Loss of a Teenager

[daniellemom]

Terry,

I'm sorry you had a bad day, It's very hard to close the accounts. Don't feel like you have to make any decisions on how to use the "Kristy Fund" because you will know when it comes to you. I've also been trying to find something to do for our community to remember Danielle.

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy--I so hate hearing how people "just doing their jobs" check compassion and respect for grieving souls at the door when they take the case.  I thought about that a lot as Trudi was going through her case, and it just made me so sad for victims of grief that have to go through victimization of a worse kind--as if losing a child is not enough.  I don't know how some people sleep at night.  I really don't.  Enuff said on that!  I just pray, however insensitive people are and however much justice should prevail, they never have to experience even 1/100th of the pain we mothers face with losing a child.  I think of you so often....  Please take care...

Terry, I so feel your pain and sadness.  Reading your post made me vivdly travel back to the couple of days I spent closing all of Joey's accounts, canceling services, calling student affairs at the University, and the whole nine yards.  I did everything by phone, and so as I did all of that I wept quietly.  So many strange voices on the other end of the line, sudden shock and lack of next words...it was so sad and weird.  Yeah!  That's a good word.  It's all just so weird, because never in a million years do we ever imagine these kinds of tasks...  It truly is a wonder we can function on a level of thought process to even handle such matters in such a short time after a profound loss, a tragedy, a trauma to our very soul's core.  Thinking of you and praying comfort and strength find you through these very tough weeks ahead...  HUGS, Claudia

[bearsmom]

Kristys Mom..... We had money raised and will use the proceeds to send kids to Young Life Camp.  We will meet with the local Young Life Leader and have the kids interested in going to camp sign up for the scholarship.  Steven was involved in Young Life.  He was a YL Leader.  Check out Young Life in your area. It's a wonderful organization that stresses kids for kids and helps to spread the word of God.

I know only too well that you can get caught off guard so easily.  You know what?  Go with it. Cry.  Sob.  Mourn.  It helps to express your grief.

Susy

[lagrangel]

Terry,

I am so sorry for your loss....It is amazing how all the events of dealing with your beloved ones personal accounts, effects can take your breath away. I received something from our insurance company today in regards to our son and here it is almost 9 months and still dealing with the loose ends. Please take your time and take care of yourself, give yourself time to make decisions. It takes so much energy to continue on this journey and you become emtionally spent for the first several months. My prayers are with you.

Claudia,

My prayers are with you today and I will pray for some sunshine to help brighten your days. Rain can rather be depressing especailly when you have so much. I think the sun  helps brighten our life and allows us to enjoy all the natural beauty God created for us to see. My prayers are with you today and throughout the week.

Prayers and peace to everyone, Lana

[davidsmom]

Hello all. greetings Kristy's mom, I am so sorry for the loss of such an amazing daughter. I pray you find some peace and support here on BI. I have been very welcomed here, and also have felt safe sharing my agonizing grief over the loss of my David. (6 months this weekend all ready!!)

I have read what some of you have said about being violated, even in such sacred of places as your child's Memorial sites. Unfortunately, I have also had this happen. I had started a petition to send to our Assembly to pass a Bill regarding adult suppliers of alcohol to children, and soon i was being attacked by a swarm of anti-MADD (mothers against drunk driving) people. They have been quite vicious, calling my parenting into question, labeling David a criminal who may have got what he deserved, and so on.

Disgusting as I find this, I have used my disgust to fuel my writing, and have been writing about David's life, as well as the accident and its aftermath. This is very healing for me, as painful as it can be. I also figure that if these "interlopers" feel the need to invade my life, they might as well see the entire truth, and not just bits and pieces they may find on the internet. Its sad that ANY group feels the need to have to "use" a grieving family to try to fuel their agenda.

But, that is not my battle, for I do not have the strength for it. I have enough difficulty making it through each day, knowing I have to wait to be with David.

Lots of Love to all,

Lisa (David's mama)

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

[davidsmom]

I forgot to mention that david's girlfriend and i finally went and picked out a cemetary plot to bury his ashes. (we have divided his ashes between friends and family, and keep some at our house) I hope to have his ashes buried when his Monument in finished. This way we can have a small celebration of sorts.(not sure what to call it) It will also coincide with david's 18th Birthday on may 27th.

His headstone will be a variation of one like this:

Lots of Love,

lisa

[mamabets]

For All~ Tired, oh so very tired aren't we?? Just "be", let these awful moments pass, for they do, and somehow we get back up on our feet once again.

You are all as beautiful and as special as each one of our angels!!! They are all so proud of us, carrying on and living in and with their memories, forever and always!

LOVE

mamabets

[annie6]

Dear Mamabets-

Today WAS a tired day for me. When I opened this page and saw your message, it was like a whisper from heaven.

thank you!

Annie/Gavin'sMom

[katant]

here is a picture one of anthony's friends mom sent me...

[katant]

here is one more

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, Hope you get some needed rest over the weekend.  It's rainy here too, and with that I have been at least getting out of bed to make it up and get back in with a good book--my escape for a while.  Hope you have one too, because despite the sadness, it's refreshing to "get away from it for a while", even if it is a little escape into imagination, a book, movies, whatever...  E-mail me anytime...  clab2010@yahoo.com. 

Lots of LOVE and HUGS, Claudia

[mamabets]

For katant~ Oh, I get such comfort from all of you...I love you all...xoxoxo

We both posted this sweet beach scene, Kathy!!! I have no idea how so many of these beautiful things make it to my files, but they do, and I have a collection of so many. I seem to have this awesome collection, and AOL will arrange them...

Cyberspace, Heaven and the combination of all surrounding communities make this somewhat "softer" for us all.

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For annie6~ Bless you forever and ever...Amen~

LOVE

mamabets

[davidsmom]

Exactly six months since i saw his sweet face...6 months since I felt his loving embrace...6 months since I heard the voice I love, saying "I love you Mama"...6 months and missing you more and more. I love you dear David.

[mikesmum]

Kathy - Not sure if I posted here, but we had a win.  Despite all the efforts of my companies lawyers the court found that I had been working on the day Mike died.  They also noted that my employers were callous on my return.  There were ordered to pay my salary in a lump sum for the past 15 months with ongoing payments and medical.  Mind you, its been 30 days and not one penny has been sighted.

This link is to an excerpt of the story that ran in the Herald Sun here in Melbourne.

http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,23602725-2862,00.html

Hope your days are going okay.  Massage sounds great.  Claudia -  Like the get out of bed to make it and fall back in idea...works for me.......Take care...Trudi

[mamabets]

For davidsmom~ My Danny used to say ..."I love you, Mama"

They will forever and all eternity love their Mamas....xoxox

LOVE

mamabets

[mamabets]

For mikesmum~ Justice has been served, and while not a dime in this world can begin to compensate, your voices for Mike have been heard...

Bless all of you, Trudi, and know that I walk this walk with you each and every day~

LOVE

mamabets

[mikesmum]

Hey Betsy - Glad to see you posting......miss your words, pictures and signs....Hope you and yours are all doing well.  Sadly there seems to be more and more joining us here........Take Care - Trudi

[annie6]

Claudia-

Your thinking is brilliant here. And I'm going to follow your advice. A long soak in a hot bath and a good escape novel. The bills can wait another couple of days. My aching heart can't. Thanks for the encouragement!

love and support to you,

annie-Gavin's mom

[annie6]

Sweet Kathy-

I love that you're putting in a tree for Anthony. Do you have a way to take a picture of it and post it here? I'd love to see it! I'm going to follow your lead--maybe I'll get a Japanese maple for the front porch and plant it in a pot so I can take it with me when we move. My husband and I feel like starting over. It will be a couple of years before we can make it happen, but I'd love to start again in a new, fresh environment, away from the painful memories. So a tree in a moveable pot feels better.

I hope your tree planting brings lots of happiness and peace. I'll bet it will.

Love,

Annie/Gavin's mom

[annie6]

Dear Kathy,

I love that Anthony had them ring the bells for you!! How beautiful is that??! Weeping . . . any of the weeping trees are beautiful. It's going to be such a blessed memorial to your boy-and as the years go by, it will just keep getting more beautiful. Congratulations. Good work.

xo,

annie-Gavin's mom

p.s. I put up another post on my blog today about Gavin and I. Short and sweet, but a happy memory. http://skinnylink.blogspot.com

[katant]

Gavin's mom

i am trying to post, said the pic was to large so I went to Avatar and hopefully it will work

i will visit ur blog later...

[annie6]

Kathy-

AHHHH!! I've had that problem before--so many of Gav's pictures were too large to post. It is SO FRUSTRATING! Good luck. I hope it works out-EASILY. If not, go take your bath and relax, maybe it will work better later . . .

I'll check back tonight to see St. Anthony's tree. :-)

Much love,

Annie-Gavin's mom

[katant]

[mikesmum]

Kathy - Beautiful....weeping tree, no matter what the name........enjoy the soak and look forward to the next massage.....Trudi

[davidsmom]

Hello all. I have a most distressing incident, or incidents, that have happened since my dear david was killed. 2 nights ago, I found a posting on David's Memorial website. It was from the mother of the boy who was convicted in David''s death. It was rude, insulting, and so out of line I want to scream. My only guess is that she was intoxicated, as I understand there is history of this. I also wrote to her for an explanation, and have received nothing in response . I did a pretty lengthy blog on this, but am so shocked that ANYONE could be so insensitive that they could post something like this on A DECEASED CHILDS WEBSITE! I just know found that she has posted more on another memorial website directed towards me. Please note, that I have never even spoken to this woman, not even Helllo.

Some of you may remember that I went to bat for this boy who plead guilty in David's death. PUBLICLY. I was able to get the DA to drop of number of charges and asked the court for leniency in his sentencing. He went from facing 95 years to only receiving 5. Its bad enough that my David is gone, but the audacity and coldness of this woman has hurt me, a slap in the face AND WHY? Its too much.

David's site, with the post and my response:http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

Oh yeah, I found this under the "tributes and condolences" section. Unbelievable. I have heard many cruel things, but this hatred takes the cake. How sad for someone who thinks this way.

Love all,

Lisa

I love you David Loring

[wyomingsal]

Lisa,

I am so sorry for the hatred focused at you.  This woman is hurting I am sure to see her boy in jail however she can never ever know the pain we experience without our boys present on Earth.  She can visit her boy and see him and tell him she loves him and yet all we have are memories and pictures.   She doesn't get it at all and I am so proud of you for being able to forgive Matt in this situation.  She probably doesn't even realize how much she is just compounding the hurt all around for everyone including Matt.  Everytime I see pictures of David I think about what an amazing young man full of energy and life.  Hang in there and know I am thinking about you.

Sal

[lovekristy4ever]

Lisa,

I am so sorry after reading what Matt's mom wrote.  It was cruel.  My prayers go out to you today to keep you strong.  I get so angry sometimes knowing that there are mean people in the world or others that have little regard for their life while our angels were taken from us.  (I guess this is part of my anger phase).

Hugs,

Terry

[davidsmom]

Thanks to both, Terry and Sal. Yes, lots of wickedness...its hard to fathom for me. I felt bad enough that this woman never reconized me in court. I mean, Matt was my kids' good friend. He even lived with us for 4 months last year, and I have never spoken to this woman. Not a word, even after David was killed. Now this, such venom, suggesting that I somehow had something to do with her son going to Prison. Very hurtful. I have tried emailing her, try to get an explanation, something, but she blocked my email. How pathetic.

But, I can't dwell on this nonsense. I am missing my boy too much...This is our 6th month, and most difficult so far...Its not getting "easier" or "better yet. I doubt it ever will, but May is the worst. On May 2 was my oldest son's 21 anniversary of his death, May 3 was David's 6 months, then comes "Mother's Day" (not looking forward to that), followed by David's 2 best friends birthday's, then David's 18th Birthday on May 27th.

Spring is what reminds me of David. Green, blooming, being outdoors, the whole bit. I saw the first robin a couple weeks ago, and bawled my eyes out. (his middle name is Robyn...) I saw some postings here about planting trees for our children, and am going to make that a tradition. We planted one the week he was born, which coincidently was knocked down in a storm on his 8th Birthday. Will try again on May 27th.

PS Interesting thing...A few years ago, all 3 of my sons planted some Evergreen seedlings they got at school, a May day thing I think. None of them took. The dogs dug 2 of them up, but David's stayed. However, it appeared almost dead, very sickly at least. But, when the snow cleared this Spring, and I saw this tree, I was amazed by what I found. Here we had this sickly, scrappy little thing, no bigger than 12 inches last fall, to a fully green, healthy looking Evergreen, well over 3 Feet tall. Now, this green definitely reminds me of dear David.

Love all,

Lisa (david's mama)

http://david-robyn-loring.memory-of.com

David being David...

[4everjoeysmom]

Lisa, I agree.  It was a very mean post, especially on a memorial tribute site.  But please bring to the forefront and consider, as you said, this woman has a monster eating her--alcoholism.  This is a disease that eats at the brain and vital organs of the body.  It certainly has great potential to bring on dimensia over time and during drunken stupors causes one to not be able to exercise appropriate and rational behavior.  Perhaps this woman is incapable of rational behavior even when she is sober at this point.  I pity her.  i really do.  She is a lost soul....   Try not to take it so personally, even though her attacks were pointed at you on Dear David's site.  Consider the source...really.... and know that for that one really screwed up person, there are countless others who "know and understand" and have great compassion for your loss.

May the blessings of comfort and peace find you this day and forward..  ~Claudia

[davidsmom]

Yes claudia, you are correct. The alcohol is a complete monster, take it from someone who knows this first hand. Growing up in an alcoholic home, I, myself have seen first hand how it destroys families, and all that we hold dear. For so long, I equated alcohol with a "normal" part of life. Besides, Wisconsin is a notorious place for its wide acceptance of alcohol use and abuse. Personally, I do not drink. I despise alcohol, and never keep it in my home. Ironically, its what killed my 17 year old son, the alcohol beast that this woman battles was passed to her son, and my family paid a heavy price. My dad died of alcohol related illness on Christmas Day, less than 2 months after David was killed.

I guess I was holding out some sort of hope, that this woman, in her sober moments, would realize what a horrible thing she said and did on David's website. But, wishful thinking I suppose. I guess she is so miserable that she cannot see past this misery, see how big this really is, and how much I am hurting, all of our family is hurting.

I continue to love and support her son. He was given a second chance, and I hope to see him live up to this opportunity, and fulfill the promises he made to our family, and to God.

Love to all,

Lisa (david's mama)

[4everjoeysmom]

Lisa, I totally understand where you are coming from.  I too suffered all of my childhood with an alcoholic dad--a home full of abuse and neglect, feeling unloved, depending on friends and others in our family to help my mom feed and clothe us, and horrible as it sounds literally praying to God when I was little to please save us and take my dad.  It was totally messed up.  I am 44 now, and over the years I have been able to forgive my dad, yet to this day he has never said one word assuming any responsibility, nothing.  It's as if his subconscious has completely blocked access for him to recall any of it.  I think if he really thought about it, he would probably die from the overwhelming guilt and inability to take any of it back--I don't know.  All I know is he is who he is, and alcohol (while I don't hate the substance) has placed in me a high degree of respect and understanding for how it can control a person and destroy them to the very core, leaving a horrible wake of destruction that touches anyone and everyone in the way.  This woman, Matt's mother, if she has been taken over by alcohol for so long, it's of no wonder that she would not "wake up" to owning consequences of her actions or anyone hurt by them.  If you are able, please don't put too much personal stock and time into whether or not she responds, apologizes, or whatnot.  You have enough on your plate with grieving, and it's been such a short time.  I'm so sorry for this added and senseless pain.  You truly are a remarkable woman.  A line from one of my most favorite films says, "Your quality will be known among your enemies, wherever it is you shall make them, my friend."  I love that quote.  I don't intentially go around trying to make enemies, but I am not so naiive to think that along my life journey I will not encounter people who are mean and won't like me for one reason or another.  They can do or say anything they want, but the makeup of my character and how I respond is by my choosing, not theirs.  My thoughts and prayers are with you through these difficult times....   HUGS, Claudia

[davidsmom]

Claudia, sometimes you surprise me with the way you can so simply put things into  perspective, with ease and true wisdom. I need these sorts of reminders from time to  time, amd you have a good style for doing so...and I thank you. You are a very good counselor/preacher/teacher. Thank you for your friendship. (unfortunately, I received another one of these messages from this woman last night...perhaps worse than the fist...she is actually implying that it is not only MY fault David died, but its also my fault her son is in jail, and that I have "ruined" her life)

I hardly know what to make of all this, but pray it stops, now. I did block her emails from accessing my account. But, I have found a number of accusatory posting in various web forums...Its distressing you know, adding insult to injury. I am trying to deal with so much grief the way it is. But, I also know what truth is, and her words do not make me feel any additional guilt, they are just embarassing, shocking, you know....

Hanging in there. I am a tough girl:) Just a very exhausted one...these little upsets interfere with my all ready difficult sleep patterns. UGH

Lots of love,

Lisa (david's mama)

[4everjoeysmom]

Lisa,  It's good that you blocked this woman's ability to mail you directly.  If you are able to pre-approve posts to David's site, I would do that as well.  It's unfortunate that she posts her atrocious perspectives all over the world-wide-web, but I do believe anyone with a rational-thinking mind will be able to see through it and pity her for what it is--the rage of a lost soul.  You have done nothing to feel embarrassed for in terms of sparking her actions, things she says, or anything else.  You know the truth, as you said, and others do too.  Your peace of mind likely will come most by choosing to ignore her ranting lunatic behavior.  I'm sure most others do, which is likely why she is so adamant about someone hearing her...  a vicious cycle she is prisoner to.  It's odd, really.  Her son is the one imprisoned, yet he is likely more "free" than she ever will be.  Redemption is freeing to the soul, and while he is in search of his, she likely will never find hers.  What a pitiful shame, really...   As for the sleepless nights, I have taken up e-books on my PDA.  I am able to read at night with the LED backlight in the PDA, even while my husband sleeps, and I find over time my eyes get tired and I am able to fall asleep right away.  If I get up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep, I pick up my e-book and find that after 15 minutes or so I am ready to drift off to sleep again.  I used to take an Ambien-like sleep aid a few times a week, but am trying to find natural ways to help the sleeplessness.  This seems to be working well for me.  I hope you are able to find something that works soon.  Sleep deprivation can add so much more to our already weary and stressed bodies and souls.  HUGS to you, my friend!  ~Claudia

[katant]

[align=left] [/align]

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, the advice and wisdom you shared is perfect!!  THANK YOU!!! 

Hugs and much love!! ~Claudia

[katant]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL!

I AM CALLING IT

HAPPY ANTHONY'S DAY!!

I was woken up today by two of Anthony's best friend with flowers...two boys running into my room was like a dream that was real...it made me feel like he was back, it was Ant even though it was Ryan & Austin....my boys.

Love u and Anthony my boy, Miss U!

XOXOOXXO

[4everjoeysmom]

Kathy, That was REALLY SWEET of Anthony's friends to make you feel so loved and special this morning with such a wonderful presentation and visit.  What a blessing!!  I've been thinking of you a lot today.  Big HUGS, Claudia

[annie6]

Kathy-

Thanks for the poem, "Take Care."  I could read it over and over and over.  I'm really needing some peace right now.  I miss my boy more than usual today.

I miss you Gavin.   Stay close for a while, will you?  I love you, buddy.

Annie/Gavin's Mom

[4everjoeysmom]

One more day closer...  I am so with you dear friend.  Love and HUGS to you, Kathy!!

Love, Claudia

[annie6]

[align=left]Today marks eleven months.  Eleven months of not being able to hear Gavin's voice, feel his wonderful hugs.  Sometimes it seems to be getting a little easier, then other times . . . well, with this anniversary . . . no wonder I've been having such a hard week.  I'm learning from all of you--your empathy and shared examples of how I can cope have been invaluable.

I just posted Kathy's beautiful poem from her friend at Anthony's memorial on my blog.  Just doing this little remembrance helped.  I've also posted a collage of my boy.  If you feel like it, you could visit.  I'd love the support.  http://skinnylink.blogspot.com

Here's to all our beautiful children. . . Smiling down on us.  Wrapping their angel arms around us when we hurt.  Watching over each of us and whispering, "I love you.  Just hang on.  I promise I'm always here when you need me.  Thank you for loving me like you do."

I know Gavin is happy that I have good people like you to help me go on.

Can't wait to hold you again, my buddy.  I love you my Gavin-san.

Much love and gratitude to all,

Annie (Gavin's mom)

[/align]

[4everjoeysmom]

Annie,  I have a dial-up access for internet, so it was a little bit of slow-going for me, but I loved the blog site, especially the photos!!  Your Gavin is so very handsome.  I would say was, for obvious reasons, but I'm sure like the way I feel the essence of Joey around me and in me, so do you feel for Gavin--and isn't that essence so beautiful?  Sometimes it is a great help through the missing, and other times it makes my longing stronger, but I'm grateful for having the beauty of knowing Joey.  I know your Gavin must have brought so much delight, so much joy.  I can tell just by looking through those beautiful photos.  I am so very sorry for your pain.  I know it well.  I'm glad that here among friends who know, understand and care, we don't have to journey alone.  My heart and prayers are with you today and as your heart continues to journey through this first year and beyond.  Blessings, Claudia

[annie6]

Thanks so much Claudia.  You always express things so beautifully--and succinctly.  It is good to be able to share this burden.  The Lord is mindful of us, isn't he?

Thanks for taking the time to visit my site and honor my boy.  You know how much that means to me, I'm sure.  And thanks for your kind words.  It's good to see his name, to know it was spoken in someone else's heart.

Much love,

Annie

[4everjoeysmom]

Yes, Annie.  I do believe the Lord is very mindful of the broken-hearted.  I believe he weaves us together to love and encourage one another as well.

When I get a chance to visit a hi-speed access, I definitely am going to visit your blog spot and Gavin again!  Some of the writing I read there is superb.  And I think the gesture of deep love and affection expressed in your daughter's Mother's Day Letter is priceless.  You are right!  You are very, very blessed to have such a beautiful and supportive daughter--very thoughtful of her.  Her writing difinitively captures the quality of your motherhood.... How blessed are she and Gavin that God chose you!  Bless you, dear Friend.  ~Claudia 

[lovekristy4ever]

Annie,

I loved the pictures on the collage.  What a handsome boy!

Terry

 

[iansmom]

Hi Annie, What a handsome young man, and such a nice pic. to have.  You may or may not remember me but, I've been here a while but lately I've just come in just to read. Our friend Claudia is such a sweet heart and has a heart for hurting people and I love her for that, she's such a blessing.

I just wanted to share a small piece of information that may bring some peace to you. Hope! the Bible more frequently talks about the human emotion of sorrow at the loss of someone (or something) deeply cherished or at the experience of the pain in one's life. The Bible views grief as a normal experience, but it also adds that the believer's experience of grief is tempered by God's announcement of hope (1Th 4:13), by the promise that those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy (Ps 126). A friend of mine lost a son 2 days ago in an accident and my prayers for her are that God be as merciful to her as he was for me when I lost my son. I could not pray for myself for a long time but because I’m His, His grace was extended in my time of grief. The Bible tells us that God’s deep desire for us is that we be healed of ALL that lays us low. He wants us restored (Ps 103:4-6) I’m still in the healing process too. But, just remember, if it concerns you it concerns God.

I miss you greatly Ian,

Iansmom - Faith

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry, I am praying for you and your family...  I know this is a very difficult "season" to get through...  Hugs and blessings, Claudia

[lovekristy4ever]

I know that I am still very early in this journey but it hurts so bad that I feel like I can't go on.  I only hold it together for my son.  One of Krisyt's best friends sent by a plant with an angel that says "When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure".  She had it sent the day after Mother's Day and wrote a card that she knew it would be a hard day for me on Mother's Day and Kristy would not want that. 

Anyway, I think it is getting harder.  I'm thinking of going back to work just to be preoccuppied but my fear is that I am so exhausted most of the time, I'm not sure physically if I can do it.  I'm totally lost and feel I have no direction. 

[4everjoeysmom]

Terry,   Coming out of the shock, maybe still in it to degrees, and moving into some sort of acceptance...  It's so much for a heart to bear, and what you feel , my heart just aches for you.  I know that pain and confusion, that sense of not knowing what to do or even if I could, it's known so intimately here by us all.  I can't give any direction based on my experience or in knowing the many differing ways that others get through, because each one is so unique in how we manage, though it doesn't feel much like managing at all in those early weeks and months.  Try not to force yourself into doing things that others think you should do if you aren't ready.  Let God guide your steps, even if you can't manage to take a step and even if you're angry with Him.  It's ok to just be and journey for a while on our knees as we seek to make sense of the pieces of our lives, the core of our beings that has become so broken.  Do whatever you feel you need to do for the moment, and know that there are many here who are praying you through...  HUGS, Claudia

[iansmom]

Claudia, That's a really nice pic. of Joey. Hope all is well.