Loss of a Mother

[jillie]

I don't know if there is ever a 'better' time to lose your mother. My heart aches for those who are young here though because you were definitely robbed. I cannot imagine having lost my mom at 12. She was so integral to who I have become. And I had the blessing of our relationship evolving from mother/daughter, to best friend and sister, to mother/daughter again. My momma was my 'baby girl' as I would call her often, toward the end of her life even though she was not old. But I took care of her and felt such overwhelming motherly love for her. She was my sweet angel girl--yet still my wise wonderful supporter as a woman.

I think it is right for all of us who loved our mothers deeply to mourn them--no matter how long it takes. What is the alternative? I hope Jazzikay and Edmund can believe that their mom is with them. She is not in this existence but if there is any possible way, I am sure she is with you--guiding you--showing you the way. Think of the things your mom loved. Remember things that she said. When you hear that voice inside your head telling you the right thing to do--maybe, just maybe, it is your mom. Be open to her speaking to you in many ways--through your own wisdom maybe.

None of this replaces the physical missing though, I know so well. I can only empathize because my pain is so intense right now--I was blessed to have my mom into adulthood and she became the center of my life. Now she is gone and I feel so lost. I miss her every minute. I will miss her for the rest of my life. I only hope that the intense pain of this lessens over time. I know and accept though that I will always feel sad and always miss my mom. That will never change.

[irishyankee]

I have been going through a rough patch of late. Over the course of the last year, I have teetered on the edge of financial ruin, saved only by the death of my favorite Aunt. My mother's only surviving sister passed away just after New Years: because she lived in the White Mountains of new hampshire, we still have not been able (as of this writing) to bury her. Her estate provided enough to eliminate my accumulated debt, but I have taken no joy in the money: I would much prefer to be arguing politics with her today, as I was when she was on her deathbed at 91, still living independently in her own house. But it was not to be. Margarurite and my Mother were extremely close: they spoke on the phone every single night from 8:30 to 9:15 p.m., just talking over the events of the day. My mother served admirably in her role as chief mourner at the funeral service, calmly and stoically seeing to the arrangements and ensuring that everyone was provided with comfort and food; but the loss of her only contemporary and confidante affected her more than we realized. The first week of March, my mother was admitted to the hospital with a minor infection. after 10 days, she was released to a rehab wing of the local nursing home to regain her strength. While she was hospitalized, my brother and sister oversaw major renovations to her house, making it accessible and safe for a woman in her late 80's. The work was done and we planned to introduce her to the new environment on Easter Sunday with a big family party: it was to be a family dinner like we have never had before, with all the children, grandchildren and great grand children present. This was to be a celebration of our family, and a tribute to our matriarch.

Instead of improving, my mother's condition got progressively worse. Finally, on Holy Tuesday, we had her readmitted to the hospital for an MRI. The test revealed that her liver was mostly tumor, and there was no hope. The decision was made to make her as comfortable as we could: on Wednesday night, she slipped into a coma. I was there at the hospital almost all day on Thursday, holding her hand and just being with her, leaving at 9:00 p.m. to drive the 2 hours to Boston to go to work at my graveyard shift job. Mom would have been horrified if I had called in on her account. "Work always comes first!" was her motto. Just before I left, I kissed her forehead and told her that i love her. I then went in to work.

My cell phone rang at 4:10 a.m., on Good Friday to tell me that she had slipped away in the night. We had the Easter Dinner alright: just without the heart of the family. It has been 3 weeks now, and I still hurt. When I got back to my home after the funeral, I hit her speed dial on my phone to let her know i got home safe. I hung up before it hit voice mail: she never did master voice mail.

Now, we are clearing up her house, the home she and my Father retired to. As the youngest by many years, I was the only one of the kids who ever actually grew up there: I lived there from 15 until I left home to join the Air-force at 18: I lived there for a couple of years after my hitch was up, but because Dad died while I was still in training, I am the only one who actually considers that house home. I now own 25% of it, but I can't live there. I am just faced with so much loss now, it's all kind of overwhelming. To anyone who is reading this, thanks: I just needed to vent. I feel for your losses as well.

[jackiewitter]

irishyankee,

I still lay down everynight and ask "did I do it right Mom"? I think it's safe to say your mother would be quite proud of you. I hope you find peace in the upcoming months. This is a blessed place to be when the sorrow gets to be too much. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[jazzikay]

Im really sad. I miss my mom a lot. If you like look past of "the im so sad my moms not here" stuff you like realize that you really should be happy. I mean if they were truely suffering from cancer, depression, and what ever. Would you want your mom, the person you love, to suffer. Im not saying be happy, but like part of you should be they are happier now. isnt that what you want, for them to be happy to. But then again yeaqh you are sad. I dont think about like oh shes gone, i think about memories and like realize I wont have any more of those traditions we did on certain holidays and like the inside jokes we had. And it sucks

[janiceaden]

Hello all,

Up until a few days ago I was re-gaining my strength back. I was just begining to think that I am coping well.... Up until Thursday night when I saw an ad on television advertising Mother's Day, I've just been snubbing the whole idea until this ad came on and kicked me in the guts. They were playing my mum's favourite song "I will always love you" by Dolly Parton, this song was played in it's entirity at her Funeral upon her request. I couldn't believe it! I just thought about how mum would shut herself in the room and listen to that album and cry to herself b/c she felt helpless and hated how her cancer ate her up. I remember opening the door to see if she was okay and I found her looking pale and so sad, just to think only a year before she was capable of doing those mundane tasks we take for granted, then at 53 she was left an invalid who couldn't even muster the strength to cradle her 2 new grand daughters! It hurts knowing that she's gone, no more fun, laughter, jokes etc......

Just quickly, I had a few professional photo's of my little one taken last night which was nice and also delayed as mum passed away 2 wks prior to her 1st b'day, anyhow the lady was doing her selling spill without any consideration as she kept insisting we purchase 2 photo's as gifts for our 'mothers'!! Ohh my Heart sunk b/c my mum would have adored the little girl Alysia has grown to be... Anyway I was polite and said we only need one...HINT HINT, but she kept going on and on........ Let Bygons be Bygons.......

** I am 13 wks and 5 days today**

[Guest Guest]

I think for the last 3 and a half months since my mum died I have been secretly hoping that its not true and that she will somehow come back. As the only person in my life who I ever truly needed, I now feel more alone than ever. Accepting this loneliness and loss of the one person who loves you come hell and high water is difficult and maybe I never will.

The last three months have certainly been a battle not to fall apart and many things have changed since my mum's death including breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years because he quite simply doesn't understand. Funnily enough though, despite everything that has happened since my mum died there is one positive - I know now that nothing but nothing that ever happens to me in my life from now on will ever hurt as bad as this and that somehow seems to help.

Oh God - its my first birthday without my mum on Weds!

Take care and try to smile everyone!

Lucie

my mother died in my arms about a 14 months ago, i am so lost with out her and my boyfriend tells me to get over it..

[solemate]

For me its been 5 wks today and my heart is still heavy with sorrow and I have stepped a little backwards and feel that I cant break out of the sadness that engulfs me. I went to the local markets today and came home crying - Mum and I always went every Sunday to see what was there and to buy odds and ends. The trip was full of memories, both joyfull, funny and now sad. I thought I could go and it would be OK, how wrong I was, everything is still so raw.

One good thing has happened. I have been looking on ebay for a miniature tea set to add to Mum's collection. I found one and have been the successful bidder. I find that this has been a distraction for me and in some way a way that she links me with her. I feel so empty today and alone - there is nothing more beautiful that a mother's love - I miss this so much and feel angry that this has been taken from me. I am to return to work tomorrow and I am not looking forward to it. How do you cope with returning to work - all the comments "Im so sorry for your loss etc." I just dont want to talk about it any more, I feel that I am reliving the accident over and over again the the trauma of the situation. I am still having difficulty in accepting the loss of both Mum and Dad together. Its final and I dont want it to be final. I read the other posts and I feel so humble that I am allowed to read your comments. Thank you for keeping me from rock bottom and keeping me sane. Take care everyone

Love to you and take care

[slimoperasinger]

Well, I am at 5 1/2 weeks and have just gotten used to people not asking how I really am or talking about my mom any more. So I only bring it up with my son and husband. Others just aren't really interested. I said that I was going to stay in touch with my aunt and cousins, as they are all I have left in my family, but I haven't felt like it. I'm just not interested in talking about the kids or making small talk.

Solemate, I hope that going back to work helps you. I find that I would be completely lost without my work.

[jazzikay]

does anyone ever read my posts. what do you like not take me seriously cause im 13

[mofirefly]

Jazzikay - You know others are reading your posts - but if like me they may not always have the time to respond...but I looked back at your most recent post and I agree that even tho I'm missing my mom (&dad) so very much and I do wish I had been able to say goodbye to mom instead of the accident whipping her away I doubt very much if I would have wanted her to be suffering just so I would have time to get to the hospital. Believe me, just because you may not get a responce to your posts, please don't feel you aren't being taken seriously - you have made some valid remarks.

[asheepoo21]

i havnt written in a while to tell you guys, but aparently im still alive to tell about moms 3 years on april 18th.

it wasnt a good day at all, but i stayed home from school so that i wouldnt have to mess with the whole crying my eyes out all day at school thing, but i went and hung out with laura who is like my 2nd mom. we are VERY close. We went and got back massages and talked about what was on my mind. It turned out to be a better day than i expectd though.

I wish i could post on here more often, but i'm just sooo busy with everything. the schoo year is slowly coming to an end andi have soooooo much more to do. I had prom on saturday night and it was a lot of fun, yeah im not gonna lie, i went out and partied afterwards and that was a lot of fun too. I just really wish mom would have been there to get me ready and send me out to my senior prom.

That was the toughest part, but i know graduation is going to be ever harder.

ohwell thats the future im worrying about, i need to stay focused on today because im really starting to realize that i am never promised tomorrow, none of us are.

thanks for listening!

ashley

[mofirefly]

Irishyankee - Just read your post of 4/27 - it sounds like you come from a very strong family. When I read that your mom would have wanted you to go on to work, I thought of my dad saying the same thing to me. When I read how you mom was strong and got thru the arrangements of her sister, I thought of my own mom, who was always the one to attend to things for all of us. One other thing in you post that drew my eye was that because of your aunts death, you were able to get out of debt - but how very much you would rather be arguing politics with her - I also kind of benefited financially after my mom was killed in an accident - but when others mention how "fortunate" I am now (because I've been able to quit work 4 years earlier than I had planned) my husband quickly reminds them of what it cost me. I hope you are able to contine on this journey of loss...and even tho your post makes me feel you are strong - please remember that you don't have to put on a strong front for any of us here - so please come back and vent whenever possible and remember to take care of yourself.

Ashley - I've been unable to be on the boards as much as I use to be but reading how you spent 18th with laura sounded wonderful - I hope you are able to have more of those times. Take Care.

[solemate]

Here I go again, ten steps backwards - I returned to work on monday albeit 1/2 day, tuesday 1/2 wednesday (today) only made it to the front door, the rest of the day I was very upset and in tears. My husband has been there for me all the way and together we went to my Mum and Dad's unit to say our last goodbye as someone else is due to move in and take up residence. As I moved around the empty unit, I could still see their faces and feel the warmth that they gave me. I scattered some of their ashes in their beloved garden in the hope that they know that they are still there. I was sent a lovely letter about my parents by a good friend who lives interstate. This letter was so touching that I rang the person to speak with her. She told me of my mother's letters to her and how very proud she was of me and all that I had done. She is sending the letters to me as she wants me to have them. I knew my Mother and Father were very proud of me I dont need a letter to say that, but its going to be so nice to have those comments in writing for me to read over and over. Work have been very good - going very softly with me, however for me its been extremely hard. Tears, tears and tears thats all I seem to do. There are some times of non tears but I wonder if I will ever settle down. I know its very early days and I am frightened that I will end up a total wreck. I greive for one and then the other, then the both together. Has anyone else lost both parents at once?

[jazzikay]

Lately Ive been getting mad at the slightest things. I get so pissed off. And I hate when it happens because i cant help it, and I stay mad the whole day. It makes me so angry. and oh yea all my friends think im like soo strong but I dont know why but I cant get sad in school, i think it's cause my friends and how funny they are. But when im home its so different. I cry myself to sleep everynight. And I get so much sadder at home then in school. And they dont know I cry myself to sleep. And its every single night. Like I cant not cry at night. And I dont cry loud anymore, i cry soft so no one hears. and I think of my moms face and the inside jokes we had. and how we always used to like wtahc TV together. and Ill never have that again. I i have the whole rest of my life.?? how is that possible to survive

[asheepoo21]

So i've been talking about my senior prom and how amazing it was.

Here are so pictures that you guys can check out.

I'm the one in the brigh yellow dress.. so i guess you can say i stick out in all of them =]

If this site doesnt work, just let me know and i'll try it again.

http://www.kodakgallery.com/PhotoView.jsp?&collid=460230182108.475509178108.1178155888846&photoid=375509178108&folderid=0&view=1&page=1&sort_order=&albumsperpage=&navfolderid=2007

[asheepoo21]

never mind that site is not going to work, give me a couple of days and i'll get it working!! sorry

[janiceaden]

Hello all,

I was just thinking how great this site is when I realised how we all have share the same Heartache from all walks of life. But most imporantly how much Jazzikay and asheepoo21 need each other for that extra support as they are both young teens going through such a horrindous experience. I feel deeply for you both and want to let you know I think of you daily. I may not always respond back to posts but your always in my thoughts. I don't know what tomorrow brings but I do wish for a bright, prospect future for you both.

[asheepoo21]

Today is oaks day in the bluegrass state of Kentucky & tomorrow is the Kentucky Derby, which means that my birthday is close. My birthday is Sunday the 6th and it will be my 3rd birthday, but my 18th birthday without mom and dad. It really sucks, because it just seems like yesterday that I was turning 15 without mom and time has flown by because I'm already turning 18, legal, becoming an adult, and mom is not even here. I miss her so much, more and more everyday I realize that I am not going to get her back. I'm not going to be able to get up in the mornings and crawl into bed with her after daddy leaves for work and play with her hair and today for example here it is a nasty rainy day and usually on these days I would lay in bed with mom and watch movies all day, but no I can't have that anymore and it sucks more than anything.

Welp i better get.

thanks for listening.

ashley

[asheepoo21]

if you guys would like to see my prom pics, just go to the link below that i posted last and go there and create an account that will allow you to see them. its really easy.

enjoy.

ashley

[mofirefly]

Ashley - I haven't had a chance yet to see the pics - I did see the prom dress earlier...will you also be sharing pics of the graduation. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to experience these type of events that bring so much happiness, while having to shoulder the burden of the losses you have had in your short life. You're about to embark on yet a new adventure - and I hope you continue to have strong ties with people around you to help you along the way. Take care.

[Guest Guest]

Young E-Published writer who has lost her mother, father, pets, friends, children and many others is putting the finishing touches on a table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a humorous light can often be deep soul healers so we hope you will take the time to share in this safe environment.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF PET, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/

Many thanks,

[josephb]

it has been a long time since i have posted on this(55 pages ago) hope everyone is doing ok

[mofirefly]

Josephb - I went back 55 pages - it appears you lost your mom two months after I did. I recognize some of the names (Septemberspain) that were posting then. I do hope you are having more good days than bad now and I hope you are ok as well. I use to come to the boards all day long, but lately only get a few moments now and then. I didn't post until 11 months after the accident took my mom away fromj me and when I read how others are feeling right after their loss I can still feel the sharp pain. You are so young - and yet you have so much ahead of you. Hope your journey has been one that lets you remember the good times more than the last days. Take care!

[jazzikay]

pshttt im not ok. I hate when my dad doesnt do things my mom would do, cause they were so different. In good and bad ways. grrrrr i miss her so much dude.... She was so awesome. you could tell her anything and she'd understand. I like dont understand why this would happen to me. I didnt do anything. I like miss her so much and I get so upset over everything because im like growing up and teenage years are the hardest even with your mom. So idk how ima get through this dude. ugh

[Edmund]

i miss mom too much & i'm dreading mother's day. she was my best friend & my everything. i'm still so lost. does it ever get any better? some people seem to get over grief quick & casual but it's taking me a lifetime most likely.why do i still cry every nite (mom died 8/22/06)& go over her pictures, etc.? i know she would probably want me to move on... GOD BLESS you all; pray for each other! ed

[mofirefly]

Edmund - It does seem to get better but there will always be times when the pain comes up and slaps you in the face, such as events like Mother's Day when there are reminders of your loss everywhere. You haven't made it past the well spoken of 1st year yet - I remember very little of my first year without my mom - I honestly think my body when/stayed in a state of shock and denial and I cried myself to sleep forever. It's been 20 months tomorrow and I'm able to deal with things better, but then along comes Mother's Day and this year I'm wanting to throw things at the TV each time they mention it. Please take care of yourself.

Jazzikay - I have no idea how difficult your teen years will be without your mom...this should be your time to enjoy all that life has to offer and instead you are having to deal with so much emotion and pain. Just try to take things one moment at a time - keep remembering the good times with your mom...and please try not to hate you dad for being different. Take care.

[Guest Guest]

I'm not sure where to turn. There are tons of online support groups for the loss of a mother, but they take days for registration. I'm just so lost....

My mother was a heavy alcoholic and we did not get along when I was younger. When I was 12 my father made the choice that her alcoholism was affecting our family and asked her to quit or leave. She left....She ended up several states away and for years we didn't talk. 3.5 years ago we started talking again because she was diagnosed with a failing liver and was given 2.5 years to live.......She visisted three times after that, I saw her each time.

At first it was rough, her being so far away, and the pain from my child hood was just not going away. I then turned to god who helped me give it to him and our relationship started to get stronger. 6 months ago she really started to get sober and I told her every day how proud I was of her. 3.5 months ago the calls got less frequent because she was sick all the time. I was scared, but I gave it to god to help me give it to him to handle...it worked. Late January was the last time I talked to her before the phone call...

March 7th I got a phone call from a hospital in Texas, her liver had failed. My boyfriend, my sis, aunt, and uncle jumped on a plain the next day and took a red eye to get to her. March 8th didn't go so well, she was in ICU, March 9th she was getting better, staying stable and was taken out of ICU...We even arranged for hospice once she got out of the hospital...March 10th was her best day, she was sitting up, eating, and we even gave her a manicure and pedicure. We had her sign a DNR (do not resusitate order) because if she was going to go it would either be plesant and on morphine or miserable...we didn't want her miserable and she agreed....We thought she would pull through, that she was just having another "episode"...We all talked to her that day and said all the things we thought needed to be said...

March 11th I got a phone call in my hotel room....Mom had taken a turn for the worst...We arrived and she was on oxygen. We all stayed with her round the clock..we had the priest come in and bless her and we all stayed up all night long...That night the doctor said she had 24 hours...It really hurt me to hear that...

At 8:08am on March 12th she took her second to last breath...I told her.."I give her to you god, she is yours if that's what you will" I then told her " it's okay mom...me and krissy (my sis) are here"....She then took her last breath and was gone...

It hurt so bad because there were so many other things I could have said but didn't and should have said. I tried therapy to handle the feelings, but it doesn't help.... I have good days and bad days...But Mother's day is around the corner and I don't think I can handle it...

I'm not sure where to turn....it hurts so much....When she passed I got her wedding ring, the one that my dad had made for her 23 years ago that she was still wearing 8 years after the divorce...It stays around my neck...

It just hurts....I'm only 23....she was only 43...July 7th 2007 will have been her 44th birthday....

[Guest Guest]

I just recently lost my mom on 4/26/07. She was 73 years old, and suffered from cardiac failure and diabetes complications. I was able to arrange for her to be admitted to an inpatient hospice unit just prior to her death. I have never suffered such a terrible loss before. And since Mother's Day is in a few days, I am finding it much more difficult to cope with my grief. I still have a mother-in-law who is much older than my mom was, and not ill at all. I do not feel ready to celebrate Mother's Day with her at all. In fact, I find myself throwing mail out and deleting e-mails that even refer to Mother's Day. I also find myself envious of others who still have their moms. Has anyone else had similar feelings to mine?

[mofirefly]

Guest - Your feelings are so much like the many others here on this site. I can barely make myself get thru mother's day and this will be my second one without my mom...and like you I have a mother-in-law still. I hardly remember what everyone did last year - I just moved thru stuff in a fog, but this year I will not be celebrating with my in-laws...as I've chosen to stay home and have my son and family come see me, afterall I'm a mom too and my mother-in-law has her other son who will probably spend the day with her so she won't be alone, but last year while we were at her house NO ONE even mentioned my mom and it had only been 8 months...so this year I'm not giving them the opportunity to ignore my mother as I know my son & I will remember to talk about her. Your lost is way to soon for you to be able to function - and tossing and deleting any mention of the day is great. Bdeing envious of others is also a feeling many others have. But at some point it will be a little more bearable - you had a terrific mom and you will continue to honor her not just on mother's day but forever. Try to take care of yourself as well.

[mofirefly]

Guest who lost mother March 12th...I just read you post. You have found a support board that has helped many others. It is a place to come to and vent any and all emotions you will be having. I hope you can find some comfort in having been able to have started talking once again with your mom and also from being with her as she passed. You are now embarking on a very long and difficult journey call grieving. Please take one small step at a time and go at your own pace. Take care.

[jessicaincali123]

Mofirefly,

I am not sure why it says guest, I registered...Huh...Anyways my name is Jessica...

I talk about my mother all the time, usually it's not that hard. Sometimes however I just lose it when she is mentioned. I have begun to hate Mother's day advertisements as well as emails....I am also the only person trying to plan the mother's day celebration for my sis and gma...It's really messed up becuase they are moms and I am not, yet I'm the only one planning it. You would think that my sister would make some effort to help or something, but she just isn't. It just hurts trying to pull everything together like nothing is wrong and not even for me.....I'm just so frustrated and annoyed. I really miss my mother...

[mofirefly]

Jessica - I'll also never understand why some people just don't get that it is hard on us to do some things and they don't even seem to be aware of it...but since you are planning something for your grandmother perhaps you can do this as a way or honoring and remembering your mom. Gotta go for now, take care.

[asheepoo21]

jessica-

welcome to this site. i think you are really going to enjoy getting to talk to all of us especially since we are all on the same page together. I am 18 years old and i lost my mom 3 years ago in april. I also HATE mothers day considering I dont have anyone to celebrate it with because all of my grandmothers are dead, and so is my 37 year old mother.

I feel like we are a lot alike in our situation, being very young, having young mothers, etc.

My mom and i were very close; she was my best friend. I talked to my mom about everything and there were some weekend that I would skip out on going places with my friends to stay home and just relax with her.

We always had the best times together and no it's not fair at all. I am graduating in about 2 weeks and headed off to college and going to live in my own house in about 2 months. It's totally unfair that she doesnt get to see all of that. I cant walk off of the stage on graduation day to give her a big hug after recieving my high school diploma, she wont be there to see me get married one day, have kids, and become the amazing orthopaedic surgeon that I have always and still dream of becoming.

I hope coming to this site will give you a sense of comfort knowing that there are MILLIONS of people out there that are in your exact shoes.

If you would like to email me my address is bigbrat502@yahoo.com

take care sweetie!

ashley

[lilliesson]

i hope everybody has been doing good on this site. i havent been on in about a week or two, i've been so busy with school and work. i dont know how in the world im going to handle mother's day this sunday. i am dreading that day more than anything. my mom passed away about 10 weeks ago , and this is the first special occassion that i will be going through all alone, and it doesnt help that its going to be mothers day. i might not even get out of the bed that day, i might just sleep and stay in the house.

[mofirefly]

Solemate - Slimoperasinger - and so many others who seem to have stopped posting here I do hope that you can manage to hold on tight for the rough ride ahead called mother's day...May each of us here who are missing the very special person try to find a way to survive and hopefully have some moments however brief that bring a smile to our face as we remember how much we love them and miss them

MISSING YOU MORE THAN EVER RIGHT NOW MOM AND TYPING THIS JUST IN CASE YOU ARE ONLINE SOMEWHERE

[solemate]

Mofirefly and all others - I am still here - have been away for a break seeing a friend and her new baby. It was a good distraction being with a new baby - she is doing it tough - C section delivery - with another young one 18 mths old, no partner and the new baby having operations and both legs in plaster. Visiting her took me away from my pain and concentrating on helping her. Im back home now and feeling lost. I have resigned from my job and felt that I couldnt give 110% that would be needed and it would be so unfair to my clients and fellow collegues. In a couple of weeks, I will be taking up another role of a part time nature. hopefully this will be a way of distraction. Mothers day is fast approaching, and its everywhere. I go to the shops and people ask you have you done your shopping for mothers day? I have given up going, I would rather not be asked - its too painfull for me. Mothers day was going to be so special this year. Mum and Dad were to come to my home and have a carefully prepared dinner served on a special dinner set (Mum was looking for to it) I had to cancel the cake that I had ordered for the day. I still feel upset and quietly cry alone. I try to keep my emotions away from others as they probably feel 6 weeks is enough grief - time to move on. I am stuck on still feeling that they are just away on a break and will walk in my door. When I am out, I drive by their unit just to see it. Someone has stolen some plants from their beloved garden and this makes my grief harder. They obviously need the plants more than I do. I have heaps of things to do and cant get back into a pattern of doing the things that I loved. I miss my Mum and Dad so much and life seems so lonely even though I have a loving husband and daughter close to me and a son who lives interstate. I sincerely hope for all on this sight that Mothers Day will be a day of reflection and not full of sorrow. I will be trying hard, but know that there will be many tears and hope that my Mothers love will be wrapped around me and my Dad looking over her shoulder. PS someone pointed out that solemate is spelt wrong and should be soulmate - No Solemate for me means that I walk in my mothers shoes that is why I spelt it that way. Peace to you all and take care.

[lilliesson]

well mothers day is fast approaching, and im feeling so anxious right now. the last few days have been really hard on me, as im sure it has been on all of us. i wish i could just skip over that day, i dont know what to do or how to feel. i have a feeling im going to be crying all day on sunday

[Guest Guest]

My beautiful Momma died on Sept.15,2005 and, it still feels like it just happen yesterday on a (Thurs.) morning. I'm still lost and, I feel like no one understands. I'm caring for my 91 year old Father by myself and, I have six brothers that have their own lives. I miss my momma and I don't know what to do most of the time I pray and I trust in God but, I'm so empty. And now I hate Mother's Day. I can't fix my Momma a big dinner and invite everyone over, I have to go to Inglewood Cemetery and, take flowers and, I don't want to be around any other Mothers'. I'm hurt, lost, angry, and just really hurting inside. But, I fake everyday of my life that I'm okay.

[Guest Guest]

My beautiful Momma died on Sept.15,2005 and, it still feels like it just happen yesterday on a (Thurs.) morning. I'm still lost and, I feel like no one understands. I'm caring for my 91 year old Father by myself and, I have six brothers that have their own lives. I miss my momma and I don't know what to do most of the time I pray and I trust in God but, I'm so empty. And now I hate Mother's Day. I can't fix my Momma a big dinner and invite everyone over, I have to go to Inglewood Cemetery and, take flowers and, I don't want to be around any other Mothers'. I'm hurt, lost, angry, and just really hurting inside. But, I fake everyday of my life that I'm okay.

[Guest Guest]

Hello Iam so glad i found this sit.I just feel like im loseing it my mom just passed feb 27th 07 and im getting married june 2. I live in fl with my boyfriend and my family lives in ca i just feel so alone none of my friends can help or even try. I just wish my mom could have made it to my wedding but she is gone .

[irishyankee]

A happy Mother's Day Weekend, to all...

This is my first Mother's Day since I lost her... I keep getting all of the spam for 'what to buy her"... The hole is there, and sometimes the void is overwhelming. Mom was the one I confided in, and the one who 'got' me. What I most want to get her is one more day... do you stock that, Overstock?

Thanks to all who responded to my previous post. My sympathy and understanding to all who are having a tough time, especially this weekend. Thank god and beyond indigo for this community!

[asheepoo21]

WHY ME? WHY AN 18 YEAR OLD GIRL HAS TO SUFFER ON MOTHERS DAY? I HATE LIFE

[blessed1]

Good morning everyone I don't know what to do I'm feel so off-balance today. I don't want to bothered with anyone but, I have to get it together and take care of my 91yr old Daddy. I just feel so empty adn I don't want to deal with or think about Mothers' Day....

[jessicaincali123]

Hi Everyone.....I just need to vent...

Mother's day is tomorrow, my family is having a dinner at my grandma's with my father, sis, bro-in-law, their 3 kids, my grandparents, my boyfriend, his little girl, and I.... I planned it all. No one wanted to and not because Mom passed, but because they were all just too "busy." Regardless I am going to do my best to celebrate the day to remember her and not to be sad.

Because a lot of people "wrote" my mom off after she became a heavy alcoholic only her sis and second cousin has really said anything to my sis and I since her passing. Her cousin arranged for the obituary, which came out almost 2 months to the day after her passing. She passed on March 12th, the obituary came out yesterday and I recieved a copy of it today. Her cousin also arranged the memorial that's taking place next weekend...I don't know how I'm going to get through that. My sister keeps saying.."remember mom would have loved us all to be together like a family, one that never accepted her..so we will have to put on our happy faces and make it nice." She likes to put on that happy face and ignore things...I think she's crazy....

Today----wow----2 months ago at 8:10am in the morning she was gone. It hurts...Like others have said I am also sick of all the mother's day hype...It hurts...I can'd avoid it because I have to go to stores and stuff, but man it's hard.

My mother didn't live long enough to see me make it...I got a new job...at a huge law firm..doing what I have been going to school to do for 2 years now..I got it 2 weeks ago. My thunder was stolen by my sister who announced she was pregnant the same day i got the job....I'm grduating college in August...she won't be there....

In July we are going to bury her ashes out in Oaklahoma (I live in California)... I still have to explain the situation to my new job...I know I'm gonna cry.

I miss her so much!!!!!

To everyone on here...I will be praying for all of you tomorrow...It's going to be tough...but like my grandma says, "when 2 or more people come together in prayer it's a very powerful thing."

PS - thank you all for being here...even if it's just for me to vent.

[lilliesson]

well today is supposed to be a joyous one, instead i dont think it's possible to feel any worse than i do right now. i am physically sick right now, i cant stop crying, i have no energy at all. and to think, this is just the 1st mothers day without my mother, how in the world am i going to go through this each and every year???? anyway, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all of our beautiful, wonderful, mothers that are no longer with us to share this day with....

[jazzikay]

happy fucking mothers day

[janiceaden]

I am so glad that the propaganda of Mother's Day os OVER!! No more ads, no more Mother's Day specials and no more hurtful reminders for those of us who no longer share in this special day. I have read all the posts and feel your anger and sorrow. My day was just OK, I tried so hard not to cry, I did have a little weep when my hubby left but I think he saw me tearing up and so allowed me to be alone. To couple this off we went to a Sunday Market where people just went crazy buying flowers for their mums. I just walked by and said life will (has to) get better.... Even though I am a Mother and expecting baby #3 it hurts, it hurts and it hurts! However on the news last night I did see a bunch of women running to raise money for Breast Cancer, amongst the crowd was a seven year old girl who's mummy had died and she spoke so beautifully about her mummy that I somewhat forgot my Heartache and relished in knowing I AM NOT ALONE, NOR ARE YOU.......... HUGS AND KISSES xoxo

[alex329]

i am normally at loss of a father forum but i just know that today must have been so hard for all of you.............i have my mom and we are very close but i did lose my dad 4 months ago and im a mess........so i do know how your feeling today as i am dreading my first fathers day without my dad............my thoughts and prayers are with all of you and im sorry for your loss............ps.......jazzykay,you need to talk to someone and we are always here but you sound so angry ..please reach out to somebody close to you for comfort......it does hurt and it does suck really bad but you need to talk to everyone around you......it does help................keep coming here as much as you need to.....................were always here for you..............and this helps us too........nite all and god bless you all............tara

[jazzikay]

trust me i am angry. I feel guilty everyday about my moms death. but I hate attention I Hate it with a capital H. I hate when people come up to me and are like sorrrrryyyy. im like did you do it no. DO NOT COME UP TO ME AND GIVE ME A HUG. I dont want it. I just have a lot of anger and i dont get help cause I dont like the attention. vicious cycle yes I know. lol. but I am okk i guess crying helps me

[lulabell]

I have avoided posting on this site for a while thinking that I needed too stop dwelling on my mother's untimely sudden death and try and move forward but reading all the mother's day messages just hammer home what a huge loss our mother's are.

I am really missing having my mother to confide in, share secrets with and laugh with at life's absurdities. No-one knew me like my mother did and no-one ever will and that has brought with it an alienation from life that is at times unbearable and unspeakable. I wish I could post a message of hope on this site but five months on and I am no nearer the light nor any real lasting hope that anything will ever be any better. There is a gaping abyss of emptiness in my heart which either eats me away or I find a way of accepting. Dreadful isn't it?

Best wishes to all

Lucie