Loss of a Father

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

dollface

Thank you so much for your kind words, it is so tough going through pregnancy without my precious Daddy, I know he would have been very protective of me and supportive, and just being his loving caring self.

I feel as if no one understands how difficult it is going through pregnancy without him, I know my Mum and my husband try to understand and be there for me, but the truth is, all I want is my Daddy and I wish he could see what I've achieved in the last 19 months and watch as I have grown with his Grandchild inside me.

I see children walking along with their Grandad's and it breaks my heart that my child will never have the love of my Dad, he would have been such a great Grandad as he was a Dad to me.

I think that pillow idea is  great idea, I am going to get a photo to put in the babies nursery of my Dad and will look into the pillow idea too.

Thanks for listening

Michelle

xxx

http://alan-muchmore.memory-of.com/About.aspx

 

[dontlkback]

It's so nice to see that I am not alone and can't believe it took this long to find this website.  I lost my father March 11, 2004, my mother 34 days later and my brother 13 months later.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of them and miss them.  Just when I think I have done my grieving, something happens to take me back.  I just had to put my Great Dane to sleep two days ago and it all came flooding back to me.

Someone mentioned going into "robot" mode and I can completely relate to that.  I had responsibility for all affairs after both mom and dad passed and people just kept asking if I was OK, because I showed no emotion and was so matter of fact about things.  I really didn't start grieving until 2 years after they were gone and it tore my marriage and friendships apart.   I became so aware of my mortality that I felt I had to accomplish everything that I had been WANTING to do, but always said "someday".  My wife couldn't understand who I had become, or relate to what I was going through and finally gave up and filed for divorce.

I guess I'm looking for a sanity check from other people that have gone through this.  Can anybody else relate to some of these things, or maybe I have just gone over the deep end.  My concern is I have a beautiful little girl (who never met any of my family) that I don't want to give a skewed view of life and an anger at God.

[4froggies]

It's been 10  months since my dad died, some days I swim through, other days, not so much. Today is one of those days.  I can't seem to shake the sadness that overwhelms me, it is more than I can handle right now. I am at work, I am supposed to be doing what I get paid to do, instead I am fighting back tears and the urge to scream IT WASN'T HIS TIME.

 

I know you all understand. I don't post much but I do read very often. The days I post are the worst days for me, they are the days I have hit so low that all I can do to try to pull myself out of it is to hope and pray that putting it into writing will help the pain.

I miss him so much

[ernurse99]

4froggies

I am sorry today is a bad day!!! i do hope that your day turns around a little! . those days that no matter where you look he is everywhere, and it feels like it has just happened! Just remember that you are not alone!!!! we are all here to help each other !!! It has been 3.5 months for my dad and i still feel like it has all been a dream and that when i wake up i can call him and go see him and get one of his bear hugs! YOu are in my thoughts and i hope today gets better!!!

BIG HUGS

sarah

[lifechange]

just wanted to write u because yours sort of sounds similar to mine. i lost my father 2 months ago and also lost my brother 10 months ago, both to cancer. sometimes u think you are going to be okay and then it hits u and its a bad day. u just never know. also, i have a husband that isn't on the same page and we are getting divorced. i think its a good thing because i feel life is more special to me now. the loss of my brother and my father has been so consuming to me and filled with grief that it has changed my life. i feel i am a changed person. i just found this website and i'm glad i did. there is not many people that i can express this to. hope all goes well.

[4froggies]

Thank you both for your notes. I keep thinking that some day this will get better, but it doesn't seem to.  I just went today to his gravesite as I have not been to visit in awhile and it was just miserable. I sat and talked to him for about 10 minutes, sobbing to myself and in disbelief that I am having a one sided conversation with my Dad.  This isn't the way it is supposed to be--my dad and I always had such involved conversations about everything, it isn't possible that I am talking to his gravestone...

More than I can handle sometimes.....

[mofirefly]

Tara - I just tried to sent you a private message, but not sure just how that works.  Haven't seen a post from you in some time and wanted to let you know I was thinking of you today as you thought of your dad on his birthday.  May you be able to smile as you think of him, even if thru tears.  Take care!

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara,

 

I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you today.  I hope you are ok.  I haven't talked to you in so long!  I'm doing ok....for the most part.  I hope to talk to you soon!  Take care, Cindy

[hope1315]

Hi. I'm new here. But I'm on a lot. If anyone needs to talk I'll be here. I lost my father about a month ago. I'd love to talk, vent, and just make friends who are going through the same things that I am. I am slightly younger than some people on this sight (I'm 13) but we all have at least two things in common. One, we have all lost someone very close to us. Two, we can all use a friend or someone to talk us through our hard times.

Alway here for you,

Hope

[stephysteph13]

Hope. I replied to you on another post...

[hope1315]

Yeah. I remember.

[hope1315]

My dad was very sick 3 years before his death. He had had a brain tumor. I believe it was the 3rd operation in his life to have it removed. Well, something went wrong. He was left unable to speak and ate through a feeding tube. We were close. How close can you be when he can't talk? But I knew he loved me. That was always enough...

[ernurse99]

tomorrow is my first birthday without my dad... i thought my 29th would be great(at least i always planned on it) but this year i just feel emotional... i miss my dad and wish he was here to celebrate with me!   To see that unforgettable smile one more time... and get one of his big bear hugs ... just feeling sad today mabe tomorrow will be better?

sarah

[4froggies]

Sarah--

I celebrated my first birthday without my dad March 1st. They day sucked, I am not going to lie. Not hearing him tell me happy birthday left my heart empty for most of the day.  I really feel for you as you go through this, just know that he is shining down on you and though he can't tell you in words, open your heart to his spirit and let him in on this day--of all days, his every heavenly energy will be spent trying to fill you with joy.  Easier said than done, I know.

Happy birthday and I hope you are able to have a good day.

Michele

[ernurse99]

thanx michele! today has had many ups and downs! i know that he is all around me and is wishing me happy birthday, i just wish i could hear him! thanx for the support!!!

sarah 

[alex329]

HI CINDY AND JACKIE, I CANT BELIEVE YOU GUYS REMEMBER 3/29 WAS MY DADS BDAY...WE ALL WENT TO THE CEMETARY AND RELEASED BALLOONS AGAIN,THAT SEEMS TO HELP US SOMEHOW...I HAVE BEEN DOING BETTER,I AM NOW 2 MONTHS PREGNANT AND HOPE IT ALL GOES OK THIS TIME,ILL KEEP YOU POSTED ..KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED, I ALSO WORK 5 NIGHTS A WEEK AND THAT HAS REALLY HELPED ME ALOT TO ..AND JOEY AND BASEBALL .....I THINK OF MY DAD EVERYDAY ALL DAY AND TALK ABOUT HIM ALWAYS  I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD STILL BE DOING THIS BUT I JUST CANT HELP IT....I STILL MISS HIM TERRIBLY BUT AM DOING OK...I HOPE YOU ARE ALL DOING OK TODAY..ILL CHECK BACK SOON....HAVE A GREAT DAY GIRLS!!!  TAKE CARE...TARA:)

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Congratulations on the pregnancy Tara, thats great news!! I am now 39 weeks pregnant now, it has gone very quickly, just waiting now!

Some days are harder than others, I have been really missing my Dad recently as the birth draws nearer, my husband has been amazing, cooking, cleaning and putting up with me!!! Bless him.

I had a scare at 35 weeks and I really wanted my Dad then, I think it will always be like that, when things go wrong he was always there to pick up the pieces and make me smile again, and he was the only one who knew how to make me feel better.

Look after yourself and keep me updated

Love and hugs

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle xxxx

[mofirefly]

Tara - What wonderful news - so very glad to hear of the pregnancy.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with talking to your dad each and every day for the rest of your life....I think it's a great way to keep a loved one close.  Do keep us posted on the little life inside you.  Take care!  Candy

[alex329]

hi candy and michelle i didnt forget you guys,thanks for writing back to me ,keep me posted!!! nice to hear from all of you!!!! ill check back soon..love tara:)

[guitrain]

I am so happy I found this forum.  I had to sign up immediately.  I lost my dad on March 29 this year.  Well 3 weeks ago.. so this is fresh.  He died unexpectedly in his sleep or nap before he was about to eat dinner.  He was 56...

I am 32 and the only child.  I feel so bad for my Mom because I had to leave and come back to Seattle where I work and live currently.  She is in Wisconsin.

It is good to know people talk about this, because I feel so incredibly alone now without having any family out here to talk to.

Trying to work is nearly pointless as I have to lock myself in my office and cry just about every hour. 

If death is so natural and part of the cycle then why is it so painful for us left behind?

[imsuziness]

Hi...

I am having trouble wanting to even GO to work. Or get out bed. Or answer the phone.

My Dad died unexpectedly on Feb 6th while he was out shoveling snow. 

This place is such a great release.  I just discovered it last night and have met some wonderful, thoughtful people here already.  Grief is such a unique emotion. Everyone comes by it differently and in their own time. Some hide it, some refuse to acknowledge it and... like me - some are consumed by it for a moment in time. 

I, too am worried about my Mother. She has not been in good health even before my Father's passing and so the fear of her "dying of a broken heart" is on the edge of my thoughts.  I dont know if you believe in God or Heaven, and so please forgive me if i offend you with these thoughts - but I truly believe God will give our Moms the extra strength to make it through this painful time. He will lead them down the road He had planned for them all along - and more than ANYTHING I believe that we will ALL be together again some day.

Now - that all has been said a hundred times when someone passes away - and it is up to us to believe what we will.  And even though I have that faith and hope - My Dad's death has shaken that faith - and I have found myself crying more than not.  But everytime I read another person's story on this site and read someone elses words are exactly what I have been thinking...it helps.

I am so sorry for your loss. 

Take Care,

Sue

[silkworm]

     I haven't checked this site in a few weeks-- for those who didn't read my previous posts, my Dad died on January 5 (the day before my birthday).   He was 93.  He caught a bad cold over Christmas, and this, combined with his heart problem, probably did him in.  We took him to his cardiologist on January 3rd, and the cardiologist told us that his lungs didn't have any fluid in them ("a good sign"), but that his pulse was racing-- he didn't, though, think that Dad needed to be hospitalized.  As I was going to bed on the 5th, I heard him coughing horribly  in the room he and my Mom shared, and I wondered if I should call an ambulance.  I ultimately decided not to, because his cardiologist's words made me think that his condition was fairly stable...I also reasoned that he usually seemed better once he was asleep, and that probably all he needed was to sleep and have the new medicine enter his system.  So I went to sleep, and the next morning when I woke up my Mom called me in to their bedroom because he was cold and not breathing or moving.  I called 911, but I already knew that he was gone...the paramedics confirmed it as soon as they got there.

     It's been fourteen weeks, but I struggle every day with feelings of guilt and sadness.  Luckily, I'm living with my Mom and we've been able to support each other.  I took her to see Carousel on Sunday and she really enjoyed it, although I was afraid that the scene where the protagonist dies might be too much for her (it was almost too much for me).  My brother is in close touch, even though he lives in the Bay Area (we're in LA), and our extended family has helped alot, too.

    Two questions: 1) Mom and Da's 60th anniversary would have been in less than two weeks.  How do I deal with this occasion?

                            2) I keep having flashbacks to that final night, and keep blaming myself for what happened.  I feel as if I need forgiveness or absolution, as if this wouldn't have happened if I had been more attentive and aware.  Is this feeling shared by others?-- Silkworm

   

   

[mofirefly]

Silkworm - I would think you could let your mom be your guide as to what to do about the anniversary - She may want to remember it in a completly different way than you....but she may not know how to start the conversation...so maybe you could ask her if she would like to do anything.  As for the guilt feelings - I believe just about all of us have had those type of feelings - we simply have to try to accept that anything else that could have been done, tho it may have changed the outcome, is something that we cannot do now.  It is truly difficult to accept the reality of losing someone you have had as a part of your life forever.  Do take care.

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

I lost my Dad suddenly too, he was only 55. I was 27.

He died on 10th August 2006 and it would have been my parents 30th anniversary on 28th August(18 days later). I had already bought their gifts and I still gave them to my Mum and we invited all the family around and had a barbeque at my house, my Dad would have wanted us to still celebrate it, and I wanted my Mum to be around people who loved her and my Dad.

My Dad was a peoples person and would have been upset if we just let it pass unnoticed, so thats what we did.

Maybe you could have a candle made and light in celebration of their years together, and light it each year, or on special occasions.

Hope this helps

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle xxxx

[guitrain]

My entire family came up from Chicago and we laughed more than we cried.  It was so amazing being around all these people and listening to the stories about my Dad. He really touched a lot of people's hearts.  We celebrated, had some drinks, played music,  ate, laughed, and cried.  This is what he also would have wanted, and he would be there right by our sides if it was someone else.

On another note when does this dazed feeling finally go away?  I can hardly work I am so absent minded.  I don't want to go home either because it keeps my mind busy. 

I like your idea of lighting the candle every year and still celebrating. 

[daddysbabygirl]

Hi!

I hope you don't think that it is wierd that some random person is talking to you, but i wanted to share my insight due to a similiar experience.

My father and I were very close, on some days i considered him more of a friend then a father. When I found out that my dad had colo-rectal cancer, i freaked! Then the news got worse, he was terminal. He was such a fighter, but after 6 months his poor body couldn't fight any longer. I loved him dearly.

I truely hope that your pain will get a little less everyday, and the memories you have will turn into pricless treasures,

sincerly,

ashlee

[daddysbabygirl]

Wow! I feel the same way. I can relate to you in these ways: I am 15 years old, my dad died when I was 13, and I often feel alone, and the grieving has just seemed to "sink in".

I will offer you as much advice as I have, and would love to keep in contact with someone my own age who is going through the same things I am.

I have found that teen groups are very benefical and though talking is sometimes the least thing you want to do, it totally helps in the long run. I am not very artistic, but somehow I can write the most beautiful poems, and create very cool works of "art". Try not to always avoid the subject, and find someone you are comfortable talking to and let it out. (even if that means someone like me online) blogging can be very helpful, and a great way to not feel wierd. Do you have any good friends that you can go to?

Please get back to me, i would love to keep this relationship in tune.

Always here to listen, and offer help,

Ashlee

[daddysbabygirl]

Wow, I thought I was like the only young chick on this website, I fell the same way. I am 15 years old and lost my father (if you want to read my story I posted it earlier). How are YOU doing? Sometimes it is important for the listener to talk too. I love to listen and talk, mabey we can keep this realtionship up and running.

Questions:

1. Where do you live?

2. How did your dad die?

3. Do you have anyone to talk to?

Sincerly,

Ashlee

[alex329]

HI GIRLS.......I DONT HAVE SUCH GOOD NEWS...IT HAPPENEND AGAIN.....THIS IS 4 TIMES I HAVE GONE THRU THIS AND DO NOT KNOW WHY!!! I HAVE BEEN ON BLOOD THINNER SHOTS EVERYDAY B/C OF A BLOOD CLOT DISORDER THAT I HAVE...........THEY THOUGHT THATS WHY I MISCARRIED BEFORE BUT IT CANT BE I HAVE NBEEN ON THE SHOTS FOR 2 MONTHS ................I REALLY PRAYED TO MY DAD AND GOD TO LET THIS ONE BE K,BUT IT JUST DIDNT HAPPEN FOR US.............I WANT TO TRY AGAIN BUT I AM SO SICK OF GOING THRU THIS OVER AND OVER.....................ILL KEEP YOU POSTED ,IM TRYING TO BE OK WITH IT BUT ITS SO HARD...........WE WERE SO EXCITED..ONCE AGAIN........................WE WANT ANOTHER BABY SO BAD...........I GET PREGNANT BUT IT JUST DOESNT STAY ..............I HAD NO PROBLEMS WITH JOEY,IT WAS THE BEST 9 MONTHS OF MY LIFE,I FELT SO GOOD.........................I HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHAT THE PROBLEM IS...........BUT I WILL HAVE ANOTHER BABY......NITE GIRLS....THANKS FOR LISTENING TO ME ONCE AGAIN.................LOVE TARA...TO ALL YOU NEW GIRLS,BELIEVE ME I KNOW YOUR PAin...........sudden death is so hard to handle as my dad died suddenly from a brain anurismdec 06....i am still in denial and still very sad......................buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut i have gone on and it does get easier to move thru your life..........i thought  i couldnt live my life without my dad,we were extremely close,he was my neighbor for yrs.............im still very sad but i work and shop and carry on somehow,i honestly dont know how i just do............you ha to..you have no choice............i have no choice....so i miss him always and think of him always every day all day but i still live at the same time................i didnt think i would live thru and i did...........its so hard ..i know....but come here and chat and vent......thses girls are true friends to me and we all have been thru it...you just find a way..you will see.............it justhappens without you even knowing it is happening.........its still just happening for me.........some days i cry alot some days i race around busy and just talk to my dad while driving everywhere im going......its not easy and im sorry for your losses.............but we are here for all of you.............tara   ...ps nite again  to my BI girls....love tara

[alwaysdaddysgirl]

Oh Tara

I am so sorry for your loss, I hope things improve for you soon, it doesn't seem fair!

Sending love and hugs from the uk

Michelle

xxxxx

[mofirefly]

Tara - I'm also so very sorry to hear this news.  I hope you are taking good care of yourself.  Prayers are with you!

[solemate]

Tara

Hugs from Australia and hope you are OK- I am so sorry for your loss.  - I too lost but ectopic many years ago - it was all very sudden and I didnt have time to think about things  - However even now,  I still think about what if? - Hang in there Tara - you are a strong person - I enjoy your posts they are helpful for me and to others.  - take care Gayle

 

[cindyinalaska]

Hi Tara,

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby.  This must be so difficult for you and your husband and Joey as well.  Please know that I am here for you whenever you need me!  I will check in here on BI everyday...Take Care my friend, Cindy

[sigridmaria]

Hello world,

It is a blessing to have this forum and be able to discuss all that we are feeling, at anytime. I lost my Mom last August due to anal cancer. She had also breast cancer, brain tumor/acoustic neuroma, and the list goes on. Mom is my best friend and I think of her every minute of the day. However, I was such a lackadasical person, I feel I could have done so much more. I am a flight attendant/Purser and took Mom on a few trips. She deserved to be taken around the world, but never happened. When Mom said to me when I was on a layover that she had 3 to 6 months, I said, Mom, you will fight this. She had two sessions of Chemo which made her weak and ill. Before the first chemo, I had purchased a Caribbean Cruise which I presented to Mom in small bags little hints. Hints like a coconut, a travel bag with a caribbean theme, sandals in one bag, and so on. Was all paid but Mom said the doctor said not a good idea. Instead of saying, Mom, I can not get the money back, I ended up canceling the trip. I feel like such a horrible person that I never took my Mom on any cruise. When I was on a layover a few days ago, I get so depressed looking at cruise ships, being in the Caribbean and seeing all the people going to cruises.  In addition, Mom and I have a beautiful home, with a botanical garden and her amazing daylilies. My brother is the executor and what a mess. He and my sister had agreed I would get the house since we both lived together and I put a lot into the house. Now my brother wants 1/3 of the house. I have to decide to live here or leave. Its so hard as the pain of my Mom passing away here at the house and being here alone is gut renching. I am based now at JFK, NYC and thought of moving into a small apt in the city has been an idea. Damned if I do or don't. Any thoughts of having to move due to a loved one passing? I am in my own mind, alone, depressed and not being with my Mom is killing me. I did not realize how much love I had and how I took life for granted. Like I am afraid of life now. Seems so surreal as if She had passed yesterday. I am so lost without Her and so hard to function. The void in my life is so undescribeable and so immense. Hugs to all and have a nice week ahead. Ernest

[solemate]

Hello everyone - this post is just for my special Dad - today in Australia is ANZAC day - a special day of remembrance for all service men and women who were connected to the many wars that we have all had to endure.   My dearest Dad was a cook in the Australian Navy and served on two Australian Navy Battle ships.  He saw action in the Korean War in 1950 onwards.  He and my dearest Mum were in fact pen pals during the war and when he returned from service were married immediately.  He wore his Navy uniform at the wedding and looked very handsome.  When my parents both died from a car accident, my world was crushed beyond belief.  My parents (and I) always attended ANZAC day dawn services and spent time throughout the day talking to the old diggers and playing the game of 'two-up'.  I have just attended the dawn service and it seemed so empty without them both. I was proud to wear Dad's Korean medals, My Mother's father's WW1 medals and my Dad's Dad's WW1 medals.  There were tears and lots of emotions.  The service is always very moving and many people were there at 5.30am in the morning. Dad you would be proud of your grandchildren and the respect that they have for the sacrifices that you and your father made. Mum you would also be proud of them as they asked questions about your Dad.  My Dad was a very proud service man and this day was always a very special one for him.  Dad I will always be there at a service where ever I live. This day will always be just for you, Mum and your Fathers.  War is such a terrible thing and I hope the world finds some peace. To all the boards - ANZAC day is very special to many, and I sincerely wish you all a good ANZAC day.  Love you Dad (and Mum) your darling daughter Gayle

[alex329]

hi girls i am doing ok but of course very sad once again.....i am going to see a specialist this time around so maybe that will work for us......i am ok..im sad to say im kinda used to seeing a bad ultrasound....i just knew for some reason..........but i will try to find out what the problem is and try to overcome it..if i cant at least i have my joey!!! some people dont even get the chance to have one...so i try to stay positive but it is very hard and straining on our minds and my body......i will keep you posted and hope one of these days i have great news.........so i have a had a few rough years to say the least ,but i keep busy and i have my jojo and joe....i will be ok..........love you guys ...nite tara  thanks for being here for me always!!!!!!! very cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to vent here and there....nite

[alex329]

hi girls i am doing ok but of course very sad once again.....i am going to see a specialist this time around so maybe that will work for us......i am ok..im sad to say im kinda used to seeing a bad ultrasound....i just knew for some reason..........but i will try to find out what the problem is and try to overcome it..if i cant at least i have my joey!!! some people dont even get the chance to have one...so i try to stay positive but it is very hard and straining on our minds and my body......i will keep you posted and hope one of these days i have great news.........so i have a had a few rough years to say the least ,but i keep busy and i have my jojo and joe....i will be ok..........love you guys ...nite tara  thanks for being here for me always!!!!!!! very cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need to vent here and there....nite

[jackiewitter]

Tara,

Hi, I am sorry I have not checked in with you girls in a while.  I am so sorry about the loss of the baby.  I hope that you can find some peace in your heart.  I am sure you feel so empty now.  Please know you are in my thoughts and in my prayers.  I think of you and of Cindy frequently.  I wish you the very best.

Peace and blessings, Jackie

[happybee84]

Silkworm- I am so sorry for your loss. I have similar feelings regarding my dad. He passed away suddenly on Sunday- in bed. He was only 61 years old and in relatively fair health. He got a bad flu on Friday & Saturday- trouble breathing, fever.  He called the Dr. and they prescribed antibiotics & albuterol inhaler. He took the medication and never woke up. My husband and I both checked on him on Friday and he looked terrible but insisted it was the flu and he got like this every few years. So we helped where we could, checked in on him on Saturday and when we didn't get a call back on Sunday, we ran to his house. Thankfully, he was in bed and passed peacefully. The guilt my husband and I had was tremendous thinking that we should have called 911 or the dr. but it was just the flu? what do you say? how were we or you supposed to know that it would result in death? We got the autopsy results back yesterday and found out that he actually died from heart failure-his heart was enlarged and one of his arteries was 75% blocked which caused the breathing issues (fluid in the lungs). It gave us some relief that no matter what we would have done, it couldn't have helped. His heart was too damaged. And my dad always said he wanted to to painlessly and easy- not extreme treatments or measures so he got his wish. But I miss him terribly and can barely function. Please remember that you could only do so much and you did- being there for him and taking care of him and being so concerned. He knew that you cared even though we didn't get to say our goodbyes but it was his time to go and he probably would have wanted to go painlessly in his own bed.

[4froggies]

A note to my dad:

It was a year this morning since your heart attack. We all view this as the day you left us, though you held on till the 12th so that we could say goodbye.

I still miss you so much, more than I ever thought possible. There are so many days it just doesn't seem real and that I can call you right up, but then I realize that that won't get me very far--because you are gone.

I will never understand why you were taken, perhaps it is not my place to question, but I still do.  I needed you for so much longer than you were here--but I guess God needed you more.

 

I love you Dad and I miss you very much. I always will

 

Missy

[guitrain]

Sarah.. your site doesn't work? I am interested though as I am a musician myself. Yes it is very theraputic.  I have only written one song since my dad died about a month ago, but it is early.  I can't wait to see what comes out honestly.

jason

[guitrain]

oops nevermind.. it is sarahwheeler.com

[missingdaddy07]

So glad i found this forum.

 

im 17 years old and i lost my daddy a year ago. He had terminal cancer and i watched him take his last breaths.  It seems like no one understands where im coming from. i live wiht my boyfriend now. he doesnt seem to understand why its hard for me to wake upp in the morning and go to school or do anything for that matter. Ive lost interest in everything i once loved and i feel like there is no more hope. I have been in denial of my dads death for a while now and its just now getting to me in a horrible way. since my dad died i lost my virginity and moved out of my house and dropped out of school once, went bakc and dropped out again. im back in school now but its so hard to even go. i need some advice or maybe someone that just understands

[stephysteph13]

missingdaddy07.

hi sweetie. I'm 18 around the same age and i want you to know I understand your pain adn I'm always here to talk to. I lost my mom about 2 years ago to cancer and it sucks and still sucks. tell me a little about yourself. i will write a longer post. just wanted to let u know i care.

steph

[missingdaddy07]

Thanks so much. it means a lot to me.

im 17 years old, i lost my dad a year ago, i live with my boyfriend now and im completely lost, no one here understands me, my mother is moving away to tennessee with her boyfriend and i feel like im alone. my boyfriend doesnt understnad that i have my emotional ups and downs and i can barely get outta bed. ever since he died i have done many things that i wouldnt have if he was still alive, i moved out of my moms house and i feel trapped to me boyfriends side, im an emotional wreck, i feel like i should be over this by now and it shouldnt be this hard to live but it is=[

[robinann202]

Missingdaddy07

Hang in there, there is no time frame of when you r to feel better or even good.  This is not and easy thing.  You have to grieve properly going through all the steps, oneby one.  I suggest maybe some help--professionally--counselling--this site is also great.  you can listen to others-and they can listen to you--help each other.  The one thing you will find is that you are not alone.  Are there any friends--family--anyone for you to talk with?  Hang in there-- I have done many, many things also that I would never do--its pain--and running from the pain.  It is also that you dont know what to do--I want to tell you that you are in the right path--u r grieving and you are seeing that some of your decisions werent wise ones.  It's okay to not be the girl you were before, you will change and learn--it takes time.  This is normal--if you would like to chat-let me know...Robin

[ella16]

I'm really not sure what to start off with or anything. My sister sent me this hoping that it would start me on the right road to greiving and dealing with it all.

My dad died when I was two yrs old in a car accident, I believe he was on his way home from work. I don't remember much of anything because I was so young and only go on what people tell me about him. It's been hard for me, especially on the anniversary of his death and his bday. Each holiday gets harder and harder for me because the realization sinks in that he is not there.

I looked at my dad's family as another link of him that was here for me. It helped me go on, but in the past two years I've lost four of his siblings. In the past two months I've lost two of the four. Three of my Aunts, One Uncle.

My Uncle's visitations and mass at the funeral home/church went so quick that it wasn't time to settle in and Sunday I suffered a very bad (I'm not sure what to call it) panic attack/nervous breakdown. I fell to the ground in the corner, I couldn't barely speak, had a hard time breathing and couldn't stop crying. My mom wasn't sure what was going on and had to keep walking away from me because I'd start breathing worse when she was close. When my sister got home my mom said she thought I was having an attack. They took me to the emergency, my best friend met us there, the crisis worker said that I have delayed greiving.  I'm still feeling tired, and not all with it. I'm quiet-er than I usually am and I just started answering the phone and talking a bit to people.

Anyone else go through this?

[robinann202]

Yes ella

This does happen, especially when you do not have the time--to grieve over one, let alone three so close.  I had been through this too.  I lost my mom and then 6 months later my papa--I had no time to deal with the loss of my mom let alone deal with grandfather.  I wasnt dealing with her's yet, really.  It really is too much...Robin

[dlb1980]

hi ella,

i'm new to this site, and just came across the message board.  i am experiencing a similar situation to you, as well.  i just lost my father and a close friend in february, my sister-law was diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks later after my father's funeral, and this past tuesday was my father's bday which was extremely hard.  to intensify the feelings, my dad's brother passed away suddenly from a car accident the night before my dad's bday.  it's all so much to think about and cope with.  i feel suffocated and guilty because i don't know where or who to focus my attention on.  i can sympathize with ur reaction at the funeral u attended.  i am dreading attending the funeral this weekend, because i am terrified of all the feelings and emotions that will come flooding back.  i don't feel like i have figured out the healing process just yet, because too many things keep happening, but it does bring some comfort to talk to people who share similar feelings and experiences.  my thoughts r with u. 

[sleepystar528]

hey this is for missingdaddy, I read what you wrote, and I know how you feel.  I'm 17 and my dad passed away in September out of nowhere and its been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with.  Me and my dad were really close. Schools been really hard this year espcially because of absences. My mom was really on top of me after they threatend me with summer school or leaving me back. But I never want to get out of bed in the morning, and I hardly ever leave the house to do things I used to do like go out, or to the movies or anything.  Life since kind of feels like it isn't real, like soon I'll wake up and everything will go back to normal again. I don't like to talk to my friends about it because they don't know what to do, and they don't understand that even though its been 8 months I still hurt like it happend yesterday. If you want to talk about anything it'd been nice to talk to someone who understands.