Loss of an Adult Child

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, I am so sorry for the loss of your father. Last year around this time, my uncle was in the hospital very ill and near death. He said that his grandson, (Also a Jesse, died before mine that April 2012) had come and was with him. My uncle passed shortly thereafter.

 

Surreal, I will take a look at your comic book early next week. Thank you for offering this to others who are also suffering.

 

Georgina, I personally have not been able to attend any weddings since my son passed. However, the babysitting may be a blessing.

 

My youngest son had a baby in February of 2013 and the girl basically left the child in our care. It was hard at first but maybe a necessary thing. I realize your babysitting will only for a night, but it may be a good thing. I would be honest with your daughter though if you or your husband are truly struggling with any extra events. I know that sibling grief and parental grief are different. My own mother lost my sister in 2002 and it was different for me as she was my sister. But now with my son, I have a different perspective of the struggle she went through.

 

Dianne, thank you for sharing the story of your daughter. I had just went a John Edward event and he said the same, that many times, young children can see things that others can't because they are still so connected yet.

[Sholl1955]

Becky,

I am so sorry for your loss of your father.   You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers over the next days.  

Sandy

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...I did not know about the GRANDchild born in February...and then....left with you...

and we all know the 'grief exhaustion'....that comes....how amazing what love can bring about...and bring to our door step...

 

 

I am sure of connections....we cannot see...or even imagine...

[mommyofanangel3]

Heres my story. 

 

On the 26th of Feb 2015 I quickly ran downtown to get a T.V. for my children for their playroom they've been begging me for months. There is a recession going on in my city, my husband lost his job and my ex was $10,000 in arrears for child support. When I finally got a payment I wanted to get a T.V. for my children to do something nice for them. I told my husband to watch our 4 children (none we had together) while i ran to walmart with my mom long enough to get the T.V. 

Our children all boys are 7, 3, almost 18 months those children are mine and my step son was 9 months at the time.  While downtown I get a phone call from my husband stating my 18 month old had choked and he's called 911 EMT were at the house trying to revive my son. This was the biggest nightmare a mother could hear. 

My mother ran every red light to get up to the house but it was too late the ambulance took my son to the hospital, so we raced back downtown to meet him there. As soon as we hit the parking lot the truck was still in motion I jumped out and ran into the hospital in a mad panic when the doctor came out he was furious and asked where the large bruise on the side of his face came from. I was in shock. 

To my horror there was a huge bruise on my youngest sons face and shortly after security and police circled his hospital room and nor me or my husband were allowed to see my son. My husband claims the bruise was from the night before falling out of the playpen but he woke up that day perfectly fine. He was not the biological father of my children but he took on the roll of full-time dad and loved them dearly it surprised me how much someone could love another mans children like he did. My boys biological father has been a deadbeat, doesnt pay child support, tried to give the children to my husband in the step-parent adoption process so he could wipe his hands clear of the amount owing. 

My son was airlifted 7 hours later due to delays with the helicopter which i will never understand to a large city children hospital. When he got there the 27th of feb the next day they pronounced my son brain death.  I wouldn't accept it. I prayed every hour of his remaining life for God to give me a miracle I asked for prayers all throughout Canada it never worked.  I had to let my baby go. In our province they are only legally able to have them on life support while pronounced brain death for so many hours i had no choice but to comply.  

When i returned back to my home the police ceased my home, and social services got involved and took our remaining 3 children and placed them in foster care without warning. As if i didn't go through enough hell. My world was shattered. To make the best of it, that deadbeat ex of mine got interim custody of my son while the 3 month supervision order is over by the courts. Yes i see my children 2 hours twice a week in a public place supervised by a social worker. 

Because of the circumstances in which my son died i separated from my husband and i haven't seen him since my children were taken early march.  My ex lost his child just like i did and is now plotting revenge against me by trying to minimalize contact between me and my son and going for full custody even though i raised him alone his whole life as well as my other children. Its been nothing but a fight against social services who told us tons of false information and are on my deadbeat exs side, and a court battle thousands of dollars later.  I lost my baby and nobody knows what happened.  Then my other children were wrongfully taken from me right after. Im hanging on by one string i got left to fight for my children back and its unbearable. I wouldn't wish this hell on my worst enemy. 

I find it very hard to juggle grieving over my baby and fighting for my children. Im trying to better my life completely so social services can see i am fit to look after my children again. I took a course obtained 6 certificates, 2 safety tickets, my learners licence, and a full-time job.  I got a few things to distract my mind but the pain doesnt go away. 

For my birthday april 20, just recently passed i was written from the organ donation program telling me how the 3 children did who received my sons organs. It was a beautiful gift, gave me a little closure. My son is an angel now, I've received many signs he is with me. He was my miracle baby, he was my best friend. 

There are no support groups for child loss in my city and counselling is 5 months long, i don't know where else to turn. My family and myself has been through so much hell these past few weeks but were still fighting. 

 

Maybe someone can relate to me.

•  

[Mermaid Tears]

Mommyofanangel.....First I want to say how very sorry I am about the loss of your SONshine little boy...losing a child is the kind of grief one cannot understand until it happens. There are many active parents on this site....and it doesn't matter if your child was 2 hours old...2 years old....10....16.....20 or 50....they are still your child. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. Many parents on this site are like you....not only do they have to deal with this dark and heavy grief...but they have many hard situations and circumstances to deal with, also.

      We do understand how very empty your arms must feel....I do pray that you find someone near you to help support you during this very trying time. Have you tried to locate a pastor or church that could be there for you? Surely some church in your area has support groups for grief. Do you have family near by ?

     When a parent learns of others that have been healed or transformed by the donation from their child I can only imagine the bittersweet feeling. I do believe in organ donation.....for it can be like a miracle for the person given the gift.

     I do hope you get good legal advise and for sure....keep fighting.

[rlolheiser]

Becky, I am sorry to hear of your father's passing, its hard, even when your expecting it.  My thoughts and prayers go with you.

 

Mommyofanangel, my heart goes out to you and your family.  It is a hard battle to fight social services and let them know your a good mom, and to add on your loss is unfathomable to me.  Losing a little one, no matter the age is life altering, and your life is turned upside down in addition

 

My daughter had lost her children to Social services due to drugs and it was an uphill battle to get them back for her  I who have never been in any trouble was put through many things I never thought could happen while trying to get the custody back into the family.  All I can tell you is that whatever they want you to do (and it sounds like you are) do it.   Do it with the strength of your angel, it is hard..  I can't imagine.  I can only send prayers and thoughts your way, and hope you can put your little family back together may you walk hand in hand with your angel..  I still lean on my angel .. she was my granddaughter.. and I miss her.. but she helped me fight the good fight for her sister and brother..  her and the good Lord.    I hope you find someplace that can help you.  it isn't an easy road you travel, try to be kind to yourself, you need to take care of you so you can take care of everything else.  Feel free to come here to vent.. scream.. cry.. share..  our angels make us family

[ericasmom]

Mommy of an Angel, Leah and Susan have already given you excellent advice and support, I will just echo what they are saying. I have no idea what the services are in Canada, but yes, if you haven't exhausted the search for assistance, go for it. Are there public defenders or parents advocates available?

You must feel so lost right now but do hang on, those boys need their Momma too. They have gone through an awful lot. Is your Mom able to be supportive and helpful to your goals of gaining custody?

Keep us informed of the ways that you are feeling. I do think the healthiest aspect to being here is knowing that someone out there is reading and sending positive thoughts and energy your way, and knowing that we get it. And we do.

 

Peace All...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Mommyofanangel I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy. I am new to this site and all I can say is that you have come to an amazing place where you will receive support from such caring, kind and compassionate people that are there for you no matter what. Xx

Thanks Laurie for your support. I've had such a bad day today. Everything seemed so raw we were both so upset. We just felt everything. It's just massive he's gone forever

Much love to you all GEORGINA xx❤️

[mommyofanangel3]

My mom is a huge support she is on the phone and in meetings with social services a few times a week, she's phoned crisis units, MLA of our city we got a good lawyer from the big city near us all my family is fighting for those kids and to get justice for my baby. Its been hell completely and for those who know me and my situation they say that my life is like something from the movies a horror story its really bad. The worst part of all of this is i was not home when this happened to my son i ran downtown to get a stupid tv.  I am being punished and my children are being punished not able to see their mother who did nothing wrong. I don't drink i don't do drugs i don't break the law i follow the rules I'm a good citizen and my life is in turmoil and i lost my baby and now my other children. I don't know how i get through the days I'm barely able to sleep, eat or function everyday.   I just got photographed evidence of my exs girlfriends 14 year old daughter drinking and doing drugs in the house my son is in right now. I called the cops and emergency child protective services i highly doubt anyone will do anything about it this is unbelievable !!! It seems like the good people in this world get the bad things and the bad people get good things its not fair !

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....I want to mention how I love all those precious girls in pink in your photos....little girls are very hard to come by in our family.....

[Mermaid Tears]

Mommyofangel....am so comforted in the fact that you do have a circle of support....and your story is very heartbreaking...it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the facts....to deal with this kind of grief and then all the other issues is mind boggling...and not have your children that are still on this earth home with you...

   we tell all parents to 'self care'....for grief can cause grave emotional, physical and mental health issues....in your case...I don't even know where to begin....

    I can tell you we will be here to hear you....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Sistergldnhair66]

Its been awhile for me posting though I read all the time.

Mommyofanangel so sorry for your loss. And for what's happening with your other babies..bad enough to have to lose your child, but then fight for your others..why are some put through such struggles.Lean on who you must at this time, my heart bleeds for you

Georgina, sorry for what you experienced in court regarding James. Your granddaughter is precious. I now see that without mine, I don't know where I would be. My sweet girl, who I babysit several days a week has kept me busy. Made me get up each day and participate in the present..I see her as a gift, to be able to be such a big part of her life. Someday I will tell her what a blessing she was at such a dark time of my life.

These past few weeks have been hard for me..I was able to be given the opportunity to be a part of a documentary on addiction being produced in the UK. I wasn't sure I could muddle through it..but I did. It was the first time saying out loud what happened to my dear boy, but I know its an important message as the Heroin epidemic is overtaking everywhere. It was the first step for me, and wanting my Matthew's life to not have been in vain. We must help at least one soul...

I've been having flashes of his face, going to the store, in my car..in the casket..that I gave these 'I can't believe this is my life' 'this cannot be real' thoughts in my head.

I'm dreading Mother's Day. I don't want to deny my living children, but don't want to celebrate. Matthew was my oldest, the first to give me the title of Mom..how do you balance your grief for the one missing, with the joy of those who are still here?

[InHeavensKeeping]

Eileen your so right I wish they lived closer so I could be more involved like you. My daughter said if I lived closer we would see each other everyday.

Thank you for caring about James we seem to be fighting a loosing battle the driver has just walked away and were left to pick up the pieces of our shattered lives. It's not fair. I have also been having flash backs every time I see the same make of truck that hit him I have the flashback it's like someone hitting me in my heart over and over again. I feel like you I can't believe my life now. So changed I'm so different.

Everything seems to be so real now. I don't get it I know James died but I keep thinking that he's really gone forever. So hard.

Susan girls in pink I never noticed until you said. So cute. My mum says we need some boys in the family now.

Mummyofanangel I'm glad you have some support. I do agree with your statement it does sometimes feel like " the good get the bad....... Take care.

Becky I love the Photo xxx

Peace and Hugs to you all God Bless Georgina x❤️

[Sistergldnhair66]

Yes Georgina.. In a fleeting second, our lives have changed forever. I'm finding it very difficult to manage the new me, the mood swings are all over the place. I think the 'shock suit' as Susan described it is the perfect description. It loosens a bit, and those flashbacks happen, and then it tightens up again..until the next one. The thought that it hasn't even been six months, and it will last the rest of my days on this earth is unfathomable.

I hope to one day see the answer..as to why I was allowed to care for and live this soul, only to have him ripped from me. The person who was there in Matthews last moments is still in jail, for other reasons, so the answers to my questions regarding Matthews death will remain unanswered for awhile..

My only concellation in all if this is that I do know, without a doubt, Matthew knew how very much I loved him, and the lengths I tried to go to save him.

[daveydow1]

Mommyofanangel------I am so sorry for your loss of your dear son.  You have come to a

large and active site. Everyone here understands your grief, and we are at all points on

the timeline of our loss.I, along with Dee, have been here almost 12 years.

I hope that you will come back to this site and read/post when you feel that you want to.

We have no 'rules' for being on this site, and people may come

and go in their participation.  Many will need to take a step back from time-to-time, and

then return later.  This is understood.  Sending prayers for you & your family.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Becky----Oh, I'm so sorry to hear of your dear dad's passing.  It is so difficult to lose a

parent...(my dear dad died 20 yrs. ago,....and I still think of him daily & miss him).  Thanks

for posting the picture of you & your dear father.  He looks like a very nice man.  Bless him,

and may he rest in peace.

 

Dee-----Cold temps here.....below 30 degrees at night, and very cool in the daytime. Our

tulips are all blooming....and daffodils. .....but they stay closed up when it's so cool.  The

bleeding heart by the side of the house has 4 little blooms, despite the coolness.  How

are your flowers blooming?   My  sister in Minnesota said it's warmer there than here.   

May is just around the corner,.....but you'd never know it around here.

 

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Eileen...applause for you in giving testimony for the documentary.....we all know how hard it is to sit and talk....relate...remember...and the sadness is like a blanket wrapped around you....

but you were asked...and you stepped up to the plate...and 'gave'....

and we also know how hard it is to give when one is empty...paralyzed....broken....

like giving up something from nothing...

Dee said ...we are so brave to live one day past when our child leaves this earth home...

Yes...we are.

[ericasmom]

Eileen, When we can do something to help our Child's life and lessons carry on, to give creedence, to allow his life to mean even more than others know, to be a part of a community of those who lift up others through the pain and ache of our Angels...well that is a huge step. HUGE. You must be tired my dear, but you also must be sure of your Son's pride in you...and ours. 

 

Georgina, one step at a time, and many backward steps too, but still we move turtle-like, forward to the unknown world that we need to live in. The steps forward will show themselves one day in the not too distant future, you will look back and see how far you have come even when you don't feel like it is far. It is a distance unmeasurable on any scale.

[daveydow1]

Eileen-----Yes,...I , so, agree that knowing that your son knew how much 

you loved him, and wanted to help him, goes a long way to giving comfort

to you on this rough and painful road.  The 6 month mark is such a very painful point

because the  protective initial shock of losing a child is beginning to wear off, and the terrible

reality of it all is there in full force.  Hang on....and keep coming to BI  (formerly called  Beyond Indigo),

where everyone knows and understands your struggles.   Peace to you, friend.

 

Georgina----Thinking about you, and wishing you peace.  Dee said it so well......

that we move "turtle-like'  forward to the unknown world that we need to live in",

and sometimes it can be downright scary....not knowing how we'll be able to

survive in the new world.  Take care. 

 

  

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

[InHeavensKeeping]

Dee you are right because it's 8 months on the 11th of this month and I truly cannot believe I'm still here,I've been at times in a desperately low state and often not wanted to continue, but I am and even though my life has changed beyond recognition and I'm so different I have to continue for the living as Susan's gran used to say.

Thank you Sherry your right this life now so downright scary. But there are positives as I notice, hear and smell things I've never heard before or taken notice of

Much love to you all Gxxx

[Mermaid Tears]

When my hands are busy...my mind opens and little portals swing open....and my mind will wander all over the place....I was thinking of me being in my 3rd year....I mark time in a different way now...I think because I feel as if I live in 2 worlds...'Before and After'.....

   thinking of this surviving

then I thought of all the people that survived the Holocaust...many lost Grandparents, Parents, siblings and children...whole families...many only had themselves when they were freed...I saw a documentary on many survivors....and they all gave witness to the unbearable conditions they lived through...and the loved ones lost....but they moved on...getting married..having children...some having modest success...some having amazing success...

    they all seemed to have a 'knowing'....

I guess it is the spark of life that carries us forward.

[ELindauer]

For me, it was also three years ago when I lost my precious child.   And, as for Mermaid Tears, time is certainly marked as 'before and after'.  

 

It is good for you to remind us of all the losses that so many have suffered and how they have forged bravely ahead to develop a new lives.  It is so hard not to become completely bogged down in the awful grief.  Finding the new joys in life is not easy.  But I want to be a positive part of my son's life so I try to keep trying.  He misses his sister very much and I want to support him in the same way that he has supported me.  

 

This is a hard journey for all of us as we deal with the loss of our children.  It is good to have one another's comfort.  

[wgreenlee]

I am so sorry I have not provided words of comfort for all of you who are going through those added difficult times in the midst of this awful journey.  I have been so selfish in my own grief.  That is not who I want to be and each day I wake up hoping this is the day I can move forward...

 

Mommyofanangel...Susan...Leah...Dee...Georgina...Becky...Eileen...Sherry...Trudi...Helen...Sandy...Laurie...Julie...Dianne...JD...Kate...Susan...Gretchen...Paula...Colleen...Shannon...Lora...Francesca...dAd...Del...Maryann...

 

Thoughts of love and understanding I send to all of you...hopes for peaceful dreams...and memories to make you smile for even just a few precious moments.

 

I felt you near though I could not see

I felt you close here to comfort me

I felt your hug and kiss upon my cheek

I heard those whispered words that you did speak

I felt your loving touch soft upon my heart

I felt the pain and hurt within depart

I felt warm tears fall softly next to mine

I heard you say that all would still be fine

I felt your strong arms hold me with pure love

I felt the strength you brought from high above

I felt my son and all that he means to me

I heard him say, “Dad, time to set me free”

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

This blog was recommended by another mom I trust. Thought it had some practical insights on grief. It is written by Pamela Haddock on grieving the loss of her son:

 

http://ofmenandmountains.com/2011/10/18/the-path-we-travel/

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....no....I think you have it wrong....you are certainly not selfish in your grief...in fact....if I am reading right..and read between the lines....you do not have a selfish bone in your body...

  you simply have a 'Daddy heart'....

We will all grieve in a unique way just as our child is unique...what and how I grieve will not suit another parent....we are all on our own grief journey...we can walk along with each other...sorta like hiking on the same trail....we each carry our own backpack of grief. No one can carry for us.

 

I think some people 'fight' their grief....I am beginning to think that those who grieve deeply...bend into it...give in to it...will emerge with a healing kind of grief they will always carry.....there will be that hole in the heart in the shape of our child...we allow ourselves to change....we allow ourselves to evolve and learn how to walk this earth home without our child...as I have said....what I am seeking...is to learn how to balance and be between 'Grace and Grief' with as much clarity as I can.

     I am not there...yet....and that is 'ok'....

 

I don't believe my John David wants me to set him free...he knows that would be impossible for me to do on this earth home..your Brooks knows that, too.

 

Thank you again....for that amazing ...love filled...poem...and song.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

https://www.facebook.com/1755288865/posts/10200435336443374/

 

For those that have FB, here are a few pics from my father's funeral service yesterday. 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here are some recently discovered pics of Jared and his sister, Jasmine, with their cousin, Hannah in 2005. I hope you can see them....   https://www.facebook.com/jdaras05/posts/10200435468046664

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, thanks for sharing the pictures of your beloved Jared and father.

 

Wade, I agree with Susan, grief is so very individual, one's path on this earth place may be entirely different than another's. However, we can traverse this new foreign terrain in companionship, maybe whatever pieces of hope can be passed along and shared with another. It is in this spirit I participate here and hopefully we may all shed a little light on another's path.

 

Blessings.

 

 

^{Quote above from:}

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

“Only love can be divided endlessly and still not diminish.” 

[ericasmom]

Laurie, love what you said about 'pieces of hope'. It is indeed about finding HOPE again. Hard to do but worth the exploration.

I also love the screenshot.

 

Becky, those gems found are truly a gift. I have received two or three photos over the years that I had never seen. So very precious, captured in a moment I hadn't known.

 

Busy days at school, thinking of  you all.

 

Sherry, cold mornings and evenings but the days are seeing more warmth now, beautiful sunrise today.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sherry and Dee,

just wanted to let you both know again how much your support and caring efforts on this forum are appreciated!

[Mermaid Tears]

So Busy....Helen.....many parents on this site have had to deal with the kind of grief that comes from having a child pass from suicide....and I am so sorry to hear about your girl....please let us know about your girl and how you are doing....in your own time....we have no time table here.....if you can...please read older posts....you may find a word or words that can bring you a sliver of comfort....

     I have a schedule in the next few days that is daunting....but my son Jesse and our new little man..Wyatt John are coming to visit a couple of days....my heart feels like a wave of gratitude washing over it...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, sending warm wishes to you for the next days, know how much you are looking forward to this visit!

[Mermaid Tears]

the trip was safe...both 'boys' are taking a nap....only parents on this site will understand how your heart feels when a child comes home for a visit...

[TearsInHeaven]

Wade-- you are the most giving person and hopefully you can get some comfort from the many words of solace you share with all of us.

Your poem  was beautiful.  While neither Tim nor I are ready to let go of Michael your words touch a part of us that needs that consoling envelope.  His birthday is coming soon and I am frightened to face that along with Mother's day.  We never made a big deal of it but I guess just the thought.  But then I have my daughter.  She is the oldest and by all rights taught me how to "be" a mother.  I used to tease Michael that he should be glad he came second in birth order as Heather had to do all the trailblazing to get me in the mother realm.

 

Still one step forward and two back. 

[ericasmom]

Susan, I sure do get that alright, when our kids come home to visit, God please let them be safe.

 

A few nights ago, just two days after the kids moved back into their home which is only two blocks or so from us, Michael Baby had to have a CAT scan. He suddenly began to throw up and become almost unresponsive in his demeanor...very scary, so unlike him. He was pale and his little arms hung by his side. I stayed at home with Little Miss while my Son and his wife took Babyman to the ER. TENSION!

He is okay, they looked around and Jon was concerned that Michael had a concussion as his big sis has taken to being rough with him and head-butt him earlier in the day...all I know is we are all very grateful for Michael being okay. YIKES!

 

Wade, I agree, your poem is lovely and filled with the encouraging hope for those just behind you and Renea on this trail. Keep on keepin on.

 

Diann, you don't ever need to let go, you will however learn to trust that you will take your Michael with you everywhere you go, just as he will carry you. You will be able to trust that you will not forget. I am so glad that you found in Wade's poem, that notion of consoling.

[wgreenlee]

Dee…

 

I, too, am very busy at school.  We’re in the midst of our SBAC testing right now.  Fortunately, our wireless routers are working and all the students seem to be able to use their computers.  We did have a glitch on Tuesday when our whole internet went down for half the day…on to plan D!  The students are doing their very best, but you can tell they are frustrated with reading so much on the monitor and typing everything in little boxes, etc.  I am so ready for May 29th!

 

What a scare for your grandson, but I’m happy he seems to be ok.

 

Laurie…

 

I second that about Sherrry and Dee, but would also add you, Susan, Shannon, Kate, Becky…so many of you who have been a lifeline thrown into rough waters to pull the rest of us to safety.

 

Susan…

 

You keep such a busy schedule.  I never got to know how the pool building went…  So glad you get that special visit.

 

Dianne…

 

Sometimes Renea and I wonder how are life would be different in this journey if we had another child, but we are consoled in that Brooks was a wonderful, warm, and loving son.  One step forward…one step back…treading water seems to be the norm.

 

In some ways I have been so very blessed since Brooks’ passing with his friends constantly by our side.  This was messaged to me yesterday and I get a couple of these a week.  Keeps me going knowing that Brooks is remembered so well, although it always brings up pent up emotions.

 

“You probably don't remember me...and I would never expect you to... But I dated Brooks shortly in High School.. I remember coming over to your big house in Carson...the one behind the Walmart on college pkwy(that area) ... I remember you coming down the hall In school one day when we were sitting together (him and I) and you walked up and told him to get ready ...baseball practice was that late afternoon. He left for practice and I left for home... I had an infatuation with Brooks! I was drawn to him like a moth to a light as he rapped..it wasn't so much the rapping but just how utterly 'cool' I saw him to be.. This was my Freshman Year...and I think of him all the time... The smile, the blue eyes and that spiked blonde hair... Brooks and I didn't date much longer than a month or so If that...but he left so much light in my heart. He remained my friend for years after and even as an adult, apologized to me for how abruptly he and I broke up..which I forgave instantly because...it's Brooks, you couldn't be mad at him. Anyway... I am very sorry for your loss...and any tears this may bring you for I know I am sitting here balling...but just know from my heart...I miss Brooks everyday and he touched so many people's lives...including mine at 16. It was a pleasure getting to meet you and his mother the one time I did so long ago in your kitchen...but just know Brooks was a wonderful human being, friend and even exboyfriend lol. My memories of him will be with me forever...he was literally my first high school crush, and I want you to know because I read your painful posts and your poems remind me of his singing. So I wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug.”

  

[tishytwo]

Hi all,

This is my first time on a forum. I lost my son July 01, 2013 in a quading (utv more then one can ride) accident. They said he was driving well drunk. We have just learnt he was not the operator but his friend was. He blamed it on my son so he would not get charged with vehicular manslaughter.

My life has changed so much since his loss. I never drank and now I drink lots. We had to move from the town were we lived because he was close to home in the accident. I feel so alone!

My husband has to work away from me now. He works two weeks away and two home. We have been married for 27 years and never such separation time. We do have a daughter and I have a hard time connecting to her now. She has gained so much weight since her brother passed.

I miss my son so much each and every day!! I have no one that can relate to the pain other then my husband. He just can't stand seeing me cry, so I hided my feelings so that I don't upset him(make him sad).

Just looking for someone to relate.

[Sistergldnhair66]

Tishytwo,

Welcome to this site. I'm relatively new here myself, but this is an awesome place to bare your soul, cry, grieve out loud, because we all are doing it also. There are a few here that are here many years to help us along.

I'm finding this type of grief very unpredictable. Up and down and every which way. Learning this new normal life is hard to figure out.

[ericasmom]

Tishytwo,

I am so sorry to welcome you here but glad too, that you found us. It does make a huge life change for most of us when we find a way to communicate with others that know what it is you are going through. I think that you have gone through so much with moving after losing your Child and then husbnad changing his job/lifestyle, which of course changed yours even more. It seems you are alone a lot and that has to be hard on you. You said your Daughter has gained a lot of weight and that she is hard to relate to now...the kids go through so much loss when they lose a sibling, their partner in life is gone and their parents have changed so very much, and of course they have changed too...many households find that they are strangers living under the same roof. Is family therapy a possibility? Is therapy for your Daughter alone a possibility or for you alone? I just think that everyone is hurting in huge ways and no-one seems connected to the other, everyone trying to walk on eggshells so as not to cause more harm.

WHere do you folks live?

I lost my Daughter, Erica, nearly 12 years ago, Sherry and I both lost our Kids in 2003. We remain here to give a hand up to those that follow in our tracks and also because we are a part of this family too. Let us know more about you and your family, more about your Son and Daughter...when you are able.

[ericasmom]

Wade, I HATE TESTS, or at least the kind of testing that we now do. I am glad however that you have been able to access the tests online as they are intended, though I don't look forward to that aspect of this testing. THird graders are too young for such extensive reading and writing online.

Thanks for your good wishes for my Grandboy.

[daveydow1]

Wade---So nice that Brooks' friends keep in touch, and send kind messages.

Thanks for the poem & video.

 

Laurie---Thanks for your kind words, and the screen shot.  It's true.....each

one must work through their grief in their own way. 

 

Tishytwo----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son.  I hope you will continue

to come to this site, where everyone knows, firsthand, the pain and grief of

losing their beloved child. You will find lots of understanding here. Peace to you.

 

Georgina----It is so understandable......your being in that extra dark place at this

point.......8 months since your dear son, James, died.  I believe that  point in

the first year is especially brutal to deal with. Please take care.

 

Susan----Love the screen shot, and what it says about the hole in the heart

the shape of your dear child never goes away, but that the love keeps pouring out,...

never stops.

 

Elindauer----I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter.  You have found a

good site to come to and read/post as you feel you may want to.  Everyone here

understands the pain endured in the loss of a child.  I hope you will come back

to this site.

 

Dee----Everything is 'greening' up now, and lots of spring flowers are blooming.

Farm tractors all over the fields.......doing their spring planting. My husband is anxious to

get started with planting the garden, but knows that it is just a little too soon.

Besides.....he has a nasty case of bronchitis now, so has to take it easy. He

went to the VA today and got check-up and medicine. Seems like one or both

of us has been 'under the weather' for quite some time.   , but I'm coming along

ok.  Weather is to get very nice in the next couple days. yay!  As for the  tests for 3rd

graders......everyone seems to be against them.....can't see why they persist in

requiring them, really.  I'm not a teacher, but I agree..... all that reading and writing

is a bit much for kids that age. 

 

 

WISHING  PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Susan when I read this it made me think so deeply of this life. I was listening to the radio today and a survivor, who was 92, was crying when he talked of what he had been through and the parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews that he had watched go to their deaths. He was still so traumatised and it brought back to me what you said. " the spark of life carries us forward" this man in spite of all that had happened to him had continued with his life, I really don't know how, but he did and as he said he had a happy life thereafter.

then I thought of all the people that survived the Holocaust...many lost Grandparents, Parents, siblings and children...whole families...many only had themselves when they were freed...I saw a documentary on many survivors....and they all gave witness to the unbearable conditions they lived through...and the loved ones lost....but they moved on...getting married..having children...some having modest success...some having amazing success...

they all seemed to have a 'knowing'....

I guess it is the spark of life that carries us forward.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Sherry thank you You, Dee, Laurie and Susan all have such Kind Caring Hearts. You can discribe exactly how I'm feeling, what I'm feeling and how's it's affecting me. You make me feel better with you words and support

I'm really struggling just keep walking around wondering what to do. The reality just keeps kicking in and then I cry tears that take my breath away. I've lost interest in things I just want to curl up and never get up

We had our priest to see us today. My husband said to him we don't understand why he took James he was one of the best and it doesn't make sense. He said I just want to see him again for a few minuets just to see if he's alright and not afraid. It was just so sad he was crying quietly as he was talking. Our Priest didn't know what to say. The answers we want he cannot answer. He was very caring.

Wade I really liked the song and poem. Thank you how it must of made you feel to receive the letter from the ex girlfriend. Just shows there are amazing compassionate people out there.such a comfort for you.

Tishytwo I'm sorry you've had to join us I wouldn't want this journey for anyone. But here you will have somewhere to cry and shout and good caring people to listen to you.

God Bless Georgina xx

[InHeavensKeeping]

Oh and Laurie thank you for the Pathway link really excellent lots and lots on there to read and strategies to use. Thanks again Laurie xx

God Bless Georgina xx

[flocicero]

It's been a while since posting but I have been reading when I can. Wade, I love the poem & the song....just let tears stream down my face as I read & listen.....feeling sad for the new parents on this site.....I'm coming up on 8 months in a week since losing Michael...don't understand how time is moving ....I feel disconnected from everyone.... Wade I understand what you mean by feeling selfish......all I think about is my son, my grief, my life without him.....

I'm not going to my nieces birthday party....she just "graduated" from a rehab & is doing well , I'm happy for her but I sit here & ask why couldn't my Michael have freed himself of his addiction?

Dee, Susan, Sherry, Laurie ,all of you that continue to be here....thank you

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Francesca, we don't know why some seem to overcome those addictions, my own sister suffered a lifelong addiction until her death (unrelated to that).

 

Georgina, it was good that you found the blog to be of some help. I have been reading other bereaved parent's writings, it seems be helpful to have someone else's perspective and the telling of the real emotions that go along with this journey.

 

Tishytwo, I am sorry for the loss of your son. The changes so soon, even if necessary, can be daunting in themselves. This has been a very caring "place" and I don't know if anything could have helped me more than to come here and share.

 

Dee, you mention that your son and DIL live right down from you. Did they do some kind of remodeling? I thought you had posted something about that once. What a comfort to have them so close by.

 

Sherry, we have our garden dug up. I am not sure if my husband is going to plant anything or not. He has taken over the gardening here. Sorry to hear that you and your husband have not been feeling well lately. It seems like a person struggles more with just getting over the common cold, my husband just had another bad one that lasted over a week.

 

Wade, thanks for sharing the lovely post that Brook's friend shared with you. It helps when others say, we remember...Are you and Renea still going to the Compassionate Friends meetings? I never went here, I don't think the group was very strong.

 

Becky, Susan, Wade, Gretchen, Shannon, Ted, Surreal, Kate, Dianne, and all that come here, sending you warm thoughts for the day.

[ericasmom]

Mike's Mom, it is totally understandable to wonder why not Mike? And not going to your Niece's celebration should be understood by all others.

 

My nephew Matt was in a triple roll-over yesterday...using heroin again. He will have surgery on Monday for fractured or broken vertebrae and a broken sternum. He has had what seems nine lives, eventually they will run out and we are praying that somehow, he is able to see this as a chance to make it right. He narrowly missed a large oak tree, and if the man whose property Matt's car landed wasn't home, Matt would have died. The man pulled Matt from the car and the car burst into flames right after. So Matt will make a choice that doesn't feel like his, but essentially it is, to get the help that is truly needed or not. Addiction is a sickness, Matthew is sick with it. My sister is a mere shadow of herself in all of this.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, it is so wonderful to have them back in the neighborhood, a simple 2.5 block walk which I will be doing to babysit in a bit. They were out of their home for 8 months while a second story was put on and the whole first floor was gutted and re done. So pretty.

 

Sherry, so many folks have that same issue as your husband right now. A really bad upper respiratory. I hope he gets well very quickly. The day is gorgeous out there today, warm and sunny, mild breezes. OUr magnolia lasted longer than usual I think due to the cool temps this early spring. The bluebells are a treat and I adore seeing them all around town. Everything is coming up, exciting time for we gardeners.

[shorty16]

Georgina,

I had to reply to your Priest who had no words when your husband asked him "Why did God have to take James?"

I asked the same question to my Pastor after my Brian died and this was her response "God did not Take Brian, God received him"

I have lived with the promise of that statement for 6.5 years.

God did not take your James...God received him! May this statement bring you some peace over this grief journey.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever