Loss of a Teenager

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, For as much pain and loss as you have endured, I think you have done some SUPER things to help your community become aware of problem drunk driving.  And now to take on the task of promoting new legislation against dead beat dads and their rights--or non-rights...  Good for you!  You are right!  That would be one good thing that could come of this.  It won't bring Anthony back, and that is excruciating in and of itself.  But your son would be so proud of you for fighting to help make sure others won't suffer the things you have been going through.  You know I am in your corner, and I care so very much.  Hugs, Claudia

[kathy714]

Hi Kathy,I don't know if you remember me,i had seen your post  when your son first passed,and replied,my name is kathy,and i also live in RI,I loss my son Nathan , on his 21st birthday.,Jan31,2005.Now i just loss my husband jan9th to cancer,we were married 27 years.I Did see the artical today in the paper,Iam sorry that now you have to deal with all this,people are crazy when it comes to money,how can he think he deserves anything,if he couldn't be a dad.I just wanted to send you a post to let you know i think of you now then,and i hope this all works out for you,so maybe finally you can grieve for your son in peace.God Bless,Kathy,Nate's mom 4 ever

[iansmom]

I was looking through the memorabilia cabinet that we have for Ian and thought I would share one of my favorite pieces. Ian was 15 when he wrote this, it was a tough time in his life. This is something I read often and can't get enough of.

Iansmom, Faith

[4everjoeysmom]

Faith, what a treasure!  He did give you the most special present that summer.  Didn't he?  That precious letter!

Joey wrote me a special letter (I posted on his memorial site) dated February 22, 2005.  It, too, is one of my greatest treasures of the heart.......

[mikesmum]

Faith - Brilliant letter!  Many years ago, I started a memory box for my children as the grew to adults.  Little things like certficates of achievment, handmade cards, notes, corsage and gloves from the Debutane ball all three attended and programs from school plays etc...

I was 'rearranging' the boxes uptop of my wardrobe last May and found it.  Sat on the floor and cried like a baby........here was Mikes handwriting, his thoughts and thankyous from a very young age till his late 20's. His dress gloves, he was so handsome in his suit at the Deb.  I cried like a baby, rocked back and forth but in the end I was glad I had keep these momentos of their lives.

Thanks for sharing.......it really does help to acknowledge the life and special moments our children gave to us....

Trudi

[iansmom]

Today I feel like I'm in a * time warp *. My heart is throbbing stronger and stronger as the 2nd of march comes into view. In one sense of time it seems to be approaching too quickly and yet at the same time it approaches at a snails pace. Ergo, a time warp. My head is swimming with all the excess oxygen to the brain while at times I find it hard to breath. One more hurdle, the 2 year mark.

My beautiful boy, 18 years we shared, God, it wasn't enough --- but I'm so glad I had 'em. As I struggle to write this, I just want to say, life will never be the same with this part of my heart gone from this place. I know where it is, it's in heaven, but "I" miss it being here. I love you Ian Allen James Brasseaux, you're missed by everyone here. Andrea and Christian make sure that their girls remember you well, but that's not hard to do because you were like a second dad to them. I'm working on a plan to get laws and procedures changed in the liquor license laws. That seems to move too slow.

Ian.bmp

[bigmikesmom]

Dear Faith,

I am praying for you as the day approaches. I know how you feel about "a time warp" At the 1 year mark, I felt so wierd like I could prevent the accident from happening. Don't let Mike come home from college for Thanksgiving. I know that is dumb but all kinds of things were going through my head. Try to take 1 hour at a time.I guess I do not know what to say to help but I will be thinking of you.

   Kathy (KATANT) I am in the same boat as you. I have told you before our situation is similar, in that I am an R.N. loved my job and when I went back to work after 6 weeks they wanted me to take a leave but I resigned, thinking I would get a job somewhere else. I never even looked because I couldn't function, due to depression and PTSD. I have now attempted to go to work. I was offered a job teaching  the STNA class. In Ohio nurses aides have to take a state test. I teach the class that prepares them to take the test, lecture, skills lab, and clinicals. It is great. I haven't taught ,yet on my own but have observed the other Rn teaching and participated. I think this will be good for me. I also didn't go out looking but this "fell into my lap" so to speak. I think God was taking me to the next step in the grieving journey. I think the teaching job was sent to you too by God so GO FOR IT! dON'T PASS IT UP. i WILL BE PRAYING THAT YOU MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. God Bless you and everyone else on this BI site.

Love,

Patti (Big MikesMom)

[katant]

Patti

I to feel this has "Fell Into My Lap" and I am not going to let this pass me by.  I was offered a position as a Medical Clinical Rep but it required me to be right back in the O.R. and explaining to the Surgeons how to use the product during the surgery.  Yikes, at first I was like...mmm good money but then I thought more about it, driving to different hospital, parking, changing, on-call, I knew that was not the right way.

I do want to stay in field and as you know being an R.N. whatever you do in the hospital your reminded every second of every day.  I to am "Clinically Depressed" and "PTSD" and I was driving to the same hospital every day my Anthony was taken to that night and talk about reliving that night every flipping day.  I tried though...I really tried. 

So I will go to this interview Tuesday and see what they say.  The curriculum in given to you and I have been a Preceptor in O.R. for 3-4 years now so I am used to teaching and knowing basically the start and the finish of something.  Common sense and I do love the field..just not doing surgery anymore.

And get this, the hours would be M-Th 9-2 and 20 hours a week is consider full-time and you get paid the weeks your off, they work it into the schedule.  And the pay is in my range.  So I will go check it out and I will know when I walk in there...you know...that feeling..you just get it...i'll figure it out and then maybe use some guidance from my new grief counselor. 

Thanks Patti, your have been a great help.  I will let you know.

((HUGS)) kathy....katant

[bigmikesmom]

Kathy,

That sounds great. 20hrs per week is perfect. At this stage of your grief journey, I do not think working anymore than that would be wise. I think this would ease your way back. I am only going to work 20 hrs or less, it depends because some weeks I have clinicals and some I don't so it is never more than 20yrs. We don't have to push ourselves any harder than that. I am so ecxited for you. Good Luck on Tuesday. I know you will do great. I am praying for you.

LOVE,

pATTI (bigmike'smom)

[davidsmom]

I am in the same boat as the rest of you...sigh... I am also an RN, and had been working as an investigative reportive/news journalist when David was killed. I am completely incapable of returning to any sort of work right now. I did continue writing, and spoke at a number of public venues shortly after David died, but my depression and inability to cope has increased greatly since those first few weeks. Everyone thought I was "coping so well" at first, then I sort of disappeared off the radar...

I just don't want to be seen, I don't want to work on any projects...Luckily, I don't HAVE to, so I am not. Staying home, trying to take care of my house, my self, and my 2 other boys is about all I can manage, and I'm not even doing that well there. Every day is a struggle, and I shudder to think of living another 20, 30, or 40 years without David. Every day feels like a year, but it feels like only yesterday when I last hugged dear David. I am so lonely. Thanks for listening.

Love,

Lisa (David's mama)

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy (KATANT) -- I also am praying that you will have a clear knowing of whether or not this teaching opportunity is the right one for you.  It sounds wonderful.  You're right, I believe.  You will know after you've had a chance to meet the interviers and learn more about the job.  Keep us posted!  I am so praying for big blessings to come your way.  HUGS, Claudia

Lisa, That lonliness, the deep aching and missing...  It' the worst.  I am praying for you too...

 

[katant]

Claudia,

I am still interested in the beauty industry option, however, through discussion with my MADD Advocate she knows that I still have that part of me that still loves the medical part of my life that I worked so hard for, and loved doing for the past eight years but I just can't walk into that environment anymore.

When I was contacted about this job and it was explained to me and the person on the other end seemed very interested in my background even though I have not taught in a classroom setting but I have been a preceptor for incoming students and RN's training to become a circulating nurse for the past 3 years, she was very impressed. 

So I will go for the interview on Tuesday.

The other things is this month of March, don't know if you remember, we lost 4 more teenagers within 3 months of Anthony and in just one Month....

Anthony - 12/15/06 age 17 - hit by a drunk driver, died from head trauma.

Tim - 3/13/07 age 17 - fell off a skateboard backwards, died from head trauma.

Corrina - 3/17/07 age 17 - freak accident slamming into a telephone pole on a snowy march day, died from head trauma

Tiffany - age 20 -

Marissa - age 19 both where underage drinking and driving and was hit by a tractor trailor after their car stalled in the middle of a highway one night coming home from a club.  Both died from head tauma.

So my heart and prayers are going to all our kids and knowing that Anthony was there waiting for them with that great hand shake he had and that bear hug and smile.  I miss him so much and know my head is messed up and hope that things will fall into place for me because I have to figure something out or I am gonna go nuts.  I'm sure I will....i hope...i pray....

God Bless Anthony, Timmy, Corrina, Tiffany and Marissa.....

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, I do remember all of the young people lost last year, and how devastated your community was time and time again.  It seemed unreal each time you would report another loss...  I remember how grieved my heart was for you then, and even still with all of the things you've been going through this past year.  And I completely understand your love for the medical field but your hesitation to stay in it after the trauma you've endured and continue to deal with in having PTSD.  I'm sure you will know what's right when it comes along.  I went to cosmotology school some years ago.  I really liked it.  The great thing for me now, after all these years is that I not only can do a fairly good job with my own hair and makeup (rarely needed these days), but I also do a mean home dog grooming for my Shih tzu and mini Schnauzer, who both need regular grooming.    It's like riding a bike...

HUGS, Claudia

[mikesmum]

Kathy - I read your posts and am also in that transient, what to do phase.  Like you my job, has too many triggers of the day Mike died.   I haven't worked in 12 months. 

Originally I was a nurse.  I have been looking at Medical Reception jobs, many want Registered Nurses.  I let mine slip to become an EMD.  My daughter came across an ad for a Re registration course for Nurses, locally.  A sign???

But, is it too close?  I feel in my socks its okay, my heart and my head agree.  The program is 12 weeks classroom, 9-3, with clinicals at local hospitals.  I spoke with my psychologist about possible pitfalls I might have overlooked and decided to go ahead with my interview. 

Its tomorrow.....change of pace.....I will have to shower (earlier rather than later), put on something a little more professional than jimmy jams and might even see if I have a lipstick that isn't strawberry gloss, (a gift from my granddaughter).

As with eveything here on BI, no advice, just oberservations.....finding a job that doesn't require learning from scratch, that won't incur further financial burdens, that will allow me to re-enter the world with some familiarity and maybe a modicum of confidence might just be something I need about now.  Friday 7th I go to court to end my employment as an EMD, I hope this is the final chapter in what has been a 7 year career, I know in my heart I will never work in that field again.

I have seen first hand you strength and abilities (read the newspaper article, saw the film) my only suggestion, work through with your counsellor/psych PTSD sucks and can at times be triggered by the simpliest things........I wish you luck with your decision.......

Patti - I will think of you as I enter the classroom for my first tutorial.......I hope the Clinical Nurse Pracitioner is as generous and caring as you.......she might need to be gentle with me!!!  Your atvar is amazing, what a hunk!!!

Blessed be - Trudi

[katant]

Trudi, Claudia,

As you say it's like riding a bike, I think the interview will just give me an idea of what it may be like and with my gut feeling (have to trust that one) I will either figure it out or take the day with me, think about it and discuss with my new counselor on Friday.

It's funny because I was (and Anthony) the type of person who could barely stay home longer than an hour...i'm bored...let's go do something.  Let's go tot he gym or bike ride or beach or whatever. 

Trudi, I now what you mean about not putting on the makeup and in the jammies all day, last year I drowned myslef into work and as you know hit rock bottom this past year after all the court and now the Administrative Estate of Anthony....drama...

I make myslef take a shower everyday and put on new sweats and a new t-shirt and keep myself busy doing little things around the house.  Because I was sick this week I have not drivin my car since last Tuesday (which is good with gas prices...yikes)...but today I said I was going to get out...take a drive....and I wanted to just get some small errands done.  So it's noon and I am not yet ready to take a shower...but I will.

Even if this job is a good thing, it can be part-time couple nights per week and I think I still want to go to school full time during the day.  As we all know the days just seem to pass and they don't really matter anymore...ya know...

Enjoy your jammies trudi.....do go tomorrow because you may feel like something passed you bye...it's only a couple of hours and when you come home believe me you'll be ready for a nap.  That's how I feel anyway.  Whipes me out. 

Claudia, i have the pictures of your doggies....so cute....

((HUGS)) kathy  katant

[bigmikesmom]

Trudy,  thanks for your kind words about mike and myself. I will be praying for you tomorrow. I too , understand about the jimmy jams and no make-up. It will feel good once you do it and remember, like my counselor told me, it doesn't have to stop me from still grieving for Mike, we never ever have to let go, or stop thinking about our dear son's. Think of it as a liitle breather from the pain.Our sons will always be in our mind and heart,forever and ever. No one can take that away from us.Take it slow and if it seems like too long of a day to be away then cut back. I can't believe how many of us are R.N.'s. It is amazing to me.

God Bless you, my friend.

Patti-"BigMikesMom"

[bigmikesmom]

Kathy, the pic of anthony is precious. I know when I find that when I see a new pic of Mike on facebook or myspace from the kids, that I haven't seen before it takes me back a second, almost takes my breath away, like 'HE ISN'T REALLY GONE FROM THIS EARTHLY EXISTENCe. Is he???" It definetely is weird.

Claudia, I just want to say Hi! I still am always learning and inspired by your posts ,both here and on the site, grief from a Christian prospective.I am going to a grief support group on Mondays called "Grieving  with the Help of Your Catholic Faith" It has been so helpful. It has moved me to reach out to others and especially to the marginalized. I am trying but I still have to push myself to do anything.My counselor said I am starting to see a ladder to crawl up out of this hole. I know everyone here knows what I am talking about,as you so eloquently described it like,Claudia.

Lisa, I am thinking about you and praying for you too! It is horrible to think we could live another 20 or 30 years. I did ,just this week, finally think"what would it do to my other son,Matt, if I died also. He would even be in more pain.I guess I will have to keep on moving forward.

God Bless all of you here!We will survive and move on to help others and become better people because "we made it through this storm" That is my wish and prayer for all of us! I hope I didn't forget anyone on this thread. Sally, I am thinking of you too and of course Trish.

Love,

Patti-BigMikesMom

I will post another pic of Mike but I don't know why they come out so big. I would love to see more pics of your kids.

[mikesmum]

Hi all, from the successful applicant!  It is amazing how a shower, makeup and goodness me, a skirt can change your entire demeanour........

I always remember when Mike would see me in a skirt, he would always say "Looks Serious, oh no, lippy it is serious!!"   I truly felt him with me today.  The interview was a formality.   The closest to 'sad' I came was when I explained the 12 month gap in my work history.  The amazing thing was the panel consisted of 'mature aged nurses' who were supportive and encouraging.  The course is flexible and I can work through at my own pace. 

Kathy - Finding pictures you haven't seen before for me is like a bonus, something Mike hid and let me find to let me know he is still around.  I found pictures of Mike and Harmony (one is on his atvar) that I thought were gone forever.  The sleeping boy........they do evoke strong memories.....tears and smiles....

Patti - Probably need to do a research program on the number of RN's here at BI.  I think it is amazing how many mums here have that background.....makes the reasons we are here even harder.....................

Well, I am off to the jimmy jams.  It has been quite an adventure and yet while tired I am not maudalin or tearful, something I have tended to endulge in in the late afternoon.

 

 

[bigmikesmom]

Trudi, yeah! congratulations!It is so awesome than you can take it at your own pace.

Love,

Patti-bigmikesmom

[annie6]

Dearest Ian's Mom-

I may be posting too late for your world, but I've just read your post and wanted you to know you are in my prayers. I cant know what this must be for you--I'm still not even to a one year anniversary yet. June used to be my favorite month--now I dread it's approach. But for you to have had to live without your beautiful Ian for a full two years now . . . I can only whisper "I'm so so sorry. I am so very sorry." Tonight as I go to bed I will light a candle for you and Ian, and imagine your beautiful son hovering very close to his beloved momma, sending her all his love--and praying for her peace and comfort. I hope you will dream a sweet dream of him tonight.

Trudi- Congratulations! I smiled as you shared about Mike's comments when he'd see you in a skirt. He must be so proud of you right now. Good for you! Your courage will get me into the shower this week (a big step for me right now).

I've been away from BI for the last 10 days or so. Went out to Hawaii to visit our daughter and her little ones--and to visit Gavin's grave. I walked to the cemetery from our daughter's home, carried a lawn chair with me to I could sit and have a longer stay. It's still so unreal to me. I can't grasp that he could really be buried there-that he could really be gone. I cried like a baby as I stood in front of my daughter's fridge--Gavin had painted the front of it with a beautiful ocean/beach house scene two years ago. Every line and color is a miracle to me. I could feel him applying the paint, see his hand as he sketched in palm trees on a distant beach on the horizon. I wanted to stand there with him and tell him how proud I am of him and his ability to see and capture such grace. Did he really understand and feel my awe of him while he lived? I don't want to live in regret . . . and yet I do at times. Did I express my love, this awe fully enough?? Did he truly understand how precious he was to me--to all of us? How much I've learned now that it's too late . . .

But to each of you--Kathy, Faith, Patti, Trudi, Lisa, Claudia and all who come here to share your fears, your anguish and your understanding (expressed and silently)--I send my most tender love and gratitude. Your courage in sharing your fears and frailties has helped me to accept where I am, to get out of bed, and to feel less ashamed on days when I can't do even that. I draw strength and hope from your struggles and your victories. Thank you for sharing them. Thank you too for sharing your beautiful children with me. I love every story, every picture- I find myself falling in love with each of them and can see in every face why you love them so. I am so grateful that you are in my life. BI is sacred ground to me and you are all angels in my life.

All my love and huge hugs to all of you,

Annie-Gavin'sMom

p.s. Love to you too Teresa. I’ll email you now that I’m home. You're in my prayers.

p.p.s Someday I'll figure out how to make my pictures small enough to share! I love love all your pictures!

[mikesmum]

Annie - Great picture of a truly amazing young man.....the cutie underneath also gorgeous!  I smiled as I read your post about the painting of the fridge, imaging your sons brush strokes........I have a guitar here in my 'office'.  It was Mikes.....I will never polish it, it has his fingerprints.....I imagine him constantly running his fingers over the strings and fret, making the most incredible melodies and rifts.......it truly takes me away....  As for the shower thing - power to you! 

Patti you were right, the difference in how I felt today came from taking the shower, applying lippy and wearing the skirt.  However, we both know the jimmy jams were never far from the door once I was home!!!

Faith - its never going to be easy around these times, but know as you find yourself in that place we all have been and surely will be again, thoughts & prayers are with you and yours......The candle is for Ian, may its light shine on him wherever he may be.......

Take care - Trudi

[iansmom]

Sorry about the double, lol.

It won't let me delete the photo...

[iansmom]

I wanted to take the time to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers. This site has helped me tremendously. Yesterday my parents told me that I needed to "Let it go, Ian's not here anymore, it's time to let him go" I know they will never know what we here know so I couldn't be upset with them. I also think that maybe it's just that they have a hard time every time something comes up. My dad still cries when he's alone, especially when he's working on his boat. That was time that was usually spent with his grandson, Ian, who loved fishing, trawling, seining, crabbing etc. as much as he did.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, the evening, sunset, was so very nice. I made 2 wreaths with fresh flowers, we had rose peddles and individual flowers to float across the water. Unfortunately the humidity and lighting played a role against my friends efforts to take pictures for me. I was able to get a few shots and here is one of our 3 grand daughters that Ian helped to raise from birth. It's hard to see the water in the background but the sunset was beautiful.

[mikesmum]

Faith - The picture is beautiful, the waves ebbing behind your precious grandbabies and the sunset, wow!

I guess for your folks Ians time here has in many ways ended, the pain of holding on too much for them, especially your dad.  The tears fall when the memories overwhelm us. 

A calm sea, a kaleidoscope of warm colours as the sunsets, I believe shows us the beauty of our children at the times we least expect it.

Thank you for sharing your pictures, your celebration of Ian reflective of the love that never ends.......Take Care Trudi 

[annie6]

Sweet Faith-

Your empathy for your parent's pain is so wise and loving. It would be easy to be angry with them for their comments--and your loving response is so much more insightful and healing for everyone. You set a beautiful example for us. Others really can't understand, but instead, can be blessed by our understanding, can't they?

Your beautiful remembrance on the beach is inspiring to me. The picture is so warm and tender. I can feel the love you all felt. I'd been dreading the approach of our first anniversary in June. Maybe it doesn't have to be something to dread . . . maybe it can be a blessed time to honor our boy and all the love we share. I know it will be painful, but that doesn't have to mean dreadful.

And another connection from BI to cherish: Our Gavin left behind three little nephews--who he had helped raise from birth, too. He and Ian must have some fun memories to share. I loved your picture. Three beautiful little girls for Ian to watch over.

Thanks for all,

Annie-Gavin'sMom

[4everjoeysmom]

Faith, I'm sorry I didn't get to post yesterday or send and e-mail.  I have a visitor here from the States and we were out all day yesterday.  I was so beat, I went to bed at 7:30 and probably fell asleep within 5 minutes--which is unusual.  I thought of you a lot yesterday, and I prayed for you, because I knew the day would be full of emotion.  I'm sorry for the way your folks responded, but I love hearing how you responded--you are a truly godly woman, an inspiration.  Sending love, hugs, blessings and rememberance of your beautiful son Ian.  Love, Claudia 

[davidsmom]

Yesterday was 4 months since David was taken from us. It seems the days get longer, time drags on, and there is little to look forward to. I feel like I am stuck under a big black cloud. I miss the sunshine of my sweet boy! Love to all.

lisa

david's mama

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com/

[davidsmom]

Hmm..Posting problems for me too. It seemed like the page wasn't uploading at all, so I cancelled my post all together. When I go back to the forum, my post is in twice. I hope admins are looking at this.

lisa

david's mama

[wyomingsal]

Lisa,

Every time I see David I can't help but think of how much your heart is breaking without him.  Even though our Heavenly boys don't look too much alike, just this handsome growing boy who probably gets into too much trouble look that David has reminds me so much of my son Joshua.  4 months without him seems so hard to stand and yet I am only 7 months without my boy as well.  I am thinking of you.

Sal

[davidsmom]

Thank you dear Sal. You pegged David, right on the mark. I also saw similar qualities in your Joshua when I read through your website tribute to him.My heart is broken. For as much mischief as David caused, as loud and sometimes annoying he could be, I would take it all just to have him back. The house is so quiet, so dark without him here. This pain is often to hard to take. Looking at David's pictures, watching movies of him, to hear his voice...that is the closest I can get to him. I was always enchanted by his physical beauty, as well as his inner self.

ps David's friend who is charged (and plead guilty) to killing David will be sentenced in April. It was postponed.

Lisa

David's mama

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

[annie6]

Lisa-I just spent some time at David's memorial site. What a sweetheart he was--and is still, I'm sure. You've done an amazing job highlighting his life and that wonderful mischievous sparkle he had. He was a character, wasn't he? He must have brought so much joy and energy wherever he went. No wonder your world feels so dark right now. I'll pray that he stays close and continues to surprise you.

Sal-We haven't met yet, but I need to tell you that I wince every time I see your beautiful Joshua and think of how young he was. Your arms must feel so very empty. Boys are always such absolute little loves when they're that age. I imagine his Heavenly family is so thrilled to have him home. But for you, Mom, I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye. Far far far too soon.

Too soon for all of us. At what age would it ever be easy?

Love and heaven's strength to us all.

Annie/Gavin'sMom

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, I am SO EXCITED for you.  It sounds wonderful.  And how great that you have some time before you begin the job.  I'll be keeping you in prayer as you rest now and prepare to begin a new journey.

Love ya! Claudia

[wyomingsal]

Congratulations on your job, Kathy!    It sounds like everything has fallen into place and the job will be perfect for you.   I am happy that you were able to smile for once.    Sometimes it doesn't seem like we will ever smile again. 

Sal

[annie6]

Wow! Good for you, Kathy! Sounds like the job, timing, everything about it was heaven tailored just for you. Of course you're perfect for it! Congratulations--You deserve this! --Annie

[annie6]

Hmmm--Sorry that came up twice! Not sure why--Kathy, maybe you deserved two times the congratulations!

(Lets see what happens this time when I press 'send.')

Good night all. Sweetest of dreams!

-Annie/Gavin'sMom

[mikesmum]

 

Kathy!!

 

[align=center]Congratulations - I believe in signs - this was meant to be[/align]

[align=center] [/align]

[align=left]Anthony is looking out for you![/align]

[davidsmom]

Another long night without sleep. Kept busy scanning photos and doing silly little things with them.  Hope everyone is "ok"

Love, Lisa

David's mama

[katant]

Claudia, Annie and everyone who is sending me your love and prayers....it is something that was placed in front of me and I am nervous but it is even better than I thought.

They help teenagers and adults either receive their GED's and/or get Ceritifed to become Medical Assistants.  The Medical Assistant's now in the office do more "procedures" so some of the people are having a tough time and some are very dedicated and it just feels good to be in a job that I will be  helping the people and watching them graduate and it's a good feeling.

Annie....I have noticed that when you type and the send your reply just hit the back button after a minute or so and the post is there.  If I have typed alot,  I will just copy what I just typed before I hit the back button just in case, but it seems to post so not sure what is up with that.

I am excited and I start April 14th in Medical Terminology and it's just scary and good at the same time.

Thank ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL For YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Kathy....katant......Anthony is right there...when I was in the office the campus I will be teaching at is run by a man named Anthony and he called today during the paperwork and he will be the person I will be going to when I teach in Providence...Anthony...I will be saying that name more...smile.

[katant]

Lisa..david's mom

have you tried Advil PM?  And if you have access to ITunes, there is a podcast that you can download free for meditation...if you go on there and search podcasts meditation dowloads...

i can't remember her name...i will find it.

[annie6]

"ANTHONY" . . . I love it! OF COURSE you're working with someone named ANTHONY! Heaven often gives us that one, extra little tender mercy, just to make sure we don't miss the fulness of the miracle. :-) The skeptic may doubt, but the open heart always sees. Don't you just love being reminded how MUCH we are LOVED?! Kathy, yes, you've suffered--but you've continued to keep an open heart and now, look what you let in!

Lisa-Advil PM (or Nytol, or Tylenol PM--or any of the others with same antihistamine ingredient) is great for most, and it always helps me sleep . . . but, it also gives me depression (and I don't need any increase in that, thank you very much). None of the "new" prescription sleepers work well for me at all, but I've had good luck with 25 mg Amitriptylin. It's a tiny dose and it lets me sleep like a baby, with no depression side effects. (It used to be prescribed as an anti-depressant before all the SSRI's came out.) So, if you discover you have trouble with the Advil PM, ask your MD about it. Definitely worth a talk with your Doc.

[DawnFisher]

We are - I'm trying to figure out why it is happening.  I think sometimes with new users - they're just clicking too many times.  I try to clean them up daily and get rid of duplicate posts.

Thanks for your patience!

Dawn

[bigmikesmom]

kathy, I am so happy for you. the job sounds perfect.

God Bless,

Patti

[mikesmum]

Lisa - The pictures of your boy are beautiful.  Scanning and working with images into the night, occassionally the early morning for me has been therapeutic......

Its 13 months since Mike died......just able to say that.........my sleep is down to a fitful 4hrs average.  Psychologist explained it may never get better, but then I guess I never really expected it to....

I have noticed that while there are times of complete detachment from the world, I now have times of calm where memories come, tears fall but the complete devestation is ebbing....

I am amazed at the framing and flashing fonts on Davids photo frames......good job

Kathy - Anthony? are you kidding....this job and those involved were 'heaven sent'.  Let us know how you go..........

Trudi

[iansmom]

Hi Trudi, I am so sorry to hear that you're still dealing with sleep problems. That sure does complicate things, I know.  I've been dealing with that a little here and there but when I find myself at that point I just pray or find a calming solution. I know, what works for me may not for anyone else.  I do find a peace in prayer though.  I confront God with whatever is on my heart.  I'll be praying for your peace of mind so you can get that needed rest.  It's important so you can think more clearly.  You're very precious and help so many here, with a big heart like yours, I can only imagine what a blessing you are to those around you.  I pray for peace for you. Iansmom, Faith

Here's a pic. of the 2 wreaths I put together that floated into the Gulf of Mexico last Sunday evening.  Duck Tape, my daughters cat is admiring my work. It looks like a field of wild flowers, not very well done lol, but I did it for my son is what matters.

 

[mikesmum]

Faith - Beautiful flowers, I am sure they floated out and created a spectacular memory for you.  The sleep thing is something I find I have come work with.  Once I worked 4 twelve hour days as a medical dispatcher.  Sleep back then was between 6-7hrs.  Now I no longer have the capacity to work at that level.  My sleep is basically intune with the physical/mental activity.

But I do take more time to just 'be'.  To sit or lay quietly for a short time, to work on letting my mind rest.  That has been allowing me to re energise.

I love that name 'Duck Tape' for your daughters cat!  Truly is a fitting name for such and inquisitive puss!!

Take Care - Trudi

[annie6]

Faith-I love Ian's flowers. Looks like a lot of work, but it must have felt good doing it for him. I like the thought of watching from "above" and seeing all those beautiful colors float out into the gulf. Beautiful tribute; I'll bet it was comforting for you. I remember when we buried Gav. We'd gone out to purchase a new set of clothes before going to the mortuary. They needed to be pressed and the woman at the mortuary offered to iron them for me--but I declined. I really wanted to do that one last thing for my boy, to show my love in that one last gesture. . . to be able to 'take care' of my son. I ironed tears into every part of that shirt.

Trudi-I'm amazed that you're able to function, and still be so loving and kind to all of us, on so little sleep. I've heard that many geniuses sleep in small, four hour or less "cat naps" and work 'round the clock. :-) Glad you've figured out how to work with it. I'd be a basket case. I'll join Faith in those prayers for you.

I've had a pretty good couple of days. Having the sun come out (even though it's still COLD) has really lifted my spirits. I've been able to get outside and walk, which is really good. I've also returned to praying for myself--I'd given that up for a while. . . Weird, I could pray for others, but not for myself. But that's behind me for now, and I've had two really peaceful days. I'm actually beginning to feel more hopeful about the future--maybe I will survive this after all. I'm so grateful for this one, simple hope.

Love, peaceful sleep, and sweet dreams to all,

Annie

[mikesmum]

Annie -  Not sure if I come close to "geniuse" but I think I may have been a closet  basket case in the past.

I have been blessed in this life with many opportunities to work and care for those whose prognosis was less than optimal.  They range from small children to the elderly.  Their insights, strengths and energies have shown me that much of what I have been given in my life has in fact allowed me to redefine myself a little. 

Here I find a similar strength given to me by those who support me through this wilderness.  The words of a poem I found express it better than I ever could.

Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent for I do know how they feel.

Just for today, when my heart feels like breaking, I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving, and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much.

The priviledge for me was having Micheal for 31 yrs and finding this site enabling me to celebrate his life and in many ways continue mine......Thank you all.

Always in my thoughts - take care, Trudi

 

[iansmom]

Awww cher' Kathy, how sweet, they're beautiful. I can imagine the comfort they bring.

Thank-you Kathy, I know what you mean about the flowers for the boys. I wanted to do golf balls with messages, balloons with messages and so on, but the Wildlife and Fisheries frowned big time on those ideas. So I have decided to build a small pirogue make it water worthy of course, and set it up with fishing lures, hooks, weights, etc, deck it out, and maybe glue some golf balls into it, or a mini golf cady, ya know, just do it up right. But this time take the boat out to marsh island and launch it in there, or maybe in shark bayou, but launch it in one of his favorite off shore spots. It'll take some time to put that together, but, I have time.

Everybody have a blessed weekend,  Iansmom, Faith

[katant]

Hi everyone....feels like forever since i have been here.

just wanted to update u on my new grief counselor..she is great and has suggested a massage therapist for cranial/sacral work to help with sleeping and getting away from taking the Valium at night since it makes me feel groggy most of the day.

I have found lately that if a hurt myself or strain myself it is so much worse, i pulled my right shoulder and man you would think i picked up a 50pound weight...just my body not working right.

Today is 15 months since my dear Anthony was taken from me and became an Angel and I feel okay, just quiet.

Take care all...((HUGS)) Katant...kathy

[bigmikesmom]

Kathy (katant),

Just wanted to say Hi and I really think you are going to like teaching. I do and it's just a nice pace and doesn't have to do with "loss of life". The only time I had to really stop my self from "drifting off and thinking about Mike" was last week in one of my classes on VS/BP when I was teaching about the different types of respirations and what they mean. I thought of my precious Mike under the car as I watched his agonal breathing and then...  I did feel I was getting a little choked up but I made it through without breaking down. God gives us strength at times when we need it and ask Him.

Hi, to everyone else on this thread. God Bless You all.

Patti-BigMikeMom