Young Widowhood

[withani]

Trish...I'm so sorry to hear about your not being able to attend James one year memorial...I know it's of little consolation but maybe you can have your own ceremony??? When it was my one year mark for Gary's passing I had a private ceremony...only myself...and launched a helium balloon (which read I Love You) in the sky with a note on it. Well...as luck would have it...I had to take the note of the balloon because it weighed it down...THEN..my balloon got stuck in the trees in my backyard so I just went inside and sulked

James knows what the two of you had was SOOOOOOOO Special...please don't feel like less of a person because you're unable to attend...after all...James is with you now 100% of the time.

I know what it's like to have a family that doesn't speak to you...Gary's family never spoke to him so why should they speak to me now??!!! It's laughable.

Take care my dear friend...you're always in my thoughts and prayers...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

Mark...I'm so happy you had a wonderful trip with the best grandson in the world!!!!! Sounds like what the doctor ordered I'm very happy to hear about the outcome of his surgery as well...how could it go and differently with his grandpa by his side...!!!

I FINALLY have some GOOD NEWS...I've accepted a new position as an Assistant Director of Admissions at a Community College here...I've VERY EXCITED about it...with this I'll be able to keep my house and pick up courses later on for a fraction of the costs!!!!

Take good care of yourself my friend...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Hi everyone, Just me again..wanted to let everyone know that Byron got bit from another child at preschool yesterday on his back.. and it took a chunk out of his back my poor baby he had to have a few stitches...bless his lil heart..the school nurse called me to let me know..what's strange is if it was my child that bit another kid I would call to see if that child was ok..the parents never called to see if he was ok..but maybe I am different I don't know I think most people would have called I would have thought..but he will be ok but my sweet lil angel can't lay on his back too well..he is pretty sore I wish I was thier to have held him when he got bit..but I don't blame the other child he or she was..lil so I have no hard feelins just confused that the parenst did'nt kinda say somethin..but thats ok..he will be ok.. things here bout the same I am going to the chiorpractor 3 times a week hopefully they can help me this is my last hope before I have to have surgery ...Trsih I know how it feels when you reach the 1 year mark of your loved ones death..even 2 years does'nt seem any easier least for me it has'nt feels like yesterday he was here..too bad Roger was'nt here to see lil Byron go trick or treating tonight he was so cute he was dressed like a lil fireman complete with the hat and all.. maybe Roger was watchin.. he would be so proud to see him..Cindisue thanks for welcomming me back ..you are my sis and I love u girl and you Mark I am so happy yoour back safe and sound..and I miss you as well..all of you mean so much to me the best friends I have..and love you all dearly we all been through so much together that no one can understand..but us....you are all in my thoughts all the time..well time for me to lay down before my back start aching again..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue and baby Byron..( my angel)

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, Thanks! You always know just what to say. Wow! A new job at the college! This is fantastic! I'm so happy for you. And to get to keep the house, I've been praying for this. Never lose faith, girl. I went out there looking for the website for your son, but I didn't find it that day. I'll try again now that I'm home. I really hope to find it. Hearing new music is always good. Hope the kids get to go far with it. My wife tried to fly across the room. She was dreaming that she was flying, and woke to flying across the room into the couch! She's all bruised up, but not too bad for the crash. It happened so fast, her aide was unable to prevent it. Yesterday morning, she cut the end of her finger off with a butter knife. How? I have no idea. It's only a few stitches and a concoction of a bandage. The powers that be did another assessment for the nursing home, and she scored low enough for placement this time, with skilled nursing. They'll let her stay at home as long as possible, but when the time comes, at least we'll be ready. However, at this point, it's a balancing act. We have to balance everything between her needs and when a placement is available. If she gets an available room, she may need to take it now, even though she may not be willing. There is so much stress in this, once again I have a continuous headache. My daughter was chiding me about that, that while I was with her, I had no headaches at all, my blood pressure dropped to normal, and I had no chest pains (I didn't take any heart pills while I was there). The kids want me to move there in the worst way. My son in law would even help with the move. He's a great guy. That's my news. Til tomorrow, I hope you have a fantastic day, my dear friend. luv ya, with big hugs, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindySue, all too often, those little children can do some pretty strange things, mean things, and their parents don't give a care. They see no reason to be responsible toward the one their little kid bit or kicked or beat up. What is our world coming to? Just continue being the bestest mommy you can be for Byron. He's a sweet kid. I can just picture him dressed up like this for Halloween. He'll be the hit of the block! Roger will be proud of his little buddy. Take care of your back, girl. Do what you need to, everything you're told to. Avoid surgery at all cost. If you need surgery, look into it from every angle, long and hard, before you agree to anything. Choose the best surgeon you can find. Just my tidbit of what I know about back surgery. I'm praying for you, kiddo. luvs, hugs, Me

[Guest Guest]

Hi,

My husband just died unexpectedly last week. We have a 3 year old child. I was wondering if anybody has any suggestions for helping us through?

Laney

[susanbruce]

Laney,

First off let me tell you that my heart goes out to you. You will be in my prayers tonight. You have come to the right place though. All of the ladies are wonderful. We all unfortunately have one huge thing in common - the loss of our husbands. I would suggest that you go to the Loss of a Partner / I miss Him so section. There are so many of us there and we just help each other the best we can.

My husband died unexpectedly in April of this year. It's different than if he had been sick because in a way you can kind of prepare. In our case it was together at breakfast, widowed by dinner.

Don't try to do much at all for awhile. Don't make any big decisions for many months. Cry your heart out, it's all part of the process. Take advantage of any friends or family that offer you help if you want it. There are many ladies that have young children as you do that you can chat with. Just know that you are NOT ALONE and come back to this site. You'll be glad you did.

You are in my thoughts and prayers - Susan

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laney, I am deeply sorry for your loss. Please take each moment one at a time, slowly and patiently. You have far too much to deal with as it is, but you can limit the stresses you feel by how you react to each incoming stressor. Children react to grief far differently, so don't place any expectations at all on your little one. The grief will come rushing out in due time, like a tidal wave. Sometimes, a child becomes very angry when their greif begins (I'm only telling you so you have fair warning in advance). They just don't understand this, so anything is possible. please take care of yourself - remember to eat well, do things for you so you feel good about living. This journey is all yours. Only you can choose the steps and how to take them. Write anytime you feel the need, or would like. We are here because we care. BI is "our" website, a place for us all. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Susan, thank you for helping Laney. I'm sorry you lost your husband so suddenly. I'm in a process of losing my wife, which seems like forever at times. Having this website is a true blessing, isn't it? Take good care of yourself. If we can help, we're here. I'll be praying for you. Mark

[rodless]

Laney, I am so sorry about your loss. My husband was sick for a long time so I can only imagine what it would be like to have a sudden death. Everything Susan said is so important. Susan, what words of wisdom - earned the hard way. I hope you are doing okay.

CindySue, I did child care in my home when my kids were small and I had two "biters" (not my own kids.) It's a hard habit to break. I think the parents should have called you but they are probably in denial about how serious a problem biting can be. I hope your little guy has lots of fun on Tuesday.

Mark, Good thoughts and prayers are heading your way. Seeing your wife be someone you almost don't recognize must be incredibly stressful and heart breaking.

Isn't it funny how reaching out to others somehow helps us with our won situation?

Mary Jo

[cindysue]

Hi Everyone..Thanks Mary JO..hopefully this biting thing won't happen again..I am sorry laney of your husbands death..we all know how you feel my husband died 2 years ago and we have a 3year old son..we have 2 daughters also but they are grown..our lil one has a heart condition and will have heart surgery soon..things sometimes seem like they are gettin better then I fall apart..but I have to realize no matter how much I want my Roger back it won't happen.. today would have been me and Roger's 30th wedding annervary..does'nt seem possible..but today has been a hard day for me..I been cryin all day cause I know if Roger was alive we would be celebrating now..wanna say hi to all of you love you all so much..Thanks my dears friends Cindisue and Mark also..Hugs you both..well I need to lay down sittin here is hurtin me physcially and mentally today.I am sorry..

Love you all,

Cindysue

[withani]

Laney...I'm so sorry to hear of the recent loss of your husband. I lost my signficant other of 11 years in January '05 and I am just now getting to the point where I'm starting to feel like myself. It is a long and personal journey and the best "advice" I could give is to take one day at a time. Cry when you need to cry...sleep when you need to sleep. It is the most painful emotion anyone can every go through. Please know that you have friends here that will listen anytime of the day or night and know your husband is still with you....take care...hugs and love...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

CindySue...always thinking of you girlfriend...I hope your pain eases a little bit so you and Bryon can go trick or treating. I've keep a low profile this week because dressing up for Halloween was one of mine and Gary's favorite things to do....love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Mary Jo, stress is like an old friend lately. During my holiday to visit my grandson, I found that my blood pressure dropped dramatically, I had no need for heart pills (nitro), and during the entire trip, I also didn't get any headaches. As soon as I arrived home, I needed nitro, and my blood pressure shot up like the Space Shuttle Atlantis. Who said, "there's no place like home?" hehehe. As you can see, I try to use sarcastic humor to stave off a little of the stress. The latest news is that my wife will be permanently placed in a nursing home as soon as possible. This can be as quickly as one to three months, or as far off as a year, depending on room availability for her needs. Once she's there, we know she'll be in a downhill spiral, and this will set up our family for some unpleasant times ahead. In talking with her neurological staff recently, we were able to make a guess of timeframe for her remaining life. According to the dosing of her meds, she'll be at maximum dose in about a year, and then it can take from one to two years from that point until she passes. This means I'll lose her within three years. But, as a dear and wise friend said, I've already lost her in a sense. You said a lot in the question. By helping others, we do often help ourselves. Talk with ya soon. Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I'm sorry I was ill for the last few days. I've missed many things I'd rather not have missed. To you, a slightly late happy anni. Although Roger wasn't with you physically, I hope you took a little bit to go out with him and have a little fun anyway. If you read what I wrote to Mary Jo, the neurology team told me their guess is that my wife has about two to three years, maximum. This gets far worse as we go further into it. It gets much more painful. Someone told me that in some patients, the meds can't relieve the pain any. This is such a hideous disease. Why her? She's just a teacher. She loves children. Maybe it's my fault. Take care of yourself, hon. Be sure to fill little Byron up with lotsa hugs and cuddles. He's such a sweet little kid. Here's a hug for a special friend, (((CindySue))). luv ya, Me.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi CindiSue, I hope you had a great weekend, and are planning ahead for the Great Pumpkin tomorrow. You were good all year, right? Poor little Linus. Or should I say, what a blockhead! Just have a bunch of fun handing out candy to the little kiddies. My grandson has been planning this adventure for weeks. He's so cute! I love that little kid more than my own life. I was out of commission for a few days after catching the common nuisance, er, cold. I feel much better now, but the weekend was a drag. We're planning a little fun with the neighborhood kids tomorrow. Maybe I'll set up my PA again with some Darth Vader sound effects and scare them (twist the knob and it's Alvin and the Chipmunks). Hope you have a good week ahead. You deserve it. Spoil yourself a little. Snitch a little candy for yourself. I have some happy news. My daughter will be coming home for Thanksgiving. I can't wait to see her. We've been told now that the timeline looks like about two to three years for my wife, maximum, so I really want to have some holiday time with my children. My plan is to spend Christmas with the kids and my grandson, but we'll see how this plays out. It takes a lot to plan just one little trip. Talk more later. luvs&hugs, Me

[withani]

Hello Mark!!!! Grandchildren are the greatest...I'm glad you were able to spend some time with yours during your visit I went trick or treating with mine Sunday on the Halloween Walk in my neighborhood..."Peanut" was SpongeBob and Jonte' (the newest addition) was a tiger. The keep you going for sure!!!! I had a good time with the kids at school as well...dressed up today as an Egyptian Princess to take them around to the rooms trick or treating. Miss Gary terribly this time of year....Halloween was OUR HOLIDAY...we LOVED to dress up. Several years he dressed as Austin Powers and I was his 60's girlfriend...we had so much fun!!! I did something different over the weekend in lieu of dancing in costume and went to a bonfire...it was nice and peaceful....

Wow...one to three years...I know this is hard on the two of you...I feel bad for Mary with this disease that continually goes down hill AND YOU as the caregiver...it warms my heart that the two of you have this additional time.

I don't know if I told you but I accepted a new position at a local technical college as an Admissions Recruiter...I'm starting November 13th and am very excited about it...it will allow me to do something that MATTERS AND KEEP MY HOUSE!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!

Happy Halloween...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi CindiSue, What a gorgeous name for a baby! I'm jealous, girl. Now I want my next grandkid. My daughter's father in law and I "put in our order", for a granddaughter. She just laughed at us and said "it don't work that way". She had her Kodak moment to cherish with us though. When our grandson was in recovery after surgery, he was sitting up in bed, and he had one grandfather on each side of his bed. She couldn't help but take a quick pic of that one. Halloween at my house is always quiet. Maybe it's my reputation for being psychotic or something??? hehehe. Only about a dozen kids showed up, and half of them knew me. Our next door neighbor wouldn't even let her son come over here. I remember you talking of the halloween fun with Gary, CindiSue. Here's my shoulder for you to cry on, if you wish. I can easily see you an Egyptian Princess: you have the beauty. You're going to miss the little ones, for sure, but you'll also love your new job. Just look at it like this - the little ones grew up, a lot . . . kinda. As you watch them, especially the boys, you'll think otherwise. I dug into myspace, and tried to find your son's band again. Either I'm too ancient for the place, or I've done some silly thing dreadfully wrong. Please do tell me the name again? I would love to check out their sound. Speaking of which, I met a drummer last weekend, who plays blues like there's no tomorrow. We're hoping to get together, with the idea of working on my material for live performance. Now that my wife has better care, I think it's time I go back on stage. What do you think? The hard part is finding a female vocalist with Stevie's voice. I need this to pull it all together (picky picky picky - hehehe). I normally dread the upcoming holidays. American Thanksgiving is a rerun for me, and I'm usually in too much pain by Christmas. But, my daughter is going to be here for Thanksgiving. I'm soooo excited! I'm already planning the menu. It hurts knowing it's this close, but it's also a little less stressful having some kind of (what am I looking for?) understanding, knowledge, wisdom, peace. This transcends words or language. Maybe I should leave it that way. Have a great week, my dear friend. I'm praying for you and your kids and your new job. Til next time, hugs and luvs, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I hope you're feeling well today and Byron too. Is he all sugar high from Halloween? Things here are still pluggin' along. Me and the missuz are doing more paperwork for nursing homes, now filling out the apps to get her into one of them. She's going to need placement soon, most likely by next summer, maybe sooner. Anyhow, take care of your aching back, and if you need anything, you have two very worried friends who will help you any way we can. luv ya, big hugs for ya both, Me

[withani]

Hello Mark! Today was my last day working with the lil' ones and starting my new job at the college Monday. I'm really excited...I liked your comparison about the lil' ones all grown up...lol!!! It's nice to be able to lol...I'm actually starting to feel like myself believe it or not...it's strange...I'm not dreading the holidays either????????

How lucky your grandson was to have his grandpa's on either side of him after surgery...he must have felt like he was in heaven.

I think working with your band would be WONDERFUL for you Mark...God knows you need a distraction from the everyday

My son's band is called Half Acre Paradise on My Space...the name of their song is Kiss Me Delhisa...would love your input!!!

It's so cool your daughter will be there for Thanksgiving!!!! Always thinking of you my friend...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi there CindiSue, I'm sooooo happy for you, being able to feel so good about being CindiSue. This is perfect! Yeah, it's time, and getting my act together with the band will be good. I need to get back to my music (there's a song by this title, Back To My Music). When my grandson sat there with both grandpas, he looked like the happiest kid on the planet. If I can't find the web addy, have your son email the song to my studio addy. It's bluesbassist72@yahoo.com. I use that addy for all my studio mail. I would love to hear their stuff. So many young kids get a bad rap only cuz they're young. We got nearly hung out to dry, that is til the right man heard what we did. I'll assume they're extremely good (in my ears, not mom's), and tell you that the best get the contracts, but only when they have connections. I'll do my best for them. Til then, my prayers are with ya while ya begin school. luv ya, hugs, Mark

[cindysue]

Cindisue and Mark, thanks for thinkin of me..I been in alot of pain...put am forcing myself ..my daughter tina moved i with all her kds whew..she finaly left Randy the abuser..now she can go on..Byron is very sick again..he had broncitis..strep throat and ear infection and very bad sinius problems..so he is on all kinds of meds..I am just wore out..worring and all the 29th of October would have been me and Roger 30th annnerversay.. that was such a sucky day I'll ..tell u I was'nt the same..cryin the whole day and all..well this is shortcaus I am gettin sickhere bad.. nerves I guess...I love u all so much..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue and Byron

[withani]

CindySue...I'm so sorry to hear of the pain your in girlfriend...glad to hear your daughter left her abusive son. My daughter and her husband split this week as well....I feel really bad for them not to mention Peanut and Jonte'. Keeps your mind off your own troubles when you see your children struggling...maybe that's how it's meant to be???

Bryon will get better soon...childhood sicknesses give us a chance to spoil our lil' ones.

Hope you have a peaceful weekend my friend

Love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

Mark...I'm so happy you're getting back to your music...something tells me it will be an awesome new sound for you. Going through much emotional upheaval has a way of coming out through music. I know there's something I'm missing from my son's My Space page but he's not here right now to ask...I'll get back to you on that because I REALLY want you to hear them.

I've been off work the past couple days preparing for my new start Monday...I'll be out of town for training several days so I'll fill you in when I get back.

I can imagine your grandson being the happiest child on the planet with both his grandpas...it warms my heart I've got both grandbabies this weekend...as I mentioned in my posting to CindySue sadly my daughter and her hubby split this week and she had obligations for Saturday so nanna to the rescus!!! I was hoping to listen to some local bands Saturday but popcorn with Peanut and Jonte' is always a good choice!!!

Hope Mary is resting well and you are finding the much deserve peace that you need through your music...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[jcruzgirl]

Hello Everyone,

I am sorry that I did not get back to reply until now, but just have NOT been able to bring myself to do it. Thank you all for your love and support. Mark I could never ask you for anything, but thank you for the offer. I truly appreciate it.

I have started a new job and now am sick. Won't bore you with details. I did get the news that the MD said that I should heal 100%... I am just beat and it is very hard to keep my mind focused on everything that has happened. This weekend is the one year mark for James, 11/12/06 will be his one year anniversary. I would love it if you would all help to celebrate with me by lighting a candle for him in memory of James Cruz. He is the one Man that I could open up to and totally be honest with. How I miss him so much. I know that all of you miss your significate others as well, let it be a husband/wife/fiance/brother/sister, etc... I recently found out that an old co-worker of mine lost her 5 month old daughter. I feel so sad for her. I was told by someone that we should not send her a sympathy card, it will only bring up a sad memory. Obviously this person has NO CLUE... Memory, like a card will bring it up?? Please, like the empty crib doesn't??? You all know what I mean.... Any way, I am exhausted and having a hard time keeping my eyes open, please know that I love you all and am so blessed to have met you. Who would have thought that such a sad situation could bring us all so close??

I love you all,

Trish

PS ~ If anyone would like to e-mail me, please do so on my hurleyta@sbcglobal.net. I am so bad at reading on here for I just have not had the strength to do it lately.

XOXO

T.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, it's good that Tina is out of that situation. I don't want her being hurt. I'm sorry Byron isn't feeling well. He's such a priceless kid; my wife and I adore his photos and hearing about him. Try to get the rest you need, and try to keep from worrying, kiddo. We're praying for you, and your expanded household. luv ya, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, when you wrote "get back to my music", I instantly thought of a song by that title (by The Good Rats). Although, you just have to hear their definitive song, Tasty. Okay, this proves I'm insane. If you go to Limewire.com, you can find them. Good news! My sweetie had an eval for her new powered wheelchair. She needs one so much. The one she's riding is getting pretty rough. Maybe I should keep the thing off the halfpipe? I'm sorry to hear your daughter and her hubbie split up. I surely hope she wasn't being hurt. My prayers will be with her, and with her babies. Take care of yourself, please. You have so much to carry, and it seems so much gets piled on your shoulders. Be sure to get the rest you need. I can't wait to here your son's music. I have been in myspace a couple times, but without a lot of time for searching. Tomorrow, I have a few hours to devote, so I hope to find them. Hope you have a great weekend. love ya, hugs, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Trish, happy to hear of your new job, sorry you're sick, happy you're mending. whew! You're right, the card is nothing compared to the memories of a roomful of a child's things. We had Christi's room decorated and furnished, but when she miscarried, we felt hope was gone. It hurt so bad losing her (tears already). My mom in law sent flowers which weren't sad, but comforting. They felt peaceful to me. Just something to think about. Have fun on the new job. If ya have time, feel free to ring us up. Catch ya later. luvs, hugs, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hey kids, it seems a little quiet around here lately. Are we all doing well, or has the "holiday grinch" come to take away the holiday enjoyment again? For each of you dear, sweet ladies, I am praying the grinch stays in the Bahamas this year. We've been through some issues here, which are forcing me to look for an immediate nursing home placement. I won't go into details, which partly involve legal issues now, but I'll just say that even with aides, I'm hardly sleeping at all again. My wife's doctor, care management, and the brain trauma center (who care for me) are insisting we go this route. I'll keep you up to date of course. Luv you all, Me

[withani]

Mark...Cindy...Trish and all my friends on the site I'd like to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and may God grant us all some peace on this day.

Mark...sorry I haven't been on much lately...started by new job at the College Campus on the 13th and have been in training...hectic couple weeks..my prayers are with you and Mary....love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, happy Thanksgiving, my dearest of friends. I understand you are so very busy, hon. Please remember that CindiSue needs a little rest okay. I worry a lot about you. luv ya, me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

may the venerable day of saint turkey of rotisserie be filled with with juicy blessings for all. luv yas, Mark

[cindysue]

To all my great friends, I have some vey bad new again whats unusal right with me first off I am no the greatest shape I broke 6 ribs from fallin thats not the worst of it dept of human services took Byron away from me yesterday fo child neglant cause I have 4 other kids living here and I can't get around like I did so the police took my baby and placed him in a foster home.. I don't know what will happen I have to repear in court again..I am a good mommy and the thought that they just took him with no notice tears me up..he just looked at me and said I sorry mommy,,I had 90 stayed over my head on a jail turn that I may have to serve if I wanna get my baby black but I gotta get my health better,,I cried all night when thry took him cause I don't know how long..so in your heart can you all say an extra praye for me and Babby Byron,,I love and miss you all I think MOnday is ny court date..will let u all know till then hugggggs,Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I want to help you so much through this. It's a lot for such a sweet and precious woman to deal with. Hon, I emailed you my number, so if you want, you may call me, and I'll talk with you for support all I can. My wife and I will send Byron a box of happy goodies for Christmas, if we're allowed. Please, hon, take care of yourself. I'm here and praying for you. Love you, sweets, Mark

[withani]

Mark....thank you for worrying my dear friend. I'm getting plenty of rest and actually starting to feel like myself again after this long nightmare....

I hope you and your family had a WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING!!!! Love and hugs..CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

CindySue...I'm SO SORRY to hear of what's going on with Bryon and YOUR 6 BROKEN RIBS!!!!!! Is your daughter with you???? It seems like four children with your constant pain could be overwhelming!!!!!! I will definitely pray my friend and please believe you will get through this...WE LOVE YOU!!!! love and hugs..CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Thankyou Cindisue and Mark, I don't know how much ore I can take..thye said 4 kids plus mine in the household is not good..and someone reported Byron sleepin upstairs I have a real nice attic upstairs and its made into a bedroom where Byron and Tin'a boys slept..well they did'nt like that at all..so tina had to move out and they took Byron away to a foster home..they had a fit cause he is handicapped and is sleepin with his nephews the oldest almost 13 they said Byron was way to young to sleep upstairs and go up and down..so to them thats child neglact??? this upsets me deeply its not that my house was a mess it was cause I had way to many people here they could'nt even find no bruises on him..I would never hurt my baby..my heart is broke cause they took my last thing I was living for..this breaks my heat..they took Byron and told him say bye to mommy and he's go's bye mommy I sory and he go's come mommy we go bye bye..I just cried and cried..Byron's been real sick and needs me he has been fighting a bad virus ..and he needs me..they just tore my heart away when they took him..I wish Roger was here I am so lonely I have no one..tina had to move or they would take her kids too..then Angie called at the same time not knowin what happened with good news that she was pregant with her 3rd child..so I had to tell her ..Her brother was gone..I am im so much pain physically and medically...I am scared I will have to spend some time in jail this is'nt fair when I always been good to my kids I love Byron so much and miss him its been almost 3 days and I probably won't get him back for Christmas either..my mom's been here very day fo moral support she is just as upset and can't understand either..maybe someday my luck will change but I have not had good luck since Roger died..thanks you Cindisue and Mark I love you so much for being here..just send a prayer my way that I will get baby Byron back again...

Love you all.

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi CindiSue, I guess this is a good week for not sleeping???? hehehe. We're running a little short of hired assistance, so I'm back to caring for mama nearly twenty hours a day. I almost forgot how much "fun" this was. (please pardon my sarcasm). I'm going to be in the brain trauma center soon, which will help me with the little issues that happened from my surgery. Having no memory is a real nuisance. Im optimistic that things will work out well for me. We'll keep you informed. My prayers are with you as you get settled into the groove of the new job. Let me know how it's going, kiddo. luvs, hugs, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I'm sorry it's getting to be so stressful, girl. We're here for you, anytime. Those answers to "why" are always elusive, and it seems like "the man" wants the upper hand. Be patient with yourself. You are still Cindy, a good person, good friend and great mommy. Hold onto your faith, and rest in knowing your friends are praying for you. If you need us, we'll be there. luv ya, hugz, moi

[withani]

Mark...thanks so much for the well wishes with the new job...I feel very good about it and am gaining some well needed strength/confidence back in myself!!!! I'm sorry to hear you're running on so little sleep...I have no doublt you'll rise to the occasion...it's amazing what we can do sometimes and I know you're constantly being challenged!!! Thoughts and prayers are with you...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

CindySue...when it rains it pours my dear friend. So sorry you had Bryon taken away...some things just don't make sense...I'm glad your mom is being of some support. We love you and will pray that Bryon will be home very soon...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Just me everyone, well I wanted you all to know I went to my court hearin..my court date is Dec the 12th..I don't know what will happen then.. I am really scared Byron is still in a foster home..I did get to see him yeaterday for 1 hour..he was in tears when he seen me..and was scared..when I left his lil heat was broke cause he thought he was going too..and the hardest thing was sayin goodbye to him..I get visitation every monday from 2:30 to 3:30..this is'nt fair I want my baby so bad its tearin me up..I am alone here all by myself tina had to move out but me and her got into it cause she refused to clean up her kids bedroom where they slept..tina told me litterly she hated me and wished I was dead..and here I helped her by taking her and her 5 kids in and this is what I get..I have'nt seen or heard from her and don't want too I been hurt too many times from her..my heart can't take it no more she put a man she meant over the internet before me and her family..but my main focus is gettin Byron back all this is hurtin him..Byron mens the world to me and to see him with strangers is hurtin him he wants me..and how do I tell a 3year old he can't go with me..he don't understand as to why mommy left him like daddy did he looked so sad its tearin me up..I can't even spend christmas with him..but I wanted you all to know what was going on..thanks Cindisue and Mark for believeing in me and being here for me..I love u both so much..please pray for us..

Love you all,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I'm sorry things are draggin' like a boat anchor for you in court. try to be patient. Please, hon, don't let Tina see one little bit of anger. You aren't angry at her, but at something you can't even see. She was only expressing her emotions over how upset she is that she feels abandoned. She can't return "home" to her ex, and now the "system" won't let her return "home" to mom. Give her a little time to calm her nerves, then send her some flowers, and ask her forgiveness. Whether it's you or not, ask. Be humble and get your beautiful daughter back in your arms where she belongs. She doesn't want you dead; not at all. I'll be sending you a few things for Christmas, and your other special day somewhere in there (I remember -smiling). I am praying for you. If I can do anything for you, anything, please ask. It's why I'm here. love you Cindy, Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, I'm happy that you are getting it down so well, girl. I hope your new office has a good window view. This is important to inspiration. It's not that "I" shall rise to the occasion, kiddo, but we shall all rise to our occasions. Be proud of the CindiSue you are. I'm thankful for our friendship. My agent and I went digging for your son's website. If what he found is the right one, ask the boys if they'd be willing to send a cd. I'll hand deliver it to some people in NYC. No promises, as there are none in this industry. But, I'd like to see them fly.

Went to doctor Friday, got yelled at same. He nearly hospitalized me for exhaustion, not just exhaustion that was only fatigue, but totalled out exhaustion where I couldn't function at all. Now, I have to take at least two months out for recoup. This may spell the biggest of changes for us, as it means my wife's care is riding on how much I do for her. We find out Monday what will happen. All I ask is that you pray, girl. I'll let you know what happens after the conference. til then, I have a few hugs for you, my friend. Take care of yourself, a very special person. We'll keep you posted on the changes, and the outcome of Monday's meeting. Til then, luv ya, my friend, Mark

[withani]

CindySue...my heart breaks for you my friend...but remember what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and I can feel the strength coming through your posting. It's too bad when you extend your love to your family that they can do those type of things but you know in your heart you were there for them and that's what is important!!!!

I'll keep praying that Bryon will be home SOON...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

Mark....I'm sorry to hear about your exhaustion..please take good care of yourself my friend...we all worry about you overextending yourself!!!! How did the conference go???? Keep me posted...I know you wish there were 10 of you!!!!!

My son's band doesn't have an entire cd yet...they're taking their time and recording one song at a time...Kiss Me Delhisha was their first recording and they're going to the studio again this weekend. They're a really good group of young men and I have a lot of faith in them. Thank you for offering to hand deliver their cd...when they have and entire one I'll see what I can do to get it sent. It's very kind of you to offer..

Love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi CindiSue, thank you for your concern. You're sweet with the kindness. I'm serious with the offer of the cd. My agent is in NYC nearly daily, and we both know many of the current people in the industry. I'll email my real address, even if I've already done that, so you have my .... ooooooo .... real life address. hehehe. Can that be done??? ten of me? It would be handy. The exhaustion is beginning to wear on my sanity (or what little I have left). Today was good, up until the bonkies got ahold of me midafternoon, making me sleep about an hour. Sadly, I must stay up tonight, cuz the aide called in sick. Oh well.... in a few hours, I'm going to sleep. When I finally get going for the day, I'll try to move along with my knitting for Christmas gifts. Please take care of your dear self, girl. I'm praying for you. Til then, luvs, hugs, Mark

[withani]

Mark...thank you so much for the offer with your agent and connections in "the music biz"....the cd probably won't be completed until sometime this summer because they're working on a 12-14 song LP..they need this time in order to have money for recording and they want to make sure each of their songs on the cd are of high quality. I think you'll enjoy...great group of guys...very talented...I listen to them in my basement a few times a week..I'd like to take our AVP Program at school so I could help with lighting etc.

Knitting your Christmas gifts is so cool...I know they're made with a lot of love..

I hope you and Mary have a peaceful day.....love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, just to let ya know that no matter when they finish their project, I'm willing to put my foot in a few doors on their behalf. When talent is evident, I like to see it flourish. Running the lights! Awesome! You go for it, girl! Add a few lasers, a black widow, and have some fun. hehehe. I'm loving the knitting. The idea may sound cheesy, but it keeps my hands from getting too achie, and I love making the gifts. And, at night, when the house is quiet, it's relaxing, but not toooooo relaxing, as in knocking me out.

My sweetie had a great night last night. We've been trying so hard to get things worked out so her pain can stay under control so she can sleep better. Finally, she slept almost through the night last night, except for only one trip to the sand box.

My exhaustion is getting under control too. Hallelujah! Although I can still fall asleep in an instant, I feel much better. Well, I feel the "bonkies" coming, so I need to take a nap before the nap takes me.

Our prayers are with you, girl. Always. Speaking of making things, if you have a safe address for mailing, like a po box, I'd be happy to send you some holiday cookies, for you and your kids, and the little grandbabieeeessss too. I'm going to send some to Cindy, even if Byron can't be with her this holiday. That just breaks my heart (I'm so emotional - here come those pesky little tears again).

Hope you have a great weekend. luv ya, with a big hug, Mark

[cindysue]

Hi Everyone just me..feelin so sad and I don't think the tears will ever stop for my Byron..life is'nt fair I see him once a week every Monday for one hour..which is tearing my heart out..the police is charging me with child neglect..so I have to go to court Wednesday for that..the social services is taking Byron check from me..I will get my check but they are takin Byron's so I will get half of what I used to get..I am gonna try to get an attorney a court appointed one..if I make less enough for one other wise I am gonna see if my mom or father-inlaw can lend me the money cause if I don't have an attorney I will most likely have to spend 3 monthes in jail..since I had that hanging over my head..even with an attorney I may still have to spend some time in jail..my heart is just broke and I am so sad..I lost my baby I feel like the worst parent alive..I can't hardly stand to be away from him..I cry every min of every day...every monday when I see him he cries cause he wants to go home with me..he don't understand at all I know he probably thinks I left him like his daddy did and I won't come back..he's so happy when I see him and then he cries when I leave this is tearin him up..his health is not the greatest..he will be seein his heart doctor again and I can't even be with him.. his foster mother will..I don't think I deserve this treatment..I feel like I abused him and in my own heart I know I did'nt...but they took him away and I know I won't get him for monthes..every day I am so brokenhearted I don't know if I can be strong anymore..my mom and stepdad has been so good to me they have been here tryin to help me cope..and mom says and soon as you get him back we will throw him a big party..but I know that will be monthes from now..I can't even afford now to buy him a thing for Christams..since they are taking half my income..but thats does'nt matter I don't need money all I need is my baby back home with me..I love him so much and pray I will get him back soon..I love you cindisue and Mark you are the best friends I have..you always believed in me and always here for me which I will never ever forget...love you both and bless you for being here for me..pray I get Byron back soon..

Love you all,

Cindysue