Adults Who Have Lost Their Parents

[beemkeep]

Hi, I also am new to this.. my dad passed in Sept. I have a very close family and although we knew Dad was going, didn't think it would be this fast.. I also thought that nothing could come between my siblings and myself. We are tight, but the loss of dad has risen some unexpected feelings between us and although we love each other, it is just best if we don't talk about our loss together. I don't know how to deal with the pain. I think I am okay and then it hits and I miss him so much. I think about calling family, but don't want to bring on their pain. My mom and I are very close, more like friends, through dad's illness we were together constantly. Now it is too hard to be with her, I feel like I lost them both. I don't know how to help her through this, and now my brothers and sister are there more, which prior to dad passing didn't happen. So, I feel like the outcast, but just miss so bad what used to be. I want him back. Him death was horrible, althought we were all there as a family hospice sucked. He died at home but the pain he had was not necessary. Guilt there as you can imagine..

I just don't know how to make the pain go away..or tell my family ho0w I feel

[DeeAnn]

Dear Guest,

I understand what you mean about anniversary dates. On February 22, 1998, my 43-year-old husband of 21 years died in my arms after a 10-month battle with cancer. I think this time of year will *always* be difficult for me, but I can also see how far I've come over the years. I wish for you peace during this difficult time.

DeeAnn

[DeeAnn]

Dear beemkeep,

I'm so sorry to hear of the recent loss of your dad. I understand missing what used to be, as you said. The loss of a loved one brings out so many mixed emotional responses in us, and sometimes they can be intense and difficult to deal with. Each is grieving in their own way, and maybe as the intensity of the grief subsides, the relationships in your family will improve. I'm glad you found these boards, and I hope you'll let us know how you're doing.

DeeAnn

[lizzy73]

Dear beemkeep,

I too lost my father last year - Nov 2005. I read your post and it sounded like you and I may have similar feelings about hospice and the pain a patient goes through. Further down on this page, I noted how my father passed in Nov from Prostate Cancer and he too died at home. Although it is difficult to have seen my father die at home - I know he had the best care my mom and I could provide him. I know that hospice helps a lot of people. But we felt they didn't help us. They did not provide help on the weekends. I was also unhappy with their booklet style of education. We kept hearing, "he is not actively dying yet" even in the morning of the day he died. It was frustating. To get through the bumpy days, I just try and focus on the moments where I knew that he knew we were helping him. In fact, I find it hard to relive and think about those moments when he was at his worst without breaking down myself. As far as the guilt goes - it comes in waves to me too. The weeks after his death, I felt so guilty and horrible for everything. He had fallen a few days before he died, and we were instructed to "keep him in bed". We had to tell him, to NOT get out of bed and he would just look at us in sadness. We had to give him meds for his agitation that made him groogy and dopey so he wouldn't get out of bed. I felt that I was putting him down - making him feel that he should try anymore because he was going to die. I shutter just writing that now. I hope my post helps - if nothing but to let you know you aren't alone. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with things - such as seeking out support groups on the web like this - 3 months later.

[inafog]

hello, someone sent me a link to this forum, and I was reading some of the posts.It does help, my loss is very new. My mom died on Friday Feb. 24. My name reflects how I feel right now, just going through the motions of life or mostly just sitting and staring into space. Tomorrow is her funeral and I am struggling to accept that tomorrow is the last time I will see her face, it's scary knowing that, but the whole funeral process will start to give me some kind of closure, I hope. I have no idea how I will feel in the following days, right now I'm in a fog.

[angelwings56]

Dear Inafog,

You came to the right place. Come back any time to ask questions or just to vent. I have found great comfort here. We all know what you are going through and are here to halp. God Bless You, Denise

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Inafog, I am sorry you have lost your mom. We'll continue to think of you, with a prayer, through the days ahead. I hope you find comfort here, from those who share the sorrow of our losses.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my Mom to small cell lung cancer on Feb 15th 2006 and also lost my dad on Feb 15th 1994 to Lymphoma. It was very hard with the loss of my dad but the pain is far worse with my Mom's death because she was my best friend. I now feel like nothing and no one matters. I started on on anxiety medication and with the grace of God I am Praying I will get through this. I would appreciate your Prayers for me and my family.

[DeeAnn]

Dear Guest and Inafog,

I'm glad you have found our boards. We've all traveled the road you're now beginning, and I hope possibly our experiences can help you in some small way. Right now, just do the best you can making it day by day, and I hope you'll let us know how you're doing. I hope you find the memorial/funeral today the beginning of a healing experience. You'll never "get over" this loss, but it won't always hurt this bad. Take extra good care of yourself.

DeeAnn

[appleofmyeye]

Dear Inafog... I am so sorry for the loss of your mother my thoughts are with you threw this very difficult time.. I know how you feel meaning your in a fog right now and you dont know what to feel.. I was the exact same way when my father passed in Aug.. there are still days that i get foggy and i dont know what to do.. time will heal you not fully but it will help... You will never get over the passing of your Mom you will just learn how to live with it.. The strenghts and the prayers from your lopved ones and friends will help you along the way.. whatever you do do not shut them out let them help you threw this.. Be strong and just remember and cherish all the memories you had with her and keep them close to your heart.. know that she will always be with you. I wish you all the best in the long road ahead and know that i am here to talk if you need.. stay strong and remember it will get better.. keep your head high... Apple of my Eye...

hello, someone sent me a link to this forum, and I was reading some of the posts.It does help, my loss is very new. My mom died on Friday Feb. 24. My name reflects how I feel right now, just going through the motions of life or mostly just sitting and staring into space. Tomorrow is her funeral and I am struggling to accept that tomorrow is the last time I will see her face, it's scary knowing that, but the whole funeral process will start to give me some kind of closure, I hope. I have no idea how I will feel in the following days, right now I'm in a fog.

[inafog]

Just a brief note to say the funeral was today and everything went well. I belive I'm still in shock, it was all so surreal. I'd like to post at some point what the last 6 months have been like, but for now please keep me in your prayers.

[Guest Guest]

My mother passed Fed 3rd 2006....Tomorrow will be a month and I still don't know if the pain will ever go away....My heart hurts so much for her everyday.There are alot of things that I don't understand why she had to die? There are so days when I can't seem to stop thinking about her..Im more depressed than happy....She was not only my mother but my best friend....I miss her so much....

Lisa

[Guest Guest]

I just lost my dad last week. It all happened so fast and I can't seem to get my head straight. I just came home after a week with my family - they're four hours away and I feel so lost. I feel like a limp dishrag. He had been sick for awhile but I wasn't prepared like I thought I was. No arrangement had been made so the week was crazy with arranging everything. Now that I'm home I feel like I'm on crash and burn. I can't go back to work yet, I'm a basket case. What do I do now?

[inafog]

I know how you feel my mom passed 10 days ago. You just have to take one day at a time. Give yourself time to grieve, cry when you need to. What I have been trying is to do one productive thing a day, til I'm back to normal, whatever that is. Right now it feels I will never be normal again, but time will heal the wounds and life will be good again I'm sure.

[DeeAnn]

Inafog...I agree with everything AppleOfMyEye wrote to you. And you're so right in everything you have passed along to the other poster. That is the beauty of these boards. While we are able to soak up all the support everyone offers, we also pass it on. I'm glad to hear you're taking it a day at a time and are finding your way.

Guest...I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I'm sure you've heard "time heals" more than you care to think about now, but it honestly is true when it comes to the intensity of the grief feelings. You'll always miss your mom. Over time, that loss will become a part of who you are, and over time, you will have better days.

Please continue to let us know how you're doing.

DeeAnn

[appleofmyeye]

Dear Guest, I'm sure you have heard I'm sorry for your loss more then you ever wanted.. First I want to say I understand how you are feeling and it is right not to know what to do next.. You need to stay as strong as you know you can for the time being and you just need to remember that it will get better.. Take your time going back to work don't rush yourself.. Just know that your Dad is still with you.. and that it will get better for you in time.. Be strong and also know that everyone on this board is praying for you and we are always here to talk and let off steam.. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are.. Take Care and keep your head held high... Appleofmyeye...

I just lost my dad last week. It all happened so fast and I can't seem to get my head straight. I just came home after a week with my family - they're four hours away and I feel so lost. I feel like a limp dishrag. He had been sick for awhile but I wasn't prepared like I thought I was. No arrangement had been made so the week was crazy with arranging everything. Now that I'm home I feel like I'm on crash and burn. I can't go back to work yet, I'm a basket case. What do I do now?

[letitgo6]

Hi everyone.

I lost my mother in November of last year. After she passed away, I was so busy taking care of everything that I don't think that I even started to grieve until about 6 weeks ago,. My energy level has been at an extremely hyperactive level since then ( and getting worse) and it is very hard for me to relax and I seem to be functioning well on very little sleep....... I am now starting to get concerned about it. Is this energy level normal in somebody who is grieving?

[midhar]

Hi,

I lost my dad suddenly when I was 33. He was not sick that anyone knew about. He died of a sudden massive heart attack that they said was caused by mixing his high blood pressure medication with his diabetes medication. It was right there in the autopsy. I had ask him about a year before if he checked to see if his meds should be taken together and he said my doctor knows what he is doing. Well he didn't and I lost my father who I was so very close to. I still miss him today and I am 64 now.

I lost my mother to mouth cancer after 67 years of smoking. She had quit 7 years before she died in 1993. It was a 2 year nightmare watching her suffer so much.

She had been an abusive alcoholic and had quit for 4 years before she died. She was such a wonderful caring person without the alcohol. I had forgiven her years before she ever stopped drinking and I did that for myself. Even though she drank I can never remember a time she was not there if I needed her. She always had dinner on the table and we never wanted for anything necessary for living except closeness to her because of her abusive behavior towards us kids.

I miss her so much as we talked by phone everynight for a year and a half before she died. Well I talked she listened as they had removed 1/2 her tongue and face and she had a feeding tube for that time also. It was a horrible way to die and I pray all smokers will quit in time.

I am saying that we do go on living but I have never not wanted them back again in my life nor have ever stopped missing them.

Know I care, Jeni

[inafog]

Letitgo6, I am experiencing the opposite, I have no energy or motivation to do anything. My Mom passed 16 days ago, and I just can't seem to do much, of course I am functioning and going through the paces of life, but I remain "in a fog" I suppose everyone goes through grief in their own way. It seems for me I was doing better while everything was going on with making the arrangments and starting to settle her estate, now two weeks later I hurt more missing her. I do believe sharing on this board helps and talking to friends and sharing your thoughts of your loved one eases some of the pain for a bit. One day at a time is all I can think about for now.

[letitgo6]

Inafog, It's not suprising that you have little or no energy to do anything. I thought that I would react that way to the grief, but am suprised that my energy has gone completely the othere way. I think that it has to dow ith the fact that since my mother died, I have no memories of her. They are all gone and suppressed. Maybe my enegy will start to go back to normal when I start having memories of her again.

You are right in saying that everybody goes through grief in their own way. I wish you all the best in dealing with your grief. I don't think that any of us going through this have any choice but to live one day at a time.

[Guest Guest]

I lost my dad in October, 2005. I'm just curious how other people deal with the surviving parent beginning new relationships. It was only 3 weeks after my father died that I realized what was happening and I feel very resentful and I feel abandoned in my grieving. Somehow I'm the "bad guy" for not being more accepting. My heart is just not there. I feel like I've lost both parents.

[babylon]

I lost my Mom to small cell lung cancer on Feb 15th 2006 and also lost my dad on Feb 15th 1994 to Lymphoma. It was very hard with the loss of my dad but the pain is far worse with my Mom's death because she was my best friend. I now feel like nothing and no one matters. I started on on anxiety medication and with the grace of God I am Praying I will get through this. I would appreciate your Prayers for me and my family.

[babylon]

I lost my Mom to small cell lung cancer on Feb 15th 2006 and also lost my dad on Feb 15th 1994 to Lymphoma. It was very hard with the loss of my dad but the pain is far worse with my Mom's death because she was my best friend. I now feel like nothing and no one matters. I started on on anxiety medication and with the grace of God I am Praying I will get through this. I would appreciate your Prayers for me and my family.

First I would like to give you my condolscences in the lost of you dear father and mother. I lost my father on August 30, 2005 from the results of lung cancer. My family of siblings watched him deteriorate from a joyful and full of engergy man to a man that was completely bed ridden and could not do anything for hiself before his death. The worst of it all was seeing him having to endure so much pain before his passing. I miss him so much but I am relieved that he no longer has to suffer. You are in my prayers and I hope that you will have a healthy recovery from the lost of both of your parents. They loved you, but Jesus loves you best.

[rdesai69]

Dear Freinds,

On Feb 15th 2006 I lost my mother who was 63 to muscinous adenocarcinoma of the appendix, she and my dad would have completed 40 years of marriage on Feb 22nd of 2006. This is a rare form of cancer of the appendix, her cancer was found in 2004 during a routine gall bladder operation, they resectioned her colon and after 2 surgeries as the first one caused an infection at the site of the surgery, she survived and was in remission for almost a year.

But in 2005 Aug her CT's showed that it was back and this time metastic and had spread to the lung and vagina, for 6 months she had 8 visits to the hospital with my dad as her caregiver who did not leave her for a moment and helped through many small and large procedures. She was declared a hospice case in Dec 2005 in Feb she came home for a day under hospice care and passed away.

What is most hurtful is that my grandmother died of the same and we were not told about her condition even though both her brothers and sis-in-laws are doctors. My mother as she knew there was nothing that could be done went as a brave and courageous woman as she made peace with god and did not blame anyone but it is hard not to think what we could have done had we known...........how does one get past that anger and yet obey my mothe's wishes as to not be angry with anyone?

[Guest Guest]

My mother passed Fed 3rd 2006....Tomorrow will be a month and I still don't know if the pain will ever go away....My heart hurts so much for her everyday.There are alot of things that I don't understand why she had to die? There are so days when I can't seem to stop thinking about her..Im more depressed than happy....She was not only my mother but my best friend....I miss her so much....

Lisa

[eirelassey]

I have recently lost my stepmother she raised me and even though we had our differences I learned alot form her. My stepbrother who i was close to died this past summer and the year before that My father died of Alzheimers We kept my father home and we all took care of him I adored my Dad. I am the only surviving one left from the caregiving situation. I do have other brothers and sisters but they were not as involved with them as I was. I used to have dinner there alot and be there 2 or 3 times a week for my Mom. Now they are all dead. In one year I lost 2 people, changed jobs and moved. It has been a life changing event and a huge void. I am a devote Catholic and I do believe they are in a better place. Here's the thing my friends I thought were my friends have pretty much abandoned me. I am strong but I understand the need to be understood and find someine who gets you. I would never do that to them but they are selfish.

Unless people have experienced similar losses they have no clue what you are feeling and what you need. Forgive them because they are ignorant...

Most of the time they are only thinking of themselves, it takes a very evolved person to reach out and help you...

There are people to whom you can share your deepest feelings with and others who are too shallow and selfabsorbed to even go there. You need to know who they are.

I am not married right now and do not have children so many times I feel alone with my thoughts. I was consumed by caregiving and the needs of others that were ill in my family and was always trying to help. My siblings fail to recognize the sacrifices I made in my life for our parents and have the nerve to call me selfish when they were out having a good time with thier spouses and children.

I am relieved in one sense but feel I missed out on my life, I would like to have my own family to nurture and love, time has moved quickly and at 45 I feel pretty alone. God put me in the place to help my parents and I loved them and I helped because I loved them. Now the question is who will help me if I don't have my own family?????

Please give me some feedback, I need your support. Thank you!

(Post ID: 35111)

[Guest Guest]

Hi everybody,

I lost my mom Sat. Jan. 14, 2006. We were best friends. I came downstairs and found her dead on the floor. It was very traumatic, as we've lived together this past three years. My dad died 8.5 years ago, and I'm an only child, and sometimes I feel so overwhemlmed because I'm doing so much of this "stuff" myself. I was so distraught the other night crying while I was driving that a police officer pulled me off the road and talked to me and eventually had two of my friends pick me up and take me home because I couldn't stop crying. I was so unbelievablely distraught. I was crying just as hard as I was the day I found her dead. And I've been having trouble sleeping through the night. I'm still in the house we lived in, which is so big and empty. Occasionally I'll have a friend over to spend the night once in a while, but the past week or so I've been feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. Everyone expects you to be back to normal, but how can you act normal when your heart is breaking?!?!??!!! People say, "your mother is with you" and I reply, "Yes, but she can't put her arms around me." And I'm an orphan at age 38. I feel so overwhelmed.

[asheepoo21]

Hi everybody,

I lost my mom Sat. Jan. 14, 2006. We were best friends. I came downstairs and found her dead on the floor. It was very traumatic, as we've lived together this past three years. My dad died 8.5 years ago, and I'm an only child, and sometimes I feel so overwhemlmed because I'm doing so much of this "stuff" myself. I was so distraught the other night crying while I was driving that a police officer pulled me off the road and talked to me and eventually had two of my friends pick me up and take me home because I couldn't stop crying. I was so unbelievablely distraught. I was crying just as hard as I was the day I found her dead. And I've been having trouble sleeping through the night. I'm still in the house we lived in, which is so big and empty. Occasionally I'll have a friend over to spend the night once in a while, but the past week or so I've been feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. Everyone expects you to be back to normal, but how can you act normal when your heart is breaking?!?!??!!! People say, "your mother is with you" and I reply, "Yes, but she can't put her arms around me." And I'm an orphan at age 38. I feel so overwhelmed.

hey there. i know exactly what you are going through. Everyone told me the same exact thing. The only difference is that i am 16 (14 when i lost my mom). they say, well i know she is not physically there with you, but she is in your heart. but its just not the same. They wont understand until it actually happens to them. until then, they can say things that they think will help us, but it doesnt. My father has also passed away. i lost his 2 months after i lost my mother.

well i just wanted to let you know that someone is feeling the same that you are, i know that helps sometimes.

if you ever need to talk, my eamil is bigbrat502@yahoo.com

ashley!

[rdesai69]

My mother passed Fed 3rd 2006....Tomorrow will be a month and I still don't know if the pain will ever go away....My heart hurts so much for her everyday.There are alot of things that I don't understand why she had to die? There are so days when I can't seem to stop thinking about her..Im more depressed than happy....She was not only my mother but my best friend....I miss her so much....

Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Sorry for your loss I feel your pain as my mother too was my best freind I would speak to her atleast twice a day even though we lived in different time zones. I miss her touch, her voice and her alltogether. I have had to go through her things in India where we took her ashes to be put into the holy river. I still need to go through her things here in America in a different state,it is heart wrenching one thing that helps me is that in our religious beliefs we know the soul never dies and transcends and reincarnates so I know she is around me at all times. She talks to me many times in the day and I listen but it is hard and one has to keep crying.

Your pain-share buddy rdesai69

[rdesai69]

Hi everybody,

I lost my mom Sat. Jan. 14, 2006. We were best friends. I came downstairs and found her dead on the floor. It was very traumatic, as we've lived together this past three years. My dad died 8.5 years ago, and I'm an only child, and sometimes I feel so overwhemlmed because I'm doing so much of this "stuff" myself. I was so distraught the other night crying while I was driving that a police officer pulled me off the road and talked to me and eventually had two of my friends pick me up and take me home because I couldn't stop crying. I was so unbelievablely distraught. I was crying just as hard as I was the day I found her dead. And I've been having trouble sleeping through the night. I'm still in the house we lived in, which is so big and empty. Occasionally I'll have a friend over to spend the night once in a while, but the past week or so I've been feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. Everyone expects you to be back to normal, but how can you act normal when your heart is breaking?!?!??!!! People say, "your mother is with you" and I reply, "Yes, but she can't put her arms around me." And I'm an orphan at age 38. I feel so overwhelmed.

Hi There

Sorry for your loss, yes I agree her physical presence is so important when she has given birth to you. I feel the fone will ring and she will be there on the other side telling me what to do. When I eat something I feel that she is telling me to chew my food properly I am 36 I too lost my mom on Feb 15th went to India with her ashes a lot of people told me that

" I am now your mother", "You can talk to me I am like your mother", some even said well "She was suffering so much its better she left", better for whom. for us to lose one parent gone and see another totally lost without her. There is so much pain. No one can take her place and noone ever will. They need to lose their own to understand....I feel her missing in everything I do I am learning to pick up the fone and call my dad everyday now. Take care hope you feel better.Again sorry for your loss

[rdesai69]

Letitgo6, I am experiencing the opposite, I have no energy or motivation to do anything. My Mom passed 16 days ago, and I just can't seem to do much, of course I am functioning and going through the paces of life, but I remain "in a fog" I suppose everyone goes through grief in their own way. It seems for me I was doing better while everything was going on with making the arrangments and starting to settle her estate, now two weeks later I hurt more missing her. I do believe sharing on this board helps and talking to friends and sharing your thoughts of your loved one eases some of the pain for a bit. One day at a time is all I can think about for now.

Dear freind sorry for your loss. Yes, I lost my mother on Feb 15th till date I feel totally unenergetic and cant do much. Fog it is, the immediate funeral arrangements keep us busy but past that there is such a big void and vaccum that there is no way to tell what will happen.My mother was a terminally ill person so she suffered a lot but this link helped me before I went to see her in her last days and she passed see below. Take care and take each day as a step by step process .

http://www.foh.dhhs.gov/public/cism/Grief.pdf#search='preparing%20for%20the%20passing%20of%20a%20loved%20one'

[Guest Guest]

Hi,

I've been reading through everything here and completely feel your pain as my best friend and father died 5 days ago. He did have leukemia but was scheduled to get a stem cell transplant so we all had a lot of hope...however, the side effects from chemo were too much for his 68 year old body to take. His death has devastated me to the point where I feel like I'm in a stupor until I see his obituary or start thinking of all things we used to do together that we won't anymore. I do have supportive friends but they don't really understand, and my only brother has a life of his own in a different state (with wife and my nephew) and since he didn't have the bond I had with my Dad he isn't as affected. He's been here taking care of my Mom but is leaving and I don't know if I can be there for her right now even though she needs me...I've suffered from major depression for 10 years so Dad's death has sent me on a complete downward spiral. I'd rather be asleep than awake. Sorry to be so morose but I could relate to everyone's posts in more ways than one and it helps to read them because I don't feel so alone in this. Thanks for listening.

Kathy

[paulagford]

I have been reading the postings for the past few days and trying to make since of what has happened in my life and what I can do to help me deal with my pain and emptiness. My best friend/mother died 2 weeks ago and I am at a lose of what to do where to go and how to feel. I feel like crying all the time but I hold it in, my kids understand but I don't think my husband gets it because he doesn't realize how close we really were. Plus I am trying to deal with her last request to me and I don't know what to do or how to do it. She requested that I move back home to be close to my family just a few hours before she passed and I told her I would think about it and she told me to think really hard because family is all we have when push comes to shove. I feel that I should honor her last request and my husband say he doesn't see the big deal. She is gone and she will never know. What should I do?? Which one should I listen to. I feel I should go with my heart and do as she asked. But I am so confused right now I don't know what to do. If anyone out there can help me, it would mean so much.

I have been working on a web page in her honor. That has helped me some. When I start feeling sad and lonely I go to the site and work on it and it helps to a point. I came here and have read a lot of post from everyone and I feel everyones pain. I know what you are going through.

Any help and/or support would be so helpful right now.

[asheepoo21]

I have been reading the postings for the past few days and trying to make since of what has happened in my life and what I can do to help me deal with my pain and emptiness. My best friend/mother died 2 weeks ago and I am at a lose of what to do where to go and how to feel. I feel like crying all the time but I hold it in, my kids understand but I don't think my husband gets it because he doesn't realize how close we really were. Plus I am trying to deal with her last request to me and I don't know what to do or how to do it. She requested that I move back home to be close to my family just a few hours before she passed and I told her I would think about it and she told me to think really hard because family is all we have when push comes to shove. I feel that I should honor her last request and my husband say he doesn't see the big deal. She is gone and she will never know. What should I do?? Which one should I listen to. I feel I should go with my heart and do as she asked. But I am so confused right now I don't know what to do. If anyone out there can help me, it would mean so much.

I have been working on a web page in her honor. That has helped me some. When I start feeling sad and lonely I go to the site and work on it and it helps to a point. I came here and have read a lot of post from everyone and I feel everyones pain. I know what you are going through.

Any help and/or support would be so helpful right now.

hey there. i am very sorry about your loss. i am 16 years old and i lost my mom and dad 2 months apart about 2 years ago. i am still to this day lost without my best friend, my mother. i feel no longer complete. I know exactly what you are going through, and i want you to know that you may feel this huge hole in your heart everyday for the next few months. i know i did. It will always be there, but everyday you will grow stronger. i wish i could talk longer, but im about to leave for indiana. if you need to talk, you can email me at bigbrat502@yahoo.com & i will help you as much as i can.

always remember that "if god brings you to it, he will see you through it".

god knew that you were a strong person and knew that you could handle the pain, so he set it on you. you are a very strong person, always remember that.

good luck babe!

[Guest Guest]

Hi everybody,

I lost my mom Sat. Jan. 14, 2006. We were best friends. I came downstairs and found her dead on the floor. It was very traumatic, as we've lived together this past three years. My dad died 8.5 years ago, and I'm an only child, and sometimes I feel so overwhemlmed because I'm doing so much of this "stuff" myself. I was so distraught the other night crying while I was driving that a police officer pulled me off the road and talked to me and eventually had two of my friends pick me up and take me home because I couldn't stop crying. I was so unbelievablely distraught. I was crying just as hard as I was the day I found her dead. And I've been having trouble sleeping through the night. I'm still in the house we lived in, which is so big and empty. Occasionally I'll have a friend over to spend the night once in a while, but the past week or so I've been feeling like I'm going to lose my mind. Everyone expects you to be back to normal, but how can you act normal when your heart is breaking?!?!??!!! People say, "your mother is with you" and I reply, "Yes, but she can't put her arms around me." And I'm an orphan at age 38. I feel so overwhelmed.

[Guest Guest]

Hi everybody. Next week will mark the one year anniversary of mothers death and it still feels so fresh like it just happened. We were best friends and did everything together so it's been a painful struggle to adjust and grieve. What I'm learning is that what I call "episodes" come in cycles. Like for instance I will seem fine for a stretch of time and then the opposite...I'll feel so lost and want to be alone. Anyway I'm here to help anyone who's just going through this not that I'm a pro. My mother was diagnosed with cancer literally throughout her whole body and in 10 weeks she was gone. It was the most frightening thing in the world and it hurts so much to think about what she went through those last weeks.

[kathyanne]

Hi everybody. Next week will mark the one year anniversary of mothers death and it still feels so fresh like it just happened. We were best friends and did everything together so it's been a painful struggle to adjust and grieve. What I'm learning is that what I call "episodes" come in cycles. Like for instance I will seem fine for a stretch of time and then the opposite...I'll feel so lost and want to be alone. Anyway I'm here to help anyone who's just going through this not that I'm a pro. My mother was diagnosed with cancer literally throughout her whole body and in 10 weeks she was gone. It was the most frightening thing in the world and it hurts so much to think about what she went through those last weeks.

Thanks for sharing. Since it will be one week since my Dad passed tomorrow, I was wondering how you (or anyone) coped in the first few weeks or months? We did everything together too - a very close father/daughter bond that most daughters don't have. That makes this much more difficult. My mind seems to go from everything reminding me of him (bringing on the sobfest) to being dissociated. Any help would be apppreicated because I don't know long I can vaccilate between utter misery and mental fog.

[inafog]

I've been reading everyone's posts, and I have felt so much of the feelings as everyone has said. My mother passed Feb 24th, and I also go through having good days and sad days. I think that's part of the grieving process. I do allow myself to feel sad, cry, be lazy, sleep too much, but then I move a little further ahead, not move on, because I don't think you ever really move on, you just learn to deal with missing your loved one and go on with trying to have a good life, I'm sure our loved ones would want that for us, so maybe if you think about living a good life in their honor it will help when you feel so sad. Just my thoughts right now, it's been helping me to remember that.

[laportam]

Hi everybody. Next week will mark the one year anniversary of mothers death and it still feels so fresh like it just happened. We were best friends and did everything together so it\'s been a painful struggle to adjust and grieve. What I\'m learning is that what I call \"episodes\" come in cycles. Like for instance I will seem fine for a stretch of time and then the opposite...I\'ll feel so lost and want to be alone. Anyway I\'m here to help anyone who\'s just going through this not that I\'m a pro. My mother was diagnosed with cancer literally throughout her whole body and in 10 weeks she was gone. It was the most frightening thing in the world and it hurts so much to think about what she went through those last weeks.

Thanks for sharing. Since it will be one week since my Dad passed tomorrow, I was wondering how you (or anyone) coped in the first few weeks or months? We did everything together too - a very close father/daughter bond that most daughters don\'t have. That makes this much more difficult. My mind seems to go from everything reminding me of him (bringing on the sobfest) to being dissociated. Any help would be apppreicated because I don\'t know long I can vaccilate between utter misery and mental fog.

I am so sorry for your loss. The first few weeks for me anyway were kind of foggy. I felt like I was just existing but did lean on friends for support. I would talk to my mom and I also wrote letters to her in a notebook and some how felt better. Just try to keep busy and pray and talk to him. I believe they\'re spirit never leaves us and they can hear our prayers. Try not to do anything you\'re not ready for. It\'s the hardest thing to go through I know! I wish you strength and hope the best for you in the challenge ahead but I know you will get through it.

[keshia1]

I have not wrote my thoughts on this website in probably a year. But I am here tonight, two years to the day I buried my daddy. I was also pregnant with his second grandson who was born one month after he had suddenly died. I miss him and their is not a day that goes by that I do not think of him. They say time heals, they say it gets easier and you have to deal with it in your on way because no one is really going to understand it your way. And they won't untill it happens to them. (God forbid) I, like you was looking for answers or help to find out how to fix this how to find him, what possibly reason could have this happened, how could I prevented it. You see I cried but I didn't grieve, I wanted answers. I look in my dreams and everywhere else and hope for him to be there, and it still seems like yesterday.

[asheepoo21]

hey there everyone. i have had another passing. a little girl by the name of brooke clemons from my church has passed away. she just turned 7 years old. she had cancer of the lungs, kidneys, and liver. please pray for her family. thanks guys!

[tara12]

I ahve now lost bothmy mum and dad , in 4mths , i can not stand it right now, i miss my dad, i want to call him , i want to hear his voice , this is all fresh and hard .

[mamabets]

For Guest- Bless your heart- My Dad had Alzheimers disease, early stages, went to the hospital for a routine type of thing, and died... My son died 6 weeks later at the age of 25. I thank God every day that my Dad did not have to survive losing Danny. I know that they are together, but I miss my Dad calling me every day. My Mom is great- Going strong at 80. I often think, thank God he went, because he didn't have to suffer the ravages of the disease. Was your Mom feeling OK, then died so fast after 10 weeks? She didn't suspect anything? This is a shock for you, and I am sorry. Please email me at huntross4@aol.com at any time. xoxoxmamabets

[tara12]

hELLO ,

I AM NOT SURE IF you are talking to me ...... but anyway , my mum died after a long illmess after an acccident... i was with her , but it wnet on and on and on........ then my dad he died suddenly. no warning at all , he was fine then went out in the morning and then had a nap and died...... all within 4mths of my mum dying . it is a shock. i do not feel he is already gone ? seems wrong even though everyone says its right cause he went peacefully and so on.. but i think noone can understand. unless they been here . losing both is huge. u can i think , cause u have lost 2 people close together also . i am also glad i guess my mum went first , if dad had gone she would have been devasted beyong belief and even worse . now there is noone left in my family for me. i am alone.

[asheepoo21]

hELLO ,

I AM NOT SURE IF you are talking to me ...... but anyway , my mum died after a long illmess after an acccident... i was with her , but it wnet on and on and on........ then my dad he died suddenly. no warning at all , he was fine then went out in the morning and then had a nap and died...... all within 4mths of my mum dying . it is a shock. i do not feel he is already gone ? seems wrong even though everyone says its right cause he went peacefully and so on.. but i think noone can understand. unless they been here . losing both is huge. u can i think , cause u have lost 2 people close together also . i am also glad i guess my mum went first , if dad had gone she would have been devasted beyong belief and even worse . now there is noone left in my family for me. i am alone.

lol i dont know if you are talking to me or not, but yeah, i lost the 2 of my parents within 2 months and i fell the same exact as you do. i dont know what to do either because it still hasnt hit me yet. my moms 2 years will be on the 18th of this month and im not really looking foward to it. anyway i better get.

if you still wanna talk you can email me at

bigbrat502@yahoo.com

xoxo

[tara12]

I spent the night crying and being angry , i drank and i called a friend i feel terrible , the loss is too much for my human mind . tis ok , i know, , i know its normal , deathis a part of life , and blah blah blah , the things people say , mean to make me feel better ? hmm..... like , how was the funeral ? did u like the funeral ? did it go as u wanted ? i mean what kind of ? are these.........

i mean come on , yeah , i lvoed the funeral , it was fantatsic how the flowers matched and the sandwishes at the wake were great ??? DUH ????? OR , HELL YEAH , U KNOW , the coffin was a nice color......... and my dad looked u know , " resplendent " dead .......... i wonder who else feels these things ? how come veryone is so stupid ?

and then it s like the other level , the spiritual one , where people say ,oh well , u know , ti was there time ? their karma ,? blah blah and I AM MEANT to BE big enough and have this spiritual persception that makes it ok for everyone ... u know , be wise and know its just the body and all things pass....... well heck YES , they pass .......... SO WAHT , DOENT MEAN ITS EASY OR DOESNT HURT ?

YEP , THIS SUCKS AND I DO HAVE ALL THOSE perspectives actually and I wish to do no harm and i know one day I will be gone also , no kids , no gran kids, so this is the end of the line for me .. finsihed huh...........

so , yeah , dad died 3 weeks ago and suddenly , a good death by all accounts , and my mum 4 mths ago , after a long drawn out suffering from a accident ,... so different , mum ,iwasthere for , to the last , dad , a phone call telling me he was gone .......... my mum i caould just cope with and was ........ my dad ? well , we will see......... i feel better today , a hang over ? yes ... a mild one and i feel a bit bad that i called a friend ( boy did she get it ) and now i guess i feel revealed , and maybe she will think less of me ? who cares .... i am getting used to be alone. i am alone , this is the truth . and noone cares really .......... not really ..........] esp with no family....

anwyay , i feel sorry for myself today , as u can see , but thats how it is , thats ok , i think , damn it , if i am not allowed to cry now , when am i ? i tiored of being strong for everyone always.

asheepoo

be well and I am soory for your loss and i t helps to know u feel some the same , tell me more, i need to feel less alone ...............

[bartskid]

I lost my Dad on June 29, 2005. I was just there to visit him a few weeks before, at 71, he was very healthy. He wasn\'t even on any medication, and he seemed fine. His wife, excluded me and has slammed the phone down any time I call since then..( and she adopted me!) I feel like I am grieving a double death and when she decided to wait to have a service on my birthday...it ruined birthdays forever for me. I never lost anyone before, and it took me forever to find my Father, but in that time I knew what love was and that he did really love me very very much. This seemed to bother her a lot and I began to feel like she thought of me more as another woman then his daughter.. We only had a few years together. It's been a few months now, coming up to a year, and the death is as fresh as the day she had someone call me and that was that. No answers, too many questions and I am shut out forever from the love I had from him. I know this isn't a site for drinking Moms, but this was his worry about her, and she had threatened him while I was there. I feel like I can't get past this loss, especially the way she shut me out.. I need some answers and I'm not getting any. Has anyone had this happen to them?

[kathyanne]

Bartskid,

I haven't been in the same boat you're in but to me it sounds like your stepmother (?) is a very vindictive person who has hurt both you and your late father undeservedly. You were able to have a bond with your Dad so I hope you can cherish that thought without her clouding those memories. Her behavior towards you has been atrocious in my view.

Tara,

I completely relate to what you are going through since I lost my Dad less than two weeks ago. People who aren't dealing with this sort of thing don't understand and ask dumb questions. I know I've wanted to scream at people who expect me to "recover" and have had MANY moments where I don't think my brain can handle this (5 minutes ago I was a sobbing wreck). It hurts beyond description and doing the basic things is a major struggle. I'm trying to take it day by day but it's HARD. Hang in there...I'm trying to.

[asheepoo21]

I spent the night crying and being angry , i drank and i called a friend i feel terrible , the loss is too much for my human mind . tis ok , i know, , i know its normal , deathis a part of life , and blah blah blah , the things people say , mean to make me feel better ? hmm..... like , how was the funeral ? did u like the funeral ? did it go as u wanted ? i mean what kind of ? are these.........

TARA:

i mean come on , yeah , i lvoed the funeral , it was fantatsic how the flowers matched and the sandwishes at the wake were great ??? DUH ????? OR , HELL YEAH , U KNOW , the coffin was a nice color......... and my dad looked u know , " resplendent " dead .......... i wonder who else feels these things ? how come veryone is so stupid ?

and then it s like the other level , the spiritual one , where people say ,oh well , u know , ti was there time ? their karma ,? blah blah and I AM MEANT to BE big enough and have this spiritual persception that makes it ok for everyone ... u know , be wise and know its just the body and all things pass....... well heck YES , they pass .......... SO WAHT , DOENT MEAN ITS EASY OR DOESNT HURT ?

YEP , THIS SUCKS AND I DO HAVE ALL THOSE perspectives actually and I wish to do no harm and i know one day I will be gone also , no kids , no gran kids, so this is the end of the line for me .. finsihed huh...........

so , yeah , dad died 3 weeks ago and suddenly , a good death by all accounts , and my mum 4 mths ago , after a long drawn out suffering from a accident ,... so different , mum ,iwasthere for , to the last , dad , a phone call telling me he was gone .......... my mum i caould just cope with and was ........ my dad ? well , we will see......... i feel better today , a hang over ? yes ... a mild one and i feel a bit bad that i called a friend ( boy did she get it ) and now i guess i feel revealed , and maybe she will think less of me ? who cares .... i am getting used to be alone. i am alone , this is the truth . and noone cares really .......... not really ..........] esp with no family....

anwyay , i feel sorry for myself today , as u can see , but thats how it is , thats ok , i think , damn it , if i am not allowed to cry now , when am i ? i tiored of being strong for everyone always.

asheepoo

be well and I am soory for your loss and i t helps to know u feel some the same , tell me more, i need to feel less alone ...............

hey babe. im glad that you know you arent alone. my moms 2 years will be tuesday and its just now starting to hit me, i think??? well last week was spring break for me and so today was my first day back to school for a week and so i really didnt want to do anything today at school. i just felt like, well, tired, and angry. i just kept thinking to myself, why isnt anyone else in my class suffering like me, why cant thier moms death anniversary, its just not fair. i didnt get the chance to drink at all this week, but if i could have gotten my hands on some alcohol, it would have been over. i have already informed my teachers to not expect anything out of me all next week, because its just not going to happen. last year when it was her one year, the only thing i could do was cry. of course all of my teachers knew what day it was because the only thing that i did was come into the classroom and put my head down. even when i had tests i would just pass them back and i would not even take one.

i got the same exact questions about the funeral and all, and i thought the same thing. i was like

"oh yeah, the funeral was F***ing GREAT, let me tell you, it couldnt have been better. It was only the LAST TIME i would EVER get to see my mom for A LONG TIME!"

i also was informed about my dads death over the phone, i didnt know how to react because i hadnt seen him in 2 months. my moms death on the other hand, i saw her die, it was right in front of me. I have dreams about the whole day sometimes. I can remember it like it was yesterday. i could tell you every word that was spoken, and how loud i screamed when the parametics told me that there was nothing that they could do for her. it was my best friend.

well hey i would love to talk more, but i have like 29374937 projects and 32094093 hours of homework to do and tests to study for, so i gotta go.

just keep replying and ill do the same when i get on here.

im very sorry for the way that you are feeling right now. you will make it through, i know it. you will be in my thoughts and prayers honey.

love ashley!!

[Guest Guest]

My Dad died 2 1/2 years ago. I miss him a lot. My whole life has changed. It was so hard! Do talk about you very great loss, as often as you want, and as long as you want. Who is to say when to stop. I don't think I ever will stop remembering or ever missing my Dad. I always hope to see him in my dreams. It's a wonderful place to see him again. Sometimes I see him young and talking when I was young, and sometimes I see him as an adult. Take care of yourself, and whatever feelings you are feeling are okay. Love to you at this very difficult time. cblynn@yahoo.com