Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

I sent my thoughts Betsy, thanks for posting this for us.

Bren, love the birds so much. HOw is your sinus situation?

Kate, a glass of wine sounds just about perfect, red for me.

Sherry, I love the view.

Betty, so good to see you today.

Kathy, hang in there, it is the roughest road, but we are here to help.

[Mom of Chip]

Betsy - I signed the petition and wrote some thoughts..Hopefully this will help to get it on the floor of congress for a vote.

Today I got a part-time job. I hope it will help to get mind on other things. I will be demonstrating and selling sewing machines....something I think I will do well at as I do sew....Haven't done much of it lately, but it is something I enjoy...

I'm sleeping better and the really bad times that I thought the meds were causing seem to have subsided...if not, then I will call my doc.

Went to the cemetery today...had to thank Chip for sending me the opportunity to apply for this job...and to talk to my parents who are buried right next to Chip...I know they had mixed emotions when they welcomed him to their heavenly home..glad to see him but thought it would many more years. I know they are enjoying each others company. They were very close.

To all Indigos...have a good night.

[Peanuts mom]

It's been a really hard day for me as today marks six months... Half a year that I have been without my precious son... I still don't believe its real, I am still not quite sure how I made it this far...

[tobyfreefoot]

thanks betsy i signed and posted to facebook. going back to work was excruciating for me.

[ericasmom]

Del, I love that you went out and got a job. How wonderful that it is something you like to do. I flunked sewing, that is how not good at it I am. So how many hours will you have and is it near home? COngrats on that change.

Peanuts Mom, at 6 months you stand on an edge of shock and reality, shock leaving and reality hitting. Hang on and come here often, tell us more if you can. We get it.

[Jeff's Mom]

Morning to all! Dee....hope that you have a good weekend. Are you still taking your camera out on your walks? Brenda...you could publish a calendar of bird photos. They are always so clear and beautifully done. Del, good luck wit your new job. Hope you enjoy it and have some fun meeting new people. It has finally warmed up to season temps today. Cloudy but not too bad. Think I will go for another long walk this afternoon. Can't go far as my husband needs help with most things. I hope to take Jeff's camera out and take some pics of the lake. There is a significant pressure ridge that has developed and forming high chunks of ice. Has anyone experienced an ice quake? We have not had as many this year as others. There is a large booming sound and the ground and buildings shake that are close to the lake. It is actually kind of scary the first couple of times it hits. Next weekend there is yet another ice festival in a small town not far from here. Lots of activities held outdoors that are fun for the entire family. Anyway, thinking of everyone. Have a good day. And Kathy, yes it takes a long time to start to begin to breathe again. Go easy on yourself and just allow yourself to do what feels comfortable for you. Hang in there. Kate

[Mom of Chip]

Peanuts Mom...Feb. 3 was the 6 month mark for me...I know how you're feeling....but the worst day for me was New Year's Eve. I felt like that when 2013 began, it would like leaving Chip behind. I went to the cemetery that day and talked and cried with him...Just before midnight I posted a cheery to him on his FB page...and some of his friends posted, too...Made me feel better about the new year. I also posted something to him on Feb. 3...makes me feel like he is near.

Dee...the job is only 15 to 20 hours a week...a varied schedule..and it's not too far from home....about a 20 minute drive.

Brenda...thanks for all the pics. Very lovely. You have a good eye for photography.

I will be getting my granddaughter later today. We'll go do a little shopping..she needs some shoes...and I need to get a blouse or two for my new job.

Hope this day is good for all Indigos...

Love to you all.

[ericasmom]

Kate, I have not taken my camera out lately, just not wanting to snap photos as of late, but I am sure that I will again want to take pictures. I have a much harder time accessing my photos to show with this camera and system, so it is less fun.

My Daughter's friend, the one on SNL, was on Jimmy Fallon the other night. So cool to see her experiencing these new opportunities. She handles herself quite well and I am excited for her. I think that Eri must be zipping around in joy for this.

[shorty16]

My friends,

Friday night, Scott and I went out to dinner with our neighbors. At the restaurant, a young man came to our table and asked if we were Brian Jackson's parents...we said Yes

He was wearing Brian's red wrist band we designed with Brian's name on it.

He told us that he was a good friend of Brian and was just as wild as Brian was. After Brian died, that made him and his friends stop and think about their actions and about their future. This young man is working and going to school.

This warmed my heart to know that Brian's death had a positive impact on these young men. Tears flow as I type this. Brian would have been 22 years old this year...he died at 16. Still unbelievable....

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[shorty16]

Del,

I went back to work 5 weeks after Brian's death. 32 hours a week. Even though it was very difficult, it was the best thing for me... This forced me to think about something else. I did have hard times of crying at my desk, in the bathroom, everywhere else...but as time went on..it was a bit easier.

Returning to work is not for everyone, but it did help me to get back into life after the death of my 16 year old son on 6-19-2008.

Colleen Brian's Mom 4ever

[Lee's mum always]

Hi Everyone,

My Name is Noreen , I have been following posts on here for almost a year since the death of my 19 year old son in a climbing accident. It has taken me this long to openly admit my son has died. It still seems unimaginable. I cannot express how much you have all helped me to cope with this loss., and only now after nearly 15 months can i post on this site. The pain is still all consuming and raw, some days are better than others. I know in my heart that i will never truly get over this loss, but i will learn to live with it as best i can. Noreen.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi Noreen, I am glad that you felt you could come here to talk openly about the loss of your son Lee. I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my son Jeff on December 12,2009. We have just passed the three year mark. I did not actually join the site for some time as I felt ill at ease about talking about my pain openly. You are most welcome and have found a great place to just discuss your feelings with others that are experiencing this same heartache. We all have our ups and downs with each passing week. But we are here to help hold you up on those down times. Sending love you way. Kate

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, I can understand that you may not always feel the urge to snap those pictures. Perhaps when the spring returns and the flowering trees and birds return you will feel more like it. Eri's friend is certainly making a career for herself. How nice for all of you to follow with interest as I am sure Eri is doing. Colleen, the young man that walked over to your table sounded like a fine young man. Yes, it is hard not to imagine our child as they would be today had they lived. I do it all the time. Well, I went for another very nice walk this afternoon. As I was leaving the park area I turned and looked over my shoulder. A youngish fox was following me and watching intently. he just sat down on the snow as I stood and we stared at each other. He was a cute little guy. Another quiet evening. Thought we would watch Argo which is supposedly decent. Thinking of everyone tonight. Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Hi everyone wow then has been a rough day , being sick, my headache finally eased up a lot.I started taking some otc sinus medicine and it has started helping.. but today I cant even describe how emotional I have been about everything, it's like the least little thing sets me off.. ugh I hate feeling like this.. and I know its missing Brian and knowing that March is just around the corner

Colleen , I almost cried when I read your post, I am so glad Brian's death at least saved some other moms from going through what you have..

Noreen.. so sorry about your son ,I hope you will post more about him when your able .. Hugs

Del , glad your able to try and go to work. I hope it works out for you and thank you for your sweet compliments on my pictures. I hope you had a good time with your grand daughter .

Thanks Sherry and Dee for also complimenting my pics and Kate I might look into a calendar and thanks also for complimenting my pics .. seems to be the only thing I enjoy anymore .. I cant bring myself to finish a drawing I started back in January ,not really sure I even like it I will post it....... it is a 6 month old Bob cat named Chiclets at a place called Wild Heart Ranch in Oklahoma.

Peanuts mom , so sorry you are having a hard time . Hugs to you

To all I missed I am thinking about you .. Love Brenda

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

Colleen, what a wonderful thing that young man did when he approached you at the restaurant. Letting you know how Brian's life and loss inspired those other young ones to settle in some and look and take a longer view. I have tears reading your words.

[ericasmom]

Noreen, I have been in this world for going on ten years, and I know I always felt that while we never get over this loss, how could we, we do hope to live our best lives in it. Living and standing where our Child no longer can, living in the light they shed for us. I am glad that you made the decision to post. Please let us know how you are and more of your life and Lee when you are able. My Girl was 19 when she died too.

Kate, how cool, a fox. I have been a slug today. I went to the gym with my DIL in the Am but have been home since and took a nap even though I slept for nearly 10 hours last night. I sure needed it. Glad that you are walking Kate, that is the one thing that really helps me with all the ups and downs of life.

Brenda, I love your bobcat drawing, but if you do not want to go back to it, put it away for a while. Maybe birds are it for now, and your talent with them is wonderful. Sometimes we just need to give ourselves a break and let ourselves off the hook for not being able to carry through on some things we started. Grief is its own entity...a place where all things are morphed and we don't always have the drive or the desire to do what we once did.

Lora, glad that today feels less like the previous few, less anxiety. Picking out the stone is no easy task. I remember feeling like it was the last thing I got to buy for Eri. We shopped together gleefully, this is nothing I ever wanted to pick out for her.

[Guest]

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[daveydow1]

Noreen----I am sorry for your loss of your dear son. I've been on this

rough road of grief, along with Dee, for 9 years, and I too, just came

onto the site for about a year before I got up enough courage to post

and talk about my son, David's death, and in time I also told of the

death of my baby daughter many years ago. Everyone who was on

the BI at that time was so understanding and helpful. Anything and

everything that they posted, and I read, helped me see that I was not

alone in this painful kind of grief. As time went by, new people came

on BI, and the words they posted helped as well. I do hope that you will come to BI

when you can, and read/post. Peace to you.

Kate----Oh...that would be so nice....having my BI friends at my kitchen

table. I'd go out and buy the biggest coffee urn I could find....lots of teabags

too.......put the extra boards in the table....and scrounge up all sorts of chairs,

and we'd have a good time. It is so nice that you saw that little young fox.

Del----Good luck with the new job. Since you like to sew, then selling sewing

machines will come so naturally to you. I hope you had a nice time with

your granddaughter & shopping.

Peanutsmom----My heart goes out to you, friend. The 6 mo. mark on this

journey can be so sharply painful. The shock is wearing off, and the terrible

reality is setting in. As you say.....it is hard to believe that the child you

treasured & loved is gone. I, too, remember that stage so well. Come back

to BI when you can. Everyone here understands.

Dee----So nice that ERi's friend is doing so well in her career. Erz must be up

there cheering her on. I had to chuckle when you said that you flunked sewing.

I, too, did poorly in sewing in home-ec at school, but managed to pick it up

in 4-H. I'm no expert, by any means.....but I love to sew.

Brenda----I hope that you are getting some relief from your sinus problems.

The little 6 mo-old bobcat is so cute....I hope you can finish the drawing.

Chicklets.......what a cute name !!

Lora-----I agree---we are able to control the emotions sometimes, but not all

the time. I guess it is nature's way of providing us with relief by shedding

those tears. While they are sad and bitter tears, they can be restorative and

release the endorphins that can comfort us....even for awhile. Thoughts & prayers.

Colleen----That was so nice of the young man to come to your table to speak

to you about Brian, and so thoughtful of him to still be wearing the bracelet. Peace to you.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Shelly----How are you? Miss seeing you on BI. Hope you are doing OK.

[shellyku]

Hi All! I've been having an issue with my computer...well not with the computer as much as with it's operator...me!

So much to catch up on! First let me extend my sympathy to you Noreen. I found this website 2 months after my daughter died as I was searching frantically for someone to reach out to. I'm glad you've decided to post and hope you'll continue to do so.

Sherry - thanks for checking in. I've been backsliding a little bit. Just missing Sarah so much, like all of you miss your angels too. Thanks also for messaging me on posting pictures. I'll give a whirl soon!

Col - how nice of that young man to approach you. That he is still wearing the bracelet is sweet. We had orange (for leukemia) bracelets when Sarah was diagnosed. It has her name and the words, "Hope, Faith, Courage" on it. I run into people still who are still wearing it...a blessing. Prayers.

Kate - your walks sound lovely. Hope your husband is feeling ok.

Del - I'm a big fan of sewing. Wish I had time to do more of it. The newer sewing machines do some amazing things. Good luck with the job!

Peanuts Mom - Prayers to you.

Lora - How's things in your part of PA?

Brenda - your bird shots are stunning! I envy your camera skills!

Dee - Eri's friend has hit the big time big time! Can you pass along her name? I don't stay up late enough to watch the SNLs and Fallons, but I'd like to look her up! Hope all is well with you.

Was having trouble falling asleep, but I think I'll give it another go. Enjoy the rest of your weekend my friends. Shelly

[ericasmom]

Hi Shelly, glad to see you tonight. Backsliding is what we do sometimes so don't feel you are doing anything wrong, just what we go through sometimes. Is there anything new going? The bracelets that you had made in Sarah's honor sound lovely. So you can sew, Sherry can sew, (yes Sherry, I flunked with good reason) and others here can sew, obviously Del can sew, and I think it is a wonderful talent.

My Daughter's good buddy is Cecily Strong. She is a gorgeous woman from Oak Park, Illinois. She and Eri met in kindergarten and hung out together throughout their lives. Cecily was on Fallon on Tuesday night of this week.

I hope everyone has some deep sleep if possible and good dreams.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, I most definitely can't sew! When I was in school and forced to take sewing I along with another friend cheated and took our assignment to a seamstress. We produced an impeccably made apron. Our teacher was delighted and asked us to explain to the class how we had mastered the art of sewing in such a short time. We followed up with four Saturdays of sewing at the convent! Does not pay to cheat. I still smile when I think of it. Her name was Sister Gonzaga. The movie was decent last night. We watched Argo. The Canadian Ambassador Ken Taylor was portrayed more like a jolly innkeeper rather then the key player to the freedom of these guys. Anyway, it was good. Today is another very nice day. Can't do too much as I need to stay close to home t help with my husband. Plan to grab the camera and go for another walk. Thinking of everyone. Have a decent day. Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Hi , well after a bad day yesterday I did have a pretty good nights sleep and I did dream about Brian and I got my hug I have been asking him for he looked so good and what does he do gets into a race car he said he got and drove off spinning wheels and with no seat belt something him and I battled back and fourth about I remember telling everyone "look how good he looks ". well I have so much to do today but I wanted to tell you all

Kate I cant sew either.. do what I have too but never liked it .

Shelly thanks so much for your compliment .I think my hobby has become an obsession ..lol

Sherry thanks and I think my sinus /allergies are due to the dogs I have . they have gotten worse since I got Bailey. I have never seen so much dog hair from one dog.

Thanks everyone for the nice comments on the Bob Cat.. I will eventually finish it .. or just start over..lol

Well my hubby needs to use my computer for awhile today .. so I need to get off here .. Hope everyone has a good day as best you can . Love Brenda

[Ducky]

These posts are all so sad, especially those relating to guns. Thank God - or I should say, thank the Lord Buddha - that in the UK guns are something of a rarity. I won't begin a political discussion here, other than to say that, as a Buddhist and pacifist (and coward!), I believe that all guns should be removed from society and elsewhere. Having said that, my son "chose" alcohol to kill himself and I guess that is responsible for more deaths than guns. I may be wrong, I probably am. Apologies for rambling.

[Lee's mum always]

Hi Everbody,

Kate,

I am so sorry you lost your son Jeff, I see it also took you awhile to post on here too. It is also hard for me to post about my feelings regarding my son Lee, but i am getting there gradually. He died only three days away from his 20 Birthday, so the two events are very close. Sending you Love to you,

Brenda,

So sorry for the loss of your son Brian, sending hugs and comfort to you.

Lora,

Yes we are all different and have to grieve in our own way, I am so sorry that you have lost a child too. Peace to you.

Dee,

I see that your daughter was the same age as my Son, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your comforting words ,they mean a lot, I do try to live the best life i am able to honour my child.

Sherry,

So sorry for the loss of your son and baby daughter, my heart to you. I see it also took awhile for you to post on here as well. But the help and encouragement you received on here helped you in your grief. I know from reading posts over the last few months how understanding and kind people are on here. Dee and yourself i know have been on this rough road for awhile now, you both give me encouragement for the future.. My heart to you both.

Shelly

I too was trying to find somewhere online to help me with this loss , then i found this site. So glad i did. So sorry for the loss of your Daughter. warm wishes to you.

Thank you to all of you that have welcomed me on this site, I cannot tell you what that means to me. I have tried to reply to everyone that has posted, sorry if i have left anyone out. My son was outgoing and Adventurous , he loved Sports and was good at them, in the year before he died he had started climbing as a hobby. He was doing what is called the Three peak challenge, he had climbed Snowden the year before and was in the Lake District when he had his accident doing the second of the three challenges ( I live in the UK) the last one was to be Ben Nevis in Scotland. Ironically he had succesfully climbed the mountain on the day he died, it was on the way down that he had the accident. This is the first time i have ever written about it. Thanks to all of you on here for letting me post about my dearly missed son. Love and Peace to you all Lee's Mum. Noreen.

[Jeff's Mom]

Noreen...I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is for you to talk about Lee's accident. I can only imagine the exhilaration that he must have felt as he reached that peak! I know this area quite well. My husband's family originated from an area called Banffshire. The town is called MacDuff on the North Sea. We have travelled to the UK many times over the years and always loved our travels. Lee does indeed sound as if he was a true sportsman. My Jeff was also a great lover of sports. He just had a natural ability of doing exceptionally well at anything he tackled. Unfortunately he did not have a huge amount of self-esteem. I am also glad that you have found this site. It truly does help to open up and let it all out. Hope your week goes as well as it can. Please do take care of yourself. Brenda...The sewing incident was many years ago when I was young enough to think that I could fool a teacher. Probably no more then twelve. I was an idiot. Boy, did I ever pay for it. Served me right. Hope today is a better day for you and the headache has subsided. Just love to look at your pics of nature. You should consider that calendar. Check out Robert Bateman and his wildlife photos. Just awesome. Kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Having fun playing with the art program, Brenda! Thanks again. You bird pictures are beautiful.

All it has done here lately is rain, has really dampened my spirits. I need some sunshine.

Lee's mom, I am so sorry for the loss of your boy. My Jared was hit from behind while doing something he dearly loved, skateboarding, only 1/4 mile from our driveway. He was 15 years old, and my babyboy. It's been nearly 17 months, but I still think of little else, and miss him so much. Sometimes the yearning to hold and hug him is overwhelming.

Shelly, I wish I were closer by, I could fix your computer!! Glad you were able to get back on!

Gretchen, I always enjoy the music links you post! So nice!

Sherry, Dee, Lora, Brenda, Susan, Kate & others, thanks for your support. I will never give up on trying to change these laws and speed limit here. I don't want another parent to have to feel what we have felt this year, as far as a great sense of injustice because of the lack of laws.

Colleen, your post about seeing the young man wearing the bracelet that you had made to honor your son, Brian, made me cry. It is good to know that others that knew our sons haven't forgotten. Particularly good that they took the lessons learned from his loss to heart. I hope at some point to be able to speak or present in some way to youth out there that are driving or learning to drive, the importance of paying attention behind the wheel, and not to be distracted or under the influence while driving. While these are the laws I strive to change as far as consequence for not doing these things, I also realize that education is the key.

God bless all of you! I am blessed to have found this place and all of you.

[Peanuts mom]

Today I woke up to a facebook message from my husband saying he needs time apart... Such a nice way to recieve the message let alone the thought of where ever am I going to go... All my family lives in PA and I am here in MD... The thought of leaving MD where my sons grave is located is killing me.. I so wish now that I would have laid him to rest in PA, close to family instead of my being selfish and thinking I needed him here with me... Never knowing that I may have to leave MD...

[ericasmom]

Ducky, welcome, though I wish you never had to find a place to grieve, since you have, you've come to the best place. We are here and you can let it all out with us.

Peanut's Mom, wait a moment, this man is telling you via facebook that he needs a break? Why do you have to leave? You stay where you are, let him leave. Is that doable? No reason you should uproot now, it is too soon to make this kind of move. Stay put and tell him to find somewhere else to hang his hat. Maybe it will be good for you each, but your moving right now probably isn't. Remember though, your Boy is with you everywhere you go...

Noreen, Don't feel obliged to speak directly to us each, later as you become accustomed to us our names will be familiar, but now just let your heart out on the page. What an inspiration your Son is, to climb to the top of the world and see what he saw...He is in good company with our Angels. Tell us more about your Sweetie.

[ericasmom]

This excerpt is from a memoir called PAULA, a letter to Isabel Allend's daughter, who died. Paula, not knowing that she was going to fall ill as a young woman, actually wrote these words on her honeymoon, some say, and I would agree, that she had some foreshadowing of the future. Anyhow, her words remind me of the lightness of our Angels. If you have it in you to read a memoir of this loss, it is truly a beautiful book, though painful. Ten years later Isabel wrote, The Sum of our Days, also a letter to her Daughter. I love them both and will meet her in May at an author reading in town.

I do not want to remain trapped in my body. Freed from it, I will be closer to those I love. Please don't be sad, I am still with you, except I am closer than I was before. In another time, we will be reunited in spirit. ... Remember that we spirits can best help, accompany, and protect, those who are happy ...

[Mermaid Tears]

Having fun playing with the art program, Brenda! Thanks again. You bird pictures are beautiful.

All it has done here lately is rain, has really dampened my spirits. I need some sunshine.

Lee's mom, I am so sorry for the loss of your boy. My Jared was hit from behind while doing something he dearly loved, skateboarding, only 1/4 mile from our driveway. He was 15 years old, and my babyboy. It's been nearly 17 months, but I still think of little else, and miss him so much. Sometimes the yearning to hold and hug him is overwhelming.

Shelly, I wish I were closer by, I could fix your computer!! Glad you were able to get back on!

Gretchen, I always enjoy the music links you post! So nice!

Sherry, Dee, Lora, Brenda, Susan, Kate & others, thanks for your support. I will never give up on trying to change these laws and speed limit here. I don't want another parent to have to feel what we have felt this year, as far as a great sense of injustice because of the lack of laws.

Colleen, your post about seeing the young man wearing the bracelet that you had made to honor your son, Brian, made me cry. It is good to know that others that knew our sons haven't forgotten. Particularly good that they took the lessons learned from his loss to heart. I hope at some point to be able to speak or present in some way to youth out there that are driving or learning to drive, the importance of paying attention behind the wheel, and not to be distracted or under the influence while driving. While these are the laws I strive to change as far as consequence for not doing these things, I also realize that education is the key.

God bless all of you! I am blessed to have found this place and all of you.

Atta' Girl our Warrior Mom.....so proud of you...and so many other's.....and it is mind boggling to think of all that you will reach and touch...it is ok to get tired....and need rest....I hope you know you have a long road ahead of you...an adventure so to speak....keep the good work going....we are your Cheerleader Friends here...cheering you on with your work for righting a wrong....holding your Mama Heart and Hand while you grieve and cry....

[Mermaid Tears]

This excerpt is from a memoir called PAULA, a letter to Isabel Allend's daughter, who died. Paula, not knowing that she was going to fall ill as a young woman, actually wrote these words on her honeymoon, some say, and I would agree, that she had some foreshadowing of the future. Anyhow, her words remind me of the lightness of our Angels. If you have it in you to read a memoir of this loss, it is truly a beautiful book, though painful. Ten years later Isabel wrote, The Sum of our Days, also a letter to her Daughter. I love them both and will meet her in May at an author reading in town.

I do not want to remain trapped in my body. Freed from it, I will be closer to those I love. Please don't be sad, I am still with you, except I am closer than I was before. In another time, we will be reunited in spirit. ... Remember that we spirits can best help, accompany, and protect, those who are happy ...

Thank You, Dee....that book is on my list to get for me and my daughter....so good to hear a review....will probably read it later....when I am somewhat stronger....and in a 'warmer' state of mind and body so to speak....too fragile now...

[BrendaDup59]

Having fun playing with the art program, Brenda! Thanks again. You bird pictures are beautiful.

All it has done here lately is rain, has really dampened my spirits. I need some sunshine.

Lee's mom, I am so sorry for the loss of your boy. My Jared was hit from behind while doing something he dearly loved, skateboarding, only 1/4 mile from our driveway. He was 15 years old, and my babyboy. It's been nearly 17 months, but I still think of little else, and miss him so much. Sometimes the yearning to hold and hug him is overwhelming.

Shelly, I wish I were closer by, I could fix your computer!! Glad you were able to get back on!

Gretchen, I always enjoy the music links you post! So nice!

Sherry, Dee, Lora, Brenda, Susan, Kate & others, thanks for your support. I will never give up on trying to change these laws and speed limit here. I don't want another parent to have to feel what we have felt this year, as far as a great sense of injustice because of the lack of laws.

Colleen, your post about seeing the young man wearing the bracelet that you had made to honor your son, Brian, made me cry. It is good to know that others that knew our sons haven't forgotten. Particularly good that they took the lessons learned from his loss to heart. I hope at some point to be able to speak or present in some way to youth out there that are driving or learning to drive, the importance of paying attention behind the wheel, and not to be distracted or under the influence while driving. While these are the laws I strive to change as far as consequence for not doing these things, I also realize that education is the key.

God bless all of you! I am blessed to have found this place and all of you.

Becky glad you like it , it can get addicting I can sit all day and just play with it.. we had a beautiful day here today.. I hope to get out and clean around my bird feeders tomorrow . Hope your weather gets better I am a sun person can make a big difference in my mood . and thanks for the compliments . Love Brenda

[Sholl1955]

Thinking of everyone on this site and wishing you all a good week. I am sorry to see new people that have joined but glad you found the site. There is alot of support and good advice here.

Sandy

[Ducky]

Why is it that, as the saying goes, only the good die young? Well, I know that isn't strictly true, but it seems so here. I see alcoholics roaming the streets of London in their 60s & 70s and yet my son got no further than 43. He wasn't perfect by any means, but still ... and neither of my parents made it to 60. What's the point?

[Lee's mum always]

Hello Everybody,

Kate i see you have visited the UK on several occasions , so your familiar with the area. Jeff your son was a sports lover too like Lee. I never thought of it before the way you described about how Lee must have felt to reach the top of the summit, i suppose i have always concentrated on the accident. So i thank you for giving me a different way of looking at that day. Bless you.

Becky so sorry for the loss of your Jared. What a lovely photo of your boy that is on your profile. I see he loved Skateboarding.

I so understand how you wish you could Hold and hug Jared again, i so wish that too.

Dee, your right i need to get use to who people are on this site before i comment individually, but i do like to aknowledge people who have responded to my post, thank you for your nice comments about my son.

Well i seem to make progress along this journey and then i find myself back at the beginning often. I suppose this is how grief plays out. I am in the 13th month since Lee died but it might as well have been yesterday. I find myself angry at times too lately but i am at a loss why.

My comfort if there is any to be had in this loss is that Lee lived his life to the full he really was not one to sit and let life pass him by, i try to live up to that, so i don't let him down.

I hope everyone has a good a day as they can, and a peaceful one.. Lee's Mum Noreen.

[Mermaid Tears]

Hello Everybody,

Kate i see you have visited the UK on several occasions , so your familiar with the area. Jeff your son was a sports lover too like Lee. I never thought of it before the way you described about how Lee must have felt to reach the top of the summit, i suppose i have always concentrated on the accident. So i thank you for giving me a different way of looking at that day. Bless you.

Becky so sorry for the loss of your Jared. What a lovely photo of your boy that is on your profile. I see he loved Skateboarding.

I so understand how you wish you could Hold and hug Jared again, i so wish that too.

Dee, your right i need to get use to who people are on this site before i comment individually, but i do like to aknowledge people who have responded to my post, thank you for your nice comments about my son.

Well i seem to make progress along this journey and then i find myself back at the beginning often. I suppose this is how grief plays out. I am in the 13th month since Lee died but it might as well have been yesterday. I find myself angry at times too lately but i am at a loss why.

My comfort if there is any to be had in this loss is that Lee lived his life to the full he really was not one to sit and let life pass him by, i try to live up to that, so i don't let him down.

I hope everyone has a good a day as they can, and a peaceful one.. Lee's Mum Noreen.

Noreen.....what I have learned is simply....it doesn't matter what 'age' our children died....how they 'passed'....we will always be their parent...it doesn't matter if you are the Dad or the Mom....if you are rich or poor....in what country...or state.....there is common grief...and then there is your very own unique walk on your path of grieving...sometimes we can go through the stages in slow motion....sometimes we can go through every stage in half a day....you can take three steps forward...and then five steps back....you can wake up in the morning and say..."It's ok child...we know you wouldn't have left us unless you had to"......and then the next morning you wake up and just want them back. We are all trying to find our 'new normal'....in this foreign land we find ourselves....a good foot hold....to answered prayers..and unanswered questions....

[BrendaDup59]

Hi,

Dee I wanted to put a few pictures of Ryleigh on here , she has been such a blessing to our family .. she is the happiest baby I think I have ever known my sister keeps her 1 day a week so today I went over to get some updated pictures of her .. she is all smiles ..

Hope everyone is doing OK .. we had our last pretty day for the rest of the week ,I think it's going to be cold and rainy , all the birds and squirrels think it's spring already .. I have flowers coming up .. I cant wait. Thinking of everyone Love Brenda

[daveydow1]

Noreen----Thanks for your kind words. Yes, this site is a place where people

help people, if they can. Sometimes just knowing that someone else knows

the way you are feeling, or has gone through those dark slumps that hit us

all, can help in some small way. Dealing with the grief that comes from losing

a child is a lot of work, and it's usually not done in great leaps and bounds,

but small steps. We take a few steps forward, and then maybe a step or two

back, but in time we do gain overall.

Ducky----I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear son. I hope you can come

here to BI whenever you feel up to it, and tell us of your son when you

want to. When someone new comes on here, they are welcome, and may

soon feel like part of a group that no parent wants to ever be even close to.

But, feeling that others care and truly understand can help so much. Peace to you.

Brenda----I'm glad that you had a dream of your dear son. Those dreams are

such treasures. I have not had a dream of my son in quite a long time (that I

can remember), but I've found that they come along just when we least expect

them, to warm our hearts. I had not had a dream of my baby, Lisa, who died

years ago, in what must have been decades. Then.....about a year or more ago,

I had a dream of her. It was so wonderful and uplifting. Glad that your son

came to you in the dream. Sorry that you may be allergic to your dog. My husband

has been having lots of sinus problems too, and may be allergic to our cat.....not sure.

I know what a dilemna that puts us into, if it is the dog or cat that is causing the

problem. What to do next, with the pet?? We'll wait awhile and see. There are

so many things one can be allergic to anymore.....household cleaning products,

foods, and loads of things. I hope your sinus problems subside.

Shelley----Good to see your post. I hope that you can get the hang of posting

your pics.

Kate-----Your story of cheating on the sewing was so funny ! I bet the nun was

already suspicious when she saw such perfect aprons. I've never been an expert

seamstress......no by a long shot. I used to sew more clothing when my kids were

little....PJ's etc., and of course repairs. Also, used to make myself a few dresses,

blouses etc. I gave that up a long time ago. My sewing maching sits idle sometimes

for awhile, but I don't know what I'd do without it, really. Do repairs mostly.

Dee----I won a prize for a dress I made in 4-H once. Still remember the black&White

scotty dogs print, and the red ric-rack trim. Wow.......YEARS ago.

Peanutsmom----

I'm sorry you received that message. I agree...maybe you should

just remain in MD....at least for awhile. Moving right now could be just too stressful

for you. Whatever you decide to do.....I wish you luck, friend.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Guest]

..

[ericasmom]

Brenda, pure beauty that little one is. Thanks so much for sharing that smile with us.

Lora, such good news, wonderful.

Sherry, I flunked sewing due to a dress I had to make but really did not know how. Darts were inside out, shoulders were in the armpits...need I say more? I love the print you used to make your dress. Adorable.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Got a call today from MD roads to say they are changing the speed limit on MD portion of our road! Now hopefully DE follows suit!!

[Mom of Chip]

I have a received a double whammy...my brother passed away yesterday from heart failure. He had been ill for a long time...lymphoma in 12 year remission, diabetes, heart problems..He had recently had a quadruple bi-pass...He was 3 years younger than me...our parents are both gone and now I am the only one left in my immediate family...I am okay but a little numb....Still grieving over Chip and now this...well, grieving is grieving...can it get worse?

[tobyfreefoot]

del it must be hard to be the only one now. my father died less than a year after my son. it seemed like the loss of my son was still so intense i could barely feel it. do you have other children?

peanut's mom my 2 cents--don't move if you don't have to. moving is an added stress on top of your grief and separation besides the distance between you and the gravesite of your child might just be way too much--for me i'm sure

kate i guess i need to look back and find your sewing story!!

lora--congratulations to your son! forest was working on his thesis when he died so they awarded him his master's in the history of science, medicine and technology posthumously.

sorry to see new people here. i hope we are able to offer some amount of comfort and an understanding ear.

[daveydow1]

Hi to all Indigos........It's rainy and very gloomy here,...seems to match my mood.

My post will be a bit short....have some pressing things to do tonight.

Dee-----Oh....I've had my share of dismal failures in sewing clothes in

the past. Wasted money on material/supplies etc. plus all the time

spent. I gave up making clothing for the most part. But, I do need my

sewing machine for lots of other things that need repairs....ripped

seams etc. I watched in wonder one day in the large yardgoods store

when a woman was buying yards and yards of expensive, frothy, silky white

material and trimmings. She said that she was making a wedding gown

for her daughter. I said that it would be a labor of love, but that I wouldn't

attempt such an ambitious project.....not skilled enough. It does, indeed,

take lots of skill to make wedding gowns, or other clothing that is made

of expensive materials. Skill, and patience.

Del-----I'm so sorry that your dear brother has died. It must be so difficult

for you......already in grief over the loss of your son, Chip ; and now your

brother. Hoping you can find some measure of comfort in the coming days

and months. Sending thoughts & prayers.

Lora-----

I hate when I lose a long post.....GRRrrrrrrrr. So aggravating.!!

Congratulations to your son, Jared, on getting into grad school.

PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

A favorite place to sit out back. Dreaming of spring/summer.

[Jeff's Mom]

Sherry, pull up another few chairs and I will bring the lemonade! We can sit and gaze over the lovely view. I too am longing for the warner weather and getting back into my garden. Del...I am so sorry to hear about your brother. Lora...lovely news about your son. I'm so happy for you. Noreen...how are you doing? And Gretchen...(sending a huge hug) Well, we heard from the surgeon this afternoon. March 12th is another surgery. Oh my, this is happening so fast. Please keep him in your prayers. Still trying to find my way around this goofy computer. Wish my boy was here to show me the ropes. That is why I am writing this in an odd way. Had something happen today that kind of through me for a loop. A reminder came in the mail for Jeff about having his eyes tested. It just hit to the core. After three years? Go figure! At this point anything goes...and so I called the lady to tell her he had died. She did seem uncomfortable. I'll never actually get used to this. Not ever. Just learn to go with the flow. Take care everyone.

[shellyku]

Good Evening Indigos! Did anyone have trouble logging onto this site today? First time I tried was at 5AM PA time and I got a message saying the site was down. Tried again mid-morning and same thing happened. Did I mention that my computer skills leave a lot to be desired, so maybe it was me.

I had to leave work today...my second meltdown in as many days. I've been feeling this coming on...a heavy, heavy heart. To those of you who've been here a long time: do you find perhaps the change of seasons brings with it some turmoil of the soul? I don't know what it is, but it hit me so hard today... almost like when Sarah first died.

Kate - I'm sorry but I must have missed that your husband had a first surgery. You mentioned he is having a second. Sending prayers.

Sherry - Thank you for that empty chair under the tree...think I'll sit a spell! (I wish!)

Del - So sorry about your brother. Prayers for peace to you.

Becky - Great news about Maryland! You go girl!

Peanutsmom - I agree with Gretchen - moving at this time would add to your grief. I remember reading in grief books to not make any big decisions in the early stages...that is a big decision. Prayers to you.

Lora - Congrats to your son. Must make you so proud!

Noreen and Ducky - Hope you both are coming along with some peace in your days!

Dee - How's everything with you?

Think I'll turn in...again! I've been in bed for most of the day, getting up only to eat the sandwich hubby made for me. Can't seem to shake the heaviness, but tomorrow is another day, and God willing, it will be a better one. Love to all.......Shelly

[Jeff's Mom]

Shelly, I did. It happened a few times. Said the site was not available.