Loss of a Teenager

[iansmom]

Hi Patti, Thank you, I appreciate that so much. Ian's nanny and his friends worked together to put a 'my-space' site together and they're able to leave notes there for him anytime they want which is really kool. It wasn't until a year had passed that I was able to put anything like that together, and it was very therapeutic.

What I wanted to ask you though is do you have a memorial site for BigMike yet? From the pics I've seen he's tall dark and handsome, every girls dream. If you do, I'd really like to visit his site.

I hope things go well for ya'll in court. It can be very wearing both emotionally and physically. My prayers are with you as you walk through this.

Iansmom, Faith

P.S.  Thank you Trudi for the kind words, it means a lot. Ya'll paid a great tribute to Mike for the beautiful person he was and to all that love him. Be Blessed. 

Hey Claudia, how are 'YOU' doing? I think of you often.

[mikesmum]

I'm embarrassed that I'm not doing better. That I'm not moving forward the way my husband and daughter are. I'm embarrassed that my house is a mess, my laundry sits undone, my health is unattended. I'm ashamed that I'm not taking care of all that I used to. I miss my son. I miss who I once was when he was alive.

I'm embarrassed that all I've done here is whine. Hopefully, in time, I'll be a strength and support to others. I truly do want to bless and lift--not just feel sorry for myself. I hope you understand.

Thanks for listening

Never never be embarrassed that you are on 'hold' at this time in your life.  Its been 13 months since Mike died.  I have days, some better than others, but as for keeping my house up to date etc, the energy has left and with it with the motiviation.

For the better part of the last year my staple diet was diet coke and chocolate.  My husband has returned to work and my childrens lives have, as I would want, moved a little further for them.

For me, well, honestly I am sitting here at 2pm on a Saturday in PJ's having just woken up. Not sleeping at night. 

You are grieving the sudden and unexpected death of a child, something that just doesn't get 100% better. 

I wish you the odd good day, if for nothing else so you can attend your health.  At the urging of my husband and children I have done that.  The time will come, just as it has today, when your post will give someone that needed strength, even if it is to reply and nothing else....

Be kind to yourself, your had  a major injury to your heart, body, soul and being......

Blessed be - Trudi

Patti - Many months after I joined Claudia mentioned she had a Memorial Site.  It was something I enjoyed visiting and in time I did one for Mike - therapy if you like.......Virtual Memorials Micheal Shane.........

 

[loveyoujustin]

WOW, I MISS AND NEED YOU GUYS!  I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING, ONLY READING.  HOW COULD I NOT.  I NEED EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, JUST TO KNOW THAT I'M NOT ALONE, AND I AM NOT CRAZY.  I MISS MY SON SO MUCH, RIGHT DOWN TO THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY SOUL.  THANK YOU TO MY HOPEFUL, INSPIRATIONAL FRIENDS, AND A VERY SAD, BUT HEARTWARMING WELCOME TO THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO TRAVEL THIS JOURNEY.  BI IS YOUR LIFELINE.

HI CLAUDIA, HI LANA, HI TRUDI, AND ANNE TOO! PATTI- I DID GET YOUR WONDERFUL E-MAILS, AND RETURNED THEM, I'LL TRY TO SEND THEM AGAIN. 

I LOVE YOU ALL.

WISHES FOR PEACE!   TRISH

WWW.JUSTINSCOTTWAGNERMEMORIALFUND.COM

 

[loveyoujustin]

KATHY:  MY LOVE AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU ALSO!!!!!!!!

[annie6]

Trudi and Kathy-

Thank you so much for your kind and loving words. I can tell that BI is a good place for me to be right now. No one understands like another mother. You mentioned gaining 8 pounds??? I've gained nearly 20--since June. After reading your loving posts, I plan to start walking tomorrow morning. (It's FINALLY stopped snowing here!) I hope you know how much your support means. Maybe there is hope. thank you--and bless you. Gavin'sMom

p.s. Your boys were blessed to have such wonderful moms.

[annie6]

Trish-

Thanks for posting Justin's website. I loved it. What a treasure he was!

[mikesmum]

Kathy - My excuse is we have water restrictions.....drought apparently!  Temp here is 31 celcius, bit hot for much else than posting.......no treadmill here (a small blessing).

It really is hard to get a balance these days.  Just when I think I might be okay, a hole in the ozone takes me away......yesterday was a no brainer....no shower, not dressed and nothing to do....even if I wanted to I just don't have any energy.

Hope the course is everything you want to make that change that eventually gives some peace.  I have applied for my Nurses Registration to be reinstated.  Not sure I want to work as a nurse, but hey I applied online,.....something to do.

I went back to work briefly in Aug 07 doing non urgent work.....but as you say, travelling to work, for me the place where I watched Mikes life slip away, was so painful.  No one seems to get that bit.....

I wish you well with the treadmill....remember to let it know who is boss......Let us know how you go with the new therapist....I have been seeing mine since April 07, off the meds last Dec. 

Take care....Trudi

[4everjoeysmom]

TRISH-- Thinking of you and sending you great BIG HUGS!!  Sometimes no words are needed.  Just knowing others are holding you in thoughts and prayers is comfort enough, and no response is needed or expected.  Take time to read posts, meditate on what you are learning, and give yourself time to mourn.  We all need to give ourselves that time so that we can look toward healing in the future and actually see it open up before us as our mourning period passes.  We will grieve for a lifetime.  But mourning is for a season...  There is no set time for the season.  You'll know...  and there truly is a difference between mourning and grieving.  We do both in the beginning.  As time passes the mourning softens, and yet as we grieve, it softens too as we find our way.  Allow yourself the freedom to do both without guilt or fear that you are the only one who has ever felt exactly as you do.  Know we are here for you.  Blessings and love, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

FAITH--  Did I tell you how much I LOVED the online Christmas card you sent me?  I received it while I was at my dad's, and we thoroughly rolled into belly laughter trying to honk tunes from reindeer noses.  How clever!  And how cleverly thoughtful.  You are the best!  Love and Hugs, Claudia

[annie6]

Dear MikesMum,

I just re-read your response to me from last night. I can't tell you how much it has helped. I'm going to copy it into an email and keep sending it to myself over and over again. You have lots of wisdom. I had a pretty good day today: I took down the Christmas tree--finally. . . (Maybe next year I'll get it down before Valentine's Day??) Anyway, I wanted you to know how much you helped. I feel stronger today.

Also, I tried to find the site where you've set up a memorial for your son and didn't have any luck. Virtual Memories, Michael Shane. I'd love to look at it. Any help you can give me?

Thanks again--and love and blessings to all of you who are trying to find your way through this unimaginable loss.

Much love,

Annie--Gavin'sMom

[mikesmum]

Annie - Thank you for your kind words.......It took the wisdom of many others here to let me know what I really already knew.......everything from here is a normal reaction to an abnormal situation..... Truly, the words of those who went before me here threw me life lines constantly.  I hope you will find the same for yourself.

Mike was the oldest, the one who would in later life research my Nursing home, make sure my undies had elastic and ensure my hair would always be clean and brushed as I headed merrily into alzheimers!!

Being first he taught me much in his 31yrs.  I wasn't ready to end our education, he was now a adult with a child and I revelled in the changes that brings to our children.

Hope this takes you to Mikes site......I am still working on parts of it.   Melissa his sister downloads the music.....Mike forgot to teach me how...........

Take care of you.......Trudi

http://Micheal-Shane.virtual-memorials.com/main.php?action=reflections&mem_id=10554

 

[iansmom]

Trudy, that's really cute the way you put the late in life stuff, lol. But, I was thinking of your grandchild with Mike. A boy if I’m not mistaken?. Anyway, I'm really happy for you that at least you have that, that part of him that you can reach out to and hug and kiss and so on. I know it's not the same, but oh how I wish that I had at the very least, that. I had a dream one night that I was holding a grandson on my hip and my niece the night before~not telling me, told her sister, had a dream that Ian was demanding that, of the 3 candidates, he was the father. I know even for myself it's not the same, but..... how I wish. I know this sounds awful but to be able to have some part of him, that extended part of him... but no use crying over that. Does it help you in some ways at all??? I would think it would.

BTW, all my life I've dreamed of visiting Australia. Swimming the Great Barrier Reef (still have my scuba card) but haven’t been out in years. Almost got transferred there about 8 years ago. Don’t remember what part. Anyway, just thought I’d share that with you.

Iansmom, Faith

Ian and lil sis, Shyra enjoying the night air with friends. Ian and his friends gathered at our house just about every day. How I miss those days.

[davidsmom]

David's three best friends spent the night Friday. We stayed up so late, remembering our sweet boy. David was so loved, and so many people have lost something dear. How wonderful it is to hear sweet memories from others who loved your child. It really helps with the pain, if even for a little while. God Bless all of you!

David and his THREE best friends...Christina, the only girl David ever loved, and who truly loved him in return. Jeffrey, his friend since third grade, whom he spent so much time with, even after they moved away from the neighborhood. And Ty, whom I have watched grow up, and who I see suffering so much after David was taken. All of you are so special, like my own kids. I love you all!

[mikesmum]

Faith - Mike had a baby girl, Harmony, born 24th September 2005.  Previously he had been in a relationship for 10yrs without being blessed with a child.  He met Harmony's mother 2004.  We really didn't get to know her much before Harmony was born.  She was 10 yrs younger than Mike and really struggled with being part of our family.  The picture below is Miss Harmony Christmas 2006, four weeks before her dad died.

Harmony was a blessing and Mike loved her so.  Police investigated the circumstances surrounding Mikes death.  Partly due to Mikes age, and the indescrepencies in Amanda's stories (yes there were 5 versions) about what happened the morning Mike died.  They interviewed everyone involved from Paramedics (my husband), Ambulance Dispatcher, (me) and Mikes partner Amanda.  Since this Amanda has felt Mikes family blamed her for his death.  She now keeps Harmony from Mikes entire family.  It didn't help when we found out that Mike had been insured for $400,000 eight weeks before he died..........

We attempted to gain visits firstly by talking with her, then independant mediation and finally through the Family Law Courts.  Bottom line, she refused all attempts.  In fact she threatened us with restraining orders.    The premise was we would want to see her all the time and tell lies about her.....The courts awarded her an order to prevent us approaching her......

Legally going through the courts aside from being costly, was pointless.  She has goverment approved Legal Aid, court apperances and lodgement costs her nothing.  If we are awarded visitation, she can refuse, we go back to court and we go through the whole process over and over.....it cost her nothing, for us, well the initial outlay was $1500 (Aust).

Gifts to Harmony were delivered by the local Police for her 2nd birthday.  The officer came back to us and indicated he thought Harmony would never see the gifts, her mother choosing to dump them.  Her right apparently.

As a family we made a pact that we would keep a journal for Harmony, documenting memories, stories and special days for her.  We also have a golden charm bracelet with charms signifying special things about her, her dad and their life.  First, the teddy bear, maybe a guitar for the music Mike loved so much......

This journey was never going to be easy, but there are just somethings that shouldn't be so hard............

Blessed be - Trudi

[iansmom]

OMGosh, you're right, some things shouldn't be so hard. I am so very sorry. That only adds to the pain I'm sure. She's a beautiful little girl though. Looks like she has her daddy's eyes. I'll be praying that you see a break through soon. Let the truth be revealed and nothing be hidden.  You be Blessed.  Iansmom, Faith

[bigmikesmom]

Trudy,

 What a precious little girl, Harmony is. I just looked at and signed Mike's memorial site. What a great tribute to such a kind, handsome guy. That was so awesome what he did with kids.I know 1 day you will be able to be with Harmony. Noone should be able to take that right of being a Grandma away from you. I will pray for that. God Bless.

Patti-BigMikesMom

[bigmikesmom]

Davids Mom and Annie-Gavins mom

I never got to write to you. Some days I can post and some I can't. I just wanted you to meet me and know your are in my prayers. It is unfortunate that we got into this union here on BI because of our lossess but at least we found each other to share with. Like so many have said, most people get tired of hearing about our child we lost and truly can't understand .I am so sorry for you and will keep you both in my prayers

Patti BigMikesMom

[bearsmom]

Hi all.  I have been reading the posts and it saddens me that we all have to be going through this hardship of losing a child.  It has been 2 months and 2 weeks since I lost my son Steven to a car accident.  The first month was awful. The 2nd month I am finding myself having a little time away from my grief. However, I am finding that I have been in shock and numb to the loss of my Steven.  Reality is kicking in and I cannot imagine life without my big Bear. It just seems so unfair.  My husband and I are trying to be supportive of one another and help the younger brothers; Matthew 18 and Colin 16.  We will be starting a counseling session for all of us soon.  I am the one that cries all the time though. It pains me so to see my husband sob but I am trying to keep it together for everyone.  At some point I hope to dream of my boy.  Everytime I try to see him, his face is fuzzy or I start to cry.  I am not ready to accept this loss.  It is just so hard.  I pray, " Lor God, this is just so hard.  Please keep me from falling."  Amen    I pray we all can get through this and come to terms with the fact that our children are with God and we will see them someday.  I know that sounds great in theory, but the truth is, I just want my boy home with me. I feel very selfish in that regard.  I want him home.

[bearsmom]

Claudia, I am so sorry for your sons tragic accident.  It is so hard to comprehend.  One moment they are here and the next they gone.  I can still feel Stevens presence in the house. I listen for his car pulling up to the driveway.  I expect to see him at work coming in to see if I can loan him a $20 for gas.... I hear his voice.  I see his smile.  I don't want to think beyond tomorrow because that is another day without Steven.  I put on a good front for one and all I encounter at work, church, at the grocery store, ect...  Yes, it looks like we are all doing well.  The truth of the matter is I just want to bury my head and cry 24/7.  It is so hard Claudia.  Faith is helping because I know where he is but I don't want to believe that he is gone.  Time will heal all wounds I guess. 

[4everjoeysmom]

BearsMom, Thank you so much for your kind words.  It is still hard for me to comprehend too what really happened to Joey, and that he will not be calling again or coming through my door, or singing me happy birthday out of pitch, or anything that was SO JOEY.  I miss him so much.  I know your pain.  Faith isn't measured by how much we miss our children and desire their presence.  SO don't beat yourself up, my friend.  It is OK to mourn and grieve.  One day again the sun will shine.  We just need to keep the faith and ride the waves.  Love and Hugs, Claudia

[bearsmom]

God Bless you Claudia.  Hugs and Kisses to you too.  Here is to our boys.  I hope they can find each other in Heaven.

SUSY

[mikesmum]

Patti - Thank you so much for signing Mikes guest book.  I know he watches over Harmony.  The ideas for the Journal and the bracelet seem to come to me as if Mike was telling me, "wait mum, it might not be now, but she will come to you.  Be ready cause she is my daughter and she is going to want to know what why and how!!"

I read how hard this has been for you losing your Mike.  I wonder at times if all our children, just like us, found each other through this journey, this never ending nightmare of our 'new normal'.

I believe in my heart they have in some form or another.  One of Mikes best traits was to just be there and instinctively know how to connect with those around him that were in need.  The saddest part is, he rarely knew how to apply that to himself.

Bless you Patti in your journey, you know your son is always with you........as Mike is with me.........Trudi

Bearsmom - Great looking guy.......always the smile and eyes, breaks my heart, another young man, gone too soon.......

"It is an offence to the natural oder of life for parents to bury their children.  In a just world it would never happen: in this world it does... " 

Quote from Gordon Livingstone, who lost 2 sons within 13 months, one to suicide and one to leukemia

 

 

[4everjoeysmom]

Susy,  I believe they have found each other in Heaven, are best of friends and brothers in Christ, and are playing football on a field greater than they ever imagined. 

[iansmom]

Bearsmom, what a handsome young man. blond hair blue eyes and such a sweet face.  Thank-you for sharing this pic. 

Yea, I'm with you on this one Claudia. I think it's Mercyme that sings the song about playing football in the big big place in God's house. Something like that. I can only imagine all our sons meeting in heaven and getting to know each other. 

[4everjoeysmom]

Faith, I know the one!  It's Audio Adrenaline, and called My Father's House..  some call it Big House.  All of the kids love this song...   I like to imagine our boys playing ball there.

I was just thinking about Nancy, Phillip's Mom.  Haven't seen your post in a very long time.  I think of you often, and send Big Hugs if you are still reading BI.  Love to Willy too!  -Claudia

[katant]

what is this?????  someone is posting sites...phishing  don't click on them.

[annie6]

Be careful! Someone just sent me the following "Private Message." If you receive it, immediately delete it. This is a scam. The scam artists use this con to get unsuspecting people to wire money into an African or Middle-Eastern bank account. DO NOT FALL FOR IT! It is a cruel, heartless scam.

maureenxxy002@yahoo.fr

Dear One in Christ,

I am Mrs maureen johnson, from Kuwait.I am married to late Mr frank johnson, who worked with Kuwait Embassy in Ivory Coast for Twenty-Six years before he died in the year 2005,after a brief illness that lasted for only five days.

We were married for Eighteen years with a duaghter (Lilian)who later died in a motor accident. Before the untimely death of my husband,we were both born again Christians. Since after his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of (US$4.8 M )(Four Million,Eight hundred Thousand United States Dollars) in a General Trust Account with a prime bank in Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire. Presently,this money is still with the bank.

Recently,Following my ill health, my Doctor told me that I may not last for the next six months due to my cancer problem.The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a Christain organization (Church) that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein,according to the desire of my late husband before his death.

I want this fund to be used in Christain Activities like,Orphanages, Christain schools, and Churches for propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth". I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace". I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives around me always.I don't want them to know about this development.With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank in Abidjan. I will also issue you the documents that will prove you the present beneficiary of this fund. I want you and the Church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and

Truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life.

Contact me on this e-mail address; maureenxxy002@yahoo.fr any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing another Church for this same purpose.

Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I Stated herein. Hoping to receive your reply.

Remain blessed in the Lord.

Yours in Christ,

MRS MAUREEN JOHNSON.

[annie6]

Dear BigMikesMom-

Thanks for the post and your prayers--for reaching out to me. I am so touched by the love and support that has come to me since joining the site. We might be brought together through tragedy but we stay together through love and support.

I pray for each of us--that we'll gain understanding (of this tragedy AND for ourselves and our needs), that we'll feel peace, that we'll have opportunities to communicate with our children who were taken, that we'll feel the joy and peace they are feeling, that we'll find ways to move forward and learn and grow from all that is being asked of us by our loss. I ache to hold my son, but it helps to know there are others who understand this emptiness. It really does give me strength to move forward. I love you all. Annie-Gavin'sMom

Dang! I have tried and tried to post a picture, but it keeps telling me my pics are larger than 500000 bytes. Anyone know what to do??

[mamabets]

For All~ When you have some time, do yourselves a favor and get the book "Hello From Heaven"....

It is a MUST read for all of us here- I read it in an afternoon shortly after my Danny departed from this world...June of 2004.

LOVE

mamabets

[iansmom]

Mamabets, it sounds like an interesting book. Can you let me know who the author is? Kinda makes it easier to find the right book at Booksamillion or............................ I'm a big reader but it was about 2 months ago before I could settle down enough to read through a book, it'll be 2 years March 2^nd . I had to be busy, and I probably drove people away from me. Anyway the book was One Minute after You Die by Erwin Lutzer. It was what I needed. Maybe this could be an extension to that.  Also, there are programs on the net that will shrink your pic to blog size. This is usually used for the My Space pic/ blogs. Your comp. might have a program as well for Image enhancement that will do the shrink for you. Thanks, Iansmom, Faith

Ian at school his senior year but didn't get to graduate.

[annie6]

Thanks for sharing about your inability to focus. I thought I was going crazy--I'm only 7 1/2 months out from Gavin's death. I sometimes feel that if i went back to work, the distraction might make things a little easier, but honestly, I'm sure I'd get fired. I just don't have the mental capacity I used to.

I'm going to go to amazon right now and order both of those books. Luckily, I can still read. I actually use reading to "hide out" from the pain. I love all of you so much. . . I can't imagine how I survived before coming here.

Blessings and angel kisses to all. Gavin'sMom

[mamabets]

For iansmom~ Bill and Judy Guggenheim wrote this book. It is stories of many, many people who have lost loved ones and how their loved ones give them signs to let them know that they are OK. They come in many ways!!

The authors have not lost a child, but felt a "calling", if you will, to put together this book.

I am not kidding, I have experienced all of these signs from Danny. I had experienced many before reading this book, and I have been able to take many pictures of them. Danny leaves "hearts" all of the time. There is no denying that it is his presence, but it is something that one can not "look" for...It is a gut feeling, as I call it, that is felt in your heart. Your heart is tugging at you, not your gut, but the EXACT same feeling.

Danny's website is http://www.daniel-pallick.memory-of.com

If you look in the Photo section, you will see his "heart" sign pictures, and many others.

The one below appeared in our driveway 2 years after his passing. I call it "God, My Son and Jesus". Plus there is a "heart" in this picture too, above Jesus' head.

There is simply no denying that this is what it is... It is my honor to share them with as many people as I can.

The pictures on his website are amazing, you will see!!

LOVE

mamabets

[annie6]

Mamabets- I went to Danny's website. Thanks for the invitation. It is so beautiful. Truly a healing place. Your family has so much love, and Danny's life was a message of love--no wonder you have so many miracle messages coming to you from him. . . that much love is impossible to contain. Thanks for sharing. I'll bet our boys are friends. They were twin souls. Love to you, Annie, Gavin'sMom

[jjrmom]

I came across a anonymous quote today. It kinda how I feel.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,

Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

I loved my son very much as all of you do your children and love ones. SO today I am going to start to not be sad and more postive.  I love and miss Jerrod.

 

 

[mikesmum]

[user=16928]jjrmom[/user] - I used that quote on a memory card we handed out at Mikes funeral.  I found it in the days after his death while searching for words that would in some way reflect his life and our loss.

The volume of words, tears and memories allow the love to continue.........miss you Mike.....love ya, mum

 

[iansmom]

jjrmom, This poem was sent by someone who didn't even know of our loss at the time, but I cry everytime I read it because it speaks like Ian.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

"If tomorrow starts without me

And I'm not there to see,

If the sun should rise and find your eyes

all filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry

the way you did today,

While thinking of the many things

We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me

As much as I love you,

And each time that you think of me

I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me

Please try to understand,

that an angel came and called my name

And took me by the hand.

And said my place was ready

In heaven far above,

And that I'd have to leave behind

all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away

A tear fell from my eye,

For all my life, I'd always thought

I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for

So much left yet to do,

it seemed almost impossible

that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays

The good ones and the bad,

I thought of all that we shared

And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday

Just even for a while,

I'd say good-bye and kiss you

and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized

That this could never be,

For emptiness and memories

would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things

I might miss some tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did

My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates

I felt so much at home,

When God looked down and smiled at me

From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity,

And all I've promised you."

Today your life on earth is past,

but here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow

But today will always last,

and since each day is the same way

There's no longing for the past.

So when tomorrow starts without me

don't think we're far apart,

For every time you think of me

I'm right here, in your heart."

Jarrod is a handsom young man and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to hurt so bad, so that's a step in the right direction. A hard step, but a good one. My prayers are with you. Iansmom, Faith

[mamabets]

For iansmom~ That poem is on a video that a dear friend of Danny's did for us after he passed away.  I love it and I cherish the words...They speak volumes.

For annie6~ Please come and visit us at Danny's website anytime. We welcome you, and all of you here, with open hearts and love...

For all of you, who are here on Loss of a Teenager, I remember like it was yesterday, that my Danny was a teenager. He was 25 when life took him from us, yet when he was a teenager, he was the same sweet, dear guy...

"Heaven Must Have Needed A Hero" is a beautiful song that Joe Dee Mesina sings, and I have it if anyone wants it emailed to them. Email me at huntross4@aol.com and I will be happy to send it.

LOVE

mamabets 

[davidsmom]

Hi All. Pray everyone is "ok". I read the posts here every day, but like so many others, and simply unable to reply at times. Of course now its 2:30 in the morning, and I am wide awake. AGAIN. So, my quiet, alone time is here. Like some of you, I also have difficulty with focus. I can't seem to get anything accomplished. I am lucky if I shower everday:(

I saw someone mention the book "Hello from Heaven". A friend of mine recommended this book to me just yesterday. It can be found at most major bookstores, and online. Here http://www.after-death.com/about/hfh.htm or on amazon.com

Love to all.

Lisa

david's mama

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

[iansmom]

mamabets, I have encountered many such incidences myself. A heart shaped glow in my coffee cup Valentines morning, heart shaped clouds when I‘m missing Ian so very much, the sky full of dark clouds but in one spot a very definite cross that is lit up bright while on our way to the mausoleum , a heart shaped spill, and other things that are so very kool like a song that comes on but you hear something that's not on the recording. On my lowest day with the mourning, crying out to God wondering why my son, needing to know that he's ok, the ''got to know" s. Had to get our other son from La. Tec. College so I pushed back the tears jumped in the jeep and the radio was on. A song came on that spoke to me saying 'mama, you don't have to worry about me, I get to fly like the angels, walk streets of gold, listen to stories of saints new and old...... wish you were here" Totally blew me away. But come to find out, the first few words aren't on the recording at all. Then the timely coincidence of Ian's favorite song "I can only Imagine" coming on a secular station when making an important decision. Things that are so coincidental and too unusual to be anything else except communications from heaven. Oh yea, a couple of days before mothers day, having to be busy I was going through some boxes in our storage shed and came across a letter that Ian wrote to me years ago when he was about 14. Way kool.  I laminated it, and other stuff too.

And I thought that people would think I was nuts so I've only shared with close family and friends, lol.  But, that's ok.  Ya'll have a Blessed Day. Iansmom, Faith

BTW, Lisa, cute pic of you and David.

[mamabets]

For iansmom~ They played "I Can Only Imagine" in Danny's hospital room the entire week he was on life support.....

I found the book, child's version, in the grocery store one day...Right under it was the same kind of book, but it was "I Hope You Dance" ...

I had done collages for both Danny and my Jackie of "I Hope You Dance" for Christmas, 2001... So special...

It's sad when people don't believe in the signs when they are so crystal clear. I too get LOTS of signs of hearts in the kitchen, particularly around coffee spills, and in the cup as well!!!!

I just ordered a printer/scanner so when I get pics developed I can scan them- I don't have a digital camera, so I typically send the miracle pics to my sister, she scans them, and then emails the pics to me so I can put them on Danny's website and share them with people.

LOVE

mamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

About the signs, since its such a hot topic-- It's not at all that I don't believe in signs...  I just feel that the origin of signs come from a greater power than persons alive or past can possess on their own...  (Just like I feel there are many things that powers do through people here, like mediums and such.  I do not believe the medium is the source of the power...  but they often take credit for the power, not realizing exactly where and from whom their power may be coming from, but exercising it freely just the same.)  So, if I felt I was receiving a sign of some kind, I personally evaluate whether the sign would be significant to something of Joey, in which case I would then believe it may be from God, because Joey is with Him and God is the One who holds the power to send signs across the universes...  or, the alternative would be from a power I wish not to receive anything from...  I believe often times God sends signs for people who really need them, and while doing so He hopes and prays for them, waiting for them to recognize that he is the source, and maybe they would want to know Him more.  I also believe the powers of Satan (can't believe in one and not the other) send signs in an effort to distract and steer people farther away from God.  I suppose there could even be wars of signs, where God send some, and then his enemy sends some... and then it turns into mass confusion, but preoccupation none the less and attention is drawn toward the sign and not the giver.

I'm just sharing from my heart here, because reading that anyone would be sad for me because I don't believe in signs...well, I do believe in them.  But I don't feel sad for myself that I am not receiving signs specifically from Joey.  According to my faith, he is not worrying or missing me, because life here is but a blink compared to eternity.  He is now flawlessly doing what he was created to do, and while I miss him, I really and truly am happy for his completeness.  As for me, being alive here, I do know with clear certainty where Joey is, how he is, and who he is with.  That is my faith, believeing in what has clearly come and what is still unseen, still to unfold.  I and my grief take greatest comfort in this.  I know signs are a source of comfort for many people.  I just have my own conclusion about them, and I am very, very cautious about them.  I don't feel I am missing out because I am not receiving signs.  I really don't....  I suppose if I did get something from Joey (through God), my first inclination would be to thank God--not Joey.  But of course that is my personal choice, and I have learned enough to know we each have a right to make our own choices.  I do pray very often for everyone here to receive comfort and peace in the loss of their precious children.  I pray to the One who made and has my son, not to my son--although i have prayed for God to send messages to my son.  I suppose the real challenge for us, the living, is our journey in choices to get to the comfort and peace....  and it's truly not easy for any of us.  That's for certain.  I admire each one that has the strength and courage to face another day.  They are defintely sadder days than they ever were before.....

Blessings, Claudia (Joey's Mom) 

[davidsmom]

I've never believed in "signs" either. But, for as much "knowledge" that I always believed I had, for as stong as my faith was, and although I KNOW that David is fine and well...part of me longs for reassurance in some sort of physical, tangible way. Of course, this brings  me even more grief.  It makes me question my own faith. I long to see David, even through a sign, and sometimes I worry my sorrow may somehow be bothering David. This grief thing is just a horrible, confusing, painful thing. I am finding it hard to make sense of anything, even my faith, which has always been so strong and real.

Intellectually I can sometimes find peace, but nothing has taken away this pain. I pray that in time I will again be able think straight, but right now everything is just so garbled and messed up! I just try to remember David, and what a gift he was from God. I remember when we belonged to a very charismatic christian group. When we would pray together in groups, so many of our church members would tell me afterwards how much power and warmth they would feel when they held David's hand! How they could feel God's energy coursing through them when they touched David. My own mother felt it so strongly it knocked her off her feet. I always knew that David was a special gift, and somehow that does make me feel a little better about losing him. He was God's, belonged to Him, and I was chosen to be this boy's mother! Yeah, I like that thought. I feel much better finishing this post than when I started it:)

[4everjoeysmom]

What an awesome memory and sharing of God's power through David's hands.  I was watching a movie the other day, Valley of Elah, where a man was telling a boy, named David the story of a young, small boy named David who conquered a giant, Goliath.  I think in some way your David has conquered Goliath.  I know how very sad and lost our souls are here without our children...  and how much our hearts ache for something of them to hold onto, if even but for a sign.  Blessings, Claudia

[jjrmom]

Dear iansmom's

What a beautiful poem.  Thank you. I think of you and Katiant and wonder how you two are both doing and hoping you are doing ok.  Our boys were killed around the same time. I see there pictures on BB and wonder what they are up to. My Jerrod probabaly a little mischief  he loved to have fun and loved the girls. Yes I do believe in signs. I have came across things that were never there before. I think it keeps me going. Take care.

[mamabets]

For katant~ I saw Oprah the other day and the book that day was "A New Earth", I think!!

Sounds like a good read, so I hope that was the one!!

LOVE

mamabets

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, That was a large article, and so detailed.  I am so sorry that you have to go through all of that.  I wrote a lot more, and then erased it.  I decided it probably shouldn't be given a lot of air openly public like this, because who knows what's lurking around trying to make their case stronger.  Just know that Justice will prevail, and it isn't always in court.  At the end of the day no amount of money can clean up scum when it leaks somewhere from deep inside....

Praying for you...  Love, Claudia 

[iansmom]

Mt. 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. About the signs, I can't say that I "Believe" in them but I don't deny God's ability to send us comfort through signs and wonders. Because God could not be seen, he often demonstrated His presence and power by visible signs, like what he did for the Israelites. I think signs are an outward event of a spiritual significance, and that purpose being faith, strength, a message from God, and God’s promises. I don't look for signs but when I see them I can't help but believe that God is sharing something wonderful with me, to show me that He's still there for me in a time when grief is so strong. I think of Ian standing there with Jesus, letting Ian know that we'll be ok, and for us to know that Ian is with Him. As a deliverance minister I'm quite aware of the other side of things and I'm careful to not give credence to that side. I’ve seen far too much to fall into that trap.

Claudia, you’re a very strong person and I admire that about you. You are right in what you say, but I know I don’t have to tell you that, to do what you do is admirable and takes a lot of strength and strength of character. That faith that we share gives us the strength to be over-comers. I, like you, ask God to give Ian a message, usually it’s “Let Ian know that we love him and miss him” at the end of prayer. Signs are to strengthen faith and draw us closer to God. But there is so much confusion out there that comes from looking for answers in the wrong places, and we are warned about that one and his cohorts that are so willing to deceive. Iansmom, Faith

[4everjoeysmom]

Faith--Thank you for such sweet and kind words of encouragement.  I really needed it this morning.  I had a tough night, and I found myself standing in my kitchen in the middle of the night, alone, naked, and crying out to God for more of Him and less of me.  I truly want people who see any strength in me not to admire me, but to admire the Jesus in me.  My body is weary and aging, but He is the giver of my strength.  He's a wonderful God we serve, and like you I do believe it is He who "shows us" bits of His glory and radiance through wonders...   I too have seen too many things to deny His deity, ever.  Love you, Faith!  Blessings, Claudia

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, I read about the book A New Earth that is being promoted by Oprah's book club, and a short course on the topic of redefining yourself spiritually...  Please be careful in what you take in...  it's such a vulnerable time in your life.  Know I am praying for you...  Blessings and Hugs, Claudia

[katant]

Claudia,

Thanks for not writing to much on your reply about the article.  There are many states that have passed this legislation and we will try and pass it here.

My lawyer is very well know in the community, he handles high profile cases, he has worked with my father who is a retired detective for over 20 years and to all who have known about this happening they find repulsive.

We have to try, and we know it's all about money for them.  But I cannot just sit back and watch this happen and if we can pass this Bill and help others then I have done some good.  There are so many single moms and dads out there and it's just not right.  So thank you for your support.

And if in the end as we have been saying from DAY ONE....This is about Anthony and if the judge sees if different and gives him the money....it's just that...money and NOTHING good will come of it....NOTHING.

I will be careful with that book, A New Beginning.  I might read it, but I might just hold off with all that is going on.

Luv u guys....kathy