Loss of a Mother

[asheepoo21]

WHY DOES MY LIFE HAVE TO BE SO HORRIBLE???

I JUST NEED MY MOM HERE TO MAKE IT BETTER AND I CANT EVEN HAVE THAT.. IS IT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK, I MEAN REALLY???

IM SUPPOSED TO BE WORKING HARD IN SCHOOL TO KEEP MY GRADES UP, GET INTO A GOOD COLLEGE, GRADUATE, LIVE LIFE, ETC. ETC. ETC. I COULD DO ALL OF THIS IF MY MOM WAS HERE TO HELP ME, AND SHE'S NOT.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH =/

[messenger]

MY HEART GOES OUT TO EACH OF YOU............LOSING YOUR MOTHER AND THE VERY SPECIAL BOND SHE HAD WITH YOU IS SO HARD...........JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.......I FEEL THEY ARE STILL WITH US........MORE NOW THAN EVER AND SEE ALL WE DO AND I FEEL THEY KNOW OUR THOUGHTS AND KNOW HOW SAD WE ARE..I LOST MY MOM 11 YEARS AGO AND I STILL MISS HER SO.............ALL WE CAN DO IS HANG ON TO OUR PRECIOUS MEMORIES...AND CHERISH THOSE WHO ARE LEFT..........WE WILL SEE OUT MOTHERS AGAIN.............KEEPING EACH OF YOU IN MY PRAYERS

MESSENGER

[asheepoo21]

So i dont think that i mentioned this to you guys, but i have really bad knee problems, yes at age 17 i have bad knees.

i have had 2 knee surgeries in one year and it is all because of softball; needless to say this is the first year that i am not allowed to play, my freaking senior year.

Anyway I had my 2nd knee surgery in december and i am still in physical therapy, well a couple of weeks ago i hit it really bad at school and since then i have been down hill with is and im in a great deal of pain. So today at school i was in a really bad mood because im supposed to be getting better and my knee was in a lot of pain, so to top off that bad day..

when i got to my last class of the day, psychology my teacher passes out the papers for the new chapter that we are getting ready to start and what is the chapter over, any guess???

DEATH AND DIEING!!!!!!! could it be over anything worse for my life?????

i went to my teacher and told her that i probably would not be in her class a lot throughout this section because I am coming up on 3 years for mom next month and i just dont think that i can do it.

UGHHHHHH so my day has been hell.. then i had to to go physical therapy and with doing my exercises i was in so much pain it put me to tears for the first time since surgery.

I go back to my doctor tomorrow luckily, and i know she will take care of me. Another thing that I havnt mentioned is the fact that my surgeon/knee doctor is my role model for my career which is orthopaedic surgery, exactly what she does, so i love going to her.. shes amazing.

I did an internship with her over the summer and got to know her very well, we clicked.

I even went to her house a couple weeks ago to see her baby (which sounds really weird, but thats how close we are)

Anyway thanks for listening!!

ashley

[libra1]

Jazzykay, your about the same age as my daughter, she's turning 13 next week. she's very much interested in boys, and confused at the same time. I think you'll be just fine. You're very mature, and have had to endure more than most 13 year olds. Take your time in this department. There's no rush. I encourage you to stick to groups, that's what I advise my daughter. Keep talking to us. We've all been through this stage, and would love to help. As for Asheepo21, I'm glad you've found someone to look up to. Who better than a doctor. I would take whatever advice you can from her. I'm sure she feels your pain. Follow her, and you'll reach your goals. I think your mom is very, very proud of you. Hope you recover soon. Take care.

[mofirefly]

Cherokeegirl - Just read your post. Could it be possible that the look you take as being mad was scared. Is it possible she may have felt that she was not going to see you again. It looks like you are one year further down this rocky road of griving than I am. It's a shame you can't talk with your family, but I admire that you have chosen to live your life your way. And actually, talking to family isn't always that great, as each person handles the loss in their own way. I hope you will come to this site any time you wish to share your thoughts/emotions. It can be a great help. Take Care!

[janiceaden]

Hello all,

Well this weeks been one of ups and down. Isn't it strange that I am still in denial that my mother is no longer alive. I keep thinking she is at home on the phone talking about something trivial... The harsh fact is she is no where to be seen, or touched or heard. I dreamt that she was hugging us and wishing us all good bye! I wish that my dreams where visions of the truth but there are only 'fantasies' I have that I want to be real... Well in an hour I have an ultrasound to see how far I am in my pregnancy, Why is it I am feeling more sad then happy? I remember calling my mum when I found out I was having a girl and telling her how happy I was......... She's not here to share in my euthasium.....

In a nut shell, I went to visit a friend of mine who is in her 50's who I haven't seen in a little while. Anyhow her car was there but her doors were all locked. When I called out for her a little old lady came out (her mother). She told me that Ivana was unwell and in bed (at 11am). So I polietly asked if I could see her and send a quick get well......... Lets say I walked in and she reminded me of my mum lying in bed! From then I burst into tears and started sobbing........ It was so confrontational that it hit me hard! Anyhow in a few mths my sister is scheduled to have a C-section at the same Hospital my mother died in....... The reality is I don't want to go anywhere near there, any advice from experience???

[mofirefly]

Janice - One suggestion comes to mind regarding having to go to the hospital for your sister. Is it a possibility that you could try going there a few times before that event to sort of soften the effect. I know the first few times I had to go back to the hospital were very hard, but since I have to return there about once a month now it is easier. And I'm pretty sure your ealize that one reason you are probably feeling more sad than happy is obviously because you aren't getting to share your pregnancy with your beloved mum in the way you want to, but you can share with her in your heart. Take care!

[janiceaden]

Hello Mofirefly,

Thank you for your suggestions and advice. The Hospital visits will be a daunting experience but I think one also of bittersweet. I might go and hunt down the Nurses tht helped my mother in her last days to Thank them sincerly for they're relentless work and pursuit for her dignity and comfort. I just get angry at times because I can not believe she is gone, just like that!It's a long and winding road but I am slowly on the mend, some days I'm just ok and running on auto pilot and on other days I can't stop thinking of her and how much I enjoyed her company. Sundays are the worst for me, usually we got together for Sunday Roast, today is Sunday and I want to crawl in a hole with my memories. Cheers

[mofirefly]

Janice - I think it's terrific that you want to thank the nurses...they so seldom hear from family after a loss and it just might make them realize how much we all appreciate their efforts. Take care! Candy

[lilliesson]

hello everyone out there, let me start off by saying im sorry for all of your loses of your precious mothers. i just lost my mother 3 weeks ago on feb 18th. i cant tell you how much i miss her and everything she meant to me. not only was she my mom who raised,loved and cared for me, she was my best friend also. she was my favorite girl in the world, i loved her so much. i cried everyday so far since it happend. she was in pretty good health, thats why it was such a shock to me when it happened. i woke up in the afternoon and my mom said to me, wow u slept a long time, i said i know mom, i stayed up late last night. she said, i could never sleep that long, we both laughed and i went upstaris to wash my face, etc. i came back downstairs about 10 minutes later and she was lying on the floor almost looked like she was sleeping. i tried to give her CPR but i knew she was gone already. she died of cardiac arrest. i cant stop thinking about her and her smile, her smell, her humor, everything about her. well its late where im at (philly 140 am) so im off to bed i was just up crying and remembering my mom and i found this website. i will be checking in agin very soon. see you guys later : )

[picklesmom]

Hello All,

I never knew my birth mother ,but my paternal Grandmother stepped up and

took the job of being mom , I lost her 14 years ago and sence that day a very Special and Dear woman has been remembered with Love . I will remember you all in my thoughts and prayers.

To Cherokeegirl,

This is your friend from S&S katpohl .I'm so glad you came here to this site

I hope you find the support and understanding your looking for .

Love and Light xxx Kat

[jazzikay]

to all the new peoples

blah blah sorry for your loss.

if im being mean excuse me, im not having the greatest day HOWEVER.

i think you should take a chance and get to know all of us regulars.

Myy names jasmine, i lost my mom in 06 september 11 or 12. no one really knows which sux. Im 13 thats proabably why i have an attitude but what ever. ive had a bad life i guess. my grandmother also died. so now you know a little about me congrats

[mofirefly]

Lilliesson - Wow, what a way to find someone you loved is no longer with you...but what caught my eye in your post was that you had both shared a laugh right before then. Try to focus on the happier/fun times you've shared and be prepared for a very rough road ahead as you deal with this loss. This site is a good place to share your feelings and hopefully get support from others as we all travel down this lonesome road. Take Care!

[jazzikay]

Hey sorry for the attitude. im not having a great day but other than that. yea. Dea lilliesson im so sorry tahts a horrible way to lose anyone. I know how you feel however. because I had no idea either. I saw my mom the 11th, she came to my dad\'s house were i live and we talked and stuff. I had just got barces that same day so she came to see us and my new look. She left and everything was fine. I just wish i could have done something. Maybe i should have spent the night, she wouldnt have done it. Well heres a quote I found it\'s simply perfect.

“You can shed tears that she is gone,

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she\'ll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all she\'s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can\'t see her,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,

be empty and turn your back.

Or you can do what she\'d want:

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.\"

just a little quote for all you people =] feel better. cause i think i am

[mofirefly]

Jasmine - What an absolutely beautiful quote - thank you so very much for sharing it. Sorry you were having a bad time, but at least you let your feelings out here where the rest of us know that each of us as a bad time now and then. You are one amazing girl. Take care!

[Guest Guest]

Hello everyone, I lost my mother last saturday, March 3rd. It hurts so bad to not have those moments back that we shared and even more so the moments that I didn't take advantage of. My mother died of an asthma attack, she awoke that morning and told my brother who lived with her that she was sick and needed to get to the hospital. Going to the hospital was pretty much routine for my mom, but this time it wasn't. Her heart stopped beating on the way to the hospital and they brought her back. We were optimistic, a few hours later, it was final, my mother was not coming back. It shocked me!!! I always wondered how children dealt with the lost of a parent, and now I guess I know. I have this big empty feeling in my stomach and I'm in pain because I keep thinking about the times, I should have called my mother or been around, last time we spoke I was brief and that's killing me! However, these last couple of years were good, we went to the movies together, the mall, dinner, Jamaica, which was her first time ever on an airplane. I just wish I had more time, to me, its like, life has no purpose, I'm so empty not being able to get her back.

[lilliesson]

first off i would like to say ty for the kind comments that u guys left for me. i loved the poem u posted jasmine, i thought it was beautiful, it really put a big smile on my face and also a tear in my eye. im very sorry for ur loss too, i know its very hard for you, just like it is for all of us. mofirefly ty for the workds of encouragement, it really lifted my spirts. and to "guest" who's mom just passed away, im so sorry for ur loss, i know exactley what ur going through, but thanks to message boards like this, we can all come together and help each other through this incredible difficult time in our lives. by the way im attending a grief counseling group at my college tomorrow, i hope it turns out ok. im willing to do anything i can do to make it through this process without breaking down and giving up on everything.......

[mofirefly]

Guest (post 46948) You are just now starting down a long road that will be filled with major potholes. When I read new posts it reminds me of how far I've come since my first post, but there are lots of setbacks along the way. For now, simply breathing will probably be difficult. Try to remember the good times you shared and be sure to let yourself travel this road at your own pace. Take Care!

[jazzikay]

Guest, theres two ways to handle this. one you could flip out and scream cry all that bad stuff. Or you can cry and take it easy. The best choice is to relax. It's hard yea. Im only 13 and like all the other people on here have kids and stuff. I cry all the time. please don't bottle it up. come on here if your having sn angry spue. swear, curse i dont car honestly. I blame myself sometimes. But you have to find a way to deal with it so that you heal quickly. For me it was my friends mostly. But that could be different for you. Im so sorry. I mean you like just recently lost your mom. At any age it's hard yea i know but you'll get through it. Dont resort to bad things. keep your head up. Its a long road but in the end it'll all be better. My quote for this (my own personal one) is a death is like a big open cut. It hurts a real lot but in order to heal it properly you have to take the bad things out. Then finally the wound will close. see Im like crying right now because I have a picture of my mom on the wall. don't forget your mom just take all the hurt out, all the pain and tears. People say I deal with it well. well i dont know why. Maybe it's just because I keep forgetting shes not here. I guess so. My mom is missed. More than you'll ever know. And I know you can relate and all that, but honestly how old were your moms like 50 and up, my mom was 44. Not like 50's old my dads 50. But still I guess Gid just likes people to die young or important people like all of our moms. or maybe god just doesnt like me? I dont know I guess i'll never understand it. I just wish I could have known what was goin through my moms head when she did it. It leaves me an emptyness. Sort of like im not complete, I want to know. Why would she do it. depression gets you i guess

-jasmine =[

[janiceaden]

Hello all new and old friends,

When a mother dies so does a piece of her child's Heart. How can one not mourn a life time for a women who gave them life, in retrospect isn't it just unfair that when you need your mother the most she is gone, like she never ever existed! To Jazzikay, I wish I could see you and be with you to share in your grief. At 13 I was a smartass kid with attitude who gave so much slack to her mother it wasn't funny. In hindsight I regret my actions but in reality it's part of adolescence. The unfortunate thing here for you is that your mum was taken away too soon for you to grow and become a women in her eye's. I understand your anger, especially when all your friends still have there mothers around. I think most of us are grieving differently and moving on in our own paces. Right now I think I have learnt to accept she's not coming home anymore and that my first Easter, Mother's Day and her B'day will be the ultimate let down for me. Doesn't all this make you realise how precious life is..... To our new friend (Guest) the pain you describe will be with you for a while. It's been almost 4 mths now and I still get pains and angry that she is gone. All we have are memories, at times I close my eye's and I recall our times together and I think how unbelieveable it is now that we can't do that anymore.

Try and get some rest, eat well and look after yourself. It's a very hard and lonely road but we're here too listen. In honesty, right now I am feeling so angry that my mum woun't be here to see my children grow, this especially when I take my son too Kindergarten and all the other grandmothers are there holding there grandchildren's hands, there are times when I see mothers and daughters together and I wish for nothing but my mum............. Well lets not get side tracked, be warned don't wear your Heart on your sleeve, express yourself and let others know how you feel......... In my thoughts JB

[asheepoo21]

hey guys!

sorry I havnt been on here in a while, a 17 year old like me has one BUSY life, just as everyone else out there. School's going good which takes a load off of my shoulders, I'm starting to settle down on colleges (i think-hope) but with all of that off of my shoulders, I still have death on my mind. I have been out of school since friday- because we were out yesterday and today and I keep telling myself that when I get back to school I get to learn about death in my Psychology class and I'm really not looking foward to it. BLAHHH just knowing that I am going to ball my eyes out just thinking about it.

i really need to get some help, well really I need someone to talk to face to face who knows what I am going through. Don't get me wrong, you guys are AMAZING, but I need someone to talk to everyday who can get me through and physically be there.

I just feel so lost without my mom, dad, grandparents, uncle, etc but my mom especially.. she was my freaking best friend and she was wayyyyy to young to die, she was only 33 years old, so young, and beautiful.. yes that was my mommy.

anyway just needed to vent a little.

Jasmine- your poem was beyond GREAT.. i have a teacher at school who I am close to and she has also lost her mom, so I am going to take that to her and let her read it. stick in there babe!!

well never the less I need to get things done around here.

thanks guys!

ashley

[Guest Guest]

I have known my best friend for 9 years. In all of that time he has attempted to support me in times of need and has done so by phone calls, but never in any other way. We worked at the same place, that's how we met. My mom passed away the morning of March 5, 2007. I was extremely close to her. She had a brain aneurysm rupture in the year 2000 and after we were able to get her home 4 1/2 months after it happened, I helped my dad take care of her up until she passed away. The day my mom passed away I called my best friend and told him and after I talked to him he sends me an e-mail saying how sorry he was for my loss, his prayers go out to me and my family and to let this time help me become closer to my family. He quotes a passage from the Bible that says that my mom will have a new place to live. But he has not sent my family any kind of card or flowers or to me or has he called or e-mailed to see how I am doing. Whenever we would talk he would always say that he is here for me. When his wife’s father died last year I picked out a card, signed it and sent it to her. I do not know his wife very well. I sent her the card because I wanted to and it was the right thing to do out of respect, not because of our friendship. A few months ago he gave me a photo album of pictures of past times that we had gotten together and done things, lunches, work get togethers. In the front of this photo album is a poem about true friendship. I feel hurt, abandoned and betrayed by his actions and am seriously considering ending the friendship. It feels like we were not very good friends at all and that our relationship was just a lie. I need to know if I am overacting and if I should just not worry about this. Should I tell him how I feel?

[jazzikay]

dear guest. yea i think you should tell him. if you didnt read my last bulliten you should. like i said you should just let all of it out. to anyone. sorry i just dont feel like writing but yea. i think you should

[mofirefly]

Guest - I agree that you might want to tell your friend how his actions have made you feel, but please try to realize that at this time your emotions are all over the place due to the loss of your mom. You may/may not be overreacting...but before you give up on a 9 year friendship, you might want to give yourself time to think about it first. Not sure this is of any help. Take Care.

[nickche]

Guest, I just read your post and I can relate to a similar thing with a friend of mine that I have had for more than 12 years. Her and her family came from out of town for my father's funeral Jan 29th. After the funeral my adult children shared some of the things she had said to them that were hurtful and very inappropriate. I don't know why she would say these things. I too have considered her one of my best friends throughout the years and I have always been there for her in times of sorrow or trouble. I have not talked with her since the funeral but I know I need to confront her about this. We used to talk weekly but it has been 6 weeks since we talked. At first I was angry, hurt and thought the friendship was over, but I am not sure where I am right now. I keep rehearsing in my head what I will say to her when we talk. I guess this doesn't help you much other than I can relate.

[libra1]

Hello fellow friends:, I haven't been on in a while,but thinking of you. Just heard from my dad that my sis-in-law (brother's wife), is going in a trip to Singapore with her mom and dad. My mom just last year spoke of doing a similar trip. I am totally envious of her. I really don't think she appreciates what she has. She totally hated my mom, and caused her utmost grief during a separation period from my brother...(her kids wer not alllowed to see my parents for almost a year, and she brainwashed them into hating them). She also lives 1km away from her folks, and I live thousands of miles away. She's back with my brother now, but I often blame her for my mom's fatal heart attack. I don't understand why god takes away the nice people. Sorry for rambling...just venting. Life's so unfair...we're all motherless, and looking at the people who have their moms. I just want things to go back to this time last year. Life was good...a little bit of ups and downs, but both parents were alive. I feel that the protective layer abovr me has crumbled. I'm so lost without my mom, and feel the heaviness in my dad's voice every time I speak to him.....I guess life will never be the same!!!

[jazzikay]

I wish i could go back to last year to. my mom was still alive. Im envious of ppl with moms to. Everyone loved my mom. Even though not all of my friends met her, the friends that did loved her. she was funny but also nice. She listened. Even though she talked about suicide. I loved her. It bothered me but i had to deal with it.

Lifes unfair

-jasmine

[asheepoo21]

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU JASMINE.. LIFE SUCKS

[lilliesson]

hey guys, i havet been on a few days. i just wanted to come back and see how everyone was doing. im doing ok for the most part, i went to my 1st grief counseling group at my school. it really helped me alot to see people who are going through a simliar experience as me. today was kind of hard, i was kind of sad all day thinking about my beautiful mother its almost been 4 weeks, the pain has stopped, but i still feel alot of hurt and sadness in my heart. like u guys said, a piece of you dies when ur mother dies. i have this empty feeling inside, i still laugh and smile, but its not the same since my mom passed away. i want to see my mom agian, and tell her how much i love her and miss her, i just want to see her face once more. im wondering does this feeling ever go away? will i ever be the same agian?

[asheepoo21]

lilliesson-

I totally understand what you are going through. It is going on 3 years since my mommy passed away (although it seems like yesterday sometimes and 20 years ago others)

I still feel hurt, pain, empty, and I want to see her so bad. You may hate to hear this, but its something that will never go away because the bond between you and you mother was so great. You just have to try and be as positive about it as you can (and beleive me, i know it is hard, i really do) But it is okay to cry and be sad, i mean after all we have lost our mothers. But think about the good things, think about the good time your mom is having in heaven (even though she does miss you and is watching over you), think about the time that you had with her on earth.

i know all of this sounds crazy because your loss is so recent and it sounds funny coming from a 17 year old, but I'm still going throuh the loss and will my whole life, and i cant wait to see my mom again because she was my life, but Im just striving to make her proud are remember all of the good time.

I hope some of this helps you.

stick in there sweetie.

ashley

[Guest Guest]

I know we are probably supposed to reply to the question at hand. But I really need some help on what to do. My fiance is really sad and depressed because his mother has ALS. It is an non curable nerve disorder. it plays out in the body as a loss of motor function and could develop into major things like the loss of the ability to swallow. they have known about this for about a year. Since then they have only given his mother another year to live. He has really been down and out lately . He doesnt want to see me the only thing that he does is text messages me. He lost his job and is just at home at this point. Before he used to be extra sweet and caring and attentive, we spent everyday together. I understand that he is sad but in a way I feel like he is grieving before she is gone. What can I do to help him get back to his old self>

[mofirefly]

Guest - You are possibly right that he is grieving before the loss has occured. I've read about that, but can't remember where. He may also be thinking that the ALS is something that may also happen to him. No matter what he's thinking, he is going to be having a difficult time right now and he may not know how to be open with you (men do things differently as do we all). Try to hang in their with the text messages, let him know you are listening to him and also let him know you would like to be with him whenever he's ready. Do some research on ALS, and on grieving/coping with terminal illnesses. Not sure if any of this helps, but come back whenever you need to. Take care.

[asheepoo21]

Dead; A word which is so simple, yet the meaning of which i still cannot comprehend. They say time heals everything but I'm still waiting..

and aparently i will keep waiting because the pain still lingers on my heart everyday. today is just one of those days where i can say

"pain doesn't hurt when it's all you've ever felt"

today is break down day for me and I HATE IT..

i just want my mommy back, but I guess that's just too much to ask for, huh?

[mofirefly]

Asheepoo21 - I saw your post on Father forum and I read you story - it brought tears to my eyes....you have been thru quite a bit to say the least. Wanted to let you know that I believe it's perfectly ok to be mad at God, in fact, go to Him in prayer and tell Him how you're feeling (He knows already) but He would love to hear from you so He can help you mend. Try to take one moment at a time. Take care!

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

thanks for reading my story. I was getting a relationship back with God a little bit, but everyday I get even more frustated with him and it's been really hard to even believe, i really am trying, still going to church and all but i just dont know.

well im going to bed now!!

ashley

[lulabell]

Today is mother's day and I have no mother - its now 2 and a half months since she died suddenly at the tender age of 61 and instead of things getting better they seem to be getting worse.

I have avoided writing on this forum for a while because I didn't want to depress everyone but I feel like I am sinking into an abyss. Oh sure during the week I go to work and just get on with it and then come the weekend I am just no good and have spent many weekends since my mum died in bed not wanting or able to face the world. Yes I know its self -pitying and indulgent but I just can't seem to help myself. My mum was such a huge part of my life and without her I am lost and empty.

I hope you all manage to get through today and maybe even smile!

Warm wishes to you all

Lucie

[jazzikay]

lulabell, im sorry todays mothers day for you. Mines in may. But my moms birthday is only days away. How do you think im gonna feel. honestly.

[mofirefly]

Lulabell - You're doing the best you can and that's all you need to be concerned about right now. I read somewhere that we should be allowed to have what's refered to as a "PityParty" because we have suffered a loss that we just don't know how to deal with. You say you're getting on to work but lose it on the weekends...that's a problem for a lot of us...but I do hope that down the road you yourself will be able to smile too. Take Care!

Jazzikay - You may or may not have a rotten time on your mom's birthday...but you will get past it OK? I myself held a big party for my family on the first birthday of my mom's after the accident and I plan to do it again this year...it's not easy, but I want to remember her on her birthday with lots of joy so that other's won't forget how much joy she brought to us. Hang in there girl!

[janiceaden]

Today all was confirmed........ I found a copy of my mother's death certificate and it finalised everything for me.............. What a waste of human life! To all experiencing the loss of a mother my empathy, life will NEVER be the same.... How can it resume back to normal without her guidance and her presence... OMG AS I WROTE THE LAST PARAGRAPH A HUGE BOX JUST FALL FROM THE GARAGE........ PERHAPS ITS A SIGN. I JUST READ JOHN EDWARD'S BOOK CROSSING OVER, IT WAS A GOOD READ, I'M STILL A LITTLE SCEPTIC BUT IT WAS A COMFORTING BOOK TO CURL UP WITH......

[lilliesson]

everytime i come on this board i feel a sense of comfort, becasue i know we all have something in common, we all are feeling the kind of pain that only comes with the loss of a mother. i read each and everyones posts, and i realize that this experience is hard for everyone. janiceaden, i was just looking at my mothers death certificate yesterday and i really got upset and angry, i also started to realize think that she is REALLY gone lulabell i understand how u are feeling, my mother died a month ago at the age of 63, and im dreading mothers day, along with her birthday, christmas, thankgiving also my birthday, i dont know how i am going to possibly get through those special days all alone wothout my wonderful mother. jazzikay, i hope u can get through ur moms birthday in a few days, i know its going to be hard, just try and stay strong. asheepoo21, i just wanted to say keep ur head up, i know its hard at times, sometimes i dont think i can make it any longer, but i have to, we ALL have to, we have to live our lives and stay strong for our mother's sake.

[michellemarie]

I finally got the courage to look at some video of my mom done in May of 2005. My oldest daughter brought my granddaughter down to Florida to see my mom. Jade was my mom's first greatgrand and the first of three greatgrands she had seen. In the footage my daughter told my mom that I wished I could be there.My mom's reply was she wasn't gonna die till she got to see everyone. How prophetic was that? She died the following July. She relocated to be with me because she wanted to die there.

I handled that response okay.The thing that brought me to tears was her telling me on video how when I was little she always picked on me for sticking my bottom lip out when I was mad. I just lost it.

But ya know, it brought so much comfort to me because I heard her voice and it was like she was still alive.It felt so good to see her and hear her voice.I thank god for video.....

[mommysgirl]

beckyhelbling@hotmail.com JAZZIKAY,

HELLO! THIS IS BECKY. MY MOM DIED 12-03-2000.SHE DIED OF CANCER.MY DADDY DIED 01-09-1994.HEART ATTACK. I REALLY DO LOVE THE QUOTE YOU POSTED. HERE'S MY EMAIL ADDRESS.PLEASE,WRITE TO ME IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK,SCREAM OR VENT.

[jazzikay]

hey everyone.

yesterday I had a HUGEEEE breakdown. My dad and brother got into a fight, a big one. then that made me cry and then I thought of my mom which made me cry more. so yea that was my night

[michellemarie]

Jasmine, I just read your beautiful quote. I have been looking for something to say over the burial of my mom's ashes for such a long time and thanks to you I found it.

As a mom I am so proud of you thru all of your postings.You have so much wisdom in your soul. Your mom is so proud of you I just know it.Life's experiences change who we are and make us see ourselves and make us a stronger person. You have the strength to bare your soul to all of us and help us thru our times as I am sure we do you.

Hang in there....

[libra1]

lulabell, im sorry todays mothers day for you. Mines in may. But my moms birthday is only days away. How do you think im gonna feel. honestly.

Dearest Jasmine: Probably one of the worst days for me, since my mom died less than a year ago was her birthday. My heart sanl perioically throughout the day. I though being at work, and being busy would help, but it didn't. I suggest you surround yourself with people who understand you, and care about you. Perhaps do something that your mom would've enjoyed to honor her memory. it's tough, but you will get thru it...Mother's day is another toughy...getting through all these special days makes us a little stonger to handle the next spcial occasion. We're all gonna survive this pain....

[novangel]

I haven't posted here in a while but I'm really missing my Mom right now. There's so much I need to tell her.

It was a nice day out today and I wanted to call her to discuss the little things. I know she would say how beautiful the weather is today, and to open my windows. She loved the breeze in the Spring.

I also want her to know I will never settle for less again.

My divorce is starting soon.

[nurseshawty]

Hello Everyone,

I am new to this website, but I was having a particularly rough day so I got online and did a search and I found this website. I lost my mother about 6 months ago to a tragic one car accident on October 5th, 2006...which also happened to be her 55th birthday. My little brother and I were at her home waiting on her to come home from work. We had made her supper and a birthday cake. She had called and said that she had left and then over an hour had passed and she wasn't home. We tried calling her but no answer. That is when the phone started to ring. Someone had called my work looking for me because I wasn't home. It is against policy to give out phone numbers so they asked my co-worker to call me. She did and told me to call the local hospital. They told me that my mother had not been brought in...and asked if I had the right hospital. I said yes the message I was given was to call there. I called my co-worker back, but she gave me the same message. I then called the local hospital where my mom worked and they told me to call the police department. I got the dispatch because it was after hours and they would not release any information...I told her "I know my mom has been in an accident. I'll just get in the ******* car and go find the accident myself." Looking back that was not very appropriate, but it was said out of anger. I am a nurse and I am not stupid...when you are told to call the police 99.9% of the time some is dead. After calming my little brother down we got in the pick-up and headed down the road...we came upon a police road block. They told us that our mother had been in an accident, but that is all they knew. They knew she was dead, but they couldn't tell us until the coroner arrived. They got into the squad car and I just sat there on the tailgait waiting...then the officers got out of the car and said "I'm sorry, but she didn't make it." Then I was faced with calming my little brother as well as calling my father who is 180 miles away (my parents were seperated) to tell him the news. If I remember right he dropped the phone in disbelief. It was like a nightmare that I never woke up from. I remember that night like it is a movie in my head. I couldn't sleep that night. I remember after all my friends who had come to visit and console me left and my dad and brother went to bed...I just sat on my couch with the living room light on in a daze. Trying to figure out if it had really happened. The passing days were rough as can be expected. We lit the candles on the birthday cake and sang 'Happy Birthday' to her photo (That is one thing an older friend of mine told me to do. She told me that a pastor had told her after the loss of her father that whenever you are missing your loved one to get a picture of them out and talk to it. Some people might think that you are crazy, but it does help me.) The month flew by and then it was time for Thanksgiving and then Christmas. Christmas was rough. I didn't do anything that day. I just holed up in my house...from depression I am sure. I don't know many people my age that have lost their mother. I am only 23...too young to not have a mother, but we don't have control over these things. I thought this would be a good place to vent and get my feelings out. The weather is getting nice and it reminds me of the long spring/summer nights that I would rock in my yard swing as I talked on the phone to my mother. I wanted to do that so BADLY tonight only to know that I couldn't. I feel so lost and lonely, but I know that as each day passes this will get easier!

[janiceaden]

TODAY I AM FEELING ANGRY, I AM ANGRY THAT I AM LEFT WITHOUT A MOTHER. SOMEONE TO CARE FOR ME, ASK ME ABOUT MY DAY, SHOWER ME WITH AFFECTION, ALL OF THE ABOVE............ I FIND MYSELF NOW GETTING REALLY HOT UNDER THE COLLAR B/C I NEED TIME OUT AT TIMES BUT I CAN'T GET IT AS I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER MY CHILDREN........... TOO ADD I FOUND OUT TODAY THAT ANOTHER ONE OF MUM'S FRIEND DIED THIS WEEK... SHE WAS YOUNGER THEN MY MUM AND ALSO WORKED WITH HER. THEY DIED OF THE SOME CANCER I BELIEVE..... THIS IS SO WRONG! GOD FORBID IT THE FACTORY THEY WORKED IN CAUSED THERE CANCER B/C I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I WILL BRING THEM DOWN......... I MIGHT INVESTIGATE THIS A LITTLE FURTHER AS MY MUM ALWAYS TOLD ME IF SHE DIED TO DO SO........ A LITTLE LATE NOW B/C ALL I WANT IS MY MOTHER................. LIFE IS JUST NOT FAIR!

[lilliesson]

im so damn sad today. i have been thinking about my mom all day long. i downloaded some oldies and some motown hits that me and my mom used to listen to together. i been remembering and thinking of my mother and crying my eyes out. work was hard today and now im in on a friday night all alone feeling very lonely. i used to love staying up with my mom on a friday night and just watch some t.v or just chatting with her. to nurseshawty,im so sorry for ur loss, it sounds like u went thorugh a really rough experience with the loss of ur mother. my heart goes out to you. well guys, its almost been 5 weeks since my mom passed away, and it stills feels like the first day it happend. i wonder will i ever laugh and smile the same way that i did before my mother passed???? im dreading this nice spring whether that we are having, because this was my moms favorite time of year. she loved to go outside and work in her garden for hours, im really going to miss that this summer. janiceaden i really feel you, i feel very angry also today. this is the first time since my mom passed away that i felt anger,it used to just be sadness but now im really mad. novangel, when i read ur post i thought about me and my mom jazzykay, i hope things are a little bit better for you today.

[asheepoo21]

lillieson-

i'm so sorry for you loss and i know i cant stress that enough, but I really am. My mom was also a spring time kinda person. She loved to take me out and throw softball together or go walk around the park, and it really is hard that first season without your mom knowing that she really loved it and you enjoyed it with her. but it will get better. This season will make you really sad remembering all of the times that you and your mom had, but you will soon have good memories that will make you smile and you will be so greatful that you got to spend them with your mom.

from all of your posts i can see that you are very upset with the whole griving process, but as hard as it is, you have to be very patient with it. This process is all about you and you have to remember to take care of you and let nature bring it upon you.

You will get through this, you are stronger than you see.

Stick in there honey!

ashley

I can share with you guys a little that I am learning through my death and dying chapter in my psychology class that might help you.

The grieving process goes like this (in no special order though)

-denial

-numbness

-pining (hurting)

-dejection

-recovery

things that you can do to help yourself make the process easier on you are things such as..

-be VERY patient with yourself

-take care of yourself physically (eat healthy and get exercise)

-limit time with negative people. you need people who you can relate to and people who will talk positive around you

-cry.. its theraputic, and so is laughter. BOTH ARE NORMAL

-give yourself permission to grieve and give that same gift to your family.

-prepare yourself for the reoccurrence of intense grief feelings months or even years later.

**but the best thing your can do about grief is GRIEVE! its the price we pay for loving!

i hope some of this can help you all.. take it easy!!