Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora...I can understand your anxiety about choosing a memorial for Cara. The black granite does sound nice. Not an easy thing to do but you will have such a sense of satisfaction once it is done. Dee, sounds like your weekend was very nice. Getting caught up on chores around the home that have been put off are always something that make you feel good about once accomplished. Hopefully the wind does not get too strong. They closed our highways today due to strong winds blowing snow. It is again going to go down to -28C tonight. This is the winter that does not want to end. Sherry....how are you doing? Still pouring over the seed catalogues? I love looking over the spring collection. It at least makes me start to think that warm weather will finally arrive if I can only be patient a little longer. Anybody watch Downton Abbey last night? Oh my, what an ending for the season finale. I am hooked on that program. Aren't the costumes beautiful? The casting is supurb. You've got to love Maggie Smith and her one liners. Well, thinking of everyone. Have a good evening and stay warm! Love, Kate Oh, BTW...Surreal...hope you are ok. How have the past few days been?

[daveydow1]

JESSICA......SWEET GIRL JESSICA......ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

Kathy---Thinking of you and Tavian, and sending prayers.

Kate----Sorry that your husband is so tired and ill. ( I will say prayers

for him). The Polar Bear, Hudson, sounds just soooooo cute. Easy to

see why he's such a hit with everyone.

Dee-----Your story of having to end a long friendship because 'it no

longer felt like a friendship' is close to one that could be my own.

I had a friend since we were 10 years old, and it continued into our

young adulthood when our children were growing up. Although I

considered her a 'high maintainence' friend,....I didn't end it. Then,

it became more & more obvious that the two of us were growing in

very diverse directions,( for many reasons), and the friendship was affected. She was

very driven in her quest to get a couple of new businesses going,

and that was the total of all our conversations.....business. As I said, there

were so many reasons why the friendship should come to an end. I knew

for a good while that it would have to end sometime, but as fate

would have it......she relocated out of state...a far distance, and I

have not heard from her in at least 15 years. We didn't have any

arguments or 'words', so it just came to a natural end. You are right...

sometimes one must preserve peace of mind. Your friend showed

glaring insensitivity in comparing her breakup with the loser guy, to

your loss of your beloved child ERi. It's good that you did what had

to be done and have found peace in the decision. Many people don't

realize that friendships have to have a certain amount of effort on both

persons' parts or they can just fade out. I'm with you on the walks &

nature being so wonderfully beneficial to the heart & soul. There's

so much comfort in all of nature.

Brenda----I'm sorry that you have a difficult time with the relationship

with your DIL and her family. Kaleb is such a treasure to you.....sweet boy. Peace to you.

WISHING PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[mysonrich]

Jessica , Jessica, Jessica, saying your name out loud !

Summer Girl

[ericasmom]

Lora, that is funny, I am meeting Jonathan for dinner tonight. Enjoy your Son and Mom time. Picking out a stone is no easy task. Jon and his Daddy, and me worked to get a decision made, it is a flat pink stone, no photos, they were not that available 10 years ago. It is a SIMPLE PRETTY STONE, but it was a very tearful process for me.

Kate, my oh my those winds and temps up your way are quite busy this winter. Be warm and safe.

Sherry, Yes, saying goodbye to an old friend and ending the relationship makes me the bad-guy but it also had to be done, it wasn't going to get better and I simply had no more tolerance. THe statement she made about the boyfriend came 3 months or so after ERz died. BUt from there on more and more ways that she lived that just rubbed me the wrong way. Oh well, life changes and we change with it.

[Sholl1955]

What exactly is "Closure" when it comes to grief. I am told I should work through to closure. However life has changed, I am not the same person and there will never be closure for me. There can be no closure when you lose a child and I have no desire to have ay closure as I want to remember her always. I would like to tell a few people to go sit on a tack. But they just don't know what it is like.

Work went well today and I saw smiles on some of my clients that have not been there since I started. It is good to see that what you are doing is affecting others in a positive way.

I wish for all on here a good rest tonight.

Sandy

[Sholl1955]

What exactly is "Closure" when it comes to grief. I am told I should work through to closure. However life has changed, I am not the same person and there will never be closure for me. There can be no closure when you lose a child and I have no desire to have ay closure as I want to remember her always. I would like to tell a few people to go sit on a tack. But they just don't know what it is like.

Work went well today and I saw smiles on some of my clients that have not been there since I started. It is good to see that what you are doing is affecting others in a positive way.

I wish for all on here a good rest tonight.

Sandy

[mysonrich]

Sandy, I don't think there is closure. In time we learn to live with the loss of our child or children. I don't feel an acceptance either. Not in the sense that I think to myself, its ok. I've accepted this. Continuing on and living the best we know how is a life long learning experience.

Sherry, I like lobelia, lantana and angelonia for the flower boxes. With a little green mixed in. I’m still investigating .

Kate, I don't know if the wind always kicks up as it does here but it is windy. The temps aren't terribly low but when the sun starts to set the chill sets in. My bones tell me so.

Cara, I purchased an urn for Rich. 3 years later I took the time to endure the heartache to find another. The black granite is on the front of Rich's urn with a lasered picture of him.

Dee, the phone call I received last month from a long ago friend also brought sad news. My children s cousin, 48 years old,died. He had a life long drug problem and from what I was told, clean and sober when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, I last saw him at Rich's memorial service. Denny told me that he woke up in the middle of the night, during the night that Rich died. He seems Rich woke up a few of us.

a couple bird pics. I have been inspired but don't think birds are my thing.

eastern blue bird and Puff. My fingers were about to freeze off so it was a fast walk.

a good day to all.

[BrendaDup59]

Sandy, I don't think there is closure. In time we learn to live with the loss of our child or children. I don't feel an acceptance either. Not in the sense that I think to myself, its ok. I've accepted this. Continuing on and living the best we know how is a life long learning experience.

Sherry, I like lobelia, lantana and angelonia for the flower boxes. With a little green mixed in. I’m still investigating .

Kate, I don't know if the wind always kicks up as it does here but it is windy. The temps aren't terribly low but when the sun starts to set the chill sets in. My bones tell me so.

Cara, I purchased an urn for Rich. 3 years later I took the time to endure the heartache to find another. The black granite is on the front of Rich's urn with a lasered picture of him.

Dee, the phone call I received last month from a long ago friend also brought sad news. My children s cousin, 48 years old,died. He had a life long drug problem and from what I was told, clean and sober when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer, I last saw him at Rich's memorial service. Denny told me that he woke up in the middle of the night, during the night that Rich died. He seems Rich woke up a few of us.

a couple bird pics. I have been inspired but don't think birds are my thing.

eastern blue bird and Puff. My fingers were about to freeze off so it was a fast walk.

a good day to all.

Betsy, I would love to see a blue bird here they say they are in KY but I have never seen one .. the other come here in winter they are Junco's I know spring is here when I no longer see them. well I hope you keep trying you did great .. I am going to try and keep busy today to keep my mind busy. I hope you have a good day . Love Brenda

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....thank you for sharing your 'heart experience' to find your Baby Girl's stone...in sharing...you let us remember we are not alone...or the only ones that 'dread what we have to do'...there is that invisible pain...I feel at times...like my heart constricts...I do believe our hearts and souls are so connected...we can feel our hearts breaking. But we do what we have to do...because we are still their parents....we did what we had to do when they walked beside us....why should it not be the same if they are 'away' from us. I am still John David's Mom....and Mom took care to do all that was expected. I look back at the planning of the Memorial service....I think I had some super human supernatural strength....to have done all that was done...but then again...John David would have wanted me to do that for him and family and friends, he could always count on me to dot the i...and cross the t....why be any different than how it had always been ? As it is now. I hope you share it all with us....and let us be a part of that journey....each of you on this forum has had a great impact on me....your kindness and compassion has certainly been a balm on my sad and dark journey in grief....and each of you have helped me with your stories and your sharing...you really do help me get my day started...putting one foot in front of the other....maybe three steps back some days....but moving forward...letting me know that I am not alone with my feelings.

Dee...I do understand about cutting the cord on a friendship...but that is a big part in my discovery of doing my 'self care'....

[mikesmomrs]

JESSICA...JESSICA...JESSICA...saying your name, remembering your sweetness...celebrating your life...surround your mom with your beautiful spirit..

Kathy: so sorry this is late...was not on yesterday, out of town. Thinking of you and sending you love and comfort.

[BrendaDup59]

Dee. Here are some Bird pictures I took today and a few from yesterday .. I will be so glad when spring gets here so I have Green in my pictures. , just been a blah day .. my head feels like I am under water my left ear has a roar so annoying . I am just having a hard time doing anything except to lay in my bed and take pictures .. oh well Hope you and everyone are having as good a day as you can. Love to all Brenda

PS .. Had to include one of my Kaleb

[mysonrich]

Beautiful Brenda. I like the 3rd the best for birds. Kaleb is a fine looking young man !

What do you think of the head gear here?

I saw her at a faire

[BrendaDup59]

Beautiful Brenda. I like the 3rd the best for birds. Kaleb is a fine looking young man !

What do you think of the head gear here?

I saw her at a faire

wow, that is something.. and Thanks for the sweet compliments .. the 3rd pic is a Gold Finch ..

[daveydow1]

Brenda----Thanks for the great bird pics. You are an excellent photographer

of birds. You must have a very good camera to take such great pics. Also,

the pic of Kaleb is so good......he is a very handsome young man.

Sandy----

I so agree with you. When a parent who has lost a child hears

the word 'closure', and how we should go in that direction, it can be

very mystifying as to what it means. We will never close the door on the

part of our lives when we had our dear kids still with us. Peace to you.

Lora----- I agree with Mermaidtears,and I think it was wise of you to wait awhile

before picking out a stone for your dear Sarah. Too soon, and the emotions

are so very raw and we are vulnerable and in pain. We picked out a stone for

David about 2 or 3 mo. after his death. I cried and cried as the salesperson

asked for correct spellings and dates for the headstone. It seemed almost as

if it was just another thing in a long line that met us face-on as so final. Your stone

for dear Sarah will be so nice. I know that this must have been difficult for you, and my

heart goes out to you, and everyone facing a task that we would naturally

find unthinkable, and must be done.

Kate-----BRrrrrrrrr.... So cold there. And I thought it was cold here.

Betsy----

Your flowers for the window boxes will be lovely. Thanks for the birdie

pics. Sorry to hear of Denny's passing. May he rest in peace.

Dee-----Yes, I agree.....as far as parting ways with a friend.....especially a friend of

long duration can be hard to do.....even though we know deep down that it is

something that must be done. My friend I told you about didn't contact me in any

way when David died, although her daughter did send condolences, so I know that

she must have known. My old friend was always a fickle personality, and I liked her

despite many lies, but all in all,.....it's probably good that it ended the way that it did.

With her impulsiveness,.....she may one day call me out of the blue, but I really don't

think she will by this time. They say people don't really change, and I doubt that this

friend would ever shed her self-absorbed ways. I guess that I am relieved that

the friendship came to an end. Your friend was so rude to compare her breakup with

the loser, to your loss of ERz. I can see where that thoughtlessness would stay in one's mind

and on the soul. Snow ( not much), but windy today, and cold. Can't wait to get to March.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Friends....thank you for remembering my Jessica in your own special ways... (Thanks Greg - I love that song and would be upset if you changed it )

Jessica's best friend Ashley and I went out to the restaurant, the one where my Jessica breathed her last breath. I was not sure I could go there but once I was there it was as though it was meant to be....we laughed, talked and cried. We put flowers in the bathroom and I wrote a note my Jess - like I used to do the first year she was gone. The bartender was very sweet and promised he would keep the note so I could pick it up for Tavian's treasure box. I have to say that having Ashley spend the evening with me was so very special, we have remained close these past 7 years, she is like my "other daughter" and I love her dearly. Tavian and I went out for the whole day, we shopped and had lunch...we talked and laughed. We did not go to the cemetery as he said no, it made him too sad. It was not an easy day and never will be but I am very thankful and blessed to have those who help me through it....

I have to say we had 2 signs from our Jessica.....Tavian asked for a quarter to put into the "tattoo" machine and he got one with flowers on it and said "HOPE" !! The second one was when my hubby opened the mail and one was from someone looking for a donation and there was a bookmark in the envelope that said "Memoried Live In The Heart, What the Mind Forgets The Heart Remembers" and it was sourrounded by hearts.....I believe, I believe....

I am very tired tonite....the emotions of the days can weaken you, body, mind and spirit...so I will say good nite - Peace, strength and love to all....Kathy, Jessica's mom always

Tavian - go-kart riding

[aim630]

Kathy-I am sorry I missed Jessica's day, but I'm glad you had a good time with Ashley (one of my Ashley's best friends was Jessica!) It had to be difficult to be at that restaurant. I'm glad Jessica sent you some signs to let you know she is always near.

[ericasmom]

Kathy, I am glad that you had the day with Tavian and the evening with Ashley. Going back to the place that Jess was last at is a brave moment and I am so glad that you had a good time being there. That you can leave Jess a note there and come back for it for Tav, so nice. Jess felt at home there, as you do. Get some rest, those anniversaries can zap your energy. More because of the build up prior to the actual day. I am quite certain that Jess is so very proud of you and Barry and Tav, and her Brother too.

Betsy, I have never seen a bluebird in person either, how nice for you.

Brenda, those photos are breathtaking. I love the woodpecker shots and of course, love the Kaleb shot. He is so like Brian, my goodness.

Sherry, it was very cold here today adn it will be tomorrow too, at least in the AM and then we might get to 22.

Self-absorbed is the right descriptor for my friend too Sherry.

Susan, self care is essential from this point forward, we can't separate our spirit from our body when it comes to taking care of us. We must treat the whole self, the body and soul. If we don't give ourselves good nutrition, we make our bodies weaker and less able to keep ourselves working through grief. Grief takes a ton of energy, we need to get out in the sunlight each day if possible, we need to move our bodies each day if possible, we will feel better if we do, we need to eat right and drink water and juice throughout the day so that we replace our tears and do not dehydrate. I think that you are working very hard to find ways to live with this loss. I am very glad that you come here and feel the support of others. This is one of the big ways to take care of YOU, by coming here. Proud of you.

Amy, good to see you tonight, how is Kate doing?

[aim630]

Kate-I watch Downton Abbey, and didn't like the ending!

Dee-Katie met with the therapist last week and seemed to like her. She is going back after spring break. She scared me today because she insisted on driving 3 hrs home today to meet a friend who was having boy problems. It was snowing tonight, and she had to drive back tonight because she has an early morning midterm. She just texted and said she made it back safely (at midnight). She did not understand why I was nervous about her driving 3 hrs late at night in a snowstorm. Her friend's brother committed suicide years ago, so I understood Katie's worry. Another friend's mother and I could not find her parents number, so we called t he chaplain at her school t make her aware Sarah was having problems. (All I found out from Katie was boy problems)

We leave next Saturday (3-2) for Disney World. Looking forward to that, I haven't been since I was 6, almost 40 yrs ago! I dreamed of Ashley the other night. We were wondering why we hadn't bought her a ticket, and I was frantically trying to add a ticket for her. In my dream, I knew she had been sick, but I was telling myself there was no reason she couldn't go, and she was mad because we didn't buy her a ticket. I was in a funk the whole day after I woke up.

Thinking of you all. Now that I had to wait up to make sure Katie made it back to college, I don't think I'll be sleeping much tonight.

Amy/Ashley's mom

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee. Here are some Bird pictures I took today and a few from yesterday .. I will be so glad when spring gets here so I have Green in my pictures. , just been a blah day .. my head feels like I am under water my left ear has a roar so annoying . I am just having a hard time doing anything except to lay in my bed and take pictures .. oh well Hope you and everyone are having as good a day as you can. Love to all Brenda

PS .. Had to include one of my Kaleb

What a fine looking young man....you do have a natural talent for taking nature photos...thanks so much for sharing

[JD's Mom, Becky]

The law against texting is already in place in most states, but not highly enforced. I see people either with their phone to their ear, or texting while driving all the time. It's appalling. I don't know why people would take this kind of risk with their own lives and the lives of others around them.

[Jeff's Mom]

Amy...so glad that Katie followed though with her friend. You definitely did the right thing in contacting someone to mention your concern. It is better to follow through then regret it later if you saw signs and let it go. Enjoy Disney World. Have not been there for ages as well. We had a ball with the kids when we took them years ago. They were at just the right age. Yes, Downton ended with a surprise. I am looking forward to next season. Have you watched Call The Midwife? Chummy is just great in the role. Becky...I am very pleased that your efforts to end the use of cell phones while driving is bringing attention to the situation. Heavy fines are imposed up here for using them while driving. Very few people take that chance any longer. They just pull off of the road to make the call. Brenda...your photos are just terrific. Yes, the background of green foliage always add to the picture. Well, supposedly today is the last of the cold weather. Starting tomorrow it is going to climb back up to normal again. Hard to believe that on Sunday it rose to -1C. then in less than 24 hrs. it dipped to -30C again! Bring on the sun and heat! Had a call from our minister last evening. He wanted to come over today to talk to my husband. Very kind of him...however he simply is not ready to discuss anything at this point. I think he is still in denial and shock. Thinking of everyone. Have a good day. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

The law against texting is already in place in most states, but not highly enforced. I see people either with their phone to their ear, or texting while driving all the time. It's appalling. I don't know why people would take this kind of risk with their own lives and the lives of others around them.

It is insane....all States should adopt the "no cell phone use at all"....some companies do ban their employees....think of all the regulations in regards to children riding in cars...but yet....the adults driving the cars have none....

[Guest]

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[BrendaDup59]

What a fine looking young man....you do have a natural talent for taking nature photos...thanks so much for sharing

You are welcome.

Just trying to bring a little beauty in to every ones day. this is what I do when I am so down , grab my camera and sit in front of my window . I am just glad they come out as good as they do I take most through a triple pane glass window .. in my bedroom. Take Care Brenda

[ericasmom]

Amy, I am glad taht you are soon to have time in the warmth of Disney World with Katie. She sounds like she is doing better and I am happy that she informs you of her decisions, even if they do keep you awake. You must be tired today though. Thanks for letting us know how she is. I am sorry that your dream left you feeling blue, I do think it is that wish that all three of you girls could go together and how your sleeping brain dealt with it. Ashley will be there with you, she will take it all in with joy for her two favorite women. Katie's spring break is sure starting early.

Lora, all we can do each day is our best, some days that 'best' exhausts us, while other days we feel okay with ourselves. We have to be willing to accept 'ourselves' on new terms. How lovely that Jared posted what he did after having dinner with you. Jon and I also shared some very nice time together, it felt like a gift. I know how that feels when an ex-husband or boyfriend wants to reunite. Usually women know that when they pull the plug on a relationship, that is pretty much it. I hope he finds his way.

Becky, hooray for your efforts, the world needs more attention to this issue for sure.

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, I wanted to share this, lately when I open my curtains 1. I can forget getting anything done 2. I always talk to Brian sometimes with just my thoughts and other times out loud ..glad no one can hear me because they would probably think I lost it..lol anyway I have been asking Brian to show me signs as you all know, well almost every time I start to bird watch and take pictures I will ask Brian to bring me some different birds or a bird I have not seen in a long time and since I have done that I have had a Canary & Cooper Hawk, well today I got a visit from a White Breasted Nuthatch.. I have not seen this bird I think at least 6 months well then I happen to be just watching my tree and I saw a Red Breasted Nuthatch I almost dropped my camera I have not seen this little bird sine 09 or before so how awesome is it to see 2 birds you very seldom see on the same day? so yea I would like to think Brian had something to do with it.. The picture of the Red Breasted Nuthatch hanging upside down is the first picture I had taken of it.years ago and the rest are from today .. so that was my exciting day now if I could just get rid of this really bad sinus/migraine .. Hope everyone has a good evening Love Brenda .

[shorty16]

Brenda. I am an avid bird watcher...The birds you have seen are somewhat rare. Our Brian's are here with us..I too talk to my Brian.

Thanks 4 sharing

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[shorty16]

Dee,

Are you keeping warm? A whole 7 degrees this morning, but not as windy as Tuesday. I must say, Dee. It is cold up here!

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[ericasmom]

Dang cold today Colleen, about 9 degrees, but went up to 22 with sunshine all day long. Nice. Snow suppose to come tomorrow night.

Brenda, those photos are great, I love nuthatches, their name, their cuteness, their shape. LOVE them. I have had nuthatches here in the spring. So cute. Thanks for sharing again, keep them coming. This is your talent, this is your wonderful connection to Brian and it is an awakening to many here to the lovliness of birds.

I speak to Eri outloud all the time. I figure I always will. It brings me a great sense of her, speaking to her, sometimes it is just an automatic response; Oh Eri did you see that? Sometimes it a time of just loving her and needing, a physical/emotional need to talk with her. She gets it.

Bren, you spoke of your earache yesterday and I forgot to ask you if you have seen a doctor. Can you take sudafed or other decongestants? That may help dry some of the fluid building up in your sinus. I get terrible sinus stuff too, I take two different perscrips each day throughout the year and often, like now, take a sudafed as well. My doc gave me a list of what I can take in addition. If I don't do these things, I have a sinus infection.

Feel better.

[aim630]

Becky-I applaud your efforts to get distracted drivers off the road. I don't even know how someone could try to text and drive, and think they had any control over their vehicle. Last week I was on our 4 lane Main Street and someone was stopped in the left hand lane waiting to turn left. I could see someone driving very fast n the left lane, and I wondered when are they going to slow down. Then I realized they had no plan of slowing down or stopping. At the very last second, they realized someone was stopped in their lane and started to swerve into our lane (full of traffic). She slammed into the back of the parked car, but slightly at an angle, so it wasnt full force. i don't think anyone was seriously hurt, but I wonder if that driver was texting, because I don't know how she didn't notice someone was stopped right in front of them. She's lucky they weren't seriously hurt.

Brenda-Love the bird pictures. I think Brian sent you the little birds, so you know he's near.

Lora-Glad you had a good time with your son and that he posted about it to let you know how you helped him. I know it must be difficult to pick out a marker for Cara. When Ashley died, someone asked if we wanted to bury her, or have her cremated,and I said I had never thought I would ever have to make such a horrible decision. We ended up having her cremated, so I won't be tied to Ohio the rest of my life.

I am ready for warm weather. Last year was so mild, we were spoiled.

Dee--I heard snow was coming your way. I don't see a ton of it in our forecast though, but maybe I missed something. Usually whatever weather you have, we have the next day. Glad you had a good visit with Jon.

I was recently made a supervisor at work, and I never realized dealing with 20, 30 and 40 something's would be like dealing with sixth grade girls. The younger ones seem to have a work ethic problem, which irritates the older ones. I have 2 who share a payroll, and the older one told me she refuses to work with the younger one anymore. I can see valid points on both sides, but come on guys, this is a workplace, we need to work together and be a team. Ready for this vacation!

Amy/Ashley's mom

[aim630]

Kate-I forgot to say thank you for being there for us, even though I know you are worried about your husband. I send prayers and strength your way. (As my Katie said, she's sick of being "strong") I told her there's not much else you can do. I know everyone has their problems, but I feel some are handed more than their fair share...Keep Warm!

[ericasmom]

Oh Boy Amy, working with women who behave as though they are pubescent? Not fun at all. I hope that they can figure out that team-work does not always mean you like everyone the same way, it means being a team to get a job done well. That must be stressful, though congrats on becoming the manager. Your vacation is going to feel great.

Kate, stay warm Girl, hopefully some sunshine for you tomorrow and warmer temps.

Gretchen, you out there?

Trudi? You?

Leah? hows bout you?

[Sholl1955]

I have been enjoying all of the bird pictures Brenda. You definitly have a talent for photography. I know that we are on the same timeline and going through much of the same emotions, pain and struggles as we approach the anniversary of the day that changed our lives forever. I think of and remember you in my prayers.

My sweet little Maddie (6 year old) grandaughter ran to me as soon as I got home today and said "Mimi I had a really bad day, I cried all day" I asked her what she was crying about and she replied "My mommy, I miss my mommy so much" I asked her if she told someone and she said she told her friend Carolyn and she took her to the teacher. I asked what her teacher said and she replied "She told me that she was going to give me a really big hug and she did." Bless the teachers that have to fill in for Mama's sometimes. Sarah was a teacher and I know she would be so happy that Maddie has a good loving teacher to help her. When she finished eating she wanted to come downstairs to our apartment and snuggle with me and wanted me to give her lots of mommy hugs. So we snuggled and hugged and talked about Mommy and sang "My Favorite Things" from the Sound of Music. It is so sad and heart breaking to see the girls grieve. But keeping them tallking and remembering I think is good for them. These little girls were so very attached to her. It makes my heart hurt every time they cry for her, but thankful we are here for them.

Well, I need to get some rest. Have a good night everyone.

Sandy

[Guest]

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[briansdad]

Kathy I like the song a lot too because I also have a Jessica.

[Guest]

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[Mom of Chip]

Amy - Being a 'boss' sometimes is very trying. You will probably have to sit down with each of your 'charges' individually and get them to understand they have to learn to work with one another...The younger girls who have no work ethic - well - you will have to be blunt and tell them if they can't get it together there a lot of other people out there who are looking for work and if they can't turn themselves into a good employee they can be replaced. Good luck.

Lora - we are looking at headstones, too. We want to have Chip's set by his birthday, July 6. The monument company told us it takes about 90 days from the date we order it..so we are planning to decide how we want to do it next month. We want to have a guitar imprinted with his signature on the back..hopefully it can done.

Brenda - love your pics.

Sandy - I know it's hard seeing your granddaughter so sad. Chip's 8 year old daughter never cries at least where anyone sees her...and she doesn't like to go to the cemetery with me because she doesn't like to see me cry. It worries me that she doesn't show much emotion. I think she is too happy..thinking happy thoughts, she says. I am afraid that some point when she is older, it will hit her like a rock and she may have a lot of trouble as a teenager. I have heard of so many kids who don't go thru much grief at a young age getting involved in drugs and being promiscuous as teenagers..I hope she continues to be okay, but I worry. She is in counseling at school and she really likes it, so maybe she will be able to work thru any issues that bother her.

To all of you snowbirds - keep warm...I've been hearing a lot of reports about a heavy snow storm in your area. Weather is mild here...lows in the 30's..high today should be lower 60's...we have had some rain and some really windy days.

Last week my doc gave me a prescription for Trazodone..to help me sleep...but it is actually an antidepressant. I am sleeping better, but I have been having some really bad days...really crying hard...sobbing..stomping my feet..banging my fist on the desk..some of the worse episodes I have had since Chip died. I am wondering if the Trazodone is affecting me adversely...I did some research and the side effects include suicidal tendencies...Why do they call it an antidepressant if it causes a person to feel their pain more? Anyway, if I don't do better in the next few days, I will call the doc and see if there is something else I can take.

Otherwise everything is about the same with me....going from day to day.

Love to all of you....Have a good day.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks to everyone for your kind wishes and support. Today has been a hard one. Some news from the recent tests are requiring more tests. This has all come about so quickly. Who could have guessed? I was awake for ages last night. Have to say that the emotions were running rampant. Fear definitely was taking over. All the worst case scenarios started to creep into my mind. I now know that I need to stay focused and not allow negativity to invade. It is right there however just wanting to wrap itself around me. If only I had Jeff in the physical sense to talk too and help me. I talk to him all the time. Yet he can't actually give me any physical support. My son three years ago, MIL a year and a half and now this. Too much to handle. She died of the same thing. Must be genetic or something. He never smoked and we always ate a vey healthy diet. Exercised, etc. He is actually quite ticked off that in doing all of that he got this anyway. It is actually quite sunny today and warming up. Thanks Dee, for sending it our way! And about time too! This cold was getting to me. Well, I'm thinking of you all and sending love and good thoughts. Dee...glad you mentioned Leah...I was thinking the same thing a few days ago. Kate

[tobyfreefoot]

hey dee-yeah i'm out here sorta. just feel exhausted all the time. i just kind of scan this most days and want to reply to so much. i do it in my head but can't seem to get the energy to type it out. my job has added some machinery that i am having to train myself on and my work doubled because immigration came for my wonderful co worker 4 days after the birth of his 3rd daughter. i have been trying to financially and emotionally help his wife out because she is all alone. anyway somehow did i miss something? did you have back surgery? sorry i'm so out of the loop. forest's friend susan posted this today on his memorial page

kate --i've been thinking of you

[Jeff's Mom]

hey dee-yeah i'm out here sorta. just feel exhausted all the time. i just kind of scan this most days and want to reply to so much. i do it in my head but can't seem to get the energy to type it out. my job has added some machinery that i am having to train myself on and my work doubled because immigration came for my wonderful co worker 4 days after the birth of his 3rd daughter. i have been trying to financially and emotionally help his wife out because she is all alone. anyway somehow did i miss something? did you have back surgery? sorry i'm so out of the loop. forest's friend susan posted this today on his memorial page

kate --i've been thinking of you

Gretchen...good to see you! Thanks for the song. Yes, they are indeed dancing together having a blast somewhere. Sorry about your co-worker and the situation. That's such a nice thing you are doing to help the family out. Well, I picked myself up this afternoon and decided to bundle up and go for a long walk along the path in the woods. There is a ski trail that is groomed for quite some distance. I managed to walk at the side of the trail and just allowed myself to feel the warmth of the sun on my face. And it was warm and comforting. The birds were as cheery as can be flying all over the place. I think spring has finally started to come our way. There are actually buds on the trees. A fine crust has formed over the snow with the warmth of the sun leaving a glistening effect. It was just beautiful. The air clean and crisp. I arrived back home feeling energized and more upbeat. Thank heaven for my nature walks. Thinking of everyone this evening. Love to all. Kate

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, good to see ya, don't ever feel you have to write, just want you to know that we are thinking of you and knowing that the dark place you find yourself is a place we all find ourselves at different times on this timeline. IT is some days beyond our darkest imagination to be without our Child in the world. Other times, we find we get it, we know it, we have found some patterns within it in which to live, so the up and down of it all is exhausting and yet we often do not sleep well, we become so very tired and we feel fragile. We are fragile at times but like glass too. Glass breaks easily but it is born of fire. Like us, we are born from great strength and adversity, we were made different from before by these hardships, and so while fragile, we are also very very strong. Let yourself rest when you are able, in some time you will feel more strength return to your life. For now, follow what your needs are. Forest is holding you and I hope you have a visit dream with him tonight.

Del, I am glad that you are going to get in touch with your doctor if you don't feel better by a specific amount of time. Sleeping better is good, but the deeper sadness may be clue to the needs of a different medicine. There are many kinds so it is sometimes trial and error until you get the right one. Let those tears fall when they must, they do us no good stuck inside, make rivers from them and know that your Boy is holding you and rooting for you.

Kate, I am so sorry that things are more complicated again, I will send some extra prayers and hopes your way. They will travel on these zephyrs of wind that are howling outside the windows, bringing snow and cold. Deep healing and renewed hope to you both.

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, LOVED that video and song, oh my goodness, I will be playing that again and again. Thanks so much. Funny, one of the songs that makes me cry so hard is by Neil Young, "I want to see you dance again..." cause I loved watching my Eri move, to a beat of a different drummer that is for sure, I miss seeing her dance, miss holding her large hands, she was in my dream last night, a visit-dream, briefly riding shot-gun in my car up a narrow road, we sped along to get to a little shop to get a gift for my great niece named Aeri Moon. Named to echo her cousin who she never met. Me and Eri had such a good time in our short visit, we laughed and touched and all day long today, I am high from my time with her in the night.

Gretch, so good of you to try to help your co-workers wife. How sad that he was taken, are we sure we are America? Land of the free?

[halcottgirl368]

Hi, First I want to thank everyone, the things you have said mean so much. But the last few days have been really hard. And 2 days ago I opened my email because I had not done that in a few days, and what I saw was horrible and I felt like I had a knife in my heart. There was an email to me from my daughter's email address. She passed on 2/2 and this was sent on 2/16!! I don't know what to do. I clicked on the 'details' but I had no idea what I read, except for her name. And it was the same day my son, Richard, called me to say he went to his post office and picked up Cheri's remains. It is bad enough we have not seen her in almost 5 years, and now all there is are her ashes. I am beside myself. Richard, he lives in a suburb of Memphis, TN, and he was so upset when he called me and I could not even put my arms around him and hold him. I live in upstate NY, Catskill Mtns area. And Cheri passed away in Sebring, Florida. I feel like I might as well be on another planet. It is not right that a parent has to bury a child. Right now, even though I want to say more, I am having a hard time. Thanks for listening, and I hope and pray that I can find out about that email I received.

I just realized I don't think I ever said what my name was, it it Kathy

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo's, I wanted to share this. I sent out my letter/email. For your consideration. It's easy to fill out. Long day. Coffee time.

http://www.petition2congress.com/3937/modify-family-medical-leave-act-1993/

[hotrod]

Dear Indigos

It is so good to return to just to sit in my home with my coffee and read and remember . How very much this site has done for me !!!! I am glad that it is still helping others Sherry, Dee, Colleen, Betsy, Amy, Carol and all the new Indigos In my heartfelt prayers

PS

Betsy that is a worthy cause and I added my name

Thanks

[BrendaDup59]

Hi everyone, just wanted to stop in, still have my headache but I wanted to tell Betsy ,I also signed the petition..Hope everyone is doing good

Dell it was my pleasure doing the pictures for you .

Kathy , Thinking about you ..

a few pics ... I also started a flicker page where you can see my bird photos if you would like the link is below Take Care Love Brenda

http://www.flickr.co...a-nature_photo/

[daveydow1]

Kathy B----I'm so sorry that you are having such a bad time. Also, am

sorry about the mystery email that you received. I hope that somehow,

you can get an answer as to how it got to you. It is so understandable

that you are in such pain, because the loss of your dear daughter, Cherie,

has been so recent, and your son is such a distance away. I hope you

can come back to this site.....we are a good group of listeners when you

feel the need to post your feelings and need someone to hear. Peace & prayers.

Kathy..Jessica'smom-----I'm glad that you had a nice time with Jessica's friend,

Ashley, with lunch and just laughing, talking, and shedding some tears, ...and with

shopping with Tavian.

Kate----I, too, watched Downton...the season finale. 'Call the Midwife' is a

fav of mine too. I hope your husband is feeling better. Sending prayers.

Lora----Thanks for your kind words. Yes...I agree.....picking out a grave marker

is something that must be done. We pushed ourselves to get the task taken

care of because, for me, I just did not like my son in an unmarked grave. Of

course, it had to be unmarked until the monument co. got the stone placed.

They were good about it, and didn't delay. Your Cara was such a loving girl,

and her love of helping people will always be remembered in your heart, and

the hearts of all the others who loved her.

Becky-----I really liked your poster about "Texting while Driving". I agree---

Texting is Worse than Drunken Driving. To drive safely....One must have

their EYES ON THE ROAD. Anything that takes the eyes OFF the road is

impaired driving. Keep up your good and very worthwhile work. You are

very motivated and passionate about this cause, and bringing justice for

your dear son, Jared.

Amy-----I hope you have a wonderful time with Katie at Disney World.

Brenda----I think that Brian is sending you the different kinds of birds as a

sign from him.....that he is smiling down. I hope you are feeling better.

Dee-----Is your sinus infection getting any better? I hope you can get rid of

it.....they are dreadful, aren't they? You mentioned talking out loud to ERi.

I, too, will talk to Davey....especially at night, or on a walk alone. As you say...

it does make us feel closer to our dear one's spirits.

Gretchen---Thanks for the song.

Del----Sending thoughts & prayers. Hope you feel better soon,

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Looking out my kitchen window.

[mysonrich]

Brenda, I vote for number 2 . " what are you doing lady?'

Sherry, a beautiful and peaceful scene.

[Jeff's Mom]

Betsy...I would vote but I feel that it would not count as I am a Canadian. You have my vote for sure! Oh Sherry, how lovely...is there room around your kitchen table for another chair? Just to sit and sip a warm cup of coffee and look out on the lovely view from your window. Kathy...I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this. I can't understand the why's of people acting this way. Please do not let it break you. Stay as strong as you can. Just settling down after dinner to watch a movie...with a nice chilled glass of white wine. Heck, after this week...I'm going for it. Thinking of everyone and sending love. kate