Young Widowhood

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I'm so sorry all this is falling in on your sweet head, hon. Through everything going on, remember the two friends who have been telling you something... "Cindy, you're a wonderful, loving mommy." We're always here for you, girl. We love you. You are the one who was able to help me through those miserable nightmares, and I'm forever thankful for what you did. If this ends up with them forcing the issue, and you absolutely must spend a few days inside, do you still have my snail mail address? Either way, I'm sending you something in the morning, so you'll get it by Wednesday. I want you to write to me, so I can keep us all in tune with what's going on with you. It's cuz your friends care a bunch about you, girl. If they must make you sit in the can, I'll do everything I can to get out there and spend a day with you. We're a sort of a fam in here, loose knit, but stuck together by love. If you need us, CindiSue and I are right here. We are going to get our sister through this. You can count on us being there for you. Love ya, sweetie, Mark

[cindysue]

Mark, I don't know what I would do without you and Cindisue..you two have always believed in me..my life has been such a mess sometimes I wonder why me??? then I think the good Lord has a reason for all..but I wonder why bad things happen to me all the time..I see Byron today at 2:30 till 3:30 and its like I am excited to see my baby again..my heart breaks everytime I have to leave him again..I am so lonely no kida around I can't atand my life not having Byron in it..they are sayin since I have rematoid arththis and fibermylegia and severe depression I am not givin the adaquate care Byron needs ..this is'nt fair..so I am gonna do everything I can to get better I walk around on cruthches..cause I hurt so bad..but I try to be a good mommy to Byron he means the world to me and all I care is to get him back..but I know it will be a long time..what a christmas this is turning out to be for me.. Mark I am happy about one thing that I culd get ris of the bad dreams for you least I did somethin good in my life..you and cindisue and my family and I love you both so much..I wonder every single min of everyday what Byron is doing and thinking..and I hope he knows his mommy still loves him and wants him back he is such a precious lil boy..well time for me to lay down before I cry again..Love you both..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[withani]

Mark...that is WONDERFUL NEWS that Mary slept through the night and you are getting rest as well. There's so much to say to each other...believe me...you can't rewind when you're loved one has to move on..please let her know everything you want her to know and how much you love her...it will make it so much better for both of you...I think a lot of how I wish I could have 24 hours with Gary or even 15 minutes to let him know what a treasure he was in my life and how I miss him so....

It's very kind of you to suggest getting your foot in the door for my son's band...they are truly awesome Mark!!! Friday I got to hear the whole band together with their new song Fragile (it's about a friend of their's who passed away in a car accident a couple months ago)...

Cookies???? Yummmmmmm!!!! I don't have a po address ands I don't think my address is very safe here. We'll have to discuss other options...you're so kind

Love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

CindySue...my heart just breaks for you girlfriend. I KNOW you love your baby more than life itself...rest assured Bryon knows you love him and will be with him soon. I'm so sorry to hear everything you've been going through. You are very special to Mark and I. He's right when he said we're fam here....we've gone through so much together...I pray Bryon's back in your arms soon...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I looked up some medical info, and emailed it. You should have it. I hope it helps you with some of these issues. Try to get the rest you need, hon. We're here for you. Try not to worry too much, and if you do, you always have permission to cry on our shoulders. Please don't think you aren't great, cuz you are! You sacrifice for your kids, and grandkids. I'm just a friend saying thank you for everything. You're great! luv ya, hugs, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, music is pure emotion, so many of the best songs come from the depths of sorrow, the height of joy, or our numbness from too much emotional overload. Isn't it awesome to hear a great band doing so much with that kind of talent? Yes, I'm resting, and I'll be getting more rest in a few minutes. I just have to be here for a little while, to say hi and to see how your day went. Now, get some rest tonight, and I'll be praying you have the perfect day ahead of you. luvz,hugz, Me

[Kelly]

Hello all,

Thank you for being members of our message boards. In March I am going and speaking to a group of funeral directors who really want to learn how to help their families they serve better. The discussion is to help the funeral directors think about what death means to them (including their own) so that they treat people with more companission. I could really use your help by answering this short survey. The results will be shared with this group of funeral directors but not your name. Please copy and cut this link into a new browser to take the survey http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=816323037425 .

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell

President

Beyond Indigo

[withani]

Mark...I am very fortunate to have my son's band practice here...all their songs have such depth and emotion. The writer of most the songs just happens to be an English major and it shows in the lyrics.

I'm glad you're getting the rest you so much need...and hope you will tell Mary everything you need to everyday and how important she is to you. I know you are...I don't think I ever will take anyone in my life for granted again. None of us are promised tommorrow so please make the best of today

Love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Cindisue and Mark, I don't know what I would do without you two in my life..u are all right we are family..I went to court and I am gonna obtain a attorney the judge is lettin me keep Byron's check just for this month to obtain one..then after that I will have to pay child support..the judge said cause of mmmy disability that Bryon could be taken away permantly caise of my remmoid arhtris and my fibermylergia and my severte depression..I mean can they do that??? I will do anything to kep him anything a all..if I lose him mmy life is over too..I saw Byron yesterday he was so cute just chattering away about everything..he is such a doll baby...I honestly don't think I will get him back for at least 6 monthrs to a year.. I can't stand this once a week stuff..I just wanna hold him and never let himm go..I bought him some toys to give him while he s thier.the pain is so hard I see mmy attorney Monday..so hopefully he will prevent me from jail time and losing Byron so far they only have him as temporally..Mark, I read where he sent me some stuff what a heart of gold you have...I did'nt get it yet but when I do I will make sure my baby has some of it..your are so sweet..always thinkin of us on the holiday specially when I am feelin sp down..I lobve you and Cindisue so mmuch you 2 are the best..please continue to prat things will maybe look up fpr me..I pray all the time over all of u..well I am off for now before I strat cryin again..\\

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, several people around here have said that same thing today, "we're not promised tomorrow". Perfect timing, seeing that my wife was put in hospital again today for another TIA. I'm here, sitting in my studio, trying to keep perspective. My son ordered me to come home, while he sits in hospital. He makes me wonder just what kind of hubbie he'll be to some beautiful young woman.

Cindy, I had the aides send the package out to you. I pray it gets there in time. I am going to talk with some people here, and we'll see if this is a violation of your civil rights. If it is, we'll see about filing a lawsuit, if you wish. This is insane. Disability requires assistance, not censure. You are a precious, dear, loving soul and mother. The illness has no bearing upon the issue. They are trying to force you to marry or at least live with someone... but then when your daughter was there to provide help, that was also wrong. This proves it is discrimination. File a lawsuit against the director of social services personally for 10 million for alienation of and the destruction of a family. Then put the whole thing on every tv news cast within a hundred miles. We're family here, hon, and we love you. We're going to help you through this. If there's anything I can do to help, you have only to ask. love you, with big hugs for you both, Mark

[withani]

I'm praying for peace and understanding for all of us this New Year...please know how much you all mean to me. I wouldn't be able to focus day after day without the love of everyone here.

Mark and CindySue....you are the GREATEST!!!! I look forward to talking to you two and learning more about you both this coming year....

LOTS OF LOVE AND HUGS!!!!

CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, I've been feeling ill, so it took a bit to get back here. I'm sorry. My doctor increased my meds to the limit, so I'm flying. I hate this feeling, the one my ex worked so hard to free me from. I'm always here (except when my body crashes) for you and Cindy. I love you both like family, like a couple of sisters.

CindySue, please take gentle care of yourself. If there is any little thing, I mean anything, we can do for you, to get Byron back in your loving arms, you just name it hon. We love you.

Hope 07 is a great one, kids. Rest your precious hearts, and know that your love is always as close as your breath.

luvs, hugs, Me.. Jenni's dad

[cindysue]

Sorry Cindisue and Mark,..I have'nt been on here in awhile..I wanna thankyou so much Mark for the gift you gave me and Byron..I gave Byron's car to him when I seen him for my visit and he smiled so big...words can not explain how deeply touched I am for that package you sent me..I cried cause I feel like someone does care...my heart is truely broken I hate just visiting himm once a week..he's gettin sicker and sicker he has sinus probelms contantly ear infections and flu's and colds since he was aken from me he dropped probably like 5 poounds..he looks so lil..he was so sadd the last time I seen him he go's here mommy your coat ..and he puts his coat on and go's we go home momy..and how do I tell a 3 year old he can't again..this last time he cried again..my holidays were so lonely without my baby..I thouhgt I was goona pass out from this grief..I cry every second every min of every day..I always wonder what would Roger think to know his baby is gone ..it would surely kill him ..this all is tearing me apart..I hope and pray my attorney can help me..I go back to court Jan the 9th...and right now I go to Physical therpy I am really tryin to get stronger..I want him back so bad..I am so worried..he will be 4 in april and I just would love to have him back by then but probably won't...he is so lil and lost so much weight that this concerns me..he missis me so much I think he only weighs maybe 32 pounds.....I just want my baby back..I better go I can't stop cryin..thanks Cindisue and Mark fo always being here for me..I would be lost without you ..Love you so much..

Love and Hugs always,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, please, my dear, never apologize. It should be I apologizing to you, my sweet friend. I'm so deeply sorry he's feeling ill, and losing weight. Is there anything we can do for you? Anything? If, then you just get your little fingers on the numbers and ring us up. I'd give my all for that boy, just to place him back in his mommy's arms. I've gotten so much hope from the book, I bought you one. I've given away every copy I buy. I pray you receive a little hope and comfort from it. If not, use it for one heck of a flyswatter! Hon, take care of yourself in PT. After momma and I sign for the new house, we'll invite you in for tea. love you hon, Me, Jenni's daddy

[withani]

Mark and CindySue...sorry friends it's taken me awhile to get back here...hectic pace with new job...and hit the two year anniversary of Gary's passing....very sad....

On a lighter note I did meet someone a couple months ago who has been taking up a lot of my disposable time...he's very kind...and totally understands my connection with Gary. On the anniversary of Gary's passing he sent me a rose and a beautiful card expressing his sympathy. I don't know what's going to happen here only that he eases my mind and has been good company for me.

CindySue I know things will turn around for you...I can feel it in my bones!!!!

Mark...you are a gem!!!! Thank you so much for the words of wisdom as well as the words of encouragement that keep us all moving down our own paths when you have so much overhead to deal with yourself...

I hope we can all find some peace this New Year and please know you're always in my thoughts and prayers....

I love you both so much....thanks for being my friends...

love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Cindisue and Mark, my dear sweet friends, I went to court today..and dept of human services wanted to take permeament custody of Byron but my attorney and Byron's attorney both talked to the dept of human services and they agreed to give me another chance but I have to still have Byron in thier care for another 6 monthes to a year..after 6 monthes and I can prove I can care for him and go under what they want me to if its consuling or whatever they can and may give him back to me..its a long time to wait but the proscutung attorney amended the permanment order to temporiay custody to the dept of human services for now and see how I can do in the time frame..do you think pyscial therpry will help me walk good again..??? I will do anything for my baby..I visited him Monday and he was do happy to see me he kept huggin me and kissing me and go's I wuv u mommy don't leave...and after an hour when I had to go re refused to leave my side and they had to pick him up again to take him and he screammmed and cried screamming mommy I wamt my mommy..and my heart just breaks everytime this happens ..my hurt is so deep right now I feel like I have had another loss..I am so lonely without him in my life..Mark you and Cindisue have become to close to me in my life and I am glad you both believe in me..and I read that book all the time Mark and it makes me feel better..I figured I probably won't get Byron back till like July or Aug..my attorney is askin for more visitation for me..instead of just an hour a week..I miss Byron so much..I think him being without me is actually makin him sick and my doctor even agrees with that and told my attorney that..I feel like we are being punished for nothing and poor lil Byron has to go through this is tearin me up so much ..well I wanted you both to know what happened..I just pray I can heal myself and get better for Byron..I would do anything for him..please pray for us..well I am off for now to lay down..

Love you both,

Cindysue

[withani]

CindySue...you are like a sister to me girlfriend. I am so sorry you are going through this but very thankful this is TEMPORARY!!!! I hope the time you have can help get you on your feet and ready to tackle your precious baby Bryon. We love you here CindySue...we've all been through so much together...you're always close to my heart....love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

CindySue...you are like a sister to me girlfriend. I am so sorry you are going through this but very thankful this is TEMPORARY!!!! I hope the time you have can help get you on your feet and ready to tackle your precious baby Bryon. We love you here CindySue...we've all been through so much together...you're always close to my heart....love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, I have been thinking you were spending time with someone. I think of you and Cindy so dearly, I pray for your happiness. It sounds like he'll accept your love for Gary, and allow you to continue loving him while you both see what happens. I hope your little grandbabies are doing well. Jenni's half-sister, Allison, is due in March. I can't wait! My sweetie was ill, and had me worried sick. Just more "issues", but she's doing okay tonight. I really hate hospitals. Funny, I'm getting to know the paramedics on first name basis. Take special care of you, and always know that I'm prayin' for ya, sister. luv ya, big hugs, Me, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I'm happy to hear you're enjoying the book, hon. Big victory with the issues for Byron. I can't be happier, at least for the moment. I'd like to see him home, but we'll take this. Getting him back will take a lot of work, and you will most likely hear the word "plan". They'll want you to devise a plan for healing yourself "emotionally" and "getting the home in order", that kinda crap, so he can come home soon. If you need anything, or any help, we're here for you. I will pray for the visiting time. You deserve to have the munchkin home, but at the very least in their control issue, you should be allowed to see him enough to maintain HIS emotional health. Let's be sure you get the best counseling possible, and the best medical care possible. I want to see you as healthy as you can be. Get some rest, hon. luv ya, big hugs, Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hi girls, I'm doin' a one handed type tonyt. My hand is bandaged after a booboo (bad knife- hehehe). Have a good weekend, ladies. I'm prayin' for you both, your kids, and the grandkids too. Spoil yourselves just a bit. You're sooooooooo worth it! luv ya both, hugs, me, Jenni's dad

PS - I finally have a memorial, a necklace Jenni received as a gift when she was a teenager. Wearing it doesn't make me feel funny at all. This is my daughter's, so it's sacred. It's a black cross (from her "wear everything black phase"), and the chain is perfect length for the cross to be next to dad's heart. Jenni, I love you and miss you with my whole heart. I'm always your dad; you're always my Jennifer.

[cindysue]

First one thing then another when will my luck change Cindisue and Mark..I don't know how much more I can take without breaking down..I just got another summons to appear in court in front of a grand jury they are now charging me with child endangerment..I go wednesday the 17th at 9am..I called my attorney he thinks he can get me off..he said they would look pretty silly puttin someone in my condition in jail and he said I had a good defence cuase I had 5 other people living with me at the time..but I am worried I been sick since this happen I just got the summons...I got court papers the other day sayin it could be a year before I get my baby back I a m cryin so hard..maybe sooner if I do what they say..but dept of human services are say all kinds of stuff sayin when I visit Byron I don't interact with him and that a lie..;( I can't belive this..my last 2 years have been hell excuse my language..and I am so upset I feel like I will never ever be happy again I lost everything..my self esteem even..I cry constantly without Byron..I wish Roger was here I can't handle this much longer..Please help me...I am so scared...I have to give my attorney another 500 dollars....I am so glad for you 2 Cindisue and Mark I don't know what I would do if I lost you two as my friends and family..your are like my sister and brother thats how much I love you both..you mean the world to me you belived in me and know I would never hurt my baby Byron he is my worl and I feel lost without his here I miss his laughter and his hugs and kisses..this is the most terible thing since Roger died I have ever experenced in my life..thanks you for listening to me and prayin for me I relly need that now I love you both so much..

Love and Hugs,

Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, remember the 70's? Don't let the "man" get to you, hon. I'm here for you. If I can get there, do you want me to drive the trip? I can't promise you that I can make the arrangements, but if I can, I'd gladly sit in that courtroom with you, girl. Just remember my address and phone number. If you need me, I'm here. I'll do whatever I possibly can. I promise you that, hon. Try to hold your head high, and be proud of yourself. Cindy is a divoted and loving mommy, a dear and cherished friend, and simply a wonderful person in our world. love you, Me, Jenni's dad

[atlantianangel]

Greetings, Ladies...I am a new widow (sounds weird to say). My husband of almost 17-years passed away suddenly last month (12/15/06). We have two young children (8 & 11). My hubby was a stay-at-home dad due to a work related injury that occured about 4-yrs ago. The kids LOVED having Daddy home with them. What a gift to have had that time with their Dad! Anyway, I am doing pretty well...pulling myself up...looking at the positive. It's been really hard to not have him here...I miss him. I never thought I would be a widow so young. What are some of your secrets to managing everything?

[cindysue]

Hi Alantianangel...I am so sorry to hear about you husband..sad to think of the kids without thier daddy..my husband also died in Aug of 2004..of a massive heart attack he was only 46..he were married a wonderful 28 years and share 3 kids together our youngest he is only 3 years old..so I know how you must feel..my life has never been the same after I lost Roger it was such a shock when he died..cause he died while we were in our boat he was holding our baby when he suffered the attack and died instantly the image nver left me byt I know I am slowly healing but its been a struggle cause I am lettin my own health get the best of me..our youngest he has a heart condition and will require a heart catherzation sometime soon..so I struggle everyday with so much to worry about...I know what you mean about the kids loving havin thier dad around..its so hard on them our 2 oldest daughters are on thier own but our son he look just like his daddy..I hope we all can help you through this aweful and diffcult time thiers is some really sweet people on here Cindisue and Mark our such great friends they have helped me so much...I will add you in my prayers and your 2 kids. Just know your dear husband will be always with you in your heart and he will always watch over you and the kids...

Cindisue and Mark..thankyou just pray for me to get my baby back soon and I can finally straigten out my life and get my health back the way it should be I want my baby back in my arms ..I can't stand that the human services can do this to someone cause of my arthrtis..but thankyou ..for being the best friends I could ever hope to have..

Love and Hugs to you all,

Cindysue

[atlantianangel]

Thank you so much, Cindysue!

While his death was a shock to us in many ways, we did have some metaphsycial warning signs. Some of the signs were that about 6-months before his death, he came to me in a dream telling me that he wasn't going to be in his body much longer, but that it was for my greater good - there are doors that can open only by his passing. Then, a couple months later, our 8-yr old had the same type of dream. Finally, our 11-yr old had a vision very similar to this only 2-weeks before his death. In addition, my husband had been doing lots of reading on death and dying (coincidence? - I think not!) - one of the books gave him some exercises to do to determine how much longer your body would live - his test told him that he would live only about 3-6 months!!! We spoke of death and dying often...I knew his wishes, I knew how he would desire for me to continue living and enjoying life after his departure. We spoke of death and dying as a family...the kids knew that death is part of the spiral of life. Therefore, I feel that our spirit-self was VERY prepared, however, our physical & mental-selves need some time to get used to the idea big-time! In addition to his death, we were right in the middle of moving (yup, boxes everywhere!). Much to our delight, we were surrounded by TONS of friends who have helped us through this entire transition. I just stopped getting dinners to the house a couple days ago...how fabulous is THAT (getting dinners all this time NOT them stopping - hehe)!!! There have been accounts set up for the kids, we keep getting gift cards sent to us...it's truly been amazing. It has been so awesome to see how wonderful humanity can be when Love & Light is involved! You know, Cindysue, my husband's work accident 4-yrs ago left him in constant, horrible pain (we still don't know exactly the cause of his death - will take another 1-2 months to get the report). It does give me joy and happiness that his body, that was FULL of constant pain, is no longer hurting. He is FREE!!! And, because he is free, I believe the Universe has something amazing in store for me and the boys. Oh, my hubby was a very spiritual person as well, so I am confident that even though he has crossed over, he is lovingly checking-in to make sure we are happy. And, yes, I am believing that, while this is the most difficult mountain I have climbed so far in this lifetime, my inner self is truly & deeply content. It's just really weird not having him around..kind of quiet and still...I miss his laugh and his hugs! My missing him is especially evident in the parenting responsibilities...he was bad cop to my good cop - hehehe!!!

Anyway...all your encouragement and knowing that you've been through something similar truly helps! The Universe (God, Allah, whatever you believe is awesome & perfect!) has a plan that is Divinely Ordered - there are no accidents. Our loved ones who have passed made a contract before their Earthly lives began when to be born and when to die (we all did that!)...they have completed what was destined to be completed during their lives in this body. We, on the otherhand, still have lessons and lives to lead. Lives that are very important and VERY valuable!!! I watched the dvd "The Secret" - available at most bookstores - it REALLY helped me in my moving-on process. Check it out if you have a chance! Another fabulous book I just finished reading is James VanPraagh's new book "Healing Grief" - AMAZING! I recommend it highly.

I will look forward to chatting with you more. You are amazing and are VERY blessed!!! To Climbing the Mountain!!!

Love and Light ~ A.Angel 0:-D

[alwaysmyjennifer]

atlantianangel, words are often less than helpful, yet I extend my condolensces to you in your loss. 17 years is a short time to be married (I think of you and then it occurs to me that my oldest daughter has been married 13 years). I'm sorry you have lost your husband. Although an injury caused him to stay out of work, it's good that he had time to spend with your children, time they'll always treasure. There are stages to grieving, such as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. If you understand each in stage and its importance, you'll be able to get through the journey of grieving with a greater sense of purpose. Seriously, yes, grieving does have a purpose. It is a mystery for each of us to discover. Give yourself time each day to remember and honor your husband, to still let him know you love him. Give yourself time for yourself, to nurture your mind, soul and body. You need this, and it is a vital part of your own life now. There will be those who try to tell you to "get over it" or that you are "grieving the wrong way", and other forms of folly. Nobody in Heaven or earth can tell you how to grieve. This is fundamentally personal, and only you can choose how and when to grieve. This is your personal, private journey of the soul to healing. This is yours. Nobody else's. This is my initial wisdom. I hope you feel free to write whenever. We are close here, and care about each other. We listen and help each other in our journey. Please feel free to talk and express your feelings. This helps heal. When I lost my daughter, Jennifer, I started writing letters to her, in a journal. My wife has a terminal illness, so I tend to her, and while it scares me, I try to keep my fears to myself, yet I talk with her about our future. She's my sweetie. My thoughts and prayers are with you for peace. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, just dropping my sweet friend a little note of peace tonight. Get some sleep, girl, and I pray you have happy dreams of a better day. I'm with you in my heart, hon. Let us know what happens. Praying for you. Love you, sister, Mark, Jenni's daddy

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, I'm worried about you, kiddo. I hope you're okay, and everything went well on Wednesday. I've been praying for you, hon. luvs, Me, Jenni's dad

[atlantianangel]

Thank you so much, Mark, for your kind and gracious response to my previous posts. It is a blessing to know that you are there. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter PLUS your wife's illness. It's always amazing when I think of the phrase, "We aren't given more than we can handle"...I guess some of us, like you and me and, well, everyone on this post-group, can handle a LOT!

I'm doing well...feeling strong, eating healthy, exercising, doing yoga, meditating PLUS I started seeing clients again this week - that was HUGE for me! Today I even saw the client I was seeing the day I got the call from the police - THAT was a HUGE thing for me. And, you know what, I did a great job! I'm just taking it day by day, moment by moment...breath by breath.

Blessings to you and your family. I will look forward to chatting with you soon.

~~ A. Angel (aka Emily 0:-D)

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Emily, this journey is yours. It is all about you and your response to your loss. To see clients again is good. The memories of what happened when you see someone unique from that one day can etch into your memory. It can play with how you see grieving for a while. Clients? i went through college for a masters in social work, then got bored with it, so went back to my music. I like my work, which is less like work and more like a party. (smiling). Thank you for your kindness concerning my wife and daughter. My wife has dystrophy, now in the final stage, which is terminal. We have our days when it gets very scary. I love her with my entire being. She's my whole world. My daughter was just home from college, at the shore with friends, when she was kidnapped, raped and murdered. I miss her so much. All I have is her personal effects from the night she died, and a necklace her adoptive parents gave her at 16. It may sound silly, but I wear her necklace sometimes, which I find comforting. Be sure to nurture yourself, and as I always say. spoil yourself. It helps to make you feel special again. Write anytime. We are always here, and will gladly listen. Sweet dreams. It's 4 am, almost my bedtime. til next time, Mark, Jenni's dad

[cindysue]

Hi everyone I went to court again last week in front of a grand jury and I pleaded not guilty to child endangermenet but I think I will be going to jail..;( the judge told me this was considerd a felony and the least I can get is 9 monthes in prison the most 18 monthes my attorney thinks he can get all charges dismissed I sure hope he is right I go back the 31st of jan..I am really scared..that I will be sent away..I cry all the time my life is a mess first I lose Roger and now my baby..and the sad part is they are charging me for somethin I did'nt do I would never harm my baby..tomrow I get visitation for 2 hours now they are uping my time with him..instead of one hour I get 2 hours starting tomorrow..what am I gonna do I am tryin to straighten up my life and all they wanna do is punish me..for somethin stupid..its bad enough ababy Byron is'nt with me..I feel like dieing myself..I am so so depressed..I go to PT 3 times a week I am tryin so hard..I am so scared I don't wanna be sent away..I could'nt stand not seein Byron that long..plus I know I would lose him for good..sorry for not gettin here sooner please pray everything will work out for me and my attorney can help me..Love you all so much..

Love and Hugs,

Cindy

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, you don't have to go through this alone. I'm here for you, anytime you need a shoulder to lean on or cry on. I'm here. You're going through a lot of pain in your body, and in your precious heart. I'm sorry. Is there anything my wife and I can do to help you? If you need us, just call. Please remember the number, and if you need us, call anytime, day or night. I will help you any way and all I can to keep you from losing Byron. Please try to rest, and I pray your attorney is trustworthy. Our prayers are nonstop for you, kiddo. luv ya, hugs, Me, Jenni's dad

[withani]

Hi Mark...CindySue and our new friend Atlantian Angel!

Sorry it's taken me so long to post....very very busy with my new work...I think I mentioned to you two months ago I started working for a career college in the admissions department as an assistant director. It's very rewarding getting students into school and on a path that will change their lives. I had six students start last month and am working on the February start. Hectic pace but good for me all the same

Mark...your compassion for everyone here is so heartwarming that I am proud to know you my friend. I think it's cool that you're wearing Jenni's necklace and I'm sure it means so much to her...please take good care of YOURSELF and your lovely wife Mary...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

CindySue...my dear friend I'm so sorry to hear about the ordeal you're going through with little Bryon..please have faith that this will all be behind you and Bryon soon and you can resume your lives together even stronger than before. I had my grandson's over the weekend and when I least expected it Peanut started singing the song "this little light of mine..I'm gonna let it shine"...out of the mouth of babes...we love you CindySue...love and hugs..CindiSue/Withani

Atlantian Angel...hi..I'm the other CindiSue on this website and I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Nothing can compare to losing our husbands or significant others...they were our "go to" person who knew all our secrets...helped us with the most tedious computer malfunctions..and our number one fans. I lost mine after 11 years (two year ago) and it has been a very long journey...we are forever changed. The first year and a half was pure he**. I'm glad you and your husband were able to talk about his passing before it happened....that was something that I was unable to speak about with my beloved Gary. Please take good care of yourself and know he is still with you and loves you and the children...looking forward to hearing from you again...hugs and love...CindiSue/Withani

[alwaysmyjennifer]

atlantianangel, I hope you're doing alright this week. I've been a little out of touch. Sorry for that. My wife has been very ill, and increasingly weaker. Her aides believe her weakness is far worse now than even a month ago, leading them to believe she may be setting her soul toward dying. I pray your heart be given peace and rest. Take good care of yourself. We're here to listen and help you anytime. Mark, Jenni's dad

[alwaysmyjennifer]

CindiSue, this is going to be a long week in our home. She's weaker, and in much more pain. Hospice said maybe soon, the aides think soon, but she's strong. I'm scared. I have been so blessed to share my life with her. She said 'I do' to me! over twenty one years ago! I"m a lucky duck to have been able to be on this journey with her. I don't want to say good bye to her. My kids don't either. But, she's a strong woman, so who knows? She could still manage another few years. I'd like that, if it weren't for the pain. I'm happy you love your new job. You said something about meeting someone??? I pray you are able to enjoy the company and that our CindiSue is treated well. luv ya, hugs, Mark, Jenni's daddy

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, always, my prayers, hon. Keep us up to date. We'll help you all we can to keep Byron at home with mommy. luv ya hon, hugs, Me, Jenni's dad

[withani]

Mark...hospice is such a scarey word...and yes Mary is very strong and I can't blame you or the children for wanting her to stay...she must want to be here as well. The love you two have for each other is heartwarming my friend.

Yes...the new job is very good and rewarding for me...interviewing and admitting students into college and helping them make decisions on the programs we provide as a career college. It's very cool.

Yes..I have met someone...he'll never take the place of Gary but treats me extremely well and is fun to spend time with. He likes to spend a lot of time together which is alright but I do need my CindiSue time as well and am very guarded of that.

It's always wonderful to hear from you my friend...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[cindysue]

Cindy sue and Mark to all my other great friends..things are not lookin any better for me..I went to court last week..for child endangerment and they wanted to put me in jail my attorner asked for another pretrial..I don't know how more i can take..the dept of human services he makin some excuse why I can't se Byron every week..and my attorney is gettin mad over it and if that not bad enough the foster mother of Byron asked me if she could adopt him if things don't go my way..I thought my god lady this boy ismine and I am fighting to get him back she told me BYron cals her husn=band his foster father dady..and I don't like that he had a daddy his daddy us gone..I wish my life wouls have turned different I lose Roger forever and now I am afraid of losing my 3 year old angel..his birthday is in april he will be 4..and I can't even celebrate it with hi,,:(the proacuty attorney is such a bitch she told my attorney no way can she take care of him,,,I guess with my healht and everything they think I can't do it..I am sick now not knowin Feb the 28th if I will s be sent away to prison..,,since all this hapen hy health has gotton worse now I gotta build it p again I am told I weigh 95 pounds and lost quiet a bit but my nerves are a complete wreak..all I want is ny baby back...Please Pray that things will get better for us and I can get my health up so I will get him back..right now I am such in a deeo depression that I cry over every lil thing..please pray I don;t lose him too..love u all so very much...and I will pra for all of you..

Love and Hugs,\Cindysue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Cindy, how do I say this? You are also a human being, and deserve just and fair treatment. You need to take care of your own health. If you can, maybe the court would allow you to assign custody of Byron to a friend or family until this is remedied. Then, you just take YOUR son home. He's forever Cindy's son. It's torture to see you hurting so. I'm worried sick about you. If you need anything, even to just cry into the ear of a friend, I'm here. We're praying, and we'll help you all we can. Don't let them get you down. You must keep fighting, and you can't give in for a second. You have to do what you must to get Byron back. I'm here for ya. love ya like a sister, and sending you hugs, Mark

[Guest Guest]

How do we cope being a widow at such a young age?? Im 37. My husband of 16 years passed away on jan 1st. He was my world, he was our kids world. He was only 37.

How do we even move on??

Justbroken

[withani]

CindySue...please..please..please get strong girlfriend. Whatever it takes...even if it's just "looking strong" look deep inside yourself and get ahold of what's going to make you fight back. Bryon is YOUR son and will always be yours and Roger's beautiful boy. It sounds crazy but you must be an actress and play the part of a woman who is in total control to get your baby back. Mark's advice is excellent...as usual

Take care my dear friend and know that you are loved here....love and hugs..CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

Mark...thinking about you and Mary my dear friend and hoping your week's been somewhat peaceful...love and hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[withani]

Guest...I'm so sorry to hear of your husband's passing at such a young age. What did he pass on from??? I lost my significant other two years ago January 2nd from acute myocarditis. We were together 11 years...Gary had just turned 50 and suddenly passed away. It IS a very long journey my friend of minute to minute...hour to hour...day to day. Please know this is a wonderful place you can come to for support with very caring and nuturing people who have been through he** trying to reach a peaceful existance and are here to listen when needed. Take care...

Hugs...CindiSue/Withani

[Guest Guest]

Cindi, Thanks for your response. My husband took his own life. He was such a good man and great father, we are just devastated. I want to do absolutly nothing but cry and hide. My kids are hurting and I cant take their hurt away. We were all very close and this is all so unfair. I hope coming here can give me something!

thanks

sue (justbroken)

I keep coming up as guest

[Guest Guest]

I also wanted to say Im very sorry for your loss. How did you get through the years you have??

Sue

[Guest Guest]

Hi everyone, my name is Kim and this is my first night on this site and hoping to do this right, but I just wanted to tell you Sue that I'm sorry for your loss...my husband died at age 33 on 11/18/2005 and we had been together for 13 years and have 2 children as well....our lives have been devestated and I know the pain your going thru...I don't know quite how to get through life...I feel so dead inside and lost. maybe we can help each other.

Kim

[justbroken]

Kim, Im sorry for your loss as well. Yes its sounds like we can help eachother. Id love to talk with you. Thanks so much

I have to get my daughter off to school but ill be back.

You can email me at Bundy28@comcast.net if youd like.

again thanks

Sue

(justbroken)

[Kelly]

We just got back in our popular Remember Pins. Show that you are remembering a loved one by wearing these pins. The proceeds cover the cost of the pins and help support Beyond Indigo. Too see the pins and wristbands as well as place an order copy and paste this link into a new broswer window.

http://www.beyondindigo.com/sunshop/index.php?action=category&id=2

Kelly

[justbroken]

I just wanted to say, I come here looking for some kind of comfort. I look for people to post back to me, or be in touch with someone that is going through the same thing as me. But I guess its not what I thought here.

Sue