Loss of an Adult Child

[mikesmomrs]

To all of you, I wish you peace also, and a quiet mind as we travel through these days of family, love and being together. We are using the stocking idea, also, and everyone has really jumped on it as a way to connect and to bring Mike into the Christmas celebration. Thank you all so very much, for reaching out, for posting, for your support through these last couple of horrible months.

We finally got to go to the funeral parlor today to pick up our son's ashes, and I must tell you a short story that goes along with that. I was feeling really down that there just seemed to be one thing or anothre that was preventing us from going there, over the last few weeks. We would plan, and then the plans would fall through. Well, we actually went there today, with a tiny bit of lightness in our hearts, as we were thinking of finally "bringing him home." After we got home, and we put the urn in it's place in the cabinet and turned the lights on, I remembered that there was something i had to look for in the basement. While I was down there, I was led to look in one of my son's storage boxes, one that I had taken apart just a week ago, looking for his music box from his childhood. I could not find it, and gave up, thinking it must have disappeared somewhere along the way. Well, this time, as I opened the lid to the box, right there on top, was the music box. I don't even know what made me go to that box at that moment (well, I do know now!). But I just couldn't believe it. I brought it upstairs, and wound it up. It plays what was his absolute favorite song when he was small: "Music box Dancer." We let it play while we finished placing his urn, and stood there and cried, but cried with a sense of peace. It was done. And it was done in style! thank you, Mike, thanks for everything! Merry Christmas. And Merry Christmas to all of you. Love, Carol

[robsmom]

CAROL, I AM SO HAPPY THAT THINGS WENT WELL FOR YOU TODAY WHEN PICKING UP MIKE'S ASHES. THE CEREMONY SOUNDED BEAUTIFUL AS I AM SURE IT WAS. OF COURSE MIKE TOLD

TOLD YOU TO GO THERE. I TRULY BELIEVE THAT.

ABOUT A MONTH AGO AROUND TEN O'CLOCK AT NIGHT MY HUSBAND WAS GOING TO BED. WHEN HE TRIED TO SET THE CLOCK HE SAID IT WAS MAKING A WIERD NOISE. I HAVE THE CLOCK A LONG TIME AND IT NEVER MADE ANY KIND OF NOISE. ANYWAY WE BOTH WENT TO SLEEP. ABOUT 2 A M THIS STRANGE LOUD VERY STATICY NOISE WOKE ME UP. I REACHED OVER AND JUST TOUCHED THE TOP OF THE CLOCK AND IT STOPPED. AT 4:10 AM THE SAME THING HAPPENED THIS TIME LOUDER AND WHEN I TOUCHED THE CLOCK IT STOPPED. I KNOW ROB WAS THERE AND WAS LETTING ME KNOW THAT HE WAS.

I READ HERE SOMEWHERE THAT SOMEONE SAID THEY FIND THEMSELVES SITTING AND STARING. I FIND MYSELF DOING THE SAME THING. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HE IS NOT HERE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I KNOW HE ISN'T. IT IS SUCH A STRANGE FEELING. WAITING, WAITING, WAITING. I WILL WAIT FOR ROB TO COME HOME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. IT IS SUCH A HORRIBLE LONELY ACHE IN THE HEART THAT WE ARE ALL EXPERIENCING.

LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.

mommabets; hope your mom is doing better. you are a remarkable lady. i know you have gotten me through many a rough day just reading your postings. THANK YOU.

ROBSMOM---LORRAINE

[erinnzmom]

Hi All,

Can't seem to sleep lately, this second Christmas without Erinn seems to be hitting me harder than the first one. Friday when I got to work I went right into a delivery and the baby's name was Erin, Then we had a labor patient who's name was Erin, it's not that common a name and I was surrounded by it on Friday. I would have taken a Mental health day on Friday but we've been so busy ...and I promised my friend that I'd be her twin sister's delivery nurse...she had a beautiful baby girl Anelise! I'm hanging on by my fingernails and I'm caring for all of these people...I know that I do make a difference and it's what I'm supposed to do..but a part of me wants to hibernate until April....My 14 year old granddaughter, Katie,she has a "boyfriend" the sweet puppy love kind...the kind that "I slow danced twice!" the kind where she comes home glowing...Her mom is supposed to be here sharing this!!! Katie wrote a free verse poem at school last week..I'd like to share it with you...

She’s…………Gone

How are you?

Fine I say but think in my head,

How do you think I feel…..

She’s gone.

Why and How,

could She be gone,

She was there in the hospital bed,

Safe and just there.

Not gone,

In that waiting room people,

Crying and squeezing my hand,

till it’s numb and I tell them to stop.

But when they called the code,

everybody stopped.

Stopped crying,

Stopped squeezing,

and just stopped and waited

to see what happened.

Thanks for listening. Peace and Hope through these Holidays for everyone.

Hugs and prayers,

Love,

Laurie

Always Erinnzmom

[robsmom]

Erinnzmom

I am in the same boat just about hanging on by my fingernails. This is my first Christmas without Rob. On January 20, he will be gone a year. A YEAR. I just can't believe I haven't seen him in a year. Where did the year go and what happened during this year. I have no idea. I feel as though I've sort of glided through this year in a haze or a fog with no light at the end of the tunnel.

I thought if I got through this year that the second would be a little less painful but you along with a lot of others have said the second is worse than the first. I can't even imagine.

You're granddaughters poem is beautiful and very, very true. When people say how are you doing, most times you automatically say fine because you don't want to really get into it because it will really upset you and to be honest most times they think that after a few months, or a year or two that you should be over it. They don't have a clue. Your're granddaughter is a very perceptive young lady and hit the nail right on the head.

mommabets

Hope your holiday goes well and that you are at peace but I know that none of us will be.

Mikes mom Carol

I think about you all the time and how you are hurting and remember in the first few months how that felt. HORRIBLE. Soon it will be a year and I am still numb.

I am going to my daughters tonight staying overnight and my son, daughter in law and grandson will come there tomorrow so I won't be home so to everyone here at BI I want to wish you peace and love and I know that all our angels will be with us. They just have to be.

ROBSMOM---FOREVER AND EVER -- LORRAINE MY GOD I AM HEARTBROKEN AND I KNOW I AM BABBLING BUT I JUST CAN'T HELP IT. SORRY!!!

[briansdad]

I was given a gift last night to help our family through this holiday season.

Brian's sister had a baby girl last night. Her name? Brianna of course!!!

This has to be the best Christmas gift EVER. I know Uncle Brian would have been so happy.

Peace to all my friends here.

Greg

[lorismom]

For Briansdad ~ Congratulations to you! What a beautiful gift.......your precious little granddaughter, Brianna.

For Mamabets ~ Thinking of you and hoping that your Mom is feeling better.

For All ~ Just want to wish all of my BI family a peaceful Christmas. May you all be blessed with some special memories of your dear children to comfort you through the holiday season.

Take care everyone,

Patty

[daveydow1]

Briansdad,

Congratulations on your new little granddaughter,

Brianna. She will warm your heart, and bring many

smiles to all who love her. My new grandson, 4 mo.

old, also has my son's name for his middle name---

Trenton David. Babies are such a gift.

Erinnzmom,

What a thoughtful and nice poem your granddaughter

wrote for her Mom. Bless her.

To ALL of our family here at BI,

Best wishes and prayers for peace, comfort, tranquility,

and hope. Mamabets said it well---our dearly beloved

children are with us always and ever.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[kathy714]

TO ALL,I want to wish everyone at B.I a very Merry Christmas and to thank everyone for their support and their caring words of wisdom over the past two years.I hope everyone has a peaceful Christmas and keep good memories of all our little angels close to our hearts....T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Dear Briansdad,Congratulations to your new little bundle of joy,what a perfect little christmas present,and i love her name,i am sure Brian was there through the whole experience cheering his sister on....Hope you and your family have a nice Christmas...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,i hope you have a peaceful christmas,and i hope all is well,Iam working right now Christmas eve 7p-7a,then i will probally sleep most of the day ,Kevin,Ashley,and Candence will come in the morning to open gifts.I will keep you in my thoughts,Have a nice day tomorrow, i will look for you online..T/C K athy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[karenc]

Thinking of you all, especially today. I posted this a few days ago on the Loss of a Teenager page, as it was the first page I found, and therefore the first I identified with. I am posting it here too as I would like you to know I am thinking of you, and I understand how difficult life can be without someone you love. My brother Dave was 30 when he died (suddenly) three and a half years ago. I feel for you all.

Hi everyone,

A couple of nights ago I found this website and read your heartbreaking messages. I am so sorry for your losses – your wonderful children who will not see this Christmas with their families. I can’t imagine what it is to lose a child, but I continue to witness my parents’ grief, and my friend’s mum’s grief, and I know how utterly devastated I am to have lost my brother David, who was also my best friend.

There are many of you for whom this will be the first Christmas without your son or daughter. I feel so much for you all. Many of you talk about Thanksgiving being incredibly hard – we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Australia, but personally I found the first Christmas extremely hard, and New Year’s Eve even harder. Beginning a new year that my brother would never see was excruciatingly painful, and even now, three and a half years later, the grief is enormous even though day-to-day life is more manageable. I would say the loss is just as hard to bear now as it was when it happened (suddenly – Dave died from SUDEP, which we had never heard of). The enormity of the loss is not so constant though. You learn to live around it, I guess. Maybe it’s a self-preservation mechanism. Somehow you can function better in the world and when someone asks how you are you no longer feel the need to scream at the craziness of that question. The world has ended – how can they not realise?

When David died it was the worst day of my life, and today we started sorting through some of his things – it has just been too hard until now.

My parents continue to inspire me with the way they find joy in life despite their unfathomable loss. As Dave’s only sibling it is hard to be the one who is left (there is guilt – it should have been me), especially as Dave lit up every room with his contagious enthusiasm for life and I stumble and struggle and behave bizarrely, but I am doing my best. I have been in shock for so long and I still feel disbelief about what has happened, like I am living in some sort of horrible parallel reality where David doesn’t exist. Although of course he does exist, larger than ever and every breath I take hurts because of the enormous hole in our lives.

I am very proud of all of us, our little family of three, for bravely continuing on, and searching for new meaning when all meaning was gone. I truly wanted to die. I know my mum felt the same. Every night when I went to bed I wished that I would never wake up. The world is different now and I am changed forever. I don’t remember who I was before.

In any case, this is just to let you know that I am thinking of you all, and I am so sorry about what has happened, and I wish you strength, especially through this holiday season. You are not alone, and I wish I could help. I wish you comfort from all around you and please be kind to yourselves over the next weeks, months and years. There is no right way to grieve. You are dealing with the unthinkable, and your strength in the face of such sadness inspires me.

Take care.

Karen

[mamabets]

For Lorismom~ Your sweet words...I carry them with me always, Patty. Please email me at huntross4@aol.com, so we can exchange stories about our angels. Merry Christmas to you and please email me soon!!! I love you!! xoxoxmamabets

[mamabets]

For Kathy 714~ We will catch up- It is a crazy time of the year!!!! I love you and I wish all of the Blacks a Merry Christmas!!! xoxoxoxmamabets

[mamabets]

For Briansdad~ There are no words, you know how I feel!! Merry Christmas to all of you!! I love you! xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Daveydow1~ I am thinking of you and Denny, Sherry. This has been a hard time...Let's make sure that we talk this week. Merry Christmas to you, Sherry...I love you~ mamabets

[mamabets]

For Rhonda68~ Thank you for asking about my Mom- She is geting better and I appreciate your sweet words. God Bless you always, and know that I am carrying you in my heart. Merry Christmas to you, Rhonda, and know that I am here for you always. Email me at huntross4@aol.com, OK?? I love you~ xoxoxmamabets

[mamabets]

For Erinnzmom~ I could not be doing this MOM stuff, if not for you....I love you and Merry Christmas!!! xoxoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Robsmom~ Merry Christmas to you, my dear friend...This is a very hard time for all of us, and my greatest gift through this are people like you who so care...God bless you! I love you~ xoxoxmamabets

[midhar]

Hi,

I got through Christmas without my daughters. One in heaven and the other in prison. Also my grandson was not here with us either because his leave from the Navy is not till 1-2.

I do not go to any of the my families parties because of the problem with my one sister and they are always at her house. So I had no family at all with us this year.

We were invited to my best friend's house for dinner and we went and had a great time and really enjoyed oursleves. But it was an empty house we came back to. She lost a son many years ago to murder to like I did but not a family member. It is sad that I did not miss my family. I love them and forgive them but I chose not to be around them at this time. All they do is cuss and take the Lords name in vain and the other four letter word. They gossip about each other terribly and I don't think any of them have anything good to say about each other so I wonder what they say about me and my husband when we are not around. They ridicule Christians all the time even though they know I am one.

I never preach to them or tell them to stop as it is their choice but it is

very hard to take all the time so I am staying away.

Even though we were lonely we did survive the 8th Christmas without my

daughters. Know I care, Jeni

[ronsmom]

Ok Christmas is over, the days leading up to it I was so into it, then when it came it was so Unlike what I had envisioned. It was the 2nd worst day of my life....and it continues. Who would've thought the 2nd would be worse than the first..........so many things went wrong yesterday. The only good thing didn't happen til about an hour before we called it a day and we read the memories that I had asked for, an received from friends and relatives (there were almost 40 of them)......that was the bittersweet ending to an absolutely horrific day.......I won't even go into it anymore, just know it sucked, and I am one miserable pathetic human being right now.........I'll never go through that again. I do hope most of you got through yours with some happiness. I tried, I really really did!

no blueskies here

Bonnie

[mamabets]

For All~ Must admit- Christmas was BRUTAL, basically- I kept saying to Dean- "Oh, I am so sorry for crying so much" ~ I got more bags under the eyes for gifts, and I just basically stayed in bed with aches and pains everywhere...!! I miss my Jackie and her group... This was a very hard holiday...I think because I have been actively participating in the "happiness" in my life now, and then a big holiday hit...I was not prepared for a possible "downer", so it hit twice as hard. Thank goodness that I have here to come to- Family just does not get it, for the most part...I love you all!! xoxomamabets

[mikesmomrs]

Hello all: Betsy, and Bonnie—--Brutal, and “the 2nd worst day of my life,” both describe my day, as well. I did not know what to expect, but figured I would give it my all to get through it the best we could. I think that we did that, for some of the time, but most of the time I just wanted to crawl into a hole and sleep until spring! My heart feels beaten right now, tender and sore. Because of everyone’s schedule, we wound up having to do Christmas twice—once on Sunday for my son’s 2 older boys and his wife and baby son, and then again on Monday for my daughter and her sons. We did the memories in the stocking, also, and that was pretty hard, though very comforting. So many things that people wrote and sent—there were only four of us reading them, so it took a while, and of course, each of us had that “tear trigger” one that just caused us to break down. My 21 yr old grandson broke down, and that is the first time he has cried around family, so that was good for him to get that out. He spent his first 11 years here in our house, so Mike was like a big brother to him. I also read a couple of things from Mike’s journals, and they were quite emotional. It was a good thing, though, overall, and I am sure we will do it again. On Saturday, my sons two older boys were going through a treasure box their step-mom had made for each of them, with things in it from their dad, and the older boy broke down and then the younger one, and I sat there and held them for a long time, just crying, all three of us. It was SO sad. But, when they calmed down, they did seem to be better and happier, so I am glad that we were here for them to cry with and feel comforted. I just know that I am GLAD this weekend is over! And, like Betsy, and all of you, GLAD that I have BI to come to and download some of my grief, and find strength to open my eyes for another day. I am just so anxious about beginning a new year---the first year that my son won’t be here for…I just can’t bear it! The calendar looks like an enemy waiting to pounce! God bless us all. Carol - MIKESMOMRS

[kathy714]

To ALL,I agree,this Christmas,was awful,last year was my first,but this year was much worst,i worked Christmas eve,and my older son came over with my daughter-in-law and grandaughter,they opened gifts,and as soon as they left i went to bed [by 2pm]and didn't get up until 10:30 today,and i still couldn't move today.I don't know if this is grief or exuastion,or probally both,but i hate it,i have never felt so miserable.All i can say is thank god it's over!! i have 6 brothers and sisters ,only one called to see how i was,and really i didn't really expect that call...Sorry,but i think i am just feeling sad for myself,and i am also sad for everyone else here that also had to go through yesterday,you are all in my thoughts and prayers....Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Karenc,i am sorry for the loss of your brother,reading your post made me think of how my only suriving son must feel a lot of the time,i hope he doesn't feel guilty,like why Nate,and not him,he has said he feels guilty because he was going to call him the night he passed but didn't call,i try to reassure him,that we all ask ourselves,what if...Thank you for posting,and feel free to come back if you feel you need to,you and your family will be in my prayers..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mamabets]

For All~ It is our Jackie's 27th birthday today, so I am completely celebrating her and the wonderful joy that she has always been in my life. I miss her~ They live in Wisconsin and that is just too far, but she loves her life there. She is very proud of her husband and how far they have come together. Josh came into our lives right after we lost Danny and he is such a terrific man. He loves Julia, and now they await the arrival of our Baby Caroline... I remember, Carol, being afraid to start the "first" year without Danny in it, but you will find, as we all have , that the anticipation to any and all of these wonderings is worse than the actual happening itself. We have known the worst thing possible, so anything else really tends to pale in comparison. Fear becomes a part of who we are now, and just know that reaching out, like you have, deserves a huge round of applause. That goes for all of you here, that are so new on this road. I love you and applaud you all for trying to help yourselves. The memories of ALL of our angels will live on here forever!!! My love to each and every one of you~ xoxoxmamabets

[robsmom]

Hi Everyone!

Shristmas wasjust horrendous. We went to my sons inlaws Xmas Eve and from there to my daughters to stay overnight. My son daughter in law and grandson came to my daughters on Xmas day.

We went to the cemetary and brought Rob a lighted tree. Christmas lights were Robs thing. He just loved them. That was just horribe. I couldn't believe I was at the cemetary visiting my son on Christmas Day.

We went back to my daughters to have dinner and about an hour later my grandson fell and hit his head and for the next three hours we were in the mergency room while the put three stitches in his head. Welcome to parenthood.

Dinner was ruined by that point the fresh ham was good. the manicotti was like potato chips,the mashed potatoes were like soup and lumpy and the biscuits were burned.

My daughter was just beside herself she so wanted everything to be perffect especially because the rest of the day was so horrendous.

This was horrendous and with New Years coming January 15 is my oldest sons birthday and January 20 is Robs Angel Day I just want to Scream.

Thank you all for listening and I hope all of you got through the day ok.

Robsmom-forever

[rhonda68]

Well the days leading up to Christmas Day were horrid much worse than last year even which I couldn't beleive that it would feel worse. I managed threw Christmas Day and it didnt go to bad, I always try really hard to pull it together for my younger son. I had my mom,dad,grandma,unlce,aunt,sister and her kids over for dinner to my surprise everyone seemed to be able to talk about Richard and even laugh at some of the memories I think it was actually a good healing day for everyone. But yesterday I could not make myself get out of bed I just closed the door to my room and stayed there the entire day. I find myself very irratable today and grouchy about everything I dont know how anyone can stand me well I guess not many people can as they have all disappeared- well I mean for friends and extended family members that I use to be close with. That saying who needs friends when you got enemys makes alot of sense to me now.

Love to all,

Richards Mom

[ashleysmom]

Made it through the holiday. New scars, but made it. Today is Crystal's 24th birthday. We celebrated together, it was a good day! I agree with you, Betsy, celebrating the joy Crystal has brought to my life is the focus. I am so glad that Jackie is happy, but sad for you that they are so far away. I pray for all of us and wish you all peace as we approach the New Year. I find it very difficult to face another year without Ashley in it. This will be the third, it doesn't get easier. Peace to all, Dottie

[daveydow1]

Mamabets and Ashleysmom,

Happy birthday to Crystal and Jackie. The children we

still have brings us much happiness on this sad journey

we are all on.

To All,

I am sorry that Christmas has been so very difficult

for you. I got through it, but like all of you--I am

glad that it is over for another year. I have a huge

leafy houseplant that came from one of the

baskets from Davey's funeral. On Christmas day, it

bloomed a single white flower--such a nice soft color.

I believe it is a Peace Lily. I took it as a sign from

all our angels.

May everyone here gain some peace, and get

some stress-free relaxation in the coming days. We should

try to be easy on ourselves. We've come through a very

hard time. My thoughts & prayers are with all of you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[mamabets]

For All~ It seems as if all of us had a terrible time this holiday, and it is OK- It most certainly, is what it is, and last night I just wrenched my guts to another Mom from here, and I feel better for it- We had one of those deep, down, painful crying sessions, and it helped- No holding back for anyone or anything!!! It has just been a TERRIBLE time, holidays or not- I think that once you get to a point where you find that you are more than willing to participate in the joys of life, the pain then can, and will, hit harder, at times- I am learning as I go along, that it does pass and it doesn't stay so "scary"- I was excited about Christmas- I got into it-!! Then, the few days leading up to it, and the actual day?? My God... Crash, boom and bang, just like many of us here. Remember, too, that Christmas is a stressful time- At best!! It just is, by nature- The world is stressed out!! LOL- And, as hard as New Year's are, always remember, with each year that passes, it brings us all closer to the year that we will join our kids in THEIR eternity, and what seems like OUR eternity will be over, and we will be with them for our new forever... One like we have never known. Until that time, I will do all that I can to enjoy when I can, and I will do all that I can to be gentle with myself in those times that joy just seems to be put on hold. It doesn't last, for I have so much in my life that brings me great joy... It isn't all about sadness. I just can't "rush it" when I am so frequently reminded that the phone doesn't ring and he won't be arriving in a week to come celebrate Christmas here... BUT, yesterday morning there was a HUGE shadow "heart" on the ceiling.. I know he was here, wishing Jackie a Happy Birthday!!! I love you all!! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Ashleysmom~ Happy Birthday, Crystal!!!! You are VERY special!! We love you! xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Daveydow1~ I LOVE the Peace lily story!! I call them " the lillies in my valley" now~ What a beautiful, much needed sign for you, Sherry, as I know you have been struggling too- I will call you in the next day or so, OK?? I love you! xoxomamabets

[julsmom]

Well, we too made it through the day. Focused on the fact that our son was with us for 6 days and he didn't have to fly home and focused on the here and now rather than what should have been.

As for the peace lily, I too have one from the funeral. Which is amazing, because most of the potted plants I have do not last long. I have some kind of tree, the peace lily and one of those bamboo plants that Julie gave me the summer before she died. WELL, as for the peace lily mine blooms in October, right around the day Julie died, so I like to think of it as a beautiful gift from her.

Peace and comfort in the New Year. Lynda

[daveydow1]

Mamabets and Julsmom,

Thanks for your words about the Peace Lily. I know

what you mean about house plants dying off. I'm not

the best when it comes to 'green thumbs', but the

lily and one other plant has survived for all this

time since 6/14/03. Guess they just want to survive.

I repotted them, this past summer, so I guess that

helps. So glad you had a good visit with your son

at Christmas, Lynda. I think all of us here are

breathing a sigh of relief that we made it through

the holidays. Prayers & best wishes for all here at BI.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[julsmom]

Sherry - my peace plant has been here since 10/13/03 Lynda

[mamabets]

For Julsmom and Sherry~ I saw a BEAUTIFUL Christmas lily in the store during the holidays and I did not buy it!! I am wishing that I had!! It was just gorgeous!!! My garden is a little droopy these days, I must say, although there is plenty of "green" and St. Francis stands tall, so no telling what is in the making- I just get these seeds and blow them to the wind, always with a kiss!! I love you! xoxomamabets

[lorismom]

For All - I saw this lovely video on another forum and thought I would share it. I hope it will bring some comfort and peace with the new year approaching. http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?pmmsid=1646543

[mamabets]

For Lorismom~ Beautiful, Patty...I have put it in my "favorites" file, and I must remember, always,that Danny is for certain, in a better place...It is the one thought that carries me through. I love you, and thanks for sharing!! xoxomamabets

[daveydow1]

Lorismom, Patty,

I tried to access the video with the address you

gave, but I could not find it. I will keep

trying. Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Thanks to all who visited Davey's memorial site

and lit candles. It means so very much to me.

Your kindness is much appreciated.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[kathy714]

Dear Lorismom,thank you for sharing that video,i added it to my playlist,it 's a beautiful song...T/C K athy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Daveysmom,i received a beautiful plant when Nate passed ,and it had gotten really big ,so during the summer i put it outside,then when fall came i kept telling my self,to remember to bring it in...Well one night it was really cold,i went out the next mornining,and it was all wilted,it must of froze during the night.I was so upset ,i brought it in the house,and that plant still lives today,it is slowly getting bigger,i was so ammazed when it started coming back again,i am not the best with plants either...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom

[kathy714]

Dear Mamabets,you said it all so well,in your post about Christmas,you are so right,Christmas is such a stressfull time of year,even when life is going great,so we have to give ourself credit for just getting through,and i do try to remember all the good christmas's that we shared.My son Nate use to drink Heinekin beer,the other day i was thinking about him and how i needed a sign that he is around,because with being so busy i'm afraid i might miss them,well when i got out of my car there was a heinekin bottle cap inbedded in the driveway[dirt],i stopped for a minute to look at it,and was thinking how did that get there,no one else drinks them,then i said to my self,now if i would only find a penny,i went to bring stuff into the house ,and when i came back out to my car there was the penny,i almost died i couldn't beieve it,it was sooo weird,i just wanted to share that story ,sorry if i started to babble ...T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[bokenhearted]

Hi AllI hhave just been reading everyones posts about Christmas. Glad you all got through another one. Me too. I had a particularly hard time this year. It was the 2nd Christmas without my Karl. We went to the coast where he liked to go fishing and just being there made me feel closer to him. I would have liked to have had a sign from him as Kathy did. But it wasn't to be. Maybe down the track I will get a sign. Kathy that was nice for you finding the beer cap and penny.

To make things more difficult is the fact that my daughter is about to go back to the city to live and work. So she will be 400 klms away. I know that isn't too far but I have loved having her back home. I will miss her terribly. I can't stand in her way but I know that my heart is torn. It is still so raw from my sons death that I don't know how I will fare when my nest is empty. I just feel so tired and I worry about my husband too as he is like me... just putting one foot after the other. Maybe it is just because of Christmas that we feel this way.

Love to you all

Jo

[rhonda68]

Lorismom thank you so much for that website that was the most beautiful,awesome, video I have ever seen.

Jo I am feeling for you. My son will graduate in 6 months from grade 12 and I am so scared of losing him too I just cant take it he is all I live for.

I recieved bad news again my cousin lost her little twin baby only just over a year old no one knows the reason yet she was just gone in the morning. Life is so sad!

Richards Mom

[ronsmom]

The holidays.....I'm So Over Them! If I never see another it will be too soon..........

We were bombarded with well intentioned people who I guess figured "the more the merrier"......so what started out as a very personal intimate little family gathering turned into chaos with sick children, and lots of commotion and all well laid plans ruined. I was so depressed. Cried most of the day.

The highlight was when everyone left and we opened Rons stocking and proceeded to read the memories that were sent. A very bittersweet ending to a horrid day for me. Lots of emotional highs and lows during those readings. I'm surprised once again at the things my son did while he was here and how many people were touched by something he did, and how all had an emotional tie to him. That was the best the gift anyone could ever have given me. We spoke "outloud" the name of Ronnie we laughed and cursed him and cried out for him. But though it was emotionally draining I felt his presence! No signs (still) but I felt him here with us that night.

the rest of the christmas "cheer" was tossed out and packed away first thing the next morning. It will be back soon enough.. hopefully I'll be somewhere else!

blueskies

Bonnie

[kathy714]

Dear Rhonda,how sad about your cousin's baby,only a year old,i will say a prayer for her,she must be devaststed..T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[mikesmomrs]

Rhonda...so very sorry about your cousin's baby, I too will pray for her. Such a tragedy, God be with her.

Lorismom, thank you for the video..it really is beautiful.

All of you, we have all been together over these past few days, in our hearts and minds and prayers. I know that we have all had some really rough days. The new year looms ominously for me...I truly dread starting a year that our son has not lived in. All day I have been thinking about how sweet it is to say that "this year, Mike and I..." But, as of tomorrow, I can no longer say that...he will not be alive in 2007, and the year looms like a huge mountain to climb, and my feet are weighted down with lead. I know he is in our hearts, and most of the time that helps, but right now, nothing helps. I have tried to focus on the grandkids and the beauty of this season. And those things have certainly helped some. But the pain is just too great. I cannot see beyond the pain I now feel. I miss Mike SO much, and that is my focus right now. Nothing else seems to matter right now.

I pray for all of us. Such a terrible road to be on, but SO thankful we are all walking together, pulling each other along with our thoughts and prayers and strength. I do believe that our children sent us here, to find love and comfort from each other.

Love to all. Carol MIKESMOMRS

[daveydow1]

Kathy714,

I am so glad that your plant survived and is now

beginning to thrive again. Also, it's so nice that

you had a sign from Nate with the beer cap and penny.

These little signs are help for us as we trudge this

long and sad road. Peace to you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

For Jo,

I'm sorry that you have had such a rough time with

the holidays. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry