Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Pam I am so sorry I missed your Andy's 2nd Angelversary , I hope you felt him hugging you . your in my thoughts and prayers Love Brenda

Pam...I am 'new' here....and just want you to know that your request....that we simply do something kind and considerate in your son's name to remember him put a thought in my heart....of course....we shall. I held that thought all day....for that is what should come with the healing hands of time.

[summergirl]

Pam - I know your wonderful son Andy was with you today and through your smiles and tears I pray you felt his presence. Asking us to do something nice in his memory is beautiful. Although I did not see this post until now I want you to know that I did do something "nice" today so I guess your Andy gave a whisper in the wind - I heard...Hugs to you

Sandy - it is so hard isn't it?? Yes, there have been times when we are somewhere and someone will ask Tavian if I am his mom, at times he has said "yes" because it is easier for him than to have to say "no, that is my Mi-Mi, my mom is in Heaven" - the first time I heard him say it I cried, for him, for me and for my Jessica....now I smile as I know Jessica is smiling too. The hardest times are...Mother's Day, Father's Day and also for me "parent / teacher conferences !! That might sound silly but it is diffacult to sit there while all the "moms and dads" are talking of their children and I am talking as a parent / grandparent I think it is the littlest things that are the hardest. Tavian has adjusted very well and I am thankful for that. He does not talk about his mom too often but every now and than he will tell me something "my mom and I used to do" and I cherish those moments as I know he has not forgotten her. I started a treasure box for him not long after Jessica left - it has things in it that were very special to her, also letters and little objects left at the cemetery by her friends, family, so when he is older he can look through the box and hopefully it will make him happy. Hugs

Well, Tavian is officially 11 years old as of yesterday...my heart skipped a beat and my breath left me for a moment as it is so hard to believe, he was just a little 4 year old and now he is headed for the "teen" years....How I remember introducing him to you my friends and how you have watched him grow, all of his wonderful virtual grandma's....Since we had to cancel his birthday plans due to the snow storm we are going this Saturday to a place called Go-Karts, it is an indoor go-cart racing place plus laser tag, a party area for food - he is so excited and we are taking 2 of his friends so it should be a fun day. I will take pics.

Thought I would let you know that my son is doing very well, he is on a diet and has lost 60 pounds so far, has joined a gym with his girlfriend and goes 4 nights a week....he looks so good and I am so proud of how far he has come...the man I always knew he would be...

Pam - it is good to see you here, so glad you have found this beautiful place...Hugs

Dee - love when you speak of your students....

Take care my friends, strength, love and peace to all....Kathy, Jessica's mom always

[Mermaid Tears]

I am not going to remember 'all' the names....but I will remember what I read....

Becky....the 'rays' touched my heart....and you, his Warrior Mom....know your path is on the positive....for only good is going to come from your 'outreach'....

Many on here post their problems with family members that are not very comforting...or..they are not there at all.....I think this is a universal problem...for I have it, also......I have a son that lives 1 hour away...he has not 'spoke' John David's name...he has not called...he has not been there....he was at the Memorial.....now....not all...but some of us are placed in this place....where...'what do we do' with them...??? Rise above it....just act like they are doing the right thing..?? Don't mention anything because it could cause family problems down the road..?? Give them a break..?? What to do ??? Will be addressing this in the future....for I will have to work this out...work on this...and then come to the fork in the road....of what is expected of me..??

[517958]

It is Charlotte's 7th birthday today. I miss her so much.

[ericasmom]

Sweetie Little Girl Charlotte---We are singing Happy Birthday to you but I am sure that the Angels that love you like crazy have sung it to you all day, in voices that ring like bells. I hope that you were able to swing into Momma's realm today and kiss her tears letting her know that you are always near and forever in her heart just as she is forever in yours Little Princess.

Peace Little One.

[ericasmom]

Carol, I love the photos, the PINK! Love Doggie in the snow with her little coat on and wow, what a snowfall indeed. Glad that you are safe and warm. Thanks for sharing.

Becky, love the sign of music coming out of something not turned on. LOVE it. Forever Young, oh yes, a tear wrenching song to be sure. I do think that Jared is letting you know to keep on keepin on.

Kathy, give that 11 year old a big hug from me. Tell him please that I have enjoyed watching him grow up through his Mi Mi's photos and stories. Have fun at the party this weekend.

Gretchen, what a damn great show that will be. Each band there will knock your socks off, what a fun time. Good for you to wrap the music around you. You know Forest will be there and I would think my Girl, who loved concerts. Fabulous.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Angela, I pray that Char visited with you today and you were able to feel her presence around you!

Charlotte, Charlotte, Charlotte!

Sweet young angel girl!

[JD99501]

I have become very unstable as of late. One moment of extreme happyness then sudden disparity. I feel as though I have been sucked out into the ocean and can barely see land. Everyone and everything seems so far away from me. I feel as though I just want to walk away and let it all fall down. Things have been out of balance for me. My moods all over the map. I just want to cry and scream but I can't. Ive been crashing and burning since the holidays. Never fully recovering. I feel like a bird that has broken its wing flapping about never being able to take off.

[BrendaDup59]

It is Charlotte's 7th birthday today. I miss her so much.

Happy Birthday Sweet baby Girl ..

[ericasmom]

JD, besides being with us, have you dealt with your sadness in any other venue? Therapy? I just think that right now you are experiencing being on the edge of change...you are planning a trip but perhaps that poses many issues for you at this time. At around 4 years for me, I found myself having a very hard time, anxiety out of this world, flashbacks, and realized I had PTSD. I went to my old therapist and described my day to day and she said, sounds like PTSD. The best medicine for me with this is being here, exercising as much as I can for the endorphins but also as it has always been when my mind and spirit can come to some understanding, and therapy when needed. Therapy doesn't have to mean years and years, it can be in short bursts too.

I am so sorry for the way you are feeling right now and I sure do get it about walking away and letting everything fall away as you go. A virtual hug to you, hoping that if you come here more in the next few days it will help you find what you need.

I used the color above to match as closely as I could, the color of the brilliant sunrise. It is another Day JD, it could be a good one waiting for you.

[BrendaDup59]

I have become very unstable as of late. One moment of extreme happyness then sudden disparity. I feel as though I have been sucked out into the ocean and can barely see land. Everyone and everything seems so far away from me. I feel as though I just want to walk away and let it all fall down. Things have been out of balance for me. My moods all over the map. I just want to cry and scream but I can't. Ive been crashing and burning since the holidays. Never fully recovering. I feel like a bird that has broken its wing flapping about never being able to take off.

Surreal, I am sorry your feeling so down, you described me .. I am coming up on my sons first Angelversary .next month . I don't want to talk to anybody , I am finding I am so angry at the littlest things. I guess it comes from loving our sons so deeply.. you are in my thoughts and prayers. Brenda

[Guest]

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[Jeff's Mom]

HaBelated Happy Birthday, Char. Angela, hope yesterday that you were surrounded by beautiful memories and surrounded by the love of your beautiful girl. Surreal...I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. Please try to hang on and try to focus on doing something that makes you feel as if you are accomplishing something. Take one day at a time. I truly do understand how difficult this journey is to get through. Brenda and Lora....thanks for your support and also to everyone else. I do appreciate it. Things are not going as well as we had hoped. Still, we keep plugging along. I had mentioned that I did not have the support of family and so I felt truly alone. I guess I was wrong. As long as I hold my faith dear to me I will never be alone. It was a momentary lapse last week when I panicked. It's amazing how strong you can be when you put your mind to it. One day at a time and one step at a time is all you can ask of yourself. When things become overwhelming then just deal with the day at hand. Dee....hope your back is improved. How did the sale of the boxes go? They sounded delightful and lots of fun for the kids. Carol...too bad about the food left on the sofa. Glad you had a great birthday. I have been reading but not posting lately. I think of you all and hope your week will somehow be a better one than last week. Becky...love the sign and pics of your lovely home. Stay strong everyone. Love, Kate

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Patience has never been my strong suit, but I am learning. I pray for all of us that we will let God have His way, and trust Him to answer our prayers, whatever they may be. Peace, strength, comfort, help, love... He is the source. Without this faith, I would be nothing, and accomplish nothing.

[dsmurph]

Surreal, I'm sorry for your ups and downs. I go through my days the same way. It's hard to be around people on the hard days. I just want to stay home. I wish we could all physically be there to give you hugs from people who truly get it. I feel blessed when I finally meet someone who gets it and is willing to talk. Unfortunately it is usually on line. But, it is still a blessing. I pray that you have more ups than downs, and during the downs you are finding ways to cope. Your son knows you were a good Father. He loves you and will always be around you. I really understand your pain, our children were close to the same age. I think about Emily with everything I do. I still have to catch my breath when the reality shock goes through my body informing me again that she is gone. Hope you have brighter days soon. Debbie

[517958]

Thank you for the birthday wishes for my Charlotte. It's so wonderful to see her name! I had a busy day yesterday with things going on and then we went to the cemetery, waded through the snow and shoveled off her headstone so my parents in law could see it. We just laid it this summer and they haven't been in town since. Then we lit a candle in an ice globe I made. The candle only stayed lit for a little while because it was so windy. Then we went out to dinner. It was a nice ending for a sad day. My neighbors remembered her birthday and brought lots of treats, cards and flowers. It's nice to have people just remember.

[Mermaid Tears]

Angela....what I have discovered that the 'age' of the child really has no relevance at all in our journey of grief...I want to send you a hug...and a basket of blessings....and also...Birthday wishes to your Forever Baby Girl.....

[halcottgirl368]

Hi everyone, My name is Kathy, I live in upstate NY, a very small town in the Catskill Mtns. I don't know how to start or how to say things, I am afraid that once I do start typing I may not be able to stop. On Saturday afternoon, on 2/2, I received a call from my son in MS, I thought he was calling a day earlier so I could speak with my granddaughter, but as soon as he said hi, I knew something was very wrong. He said that we lost Cheri, my daughter, age 40. I went crazy, and to this day I think I am in a nightmare and I will soon wake up and things will be ok. She was in Sebring, Florida. I have not seen her in almost 5 years. And now I will never see her again.

Since I don't want to go on and on, and I don't know how to say things, I will stop for now, also want to stop because I just can't continue. I hope someone will want to help me get through this, but to be very honest, I don't think I will ever get through this, plus I totally hate the word closure. There is no such thing in my book, for something like this .

Thank you for listening.

Kathy

[BrendaDup59]

Hi Kathy, I am so sorry to read about your daughter, you have found a wonderful group of people who feel your pain, I am coming up on my son Brian's first angelversary March 17.. I lost him last St. Patrick's Day to a tragic motorcycle accident , he was 32 my first born, a husband and father to 6. I have not been able to post and barley read for the last couple of months .. but I know when I can this is the place to come, we are all at different levels of grief . I also have a 29 year old son with 5 children that refuses to speak to me in the last 11 months I have seen him 1 time mostly because of my DIL , it hurts so bad to go through this without his love and support, I still have a 10 year old and he is the reason I get up every day . I hope when you are ready you will come back and tel us about your daughter.. sending hugs to you feel free to message me any time. Brenda

[ericasmom]

Kathy, so so sad that you have found yourself in this sad time, we really get it. As to not knowing how to say it...you are doing fine with saying it. There are no rules as far as how much you want to give when you come, but you may find that each time you let some of your story out, you feel a bit less alone in this very hardest of times. Your Girl will always be your Daughter and when you feel like sharing more about her and more about you and the other Kids, please do. Do not be afraid that you won't know how to stop...you will start and stop many times before you find your rhythms and needs. These are subject to change daily or more. You are in shock right now, shock lasts a long time, but that you found our little group here while still in this very early stage tells me that you want to be a part of something bigger, a part of this group to help you find ways to still breathe in the face of so much jpain. We are all here and we all get it. Please let your story loose when you can.

Brenda, look at you reaching out your sweet self to a Newbie...it is in that kind of full circle helping that you will find great growth and knowledge that you have the ability to help heal those in need, therefore you also can heal some. No, we never get closure, we never get over it, but as Kathy said, get through it, learning to live through the pain and finding the importance in each day.

[Jeff's Mom]

Hi everyone, My name is Kathy, I live in upstate NY, a very small town in the Catskill Mtns. I don't know how to start or how to say things, I am afraid that once I do start typing I may not be able to stop. On Saturday afternoon, on 2/2, I received a call from my son in MS, I thought he was calling a day earlier so I could speak with my granddaughter, but as soon as he said hi, I knew something was very wrong. He said that we lost Cheri, my daughter, age 40. I went crazy, and to this day I think I am in a nightmare and I will soon wake up and things will be ok. She was in Sebring, Florida. I have not seen her in almost 5 years. And now I will never see her again.

Since I don't want to go on and on, and I don't know how to say things, I will stop for now, also want to stop because I just can't continue. I hope someone will want to help me get through this, but to be very honest, I don't think I will ever get through this, plus I totally hate the word closure. There is no such thing in my book, for something like this .

Thank you for listening.

Kathy

Hi Kathy, I am so sorry for your loss. I can completely relate to the feeling of pain and hurt you are experiencing. Brenda is so very right. You have found a place where you will feel welcomed by all. We are all at different stages of our grief, but have and still are feeling the loss of our child significantly. Time does soften the pain somewhat, but there is no actual closure. There never will be. We are parents and as such we will carry our child in our heart as long as we are able to breath. Please do take care of yourself as best as you are able. I know the shock and pain is overwhelming. We are here to help you along this journey. I hope that you will continue to post and when you are able...tell us something about your daughter. Thinking of you.

[daveydow1]

Carol-----You really got the snow !Your little dog, Lucy, must have

wondered what all the white stuff was about. I'm glad that you checked

in with the Dr. and that things are ok. thanks for the pics.

Dee-----

I haven't been on here for a few days......feeling a bit under the

weather...nothing too bad....just feeling a bit 'blah'. You know how that

is. Some may be just feeling tired of winter by this time of year....even

though the weather has been fairly mild for this winter. Thanks for

the song, and words to it. So true.

ANDY.......ANDY......ANDY......SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU.

Kathy----I'm so sorry for your loss of your daughter, Cherie. You have

found a good site here at BI. Everyone here knows, firsthand, the sorrow

of losing a child. Please come back to BI and post/read when you feel that

you want to.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY.......SWEET LITTLE CHAR.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[BrendaDup59]

Hi, Dee , I wish I could contribute more then I do , but I know everyone understands , I hate see a new mom having to be where we are. Just glad she found this sight.

Kate.. I hope your doing OK ,how is your husband doing?

sherry , I hope you get to feeling better.

I had a doctors apt Monday about the MRI had done, my neck is still a mess, she now wants an MRI on my brain and left shoulder ,she thinks my neck has something to do with my migraines .. so I will see. anyway I thought I would post some pictures I have been taking , we had the biggest snowflakes I have ever seen today the kind of snow I like it came and left the same day . and some more birds, I don't feel much like doing anything else. well I hope everyone has a good night. Love Brenda

[ericasmom]

Brenda, you do just fine. One needs to take care of their own daily needs, emotional, spiritual, physical and family, then if there is energy to post, post. If not, we all have been there before. When our brains and hearts prepare for an anniversary Brenda, our whole selves becomes anxious. We can't imagine this could be us, we can't fathom 365 days and we really don't know what to expect from 366 days and beyond. Hang on Sweet Friend. We have you. If I could put a big safety net down to catch you when you fall I would, but here I am, and the others who have passed that first and many other anniversaries, we are here, we do fall, we do hurt, but we do get up because we are still here. If we are still here, we still have a job to do. Your job right now is to take care of you and Caleb and when you can, give your heart over to those Grandies. Your neck needs your attention now, so you do what the doctor says so that you can feel much better than you do right now physically speaking. Prayers as you go along.

Sherry Dear I do know what you are speaking of, that malaise of sorts. Low energy or interest level? I wish you a different feeling soon, that you feel a spark of your creative self and put down some brush strokes in spring colors if that helps. Sometimes though, we just have to let ourselves go there don't we? Sink and then slowly rise, and as we do rise, we find a glimmer of good and grow it again. Process.

[fennariomike]

Kathy - I'm very sorry for your loss...

I'm about 7 months into my grief process after losing my 19 year old son to a single car accident. When it first happened, I had no idea what to do - I had never lost anyone close to me. Even if I had, I still don't think it would have prepared me any better for losing my child - I don't know.

In the very first days I had received some literature about grief and grieving resources from the organ bank. I read all of them front to back - and then I went online and read up as much as I could about grief from losing a child.

I started going to a therapist that specialized in grief and also found some support groups. The Compassionate Friends - http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx - are a national group with chapters in most states. They are for parents and siblings going though loss. They are run by other parents. I went with my daughter to a handful of meetings and it really helped me a lot.

I also found a wonderful local place by me - Hope Floats Wellness Center in Kingston, MA - they have been amazing for me. They have groups for parents much like the Compassionate friends. This place has been enormously helpful to me.

Everybody seems to find their own way through this pain, and what works for one person might not work for the next. But for me, talking with other parents that are in the same boat has meant so much to me - and for me is far more realistic than books. I have also found that I often have very helpful things to offer to other parents, and in turn that makes me feel good. I have learned so much from these people - they helped me stand when I could barely get up. We all helped each other to stand.

I think the most important thing is to try to get help and to be open to it - whether it be books, online, therapists, groups, whatever... Try it all, something will click for you. No one thing was everything that I needed, but I took away a little piece of help from every kind of help and information that I found. I am far from out of the woods in my journey through this - last week was one of the worst ones yet for me - not even for any particular reason. But I have learned that this happens and I do expect it - and I am not afraid to feel the pain.

I am so grateful that there are other parents in grief that do reach out to others - like this forum. There is definitely a comfort in knowing other parents that have been down the same road - you get hope that can learn to live with this.

I hope this community can help you Kathy. Peace to you and your family.

Mike

[Guest]

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[Mom of Chip]

Kathy....you were fine in what you wrote..It comes in spurts sometimes...write whatever is on your mind whenever you feel the need.I ditto Dee in what she wrote. We are here. We will listen..We understand.

Brenda..love the pictures..especially the one of the cardinal...A cardinal was sitting on the fence when we were at the funeral home the day we arranged our Chip's funeral.....and one flew into a tree and just sat there while I was talking to Chip the day before his funeral....Haven't seen one since. So cardinals are kind of special to me. Wish I was more computer savvy..I would like to copy that pic for my files...

Too all the angelversaries and birthdays..Hope your day was good.

I haven't been posting much lately...Haven't been at my best...I went to doctor this past Monday..He gave me some sleeping aids..Hope they help me to sleep better.

To everyone..Peace and comfort....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Valentines Day, sweetheart!

[BrendaDup59]

Kathy....you were fine in what you wrote..It comes in spurts sometimes...write whatever is on your mind whenever you feel the need.I ditto Dee in what she wrote. We are here. We will listen..We understand.

Brenda..love the pictures..especially the one of the cardinal...A cardinal was sitting on the fence when we were at the funeral home the day we arranged our Chip's funeral.....and one flew into a tree and just sat there while I was talking to Chip the day before his funeral....Haven't seen one since. So cardinals are kind of special to me. Wish I was more computer savvy..I would like to copy that pic for my files...

Too all the angelversaries and birthdays..Hope your day was good.

I haven't been posting much lately...Haven't been at my best...I went to doctor this past Monday..He gave me some sleeping aids..Hope they help me to sleep better.

To everyone..Peace and comfort....

Chips mom, Thank you for the compliments on my pictures, if you would like the the cardinal pic send me your email by personal message and I can send it to you , or you should be able to pull up the pic and right click your mouse and save it to your computer.

I am the same way with posting lately I just hung up on my sister .. she thinks I need to see someone .. if one more person tells me how I should feel I think I just might lose it. I did not lose a pet I lost my son and if my family thinks I am getting over, I am sorry it will never happen.. whew sorry about that.. I have hit the angry stage.. Hope you feel beter soon. Brenda

[Jeff's Mom]

Just dropping by to say I am thinking of everyone today. I hope you will find yourselves surrounded by more hearts then you can count. Brenda, your pictures are always so lovely to look at. The anger issue associated with this grieving is typical. The ups and downs and roller coaster ride is not one that is easy to take. Don't be too hard on yourself. Sherry...feeling the mid winter blahs? I love the seasons. I could not live in an area that I did not experience them. However, I just find it is too long for me when the winter lasts for months at a time. The grey skies and cold can definitely add to feeling blue. Kathy...and Surreal....how are you both doing today? I am thinking of you and hoping today will be a slightly better one. Lora, how are you? My son sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers a few minutes ago. The aroma is just breathtaking. Stargazer Lilies,roses, some sort of feathery mum that is in a wonderful shade of very soft lilac. The entire area is filled with the scent. I just spoke to him and he is off to the Zoo with the kids for the day. We are working on him coming home after the next surgery to help and visit his dad. I'm truly looking forward to spending time with him again. I must tell you something funny that happened the other night. As you all know we have had a winter that has been fairly cold with a ton of snow. Due to this the deer are coming closer in search of food. We have a window box just underneath our bedroom window. I fill it with green boughs for the winter to add a touch of colour. Then at Xmas time I put small white lights in for the added light and to bring cheer to the place. Anyway, I woke up the other night to hear movement under the window. A doe and her two teenage babies were munching away at my globe cedar and the mom had stripped the boughs of all needles. Poor things were making a garden salad of the thing. So now I am feeding them chunks of bread and other foods. My only problem is that there has now been a skunk that is starting to make the rounds. Guess I'll have to back off on the food for a bit. Well, hang in there everyone...I know today is a tough one. Sending love. Kate

[BrendaDup59]

Well this has been the worse Valentines Day I have ever had.. I wont go in to details , except the obvious Brian not being here ,I spoke to him last valentines day he always called and wished me happy what ever holiday it was .. anyway he was telling me he was going to take a rose to his daughter at school I was so proud of him and the father he was so it made this day even harder then it was , but I was just laying down and all of a sudden it was like someone blew cigarette smoke in my face it was so strong.. so I knew my son Brian was telling me he was here, all my windows are closed and no one smokes in my family so I know it's his way of letting me know he is here , as I write this it is still here stronger then ever .. I am not the only one to smell this it has happened to my mom, and my sister and niece. So he has made me feel better to know he is here with me . I just miss him so much . I will post the picture of Jayden on that day. and the other thing that happen today was I did get an email from my DIL , Sarah yes I was shocked , she told me despite what I thought she cared for me and always has .. at times she has been so mean , but yet she cares for me? I just don't know what to think , she is blaming PTSD as to why Brett is acting they way he is, but it started way before he went into the army. I am sure it has not helped .. so maybe there is a chance things will get better. I will do what I have to just to have a relationship with my son and grand children. well going to get something done here today .. take Care.. Love Brenda

[tobyfreefoot]

CHARLOTTE CHARLOTTE CHARLOTTE

Angela sorry i'm a little late but wanted char's name to show up for you again. i always think of you because forest's angel date is july 3, 2011---i didn't realize your daughter's bday was so close to his--january 30th. i'm sorry you didn't get to have her any longer than you did. i always think her energy shows through and reminds me of forest's. he was really good with kids and i hope he had a wonderful birthday for her. i know they would have so much fun

[Guest]

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[Jeff's Mom]

Brenda and Lora...you are both still so new to this journey. Such a short time has passed since your loss. The first couple of years are the most difficult to get through when we approach special occasions. We eventually learn to slowly adjust to making new traditions. We are always aware of the absence of our child. But we can keep them even closer to our heart and give them a special hug on that day. Be kind to yourselves. Take care of your health and let the tears flow. Brenda...two very positive things happened today. Your daughter-in-law contacting you today was terrific. And a visit from your BOY! That's lovely and I hope you feel some sense of comfort in that...as hard as it is. Stay strong. You can do this. I decided to dig out my treasure of memorabilia that the kids made in grade school today. I found a lovely hand made card that Jeff made for me on Valentine's Day...he could not have been any older than six. I have it on the table beside the card from our other son with the flowers. I somehow makes me feel better to add him to this event. Again, so glad your DIL called. A good start.

[BrendaDup59]

Del, I hope the medication helps you. Sleep is so important in this journey.

Brenda, sorry you have been having such a rough time. I am glad to see that your DIL has changed her attitude toward you, I hope it works out for you. Thank you for sharing the picture of Jayden.

Kate, I am doing okay. I feel a little selfish sometimes but I have to take care of myself. After the last plunge, I am thankful to feel a little relief. I am glad your son is going to come for a visit. The flowers from him and the visit to come has definitely lifted your spirits. Deer are so pretty, it is sad to see them scrounging for food. Hopefully, you will have better results for your husband, after his last surgery.

Becky, what a nice heart for your dear Jared. I took a heart balloon to the cemetery this morning and will stop tonight on the way home and send it up to her.

Gretchen, always good to see Forest's smiling face.

Thinking of you all

Thank you Lora

only time will tell ,with her nothing surprises me, what hurts is my son not being the one to write. I just don't know him anymore . I haven't really said anything on here but my DIL Traci has moved on she has found a guy and from what she told me she started talking to him in Dec. while I am happy she is moving on just I guess shocked she did it so fast.. and the pics she has been posting on face book just doesn't show her in a good light .. I know it's hard watching everyone else move on while I will never be able to . .. well have a good evening.

[mikesmomrs]

just on my way out to meet cathi and Jamie for Vday dinner...but wnted to say happy valentine's day to all...I know the pain is hard, your heart hurts and wishing so much you could squeeze your sweet child on this day of days of love...you are all in my heart.

Went to visit my husband's and Mike's site today at the cemetery...I tromped out a heart shape in the snow and placed the rose in the middle, with the sweettart hearts that my hubby loved and the skittles that our son loved.

More importantly, though, was the heart that was beside where I was standing, left there by "nature"....hmmm...thank you sweetheart, and Mike!

[ericasmom]

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://blog.shoptrailblazer.com/wp-content/uploads/heart-island.jpg&imgrefurl=http://blog.shoptrailblazer.com/hike/25-amazing-and-natural-hearts-found-in-nature&h=303&w=400&sz=51&tbnid=0xsua4cfs1rINM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=119&zoom=1&usg=__-zZyuP35cR0NvS0ICX1eZO_3cOg=&docid=bwb4B8T4R7oVQM&sa=X&ei=HHMdUcvaF8S7ygHwkIGADA&ved=0CDcQ9QEwAQ&dur=341

Hearts in nature

[daveydow1]

Brenda---Thanks for the wishes....I'm feeling a bit better. Just the

winter blues I guess. Sorry to hear that your neck is still giving

you a lot of pain, and the migraines can be dreadful, can't they?

I hope that the MRI will reveal something that the Dr. can treat

you for and give you relief. Thanks so much for the winter pics.

They are just lovely. (I saved the ones of the birdies....great pictures.)

Also.....so very glad that you are getting signs from your dear

boy, Brian. He's surely looking down, and sending those messages.

Dee-----Yep----these gray winter days can give one the blues & blahs.

It has been so gloomy out.....hardly any sunshine, and none at all

today. I guess I'll have to 'buck up' and take my dear dad's advice.

He said " Now, Sherry, when the gray days of winter comes along,

it is nature's way of slowing us down like it does the little animals.

Get out a good bunch of books, and start reading". He read a lot,

and always encouraged all of us kids to read too. He always had

a good sunny disposition. Soon it will be spring, and we'll soon

forget the gray days of winter. My husband and I spend the a.m.

time over coffee, and seed catalogs that have been pouring into

our mailbox daily.

Shelly-----Hello....how are you.? Hope all is going ok.

Becky----Thanks for posting the lovely valentine for your beloved boy, Jared.

Lora-----I just have to get myself in gear and get busy, to chase away the blahs.

Not always easy to do, but I need to tell myself not to do too much moping.

Carol----Loved the heart in the snow. Hope you are getting yourselves dug out

of the snow. With such high piles of plowed snow standing around, there just

might be some of it left in March or April !

Kate-----I agree. I like the change of seasons too, but as you say......the winter

days begin to drag a bit by this time. How cute....the deer using your window box

as a little cafeteria. As for the skunk.....yikes.....I hope he goes elsewhere. Seems

they will eat anything. I guess all the animals are in search of food by this stage

of winter.

PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[BrendaDup59]

Mom of Chip, I hope you don't mind I made this for you with a program I use , I was playing with it and came across this one so I put Chips photo in it .. Hope you like it . Brenda

[mysonrich]

Brenda, a wonderful picture with frame of Chip !

Carol, the little sign at the base of the tree was there. I'm surprised I saw it as I crawled, eh, hiked up the trail :-) Love all the hearts in the snow and the charm bracelet.

Sherry, no seed catalogs but I did find a good deal on porch rail flower boxes. No hardware needed. I haven't read much since Rich left. I don't know exactly why this is. We are all readers. My mom, Agatha Christie , she read them all. Just a dark month here.

Charlotte , our pretty little angel . Gretchen is so right. Her energy does show through.

Mike and Kathy;mom of Cheri, I'm sorry. I stop by and read but don't post as much. There are times I can't find the words. But remember, someone is always listening here.

Kate, the flowers sound and almost smell beautiful.

Surreal , last week I was also in that state of mind. Probably the beginning of my illness, weak and tired out. I walk a lot now. I just push the thoughts out . Thats just me.

Shelly, I did visit Smiles by Sarah. Let me know if you are taking donations. Or will that be posted?

I've been home for 4 days. An old ailment that makes itself known from time to time. painful. Dr. appointment today so I feel better.

Just stopping in to say hello.

Dee,Debbie,Becky,Lora, Sandy, Betty,Jessica’s mom,everyone.

[Mom of Chip]

Oh, Brenda....Thank you so much....That is the best valentine anyone could give me...I'm very emotional about it...I can hardly type this to you because the tears are falling faster than I can wipe them away. Now, I have to figure out how to download it to my computer. I'll be sending a copy to Chip's brother as he saw cardinals, too..and it was very meaningful to him.

Again, thank you for taking the time to make that picture...You are sweet beyond words.

Del

[BrendaDup59]

Oh, Brenda....Thank you so much....That is the best valentine anyone could give me...I'm very emotional about it...I can hardly type this to you because the tears are falling faster than I can wipe them away. Now, I have to figure out how to download it to my computer. I'll be sending a copy to Chip's brother as he saw cardinals, too..and it was very meaningful to him.

Again, thank you for taking the time to make that picture...You are sweet beyond words.

Del

Del, I am glad you liked it , if you look when you open it down at the bottom where you see close it says Save /download cant remember which one.. but it should save it to your computer .. and your very welcome

[ericasmom]

Brenda, so so sweet and lovely of you to do this with Chip and the Birds. Lovely. Bren, hope the day got softer. The photos are really wonderful, send them to be published.

As far as reading goes, many who lose a beloved can't read as they used to due to not being able to focus long enough. For me however, if I don't have someone elses' story to dive into, I am far too focused on my story and don't sleep as well, not that I sleep really well anyway, but I do love being in the midst of a book and wondering what might happen next. I never read as a child, could not read but came to love reading later on. Since I never read any classics besides, Little Women and Black Beauty, I figured oh well, going to read contemporary artists, 99% of them women. I love reading other women, Anne Patchett, Isabelle Alende' , Anne Lamott, Alison Smith, Barbara Kingsolver, Lesile Kagen, Sandra Kring, Haven Kimmel. So many wonderful stories to lead me away from the issues that haunt me in the night, take me into another realm and let me try those shoes on while I am there in their world. Because I like to write, reading others also is a way to be inspired.

[shellyku]

Good Morning Friends! Stopped in quick before getting dressed for work. Read briefly and just want to say I hope Valentine's Day wasn't too difficult for you. We spent ours with our granddaughter, Grace. Took her 3 mylar heart balloons (which scared the beJesus out of her!) and an edible arrangements fruit basket. I want to learn to post pictures I can show you all this little bunchkin!

Carol - you my dear are the Queen of Hearts!

Kate - hope your husband is getting along okay.

Brenda - your talent with the camera and the computer is amazing.

Becky - hope things in your quest for justice is bearing fruit! You're another one whose gift for computer art I admire!

Sherry - I'm here and doing okay. Thanks for asking!

Betsy - Thanks for stopping the Smiles by Sarah site. I just opened an account for the charity. I'll let you know what our upcoming plans are. Thanks for thinking of us!

Mom of Chip - Hope you're getting along okay!

Dee - I wish I would take more time to read. It was something I loved doing when I was younger....getting lost in a book!

Gotta run! I pray everyone has a blessed day! Shelly

[Guest]

...

[BrendaDup59]

Good Morning .. I wanted to thank you that have complimented my pictures .. I hope today is a better day for me. I played around with the program I use .. it is called imikimi.com , I paid to use it for a year but they also have a free version in case any are interested . really no talent needed for it just need pictures and play with it. I have made some really cute ones with my grand children .. well as soon as I am done here I have to get out and pick up crickets for my son lizard(anole) that we now have had going on 3 years , then going to make vegetable soup suppose to be a cold dreary /rainy/snowy day and maybe this weekend. yuck, I need sun I need to move ! but that's not going to happen . well Hope you have a good day Love Brenda

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Brenda: Beautiful bird pics and beautiful creations using your art program! I haven't heard of that one, will have to check it out! The pics I have done using photoshop were anything but easy, as I used my own backgrounds, but I have learned a lot just by trial and error.

Beautiful weather here today, in the 60's! But, expecting snow tonight!

Wishing all of you peace.

[BrendaDup59]

Brenda: Beautiful bird pics and beautiful creations using your art program! I haven't heard of that one, will have to check it out! The pics I have done using photoshop were anything but easy, as I used my own backgrounds, but I have learned a lot just by trial and error.

Beautiful weather here today, in the 60's! But, expecting snow tonight!

Wishing all of you peace.

Thank you Becky, give it a try, it is so easy to use , all you do is put your pics with them . it is cloudy here very depressing , and we are suppose to get rain and snow showers sometime today and I think I heard maybe tomorrow. I cant wait for spring . Take Care Brenda

[Mom of Chip]

This morning has started out rather cool..in the 40's...and it doesn't look like it will warm up much today. We Texans think we are having a blizzard when the temps get below 60..LOL....and when it snows, well, we are used to that at all...and we do get a lot of ice...We don't know how to drive when the roads are icy or filled with snow..The cities here do not have the necessary equipment to clear the roads...So we just have to live with it....Hope all of you who live in cooler climates are doing well...I don't think I could survive during the winter where it is below freezing almost every day..My son, Kirk, used to live in Chicago..He loved it, but was ready to move because of the cold winters, so he came back to Texas. Now he complains about the heat in the summertime...LOL

Dee..I need to start reading again..I love to read, but like others, I just can't seem to focus on it...I did read some of the books that Chip was reading in his last days.."Room of Marvels" by James Bryan Smith, "Just Like Jesus" by Max Lucado..and he was reading his bible....and there were others that he borrowed from friends, that I did not get to read.

He was an alcoholic and had joined AA. It had helped him to recover and he said many times that he was so glad he found AA and that he had become clean and sober. If he had not, he knew that his cancer diagnosis would have driven him over the edge...Not that he was suicidal, but he knew he might have done something stupid that could have ended his life sooner...As it was..it was too soon.

The books that I have read since his death have been about what heaven might be like...Two that I read that were particularly helpful..."To Heaven and Back" by Mary C. Neal, MD and "Proof of Heaven" by Ben Alexander, MD...and of course, "Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo...It 's amazing how comforting these books can be..I can visualize Chip in heaven...Oh, how happy he must be.

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries, it can't separate people from love.

It can't take away our memories either. In the end love is stronger than death." Thank you, Lora for this lovely thought....Sometimes I think I love Chip more now than I did when he was here....I never dreamed this could happen...I miss him so much.

Chip's 8 year old daughter will be here this weekend..She seems to be doing okay...for a while she did not say much about him....but was very talkative and energetic about other things, which I have read is quite common when a child loses a parent...but lately she has been talking about her daddy more...and more forthcoming with her thoughts about him...She dreams about him almost every night....This past Wednesday I took her out to eat at CC's Pizza...before we ate she wanted to hold hands and say a blessing..She said hers silently. I asked her what she prayed for and she said to see Daddy...I worry about her because her mother is not good at parenting(her family thinks she is bi-polar).....The child has to get herself up in the mornings, fix her own breakfast, dress herself...then wake up Mommy to take her to school..She is late quite often and has a lot of unexcused absences...The school has contacted her mother twice this year about the absences...In Texas, if a child does not attend class at least 90% of the time, they can loose credit for their work..and might get held back...but she is a bright child and makes very good grades in spite of not being in school as much as she should be....She is in counseling at school and that is helping her a lot...but I don't think a child of 8 should have to do so many things for themselves...She is having to grow up way too fast..and dealing with her grief, too. It is really hard for our family to deal with our grief and worry about this child, too. We really wish we could get her out of that household, but it is very difficult to do unless there is proven evidence that the child is suffering from psychological or physical child abuse...and even if we could do something...if the mother goes thru therapy or rehab, she could get the child back.

Boy, I got long winded here..but these were things I needed to say...Bear with me...I'm trying to get thru all of this...Sometimes my strength wavers.

To all of you...good thoughts are going your way. Peace and comfort to you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Good Morning .. I wanted to thank you that have complimented my pictures .. I hope today is a better day for me. I played around with the program I use .. it is called imikimi.com , I paid to use it for a year but they also have a free version in case any are interested . really no talent needed for it just need pictures and play with it. I have made some really cute ones with my grand children .. well as soon as I am done here I have to get out and pick up crickets for my son lizard(anole) that we now have had going on 3 years , then going to make vegetable soup suppose to be a cold dreary /rainy/snowy day and maybe this weekend. yuck, I need sun I need to move ! but that's not going to happen . well Hope you have a good day Love Brenda

thank you Brenda...for the info....your creations are so 'Mama Art'.....I will try to do some creating from my heart...