Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

Kathy--Jessica's mom----Goodness...Tavian is 11 yrs. old already. Thanks for the pic

of your dear little grandson, Joshia. Beautiful baby.

Mermaidtears----So good that you walk so much. (I need to do more walking....

plan to get with it soon as the weather breaks a bit......no sidewalks out here,

but we walk on the tractor road beside the fields whenever the weather is fit.)

Dee----We got 4 inches of snow, and by mid-morning the nest day, it had all

melted away. Many birds at the feeder......so many cardinals and doves, along

with the juncos. We had to make a trip to the local feed store to get more

feed, and suet cakes for the woodpeckers.

Gretchen----So nice that you were able to connect with your friend of 35 yrs.

Thanks for all the nice pics.

O.F.-----I am sorry for your loss of your dear son. Please come back to BI...

everyone here understands the exptreme pain and sorrow of losing a beloved child,

and hope that we may be able....in some small way....to help ease your pain

on this journey. Peace to you.

Sarahsmom-----I, so, know what you mean about sometimes feeling that Sarah

is forgotten. I, too, feel that way sometimes, as no one I know ever mentions my

son, David's name anymore. I guess that maybe they don't forget, but that they

are afraid to talk about our child to us because they might think that we would

cry or something. Keep dear Sarah's memories close to your heart....she's always

with you. Sending thoughts & prayers as Sarah's angel day approaches.

Kate-----Oh....that neighbor woman! I can, so, understand your aggravation towards

her for being so nosey. Prayers for you & your husband.

Brenda----thanks for the pic.......lovely little girl.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Oksana, so glad that you came back to share with us and help someone very new to this as you are. This, I have found, is one really incredible way that healing of sorts begins, when we reach out our hearts and hands to those also on this path. Somehow, we find then, that not only are we making sure others don't feel all alone, but we are finding our Child's light in helping others through this loss.

Kathy B. I was going to have my Daughter cremated. Eri lay in the hospital for 6 days before she died from her devastating injuries. I figured she would be cremated and that we would figure out the ashes later, but her big brother, my Son, asked if we could please bury her so that he had a place to go be with her. My ex and I told him of course we would do that, it seems however, that he was not able to be there in the cemetery with her, I am the only one that really visits much, which is fine. We can not predict how we are going to be with the outcomes. I know though, that our Babies died, they left their bodies and flew freely as soon as they died, they dodge in and around us all the time, and they do not care how their body was dealt with. The images we all have adn had in those early months are difficult at best. I too was kind of haunted by images that were those last breaths of Eri's, and of course the phone call that alerted us to the accident...eventually you will allow those images to dissipate but it takes time. For now, just try to breathe, try to hone in on the good of your Daughter, and think of something you can do that will honor the life of your Girl. We are here, keep coming back.

Kate, that neighbor is probably kicking herself in the butt...either that or she has NO CLUE at all as to how that felt. Prayers are with your husband, his doctors, and of course surrounding you at this time.

Brenda, prayers galore for your little Grandgirl, that her surgery goes smooth as silk, and that you and Brett continue to grow your relationship.

Sherry, many birds, so lovely and so plentiful. Glad that the weather is ushering in more of our winged friends.

Lora, good for you to sit with your co-worker and deal with her grief. Again, that light of your Girl helping you find ways to help someone else.

[summergirl]

posted twice !!

[summergirl]

Sweet Kathy B. - how diffacult this time is for you, you are so very new to this journey . The shock of losing your daughter just a short time ago is still with you and the questions of why you did or did not do something is a part of grieving. We chose to bury our Jessica and the reason we did is this - Jessica lost a very dear friend just 2 years before she passed, he was cremated and I remember how she broke down one day and said to me "I feel so bad mom, I have no where to go to see Pete, to talk to him, to sit with him" - at that time I hugged her close and told her that Pete was all around her and she could talk to him wherever she was. I guess I remembered that when it was time to "choose" what we wanted to do.....My best friend said that when someone mentioned cremation I screamed NO. Personally I believe no matter what you choose you will always be surrounded by your child, you will feel them in the whisper of the wind, in the lightening the lights up the sky in a storm, in the flowers that bloom so beautiful. Give yourself a little break and just breathe knowing that your sweet girl is among many beautiful Angels and they are taking good care of her....I know my Jessica was there with a big smile for her. We are here..Hugs

Thank you, yes Joshia is just so cute, can't wait to get my hands on him....hopefully a trip this summer - praying

We are having more snow right now and Tavian is excited as he is "pretty sure" school will be cancelled... I say no way..lol

He loves school but also loves having snow days....

I am tired tonight, it has been a long week and only Thursday...Stength, Hugs and Prayers my sweet friends...Kathy, Jessica's mom always

Tavian wearing his "chocolate mustach" - lol They were handmade by the kitchen staff at the Nutrition Center today and they gave me one for Tavian...so cute - love this boy....

[Ryans Mom]

I had my son cremated. We figured that would be the best thing. now he is in my office and I dont want to go in there. I dont want to bury him, but I cant have him here either.... I cant help you right now on your journey, but I wish you the best decisions for you...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Oh my goodness, so sorry for all the newbies to our forum! Wishing you didn't have to be a part of our group, but we are here to help you, by listening, and understanding in a way that most people outside this forum just cannot.

Sherry: I read an article from by a psychologist who had done a study with parents that had suffered the loss of a child because of an impaired/distracted driver, and it is the first thing that seemed to perfectly describe where we were, and how we were feeling. They summarized that this circumstance was like the feelings that would be experienced by someone who's child had been murdered. There would be a strong desire for justice, often disappointment and disillusion with the court system, and feelings toward the driver that they just wish they would drop dead! Literally. I have to pray daily to guard my heart, and not let hatred rule, as I want to see my son again in heaven.

We had Jared cremated, as his sister had told us that they had discussed at some point that is what they would want done if they were to die. I feel like I probably influenced that, as I have often said that I wished to be cremated and spread on my flowerbeds! We buried a small amount of his ashes at the cemetery, where his friends can go and visit, but we have an urn with the rest of his ashes here at home. There were months after my neck surgery that I couldn't drive, and was very thankful to have this memorial to him here at home in our living room. The photobox loaded with his pictures and music is mounted above the urn. I often plant a kiss on the top of the urn, as if it were the top of his head. Silly, maybe, but I somehow find it comforting.

I think, for me, the fact of how much trauma my son endured at death, which was followed by an autopsy, made me feel like he was so completely violated, that being cremated didn't seem as the worst of it, but rather a purification. I know his soul, his spirit, live on.

Kathy, the pic of Tavian is adorable!! As was the picture of the baby!

Kate, thinking and praying for you and your hubby.

Gretchen, love all the pics at Forest's memorial! Praying for you as well.

Lora, that you took the time for someone else experiencing a loss, says it all. All of you hang in there, and try to ignore the ignorance that sometimes surrounds us. They just don't get it, and honestly, we hope they never have to.

Sarah's mom, I too sometimes feel like we are the only ones that remember. I am sure it's not true, but our remembering is 24-7, while others go on with their lives only occasionally being reminded. Our triggers are so much stronger and more frequent. My heart to you as you near that date.

The highs and lows of emotions this week have left me exhausted. The weather is a bit sunnier today, and less wind than as of late, so maybe I can get outdoors and do something, even if it is only a walk to my backyard. Sometimes things seem so pointless, but then I have to remember how much Jared loved our home and our property, and even though the upkeep is a trigger of the many memories of him helping us do things around here, I cannot let it all just go, but have to walk through those memories as well. Only one way through this grief... straight through. At your own pace, but straight through.

[O F]

Hello, everyone.

It was, probably, discussed before, but it will be difficult to find out and I really, really need to hear if any of you have experienced any signs, dreams, visitations from your children.

About 2 weeks ago on Sunday night I prayed and asked Jesus to allow my son to come to me, if it is ok with Him. I felt asleep about 10 pm and immediately had a dream where my beloved son was standing right next to my bed, where I was laying in the same position as I was before falling asleep. He was smiling at me with the most serene smile imaginable. He was wearing light grey t-shirt ( he had many of that color) and did not have glasses or braces ( he had both in reality of life). His hair was not so short as in reality, and he did not look quite like himself, but I knew it was him. And then I realize that he is gone and here he is standing there, so I reach out with my hand to grab him by the shirt and there is nothing - he disappears and I wake up immediately. It was 10.30 pm and I have not been dreaming anything else.

I have not been dreaming about him anymore and as I was at peace as I was 2 weeks ago after that dream I start to be worried - why isn't he coming to my dreams again? Is he OK? He did not say a word, but he was looking straight into my eyes and was smiling...

[BrendaDup59]

Dee I just wanted to let you know Jaci did fine in he surgery .. they pulled 7 teeth capped 3 and did a root canal.. I almost cried when I heard the news she is only 2 and to have some much wrong in her little mouth and people think Traci did't brush her teeth she did, and Jaci will not drink juices .. Traci said when they tried to give her some after she woke up she threw it at them ..oh she so has her daddy's and mommy's attitude in her little body. when she gets mad it's written all over her little face .. here is a short video Traci sent me showing just a sample .. I love this little girl so much . well I love them all but Jaci has fought so hard to make it. . Anyway thanks for being here you are such an inspiration and just a wonderful lady. . Love Brenda

​I added the pics Traci sent me of her after surgery this just about made me cry they said she would be ina lot of pain today , but hopefully will be back to herself tomorrow ..

[Mermaid Tears]

Hello, everyone.

It was, probably, discussed before, but it will be difficult to find out and I really, really need to hear if any of you have experienced any signs, dreams, visitations from your children.

About 2 weeks ago on Sunday night I prayed and asked Jesus to allow my son to come to me, if it is ok with Him. I felt asleep about 10 pm and immediately had a dream where my beloved son was standing right next to my bed, where I was laying in the same position as I was before falling asleep. He was smiling at me with the most serene smile imaginable. He was wearing light grey t-shirt ( he had many of that color) and did not have glasses or braces ( he had both in reality of life). His hair was not so short as in reality, and he did not look quite like himself, but I knew it was him. And then I realize that he is gone and here he is standing there, so I reach out with my hand to grab him by the shirt and there is nothing - he disappears and I wake up immediately. It was 10.30 pm and I have not been dreaming anything else.

I have not been dreaming about him anymore and as I was at peace as I was 2 weeks ago after that dream I start to be worried - why isn't he coming to my dreams again? Is he OK? He did not say a word, but he was looking straight into my eyes and was smiling...

Go and look up Visitation Dreams....they are very different than a regular dream....and they are real....yes...your son ...wanted you to know that he was fine...happy....and wanted you to see him as he is now....I had one of my son...and then another 'dream'...so very personal....it was him.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi everyone, just stopping by to say I am thinking of all of you....those both new to this journey and the older ones. Thank you to everyone for sending prayers and wishes about the upcoming surgery. I can't wait to put this behind us and move forward. I know he is getting very anxious. Our weather has finally broken and it is a very nice day today. Quite mild and a perfect day for a brisk walk. I have already had one long walk to keep me focused on the positive. A few people have posted about the subject of burial or cremation. As always, it is a very personal thing. We had our son cremated as per his wishes. We scattered his ashes or I should say a small portion of them at the site overlooking the lake where his memorial bench is located. We also have the urn on our dresser in our bedroom. I have given instructions that when I go I want to also be scattered along with the rest of his ashes in the same place. A very serene and comforting place. Lately I have found myself reaching out to him as I go about my daily tasks asking him to help me to stay strong for what is coming up. I now believe firmly that the occurrence that happened last fall was a gift given to help us to stay strong through this difficult period. Although at the time we certainly did not know what lay ahead. Since that day I have felt a calmness and assurance that he is truly at peace and happy. It is so difficult to walk this path and stay focused and positive. The days can be so challenging and it can become very easy to fall into a depression. I have said this so many times in the past but I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I watch others with families intact going about their routines. It is so hard to know that this is permanent and my life has now taken a completely new direction...one I would gladly give up if I had a choice. But it is not for me to argue. One day at a time is all we can truly ask of ourselves. The hardest part for me apart from the obvious...is the disappointment in family and life long friends. I am at an age where I felt that after many years of investing in relationships and family that it would allow me some degree of confidence that they would be there for me. I am afraid we are living very much in a material world these days. In the end we are often left to fend for ourselves. It certainly does cause you to reflect on what is really important.

[O F]

Thank you, Mermaid Tears, I'll try to find that topic.

If anyone can post a link it would be very helpful. Thank you.

[daveydow1]

O.F.-----So nice that you had a dream of your dear son. Through my

longtime journey on this road, I have found that I cannot 'will' myself

to have these dreams.......they just come as they may, and often they

come when we least expect them. My baby, Lisa, died over 40 yrs.

ago, and decades went by without my having a dream of her.....then

one night...out of the blue....I had the most lovely and uplifting dream

of her. She was only 6 mo. old when she died. I have had dreams of

my son, David, from time to time, and they were much like the one

you had of your son. I found that all my dreams of David and of Lisa

were all positive and pleasant. Peace and comfort to you, friend.

Becky----thanks for posting about the article by the psychologist

regarding loved ones being killed by impaired drivers. The many

points about how we feel after this tragedy are so true. I believe

that it is only natural and human nature to have anger feelings toward

the person causing the death of our child, due to their careless neglegence.

After all,....they are free to go on about their lives, while our child is

gone forever. But....I agree with what you wisely said....that we will want to see

our beloved children when it's our time to go, so we must guard our hearts

against hatred. By now.....I just have a somehow 'cold' emptiness when it

comes to the truckdriver who killed my son. I try not to think of him at all,

but it is not possible to completely eliminate him from my mind, of course.

I just still go a day at a time.....even after this long time. Thoughts & prayers.

Dee----I so agree with what you said. Once, I was reading an article about

a plane crash where everyone on board was killed. A compassionate minister

commented to the loved ones of those killed, that when there is such an

accident, that those who aren't meant to survive.....that their spirits leave their

bodies immediately. So that they are already part of the spirit world. I always

will remember David's sister, Becky, saying that as she prayed....very soon after

Davey died, that she heard his voice telling her that all he knew was that he was

sitting in traffic one minute, and the next minute he was in heaven. That has

stuck with me....and comforted me...throughout these 9 years. I feel there are

many many ways that one could get a comforting sign...like the blue sky turning

pink when your dear ERi passed. Their lovely spirits are, indeed, all arounds us.

Brenda----Sending prayers for your sweet little granddaughter after her surgery. Bless her.

Kate----

I'll be praying for you & your dear husband as his surgery approaches.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[O F]

Thanks, Sherry,

I've been reading this thread - the pages from 2005 and found some visitations descriptions and also some descriptions of the signs, which I was looking for.

But I also found something which is puzzling me - something about the cloud the parents see. I found you posts there too, maybe you can explain what is it about?

And I have a question, pardon me, if I will sound stupid - why people here referring to them as indigos? What does it mean?

Thank you.

Paul's mom Oksana

[halcottgirl368]

Hi, I want to thank all of you who answered my yesterday and today. I understand what you all are saying but it so tears me apart. In July my son is coming home and we are having a service for Cheri, and we will be burying most of her ashes next to her Dad, Uncle and Grandmother in the family cemetary in the Adirondack Mtns. I will be keeping some of them as well as her brother, Richard, and when it is my time to go her ashes will be with me.

Someone said something about a necklace to put some ashes in, where can I find one of these?

Again, thank you, it has always been so hard for me to talk about my problems, I have always been the one giving advice and listening to them, I have always been the one thinking people have their problems they don't need me to tell them mind. I have been this way since I was about 8 years old. And here you all have been so wonderful to everyone who writes, I just hope that one day I will be able to help someone here. God Bless you all.

Kathy B

[ericasmom]

Oksana, the cloud might be the post from me about seeing Erica as a cloud formation just hours after she died. We looked up and saw the cloud that looked like ERi. She had dreadlocks, the cloud girl had cloudlocks all around her head, she was flying with legs and feet behind her her arms, (all made of clouds attached) were outstretched. We stood in the parking lot of a motel in the town she died in and watched as the sun set through this large girl cloud formation that looked like Eri. She was reaching out to a much bigger formation that looked just like a big bearded man. The sun went through her and bled into the man. My husband, not a believer in miracles or cosmic anything, (how did we get together?) stood there crying with his hand pointing to the cloud saying, " it is Erica."

As far as Indigos, that was the name, and more aptly named Indigos back when many of us first came here. It was called Beyond Indigo, which means, beyond blue. We are beyond feeling blue in our grief. Such a good name. Now the name does not really reflect us, Grieving.com? We are all of us Indigos.

Brenda, hope that y ou are feeling better today. I always got UTI after taking certain antibiotics for sinus infections. Are you better? I am so relieved to see that little Beauty of yours, thanks for the updates.

[ericasmom]

Kathy B. you just keep coming here and asking questions, keep posting your thoughts, we are here for all the same reasons and one day it will be you helping someone new here. You hang on Sweetie. I am glad that some plans are in place to distribute the ashes of your Dear Daughter Cheri.

[O F]

Thank you, Dee, for explanation.

I've read about Erica-cloud, it was beautiful and as if I could see it myself ...

I've just came from the church, we have had a Memorial Mass, because today is the 40th day as my son became an Angel...

[ericasmom]

Oksana, 40 days is a long long time. One day is too long. Prayers as you find your way in this dark place. He is smiling on his Mom I am sure.

Sherry, I love that your Daughter heard Davey say what he did. I love the amazing ways our Babies let us know that they are more than okay. Lovely.

Soon after Erica died, I woke to see her sitting in a chair next to my bed. (many of you have read this story) and in this moment, she had her straight hair again, no dreads. She did not speak but only smiled and looked at me. She seemed glad to see me, I sure was glad to see her. She was gone very quickly but I do still feel that the moment she was nearby was a gift, letting me see that she was fine, better than fine.

[Sholl1955]

Exactly a year ago yesterday we took Sarah to Hospice for the final days of her journey. Painful memories. I plan to spend time with my granddaughters, clean my house and do laundry and have an appointment with my therapist. If I keep busy it does not stop the memories but I can get through the day easier. I am so thankful my husband is unable to recall the painful details. One small blessing if he has to have the disease.

Wishing all a quiet weekend.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Sandy, you have a heart as big as the world, you hold so much in it. Our losses break our hearts and as we learn to live in that loss, our hearts rebuild and reshape themselves to include even more. Blessings to you as you recount the events that led you here. Prayers for you and the Girls. I know that you are glad your Husband can no longer remember this deep pain, but I also know that you might feel more alone in it due to that. So hang on to us, we walk along with you. Peace one day Sandy.

Becky- I agree with you, we need to try very hard to not let the hatred or ache run our lives, we need to find ways instead to let the love that nobody can take away, show us the best way to live.

[tobyfreefoot]

sandy--that you are able to find the blessing in your husband's illness is a beautiful thing and the attitude that will make living less of a drudgery. i'm glad you have grandchildren to love. my daughter was pregnant with my first when my son died. she has been a lifesaver for us and bears her uncle's middle name. he would have loved her so.

[Mermaid Tears]

Our John David was cremated....I just wanted his Earth body to be free...as free as his Spirit body is now....and I have always told everyone that when I die...I want to be cremated and then have a big Beach Party....and when they scatter my ashes in the ocean..I want "Hotel California" played...and now I am making the plans to scatter and bless his ashes.....it is not easy....and I can only take this on in intervals....but I do honor those who want to bury their loved ones and have that sacred place to 'visit'...

In wanting to do something in his memory....I am slowly having some ideas come to the top...am not in a hurry, for this grief path is hard....and I have to stop and take some 'rest stops'...and then 'self care'...or I would fall apart many times a day....and then I have to 'pat myself' and remind me it is ok to fall apart when the wave hits. It just doesn't happen as many times at first. But it does happen. I find that I have no control when the melt downs come...I just have to go to a private place....get control again....repair make-up....pray for His Grace and Mercy. I do think this is normal...I do not second guess my emotions anymore....just accept and move on.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here are pics of the project at the cemetery that we've been working on since January, finally got it all put together today

Here is what we had...

This first one is back on January 13th, when my daughter, Jasmine & I, dug out our cemetery plot to rid it of grass and weeds, and to install landscape fabric and stone border blocks.

This one was today, when my husband Jerry and I installed Jared's revised marker, having a base added to get his flat marker up off of the ground, and installed a granite bench.

Here is another view of those additions

Then we added over 1000 lbs. of black river rock. My poor old van got a serious workout!

My husband, Jerry, putting in the stones.

Me raking them smooth.

Then added the flower arrangement that I created with Jared's pics and a pic of his car.

Here it is completed. Still have solar lights to put in, and a solar gopher eliminator.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Here are pics of the project at the cemetery that we've been working on since January, finally got it all put together today.

This first one is back on January 13th, when my daughter, Jasmine & I, dug out our cemetery plot to rid it of grass and weeds, and to install landscape fabric and stone border blocks.

This one was today, when my husband Jerry and I installed Jared's revised marker, having a base added to get his flat marker up off of the ground, and installed a granite bench.

Here is another view of those additions

Then we added over 1000 lbs. of black river rock. My poor old van got a serious workout!

My husband, Jerry, putting in the stones.

Me raking them smooth.

Then added the flower arrangement that I created with Jared's pics and a pic of his car.

Here it is completed. Still have solar lights to put in, and a solar gopher eliminator.

[Mermaid Tears]

Here are pics of the project at the cemetery that we've been working on since January, finally got it all put together today.

This first one is back on January 13th, when my daughter, Jasmine & I, dug out our cemetery plot to rid it of grass and weeds, and to install landscape fabric and stone border blocks.

This one was today, when my husband Jerry and I installed Jared's revised marker, having a base added to get his flat marker up off of the ground, and installed a granite bench.

Here is another view of those additions

Then we added over 1000 lbs. of black river rock. My poor old van got a serious workout!

My husband, Jerry, putting in the stones.

Me raking them smooth.

Then added the flower arrangement that I created with Jared's pics and a pic of his car.

Here it is completed. Still have solar lights to put in, and a solar gopher eliminator.

Our Warrior Mom....and family......now that is a 'labor of love'......I see all the 'heart and soul planning' in the details...I see the love, devotion, sorrow, heartache, grace and prayer in the completed memorial....am praying that each of you find solace in going beyond and above for your Sweet Boy....

[Mermaid Tears]

Hi everyone, just stopping by to say I am thinking of all of you....those both new to this journey and the older ones. Thank you to everyone for sending prayers and wishes about the upcoming surgery. I can't wait to put this behind us and move forward. I know he is getting very anxious. Our weather has finally broken and it is a very nice day today. Quite mild and a perfect day for a brisk walk. I have already had one long walk to keep me focused on the positive. A few people have posted about the subject of burial or cremation. As always, it is a very personal thing. We had our son cremated as per his wishes. We scattered his ashes or I should say a small portion of them at the site overlooking the lake where his memorial bench is located. We also have the urn on our dresser in our bedroom. I have given instructions that when I go I want to also be scattered along with the rest of his ashes in the same place. A very serene and comforting place. Lately I have found myself reaching out to him as I go about my daily tasks asking him to help me to stay strong for what is coming up. I now believe firmly that the occurrence that happened last fall was a gift given to help us to stay strong through this difficult period. Although at the time we certainly did not know what lay ahead. Since that day I have felt a calmness and assurance that he is truly at peace and happy. It is so difficult to walk this path and stay focused and positive. The days can be so challenging and it can become very easy to fall into a depression. I have said this so many times in the past but I would not wish this on my worst enemy. I watch others with families intact going about their routines. It is so hard to know that this is permanent and my life has now taken a completely new direction...one I would gladly give up if I had a choice. But it is not for me to argue. One day at a time is all we can truly ask of ourselves. The hardest part for me apart from the obvious...is the disappointment in family and life long friends. I am at an age where I felt that after many years of investing in relationships and family that it would allow me some degree of confidence that they would be there for me. I am afraid we are living very much in a material world these days. In the end we are often left to fend for ourselves. It certainly does cause you to reflect on what is really important.

Dear Kate......I don't think there is anyone that has found this site doesn't have some kind of 'issues' with family and friends.....and when we find ourselves in that fork in the road....we cannot come up with any kind of rhyme or reason...but...it does hurt....and our hearts are a little more broken....and here you are facing another crisis....I am not a guru or anything....and all we can do on this forum is reach out with our words and hearts....so....we are here....blessings to you

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Forgot the closeup of Jared's marker.

[tobyfreefoot]

becky--not only have you devoted so much to getting the laws changed but you have been putting so much into making a lovely memorial site for your precious son. i love the addition of a bench. they wouldn't let me have both a bench and a headstone. i own the plot next to forest so i am considering putting a bench in for my headstone now so we will have a spot other than the ground. thanks for sharing your pictures.

i'm sorry i'm not sure who was looking for cremation jewelry but there seem to be lots of sites, here are a few i pulled up for you. many of them are very reasonable.

http://www.perfectmemorials.com/cremation-jewelry/

http://www.jewelrykeepsakes.com/Cremation-Urn-Pendants-s/181.htm

http://www.madelynpendants.com/

http://psychecremationjewelry.com/

[daveydow1]

Becky----Thank you for posting the pics of the memorial site for

your sweet boy, J.D.

Sandy-----Yes, I agree with you, that keeping busy can help us

get through the day. I'm sorry for you & your husband. Keep

coming to BI. Prayers.

Dee----Quiet day around here today. I went to the library to return

a couple books, but got sick and had to leave. I was planning on going to

visit my mom, but thought I'd better head for home in case I got worse.

Don't know what struck me, but felt better after I was home.

Oksana----

I agree that the name Beyond Indigo was a more fitting name for this

site, and gave us a name to which we can refer ourselves; but we can still call

ourselves Indigos.

Wishing peace and restful night to all Indigos.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[BrendaDup59]

Hi,

Dee and Sherry thank you so much for your comments and concern for my grand daughter Jaci, she is doing better today. just breaks my heart that she had to even go through all of that. as for me, I had 2 MRI's done today 1 on my Brain and 1 on my left shoulder , I have an appointment on Tuesday with a neurologist to get results and I am praying that they have something new for Migraines , I don't think the antibiotic they put me on for my UTI is doing very much as I am still uncomfortable they sent a culture out so we will see.

Becky you all did a BEAUTIFUL job on your son's memorial just beautiful

Kate .. thinking of you and keeping you both in my prayers ..

Dal I hope you are doing OK . Hope everyone has a good night

[ericasmom]

Sherry, I sure hope that you are okay, two of my students went home sick in the last two days, one with throat and pale, the other...undisclosed. It seems every other child is sneezing however, including me. Prior to this week, I know my allergies were a bit nutty, but this feels a bit like a new cold, darn it. However, it could be allergies, on my walk at lunch hour the other day, a forsythia was already in bloom and believe me, we have not had warm temps and there she bloomed with aobut6 inches of snow around her base. Funny.

I had a busy day. I went to the gym and had a nice workout, and then my nephew called and asked if I was going to meet he and his girl and his son at the St. Paddy day parade in the next town. Usually I go with my DIL and Son and see all sorts of folks there both from school, from town, and many of Eri's friends. This year my Son and Dil did not go though. So home from the gym, i walked to meet Michael and I was clipping along, running into so many kids from school and parents, a few teachers too. Then I ran into an old neighbor who I'd not seen in a few years. She lost her Daughter, Alice, from brain cancer when Ali was only 4. We were so close back then, Alice would be about 24. She was a beautiful redhead with bow-shaped lips. Alice was at our home every day of her little life, except for the times in the hospital. Anyhow, so nice to see Sarah, the Mom. She told me her Daughter Cate got married and it hit me. I began to cry, happy tears but it was difficult to talk. After seeing Sarah, I was getting closer to my nephew and great nephew and ran into Eri's great friends, Susannah, Bridget, Karolyn, Rachel, Collin, Jane, and Carla. It was a delight to see them. As usual, my heart just jumps when I get to hug them, get to hear their current stories. Finally I crossed the street and hung out with Mike and Maxx and Buddy and saw another nephew Kevin in the parade, and several students in the parade. One, Bree, ran from her spot in the march to hug me. Lovely. So then after warming up in the bar/pub that my nephew manages, I walked back home. Lot of walking today. Good for my body and spirit. The rain is starting, supposed to get quite a bit, so home and cozy now.

Becky, the area of Jared's memorial is gorgeous. I love the work you did to make it so special. Thanks for sharing.

[Guest]

.

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora, screen door open? Birds singing? Gosh I wish it was that warm up here. It is beginning to warm up, but nothing like that. I spent the afternoon in the city today. Had my hair done and ran several errands. I am trying to get things done in prep for Tuesday. My son was not able to make it home after all...off to Lake Louise with the family to ski. However I have had a few offers of help and so things are looking up. Becky, the memorial is just terrific. Everyone did a wonderful job. Dee, I guess this time of the year has all of us out trying to work off those extra pounds that accumulate over the winter. it sure feels good to get out and breath in the fresh air. Brenda...I really hope that the MRI will give them a full picture and they will be able to help you find some relief. Sherry, hope you are not coming down wit the flu. Take it easy tomorrow. Gretchen...how are you? Thanks to everyone for your support. The operation is scheduled for 8:00 a.m. on Tuesday and will be approximately six hours. Wish us luck. We have Jeff on our side and that's for sure. Thinking of you all this evening. Hope tomorrow is decent for everyone. Love, Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry, I sure hope that you are okay, two of my students went home sick in the last two days, one with throat and pale, the other...undisclosed. It seems every other child is sneezing however, including me. Prior to this week, I know my allergies were a bit nutty, but this feels a bit like a new cold, darn it. However, it could be allergies, on my walk at lunch hour the other day, a forsythia was already in bloom and believe me, we have not had warm temps and there she bloomed with aobut6 inches of snow around her base. Funny.

I had a busy day. I went to the gym and had a nice workout, and then my nephew called and asked if I was going to meet he and his girl and his son at the St. Paddy day parade in the next town. Usually I go with my DIL and Son and see all sorts of folks there both from school, from town, and many of Eri's friends. This year my Son and Dil did not go though. So home from the gym, i walked to meet Michael and I was clipping along, running into so many kids from school and parents, a few teachers too. Then I ran into an old neighbor who I'd not seen in a few years. She lost her Daughter, Alice, from brain cancer when Ali was only 4. We were so close back then, Alice would be about 24. She was a beautiful redhead with bow-shaped lips. Alice was at our home every day of her little life, except for the times in the hospital. Anyhow, so nice to see Sarah, the Mom. She told me her Daughter Cate got married and it hit me. I began to cry, happy tears but it was difficult to talk. After seeing Sarah, I was getting closer to my nephew and great nephew and ran into Eri's great friends, Susannah, Bridget, Karolyn, Rachel, Collin, Jane, and Carla. It was a delight to see them. As usual, my heart just jumps when I get to hug them, get to hear their current stories. Finally I crossed the street and hung out with Mike and Maxx and Buddy and saw another nephew Kevin in the parade, and several students in the parade. One, Bree, ran from her spot in the march to hug me. Lovely. So then after warming up in the bar/pub that my nephew manages, I walked back home. Lot of walking today. Good for my body and spirit. The rain is starting, supposed to get quite a bit, so home and cozy now.

Becky, the area of Jared's memorial is gorgeous. I love the work you did to make it so special. Thanks for sharing.

well...am with you....even if I am here in Texas....I have the same' relationship'....even if we are not related....things because of who and when and where He is..John David was known by many.....

[ericasmom]

Lora, sounds like a lovely day indeed. I remember when I had cats how they loved a day like that, fresh scents all around the yard under the melted snow. They would investigate for hours. I am glad that you are taking your time in choosing the photo you want. Glad too that you are finding the stone you like best and moving forward. Nothing easy about it. Sounds like your walks and video are really powerful. Six inches? What video are you doing? I usually try to get 4 miles in a day in two walks, sometimes three. My morning walk is usually my fastest walk and about 2 miles. Have a good sleep and another nice day tomorrow.

Kate, I have great hope that Tuesday will be a series of smooth transitions for you and your Husband. May the Doctors find and fix all they need to and may recovery be fast and without upset.

Brenda, I am praying too, for the MRI results to point to how the doctors can help you to be out of pain, and to clear up the infection that keeps you feeling under.

Susan, how are you these days? how is your little Grand girl? Is the weather warm where you are?

[Guest]

.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, John David (J.D.)!!

Thinking of you today, Susan. ((Hugs))! May you feel his sweet spirit near you as you remember the day he came into being and into your life.

[ericasmom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN DAVID-

Sweep into Mommas Day in a big way, a sweet only-John-David-Way, letting her feel the peace you have all the time now.

Susan,While your heart is aching, know that this will always be a beautiful day, the day that brought John to your life.

[Sholl1955]

Awoke a half an hour ago from a terrible nightmare and sobbing. It involved my youngest daughter moving away and letting me know she wanted nothing to do with me ever. The thing is, that in not dealing with her grief of losing her precious sister she has cut me off and doesn't communicate much. So, the nightmare was horrible. I am a mess right now. I am so sorry that my posts are so selfish and self absorbed right now. I shouldn't be like this way after a year. Most of my family and friends feel I should be past this, So I come to those who have been there. I hope to one day soon be able to share positive things with those newer to this hard hard journey then I am.

Sandy

[Sholl1955]

Awoke a half an hour ago from a terrible nightmare and sobbing. It involved my youngest daughter moving away and letting me know she wanted nothing to do with me ever. The thing is, that in not dealing with her grief of losing her precious sister she has cut me off and doesn't communicate much. So, the nightmare was horrible. I am a mess right now. I am so sorry that my posts are so selfish and self absorbed right now. I shouldn't be like this way after a year. Most of my family and friends feel I should be past this, So I come to those who have been there. I hope to one day soon be able to share positive things with those newer to this hard hard journey then I am.

Sandy

[hotrod]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN DAVID . TOUCH MOM WITH YOUR SWEET SPIRIT.

[ericasmom]

Sandy, one thing off your plate as of now...never worry about being negative. THis is the place that your sadness and worries can be out on the page, shared from your heart without worry.

Do you think that you could tell your Daughter your worry, your concerns. Do you think you could see a time that you can tell her how dearly you miss your times with her? If not you, do you think anyone on your behalf could do this? I wonder if she just can't handle the pain you have, or if she just can't at this time, acknowledge her pain? Has she close friends or a husband that might lend some clues? Would she go to counseling with you? Is she just too miserable to be around the kids who remind her so much of her sis, and to see her dad in this new way that he is that she shut herself down?

So many questions, but I sure wish that I could let her know that her Momma needs her right now, needs her and loves her. I wish I could tell her that.

The dream is telling me that you need some contact with her today if possible.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

It was suggested to move my post from yesterday into this forum topic. So here it is. I have multiple thoughts so each is separated by a set of ********* for clarity.

Jesse's Mom

******************************************************************************************************

Hello, My name is Laurie and Sunday, March 10 will be the 5 month anniversary of losing my son Jesse. He was 28 and was ran over while driving his motorcyle to a doctor's appointment. He was in his own lane and the roadway was a straightaway. The other driver had been cited numerous times for lack of insurance and actually had a tailgating violation! However, the Sheriff's dept of Jackson County WI has made a mess of the investigation so who knows if she will be properly charged or not.

I am angry with the Sheriff's dept for being such incompetents that they couldn't even do the obvious. Like drug test someone in the case of an fatality accident that has no other factors such as weather, roadway, etc. They didn't even separate the driver from the passenger to attempt to find out why on earth someone would cross over into an oncoming lane in a straightway.

I am hiring an outside accident reconstructionist since they don't seem to be able to conduct a investigation in any type of scientific manner to determine cause. I am just disgusted with them.

~ Justice for Jesse

********************************************************************************************

Last night I found a web site by a grief counselor that was a very good read. Here is the

link

http://www.carolkear...y/overview.html

She lost her 7 year old daughter in a drowning accident. The reason it was of interest to me was the author had a similar experience to mine. Most of her book is out on this site and can be easierly read.

My son knew he was going to die before it happened.

Apparently after reading Carol's site she refers to Elizabeth Hubler - Ross who said that she has seen that in a number of her dying patients over the years.

The only thing I can come up with is that when one reaches the end of their earthly journey, that for some, the afterlife starts to bleed through into today. It has been a great painful struggle for me regarding this.For I feel like, Why didn't I come up with something to protect him? It was like some of my son's revelation was temporarily erased from my mind.

**********************************************************************************************

It has been a very difficult day. Today I went to my son's house just as I normally would have. I cleaned and straightened it up even though I know he is not coming back as he has a new home in heaven. But I am still in this realm, struggling everyday just to get through.

Here is his web site that I created in his memory:

http://memorialwebsi...k/Homepage.aspx

Still adding to it.

I am not sure when the 10th of a month will arrive without my dread of it. Perhaps in time, but not today.

******************************************************************************************************

Poetry

Today I waited for you, but you never came. I asked God to whisper to you how much I love you and how much I miss you. And then I realized that today, you also wait for me. Until God calls me home, Jesus, please carry me in Your loving arms. For I am crushed.

******************************************************************************************************

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

To Angel Boy of Mine:

Your cemetary plot for son is lovely. I would like to do that for mine. So far I go out to the graveyard and just stand very close to where his head is and sometimes talk, sometimes wail. Depends on the day.

But I might just borrow your idea...

[ericasmom]

Laurie,

I am so sorry for the recent loss of your Son. My Daughter was born a few months before your Boy, her birthday is coming up but she has been gone since she was 19. One day you will be able to feel some joy at the memories of your Boy, right now however, you are fighting the good fight to find justice for him, for others like him. My girl too, died in a bad accident , her car hit by a train at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo Michigan. We fought too, and eventually a few things were changed due to our fight. The most important thing I can tell you is while you are fighting for your Boy, don't forget to take good care of you, as he would want. Remember too, that one day, whether the end result of your battle works in your favor or not, that your life must carry on. Sometimes we lose sight of life outside the battleground.

Keep coming back and let us know more about your Son and You. I visited your memorial page, it is lovely.

[Mom of Chip]

Happy Birthday, John David. While you're celebrating with your angel friends...swoop down and let your dear MOM know that while you understand her journey of pain, you want to bring her comfort in knowing that you are in a happy place.

Sandy, bring all your pain to us..We understand..Sometimes siblings in the family don't realize how much it hurts their parents to lose a child. I believe that we have to continue to reach out to our other children and let them know how much they mean to us..let them know that if they had been the one who left us for their heavenly home that the pain would just as bad as what you feel for their departed sibling. I hope you can bring your daughter back to you.

Laurie, I am sad that you have a reason to join us here.

Kate, praying for you and your husband during this trying week.

Brenda, MRI's are no fun, but I hope it shows what's wrong and you get proper treatment.

My days have been a little difficult. As some of you may know, my brother passed away last week....and then I learned that a dear friend had passed the week before from lung cancer...It is hard to know for whom I'm grieving..It comes and goes...but it seems that every time I start to cry...Chip is at the forefront of my grief...but the painful journey I have had since his leaving us has given me a bigger and more open heart to understand the grief that others go thru. Chip always said that 'everything happens for a reason'...so maybe his death has given me a renewed strength to understand others' pain.

To all other Indigos...hope this week is good for you.

[BrendaDup59]

Happy Heavenly Birthday John David

[Jeff's Mom]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JD! Thinking of you today Becky and family. Your memorial tribute to JD is just beautiful. It is obvious how much love and effort you have carefully put into it. He would be so proud of you for all of your efforts on his behalf. Kate

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Laurie,

I am so sorry for the recent loss of your Son. My Daughter was born a few months before your Boy, her birthday is coming up but she has been gone since she was 19. One day you will be able to feel some joy at the memories of your Boy, right now however, you are fighting the good fight to find justice for him, for others like him. My girl too, died in a bad accident , her car hit by a train at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo Michigan. We fought too, and eventually a few things were changed due to our fight. The most important thing I can tell you is while you are fighting for your Boy, don't forget to take good care of you, as he would want. Remember too, that one day, whether the end result of your battle works in your favor or not, that your life must carry on. Sometimes we lose sight of life outside the battleground.

Keep coming back and let us know more about your Son and You. I visited your memorial page, it is lovely.

Thank you for reading what I wrote. I think after so long a person starts to lose support since everyone else starts to carry on.

[Mermaid Tears]

He was born on March 10, 1970...at 12:53 P.M. ...weighed 6 lbs. 13 1/2 oz...it was a Tuesday.......I use to carry him in my arms...now I carry him in my heart...his 'big' sister, Randa was so excited to have a little brother....

I found this letter in his Memory Chest....it must have been written many years ago...for I have written all my letters and such on the computer for years.....little did I know I would be praying for myself....am so glad he was a sentimental kind of guy and kept such things.....