Adults Who Have Lost Their Parents

[mofirefly]

Guest - I meant to type that your brother and sister SHOULD NOT have a legal right - sorry for the typo.

[Guest Guest]

This is my first post here. I just didn't know where else to go or what else to do. I need someone to talk to . I lost my father in August of 1999.It was a very difficult long illness with cancer that took him. I watched him take his last breath. January 9th 2007 I lost my mom. My best friend! I also watched her take her last breath. She had a heart attack, was in ICU for 3 weeks, and in a nursing home for a month, then back to the hospital where she passed, just 92 days ago...

I am an adult woman with children of my own...dealing with a lot of gief and pain, and a husband that is ill as well..I am just not coping very well and hoped to find a place where I could put my thoughts to page...

I hope you will welcome me and share with me...

Dove

[mofirefly]

Dove - I hope you will find these boards to be a place to come to to release your emotions, sorry that you had to endure the losses that brought you here. I lost my dad Feb 2001 to a prolonged illness and lost my mom Sep 2005 in a car accident. I am the caregiver for my husband who has the same illness that took away my dad. Right now I imagine your emotions are raw and bleeding - it has been written that any time you experience a loss, then another one, the emotions from the first are brought back and join the second, making it doubly difficult. Please come to the boards anytime you need to - there are many others here traveling a very wild journey, and you will possibly find words from their experiences that will help you...and I strongly believe that putting your thoughts down where others can read them releases some of the hold that those thoughts have on you. All I can add is that it has gotten a little easier for me to deal with, and I do hope you will find that to be true yourself - just take your time and take care.

[dove5463]

Mofirefly~ Thank you for your warm message!You are so right about the emotions from the first being brouught back and joining the second...It's like I am dealing with both deaths at the same time..I feel like I could share and share here and never get it all out...So be warned I may becomme a board hog!

Dove

[dove5463]

Just some thing I wanted to share maybe it will in turn help someone else here that may have or may help me....

Just read it and make sure you read all the way down my thoughts are at the bottom...

Dove

Lennon/McCartney

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

And when the broken hearted people

Living in the world agree,

There will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is

Still a chance that they will see

There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be. Yeah

There will be an answer, let it be.

And when the night is cloudy,

There is still a light that shines on me,

Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

Let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.

Let it be, let it be,

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.

Recognise the words? I first heard this when I was very young and at that point, I just thought it was a pretty song. Now, having heard it again after so many years, I have come to realise that Lennon was way ahead of his time. Only now does it strike a deep rich chord for me. Mother Mary, Mother God, Mother Nature, whatever you name her, those words of wisdom are inspiring. And the picture of her in my mind standing there, serene and wise, gives me comfort and hope.

Let it be, there will be an answer.

Instead of fighting and fussing and fretting and trying to control everything, let it be, things will work out. Stand back, maybe just observe the process and perhaps learn something. Sometimes, maybe always, this is the road we need to walk.

There will be an answer, let it be.

[jackiewitter]

Hi all, I don't visit this board often, I am usually on the sibling page, but I have lost both my parents and today would be my father's birthday. So I am celebrating his birthday without him. But I am sure Mom & Dad & baby brother are having a grand time. Trying to keep that my focus today.

I just wanted to reiterate what Mofirefly stated about coming to these boards. The ability to share with others that are experiencing the same and the different levels and places we are all allows you to lay some of the burden down. When my sorrow is so much that I want to pull away from everything I come here, then I am uplifted again. It's easy to retreat into your own darkness, but some of the people here just refuse to let that happen. I have been very blessed by the friends that I have developed here and inspite of being thousands of miles away, they have prayed for me and helped me work through some very difficult tasks. Dove, I will pray for your husband and family as well as you Mofirefly. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[mofirefly]

Jeffreyssister - I recongnize you sign on and wondered how you were - I don't visit the sibling boards (hopefully won't have to for a long while) I agree that when I'm down, coming to these boards helps somehow...we all share something that those who have not expericenced the lost of someone they were so very close to can never understand and coming here, reading posts, putting down thoughts, is such a restful place.

Dove5463 - If you want to come here and pour out your thoughts, don't worry about being a board hog as you put it, but somewhere it does say that you can only post for 30 mintues...so be careful.

I will be off the boards for about a week due to a family situation, and even tho I don't know anyone here personally, I will miss being a part of this very long and lonely journey we are taking. Please take care.

[alex329]

HI CANDY..........I HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH YOUR FAMILY AND WE WILL HOPEFULLY HEAR FROM YOU NEXT WEEK.............YOUR A GREAT PERSON FOR ALL OF US..........TAKE CARE ..NITE TARA

[amrinder830]

I was 20 when I lost my father. While he was in cardiac arrest and I was trying to hold him together, he had told me that he has to go now. After that it was just a matter of a few minutes that he left us. I was in such a shock when doctors came upto us and told us that he was no more because never once in my lifetime I had expected to come across something like that at such a young age. I was soo numb for the whole day after that and It didnt hit me that he was gone til his funeral. In our culture, we are supposed to cremate the dead. And when I had to take covers off his face to take a look at him for the final time, It was the most devastating moment ever. It was then I got hit that he will not be around anymore. 4 years have passed and I am still not able to let him go completely. He is still on my mind. I am not able to sleep properly cuz I always dream about him. Times I wake up crying in my sleep. I wish I could talk to someone to help me deal with this experience. People say that time helps you get over everything but it seems like to me that as time is passing by, I find myself sinking deeper n deeper in grief and its getting harder for me to move on with my life and career. I really dont know why I am writing on here, Just thought it would help me ease my pain.

R.I.P Dad

Gone but not forgotten.

[jackiewitter]

Mofirefly,

Hi. I had never read your profile before and see that you had worked in a nursing home. I cannot tell you how much I admire the caring people that do that. My father had alzhiemers and after my mother passed away Daddy deteriorated rapidly. Jeffrey tried to stay with him, but it was too much. He had to be watched 24 hours a day, he would wander out of the house and be down the street and you may never know it. We made the difficult decision to place him in a home. He flourished! As the diseased progressed his grief for my mother diminished. During the year and 1/2 that he was in the home he played the guitar and sang regularly for his group. The nurses kept his guitar locked up for safety (so many patients walk off with things thinking it's theirs), but they would get it out frequently and ask him to play. Isn't if funny, he could not remember how old he was or where he was, but he could remember the words to 100 songs! Daddy's physcial health failed him only in the last three weeks of his life, prior to that physically he was a work horse. The nurses would pack up his medications and every weekend Jeffrey and I would go to the nursing home and get him and take him to his own house where he could tinker around the yard, most often picking up sticks and putting them in a fire pile. Then on Sundays we would pack him up and take him back to the home. It was his nurse that gave me the call on his last day, not the hospice nurse. The hospice nurse had just said the day before that she did not feel like anything was imminent. But his nurses knew, being 3 hours away from him it was very important that we be there if we could. I got to spend the last three hours of Daddy's life with him. Then after he passed away, the nurse cleaned him up, changed his clothes and told us to take as long as we needed and just let them know when we were ready to let him go. We stayed with him at least another hour. Daddy had been moved from the Alzhiemers wing to a more urgent care wing in the last three weeks, so when he passed away, one of the nurses ask if we minded if some of his nurses from the other wing came to say goodbye. Some of the cried just like he was their own father, I was so moved by their love and honest compassion. While I am sure there are some nursing homes that deserve the bad rap they get, I am also sure that they are few and far between and the good loving people do not get the recognition they deserve. It cannot be easy to fall in love with a patient that you know is not going to get better. So my hats off to you and a personal thanks for caring for the elderly. I will pray that all is well with your family situation and look forward to talking with you upon your return. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[solemate]

How I admire all of you who post - your hearts are so open with emotions and you still find effort and time to be able to write to help others. I have had my fair share of death over the last few years. Three years ago I lost my nephew (22 yrs) to a brain tumor(I assisted with his care), Two years ago My Father-in-law to heart attack (like others he was placed in a nursing home to be cared for (dimensia) Last year My Mother-in-Law to bowel cancer (I cared for her) and my sisters father-in- law )whom I assited caring for to cancer and now both my parents three weeks ago to a car accident. The week before the deaths of my parents my husband had a heart attack and I had only just returned to my job. I work in case management with a government agency and in that week one of my clients died suddenly, one was sucicidal and the third one has a terminal brain tumor. So I am a little bit touchy and warn out emotionally. Life seems to be delivering me so many blows, I'm not sure why I deserve all this. I miss my parents so much and can't believe that they are gone. I miss my in-laws very much as I loved them dearly.

take care everyone

[mofirefly]

Hi - I believe this computer is up and running again - there are so many posts to read, it will be a while before I catch up on them, and I have less time then I did before to get online - but wanted to let others know I continue to think of you and wish to give you all a huge (((((HUG))))). Thank you Jeffreys Sister and Tara for the kind words, they really help. Take care!

[alex329]

HI CANDY,IM GLAD YOUR BACK.............HOPE ALL IS OK WITH YOU.....WE MISSED YOU!!!! HAVE A GOOD NIGHT..............TARA

[mofirefly]

Amfinder830 - Just read your post - I do hope that coming here and putting your thoughts into words offers you some comfort. One thing I read that made me think twice was your comment of not being able to let go of your dad completely. My thoughts are that you don't have to let go of him...he will always be a part of you, and he lives on thru you. Going on with our lives in no way means we have to let go of those we loved - we are allowed to take them with us in any way we feel is possible...I for one have pictures of my parents out, I have many of their belongings around me, and when I'm around others, I make darn sure I mention them by name and relate of story about them...I am determined to have others remember them and how important they were to me and so I am not going to let go of them...and wanted to share that with you. Please take care.

Tara - I responded to a post you left on It Hurts So Much back on April 14 - I'm doing ok - just an awful lot going on. It looks like I'm not going to get to be a nite owl for a while, but I hope I can get on the boards during the day - it helps me tremendously to put down my responses to others, because it makes me sort thru my own feelings - does that make sense? Hope you are doing OK as well. TAKE CARE!

[ladyhitchhiker]

I just lost my father yesterday morning. He died in his sleep. He was only 61. The rock of our family is gone...

[mofirefly]

Ladyhitchhiker - I recognize your name from other sites - so sorry you have endured another reason to post. Come back and post whenever you feel you need to release the flood of emotions you are having to carry. Take care.

[cindyinalaska]

Ladyhitchhiker,

I am so sorry for the loss of your dad. My dad also died in his sleep...the day before his 55th birthday. It's been 4 months now....the shock is beginning to wear off, but I still can't seem to accept that he is gone. I really don't remember much from the first month after he died...it's still a blur. I hope that you keep coming here to these boards....they have been a such a comfort for me and have helped so much. Take care, Cindy

[alex329]

LADYHITCHHIKER,IM SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAD....I LOST MY DAD THE DAY AFTER XMAS 06....HE WAS 68 AND IT WAS VERY SUDDEN(BRAIN ANERUISM) SO I KNOW HOW HARD THIS IS FOR YOU...WE ALL DO.....I JUST WANTED TO SAY KEEP COMING BACK HERE TO TALK TO US ,IT DOES HELP!!!!! NITE TARA

[patricia333]

I recentally lost my dad March 1st. Mainly Diabetes and Mercer, as well as several other infections one in his foot. He was remarried and it's been a difficult road threw his final days with her and his siblings whom have been there for me.

I was with him and had special moments with him while he was in icu for a week and then when I was asked to come down and help make the decision to pull the plug on him it was the hardest decision I had to make in my life next to deciding on being a single parent at 19 1/2. Now i'm 32.

I'm still in the beginning stages of greif but am thankfull i've had the time with him i did and also thankfull for the special moments i shared with him and know he was cohearent and new i was there reguardless of whom said what. Please reply if u'd like i'm working f/t and dont' havemuch time to deal with this and am looking to make friends and talk about it. Thanks Patricia.

[alex329]

HI PATRICIA333.. I ALSO ALONG WITH 5 SIBLINGS HAD TO MAKE THE AWFUL CHOICE OF PULLING THE PLUG ON MY DAD.....ON CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS AN AWFUL FEELING BUT WHEN THERE IS NO HOPE YOU HAVER TO LET THEM BE AT PEACE.......I AM ALSO IN THE FIRST STAGES OF GRIEF AND IM DOING BETTER TAHN I WAS A FEW MONTHS AGO....BUT I WONT LIE,ITS VERY HARD........MY DAD AND I WERE VERY CLOSE AND IM 36 AND HE WAS 68..WE LIVED TWO HOUSES AWAY FROM EACH OTHER ,SO ITS HARD NOT TO SEE HIM ALL DAY LONG LIKE I USED TO.........I HAVE ALOT OF POSTS THAT YOU HAVE PROBABLY READ.......SO I WONT GET INTO TO ALL OF THAT AGAIN.......BUT JUST KNOW THAT WERE ALL HERE TO HELP YOU IF YOU NEED US......KEEP WRITING.....IT DOES HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NITE ,TAKE CARE TARA

[patricia333]

Hi Alex 329

I THANK YOU for writting and keep writting I will as you guys I found this sight one night by accident at wk waiting for freight to arrive. When there's two much down time I start to think about the times in the hospital I had with him which wern't much but greatfull my fam included me. I get home at night and have a hard time about it. I'm sorry on your dad and everyone else's situation on this page. Please keep in touch i really need to talk and deal with this. Instead of keeping it in and working myself to much and not talking about it. Thanks for listening till next time night.

[momo79]

hi patricia333 and alex329, i as well as my brother had to make that horrible decision also. I had left the hospital to take a shower when they called me in the morning on March 9, 2006 and told me it was time to choose. i couldn't believe it. i was 26 years old and had to make the hardest decision of my life. guilt consumed me. he was suffering so much. he had multiple sclerosis and had a fungal pnemonia that had already eaten one lung and was half way through the other. the doctor told me there was no chance of survival and we were only prolonging the inevitable. i arrived back at the hospital first and all i could say is "i'm sorry" over and over again. i don't even know how many times i said it. my dad was 52 and his life was coming to an end. i think he heard me though. my brother arrived shortly after and the call was put in to "pull the plug." i went to the bathroom to compose myself and my dad went on his own. right after i left the room. i felt like i deserted him. my brother tried to talk "some sense" into me saying that obviously dad didn't want us to live with that choice and didn't think i should be there when he went. i'm so sorry that burden was put on you guys. i am new to this web-site and hope to chat with everyone.

[Edmund]

hi momo & others; my mom had MS since 1968 & died in august of 2006 @ the age of 87. don't feel bad; you did your best. i feel guilty in a way because my mom had a long life & i still can't seem to come to terms w/ it & others die so young.she did suffer a lot over the years but always was smiling. God bless you all-ed

[alex329]

MOMO79............I HAD TO SAY GOODBYE TO MY DAD XMAS EVE...........THEY PULLED THE PLUG ON XMAS DAY........HE DIDNT PASS UNTIL THE NEXT DAY THE 26TH...........I KEPT SAYING PLEASE DONT LET DADDY DIE ON CHRISTMAS........AND MY SON SAID IT TO.........WE CANT HAVE THAT KIND OF A MEMEORY FOR ALL OF OUR LIVES......AND HE WAITED UNTIL THE 26TH FOR ME AND MY SON...........BUT I WASNT THERE WHEN HE ACTUALL DIED........I KNEW I COULDNT BE THERE.....EVERYONE ELSE WAS THERE.........I JUST COULDNT SEE HIS LAST BREATH,WHEN I LEFT THE ROOM THAT NIGHT HE WAS BREATHING(ON MACHINES) BUT HE WAS BREATHING..........SO I KNEW THAT WAS MY TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.............I JUST COULDNT HANDLE ANYTHING ELSE AT THAT POINT...............I HAD SPENT 3 DAYS OF THIS WATCHING HIM ON MACHINES AND IT WILL NEVER LEAVE MY MIND AND IT KILLSME TO HAVE PULLED THE PLUG...........BUT HE WAS NOT THERE........... AND I MADE SURE OF THAT BEFORE A DECISION WAS MADE.WE ALL DID....IT WAS THE HARDEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!! AND I WILL NEVER FORGET IT............I WISH WE HAD OPTIONS AT THAT POINT BUT THEY SAID THERE WERE NONE.......HE WAS BRAIN DEAD FROM AN ANUERISM..............I STILL FEEL VEY SICK TALKING ABOUT IT BUT I HOPE TO HELP SOMEONE ELSE GOING THRU THIS..............IM OK BUT NOT GREAT.............I FEEL A TREMENDOUS LOSS OF MY DAD AND IT HURTS REALLY BAD BUT IM GOING FORWARD DAY BY DAY...............THATS ALL WE CAN DO..........AND THIS SITE HAS HELPED ME ALOT..............TO ALL THE NEWCOMERS,PLEASE KEEP WRITING TO US..............ITS GOOD TO HEAR THAT WERE NOT ALONE IN THIS AWFUL TIME .............NITE TARA

[momo79]

alex and ed and everyone, thank you so much for writing to me. telling my story and reading others is helping me. i truly appreciate everyone. i am now also finding it easier to talk about my dad to my family and friends. i went through such a black period that i couldn't even think about him or look at any pictures or listen to his favorite songs. i'm finally coming out of my shell and facing my grief. its going to be a long hard road but i'm ready for it. i just miss him so much. i feel like fate is cruel. my dad was such a proud man and he wouldn't want me to be like this. i know he would tell me to snap out of it and take care of myself and my children. that just because he is not here physically he is still always with me. its just so hard. i've started writing him letters about whats going on in my life, that helps also. we spread his ashes in the ocean and i'm building up my courage to go down to the beach and think about him. i live 10 minutes from where he is and i haven't gone.

edmund-were you your mothers care-giver? my dad wouldn't accept much help from anyone. anything he asked i would do it for him but it wasn't very often. i think thats why i feel so guilty. like i didn't do enough for him. but i'm learning to accept the fact that i could not do anymore than i did because i didn't know he needed me too. i can't read minds. talk more later, love momo

[momo79]

just a poem~

God looked around His garden

And found and empty space.

He then looked upon this earth

And saw your tired face.

He put his arms around you

And lifted you to rest.

God's garden must be beautiful-

He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering,

He knew you were in pain.

He knew that you would never

Get well on Earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough

And the hills were hard to climb.

So he closed your weary eyelids

And whispered "Peace be thine".

It broke our hearts to lose you

But you didn't go alone.

For part of us went with you

The day God called you home.

[ladyhitchhiker]

I feel absolutely horrible and guilty and mean, because the first thing that came to mind, when my mother told me the news about my dad, is that it SHOULD HAVE BEEN HER. My mom has been suffering SEVERE heart disease for the last 15 years, and she hurts every single day. Less than 25% of her heart is working. It has gotten to the point that she doesn't even do laundry anymore - my brother does it - and I just think it's completely unfair and inconvenient for this to happen. I want to scream out loud and throw dishes at the wall, and dye my hair green and run until I fall in the grass. I feel like I'm about to explode, or implode... Probably explode. I don't know how I'm supposed to go to work tomorrow and act like I'm okay, that I'm fine, that there's nothing wrong with me, and that I haven't gone through anything. That I don't wish that I had spent more time with my dad, or come up with excuses to spend time with him.

And I feel that it's selfish to burden my husband with my pain when he already has his own to deal with, and he begs me to tell him how I feel, but when I tell him, then he looks hurt. I know it's probably because he's hurting because I'm hurting, but making him hurt worse seems so pointless. I think I just need to find a better outlet.

I'm so bad at being angry. I'm so bad at being sad. And combined I don't even know how to cope right now.

[jackiewitter]

ladyhitchhiker,

I did not know that your father had passed away. How sad that you are now here with the grief of your father as well. When my mother passed away I was so angry with her for not taking better care of herself. She was always taking care of everyone else. My father had been living with alzhiemers for about 7 years when she passed away and she did not want to leave him alone. Her health was failing due to the auto-immune complications that come with rheumatoid arthrits. If she had lived, she would have been so very unhappy, but she fought death. When the doctor admitted her into the hospital, she kept saying that she could not go, she had laundry to be done, she had to take Daddy to a doctor's appointment, someone had to pick up nephew from school and so on. I believe she knew if she went in the hospital she would never come out, she lasted 1 week there. My dad went on another 3 years without her. Unfortunately he was in a nursing home the last year and 1/2, but he was not unhappy, I knew he missed Momma though. Daddy always made the best of things and even in the nursing home he was content. How long was your dad ill, if you don't mind me asking. Since my brother's death I am starting to wonder why I did not grieve my parents more. I think I was more prepared for it, but I don't know. At first I thought it was that I loved my brother more, but I know that's not true. I suck at being sad too. I am better at being angry, then I know how to channel it, but saddness, I just don't know where to put it. I don't want to be sad anymore, I just don't know how to get past it. My husband and I carpool 45 miles to work and 45 miles back home. Usually that's when I sit in the car and cry, I just look out the window and cry. When you're stuck in traffic you get some pretty strange looks! I like the green hair thing...anything but what is going on now, right? You are not horrible and mean, I don't think you should say those things to your mom, but it's okay to think them. I had some pretty horrible thoughts when I lost my brother too. I just thought of all the people in this world, why him? He never hurt anyone, he was just trying to get his life together...why him? I needed him, I needed the way that we were a team and the way that he made me feel so special, now all of that is gone and all I can due is conjure up memories. Well girl, this road we are on is truly a bumpy one. I will watch for you in the coming days and months and please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Peace and blessings, Jackie

[Guest Guest]

E-Published writer putting the finishing touches on a comedic table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a humorous light can often be deep soul healers so we hope you will take the time to share in this safe environment.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF PET, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/

Many thanks,

[jazzikay]

idk who are the new people are.. so introduce yourselves..........

[blessed1]

Good morning I'm new but I'm glad I found you guys. Thank you. Mothers'Day is really on my last nerves!!!! I'm going to help my best friend today prepare dinner for her Mom and, I feel a lil' bad because I can't prepare a wonderful meal for my Momma. But, my reality is decorating my Momma's grave as nice as I can. I hate this!!! I'm 42yrs old and I feel I really have no life without my Mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm really going crazy but, I can't because I have to take care of my 91yr old Father who is just one of the Best Fathers' in the world. I fake everyday of my life now since Sept 15'2005 that I'm okay but deep down I'm real messed up. Keep me in your prayers

[Guest Guest]

I lost my mother to a sudden stroke nearly three weeks ago, and in the past few weeks I can't seem to get past the tears.

I went back to work two days after the burial, and my worst times are when I not busy.

I know this pain lessens and goes away to a certain extent, but Mother's Day really bothered me. I wanted to talk to her so much, but I couldn't. I used to talk to her at least once a week on the phone.

Please reassure me this is normal, and I will get past this...

It just doesn't seem like it right now.

She's no longer in any pain - with family members that have gone on before - but that still doesn't make that any easier.

[reensworld]

Hello everybody. I also lost my mom 3 weeks ago and its killing me. I did not expect to be so affected which is rubbish being that I am an only child and I loved my mother with all my heart. I got through all the services well which was a shock. I was so happy things were so beautiful.

I,too, can't stop crying. Yesterday was the most excruciating day of my life.

I feel so lost. I don;t know what my role is anymore. I was advised that saying goodbye was going to be hard but learning to live without her was going to be harder. My God, I'm not sure I can do this. She was basically all I had and I adored her. She was my world.

I believe in the after-life so I know that she is now in heaven waiting for me.

That just isn't comforting me much right now because I miss her so much. I guess that I had that to look forward to.

I know that what I am experiencing is normal. I just have to go with it. I have to embrace this grief because its mine. I can either fight it or go through it. I never knew how weird I could feel. Reen

[geordi]

I tried to post a little while ago....not sure if it worked or not. I lost my mom 3 months ago from ovarian cancer. My dad has been gone almsot 15 years. Then, just 10 days ago, my sil killed herself. I have been having a bit of a rough go with all of this. I have very little time (work part time, have 3 children), but will try to come by as often as I can.

[bkerber]

I just wanted you to know that what you're feeling I'm sure is normal. I lost my mom and my dad last May, 5 days apart, both from lung cancer. Who would have ever thought that would happen. I cried every day for about 8 months. Its been a year now and I still cry when I hear a song or a memory comes back to me. I think the hardest part is having actually been there when they died. I wish I hadnt had to see it but I feel honored to have been there, if that makes any sense. I miss them both so much and I allow myself to cry when I need to and be sad when I feel it. The rest of the time I maintain and I am happy. I dont know how long it will take before I can only think of happy times, maybe never. Im sorry for your losses. This is still very new to you. I hope you have good support from your family, that's the only thing that has helped me.

[alex329]

to all you have written in the past few days, iam so sorry for all of you that you have had to find us here but its also a good thing.........we chat alot and get our feelings out.......it does help.....i have a huge family and alot of close friends,but this is so good for me to come here where you can all relate to these awful feelings!!!!!! i lost my dad suddenly on 12/26/06 from a brain anurism...im a complete mess now without him........my life is no longer the same .......i do have a 10yr old son that depends on me and i work part time........i do function somewhat ok but im sad.........im ok one day and a mess the next but i just take it as it comes............i never knew this would hit me so hard,but i also didnt expect it for another 20 yrs either!!!! the sudden death thing has me so messed up...........but thats how he would have wanted to go,it just is not good for the rest of us.............i cannot wrap my brain around it and its been almost 5 months now!!!!!!!!!! its still new and very fresh for me.....but i hope knowing were all going thru it and its normal does help...............please keep coming back just to vent when you need to............were all here and will respond when we can................take care all..........nite tara

[Kelly]

Good Afternoon,

Beyond Indigo is undergoing a redesign and upgrade. We have been working on this project for many months now and have a few more updates to make before it will go live. One of these updates or new features is an e-card program. People will be able to send out I am thinking of you cards, birthdays, anniversary of the loss cards, etc. We are looking for people to submit e-cards they have created to be included in this program. We do have the ability to send out the cards with a watermark on them. The artist would retain the copyright unless we purchased the e-card or it was given to us freely. If you have some e-cards you have created and want them to be considered please email them to Kelly@beyondindigo.com.

Thanks!

Kelly Baltzell, MA

President

Beyond Indigo

[Edmund]

memorial day will be hard this year; will pray for all of you. i feel like you've all taken the words out of my mouth because we share a common disaster. God bless, love, ed

[mofirefly]

Blessed1 - Just got to read your post from May 12. I lost my mom on Sept. 8, 2005 due to a car accident. What caught my thoughts in your post was that you said you fake every day that you are all right but deep down you're messed up. I feel that way so much. I happened to catch a few moments of Oprah when I heard a lady talk about depression, and how she was able to function...and she stated that people have heard about walking pneumonia, and that she had walking depression...I set up to tape the rest as I've never heard of that, but her words stuck a chord in me as I'm functioning just fine (if you asked those around me) but I feel nothing inside...and there are quite a few times when I feel I'm getting so very tired of acting. I do plan to discuss this on my next visit with my primary physician. I hope you survived Mother's day this year and all the years to come. Those of us here sure do miss our loved ones. Please take care.

[mofirefly]

Guest (pot 49287) - Your loss is so very new and fresh and extremely painful and unfortunately it is quite what others on these boards have also had to endure. It must have been very difficult to return to work so soon - but I agree that staying busy is one way of dealing with the pain, mostly because you are keeping away from it, and you are probably in shock which shuts down your ability to deal with all the emotions crashing around inside of you. I hope you will come back to the boards whenever you feel the need to release some of your feelings as it has seemed so very helpful to me to do that, it's like once I've posted, I'm not carrying the pain alone. TAKE CARE!

[mofirefly]

Reen - Your post and thoughts were so meaningful - I didn't come on the boards until my 13th month of loss and I did that because I'd always heard that the first year is the hardest, so when I passed that and actually felt worse I realized I'd basically gone thru that 1st year in a state of shock and this 2nd year I'm actually feeling the emotions - but I'm also coming to terms with some of them...it's a very long process and I'm sorry you have had to start this rotten journey. Take care.

There are so many other posts that I'm just now getting to read - but I feel I've taken up way to much space....it's just that tonight is the first time in almost a month that I've had some time to get on the boards. I hope all of you are having some peaceful moments. Remember to breathe!

[Guest Guest]

hi all. ive just recently lost my beautiful mother to cancer. she was my teacher and eva patient with me and caring and forgiving and loving. i love and miss her so much.

but i dont no wot i feel. im confused and not here, i feel like im obeserving myself, i think its another shell of shock that only now its starting to slowly sink in n its hardly been a month. im scared of grief n how its going to affect me, my heart is heavy with pain, it feels everytime i weep, my heart sinks into the ground like a bag holding water. if it breaks, we will al be flooded.

[mofirefly]

Guest - Only just now read of your loss. My heart aches for you. The words you have used to discribe how you feel seem poetic to me....tho it does sound like you are in shock. Sometimes I think being in shock is a safe harbour for our minds/bodys because the pain would be too intense otherwise. I do hope you are visiting the boards and will post again if it helps you to release some of the emotions. Take care.

[ecg31486]

My mom died suddenly 15 months ago today, on 1/14/06. I found her dead on the floor. My dad also died suddenly 10 years ago on Sept. 1, 2006. My mom and I healed our relationship several years after my dad died, and we became really good friends. I have no siblings, nor did my mother. And I'm being triggered by this move I'm making and I've cried the past week because I'm coming across so much of her stuff and my childhood stuff and just so many memories. When she died, I had to go through her five bedroom, 4 bath house and go through four generations of "stuff" myself. I had to deciide what to keep and what to put in the estate sale, then sell the house, and I had to do it all myself. I was such a mess and most of my friends were freaked out about how crazy I was during the process, especially since I'm only 40 and most of them still have both their parents. Honestly, they weren't very helpful and I'm kinda mad. Of course, they were there in the beginning for the funeral, but disappeared after that. I know they have their own lives, and that most of them haven't experienced the loss of both their parents because most of them are around age 40, so they can't really relate. And I'm not married, nor do I have kids. And sometimes I feel really alone when I cry and have no one to cry to.

One person actually said I should be glad because at least I got something out of it (inheritance), and I told her that I would give it all back in a heartbeat to have my mom back. Then I told her that even if both her parents died tomorrow, she would still have her husband, her son, all four of her siblings and their spouses and kids. People that haven't been through it can be so thoughtless. I am crying as I write this, it hurts so much and I miss her so much. I just miss her. And I do try to think on the positives, such as Mom's two best friends still keep in touch with me and take me out to dinner.

And my cousins on my dad's side are beginning to reach out to me more, once they understood how I was feeling after my one cousin and I talked and she said that she couldn't even conceive of how I feel because she has 12 brothers and sisters, plus all their spouses and kids. But she let me know that she loved me very much and she wanted me to be a bigger part of their lives. And she has really lived up to her word. And I'm so very grateful for that! But I still miss my mom. I suppose I've gotten a little more used to it, but I don't think it ever goes away.

Thank you for listening.

Eileen

[mofirefly]

Eileen - I lost my own mom suddenly Sep 05 - but you have had to deal with two sudden losses. It's very true that people just don't get it, nor do they seem to want to as they avoid the subject of death like it were contagious. I too have had people tell me how "fortunate" I am because of the settlement I received....I hardly ever know what to say. I do have a husband and he tries to remind people of how much it cost me. For you to have to go thru all this on your own is so tragic. I do hope that the cousin who has reached out to you will continue to try to include you....but I have read that others don't really know how we feel unless we tell them, and sometimes it is hard to explain the lonelyness that engulfs you. I hope you are starting to have some more peaceful moments as you remember the good memories you have. Come back whenever you need to share your feelings...this is a great place to let to of them. Take care.

[Guest Guest]

hi all, this is my first time here, my heart goes out to anyone who has lost there parent/s. my poor dad was diagnosed with lieukemia in oct 2005 and passed away 7 days later i was devastated to say the least, then 3 months later my beautiful mum who was my world, my best friend was diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer, had to watch her deteriorate daily and suffer so badly until she passed away 8 months later (last september), i thought i was going to die myself, i have found this all so hard to bear i have 3 children which i need to be there for but have totally changed since this all happened, my mum and dad are the most wonderful people ever why did this have to happen to them and to us? life is so wicked and i am finding it very hard to adjust i miss them so much and have often thought of going to bed with some pills so i dont have to feel this overwhelming pain i am so sorry for being so selfish and i love my 3 boys so much, how do we ever get through these terrible things? i know i am not the only person to ever lose my parents and i must sound so weak and for that i am sorry. mum was my best friend in the whole world and we did everything together, i was with my mum and dad through there illnesses right up to the end, why cant i move on?

my heart breaks for each and every one of you going through this terrible journey. thank you for listening to me. love karen x

[mofirefly]

Karen - You have found a place to come to and share all your feelings of loss without anyone judging you. You have had two major losses and both so recently...they are not something you move on from....you simply start to learn how to become a different person, one who is going on in this life while missing their loved ones who are in another life. I know you typed that there are times you'd just want to go to sleep - but I'm sure you know that this would only cause a tremendous amount of pain for your boys...but I do know that feeling that way is something quite a few have experienced. You do not sound weak at all, and please don't feel sorry for anything you post here. There are many others on these boards and we each have to make this journey on our own at our own pace. I lost my Dad Feb 01 after an illness and my mom Sep 05 in a car accident - losing you parents seems to leave you feeling alone - but please try to remember the love and good memories. Come back and take care.

[alex329]

hi everyone......im just up reading all these latest posts and its so sad.......i want the thankd mofirefly again for keeping all of us feeling somewhat normal........candy you write to everyone and are so kind to all of us.......and at the same time are going thru the same thing and more(with your husband being ill) its just amazing to me that your in a place to help all of us.............so i thank you!!!!!! to all of the new members ,i am so sorry for your loss and i can relate to your feelings..........i feel as though i might still be in shock.........i just cant get over losing my dad 12/26/06 suddendly from a brain anurisym.............i cant deal with it.........my heart aches all the time and im sad alot..........tomorrow is fathers day and we are all going to be together and thats great but my dad will not be there so how good can the day be???????????????? he was the life of the party!!!!! when does this pain subside???? i know it wont go away..........iwe all talk about him all the time and we have such great memories buuuuuuuuuut i dont have my dad..............im a mess 6 months later and that scares me..........i have so many close friends and we talk everyday but they really dont get it............they cant know how much it hurts they havent gone thru it!!!! and i dont want them to............but i talk to them alot.........i try to act normal alot of times but i could care less whos doing what and all the other idle chat that we used to have.............so i call them and they call me but im not interested alot of times in there daily lives and i dont mean that to sound mean ..but i just want to talk about my dad..........i cant help it.........im sure they mean well but they just dont know..........i guess its not their fault........my dad left some money to the 6 kids but who the hell cares about money?????!!!!!!!!!! it was not much at all and even it had been i wouldnt care so people saying that to other people are insane to think we care about being left money............i just wanted his hat he wore everyday and i cannot find it.........it remains a mystery to all of us............weird but true...so sorry again to all of you dealing with this horrible time in our lives.........i really do understand all of you...........so keep coming here to talk with us..........it does help..............hope your ok tonight..........cindy i havent heard from you ,i hope you and mark are ok..........and candy thanks again,its nice to know i have a friend to chat with everyday if i need to.......you are a wonderful person...........i hope all is well with you tonight as well...........nite tara

[princessdss]

alex 329 i agree with you today sucks more than ever,losing my dad august 7th and quickly to a cancer diagnose sucks...i totally agree with the money thing try four girls and two already asked for money...the house is empty and i too looked for things and IT WAS MYSTEROUSLY GONE but then greed came into play...one sister came out of the wood work and the other had five kids needed to borrow peter to pay paul but managed to have a loan come through for their vehilce incredible huh???one sister so drugged has no clue!~i hate what today has done for us fatherless daughters and sons and mothers and fathers with out our love ones..i miss my dad so much...........

[imissdad1978]

I got through my first fathers day without my dad today. It was heartbreaking. but I made it through, and I am proud of myself. I celebrated with my son and husband so that helped. 9/2/2006.... Labor Day weekend the worst day ever! My father 48 years old, was found unconscious by my younger sister. My sister called me, I rushed to his house to see him lying on the floor and the police wouldn't let me in. I was screaming for him, they told me he was in critical condition and to go to the local hospital's family room. OK? yeah he's alive, I had hope. He was declared dead at 10:24 pm. The doctor told us they never got a pulse, not once. He died at home. It has been almost 10 months, and I am not better, it seems worse. maybe because I finally realized he won't be coming home. He left 4 children and 2 beautiful grandchildren. HE just became a grandfather 3 years ago!!! I hope I can find some comfort here.