Loss of a Mother

[solemate]

Im clutching at straws I know - but hey I will give anything a go - Im off tomorrow to visit a palm reader/medium - I will tape her words and I am just to give her a photo of family members - I dont know why I am doing this, I dont normally go for this type of thing, however just to hear some words that could be linked to my Mum and Dad would give me some peace. Has anyone else done such a thing and did it work? Going back to work in 10 days and not looking forward to it. 7 weeks since the accident and I feel no better - if anything numb and somewhat lost - the flowers have finished and the cards slowed down. People expect you to be over it - how can you be over loosing your dad the turning off the life support for your mum in one day. Jazzikay my heart aches for you and your anger. I hope you find some peace in posting on this site and speaking with others about your heartache and frustrations. I found that by attending a grief counsellor helped. I mostly cried and she just listened. It was good to get it all out.

Take care everyone

[Kelly]

Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[Edmund]

glad mom's day is over; lots of tears. try mika's new album: "life in cartoon motion", it cheers me up. went to animal shelter today to exchange some love w/ the kitties/dogs/etc.remember all of us -pray for each other, it's sometimes all we can do. i feel for all of you as we are on the same painful journey but we have each other to share. making sense of this empty void in our lives won't be easy, but we will try to live again @ some point! love,ed

[libra1]

also relieved Mother's day is over. I thought ir would be easier second time around, but it sucked. We had to take out my mom-in-law, and not once did anyone of my in-laws ask how I was doing! it's like my mom never existed. I have to see a neighbour tonight, who lost her mom a few days ago to an 18 month battle of colon cancer. I feel good about the fact that I may be able to offer her some comfort. Really, ony the ones going thru this know the pain. I believe we all had to endure our mother's loss to early in our lives, Jazzyk especially., but everyone in the world around us will have to endure the loss of a loved one some time or other. AT this moment in time it is our turn to suffer. Oh I wish this pain would go away. Wish there was a majic pill..but nothing will bring our mom's back. I pray for all who reach out on this site..and may we continue to support each other in this way. My prayers go out to you all.

[slimoperasinger]

Hello, everyone. I am still here! I haven't posted in a while because I have been busy with work and lots of projects, and getting used to the fact that I'm alone now, without mom or dad. It's just little ol' me, no brothers or sisters either. Sometimes it seems like I can move on, and then sometimes it just hits me. Something will just hit me like a ton of bricks and then I feel like mom just died yesterday. GEE, I JUST REALIZED THAT IT WILL BE 2 MONTHS TOMORROW!!!

I have also been in a Daughters Who Have Lost Their Mothers group that ends in 3 weeks, so I have had a place to share my intense feelings. I will be a basket case when the group ends.

Today I was looking in the freezer and I came across the styrofoam cup that had mom\'s milkshake in it, from 4 days before she died, when she could no longer swallow much. We had to feed it to her with a baby spoon, and I had found my 11 yr old son\'s baby spoon and that\'s what I used. I fact, it\'s still in the bathroom, next to her toothbrush and cup. Anyway, I know that people here won\'t think it\'s silly. I threw out the milkshake, but it really hurt to do that. I was sad as I saw it going down the drain. I remember someone on this board saying how she even saved her mom\'s cereal. Yes, I still look at my mom\'s box of Cheerio\'s on the same shelf in the cupboard.

My husband asked me again yesterday when I would be ready to have my son move into my mom\'s room. I told him again that I would let him know, and that when his mom dies, I won\'t ask him when he\'ll be ready to sell off her things. That\'s the equivalent for me. I still go into mom\'s room, and 2 months later, it still smells like her and I still feel peace when I go in there and vist her. How can I get rid of that? I know that when I\'m ready, I\'ll know.

Solemate, let us know how it goes with the psychic. If you haven\'t visited the section on afterlife on this board, I have found it very helpful.

[slimoperasinger]

Gee, now I'm really feeling sad. I just posted a few minutes ago. I can't believe it has been 2 months! I just visited my mom's online memorial and no one ever visits it anymore except me. No one signs the guestbook anymore. Everyone has moved on and it feels like everyone has abandoned her (and me). I feel sad.

[solemate]

Hi everyone, I have been to the Psychic and am stunned. I was expecting $50 of entertainment or peace. I found peace. I gave the lady (approx 60 yrs old) a photo of my family = it included my husband, son, daughter, myself and my mum,dad, mother-in-law and father-in-law. I was careful not to give out any information that would lead to any conclusions. How did this lady know so much about me and all the others. When it came to my Mum and Dad she even described what they died of - Dad broken back and died quickly and Mum head injuries and broken neck. She went on to say that Mum and I were very close and spent a lot of time together and did special things with our hands. She also mentioned that my Mum made small clothing, Baby clothes and jackets. etc. and that she showed these for competition. She accurately described my husband and his back pain and my son having a ute car and a staffy dog. There were lots of other information that I simply have no answer for as to how she knew it. She spoke of how my father wanted to say he loved me and was sorry that he didnt tell me but that he was proud of me and told others of this. My Mum often called me her darling daughter. The Psychic referred to this and said that Mum was missing me also and was shirty in having gone this way. There was lots of tears by me and all the information was taped (one hour) I have played the tape to my husband and daughter who also are somewhat amazed at the acurracy of the information. I have come away from the session happy that I gave myself the opportunity. Some will find this situation totally unbelieveable and thats fine. Others will find it believeable and comforting. I must admit I lean towards feeling comfortable and at peace. I know in my heart that some information she just couldnt have know and yet she spoke to me without knowing who I was, family information etc. Please do not judge me on my feelings and think that I have been scammed. I am happy with the result and if it helps me feel better then you should be happy for me also. Has anyone else had a similar experience? I also wish to mention that I had chosen to have a rainbow as a sign of remembrance for my Mum and Dad. Yesterday I was leaving the front of our house only to find a double (one on top of the other) rainbow. I have never seen a double rainbow before and it was over our house. I called my husband to have a look and we took photos to prove that it was there. The psychic mentioned the signs that Mum would be giving me or did she just read the weather report?

Slimoperasinger - I too share your up and down moods I too can feel good and then rock bottom, two months for both of us is not a long time in days or months, but seem to be an eternity. The love from our Mothers is wrapped around all of us and they are constantly resting in our hearts and souls.

Take care everyone

[jazzikay]

Hello everyone Ive come to a conclusion that this sight doesnt help what so ever and im not gonna go on it anymore. Sorry and dont be offended but I cannot talk about it considering.. these reasons 1. no one really listens to me 2. It doesnt help me because no one understands because you all have families and stuff

[jillie]

Jazzikay,

I am often a silent observer of the site but have seen many interchanges involving you and sensitive feedback from the folks here. I think many people care about what you are going through. I know I feel for you--knowing that you lost your mom so long before a girl should ever be without her mom. It is a crime that you have to live without her at such a young age. I can very much understand your anger. Remember though that we are all suffering--regardless of circumstances. Sometimes having a husband and children to care for while you are suffering and just want to crawl into a ball is NOT a comfort but rather just something that keeps you from being able to grieve. Grief is very isolating because no one had the relationship that you had with your mom--just you two. So no one will ever completely understand your loss and what it means to you. I am angry too-that my beautiful, kind, generous and loving mother had to suffer from two forms of cancer and will never see old age. I have people asking me if I'm feeling better after two months--two months--after losing my soulmate and love of my life. Those of us who have had our moms into adulthood are lucky--but it is also a double edged sword because it is so hard to live without them when them being here is all you have ever known.

Anyway, I just want you to know that there are people who care. Sometimes not everyone knows what to say or do--call or not call--hug or not hug? We all need different things sometimes. I hope that you can keep your mom's presence in your life--whether it's by making her favorite color your favorite color or taking up her hobby or staying in touch with her friends. I am sure you are honoring her just by growing into a smart and sensitive young woman. I am sure if there is any way possible for her to be with you and watching over you--she is.

[asheepoo21]

so last night was my bacculariate mass which is for us catholics. It's a mass that is held a few days before senior graduation, in honor of the seniors. well yesterday I started to get down because i started realizing that this is really it, this is a time that my mom should be here and shes not going to be. I was not in a good mood and people in my house are getting stressed about graduation and trying to get stuff ready for family to come into town and get ready for the graduation party. well i just finally broke. I started balling my eyes out because I just cant take it anymore.

So tomorrow is the big day. A day that is supposed to be wonderful, exciting, amazing, memorable, ect., ect. but i dont see that happening. yes i am glad that i'm graduating and I know that mommy is really proud of me, but I can't imagine doing this alone tomorrow without her here. It's going to be a big mess that i would really like to not have, but i know i cant get her back in the next 24 hours so im gonna have to put up with it.

Here i am, 18 years old, mom has missed 3 years of my life now and i am graduating without my best friend- my mom, there to tell me how proud of me she is and wrap her arms around me with a big hug.

Tomorrow is not going to be good so please just keep me in your prayers!

thanks so much!

ashley

[lilliesson]

i havent been on in about 2 weeks, things have been so hectic for me with work and summer school. but i havent forgot about this site and all the wonderful people on it. i havent posted since mothers day (im just now recovering emotionally), but i hope everyone is doing ok. well it been 14 weeks or a little over 3 months since my mom passed suddenly, and things havent got any better yet, maybe they never will, who knows anymore. only if i had my own family to help me get through this, but instead im am all alone. im about to get a tattoo of my mom on my arm with a nice poem written on it, so i will see her and feel her with me every single moment...

[Edmund]

hi ashley (&others) i will keep you in my prayers. your mom is w/ you in spirit & is very proud of you; wishing she could be w/ you just for a hug. think of her in heaven w/ Jesus sending you blessings you may not see. i can't imagine losing a mom @ such a young tender age. i am 47 & mom was 87 & i still cry every day because we were soulmates & she was an angel on earth. b-careful on this memorial day w/e as the moon is waxing, weather warming, & crazy people on the roads & all over. i am waiting for a day without tears. God bless & keep you all, love, ed

[solemate]

ashley - I sincerely wish you well for your graduation - Im Australian and dont really know what it means for someone to graduate however, I know that you are a special young lady who has made a fantastic effort in passing your studies to graduate. You couldnt have done this without the strong spirit within you, your mom and your own determination. I read your posts and my heart aches for your pain. We all feel your pain and each have our own pain to bear. You have a great future ahead of you. Remember you are unique and special and have your mom's spirit always with you to watch over you. Things will pass and your life will have meaning when you beieve its time to move forward. never loose the memories of the past but look forward to future new memories that include the warmth of you and the love that you have for your mom. Enjoy your graduation and have a good time - take care

[amiracle]

I lost my mother in a tragic car accident on April 27. I have felt lost ever since. While I am an adult and mother myself, I feel I need my Mom more than ever. I have so much guilt inside me. My parents divorced 10 years ago after my sister and I were already out on our own. I never thought their divorce would effect us, but it did. My Mom was mad at me for talking to my Dad, we had several arguments about it, she wanted me to choose between having a relationship with her or my Dad. I tried to do both, but it didn't work. My Mom got mad at me and said some ugly things that I know she regreted, but she never apologized, I hadn't talked to my Mom in 5 years because of the things she said to me. I was waiting for her to call and apologize and now that will never happen. I am so mad at myself for not trying harder to mend our relationship. I loved and missed her everyday during the 5 years we didn't speak. Now I keep calling her cell phone and leaving her messages about how much I love and miss her, things I wish I would have said to her before she died. I feel so much pain and guilt and I have cried everyday. I hope she knew that I loved her despite our argument.

[mofirefly]

So many posts to read, so little time to resond.

Amiracle - I left a responce for you on sudden losses...I sincerely hope that you can find a way to deal with the tremendous flood of emotions you are dealing with.

Edmund - So glad to see your sign on - it's been a while - and I hope that you are doing ok - as for a day without tears, who knows if one actually exists and I feel tears are a beautiful way of releaseing all we are feeling.

Lilliesson - I'm sorry you don't have family near you to help you at this time, but you have found at least one place to come to and share all your thoughts. I think you idea of a tatoo is a interesting way of having you mom with you always.

Ashley - I have been wondering about you (and Jazzikay) as I hadn't seen many posts, but then again I don't get on the boards like I use to be able to do. I hope your graduation day leaves you with many happy memories - tho I do realize that you will be having wishful thoughts that all those you have lost could be with you. Please keep posting when you can so that those of us who have been following your story will know how you are doing.

Jazzikay - I hope that you will continue to come here, but if you have chosen to leave the boards I sincerely hope you will find another place to seek out help. As for noone understanding what you are dealing with - I doubt any of us truly understand what we ourselves are dealing with let alone what another person is really experiencing - but we try our best to hold onto each other thru this site. Your past posts have been a source of help to others and I do hope that responces (tho not often) have helped you as well.

EVERYONE, BREATHE DEEPLY, AND TAKE CARE!

[mofirefly]

Solemate - Just read your post of your Psychic experience - thank you for sharing that ... Please take care!

[lilliesson]

mofirefly, ty for the kinds words they really mean alot to me, and ty for everyone that takes the time to read all of our posts, it feels good that someone is actually taking the time to feel our pain and hear us vent. i think EVERYONE on this board is special!!!!! we all have went through the worst time in our lives and here we all are trying to be strong and hold on for those who love us. i hope veryone has a wonderful day

[mofirefly]

Lilliesson - you are so very right to say that Everyone on these boards is special. Let us know how the tatoo comes out.

Has anyone been in touch with Janiceadean - I had written down somewhere when she was due and can't locate my note (par for the course) and I haven't located the post where she said something about being 3 months or so away.

PLEASE ALL TAKE CARE!

[janiceaden]

Hello all

Sorry I haven't been on for a while, my ADSL is being repaired and dial up is a nightmare. Thank you Mofirefly for your concerns, it's much appreciated. Well on Friday it was my mum's first b'day sinse her death, she would of been 54... How young!! Anyhow instead of curling in a ball as intended I was mourning yet another loss. My Hubby's g/daddy, even though he passed away in Italy the amount of mourners coming over was mind boggling. I'm living with the in laws until our home is finished so I have been bombarded with death and all... Just imagine on my mum's first b'day in Heaven there I was in Church recieiving condolences once again! On top of the that I had to read in the Church on last notice and really wasn't ready for that, but I did it and the Lord's words were reassuring... Hence after Mass people were invited for pizza and cake... It was like a party sadly enough, I just had to hide my sadness as I served cake thinking this should be for my mum..... Anyway I also had a Hospital visit on mum's b'day where the Nurse asked me q's about Family History of illness.... I broke when I told her that my mum had passed of Ovarian Cancer, I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO COPE NOT HAVING MY MUM WITH ME WHEN BABY IS BORN!

[nurse08]

I lost my mother in a car accident on April 27th, 2007. She was on her way to work when she was killed. I feel like my whole life is turned upset down. I walk around somewhat lost. I catch myself saying this did not really happen. I call her cell phone and leave her messages.I call her work expecting to hear her answer the phone. All the grief is compounded with the fact that my mother's family has completely abandoned me and my sister and our children. Our parents were divorced and my mother's family hated my father and chose to alienate my sister because she still had a relationship with him. Her and my mom had not spoken in years and that is not because she did not try. My grandmother refused to give her the number to my mom and told her my mom did not want to talk to her and that my dad did not even want her when she was born. I hate my grandmother. I do not care that she is ill and old and grieving. She has said so many hateful things. The day my sister arrived in town for the funeral, a relative proceeded to tell my sister the condition of my mother's body in the car and the amount of blood. I hope he rots in hell for eternity for making her hear that. My mom's family is crazy-my grandmother being the most crazy and cruel. My mom made her the beneficiary on the life insurance policy. She is getting 70,000. We were told that there is no beneficiary on the 401k and that it would go to the estate of my mother which would then go to me and my sister. We were going to pay off my mom's debt. My grandmother has since called and said that she found the form and that she is te beneficiary and that she wants that money too. I asked to her to please let me and my sister keep that so that we could pay off mom's debt and so my sister can reimburse herself for legal fees, but she said no. when I asked her why we could not have anything, she told me that my mother did not want me and my sister to have anything. She then told me that she was making a will and that my sister,me, and my oldest son would be left something, but then my youngest child would not get anything because she said they did not know him. She did not even mention my sister's three little boys. My mom loved all her grandchildren. I am done hearing mean things and being emotionally abused. I told her she was going to die alone and when she was dying, she could take the money and shove it down her throat when she is gasping for her last breath of air. I have beating myself up feeling guilty and feeling like I should just accept what she says, but I can't do that. She has said hurtful things all my life to me and my sister and I can not be a part of that anymore. I will not even go to her funeral. I am done. I just can not believe that this a person that I have helped when I have taken her to the doctor and that I have helped get dressed and that I have cooked and cleaned for her. I have nothing of my mom's I cant even go to her house and look at her things and grieve because my grandmother lived with her. I want my grandmother out of the house. I dont care where she ends up. This has been hell for me and my sister.

[Edmund]

hi nurse08 & others; as hard as this may sound; try to let go of any hate/ anger & love the world. i hated everything & everyone for too long but i forgive everyone & everything or @ least try to. everything boomerangs including -energy! don't think or worry about money-it is the root of all evil.i will pray for you all; love, nurse ed

[asheepoo21]

hi all-

well graduation was VERY hard as I had already expected, but it's finally over and ended up being very nice. I am officially no longer a high school senior but a college freshman. just thought I would let everyone know how it went.

thanks for listening!

[lilliesson]

well congratulationsssssssssssssss ashlee, im so proud to hear that u are now a college freshman. keep up the good work, im sure u will do very well in college. that reminds me, im late for class lol, take care everyone

[mofirefly]

Ashley - May I offer congratulations as well - I seem to remember you going for a degree in Pschy (??? spelling) - but if so, maybe those of us here on the boards can be your own private guinea pigs and you can help us all get better, including yourself - just kidding on some of that, but also wouldn't it be great to find a way to endure this pain a little bit easier. Take care.

[mofirefly]

Nurse08 - There is so very much pain in your post that I can only wish there were someway to reach out an hug you and hold on to you until your emotions could settle down some. I lost my mom in a car accident too - and that alone is tramatic to deal with, but you have the additional trama of dealing with the anger toward your grandmother. I have seen families litteraly torn apart by similar situations and it is so terribly sad. I agree with Edmund that anger is a very energy draining emotion. For right now, please try to let yourself heal from the pain of your loss - but if you feel you should, then contact a lawyer for a consultation on how you are being treated, and maybe you will get some useful advice. Please take care as you have only just begun a very long and bumpy journey.

[mofirefly]

Janiceaden - So glad to hear from you, but so very sorry that you are once again having to deal with death at a time when you are soon to have a new life enter your world. To have to get thru your mom's 1st bday away from you like that had to be more than difficult. Tomorrow is my mom's 2nd bday away from me, and I do think I'm able to think of it differently than last year...but it is still something that feels very heavy. Please try to keep us posted as you near your due date. When I first came on the boards, there was another person about to have a baby...and it was kinda fun to read about while we were all dealing with our loss. Good luck with your ADSL repair - I know what dial up is like as it is all we have available here. TAKE CARE.

Hope others who are visiting don't think I'm over posting, I just happened to have some time (finally) to get on and I'm trying to not take too long on any one response. There boards are a lifeline...and I've missed having as much time as I use to have to come here and vent and connect with others. TAKE CARE!

[nurse08]

Thank you mofirefly. This experience has definitely opened my eyes to how my mother's family thought about me and my sister. I have decided to end the relationship with my grandmother because I can not hear hurtful things anymore and she will never admit that she is wrong. It is not about the money that she is getting; it is about the things that she has said about my ten year old child, how she said she does not know him and that is why he will not be in her will. She does know him. She was there when he was born and she stayed at my home for a week after he was born. He has raked her leaves for her at her house and he remembers eating breakfast with her and spending Christmas with her. It is her fault that she never came to any of his birthday parties. She is just trying to hurt me and she did. She struck that mommy nerve. That is all it took to decide I want nothing to do with her. That was the last straw. I tried to let her cool off for a couple of days to see if she really meant what she said, but she still says he will not be mentioned in the will because she does not know him. It is her loss. We do have a lawyer and while she was living in the house with my mother, we have decided that the house will be put up for sale and that she will have to move wherever that might be.

[solemate]

Mofirefly - I will be thinking of you tomorrow - I cannot imagine the pain you will feel being 2 years - I am only 2 months and my only hope is for some peace in accepting that my Mum and Dad have gone. I read your posts and find comfort in your words. I watched a movie today with my husband and we both cried at the end - it was so romantic about two older people - one with dimentia - they died together in each others arms. I loved the way that the lady in the movie wrote about her life before she lost her memory and gave this to her husband to read to her when she forgets who she is. It made me think strongly of my Mum and how she lived her life and the need for me to now write as much information as I can (while my memory is still there!) My Mum and Dad were so much a couple that they were never alone - always together where ever they went. To Nurse 08 - your post is filled with emotions and having lost both Mum and Dad to the one car accident 2 mths ago and also having difficulty with members of my family over issues, I too can relate to your bitterness. As the days roll on for me, I find myself now looking for new interests. I need to fill the void that I feel by the loss that I have suffered. I have my mums talents in craft work and will try to continue with her doll making craft (albeit that I will never be as good as her - she was a master crafts woman) Nurse 08 give yourself 'me time' and grieve the way you want to for your beloved Mum. The grief counsellor I have been seeing, advised me to let others react the way they want to (eg. lash out saying hurtfull things) and focus on the love that I had with my Mum and the close relationship we had. This has been very usefull advice and when I find I am threatened by hurtfull comments, I think of my Mum and the love we had and find that I can cope with those conversations out of respect for her. Take care - Morfirely is right it is a long and bumpy journey.

[mofirefly]

Solemate and Nurse08 - I feel a bit of a connection with you as we all have lost our loved ones in car accidents, something that happens so much each and every day but you never really expect to have happen to you personally. I hate watching the news and hearing that yet another accident has taken a life and now another person will be starting on this journey. Solemate, I believe the movie you watched is titled "Notebook" - I have a copy of it as it was the last movie my mom & I watched together - she related to it so very much as my dad had recently passed away in a nursing home and my mom has kept a journal. I think she would have preferred to die peacefully in her sleep with my dad, but she did have 4 years of a different life of her own not being a caregiver all the time and I think that was something she enjoyed. Nurse08, I have a mother-in-law who has always said and done hurtful things to me and my husband - I've been told to just let it roll off me and that it's because she is old and ill - but believe me it isn't an easy thing to do - lately I have simply tried to let her ramble on while I just stare at anything I can and put my thoughts elsewhere - People are very different, but at least here it is a place to vent off the pain that others can cause. I do hope your lawyer represents you with compasion for what you are going thru. Take care!!!

[nurse08]

mofirefly-I am trying to get back to some normalcy. i was in my first semester of nursing school when this all happened and I had to postpone my finals so now I am trying to get back into the groove and take my exams. I was beginning to feel guilty about having to live my own life, but it is ok to do that. I have not really had a chance to grieve because of everyhting that has happened b/w me and my grandmother. She has tried to make me feel guilty about not being able to take care of her or take her to the doctor. But she has siblings that need to step up to the plate. My mom was doing everything for her-she was giving her insulin shots, bathing her,cleaning for her, cooking for her, taking her to the doctor, and keeping track of all her meds. She was sucking the life out of my mother. Her life wasn\'t hers anymore. I am not going down that road. Now that my mom is gone, she is able to do those things herself. I told her that she needed to be responsible for her health and know what meds she is taking and which ones have been d/c\'d, but her reply was \"Your mother did all that.\" Yesterday, I felt like we were having a decent conversation and she said \"There is one good thing in all of this.\" I thought she was going to express some enlightening knowledge that would make me feel better, but instead she said \"You don\'t have to worry anymore, you don\'t have to put up with your mother because she is dead.\" I just hung up. She is too uneducated to even know or understand the ramifications of that response. I can\'t go there with her anymore. I have to be healthy for my two kids, emotionally and physically. And I have to finish nursing school because it is what my mom wanted. She was the only one who truly understood how hard it was to get in and how hard it was to go back to school with 2 kids and a fulltime job. She was so supportive. I have a teenage son-16 who has had a rough year-drugs, legal system, and she was right there encouraging me to go on and telling me to be patient with him. I miss her. I just miss her. My dad gave me a little advice and this is the man that my grandmother said how he never wanted us. He told me to grab a hold of something positive and grab onto it for dear life. That is what I am going to do-I am going to grab onto nursing school for dear life. I wish my mom could be here to see me graduate.

[mofirefly]

Nurse08 - You have quite a lot to deal with - a 16 year old to boot - that can be a rough road under quieter times than you are having. It sounds like you have a great handle on how you plan to cope with things and that's wonderful - we here will put out our cyber space hands to help you hold on to getting back into the grove and becoming a fantastic nurse - as you have a great deal of empathy for the feelings of others and that is a beautiful rare quality. Take care!

[nurse08]

Thank you for all of your kind words. You have made me feel better and have quieted some of the anger I have been feeling. I am going to try to look at the situation with my grandma in a different light. She is grieving and part of grief is anger and she is lashing out at the nearest person she can and that is me. Maybe I'm easier to lash out instead of her siblings and other family. I'm lashing out too and I am wearing my feelings right on my sleeve. I cried the other day at work when someone asked me if I could do something for them. Right now the wounds are too fresh to try to patch things up. we both need our breathing room. I need to cool down too and regroup. Whenever I would get mad at my grandmother and tell my mom she would say she is old and set in her ways and you will never change her. So, instead of trying to change her, I just won't talk to her about things that I know are going to cause an argument. I will see her again, but right now I need to be by myself and take the time to be sad and cry and yell if I need to. This forum has helped a lot. My sister told me about it. Her username is Amiracle and she has posted as well. God Bless You and everyone else here for being supportive.

[solemate]

Hi everyone I am just sitting in my computer room and its 6.00am in the morning. I am so happy for you Nurse 08 that you will give the nursing a go -

i believe you have the makings of a very fine nurse who has the right mix of personal characteristics - good luck - I would like to wish your sister Amiracle well and hope that she iscoping with her journey - you are luckey that you and her appear to get alone well. My sister is so different to me and we are not close at all. Friends have been so important to me - they are there when I'm down and have been very supportive. I hope we all have some good friends to lean on. In a way this site has become my friend - someone to talk to at any time, someone to cry with who understands my pain, someone who is always there for me when I need help - thank you friends

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[asheepoo21]

mofirefly-

sorry this is kind of a late response to your post. thanks for the congratulations on graduation. I am now headed to college working on a bachelors of arts with a major in biology. Psychology must have been someone else on the board. I want to go to med school to become an orthopaedic surgeon. that's been my dream for quite some time; i just LOVE it and I know that I need to stick with my dreams and be sure to make my parents proud. I am the one who has my knee surgeon as my BIGGEST role model. shes pretty much AMAZING and has helped me a lot with jobs, school, etc. Actually, funny story, I am going to the same college for undergraduate school as she did and am going to apply for the same med school as she went to which is the University of Louisville. These are all places that I chose before I even knew that she attened. So I think that it's kind of funny that I'm already following in her footsteps.

About me.. things have been going really well actually. Not too much stress for the most part. I think God has finally decided to let up on me for a while and let me enjoy the summer before I head off to college. But I better not speak too soon or else something bad will happen for sure. lol

yes I miss mom SOOOOOOOOOO much as you all can imagine, but I just like to think that she is here with me and wants me to live the normal 18 year old life that i'm supposed to live so that's why i'm not hurting too bad right now.

Nurse08- i'm very sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you are going through. I've been there, done that, lost both my parents, and ALL of my immediate family. It's rough, but I can promise you that IT WILL GET BETTER. Things will settle down in the future and only time can help that.

Take care all.

[mofirefly]

Ashley - Sorry I got you mixed up in my memory - I remember now about you having a great connection with your surgeon.

The boards seem unusally quiet - I'm hoping everyone is doing ok - Take Care!

[janiceaden]

Hello Everybody

Just an update about life without my mother. Well I'm 18 wks and starting too show slightly. I feel it more and more each day now, my little miracle baby. I must add that I had a surreal dream of my mum one night that left me shaking. She told me that Pasquale was next (my father in law), I was so worried that I told my hubby to warn his father... Anyhow I felt like she was right there like she was alive! I said to her "MUM GUESS WHAT I'M PREGNANT" and she said "I know, and your having a girl!" ........... I was so moved that when I awoke it saddened me that it was just a bloody dream... How I wish she was here to help me and adore my children with me... My sister has a C-section on Wednesday at the same Hospital my mother passed in... I don't know how I will react upon going back... 6 mths seems so fresh........ Anyhow nothings fair in life, I guess it will pass......... JB

[solemate]

Hi everyone - just a quick note to say that I feel lost - since that terrible day 25th march when Mum and Dad went, I now feel lost in my grief. I can look at Mum's photo and not break down but still cry over small things. I still have so much to do with sorting out their things, I just dont seem to be motivated to do it. Before this happened I was a goer - doing things all the time, a workaholic and fun. I seemed to has lost me. Somewhere during this tragedy I seem to have lost my soul. I dont feel happy anymore and find it hard to laugh. I know all of this will pass with time and my grief will lessen, but at the moment, I just seem so unhappy. I am told that I need to get drunk! - maybe? - but Im not a drinker. Any suggestions on how to get back on track.

[mofirefly]

Solemate - Your lost is still so very new - I feel that you are more than likely still in a state of shock - I only lost my mom and for the life of me I can barely remember the whole year that followed, and I just think it was because my body could not have handled that pain, so I basically shut down...and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I'm concerned that others are suggesting you get drunk when you are not even a drinker - just my input on that is NOT a good idea. Please give yourself more time to let the emotional loss flow thru you - and as you already realize, it will lessen with time. As far as I think, that fact that you don't feel happy and you can't get motivated are perfectly "normal" behavior, so please don't let it distress you any further. Take care!

[mylittlemisty]

Hello everyone.

I lost my mother nine months ago, and although it has been a substantial amount of time, it still seems as if it were only yesterday. I have been struggling immensely over the past several months, and although I have been told by everyone that time heals this doesn’t seem to be the case. I am only fifteen years old, and since her death I have had to practically raise my younger brother due to our father’s work schedule. He works two jobs, and is gone the majority of the time. We were used to her being home with us all of the time, there waiting on us to get home from school and ask how our day went. It is incredibly lonely now, coming home to an empty house each day. Tomorrow is the last day of school for the year, and I dread the summer because of the long days we will be spending at home alone, without her. Our family doesn’t speak of her death, and haven’t since the week she died. It is almost as if she vanished off the face of the earth, and we have yet to realize it. Even my friends have chosen to ignore the situation, never mentioning it, forgetting it, and I find the lack of support overwhelming at times. And my father is already dating someone else, which I find inconsiderate and inappropriate, considering how long it has been. I want nothing to do with her, and I’m not sure if these feelings are justified. Is that wrong? I just can’t stand the thought of someone else replacing my mother. I apologize for the ranting, I’ll stop here for now. : )

[asheepoo21]

mylittlemisty-

hey. welcome to this site. i'm glad you've found us. a group of people who are all on the same page as you are. i am 18 years old and i lost my mom when i was 14, so it was 3 years ago in april. the only difference that we have with our moms deaths is that my family talks about her death a lot. and another difference is that ive lost my father too. so i am living with my aunt uncle and 2 cousins because i didnt have any brothers or sisters. my family openly talks about her death because they all know that she was my best friend. i completely understand how you feel when you say that because you dont talk about her if feels like she has just vanished. but thats not the truth. its just that you only lost her 9 months ago and that may seem like a lot of time without her but really its still very fresh. Even 3 years for me it's still feels so brand new to me. It's like I have to remind myself everyday that she is really gone forever. And yes at your age i was telling myself that everyone was crazy when they said that it takes time, but really it does. And you may not see that now, but you will. Things will not necessarially get "better" but it will become easier for you. Some days will be tougher than others and then again some days will just feel like she is in your heart and you may feel like you can do anything and not be sad, but she is still with you. And because we are both young, there will be times that you will miss her terribly. For example, i just graduated high school 2 weeks ago and that was horrible for me. Granted I have had 3 years to tell myself that my mom was not going to be at my graduation, you can never prepare yourself enough for something like that until it happens.

This situation with your dad, if i were in your shoes i would talk to your dad about how you feel. let him know that it is still all too new for you. I think that I would feel the exact same way as you do. its completely understandable, but then again think about what your dad is going through too. Maybe he's dating another girl because he thinks that it is a way out of the pain that he's going through from losing your mom. You both need to just work together and talk to eachother about how you are feeling about this.

I do know that things will get easier as time goes on, that is something that I can promise you.

Take care sweetie and visit this site often. If you want to email me personally you can too because there's only 2 of us younger girls on here.

bigbrat502@yahoo.com

& my AIM is asheepoo21

take care sweetie!

ashley

[4everjoeysmom]

mylittlemisty, I was deeply touched by your writing and the way you expressed yourself in what you wrote. I am so sorry you lost your mom. I cannot imagine exactly what you feel, because my story is a little different. Ten months ago I lost my son. It's hard to know wht we have to endure such loss and pain in our lives. And it's so unfair when we have to endure added challenges, like your dad working all the time, you taking care of your brother, and no one speaking of your mom. I can tell you my family, (my other son, my mom and dad and my brother), they don't talk about Joey much either. My dad has only said his name once since. I think it's just because it hurts so bad, and at this stage most people are still trying to process what happened and how to survive it. They don't realize that part of survival and healthy coping is acknowlegement and sharing together. I had a great need to talk about my loss and about Joey--not so much talk about his death, but about his life and what I miss about him. When I couldn't find relief and understanding among my own family and friends, I found this site and it has helped a lot. I also journal, write letters to Joey, keep his things around me, and I created a memorial web site for him, which has been a huge therapeutic project and I am SO glad I did that. It's a place where I can construct more content as time goes on with photos, thought, memories, etc, and it's a place where I can visit as well as his family and friends, and many of them do. Sometimes people have a hard time expressing verbally or outwardly how they feel, and they remain more private. For you and I, we have a special gift and we articulate deeply in writing and expressing in words. Do you journal and write often? My guess is that you do. But if you don't, you should consider it. The way you write, I can literally envision one day you penning a book on your grief experience as you journey through stages that will help other teens and young women cope in the future. On ething I've learned through my own deep grief, helping others is very healing and rewarding. It may take some time getting there, but I think in time you will be one who makes a profound impact on young girls, teens, and even young adults who have suffered loss.

It isn't fair that you are in the position of so much responsbility with your brother. I don't have any words of wisdom. When I was your age, I took care of watching over my little brother a lot too, and did so until he was out of college. It's hard right now, and it will make you stronger and wiser breyond your years. It feels horribly burdensome, and it feels like it will go on forever. Nut when you tow are grown up, the time you have now will fade into a loving memory of how you were there for him, caring and loving him, and reminding him that he--like you--is a special gift that remains of your mother's profound love in her life. You will grow up feeling more connected to your mother and knowing her more deeply for the things she will show you along the way. I believe what she has carved in your heart through her own love and life will carry you through yours, no matter the trials and burdens of raising your brother. And it will be difficult. But I pray in time this brings you both closely woven together throughout your whole lives and that you will always profoundly feel the fiber of your mother in that tapestry.

One thing I can tell you from this side of the fence, as a mom who lost a child is that your mom is so very proud of you and would never ever have hurt you or left you on her own accord. But as our lives are all limited to time and never knowing how much time, we are profoundly changed when someone special and close leaves before we do. For me I know I will never be the same. I'm sure you won't either, and as Ashley said, it will take time to work through our pain and to learn how to go on with the rest of our time in a changed state of living. If I would have been given a choice, I would have stood in for Joey, going before him, because I would trade my own life to give him the opportunity to do all of the things he will never get to do. I feel I have lived fully even though there is still so much I will see and do in my time that remains. I am certain your mom remains with you forever. Because no matter what time brings in our lives and beyond, that bond is eternal and will never die. She will be with you always. One day you will wake, and the sun will shine, and you will be able to think of your mom and feel her love surround you and engulf you, and you will smile when you think of her. You won't ever get over the loss. And you may cry for the rest of your life at times. But you WILL remember and feel the warmth and the goodness and the love and the cherished memories, and you will know she is with you, and you will smile. And she will forever remain so very proud of you... Big Hugs, Claudia--Joey's Mom

[4everjoeysmom]

mylittlemisty, I also wanted to say that NO ONE will ever replace your mother. No matter what your dad does in life, or who he sees, your mom will forever be with him too. He isn't looking for a replacement for your mom. I believe he is looking for an escape from pain and the lonliness of not having someone to take care after him. He has you, but it's different. I know it's painful and hard to fathom that he could be so insensitive toward the years with your mom and her memory, and towards you kids. As hard as that is, please try not to take it as a personal disrespect. I'm sure he hurts really badly too. He just doesn't know how to express it, and he very well may be trying to protect you. I hope you have a time to be able to talk with him and tell him how you feel. It's what all of you truly need--each other and communication. Hugs, Claudia