Loss of an Adult Child

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Vikki, I know... My guts have been wrenching for days--can't seem to stop crying. I don't look forward to nay of those anniversary dates that will come this year. My Joey has been gone 5-1/2 months, and am still waiting for him to call me... Ugh!

One day at a time, sister. That's all we can do..sometimes breath by breath. Do you have anyone around, or are you alone? Do you have a memorial web page or anything for Janeen? That has been really therapeutic for me, building one for Joey, for us to visit, and for me to add memories along the way because I am fearful of forgetting even the slightest detail.

I hate this journey too...

[shirleybjsmom]

hi Vikki

it's Shirley b.j.'s mom can't be on long the babies are not working with me.I will be here for you anytime you need to talk. I to dreaded the anniversary date I think for me it started the first day of oct. and was there the entire month to the point I thought I was having a nervous break down and had to get nerve pills then my nephew also got married the same month and we all was saddened that b.j. couldn't be there. Hang in there we're all here for you.

[kathy714]

Dear Vikki,Jan 31st will be my son Nate's second angel date and i still can't believe it's been 2 years.But i remember all to well the depression and anxtiey that i had before his first,my son passed on his birthday so i was having anxiety for both,1st birthday and 1st angel date,it was bad,then when the day actually came,i think i had worked myself into such a frenzy that the day wasn't all that bad.We had planned a big memorial party because it was also Nate's birthday,we had a big bon fire and set off balloons,it really ended up being very nice,lots of people came,even Nate's bus driver from high school came and brought Domino's pizza because Nate use to ask him to stop there everyday so they could get a slice of pizza.I think i am going to plan it again this year but probally on a smaller scale.I am sorry that you are having such a hard time,and i do remember the anxiety you are feeling,i am still having some bad days,i think we always have that anxiety and depression before a angel date,knowing another year has passed without our loved ones.....T/C feel free to email me if you need to talk [my email address is on my profile]Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[janeensmom]

Dear friends, Thank you so much for your concern and compassion. I must say that I am so blessed to have found this site. I am not sure of how to handle that day but someone else told me she had such anxeity leading up to it that when it finally came it wasn't as bad as she thought. I pray that is the case for all of us. I don't have a memorial site online because I still can't look at her pictures. It just kills me inside. Maybe I will someday but it causes me so much heartache now and besides who would ever forget a beautiful face like hers. For now my memories are all that I can handle. As a matter of fact me and my husband left the town we lived in, our business and home and haven't been back because that is where she died. I have been staying with my other daughters and doing a little local traveling. I wonder if anyone has done this before...I just can't go back. Someday maybe never we will have to wait and see.I do love to look at your beautiful websites and share your pride and joy with you. So much love and care put into them. How do you do it? You have all been so sweet and kind and I know that you know how I feel...and I feel your pain also. Thank you all so much....Blessings and hugs,Vikki

[julsmom]

Vikki, I am sorry for your loss. Our 27 y/o daughter died in a one car crash on 10/13/03, we were living in NJ, but Julie died on the road in PA. This past August we moved to Ohio to be near our surviving son. Packed up home, husband & I found new jobs and left. If we could have afforded to do so, we would have done it sooner and probably would not find jobs, but unable to retire or not work. May you find some peace & comfort here among friends. Lynda

[daveydow1]

For Janeensmom,

I am sorry for your loss of your dear daughter,

Janeen. We are a family here----all in the same

boat of parents grieving for lost children. I am

glad you found our site, but sorry for the loss

that brought you here. It's a journey we all hate

to be on, but here we are. Please come back and

read/post whenever you feel the need.I am Sherry,

and I lost my son, Davey, age 31 in June of 2003.

Everyone here understands the pain & sorrow you

are in now. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom forever. Sherry

(1971--2003)

[ronsmom]

Janeensmom....everyone told me the days leading up to birthdays and angel dates were worse than the actual day, they were right. By the time the day came I was all cried out. (well, not quite)...but hang on and keep taking your baby steps.

My husband and I have been trying to leave our "home" ever since this happened. But the real estate market won't let us. Our home has been on the market quite a while now, and we have another problem, Ron owned a townhouse, and it took a year to get through probate, we have that on the market as well and want to sell everything and just go back and forth to my daughter who lives in Vegas and my oldest son who lives here in Florida. But like I said the market won't let us "run away"...now the financial strain of owning two homes and keeping up with them is taking away our early retirement fund and we are both seeking jobs once again. Life just keeps raining on us, but this is nothing compared to what we don't have anymore..........we'll make it somehow.

I do wish you peace on Janeens angel day, candles will be lit, on Rons first angel day I emailed and called everyone and told them all to light candles and they all did, so I'm sure he saw a lot of light coming from down here.....it kind of made me feel better to know so many connected with him just for that day....(try it?)....I feel for you. take care,

blueskies,

Bonnie

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Janeensmom, I'm sorry for your unbearable loss. Losing a child is a pain like no other. Coming up to the one year date is difficult, and can even be horrifying. Many of us found that the days leading up to it are worse than the day itself. It's the anticipation of something we are emotionally powerless over. My thoughts and prayers are with you, that you may be given peace and strength. I'm Mark, dad to Jennifer, who was raped and killed by her attacker in 1996. Jenni was adopted, so I wasn't told until later, when i learned she was searching for her birth parents. I hope you can find the compassion and friendship and comfort I've found here. The people here are great! Please feel free to write anytime. We're here for each other, for you. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Bonnie, yeah, it's been a bit, and I'm sorry for not writing more promptly. I've been wrestling with a lot of exhaustion, so my writing has been limited. I'm sorry. Although, I want you to know, even though I may not be writing, I think of you and your family, and pray for you often. Please feel free to write anytime. Love hearing from you and writing to you. God bless. hugs. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

In my search for a suitable memorial for Jennifer, I never thought one would come from this source. Jenni's adoptive parents gave me one of her necklaces (a cross), which was a birthday gift from them. The chain is long enough to let the cross hang near my heart. Jenni, I love you. Take care my friends. Mark, Jenni's dad

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Mark, How absolutely priceless and special! I am so happy to hear Jenni's adoptive parents gave you such a tremdously heartwarming token of rememberence. I pray that it comforts you... Love, Claudia

[mom2angels]

{{{Friends}}} ~ I've been reading your posts daily and keeping you all in my prayers, lighting my candles for you and your children. Although I have started several posts the past few weeks, I've never been able to complete them. I have remained silent for awhile, as I haven't quite known what to say. I just wanted to listen to you and feel your pain and grief, because I could not find the right words to comfort you.

Like you, I rode the holiday roller coaster. We have to close our home to guests during the holidays to protect Jon from colds/flu/viruses. So, the holidays are quite lonely for us just as a matter of course, and have been for many years, as we did the same to protect Michael.

Like you, I greeted the New Year with the same delicate balancing act in front of me. Glass half empty: Another year without Michael. Glass half full: Another year closer to Michael.

Our fourth holiday without Michael's physical presence, and now his fourth Angel Date will occur this year. Some days it seems like his passing happened yesterday. Some days, it feels like a lifetime ago. I am absolutely stunned by how quickly time passes. Knowing that these agonizing years on Earth are just the blink of an eye in eternity somehow consoles me. I can handle now to get to forever.

So many of you are so new to this journey, when the pain is intense, raw, and searing. Many of you are entering your second year, having survived the "firsts," and are discovering the reality of your loss, which brings a different dimension to your grieving. I understand well what each of you is enduring every day. It is heavy, and it seems unending.

For me, the burden of my physical separation has become lighter as my spiritual connection with him grows. Michael doesn't send me as many signs as he once did, but he has left permanent signs for me to see every day, such as the heart carved in the concrete sidewalk on the greenbelt behind our home, where I walk our dog daily. This heart simply appeared about two months after Michael's transition, and it is clearly not created by an Earthly human hand. Natural erosion? No. My son.

At some point, Michael wants me to trust that all of the signs he has provided to me offer me the security and serenity of knowing that: a) he still exists, and he is always with me. Recognizing this has allowed me to find peace, because he is in peace. He has assured me in all of his signs that he is surrounded by amazing love and the grace of God. What more could I ever want for my precious son?

I want to live my life to honor him and his courage. Our children are still living, and that part of us, which feels like it died with them, is actually living with and through them.

When grief weakens you at the knees and you are despairing, remember that your beloved child is only gone from this plane, from the bodily Earthly form. Remember that your child's spirit is alive and soaring in the Perfect Place. And, remember that nothing can break the bond between parent and child, and nothing, not even death, ever will. Your child is with you always, as you are with your child.

God Bless You all~ My prayers are with you, my candles are lit ~ May you feel your children's presence very near and hold them in your dreams~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[ronsmom]

ROSLYN:

...thank you!

blueskies,

Bonnie

[mamabets]

For Roslyn~ OH SO TRUE!!!! With each passing day... We must try to never lose sight of the fact that with each day that passes, we are one day closer to the day that we will all be reunited with our angel kids... This is a very difficult journey, and you know how dear you are to me and the special place that you hold in my heart...xoxo I love you, my dear friend!! xoxoxo

[mamabets]

For Ronsmom~ Hi Bonnie!! The holidays here , too, were next to impossible...I jumped in with both feet this year, preparing, then finding myself overwhelmed with it all. SUPER LOW KEYED from now on, as in baby steps...I learned the hard way this past year that to "expect" anything from myself during the rest of my days is just plain foolish. Fo me, I must just put one foot in front of the other and then, I will amaze myself at the progress I am making. I have ALWAYS been a one foot in front of the other kind of gal~ For whatever reason, DUH, I try to screw this one up. I try to get in my own way, and I just have the hardest time fitting the loss of my Danny into the rest of my day, day in and day out. I communicate my feelings well, and in doing so, my hope and prayer is that I can help other people. That is the plan, for me and my Danny, for the duration. The hole in my heart is there, oozing with all of the agony that comes with this- BUT, the rest of my heart is protected by it, in a way, making sure that I live life... New babies of Jackie's, she needs me!!! Baby Caroline due mid March, more to follow, no doubt, and our Julia is just bursting!!!! I love you!! Blow kisses to those beautiful blue Florida skies for me and my Danny Boy... xoxomamabets

[mamabets]

For Janeensmom~ Oh, to be able to run and just go live somewhere else...I have thought of it often, but I have done the opposite- I am getting much better, but I almost became agoraphobic... Could not leave the house... I still don't go much- I just hunker down with my doggies, as in life does scare me a bit these days!!! I get tremendous comfort here at home, but I do know of many that have just bolted and moved after this, and I have, at times, wished for all new surroundings- A WHOLE new place to putter around... I just put it all in Danny's hands and let him be my guide- He is doing a really great job , and I KNOW that he is right here with me always, and right there with his sister too, in Wisconsin , at all times!!!! He "answered" her phone the other day when I called!!!! The second time that he has "been" on the phone with us!!! I love you! xoxomamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

His First Birthday w/o him (4 days after Joey slipped away in the night); First Thanksgiving; First Christmas; First New Year...

It has been less than 6 months. The string of firsts are just beginning, and I simply don't know how I survive... only by the grace of God...

Roslyn, thank you. Your words are comforting...

[4everjoeysmom]

"7" days.. We scattered his ashes 4 days after... So blurry still... tears...

[ronsmom]

4everjoeysmom:...hang on!...keep crying, keep moving, keep doing. That seems the functions of my days...just move, cry, move, do........

oh well....tomorrow's coming soon I'm sure it will bring much of the same.

All of us:

hang on!!!!

blueskies

[janeensmom]

Dear friends...I would like to thank all of your for your words of encouragement and hope. I also appreciate you sharing your stories with me. I am so sad and hurt for all of you. 3 more days until Janeen's angel date (I prefer to use that rather than her date of death, it sounds to final) and I know tha I will see her again in heaven and that she will be the first to greet me. I miss her so.......having such horrible feelings of sorrow and greif that I am finding it hard to write to each one of you individually right now. Tears keep coming and I can't see the keyboard...please pray for me, that I will survive this horrible journey...many thoughts of just giving up...the hole in my heart is just too big....Hugs to all....Vikki

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Vikki, I echo your prayers, your fears and your tears. I try to think of Joey's day as the day he was "born into Heaven". There is no death for those who journey onward to God, but eternal life... Our children are alive and well, perfect and full. It is we who have the pain and loss...until our days arrive. I am praying for you right now.

[robsmom]

Vikki I am Lorraine, Robsmom, I have posted here in a while because I am in the same boat you are. Robs 1st Angel Date is January 20 I have gotten through all the firsts, birthday, Christmas, New Years they all sucked, but this is the worst. I feek like I can't breathe all the time. my insides are jittery and SCREEEEEEEAMING like because its getting closed to the day and I know what happened like maybe I can stop it. Stupid I know but that big bleeding open wound in my heart never stops hurting. I am almost afraid of the 20th coming because I don't know what to do. Today is my oldest sons birthday We are going to his house for dinner trying to make it nice.

Some days I just want to die too, but then I think of Kerri and Keith and I could never do that to them. One foot in front of the other and one step at a time. This is horrible and I feel for everyone here. i love you all hugs to everyone.

Lorraine Robsmom FROM HERE TO THE COUNTRY AND BACK AGAIN.

[daveydow1]

Mom2Angels,

Thank you so much for your comforting words. BI is

about the only place I can come to, where such words

give peace because they come from the hearts of all

of the people who know firsthand, each other's real

feelings and pain. I keep trying to hold onto the

faith that I will someday see Davey & Lisa in heaven. It's

hard for us here on earth to wrap our minds around

this fact because of the overwhelming grief that comes

with losing a beloved child. However, I find it to

be a powerful motivator---to keep going so that one

day I will see my children again. Thanks again for your

prayers and candles. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom Sherry

[namarella]

Yesterday was our son’s one-year anniversary, a date I’ve been dreading for weeks and something that haunted me throughout the holiday season, our first without Eric. And, added to all this, my husband and I had lunch with our daughter and grandson, along with my parents, this Saturday for an early birthday/farewell lunch. She’s moving to eastern Europe for between 1-2 years to begin a business with her husband (who’s from Europe). We’ve been unable to talk to our daughter about her brother for almost the entire year, so this has been heavy on our hearts. I often wonder if she’s literally running away from her grief, but maybe distance will give her perspective so she can stop being angry at her brother and begin the grief process. The baby enjoyed his first birthday (he was born 5 days after Eric died) and got chocolate cake all over his face, making us all laugh. We got some wonderful pictures of the little party and I’ll treasure those, while missing my daughter (and yes, we’ll stay in touch via technology).

We had a gathering at our house for Eric yesterday, inviting friends and family who have been so helpful and supportive to us in this last year, sharing food and stories about Eric. I’d asked everyone to bring a candle and a small stone, the candle lit during the event, the stones to be placed on his grave later on. Then we went outside in the clear, cold afternoon, stood in a circle with linked arms next to the garden Eric so loved. My husband played a song the CD player that reminded us of Eric, then we did a balloon release...the balloons drifted away while people shared memories and tears. Our son was a gardener and so loved all growing things, so I’d put some wildflower seeds in each balloon, to land wherever. One of the kids who was with Eric the night he died (from a drug overdose) broke down sobbing and I was able to do something I’d not really done before...hug and forgive him, thanking him for the tears that so honored my son and his friend. This young man, and some of Eric’s other friends, stayed to visit with us long after others had left.

So it was an emotional, difficult weekend (and holiday, before that), but we’ve been able to also find great moments of healing, laughter and some lightening of the burden of grief...I felt some of it take flight with the colorful balloons. Thanks to all at BI...I’ve learned so much from you and it helps to know I’m not on this road alone. Eric’s mom, Colleen

[daveydow1]

Donosmom--Mary,

I agree, you wonder when it will ever get any

easier. We are at about the same time frame--

3 1/2 years, and within 1 mo. nearly to the

day that our dear sons departed this world.

David's angel day is in June (6/14/03). I am

hoping the grief gets a little "softer" in

time. Many days seem to go ok, while many others

seem to be the worst. My prayers are with you,

and hope you find some comfort on this sad road

we're on. Take care.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[janeensmom]

Lorraine...Hasn't this been about the worst nightmare anyone can experience? I have been so scared of how I am going to feel on that day. I guess it really can't be much different than it is now. Yes I too SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM and cry till I feel like my insides are going to burst. I pray that you will get through this most horible aniversary that there could ever be...I am sure going to try...Her 35th birthday is on 2-19-1972, her second since she died one month before her 34th. I was still in shock at that time but I do remember how sad it was and how lost I felt. I just want my daughter back with me! I wish you peace and love as you go through this journey from hell. Makes no since to take my precious daughter from our loving family...some people have told me she is in a better place but I disagree...a better place is with me....I can't wait to see her again...Hugs and love, Vikki Janeensmom

[ecclesia]

I'm wondering if there are any parents here who lost a child over 5 years ago? I'd really like some help in understanding long term loss and how it continues.....

[peacefulnow]

Having just gone through Ian’s birthday, the holidays, and his angel date (Jan. 6th) for the first time, I understand the fear and pain it brings. My thoughts and prayers are with you Vikki and Lorraine as the angel dates of your beautiful angels approach.

I’ve been trying to work on a memorial site for Ian. I can’t seem to stop crying long enough to get very far on it. But, if anyone is interested, I do have a few photos of Ian posted. The text will come as I can handle it, I guess. http://Ian-OMalley.virtual-memorials.com

Hang in there the best that you can, everybody. This is the hardest thing we will ever do. I will continue to hold each and every one of you in my thoughts and prayers. Cindy

[mikesmomrs]

Vicki and Lorraine: My thoughts and prayers are with you through your honoring of your precious children's angel dates. I haven't reached that time yet, but I can imagine how painful it must be, and my heart goes out to you, as well as my strength for your being able to handle this day.

Colleen: I pray you will have the strength to make it through the departure of your daughter. I pray also that forgiveness will find its way into her heart as she travels to her new destination; it is truly the only way she will ever find peace with her brother's death. It sounds like you all had a really nice gathering for Eric, with benefits to all who attended. God bless.

Love to all, Carol - MIKESMOMRS

[lorismom]

For Mom2angels ~ Roslyn ~ It was so nice to see your recent post. You give me the strength and courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You are always an inspiration to me and I wish you much love and peace in your life.

For Mamabets ~ Bets ~ You are so right about living life "super low keyed from now on as in baby steps". I am not able to handle a lot of stress anymore and have to keep my life as simple as possible. So it's lots of "baby steps" on this journey!

For Peacefulnow ~ Cindy ~ Your son, Ian, is such a handsome young man. Your memorial page is a beautiful tribute to your dear son.

For Janeensmom ~ Vikki ~ My heart will be with you tomorrow, Jan. 17, on your beautiful daughter's angel day. May you be blessed with some special memories of Janeen to comfort you.

For Robsmom ~ Lorraine ~ My thoughts will also be with you as you approach Rob's angel day. I will light a candle for your dear son on Jan. 20th.

Peace and love to you all......

Patty

[momofjoe]

Today is exactly 2 months since my son, Joe died in a fatal car accident. It is all still very raw to me. There still hasn't been an inquest for his death. Coroner says there is a problem with the reconstruction report of the accident. However, they do know exactly what injuries caused Joe's death from the autopsy, although we don't know as of yet. It is like my husband, my daughter & her family & I have been living a bad dream for the last 2 months. I know, I know, I'm not telling any of you anything that you do not already know. God help us all. Love, Mary Jo

[janeensmom]

Cindy...I just want to say thank you for your support. Did you do anything special on his angel date? If so please share them with me. Was it easier than you thought, some people told me it wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. But then I think, how could anything be worse....Hugs, Vikki

Carol...I sincerely appreciate your concern. And I thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. Janeen was so special and I can hardly move right now...depression is deep and I am working hard to come out of it. Someday? Love and hugs, Vikki

Patty...thank you for wishing me strength on my daughters angel date. God is so lucky to have her with him...she truly was an angel on earth. Hugs, Vikki

And blessings to all of you here. You make it so much easier knowing that I have the support of people who have been and are there.

Lorraine...I will light a candle for your son on his angel date 1-20.I oknow how you are feeling and I am sorry...Hugs and blessings...Vikki

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear MomofJoe-MaryJo, I wrote before to you. My son Joey was killed in a tragic accident on July 31st of this past year. His inquest date finally arrived on September 21st. I dreaded the day, but anticipated that it might bring more peace and a little more closure. The truth is it didn't. They held the inquest even though there were many questions unanswered and gaps in things people said. Regardless, it didn;t change the outcome. In a weird way the inquest was dreaded but still something to look forward to regarding new information about Joey. Now that it's over and the dust is beginning to settle, there is nothing new--no more new information of any kind, bad or good... Sometimes I get an e-mail from one of Joey's friends. And I am still wiating for some "last photos" from his girlfriend that were taken the last night I saw Joey--one of them with Joey and me. They apparently are on her friend's computer and stored at her friend's parents... It has been five months since I was promised photos, and I am still hanging on, trying to be patient, but not being able to help my feelings of desperation. I crave something new all of the time. The new information is fading away... That too makes me sad.

I am so sorry the wait for your Joe's inquest is agonizing for you. I do know what that feels like. And I know what it feels like after it's all over. Neither is pleasant, to say the least. But please keep us posted, because I want to be praying for you when you know. I had nightmares leading up to Joey's inquest. The main positive outcome--the nightmares went away.

Thinking of you... Love, Claudia

[robsmom]

Janeensmom

I agree with you one hundred percent Rob maybe in a better place according to some people but according to me that better place is here with me and my family who love him unbelievably. Rob had a lot of plans and so did I and this definitely was not one of them. This is a nightmare that we will never wake up from. Will it get easier? Maybe, but I don't see how. I know I sound very bitter but I am and I can't help it.

My heart goes out to you and everyone here. This is th eonly place I can voice how I really feel

Robsmom foever

[robsmom]

Janeensmom

I agree with you one hundred percent Rob maybe in a better place according to some people but according to me that better place is here with me and my family who love him unbelievably. Rob had a lot of plans and so did I and this definitely was not one of them. This is a nightmare that we will never wake up from. Will it get easier? Maybe, but I don't see how. I know I sound very bitter but I am and I can't help it.

My heart goes out to you and everyone here. This is th eonly place I can voice how I really feel

Robsmom foever

[4everjoeysmom]

It's hard to think of any intangible place as a better place...

If I could reach and pull Joey back to me, I believe I would. If I could, I might also hear him question me unexpectedly, "why?" "I was free..." I try so hard to picture what that must be like for him. For me here it's a living hell.

Either way, I miss him in such a deep, heartwrenching, gutwrenching way. It is unbelievable, and I am so sorry any of us are going through this...

[rhonda68]

Janeensmom I am thinking of you today I will light a candle for Janeen. This is all so so hard.

I am furious today its bad enough I lost my son and then have to deal with everyones crap out here. The semi truck driver that killed him is sueing I just got papers a few months ago and its almost been 2 years. I have not heard anything since I handed it over to the insurance but it sure plays on my mind I dont want this guy getting rich over my sons death and thats what he is looking for a large hand out I wish I could sue him for making me feel this way. Also I am getting emails from people going through stuff I write, I guess, I dont know if it is form this site they are getting there info or where. Its always well I am dying and I have money to give and I have been going threw obituaries and memorials MAKES ME SO MAD! That they use my pain probably for a money scam. The place where my son was living at the time still hasnt handed over his things its been an ongoing battle I GIVE UP!

I MISS and LOVE Richard so much my insides just hurt all the time right from head to toe! I am scaring myself because I am getting to a place where I just cant function anymore cant handle this pain anymore!

RichardsMom

[4everjoeysmom]

Richardsmom--what on earth grounds does this man have to sue you?? Your son is the one who died. It is you who live with that mental anguish. I cannot believe this is possible...

As for the solicitors, I got one of those "I'm dying and I'm rich, alone, etc" e-mails too. People are just pathetic.

Please don't give up... There must be something in this battle that is meant to bring victory and honor through the memories of our children... This can't all be in vain. It just can't be...

Janeensmom, thinking of you today...

[ronsmom]

Janeens Mom...the candle is lit. peace be with you today! Do whatever you have to today to get through it.

Rhonda:....I too started getting email requests for hand-outs, I'm sure the sickos in the world pray on sites like this, just pitch them! That is so rude though, people really aggravate me!

Everything aggravates me anymore! Theres not much joy in the world and every morning all the misery slaps me in the face.

Just wanted to pop online with you all this morning to see how your holding up and I can see things haven't changed. I'm so sorry for all the pain we share. If that "heaviness" inside of us would lighten up a bit just for a while, but its so hard to "do things" feeling like your in slow motion and ready to lose it at any moment. I'm trying!!

Is Ron in a better place like everyone says? Like most of you say--- I hope so, but Ron loved his life and he was a little too selfish to do something he didn't Want to do so I'm thinking he's a little pissed! He had plans, and I know how he hated to change his plans!!........I just pray he and Sara are at peace.

Oh God, wish you could answer me, answer all of us with a resounding YES THEY ARE OK...........that would be a help.

..my mind is mush this morning, so thats it. Hope you all muddle through another day,

blueskies

Bonnie

[rhonda68]

This song came to mind as I was feeling all my emotions today:

Disability Network

Award

Recognitions

Don't Laugh at Me

I'm a little boy with glasses, the one they call a geek

a little girl who never smiles cuz I got braces on my teeth

and I know how it feels to cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground who is always chosen last

a single teenage mother tryin to overcome her past

You don't have to be my friend if it's too much to ask

Don't laugh at me, don't call me names

Don't get your pleasure from my pain

In God's eyes we're all the same

some day we'll all have perfect Wings

Don't laugh at me

I'm a cripple on the corner

You pass me on the street

I wouldn't be out here begging if I had enough to eat

and don't think I don't notice that our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy somewhere down that yellow line

The day we laid 'em in the ground was the day I lost my mind

Right now I'm down to holdin this little cardboard sign

Don't laugh at me, Don't call me names

Don't get your pleasure from my pain

In God's eyes we're all the same

Someday we'll all have perfect wings

Don't laugh at me

I'm Fat, I'm thin..I'm Short, I'm tall..I'm deaf.. I'm blind

Hey aren't we all

Don't laugh at me...... Don't call me names

Don't get your pleasure from my pain

In God's eyes we're all the same

Someday we'll all have perfect wings

Don't laugh at me

written by

Allen Shamblin & Steve Seskin, and

recorded by Mark Wills

[peacefulnow]

Janeensmom. My candle is lit for Janeen (and all of our other angels), but especially for her today.

Ronsmom Bonnie. Your words “I’m thinking that he’s a little pissed” in regards to your son Ron. That made me smile. I’m thinking that quite of few of us can picture our kids a little put out by their own deaths. And God, yes, wouldn’t it be such a comfort to know without a doubt that they are all okay.

Don’t mean to seem ignorant, but Claudia and Mary Jo (and most likely many others) what happens at an inquest? Does everyone who dies in an accident have one? Ian died of cancer, so I’m not familiar with the process. It sounds kind of brutal from what I can surmise.

Richardsmom. Being sued…my mouth just dropped open when I read that. As if you haven’t been through enough! So many people are twisted and sick in their thinking…and I seem to have less and less tolerance for it.

It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels like they’re moving in slow motion with a muddled mind…during a routine physical I found out I have an underactive thyroid, and I was actually GLAD to know that there was a physical explanation for the “tired old worn out me” that seems to have replaced the happier, energetic me before Ian’s battle with cancer began. Well, they’ve upped my thyroid medication twice and I still feel so drained…like all the fun has been sucked right out of me. I truly believe that a vital part of us died right along with our children…and no medication can cure that.

I’m grateful that I have all of you to lean on…people who understand exactly what this journey is all about. Bless all of you. Find a little moment of peace if you can and embrace it. Cindy

[4everjoeysmom]

Hi Cindy, I never gave inquests much attention before... My understanding is that states that have coroners and assistants to the coroners office (different than an official ME that comes to the site of death) must have inquests. I'm not sure that all states do... I'm ignorant to that kind of stuff too. But, in our case, Illinois orders a mandatory inquest when a death is not in a hospital. The inquests consist of a jury of people (same process of jury duty as for other cases), they sit and hear all of the evidence presented by the official investigator of the death assigned by the coroner's office. In our case there was heresay and the testimony of one of the last people to see Joey (to determine his state of mind at the time, I suppose), and a film that was recorded by the video black box of the train that hit Joey. The jusry examined all of the "evidence", and they then deliberate and rule any of the following causes of death: accident, homicide, suicide, alcohol or drug related, and in our specific case "undetermined"..which ws about as benign as it could get.

Inquests suck! Ooops... pardon that outburst. It's just sometimes you imagine a cold hard slab being as cold as it gets, and then something like this happens...

[shirleybjsmom]

Hi Vikki

thinking of you today and praying.

Shirley

[ashleysmom]

Janeensmom, My candle is lit and my heart is with you. May you have peace today in the precious memories of your daughter, Dottie

[daveydow1]

Janeensmom,

I am thinking of you today, dear Janeen's first

angel day. May your memories and your ever present

love for her help you today, and in the days and

months ahead. Prayers, and peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[kathy714]

Dear Vikki,i want you to know i am thinking of you and your family today on your dear Janeen's angel day,i know you were having a real bad time leading up to today,i hope you were able to find a little peace today...I will light a candle in your daughters memory,..peace to you and your family...T/C Kathy,Nates mom 4 ever

[kathy714]

Hi,about,inquest,i live in Rhode Island,and my son Nathan was found in a Bank of America parking lot,in 18 degree weather on his birthday,jan,31,2005.I am wondering why they never did one,i would think that would require a inquest,Nathan left the bar with a person he didn't know,there were many conflicting statements to the police about what happened that night.The perosn,Nate left the bar with was to drunk,he told the police he couldn't remember what happened,no formal statement was ever recieved from him.Nathan was sober when i dropped him off at 11 pm ,he talked to his boss at just before 12 am,and sounded fine,he then left the bar at about midnight,with this guy,no one knows why ,then never answered his cell phone at 12:30 am when his friend called to see where he was [she was suppose to give him a ride to her house ].TOO many unanswered questions..so why no inquest

[rhonda68]

4everjoeysmom- My son missed a stop sign on a back country road he was driving on, he did not know this road he went straight on to a major highway and was hit by a semi-he was driving a little sunbird car.. Now that truck driver is claiming this is wrong with him and thats wrong with him like WHATEVER I HATE him. All he wants is MONEY! I was out on that road during the day it was very hard to see the stop sign or highway as there are trees and mailboxes in the way of the stop sign -Richard was driving on that road in the dark. I miss him so much that I think I am losing my mind.

Richardsmom

[4everjoeysmom]

Richardsmom, I think I would take pictures of the unkept stop sign area from a distance and closer to show how there is an obvious lack of maintenance. Then I believe I would talk to an attorney--that first free consultation meeting--and see if there are grounds to sue the county. If there's to be one bogus law suit against you, there's possibly an avenue to have a greater law suit against the county. In all of this, somehow, maybe the county would put pressure on the jerk that's suing you... I don't know... But I would still go through step 1 and 2 just to see what an attorney would say...

Natesmom, Does Rhose Island have inquests as any part of their system? I would think your circumstances would have called for one. But also understand, the investigators for the coroner are not the private detectives we would expect. They gather information, but don't really bend over backwards to do it most of the time. They work in civil service, and I suspect don;t make much money. If you have extreme doubts, and your heart really wants to go through possible years of anguish in a formal investigation, you could speak to a legal investigator with the police or private. Since there is a lot of heresay, and no one say anything, I think it would be extremely difficult... In my gut I think it would be more torment for you with a same result of not much info... I wish so much that there weren't these organizations and systems that operate like everything is just a number... I felt very ,uch like the inquest was all about "take a number please!" Joey's dad calle dthe investigator weekly, and it just seemed like nothing was happening at all from week to week--and that pretty much was the case. It didn't change any of the outcome of my reality, so I am just trying to search my heart and God for healing in a way that I can move forward with more positive thoughts than negative ones concerning anything having to do with Joey. I prefer to think of the things that make me smile and remember my gift with love and joy rather than have goofball people and systems destroy my heart and thoughts. I think of you often, Kathy... I think of your son Nate. I didn't know him, but I know I would have loved him if I had. There's something about our small town boys--sweet yet rebellious--that just melts my heart... Blessings and love, Claudia

[janeensmom]

Dear friends...heartfelt thanks for your good wishes and candle lighting for Janeen. The day was as bad as I thought it would be...I sat in my car in a parking lot and screamed until I could sream no more...she really is dead!!!I just want to see her again, hug her, smell her....I feel like I am losing it...May we all find peace, Hugs and love, Vikki