Loss of an Adult Child

[Lee's mum always]

Hi To All,

Kate that must have been so hard for you seeing the reminder for your Jeff's Eye-test. Hugs to you.

Shelly the site was down for me too earlier , i thought it was my computer! I am so sorry you are going through a tough time, I hope it eases for you soon.

I am out walking tomorrow in the Peak District which is close to where I live, Kate i think you will know this area, as you mentioned you have been to the UK on several occasions. It is the one thing that gives me a sense of peace, as the countryside is quiet and relaxing. I often wonder if Lee is around somewhere watching when i am out in the open... just a sense sometime that he is close by. He loved the Outdoor's and walking as i do.

I hope everyone has a Peaceful evening, it is very late here now. Sending Love and peace to all Indigo's . Lee's Mum Noreen.

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Del, I am so sorry about your brother...this is way too much to take in in so short a time. Nothing trumps the broken heart of a parent whose lost a child but added loss can definitely throw you. I know it must feel odd to be the last of a group, a tribe of sorts. My thoughts and prayers to you and prayers for your Brother to have reached the hands of Angels.

Kate, more surgery must have its own set of worries but I am glad that the doctors are aggressively addressing your husband's illness. Prayers continue as you move forward.

Sherry, look at you posting photos these days. Lovely view my dear.Yes, those days under the tree in a lawn chair sound mighty nice, but for now we have a full moon shining on the snow that fell in blizzard driven winds. We did not get more than 4 inches, maybe 5 and it stayed about 32 outside so it was easy to clean the car off after school. We might get more tonight which is great. The farmers in Illinois and Indiana-Wisconsin are all crying happy tears to have some moisture laying on the fields. Hooray for the snow.

Shelly, to a new day that feels much better than this one for you. Yes, when the seasons change or when we see the changes we are alarmed at the many months since our Babies were last here. Another season without them, how can time move when they are not here. The thing is, they are sitting right beside us, rooting for us and hoping for us to step forward and let a tiny bit of healing to be felt without guilt for letting it be done. In thier light, we move forward never without them in our hearts, never forgetting them, but forward as that is what they would want for us. When we fall backward with our heavy hearts, don't fear that you have lost ground, you have not, you are still way ahead of where you were, just needing some time to sit in the pieces that lay all around you. Sometimes that time allows us to see which piece we can fit back into our hearts.

[ericasmom]

Yes the site was down all morning for me.

[Mom of Chip]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Losing Chip was the ultimate, but now with my brother gone, too..makes one very aware of our time here on earth. Losing Chip and then my brother who was younger than me..They both should have outlived me. Just doesn't seem right...not part of the natural order of things.

I was supposed to start my new job(selling sewing machines) today, but my supervisor was nice about it all...She said to take the week off and come in next Tuesday....really glad to have the time this week to get myself together...We will have to travel to Austin for the funeral which is Saturday...about 3 hours away.

Glad spring is upon us. This dreary winter has taken a toll on me, I fear. My daffodils are blooming and the tulips will be up soon. Nice to see some color in the yard...and then the warmer weather when we can enjoy the pool. I'm getting antsy for the weather to warm up.

Kate...hope your hubby is feeling better....and take care of yourself..sometimes we get so wrapped up in caring for our ill loved ones that we forget about ourselves.........and I know what you mean about the computer..I am a complete idiot when it comes to computers...Chip was my salvation. He set up everything and showed how to use it. Every time I come across something that I don't quite know how to do, I talk to him and ask him to help get me thru it...and I guess he does give me a helping hand, because I do figure it out...eventually.....We are getting mail for Chip..trying to sell him stuff, and I occasionally get something for my dad who has been gone 11 years...like a stab in my heart.

Gretchen...I have two other children..a son and a daughter...and 5 grandchildren and one great-grand child. Chip had 2 daughters(ages 8 and 23) and a grandson...my other son, Kirk, has a 4 year old daughter, and my daughter, Candy, has a 16 year old daughter and 14 year old son. A nice clan of us..and they are very comforting to have around...always there when I need them..and sometimes when I don't. LOL

Cara...So excited for you that your son is getting into graduate school. Kind of makes our day when our other children are successful.

Peanuts Mom...stay put if you can. You don't need the frustration of moving right now...too far away from your son's burial place.

Sorry to see newbies here...but hang around. We are understand what you are going thru.

To everyone else..hope your days are getting better and better...and to those up north...stay inside and safe if you can...nasty weather you are having.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Losing Chip was the ultimate, but now with my brother gone, too..makes one very aware of our time here on earth. Losing Chip and then my brother who was younger than me..They both should have outlived me. Just doesn't seem right...not part of the natural order of things.

I was supposed to start my new job(selling sewing machines) today, but my supervisor was nice about it all...She said to take the week off and come in next Tuesday....really glad to have the time this week to get myself together...We will have to travel to Austin for the funeral which is Saturday...about 3 hours away.

Glad spring is upon us. This dreary winter has taken a toll on me, I fear. My daffodils are blooming and the tulips will be up soon. Nice to see some color in the yard...and then the warmer weather when we can enjoy the pool. I'm getting antsy for the weather to warm up.

Kate...hope your hubby is feeling better....and take care of yourself..sometimes we get so wrapped up in caring for our ill loved ones that we forget about ourselves.........and I know what you mean about the computer..I am a complete idiot when it comes to computers...Chip was my salvation. He set up everything and showed how to use it. Every time I come across something that I don't quite know how to do, I talk to him and ask him to help get me thru it...and I guess he does give me a helping hand, because I do figure it out...eventually.....We are getting mail for Chip..trying to sell him stuff, and I occasionally get something for my dad who has been gone 11 years...like a stab in my heart.

Gretchen...I have two other children..a son and a daughter...and 5 grandchildren and one great-grand child. Chip had 2 daughters(ages 8 and 23) and a grandson...my other son, Kirk, has a 4 year old daughter, and my daughter, Candy, has a 16 year old daughter and 14 year old son. A nice clan of us..and they are very comforting to have around...always there when I need them..and sometimes when I don't. LOL

Cara...So excited for you that your son is getting into graduate school. Kind of makes our day when our other children are successful.

Peanuts Mom...stay put if you can. You don't need the frustration of moving right now...too far away from your son's burial place.

Sorry to see newbies here...but hang around. We are understand what you are going thru.

To everyone else..hope your days are getting better and better...and to those up north...stay inside and safe if you can...nasty weather you are having.

Dell...so sorry you have another layer of grief to deal with....we know how hard it will be to attend 'another good-bye' for your family.....I recently lost my cousin and I just could not go to the Memorial service....I was too emotional...it bothered me that I could not attend...but it is what it is.....and there are times we have to draw a line in the sand to what we are capable of doing. Please know you and yours have our sympathy.

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes the site was down all morning for me.

In the subject of sewing....brought back a memory.....I was in High School...in Home Ec....we had to sew an apron...I fiddled around in class and the teacher said we could take it home over the week-end to finish it and bring it back on Monday to turn it in for a grade.....in our small Texas town...everyone knows everyone...and my Mom could sew so good....so she finished it for me......later when we got our grades my teacher wrote...."Your Mom got an 'A'...you got a 'O'.......I love to sew....but am only a straight stitcher...no ruffles or darts or gathers....just throw pillows and simple things....wish I could create some things for my granddaughters...but that will not happen....

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you everyone, I am excited for him, as long as he gets his funding he will be going to Chicago to get his masters in trauma counseling, his degree is in psychology and after Cara died he decided that is the area he wants to do his masters in.

Del, I am sorry to hear about the loss of your brother, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gretchen, how lovely of the school to give Forest his masters degree, anytime our children are recognized it is a good feeling that they are not forgotten. Cara was going to the same college as Jared did and would have started last fall, Jared's honors faternity made Cara an honory member. It warms the heart.

Sherry, what a lovely view, and I had my post done and there was an error, should be some way of getting it back.

Kate, I will definitely keep you and your husband in my prayers. That is strange that after three years you would get an appointment card, but I would say it is a sign from Jeff letting you know he is not far away and is with you, especially now when you need support.

Shelly, the winter has never been my favorite season but I can tell you that the darkness of winter has brought me down quite often this year. I am thankful we are getting longer days and some days with sunshine, not today of course, sleet and freezing rain. Hang in there, sometimes just letting it out makes a world of difference. Thoughts and prayers for you to receive some relief.

Becky, Congratulations on the road change in MD and hope you have continued success and get a call from DE.

Peanuts Mom, I agree with everyone, if you can stay there. He told you over Facebook, how old is he 15? I am sorry that you have to endure this kind of treatment and pain on top of the loss of your son. You are in my thoughts and prays.

Noreen, My daughter Cara was always happy and lived life to the fullest, too. I am thankful for that. Walking has helped me from the very beginning, Dee and I talk about how it makes us feel closer to our child when we are outdoors, too.

Dee, how is your back doing? I definitely want to get that book you posted the quote from, I will see if I can get it on my tablet.

Everyone, have a peaceful night and a good day tomorrow.

Lora....so happy you have some 'good' news....and the blessing of having a very talented son....makes me think of that song that goes..'we sure could use a little good news today'......my GRANDson had the lead in the play "Biloxi Blues" at Blinn Jr. College...my sister came in from San Antonio...his other grandparent's came in from Scottsdale...I had a small Pre-Play-Party at my house on Friday before the play....then we traveled to League City to visit our son and family...they moved to a new house and had a Baby boy in December...then Sunday we had more family to come..busy week-end....I find I really have to 'take some time' to get myself to another level to enjoy all that is going on...have gratitude for all the blessings...take one day at a time...for I know my family needs to have the good times and celebrate and we can't stay in 'grief'.....I know each of them are dealing with their grief in their own way....I do know for sure that Mother's seem to carry a very heavy load. At the party one of the guest asked a question about one of the photos of John David...how old he was when it was taken.....I could not answer for I felt a sob coming on....I excused myself and got control and came back and told the guest not to feel bad about asking....that that was normal for me...and then I could talk about him. Those things just happen so quick....I just don't know when something is going to make me go into a melt down...as I said before....just finding a 'new normal'.....

[tobyfreefoot]

http://www.lifegem.com/

forest's friend sent this today. if you happen to be living in that tax bracket it is a kind of neat idea,

[rlolheiser]

I am sorry that I haven't been responding, I don't get on as often as I used to. I hope you all know though, that I hold you in my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about our angels. Seems kind of strange, that sometimes it seems they are the only ones I have to talk to. :-)

JaBoa's mom is still doing well.. clean since October 1... we are still having a hard time getting the kids back to her. It is one hurdle after another. I feel we are getting a little closer though, I am going thorugh a homestudy and back ground check to get my grandson here. I feel like I have been drug through the ringer, but it is worth it. Whenever I see that face light up at me I know i am doing the right thing. I think the social worker here is seeing just how personal it is getting.. I guess I will just continue.. it seems what I do best.

I am sorry I have missed so many angelverseries. How precious they all are, and how near we hold them to us. So sad to see so many new parents here, but you will see this is a wonderful place to find your footing in the new world without your child. My grandaughter has been gone 6 years.. and sometimes the hurt is raw, but we learn how to get through it, definitely the hardest thing I ever had to do.

How I love seeing the pictures that every body posts.. our Angels.. our loved ones, the outdoor pictures.. thank you all for sharing! makes me feel good.

Things here are a lot the same, mom gets a little worse every day, but still healthy enough to stay with me.

My oldest daughter has been diagnosed with Lupis (not even sure of how to spell it) it answers a lot of questions concerning her health for a long time. she wants so bad to come out to the farm again, she wants to have her good days with her family around her, she is so afraid, she won't last, as for me... I can't even think that way... not in my ability right now...

My lungs are still sore.. seems a lot like last year, took me forever to get rid of whatever I had... I think my coughing is starting to ease up, maybe its almost over.

I had my first great grandson born last friday the 22, it was 2 days short of JaBoa's birthday, we were hoping, but it wasnt' meant to be. He is a cutie can't wait to get up to see him, I am hoping this weekend. going to try to post a picture of him. Raymond Lea (JaBoa's middle name)

My love and prayers to you all, Dee, Sherry, Carol, Kate, Rhonda, Gretchen, Betty, my brain is on vacation... to everybody.. near and dear to my heart, may you feel your angels always

[Jeff's Mom]

I am sorry that I haven't been responding, I don't get on as often as I used to. I hope you all know though, that I hold you in my heart. Not a day goes by that I don't think about our angels. Seems kind of strange, that sometimes it seems they are the only ones I have to talk to. :-)

JaBoa's mom is still doing well.. clean since October 1... we are still having a hard time getting the kids back to her. It is one hurdle after another. I feel we are getting a little closer though, I am going thorugh a homestudy and back ground check to get my grandson here. I feel like I have been drug through the ringer, but it is worth it. Whenever I see that face light up at me I know i am doing the right thing. I think the social worker here is seeing just how personal it is getting.. I guess I will just continue.. it seems what I do best.

I am sorry I have missed so many angelverseries. How precious they all are, and how near we hold them to us. So sad to see so many new parents here, but you will see this is a wonderful place to find your footing in the new world without your child. My grandaughter has been gone 6 years.. and sometimes the hurt is raw, but we learn how to get through it, definitely the hardest thing I ever had to do.

How I love seeing the pictures that every body posts.. our Angels.. our loved ones, the outdoor pictures.. thank you all for sharing! makes me feel good.

Things here are a lot the same, mom gets a little worse every day, but still healthy enough to stay with me.

My oldest daughter has been diagnosed with Lupis (not even sure of how to spell it) it answers a lot of questions concerning her health for a long time. she wants so bad to come out to the farm again, she wants to have her good days with her family around her, she is so afraid, she won't last, as for me... I can't even think that way... not in my ability right now...

My lungs are still sore.. seems a lot like last year, took me forever to get rid of whatever I had... I think my coughing is starting to ease up, maybe its almost over.

I had my first great grandson born last friday the 22, it was 2 days short of JaBoa's birthday, we were hoping, but it wasnt' meant to be. He is a cutie can't wait to get up to see him, I am hoping this weekend. going to try to post a picture of him. Raymond Lea (JaBoa's middle name)

My love and prayers to you all, Dee, Sherry, Carol, Kate, Rhonda, Gretchen, Betty, my brain is on vacation... to everybody.. near and dear to my heart, may you feel your angels always

Hi Leah, it is good to hear from you! What a beautiful baby Raymond is!!! Congratulations. There is nothing more lovely than a new life. I am glad you are keeping well. I have thought of you often. How is your Mom? Keep in touch and post when you can.

[ericasmom]

Leah, so good to see you, don't apologize, you do what you can and your life has been filled to the brim so we are always glad to know how you are. Did you have pneumonia? Sounds like it.

Baby Boy is adorable, so very lovely. Congratulations Sweetie. Glad to hear your Daughter is doing well, prayers for continued strength. You take care of YOU.

Susan, how nice to join in with the family to watch the play with your grandson in the lead. How proud you must have felt. It is so true, that we feel almost like foreigners at family events when we are grieving, trying to show the happy to the other members of your clan but it is sometimes so hard to express it. We can feel proud, happy, celebratory, but in grief, none of that feels real natural. It is okay, we sometimes push ourselves to re-learn how to do these kinds of things because our families do need some semblance of unity. Eventually, with time and more events, it does feel natural again to join in and happiness will be present without you having to cue it in. It will always feel tender and we will always have a missing space at our tables, at the events that bring families together, but riding along shotgun will be your Sweet Angel, present but just not in the way he used to be.

[Mermaid Tears]

Leah, so good to see you, don't apologize, you do what you can and your life has been filled to the brim so we are always glad to know how you are. Did you have pneumonia? Sounds like it.

Baby Boy is adorable, so very lovely. Congratulations Sweetie. Glad to hear your Daughter is doing well, prayers for continued strength. You take care of YOU.

Susan, how nice to join in with the family to watch the play with your grandson in the lead. How proud you must have felt. It is so true, that we feel almost like foreigners at family events when we are grieving, trying to show the happy to the other members of your clan but it is sometimes so hard to express it. We can feel proud, happy, celebratory, but in grief, none of that feels real natural. It is okay, we sometimes push ourselves to re-learn how to do these kinds of things because our families do need some semblance of unity. Eventually, with time and more events, it does feel natural again to join in and happiness will be present without you having to cue it in. It will always feel tender and we will always have a missing space at our tables, at the events that bring families together, but riding along shotgun will be your Sweet Angel, present but just not in the way he used to be.

Thank you, Dee....I should have known that other's have that same 'pull' on their hearts..."for everything there is a Season"....I feel happy we have so many blessings....and have that black-hole of deep sadness..the see-saw of what my life is like now....once again...and will have to remind myself again and again....to 'self-care'....and as you so remind me....with time...it will get better...and I will have my footing...and learn to walk the 'new normal'.....this site has opened a window of knowing I am not alone....I really like what you wrote....about our angels riding shot gun beside us....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Give me strength, oh God, to continue to walk the path to truth, bravely steadfast, trusting your words.

[Mermaid Tears]

Give me strength, oh God, to continue to walk the path to truth, bravely steadfast, trusting your words.

Our warrior Mom....He will be with you...always

[summergirl]

Hello dear friends - I so wish I could find myself here way more often than I am - life seems to be getting in the way and I need to do some rearranging...

It has been a long winter already and it is only the last day of February - you know I am a summergirl...but I will not complain as life is too short as we all know way to well. Tavian is doing good - we are finally all healthy again and hope to stay that way, I have been sick three times this winter and that is enough.

Today I am remembering my little brother Billy - 12 year Angelversary - I miss him ..... His son Michael is 16 now and doing well, still talks about his "dad" which makes me smile...he was just 4 years old but the memories he shares shows just how close they were.....

I am going to post a couple of pics and say good nite.......Although I am not here so much anymore there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of all of you...you are and always will be my family....Love, Strength and Peace. Kathy

My little brother Billy....I love you

My son - before and after pictures - he has lost alot of weight and is working out at the gym ...I am so proud of him......

[ericasmom]

Kathy, you are always a part of this family, everyone who ever spent time here and shared their hearts are a part of this family. When you aren't here for a long while, your spot here remains. Just good to know you are fine. Your Son looks great, good for him. Prayers for your Little Bro.

Peace all on this slippery morning.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Maryland: Unpopulated area of roadway just south of our portion of roadway.

Delaware:Populated half mile strip just above the farmland area.

Thank you to Maryland Roads, who today lowered the speed limit just south of the area of Providence Church Rd. to 40mph. From West Line to Waller Rds. Hopefully DelDot will now consider our request to lower our POPULATED area from 50mph to 35mph, as we petitioned for.

[tobyfreefoot]

becky--hurray!!! your efforts have been phenomenal!!!

[Mermaid Tears]

Applause...applause for our Warrior Mom.....who in her grief...reached into her breaking heart...that there should be some way...to right a wrong....Becky...you knew it would not 'bring your boy' back..you knew 'it would not make it alright'.....but you knew....that your mourning had a strength to do 'the right thing' so another parent may not have to come face to face with the kind of loss and heartache that your family has suffered. I look around and am slowly coming up 'for air'..and want to reach out with something 'good' in my child's name....you have given me a new inspiration to step out and 'Just Do It'.....all of us on this site know better than others ...what it took out of you to resolve everyday to 'keep on with the keep on'....how heavy our hearts and feet can be....Blessings to you and yours.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Gretchen wrote:

becky--hurray!!! your efforts have been phenomenal!!!

Thank you Gretchen, and Susan! Just the first step, but hopefully it will result in Delaware taking a much closer look at the situation, and doing the right thing. We shall see.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi . well I had been dreading this month so much , but I looked out my window and told Brian this was going to be a hard month to get through and if he could cheer me up bring me a bird that I have not had at my feeder before .. well I went about getting dressed walked up stairs and something caught my eye and there it was a Red-Bellied Woodpecker just hanging there eating .. I grabbed my camera and was shaking so bad I didn't think the pictures would be very good. I have to say this has been the best camera These were taken across the room through triple pane glass as I was afraid that if I got any closer he would fly off. .. Brian has never let me down when I have ask for a sign. so I just wanted to share them with you.

​ Becky .. That is GREAT!

[ericasmom]

GO BECKY, and Jared thank you for being right there with your Momma as she fights the big fight to make change in your sweet name and the forever of the memories.

Brenda, Brian sure is listening isn't he? He hears you and delivers. That bird is lovely, and your photos just keep on amazing me. Beautiful. Yes, it is March, that month you dread but there on the first day is the hope that Brian is giving you. HOPE, to make the best decisions and the best in all the areas of your life. He believes in you as much as you believe in Him.

[daveydow1]

Leah----So good to see your post, my Indigo friend. It is good news

that your daughter is doing well. Congrats !!! on the new little great-

grandson. I bet he's a real cutie!. Sending thoughts & prayers for you,

your daughter, all the children, your mom. Peace to you.

Dee-----I heard about the storm in the far Midwest and the Chicago area.

I agree.....the farmers will welcome any moisture they can get....especially

after the 2012 drought. Snow helps a lot. I changed the calendar above

my computer today.....and it had a lot of pansies. Makes one think more

& more about spring.

Shelly----I'm so sorry that you had to leave work because of a 'meltdown'.

I know what you mean about "feeling it coming on".....the sorrow just

builds up, until it must be released by lots of tears. I, too, did the same

when I went back to work a bit too soon after David's death. I had to

be a 'people person' all my shift in the library, and then after closing up,

and getting in the car....I cried all the way home. Your loss of dear Sarah is

so very recent. As time goes by......the pain does get 'softer'. I know this

does not help a lot now, though. I pray your memories of sweet Sarah will

warm your heart & soul. Peace & comfort, friend.

Kate----We like sitting out there under the maple tree in summer. Our house

is on a nice gradual hillside, so we get a good view of everything, and like

seeing & hearing the birds all around. Lemonade......hmm....that's a good idea.

Lora----Yep, I hate when you type a long post and find errors, after you've

posted it to BI. If you mean how do you take the post back and fix the errors,...

click EDIT at the bottom of the posted message, and it takes you back to the

REPLY field, where you can correct the error, and then post it again....by

(clicking... SAVE Changes at the bottom of the field). It then takes your corrected

message back to the BI site. I hope this is what you mean.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Hi . well I had been dreading this month so much , but I looked out my window and told Brian this was going to be a hard month to get through and if he could cheer me up bring me a bird that I have not had at my feeder before .. well went about getting dressed walked up stairs and something caught my eye and there it was a Red-Bellied Woodpecker just hanging there eating .. I grabbed my camera and was shaking so bad I did n't think the pictures would be very good. I have to say this has been the best camera These were taken across the room through triple pane glass as I was afraid that if I got any closer he would fly off. .. Brian has never let me down when I have ask for a sign. so I just wanted to share them with you.

​ Becky .. That is GREAT!

I do believe your boy and nature are working hand in hand to give you what you need at this hard and sad time...John David's birthday is March 10th...and I am bracing myself for I know it will be a storm....it is what it is....and I will face the wind ....I so wish I did not have to face this...and could walk away. My Dad's birthday was the 17th. We are here for you and will 'listen' and hold you in our hearts...and reach out to you with all the care and faith that we can.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sending love and warm thoughts to everyone as this weekend begins. Noreen....thinking of you. Becky...well done! A very important thing that you have accomplished. Our angels would be so proud of you! Brenda...great pics of the woodpecker. Your camera is indeed a really good one. Lora....thinkingof you. Sherry...you worked in a library? I had always thought it would be great to be able to work in a library! Well my friends I am truly now an official senior. Why? MY hubby is now watching Doo Wop...I have to say that I am enjoying the music. It has me definitely wanting to dance. A little before my time,but that music is catchy. These guys can still sing even at their age. Sorry Jeff, U2 can't always take center stage. Have a good weekend everyone.

[ericasmom]

Susan, I know that this birthday of your Son's will be a hard one for you...for all who miss him. He on will be smiling on you and saying thank you to you for being his beloved Momma and bringing him to this world. It will always mark a day of great fortune, that day of his Birth.

Sherry, I will change my calendar, usually days sometimes weeks after the fact, but you reminded me, so I will change mine right now...Mine is a Magritte Calendar here in my office, (messy messy office) and Mrach shows the painting he made of a bird in the foreground, flying against a night sky. The bird is filled with the day sky of clouds, below her, a nest with three white eggs. I love Magritte.

Later I will post the words to a song I LOVE, heard it today while my students were in PE and began to cry and felt impelled to write. It is a band called Beach House, and the song is MYTH.

[ericasmom]

• 
  

Drifting in and out

See the road you’re on

You came rolling down the cheek

You say just what you need

And in between It’s never as it seems

Help me to make it

Help me to make it

If you built yourself a myth

You'd know just what to give

What comes after this Momentary bliss

The consequence Of what you do to me [ From: http://www.metrolyri...each-house.html ]

Help me to make it Help me to make it

Found yourself in a new direction Aeons far from the sun Can you come?

Would they come to breach you?

Let you know you’re not the only one

You can’t keep hangin' on To all that’s dead and gone If you built yourself a myth

You'd know just what to give Do you lie? Oh, let the ashes fly

Help me to make it

Help me to make it

[ericasmom]

• Seems so like the words we speak in our deepest sad places.
  
• 
  

Drifting in and out

See the road you’re on

You came rolling down the cheek

You say just what you need

And in between It’s never as it seems

Help me to make it

Help me to make it

If you built yourself a myth

You'd know just what to give

What comes after this Momentary bliss

The consequence Of what you do to me [ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/myth-lyrics-beach-house.html ]

Help me to make it Help me to make it

Found yourself in a new direction Aeons far from the sun Can you come?

Would they come to breach you?

Let you know you’re not the only one

You can’t keep hangin' on To all that’s dead and gone If you built yourself a myth

You'd know just what to give Do you lie? Oh, let the ashes fly

Help me to make it

Help me to make it

[JD's Mom, Becky]

We petitioned DelDot after my son, 15 year old Jared, was killed on Providence Church Rd, in Delaware, only 1/4 mile from our driveway. Our argument was and is, that at 50mph, the current speed, a biker, pedestrian, jogger, etc., have NO chance of survival, but according to National Highway Safety commission, 35mph would cut the chance of death in HALF! We turned in a petition with 915 names making a request for this change, but to no avail to date. They couldn't find a good reason according to their book of standards.

I was asked to post this poster that I made today, to the FB page of our State Senator, who is involved in trying to make this reduction of speed on our road, Providence Church Rd., a reality.

I pray that this is the incentive that DelDot needs, (someone else making the first move) to justify honoring our request.

I got so excited when I saw the sign go up this morning, even though I realize it's only the first step, we still need DelDot to follow through on the Delaware side. Then at the end of the day, the exhilaration turns to sadness, as I do realize that nothing I do will bring back my child. I know he is proud of our efforts for change, as he was very much about changing wrongs where you saw them.

There is still much to do, but if we get this done, I think it will give me the strength to keep on "keeping on" as Susan said. There have been days when it seemed so hopeless, and I wondered what on earth was I doing.

As I sat here this morning, moving the pics I took of the new speed sign on the Maryland side, and posting them, my son sent me signs that he sees me and approves! I had the photobox plugged in on the table next to my computer desk, and the sound came on by itself, playing "It's amazing", one of the songs out of the collection of his favorites that we played at his funeral!

Thank you to all that have been so supportive!

[Jeff's Mom]

• Seems so like the words we speak in our deepest sad places.
  
• 
  

Drifting in and out

See the road you’re on

You came rolling down the cheek

You say just what you need

And in between It’s never as it seems

Help me to make it

Help me to make it

If you built yourself a myth

You'd know just what to give

What comes after this Momentary bliss

The consequence Of what you do to me [ From: http://www.metrolyri...each-house.html ]

Help me to make it Help me to make it

Found yourself in a new direction Aeons far from the sun Can you come?

Would they come to breach you?

Let you know you’re not the only one

You can’t keep hangin' on To all that’s dead and gone If you built yourself a myth

You'd know just what to give Do you lie? Oh, let the ashes fly

Help me to make it

Help me to make it

Thanks Dee, for the song. Yes, I agree it does speak volumes about how we are feeling. I am sitting here and smiling to myself as I hear this Doo Wop music. Before my time, but these guys are so good. The outfits are so funny and yet can they ever carry a tune. Having said that I am about to call it a night and tune to something else. Love to all, Kate

[Sholl1955]

Well, February is finally gone. I did not anticipate all of the memories of February a year ago to come rolling back so vividly.. Now we are coming close to the 1st anniversary and I don't want to get there. I am feeling alot of turmoil and cannot even put words to it. Oh how I miss her.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Sandy, that turmoil is huge, I remember it well and still experience it to a different degree now nearly 10 years later...but that first and second year it is huge. I felt agitated for two months before the first anniversary, and once the date went by, I felt much less agitated. The numbers of the day that we said goodbye, those dates will always be our hardest days, no denying. I have met a lot of folks here Sandy, and each approached those firsts with that same agitation and turmoil. How could we not? Just keep coming here and let us hold your hand as you find your steps through this incredibly hard time.

Some people want that date to themselves, unsure of how they will cope, others want to surround themselves with those others who loved that person best. You may have to wait until that day to decide, but just know we are saying prayers and sending hope as best we can.

Your Daughter is rooting for you Sandy, hoping that her light will shine the way forward for you all.

[Sholl1955]

Thanks Dee, I so needed to hear from someone who understands.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

There is no deeper ache Sandy, so let your ache out with us and know that the range of feelings is normal in this not-normal situation. Hang on to your sweet memories, and know that we are still here for a reason, we still have work to do.

Rest when you can, be kind to yourself, your body and soul.

Peace one day

[BrendaDup59]

Hi,

Dee, Thank you so much ,you always seem to have the right words

Mermaid tears.. Thank you also and I do think Brian and Nature are working together .. it truly amazes me that when I have ask Brian for a sign he has not let me down ,and I am so grateful for that.

Sandy, I had the same ting happen to me the month of February all the memories and still with the beginning of March I remember certain phone calls leading up the that horrible day. I was planning on doing something on the 17 ,but have decided it will just be too hard so I am going to plant a rose bush ,believe it or not my son loved flowers ,he loved my moms roses , he would say I'm digging that one up grandma when I get a house! .. so I am going to find the prettiest rose bush I can find in him memory . just know I will be thinking about you .

By the way Mr Woody as I have named him did come back a second time and I got a few more pictures .. Have you ever seen a wood peckers tongue? well you have now if you look close ..

​ Thinking of everyone .. Love Brenda

[tobyfreefoot]

wow brenda! bird watcher all my life never saw a woodpecker tongue! thank brian for me!!! (see how your child lives on and still adding to people's lives!) think his birth, his death, your love and posting all combined to show me this! what a world

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....that song was very moving....and I have to agree...with what someone posted...those are the words that are in our hearts....help me make it.....

Here is March...and many are facing 'that date' which will be written forever...over and over...and we can't run away from it....we will face it head on....in our own way....Dee said to face it in what ever way is meant for you....with others...by yourself....but...please...be very, very considerate of yourself...pamper yourself..put yourself first..."Your Self"....is very important....I notice so many Mothers on this site....and the bond between a Mother and Child is not only unique...but many say the strongest of all....and even death cannot break it.....and we 'care' for that child in the same way as when they walked beside us....

The Rose bush is a very meaningful way to pay tribute..for it is a personal memory between you and your child....and think of the beauty it will give as it grows....

I had a very 'social' week-end last week...and have had plumbers at my house all week replacing all of our water pipes...I like to buy an older home....for the trees...I love big trees...and when you buy an older home....well...the pipes are old, too....quite a job...and I find that with all the people from last week-end....and now having people all week....I am very out of sorts...I guess I need my 'alone' time kind of phase is not over....they will be back on Monday and finish the job on Tuesday...I have had to push myself to buy the new toilets, sinks, faucets..etc....usually that is a great adventure and fun way for me to create...I miss 'myself' at times....but I guess it goes along with missing him so much, too.

I have a very emotional 'sign' to share with all of you....but later....I need to settle down and get something done around here....my office looks like someone turned it over and shook it....my daughter said last night..."Mom...how can you find anything here"?.....and I had not really noticed....blessings to all out there...

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, well he did not let me down today .. I have NEVER had so many birds in my yard in all the years that I have been doing this , The Canary came back today,

Male Red-Bellied Woodpecker brought his girl , dozens of Cardinals , and the Male white Breasted Nuthatch showed up with the female but I didn't get a good picture of her what a day! to have all of the birds I had ask Brian at one time or another all come in the same day ? the only one that didn't was the Cooper Hawk .. I am just so overwhelmed with what happen today ..Here is just a sample .. Love Brenda

[tobyfreefoot]

brenda your pictures are really excellent. how in the world did you get a canary? are they wild? i am so glad you can see the gift and love of your son, my son i believe has been leaving me stars off my shoes that i traipsed in from the cemetery, long story but gives me a moment of happiness

[BrendaDup59]

brenda your pictures are really excellent. how in the world did you get a canary? are they wild? i am so glad you can see the gift and love of your son, my son i believe has been leaving me stars off my shoes that i traipsed in from the cemetery, long story but gives me a moment of happiness

Gretchen.. Thanks, as for the Canary , someone either lost it (Got away) or they released it, I have been seeing it since January and really didn't think it would make it through the winter but it has .. I wish I could catch it but not a chance .. well I noticed a couple of House finches with conjunctivitis so I have to bring in my feeders and clean them with bleach so it doesn't spread to the other birds . so I wont be posting Bird pics for a week unless they just land in my yard . I hate that . well Glad Forest is also leaving you signs . I have just had too many to not believe in them ,Love Brenda

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, love the thought of stars from your shoes. Love it.

Brenda, pink eye in birds? Wow, you have far more info. than I will ever have on birds. But i sure do love the added photos.

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo’s, first, Becky. Congratulations. No easy feat going up against the big boys and girls. Lets hope Delaware follows right along.

Brenda, beautiful pictures as always and I agree with Kate, publish a calendar. I worked a little ot today and though I would visit a bird sanctuary near by. Now I don't mind the cold so much it's the wind that cuts through me. So, inside today. Maybe someday when I sit still long enough outside I may just get a good bird picture. Hang on.

March seems to be a difficult month for many here . Mermaid Tears, we are right here with you.

I probably wrote of my sister before. My big sister Christal. She was born 4 days after Christmas. She was living outside of Memphis, TN when she was admitted to the hospital for a procedure to unblock a brain aneurysm. She came out of that OK however she suffered a small, ( is there such a thing?) stroke. While in the ICU the hospital killed her. A nurse forget to wash her hands and infected my sister with e.coli. She was gone in 3 days. She was 43. I made it there before she died and always hoped she heard me when I was talking to her those last hours. She left behind a husband and 2 children. Her oldest in college and her daughter, just 16. I attended my nieces wedding this past June.

Just a couple of weeks ago I heard from my sister in-law, my brothers ex. They also lost a son, to cancer, his name is Patrick and he was 14. I think we are cursed. But, getting to the point of this ramble I was looking for pictures of Patrick to give to his mom, didn't find them yet, came upon one of my sister when she was around 20, maybe younger. And right after that I found a picture of my paternal grandmother. Dee, my grandmother was also a teacher and I always found it funny that she graduated from the State Normal College, later, State Teachers College. So, here they both are. Christal has been gone 10 years this spring.

And one of Rich playing in the pool. And me and Christal.

[mysonrich]

Brenda, I paid a visit to your photo account and found the pic of the Cardinal. I think he has a very interesting look.

[daveydow1]

Becky----I so admire your determination to get the speed limit changed

on your road. Do you live close to the state line of MD and Del.? Thanks

for the poster. As you know so well.....it takes so much determination

and effort to get anything done with the highway dept. & laws. I wish you

success. So good that you are getting signs from your dear boy, JD, and

the song "It's Amazing"....coming on shows JD is right there with you

every moment of the day and night.

Kate----Yes,....I worked for quite a few years at a small town library, after

I left the nursing field. I found it to be a job that I truly enjoyed. Put me

in the middle of stacks of books, and I'm happy! My husband watches

the Doo-Wop shows too. I will catch them once in awhile, but like you....

I find myself changing the channel after awhile.

Dee----Your calendar sounds lovely. I love calendars, it seems. I have

them all through the house......ones with flowers, horses, tractors,

Courier & Ives, and one of children's art. I choose different ones every

year, so I get a real variety. Thanks for the song. So haunting and

beautiful......know what you mean about the tears coming on.

Sandy----Thinking of you as you face these difficult and sad days. As

someone said....just be kind to yourself. Pease & prayers.

Brenda----Great bird pics !!! Thanks.

Gretchen---Glad that you are getting signs from your dear son, Forest.

He's smiling down to warm your heart.

Mermaidtears----

Also thinking of you in your days ahead. These early

times are so painful. Just keep coming back to BI. We're here for you.

Betsy----

Thanks for the nice pics of your sister. I'm sorry for your loss of your

sister......she was so young. It must be so painful to think that she had contracted

a fatal infection at the hospital. You must miss her a lot. She is a lovely woman.

You have had so much loss in your family,.....and I remember you telling us of dear

Patrick's death at the age of 14. Sending thoughts & prayers, friend.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[BrendaDup59]

Dee this is what it is called I added it below .., so far from what I have read it can effect the Gold finches , I read one thing it says to clean them with 10% bleach let them dry and put them back out the other says to clean them and keep them up for a week .. ,It is kinda sad since they go blind and will starve , I watched a male house finch carry food to the female ... sad but I am going to clean them and leave them in for awhile , I have a lot of gold finches and I don't want them to end up with it. ..and thanks I am glad you enjoy the pics

Mycoplasmal conjunctivitis, as the disease is commonly called, is caused by a unique strain of Mycoplasma gallisepticum, a parasitic bacterium previously known to infect only poultry.

​Betsy, If I depended on myself getting out to take my pictures there would be none. all my Bird photos are taken from my bedroom window .. yep through triple pane glass , I just keep it as clean as I can . I have trees and lots of Crape Myrtle in my yard and a huge butterfly Bush so they have lots of cover and I have feeders out .. in the summer I put umbrellas over my feeder to give them shade I would say 90 % of my pictures are taken through glass .. I started doing this about 5 years ago ,I have always loved birds ,I use to have a lot of them but not since about 1995. . I love the cardinals .. are you talking about my flicker account? well have a good evening .

[tobyfreefoot]

brenda - so glad to know you are watching out for the birds.

betsy - first i am saddened to see you lost such a lovely sister. i never had a sister, nor has my daughter but my mom had two, one still living and they have such a wonderful friendship. i'm sorry for so much tragedy dealt to your family.

second thank you for posting the petition about time off work. i needed it so badly but after much begging i managed to only get two weeks off when forest died. here are pics of my job. i am all alone in this room operating these machines.

[Guest]

.

[Lee's mum always]

Hi To all Indigo's

I haven't felt like posting , but i have been reading everyday, this site is such a comfort to me, as i know it is for other's. some of you have such wonderful birds in your garden's that we do not have over here. We mostly have Bluetits, Robins , Blackbirds, and Sparrows, and the occasional bird that don't I recognise , but it a nice surprise in the Garden when we do.

It's good to know that Spring is just around the corner here, winter has seemed very long this time, Its not my favourite season, since Lee had his accident on New year's eve in 2011, his birthday is also on the 3rd January, so I am always glad to see the Winter gone.

I hope you have a Peaceful day, thinking of you all. Lee's mum. Noreen.

[tobyfreefoot]

hey lora i'm sorry to hear your ex is making your monument experience difficult. i met with my kids once and everyone got upset. in the end they just gave it all to me and it became a source of love and creativity for me. it helped me through months keeping me focused on the things that made forest who he was. i hope things change so it is not frustrating for you.

i make pins and dies for the blocks that extrude copper tubing. i work at a copper tubing factory that starts with raw copper, melts it in a giant furnace then continues through many processes to make 90 percent of the world's fin tube, 75 percent of which is made at our facility. i am the only one that does my job. i manually grind carbide pieces to precision of 2 tenths of a thousandth of an inch with this miserably antiquated machinery. my son in law is a machinist also, all he has to do is program a computer and set up automated equipment. anyway the point being i used to run a fin machine that malfunctioned and had 10' of tendon, 4' of nerve from my arm, 2 fingers pulled off and one exploded with 2 broken knuckles. i am all alone in this room with pretty dangerous stuff, not a good scenario for a woman out of her mind with grief that sometimes was getting lost going home. sorry for the long rant but i was in no way, shape or form in a state to be isolated with my sorrow running such heavy stuff. bereavement leave would truly have been a godsend.

some friends stopped by the crash site today on their way to california and scattered iridescent hearts and stars among the rocks of the roadside memorial. the pics are gone but everything else seems intact.