Loss of a Mother

[countrysinger]

Oh yes,wanted to add YOU WILL NEVER FORGET HER>>>>>

[perfectfan]

i just feel like im groping around the dark each day, trying to find that beacon of light, or rather hoping that mum's gonna be alive again.  i want all this to be a horrible nightmare, of which i will jerk awake with beads of perspiration on my forehead, then realise all's but a nasty dream.  mum would still be there to comfort me, to hold me in her arms, to assure me everything's gonna be alright.  but it's not the case   i know, it sucks like hell.  each day just gets worse and never better.

with that, i've learnt to withdraw myself and am getting more introvert as days pass by.  i dunno, i still smile, i still joke, i still crap, i still laugh but all's nothing but fake - its just so fake fake fake.

there's no one to understand me, that sucks the most.

i just feel so indifference and nonchalant over things lately.

hmm, anyone feels the same way?

p.s: i've lost my smiles the day she breathe last

[countrysinger]

HEY..this kind of sounds like the way I'm feeling..3 months since my sister died suddenly...I do ,as you say,all the normal things,but it feels DIFFERENT now..a veil of sadness hangs over everything I do.Tonight is a country  music show that my husband and I are singing in,and yes..it's in her home town..we have to pass her grave site on the way to the show///I'm nervous already thinking of it...I haven't really CONNECTED with anyone on this board yet....Hoping to find someone who understands how I'm feeling.

[countrysinger]

Oh yes I'm like you in thinking nothing really matters anymore..I don't want to see certain people,avoid social gatherings..................................evryone seems happy and don't really want a sad,depressing person around to bring them down................................

[minnababy]

countrysinger: i hated mother's day this year. it was my first without my mum. i think it would have been bad enough anyway, but it was the advertising that made it so much worse. 'don't forget your mum this mother's day' has a different meaning now. 41 years, wow. i can't even imagine how i'll get through a few years without my mum. how do you get through the anniversary? in five days time it will have been one year. i don't know what i'm going to do. it's weird how even a whole year later it doesn't feel real, it honestly feels like she will come back one day, maybe that's just a lot easier to deal with than accepting the truth.

perfectfan: each day does just get worse. so many people have told me that it will get better with time, but it DOESN'T. each day that passes it just gets more and more painful. and i understand what you mean about fake smiles. i'm the same way. i still DO smile and laugh, but it isn't real, not like how it used to be. a lot of the time it's to make the people i'm with feel more comfortable, no-one needs a sad girl dragging everything down. no-one understands what it's like, and i feel so alone, even when i'm surrounded by people, they just don't understand. i wish i could wake up and this was all a nightmare, sometimes i wake up in the mornings and just for a second everything's okay...then i remember she's gone. it hurts SO much. i feel pretty indifferent to everything too, nothing really matters that much anymore. i don't really see a point in anything anymore. part of me died the day i lost her. xx

[perfectfan]

[user=20082]countrysinger[/user] wrote:

Oh yes I'm like you in thinking nothing really matters anymore..I don't want to see certain people,avoid social gatherings..................................evryone seems happy and don't really want a sad,depressing person around to bring them down................................

totally agreed.  im living in the past, that sucks.  people tell me to move on, but how do you ever move on knowing that you arent gonna get your mother back.  its a kind of pain that can never be heal by through time and distance.  i tried to be happy, i really do tried but i got tired of the superficiality, the heart ain't feeling this way.  the heart knows how wretched up and miserable i am.

minnababy: " i still DO smile and laugh, but it isn't real, not like how it used to be. a lot of the time it's to make the people i'm with feel more comfortable, no-one needs a sad girl dragging everything down. no-one understands what it's like, and i feel so alone, even when i'm surrounded by people, they just don't understand." i couldn't agree more with this.

and worse of them all, i hate it when people complain "life sucks" just because their bgr aint doing well, or rather because of studies commitments. inside me i'll go, "screw you, i've lost a mother and am not complaining. who are you to say life sucks".  these people need to experience somethinig that'll tear apart their lives to understand this ordeal.

to sum it up, "a part of me died when i lost her". 

i guess when we've lost someone important to us, the rest of the other things fade into insignificance.  and sometimes i see sorrow in my dad's eyes, i dont know how to comfort and console him either because im at a loss myself too.  i silently pray time will heal, but apparently it doesnt. 

my social life has taken a toll cause of that - i've lost the ability to trust people and i just find that people don't understand.  i have difficulty opening up again.  but again, i don't really care.  like i said, nothing else matters to me anymore.

[countrysinger]

Well I guess I finally found someone , or two who feels like I do.....I have to say I fianlly got over this feeling when my mother died...the first events in my life were sad,but I did my best..shed a lot of tears,but had my 2 sisters and ,dad,and brother around.I was finally able to speak of her without crying.She was 53,and had MS. She only had it 3 years..it got worse and worse,and then ......It's the death of my sister that I'll trying to deal with now,but my feelings are the same as yours.....nothing seems important now...I lost 11 lbs. the week after......everything I do reminds me of her..guess that's how it is when you're really close....it's been almost 4 months...seems like this morning...like you say" people think you should get over it"..be like you always were..easy to say..hard to do...

[superwife]

When pepole tell you you should be over IT. There is a popem that talks about what IT is. It is very good, I  am thinking of carring copies with me. I am sure if u google it you can find it.

[countrysinger]

I know this topic is dealing with the loss of parents,but where I posted about my sister,I had 47 reading it,and NOT ONE person replied to it.I came here to seek some help,but don't seem to be finding much.I do appreciate the ones in this topic who replied,even if I'm not sticking to the original topic..........................................

[angel57]

hello, i am posting again on a great loss in my life. the first was my oldest daughter melody watters on april 14 , 1995, the second was my husband on march 26 ,2007 and wasnt and i am still not able to make a memorial page for him, and now my wonderful mama june 13,2008 and still cant post a memorial page for her. it is breaking my heart. i have lost so many in my life in this past 13 years. i am so heart broken for all who have lost. i cant tell you it is going to be ok, because it isn't. i can't tell you it will get better. it might get a little easier a long time from now , and you will learn to deal with it, and maybe accept it as time goes on. the heart will heal eventually. but you will never get over it. it is in your mind to stay. i spent everyday

 for the last 1 1/2 years  with my mama in the nursing home. the last few days of her life were the hardest. i was with her on the morning that she took her last breath here on this earth and i watch her leave for heaven to be with my dad, my husband and my daughter and everyone who had gone on before her. seeing her take her last breath and telling her good bye was so hard for me, i was the baby of four and she passed exactly 6 months after i turned 50. my mother , my best friend. i love her and miss her.,..god bless each one of us in here and may he wrap his loving arms around you all like he has me.

[mydoot]

I am not sure if I am sending this message to the right place.  I am having a hard time figuring out where you go to post a message.

I am so lost and I don't know what to do with myself.  I need someone to talk to and no one seems to understand what I am going through.

My mom just passed away on June 7 at age 55.  She was my best friend.  She hadn't been feeling well for the last few years but no one believed her because the stupid doctors could never diagnosis what was wrong with her. Most of them thought it was depression.  So we all fought with her and pushed her to just get up and do something.  I told her she didn't want to see my kids...  I hate myself for this because I know that she loved them so much and that was all she was living for.

She died with no warning.  They were going to discharge her to a psychiatric hospital or nursing home because they didn't know why she was sleeping so much...  None of us got to say goodbye or tell her how sorry we were for not believing her.  We never got to tell her how much we loved her.  Her heart stopped and they couldn't revive her...

How does anyone survive after this?  She always told us she didn't feel good and we all fought with her to get up and get going and try to do something...  Now we know she physically couldn't, but because the doctors didn't figure out her heart was going we never got to make peace before she died.  It broke her heart they we didn't believe her and thought she didn't want to be with us... 

How do I make it up to her and keep living.  It's like nothing matters anymore.  I don't have the energy to try to keep going because I know how wrong I was.  She was right about everything and I was too stubborn to see it while she was here.

Any advice?

Desperately seeking help,

Marie

[whispers]

[shadow=darkred]Hi Marie , I am so sorry to hear of your loss[/shadow]I too regret certain things about saying or not saying to my mom. I lost her last year on June 28. I know it is very diffucult for you. All I can tell you is to know that your mom is in a better place and that she would not want for you to continue to put your self through this torment. I am hear for you please feel free to contact me via e-mail at any time. as i do know what u are going through. God bless

                                                    Liz

[nickche]

superwife,

Do you know the name of the poem that talks about when you should get over it?

[superwife]

i found it  by google. I googled you should be over it by sharon white. It was on page 2. i hope it helps. if you cant find it i can email you.

[thecherrytree]

I miss my mom so much. I'm 19 and she died when I turned 9. I'm at a point in my life where I'm constantly trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be. Not having had my mom there to guide me as I grew up and faced all kinds of new things was hard, but right now it is really tough. I wish my dad wasn't so distant. I feel alone in my thoughts and my worries. If my mom were here I could talk to her, ask her a million questions and lean on her. I wish I could just see her for one minute, hug her. I don't even remember what that feels like. I barely remember anything about her and my dad has never talked much about her. When she died she took a big piece of my heart with her. I feel so empty without her here. I wish I had answers.. I wish I had someone to ask these questions to.

How do I ever get past this? It's not like I expect to 'get over' it... I just want to feel better. My heart is always breaking, it hurts so much and I wish things would get better... I feel like they never will.

[jovianlight]

I went through a lot of what you just mentioned; most especially about trying to figure out who I was and where I was going. That was after my father died when I was nine. I have suffered through the constant lack of self-confidence and confusion about my personality and character.

My mom had kept me from going to my dad's wake, funeral mass or the cemetary. I wasn't able to grieve for that loss until nearly 30 years later. The only good thing about that was that when I knew my mom was beginning to fail, I did everything to insure that I would be there for her wake, funeral and at the cemetary. It was very difficult and hard, but I am very glad I did that.

Keep sharing your feelings. Keep talking about your mom's place in your life so as to cement that memory in place.

[Guest michelle17]

I am not sure if this works or not...I just signed up today... I am so sad to hear about your mom!!  I was reading to see whom I could connect with and your story seemed similar to mine...I just lost my mom June 4th 2008....and as I look at the date today....today could be a hard day for you.....the 4th was for me...and today as well.....I lost my mom suddenly....she went in to the hospital on a tues night feeling fluish....although she hadn't been feeling the greatest for the last several years....blood pressure, slight stroke....but I NEVER expected this!!!!  I think that hardest thing is that I didn't get to say good bye.....I am not sure if this will even work and you will recieve this so I will go and see if you get this and want to chat more sometime...?  I'm not sure how to get thru this but to maybe talk to others that are going thru the same journey....may you have strength to get thru today.....much love, michellep

[mydoot]

Dear Michelle,

I would love to chat sometime.  I am so deperate for someone that is going through or has gone through the same thing.  Today is one month without my mom and I miss her so much.  My husband is wonderful, but he just does not understand the relationship my mom and I had...  I don't know how to contact you.  I am not sure if it is because you are not a member...

Thanks for your support!

Marie

[mydoot]

Dear Whispers,

I would love to talk with you more as well, but I cannot figure out how to contact people through this site.  You can click on the name and it gives you an option of emailing, but clicking on it doesn't work, so I am posting here again.

Hugs,

Marie

[mydoot]

Today is one month to the day that my mom died.  She was such a wonderful woman.  One of the truly genuine people that existed.  She always wanted to make everyone else happy.  She always made herself come last.

I don't know what to do without her.  Every time I walk by the phone I want to pick it up and call her.  I am desperately reaching out for help, but no one is there to grab me.  My husband is great, but not understanding.  He can't seem to get why I can't just act like nothing happened.  Why I am not in the mood to do the everyday things, like chores or shopping or whatever...

How can you make someone else see what they never experienced?  My mom was literally my best friend.  She knew me inside and out.  And the most important thing was she accepted me no matter what.  My husband is great, but he isn't as close with his parents.  Before my mom died, he would go weeks without talking to them.  My mom and I talked at least once a day if not more often.  I tried to see her at least once a week.  I would have had her come over every day if she were up to it...

No one can understand that bond.  Mothers and daughters have a special relationship that no one else can get.  And when the two are real close it is even more special.  That's what I can't seem to get him or anyone else to understand.  I have family and friends around, but no one truly understands what I am going through.  No one understands that I know the dreams she had for the future.  I know of all the things she was looking forward to doing with me and my girls.  The tea parties she was going to have with them, going out to lunch, shopping, etc...

Her dreams were broken and she will never get to fulfill them.  I never got to really grow up until now and realize she was a person.  A wonderful person that had her own feelings.  I never got to just sit down and hand out with her as an adult and talk about the little things...  I was always too busy with work or the kids...  Never took a day off to just be with her.

It's not fair...

[Guest Annoyed]

Hey "Rekardo"-- this is a GRIEF site. I can't imagine what a lowlife you'd have to be to solicit and spam on a  GRIEF site, but apparantly, that's you. I will not only never buy your cheesy products, but I will advise everyone I know that the promoter of all of these site spams grief boards to pick up extra $$$$, & we'll see who wants any of your goods then. There are suffering people on here; you are a parasite.

[need2talk]

Mydoot,

My heart goes out to you. These first few months are so hard. My mum passed to rest just before Christmas, (we had a Christmas tree at the funeral). The pain is indescribable. I too never got to say goodbye. Mum's death was very sudden and unexpected, she was just 63, we found her at home.

I can't say that time heals. I guess I can say that the shock and horror will calm down and that there are days that you will find that you cope better than others managing your grief. It's little steps really. Surrounding yourself with those that love you, talking about her and crying when you need to, smiling when you can.

I found that the 'time' issues were really hard. In that, I mean counting time? How many hours, days, weeks, months..... Every piece of news I'd find myself measuring when it happened against the date I lost her. I know this sounds a bit weird, but I felt that stopping the daily count first, (when I got to 100). Then the weekly count....(so now I count in months)...........gave me some control over my grief, a sense of managing it.... It was a coping mechanism that seemed to help me. 

I was/am very close to my mum, spoke to her every day too.....I still do that....I can feel her there sometimes,(at least 6 times I have felt her very strongly) I know she can hear me. You have to try and hang on to this. Our mum's/mom's loved us very much. Just as those of us with children, love ours. Hold on to the happy memories, they will be less painful to think of as time passes.

Take care of yourself

Jane x

[severn]

It's been awhile since I've been on the site...so catching up on some posts. Heart-hugs to all those who are struggling with the loss of their Mum/Mom's. Mydoot - my Mum was only 54 when she died. I was 31. So young! (In fact, it's her birthday in 4 days. The worst day of the year for me. The second one after her death). She'll never see her grandchildren, if my husband and I have any. She never even got to meet my husband. : ( She died thinking I was alone and miserable after I had a break-up, and so soon after I met him. It's so unfair. 23 months since I lost her. This time two years ago she was alive. I still can't wrap my head around it.

Time doesn't 'heal' grief, time just changes the experience of it. Sometimes, for me, it's really intense and brings me to my knees. Other times it's a gentle knowledge that I miss her. It flows, around and around, in a circle. I suspect there will always be moments when I panic and think 'how can I live in a world with her?' no matter how old I might be at the time.

I'm in therapy for all kinds of things - my Mum was very sick when I was a kid. She had schizophrenia, heart problems, nearly died of an anuerism in 1999 etc. So, she was there and not there. I know, though, how much she loved me. I was her world (only child) and nothing can replace a mother's love. The thing I hang onto though is that she still loves me. Nothing can change that love. I have letters with her loving words in them. I have cards, post cards. Memories of her voice, smile, of her brushing my hair, holding me, looking after me if I hurt myself. That's love and just because there will be no new memories doesn't mean that her love has stopped.

Hang on to that, everyone. Our mother's love us still. We can feel that love any time we need to.

[need2talk]

Missing her so much today. I wanted to share this beautiful poem with you all;

When tomorrow starts without me and I'm not there to see,  

If the sun should rise and find your eyes are filled with tears for me, 

I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.

                                           ~

I know how much you loved me, as much as I loved you,

And each time you think of me I know you'll miss me too,

But, when tomorrow starts without me, please try and understand,

That the Angels came and called my name and took me by the hand.

                                          ~

When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,

For everytime you think of me, I'm right there in your heart

                                           ~

Hugs to you all,

Jane 

 

                   

                                     

 

[Guest fjanefjane]

I'm very sorry to hear about your mother.  I know what it is like to lose a mother, my mother died on Friday April 11th of this year.  It's been 3 months to this day.  Her birthday was on July 1st and it was pretty hard.  She died of myocarditis, it is when any type of virus gets logged into the outer lining of your heart.  She could have gotten this virus even ten years ago, but she would not have known at all.  I'm only 15 and it is the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through.  When kids say, "I hate my mom, I wish she was dead," I go up to them and say, "No, you don't.  Mothers are the best and I would do anything to get my mom back."  You're not alone, don't worry. Ü

[mofirefly]

Jane - Thank you so much for posting such a beautiful, thoughtful poem.  Take care!

[perfectfan]

Yea, but usually I don't go about telling others to "cherish your mother" because cliches fell short at times, we really don't know how to treasure what we have, until we lose it.  Quite sad, well at least it often happens to me.

And you aren't alone either, I'm only two years older than you but I can tell how good you at coping with the loss of your mother.  I can't imagine a life without her - how my graduation would turn out, my wedding and kids IF i have any in the future.  It's gonna be terrible, and mothers' day will never be the same again.  But I suppose it's our encounter with the loss of someone loss to us that make us grow and mature.

[lifes1k]

I am new to this site and it is a blessing I found it, I thought I was going crazy until I realized after reading everyone's posting that my feelings are "normal". My mother passed away at 58 on May 23rd 2008, now it is just my sister and I as my father passed away in the 90's. It was so different with my father I was only 19, now I have my own children and I can't imagine putting them through what my sister and I went through. My mother had small cell lung caner (the devil) which went to her brain, something I would never want anyone to watch. It was horrible. What is the worst part is I was ok handling everything very well until this week. I can't seem to stop crying, it is like it just happened yesterday. I thought maybe if I just talked about it I would feel better. I know it gets easier but seems like I can't get a grip this week. Well one day at a time I quess. May you all find peace as I search for it too. Thanks for listening.

[severn]

lifes1k...~hugs~

Sweetie, 2 months is nothing. Nothing. It may as well have been yesterday for you. You haven't even started processing it - let yourself cry and grieve and try not to analyse it. It takes approximately 6 months for the brain to understand a loss - the critical grief period. It'll be some months before you can start assimilating your loss into your life. You're totally normal, and just where you should be. I'm very, very sorry your mother died, and in such a way.

~thinking of you~

[cgd0402]

Today marks the 2-year anniversary of my mother's passing.  I can't believe it's been two years.  You know, people tell you it'll get easier.  I don't think so...I think you grieve differently but my heart still aches to talk to her, to hug her, to hear her beautiful voice.  My mom was my best friend and I didn't really realize it until she was gone.  I miss her so much.

I haven't been on in a long time and I'm saddened to see so many more who have joined "the club".  I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.  But, I'm so thankful that we have this site to help encourage each of us to keep on moving.  And it's comforting to know there are others struggling with similar issues as you.

So, please everyone stay encouraged!  Our mothers loved us and are watching over our every step.

I know she's in a better place, but oh how I miss her.

[timesremembered]

It's been excatly one month since my mom's passed away excatly. This is the time in the morning when everything happened, I remember it is clear as day. I hate the constant of seeing those days before and after it happened just replay in my head, I hate it. I drive by my mom's cematory everyday, I always send her a kiss and look over and turn down my music. It's strange my mom and I drove by it all the time, it's strange to relieze she is over there. I don't think it honestly has hit me still. I'm still kinda numb. I'm starting college in mid-august, I know it is what she would have wanted, she never told me to settle and she knew how much I loved this college. I am getting consuling up there from the college which I know is gonna be good. I know I'm gonna need it. I don't know what to expect in the future with how my emotions, I wanted my mom to see all the little big things and the big things in my life. Now all I want to do is make her more proud of me than she was. Sometimes I think she is sending signs that she's thinking of me, a song will come on or something will happen its strange.

[lifes1k]

Severn

Thank you for such kind words  I can only hope that 6 months go fast!!!! It makes it a little easier to deal knowing I am not alone...

[lifes1k]

Timesremembered,

My heart goes out to you, it is hard to lose a parent when you are just starting your own life. It sounds like you too were very close and she raised a strong women, she IS proud of you and IS looking down on you giving you her approval. All those signs you feel are your mother. The first month is hard there is no denying that but remember the fun times you will get thru it. Cry but then smile and remember the fun you had together.  

[timesremembered]

[user=20690]lifes1k[/user] wrote:

Timesremembered,

My heart goes out to you, it is hard to lose a parent when you are just starting your own life. It sounds like you too were very close and she raised a strong women, she IS proud of you and IS looking down on you giving you her approval. All those signs you feel are your mother. The first month is hard there is no denying that but remember the fun times you will get thru it. Cry but then smile and remember the fun you had together.  

Thank you for the kind words. It means a lot. She was my best friend, and She understand me more than anyone in the world could.

[perfectfan]

Hello timesremembered,

Is that you and your mum on your display picture?  Anyway I do get the part you speak of about subtle signals and clues that your mum is sending me because I get it too, I could sense them, I could feel them.  There was once loneliness was enveloping me, and somehow when I woke up the next day I felt like she has been with me the whole night.  I dont know how to put it in words that feeling, it's so bizarre and strange but it's real.  It feels so real, I could feel her presence. 

How old are you right now?  I'm 17, and it saddens me so much to know she won't be attending my graduation in a few years time.  Nights like these hurts so much, I bleed.  I miss her verily.

Somehow I get this connection with hospitals - it feels like talking a step back into the past whenever I visit someone at the hospital, I get reminded of all the past events once again.  Those last memories of her and everything.  Yet strangely, I feel comforted and very at ease there, it seems to be it was the last place mum visited and it's the only place I can truly 'connect' with.

 

[lifes1k]

Today is exactly 2 months of my mother's passing, it has been a rough day! I can picture the last few days next to her bed at that point she didn't even open her eyes.  I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to call her but I am sure all of you understand! I can't bare to delete her number from my cell phone. People can tell I am different and keep asking me what's wrong I hate to explain myself because their reply is "still"... Like you could ever just get over such a huge loss in a couple of months. Sometimes people are so insensitive. I feel horrible I can't even call her boyfriend to check to see how he is... I can't even get a word out just sobs! I can't really call any family it just makes me sad. So I guess the saying "one day at a time" is very true. I wish for strength and tomorrow to be easier...

[timesremembered]

[user=19849]perfectfan[/user] wrote:

Hello timesremembered,

Is that you and your mum on your display picture?  Anyway I do get the part you speak of about subtle signals and clues that your mum is sending me because I get it too, I could sense them, I could feel them.  There was once loneliness was enveloping me, and somehow when I woke up the next day I felt like she has been with me the whole night.  I dont know how to put it in words that feeling, it's so bizarre and strange but it's real.  It feels so real, I could feel her presence. 

How old are you right now?  I'm 17, and it saddens me so much to know she won't be attending my graduation in a few years time.  Nights like these hurts so much, I bleed.  I miss her verily.

Somehow I get this connection with hospitals - it feels like talking a step back into the past whenever I visit someone at the hospital, I get reminded of all the past events once again.  Those last memories of her and everything.  Yet strangely, I feel comforted and very at ease there, it seems to be it was the last place mum visited and it's the only place I can truly 'connect' with.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your  mom.

Yes it is my mom and I. I'm dreading "major" days. I went to orientation for my college..and I went with my dad, I held back tears the whole time because if she were still living..it'd be her. I feel her presence all the time, it's comforting.

Yeah I understand too. My mom passed away in my house and I love/hate to be in it. I just don't want to leave because I have this "connection" to it, then I do because of what happened here. It's quite strange.

[Guest Brenden]

Your site is great. My site

bathroom cabinet

purse patterns

http://www.gradschoolforum.com/t742-bathroom-cabinet.html

http://forums.dailyrecord.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=5067

bathroom cabinet

purse patterns

[missy57]

I lost my  mom 3 weeks ago and I can sympathize with everyone.  I am so glad I found this website.  I miss my mom so much.  I still find myself picking up the phone to call her.  I just can't delete her from my speed dial.  I keep hoping that every day will get easier, but I miss her so much!

[butterfly13]

missy57-I totally understand.I lost my mom in june and just the other day when I had to return a friends phone call I found myself automatically dialing my moms number.I can't even describe the pain in my heart when I realized what I was doing.I would give anything to be able to hear her voice again,I can't beleive those days are over,it seems so unreaL.Friends tell me to still talk to her,she can hear me-I wish I knew that for sure.

[stephysteph13]

timesremembred...

i've been reading your posts and i can relate to you so much! Im the same age as u going off to college and not having mom here through this transation has to be one of the hardest things in the world. i miss her alot, she will be gone two years in september and it hasnt been easy on me. im here if u want to talk.  i understand.

steph

[danafd]

I lost my precious Mother on July 15, 2008 to inflammatory breast cancer at the age of 57.  I just turned 38 two weeks ago, my sister is 34 and my brother is 25.  My precious Momma fought long and hard for 28 months.  I told my Dad the day after she died on our way home from making the cemetary arrangements that it just seemed so surreal.  He started to cry and said "no, it seems pretty real to me".  My heart is broken and I find myself just crying at the drop of a hat.  Then I find myself getting mad at myself if for one second I laugh or smile.  How dare I do that?  My Momma is gone and we will never see her again.  Why am I smiling?  Why is everyone else moving on and I am stuck?  Stuck here missing her more and more every day.  Stuck wanting to say things to her.  Stuck wanting to ask her things.  Stuck wondering if she knows how much we loved her.  Stuck feeling helpless and lost.  Stuck knowing she did not want to leave us.  Stuck here being angry that God took her so young when she wanted to live and she fought and fought so very hard to live.  Stuck being angry that I am selfish when I should be rejoicing that she is no longer in pain and no longer suffering.  I don't feel like rejoicing.  I feel like screaming and crying and forgetting everything I have ever been taught about not questioning God's will.  I am questioning it.  I am questioning why she will never know her grandchildren's babies, why she won't be here to see her only granddaughter drive after watching her 4 brothers, or watching the last 3 grandchildren graduate from high school or why God let her endure my nephew's leukemia and he heard her pray and pray for his survival and a miracle and then take her when he is only 9.  Angry that he questions why God would cure him and not cure his Grammy.  I am angry that my Daddy who took such good care of her is so lost.  I am scared that his heart is broken and it will never mend.  I am scared that I will forget my mother's voice or forget our memories.  I can't remember her voice or our memories right now.  I had my Momma for 37 years, why can't I remember these things?  People say, it takes time.  How exactly does that work?  Does time make the hurt go away?  Does time make my sorrow lessen?  Does time make my Daddy feel whole again?  Does time make my family whole again?  We will never be whole again.          

[perfectfan]

hi danafd,

my mum passed away some 7 months ago and since then everything seems so surreal to me too, i dont know what i have done for the past 7 months and i just seem to be a lost soul, wandering about, constantly pinning for her, feeling the guilt a times.

at times, your world seems to have come to a timestill however everyone else around is moving on.  but we have to face it, that's the harsh reality of life.  nobody lives forever as much as want eternity with them, it's the bond that you and your mother shared this lifetime that will be remembered and that is unbreakable. nobody can tear that bond apart, nobody.

what you are going through now is perfectly normal.  you will realise that grief comes in many different stages and it's not time that heals all wounds, but what you do during during this time interval that helps you overcome these crisis in life.

true enough your life will never be the same again but the memories you had with your mum, those precious moments will forever stay.  sure, they fade with time, but i always keep them close to my heart.

stay strong, my prayers are with you.

[timesremembered]

[user=18056]stephysteph13[/user] wrote:

timesremembred...

i've been reading your posts and i can relate to you so much! Im the same age as u going off to college and not having mom here through this transation has to be one of the hardest things in the world. i miss her alot, she will be gone two years in september and it hasnt been easy on me. im here if u want to talk.  i understand.

steph

It's scary, I always pictured telling good bye with all my stuff in the car and calling her everyday telling her how college life was. I'm scared now. Who am I gonna talk to about everything? Thanks I'm always here for you also.

[stephysteph13]

do you have aim or something so we can talk? help eachother through this

[danafd]

Perfect,

I know you are right - again my head gets it but the heart is having a hard time catching up.  I do feel lost and broken.   I try to move on and think happy thoughts but then it hits me all over again.  I have a wonderful husband and children but sometimes this pain is so much to bear.  I watch my Dad and my heart breaks all over again.  I feel as though I am just wandering aimlessly and wondering how she is and if she knows how much I loved her and if there was anything else I could have done to make her happy.  Again, the head says, duh Dana, you know Mom was surrounded by love and and never had any doubts how much we loved her but I can't shake the feelings.  I find myself being angry with God and wondering why he would do this to our family.  Again, the head knows better but the heart can't seem to shake it.  I just want the heartache to go away and me to know that it is ok that she truly is in a better place and now is not suffering.  I keep thinking I will have some dream where she tells me it is ok and then I can at least feel better about her death.  I know that is just dumb huh?  

[butterfly13]

danafd-  I just read your post,I too pray everyday that my mom will come to me in a dream or a vision and tell me that she is somewhere beautiful,and she is happy,I have read of this happening to alot of people.It would be the only thing that would make me feel better,I keep wondering if she is somewhere else?And does she know how much I miss her?We were soo close,I can't imagine why she can't give me a sign that she is ok.

[danafd]

Butterfly,

When did you lose your mom?  I wonder all those things and just have to believe that it will happen!!!  And if it doesn't, then it is for a reason I guess.  A reason I will never understand nor will I accept it but it is what it is.  It helps me so much to hear from everyone and know that what I am feeling is somewhat normal!! lol

[lifes1k]

danafd,

Give your self some time... Your heart will catch up!!!! Your are normal but it takes time.. I am about 2 months ahead of you in coping with this and I still feel like that sometimes... I used to feel like that everyday too. Don't be so hard on yourself!!!

Hang in there....

[butterfly13]

danafd-   I lost my mom on June 7,she was 59.Sometimes I get panicky thinking I'm going to forget the sound of her voice,and then other times it seems like just yesterday that we had one of our long conversations.Mornings hit me hard,having to face reality again and another long,hard day without her.I can't beleive it's been 7 wks since I have talked to her.I thought I would feel her"spirit"around me,but I don't,and that makes me sad-some people tell me that means she has crossed over,and that she went where she was supposed to go-somewhere much better than here,I sure hope so!! I just wish I could believe that with all my heart(with no doubts)I'm trying.