Loss of a Teenager

[titoyginasmom]

I just got off the phone with my sister. Well, actually I passed the phone off to my daughter. My sister has me in tears. Some of the things she said were true, but most were so cruel! She kept telling me that I am not dealing with the loss of my kids, that I am not proirtizing correctly, that I need to tell my husband and kids to leave me alone to grieve, etc. Good Lord! I am seeing a counselor due to being suicidal and she wants me to be alone?? What has more priority than my remaining family? How do I "deal with" a loss like my two children? How can I "get past" that? I am not sure if I am sad that she doesn't understand, or angry that she would say stuff like that to me.

Sorry for venting.

Kathie.....forever Tito y Gina's Mom

[begalli]

There is a woman named Rosemary Smith that wrote a book called Children Of The Dome. It is awesome! She also has a website. It is childrenofthedome.com I think.

Thank you so much Kathie. I looked up the book and the author. Ms. Smith's website is childrenofdome.com. I think I will go and see if my local Barnes & Noble has this book in stock.

The memorials for your children sound absolutely precious and beautiful. I know that eventually my brother and sister inlaw will be able to do something like this. Right now, they are just trying to figure out how to make it through each hour of each day.

My sister has me in tears.

I will be reading some more on this board to try to get to know each of you, but I would like to comment on your post regarding your sister.

My sister inlaw had people saying things like "be strong for your other son," and "you have to do this and you have to do that." It pissed her off immensely and when you think about it, those are awfully dumb and ignorant things to say to a mom who just lost the love of her life. Her own mother is avoiding her right now because she thinks that it seems disrepectful or hurtful that she might be trying to "get on with her own life" by possibly talking about things other than her grandson 100% of the time (there was a birth in the family yesterday and her mom is afraid to call my sister inlaw to talk about the baby!).

But people don't know. I and they can't possibly know what it is to be living this reality of the death of a child, and in your case TWO! You dear, sweet woman.

I feel that you ARE dealing with the loss of your kids and that suicidal thoughts are very normal and usually temporary in these horrifying situations. Something I've learned over the last few weeks in reading personal stories of those who have lost kids, talking with the woman at The Compassionate Friends, and reading pages upon pages of grief information, is that you never "get past" it, but you eventually re-learn to live.

There is no time frame for this re-learning. There is no wrong or right way to do it. I do know that seeking counseling, as you are, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Expressing yourself on this message board, where there are others who are knowing can respond to you, is another way you are "dealing" with your incomprehensible loss.

It must be so heartbreaking and frustrating to have your sister not acknowledge the healthy and hard work you are doing.

[danielsmom]

begalli, I am so sorry for your family's loss. I read a book called Beyond Tears,living after losing a child by Ellen Mitchell. I found this book to be very helpful, as it lets me know that the feelings I am having are not crazy.

My thoughts are with your brother&sister-in-law

Wendy

[julsmom]

begalli, one of the best books I read was I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye, by Brooke Noel and Pamela D. Blair. The read is easy, you can pick and choose which chapters to read. I lost my 27 y/o daughter in an MVA 10/13/03. I know that my sister who is closest to me feels a lot of my pain. May your family find peace. Lynda

[begalli]

Wendy and Lynda,

Thank you so much for those book recommendations. I plan to head to the bookstore this afternoon. I hope everyone here knows that it goes without saying that I am deeply sorry for each and every one of the losses experienced by the people who share themselves on this message board. There is not a single word I can think of to express my condolences. But I want you all to know that each and every parent, sibling, relative, or friend and each and every child are in my daily thoughts.

I know that my sister who is closest to me feels a lot of my pain.

Lynda, this acknowledgement of my own real sense of emptiness and loss as the aunt of this incredible kid means so much to me. I DO feel a deep connection to my brother, his wife and BOTH of their sons. I want to make it all go away for them and bring my nephew back. But I know I can't possibly do that. So the next best thing is to be the person who can keep an eye on them and make sure that they, in their own time and their own way, stay on a course of rebuilding a new life. Thank you for validating my feelings.

[julsmom]

begalli, at age 50+ I am the "baby" of the family (7 of us, 6 living). I know that any of my siblings would do anything they could to ease my pain. The best bet is to be there, listen to them, and by your presence they will know they can turn to someone. Lynda

[Artina]

Begalli,

What I would do to have a sister like you, who is willing to listen, research and standby. Your love and patience will go further than I can put into words. I am sorry for your loss.

Peace to you, Tina

[titoyginasmom]

Begalli,

What I would do to have a sister like you, who is willing to listen, research and standby. Your love and patience will go further than I can put into words. I am sorry for your loss.

Peace to you, Tina

Begalli, I too must echo Artina's words. If my family was half as compassionate as you are things would be much easier on me. Know that in the long run what you are doing, and what you are willing to do for your brother and his family wil;l be so very very appreciated.

I come from a very large and very spread out family. Normally this is ok, however at times like this when we need some support it just isn't there. God bless you for all you are doing.

Kathie...forever Tito y Gina's Mom

[titoyginasmom]

Begalli,

What I would do to have a sister like you, who is willing to listen, research and standby. Your love and patience will go further than I can put into words. I am sorry for your loss.

Peace to you, Tina

Begalli, I too must echo Artina's words. If my family was half as compassionate as you are things would be much easier on me. Know that in the long run what you are doing, and what you are willing to do for your brother and his family wil;l be so very very appreciated.

I come from a very large and very spread out family. Normally this is ok, however at times like this when we need some support it just isn't there. God bless you for all you are doing.

Kathie...forever Tito y Gina's Mom

[griffinsmom]

It just is that no matter what we do, how much we cry, beg, plead, bargain, wish, pray- that our children will not be walking through the door as we knoew them any time soon- if ever. This is what I tell myself when I get too out of control, that there's nothing I can do tot change what has happened. It stinks.

[hannahrosesmom]

I wouldn't have made it as far as I have without my younger sister. She was very close with my Hannah and the 3 of us spent vast amounts of time together. Sometimes Hannah would spend weekends with my sister, one time they had a "Trading Spaces" weekend. They wouldn't let my brother-in-law downstairs all weekend as they painted and decorated the downstairs in a Lord of the Rings motif for my brother-in-law. My sister has been huge support for my while my home life deteriorates in front of my eyes. Hannah's death has been equally devastating to her and very much shares my grief.

Tuesday night a very good friend of mine, J.J.-25 years old, was killed in a motorcycle/auto accident. My husband, son and I are beside ourselves about this. The young mans' mother and I are good friends also. JJ and I worked together and his mother Ellen was our boss. We had such incredible fun working together. JJ would come over to our house and just hang out. He was a few years older than my son and his youngest sister was in Hannah's class. Tonight we go to the wake at the same place we had Hannah's. It's too soon after Hannah's but yet how can we not go. JJ was so sweet to us after Hannah died. He used to tease her that he was going to marry her when she got older. My thoughts and emotions are indescribable. I hope this made sense cuz my thoughts are scrambled.

[begalli]

Thanks everyone for your kind, kind words. It really helps to know, in such uncertain times, that maybe, just maybe my love and support for my brother and his family might help hold them up for a day, an hour, or even a single moment.

I did go book shopping yesterday. What a sight I was in the middle of the Barnes and Noble self-help section thumbing through books and quietly sobbing like a lost little kid. That's how I felt, lost. But it could have been pretty humorous as well to those unknowing as I would occassionally and spontaneously blurt out "uh huh!" as I would personally relate to something I just read!

"Beyond Tears" and "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" are two of the books that I picked up. I will wait a bit to offer my sister in-law these books. While her larger functioning is "okay" right now, her concentration is pretty messed up. I don't want to overload her burden.

Tomorrow, it will be 4 weeks since the accident.

[griffinsmom]

It just is that no matter what we do, how much we cry, beg, plead, bargain, wish, pray- our children will not be walking through the door as we know them any time soon- if ever. This is what I tell myself when I get too out of control, that there's nothing I can do to change what has happened. It stinks

You can meet us at: https://griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com/about.aspx

[danielsmom]

Griffinfsmom, I know exactly what you mean,we want so badly to have our children back and no matter what we do we can't have them back. Your right it stinks big time.I have checked out your sons web site it is beautiful. Daniel was 19 when he died.He went out with his girlfriend one sunny April Sunday morning and never came home again.It just isn't fair that such great kids have to die.

Take care of yourself

Wendy

[danielsmom]

Begalli,It is probably a good idea to wait to give your sister-in-law the books. I know that my concentration level in the first few weeks was practically non existent. Your brother and sister-in-law are very fortunate to have such a caring sister. I know that my sister is there for me whenever I need her. She doesn't live in the same city as me but she calls me everyday to make sure I'm okay.

Take care

Wendy

[sarasmom]

Two months ago today we lost our Sara. Words cannot describe how I feel. I'm back to work and try to put on a happy face but on the inside I'm dying.

Griffinsmom I went to your website. What a beautiful tribute to your Son. I hope to do that one day for Sara. It just doesn't seem right that I'm still here and Sara gone with so much life ahead of her. I wish it had been me instead of her.

[joshsmom]

Hi Everyone!

I haven't been posting much, but I've been reading every post lately! I can so relate to so much that is being said!

My husband has begun and lost two jobs in less than a month and my home daycare is slower than it has ever been!

It just seems like things are falling apart all the time! More so than ever since the trials of the people involved in Josh's death, have been postponed! The kid's trial is reascheduled for October 25th and 26th! That seems so far away! Plus there are no guarentees that it will go forward then, it may be postponed again!

My husband is so down and bummed out! He feels like we are jinxed! That everything we do now is just for nothing!

I am beginning to feel the same way too!

I got in touch with a Medium and had a phone session with her the other day! It was a pretty good feeling to hear from people that have passed on, but she didn't pick up anything from Josh until almost the end and then I began to wonder if she just might have come on here and read the posts I wrote about him??? My husband and older son both feel that she just researched things about us using the internet! I didn't feel that way at first but i don't know what to think now! I really want to try again and use someone else but this time be alot more careful about letting them know who I am!

Since the session also, I haven't gotten any signs from Josh! I had a few really scary dreams a few weeks and days before the sessions and now I wonder if I didn the wrong thing by contacting her??? I am so confused! I had so many signs from Josh, and now just nothing at all! Is he mad at me for this??

I feel so alone!

I just wish my life could be like it was before.....I can't even remember what it feels like to not feel this pain and ache in my chest and heart! I can't remember how it felt to wake up in the morning and not have a deaded feeling of the day ahead!

I miss Josh so much! It seems to get worse as time passes! It's been 14 months now and I still relive things over and over again! I can't get passed thinking about him knowing he was unable to breath and feeing scared and wondering what was happening to him! I worry so much about him feeling sad and upset because he made a mistake and caused this to happen!

I have such a lump in my throat and throbbing in my heart! I just don't want him to be upset or to have suffered in any way!

I wish I could really know if this medium was truthful or just telling me what I wanted to hear!

Anyone else have a good experience with a Medium and feel that it was truthful? I really need to know more and understand more about what happened to my son!

I want to have some peace somehow! I want my family to beleive in this too!

Any help is greatly appreciated!!!!

Josh's Mom!

[griffinsmom]

My medium experience was very helpful. You can do an internet search, word of mouth from a support group (like compassionate friends), and the bookstore has a section on afterlife stuff. Even the books have sources listed. I am in SE Fla., and can give you some info if youre interested. It is a big help.

[joshsmom]

Griffin's Mom,

Who did you talk to? I live in Wisconsin, but the other Medium I spoke with was from Pennsylvania and we did a session right over the phone. Don't get me wrong, alot of the things she told me were truthful and I didn't feel at first that she could have gotten things she told me, from researching on the internet, but I guess I am just confused and wondering why I'm not getting any signs from Josh now!

I just would like to talk to another Medium and compare what they both can tell me!

If you don't want to put the info on here about the Medium you saw, you could e-mail me, it's tsengel@ez-net.com. I really appreciate your posting back to me!

I also went to Griffin's Memorial site, he sure was a good looking kid!!!

It will be Josh's "would-be" 18th birthday on August 30th...he was looking forward to that birthday so much! This is the second birthday we've had to have without him. His 17th was only 3 months after he passed!

Thankyou again!!

Josh's Mom

[cindy121]

Hello Everyone,

Yesterday I re-learned the word "never" Our oldest Daughter Hope is getting married Sept 10. It has been difficult to get through the "excitement" of the wedding plans it seems everything is all set; however I still need to get a dress. We spent the entire day yesterday shopping in Albany NY looking for my dress, I was having a very hard time and tried so hard not to rain on Hope's parade. I just kept thinking in head "Donny will never this, and Donny will never that" it was horrible. Honestly I would have bought the first dress that fit.......... there didn't seem to be one for me. I have been taking antidepressents for the last 4 years and have gained about 30 pounds, ALL in the belly, I still have my long slender legs and no rear end, people are always asking me when I'm due, I feel like telling them "I'm not expecting a child I am grieving one. The sales people were no help either, they kept showing me "granny funeral dresses"

Hope will be married on "Donny's Mountain" she got a special permit from the State to have her ceremony there. The wedding is 1 week before his Birthday. His Birthday is Sept 17, our Daughter Michaelia's Birthday is the day before his, she will turn 17, Donny was 17 when he was killed. I am also trying to close my store which I opened 2 years ago, it has turned into a money pit and with heating prices soaring here in the North East I don't think I can survive another winter. I have gone back to Nursing after a short "retirement" and mostly I think it has been good for me, but it is an all consuming career. Our youngest daughter Holly, only 15 is driving me crazy with all of her antics, she is truly our wild child. I am finding myself not just circling the drain, but being hammered by it.

I am only 45 years old and fell like over a hundred!

Going on 5 years now, hard to comprehend, don't know how I got from "there" to "here" one minute it feels like a lifetime, the next it feels like yesterday. Hugs to All, Cindy D

[Artina]

Cindy,

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time. Please know that we care and understand. It is amazing how everything around us continues... a sharp reminder that our loss is our loss. Take time for yourself... you still need to do that.

Peace to you, Tina

[kirksdad]

Cindy, what you say about how one gets from there to here and the feelings one minute to the other ring so true for all of us. I am so sad to hear about your business, I so hoped it would be a way to help things out. I am glad to hear about the wedding, especially with it being at Donny's mountain, but I know there are a lot of emotional issues with everything going on. Today our daughter sat and talked with us and our closest friends and all that ran through my mind was why us, why her, nothing is ever going to be the same. I wish one moment could be the same, but without our sons that just isn't going to be. I want her to be happy, but right now that just isn't happening.

It is so hard to believe that it has been 5 years since Kirk's death and going on 5 years since Donny's. I am especially having a hard time right now because the anniversary of Kirk's death is next week. I look at my daughter and see so much of the same thing going on in your life with your daughters. God, I wish we didn't have to be in the situation that we are in, but here we are, it just really sucks, but we do have our moments, the wedding will be yours and everything that day will be happiness with a bit of sorrow because Donny won't be there physically, but I am sure spiritually he will surround the ceremony with so much love.

We just have to keep plugging away for our other kids right now, no matter how hard it is. We can only hope that as time goes along we will begin to feel so much better. I know I have evolved with my emotions so much, but as with all of us they just keep moving forward, while at times taking steps back. You know you are in my thoughts and prayers. You being here in the beginning kept me sane, you mean so much to me and I hope that eventually everything will be in a state where you, and your family, find more peace of mind. I know what a struggle that is. Jim

[griffinsmom]

FYI-Today is Griffins 7 months, Gianna is 9 months old today, too. Just recognizing the day- missing him more than words can say. What a nightmare. I can't wait until I get to the point of total peace and acceptance, right?

Griffins site: https://griffin-schwartz.memory-of.com/about.aspx

[missingchris]

It will be one year tomorrow since I last saw my child. It is incomprehensible that 365 days have passed. We will go to the cemetery tomorrow and light a candle, and mourn the loss of our Christopher. At the end of the week, we'll print off all the messages at his site for Dakota and put them in a book for him. He goes there every day and it seems to comfort him. To all the parents here, we offer our sorrow for your losses.

http://christopher-kimbrew.memory-of.com/about.aspx

[tylersmom]

MissingChris,

I am so sorry for your loss.I am dreading the one year anniversary of my son's loss.It is a year that no mother's heart ever wants to face.This is truly a nightmare.

[titoyginasmom]

It will be one year tomorrow since I last saw my child. It is incomprehensible that 365 days have passed. We will go to the cemetery tomorrow and light a candle, and mourn the loss of our Christopher. At the end of the week, we'll print off all the messages at his site for Dakota and put them in a book for him. He goes there every day and it seems to comfort him. To all the parents here, we offer our sorrow for your losses.

http://christopher-kimbrew.memory-of.com/about.aspx

HAPPY ANGEL DAY TO CHRIS

HAPPY ANGEL DAY TO CHRIS

HAPPY ANG-EL DAAAY DEAR CHRIS

HAPPY ANGEL DAY TO CHRIS!!!

MissingChris,

Like you and others I dread the marking of my children's Angel Day. I have decided after much thought to treat it as a sort of birthday though. Kind of like a cardiac patient does when he/she get another chance? That is why the song (sorry I sing so badly) and the wording. For Tito and Gina we will be releasing white balloons with small notes tucked inside, and having a "Remember When" gathering at our home for some of their friends. By this I mean remembering all of the things about them...good, bad, and ugly. Things that each person can share to help keep their memories alive. Tito and Gina's first Angel Day will be on Saturday, October 1st.

Kathie...forever Tito y Gina's Mom

[griffinsmom]

So sorry, Missing Chris.....

[kirksdad]

These angel dates just mess us up completely. Sometimes the days leading up to the dates are just horrible. This year we are going to do something Kirk loved and doing that brings us so close to him, but it is still so very hard.

[Artina]

Jim,

I agree with you... the day's leading up to the angel day are so difficult. I am thinking about you as you approach that day that was marked five years ago. Please know that I send my caring energy to you and your family.

Peace to you, Tina

[Artina]

MissingChris,

Thinking about you as you approach this difficult day.

Peace to you, Tina

[joshsmom]

To everyone having "Angel Dates", please know that I am thinking of you and sending good thoughts to you!

Josh's Angel Date was May 31st, and we are approaching the sencond birthday without him....August 30th, will be his 18th birthday! He was looking so forward to this birthday! His 17th was only 2 months after he passed and we had a huge BBQ/Picnic at the park for him! It turned out to be the worst day of the summer, weather wise, we had planned for tubing, swimming, fireworks, and we also let off red, white and blue balloons with notes attached from all of his friends and family. Even though the weather didn't cooperate, we had almost 100 people come and share the day with us! The best part for me was releasing the balloons! I want to do that again this year for his 18th!!

It might seems strange to some people to have a "party" for Josh, but for me, having all of our family, freinds, and Josh's friends together and all there to remember him, makes me feel alot less alone and sad! Even if it is for one day!

It's hard to even beleive that this will be his second birthday in heaven!

Sending hugs to Kirk's family, Chris's family and others with Angel Dates approaching!!

Josh's Mom!

[kirksdad]

Joshsmom, I can really relate to what you are going through. Kirk's died 2 months after his 17th birthday. He went to Wichita and had some fun with his mother and sister. I was harvesting and wasn't around, but was with him the week after for almost a month while he worked with me. He was so looking forward to his 18th birthday, also. Jim

[marksmom]

Hi To All,

I guess I am a bit behind most of you as it will be 5months on the 13th since our Mark passed away. Oh, how I hate those words!! But honestly to me I don't seem to be gathering insight into my grief or understanding, I just seem to get more confused and more angry and sad. The saddness just overwhelms me most of the time. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, my thoughts about Marks whole (accident ?) consumes me. I am still in the WHY him, why our son etc. Of course when I come here I wonder WHY any of us have to lose a precious child.

At any rate I sincerely hope you all get through your Angel dates and I can definately understand how you all feel. Our sons 17th birthday is in 13days, he had planned to have a really big bash outside. I am not sure what we will do, I did want to have a in memory party but now I think I might just fall apart when I get to that day?? For those ofyou who have done things for your childs birthday, did you worry about what would happen on that day? I don't know if I am asking that right but for me I think if I am going to have Marks friends and family here I don't want to fall apart and as of the way I feel right now I can bet I will.

For me right now our life is in total Kayous to say the least. I am not even sure if I will have a family at all in another six months, its like we all can't take it anymore. I wish I could pull us together but it almost seems impossible.

Wishing you all a OKAY day, talk to you again soon BYE ROXY.

[kirksdad]

Marksmom, grief for a child in the beginning is all comsuming. We think about them every waking moment. It is so very hard in the beginning. It just tears our lives apart. Each person grieving and mourning in their own way can take its toll on a family and keeping it together, as far as family, seems so time consuming and totally draining. The key here seems to be time and letting each go through this in the way that is best for them. I can say trying some counseling, just talking to others can be such a help. We were overwhelmed with our emotions after Kirk's death and had such a hard time comforting each other because, to be honest, there is just no comforting that will make a difference. It takes time in the beginning, it was almost 2 years before I could feel human again and now that we are hitting the 5 year mark I know that my life is better, but that doesn't mean I don't miss Kirk just as much.

[cindy121]

Mark's Mom,

Jim is right in the beginning every family is torn, you may also find that your grief runs in peaks and troughs, usually every 3 month mark reaches a peak in the pain. Most parents I have talked to will tell you the nine month mark is the hardest, then the second year, when everyone feels we should surely be "over it" and label us as inept in someway because we are NOT over it. You need to survive this one day at a time and be sure to allow the same for your family, the "normal" stages of grief will cycle differently for each of us and for each member in a family. You might have a day of severe anger and someone esle in your house may be having a day of semi-acceptance or the need to avoid it for a day, the next day it could be just the oposite, every day will bring different emotions for everyone. Respect and understanding are the only way through that.

Lots of "I love you's" will help to hold the wounds until you all have learned to live with each other's grief. Hugs, CindyD

[cindy121]

Jim,

I have been thinking alot about the "5 year mark" I remember when I could not imagine a 5 year angel date, surely I wouldn't have to live THAT long, it seemed like an eternity. I have thought about Kirk, and your family alot too. I know his angel date is Friday But I also remember that the accident was technically the night of the 4th. I am anticipating a lot of fresh grief over these next few weeks with the wedding and Birthdays, it is so hard to comprehend that Michaelia will soon be older than Donny, at some point I suppose he will become her "little brother"???????????

We are supposed to go to Vermont sometime this week-end Hope and her fiance' Shaun are trying-out a boat and husband trying out a wet-ski, we have never done water sports before. I know that was always a big part of your family's life. Do you still go boating?

I remember the poker run you did and got the butterfly punches. We went to a butterfly conservatory a couple weeeks ago, they had monarch butterfly kits for sale, I thought of Kirk, and perhaps your class room could use a cocoon. I wonder if these things could ship in the mail? I remember you saying that Monarchs are rather rare in Kansas, they are quite abundant here in the North East. Do you ever hear from Kelly's Mom or Ryan's Mom? I know they haven't posted here in some time, I wish they would drop us a note if they still stop in.

Say hello to Mrs. B for me, Hugs..... CindyD

[joshsmom]

Mark's Mom,

I really understand alot of what your feeling! I too wondered if our family could stick together and make it through all of this! So much anger, denial, unanswered questions, feeling so isolated because no one we knew had ever lost a child, and then of course, the "why us"! I still feel alot of these emotions, but I guess I've kind of come to a crossroad where I just feel like there isn't anything that I or anyone else can do to change what has happened and I have decided that as hard as it is to do, I want to live the rest of my life in a way that would make Josh proud of me! I want him to see me, not falling apart and our family being pulled apart, but my strength and courage to get through this! I also feel that alot of my emotions have been put on hold because I felt as if I couldn't let myself fall apart, since everyone else around me already was! I had to remain the only one who seemed to have a little grip on this! (Although just between you and me.....I really didn't want to have to be!)

I wished I could have taken the easy way and just crawled into bed and stayed there forever!

It has been 14 months since that awful morning, and as I look back now, I see that our family has come quite a ways in the grief stages. My husband isn't quite as angry all the time and he has even seemed to acknowledge the fact that we can't do anything about what has happened to us! My older son has recently bought himself a 10 week old chocolate lab puppy and I think it is the best thing he could have done for both himself and for us! This little puppy has filled a big void in our lives and even though Eric doesn't live at home anymore (which was very hard on his Dad and me....but there was alot of argueing and fights between his Dad and him,) anyway, he comes over alot more now and has a reason to.....the puppy~~!!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though things seem really grim right now, I think that time with heal alot of the pain everyone has in their hearts right now. Unfortunately we always hurt the ones we love the most! Nasty words and hurtful thinking, but I really do think that it's just the way men deal with alot of their grief! They have alot of anger!!! Women tend to pick things apart and try to figure out why this or why that, but guys are just mad about it! They can't do anything about it and this is hard to accept!

I really hope that you can get some comfort in knowing your not the only one whose family is going through these same difficulties!!

I myself felt that the parties we've had now for Josh were very important in giving us time to be together! The memories and the videos of these parties are so very important to me now! Even if you do fall apart, you probably wont be the only one who does and then, just lean on each other for the day! That's what everyone will be there for!

Hugs to you!!!

Josh's Mom

[eriksmomforever]

I have a court hearing tomorrow morning for the driver that killed my son. I hate dealing with this part of it. It's bad enough we are going through what we are, and then to have to deal with all this other stuff. It will be 6 months soon since Erik died....i cannot believe it. Think of me tomorrow morning at 10:00 hopefully i can keep my cool. He can't pay for the funeral costs but i found out he has been spending his summer at the casino. Yeah, don't get me started. Hope you are all doing "ok"

Mandy

[joshsmom]

Erik's Mom,

I understand about having to deal with all the other issues, but at least your court proceedings are going forward! We have had another postponement and now have to wait until the end of October to have the jury trial for the kid that killed Josh! He just enjoyed a whole other summer, still is getting arrested and still is getting out and going back home again!

I hate it!

We found out too that they have moved out of the trailer park where they lived across the road from our older son, now I wonder where they are.....I called the DA and told him, he said "I'll make a note of that"!

Wow!!! That's alot!

Sorry to vent back but I could keep going too!!!!!!

I'm thinking about you today, your in my prayers that things go well for you!

Josh's Mom!!

[Artina]

Mandy,

You are in my prayers this morning.

Peace to you, Tina

[kirksdad]

Five years ago tonight we said goodbye to our son for the last time. It has been the hardest journey that one can go through. I miss him with all my heart and think about him all the time. I hope that one day I will be able to hold him again. Although it has been 5 years it seems like yesterday and even though my emotions have ebbed from that cold hard reality to some peace it is still hard to understand that he is gone and I will live with his going for the rest of my life.

I love you Kirk and miss you with all my heart.

[danielsmom]

Kirksdad

My thoughts are with you and your family

Wendy

[titoyginasmom]

Five years ago tonight we said goodbye to our son for the last time. It has been the hardest journey that one can go through. I miss him with all my heart and think about him all the time. I hope that one day I will be able to hold him again. Although it has been 5 years it seems like yesterday and even though my emotions have ebbed from that cold hard reality to some peace it is still hard to understand that he is gone and I will live with his going for the rest of my life.

I love you Kirk and miss you with all my heart.

My heart goes out to you and your family today. It boggles my mind to think of five long years without my children! God bless you and your family for the strength you have shown in your lives, and the compassion you have shown on these boards to those of us in desperate need.

Happy Angel Day Kirk!!!

Kathie......forever Tito y Gina's Mom

[Artina]

Jim,

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Peace to you, Tina

[griffinsmom]

Kirks Dad...and family....

Try to have a good day- make it special.

Peace-

Randi

[marksmom]

Hi to ALL,

Kirksdad, I thank you for all the work you do for this site as it has truly become one of my lifelines, a big THANK YOU!

I get mad at myself as I seem to come here and just take support and have nothing really to give back. I am not normally a taking kind of person I am a giver and a helper and it feels uncomforable for me not to be of some kind of help. So I will say that my thoughts are with all of you and I thank each and everyone of you for sharing your own experiences with me.

IT seems like the only place I feel I get understanding is here, so I keep coming back. I hope I can one day help some of you with insight I gather from this horrible life experience. Bye Roxy.

[cindy121]

Jim,

I hope the day will be gentle on your heart.

.....CindyD

[sarasmom]

Kirksdad my heart goes out to you. Tonight I'm having a hard time. The only way I can explain this is that my arms feel so empty. I just want to hold my Sara so bad I can hardly bare the ache inside of me. Why did this have to happen to my little girl?

http://sara-fitzpatrick.memory-of.com/about.aspx

[missingchris]

Jim,

Your family is in out thoughts. Our hearts go out to you.

Chris's Family

[missingchris]

Jim,

Your family is in our thoughts. Our hearts go out to you.

Chris's Family