I Miss Him So...

[pamhadfred]

Dear Dorothy,,   I live about 1 hour and 15mun. north  of Bingamton Ny  and snow started lightly at 4:30 pm.   The roads are greasy and visibilty is terrible.  We're due for 3-7in.  with sleet and freezing rain after that.  Stay Warm, Pam      I wish everyone the best:D

[missyouhoney811]

Pam, I hope you don't have to leave your house in the morning.  I have no fear driving in the snow but I tend to respect ice.  I know I will be staying home tomorrow.  Maybe, I'll take pictures of my yard and woods.  The snow is so beautiful.

I have the T.V. on and I just heard that tomorrow (I didn't get the time) on Fox News they will be having a program in reference to the believing in spirits that they do exist.  This should be interesting......I guess I will be getting info from the news media on something that I already believe in.

Prayers & Blessings,

Dorothy

[armaiti]

Pam, I'll have to check in on Ishaq's family and his sister and her husband to see how they are doing...they are all outside of Montrose, PA, so not that far from you really.  When I go visit them I always fly into Binghamton. 

It's starting to rain now, but very softly.  Good for the garden too.  I still have so much to do out there, but I'll take it one piece at a time.  Ishaq used to just tear through it, weeding like crazy. 

All of you in snow and ice, drive careful, stay warm!

Blessings,

Anna

[Error username not found]

thenx everyone. im giving her 7 months because that's my bday month. i figure i'll be nice for one last time and 7 months is a long time so she better not give me ****. if she doesn't pay me, i will take her to small claims. it's just annoying because we've known eachother for a long time and it's always money that fucks up friendships so i hear, but in all reality, if the person is your friend, they won't **** you over.

anyway the snow here WAS nice.. but now it's turning icy. ttyL. bye.

[pamhadfred]

 Dorothy,   Luckily, I'm off till Saturday.  I'm a chicken in this weather, the only reason I'll travel is in an emergency or work.  My job is only 5 miles away and when the weather is crappy, my friend picks me up.  I work at a nursing home.  Been there for almost 22yrs.  11 and a half more to go and I can retire ha!  That's the only goal I have because unless I get fired or die  it's attainable.  Well, I'm babbling be safe, and take care.  Pam

[pamhadfred]

 Anna,   Yeah,  I think the snow is pretty but I don't like it ha.  There's a contradiction.  My Jim also loved working in the garden.  He had a green thumb like you wouldn't believe and he took pride in his work.  Now I'll just have to look at what was once the garden 'cause I don't have the time nor the enthusiasm to do it.   Oh well,  take care and stay warm,  Pam

[missyouhoney811]

Pam, if your profile reads correct Happy Early Birthday.  Do you have any special plans for tomorrow?

Blessings,

Dorothy

[pamhadfred]

Dorothy,    Unfortunately,  I have to go pick up my paycheck and pay bills (yuck)  Otherwise, I'm just gonna sit around the house and cry with my dog, Roxie. I celebrated with my family on the 10th so it's a little easier for me.  Take Care, Pam

[sarahford]

hiya, last week i lost my boyfriend of 1 year in car carsh that i was in too, js need someone to tak to abot it thanks xx

[pamhadfred]

Dear Sarah,  I'm so sorry for your loss.  The people are very good here and caring.  I'm sorry you had to come here but glad you found us.  I'm sure you're having alot of emotions right now.  Just feel how you have to and don't let anyone tell you to get over it or move on etc..  Hang in there kiddo  Take Care  Pam

[missyouhoney811]

Sarah, you are so young to experience such a loss.  The road ahead will be very hard. Try to stay strong and be very gentle with yourself.  I am so sorry you had to join us but we are all here for the same reason.  You found a good place to speak out.  Take care of yourself.

Prayers & Blessings,

Dorothy

[aprilmoonflower]

Sarah- you are not alone! There are a couple of younger women here who have suffered the same loss. though we all understand what youa re going through (And will go through for a very long time) hang in there! and when you want to vent or cry come here! we understand!

[missque]

i hate today! it sucks when ur not with ur love.... i found out today my ex got engaged- in the past few months ive had at least 10 friends get engaged- i hate it cuz the one i love isnt here anymore... I take what i can as a sign from jer its officially 12pm making it valentines day and right now Casablanca is on- it was his fav. movie i had to hunt everywhere last christmas to find him a copy cuz his had been watched so many times it didnt work. all i really have is the little things that i see as signs from him so im taking this as one... lots of werid things happen and i just chalk it up to him

hope all ur days go better- ill be drinking wine all day

sarah- i lost my boyfriend in May - he was in a car accident with his best friend and they both died... hope u can find some peace here; i'm so sorry that your having to go throgh with this. Baca and I are the 'baby's' of the board so to speak- but everyone here is great. we all understand eachother on a much deeper leavel; we're all in the same boat.

[mishknit]

had to post about my valentine's day wink....

and this from a guy who hated v day!

i got up this morning, rolled over to do my usual check....nope, he's still no there.

dragged myself from bed to check emails..see what new disasters were in store for me today, and as i was reading them a new email popped up.

it was from a hotel in carmel, the hotel we spent our first 2 anniversaries at and where we went, for the last time, 6 months before he died.

it was an ad, touting specials, renovation of suites, etc

BUT...

it had 3 pics on it...

one of a renovated suite, one of the beach (right around the corner)

and the third?

a picture of "our:"room..the one we stayed in when we went there.

today it feels like the veil between is is very thin indeed...

i am so grateful for my wink

peace,

michele

[lindat]

So glad that you received your wink   Very cool!!!

[armaiti]

I love it when stuff like that happens!

I'm going to go out to a place Ishaq and I loved to hike on Monday, down around Mt. Pisgah, which is just in southeast Eugene.  He and I spent a lot of time there, hiking, swimming, going to the annual Mushroom festival in the fall...we even put together a band that played at the festival one year.  It was so cold I couldn't feel my toes when we were done, and everybody's instruments kept going out of tune from the temperature.  We had fun though. We took his dad one year as well...so I'll just go there and walk and write, maybe place some of his ashes there.  Play my Native flute for him, and see what happens.  I think a friend and I are going to get together mid-afternoon for a late lunch...I have an Interfaith planning board meeting at 5:30, which I almost thought of bailing on, but it will be good to be with these folks on our special day.  They all knew and love Ishaq, so I'll get a lot of support there as well. 

Blessings,

Anna

[Error username not found]

[missyouhoney811]

I also went to the cemetery yesterday.  I took 3 carnations (red, pink and white) sat them on top of the stone.  Four balloons 3 red that I released and one heart shaped one with Love you Today, Tomorrow and Forever written on it. I tied it to John's grave blanket.  So much snow.............my footprints were the only ones in the snow.  I talked to him for a long time. When I left I was fine until my son called me and  asked what was I doing?  I got a few words out and started to cry. I had to hang up. I went for a long drive for a few hours.  I arrived home while opening my storm door on the step their were flowers.  I love my son he really takes care of me. It made me happy.  My John would always buy me flowers and 3 cards. I hope everyone is having a peaceful day.

I can't wait until 2/26.................I need a change and Vegas will make me happy.

Blessings to all.

Dorothy

[aprilmoonflower]

it is snowing here in s. arizona! it is so cold! of course I have errands to do! ackkk! I hate snow! of course my kids adore it!

Dorothy- vegas will be good for you! get a massage and win lots of money then pig out at the yummy buffets! (have you been to the one at The Rio?) so delicious!!!

we are going to a vegetarian potluck Sunday. I sure hope it is warmer by then!

I gave up coffee over a month ago. I really wish I could have it but it kills my stomach anymore and I will just drink it all day long! now I am exclusively on tea (black, herbal.etc) but it's not the same! I feel like a zombie!

[missyouhoney811]

[align=left]April, I could NEVER give my coffee up. It is my #1 Vice. I had such a headache when I was in PR because I could not get a good cup of coffee.  I never thought I could or would be hooked on coffee............but I am.

I just made reservations for the Lemo driver to pick me up at the airport in Vegas. I am using the same one I had in August.  Nice guy! I am hopiing to win big so I can buy one of Donald Trump's Condos on the Strip........

Prayers & Blessings,

Dorothy

 

[/align]

[missque]

baca- I have the same thing happen everyone knows of the accident as the 'accident that happened near sand damn road... its kinda werid when random people know it... i was telling a lady i work with about it and she was like oh yea i remember that one because it was all over the news and the first accident of a long weekend; makes it big news up here i guess...

i guess car accidents are really the most common way for young people to die; since they are young theres usually no major health issues...

[rodless]

Lousy valentine's day here..almost blizzard conditions. Then when it cleared up was way cold. Tried to get to Rod's grave yesterday but cemetery had not been plowed out. I went through drifts with 4wd but was afraid I'd get stuck if I stopped. Was bummed. I'm going to try again today and hope it is cleared. I have a pretty feather rose I wanted to leave there. I am SO SICK of this weather. Today is really nice but  freezing drizzle and snow again tomorrow. Good luck in Vegas, Dorothy!

[missyouhoney811]

The weather today was chilly but very sunny.  I went to 4 PM Mass afterwards I went to the shoe warehouse and once again bought 2 pairs of shoes.  They are both dressy heels...............black and gold and black and silver.  They are already packed for Vegas.  I just can't get enough shoes......

The beginning of March I'll be ordering a sadle for John's headstone.  I am hoping they will be able to decorate it with some nice flowers.  I am just not use to Easter coming so early. 

Hoping everyone is having a good evening.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[kathy714]

Hi ,I had my first Valentine's DAY without my husband,basically i started out on the couch crying,then my son called ,so i tried not to let him know i had been crying,i invited him,his wife and my 2 granddaughterrs over for dinner,he said he would get back to me,at 4 pm he called to say they were coming,then i went to the cemetary and brought to cards,one for my husband and one for my son, {MY 21 YO SON PASSED 3 YEARS AGO} a small model of a harley davison for my husband and a angel holding 2 heart shape balloons.Then when my other son came for dinner they surpised me with a hugh vase of flowers,roses and daisys,which made me cry AGAIN....Later when they opened the box of chocolates i gave them,1 chocolate was missing,i told my 4 yo grandaughter,I GUESS POP-POP WANTED THAT ONE!! Well all and all it was a day with many ups and downs,but i guess there will be lots more of them to come....god bless you all,Kathy,mom of Nate,wife of john

[missyouhoney811]

I just had a strange call from the blood bank for John.  Why would they call?  We did at one time donate our blood but that was in the early 70's.  I can't understand that one at  all. 

[armaiti]

That is strange...but you never know where these things come from...I used to get these phone calls where I'd pick it up and a recording voice would say "To log into the system press 1".  Once I remembered Ishaq's password to the Red Cross answering service, and punched it in, and that's what it was!  I used to think it was his way of "calling me". 

I've been thinking a lot about our anniversary tomorrow...I was looking in his date book and he wrote down the wrong day, he has the 20th as "anniversary".  He was always a bit confounded with dates.  But I'd never noticed that before, in the book, which I've kept just as he left it. 

An anniversary, a remembrance of the happiest day of my life, the day we became a couple.  The day I bonded with my true soulmate.  I'm trying to get out of the mindset that it will be hard or sad or I'll be miserable that he isn't here with me in body to share this day, to go out to dinner and remember that first night together.  We were never apart after that, and since he was my roommate when we got together, we didn't have to have any difficult "moving in" conversations, he was already here!  Everything was pretty easy, being with him, with the exception of the diabetes stuff, but that wasn't his fault or his doing.  And I've heard that for a diabetic he was pretty well-behaved.  Some get aggresive or abusive when they have a low blood sugar crash, but Ishaq was always very calm and would follow my directions to drink his juice or soda or to stay put until the paramedics got there if he was too far down for me to get him back up without help. 

So tomorrow I'll walk the woods that we walked, and he'll walk with me, in his spirit form.  Maybe I'll see a sign and maybe I won't...but he will always be with me. 

Hope you all have a peaceful weekend,

Blessings,

Anna

[missyouhoney811]

Anna, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.  I hope the day is gentle to you and your spirits high with the knowledge of knowing that  one day we  will see our soulmates again. For now we will have to appreciate the memories we have in our mind and the love that will be in our hearts forever.

I bought myself a beautiful Brighton silver bracelet for red hearts day.  On it is "The biggest thing in the world, bigger than the ocean and the sky, is your heart". How true is that..........

It is raining out but all and all not a bad day....

Anna, if you were here in Pittsburgh................I would take you out for drinks and dinner........maybe one day we will meet.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[Error username not found]

miss.. you said it perfectly. lol.. i thought of that but i couldnt put it in the right words. anyway hope everyones good. im doing alright..just lazy as hell. ttyl.bye.

[missque]

so many different feelings to deal with right now... 2 days ago was Jer's 9 months and my friend had her son's 1st birthday that day (jer and i were at the hospital when he was born) now today is my mom's real birthday and the 7 year anniv. of my dads death; my dad died on my moms birthday.... today just kinda reafferms that i know ill be okay with jer one day because im okay with my dad; like ive never forgotten him and im not happy hes gone but im okay with it and i know one day i will feel the same about jer- justn ot right now...

[rodless]

Well, I finally made it into the cemetery Saturday and left my rose.   I bent in around the base of the light I put there to keep it from blowing away. Yesterday I went out to walk the dog there and the drifts had blown in again so we went to the park. instead. No doubt it is covered by all the new snow anyway. But I fell better knowing it is there.

Anna, I hope your anniversary was a peaceful day for you. I also hope as we go through the years ahead that these anniversary dates will be more of a celebration of what we had instead of a marker of what we lost. It's so hard to imagine years and years of being without them.

Dorothy, be careful on those heels! and have fun in Vegas!

 

[aprilmoonflower]

I saw the homeschooling Dad again yesterday.  unfortunately all our kids were not in the best of moods (it figures) the potluck was fun though! Unfortunately I did not eat though as I have a horrible toothache (wisdom tooth) so that sucked! I think I am going to have to get my tooth pulled! ackk! I need to get a passport though as my dentist is in Mexico (no dental ins) ugh! what a nightmare! I dread going through customs after oral surgery!

[missyouhoney811]

April, is it worth while getting a passport to travel versus paying out of pocket to have the tooth extracted? What about infection? What happens if you have complications once you return home? You have to beware of dentist as well as medical physicians these days.........Also, beware when they put you under to have the wisdom tooth pulled.  I have a story on that one.  As a matter of fact the dear dentist that pulled 3 of my wisdom in 1982 is finally facing charges for touching where is never should have.  So far 19 women are pressing charges against him.  In 1982 it never could have happened even if you knew something was not  right once the drugs wore off............

Linda, how are you?  I have been thinking about you.  Remember you are always in my prayers.

Blessings,

Dorothy

[aprilmoonflower]

Dorothy! DOn't worry! I am righ near the border! I love my dentist in Mexico! he is wonderful and one of the best reconstructive dentists around!!! He actually trained at NYU (His wife is also a dentist) I think they run a cash only biz this way. much easier running a practice in Mexico! (they live in the states)

 

[aprilmoonflower]

btw DH had his wisdom tooth pulled by the same dentist 3 months before he died. his was an easy extracton though as he did it on his lunch break and returned to work immedietly after! he had no problems at all!

 

[aprilmoonflower]

oh and I'll definitely bring someone with me! I never go to mexico alone! I am a big baby that way!

[armaiti]

Hi everyone!

I had a good day yesterday for our 12th year anniversary.  It was warm and sunny, and I went up to Mt. Pisgah Arboretum, which is in southeast Eugene, a big preserve with oak forests, pine forests, the river running through it on the east side...lots and lots of trails and paths.  I played my Native flute by the creek...I have a piece I played there for Ishaq by the river called "Your Voice Is In The Wind".  I recorded it on my camera on the video setting...it was supposed to have the video of the river, but I set the camera too low and just got the trees!  I want to try doing more of these outside recordings/videos of music.

And Ishaq did come to me in my dreams early this morning.  I haven't had a lucid visitation dream for a long time, but it  felt like he was waiting for some special time to come visit, and our anniversary - or rather the first morning we woke up as a couple - was a perfect time! 

Hope everyone is doing well,

Blessings,

Anna

[aprilmoonflower]

anna- it sounds like you had a nice day! that place sounds fantastic! I am going to put that on our list of things to do when we visit Eugene! oh there's lots of mosquitoes in the summer, huh?

othrwise it's REALLY nice to read about someone else's happy times!

I really HIGHLY doubt I will ever be able to think of any of our anniversaries happily again. I would just assume forget them anymore really other than my kids bdays. and really I try not to think about it anymore. when I do, I know it's all a lie anyway! I can't help but realize I wasted alot of time with someone who was not who he seemed to be AT ALL. ugh! live and learn! I refuse to memorialize a false person any longer though. and there's nothing I hate worse than a liar! (seriously) yeah I am pretty angry STILL! it really has helped me move on in a way though! I am just sick to death of being told to forget it and he loved us (hell no I won't just forget it!) and he also didn't love us too much as he was a lying, cheating, addict doing whatever he wanted! I really am not sure anymore if my life is better or worse for having known him (minus my children). it really sucks! I do know we are better off without him now! it's sad, but true!

[missyouhoney811]

I received a card from the Venetian in Vegas.  They are giving me another complimentaray suite for three nights.  I booked it.............I already confirmed the suite for 4/28 to 5/1 and scheduled my flight with Southwest Airlines.  I think the reason they are treating me so great is due the fact I made friends with one of the managers.  Talked to him alot about John when I was their in August.  He gave me his special number for me to call if I ever needed anything.  He must be the one pulling the strings for me to get these free suites..............Whatever, it works for me.

My second weigh in and the scale is going down.  Thank God........it is such an easy way to loose weight.  The only thing I have to make are my vegtables and salads.

Hugs & Blessings,

Dorothy

[mishknit]

Anna..

your day sounds lovely, I am so glad. I had been thinking about you and wishing you a nice day.

and dorothy..you keep hitting without even trying! LOL! I SWEAR...I am gonna drive in and see you one of these vegas trips....you keep getting those free suites, and I'll know just where to stay, CHEAP!!

You will have a great time, I know it!

April..hug...i am so sorry about the way you feel, and yet i can sympathize, i believe i would feel the same way. i do know that lying is the biggest sin (for want of a better word) to me... am so sorry you have to deal with this.

but, glad single dad seems nice..you never know!

arrghhh..

i can't remember other things i wanted to say, except huge hugs and love to lnda..

how are you?

and mary jo too.

peace,

michele

[missque]

Hey everyone! I came across a poem that i got in the mail from one of the local hospices' that i was going to. I thought you might all like it

Grief is like a river

My grief is like a river-

i have to let it flow,

but i myself determine

just where the banks will go.

some days the current takes me

in waves of guilt and pain,

but there are always quiet pools

where i can rest again

i crash on rocks of anger-

my faith seems faint indeed,

but there are other swimmers

who know that what i need

are loving hands to hold me

when the waters are too swift

and someone kind to listen

when i just seem to drift.

grief's river is a process

of relinquishing the past.

by swimming in hope's channels

i'll reach the shore at least.

[aprilmoonflower]

yeah I like the single homeschooling Dad more and more. definitely still intrigued.  we had a 3 hour phone conversation last night. I met his kids last weekend.

[missque]

okay and another one... the place sends out mailings every months with words of wisdome and such in them since im usually not at home i've been opening them all now; i really liked this one because it takes a look at the oppisite side. We are so concerned with the bad effects of death but this looks at the other end.

anyways i hope it brings something to you all appoligizes in advance as it is long

Lessons from the grief Journey

Each loss teaches

    - patience

    - that all wishes cannt be granted

Grieving teachers perspective

    - those who overreact to small incidents and losses are usually people who have never experienced catastrophe

    - you can distinguish the trivial worry from significant problems

    - you now respondwith greater calmness than before

Grief teaches about the depth and range of feeling

    - before your loss, you probably didn't realize the human soul was capable of so many fears, resentments and kinds of sadness

You never imagined you loved so deeply

    - when you grive you acknowledge all these deep feelings and give yourself over to them

Grieving helps you see yourself with greater perception

    - it can help you understand others more clearly

Because grieving offers understanding, it helps you treasure other survivors in the family and among friends

    - friendships take a new, deeper meaning

On the grief journey, you grow in other importan tways

    - you know more about who you are

    - you have reason to examine your identity and heritage in ways those who have not been bereaved may not (who am i? where am i going)

    - you have learned that life will not streatch out without end. most young people imagine life offers an unlimited span for fulfilment

    - you know that quality of life is important- that lengh of life is only one measure

    - you know it is not too early to set goals for your body and mins

    - you are aware that the way you live now will help determine how long you will survive

    - you place a higher value on each day of your life

    - today has more meaning because it is all one has. the future is out of reach

    - death and loss are terrible, but being part of them shows you tht you can confront and overcome difficulties

    - with your courage to meet each day, you have pride and strength and you have earned respect

[lindat]

Hi everyone,  Couple of rough days, chemo was Monday.   Jim went with me to the hospital yesterday to get my bone marrow shot and then we went to dinner and a movie.  Unfortunately, I started getting chills half way through the movie and feeling achey.   He was very sympathetic, but I was really miserable.  

I cut all my hair off with scissors, didn't want to go anywhere to get it shaved.   It isn't hurting now that it is really short, so it's better.   My sister got me a wig that looks pretty natural, I'll post a photo when I feel better.   It was nice not to wake up with hair all over my bed and pillow this morning. 

My son Matt left to go home to CA last Friday.  We had a wonderful visit and the time went by much too fast.  Jim went with me to the airport to see him off and was very supportive when I lost it after Matt left.   The thought crossed my mind that I might never see him again and that was hard.   All of us know that there are no promises of tomorrow and it is difficult to think about. 

Jim and I have been getting along pretty well lately, a few bumps in the road but nothing major.  He will be moving in June and I know I'm going to be lost again.   Although I know that this is not the right guy for me, we have become very close and I will miss him desparately.   BTW his PSA test came back on Friday and there were no antigens left to detect.   What a relief.   They said that if he gets the same PSA results for a year that he probably will not have any further problems.   I wish they could be as positive with my type of breast cancer, but it is more like if you survive 2 years, you probably won't survive 5 years, but if you do it is unlikely you will survive 10.   We need a cure!!!

I am going back to bed, hope all of you are finding some peace.....

xoxox

[aprilmoonflower]

(((hugs)))) Linda! I wish I was near you! have you tried candied ginger for the nausea? anyway it's worth a shot. I'm so sorry about your hair! I bet the wig is easy but not the same! it's just hair though! get better!!!!!! you are going to beat this woman! look at all you've been through! you are right though, there is no promise for tomorrow! but tomorrow might also be better too. it's a crapshoot for sure!

[lindat]

Hi April,   Hugs accepted   TY!!!  I haven't had any problem with nausea, in fact I have gained weight which is also freaking me out.  My oncologist is going to take the steroids out of the mix next time to see if I will do okay without them.   My job is very physical and whenever I don't work I gain weight, so that coupled with steroids makes it impossible to maintain my weight loss that I worked so hard for.   Most of being sick is coming from the Nulasta shot for the bone marrow that I get the day after chemo.  It feels like you are coming down with a case of flu from hell and everything aches.  Your skin hurts.   It will only last a couple of more days and then I should be okay for a couple of weeks so it isn't so bad.   The hair thing was a biggy for me, but once I cut it off I was better.  I think I just had to take control instead of letting it control me.  

Keep us posted on your guy, sounds like you are having fun and that's great!  Now I really am going to bed, thanks for writing - it is nice when someone is there for you in the middle of the night.

[armaiti]

((((Hugs)))) from me too, Linda!  I do wish we were closer so we could come and take care of you...we are all pulling for you and sending you love and energy! 

...hugs to everyone else as well...I had a nice evening...met a friend for dinner at the neighborhood pasta restaurant (I've been reading this great book called Eat, Pray, Love, and the author is in Italy in the book right now, so the pasta thing - and wine and tiramisu and all...fit right in!)  then I walked home at about 6:30 and watched the eclipse while I walked.  It's a lovely clear night here. 

I'm having some good days after our anniversary, but I always do good after I have a dream visitation from Ishaq...he lets me know he's still with me, maybe not always where I can see him, but he's still checkin' in.  And even though time most likely has no meaning to him anymore, he knew it did for me, and showed up for our anniversary. 

Blessings,

Anna

[laquinn]

Linda I am saying a  pryer for you I hope that you get to feeling alittle better soon.

I am moving this weekend back to the town we used to live in. I was packing tonight and I have been doing so good but when I went to start packing the china that  Randy bought me I just lost it. I know it might sound stupid but it hit me that we never used it was saving it for a special time, and that never happened. I have been crying ever since.

I am also trying to sell his tractor because I won't need it where I am moving to it dosen't have a big yard. I don't know I guess with all of this going on today I just needed to cry. I have done so good for quite a few days I guess it was bound to happen.

I have been working alot the past few weeks and now trying to move I am  feeling over whelmed with all of it and I just keep thinking that this is the last place that he was at he will never be at the new place. Only in my heart and pictures of him.

I really hate all of this I just want him back with me and help me with everything that I need to do. I miss him so much  !The weather is so cold and nasty here and they are calling for more snow and ice tomorrow thrugh Friday. So if I make it to work and can't get home I will stay in town at my sisters. I hate this weather!

I hope you all are doing ok? I will post again when I get time just needed to let this all out.

Lela

[kathy714]

omg,it is 7am and i still haven't slept,i don't sleep anymore,how will i ever dream of my husband if i don't sleep,Anyone else having this problem....take care all,and god bless,Kathy

[armaiti]

Kathy, I couldn't sleep right for months after Ishaq passed.  I don't take prescription drugs if at all possible, so I took natural sleep aids, like melatonin, and a homeopathic called "Quietude" and they helped alot, especially the Melatonin. I still take that from time to time if I'm having a bad night.  And it doesn't seem to affect my dreaming. 

It took Ishaq a whilte to start coming to me in dreams on a regular basis.  Funny, I almost never had him in a dream when he was alive.  But I've always been a vivid dreamer. 

Lela, I hope your move goes smoothly. 

May you all have a peaceful day.

Blessings,

Anna

[rodless]

Lots to catch up on...

(((((Linda))))) I am so sorry you are dealing with this! I took my friend into city for chemo today. She has some sort of drug therapy either chemo or study drug til next November. She also had chills, aches etc. with neulasta but her counts were a lot better. Hang in there!! We're praying for you. I also wish I could come help take care of you.

Lela, hang in there too! Changes are hard and you are going through so many with moving. I understand about the china. I've cried over a lot of stuff..anything that reminded me of Rod from a hairbrush to a van.

April, how exciting. Proof that life can be good again. Have fun.  And thinking about fun...   Dorothy....zumba? zumbra? has finally reached my part of the country. I saw a news segment on it but it's 60 miles away. Looked like great exercise.

Miss, I like the river poem a lot. Thanks!

Kathy, I have a terrible time sleeping. Can't go to sleep, can't stay asleep and then can't wake up on time. Haven't dreamt about Rod very much and I am so ready to have a nice one with him in it instead of all the weird ones I've been having.

Anna, my friend, you are such an inspiration. Even when you're down you have good things to share. Eat Pray Love is big around here although I haven't read it yet. My book group has been talking about it.

And Michele, thanks for asking about me..... I'm doing okay. Still slogging through ice, wind, snow, freezing fog, windchill...I could go on. But we're on the downhill side so will deal with it - maybe NOT with a smile on my face. I'm back to swimming. Should know by now how much that helps the attitude but so hard to go out in the cold to get to pool.

Think of all of you often...we'll make it! We have to...no other choice.

Mary Jo