I Believe in God...

[alwaysmyjennifer]

BettyAnn, He promised to never, ever leave us, or fosake us. No matter what we do, how we react against Him about something tragic, no matter what happens in our lives, He's always with us. I keep saying that, especially in the recent weeks. Being without my firstborn hurts. In a way, I lost her twice. She was adopted, and died before we could find each other. It's good for your son to want counseling. He may not need a CSW, but a pastor with a counseling background would be helpful. We aren't easily given the answer to "why". Sometimes, we never get that answer. We can only follow His will, and seek His peace for our hearts. Our comfort may not come from Him or His Word, but may come from someone in church or our community. He gives a loving spirit to help us in our journey to the Son.

[maskott]

Aprilsmom...no I din't know there was an updated version. I think I'll look for that...I like the idea about dancing.

Mark...the minister that we have been seeing has a background in grief counseling. He did grief counseling with the 9-1-1 families. I know he has helped me a lot and hope he can do the same for my son. There's a bit of guilt because of arguments they had...they had been best friends forever...until one little argument drove them apart. They were just finding their way back to each other. Matthew so desperately wanted his little brother back...Scott had been stubborn. The night Matthew accidently took the muscle relaxers, Scott came home with a friend. They thought about waking Matthew up to join them but said he was sleeping so peacefully. Matthew seldom slept because of bipolar and anxiet attacks. Scott feels if only he had woken him up, things might be different. A lesson in life...

Aprilsmom and Mark...thanks for the posts. As you know, they do help all of us to get through the next few minutes.

BettyAnn

[alwaysmyjennifer]

BettyAnn, sadly, the squabbles of the young lead them into dark places at times. As believers, we have the freedom of reviving relationships through God's help. In time, Scott will arrange these things in his heart, which will help him accept what he can't change. It will always be a painful thing for him, but with time, and a little help, he'll begin to, and succeed at healing. Having someone affiliated with the tragedy of 9 11 is a blessing. He knows the extent of human suffering like few can, which will help Scott deal better.

My prayers will always include you and your family. Mark

[lauraa]

To all my dear friends,

I wish you all a peaceful Thanksgiving. You all will be in my heart. I will be going to a friends house with 2 of my kids and my oldest son is going to his girlfriends house. Love to you all!

[alwaysmyjennifer]

A blessed venerable day of Saint Thomas de Turkey to all. Happy Thanksgiving, may it be good.

Laura, it's good to hear from you. I'm a little preoccupied lately. Things are starting to feel a little beyond me, but I'm getting there. We're doing Thanksgiving at my son's fiance's. Yup! My boy's getting married! The rule of both families is they must wait until they're both out of college. They're a cute little couple, and she's perfect for him.

Have the best of days. hugzNluvz, Mark

[lauraa]

Hey Mark,

I haven't posted in awhile...guess I have been depressed lately...lots of problems! Can't go into them here but have just been trying to get thru this first holiday for my kids. I have read some of your post from other posts and I things are very stressful on your end. I think it is good that you and Mary are able to make these decisions together....I think in the long run it will help you manage your pain. I never talked about it with my husband because I believed till the very end that he would get better. When I had to make all the decisions it really wasn't that difficult as I knew "always" what he would say and want about things...I also bought my own spot right next to him and my daddy. You and Mary will be in my heart and if you need to vent, swear, yell or just anything you can count on me.

Nikki...Sweet girl, I hope you are doing o.k. and finishing up for a long needed break from school. How did your visit go with your moms friend, I know you were alittle nervous about that...Hope you first holiday was o.k....Blessings

[suelowe]

i turned to God for spiritual reasons the day before mum died, i was able to think clearly without the hustle and bustle. i visited a private chapel in hospital where mum was, just to keep some sort of sanity.

i spent half an hour in there just sitting and thinking. it brought me great peace to know my faith got me through a very diffucult time. i left a note to visitors, plus a prayer to Him to take my mum's pain away.

The next day she died and i was soooooo damn angry at God for taking her away. i call Him every possible name under the sun. i've never felf anger like it. i blamed Him for taking her, my mum for leaving me.

Funny now my faith has deepened, so it keeps me going. most of the time anyway.

sue

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Lauraa, when we get near these holidays, it seems we get depressed. What should be a time for family turns into a time of thinking about our loss. I'm sorry you've had difficulties lately. I cried for Jenni on Thanksgiving. Tina and Nikki called, which made me feel much better (thanx, Nikki). Thank you for always being here for me. We're going through a lot now, most of it painful. I'll send you an email update. Sorry I've been a little out of my loop. It's like I've run out of time or something.

You and your children are always in my prayers. Thanks for the offer to vent. If you ever want, you'r always welcome to scream at me, too. I really don't mind. Take care, and may God's blessings be yours.

luvNhugs, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Suelowe, I've found that we're not as angry at God as we are at death. God seems to get the blame when we have an outburst. Most of us come out of the experience with greater faith than when we went in. God understands our emotions and outbursts. After all, He created us emotional beings. I believe He overlooks our anger when we lose someone. This helps deepen our faith.

[mattsdad]

Tonight we mark the 4th month anniversary of Matthew's passing. He died in the overnight hours of Aug 6th -7th...

It sucks that we were not home(Daughter Kristin found him dead on the couch). We were in Virginia on our way to scope out property for a new life and possible retirement in South Carolina...

We are all bitter at the untimely passing of our son and brother.

We are thankful that we can put our trust in God and that his will is being done.

Matthew lived a life full of demons(drugs,etc). We know that he is now at peace and awaits our return to the Father.

Please remember us in your prayers over the next few days as we pass through a VERY trying time in our journey.

Thanks.

Jeff

[clittlelady]

MattsDad:

You will be in my prayers as you revisit this valley of grief. God has given us another day for a new reason. Tomorrow is not promised to us it's just a nice idea. He has us all in the palm of his hands. He will hold you close and whisper healing in your ear. I'll always miss my Brother Glynn. I always live to see his face again and hear his laugh. He's been gone twenty four years. He died at the at of 37 following a horrible motorcycle wreck. It seems like yesterday. Now My Mother has been gone for three months, I know they're together, rejoicing. God's blessings fall upon you, renew your spirit.

[maskott]

Today is 4 months that our son, Matthew, died. I started to cry the minute I got into the car for work. I cried half way there (it's an hour drive) I finally had to talk to God to help me. I told him how I was feeling, about questions that I had. I talked, and cried, for a few minutes when I turned a curve and saw a beautiful sky. The clouds in front of me formed a formation of the beyond indigo sign. I just kept looking at the clouds and felt a peace. Now I am at work and that peace has subsided and I am back to crying. I know God's peace can't envelope me forever. I will have times that I need to cry but it was nice to know he cared enough about me to give me peace for a short time. God is always with us, I know that.

BettyAnn

[write365]

Wow, guys, I didn't realize it'd been so long since I'd posted. I've been insanely busy, but that's no excuse. My grandma's been really sick--she's now a carrier of MRSA, a form of resistant staph. I probably am too. And the holidays are coming up, obviously, so we're all on edge. It's been rough. Leo's death anniversary is coming up soon--january 21..I hope you're all okay and life is treating you ok! Mark, I haven't heard from you in a long time! is everything ok?

ashley

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hey Ashley! Wow! It's you! I'm so busy caring for my wife, I get little time for writing. I want to, but I fall asleep through most emails: I'm exhausted. I'll try to write to you and catch you up on it all. The short is, she was in hospital; they thought another stroke, but not. It's neurological. Still serious, but nothing like a stroke. Whew!

I'm sorry to hear this news about your grandma. My prayers will be with you both. I know what this can mean for you. Take it real easy and slow through the holidays, and if you need, cancel them this year. After losing Jenni, I'm only doing things for my children and grandson. Past that, Christmas is cancelled.

I'm not trying to ignore ya. We're working on nursing homes, in home nursing, hospice, changing insurance companies for her, and on top of that, my son is now engaged. My 17 year old is planning to get married! Where does this roller coaster end? tee hee. I really gotta write with all the juice.

try to behave, but if you can't have lotsa fun! Me

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jeff, I will definitely be praying for you. We are His people, the sheep of His flock. It is written, "Thou, O lord, art a God meciful and gracious." I believe that these virtues of God will carry us through our grief. He will be sympathetic to our needs while we are in sorrow. Serve Him faithfully here, and He'll reward you in due time. On that day, you'll see your son again. I tell myself this frequently, that I'll see my daughter. Father to father, I'm praying. Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

BettyAnn, He sends the little things to mean so much to us. My neighbor bought a Camaro identical to my Jenni's. It's going to be a sweet reminder of her love for cars, just like her dad (I'm into Vettes). I'll be in constant prayer for you. Mark

[mattsdad]

Mark,

It is I who is praying for you tonight. You have been through so much lately and yet you still find the time to post such wonderful things on this site.

You TRULY are an inspiration to the guys on this sight. And I know my wife is also into what you have to say.

God bless.

Jeff

[mattsdad]

Clittlelady,

Whether it is our brother or mother the loss is still painful. In our case our son. But it does not diminish the feelings that we all have. Loss is loss. We may never see our loved ones for the rest of our mortal lives. But, if we believe, we will all be reunited with our loved ones in the very near future. Our lives are nothing but a blink in God's timeline. But eternity awaits us when we pass. What a glorious time that will be.

[hurleyta]

Jeff,

You are so right. Our time here on earth is but a mere second in the afterlife. I too believe that we will be with our loved ones again, when God calls us home. What a comforting thought.

Trish

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Jeff, thanks. Sometimes, I think that by writing to others, I gain strength. After the last two days, I'll take all God can give. Thank you both so much for your prayers. I have decisions weighing on me I won't discuss openly, and others, like nursing issues. We are still seeking the right nurse or skilled aide for my wife, to either be local or live in. I so greatly appreciate your prayers as we must struggle through them. We're blessed in Him, Mark

[clittlelady]

Hello to Everyone Here:

It is so comforting and such a sweet reminder to read with my eyes and hear with my heart what you all are saying. The Reminders. The Reality. This Life is such a Temporary moment. It's really very simple, the things that so entwines us as human beings, our love, our grief, the reality that we are not in control of us. If we didn't love, we couldn't grieve. And what a precious thing love is, to be able to give it and receive it. How everything comes with a price, as our salvation did. I believe that God has a plan for each life born into this world. I believe God knows the exact number of days we're to be here and that in his plan, even though we don't undertsand everything, all things are perfect in his timing.

Watching my Mother age and deteriorate both mentally and physically, watching her dignity and independence be lost is the hardest thing I've had to endure. She was both my Father and my Mother. God knows, I didn't mind doing all that I did for her, her personal hygiene, feeding her, changing her diapers at the end. I considered it a privilege to tenderly, lovingly see her through these last days of this lifetime. There were a few weak moments, a few days before she passed away, that I told God I didn't understand this, I couldn't see the purpose in her suffering, she had loved him and served him. He promptly replied to me through my Mother's voice that had been so hard to understand following her recent stroke, "We don't understand everything, but God IS a Miracle Worker, in everything Give Thanks." He reminded my heart that he was honoring many prayers. My Mother had lived through several heart attacks, the first one being when I was five years old. From that point forward I remember hearing her include in her prayers every night, for God to allow her to live to see me grown up. In turn, I had always prayed that God allowed me to be with her whenever she left this earth, that she not be alone. I had always prayed that she would be able to stay at her home until the end. He reminded me that all these prayers he's honored and that the suffering was more mine than hers and that "in the blink of an eye" she would be in glory.

It's hard to believe it's been three and half months now since she's been gone. I'm so thankful for love in all its many forms. The love is worth the pain, as I've related it before, like childbirth.

ALLWAYSMYJENNIFER: I especially keep you and yours lifted up in prayer. In all your trials, you still give hope and support for others. What a living testimony you are. God Bless You.

To all, Take Care and God Bless.

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Clittlelady, thank you so much for praying. While I read your post, I began to think how much of this we both have faced. Watching someone we love so dearly deteriorate is such a painful thing. I think it's the lowest point when they can no longer care for themselves, and that sense of dignity is lost. Trying to hold their dignity with honor while we must treat their physical lives like they're babies, I never want to go through this again. I'm too emotional about those I love.

Trust me, I've had my low points in my faith lately. I can't tell you how many times I've questioned God's wisdom, or even sanity, by allowing this dystrophy to exist. The answers to those questions have come from songs, Scripture, friends who brought in dinner, and others who have made repairs to our home. The strength and comfort and love of my friends are those little treasures in life. Having one friend sit to listen to my sadness, and pray for two minutes, I think is a gift.

Our love, our grief. They are measured to us equally. Those we love the most, we grieve for the most. Those we treasure, we hate to lose. But, in your grief, take heart. We'll get to see them again when we join hands in Heaven. It's this hope that keeps me from the funny farm (not by much ... I'm a little crazy, innocently ... tee hee).

Sharing His blessings is what this is all about. Even though my heart is broken from all this, what I share with you comes from my hope. May He bless you for your encouragement. I'm praying for ya, Mark

[lauraa]

Mark,

I know what you are going thru with Mary is not easy and I can so relate. Please know I have had you all in my heart and prayers. It is heart gripping the pain we much hold thru this most difficult time. My faith has also been challenged as to why the good have to suffer and go from us early? That I will never understand. But, I have great hope that we will all meet up with our love ones some day and that is the juice that keeps me going along with knowing he is well now and in eternal bliss waiting. I am praying for you all! Please let me know if I can help you in anyway. You have given us all so much strength by your encouraging words...Now, let us help you with ours!

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Laura, among those who are the dearest of friends, there's you. You've always known what to do, say, and not to say when I needed to blow off steam. My prayers always include you with thanks for who you are and how much you mean. Then I ask for a special blessing for you. Thank you so much for being here to help. I appreciate you so much. I'll let you have your turn helping me. As stubborn as I can be, I'm not that strong to get through all this alone. I keep a prayer for you and your children.

[lauraa]

Hey Everyone,

Tonight at 9p.m. Barbara Walters has a 2 hour special on about Heaven and How do we get there?????? Maybe we should all tune in?

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Merry Christmas! May you all be blessed in the best way, in your hearts. Keep it simple, kids.

I'm thinking so much of Jenni, and how ill my wife is now, I wanna hide under my ROCK. I'll be back here sometime Monday. See ya then.

Laura, thanks for all you do and mean to me and my family. I always keep a prayer for you, and especially now. (((hugs)))

Mark

[lauraa]

Mark,

I will especially keep you and your family close to my heart during this most difficult time for you all. I am keeping things simple...it is the only way. My energy doesn't allow for anything more than that. The kids and I sat down for X-mas eve dinner and I set a place setting for my husband...I know he was there with us! I know he is always with us.

You take one moment at a time and try and find small moments of peace. Bless you all!

To Everyone else here......I hope you all have a peaceful holiday and just know your love ones are with you thru this difficult time when they aren't physically present......Love to all!

[mattsdad]

Mark,

You are in our prayers tonight. May you find the strength to carry on and the peace you deserve.

Jeff

[write365]

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!! HUGS TO ALL!!!!

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Thanks Jeff. It was a bit different this Christmas. I spent a lot of it on the phone with my wife's doctor, trying to figure out if we should depress her by admitting her on Christmas, or waiting another day. It's 5am Monday, and she made it through, so I guess today we'll see if she's put in hospital. My words can't begin to say my thanks for your prayers. It feels like a little piece of me dies each day. Strength for today.

Keep your faith strong. I've had the wrestling match with getting angry at God, getting bitter, for which He gave me my grandson. That settled me down in a hurry. I'm convinced God has a curious sense of humor. I just can't look into his adorable little eyes and be angry at the God who gave him life. The same God may take life, but He also gives and sustains it.

your in my prayers, Mark

[clittlelady]

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER:

I continue to keep you and your precious family lifted up in prayer, for Strength and Peace.

Connie

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Clittlelady, thanks. I think we're hitting the holiday stress. Soon it'll be January, and things will get back to "normal". I'm so blessed to have such people as everyone here, who understand and share our caring. This is so appreciated. thanks.

[annietina220]

I wrote the words for this song for my Best Friend Tina Ayer who died in The Station Nightclub Fire. Not am I sharing this song for all of the 100 victims that died that night but I want to share this with anyone who has lost a loved one to let them know that they are not alone like I felt. I am doing this in loving memory of Tina\'s loving heart and giving spirit.

Love,

Annie

Heaven\'s Light (Tina\'s Song).

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven\'s light...tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you,

trapped in, these chains of pain,

so many, we could blame...

Where you are now...

My best friend, you can, see all clear

you have no pain or fear,

but I am still right here,

living in a world, in a haze of pain and tears........

And your loving voice, I can no longer hear.........

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven\'s light tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you,

trapped in these chains of pain,

We\'ll never be the same...

The night you left...

it left a overwhemling, gapping hole, in my heart,

and now that, we\'re apart,

I will, never ever know, a love, like, yours, again........

No matter, who I meet, or I call, my, best, friend..........

My best friend........oooh.......ooh......ooh

(Guitar Solo)

I have tears in my eyes, tears in my soul

tears in my heart, that I\'ll forever hold...

My Best Friend, till I cross myself,

and see you once again...

My Best Friend,

you are wrapped up in...Heaven\'s light tonight.

While we are here, still, missing you...

[clittlelady]

ANNIETINA20: I don't usually post here. I'm usually in Loss of Mother. But I do read here from time to time. Want you to know, truly, from the bottom of my heart sorry for the tragic loss of your dear friend. Beautiful song! Beautiful tribute to her memory.

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER: Hear My Cry, O God: Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You. When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Psalm 61:1-4

God Bless

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Connie, oooooooo, thank you! At points lately, I've wanted to be under a big rock, but I'll take being with the ROCK anyday. After talking to some of my family this weekend (mostly people in ministry), I'm so thankful for the faith that keeps us through these trials and sorrows. Keep your New Years Eve simple, so it doesn't overwhelm you in the sorrow of your loss. I kept Christmas quiet to remember my grandfather and daughter (can you believe someone asked which one I miss more? as though I can answer that - the man who raised me or my firstborn).

My wife had a rough Christmas, but after a trip to hospital, and then seeing her doctor Tuesday, she's feeling better now than I've seen in weeks. Thank you so much for praying. This is what makes the difference. While the situation isn't completely better, so she can be healed, we cherish the little moments when she feels better.

Have the most blessed New Year, Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Ashley, have a great New Year! Look at all the fun you're having now on winter break. Ooooo. Lucky you! tee hee. I'm praying for you and your family.

[lauraa]

Happy New Year Everybody.

[annietina220]

Thank you so much hon!

I use Tina's Song to let others know that they are not alone

in their pain and loss.

If you ever want it, you can write to me at TinasBestFriend@yahoo.com.

Love,

Annie

ANNIETINA20: I don't usually post here. I'm usually in Loss of Mother. But I do read here from time to time. Want you to know, truly, from the bottom of my heart sorry for the tragic loss of your dear friend. Beautiful song! Beautiful tribute to her memory.

ALWAYSMYJENNIFER: Hear My Cry, O God: Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You. When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Psalm 61:1-4

God Bless

[alwaysmyjennifer]

I lift my eyes to the hills

Where does my help come from

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of heaven and earth

I've had a tough day of thinking about Jenni. This is from Psalm 121, where I found the strength and hope for today. I hope it gives a few of you hope too. My prayers are with you all.

[maskott]

alwaysmyjennifer...thank you. You always post something somewhere that helps me. I've been having a few bad days thinking about Matthew. The tears have flowed a lot. What you posted has just made my heart feel a little lighter.

BettyAnn

[Guest Guest]

Hello all. I have been working on something to read at Kagan's celebration of getting his Angel wing's on Jan. 28th. It's been almost a year since he left me and I would like to share a little bit of what went through my mind on that day.

Kagan Isaac Axsom-Szymborski July 7, 2003 ~ January 28, 2005

When the doctors called a conference one year ago today

[Guest Guest]

i hit the wrong button...sorry. Here goes the rest of it.

When the doctors called a conference one year ago today,

I already knew what they were going to say.

It's time they said to let him go,

this child of mine you've come to know.

They tried so hard to make him well,

but all the while his stat's just fell.

He had more tubes than ever before,

his serious condition I could not ignore.

I knew Kagan's life would soon be over,

my only request was that i could hold him.

I had asked Kagan daily and was giving up hope,

if I could see those big blue eyes before I had to let him go.

Then the greatest thing happened as they laid him in my lap,

he opened those beautiful blue eyes, a gift that couldn't be wrapped.

He laid in my arm's so peaceful and at rest,

I knew in my heart I was doing what was best.

I looked in his face and no longer saw pain,

when he took his last breath I knew that Jesus just came.

With loved ones around us he passed thru the light,

for 18 wonderful month's months he made our lives so bright.

I'll see him again one day in Heaven I know,

but it is still so hard letting him go.

It isn't easy saying goodbye...

I miss him so much...

I just cry.

I miss you and love you so much Kagan. Rest in peace my beautiful angel.

Love, Mommy

[Guest Guest]

I don't know why I am being signed in as guest unless it has been so long since I posted. But it's me, Christy (kagansmommy)

[lauraa]

Christy,

You beautiful little baby Kagan is watching you and blowing angel kisses to you. Remember, he isn't suffering anymore and is playing with all the other baby angels in heaven. Bless You...glad to hear from you again!

[alwaysmyjennifer]

Hey Christy, you've been through a lot in the last 12 months. God said He'd comfort us, but sometimes He does that by sending a friend along to lean on and cry on. I'm always going to be here for you, sister. My prayers are with you, and I pray for Kagan, that he doesn't get into too much mischief (I asked Jenni to keep an eye on him for you).

With the days here, my prayers will be constant for you all. May His comfort and peace rest upon your hearts.

luvz,hugz,Mark

[alwaysmyjennifer]

BettyAnn, I was having one of those "tears" days, so I chose to write that, just to let it out. I'm surprised my whining did something good. hehe. I'm praying for you. I pray for your family as you all continue to face these struggles of grief. May God give you a peaceful day of His comfort. Mark

[annietina220]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mark}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I am so sorry that you are having a tough time as of late.

I will pray for you and know that I am always here for you,

my dear sweet friend.

Love,

Annie

I lift my eyes to the hills

Where does my help come from

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of heaven and earth

I've had a tough day of thinking about Jenni. This is from Psalm 121, where I found the strength and hope for today. I hope it gives a few of you hope too. My prayers are with you all.

[annietina220]

That's not whining my dear,

it's pain and longing to see your daughter to be

able to hug her and tell her how much you love her.

It's never whining Mark.

Love,

Annie

BettyAnn, I was having one of those "tears" days, so I chose to write that, just to let it out. I'm surprised my whining did something good. hehe. I'm praying for you. I pray for your family as you all continue to face these struggles of grief. May God give you a peaceful day of His comfort. Mark

[kagansmommy]

Thank you Mark and Laura. This whole month has been so hard for me. Kagan started going downhill right after new years last year. I can remember everything we did every day in January. He went into the hospital on the 17th and I can even tell you what times I fed him in the middle of the night. I remember every little detail like it was yesterday. Ever who said time heals the pain was wrong. I have not held my baby boy in almost a year and it hurts a million times more today than it did yesterday and the day before that.

But I know Kagan is with me all the time. He's not broken anymore. I just miss holding him next to me. A couple nights ago I woke up and I could actually feel him laying against me...it was so wonderful. When I realized what it was I didn't dare speak a word because I was afraid it would be over. I fell back asleep feeling the weight of his body on mine as we did so many times when he was alive. He has been coming to visit me often leaving little trinkets for me all over the house. I have a little box full of things he has left me and I will cherish them forever. I would give my soul to kiss his sweet face again.

I will one day....but in God's time and not a minute sooner.

Love and prayers to you all.

Christy

"Mommy loves you Kagan"

PS..Welcome to all our new family here.

[mattsdad]

kagansmommy----

Enjoy the gifts that Kagan is leaving you. And know that he is with you and will be forever...

Until it is our time to be reunited, be patient and always be aware of the messages he may be leaving you.

I try and understand every day what my Matthew leaves us, but don't always understand.

Keep an open mind and maybe you will find messages every day.

Jeff