Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Shannon----Sorry that Trista's voicemail was lost, but so glad

that you were able to open her iPad, and see all those treasured

pics. Yes,...I agree....sometimes life just 'pushes us along' whether

we want it or not, and we must be vigilant not to let it push us too fast.

This lousy journey we're on is hard enough....so we must look out

for ourselves....for our own good, and for others who depend on us.

I looked in a container bin with David's clothes, thinking that maybe

I had placed the other answering machine in there for safe-keeping

when we moved, but to no avail....it was not in there. Just his clothes.

I cried.

Dee----How I wish that Cat had not contracted the autoimmune disease

that can be so difficult to diagnose and treat. Contining to send prayers

for the dear girl. Oh Rats!!! Hot weather to return next week!....just in

time for school for you. We need rain too. I made a large bowl of potato

salad today...using our potatoes out of the garden. ( Husband loves it.)

I, so, understand your anxiety about Jon & Shannon and little Erica

possibly moving to FLA. It's upsetting when our other children make

moves that cause a lot of miles between them and us, even though we

always want what's best for them, and want them to follow their dreams...

still causes anxiety.

Kate----It's good that your son is now back in Canada, although some

distance from you. Hoping, and sending prayers that your husband

does not have too many bad effects from the treatments. Peace to you & him.

Lora----

I'm glad that Lora had someone with her when she passed. My son,

David died alone in that trauma center, and it haunts me to this day. (we were

out of town that fateful day, and only got the devastating news when we

returned ) By that time, our dear son was already gone, since he died in

surgery within an hour after the horrific crash..He was transfused with many

units of blood, but could not survive the injuries. Causes me pain

and anxiety to this day that he died alone,...but I believe God was with him.

Have to try to think of something else....like the

fact that he was already in his heavenly home when our world fell apart.

I know everyone here at BI knows that 'world falling apart day' shock & sorrow.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Sherry

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Sherry,

I so understand how you feel about the answering machine. Even though I now have other things to hold on to it still hurts that that one piece is lost.

"Have to try to think of something else....like the

fact that he was already in his heavenly home when our world fell apart.

I know everyone here at BI knows that 'world falling apart day' shock & sorrow."

Yes, we all know that shock and sorrow.

It is comforting to know someone was there for her but I don't think Trista was. I have read so many true stories and I truly believe our beautiful children were not allowed to suffer.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Shannon, all I can say is I am so sorry....sending HUGS your way...may guardian angels be close tonight.....

Sherry....that you still have Davey's clothes...something to tie back to...I still have a box of cloths from my infant son Taylor...that was over 25 years ago....they will always be kept...

[Jeff's Mom]

Oh Shannon, wrapping my arms around you and holding you close. Hold on, I know it is hard. Kate

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thank you, Kate and Laurie. This is why the insomnia. Every time I close my eyes...

I found this picture. This is Trista and my Grandpa. When I was a young single Mom and working third shift my Grandparents took care of Tris. Grandpa was her best friend. He called her Little Buddy. She thought he hung the moon and I know he thought the same of her. I know if he could be there for her he would. He would have never let her suffer. I know they are together and I know he will hold her tight until I see her again.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I have insomnia too...

Precious picture of Trista and Grandpa

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[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

Thank you for that poem tonight. I love the way you share these things that help your heart because they do mine as well so I'm sure they help others here.

I don't want to clutter up our board with all my posts. This is just such a hard time. My boys are sleeping soundly. I put my little one to bed after a cup of warm milk and honey. This is the time that I can put away my smile. It's also the time that all the pain can hit me full force because I can put my walls down.

Shannon

[Newbie17]

Thankyou all for your heartfelt words of encouragement and comfort. Gretchen I loved the memorium to your son, what a sweet tribute to him. My son was the computer guru, I am not. Do you know it is nice to find a place where people understand a pain that words cannot express, a loss from your inner most being and a hurt that you actually feel in your heart. I canceled sessions with my counselor because I felt the questions and responses felt very textbook. My counselor has never experienced a loss of a child. The best therapy is reading your guys postings and really relating. It makes me not to feel so alone in my pain.I do have three other children but are really trying to avoid the pain so rarely will they talk to me about Tye, my son. Thankyou for sharing your encouragement on signs. I have had a few myself. One that I will share now, we took a trip this summer to go to Mexico it was very bittersweet because it was a place Tye always dreamed of going but was always too fragile to do anything like that. It pained my heart not to have him with us traveling in the car. Just then going probably 65-70 mph I see a little bird flying as fast as we were driving staying as close as to our window. Coincidence? I have received several others since then. Someone wrote on here I really related to is , I always believed in heaven 100 percent and now the first time in my life I have questioned things. I hope to get stronger in my faith through this and not be so questioning and unsure. ....

Jena

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Laurie, thanks for missing me here! I have been reading everyday, but sometimes just not in a place to post. Some recent posts regarding people that were there for their children in the moments preceding death or when tragedy struck, made me happy in one moment for those that had that experience, then angry as hell in the next moment because it is in such sharp contrast to my own experience.

If you missed my post regarding my experience, and are interested, please send me a private message and I will send it to you.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Becky,

I agree. I wish there was a way to make it completely private. I have deleted some of my posts too. Thank you for sharing more of your Son's story. I know it's so hard. I've been so disappointed in the law enforcement here as well. Please know that I keep you and Jared in my thoughts and prayers.

Shannon

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Two nights ago, near here on the expressway, a drunk driver entered the highway the wrong way, that is really drunk! He sped along and slammed into a car carrying three young ladies all 19 and 20 year olds, as he is. The car flipped trapping the girls. He has scratches. Two of the women died at the scene, one, Brittney, lives with minor injuries. She was a student of mine years and years ago, 12 years ago. She spoke on the news, weeping for the loss of her two friends and wondering why she was still here? And now there will be families like us, looking for answers where answers don't exist, looking for their Girls in the clouds as we do.

The man was arrested right there.

Becky, I wish you goodness and some freedom from the grueling pain of this injustice and the poor way it waS all handled. Yes, your Son deserves the truth be told. I am holding your hand and sending hope.

Newbie, I welcome you to this place, but so wish you did not have to be here. Tell us more if you can, about your Son and the family. You are in good company and alongside of several on the same timeline.

As I am sure you will understand, I don't want to talk about the possible move I mentioned on earlier posts, just feel that perhaps I should not have made that known since they have not told anyone but family. Thanks.

[daveydow1]

Laurie----Yes,---I'll probably always hold onto some of David's

clothes...they comfort me, somehow. I know you know what I

mean. I, too, have some of Lisa's baby clothes, and a few toys,

and her baby book, and her tiny black patent leather baby shoes.

She died in 1970. I've toted these mememtos around through lots

of moves in that length of time. I can, so, understand your keeping

the dear little clothes that your sweet baby boy wore. and also Jesse's

clothes. They become faded after a time, of course, but they are golden

treasures to us.

I have a paperback book on 'Angels', by Billy Graham. In it, there's

a chapter that talks about how angels carry the dying person up

to their new realm. I thought about how different cultures believe,

and that they, too, know that the soul goes to another realm that is part

of their own personal belief system.

I read once that nearly every culture/belief in the world believes in

a life hereafter. Our dear children are ever so close to us....just on

the other side of that thin veil...not unfathomable miles away. Peace to you.

Shannon-----It was a shameful and awful thing for the tank truck driver to call

his boss first......rather than 911. I firmly believe that the sweet souls of

our beloved children were taken, rapidly, to that other peaceful realm.

My duaghter was praying in her bathroom..shortly after David's death,

and she said she heard his voice say "All I know is that I was sitting in

traffic one minute, and was in heaven the next". My daughter, Becky, is

not a drama-queen type of girl.....she actually understates things most

of the time. I believed her wholeheartedly, and to this day, this has brought

me a lot of comfort. I have no doubts at all that the trucker who killed my

son would have lied his A-- off about the wreck, had there not been 50 or more

witnesses, and the fact that his truck came to rest halfways down the off-

ramp at the freeway exit....(he wiped out 8 or 9 cars.in the crash)

He had already told things to the highway patrol that conflicted with what

quite a few of the other witness stated on record.He finally admitted that he was sleeping......

not able to keep awake for even his one local shift. One man that was involved in the crash ,

came to our son's wake, with a cast on his broken leg. It was so kind of him to come and offer condolences. David was the one person killed in that crash. I understand that crash scenes can be a

real challenge for the police to systematically sort out and record, but I agree

with you.....that they should not depend too heavily on the word of the driver

who caused the wreck---especially a fatal wreck. The driver has a bias to

make himself/herself look to be not responsible if he/she was at fault .

Your sweet Tris had angels there to lift her up, and not suffer.

Thanks for the wonderful pic of Tris and her grandpa. Lovely pic to keep

and treasure always.

Jena---I loved the story you posted about driving on your trip to Mexico

after your dear son had gone to his heavenly home, and the little bird flying

beside the car to keep up. What a message from your son.....to let you know

that he was right there with you. These messages & signs that we are lucky

enough to get are held in our hearts, and make us continue to be close to

our dear kids. Peace to you.

Dee----Sorry to learn of the three young girls involved in the fatal wreck with

the drunk driver going the wrong way.....and one being your former student,

of 12 yrs. ago. Praying for her recovery, and also praying for the families of

the two young girls who died....at the hands of someone else's criminal negligence.

My husband was cleaning up the garden for fall, and came into the house with

a large basket of green beans. I will give some to Becky, if she wants them, and

cook some for supper. How are your flowers doing? This time of year, ours seem

to be making a lovely and valiant effort to give us their 'last best color' before the frost

sets in.. .. About the snake in the sunroom being bothered by our kitty......I hope no

one here thought that it was any large snake....(I think that I neglected to say that

it was a small garter snake).....quite harmless, and we turned him loose to go on

his merry way.

Becky----Your sorrow and frustration about the way that your dear son,

J.D.'s accident was reported is so understandable. I have found that many times,

the truth and justice can get 'lost' due to negligence, indifference, and lies. The

girl who killed your son sounds like a liar and a very comtemptable person.....worthy

of anyone's scorn. Imagine----talking that disrespectful way about the victim in the

911 call. Totally wrong and disgusting. How heartless of her to not even try to offer

assistance and comfort to your son. I'm so sorry for you & your family. As you say,

nothing will bring back your dear boy, but he deserves justice. Sometimes it seems

as though the law is on the side of the one who caused the accident....(not for the victim,

and all of the excruciating pain the family endures), and that the police hope to just "wrap up" the

investigation and put it to rest. But, we....the families....can never do that....we rightly hope

for justice for our beloved child. As you can see....I feel strongly about this.

Also, I think that you are wise to delete your posts that you believe may be used against you, somehow. Seems there was concern about that, on this site quite a few years ago by one of the bereaved parents. I, too, wish that this site could be a more private site. Wishing you peace & comfort, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Sherry, a garter snake in the sunroom! Oh my, how I dread snakes. Even a little garter snake. Laurie, when my mother-in-law lay in the hospital towards the end suffering from colon cancer she began to tell us a story of two people that came to stand at her bed to talk to her. She asked them to go away and yet they persisted. They told her at one point that they had come to help her to cross over. She was a very stubborn woman and was in denial that she was dying. She actually called the desk to have them banned from visiting her. A few days before her death she again called for a nurse to come to her room to help escort our son who was dead from the hospital. She was afraid he would lose his way out as he had not been there before. The nurses on this palliative ward told us that they heard these stories daily. I am convinced that we are all given help through a guide or loved one that has previously passed to cross over. I take comfort in the knowledge that my son is now ok. It helps when I am feeling down and missing him.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Sherry, your words here today are so touching, that message to your Daughter, so perfectly helpful to everyone's heart, especially yours Sweet woman.

Shannon, never shorten anything you write thinking it should be short, we like to read you and each other.

I love the photo of Tris with her Great Grandad. So lovely and loving.

Laurie, thanks for the great intro to the book, I think I will have to read it.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and the stories of your beautiful Children. I think in many ways I'm doing worse instead of better but maybe that's part of this. Now that some of the shock is falling away. I don't sleep well at all and I know that doesn't help. I'm thinking of talking to my doctor about giving me something just to help me fall asleep. It's hard to even eat. I'm trying but can't eat much. When I do I try to eat something healthy though. I've lost 20 pounds since June. I'm so heartbroken and sad.

Laurie,

Thank you for sharing that book. I think I will read it too.

Jena,

I love the story of the bird on your way to Mexico. These are the ways our precious ones show us they are always with us.

Shannon

[ericasmom]

Shannon, I never lost that much weight in my early grief adn LORD knows that in my menopausal years, I have put weight on which disturbs me greatly. Oh well. You must take care Sweetie, can you handle yogurt? Smoothies? Toast and cream cheese or peanut butter? Just a little several times per day. We don't want you to get anemic or immune deficient. And yes, it is part of it, when that large first or second layer of shock sheds, the sleep issues increase as do some other anxiety-directed things, different for everyone, but oh so familiar.

I too loved that story Jen, of that precious bird staying near your car, being a part of the family trip. Love it.

Kate, I love that you shared the stories of your MIL and the Angels, most especially your Angel Boy.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

That's what I've been trying to do, Dee. I just feel so nauseated most of the time. I agree, enough is enough with the weight loss.

Yes, Kate, thank you for sharing your Mother In Laws experience. It helps to hear these stories.

Shannon

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thank you all, Shannon, Dee, Sherry, Laurie, for sharing the weight of this burden of pain with me. I know you understand. It seems as no two days are the same on this walk.

Sherry, my daughter also had a dream, where she went into Jared's room and he was there! She was oh so happy to see him again, and to hug him, and tell him how much she had missed him, and then she looked at him and asked him "so what was it like"? She said that he smiled at her, and said "you mean how was it to die"? Then smiling, with that twinkle in his eye, he pointed his index finger up in front of her, as if to say 'wait for it', and then in that instant she woke up, inhaling sharply like catching your breath when rising from the water, and realized that his message to her was that was exactly how quickly he had passed from this life into the beyond. It gave her a lot of peace.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Becky, that dream sounds like a wonderful gift to your Daughter and of course then, to you and your Husband. Lovely. I have always believed in the power of these visits, the power and strength of Angels to communicate and to be near. I love the way the Laurie's book describes the veil as that is a word many of us have used in describing the proximity of our Babies.

Lora, you okay?

Gretchen?

Colleen?

Carol?

Leah?

Trudi our Aussie dear?

Brenda?

Rhonda?

Shannon, have you ever had crystalized ginger? I buy it in the baking aisle of the grocery, when my stomach acts up I take a few pieces out and suck on them and chew them and boy, that really helps my stomach. When Eri was here, she did not have the turn off switch when she threw up, she could not stop and I would have to take her to the doctor for a shot to stop her. Someone told me about ginger tea and so I would brew some when Eri's stomach was bad, either due to flu or to acid reflux, which she developed, and it took her stomach right back to normal within about 10 minutes. It is pretty wonderful stuff, it may not be a flavor you like, it is pungent but it works to settle very quickly. Good luck with that.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thanks Lori, Dee for the suggestions. I was doing better but three months came and it's like the wind was knocked out of me all over again.

Becky and Sherry, Thank you for sharing your daughters dreams. That is such a wonderful thing when that happens. Aiden has had a couple of dream visits from Tris. He's only four but they are so vivid for him.

Shannon

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Dee, we posted at the same time. I will look for the ginger at the grocery. Thanks!

[Mermaid Tears]

have been at Port 'A' with daughter and GRANDdaughter...had a dream of your son, ...J.D....Becky....while I was there....he was a little older...it was at the best conuvaluted....but he came through....don't know why...all I can do is tell you...for I feel like I should....don't know where or when or why.....but he is doing so good...and growing...is all I can say from my dream...isn't that so darn strange....??

by the way... I am not crazy....

[Mermaid Tears]

am sorry I did not spell it right... I mean't....convoluted....

[lovU2themoon]

thank you all for your kind words about my family picture

my boy was a mama's boy thru and thru, still loved a hug and a kiss goodnite, and always hug bear hugs.

He loved his sister, they were so close. We are so sad that he is no longer here. As the rest of you are your loved one is not here.

Shannon, i to am not eating, been a month tomorrow, and i am 10 pounds down, i am just not able to eat. and on ativan for anxiety and something to sleep. I could not function right now with out it. the pain is just to great. I have a great doctor who is a great help.

I find it so painfully hard! My daughter is with me and has moved back in so we can figure this out together.

but its just so fricken painful and unbelievable. He was such an important part of our little family.

[Mermaid Tears]

had a lot to do and that is why my post was short....I guess it shows how we care for each other and our angels that I had a dream of Jared...when I woke up....I thought...'that was Becky's son, J.D. in my dream'.....just there....looking a little older in some way...but very happy....or at least in my dream I knew he was happy. Most of my dreams have no rhyme or reason...I try to figure some out...some are just so strange...I just mark it up to dream nature. More later.

[ericasmom]

Love you to the moon, the photo is gorgeous, I love the easy laughter. Beautiful.

Susan, how nice that J came through to let you know that he is really well-perhaps he is hanging out with John David and the two of them were visiting each others earthly homes.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

had a lot to do and that is why my post was short....I guess it shows how we care for each other and our angels that I had a dream of Jared...when I woke up....I thought...'that was Becky's son, J.D. in my dream'.....just there....looking a little older in some way...but very happy....or at least in my dream I knew he was happy. Most of my dreams have no rhyme or reason...I try to figure some out...some are just so strange...I just mark it up to dream nature. More later.

Love you to the moon, the photo is gorgeous, I love the easy laughter. Beautiful.

Susan, how nice that J came through to let you know that he is really well-perhaps he is hanging out with John David and the two of them were visiting each others earthly homes.

Wow, Susan, that is awesome!

Dee, The thought of both JD's hangin' out and looking over us warms my heart!

I have only had two dreams of my Jared Daniel (J.D.) since losing him almost two years ago. The first he was sitting on a 5gal bucket in the roadway, watching as many many people were there picking up debris from the roadway. I walked over to him, and he stood and hugged me, and it seemed as though we were comforting each other, and saying that everything would be alright. The second dream I had was very brief, just about a month ago, I dreamt that I opened my phone and had a video message, where he appeared sitting in the driver's seat of his Mustang that we have restored, and was smiling and laughing, and then said "how ya like me now"? It would be just like something he would say. I was so startled in my dream to see him and hear his voice, that I dropped the phone! Another thing that would be just like him, as he used to jump out and scare me hiding around a corner, and then would laugh and hug me! So my response to this dream was to look up to the sky and say to him "yep, you got me"!

Susan, I don't know if you had a chance to even read my post about the pain I was in because of the circumstances and the lack of human intervention at the time of the crash, and the lack of justice, but those thoughts have overwhelmed me lately, and it is so comforting to have some assurance that my angel is well and happy!

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes...that thought came to me...that the two J.D.'s were hanging together....Dee...how is the book coming along ? I know your spare time is very spare now....with school and all the paper work...so many of my teacher friends love to teach and their students give them such happiness....but the paper work is very time invested.

About deleting certain messages....I have not read one word on this site that could be used in any court room or in a legal way against any parent. I would be the first to contact anyone with a warning. All parents on this site are simply 'standing in place'....'standing up'.....for their child. There has not been a line crossed that could be used against any parent.

Feel free to post what is in your heart....or knowledge you want to share...or emotions that you are feeling....and it doesn't matter how long....for we know on this site....you are safe here and can let your heartache...heart sick words have light. You and I have a need to be heard. We need to be in a safe circle of people that understand what is behind our sorrow. We need people that understand why we have our good days...bitter days...worse days...beyond sad days. Why we can't sleep. Why we can't eat. Why we seek answers to unanswered questions. Then the big why...why my child? Here....we can venture out in the unknowns that we find ourselves asking.

We may not find our answers. We may never find what we seek. At least....we can hold hands on this journey without our children.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

Susan, I sent you a private message to explain my concerns and my reason for deleting certain information from some of my posts.

Laurie, our other J.D. mom, I love the picture from the cemetery! WOW!! I knew straightaway it was natural light, as I have seen those same rays in some of the pictures I have taken. Beautiful!

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I finally got a full nights sleep. I think my body just gave in.

Susan,

How awesome that you dreamed of Becky's J.D and could give that message to her! How was your trip?L

Becky,

What a perfect way for J.D. to reassure you as you've had those overwhelming thoughts and feelings come over you. Our Angels are amazing.

LoveU2themoon,

I've held off on taking anything but this insomnia is getting bad and having a four year old at home I don't have much chance to catch up if I can't sleep at night so I am going to talk with my doctor. As far as the weightloss, I just don't feel hungry and most of the time food doesn't even sound good. Many times I don't even realize I haven't eaten until I start to get shaky. I'm going to work on that and try some of the suggestions from others. Getting physically sick right now would be the worst thing I could do for myself and the boys. I'm so glad you have your daughter with you and you can hold onto each other right now. Your boy looks so sweet in those pictures! Thank you for sharing. What a beautiful family.

Laurie,

Thank you for posting that picture. So beautiful.

Dee,

Thank you for all the support you give!

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I'm going through a time of looking back over Trista's life. Savoring all the happy memories but the sad ones, the times she suffered or struggled with her anxiety or bullying are like a knife.

Shannon

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I'm going through a time of looking back over Trista's life. Savoring all the happy memories but the sad ones, the times she suffered or struggled with her anxiety or bullying are like a knife.

Shannon

Shannon, I still suffer from insomnia. I often fall asleep watching tv at night, then wake up and can't go back to sleep for hours. I take Tylenol PM, to help with pain of arthritis, and it will help me fall asleep initially, but then if anything causes me to wake up during the night, it will be hours before falling asleep again, and too late to take any more medication. I still look at the clock when I wake up in the morning, and so many times the time will be relevant to the time of the crash, or something to do with that night, often before my alarm is set to wake me.

I also find the memories of anyone that ever did anything to hurt my boy to be very painful, yet as angry and hurt as he would be at the time of it, he was also very forgiving, and never held a grudge for very long. I look forward to a time when all we can remember are the good times.

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....thank you for sharing that Amazing Grace photo....it brings hope to our hearts...and a shine to our spirits....and a lift in our love....

2themoon...we all can see a lot of 'Mama Love' wrapped around that SONshine boy and daughter...and guess what...?? You are the one who created it all....

I wish there was some way to make this journey easy....there is no going around it or under it...or trying to bypass it.....no side stepping....the only way is through it. He will hold you...He will not let you go.

[Mermaid Tears]

[shorty16]

Becky – During the first couple of years, every memory hurts. But as time goes on, I have learned to “turn the channel” on the memories that hurt to the memories that do not hurt. That takes a long time. Brian was a risk-taker. It seemed like I was always “re-directing” him. It has been over 5 years for us. I cannot tell you that I do not think of those bad memories, but I have learned to deal with them better. Prayers to you, Becky.

Shannon – Yes, when our children suffered, so did we. You are so new to this journey. Please be kind to yourself. The first year, for me, was nothing but shock, nothing but wondering if I was trapped in a night mare. But the court hearings we endured brought me back to the horrible reality. We are here to show you that there is life after the death of our child. We can survive this and be somewhat productive people. You are not alone.

Dee – Keep cool today. It is suppose to be very warm and humid. Think cool thoughts!!!!

OK, OK, I must bring it up. My beloved Packers lost yesterday. They put on a good show. Definitely not a blow-out. Anyone else a Packers fan?

LovU2the moon – All that you posted is all that I went through too. I was astonished at how physically painful this grief is. You will not feel this way forever. The intense pain does soften, but like our love for our kids, will never go away. Be kind to yourself – we have all been there. It has been over 5 years since Brian died. Hard to believe, but we living again – a different life, but we are here and functioning. You will too.

Laurie – You are approaching the 1 year mark. That is a really tough one. Almost surreal. You give good advice to those newer to this journey. Please remember, if you are ever in the Milwaukee area, please contact me. I would love to do lunch.

Colleen, Brian’s Mother Forever

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks for sharing that. I do know that slowly with time the pain starts to soften. Joy and happiness will once again star to drift into your life. It has been ages now since Jeff died. It does not seem possible that so much time has actually passed. Yes, for what seemed like ages... time stood still. But I can honestly tell you that even today with my husbands illness that we are finding happiness again. I know and firmly believe that my son has also found a better life beyond this. I also am convinced that he would definitely want me to continue moving forward living life to the fullest. Enjoying each and every day along with its challenges. We are forever altered by our loss. How could it be otherwise? Thinking of everyone today and wishing you peace. Kate

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Colleen and Kate,

Thank you for sharing and continuing to give hope that the pain will soften, we will slowly find some happiness again.

Becky,

Trista was much like Jared in that she always forgave.

It is so hard to think of the times Tris struggled. She was bullied a lot in middle school. We lived in a small town where most kids were not at all accepting of anyone different. Tris was always herself, from her mismatched clothes, purple streaks in her hair, down to her mismatched socks. She became a vegetarian at 11 years old and cared about animal rights. Even the friends she'd had from the time she was young turned their backs on her about that time.

One of the reasons we moved to the place we live now was for Tris. It's a much more progressive little town and felt maybe she would find a place for herself here. Unfortunately, the house we chose to rent was right on the line for the school district and she had to go to another school. One that was the exact opposite of the school we wanted her to go to. She only had to go there for a year but she was so miserable. The other kids called her "freak" for the way she dressed. They made fun of her for not eating meat. She came home crying daily. I had already promised her that she would not go there the following year even if I had to homeschool her. I tried to talk to the school officials and guidance counselor but they basically blew me off with a kids will be kids attitude. Tris fought back the best way possible, by continuing to be herself no matter what.

The following year we were able find a house that was in the other school district. Tris did so much better. She made friends with some great kids and was finally able to be herself without being picked on for it. I'm just so glad that she found that.

Shannon

[lovU2themoon]

" thanks for sharing your photo, it is a lovely photo of you and your Children. You hang on to us and know that our Children gather us together, (least that is what I think) they help guide us to this place where we can help each other as they know we need to do. They are with us in all the ways that they can be."

Thanks for the kind words, Dee,

I am just so hurt, i don't know how to ever make this feel any better, i pretend that i can do this, but i am screaming inside everywhere i go, I am barely hanging on most days, i want to here his voice, so i play a video from his gaming site, i want to see his face so i hold a picture close to my chest, i want to feel his hair, so i run my finger thru the locks the funeral home gave me, i want to hold his hand so i touch the thumb print necklace i have but i just feel worse and worse and ache more. Do i stop doing those things? do i keep pretending i'm ok and "i've got this" but i don't, not even a little.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, how was your trip?? are you still on it or are back home???

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Thanks Laurie,

Tris was who she was meant to be and never let anything, even the hard stuff change her. She was so beautiful and fun. She was kind as well. She always stuck up for other kids. I guess that's why I don't understand why she had to go through that. It was just a couple of really hard years. I'm so happy that she found her place and made some wonderful friends. I just wonder at the unfairness of it all when things were starting to go her way.

Jesse sounds like he was a lot of fun.

2themoon,

I also have a lock of Trista's hair. The funeral home did not do that for us but there was a woman at her services that had lost her teenage a son a few years before. She actually brought a pair of scissors with her and handed them to my Grandmother. She told her, "Do this for her. Someone did it for me and I'm so glad they did". I've wondered about some type of jewelry. Right now I keep it in a small medicine bag that I carry with me.

Shannon

[lovU2themoon]

lovu2themoon....your boy does so much look like a SONshine boy...I don't know if I missed it, but I cannot seem to find your son's name.....we all love to hear our children's names.....

I know the rawness of your grief... I still get hit really bad at times... I am so glad you have a lock of his hair... I want to get a piece of memorial jewelry that I can place Jesse's in to carry it with me...

My son's name is Lane Campbell Antosh, my name is Wanda, my daughters name is Lindsay.

I to am glad i have a lock of his hair.

He was a great kid, he "we" worked really hard to help him achieve his goals, he succeeded at so many things his last year of life, he set goals for himself and achieved them. This is something he wrote and I put it in his obit.

"Another birthday come and gone I am the big 17 now! And what a year it has been with ODS and everything so crazy, if you told me on this day a year ago if would have done a 40k hike, week long canoe trip and more, I would have said you were crazy but here I am doing all that and more. It has been a crazy year. Now in the closing minutes of my birthday I think about my grandfather and my great uncle Alan and how proud they would have been with me after doing everything I have done! Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes and here is for another year"

I miss him so much.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Laurie,

I love the story of Jesse's car being voted most ugly in the parking lot.

That was the way it was for Trista with the friends she made here. They just loved her for who she was. They would tease her about her Trista ways but in a fun loving way and she felt fully accepted and loved. I guess I need to focus on that and not what she went through before. It's just one of those Why's that I will never have the answer to in this world.

2themoon,

Thank you for sharing what Lane wrote. So moving and I'm so glad he was able to accomplish so much and feel so proud of himself.

Shannon

[daveydow1]

Kate----Your story of your MIL passing over is a lovely story. I, too,

believe that the others that were in her room with her were there to

help her cross over to her eternal life. When working as a nurse,

in hospitals and nursing homes, and home care, I, too, remember

people saying that someone was in their room, or angels were in

there......As it happened each time....it was not very long...within

a day when they did pass on. Oh...that snake did startle me....when

I went over to see just what the kitty was interested in and playing

with. When I saw the snake strike at the cat, it did catch me by surprise

because one doesn't expect to see a snake in their house. The kitty

seemed to be quite amused by the snake's temper. Glad we had the

kitty to alert us, and that we hurried the snake outside....pronto!

Laurie----thanks for the nice pic of the church with the beautiful rays

coming down. It must be a comfort to you that Jesse is buried at such

a lovely place. I didn't know that what I believed about heaven being

just on the other side of a thin veil, and not millions of miles away, was

a Celtic belief. I may have read it somewhere in the past....I don't remember.

But, I, too believe this way.

Shannon----I , so, hope that you will begin to feel somewhat better soon, and

that you can be able to keep some food down. As others have suggested,

try to eat just small amounts more often and see how you do. This upsetting

time for you is a part of the roller coaster---the highs and lows.....that we get

jerked through on this lousy road we're on. Sending prayers for you, friend.

Becky----Thanks for sharing your daughter's dream of J.D. with us. When we

share these things here on BI, it is helpful and uplifting for everyone when

our hopes that our kids are ok and happy, are reinforced by others experiences.

Dee----thanks for the hint to use crystallized ginger for nausea & vomiting, and

also for acid reflux. I get acid reflux often, and do not want to take the prescription

drugs for that, as I've read that when one tries to get off the med, that they get

terrible 'rebound' acid reflux......something that the drug companies do not tell

about in the literature included with the drug. I'd rather try something natural.

I tried some licorice tablets (GLD) I believe it is called, but it didn't help at all.

LovU2the moon------

Thanks for the lovely & delightful pic of you and your dear

son. Easy to see how happy you were on that day.

TAKE CARE EVERYONE,......AND WISHING EVERYONE A GOOD NIGHT'S REST.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Wanda, sometimes it is that pretending that you are going to make it that you find that you do. I think we all pretended in the beginning because there was absolutely nothing that we could do that made any sense. So we picked up the mail, made some food, did the laundry, but for what? Then we ask, who am I pretending for? Can't I just let myself be who I am now? The question though, ends with, " who the hell am I now?"

All of this is a terrible time of sorting out what is unimaginable, and yet, it is there each day waiting for us to do something with. All we can do Sweetie, is find a way to get some sunshine on us each day, drink some water every half hour, eat a tiny amount of food, take a walk if you can in order to get those muscles moving and to release some endorphins, and talk to your Sweet Lane. Talk to him and listen and watch for signs of his peace. There is no wrong way to grieve, unless you are harming yourself, then I would say that is wrong, mainly because our Children would hate that. Try to find a glimmer of light each day and stand in it and know that Lane is shining his light on you.