Members withani Posted February 8, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2007 Justbroken (Sue)....sorry it's taken awhile to post back on this site...I work several late evenings and we had a snow storm this week here..I'm very sorry to hear your husband took his life...it was my fear that my fiance' had done the same...he was bipolar and had made threats of suicide however he died from acute myocarditis which is an infection of the heart..Please know that your husband loves you and the children...Everyone's journey is unique...the first year was definitely the worse..after two years I'm finally coming out of the fog but I will always miss him terribly. I cried every day for the first year and 1/2....when I felt like I was doing better for a day or two..then I'd go back into a deep depression. I lost my job and ended up working with special needs children. Now I'm back to my original career of sales...The guilt was overwhelming at first...I took xanax prescribed by my doctor to offset the anxiety and much of what happened then is a blur. I also kept a journal which did help to write out my day to day feelings. I can't promise at this point to be on this site daily but will check a couple times a week to hopefully be of some type of support....Take a minute...one hour...one day at a time my friend...hugs and love...cindisue/withani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2007 Kim, I'm sorry for your loss. There are so many feelings that run through us at this time, and all are perfectly normal parts of the grief process. You have a beautiful gift of your precious children, which can be a great joy but also added stress when one is grieving. While you care for them, please be sure to take a little time to take special care of yourself. My sweetie is in the end stage of a life threatening illness, so I'm often preaching that sermon to myself. I often forget about me cuz I'm so busy caring for my sweetie. I'd rather that her illness be in me. But, I also have to face going on without her someday - all too soon. This is my personal torment, my agony, that I will be left less than complete without her by my side. As CindiSue can tell you, I could easily go on all day talking about her (sheepish grin). But, for now, I'll stop with this, by suggesting you do something special for yourself, just to make yourself feel special. It's important to the act of being human. We're here for you. I'm Mark, Jenni's daddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2007 Sue, sorry I wasn't here. I'm usually here a lot, as you can see by the history. I'm sorry you are also going thru all this and have to partake of the journey of sorrow too. We're here, and if not daily, you are welcome to email for support and for someone to talk with. Take care of yourself, and please be sure to do something just for you, so you can feel special. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 9, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2007 CindiSue, it's good to hear from ya. It's good to know you're in that place in your journey where you can feel some of the joy happiness again. I now have no say at all in my sweetie being able to stay home. When it's time, the powers that be will place her in a nursing home, and I have no ability to stop their decision. I just want this to happen a long way off. I could never, as you know, make that choice. I've fought with it for nearly two years. I can't put her in such a place. She's my wife. She's my life. She's my everything. If only this illness didn't have to happen. I wish I could do more, or give more, or ..... How's the little ones? Hope you're having fun with them when you can. Get some rest, my friend. Spoil yourself. You deserve it. hugs, me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted February 12, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 hello im kevin im here for u all i had a wife pass on 1/17/06 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilsmom Posted February 12, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 Kevin and Sue, it is a blessing that you have found (or stumbled:)like I did) on this site. These people are the BEST and you will find comfort here!Withani and Mark- I've missed you and still lift you up in prayer when the roller coaster pauses Just sad tonite and thought I'd drop in. My daughter Jami gave me a scrapbook that she has worked on for two years (since the accident) and it really opened the flood gates tonite. I pray for the day when I can look at it and actually smile. Why does EVERYTHING in my life have to be "before we lost her" and "since we lost her"?Take Care, Renee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted February 12, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 Hi Kevin, Very sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. I lost my husband on Jan, 1st. He was 37. I just started coming to this site, to find some kind of comfort. If youd like to talk...Im here.Take CareSue(justbroken) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 12, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 Kevin, I'm sorry your wife was taken from this life, from you. This journey of healing is difficult and painful, so please be patient with yourself. A little self kindness can help ease the moments of agony, when it feels like the sorrow tries to make you feel like you're going crazy with it. We're here for you. We'll keep a kind thought and prayer for your peace of mind. I'm Mark, Jenni's dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 12, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 Sue, thank you for your kind words, even through the pain that is so fresh in your heart. I'm sorry for your painful loss. Please take gentle care as these days pass, and try to nurture your soul. We're here to help you through this time of pain. May peace be yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 12, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 12, 2007 Renee, soon, my dear sister, soon. You shall be able to someday open that book with a smile and look at the images of your precious April and know that she is forever with you. She most certainly is. Please take care of yourself. I'm always praying for you and yours. Write anytime, email, or send a telegram. hehehe. luv ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members withani Posted February 13, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2007 Renee it's always WONDERFUL to hear from you...I know exactly what you mean about the "before"...and "after"...life as we now know it. I can't look at photo albums or explain them without crying...2+ years later...I finally started dating a fella who is very kind and thought it would be nice to get a cute card for him and when I looked over valentine cards I freaked out!!! I guess this is "normal" so I bought a generic funny card.Mark...it's ALWAYS GOOD to hear from YOU!!!! I KNOW you're dreading the home for Mary and I'm so sorry about the journey you're on...please know there are many of us who care for you and know what a selfless act you're going through....TO EVERYONE NEW ON THIS SITE...believe me it is a godsend...the journey is long...I lost my significant other Gary January 2nd 2005...there are many months and years that you're in a fog and feel like you're losing your mind...just remember baby steps...one minute...one hour...one day...I'm not on line here as often as I have been in the past due to a new job I took three months ago which is very demanding however just what the doctor ordered....please know your loved ones are still with you and love you oh so much.....love and hugs...Withani/CindiSue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missmywife Posted February 13, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 13, 2007 hi jenni's dad,sue,renee thanks for that saport and im sorry for ur losses as well i have to live with the first day in my house it was so sad it was hard to hold my self together all 3 pasters came to my home and staded with my famoley for a long time untell 12am and then the next day we receved dinner rom all of our freinds in happy camp ca. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 14, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2007 Hi everyone..just me...well last wednesday I was admitted to the hosp..very sick..went in to the ER cause of my arm hurtin..but I noticed my legs were swelling up also..and I mean big too..and they saw my legs the doc and admitted me..they had to drain over 20 pounds of water out of me.. I guess my liver is'nt doing good and workin right I am told..was in the hosp almost 5 days..lost alot more weight..and now if I don't gain I will be even weaker yet..think they said I am right around 90 pounds or so and they want me to be at least 115.. I am wondering why go on...I lost my dear Roger a few years back and now I am havin a hard time gettin my baby Byron back..my attorney called and asked me right out if my daughter angie could take Byron in if I don't get him back cause right now things don't look good for me cause of my health..heck I am not even sure I will even live through this...its a very serious thing I have wrong with me..but I gotta have faith at least..that I can fight this I don't wanna leave my daughters or my baby boy ..or my great freinds on here..I am on cymbalta its a stron antidepressent..to help me cope through everything..well Cindisue and Mark and all the other sweet people on here that I did'nt get a chance to meet please add a prayer for me that I can pull throough this..I go back to court the 28th..lsing Byron is just draggin me down and litterly killling me but they don't care.. well remember cindisue and Mark I will always love u two for always being here for me through my rough times you are my family and I will always love you no matter what happens to me..Love u all,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 14, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2007 Hi everyone..just me...well last wednesday I was admitted to the hosp..very sick..went in to the ER cause of my arm hurtin..but I noticed my legs were swelling up also..and I mean big too..and they saw my legs the doc and admitted me..they had to drain over 20 pounds of water out of me.. I guess my liver is'nt doing good and workin right I am told..was in the hosp almost 5 days..lost alot more weight..and now if I don't gain I will be even weaker yet..think they said I am right around 90 pounds or so and they want me to be at least 115.. I am wondering why go on...I lost my dear Roger a few years back and now I am havin a hard time gettin my baby Byron back..my attorney called and asked me right out if my daughter angie could take Byron in if I don't get him back cause right now things don't look good for me cause of my health..heck I am not even sure I will even live through this...its a very serious thing I have wrong with me..but I gotta have faith at least..that I can fight this I don't wanna leave my daughters or my baby boy ..or my great freinds on here..I am on cymbalta its a stron antidepressent..to help me cope through everything..well Cindisue and Mark and all the other sweet people on here that I did'nt get a chance to meet please add a prayer for me that I can pull throough this..I go back to court the 28th..lsing Byron is just draggin me down and litterly killling me but they don't care.. well remember cindisue and Mark I will always love u two for always being here for me through my rough times you are my family and I will always love you no matter what happens to me..Love u all,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted February 14, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 14, 2007 Hi everyone..just me...well last wednesday I was admitted to the hosp..very sick..went in to the ER cause of my arm hurtin..but I noticed my legs were swelling up also..and I mean big too..and they saw my legs the doc and admitted me..they had to drain over 20 pounds of water out of me.. I guess my liver is'nt doing good and workin right I am told..was in the hosp almost 5 days..lost alot more weight..and now if I don't gain I will be even weaker yet..think they said I am right around 90 pounds or so and they want me to be at least 115.. I am wondering why go on...I lost my dear Roger a few years back and now I am havin a hard time gettin my baby Byron back..my attorney called and asked me right out if my daughter angie could take Byron in if I don't get him back cause right now things don't look good for me cause of my health..heck I am not even sure I will even live through this...its a very serious thing I have wrong with me..but I gotta have faith at least..that I can fight this I don't wanna leave my daughters or my baby boy ..or my great freinds on here..I am on cymbalta its a stron antidepressent..to help me cope through everything..well Cindisue and Mark and all the other sweet people on here that I did'nt get a chance to meet please add a prayer for me that I can pull throough this..I go back to court the 28th..lsing Byron is just draggin me down and litterly killling me but they don't care.. well remember cindisue and Mark I will always love u two for always being here for me through my rough times you are my family and I will always love you no matter what happens to me..Love u all,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members beyondlost Posted February 17, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2007 hello im kevin im here for u all i had a wife pass on 1/17/06Hi Kevin, my name is Leslie, I lost my husband to suicide on 12/22/06. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your wife. I know how hard it is to go on without them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 17, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2007 Cindy, I'm always here for you, girl. You take care of you! Do what you must so your health comes back and you get well for little Byron. He's your world, girl. We'll be praying for you. Jen's dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 17, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2007 Missmywife, I'm so deeply sorry for the loneliness in your heart and home. The loneliness is something nobody seems to understand. We struggle all we can for them, to keep them with us, and when they have to leave us, it tears us in half. Nobody understands this. I'm here for you. If you need to talk, just write, and if I'm not here, write to my email, bluesbassist72@yahoo.com. I'll gladly write to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. My daughter Jenni was killed in 96. My wife has a life threatening illness, meaning she can die today, or next month, or next year. We just don't know, but care for her while we wait. I love her sooooo much. Take real good care of yourself. We're here for you. I'm Mark, Jenni's dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted February 17, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 17, 2007 CIndiSue, you are such a dear friend for saying all you did. Thank you. It's nice to know someone understands the TRUTH about me. I'll email you with the rest of the story. You aint gonna believe what's been happening. Oh well. Anyway, my wife and I are sending our hugs and luv, hoping you get to enjoy time with your grandchildren this weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members withani Posted February 20, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2007 Mark....I can't wait to hear the rest of the story and I do know the TRUTH about you...you're AWESOME...never forget that...you have been so much comfort to myself and CindySue....I can never say thank you enough for "being there"...I WILL enjoy my grandbabies...and know that I am blessed with good friend...family...and the good fortune to have them in my life...love and hugs...CindiSue/WithaniCindySue...please take good care of yourself my dear friend...you're always in my prayers and thoughts...you will emerge stronger than you ever thought possible....lots of love...CindiSue/withani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members withani Posted February 20, 2007 Members Report Share Posted February 20, 2007 To EveryOne New to This Site....please know...after over two years of grieving you WILL find peace...believe in your love...have faith....what has happened to you was beyond your control...know that you're loved and take one minute...one hour...and one day...at a time....love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Error username not found Posted March 2, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 HEY EVERYBODY. I HAVENT WRITEN IN THIS ONE BEFORE.MY FIANCE DIED IN SEPTEMBER OF 2006.HE WAS 22.IM 19 AND WE HAVE A SON TOGETHER. I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO SAY RITE NOW..MY MIND IS KINDA SOMEWHERE ELSE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 5, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 5, 2007 bacafly, I'm sorry to hear of your fiance. I'm sorry to be a little delayed in getting back to you. I've been ill. There seem to be no words to calm the pain, no hug to make it all better. I'm sorry. Congratulations on your son. May he be the greatest of joys to you. Yes, your mind is now in a million places. You'll feel so many things, anger, pain, scattered emotions, numbness, anguish, all of which are natural parts of our emotional journey of healing. Be patient with yourself while you heal. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted March 11, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 11, 2007 Hi Everyone..first off I am real sorry I have'nt been on here in a whileI was in the hosp..for tratment now anerxia..I am gettin better just with losing Roger even though its been almost 3 years and tryin to be a good mommy to our baby Byron I feel like a failure I am sick all the time barely eat.. Byron is doing pretty good where he;s at..I am still tryin and fightin with dept of human services to get him back but they are usin me just cause I have arthtris they don't wanna return him right now..can they do that to me???if I don't get my baby back soon thiers no reason for me to go on..I lost Roger forever to death and Byron my baby is gone and I am fighting like heck to get him back but I am so tired plus my girls are not much help the oldest one took off and I barely see her and angie my youngest is expecting her 3rd baby soon...I miis you Cindisue and Mark...so much..seems like lately I am always in the hosp...I wish things were back to normal again around here ..I have lost more weight thats why I was admitted but I am back up to 101 I know that is'nt alot but who can eat when thier life has been rippped apart..And to bacafly Iam so sorry to hear of you love passing away..as times go's bye the pain lets up a little I know right now its all new for you but we are all here for you..I lost my husband in Aug of 2004 qhile we were on vacation with our baby he suffered a heart attack in the boat and died instantly..its somethin you won't forget but in time it gets easier..thier are some great people here like cindisue and Mark they are wonderful people that have helped me out so much...I will always love them for being here for me... and I hope we all can help u also..Love and Hugs to All,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted March 12, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted March 12, 2007 Hi, I was looking for grief support and found this site. I lost my fiance on Dec 16, 2006. He was 31 and I'm 30. No kids just the two of us. Our relationship was not the kind that was always crimson and clover. We we over our share of hard times and we lost the battle. He died from cirrohsis. I suffered with him while the end stages of it took over our lives. I thought those two months were the hardest it would get but after he died I was slapped in the face with an even greater pain. One I will never truely heal from. I'm scared to move on and feel again. It's only been three months but I already feel guilty when I am happy and thoughts of the future without him frighten me. Thank you for being here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted March 13, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 13, 2007 Guest..first off I am so sorry to about your fiance's passing..I know how hard it is to lose someone you love with all your heart then you lose them at such a young age..its been almost 3 years for me since my husband passed away and we have 3 kids the youngest only 3 years old..he will be 4 in april..I know what you mean about when you laugh or feel happy and then you feel guilty I think its like a phase you go through sometimes I even feel that way still..It gets easier in time and then you will not feel that way..just think he is not suffring anymore..but know he is always with you and watching over you he loved you and that you can't take away...its hard to go on..its like baby steps one day at a time sometimes I still get weepy wishing my husband could see our kids..my husband died of a massive heart attack was a real quick death he died within a couple of min in the boat we were in one min he was fine next min he is gone..I pray for you and you can find some peace..and we are all here for you thiers 2 of my friends that give real good advice and they are just wonderful and that is Cindisue same name as me but spelled different and Mark..they are just awesome..and we will do anything to help you through this..Many Hugs to you,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 14, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2007 Cindy, I really think it's a violation of your rights to keep Byron from you on the basis of the arthritis alone. Thousands of parents have disabilities and successfully raise their children. Talk with an independent living center for advocacy. If you need help finding the ILC there, just ask, and I'll help you locate the nearest center. You may need the help and pull of the political system here. Politics helps a lot. I'm always here for you, girl. It's good to know your feeling a bit better, and that your weight is getting back to normal. Keep to the plan and know that what you're doing is not just for you, but for your little Byron, your girls, and your grandchildren. Also keep in mind that Roger is looking down from above with all the love in his heart for that girl he fell in love with. He'll always love you. We're doing fairly well here. Not much new, just the usual grind of things. I can't wait for warmer weather though. I'm sick of having nothing to do. hehehe. Soon, we'll have the lawn back and I'll be outside more than in (smiling). Take care of yourself, my dear friend. If you need anything, just ask. We're here for you. My prayers are always with you. luvs, hugs, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 14, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 14, 2007 Hi Guest, I'm deeply sorry for your loss. No matter what takes them from us, the pain we feel is still an agony inside our souls. While you went through a lot, don't lay guilt on yourself. No marriage is ever perfect- God knows mine went through its moments. As most couples get near the end of our journey together, I've been noticing here that most of us have been given a time of peace. I think this is for the greater struggle of the personal care issues, and for the grieving that we must go through. Funny how this works out. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of yourself, and please, do something just for you, so you can feel good about being here in this world. You have a long way to go, and need to take a moment now and then to give yourself a break for such personal things. Jenni's dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shadow816 Posted March 17, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 17, 2007 Thank you cindysue and alwaysmyjennifer, I am the guest from Mar 12. Your kind words and support are greatly appreciated. I am struggling with my feelings right now. I know Daniel is in a better place but I am feeling selfish and want him back. I can't get over the fact that he is gone. Each day I come and face that cold hard reality of he's not home. I was doing ok today but then I got in my car to go to the store and heard the song we picked out for our wedding. It hurt so bad and it seemed after that song ended every song I heard was one he liked or was on the list to be played. I have never known such a pain. My heart physically hurts and I wonder if it'll ever go away. I thank you for the support and will check in, in a few days. Right now I just can't write anymore. Thanks again. Shadow816 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted March 19, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted March 19, 2007 Greetings all. I am glad to have found you - I lost my fiance 5 hours before our wedding earlier this month. I spend most of my time feeling like I cannot breathe. It was a second marriage for both of us (i am 36, he was 47) and after spending way too much time with the wrong people - it was like this unbelievable gift to find this man who filled my life with so much joy and peace. To have him ripped away like this - I literally am not sure how to go on. I have two daughters - without them I am not sure how I would get out of bed in the morning. I know I should be grateful for the happiness that he brought into my life, but i feel like i cannot seem to stop obsessing about going back in time and changing things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 20, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 Shadow816, first of all, please don't feel like you're being selfish. We go through a lot of emotions as we grieve, so don't lay a guilt trip on yourself, especially one that has no foundation. It's perfectly natural for you to want Daniel back. This shows the depth of love you shared together. Imfortunately, you feel a turmoil of emotions which are getting mixed up with the love you and Daniel share. This is a part of grieving too. I'll tell you the same as many others; first, give yourself plenty of rest, so your mind can keep up with the flood of emotions pouring in. Second, give yourself a little treat, a little pampering, which will make you feel good about being "you", also good for your emotional state so you can get through the grieving just a little bit better. Thirtd, please be sure to est well so your body stays healthy. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please feel free to write anytime. We're here for you. Jenni's dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 20, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 20, 2007 Guest, I'm so very sorry you lost the one you love, and in such a difficult and painful way. While my words may be of little comfort, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Take each moment one by one. By this I mean don't try to make big plans that take off into the future. Give your heart time to heal for a while. You are blessed with your two daughters. Children grieve differently, usually in outbursts, as they don't think quite as abstractly as us adults do. Think of the way teenagers act (bizarre), and be ready for anything. Give yourself plenty of time to just think about what happened, and about your loss, time to heal. We're here for you, anytime. Write anytime you need, and about anything. This is "our" website, just for those of us who must face the difficult and painful ordeal of loss. We'll help you all we can. Jenni's dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shadow816 Posted March 25, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 Thanks alwaymyjennifer. I am not doing to well. My mind is thinking Daniel is coming back. It feels so weird. I hate it. I keep thinking I will see him at a friend's house or the phone will ring and it will be him. My mind is convinced he is not permanently gone. How do I make it stop? Will it go away? I am beginning to get scared.Guest, I am so sorry for your loss and I know what you are going through. It hurts and the pain is unbelievably unbareable. All I can do is pray for you if you don't mind. Good night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nhc2475 Posted March 26, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 Shadow816, I'm not a therapist, but I am seeing one and have done a lot of reading on the subject. A lot of research has been done on grief, and while everyone deals with it differently, there are some commonalities that have been found. The stages of grief have been well documented and understood, and it sounds like you're still in the denial stage. From what I'm told, our mind is in control of our healing process, and the denial stage is a way to protect ourselves from the harsh reality of what has happened. Eventually your mind will tire of putting up this defense mechanism and you will move on to the depression stage. That is exactly where I am right now. 5 1/2 weeks ago I lost my sweet fiance' to lung cancer. She was 40 years old, in great health, and never smoked a cigarette in her life. I had been in short and bad relationships for most of my adult life wondering if I'd ever find someone I would actually want to spend the rest of my life with. I finally did, and before we even got a chance to get married, she died. At first I thought this would be relatively easy because we had only been together for 1 year, we had no kids, and we weren't even living together. But it is so much more difficult than I thought. The loss of her is just part of the grief. I also lost the hope and dreams we shared. I also lost something that I never knew I wanted - to share a life and build a family with someone. When the thought of what has happened enters my mind, or the images of her before and during her illness pop in my head, it feels like I can't breathe and will fall to my knees. What I'm most afraid of is that it will get worse because I feel like I am at my pain threshold. But I keep replaying what my therapist told me, which is that I WILL eventually heal from this. The only people that don't are those that choose to take their life or succumb to chemical addiction. It is so unbelievably hard to accept that I will heal from this - that I can think of the fact that I finally found my true love and she was taken from me. But I know that so many others have been here before and have come through this. And it comes back to my original statement that so much is known about the process of grief, and my therapist has been right about so much else, so I must have faith in the process and simply focus on sustaining myself while I go through it. I think we all need to do that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 26, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 Shadow816, yes, we're all unique in our response to grieving and the pathway we take through it. Yet still, we all seem to follow patterns that are very much alike. First, it is perfectly normal for you to think of Daniel coming back. He always did before. When he left for work in the morning, you'd kiss him goodbye, and then he'd safely drive through the maze of traffic and then back home again, just to receive your kiss again. Why not think of him as returning to you once again? It's perfectly natural. But, this is our dream, not reality. Reality is, your dear Daniel is now gone, and you will be able to, with time, reposition your thinking to this new paradigm. Yes, it,s painful, and I'm sorry for this. Again, after Jennifer's death, I kept seeing her everywhere. The truth is, we didn't see Jenni, but our minds were so overwhelmed with the pain of losing her, we wanted to see her just one more time - I wanted to kiss her and hug her, to tell her how much I love her. These are all natural, normal phases we go through. You are not, I repeat, not, losing your sanity. You are very sane indeed. For now, I'll share some tips. Take each moment one by one. Don't plan too far ahead, like you're planning a long trip or something similar. For now, you and your family are better off with the added stability of you all being close to home and to each other for now. This is why family is such a great beautiful thing. I'm praying for you, for peace in your heart, and for peace for all your family. May you have all you need. I'm Mark, Jenni's dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 26, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 Nhc2475, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Be gentle and patient with yourself for a while and don't plan too many big plans. Hold close to those you love - family and friends. Allow the flood of emotions to come into your mind, and then sort them one at a time with plenty of rest. It takes time, lots of time, but you need take the time for healing. She's worth it, and so are you. When you feel down, please know that we're here for you. Feel free to write anything you like, even if it sounds corny. Nothing here ever "ever" sound's that way to us. We're here to help and guide others as they journey in healing. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I'm Mark, Jenni's dad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 26, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 CindiSue, I hope you're doing well, girl. All well over that way? We're doing alright - currently doing some thinking about that place we need to have her in someday soon. My prayers are always, forever yours. luv ya, with a cuddle, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 26, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 26, 2007 Cindy, I'm prayin' for you, sweet sister. Give your little guy a big hug from Mawlk and Moowelly and tell him we love him. We love you too, sister. We really do. I've been given the list of those who can help you, and I'll email the list to you. I hope and pray your pain is much less, hon. You deserve so much more and greater than all the pain and sadness. Please hang in there, honey. If you need anything, let us know and we'll help you all we can. hugs and loves, Us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cindysue Posted March 30, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hi everyone, sorry its been so long since I been on here I been in the hosp again....guess I am not doing well they were treating me for being anerxic and havin very low pottasium and low calcim and protein...just so much stress I sure wish Roger was here to help me through this I can't believe it will be 3 years in Aug he's been gone..seems like only yesterday..and baby Byron birthday is commin up he will be 4 years old April the 16th..I just pray I can get well enough so I can take care of my lil guy again..baby Byron has been seein the heart docotr more and more now..his lil heart is gettin worse..so the surgery is set for in a month..I pray he won't die like my Roger did..I am so scared..but I gotta believe his daddy won't let that happen he will be watchin over him ..my nerves are so bad..I can't even concentrate anymore..I miss you all so much thanks Mark for the message..you are so sweet to still think bout me..I hope all the new people that is on here and have lost thier other can find some peace I know how they all feeel..and I just want them all to know yes your right they are in a better place and know in your heart they are always with you everyday watchin over us..sometimes I have good days and bad days where your right music will bring back such sweet memeories specially if it was your song..never forget them they will always be right thier beside you..I feel Roger my love everyday..and know he is'nt suffring anymore..well I need to lay down..miss you mark and Cindisue ..and love you guys so much..and to the new people on here love u also..Love and Hugs,Cindysue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted March 31, 2007 Members Report Share Posted March 31, 2007 CindySue, it's always so sweet to hear from you. I miss talking with you. Wow! Can Byron be having a birthday already? We'll remember to send him a little something. Give the little guy a hug from us. Please take very good care of yourself. I worry about you so much. Please try your best to do what they say, even though it may hurt and be uncomfortable. They mean everything for your best. My dear friend, you know I'm praying for you, with my best thoughts for you to feel wel soon and that you'll be reunited with Byron too. Luv ya, Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stallyn Posted April 14, 2007 Members Report Share Posted April 14, 2007 Hi all, I lost my wife a month and a half ago due to cancer, she went downhill fast, I kept thinking she would pull through and come home, she died in Guatemala without me there, every day it is a challenge to stay alive for myself, I tried contacting her friends from work and no one calls me back,or writes but when she was alive they made sure they got involved 24/7 and now I am alone, I lost my soulmate, best friend, she passed a month before her 38th b-day, Now I am alone at 40, this is not what I wanted for us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted April 15, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted April 15, 2007 I'm having such a difficult time accepting the loss of my wonderful husband. He passed last year on April 25th and was only 37 years old. His passing was sudden and we were married 16 years. I cry every day and my 14 year old son tells me daddy would want you to be happy. I want to be happy, but I hurt sooo much. I've had people say stupid things to me. They don't understand I loved him very much and he was the only man I every had in my life. I don't want anyone else. He was my best friend and he made me happy when I was sad. I push myself everyday almost counting the days when I can be with him. Thank you for allowing me to post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted April 21, 2007 Members Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Stallyn, finding the words sometimes isn't easy, yet my heart is full sorrow for you in your time of deepest loss. I am so deeply sorry for the loss you feel and all that is now irreplacable to your heart. She's so young, too young to pass from your arms into eternity. While some may tell you to "be strong", this is "your" pain, and only you can feel it. The wellwishers no nothing of the pain in your heart. Also, when you're told to get over it, tell them she's the love of your life and see no reason for "getting over it". Our most sincere thoughts and our prayers of faith are with you. I'm Jenni's dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted April 21, 2007 Members Report Share Posted April 21, 2007 Guest, I'm sorry for the loss and pain you now feel. While there are many differences in our journies of healing, we all are humans, so the basic plan of the journey remains a given. We all must face certain steps to the process of grieving, emotions and physical aspects to the changes given to us against our wills. Please don't listen to those who say you ought to get over this. Take each day one by one, each moment one by one, and keep from making big plans and changes. My thoughts and prayers are with you while you feel this pain, and I'm here for you all during your journies to healing. I'm Mark, Jenni's daddy. She's my little girl who was taken from me by the hands of another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members luvualways37 Posted April 23, 2007 Members Report Share Posted April 23, 2007 Alwaysmyjennifer,Thank you for your kind words. Its been such a hard year knowing life went on without him. How do you handle the hurt and anger? I recently found out that he could of been saved, but they allowed him to suffer and pass. I have so much guilt in my heart because I should have fought harder when the hospital nurse refused to allow me to see him the day prior to his passing.Thank you again for being there. God Bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrators Kelly Posted April 24, 2007 Administrators Report Share Posted April 24, 2007 Hi - I'm a freelance writer for COSMOPOLITAN magazine, and am working on an upcoming feature about grief. We're trying to find a young woman, between the ages of 18-32, who lost her boyfriend or fiancee, and would be willing to open up to our readers about her experience. The focus of the piece is to provide both service and inspiration to our readers, as we're interested in having this woman share how she dealt with such a tragedy and what steps she took to manage her grief.If you could pass this email on (or post on your site, if possible) to any women who fit this description, I'd greatly appreciate it. Anyone willing to participate should contact me as soon as possible. I can be reached at StephanieBB@Hotmail.com, and will be happy to put any candidates directly in touch with my editor at COSMO, if there's a need to prove that this is a legitimate request.Thanks so much for your help.Best,Stephanie Boothfor COSMOPOLITAN magazinephone/fax: 908-237-2440 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alwaysmyjennifer Posted April 28, 2007 Members Report Share Posted April 28, 2007 luvualways37, my apologies to you for being delayed in getting back here, as I've been somewhat busy with business recently. I thought of your question, and I think the best way I know to answer you is by offering this advice--- always keep in mind that the feelings you experience in the present moment are temporary, and you will get through each feeling, whether it's anger or fear or sadness or the emptiness. We all must pass through these feelings as we grieve. I won't ever tell you to "be strong", nor shall I ever suggest that you "get over it", as these are very painful, difficult, and damaging things to say to a person who grieves. When you must face these feelings, lean on those friends you know you can trust, and talk with those of us here who have been there and understand. As a gesture of kindness to you, my email address is in the bar above this post, and you have permission to email should you need to talk with another person going through this painful time. I'm here to talk with you, and should I be unable to get to this site, I do check my emails. Saying this, there is profit in talking about things, as it helps the healing (in spite of the temporary pain felt in the early stages of talking. My prayers and thoughts are with you, with my best wishes for your healing and the peace you need. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members luvualways37 Posted May 5, 2007 Members Report Share Posted May 5, 2007 alwaysmyjennifer, I am trying to be strong for my son who is 14, but I cannot stop remembering our happy moments as a family. Your words help me and I know that time will help ease the pain. I will keep your e-mail address. THANK you FOR your kindness and offering to be there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted May 6, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted May 6, 2007 Young E-Published writer who has lost her mother, father, pets, friends, babies and many significant others is putting the finishing touches on a table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.Painful memories when shared in a safe environment can often be soul healers so we hope you'll take the time to share with our understanding group.When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF CHILD, etc.Please fill out a survey here:http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG-OR-Send your responses to:tablebook2007@yahoo.com-OR-http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/Many thanks, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guests Guest Guest Posted May 7, 2007 Guests Report Share Posted May 7, 2007 I recently lost my husband, (2 1/2 weeks ago). It happened very suddenly and without any warning. We spent the day together doing what we usually did on Saturdays...shopping and yardwork. He was feeling fine all day and we were having fun planting bushes and just enjoying having the time together. He was working on an outside water pipe that had broken and I had gone inside the house to check on dinner. I came back outside just a couple minutes later and found him in the yard. It happened that quick. We still dont know for sure what happened...heart attack? aneurysm? anaphylaxis? Was he shocked? We really dont know and might never know. So many questions and NO answers. I have an 11 yr. old child..and this is devastating to him. He and his dad were really starting to form a stronger bond. My husband had always been a hard working man..working 6 days a week and overtime when needed. He always seemed to find the time for us and I loved when we had that time. We were more than husband/wife..we were best friends. We loved each other's company and no one touched my heart like him. We were married for 13 years and it was the best yrs. of my life. I often told him that ...I couldnt imagine a life without him there, and now I have to live that nightmare. it is so overwhelmingly painful...days spent just crying and missing him deeply. Everything revolved around him and my son..even grocery shopping was what they liked and picking out foods that I knew they enjoyed. Now, going to the store is a whole new experience and I cant seem to choose anything. Im lost and feel so empty. Im 41 yrs old and a widow. I dont know where to turn now...what lies ahead or how Im going to make it. I know I will have to work now..I only did little part time jobs before. He was the main breadwinner and now I have to see where we stand financially. I just miss him so much..all the time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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