Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

I love the story you shared about Jesse helping that lady. How beautiful. Thank you for sharing that piece of your son with us.

Susan,

I love your Grama's sayings. She was very wise and had such a perfect way to put it into words.

Thinking of everyone today.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

I have not been here for a few days but to read, and I have done so in a hurry so I may have missed some conversations though I think I am caught up. I had much to do to get ready for both the baptism and school and right now my eyelids are quite heavy so I will write quickly.

The first day of school was lovely but HOT! It was 92 outside adn 98 in my classroom. Icky hot, very humid and more heat and humidity tomorrow. I am hoping for some rain tomorrow night to cool us off a bit but the forecast is for upper 80's on Wed. Thurs. and Fri. We'll see. The new group is great, there will be challenges but the first day was really good. Two new boys to the school and for one of them, it was a hard kind of day, he was very tired and he is very shy, he wore long jeans to school and I am sure he was way too hot. HOpefully he will come in shorts tomorrow. He slept for an hour in my class. I tried to wake him once and he moved some and his eyelids fluttered but he fell right back to sleep. Poor baby, so tired.

The baptism was a double, Erica and her lovely cousin Lucia were baptized together and the party afterwards was at Lucia's house not far from here. So I made three big salads, bean, green, and fruit for the party yesterday. By the time we got home we were pooped out and I still had to tweak a note that I wrote for the families of my students.

Prayers please for my nephew's daughter, who is only a few days older than our Erica, as the mom left with she and the older Daughter in a hasty angry time. We don't know where they went. It is scary and sad knowing that the mom is impulsive and has no support system in place. Prayers that the children are okay, that they meet no more harm. My sister who is the new Grandma to this little one is so worried, so sad.On top of this sadness, my other sister's youngest who was into heroin a year ago, has relapsed. Prayers for him as he battles his demons, and Lord knows, once those demon's affects have been in play, it is likely going to be a lifelong problem.

M.Mata, I was so sad to read your news. I too am sick of the world's children being prayed upon by those who have a multitude of emotional/mental/issues. Prayers for sure.

Susan, your words are soothing and calming. Did I tell you that I love the furniture you made? I do.

Shannon, you worked hard to make things work,and knowing that your MiL has the gumption to say you are a bad wife to do this makes me want to smack her one. I know however that she is a Mom who has a heavy heart as her Son struggles with his addiction, but she helped this man stay addicted by never taking a stand and now she will find a way to blame you so that she can continue to pretend that she did all she could. I have seen this behavior play itself out many times in life, it is sad and it is a travesty. Did you say that she is an RN? Was she getting him drugs?

Just know that having time to grieve and time to help the boys feel some peace in the house is so very important. You all need time and you all need the time to use to figure things out. I love the rainbow in the hose spray, it was a great and large rainbow, it was Trista, along with the shooting stars, she really has some strong manner of letting you know that she is near.

Becky, so glad that you kept on trying, and now you have a place for the second sign. Super answer to some hard prayers.

Laurie, I loved that story too, about the older woman who as it turned out, was speaking of your sweet boy.

[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Lora...have been wanting to tell you 'job well done' in deciding the 'when and who' shall be gifted with Cara's clothing....far and above 'job well done'...far and above is what Cara would want you to do..in her name. It was a hard bridge for me to cross with my Mama's things...closets and closets of her suits with matching pumps...hats and gloves in little fancy sacks wrapped around the clothes hangers...that way...she did not have to search for what went with what...the tea dresses...the many pants suits..the casual...informal...her 'beach dresses'...my Mom was the only woman I knew who wore a girdle at the beach...(her generation would not allow a jiggle)...I didn't know where to start to find a 'home' for the clothing and then...someone told me about the Catholic Daughters that started collecting real nice clothing for women that was going into the work force...some of these women had been in prison..rehabs..hospitals..etc....and needed some nice clothing to help them make a fresh start....Bingo.....it was a win/win.....I kept some things that were too cherished.

Now....I find....that those bridges were easy to cross...compared to this...so I am just going to let everything stay 'as is' til I can cross that hard one...as you say....we will know when it is right...

Dee...I saw on the news where some schools in your area let out early because of the heart....so am hoping you and your little ones will be able to bear up....I know that every place doesn't have air conditioning..I went to school..1st - 12th...no air conditioning....but we had tall ceilings and ceiling fans....now in Texas...all schools have air conditioning...

Thanks for sharing the family gatherings...yes...drugs will only corrupt ...the user and the family...will say prayers for the children to be safe...and that he will find a place to heal from the inside out...for that is how it can start the process. There are so many dimensions to addiction.

[shorty16]

Hello my friends

Our life is going as well as can be expected, but someone needs to turn down the heat.

My son, Aaron brought home a little kitty that was sick. We have been nursing Nova back to health. He has become adjusted to the 3 other cats and dog in our home.

Here is a picture of Nova, as in CasaNova.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4 ever

[daveydow1]

Susan------So nice that you donated your dear mom's clothing......and for

such a great cause. I bet the women who receive them will feel more

self-confidence as they embark on their new jobs. As everyone knows....

clothes are so expensive nowadays, and many of those women would not

have the money for these purchases.....and now they will look nice as they

make a new start.

Dee-----Yikes...98 degrees in the classroom! Hard for anyone to concentrate

with that much heat. Praying that you get some rain to cool things off. You

sure have had a busy several days, with the baptisms and the beginning of

the new school year. The baptisims must have been very lovely and inspiring,

and the luncheon afterwards was a good way to top it all off.

Colleen-----

Nova is just a darling kitten......sooooo cute! Being a cat lover

myself,.... I know that they sure are hard to resist. Now...Nova has a good home in your

household with lots of love and companions. Thanks for posting the pic.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Sholl1955]

Just stopping by to let everyone know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I read every day but am at a loss for words. 18 months and the pain just continues. I feel like 2 different people. The one that has to be what others think I should be, the one who functions daily and the one that I really am, and even I don't know who that is. I know you all understand. Sandy

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Friends - so very long since I have come here - life has been extremely busy!! My dad is much better although still in the hospital, hope to move him to a smaller hospital one day this week. My sister's husband has been diagnosed with lung disease - they see the specialist next week to see exactly what, how bad and what can be done - my heart breaks. I went through a bad bout of poison ivy, had to have a prednisone shot and then the pills for 6 days - WOW - do not like those pills but def better then the poison ivy. We have completed the move into the house and are very happy, taking my time putting it all together but coming along well. Tavian is wonderful, will start 6th grade on September 9th - just does not seem possible that he is a 6th grader already!! BECKY - Love that you have found a home for the second sign and I pray that it will help to save a life !! SHANNON: I commend you for your strength in "letting go" of your husband as he works through his addiction....I am sorry to say I "was" one of those mother's - I refused to accept that my son was addicted to drugs for many years, yes I was an enabler believing if I just loved him enough, never gave up on him then all would be good, I just wore blinders so I would not see the truth. Long story of many years of heart break but happy to say that he is clean 2 years now, has began school to become a licensed plumber and is a wonderful dad. It is not to say that he will remain this way but I thank God for each day he makes it through. He did have to go to the doctor's recently as he was having depression, etc and the doctor explained to him that this is what happens to someone after years of drug abuse so he is going to attend some classes and possibly some medication but he does not want to do the meds if he doesn't have to. He tells me he will never go back to drugs as he never wants to disappoint his sister ever again.... he misses her and wishes he had stopped the drug abuse while she was still here.... I pray for good things for you and yours and that your husband finds his way. Dee - hard to believe it is back to school for you already - I always love hearing of your children.. I have come to realize that my life is an unfinished puzzle, no matter how hard I try I just cannot find all the pieces to put it back together and I never will - when my Jessica left she took the pieces with her so I will remain in this state of "undone" until I see her again. Oh, I have moved forward, I do lots of things, I work, play, laugh and do all kinds of things "normal" people do but I am not normal, I am and forever will be a grieving mom. I thank God every day for Tavian as I am so very blessed to have him in our lives. I pray for strength, peace and love to each here, Kathy - Jessica's mom always haaae ee e come toto

[M.Mata77]

Just an update. Yesterday at 7:41am my cousins little boy passed away. The monster who hurt this little boy is now being charged with murder as opposed to the child abuse charge he was facing. Rest in peace little Damien

[shellykut]

M.Matta - My heart breaks for that precious little boy. I pray for your family.

Sandy - I hear you. It is hard to be the person we were before our loss. It is also sometimes hard to remember who that person was. Prayers to you.

Summergirl - You said it perfectly...a puzzle with pieces missing. So true!

Wishing everyone a peaceful day.

Shelly

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

M.Matta - Many of us here I know are sending prayers for you during this terrible tragedy in your family...

[Mermaid Tears]

Mata....sending prayers for you and yours...May His Arms of Mercy, Grace, Healing and Love be around you and yours and feel His Comfort.

[Guest]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of everyone today...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...didn't you have a meeting on Tuesday ? (if I got the day right)...let us hear....

Sandy and Summertime girl....both of you wrote what is written on my heart....we just aren't that far apart.....maybe in miles....some days are better than others....I feel like I am about 30% on my very good days...50% when I am in my 'Art/Creating zone'....and as you say....'I am here....and I am there'.....yes....the piece of my puzzle is 'somewhere'...I will never be whole...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Mata77,

I am so sorry to hear of this tragic loss for your family. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you and your family.

Laurie,

My thoughts are with you during this time of fighting for justice and truth for Jesse. It is very similar to my struggle right now and I know others have been down this road as well. You are doing all you can to make sure the truth is told. As you said, it may not change things legally but at least the truth is out there. I guess it's like the Prosecuting Attorney said to me with tears in her eyes, "Sometimes what we can do legally is not what is right humanly".

Summertime Girl,

I also can completely relate to what you wrote about your life being an unfinished puzzle. That is a very real description of this very changed life.

Susan,

I don't know if I ever got the chance to tell you but I absolutely loved the furniture. So creative!

Becky,

I am so glad to hear that you found a place for the second sign! You have fought so hard and your prayers were answered. I hope you see results from all your work right away.

Sandy,

Yes. I understand completely what you mean. I feel like two different people most of the time and also in different places... Here but not here all at once.

Thinking of everyone today.

Shannon

[Jeff's Mom]

Mata77...I too am so sorry for the loss of this precious child. My heart goes out to the family and friends. Laurie, thanks. My husband has chemo every second Wednesday. He then comes home with a chemo pump for a further two days. He then has a week to build up his white blood cells. They drop dramatically the few days after his chemo stops. At that time he is very susceptible to infections. This has been a rough go this time. Last week was the Chemo round. Very sick and in a lot of discomfort. This evening he is slowly beginning to feel a bit more energy. Hopefully he will improve as this is our Labour Day long weekend coming up. I hope he will be able to get out and participate in a few things. The weather here has been very hot and humid. Still no rain for my gardens. I have been watering like a mad fool. Certainly we have been enjoying the vegies from the garden. I am thinking of everyone and all the issues you are personally dealing with in your daily lives on top of losing your child. Sending love and wishes for a peaceful night. Love, Kate

[daveydow1]

m mata-----Oh, I am so very sorry to learn that little Damien has died.

That monster who murdered him should spend the rest of his days

in prison. I hope that his punishment is severe. Bless little Damien.....

now a new angel in heaven. Prayers for all.

Lauire---Yep----we did get rid of the groundhogs that were burrowing

under the shed. We ran a lot of interference....noise etc. and other

methods, and they finally headed for the woods..I hope. They are so

distructive that they are a dreaded scourge on farms.

Shannon-----

So good that you have been talking to some people who

understands the dynamics of addiction, and are supportive of the

decisions that you had to make. It's probably good that you are keeping

your distance from your MIL. Being in touch with her would probably

add to your distress. I know that it can't be easy, but just try to keep

on the same track you are on. Hoping that your memories of sweet

Trista will warm your broken heart. Wishing you peace, friend.

Kathy---

-Good to see your post. So nice that you are moved to your

new home and getting all settled in. Yes---hard to believe that Tav is

in 6th grade. I agree with you-----when our beloved child dies.....a piece

of us does go with them. We look for some sort of new normal, and it's

not easy to find. Sending prayers for your husband's health.

Kate----I feel so sorry for your husband, being so ill after the chemo

treatments. It must be awful. I remember my dad when he had his

chemo.....so difficult. Sending continuing prayers for your husband's

health and strength.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Kate,

I'm glad your husband is starting to feel better today. Thinking of you both. It's been very hot with little rain here too so I've been watering right along with you.

-------------------------------------------------------

I went to Trista's site today. Some friends had come and left flowers. Some others had brought a cactus planter. I brought her purple daisies. I just miss her so much. A couple of Trista's friends stopped by this afternoon. They didn't stay long which was good. I don't want to push them away but I'm in a place that it's just so hard. They are talking of starting Senior year, home work, and teachers and Tris should be here talking of all the same things. When I hear stories where these awful people hurt innocent children And cause so much pain and suffering I have to wonder why they are here on this earth when my Beautiful Girl is not.

Shannon

[summergirl]

Sweet Mata77 - I am heartbroken and tears fell as I read your post - I am so terribly sorry for the pain and loss of this precious child. Prayers to you and your family and I will light a candle for this child taken too soon. I will NEVER understand the evil of some people and I pray this man never sees the light of day. Yes, we are all unfinished puzzles yet we find a way to keep going one step at a time, one breath at a time.... I am very tired tonight so I will close with saying I wish you all peace, strength and rest.....Kathy, Jessica's mom always

[ericasmom]

I miss Everyone here but am so beat from the heat and the extra work the district has put on we teachers this year that I am kind of out of it when I get home and do some curric. work. I will be on more this weekend and explain but until then, hang tight, know that your Angels are loving you and rooting for you through each step forward and those steps back.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest]

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[Jeff's Mom]

Lora, yes it does give one a feeling of accomplishment when we gather our child's things and give to a worthwhile cause. To know that another will find a good use for them somehow helps to give us some degree of peace. It felt good to pack up Jeff's things as I knew that he would have wanted that. Not to surround ourselves with his things like in a museum. I remember a close aunt of my husband's who died a few years back. One day not long after she had died we were over visiting her husband and I walked into the bathroom to find her housecoat and toothbrush still in there usual place. When he died and we cleaned out his house he had not disposed of one thing of hers. Not one. When you walked into the home it was as if she was about to come in at any minute. Her shoes were still at the door and her coat hanging in the hall closet. It gave me a strange feeling and yet after losing Jeff I can completely understand his hesitation. We all handle it differently and I would never ever find fault with how somebody else does something differently from me. We are all unique in our way of handling our losses. But yes, knowing that Jeff's clothes went to a good cause felt somehow comforting. I do so wish I was able to do paragraphs and use colors on this thing. Like Carol...for some reason it will not let me. Anyway, thanks everyone for your prayers and kind thoughts regarding my husband. Last night I was able to finally have the first decent sleep in a week. It felt good to waken this morning feeling refreshed. Things seems so much easier to face when you feel refreshed. We had a lovely rain today. It was like manna from heaven. My gardens desperately needed the moisture and it is very tiring to try to water things on a daily basis without the benefit of rain. This is our Labor Day weekend and many Canadians head south to shop for the upcoming season. Already the highway is busy with weekenders that have taken a few extra days off to spend at the lake. This should be an action packed weekend for many. I agree as I have in the past about watching others celebrate with their families. It can be hard. It is hard. Still, it has to be this way and so we are hoping if he is feeling Ok to try to do a few things differently. Just to have a change of pace. With any luck it will help to soften the feeling of loneliness. In the past we often had company...but he is simply not up to the effort of making chit chat for any degree of time. So, we shall see. Dee, hope this weekend will be a good one and your heat wave will slowly subside. Sherry, thanks for your thoughts. Thanks to all for keeping us in your prayers. Take care. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate...I so love to read...the way you write...you must be kin to Willa Cather....I took dinner over to a couple last week....we have been friends for years...he had just returned home from M.D. Anderson...had a melanoma cut out...and lymph nodes...just got the results yesterday that they got it all...and he is cancer free.....another couple of dear friends are in Houston...at M.D. Anderson....she rented a furnished apartment for he is going stem cell treatment....he did the same 9 years ago...and has been cancer free for 8 years...it came back....seems as if when it comes back..it comes back with a vengeance...so we are holding them up with all the prayers and love and support we can....and I hold you and your husband up with and in my prayers...I pray for you to keep your strength and stamina...your hope and faith close to your heart...and know that we 'circle the wagons' for you. There you are with all the burdens you carry...and still reach out with your care and concern for all of us. I think you are a very special 'lady' to still 'help' us out on this journey.

[Mermaid Tears]

I have this 'dread' on my heart....going to Hunter Bear's JV football game today...first one of the season.....he is such a John David clone...but he wouldn't understand if his Nonnie was not there....it was hard last year...don't know why it seems harder this year. Maybe I had my 'shock suit' still on.

my Hunter Bear....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest]

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[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Hi everyone,

Susan,

I hope the game went well and you were able to feel John David's presence with you.

Kate,

I'm glad you got some good rest. I agree that things are easier to face when you're at least well rested. I hope you and your husband have a nice Labor Day weekend. I continue to keep you both in my prayers.

Laurie,

Thank you for sharing the poems and writings that touch you. I know reading helps me a lot and poetry especially.

Lora,

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I am finding myself distancing myself more and more. I need space right now and I am making that space for myself the best that I can. I agree with you about diet affecting your mental health. I am trying to eat and drink healthier. I have always been very picky about making sure I eat fairly healthy but now I don't feel like eating much and basically eat because I know I need to.

Dee,

Thinking of you while you are busy getting things off the ground for your new group of kids and suffering through this heat.

Thinking of everyone tonight.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sherry,

Thank you for your kind words and support.

Gretchen and Becky, I'm thinking of you both.

Mata,

You and your family are in my continued thoughts and prayers.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________

I just got a phone call from the mother of one of Trista's friends. She said she had been at the elementary school back to school picnic a couple nights ago. She was talking with the couple who owns the botanical garden that happens to be right next to the cemetery. I've never met them. They told her that even though they had never met us they knew of us because of the business. They said they were so saddened when they heard of Trista's accident.They were working the day of Trista's burial. They said they stood and watched and were sad because she was the only buried there. That was a very hard thing for me as well, with the cemetery being incomplete it was like an open field with only Trista's spot. That was one of the reasons I put in solar night lights right away. Yes, I know she's not really there but I'm sure you all understand. Anyway, they told this woman that they see a lot of visitors for Trista but still had a hard time with the idea of her being alone out there at night so they go most nights and sit with her. That brought tears to my eyes. People I don't even know are touched by my Girl and taking the time to sit with her. I just wanted to share that.

I'm wishing everyone a peaceful day.

Shannon

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Newbie17]

I picked the name newbie because my so was an advid gamer and loved to call the inexperienced ones newbies. I lost my son to Cystic Fibrosis this past april. The pain is devastating and you really feel so alone like most cannot relate or fathom. When you are someone's sole caregiver you develop such a close bond you cannot imagine life without them. I lived for his smiles, his giggles , his wit and charm. I feel so lost without him. I struggled because at times my son did get angry with The Lord with how much daily suffering he endured. I have prayed and petitioned with The Lord "I need a sign or a glimpse that he is in the arms of the everlasting, walking the streets of gold healed and whole." I was hoping my son would come to me in a dream and reassure me. I have not received dreams or visits yet but HE does give me signs along the way in which if I was not so touched by them I could rationalize as coincidental. is it too much to ask for something more? I have heard of loved ones visiting after death even if just a glimpse I just want to hear my son tell me how happy and at peace he is.... would like to know your thoughts.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Newbie,

First let me say that I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my daughter Trista in June so I know how devastating these first months are. I'm so saddened that you need to be here but I'm glad that you found this "place". It has been such a blessing to me to be able to come here and share. Everyone here, regardless of where they are on this journey is so supportive, offering to hold your hand along the way.

I receive lots of signs or messages, as well and as you said, some of them could be considered "just coincidence" but it's the feeling that goes along with them that is impossible to put into words. I just know. I don't know if they are from Trista or God but it doesn't really matter to me because the message is the same. She is okay. She is safe and she is near. I guess, that's the way I look at it. I do understand your desire to see your son for yourself in a visit or dream. I long for that too. I think that no matter what my beliefs or how strong my faith it's just a "need" for me as a parent to see for myself. I've read a lot about these things the past couple of months and I have noticed that many times when a parent sees their child in a vision or dream it is farther down the road. Not always but many times so I have held on to the hope that it may happen for me someday. Until then I am thankful for all the ways I still get to feel her close by.

Please, keep coming here to read and share more about your Son when you are ready.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Shannon

[Jeff's Mom]

Kate...I so love to read...the way you write...you must be kin to Willa Cather....I took dinner over to a couple last week....we have been friends for years...he had just returned home from M.D. Anderson...had a melanoma cut out...and lymph nodes...just got the results yesterday that they got it all...and he is cancer free.....another couple of dear friends are in Houston...at M.D. Anderson....she rented a furnished apartment for he is going stem cell treatment....he did the same 9 years ago...and has been cancer free for 8 years...it came back....seems as if when it comes back..it comes back with a vengeance...so we are holding them up with all the prayers and love and support we can....and I hold you and your husband up with and in my prayers...I pray for you to keep your strength and stamina...your hope and faith close to your heart...and know that we 'circle the wagons' for you. There you are with all the burdens you carry...and still reach out with your care and concern for all of us. I think you are a very special 'lady' to still 'help' us out on this journey.

Susan, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words of support. And thank you to all of you for your constant support. I would be lost without this site. I carry you all in my heart.I love the pic of Hunter Bear! Shannon, I think that what that couple is doing in order to sit at Trista's site is a true sign of deep compassion and kindness. Have they also lost a young one? Can't help but wonder their history. It must give you a tremendous sense of comfort to know she is not alone. Newbie, yes, we are often given glimpses about our departed child. I have found that it was for me at the least expected time that they happened. Yes, there were times that a reasonable explanation could be found. However, there were times that despite every way we looked at it we could not brush it aside as anything other than a gift give from God to help to give us comfort. A gentle nudge to let us know that he was indeed okay and we needed to slowly move forward and live our lives again carrying him alongside us. I have had many dreams and also one particular visit that was witnessed by several other people. It served to give me tremendous strength to face the challenge of looking after my husband as we found out shortly that he was in the end stages of colon cancer. Throughout all of this pain I felt myself held up with a renewed faith in God and a firm belief that we would be reunited again. I no longer fear death as I once did in my youth. I am in a particular season of life that I now focus on making what is important count. I am cleaning out all unnecessary baggage from my life and trying to stay as positive as possible. Hold on. You will find that the pain will soften in time. You will also begin to build your life on the firm foundation of the love you held for your child. You will begin to see that you have changed and that you are forever altered by your loss. But it can be a good thing in ways. Many of us see life in a different light. We now have experienced through this pain what really and truly matters. it gives us the courage to make hard and fast changes if necessary. I am thinking of everyone today. Wishing you a peaceful day filled with love and peace. Kate

[tobyfreefoot]

kate--i am always impressed by the way you are managing all this. i gives me a sense of calm when i read your posts. it seems as time has passed you have adjusted your life to meet your challenges and are feeling a little more at peace than the early days of your husband's illness. i am so glad when i read of a walk or other moment you share. you are a good example for us all.

shannon--the people visiting trista is one of the sweetest things i ever heard. i hope it makes you feel better and finding out she has many other visitors must warm your heart so.

newbie--i am so sorry to hear you lost your son. i can tell you were very close. i only have dreams my son is in, nothing specific but others have. i am hoping i will too one day but until then i am so happy to see him in any kind of dream. i did not dream of him at all in the early months so don't despair.

everyone here has seen my son's memorial but i wanted to share it with you because your son is a gamer so you might have some kind of fondness for the things pictured like i do.

on the front--solidus was his gaming name, the stained glass is of princess peach and the piranha plants from mario brothers because he always played her when playing melee. the radish at the bottom is from melee too. on the back there is in the tree (a cherry tree for his love of japanese things)trunk binary code that computers read, (the knot hole has the ninja turtles sewer lid) and the firefox from metal gear, on the top there are the symbols for mario super smash brothers, zelda, megaman and a pokeball. my son died 2 years ago and i miss all that video game stuff.

i am sorry i am not much better at reading signs--are they real or me imagining? however you have come to the right place to discuss it. this site has become a life line for myself and many others. i hope we will also be able to lend an understanding heart to you as you try to carry on. we do understand how lonely it is. the people here are so loving and helpful. i do hope you will return and tell us about your precious son.

i have finally started getting eggs from my chickens. 8 so far. i got the chickens to keep the grasshopper population down, the eggs are just a perk. along with the joy of watching them. they are so beautiful!

my doctor recently told me i need to go see a counselor because she said " i still see sadness there. it has been 2 years, it's time." i really think i do ok and don't really want to go. she gave me the name of an older man and a biofeedback clinic. i don't think either of these interest me. i can do bio feed back--i just don't think i want to just change my feelings. i need to finish exploring in my own time how i am coming to terms with this. any opinions?

also my newest coping mechanism is realizing this is the time i have with my other children and family. i don't know how long it will be so i should have fun and enjoy it as much as i can because i will go be with forest when i am through here and then i won't be able to be with them in the same way. before i just wanted to go be with him but now i feel like i am going to be with him just not yet and now i am getting to hang out with the people still living here and i should take full advantage. if i was on vacation or visiting friends i wouldn't spend the short time i have with them wishing i could be back home so in the same vein perhaps i shouldn't spend my time wishing to be home with forest when in due time i will be and i won't have enjoyed my earthly time with the kids still here. hmmm well anyway that is my latest philosophy and i have been feeling pretty good since changing my view. of course i still have my blue moments and he is always in my mind but i feel more like he comes and goes in spirit, enjoying his own new existence now that he has to worry less about me. it also makes me more emotionally available to my husband, aging mother and other children. i feel like he has blessed me so much by being my child and maybe we aren't through yet!

forest and ashlie--he in my hat, she in my boots

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen,

Hearing this today caused me to break down and cry but for different reasons than I usually cry. I have had so many things recently cause me to loose a little faith in humanity. This story reinforced for me that there are still people out there with self-less compassion for others. To think that my Trista has had someone sitting there many nights just fills my heart. The image of that lonely field is one that has weighed heavily on my mind and caused many tears. Now, I have a new image to replace it with. This woman may never know what she has given and that is true act of self-less kindness. I realize there are more people who's lives my Beautiful Girl has touched than I may ever know.

I thought of Forest too when Newbie mentioned that her son was also a gamer. I'm glad you reposted the pictures of Forest's memorial. I love how personal it is and how much of Forest you put into it. I love the picture of Forest and Ashley in your hat and boots.

Kate, I do wonder too about their story. I would love to thank them for their kindness and compassion if I ever get the chance.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest]

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[andy88]

Hello Friends,

Just dropping by to see how everyone is doing. I don't come here a lot anymore, but I do think of you all with love. Not too much new here, I don't recall if I mentioned that Andy's story would be part of a chapter in a new book by the Brains on Fire organization (which is wonderful, by the way). It's called "The Passion Conversation" and was published this week! They sent me a special copy, and I am so thrilled that Andy's story will live on in print as well as in our hearts. Love to all! Pam

http://www.brainsonfire.com/blog/2013/08/28/love-is-the-missing-ingredient/

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

It's been a really hard night. I miss my Sweet Girl so much. I went to Trista's website tonight and found this poem written by her cousin Dani. Dani and Tris were always together, so very close.

Sweet sweet sweet girl

Flowered heart and viney veins

Full of nature, born to nurture

Departed with no source of pain

Angelic kisses on my cheek

Were gifts I’d get when she would leave

Delicate fingers, porcelain skin

A beautiful heart no boy could win

You before myself, is how she thought

A certain kindness that can’t be taught

Put here with us for a reason,

Taken away all too soon

Born with wings so she could leave us

Our beautiful girl, now high as the moon

I can't stop crying but it helped to see this.

Shannon

[tobyfreefoot]

oh shannon what a week you have had. so absolutely sweet like your baby girl and so absolutely tear jerking. my heart is with you.

[Guest]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

This crap below has been reported to Admin. It says they have made 766 posts! Why haven't they already been flagged?? A racing team?? What an invasion of our privacy!

[JD's Mom, Becky]

This jerk has posted 810 times, a bunch of garble, since joining at 3:58am!! Konnie, can't you stop this?? Is nothing sacred anymore?

[Jeff's Mom]

There are some very sick people out there.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

It is just sickening! This is a place where we come to share and unburden, and to have to be met with this garbage this morning is just disgusting. I hope Konnie can find a way to remove him/her and someway to prevent this in the future.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I hope they are able to remove the spam off soon, this is ridiculous that someone would target a grief forum....

[Jeff's Mom]

Well, good morning everyone. I hope you are all doing okay today. We had a very quiet evening last night. We watched a lovely movie that was very nice and relaxing. About half way through the movie we noticed the most amazing flash lightening dancing across the sky over the lake. It was a display in itself. Absolutely awesome. It went on for at least a full hour. You could not cut the air with a knife it was so humid. The strange thing was the silence. All we could hear was the sound of crickets and a dog barking off in the distance. It was so very still. Then slowly it began to blow and pick up speed. A low rumbling started and we braced for what we thought was to be a huge storm. Well, it did not happen much to my disappointment. I could really use that rain for my gardens. There is something thrilling about an electrical storm. So long as there is no damage. Today I am just off to the Farmers Market and then we plan to go into the site and sit on the memorial bench. Trista...I am hoping your day is a bit better. Gretchen, thanks for the compliment. Dee, how are you? Well off and running. Have a decent day everyone. Love, Kate