 

If you could read it and give a review I would be most great full. Just trying to get the word out on how difficult it is to be a parent with a child who is no longer in your life. It's free starting tomorrow.

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina.....I, too, have a big family....1 daughter and 5 sons.....14 GRANDchildren....(we had two sets of twins)....so....we have lots of days we need to celebrate...

   (my ex-husband said our family celebrated every other Tuesday....and it was then I realized what a joyful family I had been born into)...

     I was 'raised' to have a positive attitude....one of those 'cockeyed optimist'....when I was growing up..I was given maybe 20 minutes to 'cry-piss-moan'.....or maybe an hour to have a severe pout party for myself. Then...time was up and time to carry on.

     This kind of grief does not come with a manual...and I find that nothing I had learned gave me a footing or hand up in how to live with it. I tried so hard to look back and find a word or words from my past that could give me something I could cling to or a direction to follow....I may have well woke up and found I was on the moon and a barren landscape. So Foreign.

     I think you are feeling the same as I felt.

My son, Jesse,  made the statement...'We all knew if Mom could make it, so could we'....

      I can only give you my insight in how I deal with keeping my footing....balancing the blessings and the grief...for me...I do believe we..(parents)...should celebrate any and all occasions we can with our family....our other children need that more than we can ever know....and our GRANDchildren needs the traditions...and also...to learn the joy of life.

    When it comes to other social or community gatherings....that is strictly my decision to make. I am very cautious about accepting any invitation. I recently attended my '50th Class Reunion'....I was on the fence...and decided that I would see how I felt that morning....if my spirit was feeling strong...I would go....if not....I wouldn't.

      I was taught that if someone invited you to a 'party/function'....you must go...you must 'show up'....but...you can also give yourself and 'exit' or a backdoor.....you don't have to stay til it is over....you can make an appearance...chit chat a while...and then tell the hostess 'the party was lovely but I have another commitment'...

     I have used this old social skill many times in my grief journey.....when invited to wedding showers, weddings, baby showers...etc. ...sometimes I will only stay long enough to have a cup of coffee and chat awhile...but here in our community...I do that for I do so love the people I live around.

    I remember when I was young I had to go to a funeral with my GRANDparents....I made the statement 'I don't even know that person'....and my Grama said...'that is true...but we go for the 'living'...not the 'dead'...'

       So....that has been a part of my grief journey....to remember to do for the 'living'....

[TearsInHeaven]

Becky- so sorry to hear about your father.  They are right you know, about Jared being there for his grandfather. That was the smile on his face.  He knew and he was ready for his next step. And his grandson was there to hold out his hand and take him home.  

 

Georgina-- you have a beautiful family.  My Michael also didn't get to really know his niece.  She is our one and only grandchild and a ball of energy and love all rolled into one.My biggest regret is that Michael never really will be remembered by his niece.   We talked about him to her all the time and on Thanksgiving--the day before he died-- they talked on the phone ( she was 18 months old)  but for the little time they had he loved her so much and wanted to do the "child" thing and have his own.  Well, he never will and Piper will be are only grandchild and that is ok.  Piper loves music and a couple weeks ago they were up visiting.  She is talking more but things are 'Ok" "No" or "Wow".  Yes is not a word she uses.  Well on the morning when she woke up, she was standing by the portable crib-bed we use for her.  I asked her if Uncle Michael sang to her last night and she said"Yes" and rubbed the side of the bed.   

 

That same week in her daycare/school they were having music time and Piper got up and found a play guitar and according to the teachers she 'rocked it on".  First time ever.  My son and his guitar were inseparable. He taught himself and used to do some club nights out in Arizona.  He had already bought her a small guitar for when she gets older.  He had not given it to her yet before he died. I know he comes to her in her dreams.

 

Why is this journey one step forward and two steps back?

[InHeavensKeeping]

Becky I was so sad to read your post that your dad had passed. But so relieved that he didn't linger and suffer. To have a peaceful parting means the Angels came for him sent by Jared. They are together now in peace.

I felt so stressed to start with today it felt so hard with everyone here but my brothers son and daughter came over to see the new baby with their children so very quickly my mind was occupied with their antics just so sweet all of them. The day flew past my husband was wondering around very quiet and so sad just a broken man. But he tried and that's all I can ask. Dee thank you you are right James loved it when the family got together and would of loved today. My husband suffers with chronic depression and he is most of the time very isolated so days like this were always hard for him but now he just really struggles.

Thank you Gxx ❤️

[InHeavensKeeping]

Susan thank you my mum had 1 son and 5 daughter share has 14 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren. One set of twins. So we also have lots of celebration days. I love what your son Jesse said "We all knew if Mom could make it, so could we'...." And how you say we have to teach our grandchildren "the joy of life". Just makes so much sense. Thank you.

I will take yours and Dee's advice and wait to see how I feel nearer the time about the wedding. But I feel better now you've helped me make that decision.

It was such a busy day I'm completely exhusted I've enclosed some pictures

Dianne thank you I'm so happy that Micheal got to talk to Piper I really wish James had met his niece. He would of made a truly great uncle. I love that Piper maybe will follow in uncle Micheals footsteps. He's guiding her all the way.

Much love to you all and thank you for caring Gxx