Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Betsy, yes, prayers that Sarah is fine after the accident and joyous thanks to Rich for being protector of his loved ones.

Wow, Becky, what a doll baby you are holding. Lovely that you may have this experience now. Perhaps a sign for you my Dear, that there are things we can do that heal parts that we forgot existed, like hold a new baby and feel that automatic love.

Susan, remember what a starfish can do???regenerate new parts. It is symbolic for what we have to do when we grieve our Children, regenerate new parts. Oh what a great sign.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Susan,

The Ceremony and the whole trip sounds beautiful... So much love and tears put into planning this. The signs from John David...perfect. I hope they gave you the comfort and peace you needed and will continue to lift you up.

I understand the anger and wondering why?? When the world is so full of hateful people why such a beautiful soul??

Becky,

Thank you for posting that picture. Beauty. I'm glad you are able to do this with this precious little one.

Gretchen,

I feel your words. I know how these images of our Children haunt. Images no Parent should have of their Child.

Thinking of everyone tonight and hoping for sweet dreams of our Angels.

Shannon

[tobyfreefoot]

hey guys thanks for your support. sometimes i just want someone to know the things that hurt so much. we never even discussed it in our family or with his friends. it was just too awful. my daughter recently came across the pictures of the car accidentally. no one else in my family has seen them. she came in to wake me and was just staring. she finally said i saw the pictures. she said at least you can tell they died fast. other than that no discussion we just act like he didn't have a cloth across his face and ashlie just died. i did talk to louise (jillian's mom) she had been an er nurse to find out if she thought they had any awareness etc. she was very helpful. she recently wrote and told me they think the driver of her daughter's car was also asleep.

anyway...becky! so happy you will have this little one to nurture. it takes so much to watch a baby it is bound to help plus it is an awesome, heart filling thing. my grandaughter was born about five months after forest died. she has been a lifesaver at distracting me with her cuteness!

susan-your memorial sounds lovely in spite of it's hard moments. i'm glad you found the edna st. vincent millay poem appropriate. i love it and read it on the kid's angelversary this year when we put up a rememberance for ashlie. great thought dee had to remind you of starfish regeneration. tonight after bathing i put on my locket backwards and felt forest was reminding me to step forward not back. the view of the lighthouse is very comforting and beautiful.

betsy-i meant to say earlier it is nice to see you. glad your daughter was not seriously injured. i always always remember "the music in my heart" when i see your son. it does seem that forest is the background music my life now moves to, the feeling of how he has shaped my life in every way..

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Gretchen,

You're Granddaughter is adorable! Such a Blessing! I'm glad you had the ER nurse to talk to about you questions. My husbands step-dad is a doctor and he was able to ease my mind about certain things as well.

I had an emotional night. I got a text from the Girl who was driving the car that night. She wanted to come over to talk. We sat on the deck and talked for over an hour. I can't really say much yet about it... too emotional, but I will say that I think I handled this the way Trista would want me to.

After that, around 11:30 I got a call from my Sis whose daughter was camping with my Brother. They had borrowed our camper for the weekend so he could take his daughter and my Sister's daughter camping. My Sister's daughter is only 10 years old and apparently my brother thought it was a good idea to let the Girls watch a movie called "The Hole" while camping in the woods at night and then go to bed while they were watching it. My niece couldn't get him awake and had herself locked in the bathroom with a cellphone. My sis was over 2 hours away from the campground and we are only 45 minutes so we packed up the little ones and went to get the Girls. Sometimes, I swear, my brother needs a good whack upside the head.

Shannon

[Jeff's Mom]

Just quickly stopping by to say that I am thinking of everyone. Sending "hugs" and prayers for peace found again in your lives. I have been reading, but not up to posting. I can't really explain it. Sort of a quiet time I guess. I think of you all and how your support helped to keep me going through those difficult times. I am very grateful for your support. While the times are still very hard...I am finding more strength in coping. My husband is holding up and carrying himself with dignity and courage. We are hopeful that the end results of his chemo treatments will be successful. Another couple of months to go. Then more tests. We are taking each day as it comes and we try to get out and do something nice each day. It may not be for a long period of time, but we enjoy those outings. We are having lovely warm summer weather. This weeks forecast is calling for highs of low 30'sC...low 90's F. The nights are cooling off wonderfully and the gardens and farms are thriving. We took the opportunity to walking along the beach in front of our home earlier today. It felt wonderful just walking along and feeling the warm water lap across our feet. I feel that through all of this and along my journey I am so much more aware of life's simplicities and all that God has created for free. I truly am sorry to see that there are people out there that are so blocked by complicating their lives that they can not open up with compassion and understanding. Still, that is their problem. I have a life to live and intend to do it. Thanks again to everyone for your kind wishes. Love, Kate

[mysonrich]

Thanks Gretchen. Sarah is fine. Her mother was a bit anxious but I'm fine now. ( well, you know)

Dee, I wrote to you and when I posted I didnt see my greeting to you. I hope all is well , School has started here already! Really early considering in the NE schools don't start until after Labor Day.

It's been some time since I have ventured out for the sake of getting away for a change. Me and Sarah were looking at State Parks, ( kind of late to get a cabin I think but I think the tent is still around) SO, I think back to the couple of times that we camped in the Pennsylvania mountains near my Mom.One time it rained like heck and boy was it cold. Another time I took Rich out in a canoe. I know absolutely nothing about canoes. Rich was so embarrassed when we had to get rescued.

Becky, the baby is beautiful. Congrats all around.

Kate, warm thoughts and a prayer for improved good health.

Shannon, LAurie,Susan,Becky, Lora, SHerry,Betty,CArol, Lynn, everyone. may we have a cool, peaceful evening.

SArah, SArah, SArah......SMILES. May your mother know that you are near and that the message is clear.

[daveydow1]

Lora-----Glad your kitties are doing well. Yep---pets sure are a comfort,

and so trusting and cute when they greet you at the door. My Misty is

always there to greet me, when I come home...even if I've been gone all day.

(Could have something to do with her feeding time ! Hmmmm.....

Betsy----Yes---Rich surely was watching over his dear sis, Sarah,.....and

thank goodness no one was hurt. As you say....we have to push back

those shadows that come creeping in, so we can again see the sunshine,

and we know that our dear departed kids are so near.......just the other

side of the thin veil.

Becky-----Thanks for the pic of you holding the sweet little angel godchild...

baby boy. Your description of going to the funeral home to arrange dear

J.D.'s hair was just so touching...and I know that for you....it was a labor

of love. I agree with you when you say that the laws are so backwards

in testing the victim of an accident that he didn't cause.....before testing

the one who caused it. The truck driver that killed David was not tested

until after the patrol found out that David died. ( David was tested first).

Although the trucker was not drunk.....he was sleeping. (Talk about impaired driving.)

I'm sorry that your experience with the people living in your area being uncooperative

about the signs. So disappointing,....when you only want to help possibly

prevent someone else going through your devastation.....sorry. I hope

that someone will give it more thought and be helpful. Peace to you.

Gretchen----

I ,so, relate to what you said about your daughter seeing the

pics of Forest's accident that claimed his life. I have the graphic newspaper

front-page pic of David's accident with the Med-Evac helpcopter in the air,

taking my David to the trauma center where he died. Also, I ended up with

a lot of pics from the state patrol of the accident which I don't remember even

saying I wanted them. I believe that it had something to do with our lawyer

requesting them, and a duplicate set was sent to us. To this day......I have

not shown them to my husband. It had told him about the clipping and the pics,

but he adamantly said he didn't want to see them. They are very disturbing.

I have them in a lockbox, and never look at them. I agree.....babies are so

very healing to wounded souls & hearts. They are so innocent and sweet.

Dee-----Your experience with the prophetic dreams of some impending doom

regarding sweet Eri must have been very chilling and frightening. Then to

have it happen.......just so devastating and sad, for sure. I remember the

experience where......a week or so before David's death....we were going into

a restaurant, and parked near us was a blue cab of a giant big rig. I walked in

front of it...looked at it's gigantic size, and said.... "just imagine what that would

do to anyone who was ever hit by something like that". Then promptly forgot

about it.,,,but then, as with you.....it happened. Wishing you peace and comfort

as you recall those dreams and the deep sorrowful meaning they represented. I guess we

will never know the answers...until we see them again, and as someone here at

BI said once......."then it won't matter anymore". Peace, friend.

Kate----Glad to hear that you and your husband are enjoying your outings and

the pleasant weather. Sending prayers.

Wishing peace and comfort to all Indigos.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, I do remember your saying that about the giant semi you passed on your way into the restaurant. It has something to do with obscure messages I think.

I am glad that you are fine and that the boys were fun to be with.

Betsy, no worries, some of my posts disappear as well. I will begin school this Thursday with meetings for two days and then students begin on the 26th. Holy Cow. Where did summer go, I must have blinked!

Shannon, I am amazed at your sweetness to get the kids packed up in the middle of the night in order to go get your niece. What a sweetie you are...Yep, a swift hit upside the head for Brother for sure.

Kate, so good to know that you and husband are finding joy in each day. I too think that the simple treats in life are the most precious, water, trees swaying in the breeze, a walk under whatever the weather is...the natural world holds so much wonder and splendor. Keeping you in my prayers.

So I missed Sarah's either birthday or angel day, and I feel terrible, but I don't know if it is Shelly's Sarah, or Sandy's Sarah. I should have a sheet nearby with dates, but to help give you a visual, picture a desk with hardly any visible surface showing through the clutter, and then picture it with the wind coming in from a window! that is how my desk looks right about now, (and mostly all the time).

Gretchen that little adorable Grandgirl of yours is just as cute as she can be. I love that she is putting the doll on the giraffe. Lovely, and yes, breathes new life and hope into the family.

[Guest]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

Oh, Shelly, I am so sorry not to have noticed Lora's post and missing Sarah's angelversary!

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah!!

I am shouting out your name! Happy angelversary dear girl, and I pray you found a way to touch your mama with your presence!

Kate it was nice to see your post, and I am glad you and your hubby are finding and sharing those quiet moments together.

Betsy, I am so glad your Rich was watching over your daughter and keeping her safe!

Lora, I went through that phase of not wanting to be around anyone. It will get better. Sometimes I was just too tired to talk or explain, and it was easier to just be with me. It's been two years in October since we lost our Jared (J.D.), and I haven't touched anything in his room. His dad cleans the room, and I go in there on occasion, but all his clothes are still in his closets. I have offered some to his friends, and his sister has a couple of his shirts, and I have one (Bob Marley), and my husband wears one of his jackets, but the rest remain. I even bought a new nightlight (stars and night sky) just like the one that still comes on at night that he had, in case it burns out... I can open that door and still imagine him lying there on his bed asleep, as I saw him so many nights before I would turn in, often planting a kiss on his cheek while he was sleeping. We don't need the room for any reason, so I have just left it all as it was. Is that healthy?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Laurie, how old is your Son? I wonder if the baby is teething? It is also nearly a full moon which can cause fidgety behavior. How nice that you were able to visit today with the Mom who lost her Boy 15 years ago.

Go look out at the moon everyone, it is gorgeous.

Becky, it is healthy if it helps you. I saw a medium once on tv, and he read a woman in the audience and in the reading he stated that her deceased Son would like her to put his things away, to not make a shrine to him.

I however, feel we do what we need to do in order to get through some chunks of time. Just know that your Son supports your decisions and wants what is absolutely best for you.

Lora, thanks for giving me a head's up on Sarah's angel date.

Love to you all

[ericasmom]

SARAH

SARAH

SARAH

the date that your family dreads came and went yesterday, but it is not as easy as all of that. It is so much more than a square on a page of a calendar, instead marking time in a new way, a sad way. I hope that you made your way to Momma and whispered something sweet to her, letting her know that you were near, that you are often very nearby.

Shelly I dearly hope that you got through the day with some sweet moments and messages from Sarah.

[Guest]

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[shellykut]

Thank you Lora, Dee, Becky, Betsy for your good wishes! We had a quiet day, the family and I. Sarah's husband Andy is not doing well. Yes he goes to work and such, but I worry he is not moving on. You all know how hard it is to be a parent of a child who dies, but this man lost his future with his love and all that could have been. Once again, thank you ALL for being here with your love and support!

[Guest]

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[mikesmomrs]

Lora, thank you so much for your good wishes. SHELLY: so very sorry I was not here yesterday to speak about your beautiful Sarah. I hope that she showed you somehow that she is with you always and that you felt that presence in some way. It has been a mixed week for me...approaching Mike's birthday now brings anxious thoughts that his dad's angelversary is just 10 days later. I am trying for the separation, but it is truly difficult. We do have plans on the 30th to spend the evening at the baseball game celebrating Mike's birthday, our 7th time doing this. (Unbelievably) It will be Damon's first time at a real Red sox game. that is the only day I could get enough tickets for all of us...I felt this to be Mike's dad's way of showing us he does not want us to be home, crying in the closet, that he is gone, but rather there, at the park, filled with life and joy and zest, celebrating, remembering, and enjoying. I will strive for this. I did have a wonderful day yesterday...the weather was something special and I spent time photographing some of the flowers in the yard. At the end of my "trail of pictures," I came across a little friend, perched on a pole that is just above one of my favorite pots of flowers. I took his picture. Later in the day as I sat looking up at the sky, I noticed it was so beautifully blue, with just wisps of clouds painting their white into that deep, perfect blue. I leaned back in my chair to take a picture of it, and my little friend was back...how do I know it was the same one? I don't. But I believe. And that's enough for my heart to "take the love and run with it." Thinking of you all and holding you close in my heart and also in my prayers continually. I have to run to a meeting this morning, but will be back later.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thinking of you Shelly yesterday.... and Carol this week... as you celebrate those special dates. Bittersweet memories filled with much love. Another warm day here and I have to agree with you Carol in that it is so important to remember in as positive way as you are able. The ball game sounds like just what those two guys of yours would have wanted. Hope everyone has a wonderful time. Enjoy that garden and photography. We have a pair of lovely orioles that have nested in our yard. Lately they have taken to sitting very close to our sunroom on branches where they can be seen so easily. Our families of house wrens are adorable. They are busy flying from tree to tree looking for bugs to feed their babies. We enjoy watching nature and all that wanders through our yard. Have a good day everyone. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sarah, Sarah, Sarah....

May your mom feel your sweet spirit near and we remember you....

Shelly thinking of you....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Will post more later...thinking of you all today...

[Mermaid Tears]

Shelly...sending you a heart full of special thoughts...we know you are holding your Sarah in the only sweet way a Mama can...love that name, Sarah....

Carol....we applaud your amazing spirit....to celebrate the day...

I was thinking of you, Kate...happy to 'hear' from you....

More later....busy, busy, busy getting the GRANDson packed up for UT in Austin...(his name is Austin, too).....

His Mama...my daughter, Randa, isn't doing too well with this...so I am holding on and holding her up......and as many on this site will agree with me......I pray that this will be the hardest good-bye she will have to say.......

For we know there is a more profound good-by...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I speak to you as if you’re still here, because in spirit I believe you are.

I feel you near me everyday, but then at times you seem so far….

I tell you how I’m feeling, all the hurt that still remains,

How life without you is not, ‘nor will ever be the same.

I long to hold you in my arms, to love you and kiss you again;

I’m trying to be patient and trust God to direct my path 'til then.

I used to have blind faith in some goodness in all mankind,

But the hatred in this world makes me wish to leave it all behind.

I long now for that promised land, where I know you now dwell,

It’s all that keeps my heart from hate, and shields my soul from hell.

I have fought to reveal the truth, prayed for justice to honor you,

Leaving the rest up to God and what He will choose to do.

Stay beside me, my sweet boy, throughout whatever remains,

I hold you safe within my heart 'til we’re together again.

[westleysmom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Mike! Carol-I don't post much anymore, but I think of you often and hope you're doing as good as you can. Hugs to you

Betsy-Saw where Sara was involved in an accident. So glad she is okay

Dee, Jesse David's Mom , Sherry and others who 'felt' the sadness before it arrived-I read some of your stories and while there was nothing so concrete for me, I just could see that Westley was not going to be here long and it terrified me. I guess that is why the last time I was with him, we fought and it haunts me. I was trying so hard to hold on to him and prevent the inevitable that I could see coming. Did I unleash the disaster with that argument? Is it my fault for trying so hard to stop it? What could I have done differently and would it have changed the outcome? The questions never seem to stop.

Shelly-I missed Sarah's Angel day since I don't check in all the time. Hope you are doing okay

Becky-Sorry you are not getting help with the signs. I don't know why people don't care more, wish I did.

Kate-Thinking of you as your husband finishes his chemo. I understand the quietness, it is why I don't post as much anymore. My thoughts are sometimes all I can handle.

Thinking of you all always, even when I am not posting.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mike! Wrap your love around your Mom and Family today. Let them feel you close.

Carol, My thoughts and prayers are with you today. I love the picture of the dragonfly. I believe too!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I wish I could do things in color but my computer will not let me.

Becky,

The poem and picture brought tears. So beautiful and yes... I know those feelings. So much love for your Jared.

Kate,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband daily.

School is about to start and it is so hard. This would be Trista's Senior year and she had been so excited. The shopping and preparing has been hard. Trista loved school shopping... Well, shopping in general but school shopping was always a big thing. Even if school wasn't always her thing she had the shopping part down. Seeing all her friends excited and getting ready to start Senior year is so hard. I miss her so much. I miss everything about her with every cell in body.

Zak is not a shopper and usually got drug along on these expeditions. He suggested that we do some online shopping for his stuff so we did. I was dreading trying to do the usual shopping trip without Tris but didn't voice it because I didn't want to take anything away from Zak. Since he suggested it, I went with it and we actually enjoyed online shopping together. That helped.

Thinking of everyone today.

Shannon

[shellykut]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY MIKE! Carol - thinking of you on this day and in days to come. Let both your Mikes see you all enjoy the game as they will be with you cheering for the Sox!

Laurie, Rhonda, Mermaid Tears, and Kate - thank you for saying Sarah's name. This is such a hard journey for each of you, and yet you take time to remember others. You are all in my prayers.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

I understand all your questions regarding the "knowing". I feel them too. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts. I haven't posted much on here about what's going on with Trista's case because there are still so many questions I just do not have the answers to. I know what I feel in my heart but need to have "proof" to back it up. I believe it was one of your posts that led me to searching for a private crash reconstructionist and we are now waiting on his findings. Thank you for sharing because I honestly might not have known where to turn or that those services where even available. I've kept you in my heart as well, you and Becky and anyone else still searching for answers and for justice for their Child.

I wrote this today and thought I would share it here.

I don't think that every butterfly is a message from Trista but I KNOW that some of them are. I don't think every hummingbird and dragonfly is a message from Trista but I know that some of them are. I don't think every pretty cloud or beautiful sunrise is a message from Trista but I know that some of them are. What I also know is that I see every butterfly, dragonfly, and hummingbird, every heart shaped leaf, and every drop of dew glistening on a single blade of grass in a way that I never did before. That IS a message from TRISTA and it's one that I hope everyone who loves her will get. I love you so very much, Trista Mae. This pain is so intense it cannot be described in words but I wouldn't trade a second of knowing you, loving you, and being your Mom to avoid it. You changed my life. You taught me so much more in your 17 years than I ever could have taught you.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

Mike, Mike, Mike!!! Happy Heavenly Birthday, young man! Continue to bless your mama with all your special signs from the 2 Mikes!!

God bless you Carol, you are in all our thoughts and prayers!!!

Laurie, you may certainly copy my poem, I am happy you could relate to it.

[ericasmom]

MIKE

MIKE

MIKE

You continue to bring light and love and the best messages to those who love you best, like your Momma. Please always do so Sweet Young Man. Your Sweet Daddy is with you and your Aunty, all of you blessing those who miss you so.

Thank you for your wonderful energy Mike, for your amazing capacity for love. Thank you for watching over your Dear Sons and Nieces and Sisters and your Friends.

Shine on You crazy diamond.

[ericasmom]

Wonderful poem Becky, that talent of yours to use rhyme in such a consistent manner. Thanks for sharing.

Shannon, I love what you wrote as well, that the real message is in what and how you perceive the world now. Trista Mae, what a lovely name for a beautiful girl.Yep, Eri and she and others are shopping

together, Erica sure did love shopping.

Laurie, I think that we will always wrestle with our grief but the space between those moments will lengthen after a while...grief sews itself into our daily lives so that we become used to being this person who has a huge sadness in our lives and we no longer are apologetic if we cry or say something that others don't want to think about. Oh well to them. This is a in us, it is as much a part of me as my brown eyes.

Rhonda, you did not unleash the horror that took Westley, you were getting some vibes I think, of what was going to happen. Taht is how it seems to me anyhow. And no, had you done something differently, I do not think it would change the sad outcome.

[daveydow1]

SARAH......SARAH.......SARAH.......Smile down on your mom from your

heavenly home.

Shelly-------I'm sorry I missed Sarah's Angel Day yesterday. Thinking of

you and sending prayers that your memories of Sarah will warm your heart.

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, MIKE.

Carol-------Thinking of you on this day, and hoping that you are doing ok, and that

Ralph and Mike will send you a nice little dream filled with love.

[tobyfreefoot]

on an additional upbeat note...forest will be shopping right along with the girls helping them find the coolest stuff and always giving his honest opinion. lol i can see it now!

btw i do think if such an afterlife exists, our bi kids are together. i read a story of someone's afterlife encounter with their little boy in which he was talking about playing with a little girl named lucy. they went the next day to meet the new neighbors who had a large portrait of a little girl...lucy, who had passed away.

hanging out together sending their love

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...I, too, had a new GRANDchild born 5 months after he passed....they named him Wyatt John....I do hold on to him...

Also...did your son, Marshall, get his scholarship reinstated..??

[Jeff's Mom]

Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a warm and peaceful evening. Love to all. Kate

[tobyfreefoot]

susan--my granddaughter is named after forest also--madelyn dayne

marshall is in therapy and taking antidepressants. he still sleeps a lot so we are getting him a physical. he has had mono so maybe he has had an extended bout i don't know. he got an ok to re enter college but he failed to write the needed essay to try to get the scholarship reinstated. he said he wanted to take this semester off. he is going to come spend the night saturday so i am hoping we can get time to talk about getting the essay written so he can hopefully go back next semester. thanks for inquiring.

[Guest]

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[shellykut]

Betsy - thanks for your wishes. No worries, I have missed quite a few birthdays and angelversaries but we try to keep up.

Lora - I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. I believe we have all been where you are. Peace to you.

To all here: I pray you have a peaceful day.

[ericasmom]

Hello All,

I am in from my walk and getting ready for my first day of school, no kids till Monday but today marks our official start. We will have two days of meetings and a bit more time to work in the classroom. It was 98 in my classroom yesterday! We are in for 90's on the first few days of school with kids, the room will heat up with those little energy packs in there. Wish me strength and good humor.

I will miss my summer leisure time to talk with everyone here. It may be that this year I will not be able to communicate during lunch on my computer as they are cracking down on any personal matters at school. I will have to limit my conversations to morning and night. That stinks, I love my midday check in to see how everyone is and to talk.

I love you all and wish you as good a day as possible. Remember, even when you have many days of feeling that your steps forward have fallen back, you are still ahead of where you started. I promise you that in time, your lives will get softer and sweeter.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Hi Everyone,

It's a dreary day today. I've been having an extremely hard time the past few days. I know the start of school, the coming of fall, has not helped. Of course, I think of all the things I'm missing with Trista, all the things she is missing that she was always so excited about. The changing of the seasons is so hard. It's only been a little less than 3 months since she left but knowing summer is ending and fall is coming, seasons are changing without her here and some days I just don't understand how that can be.

Lora,

You said, "Somedays I cannot bear to think I have to live with this the rest of my life".

I feel this way so much. I visualize my days as tally marks. The ones I use to make when keeping score as a kid. One more day down.

Dee,

You continue to give hope that this will be softer in time. Thank you for that. Thinking of you as you start this new school year.

Gretchen,

That thought that our Kids might all be together is one of the sweeter ones I have. It helps me to imagine that. As I get to know all of the Kids that have brought us all here together, it makes sense and I cannot think of a better group of young souls for Tris to be "hanging out with". I just know they all would enjoy each other so much.

Laurie,

I'm still holding your hand. I know you said you had to pick up some materials from the EMS. I know how hard and emotional and sad all those things can be but we do it for our Kids. Thinking of you daily.

Wishing everyone a peaceful day.

Shannon

[Mermaid Tears]

I have called this place in my life...'the place of unanswered questions...and answered prayers'.....

[Mermaid Tears]

so true....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Susan,

Thank you for sharing that poem. I could really relate. One thing I've noticed in myself is that there are things I can say, like that I think Trista was called for a higher purpose, that if others say to me, it causes a very undesirable response. To have someone who has no concept of this pain say to me, "God needed another Angel" does not work for me. It may be unfair to those around me. It may be selfish but it is what it is.

Shannon

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here again, is what I posted to my FB at the year and one half mark in this journey, when I was feeling so alone:

Dear Friends,

You’re so quick to turn from me, or simply stay away,

Or maybe you’re afraid that something you might say

Would further hurt or offend and don’t want to add more pain,

You don’t speak of him like you’re afraid to simply say his name.

I love to talk about him, it’s all that’s left you see,

I say his name out loud and I know that he hears me.

You can’t even go there in your mind, to think how you would feel,

Not for even a moment, let alone let it be real.

Don’t let my smile convince you that I am alright,

My life’s forever changed since that dreadful night.

I will never be the same, the person you recall,

My heart has been ripped from me, and I am feeling small.

I live with regret that I couldn’t stop this reality I live,

Not for my sake, but for his, oh what I wouldn’t give;

To replay that day again, and change the order of things,

For him to be here smiling, what peace to me would bring.

I know you don’t understand and I wouldn’t wish it so.

Only those that have lived it can ever really know.

Just be my friend, and be patient, as I try to find my way,

You never know what lies ahead, you may need me someday.

Becky West May 17th, 2013

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...I forgot to tell you how I liked the other poem...and now this one...everyone on this site will relate...thank you for posting it again...and please....in the future...re-post some things you have written...for the new ones on here will need to read them....

Oh Shannon....we all feel those 'new walls' that are around us now...where they weren't before....I think it is simply our way of survival...it is like...WE know where we can tread...where we can't go....what we can't hear...what we can't speak of....and where we can go....it is an instinct now but with no map....

Lora....after 'knowing you' since I have been on this site....I know now...where Cara learned her loving ways....she is a part of you...and you still are a part of her....this journey is one that only we can travel on...we can get support...and love and caring from others...but we really do travel alone. I think that is why I need my alone time...for that is when and only when I can either go forward...or backward...according to my own time line.

Laurie....how are things going ? How was the trip to the EMS ? Each part of the parts are hard...thankfully...they pass.

Dee...I am wishing you an amazing new school year....with those bright eyed little ones....how is the GRANDdaughter...?? Pebbie came over yesterday after visiting her new 5th grade teachers...she is so excited....OH....if time were not a moving thing...and I could make it stay...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Mermaid Tears]

for what is good...for what is wrong....for what you have...I and many on this site...say...we simply bless you...and hold you for all that the journey has to take you....we can't make it better...or good...we can only...be here for you....we are as injured...we are as crippled...we are as broken....but with our broken pieces.....we still can send you our heart full of love and support...and sometimes...that makes a whole....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Susan, love that poem you posted. Becky, love the one you reposted. I loved it the first time and am glad that you posted it again. I do so agree, all of us here have broken parts, we heal them as best we can over a long period of time. Healing does not mean forgetting and it does not mean that the hole in our lives is forgotten. Healing simply means that we move in and out of many days carrying our ache like the weight of many people dragging on our hearts, our spirits. After so many days, weeks, months, and years, we set some of the weight down, we try life with a lighter load because we were ready to let go of some of it. Not forget, but to have faith that letting go of some of the ache directs our hearts in new endeavors, in new goals and hopes.When we regenerate hope, we realize the importance of that element in everyone's lives.

May you find hope.

[rlolheiser]

Just a quick note to say hello. I still read and I still carry our angels with me.

My computer is a pain, but I don't get on much anyway. I haven't much time to fight with it. Mom is still failing and becoming harder to take care of. I am still battling the state for my grandson. My oldest daughters health is up and down, and JaBoa's mom.. I think is still clean, but her getting her life together is taking longer than I hoped. Every day I pray for things to be better.. and some parts are, but then some parts get worse. I guess that what life is. I really don't know these days what to think.

I still think of you all daily, wishing I had wisdom to share, wishing I could convey the love I have for all of you, and how I pray for your strength to get through your losses. I know it is an up and down feeling. I miss JaBoa today as much as the first day I lost her.. I still cry.. but she makes me go on and be determined to make life better for those she loves.

Bless you all my friends.. your always in my heart