Adults Who Have Lost Their Parents

[henryn]

I have a friend that tol me that ther are psyhics/spiritualists that come here. I lost my Mom may 12 after she had a massive brain stem stroke April 27. I am trying to contact her to make sure she is OK and to see if she is watching over me. Can anybody here help me? Please!

[eirelassey]

I don't know if writing a letter helps. ithink they would just get defensive.I am praying about it and for them, I find them incredibly selfish!

I think God allows us to go through this in order for us to see who are friends are, the good news is there are people out there who have been through it and know what to do.

I think there is a lesson in this, and maybe we will be there for others experiencing similar losses. Thank you for the responses!

[mulberry]

I think you have a really good point, eirelassey. When you've lost someone close, you expect your friends to at least be there for you, even if they can't understand and even if all they can do is to treat you normally. You don't expect them to disapear. It seems a common thing though, and it obviously does make sure you know who your friends truly are.

A couple of friends didn't know what to say or do after my Dad died, but they were good enough friends to say that to me, to say that they felt awkward and worried about upsetting me or saying something stupid. Lots of people have said stupid things to me, but I've forgiven each one of them, as its through awkwardness or inexperience rather than not caring. Some people are better at dealing with things than others of course, but the worst thing anyone can do is to avoid and ignore someone who is grieving.

Liz

[Guest Guest]

Hi I am lostat34. I lost my dad on March 17,2006. He was diagnosed with lymphoma back in September. I took him to all of his tests, treatments, everything. I had him in the hospital all of February for shortness of breath. What makes it even harder is I am a nurse at the hospital he was at I know all of the signs. Last time I brought him home, he had told me he was so tired.

I feel as if the Doctor had not have given dad that last treatment he might still be with us. He was in remission when the doctor wanted to do one last chemo since dad refused readiation. After the last treatment, it all went downhill. I received a call a work to get home immediately, dad was wanting me to come home that he was ready to go home. He told me that "The Man Upstairs" was coming to get him. We called hospice in and my brother and I cared for dad for a week before he took his last breath. I feel guilty because the night before I had checked his blood pressure and I was unable to get it because is was so faint. I came home long enogh to take a shower and change clothes, I has just got out of the shower when my brother called and told my husband we needed to get back there. I knew he was gone. I feel as though I should have been sitting beside him when it happened. I am the baby of the family and I have always been the rock through all of the other losses we have had, and now I have crumbled. I took mom to the back when the funeral home arrived at the house to take dad away and all mom could say was she did not want to be alone. I have cried some, but not much. My husband is no very supportive, he lost his mom when he was baby and his dad back in 91. He just keep telling everyone that we can dwell on dads death and that life goes on. Life may go on , but I don't know how I can go on. I feel orphaned. I really have no one I can talk to and I try to pour myself into work, but there are many times I have to leave the floor because something will trigger my emotions. I feel as though I am all alone and just want to curl up somewhere and never come out. I know I will lose mom before long and I can not take that. My dad was only 71 when he lost his battle with the cancer.

[Guest Guest]

Hello

I lost my mom one week ago today, she received a pacemaker on june 23rd and was doing well, we had a big party in my parents backyard on Mon June 26 and within three days, my mom passed away, I talked to her one hour before she died on the phone since I was 2 hrs away. We talked every day, sometimes more than once a day she was my best friend and this is so hard. Does anyone have any suggestions of how to get through this? my dad is still alive and in great health but I felt so bad leaving him.

Mary Pat

[peter1]

Surviving a Heart Attack (just read)

This one is definitely worth your minute: I suffered a heart attack recently and I did one thing that brought almost immediate relief.

With all my strength I tried to stretch my body and overcome the bending position one is forced to when suffering a heart attack.

I put myself in supine position, put my STRETCHED ARMS TO THE SIDES at slightly greater tha right angle and stopped tossing and turning and moving my fingers, which I thought was the best way to REDUCE ADRENALINE – the main culprit of a HA. I felt almost immediate improvement in the depth of my breath, the pain the muscle cramp started receding. After 15 minutes I was able to stand up.

Putting arms to the sides looks to make the chest and muscles inside it expand and that streches the cramped heart muscle (like soccer players stretch their cramped calf by bending the foot to the maximum, just raise your arms above the head level and you can see it does make the chest expand). Staying totally motionless seems to induce a state of maximum relaxation of the body (which reduces adrenaline.) and muscles (including the heart muscle).

Please try using this technique when facing death. It can really help you and your relatives survive a heart attack.

Greetings

Andrew

[Guest Guest]

I lost my dad in 1998 and I thought it was the toughest thing I ever had to deal with, but I had my mom, who through the whole ordeal was so strong, so that's who I looked up to. Last Sept she passed away suddenly, it was the worst day in my life. We were best friends and talked everyday, sometimes more than only once. I feel alone and it still hurts just as bad as that very first day, everything is still so fresh in my mind. I see that a lot of people are going thru the same thing, and that is somewhat comforting, but I keep wondering if it ever will get any easier.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my dad on May 16th 2006. He was a mother and a father to me. Always had good advices and encouraging words to keep me strong. I knew he would leave one day, but I didn't expect him to leave so soon. I feel as if the whole world is falling apart. I miss him so much. The only things that keep me strong are my kids and the thought that I will see him again someday. I wonder if this pain will fade away after some time...

[Guest Guest]

I lost my dad on May 16th 2006. He was a mother and a father to me. Always had good advices and encouraging words to keep me strong. I knew he would leave one day, but I didn't expect him to leave so soon. I feel as if the whole world is falling apart. I miss him so much. The only things that keep me strong are my kids and the thought that I will see him again someday. I wonder if this pain will fade away after some time...

[Guest Guest]

my dad died on feb 2nd, 2006.

everyone thought i was the one who would fall apart. but i didn't. no one did. but ****.....i miss him.....

right now i am angry as hell. i know that this is a normal part of grief.

knowing it's normal doesn't make it easier, doesn't make it more comfortable and doesn't make help me function any better.

yeah. i am the one who didn't fall apart.

shel

[Guest Guest]

I lost my grandmother who was my mother on July 22, 2005 two days after her 87 birthday. This has been very hard for me to deal with, I feel if my entire family is lost without her. Tomorrow is her birthday and I can\'t seem to whole it together. I\'m trying to be strong in front of people but it\'s getting harder to hide my feeling of grief. My children ask me everyday are you okay mama, I always tell them yes, but in fact my heart and mind hurts to the point! I\'ve tried thearphy, but it did not help. I\'m at a lost with my family and friends, I can\'t seem to communicate with them without getting angry or crying.

[paulagford]

Lowalz;

I understand what you are going through. Really I do!! I am the youngest of 13 children and my mom passed away in March of this year. Every since she has been gone it seems as tho I am an only child and have no one to turn to. They wanted no part of her things and wanted to sell everything and keep the money and I wanted things that belonged to her... to have... to remember. But they are selling everything even the things that she had wrote down that she wanted certain ones of us to have. If that wasn't bad enough, they turned around and on June 10 of this had a birthday party in her honor(Her bithday was June 12)... I just could make myself think about it much less go. It just seemed wrong in so many ways. I don't call and they don't call me. We look at and deal with this so much differently. I don't have any answers of how to deal with it or how to fix it. All I can say is... I know what you are going through and if you ever need to talk feel free to email me and we will tell all our stories to each other. paulagford@yahoo.com

I think the fact that my siblings and I grieve so differently has actually made myself distance me from them. I was the baby of the family. Somehow it seems that I had a very different relationship with my mom than my siblings did. We were extremely close. I have lost my sense of "family" as I knew it before. Since now that both my parents are gone- it seems like nothing that I do really matters. I am really struggling with the purpose in my life since now I don't have a mom to look after. I seem to be very emotional and my sisters seem to be coping very well. We all ive pretty close to each other, but it seems like our family revolved around my mom and now that she is gone I am struggling with finding a common connection with my sisters. I have to force myself to call them and converse. I think that they are a constant reminder of my loss to me. I would rather stay away from them right now. Maybe this is just where I am at with my grief. I hope that someday I will feel the need to be closer to them.

[jeannet]

Lowalz;

I understand what you are going through. Really I do!! I am the youngest of 13 children and my mom passed away in March of this year. Every since she has been gone it seems as tho I am an only child and have no one to turn to. They wanted no part of her things and wanted to sell everything and keep the money and I wanted things that belonged to her... to have... to remember. But they are selling everything even the things that she had wrote down that she wanted certain ones of us to have. If that wasn't bad enough, they turned around and on June 10 of this had a birthday party in her honor(Her bithday was June 12)... I just could make myself think about it much less go. It just seemed wrong in so many ways. I don't call and they don't call me. We look at and deal with this so much differently. I don't have any answers of how to deal with it or how to fix it. All I can say is... I know what you are going through and if you ever need to talk feel free to email me and we will tell all our stories to each other. paulagford@yahoo.com

I think the fact that my siblings and I grieve so differently has actually made myself distance me from them. I was the baby of the family. Somehow it seems that I had a very different relationship with my mom than my siblings did. We were extremely close. I have lost my sense of "family" as I knew it before. Since now that both my parents are gone- it seems like nothing that I do really matters. I am really struggling with the purpose in my life since now I don't have a mom to look after. I seem to be very emotional and my sisters seem to be coping very well. We all ive pretty close to each other, but it seems like our family revolved around my mom and now that she is gone I am struggling with finding a common connection with my sisters. I have to force myself to call them and converse. I think that they are a constant reminder of my loss to me. I would rather stay away from them right now. Maybe this is just where I am at with my grief. I hope that someday I will feel the need to be closer to them.

[jeannet]

Lowalz;

I understand what you are going through. Really I do!! I am the youngest of 13 children and my mom passed away in March of this year. Every since she has been gone it seems as tho I am an only child and have no one to turn to. They wanted no part of her things and wanted to sell everything and keep the money and I wanted things that belonged to her... to have... to remember. But they are selling everything even the things that she had wrote down that she wanted certain ones of us to have. If that wasn't bad enough, they turned around and on June 10 of this had a birthday party in her honor(Her bithday was June 12)... I just could make myself think about it much less go. It just seemed wrong in so many ways. I don't call and they don't call me. We look at and deal with this so much differently. I don't have any answers of how to deal with it or how to fix it. All I can say is... I know what you are going through and if you ever need to talk feel free to email me and we will tell all our stories to each other. paulagford@yahoo.com

I think the fact that my siblings and I grieve so differently has actually made myself distance me from them. I was the baby of the family. Somehow it seems that I had a very different relationship with my mom than my siblings did. We were extremely close. I have lost my sense of "family" as I knew it before. Since now that both my parents are gone- it seems like nothing that I do really matters. I am really struggling with the purpose in my life since now I don't have a mom to look after. I seem to be very emotional and my sisters seem to be coping very well. We all ive pretty close to each other, but it seems like our family revolved around my mom and now that she is gone I am struggling with finding a common connection with my sisters. I have to force myself to call them and converse. I think that they are a constant reminder of my loss to me. I would rather stay away from them right now. Maybe this is just where I am at with my grief. I hope that someday I will feel the need to be closer to them.

[yparker]

Lowalz, I lost my gandmother(mother) whom raised me for 43 years, last year today and my family is having the same problem of communication. It\'s hard for us to talk to each other without her there. She was the glue to the family and now she gone the family has fallen apart. How could your family have a bithday party for your mom? Some people grive in different ways, but I don\'t understand that! Stay stong and pray often it\'s is supposed to help!

[paulagford]

I am in the same boat as both of you... The same commit was made when our mother died "she is the glue that holds us together". Well, we have fallen apart and I have decided that most of them have issues that I am not sure how to deal with. As for the party... as I have said I didn't go because I felt that it was wrong in so many ways that I don't even know where to begin. From what I have heard from the one sister that I do still talk to it wasn't a party to remember our mother it was a "sham" so that they could gang-up on certain ones and rip them apart. That is just how my family works. They like to rip people up and break them down so that they can feel better about themselves. I personally don't see the point in any of it. They have tried it with me and I just put them in their place so they don't bother me anymore. I just let them know up front that I don't care what they have to say they aren't going to get to me and make me feel like I have done anything wrong. I loved my Mother with everything I am and would do nothing to degrade her or make her feel bad about who she was and stood for. I supported her even if I didn't agree with what she said or did. She gave me life and raised me. I felt that I owed her that much!! As for them I can't say the same. I have heard them talk down to her and treat her horrible. I spent almost every day with her when I lived close and after I moved I talk with her as often as I could. She would tell me she hadn't seen nor heard from the rest of them for weeks at a time. One of which live right next door (I mean within yelling distance). So I can only speak for myself when it come to why things are done the way they are. I did what I could do when I was with her (I spoiled her everyday), and did the best I could to stay in touch when I wasn't. The only thing I reget is that I didn't talk with her more and that I didn't get to visit more than I did. But life tends to go that way and I can't beat myself up for those things. They will have to answer for what they have done and said. I pray every day, it is what gets me through. I ask God to tell her I love her and give her a hug and tell her I will see her again someday.

Lowalz, I lost my gandmother(mother) whom raised me for 43 years, last year today and my family is having the same problem of communication. It's hard for us to talk to each other without her there. She was the glue to the family and now she gone the family has fallen apart. How could your family have a bithday party for your mom? Some people grive in different ways, but I don't understand that! Stay stong and pray often it's is supposed to help!

[nansbabe]

Isn't it strange how people who were raised together by the same parents can have such different thoughts and behaviors? I look at my sisters sometimes and think "who ARE you? What would make you think that's okay?" I know that's not how our parents raised us.

Some background -- I've just joined this online community and I'm pretty close to desperate. Nobody "in my world' seems to get it. My dad died in 2002, my mom passed on Jan. 27th. I'd like to be able to join a Hospice support group but I am so angry at our local Hospice I'm not sure I can do it, so here I am. My mom had basically been sleep-walking through the last few years. She loved being with us and the grandkids, and never really professed a desire to die, but you just kind of knew her heart wasn't in it. When she died, it was almost a relief that she could go be with my dad. But some days I just miss her so much I feel physically ill. I have four sisters and yet I feel completely alone in all this. How does this happen? I can hardly stand to be in the same room with one of my sisters, and I can't figure out if she was always like this and I never noticed or if this whole experience changed us both so dramatically. I've always said it's wrong to cease all contact with someone you're upset with, that's just burying the problem, but truthfully, I can't see much reason to want to be a part of her life. Thanks for letting me rant... BJ.

[Guest Guest]

i lost my dad earlier this year. he was not one for contact, especially over the festive period in which he held no beliefs. So it came to complete denial when we found out on new years day 2006 that he has passed away. This was a man who i will always describe as a great ole bear. He kept me sane although we could go without seeing each other for months, I alwaYs expected to see him when the sun came out (after winter. I am ashamed to say that he died in december and no-one found him till hogmany. But knowing him he would not want us to have a sad new year. It has been a shock to myself and my brother having to organise his funeral we are young and so was our father. It has been 7 months now and we have scattered his ashes etc but it does not end there. My brother does not want to speak about it whereas i need to. I still miss my dad though i dont think about him every day at least i try not to. I have young kids to bring up and cant dwell omn the past though I still have my down moments. He was such a big force in my life I am left with this gaping hole. When he made an unexpected visit it was full of laughter and fun - that is gone. The sympathy has gone from everyone else they think it was an event that has passed, however it is ongoing for me.

[goldengirl]

It's almost a year since my mother died. She was my family. Because she was 90, most people totally discounted my loss. They forgot to ask me what her death meant to me. It meant the end of the closest relationship in my life to the one person who had always been there for me; it meant the end of my family.

Fortunately, some people, especially my fiance, really have been there for me and there are no words to express how much I appreciate all the times they let me talk and cry.

I want to share one of my mother's last messages, because I think it expresses something we all need to remember. A week before she died, she said: "Having fun, being kind, and loving are the most important things."

[delyse]

Hi

It was four months ago exactly on Thursday, 5 August, 2006, when I lost my mother. She was 87, she had bowel cancer and yet I never expected to lose her. I thought she was infallible. Don't ask me why. I worried about her so much and yet never thought she'd die and leave me. And when she did it was through complications as a result of surgery for her bowel cancer - an operation she couldn't possibly have withstood in her frail condition but the surgeon said she would pull through because she was strong. I blame myself for not standing up and shouting, "No, she's not. She's very fragile," but I thought the surgeon must know better than I. And yet I now think how would she have survived with that death sentence hanging over her head if she had not had the surgery? She was damned if she did and damned if she didn't have it. But we weren't able to speak to her for the two weeks she tried to battle against the odds because of morphine and her pain. we weren't able to say goodbye to her - we weren't able to talk to her. All we could do is stand by her bed and feel helpless. We gave our consent when the surgeon told us, "She's lost her will to live," to turn off everything but pain relief and it was the most terrible thing to stand there for hours watching the life ebb out of her, still not saying anything - just thinking that this is the most terrible thing I have ever witnessed. After she had passed, we gave her a kiss and walked away in shock. I think of that day now and wonder why I didn't collapse in tears and fling my arms around her dear body but I didn't.

I would give anything to bring her back and yet I know she would have had such a life of pain and eventual death in front of her that I wouldn't wish that for her, either.

It is so painful losing somebody you love. I just wish we could be warned about how painful it is. Sometimes I think I am doing well and making plans for the future and then, wham, some memory hits me and I am back about ten steps in my grieving and have to make a supreme effort to pull myself out of it. I guess it will always be like this for me. I will always miss her dear self, always optimistic, very brave and always there for me, regardless of how stupid I must have acted on occasions. Oh, Mum, I do miss you!

[dmrosen]

I lost my mom, May 5, 2006. She was 73. It was this time last year when we found out she had cancer. I am a ICU nurse. My dad is the one who has been chronically ill. In fact, he was in ICU when she got sick. It was totally unexpected. and Now she is gone... I miss her so much. I can totally relate to everything you said. I desperately need to talk to someone who is going through the same thing. One minute I'm numb and the next I feel like I going to lose it. I'm having such a difficult time working and taking care of patients. I just break down crying...

[Guest Guest]

My name is Lisa. I'm 32 years old. I lost my dad 7 months ago, 4 days before Christmas. It was completely unexpected, untimely, etc. - he had just turned 61 ten days before. He had a hernia procedure, was fine, and then - in the night - died from "stopping breathing." He had bad sleep apnea and they gave him morphine, which further depresses breathing ... and they didn't monitor him. When the nurse checked on him, he was dead and there was no way to revive him. I also lost my brother 7 years ago. He had a psychotic break at age 20, and committed suicide at age 23. My dad's death has been the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. I was extremely close to him, saw him every other week (we lived about 2 hours apart), and talked to him - without fail - several times a day (mostly just to say hi, what's up, etc.) He was a doctor, and died at the very hospital where he worked. I hardly know what to say. I'm not even sure why I'm writing, I am just so so so beyond sad and ... empty. It's strange how other things that once mattered start to matter so much less ... I want to "be numb" a lot of the time, esp. at night. I live by myself. I am very close to my mom, thank God, but she lives 2,000 miles away. Luckily, though, she has really, really, really been a rock for me through this. She is my only real family left, and now I am so anxious that something "might happen" to her I can hardly bear it sometimes ... This is tough. It's indescribable, I think, losing a parent. My dad lost his father when he was in his 20's, and he once told me that it was the most important/significant/worst time in his life. His mother, who is 88, is still alive. I miss my dad so much I can hardly bear it. He loved me unconditionally, and I relied upon him so much.

[Guest Guest]

I am 23 years old and I lost my dad January 20, 2006 to Melanoma and it was/is the most horrifying experience I could ever imagine. The funeral was amazing and I didn't realize how many people my dad had touched until the day of his funeral; nevertheless, it hurts more and more everyday. I don't know how to be there for my mother, I don't know how to pretened that I am okay, and to this day I still honestly feel like he will be waiting at home for me watching football when I get there. He wasn't just my father, he was an amazing friend and we had so much in common. I was embarassed, ever, to let the world know who he was and that he was my father. He found out Melanomoa had spread to bis kidneys, brain, and lungs in August of 2005, six months later he was gone. I just want to know when it will get easier, or more believeable, one of the two.

[Guest Guest]

My mum was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis in November last year, prognosis is at the most 12 months. Mum is poorly now, getting worse.

I am 30 years old, with 2 beautiful daughters, whom my mum, loves so much.

I am scared of mum dying.

Does anyone share this?

[septemberspain]

Dear Guest,

It's a real hard fact to face to know that your mother is dying and a time limit has been given. My advice is to TREASURE every moment that you have, spend as much time as you can and maximize every single hug, touch and smell that you possibly can. When my mom was diagnoised last June and the doctors told me she had a few months left. Instead of focusing on her illness I spent ALL my time with her and I tried to focus on HER I know that for me it helped with my grieving (she died in September 05).

It's never easy knowing what lies ahead but for me the knowing helped me to do as much as possible with her while she was here and those moments and memories of her have brought me thru some really dark days.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Guest Guest]

I'v been feeling pretty low this weekend. Its a holiday weekend in England. I'm so glad I found this site. I lost my Mum Oct 05, she was 91, I am 56. Mum lived with me and I managed her care with the help of my elder siblings and social services. I also held down a full time job. Just because she was 91 does not diminish my loss, the last six months of her were extremely stressful and I had no social life and was beginning to get very little sleep - when she died people were congratulating me for getting my life back - my brothers say I have to stop crying and move on. How long does it take to stop missing her, wanting to see her if only for a minute, I've been to the cemetery twice this weekend just to be near her. I think I feel bad as well because I did everything in my power to make sure she was looked after and yet at the end of her life she died alone in hospital - she had been admitted with a chest infection (3rd time in hospital within six months) we were all around her bedside chatting and talkingwith her the evening before she died and her Doctor said she would be home within a week - she died in the early hours of the following morning without one of her children being with her - I feel so bad about this - when will I stop missing her?

[bp2grl]

Hello Guest,

Septemberspain is right! You should concentrate on doing everything you ever dreamed of doing with your mom. Let your daughters enjoy these things as well. I lost my mom on June 20, 2005, She was only 63. I also have 2 daughters who ere extremely close to her. We were told on June 18th that she wouldn't make it through the night, she was in intensive care for three weeks so we couldn't really do anything with her except tell her how much we loved her and to hold an kiss her. Just be with her, make her happy and let her know everything you ever wanted to tell her but didn't have the time to because now you do have the time. Fell lucky that you have some warning before she passes, some people don't have that, not that knowing makes it any easier because it doesn't but you have a chance to thank her for being a great mom. The hardest thing you have to face is watching your mom pass away but the bright side is she will know how much she was loved. Encourage your daughters to talk to your mom as well. This will also help them to face the reality of it all. My name is Barb and I am here if you need to talk.

Take care and I will keep you in my prayers.

Barb

[Guest Guest]

I completely understand how you feel. My father was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma 3 years ago. He died last week, Aug. 22, 2006. He wanted to live in the house my mother and he shared for 50 years. She passed away in Dec. 1999. I purchased a house in the same block so I could be close by when he needed help. My sisters and I spent a lot of time taking care of my father and since his death, not only are grieving, but don't know what to do with the extra time left before and after work. We went through this with our mother. Both parents refused hospice and both wanted to die at home. Grieving is a natural part of living. I was very emotional after my mother's passing and am the same with my father's passing. We had 8 deaths this year of family members and dear friends. It's never easy. I don't know which is worse, having a loved one die suddenly and not being able to say the things you wanted or watching a loved one suffer. My boss fell off a 7' ladder and died instantly upon hitting his head. My daughter's father, my husband of 23 years died after a year long battle with cancer at age 47 in June. We never forget but time does help heal the hole left in our hearts.

[Edmund]

Mom passed on 8/21/06 @ 87yo; & I'm still a bit numb although she had suffered w/ MS since 1968. I took care of her @ home from 1972-2005, so it was hard. She (Mary) was a bundle of joy. Acceptance was her forte;even when she lost her leg last year she plugged away, always cheering up others who came to cheer her up. I miss most her lovely Irish brogue. I know I'm supposed to move on , but I feel lost & alone @ 46yo. The world was a warm place but now that Mom is gone it seems so cold. Let's all pray for each other; I am sorry for the loss you share. God bless you all on your journey; & remember it's ok to cry-Ed

[Guest Guest]

Hi,

I am 28 years old and just lost my dad from multiple myeloma. he was 60. I just got married to a great caring man in June. I just changed jobs recently too. I am stressed and tired. I miss my dad more than I thought I would. We werent real close when I was growing up. He was hard on my mom and they got divorced when I was 17. Since then until a year ago i was distant with my dad. Then I found out that he had cancer and we got closer. I went and visited him in Texas where I grew up. I had just moved to colorado a few months after he was diagnosed. I was engaged and I had a new job so I couldnt move back. I went almost every month to see him. I watched him lose almost 100 pounds and get so bent over and sick. It was so hard to see him and then say goodbye when I had to leave. The weekend before he died I went and saw him thankfully he had a good day and we spent some time together. I told him it was ok to go ahead and go see God and I wouldnt be mad I understood. He was in soooo much pain. After I left he went downhill and died a week later. he has been gone 3 weeks now. I feel like my life has been sooo hectic lately. I started a new job which is nice. I just feel like I want to be alone right now and that everyone and thing wears me out. I dream about my dad and I grieve over what we didnt get alot of which is more time together when I was younger. I feel like just when I get a relationship with him that was stronger he leaves. I feel sad becuase everything reminds me of him lately. I am taking prozac and getting counseling. I am just tired and kinda angry and want to be alone. Sorry i wanted to vent. Thanks

[Guest Guest]

hi, I am new here. I lost my dad 3 years and still have a hard time. Looking for more friends and support. Thanks.

[Guest Guest]

My mother died of a catastrphoic brain aneurysm on July 3, 2006. Twelve days later, my father died of complications arising from his Advanced Alzheimer's Disease. I think he just didn't want to live anymore without my mother. I'm 46 years old and for the first time in my life entirely on my own without my parents, and I am so sad and so lost without them. Has anyone had an experience of losing both parents within days of each other?

[lauraa]

Both Guest,

Yes, I know what you are going thru. I lost my dad, my husband and my mom all within 6 months of each other.....feels like I was hit by a Mac truck, still. I lost my husband 27 months ago and am still in deep grief. My heart skips as if it is broken. I miss them all and it has been difficult to grieve for my parents as I have been so depressed over the loss of my husband. I have had many signs that they are with me so I hold that dear and trust that they are. I hope everyday things get easier for you both. I hold everyone on this site in my heart while I am traveling myself thru this most difficult journey.

[Guest Guest]

i guess this fit a reply to most of the post back in 1997 my mom had found a lump in her breast but kept it a secret till her had had started to swell up and she could no longer hide it so i asked her when i saw it what happened i that it was her diebetis but she had said no it wasnt and took me into the bathroom and showed me i was so numb i could not believe it so i forced her to go to the doctor she was already in stage 4 cancer the doctor said didnt have long she went through the chemo radiation then in 2001 she was told she was in

remission which only lasted to months then was back to chemo she was still strong and had good energy till 2003 when she was getting weaker and chemo wasntworking any more so they could no give it to her it was just to much so

that was it my daughter was pregant with her first great grandchild and i remmember mom saying a life for a life and it was true mom got really bad the last 6 weeks i did everything i changed her bandges cleaned her sat with her

but i had to be strong doing it and then i would run to the bathroom to cry

my daughter had her baby april 16th my mom passed on april 19th she never had the chance to see the baby my daughter came home about 45mins after she passed

and i still feel the same as i did i think about her everyday and cry not so much some days she also passed in our home so i feel her presence still

[princessdss]

Isn't it strange how people who were raised together by the same parents can have such different thoughts and behaviors? I look at my sisters sometimes and think "who ARE you? What would make you think that's okay?" I know that's not how our parents raised us.

Some background -- I've just joined this online community and I'm pretty close to desperate. Nobody "in my world' seems to get it. My dad died in 2002, my mom passed on Jan. 27th. I'd like to be able to join a Hospice support group but I am so angry at our local Hospice I'm not sure I can do it, so here I am. My mom had basically been sleep-walking through the last few years. She loved being with us and the grandkids, and never really professed a desire to die, but you just kind of knew her heart wasn't in it. When she died, it was almost a relief that she could go be with my dad. But some days I just miss her so much I feel physically ill. I have four sisters and yet I feel completely alone in all this. How does this happen? I can hardly stand to be in the same room with one of my sisters, and I can't figure out if she was always like this and I never noticed or if this whole experience changed us both so dramatically. I've always said it's wrong to cease all contact with someone you're upset with, that's just burying the problem, but truthfully, I can't see much reason to want to be a part of her life. Thanks for letting me rant... BJ.

[princessdss]

Isn't it strange how people who were raised together by the same parents can have such different thoughts and behaviors? I look at my sisters sometimes and think "who ARE you? What would make you think that's okay?" I know that's not how our parents raised us.

New to this so sorry if I type error or screw up...I can relate to you BJ and if anyway you get this in "my err'r"or fate please e mail me I AM IN THE SAME BOAT.

[stansbaby]

I am 27 years old and lost my dad suddenly and unexpectedly June 7th, 2006. He died while we were on vacation at the beach. He went for a jog (as he did everyday...he was very athletic) and collpased of sudden cardiac arrest and died instantly. He was the picture perfect of health....ate great...excercised daily....went to the doctor regulary...had no health problems.....didn't smoke...didn't drink....was SUPER vain about being healthy. Has anyone out there every heard of this happening to someone they know? I am having such a hard time with this. Dad was my best friend. I would still call him on the phone (verses ask my husband) about everything because dad was very smart. He was a successful business man, and he was a wonderful emotional loving dad. Never would he get off the phone with me without saying,"Baby, I love you. Are you sure you don't need anything? Don't lie to me, because you know you can ask me." He was always so worried about me having enough and being ok. He babied me like I was 2 years old...but I really loved it. I am still in shock. I still sit here and go,"what just happened?...I was just talking to you the other day. You were fine. We were working out at the gym together." I feel like I am going crazy and that my identity is ruined. Thank God for my 17 month old son (who was grandaddy's little man) because he forces me to have to put one foot in front of the other. God be with all of you who have to write on this page too. I know how you feel.

[Edmund]

I keep on crying, even more lately; & feel so lost without Mom, who passed on 8/22/06. She was my everything so I feel like it's all a dream. We'll just have to pray for each other & stock up on Kleenex. But remember, life goes on & your loved ones would eventually want you to laugh & live again. One day @ a time...Ed

[christinecolo]

My Mom died a week ago today. She was in a great deal of pain and I know that she is a much better place. I don't know how to stop missing her. She was my best friend and this is the longest time period in my entire life that I haven't talked to her and I feel so empty. I knew she was terminal for the last 2 years. You would think I would have been better prepared, but I'm still not ready to let go.

[Edmund]

We're never prepared. The hurt never goes away but hopefully lessens over time.Rebuilding our lives will take a while, although we can never replace that empty void. Be grateful that you had such love & friendship because a lot of folks don't have that with their Moms. Mummie was my whole world but I must remember the love & its power. I am getting sick of crying but I can't shut off that button when it comes on.Don't stop missing her, but she would want you to eventually take baby steps; i.e. smile, laugh, sing, etc.towards acceptance. God is good & he will guide you...Ed

[lightoftheworld]

Hi. I left my name on the grief support forum as well. I lost both my mom and dad 8 months apart, and they were both sick in a lingering painful way. I was so close to them, especially my mother. She was my life! And my dad was so sweet and kind, I had only just begun to get close to him and appreciate him. It was so painful.

Please (and I asked this on my other post) I'd like to leave my web site. It's strictly for people to read and to get some comfort from. That's all I really want. I wanted to tell my story and take what I went through and learned and pass it on to all those who were suffering in some way. I know there is a place on beyond indigo to type your story, but mine was so long and I had just finished putting it all on my site. So I thought I would leave the address for all of you.

This seems like a wonderful place to share feelings, and I'm happy that there are places to go where you won't feel so alone. Here's my web site.

http://mysite.verizon.net/vzesahto/

Peace and Blessings to you.

[princessdss]

today is September 13th,another weekend approaching and I think my mom and dad would be coming up for a visit for sure...I mean they were here July 9th right??and they always come Labor Day,but my significant oOther had to work and it rained alot,so that weekend didn't work out..but i know for sure my dad would not stay away for one month..he will be back up t o my house..i just know it..and then i think to myself ..he won't..he can't..he's gone..............I am not sure how to get to the next day or the next weekend I can't even see October 17th down the road with his birthday...nor my mom's being the 8th..I can't believe the last time I saw him was August 7th...i thought one month later would be what I read on web pages and web sites..the easiness..but Spetember 8th,9th,10th,11th and now 12th and its no easier...I miss my dad moreso than the next day or the last day..I can't get pass this I wake up evry morning get my kids off to school,drive them to school then to hide and stay in the house until 2 pm to go get them then I swoop my energy and tme into them until 8pm they go to bed and then I too go to bed,not to sleep but to think of things i could of should of and would of done...i can't see much light at the end of the tunnel..and see no happiness in sight..maybe with my mom's cancer being told to me first is it?I think?to myself?I am not sure..i mean it was the doctor told my dad she had cancer,july 9th so it was her to leave this earth and go to heaven not my dad...not my dad..........not my dad.....

[Guest Guest]

In a way I have been thinking I am the only one that feels this way about losing my father. He passed away August 23, 2006. He lived with me for almost 4 years, since my mother passed away. It had been hard on my family (I have 2 young daughters) and our lives changed so much. But I never regretted the choice of taking care of him.

Every since January of this year he had been in and out of the hospital. It all started when he got a diabetic ulcer on his foot that got infected, it seemed like things went down hill from then. The doctors wanted me to get hospice then but I said no and we fought on. He was in the hospital twicw in the weeks before he passed. The last time we brought him home they told me he would be back in the hospital in a matter of days because his body was just shutting down. My dad hated the hospital so I only agreed to have hospice so he would not have to go back in and so that I coulld get the care he needed without dragging him in and out of the doctor. I wished now I would had said no. I feel like I gave up on him so he gave up. He quit eating and drinking the days before he passed, if I would have only made him eat and drink he might still be here with me. I hate myself for not putting up a fight. I sit here and look into my dining room which was made into his room back in January when he became so ill, and just relive me sitting by his side as he took his last breath. In a way I had hoped he would have made some sign that he saw n angel or my mom, maybe then I would have some feeling of peace, but he just took his last breath in his sleep. I have lost all faith and just find myself staying busy so I won't have to think. When I do lie down I am so tired but then my mind starts up and there is no rest. I just want my daddy back. I would do anything. I don't even like to go out to eat because I feel guilty that I am not home with him. My husband says he understands but I know he is getting aggravated. I hear everyone talking about faith and that I must know that he is in a better place....I just agree and then walk off and I become so angry. I feel sick everytime I think about my dad.....I just don't know what to do, I feel like I am lsoing my mind. I am 34 years old and I just can not imagine going through the rest of my life without my dad.

[messenger]

DEAR GUEST...............DONT FEEL BAD..............YOU DID WHAT YOUR FATHER WANTED.........HE WANTED TO BE HOME AND HE WAS!! HE KNEW HIS TIME WAS LIMITED AND WANTED IT TO BE WITH HIS FAMILY AND NOT IN A COLD HOSPITAL...PLEASE DONT FEEL BAD........HE WOULD NOT WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD..IT HAS NOT BEEN A MONTH YET...IT IS SO FRESH IN YOUR MIND...

I HAD ABOUT GIVEN UP ON MY SON AFTER 15 MONTHS AND LAST FRI.....HE CAME TO ME..NOT SURE IF IT WAS A VISIT OR WHAT..HE SAID HI MOM..HUGGED ME AND I HUGGED HIM SO TIGHT...I SHOULD HAVE BROKE HIM IN 2...I CRIED SO HARD...I HAD TO LEAN BACK TO CATCH MY BREATH........WHEN I DID..............HE DISAPPEARED.........IT HELPED ME SO MUCH..I HOPE YOUR FATHER WILL GIVE YOU A SIGN OR COME IN A DREAM..TO COMFORT YOU..I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS

MESSENGER

[Guest Guest]

I lost my mother last November and am still hurting so bad. It is like nothing is important any more. We shared everything about our lives. Now, I have no one to tell about the things that are going on in my life.

[Guest Guest]

Hello, I don't really know how to start... I tried sending some of you mesages. I am really searching right now for someone that kinda knows what I am feeling or going through.I recently lost my mother... suddenly. I am only 27 and she was just 55. It is all so tragic. I am an only child... married with 2 children (a boy who is 8 and a girl who is allmost 3). I have my friends but she was the closest one I had to me since birth. I have been getting by.. day by day, but it is so hard... you have to portray this secure strong person because you have so many people depending on you. Sometime I just want to cry... and I hope that maybe I will see her. I know she has shown me things since she has past... have you seen your loved one too?

[Guest Guest]

this is probably not what most here will say but i hated my mother and she hated me. she died when i was 21 of cancer. it was slow and painful and for all the physical abuse she put me through i was glad.

but i do wish i got to tell her just how much i hated her. how much she destroyed in me. that tothis day i wish i was dead. everything i do ends up bad. i cant get along with anyone. and no one really wants to see the hurt in me. i feel she got away with it.

[ronsmom]

To GUEST who has lost her mom at age 27. I know your story all too well. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom when I turned 30. I lost both my mom and my dad within 11 months of each other. We buried daddy and mom was diagnosed with a rare form of tongue and jaw cancer a WEEK later. It was devastating to say the least. I had a 3 children at the time, the youngest was born 4 months before my dad died. My mothers cancer wasn't as severe as the surgery was, she took almost 10 months to "sort of recover" from that and radiation treatments, then she passed the following month. Losing Both in such a short period after giving birth was horrible. It took months. When you feel like crying, CRY,I remember picking up the phone to call her months later, then going..."oh". Keep playing the good times in your head! My brother recently shared a wonderful story with me, because I just lost my son, he was killed a year ago in a tragic accident; my brother was with mom when she died, he said she suddenly yelled out (she wasn't talking much or sleeping for 3 days)..she yelled out this:"I SEE LIGHT, I SEE DADDY" and she died that instant. That tells me WE WILL see them again too. Keep that thought in your head, if I didn't believe that I would see them or my son who I am grieving so badly for right now I would end it right here, right now. I wish you peace and blueskies!

TO the other GUEST: who is in a dark place after losing her mom and glad that she died, I don't know how to respond to you. I can't probably understand your need to feel the hatred, and maybe that is going to help you cope, if she was evil she will no longer hurt you. You can move on... I too wish you peace!and blueskies

[Edmund]

It's been since 8/22/06 & I still cry. I feel alone without Mom the world scares me. I dread the holidays. I'm trying to cheer up as much as possible but it is hard @ times. To the other guest, try to forgive your mother. It may help you move on. I will pray for you. Life will get better for all of us, trust me... Ed

[jinxed]

Hi,

I\'m 27 years old and live in Leeds, England. My dad died 13 weeks ago (friday 26th June 2006) of a brain tumour and I cant face the anguish and pain so I haven\'t thought about it yet. I have just found this website and hope that it will help me come to terms with my loss. I find it hard to confront my feelings due to them being supressed as i grew up. My mum died when i was 5 years old and her name was never mentioned throughout my childhood, like she never exsisted, which i always found hard to understand as my dad married her best friend 18 months after she died. When I moved out of my parents address as a young adult I suffered badly with depression from the relationship i was in and the fact i never grieved for my mum. So since dad passed away I have purposely made myself busy so that i dont have time to think about it therefore i wont go back to the dark place i was before but i am tired, mentally and emotionally and cant hide for much longer but I\'m scared........ I hope i can express my feelings via this forum though I know it will take time. I am not a religous person but have contemplated over the past weeks attending church to find answers to my questions that I know we all ask but again I\'m scared.......

I feel lost. Its like walking through woodlands with so many things happening around you and so many things to distract you, yet when your on your own you realise there is no path and no direction, there is no compass to lead you through the woodland to the otherside to the next chapter of life.....