Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Momgran, Debbie,

I'm glad that you found your way to this site. I

am sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Pippa,

and your little grandson. My son, Davey, age 31 and

single, died in a highway crash 6/14/03. Also, you

and I have something else in common---you lost a baby

to SIDS in 1975---I am sorry for your loss of that

child also. I lost a baby girl, Lisa, age 6 mo. in

1971 to accidental choking/pneumonia. I hope you will

return to BI whenever you feel up to it. Everyone here

is kind and supportive and understands, firsthand, the

pain & sorrow you are going through now. This site has

been a great help to me, and hope you will come and post/

read anytime. My prayers are for you and the other family

where so many were injured in the accident. Peace be with

all of you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Mikesmom,

Thank you for the beautiful poem. It says so much

of how we feel. Your dear Mike was 31 when he passed

over, and my son, Davey was also 31 when he met his

death when a semi crushed his car (driver asleep at

the wheel) in June 2003. So painful to know they are

gone, yet we know we can't change anything. I pray

you may find some comfort in the days and months ahead.

Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Debbie, I was at a loss for words after reading your first post. I have been thinking of you for hours and praying. I'm so sorry for your devastating loss...

My son Joey passed into Heaven on July 31st, 2006. He was 7 days from turning 24. I pray that you find as much comfort here as I have, among beautiful parents and friends with whom now we share a common bond. May the peace, grace and strength of the Lord find its way into your heart and life... Love, Claudia

[janeensmom]

Carol...that poem said it all for me. I am going to make copies and give it certain people in my life. Everyone seems to think "she should be over it by now" and all of those other mindless comments. There is no recovery from this, once a bereaved parent always a bereaved parent. We just want people to not abandon us. Yes it is painful and by them avoiding us makes it worse. I have had people who have been in my life for years (family and friends) who shortly after the funeral are no longer there. Boy does that hurt.....That is one of the reasons I love this website. We are all grieving together. Hugs, Vikki

Debbie...what a tragedy for you and your family. i am so sorry this has happend to you. I hope you find this site as comforting as I do. I know now that I am not alone on this horrible journey. Please keep coming back as often as you want and please feel free to say what you want. No judging here. Hugs, and love,Vikki Janeensmom

[momgran]

Daveydow1-Sherry, Thank you for your kind words and I am so sorry for your multiple losses of dear Davey and little Lisa. I remember that Andrew's sudden death was so very traumatic and devastating at such a young age, but when I became pregnant with Pippa and we moved from England to South Africa I was able to move on to a full and happy life, with Andrew forever in my heart. Every year I celebrate his birthday in my own way on September 9 and for several years I had the strangest experience when it came to the day he died, October 28. Up until that day I would be anxious about it, the autumn weather, Halloween and All Souls approaching, but on October 28 for several years I would completely 'forget' and only remember the next day! Must have been my way of blocking out the pain at the time. Shortly before Pippa and Kieran died, I was in that 'anticipatory' mode, being October and sent photos to Christopher and Pippa and described little Andrew to them, just to remind them they had had a little brother. How ironic that I would lose Pippa and Kieran shortly after in October. I had gotten over the 'pain' of Andrew's loss years ago, but he is always in my hear and will always be his Mom.

Sherry, something else we have in common (unfortunately!)is that Pippa and Kieran met their end as a result of a truck driver falling asleep at the wheel! He had been driving for three days, and as it happened in South Africa, their laws are very slack when it comes to this sort of thing. Although I know that this loss was totally unnecessary and tragic, I don't seem to harbour any anger or resentment for the driver but I am starting to become annoyed that he hasn't contacted our families as yet! Even if his company prohibited it for legal reasons, his own humanity and integrity should override that!

The pain is a constant companion and I can only hope and pray that it will ease with time. This loss will be very different from Andrew, I know. I have many many years of memories, and at my age I was expecting to continue as a Mom and Grandma and have them around me when it's my turn to go. I am teaching myself HTML and am working on a memorial website to keep their precious memories alive. At the moment I have a small memorial for all three on here:

http://www.bfotoronto.ca/memorials/indexx.asp

I wish you Peace, Love and Patience, Sherry. This is a sad and precious sorority.

Debbie

[momgran]

Hi Janeensmom-Vikki. Thank you for your kind words. My heart goes out to you on the sad loss of your dear daughter Janeen. How do we ever come to terms with this?! I've been reading back over some of your posts to get an idea of where you are on this crushing journey and I see that you survived Janeen's 'Angel Day' on Jan 17. Mine is still a ways off, but if Christmas is anything to go by, I wonder if the anticipation isn't somewhat worse than the actually reality? I went through countless agonies the week before Christmas but we actually had a very pleasant time on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. Part of our agony was knowing they were due to arrive 'home' for Christmas on December 19 but never made it. I'm sure it's still very painful but I think our imagination can be far more vivid than reality at times. I know I'm going to battle with all the firsts. I have two of each to endure! The birthdays that is.

Wishing you Peace, Love and Patience, Vikki

Debbie

[momgran]

Hi 4everjoeysmom-Claudia! Thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for the sad loss of your dear Joey. You're only a short way further along this sad torturous path to peace than I. We do have a long way to go, don't we, but I can see the friendship and sharing on here will definitely help in moving along and experiencing all the new feelings and emotions involved with this awful grief. I'm leaving for work shortly so will pop in again later. A friend of the family lost her husband on Oct 28, six days after Pippa and Kieran died and at the memorial service we held here in Canada she handed me an envelope and requested I read it at my leisure. Enclosed was a lovely Jewish prayer a friend of hers had given her in her hour of need. I'd like to share with all here and maybe it will touch a chord in someone's heart:

The Blessing of Memory

It is hard to sing of oneness when our world is not complete, when those who once brought wholeness to our life have gone, and naught but memory can fill the emptiness their passing leaves behind.

But memory can tell us only what we were, in company with those we love: it cannot help us find what each of use, alone, must now become. yet no one is really alone: those who live no more, echo still within our thoughts and words, and what they did is part of what we have become.

We do best homage to our dead when we live our lives most fully, even in the shadow of our loss. For each of our lives is worth the life of the whole world: in each one is the breath of the Ultimate One. In affirming the One, we affirm the worth of each one whose life, now ended, brought us closer to the source of life where every life has purpose.

Wishing you Love, Peace and Patience, Claudia

Debbie

[mamabets]

Each and every one of you are brave, brave souls to try to journey on, here with us. I have been "member" of this club since 2004 when my Danny departed from this place called life...It took me awhile to find Beyond Indigo, and since that time, my life is filled with new friends...A circle of us that hold each other from afar, as we all wait for the day that we are united with our angels for their eternity...Their eternity will become ours. In the interim, I have found, that while this gaping hole in the center of my heart burns with either fear, desperation, lonliness or all of the above, the part of my heart that cushions the hole is filled with many beautiful things. My daughter Jackie is getting ready {mid- March} to give to me a new grandaughter...I will jump into this part of my life with both feet, as they are all deserving of me to do so. From there on, we just sit and wait, wait and watch as life's magic can continue to unfold!!! I take one day at a time, one hour slowly moves into the next, and I do all that I can to watch Danny in his new dimension, continuing to help all that he can along our way. God Bless all of you and know that I love you all!! xoxomamabets

[momavicki]

I don't know why , but today is a real bad day for me.I woke up thinking of my Kim and so far I have had to take several time outs in the rest room at work to pull myself back together.Some days are just to much to handle, I wish i knew what triggers the bad days.If I knew mybe I could learn to handle them better.

Some times I would like to crawl in a hole and stay for all time.

[daveydow1]

Momgran, Debbie,

My goodness, we do have a lot in common in our

sorrow. You mentioned that you do not harbor a

lot of anger against the truck driver who killed

your dear Pippa, and little Kiernan, but wonder

about why he has not at least apologized. This is

exactly what happened to us---no word, card, call,

or anything at all from the driver or his trucking

company. Complete silence. He HAD to admit in court

that he fell asleep, as he told the police at the

time of the wreck. Also, there were at least 50

witnesses--in the middle of the summer day. It is

going on 4 yrs. and of course we have not had a word

from him, nor do we expect one.

It is the driver's lack of decency more than the

wreck he caused that is troubling. This driver's son

in serving time in prison for killing a young father in a

scuffle outside a public establishment recently. They

just don't seem to care the heartache they caused--

they're just anxious to get out of it and go on with

their lives, I guess. My husband has a lot of anger

against this man, but seems to deal with it as best

he can. The laws seem to be so lax. Thank you for the

poem. It is very helpful. Peace be with you always.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[lorismom]

For Momgran ~ Debbie ~ My heart goes out to you in the recent loss of your beautiful daughter, Pippa and your grandson, Kieran. I am so sorry for your pain. I, too, lost my daughter, Lori, instantly in a car accident on 5/3/04. She was 34 years old and my only child. I miss her dearly and she is in my thoughts everyday. I'm glad you found this wonderful site as there is so much love, support, and understanding. I hope you will find some peace and comfort in the days ahead. Patty

[rhonda68]

Debbie,

I am so sorry for your precious losses, I went to your website Pippa, Kieran, and Andrew all beautiful children. My heart aches for you and for everyone on this site. Thinking of all of you.

Richardsmom

[mamabets]

For Debbie~ I visited your angels websites...I will look to you for comfort and strength, as I just can't imagine life throwing THIS your way, dear friend. LIFE is cruel, HEAVEN is not...This is all that we must carry with us until we are reunited with all of our sweet angels. God Bless you and feel free to email me at huntross4@aol.com. My 25 year old son, Danny, left here in June of 2004... He lives on and brings many miracle signs to us. I love you and admire your courage and strength...xoxomamabets

[momofjoe]

Today was our son Joe's inquest from his accident. We found out things we already knew, things we didn't know & things we shouldn't have heard because they will for forever embedded in our minds. The bottom line was that Joe died of massive head injuries, broken neck & back. The car in front of Joe didn't see his lime green full size truck passing him. The car in front of Joe attempt to pass also, causing Joe to head for a culvert to avoid an accident. In doing so his truck rolled several times causing him to be ejected from his vehicle & then passing away. This all happened on 11/16/06. I told my best friend today that since Joe's death I felt I moved forward 3 steps. After today I've gone back 5 steps.

[4everjoeysmom]

Dear Momofjoe, I am so sorry the inquest has brought you so much pain. I remember also of my own Joey's inquest getting news we already knew, some we didn't and some we wish we never had. We learned through ours that my son Joey who had somehow ended up falling asleep by the tracks while sitting and waiting for his friends to come outside (and yes alcohol was involved), that Joey was lying on the tracks and when the train blew it's sounding whistles he couldn't lift himself fully off the tracks. he lifted his head--and that image shattered me. It is constantly revisiting me... and the only way I could get through that was to imagine the light of the train being the light of the Lord coming to take Joey home--no pain. I want to encourage you through this that to take a few steps backward is not a permanent setback. I have walked forward and fallen back many, many times. But if we were fully upright and forward all the time, we wouldn't have hope and a sense of healing for the progress and feelings of peace that come along with those forward steps when they do come. I hope that makes sense. Please know my prayers are with you as we mourn the losses of our beautiful sons, both named Joe. With love and encouragement always, Claudia

[mamabets]

For 4everjoeysmom~ Same with me, Claudia- I KNOW in my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, that my Danny's "light to lead him home" was there for him in the headlights of the semi truck that accidentally hit him. I love all that are here!! xoxomamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

Mamabets-- And isn't that a wonderful act of compassion and a tremendous gift from God that he can plant in our hearts the image of the Lord's light instead of the false light the world wants us to see and remember? I have no doubt that God is good ALL THE TIME. It's up to us to seek His goodness instead of listening to the often louder voices of the world. His voice is often a gentle whisper...

Love and blessings, Claudia

[momofjoe]

Claudia, please send to me some of your faith. I need it so badly. Mary Jo

[mamabets]

For 4everjoeysmom~ You want to know what I have done to help me along here? I have made my Danny my own , personal God!!! He "told my heart" when he departed, that "I am here, Ma, and I LOVE it- I told God when I got here that he looked really old in all of his pictures, so to sit down , take a load off and let me give you a hand" xoxomamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

Mary Jo, I can't give you 'my' faith, because for each one of us, it's our personal journey to relationship with Christ. But I definitely am praying for you all the time. If you truly want what I have, ask God to show you "The Way". I have faith that He will...

Mamabets, I'm not sure what to say... I think since Joey has gone, God has shown me things I never before gave much to consideration. I wondered at one point if I loved Joey and 'worshiped' him more than God, is that why God took him away... but then I know in my heart that God is not a cruel God. He just wants all of my worship. And I know He now has all of Joey's. But oh I miss him so...

[ericasmom]

HI everyone,

Ihave been away from this site for sometime,I get so involved at work, I am a teacher and on many committees, and I dont' have the kind of time it takes to be here, to be a part of this wonderful group.I know there are new people here since I last wrote and to you all I am deelply sorry for your losses, I am quite familiar with the pain and ache and shock you have had to endure. I am back right now because I feel the need to be. Dear JOesmom, I was touched by your words after the inquest. Some of what you heard will be with you forever, and revejoeys mom said the same. I have had a lot of reruns lately adn my daughter left July of 2003. This is not said to make you feel like it does not get smoother, gentler. It will, I swear, but there are times when for reasons we later figure out, the reruns of the impact keep playing. My daughter was killed when an Amtrak hit her car at a crossing in Kalamzoo, Michigan where there was no cross arm adn the light was broken. A damn fuse, a simple fuse that wasn't changed in over a year...anyhow, the point I am trying to make is that the waves of anguish will wash over us and we will remain, even when we wish we wouldn't. WE are here to walk where our babies no longer can, we are here because we are...our children are peaceful and free now, and we have to find ways to live our best lives to honor them and our rebuilt lives. momofjoe, you are at the stage that I found crushingly painful, the 3-5 months after Rica died, all the rest of the shock that I had assumed was gone, shed and left me unprotected to the absolutes of this loss. I promise you it will not always feel as it does today, but do allow yourself to mourn and go through it, because the only way to hear the birds again is to aknowledge the lack.

My heart and spirit to you all,

dee

[4everjoeysmom]

Ericasmom--thank you for your words of kindess and wisdom. My Joey spent two summers in Kalamazoo, working, and he loved it there...

[momofjoe]

Dear Claudia,

All I need to do is ask God to show me "The Way"?

Mary Jo

[ericasmom]

Dear 4everjoeysmom,

When was your dear son in Kalamazoo? How long ago and how old was your boy when he passed away? Our childrens' circumstances and their paths crossed it seems. I am so sorry for the pain you feel, but I am heartened by your strength/faith.

momofjoe, I know it feels like you might drown in this horror, but all of us that have been on this road longer are testament to living through and with this loss. We all came here same as you, knowing that somewhere there were people who in their hearts knew the strangeness of time, the abstraction of memories, the anxiety that wakes you in the night. You will feel strong again one day, and on that same day you will still cry, knowing that those tears are part of why you are still standing.

Everyone, I reread my message once I hit post now, and learned that I should not hit that button until I read it over for mistakes. Sorry for all the typos, but sorry for the way it sounded when I said I don't have the time to be here right now. By this I mean that I like to be involved here, try to help if I can, and I cannot be consistent during the school year, but can on summer break. Today I felt I needed to touch base, I have missed the ways that this place affirms the many swings we go through while grieving. I have been weepy lately...the markof time kind of hit me I guess.

My thoughts and prayers to all

dee

[mamabets]

For 4everjoeysmom~ Oh, trust me when I say that I TOTALLY believe in a God!!! LOL- I wouldn't be able to get through this otherwise!! Danny used to say his prayers on his knees every night!!! But, I do know that he is giving the Heavens a hand!! We couldn't have the connections here, if our angels weren't having them where they are!! Heaven and it's surrounding communities, I refer to it as!! I have always been a more "power greater than myself" type of person, but I KNOW that God is a loving God, only, and that it is "LIFE" that takes our kids... Things that happen in life, unfortunately~ Not God!! Don't you believe that too ?? I know that you have done alot of missionary work~ I have never said "WHY ME", simply because I soon found myself here among all of these people here after this happened. I love you!! xoxoxo

[Guest Guest]

Keeping faith during grief is a very complicated thing, I've found. I am a Christian, and our family - including Erik - has been very involved in our church. We teach Sunday School, we're on several committees and we've gone on missions. My husband has been to Haiti, Albania and Mexico. So, we "do" all the right things. The problem when you have a loss like we have had is that we keep trying to figure out - if we are good Christians, why did this happen?

I got over the hump with the help of someone much more spiritual than I. He explained that God doesn't MAKE bad things happen. But he does ALLOW them to happen. Because it's through those bad things that our faith truly takes root. I know mine is stronger today because there have been days when I know the only thing that got me through was God's grace. I didn't have one ounce of strength to do it on my own. To God, our life on earth is just a blip. True life is eternity with Him. So when a young person dies, it's not a tragedy to that person because they have eternal life. It is a tragedy to those left behind. And God has told us that if we put our faith in Him, we will get through it and actually grow stronger. Since I have lost my son, I have met many, many people who have suffered tremendous loss. Unthinkable loss. And each one has told me they have more compassion than before, more wisdom and more strength. They still hurt so much, but, but they are stronger.

So, I know that in time, God will have accomplished two miraculous things: first, he has another angel in heaven - my son - and he will have made me more spiritual and compassionate here on earth. And that's God's work. Anyway, that's what helps me.

Kathy

(Eriksmom)

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, Amen Sister! I stand with you on that "Rock", because I couldn't have one single ounce of true joy without Him.

Hi Dee, Joey was in kalamazoo summer of 2004 and 2005, working an internship for college with a company called Agriculture Soil Management from Champaign, IL. The company was contracted up there in kalamazoo for soil testing. Joey took samples and tested insect crossbreeds, so that they could determine the needs for changes to farm pesticides for the helath of the crops. I have never been a strong advocate for pesticides, but as Joey was learning and becoming quite good at what he did, I gained a new appreciation for what happens to crops and what little yield there would be without those pesticides. If people went back to raising their own gardens for food, it wouldn't be an issue. It amuses me that people complain about pesticides, yet they shop for their food in a market instead of taking time to grow their own. Anyway, how did I get on that track??! Joey and the few guys that he was working with from school went to baseball games a lot there, and out with friends they met there in Kalamazoo--I guess maybe from Western Mich Univ. Joey actually met his sweetheart Betsy there in the summer of 2005. He was 7 days shy of 24 when he passed into Heaven. He was spending the summer at his dad's and was out one night with an unreputable bunch that left him walk home 6 miles from a country bar while they sat around drinking on his money; found himself alone, too much alcohol and in trouble I think--wrong place at the wrong time. He was run over by a passing freight train...

Mary Jo--I refer to jesus as "The Way", because that's what he called himself:

Joh 14:6 Jesus *said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.

I refer to Scripture a lot, even when I don't like what it tells me, because I believe with all my heart it's "The Truth"--which is also Jesus in The Word.

I remember before I came to faith, I had been married to my now husband for 3 months and I was miserable. I was talking myself out of the marriage. We were both in our late 30's, had been married before very young and stupid, and both having failed, and we both had a LOT of baggage. So I went away on business and decided to extend my stay over the weekend since I was at a lovely beach. (I love the beach and so did Joey...) While I was there I met this man who was very compassionate and also was having some deep struggles in his marriage--lack of contentment, I suppose, and probably over zealous expectations of our spouses... Anyway I crossed a line and came way too close to doing something more I shouldn't. I freaked out and went shopping--the one thing I was good at that could whisk me away for a while. I went into a Christian bookstore, and not knowing why at the time, I felt compelled to walk to the back of the store. It was dark, and there were not many books on the shelf back there, as there was some kind of remodel going on at the time. One book screamed out at me back there. It was titled, "Help Me! I'm Married.", By Joyce Meyer. I had to buy it. I went back to my hotel room and began to read while I listened to the waves roar. About ten pages in, I felt so convicted in my heart--I dropped to my knees right there and prayed the most tearful and sincere prayer of my life, begging God to save me and save my marriage. My countenance was immediately changed and I went home with such a new attitude about my marriage. I won't say there were no more struggles, but God changed me that day--changed my heart--and He continues to do that to this day. I have grown so much in these past five years, and I have only God to thank for His grace. Without Him I imagine my marriage wuld have failed and I have no clue how my life would be today. He gives me strngth through Himself (Love) to hope all things and endure all things--just as His Word says, because I put my trust and my life in His hands. (1 Corinthians 13 gives God's Word on Love...) I am not preaching a sermon here. But I think it's prudent to share with you how I caqme to faith. It was at an extremely difficult time in my life, and I was just about to give up and give in to foolishness, wrong thinking, and unrighteous living. God saved me from that. I truly wanted to be free. And today, without that faith and without His strength, compassion and love, I just have no idea how I could survive my broken heart over losing Joey. He was the most precious gift (and my son Patrick as well) that my life could ever know... and I had to give him back to God. I was pretty mad at God for a few months. But, again, without fail, He is calling me into deeper relationship with Him and giving me such amazing insights into knowing Him more...I can no longer be angry. I feel compelled to share with everyone who wants to know more about my faith what it is that God is doing for me. Some might think I'm nuts, and that's OK. Because Gid said that would happen, and I have to be brave to overcome all of that and stand up in faith. I just know I couldn't go on and find joy and peace of any depth without Him. And that's what I mean by asking God to show you "The Way".

Mamabets, I believe God is a perfect loving God. But he also is a jealous God, and He has shown Himself throughout much of Scripture as a God who becomes extremely angry when other gods (relics) are put before him--like the golden calf in the old testament for example. When Moses went up to the mountain to receive the ten commandments, he came back down only to find the crowds of people worshiping the golden calf. Moses became so furious that he broke the tablets the commandments were written on--after all he had gone up there to receive the law from God for these people--so Moses went back up the mountain to redo the tablets. One of those commandments is Thou shalt have no other gods before me. I have had many gods in my life that I put before my interest in God; my children, shopping, other people, things, etc... and so I am just very thoughtful and careful in how I think about people and things that are precious to me. Just like Abraham, when Gd asked him to bring Isaac up to the sacrificial alter and make him a sacrifice to God, Abraham did as God wished, trusting that God knew what was best. Because of Abraham's faith God spared Isaac. I ewish my faith was like Abraham's faith. There is no wy I could ever put my son on an alter and give him back to God... I'm glad God didn't make me do that. It was time for Joey to go home, and God is God. I have to trust Him in all of this--even though I hate what has happened. I have an understanding that I just cannot possibly understand, but I can trust and know that He is God.

Psa 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

Even though my life carries such heavy burden and pain, I do find comfort and peace in an all knowing, all powerful and loving God. It's hard to follow God, but as I've learned from childhood, nothing good comes easy...

[daveydow1]

Momofjoe,

I'm sorry that the inquest for Joe's passing has caused

you so much pain. I,too,learned things about my son, Davey's,

death in June of 2003 that have caused haunting flashbacks

and anxiety, expecially after seeing graphic pictures in

the local paper covering the crash that took his life. It

has been such a short time for you since your Joe passed--

be gentle with yourself, and give yourself time. The pain

will always be there, but it does get somewhat softer. We

will probably always have our setbacks, but as Claudia said,

you gain strength and faith whenever you take another step

forward--be it ever so tiny a step. Peace be with you.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Ericasmom,

I understand how it is difficult to keep up with

everything when you work. Teaching today is a very

demanding profession. (I am not a teacher, but have

a best friend who is). You lost your ERi just one mo.

after my Davey passed over, so we are at the same

stage on this journey. Sometimes it seems like so long

ago (because we miss them so), and for me, sometimes

it seems like only yesterday. I hope that ERi's love

and light comforts you always. Take care, friend.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

HI Sherry,

I remember you and I came to this place around the same time it seems to me. We lost our children so close to each other and we have always been connected by them haven't we? God bless you as we face the 4 year mark this summer. And that is what I hope that the recent visitors realize, that we come here and join in our heartache and begin the cycle of repair and in so doing find connections and compassion beyond anything else we will meet. WE also find that because we have had to walk this line, that we are here to help others walk it too, just as the people that were here before us helped us. It is an uphill walk, but it is the way forward. Along the way we falloff in ditches and become stuck in muck, but there is always someone to help pull you out and walk alongside of you. Do as Sherri has said, be kind, be gentle to yourselves. You need to eat even if you do not want to, drink a ton of water and take the vitamins you took before this shock. Try to get outside for some fresh air each day and try to exercise, it is good for your heart/mind/spirit. Our children want us to be as healthy as we can, to live as well as we can.

I stayed away from here since August because I felt like I could not be consistent, but being back this weekend feels like home in many ways, it is a place where we are all free to talk on and on about our babies, and so many people on the outside just cannot handle it.

Thank you all for your ability to share and your letting me share again here.

dee

[mom2angels]

Dee ~ It's wonderful to hear your lovely voice here again. I have missed you, your warmth and insight. I can relate to your feelings about consistency in visiting here, as I feel much the same way. You're so right -- however long we are absent, this feels like home when we return.

Like you and Sherry, we are approaching our 4th year this year since our beloved Michael's transition. Both of you have expressed so well the progression you've made through your grief for Erica and Davey, and my experiences reflect yours. We're always going to have our weepy, sorrowful moments, I think. Those are the days when we remember just how heavy that brick is in our pocket. And just as we have for the past 3 plus years, we will once again stand up a little straighter after we readjust to the weight.

Grief is an ongoing process, which requires us to continually find a balance between our deep sadness and the joy remaining in our lives. It does come in waves, and we do have days where it still seems like yesterday and other days where it seems like an eternity since we lost our children. And on those most wrenching days, when we thought we would never survive this pain, we did survive. And we continue to do so.

For All Who Need Reassurance ~ There Is Hope.

{{{HUGS}}} to everyone ~ my prayers are with you for your healing, peace and comfort every day~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[isabelle]

I can hardly wait to be with my angel Ray. It is a consolation to know that the end is inevitable and that each morning that dawns places us one step closer.

Elizabeth,

Ray'sMom

[kathy714]

Hi Everyone,i am sorry i haven't had a chance to post lately,but still try to read all the post.Wed,Jan,31st will be my son Nathan's birthday,and 2 years since he passed,i can't believe he would be 23 years old.I think the depression of it all is setting in,i have been sleeping all day and up all night.My prayers go out to all the new parents here and i am so sorry for your loss.My heart breaks for everyone here,and you all are in my thoughts and prayers....T/C Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[julsmom]

To All who are new- I am sorry for your loss. My 27 y/o daughter died 10/13/03 in a one car accident. To all those with a Kalamazoo connection, we spent 4 yrs in Plainwell about 30 miles north, but I worked in Kalamazoo, and Julie spents summers there working at the Wal Mart.

This is a quote from the eulogy that William Sloan Coffin, a noted minister at Riverside Church in New York City, gave for his son 10 days after his son died in a car crash:

"The one thing that should never be said when someone dies is "It is the will of God." Never do we know enough to say that. My own consolation lies in knowing that it was not the will of God that Alex die; that when the waves closed over the sinking car, God's heart was the first of all our hearts to break."

If you wish to read the whole eulogy you can go to: http://www.pbs.org/now/society/eulogy.html

May we all find peace on this journy.

Kathy I will be thinking of you this week.

Peace, Lynda

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy-Nate's mom: My thoughts and prayers will be with you this week, and especially on Wednesday. I have not had to deal with our son Mike's birthday or angel date yet--and my mind cannot even wrap itself around the concept of it, either. I read something about grief this weekend, and in it, they were interviewing people. One little girl, who lost I believe her brother but I can't remember for sure, said, "My stomach feels like it has a flat tire." So simple but so poignant, and so accurate as to how we all feel.

I pray, Kathy, that you will find at least one memory on that day that will bring you peace and a smile to your heart, though I don't know if that would actually be possible ono such a heart-wrenching day.

TO ALL: Love, and God bless. Carol - MIKESMOMRS

[rhonda68]

Kathy, I will definately be thinking of you this week. My son's angel date is next month. Its been a long old hard road. You are 1 of my first friends too walk this deep dark journey with.

Love ya,

Richardsmom

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, Wednesday is my 6 month point with Joey. I will definitely be praying for you throughout Wednesday as I too will be remembering...

[ericasmom]

Dear Lynda,

I do remember you as we began this journey in the same year, as did Daveydow. Thanks for your words to all lthe people here.Funny how ur Kalamazoo connection started. I live in the Chicagoland area but my son and daughter wanted to live away from home and live with one another. I am glad she had that time with her brother, they were very close.

I thank you too Roslyn for your welcome to all here,including myself. I know how that felt for all of us when we came and others stood and waited with outstretched arms. 4everjoeysmom as you reach that half year hold tight to yourself and know that everyone here is available to you. Anniverssaries are difficult.To Carol, I like the way you said what you did to Natesmom, that your mind cannot even wrap itself around this concept of birthdays and angel dates. It is true, until you go there, y ou cannot know how you will react and how it will feel. Many of us found that the lead up to it is harder than the actual date. I think a flat tire in our stomach is a great way to put it.

Kathy, mom of Nate, remember to be extra good to yourself as you lead up to Nates birth adn leaving dates. You will always be his Momma, one that I am sure is quite proud of.

Peace to all,

Dee

[lorismom]

For Kathy714 ~ My thoughts will be with you as your approach your son's birthday and angel day on Jan. 31. I will light a candle for Nathan and hope that you may be blessed with some special memories to comfort you on this day. Take care. Patty

[daveydow1]

Mom2Angels & Kathy714,

Thank you for your kind words. Kathy, I will definitely

be thinking of you as your angel date approaches, and

on that day--Jan. 31, Nate's angel day, I will be praying

that you will find some comfort from your great love for

Nate, and his love for you will come shining through all

the heartache. Peace to all at BI.

Daveysmom, Sherry

[4everjoeysmom]

Thank you, Dee

[mamabets]

For Kathy714~ I am with you, as always, and will be planting something for Nate in the angel garden on Wednesday, and I will go to the store and send a balloon off...OK??...I love you!! xoxoxmamabets

[ashleysmom]

Kathy, Know my heart will be with you throughout today and tomorrow. Sometimes it seems for me the day before is much worse. The anticipation. Anyway you will be in my prayers. May you have a peaceful day full of wonderful memories of Nate. God bless you and your family, Love, Dottie

[kathy714]

I want to thank everyone for all your prayers and support,everyone here is so special to me.I don't know how i would of ever made through these last 2 years ,without having this website to run to every time i thought i was going to breakdown.I can't believe how much my life has changed in 2 years.Two years ago today,my husband was sick with liver ca,had just had surgery and had half his liver removed,my dog had just had puppies,and on this day, our puppy had fallen through the ice,my grandmother had justed passed away jan16th,my life was already spiraling down ,back then and Nathan was the finale,the most worst thing that could ever happen,and it did.All day ,i have been reliving that awful day when Nathan came in and told me the puppy had fallen through the ice and they had tried over and over again to try to save him from the freezing cold water,then remembering the next day when the detectives showed up in my kitchen,telling me that they had just found Nathan in a bank parking lot , on that freezing cold night.We have decided to have a small get together tomorrow to send off birthday balloons,23 i can't believe Nate would be 23 now,and share some memories.Thanks to everyone again ,i love this site and all of you too,you truely understand all this terible pain that we as parents go through...T/C Kathy,Nate,s mom 4 ever

[mom2angels]

{{{Kathy}}}~

I wish that I could reach through this computer and wrap my arms around you with a real hug. My heart goes out to you. You endured so much all at once, and you have coped with it all with tremendous courage.

I am so inspired by the courage of everyone here. Your sudden, traumatic, tragic loss of Nate, and the losses of so many of the parents here, just breaks my heart. You remind me to count my blessings that I was able to be prepared and to be with my son when he made his transition. How I wish that could have been so for you with Nate, and for every other parent here.

May you feel Nathan with you tomorrow as you celebrate his 23rd birthday and his Angel Date, because I'm sure that he will be there, with his precious puppy in hand. He will carry those balloons straight up to Heaven with him.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow, and I will light a special candle in honor of Nathan and his wonderful Mom and Dad.

Blessings of peace and comfort to you~

Love & Light,

Roslyn

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy- You have been a godsend for me too from the time I first arrived here at BI. Thank you. I will be celebrating Nathan's life and birthday with you in heart, and silently sharing your tears... Love, Claudia

[messenger]

KATHY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,MAY YOU FIND MUCH PEACE FROM LETTING OFF THE BALLOONS TODAY.......PLEASE KNOW WE WILLALL..BE THINKING OF YOU AND LIFTING YOU UP TODAY...GOD BLESS

MESSENGER

[ericasmom]

Kathy,

may you feel the wram embrace of your Nate today, knowing that he loves you like no other and knowing that he feels your love each and every moment. I hold you in my prayers, in my heart, and in my spirit as the sun just begins to color the sky in oranges nad faint purple. The colors are sometimes what reminds me of the miracles we know.While we can't touch them, they are there for us to start the new day.

Peace,

Dee

[momgran]

Hi all you precious Moms and Dads. I wrote a long, tearful post last Thursday and when I tried to submit I was sent back to my login page. Another loss and as I had to go to work I didn't have the time to go back and rewrite the whole thing. Very frustrating to say the least.

My heart is with you today, Kathy, your precious Nate's Birthday and Angel Day. It's such a long, painful journey but I can see the support on here is invaluable and so many of you have travelled together from the beginning.

Thanksyou momabets, lorismom and richardsmom for your kind words and visiting my babies. I saw your Danny momabets...such a beautiful young man and my sincere condolences for your tragic loss. My heart goes out to you, Patty on the loss of your beautiful daughter Lori, I know only too well the bond between mother and daughter and the terrible void that is left when they're gone.

I haven't had the opportunity to read back over all the previous posts but I assume Rhonda68 that you lost your son Richard. I am so hearbroken for your loss and the loss that all the moms and dads on here have had to endure in their lifetime. It is such a cruel trick that life played on us all.

Momabets: when I read about the upcoming birth of your granddaughter I cried tears of joy! How we moms/grandmas need babies around to nurture and protect and love to bits! The feelings I had when Kieran came into the world mimiced the feelings I had when my son was born. He even looked like him. I felt at the time that this was the 'right' order of things. We bring up our children to be healthy, happy adults and we are then blessed with the opportunity to be 'moms' again but without the pressure! I find it so very difficult to accept that both these beatiful gifts I've been given have been taken away from me! The thought of living out my days without them is unbearable at time...most of the time, but I try and do it one day at a time.

Love, Peace and Patience to all you dear people!

Debbie

[rhonda68]

Kathy I will be thinking of you today, I will light a candle and say a prayer. I so wish i could be there for you when you send the ballons off for your precious son Nate and give you 1 big HUG! I Love sending ballons off in their memory it is very special watching them float way into the air. LOVE YOU!

Rhonda